#cow Jason Todd

[tiger-grace]

headcanon that after Dick Grayson being Robin all of the batkids interchangeably use “holy ____ batman” even at the worst possible moments

Steph, staring down at Tim in the medbay cot: holy common cold, batman

Tim: please stop

Steph: holy spleenless sillybilly batman

Tim: steph please

Jason Todd on the floor, bruised and bloodied: dad?

(The timer ticks down to three seconds)

Jason: well holy shitballs batman I’m going to fucking di-

KABOOM

[porcelian]

FURRY NEW BEGINNINGS

PAIRING : jason todd ✗ gn!reader.

SYNOPSIS : In which the cat distribution system catches up to you and Jason.

WARNINGS : no serious warnings, just alot of fluff and a short lived (or not) rivalry between the cat and jaybeans.

WORD COUNT : 1k.

NOTES : switching up the theme a bit, can't always find those pretty headers. wE NEED A NAME FOR THE CAT!!!

navigation ; masterlist.

The first time he saw the cat, Jason was returning home from patrol. The rain was pouring down in streets, and he hurried through the storm, eager to get back to you as quickly as possible. The weather made everything difficult—the buildings blurred together, neon signs became unreadable, and the sounds of the city were muffled through his helmet.

But despite the downpour, he didn't miss the small spot of light orange in the corner of his eye. It stood out against the dark, murky colors of the alley it was huddled in. Nestled in a small, soggy cardboard box between two trash bags, something shifted.

What's that?

Jason knew he needed to get home. He was freezing and bone-tired, but his curiosity got the better of him.

What's the worst that could happen?

Turns out, the worst that could happen is making a new, vicious enemy out of a stray cat.

Jason landed swiftly in the dark alley, the shadows swallowing up what little light there was. He approached the cardboard box cautiously and gently lifted the lid, unsure of what he might find inside.

The first thing that caught his attention was a pair of greenish-brown eyes staring back at him, followed by the sight of ginger-striped fur. The creature let out a small, plaintive mewl.

Oh, it’s a cat.

In the box sat a big, angry orange tabby. A very angry orange tabby, actually. The cat gave him a fixed, piercing stare, its fur and tail puffing up as it let out a throaty, warning meow.

Jason instinctively raised his hands, palms open, to show he meant no harm, but it was too late—the cat swiped at him with a paw, claws fully extended!

"Alright, I got the hint! No need for violence, little guy. Well—not so little. I mean, just look at you." Jason chuckled softly, trying to diffuse the tension.

The cat's ears swiveled backward and flattened against its head, its body puffing up even more as it attempted to make itself look bigger, more intimidating.

"Okay, okay. I’ll leave you to... whatever you’re doing."

*****

The second time he saw the cat was when he was with you, just returning from a grocery run.

"Who even says that to a worker? It's not like they set the prices," you huffed, recounting an incident at the 7/11 you both had just visited. An old lady had been loudly complaining about the cost of a few products, taking it out on the poor cashier behind the counter.

"I know, baby, but you put her in her place." Jason wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer. "So, don't worry about it anymore."

"You're right, it's just—" Jason’s ear tuned out your next words as a familiar spot of light orange caught his eye. A pair of greenish-brown eyes glared at him menacingly.

No way... it can't be the same cat...

"Honey? Jay? What's wrong?" you asked, turning to him, trying to catch his attention.

"Huh? Oh, yeah? Sorry," Jason replied, snapping back to reality with a smile. "Something just caught my eye." But when he turned to look again, the cat was already gone.

Annoying little bastard...

"What did?" you inquired, glancing around to spot whatever had distracted him.

"An orange tabby cat that I’ve apparently started a rivalry with." Jason deadpanned.

"You started a what with a what..?" you stammered, clearly confused by his response. But Jason just grabbed your hand and quickly led you away.

*****

The third time he saw the cat was in his apartment. In his goddamn home.

Jason dropped the bag of snacks he’d just bought from the corner shop out of sheer shock. How did the cat find him? Had it followed him? Was this how it spotted him last time near the grocery store? What was this cat’s plan?

Just then, you rounded the corner, emerging from the kitchen with a small bowl of wet cat food in your hands.

Your face lit up when you saw him. "Welcome back!"

"Hi, baby. Who’s this?" Jason pointed to the cat, now holding its tail high with a slight curl at the top. The cat purred softly as it rubbed its head against Jason’s boot.

