#cried so hard because i wanted you
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i am trying so hard to just let this flow and unravel on its own, trying to remember you are just busy and silence the anxiety, but it feels impossible when i feel like you keep forgetting about me or have better things to do than speak to me
#i wish i wasn’t so anxious#but i am and there’s not a lot i can do about it#i am doing so unbelievably unwell#i had another nervous breakdown last night#because i’m overwhelmed and don’t know what to do anymore#cried so hard because i wanted you#but i know i can’t just call you in the middle of the night and expect you to be there for me#all i want is you when i feel like that#your voice your comfort all that#i miss you more than i can describe#but also know i need to let you breathe and have time away#but i also know you have time for everyone but me it feels and seems#and that hurts a ton#i don’t wanna keep texting to get no reply#so i leave it and i wait and i wait#am#daisy 🌸
0 notes
Text
people who undermine the importance of izuku and katsuki's relationship throughout bnha because of "annoying shippers" or because they just don't like katsuki are insane because their relationship is literally so? important??? to the entire story???? katsuki is the deuteragonist of bnha. he was one of the first characters to show up. he was the first other person to know about OFA. so much of the manga is spent showing his development. if you deny his character development and relationship development ("relationship" does not always mean romantic relationship) with izuku, you are quite literally denying a massive part of the series. the manga starts with them and ends with them. you're allowed to dislike him but if you dislike him so much that you, in turn, start hating how izuku is a "punching bag" or a "doormat" for the entire series because he doesn't stay angry and vengeful at people even though a massive part of his character is that he's compassionate and kind even to people who aren't to him or used to not be, and you seriously think that that makes him weak, and you just start to dislike the main two characters of the series, i think you should. idk. stop reading, probably. read the revenge fantasy shit that you obviously want to read. there are like seven million manhwa available to you where the character gets the revenge you so desperately want to see.
#someone on twitter kinda pissed me off#bnha#mha#bkdk#bakudeku#katsuki bakugou#bakugou katsuki#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#i hope this post is understandable bc i am so tired rn#also can i just mention how these people so obviously project onto izuku#how much does katsuki have to atone for you guys#i'm not saying what he did WASN'T fucked up but at what point do you guys think he “earns” forgiveness?#apparently he didn't earn it when he: apologized. took a hit for izuku. died because he became the closest person to him.#felt guilty over his actions. cried because he felt guilty and wanted them to compete forever.#spent 8 years funding a fancy expensive suit that could allow izuku to have his greatest dream back.#like i genuinely don't understand what else he could possibly do#he experiences misfortune for being the way that he is (even if not directly reprimanded for it often) and he learns and grows from it#and if you say “he could've permanently died” izuku would have Fucking Hated that actually.#the main character you project so hard onto would have hated it and cried his eyes out and mourned for his childhood friend-slash-bully#proof? see his reaction when he literally saw katsuki lying dead on the ground. he started hyperventilating.#izuku midoriya is NOT A SELF INSERT CHARACTER.
310 notes
·
View notes
Note
bro the feminine wiles aren’t even a joke like. im with that anon who thought hellfire gala charles was a woman when they first saw him bc same, that design is insaaaane (/pos). how could u not think that when u see it lmfao. idk whose choice it was to give him a corset but the hourglass figure + female coded jawline combo do not lie. i saw it on pinterest and i was like ohhh don’t lie to me i know an anime girl when i see one- WAIT PROFESSOR X????
and that’s not even to mention movieverse charles ofc. we’ve all seen james mcavoy and his big sparkly kawaii anime eyes, i shouldn’t have to say it. charles xavier is never beating the allegations, i fear
gonna need this ask hung in the louvre i fear
#fave#snap chats#i think you fully had me at 'big sparkly kawaii anime eyes' like TRUE but vjlKJLKVJAKL#i got this ask while i was out getting sushi with my brother and when i say i was near losing it in our lil booth ajvlkeaklj#female coded jawline is INSANE thats just his face 😭😭😭#the hellfire gala outfit does give off like. Space Girl energy though im not gonna even lie. i think its the halo#and corset /who gave him a corset/ like im the last man to criticize another man wearing a corset i promise#but bold decision to do so right in front of my eyeballs#the princessification of charles xavier needs to be studied im so serious when did this start#i really do think its just the cat suit outfits cause when he's got a suit its different#though.. i was gonna lie but even with the beard he still pretty in FoX#and ill be tbh im still mixed on the beard look like for starters youve reminded me he's blonde and i still think thats illegal#and yet .... his beautiful eyes distract me all the same. like whatever you want bbg you can look like a viking if you want#charles xavier having hair is cursed in general bar the movies and because of that i can only imagine him brunette#but he is my problematic wife so ill love him regardless#it'll be very hard to when he has a terrible brad pitt cut in one universe and wears wigs in the other but thats what loves about#anyway hope everyone had a lovely halloween !! i watched all of S1 of xmen evolution with my bro :)#also if i threw together a quick charles costume then you have no proof of that and esp dont ask our sushi waiter mk thanks#ended the night playing a bit of shadow gen .. if i cried a lil no i didnt thats between me and god ....
