#crazy after growing up with them
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Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending
#I like to believe that there is a universe where they get to grow old together#just one#look once upon a time I read a fic that had me bawling my fuckin eyes out where they get to grow old together#I do want to say that I believe in personal growth and I think that Curt can 100% have a happy ending without Owen- where he can grow#away from that experience and where he can healthily cope with the trauma he ended up with#where he can find solace in something other than alcohol and where he can find it in himself to forge new relationships and build his#connections with people like Tatiana#etc etc#I just want to make it known that this is one of many happy endings that could happen#(amongst the several sad ones that I know also exist)#ALSO I wanted to draw the old men and I do what I want#but yeah something something if the universe is infinite /ref#maybe this is a universe where the banana incident never happened and they were able to retire together#ough#the curtwen feels are really getting me today#I adore them#also I used a new brush ive been having fun with this past week#doesn’t it look cool?#I really like drawing with it and I like how it looks so#we might be seeing more of this one in the future#although 6b is still my guy#damn y’know hypothetically- if Owen (depending on the au) and Curt lived to be in their 60s (at least) they would witness the first Pride#god can you imagine that?#At the very least Curt being around for stonewall and everything that came after that with queer rights#FUCK anyways#fun fact: a group of frogs is called an army#isn’t that cute#reminds me of that one person on TikTok that raised like a thousand frogs- they had a literal army of frogs#crazy#curtwen week
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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)
meh HoT gifs (3/?)
#alek gifs#ninjago#ninjago krux#ninjago acronix#hands of time#time twins#alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times#okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around#i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy#ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy#he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day#contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight#gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex#that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix#there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it#krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity#“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird#like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill#the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up#and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal#then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard#for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how#the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced#hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they#went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade#had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the#for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf
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one thing that keeps me up at night about twp is the very real possibility that the shadowhunters might stop being shadowhunters in the last book
#the last shadowhunter is a CRAZYYYY last book title#crazy crazy work#i think it could go two ways#they either lose the magic in their blood that makes them shadowhunters and lets them use runes etc#after demons are forever banished from their dimension or smth#or they manage to seal their dimension for good so demons won’t come in and they’ll still be shadowhunters#but there won’t be any need for shadowhunters since. yk. no more demons#either option is diabolical for the current generation of shadowhunters#they’ve all sacrificed so much to keep the world safe so if they stop being shadowhunters then what was the point of any of it#all the people they've lost all the pain and suffering they've endured...what was the point!!!!#and think of people like jace who had nothing growing up except being warriors and they defined themselves by that for a long time#i could go on forever about this#twp#tsc#the last shadowhunter
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Finally got the courage to post some of my august doddles of Dick Grayson Robin.
#dick grayson#robin#dc fanart#dc#digital doddles#Doddles#my art#I’m still so shy to show my silly little comic book character doddles. OvO’)#I have others old messy doddles as well maybe I will post them as well but we shall see.#Honestly looking back at my old august doddles of Dick. I’m surprised how much I charged how I draw him in just two months crazy.#I love Batman so much growing up. I have soft spot for the robins and it is honestly just nice to get back into comics again after so long.
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😭😭😭wut is ur hc on this need immediately
my hc is that i am going to jump out of a window at the earliest possible convenience
#the outsiders#this is crazy 😭#i like to think. the way the three brothers relationship is portrayed is just due to how unreliable of a narrator ponyboy is.#and that he is closer to both of them than pony says#especially after the book#i think they all grow up and mature a little more and become besties <33#in my fantasy land head at least#asks
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Absolutely sick and twisted
Yoshi P you can’t keep getting away with this!!
UGH THEY BOTH DID SO MUCH IN THESE PATCHES OHHHHH MY DAYS
#ffxiv#ff14#leveilleur twins#Alisaie curing tempering is crazy ugh my daughter is SO talented and the way that it’s into both ga bu and tesleen and tbh her grandpa like#they both achieved SO much and it was such a long hard road for them like hollly fuck#and fucking ALPHINAUD#OH MY GODD OH MY GODDD#we’ve been w this kid since arr and like he’s been through some SHIT to get here and he did so much growing and like#fuuuuuuck fuck 😭😭#him crying at this is so right after everything he’s done after all the mistakes and hardships and victories he’s had all to bring#the ppl together including the beast tribes#and the stuff with Arenvald OH GOD#and then they bring up the crystal braves and it really IS full circle#Lucien is so proud btw he absolutely hugged the SHIT out of them#and wanted to ko their dad bc WHAT THE FUCK#anyways#alphinaud leveilleur#alisaie leveilleur#MY KIDDDSSSSS
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in my quest to quell my pain ive only hurt myself worse. damned if i do damned if i dont.
