#couldnt have happened at a worse time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starrspice · 2 years ago

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Somehow

My apple pencil fell out of my bag when i got gas this morning

Stopped by the gas station on the way home to find it by the very pump i got gas at. It had clearly been run over a couple of times

BUT IT STILL WORKS

and ive already ordered replacement tips, a cap, and a case!

#literal miracle #i was so terrified it wouldn't work #ough #i wanted to draw today BUT HAD NO DAMN STYLUS #ive been stressed about this little fuckin pen all day #worried id have to drop $100 on a new one #cuz literally in a week im starting art full time #couldnt have happened at a worse time #but the universe threw me a bone #holy fuck

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huitandahalf · 11 months ago

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I know that we got plenty of options as to how everything with the Ender King is going to go down, but a thought that has not left my mind was the idea of the Ender King downing qPhil in some way and taking him away. Which means there would be a chat message for all to see :)

For example :)

#qsmp #qsmp philza #this could be better or worse depending on how many people qPhil tells about the whole mess (itll probably be 0 tbh)#cause if he tells no one #not even his kids #then it will be a gut punch #like pov you are chayanne and tallulah #you just lost your godfather in Tubbo #you may have just lost someone who really cares for you in Bad #and you gotta hold onto your dad right? if something was wrong he would have told you right? he promised to not keep secrets right?#and now hes gone without a word #was the Ender King that much of a threat that he could take your dad without any hint that it could happen? or were there just signs #that you missed. that you could have seen and stopped. you could have saved your dad but you didnt. why didnt you notice him change?#and to a lesser extent there is also the gut punch to fitmc #pov you are fitmc #phil promised to keep you updated on all the hallucination stuff and hasnt said anything to you about it in a long time #thats a good sign right? itd be bad if the Ender King was real and came to help phil anyway #he had some crying obsidian appear in his inventory? clearly the admins are messing with him it couldnt be anything #and now hes gone #and you find out that he was hiding things from you from his children #there were more messages more hallucinations #why didnt he tell you?#did he not trust you? hes right to do it but you thought he trusted you with this at the very least #and now #what do you do?#you dont even know where to start in looking for him #did he really trust you that little?

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pkmoth · 4 months ago

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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself

#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated #and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it #if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place #but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself #continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone #and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner #you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter #and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault #maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life #saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do #so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time #your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going #and then at the end of your journey #you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey #the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them #is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save #so um. The Guilt is even worse now #now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control #and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad #but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally #you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful #things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be #its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma #you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch #but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander #FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it #mother 3 swap au #mothfics

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crimeronan · 6 months ago

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come on torn head of the biceps muscle....... you know it's me.......

#couldnt make urgent care today because we're in a heat bubble and the car has no AC and i have lupus #but i have an appointment early tomorrow morning.#i keep moving wrong and feeling it tear worse. I Am So Injured.#complete with the almost fainting bc my blood pressure drops like a stone every time it happens. bc i pass out when injured.#race against time to keep it from becoming a complete tear. i guess.#stupid. this usually doesnt happen to people until theyre at least 40. but i am special.#I HAVE SHIT TO DOOOOOOOO but instead today i shall lay in bed. being so hurt. amazing.#whine complain moan. etc. i'll be fine i just Hate Ittttt #autoimmune tag

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dreamsy990 · 2 months ago

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Out of the characters you know which one of them do you think their situation is the most fucked up

ohhh this one is hard hm. i think roxas specifically in kh2 is a good candidate though. it has to be the kh2 stuff though because thats where like 80% of his existential dread is.

#akiren is pretty high up on that list for me but i think thats just recency bias #but also poor guy is going through it at all times his situation legit sucks #i mean i think the badness of situations should be like. considered relative to the storys setting #and in the semi realistic modernish setting of p5 i think his situation is like. absolute garbage like damn #so roxas is higher up on this list because just generally i think his struggles are worse. but also theyre things that couldnt possibly-#-happen in other stories so it feels like an unfair comparison #like in the setting of kh? his situation is terrible but not too abnormal #like its worse. but theres other people in similarly bad situaitons like repliku (rip repliku roxas wouldve loved you)#but roxas was kinda the narratives punching bag #anyways i have the specification for roxas bc his situation varies. very greatly. depending on the game #like in days it sucks hes depressed hes working the worlds worst 9 to 5 with only one day of UNPAID time off but at least its not all of kh #anyways kris deltarune is also really high up on this list #shoutout to kris being possessed making me a huge fan of silent protagonists. what is going on in their head. kris walked so akira could ru #except not really i played deltarune after p5 so #ummm who else #akechi was in a bad situation but he did do a lot of that to himself #so i cant really judge that on the same level. like oh nooo the consequences of your actionssss #anyways thats my favorite little guys who suffer tier list #i need to make a tier list for my blorbos and rank them based on suffering