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sweet Dreams <3
#my art#pokemon#galarian ponyta#digital art#hiiii everyone hello please look at my darling angel Amalthea. shes my partner pokemon in pokednd <3#most of our pokemon went missing so Mia (my character) took our remaining pokemon to get their pictures taken in case they go missing#i did in fact draw all three of them. am going to work on doing digital versions of the other two#its all of our partner pokemons :3 ponyta. impidimp. and mankey <3#the sketches i did for the other two are so fun i cant wait to draw them#impidimp's made my cousins all laugh so hard they almost cried#this session was so fun and we also talked afterwards about pokemon we may want on our teams in the future#and honestly my potential line up for Mia feels so good#her next pokemon she gets is very possibly going to be a bewear. absolutely out of left field choice but it works so beautifully#im also thinking good options for her would be breloom. grumpig. wyrdeer. maybe mimikyu.#grumpig and breloom are honestly the top of the list. they suit her so beautifully#wyrdeer is also really good. mimikyu would be up to roleplay#mimikyu and bewear would both play into her animal handling skill#mimikyu would also end up disguised as a sylveon#probably play that as mimikyu wanting to fit in with Mia's team since she's really nice to it and it wants her to be its trainer#bewear on the other hand would 1. work well aesthetically for her and 2. would be fantastic roleplay material what with it being a giant#aggro bear and mia is just this gentle giant who is so fucking good with pokemon so its like well.#the nice girl wants me to be nice so i wont kill you because i like her. she gives me snacks and pets me and treats me well
97 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me reading a fic where the person had an identidy realization that they were in he aroace spectrum and now they were figuring themselves out(I finally found something that understood me and a romance I could relate to after all these years)
#love loses! you're on the aroace spectrum and you dont fucking know what you are but you're definitely on the spectrum#but it's so hard to explain bcuz how do youve never had a real crush on someone but also have had platonic feelings for someone#and dont want to do the romance thing but also still want to have a queer platonic relationship and do romance things?#YOU DONT#IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE TO ME BUT I JUST KNOW#ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I CANT JUST GET CRUSHES ON PEOPLE IT TAKES YEARS I'VE ONLY HAD 1 CRUSH THROUGHOUT MY LIFE#AND I JUST WANTWD TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIM#I thought that was just me but the author was projecting and explained perfectly what i was going through#and ik i say “I cried” a lot when talking about something but i did actually cry#had to put my phone down bcuz it felt so nice to be understood#idk just venting and rambling lol#aroace#ace spectrum#gotta keep a journal on this bcuz i want to explain to people but it's so hard for even me to grasp#and i feel like they won't believe me anyways bcuz ive tried to himt st it but i just get weird looks#its annoying but it is what it is#aromantic#asexual#lgbt#queer#talking#rambling
122 notes
·
View notes
Text
The vampire/human yaoi I have concocted in a lab, view them
#if you want blood sucking im afraid you may not find it in this yaoi.....#Ante likes blood type O but Ryn is blood type A so he tastes like rotten eggs to him im afraid </3#also Ante is kind of a pussy i dont think he can break skin w his teeth if he so much as scratches anyone he cries and apologizes profusely#he gets blood donations from classmates 😭😭😭#he tells everyone he needs constant blood transfusions for his pet dog and theyre like ☺️☺️#thats not how it works........ but no ones going to say anything they just give him blood. he must be fed !!!!#ryn is like god this guy is so STUPID i want him (<as if ryn himself isnt dumb as bricks)#when ryn first meets ante everyone tells him no matter how weird ante is ...ryn must NOT say anything abt it#and ryn is like Huh bc usually hes the weird one but hes like ok. and then he meets ante and 30 mins in he texts a classmate#and the classmate forwards the message to the class groupchat (minus ante)#and ryn is basically like hey this is kinda crazy but is this guy a vampire . and everyone's like yes but dont say anything abt it#because it might hurt his feelings like hes trying so hard to pretend to be human yknow its like. the morally correct thing to do#this is just a romcom they are silly#ocs
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐚, 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐰𝐚, & 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐮𝐚 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐬
a long time coming that I've meant to compile a list, but it just kept growing and growing and growing...
the webtoon list includes my very personal & important in-my-heart recommendations. aaaaand the rest are mostly smutty, kinky, and even a little dark.......... do not perceive, just enjoy. and support the official author's work and translations if you can!!
if there are any in this list you'd like a heads up about before reading, feel free to drop me an ask and I'll give you my honest opinion/review.
if you're having trouble locating anything, shoot me an ask (because i have most, if not all, of the links saved).
and feel free to gush to me if you liked any of them!! i'm always happy to talk about mmm's.