"Awh! Look, he likes you!" You beamed, your face lighting up with a smile. "Is this the tabby you were talking about? I can’t imagine him being evil at all, isn’t that right?" You squealed with delight, setting the bowl down near the cat.

The cat slowly blinked at you before cautiously approaching the bowl and taking a tentative bite of the food.

Jason tried to ask how the cat got in, where you found it, and why you let it in, but you shushed him.

"Did you just shush me?" he muttered in disbelief, half-laughing.

"I think it’s fate!" you exclaimed. "You found him, he found you, and now he’s here! He belongs with us. Please, Jay, can we keep him?"

Now that was something he never thought he’d hear. Usually, it was Damian asking Bruce to keep some random animal he’d found—not as a pet, of course. Oh no, not at all.

Jason stared at the tabby for a few moments, then at you, with your big smile and pleading eyes staring back at him.

Crap, this is hard. No wonder Bruce never says no to whatever Damian drags into the house. Jason still remembers the cow...

"...Fine."

"Yay!" You celebrated with a little hop.

"How did it even find us?" Jason eyed the cat suspiciously.

"I’m not sure. But you’ve got to get used to him. I think he likes you!" you said as the cat wobbled back over and rubbed its head against Jason’s boot again. "See? Isn’t he adorable?"

Jason sighed softly, then gave you both a small, reluctant smile. "Yeah, he’s a little bit cute, I guess."

"Oh, I almost forgot! We need to name him."

Jason grumbled under his breath. This was going to be a long week—but maybe, just maybe, it might be a tad bit happier than the previous ones.

© ROBINSFILM ﹕ I do not give consent for my writing to be posted or used on any other platforms without my permission and proper credit.

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

batfam thing

Dick: so, why is batcow in the house dami?

Damien: bat cow got frightened by the storm Grayson

Dick: yeah okay, but you could have at least wiped batcows hooves before letting her in. There’s mud everywhere and Alfred is OLD he can’t deal with this much mud!

the camera pans to the Wayne manor’s floor absolutely covered in mud and footprints

Damien: Grayson Tt, it’s not that big of a problem.

Jason enters the room

Jason: WHY IS BATCOW INSIDE?

Dick: Damien let her in because she got scared by the storm, he didn’t dry her hooves and look what happened

Damian: Todd, how dare you speak ill of batcow.

Jason: I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING! Man this is going to fuckinggg suck to clean, Alfred can’t deal with this he’s too old!

Dick: That’s what I SAID!

Alfred enters the room

Alfred: oh dear what a mess, I heard what you said about me and I’m not old. I’m 56 if your asking, I am not that old.

Dick: your old

Damien: you are incredibly old and decrepit

Jason: old man, don’t kid yourself.

Alfred sighs and face palms, and starts grabbing the cleaning supplies. Jason follows closely.

Dick: well, since they went off why don’t I get a towel so we can dry off batcow’s feet and start wiping up the metric fuck ton of mud. Sorry I mean! Shit-ton.

Damien: okay Grayson

the afternoon was spent cleaning up almost the entire first floor of the house, eventually the storm ended and everyone went back outside to enjoy the nice sun along with batcow.

Prev | current | next

[musings-and-fandoms]

Bruce has a California king bed because the kids always some how end up sleeping in his bed

[pinkiemachine]

GOTHAM FILES: SEASON 6

Okay, so right off the BAT, there’s a lot of stuff going on. Everyone is very interested in this new kid, this “Damian Wayne.” He just shows up outta nowhere and—holy cow—he’s ANNOYING. He treats everyone he meets poorly, even Alfred—he thinks that he’s above them all (he is super skilled and super mart, but BOY does he have a bragging problem)—he’s spoiled, he’s selfish—HE TRIED TO KILL TIM AND TAKE THE MANTLE OF ROBIN BECAUSE HE THINKS IT’S HIS BIRTHRIGHT—everyone is ticked at this little punk and the only one keeping them from trying to strangle Damian is Bruce. Damian is his responsibility. It’s up to him to try and get Ra’s’s brainwashing out of his head. And no, Damian, you can’t just show up and steal the title of Robin—that’s not how this works! *Damian angry face.* Unfortunately, though, Damian inherited Bruce’s stubbornness and Talia’s craftiness, so he finds ways to barge into the crime-fighting field, which Bruce isn’t all too thrilled about because Damian has a tendency to stabby-stab his enemies. A lot. And on top of all of this, Dick is just trying to plan his wedding in the background, which is a huge undertaking because Starfire is Tamaranean Royalty, so there’s going to be two ceremonies, one on Tamaran, one on Earth, and everything’s happening all at once, and everyone just wants to take a nap.