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bxdtime-ceai · 2 months ago

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thinking about law school and im so excited to be back in an academic environment

#mine #im applying for 2025 fall sessions !!!!!#i dont think ill get into any of the best schools or the ones i want tbh but wherever i go im ready to study again #also to have a part time job instead of full time #“dont work in your first year of law school its overwhelming blah blah blah” have u considered im poor #my electricity bill went up 300% this month and i couldnt even afford to buy pads #they had to put me on a month union fee waiver too #companies are so mf greedy #whatever happens even tho ill be overwhelmed there is no future for me in which i am not working #i took a month off in between jobs and this is the thing i regret the most in my life #it was so expensive #and i didnt even do well on the lsat tho i studied everyday so it was basically a waste #“oh but you got to rest” no i didnt actually i was stressed af everyday and not getting any money #whats worse is my new job ive been working a month almost and still i wont get paid until mid november #im pinching pennies at this point #in debt bc of pads #now thats $14 i already didnt have but have even less #didnt realize my life would be a living example of why capitalism is bad #like i hear all these stories #didnt know that would be me #even tho ive struggled a lot in my life #but living on my own ive never done financially well #also was born in poverty which is great #my family had some money as i grew up tho so i experienced some comforts #i think im a weird person #rant in the tags

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orcelito · 3 months ago

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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍

Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.

But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.

I do need to eat. But... later...

#speculation nation #im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry #which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh #well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to #i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge #or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way #i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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jorvikzelda · 6 months ago

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adding this to the list of Severely fucking stupid absrad deaths

BUT!! (under cut so as to not Clog)

we fucking got there in the end baby

(did a couple tries for radiant, then was Swept Away by the Migraine. We’ll get there.)

#z talks #hk #hollow knight #uhhhh. yeah i sat and played for like 6 hours (with a lunch break). relevant is also that i Slept for 6 hours (max).#and the whole day i had a headache sneaking up on me and i was like. Nooooo it’d just a tension headache I don’t have any migraine symptoms #(voice of guy who’s stubbornly ignoring their light and sound sensitivity to keep fighting absrad)#And then eventually it. Got so bad i couldnt focus on the game anymore. And i was like. Ok thats it no more game.#And then went to pick up a package (literal 300m walk) Both bc it was the last day to pick it up And to be like ok. If this is a tension -#- headache itll get Better. If it’s a migraine itll get Worse.#I’m fine the walk THERE. But then about halfway home it’s fucking Go Time for the migraine lmfaoooooo #(it was also Hot. and Sunny.)#by the time i got home i was like a solid. 9. on the uh. 1-10 pain scale. GREAT.#anyway then i took my prescription sumatriptan BELOVED and it got better within the hour and now im down to like a . 1-2 #which is so insanely good like. that never happens to me even when i DONT have a migraine. LMAO #anyway. this has been the fucking. Daily ted talk about my chronic migraine #dont worry a 9 isnt. Well it is a lot. But it’s not NEW .#happens occasionally #it hurts a Fucking Lot #i didnt even clock it as a 9 at first i was like. god… why would an 8 hurt this bad…#and then i iced my head for 15 minutes and it got better and i could think better and was like. wait no THIS is the 8. THAT was a NINE #im just glad i have fucking medication for it now #before i had to survive on PARACETAMOL. didnt do jack shit #had i not had the sumatriptan i Would still be in that much pain and probably writhing in bed unable to sleep lmfao #unmedicated chronic migraine Not Fun. do not try at home.

