#couldn't come up with the context for a joke for the life of me

[finalfivecarts]

On today's game of Jeopardy, lets play: What is Shen Jiu reacting to⁉️

[manmadejoyswithinmycomprehension]

would u write anything for homicipher’s mc (Adami) x gn reader…IM STARVING!!! I leave it up to ur imagination

HELL YEAHHHHHHHHH would you believe me if I said I did it already :3 a bit slow burn-ish, I cannot write without a fuck ton of context but enjoy mc saving u from Mr. Stitch bwhwwhhewhheqhhehwehwhehwheb I love her sm

You didn't know how you ended up there or when it happened. It just did. It took you a while to comprehend where exactly you had been transported. Hoping to meet someone else in this worn down place, you aimlessly wandered through the empty rooms and hallways. Coincidentally, you saw another man - tall, with a red jacket and furry hood. He rounded a corner and out of your sight, which prompted you to run after him without thinking of the consequences. As he passed by a door, it slammed open, and a pale hand dragged him in, the blood of the innocent man instantly splattering all over the floor and the surrounding surfaces. You cover your mouth and let out a small squeak before seeking shelter.

Thankfully, you found a pair of scissors lying around. That should come in handy! Shivering, cold, and distraught, you went slower this time, looking for human activity and someone worthy of your trust. A loud rumble echoed throughout the entire place, making tears well up in your eyes from the powerful scare. Was this your end? The hallway you were exploring split into two, and you ran back into an adjacent room. It seemed cleaner than the others, the wallpaper still mostly intact, a bed and a dusty table. On the bed sat a girl with short, white hair and blood stains in her raincoat. Oh, God. This is it. You're gonna die just like that man. You could just hope it was painless.

The figure croaked out something that you couldn't understand. It seemed to try two languages before finally deciding on just one. It pointed at you, repeating a word multiple times before the message was received by your disheveled mind: "You." She was saying "You." Then, she pointed to herself. "Me." Back then, you didn't know that "You" and "Me" would become so important later on.

You sat down on the floor, in front of her, looking up at the stained raincoat and the dirty crowbar that lay on the bed next to her hip.

"Me? You?" you said, moving your hands to check if you understood well. Her nod confirms your suspicions. Then, she points to different objects in the room and demonstrates how the language works. It felt like a breath of fresh air, having someone talk to you like an equal, in a place where you had been so violently proven that your life meant nothing. The bond had already started forming.

It only took a few hours for you to learn that primitive way of communication, and you started teaching her bits and pieces of your human language while she did the same for you. Using this, she introduced herself: Adami. Such a beautiful name... It had an exquisite ring, compared to the rough sounds of the ghostly people.

Soon, it became all about "You" and "Me." At first, you'd brush against her for comfort when a new entity approached. Then, slowly, she'd be the one to hold your hands when you were scared or when Mr. Gap appeared out of nowhere. "You, me, go together," "you, me, stay together" or "you, me, rest together."" It was sweet, having someone protect you in such a world. You didn't have the guts to question your relationship. Perhaps you were her comfort, maybe she saw in you what she once was. You were her anchor when she lost her temper, and she was your shield when a threat was nearby.

Nothing was clear to you. Friends did all of this, too, right? You were walking hand in hand, giggling at a joke Adami made when Mr. Stitch blocked your path.

"Me bored. Want fun?"

"No." she cuts him off furiously, shoving past him.

"Want fun! Want fun together them!"

The deranged ghost grips your arm, pulling you towards him as Adami holds onto your fingers.

"Them will not! You should leave!"

However silly this game of tug-o-war looked to an outsider, you were beyond frightened. Mr. Stitch was obviously not into the fun a normal person would resort to on a bad day. He was into the kind of fun that serial killers sought when sending body parts to the police. It was clear Adami couldn't help you - she'd hurt you in the process. Mr. Stitch ripped you from her arms, throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of meat and ran off to God knows where. He hid you in the Cloth Monster's room, wrapping you in the long curtains that decorated it. Giggling, he gripped your throat and slithered the soft material around it, torturing you as he loosened and tightened it. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you gasped for air when the door slammed open.

Coughing when your lungs could finally expand again, your vision was still blurred when Mr. Stitch transformed into a jumbled up mass of meat right before you. A trembling hand ripped off the fabric and you felt the familiar presence of Adami engulfing you in a hug.

"Me scared..."

Your heart throbbed wildly as you returned the tender embrace, removing her hood to get a closer look at her features. No matter how much she transformed, her eyes were always full of warmth when she gazed at you.