#i need better coping mechanisms but it’s so easy to just turn to substances when you’ve never learned how to cope w your emotions#and physical pain. however a lot of it has been brought on by the substance abuse aka i did it to myself#so i probably deserve it#but i started with them in the first place to get rid of pain that was so overwhelming and constant#it feels like every time i do something to preserve myself im punished for it#and im so sick of it. i cant believe its gotten this bad#i drink to help the pain -> i get hungover and the pain is way worse -> i drink to stop that pain#and the worst part is it always works#realistically ive depended on substances for like a decade#i started drinking at 13 and fell into a rut of alcoholism at like 15/16#my mom was going thru a phase of alcoholism and roped me into it so bad if be woken up by her bringing me a drink at 9 am#and we’d drink till she passed out and i had to walk her to bed and cook for everyone and do all the chores#it went on for months one summer#then it was weed and i smoked every day from like 18-22#only thing thwt stopped me from drinking until i started again after both my parents died#i havent recovered since.#im still so traumatized and depressed that i looked for any method of relief#the dph phase was the worst. i think alc is even better than that lmfao it was horrible#once i got access to alc i stopped all that. wouldnt have if i hadnt had alc tho#it’s honestly been one addiction after the other for a decade#and my parents fueled so much of it#‘oh id rarher you drink under my eye than do it behind my back’#BRUH YOU WOULDNT LET ME GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING. HOW WOULD THWT HAVE HAPPENED#crazy how i was obsessed w drugs and shit by the time i was 10 and i remember thinking wow im gojna grow up to be an addict.#why am i so irreparably fucked up#idk whatever. like im not gonna drink abt it lmao.
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watching ap bio past season 1
#ada speaks#im sorry lynette i cant stand any episode youre in i need more of jack hanging out with mary stef and michelle or his freakass students#it becomes so hit or miss but god there are some really good hits still 😭😭😭#i cant even explain what is wrong with lynette and jack other than the dialogue and Vibe is so rancid it makes me avert my eyes#i don't even think it was this bad on my first watch#what do you mean you guys are more like cousins. how are you as the writers acknowledging this and yet still.#anyway there are like. i think its the third episode to the sixth? unbearable#i think i remember the finale of s2 being them getting together but at least i get to see glenn breasting boobily thru the hotel hallway#i cant fucking stand how s1 effectively ended with jack being like. i like these little fuckers. and then this season is.#yeah anyway forget all that my arc is that i will grow to like toledo bc uhhh this is my conflict with lynette now. bc ofc the only reason#that a man would do Anything is for a woman he's obnoxiously in love with#nevermind the fact that they fucking had this same arc for him last season and the episode where he was like yeah fuck it#i actually Like my weird coworkers and im gonna go hang out with them instead of this miserable woman#not that lynette goes against that. but they couldnt even stick to anything relevant to like. being from toledo#shes just this. quirky snarky woman who also for some reason really loves her home town. we dont even know shit about her.#i legitimately think the biggest misstep is not having her more integrated with the other women in the show#because as it is her literal entire character revolves around jack#she shows up to interact with the rest of the cast and remind us she's working at the school only to have jack check her out or some shit#like ok. contrived plot device of a character#im going to stop talking about lynette now im sorry i wish she was written better LOL#in a show full of really fucking enjoyable women she is certainly. there!#i think its literally just like. it irks me so much because jack is just like. Waiting to get through the 'friendzone period'#and we barely see lynette after she tells him they should just. be friends. like ok. show them being friends then#she can be fun when shes involved in some crazy scheme. but no. only when its about this ~sexual tension~ is that allowed
