#cringing at myself so hard rn
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Mystery!! Intrigue!! It’s !!
…a work in progress, lol. I’ve had this idea for a long time, I’ve just never been sure that it’s any good. Can’t know until you try : P
#sorry for my low quality art this is just a bunch of concept stuff#again it’s a work in progress!!!#cringing at myself so hard rn#wishing I had papyrus’s confidence aahhh#feel free to send asks about it but I really can’t answer much lol#ALSO I MAY DELETE THIS#undertale#utdr#undertale fanart#papyrus#papyrus undertale#undertale art#my art#sans#alphys#wd gaster#bpbc au
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posted chapter one of bitym a year ago yesterday and chapter one of museum a year ago today.
i’d been posting on ao3 for less than two weeks and had written around 90k in the past three years. since then, i’ve somehow managed over 450,000 words.
so grateful for this fandom, so glad to be writing again, and so so so happy the world didn’t end when i was 15 or 22 or 25.
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my girlfriend
#trigun#trigun maximum#nicholas d wolfwood#i saw a tweet the other day that was like. do u ever like a character SO MUCH that u feel shy/embarrassed even drawing them#AND I WAS LIKE .... YYEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#yall dont even kno how hard i cringe at myself whenever i post abt this guy.. but i power thru OTL#these r a few weeks old btw ive been busy so i havent gotten to draw him in like a month and it feels so JHDSGF&UY EIY$NU&RHGFJDG!@JFHBD#save me. save me nicholas d wolfwood#why did i write all of this DO U SEE WHAT I MEANN my head is in my hands rn
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Why am I not good at anything I do :(
#not to vent on main but man. everything i do is terrible#my art fucking sucks i cringe whenever i even see it#i should just give up already lmao ive been drawing for years n my art still looks like it's drawn by a kid#my artstyle fucking suuuckkks it's so unoriginal n doesnt look good at all#my fanfics r so awful too. the writing style is so choppy n uninspired#rereading them again n holyshit i hate them so much??#i wanna delete all my art n fanfics from every social media i posted them in#i hate everything i make#tryibg to learn a new skill rn too n i think i just gave up on it cuz it's too hard#why am i like this#i should just stop creating#whats the point if im never gonna be good enough#i havent drawn anything in so long. i dont even enjoy drawing anymore cuz nothing i make is good#i hate myself
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me? posting art of an obscure special interest? combined w/ dungeons and dragons, another special interest? it's more likely than you think
also using this as a post to find others who share the interest bc i want more friends to talk abt this with
took a bit of courage to post this bc i've been bullied for sharing what interests me before and normally i only talk abt this specific Obscure Series(tm) to very close friends, so uh, enjoy ig--
#the haunted minecraft#the haunting minecraft#drake the haunted#armen the haunted#grayson the haunted#mia the haunted#this was so hard to have courage to post#but i have to remind myself#i am cringe but i am free#artiesartworks#pls i need more friends to talk abt this with#id infodump abt the design process but i dont have the energy rn#and id be writing a whole academic essay for it
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it was supposed to be only in pencil, like the previous eepies, but that paper is terrible for pencils, so i gave up
#sleep token#sleep token fanart#god i hate this one but hey#it's still sth i've had fun making 🖤#still. BEGONE FROM MY DRAFTS so i can forget about you#(my old self would throw this drawing away but i am working so hard on myself rn)#(i still cringe while posting it though)#alex vs the mortifying ordeal of having her art perceived
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i drew alex and sam from this post :)
#i'm fighting some serious urge to cringe at my own art rn#trying to just be glad i made something that didn't exist before. i'm having a hard time. this looks bad to me.#maybe someone else will like it though.#stardew valley#stardew valley fanart#sdv#sdv fanart#stardew valley alex#sdv alex#alex mullner#alex sdv#alex stardew valley#stardew valley sam#sdv sam#sam sdv#sam stardew valley#once again. kind of wish tumblr still only posted to five tags so i could justify not putting in the effort.#hey sdv fandom are you open to a discussion on tag standardization#my art#filigreefarm#fan art#alex#sam#also drawing sam's hair i just told myself. make him fluffy like a chicken. i tried
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HELP I JUST CALLED KRISHNA "K-MAN" IN MY HEAD SASSJQMA
#I WAS LIKE “TRUST THE K-MAN”#IM CRINGING SO HARD AT MYSELF RN#ITS COS I WAS LISTENING TO RAP OKAY#(NOTHING JUSTIFISS IT TBH)#krishna#gopiblr#krishnablr#guys THIS is why this random 8yo called me “a bit cringey” LMAOOOO
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icemav web weaving? i guess?