[updated july 3rd, 2023] - newly added titles are in green.
𝐵𝐿 = boy's love genre 𝐆𝐋 = girl's love genre 𝟏+ = includes harems & poly relationships ❤ = absolute masterpieces, highly recommended! ! = proceed with extreme caution/heed all warnings
please heed all warnings and tags found within each of these recommendations, as well as my own warnings from the symbol legend above and found throughout this post.
some of these are sfw and some aren't. some of these aren't for the faint of heart and will be marked to be read at your own risk. additionally, not all are translated into English. 𝐵𝐿/𝐆𝐋 are separate from the general list.
𝐖𝐄𝐁𝐓𝐎𝐎𝐍
A Messy Fairy Tale 𝟏+
A Summer Night's Dream
Age Matters ❤
Back to You
Bailin and Li Yun BL❤
Bitten Contract
Boyfriend of the Dead
Castle Swimmer BL
City of Blank
Dating With a Tail
Daytime Star
Devil Number 4 ❤
Devilish Romance
Down to Earth
Dreaming Freedom
Ghost Wife
Ghostly Buddie
Half-Ghost
Harem of LuuAnh
Hello Baby ❤
I'm the Grim Reaper
I Love Yoo ❤
It's Mine
Jeff's Disorders
Kind of Confidential
Little Rain
Lore Olympus ❤
Love Advice from the Great Duke of Hell ❤
Mage & Demon Queen GL
Marry Me!
Maybe Meant to Be
Meow Man
Midnight Poppy Land
Midnight Rain
Mom, I'm Sorry
Morgana and Oz
Muse on Fame
My Beloved Emperor
My Dear Cold-Blooded King
My Four Husbands 𝟏+
My In-Laws are Obsessed with Me ❤
My Lovely Bodyguard
Nice to Meet You
Not Even Bones
Operation: True Love ❤
Pastel-colored Pages
Phase
Scorching Romance
See You in My 19th Life ❤
Selina ~ Moon Bride ~
Siren's Lament ❤
Soleil
Space Boy
Strange and Wild
SubZero
Swimming Lessons for a Mermaid ❤
Take Off BL
The Devil is a Handsome Man
The First Night With the Duke ❤
The Guy Upstairs
The Newlywed Diary of a Witch and a Dragon ❤
The RUNWAY
There Must Be Happy Endings
To the Stars and Back BL
Trapped ❤
Unlovable Replacement
When Jasy Whistles ❤❤
Winter Woods
Your Smile is a Trap ❤
𝐒𝐅𝐖
Abe-kun's Got Me Now! (Abe-kun ni Nerawaretemasu)
A Master, Who Woke Up As a Concubine ❤
And Yet, You Are So Sweet (Na no ni, Chigira-kun amasugiru)
Beloved in-Laws (poor transl.)
Bon Appétit ❤
Don't Blush, Sekime
Forget My Husband, I'll Go Make Money (Aug 2023)
Golden Forest !
I, My, Me, Mine ❤ (アイマイミーマイン)
I Became the Male Lead's Adopted Daughter
I Can't Keep Up With My Stallion Duke ❤❤
I Will Change the Genre
I Will Rewrite the Dead End Novel
In the Clear Moonlit Dusk ❤ (Uruwashi no Yoi no Tsuki)
It's My Destiny to Be the Hero's Saviour !
Kubo Won't Let Me Be Invisible
Love's in Sight!
Loving Yamada at Lv 999 ❤❤❤
Male Lead, I'll Respect Your Taste !
Ookami no Musume ❤❤
Pink and Habanero ❤ (Pink to Habanero)
Protected by My Dragon Knight (Seijo wa Ryuukishi-sama ni Mamorarete)
Scary Faced High Schooler and Miss Plain Jane
Second Life of a Trash Princess
Sinking too deep in your rabbit hole, now I'm drowning in your love
Stella Next to Me ❤ (Tonari no Stella)
The Cunning Princess and the Shark ❤
The Fragrant Flower Blooms With Dignity ❤ (Kaoru Hana wa Rin to Saku)
The Muscle Girl Next Door
The Obsessive Second Male Lead Has Gone Wild
The Reasons We Fall in Love ❤ (Watashi-tachi ga koisuru riyuu)
The Tyrant's Comfort Doll !
To the Dear F-Phantom of the Opera (Shinai naru F e: Opera-za no Kaijin)
Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun ❤ (Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun)
Vampire Lord's Greatest Wife ❤
Welcome to the Yandere Cafe (rating subject to change)
Yojouhan no Ibara Hime
𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐅𝐖
あざと可愛い✕くんの執着サド交尾は本物です x!!!