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jvzebel-x · 1 year ago

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🦋

#seeing idiots phrase things re:biden as 'bUt TrUmP wOuLd bE wOrSe' 'hEd dO tHe SaMe tHiNg BuT kIlL pPl hErE tOo--'#makes me feel filthy. just reading the thought process makes me feel like i bathed in blood.#remember when biden first took office&ppl (ESP ppl from places w history being torn the fuck apart by usamerican presidents+policy)#were openly trepidatious about it bc trump had gone thru 2 separate secretary of defenses (one of which was fucking mad dog mattis)#specifically bc hes a toddler who couldnt sit thru meetings about international policy #while biden already had A Lot of history that left international blood all over his fucking hands #&ppl SCREAMED about 'WUT ABOUT US???? SO YOU JUST THINK WE SHOULD ALL DIE??? YOU JUST THINK WE SHOULD LET TRUMP KILL US ALL???'#'WE'RE JUST TRYING TO SAVE OURSELVES--'#the selfishness was palpable&disgusting when it was happening&seeing ppl in real time transmit that feeling directly into #'yeah theres a genocide going on BUT THINK ABOUT WHAT WE HAVE TO GO THRU WHAT YOU THINK TRUMP WOULD BE BETTER???#YOU WANT US ALL DEAD??? YOURE ALL SO MEAN. >:('#makes me feel disgust that i usually reserve exclusively for pigs+billionaires.#im glad nothing ever disappears on the internet. i hope these cunts are haunted by their centrism in the times that come.#palestine will be free and when historical revisionism tries to make all these ppl feel better about themselves by downplaying #their complicity in this horror there will be no running from their own fucking record of selfishness.

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danielnelsen · 10 months ago

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always fun to remind myself of the side effects of my thyroid meds

#the first time i treated my thyroid my endo was like ‘i havent had a patient who had this happen for a while so im due for one’ THANKS MAN #personal #im just waiting for it to hurry up and work. my health has PLUMMETED in the last week or so #im so sick and i can’t DO ANYTHING. including SLEEP. even if i was getting enough good sleep i was be exhausted but i’m not so.#the energy’s doing Great #and i’m so hungry all the time but also nauseous so all food is unappealing #genuinely have no idea how i made it through years 7-10 undiagnosed. no wonder i ended up with such a severe phobia of going to bed????????#i don’t have to worry about routine right now so it’s not as stressful (just horrible because i’m so tired) but i COULDNT SLEEP back then #im just relieved that this time it was found through a routine check rather than me getting a test because of symptoms #usually i test when my anxiety gets really bad in a specific way #but my anxiety isn’t bad this time. no panic attacks and also no migraines. those are all usually the worst to deal with #so comparatively this isn’t even a particularly bad episode?/relapse?/flare?#still more sick than i’ve been in……..years?#im not sure if covid was better or worse. but it was only really bad for a week #this’ll be worse overall because it’ll last a lot longer #hopefully only a month or two but that’s still a few months of my life that just vanish. cool!!!!!!!!!!!#and there wasn’t even a notable event to trigger it this time. first time was whooping cough and subsequent times have been things like—#starting uni and then the last 2 years of uni where i took 10 units in one year then overworked myself doing my thesis #im SLIGHTLY worried that maybe i’ve developed rheumatoid arthritis and that set it off because it’s also autoimmune #i should see my gp soon to get a general antibody test. my joint have been so bad it’s been hard to walk for quite a few months #idk man it all sucks. but for now at least i have my white blood cells (even if they’re literally the problem lmao)

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hecksupremechips · 10 months ago

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Posts about bpd need to stop being so damn relatable to me 🤨

#listen im not saying i must have bpd cuz of a bunch of relatable tumblr posts dont clutch your pearls on me #but hm im starting to get suspicious ajsjk #just been spending these past few months really digging into my deeply repressed memories and emotions and i keep discovering more and more #fucked up shit lol like first its being forced to acknowledge that i have a bit more than some ‘minor trauma’#and that ive actually just been like horribly abused like. my entire life and still am 😟#then it was like really trying to think about myself and what ive done to cope with abuse and like ive constructed an entire person #to just live as whenever im in the abusive situations and when i was removed from the situation for the first time ever #i had like a huge crash a huge crisis i both functioned way better than everyone said i would like suspiciously better #but also way worse at the same time #i could handle all the responsibilities of living alone i never once felt scared or homesick i was clean i was efficient i used money wisely #but i also felt like i was dying and i couldnt function when my persona dropped #cuz i didnt need to be that person anymore i could finally be me but then like. who even is me ive never gotten to find out #i dont know basic ways to behave i still have no clue how to exist or what i truly want vs what i pretended to want #its all completely muddled and its hard to explain that i cant tell whats genuine with me and whats fake #cuz ive been forced to live the fake shit my entire life you know? ive had to and i had to accept it #ive never gotten to make any of my own actual decisions and at the same time i have to decide everything for everyone else #im the parent of my parents but never was the child and the child is still there asking for attention but no one is there #then you know i had to return to the abuse and so its like i did get to taste freedom but not for long and i spent all my time in that #crisis mode so it wasnt exactly a fun filled time but being back here is much worse than before cuz now i know whats happening #and how i have to perform and its like how do i discover anything about myself in this kinda environment and no one understands the turmoil #the reason why something simple like wearing different shoes is so impossible for me #its just a horrible environment to be in i am in hell constantly ive no clue whats happening and im very obsessive over everything #aaaaghhhhhhh help girl help lol