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#bro why is everyone growing up and away and trying to figure out their lives and careers and loves#and im just sitting here missing them?#like sure im trying to figure out mine too we're all that age so I don't resent them for it#but why don't they miss me? why don't they feel empty when they haven't talked to me in a long time?#like. didn't they feel very light and happy after talking to me like i did with them don't they have a bad day and think that oh ill#talk to me and it will all feel okay even if it isn't just for a minute?#oh ny god i feel so pathetic asking this but like why am i suddenly crying now???#like my bestf. she's so busy in her new internship in mumbai that she can't be bothered to text me back#a simple yes no question for days. like i understand you have cool new office and work and friends and your stupid fucking ex#that you couldn't stop crying about to me living in that city with you but what about me? what about us?? what about you saying#that you're my first bestfriend i haven't told this to anyone else this is forever everyone else judges me but you're the best#like i just feel like if you're going to leave me then don't fucking say shit like that to me??#okay oh my god this is so irrational but i literally can't stop crying and it's definitely pms like i checked#she's not even leaving she's just suddenly busy and adjusting it's only been like a month#but i hate this stupid fucking knife like fear that as soon as someone is a little busy or seems like they're pulling away a little my#brain is like okay they hate me they're going to leave me so pack your bags we're leaving first#like i know a better solution would be to just tell her that hey dude i fucking miss you and i saw this show and remember how you used to#love peter kavinsky because he was adorable and i want to sit and watch it with you and just why aren't we back in school#where we are basically forced to hang out for like 7 hours because im so sick of only seeing you like once in 2 months for a few hours#like i know it's not your fault and we're just growing up and in different directions but just please like five more minutes can you stay#i don't even have the confidence to say anything to her lol she's my only friend like if even she gets mad and leaves#but i know that's not how healthy relationships work. and ugh my sister is so fucking far away i can feel it everyday#in the 5 and a half hour time difference. i hate this i hate everyone everyone has to go so far away#i hate living in this empty fucking house and being responsible for my own emotions fuck this isse accha toh living with dad hi hai#atleast when im there there are only 2 emotions anxiety and boredom. now i have a whole house to myself to cry whenever I need#for however long i need in a locked room. really looking forward to adulting haha i can see just see myself succeeding so well🙄#man this is crazy im gonna go do jumping jacks or something so this comes and goes faster#umm#dni
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my partner often asks me if i want kids in the future (but i'm afraid to turn into the people my parents were)
they're a youngest child, wild and free and face always stretched into a smile, easy to get along with and easy to hang around with. when they got old enough to babysit, they did constantly, and it's clear, from the they fooled around with a mutual friend's siblings that they love children.
they will be a wonderful parent. i know they will, from the way they encouraged and motivated our friends, from the way they can make every small chore fun, from the way they approached each person with kindess and open-mindedness. they will be a wonderful parent, but what about me?
my parents have done things i wish to forget. and though i try, no matter what i do, they will remain a part of me, etched into my very being. what happens when i unconsciously subject our child to those same words, to those same cold eyes and harsh hands? i know i have raised my voice, held biases and disgusting prejudices, looked down at people i deemed different from me. i have turned anger into an excuse and with held love for no reason at all. if i cannot control those things now, can i do so in the future? can i truly love a child? do i have the ability to take care of a child (when my cactus has once died of dehydration)?
so i laugh and tell them, 'a child? in this economy?' and hope they don't bring up the topic again. because how could i begin to explain how it would destroy me, if one day, our child would avoid my gaze and flinch at the sound of my footsteps?
#writing#thoughts#spilled thoughts#spilled ink#i'm scared#do i sound crazy in this?#warm up#just a silly thought#but fr#children in THIS economy???#can't afford it#maybe in like ten years after i get a stable job#also if you wanted a child i wouldn't oppose it#i would just have to try very hard#because i want them to grow up in a happy and safe environment right#which i don't think the current me can provide#but that's a conversation for future me
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Scheduling fail today. Was going to meet up with my sibling on one of their days off from work, Tuesday through Thursday, things kept coming up for me Tuesday and Wednesday, and I slept in until noon today and forgot to message them last night that I should be totally free today, and forgot I forgot to message them so I only realized at 3 PM upon checking my messages why they haven't responded, because I never messaged them. I feel like a jerk now for wasting their time.
