#cr tales

[garvet]

It tasted bitter. And it twitched its legs in his mouth, not fully chewed. He would have preferred an extract, but Ratthi assured him that the venom in these creatures spoils very quickly, and it wasn’t even venom, just seminal fluid. It wasn’t their fault that this fluid was toxic to humans.

G53U glanced at SecUnit, standing by the wall. It didn’t move. SecUnit had no information about the foreign parasitic fauna, so it wasn’t going to snatch anything out of the hungry human’s hands or mouth if it wasn’t part of the controlled rations or detected hazardous stuff. A starving scientist had eaten someone’s sample, forgotten on a table in the mess hall. Big deal. As long as no one filed a complaint, and the sample didn’t belong to the company that owned G53U and his nine colleagues, SecUnit didn’t care.

The bitterness spread down his esophagus, quickly replaced by numbness. G53U wiped his lips, swallowing the remnants of the creature, faster—while he still could. The last thing he wanted was to accidentally inhale it. He was counting on his heart stopping before suffocation set in. That’s why he chewed it all, legs included, with orange roe-covered bumps.

A second. Another. He lowered his head onto the table, unable to lift it or even look. After his heart stopped, SecUnit would get an emergency signal from the system monitoring his clients' vitals. It would try to resuscitate him. Not long but still. Five minutes. That’s how long it takes for a human brain to die. But not for the brain of an augmented human—most of G53U’s personality and memory were stored in his augments. He was counting on that. If something got lost along the way—well. Shit happens.

After SecUnit declared him dead, Preservation, as the conference hosts, would take G53U’s body for an autopsy. And the autopsy results would be passed on to SecUnit. Then the body would be disposed of in the recycler. Maybe they even had a suitable body stashed in some freezer somewhere. The company would pay compensation, and meanwhile, G53U would be revived somewhere else. New life, new name. They’d purge all his systems, flood him with stimulants, restart or replace his organs. G53U had no doubt he would emerge from all this more machine than he was before. The main thing was to survive.

The unbearable bitterness would stay with him forever.

[aroacesetitoff]

not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing (in the same adventuring party)

[essektheylyss]

I'm also still laughing that he really showed up, introduced himself as an Archivist of the Cobalt Soul, and then insinuated that they were going to go extrajudicially hunt down, capture, and "interrogate" a Cerberus Assembly Archmage. Sir, archivists do not do that kind of thing, least of all on their own, LEAST OF ALL with a bunch of random hooligans they were just sent to collect for an unrelated excursion. Quite honestly, that was the thing I kept going back to in evidence of, there is absolutely no way this is a legit archivist.

[marvelousbelladonna]

A peak into this coming year’s scheduling program

New home of “Tales from the Stinky Dragon”

More Narrative Telephone!!!

[utilitycaster]

It's weird to me that people are like ORYM'S GOING DARK like sorry but while mechanically I don't think he's necessarily going to become a paladin this is like... righteous strength of conviction, not murderhobo. It's not like, dark to go after a death cult or someone who tried to assassinate you.

[loveisalwayswise]

fjorester, my loves <3

[critterpages]

Let chaos reign!

“The series will see Artagan in court as he explains his influence on the land of Exandria.”

“Fans interested in what's next for the NPC can see for themselves in Critical Role: Tales of Exandria II - Artagan, on sale January 3, 2024.”

[foldbaron]

I thought the crazy weeks were over, but nope.

Fireside Chat with Liam O'Brien tomorrow, November 19th LIVE on Beacon at 7pm PST / 10pm EST. Submit your questions in the Beacon Discord.

Another installment of Narrative Telephone drops on Beacon November 20th at 12pm PST / 3pm EST. It will release December 4th on Youtube. And finally, #EverythingIsContent - Queen By Midnight: Quarter Past, November 20th at 7pm PST / 10pm EST.

[arabella-strange]

wait. I haven't even been thinking about how my lockscreen image since MAY 2022 has been the chromatic rose:

[my edit of the B&tB prologue, because my skills at illustration are not sufficient to my imagination]

[immult]

oh. sarenrae has my whole heart actually.

she trusts so much that it famously becomes her greatest flaw. it is so beautiful to me. i was gonna say it's the one flaw a /god/ can have that won't damn a single soul. but it did anyway. and that's a little heartbreaking. i hope she doesn't stop, though.

[wizardofsleep]

I say this with all the love in the world for Ashton, but of course they were gonna take the shard and ignore the warnings. He does believe in fate- he doesn’t believe fate applies to HIM. This is someone who has repeatedly been through things that should have killed them and they didn’t. What didn’t kill them made them more powerful- both the earth shard and dunamis came with their own consequences but it made them stronger and that’s the lesson Ashton has carried in them and discovered.

Ashton is a superiority and inferiority complex blended together. If he dies taking the shard, oh well, he won’t suffer the consequences- the Hells will, everyone who loves them will. If he succeeds, he’s going to hold unimaginable power and be even more of a rock-solid support to his team (pun intended).

So Ashton makes Fearne promise she won’t stop him, he makes her promise she will call for help if he needs it, and they take the shard and put their trust in the people around them. They go through one minute of ancient power trying to sunder their very being, they feel their arm fall off, they are blown to smithereens before reforming, and they hold on until they wake up moments later with a magma arm. But none of those things matter, because his friends were there, his friends were healing him, the ring on his finger from Deanna brought him back to life from certain death.