無能力巫女は狛犬の淫紋快楽漬け x❤!
2LDK IKEMEN Tsuki Bukken Arimasu !!
A Dream Between the Sheets ❤❤
A Gentle Sea Monster and a Lonely Girl !
A Predator in a Skirt !
A Sip of Poison !
Boy's Abyss (subject to change, new read) !!
Childhood Friend's Secret Massage !
Consort to the Fox Spirit Lord
Dark Fall !
Depths of Malice !
Devoured by a Bookworm Girl !
Fire in His Fingertips ❤
Former Delinquent Farmer's Sex Appeal is Dangerous!
From Him to Who? ~Sex With My Body-Snatched Husband ❤
Gokudou to Omega - Mukidashi no Katsuai
Hana's Demons of Lust !
Hare-kon 𝟏+
Heat 200 Meters Away (200 M Saki no Netsu)
Honey, I'm Going On a Strike!
How to Make a Frigid Girl Cum
I'm in Love With Mr. Hanabusa
Lady K and the Sick Man ❤❤
Last Order wa Ojou-san de Dekiai Jouren Kyaku ni Kyuuai saretemasu
Junai - Pure Wet Love
Kuma to Tora ~Taikakusa Osananajimi no Hajimete kara, Kemono ni Naru 2-kakan made~ x
Madoka Exorcist ❤!
Mede Little Roy !
Mr. Tada is a Top Performer
Muttsuri Akazukin-kun kara wa nige rarenai
My Cold Co-worker Obsessively Loves Me
Pet Baby Doll
Pygmalion's Savior is a Big But Immature Love Monster !❤
Red Hot Proposal: Surrounded by His Tanned Body
Sadistic Beauty !!!!
Sakaki the Lazybones Shows His Talents at Night ❤❤
Sapphire Dew ~ Infatuated Gentlemanly Boyfriend Seizes the Initiative !
Seishun no Hekireki
Seriously can't pass this up. - Kohai's passionate sex won't stop until morning
Sinful Nun Pays Penitence to the Serpent ❤❤
Spring Amidst My Wintertide ❤
Superstitious Nine ❤
Sweet Lies Layered Like a Mille Feuille ❤
Tadano Renai Nanka de Kikkonai ❤❤
The Golden Forest !
The Goldfish’s Corpse Lies at the Bottom of the Swamp !!!!!!!!
The Greengrocer is a Carnivore in Bed!?
The Man Who Saved Me in My Isekai Trip Was a Killer!!!!!!!
The Neighbor in Room 203 Disappeared Leaving a Key Behind !!!!!!!
The Reincarnated Saint Falls for the Demon Lord
The Tainted Half !
The Virgin Witch
The Weird Senior in the Seat Next to Me ❤❤❤! (Tonari Senpai)
Toshishita Osananajimi ga Watashi o Shibatte Hanasa nai! x
Totem's Realm
Touching is Better Than Looking
Under the Oak Tree
Until the Obedient Bodyguard Exposes the Body and the Lie of the Fake Lady ❤
"Wanna Cum?" The Pure Taiga Advances Slow and Sweet ❤❤
Welcome to the Muscle Salon ❤❤❤
When Beauty Meets Beasts
When You Are Reincarnated As The villain NPC's Girl And Be Loved By The Strongest Prince Who Is Not A Capture Target !!
Wild Eyes
Will You Pledge Your Love to an Incubus?
Wish Upon a Husband
Yaba Ai Instructor !
You're Too Cute for Me to Be Gentle
𝐁𝐋 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐒
4 Week Lovers BL
A Handless Day BL!
A Hot Wet Job for Three -Adult Toy Tester- BL, 𝟏+
A Kiss for You, My Shinobi BL
A Tree Without Roots BL❤!
Angel Buddy BL❤❤
Bidou Wakadanna Koi Shitau Wa Koushoku Otoko BL❤
Bitten by Moonlight BL
Black Mirror BL!!!
Blind Play BL!!
Can't Think Straight BL
Cherry Blossoms After Winter BL
Confession Night BL
Dangerous Convenience Store BL
Dawn of the Dragon BL
Dear Door BL
DEATH or LOVE BL
Delinquent Omega Belongs to the Beast King BL
Demon of Lustful Hell BL
Desharow Merman BL❤
Die If You Aren't a Virgin BL
Eat Me Up, My Husband BL!
Ennead
Eunsoo's Good Day BL
Eye Contact BL
Fake Fact Lips BL
Frenemies: Thicker Than Blood BL❤
Friends, Engaged
Fucking in the Dorms BL!
Ghost Gate BL!!!!!
Healing Paradox BL❤
He's a Better Top Than Me?! BL
Home Far Away BL❤!!!
Horeta Otoko wa Shin'yuu de BL!