"Love... You and me together... Me love you..." she whispers, her free hand tilting your face up. Adami gets closer, giving you the choice to accept or reject her. You instantly press your lips together, your bodies melting into each other as you let your feelings overflow, your only regret being that you hadn't seen it sooner.

It didn't take long for the other residents to pick up on what was going on between the two of you. Moreover, Adami didn't even look at the cold, metallic doors of the elevator with the same curiosity as she did when she first descended into the other world. To her, it now meant separation, as you two would return to your respective places on Earth. What good was the freedom of humanity, when there was nothing left of her without you? At first, you thought she might want to go back to her old life, yet she always held your hand tighter. "You, me... together here."

[ghsface]

bro I love ur writing so much idk if this is how you request but tbh idgaf anyways. anyway can you write something abt Matt x reader at a party and doing some page 136 icebreaker shit? (I think that’s the page but idc) anyway yeah ilyy 😍😍😘

New Message ✮⋆˙

hey pretty, ngl I didn't read that book but I looked up what that page of the book is about and OMG THAT WAS HOT ngl, I tried to do something similar because I don't know the context very well, I hope you like it, ily too<33

I hate you - Matt Sturniolo

Sumary: You decide to provoke Matt at a party...

Warnings: smut +18 orgasm denial, teasing, sexual tension, explicit content, semi public sex, unprotected sex (don't do it), p in v, oral f receiving, dom!matt x fem!reader, hate sex?, I don't think I've forgotten anything, if I do, let me know.

A/n: ngl at first i liked it but now i hate it i don't know why like i love it but at the same time i hate it ugh i hate that feeling yk, i trying my best i hope you like it anon, and thanks for the request!!, my first language is not English, so I'm sorry if there is something wrong or things that are not understood.

⛧°。 ⋆༺ ✮ ༻⋆。 °⛧

You arrived at the Sturniolo triplets’ house with a mix of excitement and nervousness. Nick had mentioned that he, you, and Chris were going to a party, and the thought of hanging out with them cheered you up, especially since Matt, Nick’s brother, wasn’t going to be there. For as long as you could remember, you and Matt had been mortal enemies, the competition between you was fierce, and every interaction always ended in insults and challenging glares. Looking at your reflection in the mirror, you got ready for the night, hoping that your outfit would make you feel like the best version of yourself.

You had gotten ready in Nick’s room, enjoying the time you spent with him and Chris, who joked around with each other as they waited for you. Finishing up, you made sure to take one last look in the mirror before heading downstairs. As you opened the door, however, a familiar laugh made you frown. Matt was sitting on the couch, his mocking expression already in place.

“Are you really going out with that? You look like a desperate," Matt said, with that provocative look you knew so well.

Your instinct was to ignore him, but you couldn't help but let out a frustrated sigh.

"Didn't you say he was staying home?" you shot back, looking for Nick's gaze.

Nick, who was about to respond, stopped when he noticed the tense atmosphere between you.

"You know, I couldn't miss this party," Matt said, raising his hands in a gesture of false innocence. "Besides, I wanted to see you make a fool of yourself."

"As if you were the best example of behavior," you replied, crossing your arms over your chest. "You're a fucking annoying bastard."

Matt smiled maliciously, enjoying the challenge you offered him.

"I've always thought it's my job to screw up your life."

"You don't have a job, you're just an idiot," you replied, gritting your teeth as you tried to stay calm.

Nick, visibly amused by their daily fights, decided to intervene.

“Guys, please, can you stop fighting, at least for tonight? If you have so many problems, fix them in bed.”

The two of you stayed silent, the tension palpable.

“Nick wtf” you said indignantly, and confused as to why Nick said that.

“It's just a joke, but if you really have so many problems, fix them somehow,” Nick said, laughing.

“You know we're going to go now because we'll be late.” You felt caught between your desire to continue arguing and your desire to leave things like that. Finally, you decided not to let Nick's joke affect you anymore.

“Come on, let's go now!” you exclaimed, gesturing to get out, knowing that Nick and Chris would follow you.

In the car, the atmosphere was tense. You sat next to Nick, feeling like Matt was shooting daggers at you from the driver's seat every time he stopped the car for a stoplight. You couldn't help but feel his intense gaze on you in the rearview mirror, but you chose to ignore it, focusing on the music Chris had turned on.

During the ride, the conversation between Nick and Chris flowed, while you did your best to stay away from the conversation, thinking about how awkward that night would be. However, deep down, there was a spark of excitement. The idea of ​​going to a party always put you in a good mood, and even if Matt was there, you wouldn't let him ruin your night.

Arriving at the party, you were the first to get out of the car and enter the party, leaving the boys behind you. When you entered, the energy of the crowd was contagious. You headed towards the bar, looking for something to drink. You ordered a few drinks, and within minutes, you felt the tension of the day begin to fade away.