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butcharyastark · 1 year ago

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finally got to the max and mrs. guthrie scenes in my rewatch and oh.... wait... i think drowning the cat might mean smth different than max acquiescing finally to the violence of colonial rule and abuse...

#see i thought its obviously abt max's worldview & the necessary evil of accepting standard violence to prevent worse unpredictable violence #i.e. appealing to the hand that feeds to stop it from beating. working w the colonial government as inevitable to stop harsher punishments.#but like. i said once before i think its also important to remember max is very good at telling ppl what they want to hear and its clear #that mrs guthrie wants to hear that max 1. can be ruthless #2. is capable of stopping the cycle in nassau (the cucle of the cat) aka not asking mrs guthrie to finance a worthless investment #and 3. relates to mrs guthrie specifically and she is a woman that casually wields her privilege #she wants max to do all those things and this time around watching i noticed the implications max regrets what happened in nassau #and considers her efforts to appeal to the higher power failed #and like. the way this convo is had w mrs guthries question 'which are you in this cycle?' and max's answer directly situated around where #the dude asks max where her slave laborers r in her accounts and max says she refuses to have any #and it feels rlly pointed #max says drown the cat but we know she HASNT. she passively accepts certain things w her power but doesnt actively step on ppl to get there.#she couldve casually used slave labor in nassau to get more money in her power but refuses unlike jack.#she couldve turned idelle and featherstone over easily when asked to gain her own safety but refused #she couldve killed or turned over silver so easily but said herself she couldnt live with it if she did #im not sure i buy she comes down this hard on the issue of drowning the cat even jaded after the raid & eleanors death & annes neardeath #i think she mightve been just telling mrs guthrie what she wanted to hear. that max was willing LIKE HER to use whatever privilege she had #access to to squash those beneath in favor of 'smart' ambition.#mrs guthrie is an aged eleanor. a rich white woman in the new world who bought her power by acquiescing to the few oppressions laid on her #by becoming the role of silent wife and mother to appeal to her husbands control and violence. and using the leverage she had left #being rich & white to control everything else. its what eleanor did securing her status becoming the colonial governors wife & helping him #w his violence. its what mrs guthrie asks max to do to prove to her that max is right for the investment she wants #and she refuses #idk thoughts full head many im turning max over in my mind in the salad spinner. i need to think more on it #black sails #my post

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redtailfins · 2 years ago

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ohh you fuck up the crows timeline? you remove the context and weight from iconic book scenes? jail for netflix, jail for netflix for a thousand years

#i'm malding so hard im turning into miette #shadow and bone #sorry for being a hater but fuck the crows plotline this season #why did you even have them here tbh if you have to speedrun the plot of crooked kingdom just to make them fit into the grisha trilogy #just dont! none of the scenes they ripped from crooked kingdom fucking work because none of the set up has happened #im having mixed feelings about immediately canonising wesper as well bc i love wesper so much but having them know each other and #immediately like each other removes a lot of the fun of them learning to discard their assumptions of each other #like jesper knowing wylan is a van eck before becoming romantically involved informs so much of their interactions and its like. urghgghgh #i've complained about this so much everywhere but its worse now that ive finished the season and had an ok time with the grisha trilogy stu #ff why couldnt they have left the crows out of it instead of stomping all over the books #ive seen some people say that a good adaptation doesnt have to be book accurate but you cant just rearrange scenes from the books however #you'd like because they stop working without the whole previous book of set up

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mxdotpng · 1 year ago

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we. as a community. are severally lacking in anything about richard and asbel trying to kill each other.

EDIT: these tags have become less and less about asbel and richard killing each other. i am so sorry. do not ask me to speak about anything ever this is exactly what happens every time.