#i was going to sleep at a decent time last night too#passed out at 8 after being tired throughout the whole day#but then at 10 the downstairs neighbors woke me up with some loud banging and i couldn't go back to sleep until 4 in the morning#my siblings are like the only people who know me irl i don't hate to talk to as well.#especially the one on my dad's side because my brothers can be annoying#i spent a lot of my life being around them. familiarity breeds contempt.#and the one non-annoying brother makes me feel small being around. im the oldest but he's the biggest and most well put together.#he's doing very well for himself and no one understands why im not. including him.#he wants to help but his way of helping is trying to get me to cut my hair and go to church.#my sibling on my dad's side though doesn't judge me like that.#they were always with our dad and i was hardly ever around him so we didn't spend a lot of time together growing up#and have been reconnecting in recent years whenever our schedules line up#they haven't lined up in months though and they finally did and i messed it up.#i was honestly looking forward to it and it was an honest mistake. but there's no do overs for mistakes. especially honest ones.#they said they had late christmas gifts for me too from their side of my family. dad included.#crazy because i don't remember getting christmas gifts from them growing up#hexacles.txt#pentacles talks#there's a reason one of my old url's was 'ikeephuckingup' (at least i think that was it)
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People who hate kids are weirdos and cannot be trusted
#T#They're just little people and they're funnier than adults#And it's so fun getting to know them and seeing different personality traits that you don't necessarily see the same way in adults#because adults are better at tempering the quirks#Idk man kids are delightful#Thinking about M and her sister who are 10 and 6 now and how fun it was to see them after so long#They moved away two years ago but they still remember all of us#They're soooo cute and funny I wanted to hang out with them all night#The way they see the world is so fascinating#M was telling me that she wanted to grow up and work at Dollar Tree lmao#Made me laugh so hard I was like okay you go girl#And then she was like but that's just a part time job when I'm in college then I'm gonna become a teacher#And I was like wow I didn't even know what college was at that age and you've planned your entire career that's crazy
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someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck
#who is talking about this!!!! let me know#idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which#i was anticipating#and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before#but liiiiiike.#i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them#it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there#just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse#like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no#anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite#and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up#people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out#and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point#or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible#but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding#at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends#which i am so grateful for obviously#i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol#AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad#just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t#i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it#i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this#which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao#probably for the best#ugh whatever#again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know#meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone#AAAAAAAA i just want to scream#text
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the suyeol lore is so crazy
#their relationship is so interesting to me like aoughhhh#like you see subaek and even tho they don't talk a lot on camera (most of the time) those two get along so well#they understand and respect each other so much they take their job very seriously and they're actually good friends as a result#suyeol on the other hand is 12 years of slowburn like it's crazyyyyy#you admire him and believe in him like no one else does and then you discover that he isn't that great actually#so you get disappointed and distance yourself and then you both are in this weird limbo for years as you grow up#and slowly but surely you rediscover how your relationship works because both of you are adults now and now we're here#like yeah suhito was stressed back then the context was not great for a leader AND tao was still with exo so lmao pcy could fend for himself#so i get ittttt they were going through it but. i need to know what he said to pcy like oh my god was it really that bad 😭#i wonder if they've ever mentioned it 🤔#writing this bc i just remembered that one time they had to describe e/o and suho was like#“you're my cute dongsaeng i admire your talents so much and oh btw you're not uncomfortable around me these days right? uwu”#LIKE ??? KING YOU CAN'T SAY THAT AND LEAVE US IN THE DARK#(<- they totally can it's not our business lmao)#idolization to tentative ''''enemies'''' to coworkers to friends to good friends is crazy#i need to look into this properly omg let's do some research#anyways i want a subunit :) they can be called exo sc too sehun won't mind bc these are like his favorite people in the world!!!#idk i find the exos and their bond so interesting because you truly have it all with them there's a whole spectrum of friendships#and i appreciate that it's not like with b*s & taegi (if you don't know who they are... let's keep it that way <3)#because those two were just too different to get along. it was extreme. but bighit forced it so much it was painful to see sometimes#and then the hawaii trip came and they painted it like a ''see? after this trip they get along so well now <3'' moment#1. girl let's be serious for a sec 😐 and 2. it's not our business!!!!! focus on making good music!!!!!#i'm so glad exo didn't have to go through something like that bc i just know that they'd have disbanded by now sjfsifjsk#the saranghaja sprite isn't that intense we lovr freedom of choice (keeping in mind that they were under sm) <33333#so YEAH. can you guys tell i can't sleep hehe :)#dara.t#suho and chanyeol