After a couple of drinks, the atmosphere was more relaxing. You looked around, looking for Matt, although you didn't know why you were looking for him. When you found him, he was chatting with Chris, but his gaze landed on you immediately, like a hunter stalking his prey. The way he looked at you made you nervous and, at the same time, provoked you. A stupid idea crossed your mind.

You decided it was time to play. You walked towards the dance floor, letting the rhythm of the music envelop you. With sensual movements, you began to dance, feeling Matt's gaze intensify from a distance. The game had begun, and you wanted him to feel it. You touched your body provocatively.

It wasn't long before you approached a boy who was dancing near you. Without a second thought, you pulled him towards you, moving with a magnetism that you knew would irritate Matt in some way. With each twist and turn, you noticed how his expression became darker and angrier.

"Do you like what you see?" you mouthed and threw Matt a wink from across the dance floor, enjoying the discomfort you were causing.

As you got closer to the boy, his hands wrapped around your waist and ran down your body, and the closeness was electric, he was a cute boy but he was definitely not your type. You felt like Matt couldn't take his eyes off you at any time. With each movement, you grew more confident, enjoying the provocation you were causing him.

Suddenly, you felt a firm hand grab your arm, and you didn't need to look to know who it was. Matt was staring at you with a mix of anger and desire, dragging you off the dance floor into an empty room.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he said, slamming the door shut behind you.

"I was just dancing with a friend, do you have a problem with that?" I replied, crossing my arms in a defiant gesture. "Did you think I was going to stand there with my arms crossed while you stared at me like you wanted to kill me?"

"You're provoking me, and you know it," he said, slowly approaching, his voice low and full of tension. "You in your damn dress and the way that guy touched you."

You felt powerful and vulnerable at the same time. You knew the tension between you had been building up for years, and now it was on the verge of exploding.

"Are you jealous Matt?" you challenged, smirking. Let me get one thing straight, you shouldn't be bothered by who I talk to or dance with.

"I'm going to show you who you belong to." He whispered in your ear and before you could protest he kissed you.

He found you against the wall, his lips crushing against yours in a fierce kiss that seemed to distill all the rage pent up between you. It was an uncontrolled kiss, full of passion and hatred, and the line between the two of you quickly blurred. When you finally broke apart, you were both panting.

“I hate you so much,” he murmured, his breathing ragged as his eyes fixed on you with an intense heat. “But at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Your response was almost automatic. “Then fuck me like you hate me.”

He didn’t wait any longer. He led you to the bed in the bedroom, and his hands began to roam your body, leaving a trail of kisses in their wake. Every kiss and every touch was a declaration of war and desire, and there was no turning back.

He took you into a whirlwind of sensations. He began to undress you slowly, as if he was enjoying every second, every little victory. The friction between rage and desire was palpable in the air, as if the room was about to explode. His hands explored every corner of your body, letting desire take over both of you.

“You’re a fucking nightmare,” he whispered as his lips moved down your neck.

“And you’re an idiot,” I replied, feeling the rage you used to feel transform into overwhelming desire.

Your body trembled with anticipation as Matt kept his gaze fixed on you, desire burning in his eyes. The tension between you had reached a breaking point. Boiling, and there was no turning back.

Anticipation grew as his hands slid down your sides, his lips leaving a trail of soft kisses on your abdomen. “I’m going to make you feel good,” he promised, his tone a mix of certainty and defiance. But there was a warning in his gaze. He knew he wanted to play, and so did you.

Matt lowered himself slowly, his breath warm against your skin. It took you by surprise when his mouth closed around you. An involuntary moan escaped your lips as his tongue worked beautifully, licking and sucking with a skill that made you lose control. The way he looked at you, with those eyes filled with desire, made you feel more vulnerable and aroused at the same time.

The combination of his attention and the growing pleasure brought you to the edge, but just when you felt like you were about to explode, Matt stopped.

“I’m not going to let you finish that easy, baby,” he said in a whisper, looking up, and his eyes were filled with a mix of anger and desire.

At that moment, you felt like you were capable of anything. The rage that had built up for so long turned into pure lust. You gave yourself to him, letting yourself be carried away by the sensations he offered you.

“You’re a fucking nightmare,” he murmured, his fingers playing with the fabric of your dress as he slowly pulled it up, exposing the skin of your tits. The room was permeated with an air charged with defiance and attraction, every movement between you causing a spark that could ignite the flame at any moment.