Housekeeper's Love Affair BL
How to convince your best friend to sleep with you BL
Hyperventilation BL❤❤❤
I Didn't Ask You to Eat Me!
I Love You, Nothing Else Matters BL❤
In an Empty Classroom BL
Indigo BL
I Ship My Rival x Me BL
It's Just a Dream... Right? BL❤❤❤
Jinx BL!
Kabukicho Bad Trip BL
Kiss de Egaku Ittousei BL❤
Kiss Me, Liar BL!
Lala no Kekkon BL!
Liveta BL
Love in Kitsch BL
Love is an Illusion BL!
Love Jinx BL❤
Low Tide in Twilight BL!!
Mad Dog BL❤❤
Miscreants and Mayhem BL
Missing Love BL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (<I cannot express this enough.)
My Delicious Dream Boy BL❤
My Demon Crybaby, Maria BL
My Partner Suddenly Got Younger - An Omega Caretaker Plays Alpha BL!
Natsu no Teppen ni Saku BL
Old-Fashioned Cupcake BL❤❤ (has a j-drama)
Pain, Sweet Pain BL
Passion BL
Payback BL❤❤❤
Pearl Boy BL❤!!!!!!
Pink Heart Jam BL❤❤
Please, Candy! BL!
Roses and Champagne BL!
Sadistic Beauty: Side Story BL!!!!!!
Secret Inside My Head BL❤❤❤
Semantic Error BL (has a j-drama)
Sensei wa Nekketsu ga Areba Juubunda! BL!
Sick BL
Sign BL❤❤❤
Sketch BL❤
Speak of the Devil BL
Steel Under Silk BL❤
Surge Looking for You BL❤
Sweet Trap BL
Tabetemo Oishiku Arimasen BL
Tentacle Recipe BL(?)❤
The Blessed Life of a Retired Nian Monster BL
The Crybaby's at the Mean Devil's Mercy BL❤
The Foxy Mouse's Romance BL
The Origin of Species BL!
The Pizza Delivery Man and the Gold Palace BL
The Pure-Hearted Puppy and the Erotic Tattoo BL❤
The Silent Concubine BL!
The Unquenchable Mr. Kim BL❤
The Words in Your Snare BL❤❤❤
To Take An Enemy's Heart BL!
Tomodachi Engagement BL
Trick Turned Into a Threesome With the Tachibana Brother BL
Under the Greenlight BL
Unexpectedly Naughty Fukami BL❤
Unromantic Romance BL❤
Young Lover BL!!
Your Wish is My Command BL❤
Yours to Claim BL
Zenryaku, Onii-chan wa Seijo ni Narimashita BL!
more recommendations will likely be added as time goes on! feel free to copy these recs for your own checklist of 'to reads'.
hope you enjoy them like i did! :)
#manga recommendation#manhwa recommendation#manhua recommendation#bl manga#bl manhwa#bl manhua#manga recs#manhwa recs#manhua recs#PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS FOR THE EXCLAMATION TAGGED RECS OKAY??? I'M NOT JOKING ABOUT THEM.#i've read some pretty awful things over the past few years... like really awful.#... a lot of them did not make this list.#'Missing Love' has that many !!! and is bolded in red for a REASON-- i've never cried so hard for a MC than i did for Lee Geom.#seriously... it's so awful. and i hate that i found it because i need to know that he eventually has something good happen for him.#i don't really want to discuss it but for anyone's curiosities... i mean... feel free to ask me in dms so i can warn you...#✦ nc vb.
257 notes
·
View notes
Text
Finally got enough energy to talk about Furina's SQ and while I loved her and the troupe, MC and Paimon were .... Not Great. I talked about this with friends but in Paimon's case especially, the way they interact with Furina feels like people who just don't understand trauma and depression and then engage with someone suffering from both in all the wrong ways.
Talking about how much of a downgrade her house is from the opera house, making fun of how she can't cook, pushing her to act when she's set a very clear boundary and then guilt tripping her after she's stuck to her guns, shaming her for not being able to fight well (Paimon literally talks about how second hand embarrassment is overwhelming and I'm just like ?????), telling her she's "not acting like herself" when she attempts to open up and be vulnerable....it's just really rough. That and the MC asking "is something wrong" when Furina gets sad over Poission ..like bro people died and she couldn't save them and she's tearing herself apart over it. Those people are never coming back and you know it and you have the gall to ask her is something wrong??? Of COURSE there is!!
It just feels especially odd because we literally get to see all of Furina's suffering and Paimon in particular is. SO mean? Like she was more understanding with Wanderer and Ei and THEY'VE tried to kill us multiple times!! I don't get it, and honestly I'm very proud of Furina for refusing to waver. Let her rest!! She's tired and depressed and she needs time to heal; and honestly fuck Paimon for trying to make her feel bad. Furina's worked harder than she EVER will.