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Ohh im obssesed
#uprooted#uprooted naomi novik#solya#marek#my main playlists dedicated to them :]#idk why they cought my attention in 2018 and since that year they have had a special place in my heart. sometimes throughout my day-#i realise im obssesed with them and they're not just some random characters i like. ive dedicated a lot of time on them#i wonder how my interest in them will be when i get older. i certainly know that i will miss them if i stop thinking about them#you could say they have seen me grow. i knew them BEFORE quarantine. they were with me DURING. and AFTER#they have been through so many phases of my life. its so strange.#they changed so much too...except Marek. he still looks the same I imagined him in 2018. solya is definitely different tho#but i do think i have a different more in depth understanding of both characters#even if the words i read in 2018 are still the same now that i look back at the book. they were so many things unsaid but if u looked-#closely you could understand them. solya and marek as individual characters have so much depth...even if its not explicitly said#or maybe its just me reading between the lines too much. i wish i just knew more about them. this is getting so long-#but I got a bit nostalgic. is crazy how i was just a child and somehow even tho solya was just the total opposite of the type of characters-#i like there was something in him. something that made me look at him. and i think thats actually so in character of him#i think that in the book even if someone didnt like him. it was still hard to look away because he stood out from the rest.#there was definitely something about him that attracted people. or else how would have he gotten so far in his schemes?#I may be overanalyzing it. but i love the Falcon so much. and i do like marek a lot as a character. i find him very interesting. i know he-#did bad. terrible. things i like him as a character. not as a person.#i wish i could have seen what was going on in that damaged mind of his...#analyzing his behavior its so entertaining to me. i love making up scenarios where he is at his worst. im not gonna lie#marek suffering and then finding comfort in not comforting things is one of my favorite headcanons.#his obssesion with his mother is also a very important part of his character (ofc) and i love imagine him doing things related to that#thinking about the ways their personalities connect and make them have a very toxic bond keeps me up at night..they made each other worst#and we actually never see that in depth in the book. everything is so subtle but my crazy brain can find the signs in any part#i will stop this rant here. i feel its so long and if i made any spelling mistake i apologise to my future self (probably my self from-#tomorrow) because i know i won't be able to fix the misspelling and that will stress me SO MUCH.#future self please dont stress about it. just be happy. and enjoy thinking about these insane characters
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i need my kevjean freaky and weird and obsessive and worrying to the general public
abso-fucking-lutely i need it to be oppressive to be around them. i need it to be a breathing living thing you can feel if you step into their orbit. like it HAS to be bad and it HAS to be awkward and you HAVE to feel like you're intruding on something even if you've known them for years. i need kevjean to be something the trojans do a wellness check on jean for. i need kevjean to feel like a karmic debt they will have to keep paying for the rest of their lives. you know? it has to be weird. it HAS to be weird
anyway to me they are like this and they wouldnt even have to have fucked to know it
#you know what my ideal kevjean situation is? ill tell you what my ideal kevjean situation is#they have not fucked in the nest. it didnt even cross their minds. it was so strictly forbidden it couldnt be anything but a fantasy. But.#but. they have several moments. where they are alone. or close to it. and they are standing there#and they might even get really close. and it might be just like they roughhoused as kids. or played together in court#but there is a very Real Conscience that they both would like to ruin this very much#i think they wouldve had maybe a peck along the run or a single kiss thats poised out of pity / because jean is desperate to be seen as a#person#and it might even start small and frigid and for a single purpose only. But.#and that but i think really fucks them up for a lifetime#its like accidentally stumbling onto the best thing in the world and not getting to keep it#kevjean physical chemistry goes CRAZY kevjean intellectual chemistry goes CRAZY kevjean emotional chemistry ... !! <3 goes insane#alexa play good in bed by dua lipa#i dont care if its toxic im fine with it theyll grow out of it eventually#<- and i really do mean it. i think they will be much better and sober after the nest#and all those moments in it will feel like a guilty pleasure#but guilty pleasure is still pleasure. amen#asks#kevjean
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