There are consequences to your actions. No reward without the risk, right? And sometimes it pays off, sometimes you pay a steep price, you bet on 00 and you win, and you think you made the right choice. Until you look up at the people who watched you shatter in front of their eyes, the same people who healed you that also tried to stop what was happening, the same people who believed in the risk and would have rightfully fought you had you had the spine to tell them your crazy plan that was doomed from the start.

Sometimes inevitable probability is the consequence of your actions. Sometimes the consequences are the friends you made along the way.

[garvet]

I froze mid-step, caught entirely off guard. Gurathin had just entered the room, his boots—no, monstrosities masquerading as boots—clanging against the floor with the subtlety of a freight transport. They were massive, overdesigned beasts, with thick soles that could probably survive atmospheric re-entry and golden lions perched on the toes like the figureheads of some absurdly gaudy pirate ship. Each lion gleamed with self-importance, as if announcing, "Yes, I’m here, and yes, I roar fashion."

I stared. My sensors locked onto him and refused to let go. What was this? Gurathin’s usual aesthetic screamed "understated techwear," like someone trying too hard to look like they weren’t trying. But now? Now he looked like he’d lost a bet with the most obnoxious jerk in the Corporation Rim. Or maybe he'd raided some ancient storage crate labeled "Ridiculous Fashion: Circa Who Even Knows."

"New look?" I asked, my voice deliberately deadpan. Internally, even my buffer was spiraling. Why? How? Did he wake up this morning and think, You know what I need? Boots that could double as parade floats?

Gurathin’s expression barely flickered, though I detected the faintest smirk. "They’re practical."

"Practical?" I echoed. "For what? Intimidating furniture?"

“You do not look intimidated” He glanced down at the golden lions, brushing imaginary dust off one of their ridiculous metallic manes. "They’re my emotional support boots. I always wear them when I need to go to CR for meetings," he said with a straight face. “I wore them when Ratthi stole me from my corporation. In my tradition we use them for funerals. And I was ready for that. But I was lucky. Those are the lucky boots! Ratthi insisted I should keep them.”

I didn’t even know where to start. Emotional support? The lions? The clanging metal buckles that could probably deflect laser fire? The fact that he looked more prepared to storm a ridiculous historical drama set than to hack his way through corporate security?

"Well," I said finally, "at least the lions seem confident. And they can distract security."

That is right, I was distracted

Gurathin quirked an eyebrow. "Jealous?"

"Of what?" I shot back. "Your boots or your complete disregard for public decency?"He grinned, the kind of grin that said I win, and I know it.

[dumpster-fire-sapphic-failgirl]

Bor’dor, inadvertently, displayed the biggest difference between the Bell’s Hells and the Ruby Vanguard

The Hells have been very deliberate. Kill only the cultists. turn those who can be turned. Orym even felt guilt for the ripples those controlled actions might cause. And yeah, they dropped an airship on the key, but it was Ludy’s shield that caused it to kill most of the vanguard in exchange for preserving his ultimate goal

When it came time to hurt the people that attacked the site, Bor’dor struck indiscriminately. The only person he downed was Prisim, who, in other circumstances, might have been swayed to join his side. (she attacked an avatar of the dawnfather with a fucking demon, for fucks sake)

Collateral damage didn’t matter as long he had a *chance* to hurt those that hurt him. No thought to consequences because there is nothing more important than destroying

so even though most of the Hells don’t give a fuck about the gods, they are still very different on a foundational level

and even if the gods die, it’ll be the Hells cleaning up the mess, because the Vanguard has no plan for after, because the after isn’t important

[essektheylyss]

Okay the Bright Queen is probably not going to talk to the Hells (they don't have a beacon after all) but who else from the Dynasty is here. Is Abrianna in attendance. Who was that unnamed diplomat in the comics who was high enough up to tell Leylas off. That seems like a person who'd be with this delegation. Was it Deirta. Please give me Deirta Thelyss right now, Matthew. It would be so funny.

[marvelousbelladonna]

Just got the first issue of the Artagan comic, and I love the little cameos from campaign 1 and 2 moments

[ludinusdaleth]

the final issue of artagan's comic run ending in him being made mortal (at least for the time being; and once again i dont know the exact timeline beyond post-c2) is so fascinating because i dont think in any other context id be so.... for it. the trope of someone beyond human turning normal is almost downright offensive to me as a monsterfucker and yet for artagan his slide into it is the defining, most beautiful thing about him, and i think thats a testament to how well matt has portrayed him.

for arti to be so defined by the nature vs nurture of an archfey, how he is aloof & absolute chaos incarnate yet keeps finding himself caring for mortals, and matt even saying that post-travelercon he had found himself closer to mortality than he ever did to godhood.... i mean, it was going to come to this eventually, wasnt it? sammanar & elmenore never needed to strip him of his powers; he was waning anyway. he's currently panicked because he was spoiled having power & therefore easy escape from consequence, but the idea of being all-powerful was incompatible to him. he was alright with that slow decline as long as there was still whimsy & his best friend out there for him to find joy in. he chose exandria's wonder over the feywilds every time. he chose mortals over his archfey brethren every time.

i think the most ultimate trait of artagan that is so fundamentally endearing to me is that he is a trickster god to his bones, and yet unlike other portrayals of this archetype that focus on the thrill of the god part, he cares about the trickster so much more. and, even more importantly, he cares. by all rights in all current & ancient stories, his nature should have led to apocalyptic proportions of selfishness, and while he expresses many traits close to that, he is opposite to it, being defined by love even if it means he has to face consequence. and so of course he shatters the trickster god; the universe, the fey courts, cant process that someone like him is more than what he was taught to be. and that more, is in a way, the simple less.