But wait, it gets better!

So, after the season premier, Damian is starting to acclimate. He and Tim came to an arrangement. Tim agrees to temporarily hand over the title of Robin to him so that he can try and go sort things out with his father, and now Damian can receive Bruce’s full attention… and full discipline. Bruce isn’t gonna stand for anymore stabbing, choking, or other such unaliving, which Damian is having a really, really hard time with. He thinks Bruce is a weak coward, but Bruce stands his ground, just like he did with Jason. If Damian can’t follow this one simple rule, then he has no real self control at all.

Then he has a crucial moment. Damian goes it alone on a mission, thinking he’s got everything under control, and Bruce frantically goes after him, getting Jason flashbacks. Damian does, in fact, get in over his head, and Bruce swoops in, saving his life before it gets brutally taken from him. It’s this moment, where Bruce shows so much fear and care and love for his son, that Damian has to take a pause. Talia… had never been like this. She cared about Damian A LOT, but her methods usually involved letting Damian get hurt to teach him a lesson. Same with Ra’s. They’d been brutal with him since the moment he drew his first breath. That was the only way Damian knew how to love. But this… this was totally different. Bruce was… asking if he was okay. He was hugging him. He was scolding him for going out alone—for scaring him half to death. Damian thought he was overreacting and being a bit melodramatic, but… he secretly also felt… touched. He just didn’t understand it, though. Why was Bruce getting so worked up?

One day, Dick has an idea. The whole point here is to get him to realise the value of life, right? Dick knows someone who knows someone who owns a horse ranch out in the country, and one of their mares is expected to go into labour soon. In the middle of the night, Dick wakes Damian up and they go together to the ranch and he’s asked to help deliver the foal. Damian doesn’t see the point in this at all, but he goes along. During the labour, the baby almost dies, but thanks to Damian’s quick thinking, he saves its life. A few hours later, the little guy is up on wobbly legs, licking Damian’s face and trying to figure out how to run. Damian actually can’t help but smile. (Not that he lets Dick see, of course.) But Dick knows. He’s just found a chink in Damian’s armour. He reports back to Bruce and he comes up with a new strategy. As a welcome home gift, he buys Damian a dog: a Great Dane which Damian names Titus. It will be his responsibility to raise him, train him, feed him, and care for him. And, thankfully, this does begin to help a little. The edge on Damian is starting to soften. HOWEVER, little does Bruce know, but he’s inadvertently set in motion a new problem, because on the next mission, Damian rescues a cat and asks if they can keep him. Bruce sighs, but says yes. Damian names him after their butler, Alfred. THEN, he manages to rescue a COW from a slaughter house and he brings it home saying he wants to keep it. (She has a mark on her face that looks like a bat mask, and Damian named her Bat-Cow.) Bruce is… beside himself. He’s created a whole new kind of monster. After a lot—and I mean A LOT—of convincing and pleading, Bruce finally caves and says, “Okay, fine, but this is the last animal, Damian! I mean it!” They already have Ace, and now there’s Titus and Alfred the Cat and Bat-Cow.

A lot of other smaller things happen along the way, too. I mean, these are all meant to be 26 episode full seasons, so there are a lot of mini adventures. We check up on how things are going with Tim (eeeeh, it could be better, it could be worse), we check in on Jason, who’s making a name for himself in the Gotham underground, taking out gangs and stuff. Batgirl’s been busy with her new relationship and taking care of her dad as he starts to get older. Dick and Star are still planning the wedding, of course (the Teen Titans couldn’t be happier for him!) We meet Harper this season, though she’s a very minor character here (can you blame me? There’s SO MANY CHARACTERS to juggle already…) and there’s more supervillains to fight.