#as someone with depression and who's highly sensitive this story quest hurt a LOT because ive also encountered people who don't understand.#i've been told i need to get over my anxiety. i've been asked what am i so tired from since i just lay in bed.#so furina's character and how she was treated hit very very hard for me. she's isolating herself and not coping well but she is TRYING.#she's trying so hard and she equates her worth to her role. like she literally tells you that she serves no more use to anyone.#and i wanted to shake her so hard. because it's not about what she can do#she has worth simply because she exists. full stop. she is loved and she is appreciated just for being herself#her worth isn't decided by her power yk??#i hope she can rest and heal and find some good friends - after the way mc and paimon treated her i honestly don't think they should be#or if they are; they'd have to work to earn her trust cuz good LORD. they treated her so weird and so tone deaf!!#i've seen a lot of people complaining about it too so im glad im not alone.#anyway. there is something wrong with me i have cried actual tears over furina please god she needs a hug#and to be told she did a good job and she can rest now and things will get better#4.2 spoilers#genshin impact#furina
100 notes
·
View notes
Text
Well, so my third attempt this year to find out what my chronic pain is ended up in another failure
Last year I completely gave up after too many random diagnosis and no solution. I'm trying again:
- gynecologist asked me if I wanted the pill if I had pain during my period (the pain is constant it just gets more intense during my period and my period is much more heavy as well since last year), the rest of the cancer test were clear
- GP says maybe it's stomach (?? Pain is under my ribs so I guess it could be), she gives me anti acid to try. The anti acid makes me feel so sick I stop at day six.
- I go back for blood tests, all clear. The GP is like okay bye, and I'm like ?? I still have pain?? Like I am missing so many working days. So she gives me ibuprofen (now keep in mind she thought it was my stomach before, and now she's giving me something that is usually not kind on the stomach). She tells me take it for two weeks every time you have pain (which would be every day for me)
And I'm like.. okay... And then she says something like "unfortunately it's impossible to know what it is, maybe it's your depression"
Now, I'm not depressed. I've not been diagnosed with depression. I take ADHD medications. This is the third time she calls them "anti depressants" and she tells me I have depression. I don't??
So I decided to go to a private clinic for an ultrasound, on my own. I don't understand why Doctors in Germany are like this. I've lived in three different countries and this is the only one where I've seen this level of incompetence, rudeness and disregard. If you're not immediately dying then it's "depression" (even if you are not diagnosed with it and don't have it).
#let's not mention how my gynecologist didn't visit me or asked me why i was there but just gave me a list of tests with prices and asked me#which one do you want?#Bitch?? am i the doctor?? you tell me#so i did the ones she recommended but i had no idea of i should have done more because she didn't care that i was there for pain#let's not talk about how last year i got three different diagnosis for my mysterious rashes all three incompatible and all three without#solutions of any kind#one of them was like “yeah so insects are biting you somehow Even if you've been home sick for a week#somehow it's insects and they bite you in lines even at days of distance but not on your arms and legs which are the only exposed parts no#the magic insects every night come under your shirt to bite you there. and the fever? that's a minor infections from uraniry tracts take#these antibiotics and the pain on your side? it's probably nothing or some stomach pain take some pain killers#like???#not to mention the other doctor who said no it's allergy and then was about to inject me with cortisone without telling me anything#just like that without even saying a word#and when i said no because i was shocked and i still had side pain how can that be allergy he pressed so hard on my side i cried out#and he decided it's appendicitis and sent me to the er#where they told me it's a viral infection#it's been a year#im at my limit
28 notes
·
View notes
Note
I'm a lesbian and I'm pretty sure you'd beat me. I present more masc but ain't no way do I have the strength
i am made of toothpicks and tissue paper
#BUT. i'm taking big gay boxing classes this year. so watch it.#sighs. my old boss tried so hard to sign me up for mexican wrestling classes. he knew me to my core. he knew it was my calling.#but they're not running those mexican wrestling classes anymore. kicks the dirt.#anyway i've never been in a fight and i would like to get into a fight. i want to scream and punch. aren't you tired of being mr nice sci.#don't you want to go absolutely apeshit!! !1. ! 1#sci speaks#sighs. i remember as a kid the only thing i ever begged for was for my parents to sign me up for a karate class.#and when i finally got them to do it. the first class i accidentally shut the door on my hand AS I WAS ENTERING for the first time#and it was so bad i cried and had to go home. and i didn't go back because i was so embarrassed i couldn't show my face. so lame.#so im a weak little pansy made out of toothpicks all because of that stupid DOOR THANKS A LOT stupid DOOR.#lame lame lame LAME LAME LAME LAME!!