1. The Louvre by Lorde // 2. Brokeback Mountain by Annie Proulx (1997) // 3. Top Gun: Maverick (2022) released script // 4. American Dream by Ali Shapiro // 5. Top Gun (novelization) by Mike Cogan (1986) // 6. First Time by Lucy Dacus // 7. Little Beast by Richard Silken // 8. Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen
#trying very hard not to seem pretentious rn#boooo cringe#jacking myself off with this one y’all#gay people when crush by richard silken: [air siren] [looney tunes screaming] [baby crying]#icemav#top gun#i have so much yet so little to say#this is very ice-centered. idk he’s stuck in my head#also! is it a true icemav post if The Boss isn’t lingering somewhere in the background?#the answer is no!#choosing between badlands and born to run for this was like picking a favorite child
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i keep getting the urge to quit my job, delete all my social media, cancel my phone bill, and completely isolate myself from the rest of the world forever
#im dealing with such massive amounts of shame right now#i literally loathe myself my existence is so fucking embarrassing#i hate the fact that people percieve me at all#its actually so painful and having to tell myself not to give into my urges when all i want to do is stop existing#and i literally didnt do anything at all to provoke this which is so fucking dumb like its just#i lived my life and im literally cringing so hard at memories of me today just yk being a person that is alive#and not just today but yesterday and the day before that and literally every memory i have makes me want to sh00t myself rn#i hate this i hate it so much why is existing so fucking shameful#its episodes like these that make me suspect AvPD everything else is just background noise this is PAIN
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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
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local audhd having idiot has to do something not related to their hyperfixation and fuCKING EXPLODES!!1!!!!!! /j
#/silly#don't mind me im just trying to brainwash myself into being productive#i am capable of focusing on things. i am capable of focusing on things i am capable of focusing on things.#im using my stupid blog to keep my stupid self accountable#i did a page so now i get to bitch and moan!! as a treat!!#this has zero entertainment value#if this is what my emotional regulation is gonna look like then so be it#*crying and throwing up* i love art its my passion#this might b a sign i OFFICIALLY FR need medication but thats gonna b incredibly hard to achieve. groan. ill figure it out. hopefully soon??#hate my countrys mental health system!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! ill figure it out!!!!!!!#shut up maiora#fandomNOT#is this liveblogging???#maiora shitposts#once i figure out how to hack my own brain chemistry into doing what i want it to its is so over!!!! im gonna kick so much ass!!!#im gonna draw silly comics!! im gonna draw platonic affection in many different ways!! i wanna make shit people find interesting!!#i wanna make shit im gonna be proud of!!! i wanna make my corner of the world a lil less lonely!!!! earnest cringe lessgooooooooooooo!!#maybe ill even learn how to write coherent stories?????? that might be too high to aim at rn but its not impossible!!!#ill figure it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's gonna be okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ok ok ok what matters right now is i gotta calm down and lower my heart rate lmao#its gonna be okay#thanks for reading have a nice day!!#<3
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Fucked up how happy I get whenever I make content of Shinjiro Aragaki being actually loved and getting to heal and learning to love the little things in life and getting to express himself. What’s up with that
#persona#shinjiro aragaki#hes the only one i really respect here#its like so annoying though that i even care like whats wrong with me why does this bother me so much#just cuz i see myself in this character and also feel like shit and idk when he doesnt even get to live doesnt get to recover#and this is treated as a good game with a profound theme and this is treated as good writing#its hard not to be hurt when its like. im barely hanging on man#and youre telling me he can be saved by someone noticing him and caring about him and he can get through it and be loved and try to heal#but this is treated as some sorta disservice to the narrative and that you cant have the theme work this way#its like. but this is the only way i can even feel anything about this theme this actually makes me wanna try#seeing the character going through mental issues like mine die just like. it makes things suck idk#and its like why do i even care like this shouldnt matter but idk its like#if he can make it then why cant i#and im just really attached to this and i really really want to make my fic of him exist cuz. nothing is going good for me rn#but if i can make this one thing thats important to me where someone gets to recover then maybe ill feel less helpless#its what im trying to tell myself so i can stop feeling like im. idk cringe or something cuz im emotionally attached to a fictional#character and the wellbeing of this character feels like motivation for me#i just wish i wasnt so damn desperate about it 😩#anyway can someone please slap me with a fish so i can stop being insecure about my writing and just fucking do it
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when you go to send a request/ask and forget to put yourself on anon and now you feel naked and afraid
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the agony of being into someone while knowing that if they asked to simply just hang out i’d say no
#😵💫😵💫😵💫#i’m so delusional. i tell myself someone is gonna text me or add me on snap as if i wouldn’t cringe so hard if that happened#still manifesting it tho 🤞i’m literally the only one out of my friends that’s single rn lol
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