Then, something big happens. It starts out simple. Bruce goes away on a mission with the Justice League, and Alfred’s in charge. No going out on missions until he gets back. So naturally, Damian has to go and do something while Bruce is away. It’s a fun, shenanigan-based episode… until word gets back that Bruce… is gone. During his mission with the Justice League, something happened. They’re not sure what yet, but Bruce just… vanished. Poof. No body. Just gone. Damian and the rest of the BatFam don’t know what to do… but they gotta get their stuff together fast. Gotham’s criminals are getting wise to the fact that the Bat’s no longer in town. Enter the Battle for the Cowl storyline, where Dick steps up to be the thing he secretly hoped he never would become: Batman. With Damian as his Robin, they go to try and take control of the city, and hopefully find out where Bruce went. But, they’re not the only ones. Jason also joins in the battle for the cowl, and he tries to be Batman too, though he has a hard time finding a Robin. Not to mention, now there’s Batwoman?! Huh?! Is everyone in Gotham gonna just throw on a cowl and try to take Bruce’s place??

Long story short, Tim’s the one who ultimately figures out what happened to Bruce. He got taken for a time travel ride. After much techno babble, yada yada, science fiction nonsense, McGuffin here, goober there, etc etc, (and after pulling out a few hairs) Dick manages to lead the mission to get Bruce back. He’s more than happy to give the cowl back too, (“don’t ever leave again.”) though this adventure did lead to one good thing: He got to spend a lot of time with Damian. The two have grown rather close over the course of this adventure.

We conclude by Tim coming back into the Bat Family fold, having mostly reconciled with his father. (Mr. Drake doesn’t really approve, but… he can’t deny that now Tim is basically his own man and can do what he wants. It’s uneasy, but it’s something.) So Tim dons the Red Robin persona (though, to be honest, I’m desperately searching for a different name, because I can’t take him seriously while he’s named after a fast food restaurant—help. I want to use Redwing so bad, but it’s a Marvel character and another DC character already, apparently! 😭) and Tim and Steph are also officially an item! ❤️

And we ALSO CONCLUDE…

With Dick and Starfire’s wedding. Finally. Everyone’s there. The Justice League, Young Justice, the Teen Titans, the BatFam, and half the population of Tamaran. And this wedding is very important… because it starts to get Bruce thinking… about a certain someone…

He and Selina have been very on-again off-again. They both like each other, but they both have so many issues and there’s always been so much work going on that Bruce didn’t really think it was possible for the two of them to really have a full blown, proper relationship, but now… now that Dick has proven that you can make it work as a vigilante… Bruce starts looking at rings… it’s just a thought, but… still…

Part 7 👇

Part 5 👇

[the-real-jason-todd-not-dead]

if you ever steal Damians cat feel free to bring it to me he will never find it (I will lose it)

I'll give you Bat-cow

[skylie-spiderlillis]

The urge to adopt several pets and name them after the Batfamily pets (specifically the animals that are the same like the comics, creating the characters in real life) is so strong.

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever find a dragon bat to call him Goliath :(

I want Goliath so bad.

Also forget naming your human kids after characters, I plan to name my pets after fictional characters.

[chenhelelalala]

[beautyconsumer]

New Chapter!

Now with Cow Hybrid Jason x Farmer Grant Wilson

[frothing-at-the-mouth]

Damian’s is not allowed to do strenuous activity for a bit after an injury and his pets need to be cared for, the lot of them. So divide and conquer right? Placement of results will determine which pet they will help tend to.

1.) Goliath

2.) Bat-Cow

3.) Titus

4.) Alfred the Cat

5.)Jerry the Turkey

*Not Damian with very likely supervise the care his siblings provide to his animals.

: > I thought this idea will be fun. I will probably do some drawings and a story with the results. At the very least several drawings.

[awkwardknight]

In a pokemon au every time without fail I will give Jason a mabostiff with the guard dog ability. I think it's symbolic.

[wildestheart4ever]

Me, once again thinking of that silly childhood friends!AU I had cooking in my head: C'mon, you told yourself you would stop finding things “cringy”. So what if it’s a character/oc childhood friends to lovers!AU, with an oc that is in on the secret, and you’re on the fence about making that oc a vigilant? What’s life if you’re not sharing the harmless joy with others?  

Also me, who has seen those exact fics and found them toeing your suspension of disbelief: But it’s weird.

If you’re interested

Her name is Vanessa Aguilar, created when I thought about whether or not Jason had any friends pre!Robin and thought [and correct me if I’m wrong] ‘That must’ve been a lonely life’  so I made him a childhood friend.

When I think of their dynamic, I think of Edward Elric&Winry Rockbell or Simba&Nala

Any tragic backstory? No, her life was as normal as one could expect it to be when you live in a place like Crime Alley and you get some familiarity with the Bats. Parents are fine, home life is fine, her family was toeing the line of comfortable.