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i dunno man#everytime i read some new thing about covid and long covid#i just feel like im losing my marbles#im the only one still masking it feels like#nobody at my drs offices wear them even the soecialists#my therapist acts like this is an irrational fear of mine#so i dont talk about it as much#shes happy im not isolating myself. and not full of crippling guilt when i do go out#which is good#i agree with her on that#but. ive been numbering my bags with my n95s since i rewear them a few times#ive been using n95s since i took this job. three years in october#which is wild the longest ive worked in one place is just over a year--all seasonal work or short internships. not because i leave#or get fired/laid off#but im getting down to the end of the alphabet#i dont know what ill do when i do#literally as far as labels but also like. its a lot you know?#im debating trying new mask styles. i wanted to ages ago but hoped. i wouldnt need to wear them for much longer#now it feels like i always will.#so. second best time to plant a tree and all.#i want to get out and make friends and do fun stuff. but it's so fuckibg hard and scary#how can i make friends when i cant relax in small indoor spaces#when i. cant eat out at restaurants (due to food issues and masking)#when inviting people to my house makes me anxious for days#how can i make friends under those circumstances?#im so lonely. and so envious#of my friends who do stuff and gave partners. i want that for me but i cant have it. before it was because i moved. ecery 3-6 months#now its this. is it realky any wonder that i nearly cried reading that fic the other day#when Etho took off his mask. and it was treated so fucking kindly and like the trust geasture it was? that it would be. for me?#maybe trust is the wrong word. i dont know. comfort? feeling safe in a space with someone who respects me and my health?
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#the more i stay around people the more i want to become like them out of spite#because i was so surprised these people are at least 24-26 years age some even did a minor bachelor's before coming here#some have completed post grad and then joined#like aren't you all too fucking old to act that immature#i grew so resentful of everyone how they keep on doing the worst low man shit and then victimize themselves#hypocrites full of shit they don't want to hear the truth#i know no one has the audacity to take a fight with me on here because they know im the youngest here#not because im the youngest but because im better#the girls frown upon me because i don't hear their low mindset humorless jokes and pointo out where they fall short#oh [my irl name] youre so stiff hamesha kami kyun nikalti rahti ho hamesha baat kaatne ki aadat hai learn to take a joke#mazaak hi to kar rahe hain kya yaar#ive cried so many times because i feel suffocated here and out of hate i want to act immature selfish hypocrite too so i do#i become self centered and look into my needs#but everyday bcg shows me how one stays firm in mindset even amidst surrounding of shit people#he points out to me all the time when i start acting like them he says why aren't you trying to rise above#i say ham bhi karte hai na unn chutiyon jaisa behave kyunki unhe unhi ki language mei samajh aata hai#achha ban kar honest banne se kuch nahi milta yaha#but he knows his stuff#he never does these things#however much i let evil thoughts take upon i get astounded everyday how he's practicing his rightful his honesty even tho no one's looking#it makes me want to cry#i hope he gets so ahead in life i hope he stands at the podium one day on a stage and deliver speeches where people actually can see him#like he sees the orator that come to attend our unis gatherings and says everytime kuch to baat hoti hai inn logon mei#i hope he achieves whatever he wants i hope he gets ahead of everyone all this fucking corruption#its not that he's done anything that im applauding he tries his best#and maybe teachers see that too all in class they're only looking at him and teaching they know#do you know how fucking hard it is not get corrupted in this uni and become one of those assholes that have done things unimaginable#im inspired everyday ill try my best to be like him#i do not just want to praise him i want to become someone he doesn't have to say fir tum bhi vahi karogi to kya farq reh jaayega#kuch bada nahi hota logon ki roz roz ki choti choti aadaton se pata chal jaata hai vo kaise hain
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
This is for the eyes of @emtearzz specifically, I'm politely asking every and anyone else to ignore this for the sake of my reputation and heart pls pls pls I know I'm shameless but not THIS shameless
I'll post the second half in a bit
#Guys please I have mutals I admire on this app#I don't want the cook artists seeing this#Pls#Evermore cries tears#Guys just ignore this#This post isn't real#It's a trick conjured by non other than the dark Réunion#Also ignore my voice please#This isn't my best voice acting I'm way better now#My phone's overheating#This fandub is account suicide#I actually fandubbrd sonic too#I'm not putting a headphone warning for kunikida cause if you ignore me and watch this you don't deserve one#Also this vid has been so hard to get and upload#Im in struggle vill#Also not to mention how long this shitty fandub took to make#ALSO YOU CAN'T COMPLAINE ABT THE JOKES OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I MADE THIS UNSCRIPTED#I JUST FREESTYLED IT SO U GOTTA COPE#None of these tags are anything#I AM FILLED WITH THE RAGE OF 1000000000 SUNS#THIS IS TAKING SO LONG TO PROCESS TUMBLR END YOUR LIFE I CANT EVEN ANYMORE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#tumblr i swear to god