#.text #ohhh i could fix them. are you listening to me?#i genuinely did enjoy graces (<- hasnt actually finished it yet) and i love it DEARLY but i NEED to overhaul everything #could you imagine? asbel's entire character is about wanting to save people. he wants to save everyone he can #he wants to save sophie. he wants to save richard. but nothing really comes from that #what if he had to learn he cant save people alone? he told richard at the beginning that he couldnt shoulder everything.#thats what asbel is there for. to help richard shoulder his burdens. but asbel never had to learn the same.#he always saw it as his Own duty to save others - its HIS duty to save sophie. its HIS duty to save richard.#there are no consequences to this- he doesnt run himself into the ground #or end up hurting his friends. he doesnt run off alone and have them chase him. proving that they are there to help him #shoulder the same burdens he helps richard with. sophie doesnt get worse for this and neither does richard.#what if he had to learn that there were different ways to save people? he had used direct action constantly. every single time.#but what if he had to face the fact that thats not what everyone wants let alone needs? if he were to learn that some people #can be saved by saving themself. or that some people can be saved just by speaking to them rather than #having their problems fixed for them. what then? or if he were to meet someone who just. couldnt be saved.#i do think richard should live at the end -- i really do like that. BUT.#i think asbel should have had a chance to learn that maybe the only way to save richard was to kill him.#maybe this happens -- i dont know yet. i stopped right before the ending i believe. but i dont think it does.#he is the one to constantly. constantly. try to help others. and seek ways to help others. he doesnt know his place in the world #but when he can help someone find theirs. or help someone make sure they Stay here. he feels like he has one.#that his existence. him being saved. was not a mistake. and that he is meant to be here.#but i think i would have liked to see him learn that in some cases. some very tragic cases. there is salvation in death.#plus i think. it wouldve been nice to have someone tell asbel that sometimes people Cant get help. sometimes #the only way they can be saved is if they save themselves. because it means so Much. so many different things #it happens to sophie and richard and i feel like it should have happened to asbel too. its evident he does not care about #himself as much as he should. he has not forgiven himself for something that happened as a child. and he doesnt forgive himself for #things out of his control too. he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders -- except that weight is self imposed. and it is going #to kill him one of these days. it Should. there shoulf be consequences.#i dont knoww i just think the themes of the game kind of miss because of how little theyre actually implimented throughout the game #even though i enjoyed it SOOOO much genuinely. i really did.

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newvegascowboy · 2 years ago

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#not fallout #kal talks #negative #tbd #but man.#whenever i hit an anxiety spiral it really fucks with my appetite to the point that ill go days without eating much #like i can manage 1200 calories over 3 days #its not anxiety /about/ eating its iust that im anxious so i have no appetite and eating is really difficult #ive lost another four pounds #i can see my hipbones and my ribs #ive already got a borderline ED and struggle with food avoidance and it really concerns me that this could trigger fullblown anorexia #i think the reason ive been struggling with art and lethargy the last few days is because i havent eaten much #and im fucking tired all the time #and it doesn't help that my mom keeps pointing out how skinny ive gotten #covid made me lose weight and then the thing in march happened snd i couldnt eat for like 2 weeks #October and November were high spikes in anxiety for me too and i could barely manage anything #but like. christ. i can feel my heart beating and how i keep getting lightheaded from standing up and that always happened #but i feel like its gotten worse #fuck man idk. im not underweight for my height but its just the fact that i have not managed to eat much in the last 3-4 days #long ass complicated rant over im gonna delete this later.

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domesticated-pirate · 2 years ago

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happy one year anniversary of My Mum Saying The Worst Part Of My Grandma's Funeral Was Not Burying Her But The Fact That I Was There And She Wished I Hadn't Gone To The Funeral At All to me

#(my mum forgot/moved on from this in like a month and has since pretended it never happened - so thats also fun)#personal #vent #so i guess it's kind fitting that this year im sat alone #crying #trying to work out whether my sister is gonna feel worse if i go to her bday thing or if i dont #and its all my fault because i dont drive #but theres no winning #i didnt look at trains bc my mum told my sister she would pick me up #then mum called and said she cant pick me up (i said this would happen last week)#so i tried looking up trains but theres a fucktonne of engineering works this weekend #and my sister is out this evening so i couldnt call them so i tried messaging to meet at theirs tmr morning to get a lift #and they just said they want tomorrow to be a nice chill day and that we can do something another time if im going to be stressed or grumpy #and now i cant tell if they dont want me there and just dont want to say or what #im just so tired of being unloveable and having to pretend like i dont notice or care that i am #(i guess at least this is happening now and not next week when i have a 2 day heart monitor #bc this would be fucking with those results)

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