Skin Color: Brown

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Hair Texture: Curly

Eye Color: Hazel

Height: 5′6

Girl was aiming for a scholarship, had aspirations to be the greatest doctor in Gotham [And then I found Stephanie Brown was studying to be a nurse, and it suddenly felt like I was taking too much inspiration from her].

She was taller than Jason. Emphasis on the was, she still hasn’t forgiven him.

He had a crush on her first. Cue wallowing to dramatic music and insecurities about his height and pinning Bruce in an awkward conversation.

She lowkey hates Bruce after Jason’s death.  

I had this whole scene of her interrupting that confrontation scene between Jason/Bruce/Joker, tazing the clown to the high heavens and dissing them for airing out their laundry for everyone to hear - but I’ve realized the importance of that scene and inserting an oc like that was exactly the sort of thing I’d roll my eyes at if I read it anywhere else.

She was lowkey pissed Jason didn’t come to her when he first came back to Gotham. Angry tears and hitting and wondering why she was an afterthought.

He did, he just decided to rather stare at her through her bedroom window until he realized how fucking creepy that was.

She’s the one he goes to for patching up. Cue close, quiet and intimate proximity while she bandages him up. 

Pining takes place long long after his reintroduction. The family is unfortunate witness to it and Dick gleefully reminisces over Jason’s old crush.

I’ve been on the fence of making her a vigilant, if she was, giving her a bird name [I’ve been thinking Scarlett Finch - but I’ve been trying to recall the species of that tiny ass bird pinning a dead mouse under it’s foot]. She’d stick to Crime Alley with Jason, but unlike him, she remains firmly local.

[phoenixinthefiles]

Jason Todd would not like Colleen Hoover’s books

[paulgadzikowski]

[Image description: A cartoon in my MSPaint-based "triangle figure" style. Jason (RED HOOD) Todd sits at the Wayne Manor kitchen table with a jar of peanut butter, a jar of grape jelly, and a loaf of sliced bread. Bat-cow is licking the bread. Damian (ROBIN) Wayne looks on and says, "I could write a poem." End description.]

Jason trying to make a sandwich in Wayne Manor

[keys-hellscape-1020]

Sharing a Blunt with them

A/N: I honestly feel like out of all of them Tim would be the only one to smoke butttt this is fiction and I do what I want so I hope you all enjoy. Also I went to my first ever county fair today and I got licked by a cow. I can die happy now.

Dick Grayson x gn!reader, Jason Todd x gn!reader, Tim Drake x gn!reader

Content warnings: Weed, descriptions of getting high, Jason’s and Tim’s get smutty (my bad), oral sex (but it’s not detailed)

————

Dick Grayson

So this man would only get high if he’d been with you for a while. At first he out right refused to do anything with you, which you had respected. Over time however he sees how it affects you and he gets… curious.

It’s a lazy Saturday evening, Dick had gotten some of his many siblings to cover his patrol for him so he could take the night off with you. He’s watching you roll a blunt when he speaks so softly you can barely hear him.

“Could I try it?” He asks softly, watching the way you roll the paper with practiced precision.

You blank for a moment, stopping your movements as you glance up at him. When you’d first gotten together he’d been adamantly against doing it, and yet here he was… asking for a hit.

“Sure.” You say softly as you finish rolling it. You reach for a lighter and let the flame lick against the end of the blunt. You take a small hit and exhale into the air above you before passing the blunt to Dick.

“You ever hit anything before?” Dick shakes his head dumbly, like all thought had left his brain just from thinking of getting high.

“Alright.” You say as you gently guide his hand, and thus the blunt, towards his mouth. “Just suck on it like a straw for a half second, and then take a deep breath in.”

He hesitates a moment, looking at you for confirmation. When he gets it in the form of a gentle nod from you he follows your instructions and inhales carefully.

You wait a moment before pulling his wrist back, not wanting him to get to high right off the bat. You watch as he exhaled shakily, hesitating a moment before keeling over in a coughing fit. “Shit, sorry baby I forgot to warn you about the coughing.” You exclaim, rubbing his back gently in an attempt to soothe him. “You’ll be okay. Just breathe through it babe. Just breathe.”

It takes a few moments but he does stop coughing, and when he sits up he has a slightly glassy look in his eyes. “Holy shit.” He mummers. “I didn’t think that’d do anything.”

You can’t help but laugh gently as you take another hit, still gently rubbing his shoulder. “You okay baby?” You ask as you exhale, smoke billowing out of your mouth as you speak.