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
so much art about being rejected romantically and not enough about how devastating it is to find out someone was only interested in you romantically and therefore your rejection of their romantic intentions is also their rejection of your platonic intentions
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I love 😍😘😆 being dead 🪦🥀 named 🏷 by my mother 👩🍼👩🍼👩👦👩👦in front of ‼️‼️ people 🧍🏻♂️🧍🏻♂️who previously only knew my chosen name 😍😍🥳🥳😆😆🤩🤩😝😝🤗🤗
#my quote on quote self labeled “”“”“”supportive“”“”“” mother who has had YEARS to get used to my name#this woman has not shown a shread of supprot literally ever she just doesnt want to be labelled as transphobic or homophobic#both of which she is ☝🏻 but claims shes allowed to be because im ruining the plan she had for my life 🥺🥺#shes in mourning (direct quote) dont you know#I CAME OUT MULTIPLE YEARS AGO BITCH PLEASE#YOU JUST WANT ME TO TAKE IT BACK#lmaaoo she doesnt know im starting hormones soon 🤭🤭#gonna get myself disowned at this rate#she literally stormed out the house when i first came out and then cried about how hard this was on her#and then got mad when my friends asked if she was supportive and i didnt reply with a resounding yes 💀#she wants points for not kicking me out 👍🏻 i mean im obviously glad she didnt kick me out but uh#doesnt mean youre being supportive babe#she loves to yell my deadname and she pronouns at me when shes mad at me 🥰🥰 and thinks shes justified in it#and i dont mean just yelling and she deadnames me while yelling#i mean shell literally be standing there say something and repeat 'she' over and over again#like if my brothers there or something she'll talk to them and refer to me like “she - SHE SHHEE said blah blah!” or smin like that lmaaoo#so super duper fun#transgender#not to be dramatic and trauma-y on main im sorry guys 💀#im just back home with my mother and that always causes suffering
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mmm actually I think we do owe love and care to our loved ones! We do owe each other things sometimes! There is a duty of care in our relationships that we should do our very best to uphold. It's the basis for human connection? An informal agreement we have with someone dear to us that we will support and cherish them and not just when it's easy and in the ways that feel effortless to us but also in the ways that they feel most loved.
We owe each other consideration. We owe each other a chance to chime in on important things and we should not make unilateral decisions. We owe each other reassurance sometimes too! Gasp!
I know that we're unlearning our generational trauma collectively but what's the point if we draw such hard boundaries around ourselves that nobody is let in, and nobody is helped, loved or considered when they really need it?
What is the point of being connected to another human being if it's understood between the two of you that if shit hits the fan, they are loyal only to themselves and you can get fucked?
I get it. We need to be self-sufficient. We can't rely on someone to the point of falling apart when they leave the house. But entering into a relationship or close friendship (or nurturing our existing familial relationships that are healthy) is a declaration that we CAN but don't WANT to be 100% self-sufficient anymore. We'd like to outsource a portion of our bandwidth to the other person. And in exchange, we take on some of theirs. It can't be rainbows all the time: again, most of us are traumatized by our parents in some way. We have behaviours that make us unpleasant sometimes! But why does that necessarily mean that we cut each other off when we show symptoms? When we actually need to cash in on some support the most? Where pray tell lies the nuance between "cut off abusive people who have no intention of changing" and "sometimes our loved ones can act ugly on the road to healing, but as long as they commit to bettering themselves I will see them through it"???? Does the latter not exist at all?
The act of caring and being cared for is one of the only fucking things we have left that can sustain our hearts in this bleak world. If you don't want to be burdened with the expectation of reciprocation in your relationships then what is the point of seeking connection? You are missing a fundamental fucking variable.
#personal#we need to be able to lean on people and feel them bend but not break#i think that kind of acceptance is healing to our inner children abused by the boomer generation#they didn't accept us for shit#and now we perpetuate their work for them! nice!#there's no loyalty or resilience in relationships anymore people see others as easily replaceable#i remember my ex coldly telling me that he didn't "want to be responsible for [my] feelings at all anymore”#as a hard boundary of his and ultimatum to the relationship#& i was floored#that is such a general and broad statement!! everything we do has the potential to affect each others' feelings!!!!#what do you mean you want no responsibility for my emotional wellbeing as my partner are you quite alright SIR??????#and at the time i just cried and nodded because I was too afraid to lose him#I felt bad bc my cptsd made me really needy sometimes so i felt it was fair at the time#even though my intuition screamed at me that this was wrong wrong wrong#I did not deserve to be treated by both my mother and partner like they owed me nothing but like i owed them everything#i was supposed to be infinitely patient and understanding in the face of both abuse and neglect#we owe our loved ones care! & they owe it to us! If dynamics need to be adjusted the have that discussion#but if you don't want to be accountable to anyone but yourself then go live in the fucking woods lmao
4 notes
·
View notes