He nods, gazing upon you in what seems to be awe. “I uh- I really didn’t think that’d do anything.” He repeats and he leans forward to rest his forehead against your shoulder. You run your fingers through his hair as you finish off the rest of the blunt, Dick sitting still against your side.

As you finish off the blunt and toss the end into a nearby ash tray you carefully refocus your attention on the pile of vigilante that’s glued to your side. “You sure you’re okay baby?” You ask carefully, getting a half awake nod in response.

In the future when Dick gets high with you it goes much the same, he takes one, maybe two hits and he is out for the count. He gets clingy and touchy while high, not capable of doing much outside of craving skin contact and rambling about how pretty you are. Give him some water and don’t leave him alone until he’s more or less sober again and he’ll be just fine.

Overall, as long as you know what you’re doing, 7/10 to share a blunt with.

————

Jason Todd

This man has gotten high before, but he only does it once in a blue moon when he’s really stressed and his options for stress relief are either getting high or brutally killing someone. He knows it’s not healthy, but that’s never stopped him before. And besides, he still feels it’s better than the alternative.

I feel like the first time you get high with him would be on a stormy night, you’re lounging in bed in one of Jay’s T-shirts and a pair of sleep shorts. You’re on your phone, waiting until your common sense kicks in and tells you to put it down and go to sleep.

You’re lazily scrolling when you jump out of bed due to the sounds of crashing, stomping, and cursing coming from your living room. You carefully creep down your dimly let hallway, the baseball bat you keep under your bed gripped tightly in your hands.

You visibly relax at the sight of Jason in your living room, Red Hood helmet thrown on the floor and fiddling with something in his hands.

“You’re back early.” You say softly, resting your baseball bat against the wall as you walk behind him, resting your hands on his leather-clad shoulders.

He makes a vague grunt of acknowledgment at you and you peer over his shoulder to see what he’s doing. You stare in shock when you see him rolling a blunt.

“Uh, you gonna smoke that Jay?” You ask blankly, your grip on his shoulders loose in shock.

“Well I’m not messing with this shitty paper for fun.” He grunts quietly, laser focused on what his hands were doing.

You hop over the back of the couch to land next to him, resting your head on his shoulder as you watch him finish rolling the blunt, light it, and take a long drag. He exhales deeply before offering it to you.

You take the blunt and take a drag before passing it back to him. “Didn’t know you smoked Jay.” You mumble, pressing yourself against his side. He responds by leaning against the back of the couch with a groan, wrapping his arm around your shoulder while man-spreading shamelessly.

“Not normally.” He explains as he takes another hit. “But people were being fucking stupid today.” As he speaks his arm tightens around you slightly

You let out a hum of acknowledgment as he hands you the blunt, taking another hit as you look him up and down thoughtfully. “I could help take your mind off that.” You comment, already moving to lower yourself between his meaty thighs.

If this man is getting high, you know he’s very stressed. Give him some sloppy head and let him rut into you tiredly to help take his mind off it.

Overall 8/10 to get high with.

————

Tim Drake

Now this man is a whole different story, this man gets high at least 3 times a week. He comes home from a hard patrol? He’s pulling out a cart and taking a blinker before researching his latest case (he’s a firm believer he does his best work while blasted).

You want to spend a night in and get high? Sign him the fuck up. He’s not really a fan of blunts, he says they’re too much work, but he only gets the best of the best quality carts.

He’s fun to get high with too, he’ll lay across your lap, eyes tinged red as he takes another hit and coughs out a laugh before going on a rant about moth man and how he’s about 47% certain that’s he’s real. Say anything that vaguely sounds like a contradiction and he’ll launch into a rant about how you’re supposed to be on his side (all the while practically trying to bury himself in your skin).

Oh and you’ll be in for a long night if you get clingy while high. You lightly run your finger tips over his hip bone, trace a finger nail over the muscle of his arm, practically anything, and the next thing you know you’re on your back, your pants are nowhere to be seen, and you’re getting head so good you’re seeing stars. Tim normally has something to prove, Tim while high sees nothing wrong with showing you just why he’s the best. And if you can barely walk tomorrow? Well that’s just an added bonus.

You should definitely get high with Tim if given the chance, he’s bound to make you laugh and otherwise enjoy yourself. But whatever you do, make sure you have no plans tomorrow morning.

Overall 10/10, hope you don’t like walking cause you won’t be doing much of it.