It took your breath away when his mouth found yours again. It was a fierce kiss, full of desperation and rage, every brush of his lips was like a reminder of all the battles you had fought in the past. He pushed you further into the pillows, his body pressing against yours, making a mix of pleasure and frustration run down your spine.

Matt pulled away for a moment, his assessing gaze sweeping over every inch of you. He knew he was in control. He held you tight, trapping your hands above your head and holding them firmly in place. The feeling of being completely at his mercy turned you on in a way you hadn’t anticipated.

“You’re not getting away today,” he said, whispering in your ear as his warm breath sent a shiver down your spine. Then, he moved down again, his lips trailing kisses down your neck, each touch making you want more.

Matt’s hands roamed your body with meticulous precision, exploring every corner and curve as you tried to control the desire building inside you. The way he touched you was both a punishment and a pleasure, each brush of his fingers a reminder of how much he’d wanted this, how much you’d both wanted this.

His mouth continued its descent, leaving warm kisses on your chest. Every time his tongue brushed your skin, you felt like you were on the brink of insanity. But Matt had no intention of letting you go so easily. When his lips found your breast, he sucked hard, marking his territory as you gave yourself over to the mix of pain and pleasure.

“You’re as stupid as you are beautiful,” he said between gasps, the tone of his voice heavy with contempt and desire, as his hands slid down your hips. You squirmed against him, seeking more, wanting what had begun to become something even more intense.

He released you for an instant, just so he could strip you completely, each piece of clothing falling to the floor as a symbol of your surrender. The feeling of being vulnerable before him, exposed and desired, awakened a side in you that only he could provoke.

Matt stood up, looking at you with that mix of defiance and desire that drove you crazy. He approached you again, and with a quick movement, he pushed you down onto the bed, causing you to fall onto the soft surface. He leaned over you, his body covering yours, the pressure of his weight making you feel trapped and aroused.

“Now I’m going to show you who’s boss here,” he declared, his eyes locked on yours with an intensity that made the air between you seem charged with electricity.

Without further ado, Matt plunged into you, filling you with his body as the room filled with sounds of passion and desperation. Every movement was a mix of strength and gentleness, as he entered you with a brutality that only he could combine with an almost fierce devotion.

Amidst broken whispers and gazes filled with desire, you feel how both of you leave behind any trace of arrogance or defiance, allowing yourselves to feel the pleasure, although neither of you admit it, you have always wanted. Matt intertwines his fingers with yours, holding you tightly as he continues to look at you with an intensity that makes you shudder.

“You drive me crazy,” he finally murmurs, with a sincerity that momentarily breaks through all the hatred between you.

Moans escaped your lips without you being able to contain them, and with each thrust, rage and desire intertwined in a wild dance. Matt kept up the pace, his hands squeezing your wrists as he penetrated you with unwavering fervor, making it clear to you who was in charge.

“Tell me,” he commanded, his voice low and husky as his body crashed into yours, the sound of his skin against yours echoing in the room. “Who do you belong to?”

“You,” you answered, each word laden with surrender as your body moved in unison with his, feeling the line between pleasure and pain blur.

“Say it again,” he demanded, increasing the pace as his thrusts became deeper, more frantic. The room was filled with whispers and sighs, each sound fueling the unbridled passion that burned between you.

“You,” you repeated, each word an echo of your desire, the recognition that everything you had felt for him was coming to the surface in this explosion of madness.

“Good girl,” Matt says with a arrogant smile

The friction between your bodies was intense, and each thrust brought you closer to climax. The mix of pleasure and rage was intoxicating, and you couldn’t help it, desire taking over you, making you forget everything but the present moment. In an instant of pure connection, feeling the barriers that had existed between you melt away, you let the pleasure sweep you away, allowing the world around you to fade away.

Matt finally found his own climax, his eyes locked on you, filled with a mix of triumph and insatiable desire. The two of you found yourselves in a whirlwind of sensations, each of you taking the other to new levels of pleasure and surrender.

When you finally stopped, both of you panting, the room was filled with a silence laden with meaning. You knew that nothing would ever be the same again, that the line that had once separated your hatred from desire had been blurred forever.

⛧°。 ⋆༺ ✮ ༻⋆。 °⛧

your reblogs and replies are always appreciated dearly, and feel free to leave a request ✮

Tags... @bsturnzmtt @leannking @sturniololover69 @bells-sturn @sturnedits <3

[dear-ao3]

Question for the mods....

HOW IN THE FUCK DID YOU MEET???

Like what???

How??

I am so god damn curious about you two. I wanna study yall under a microscope lol

Also ngl kinda envious of how close of friends you two seem to be. (Being an introverted shy af mofo sucks lmao)

I would actually probably read a whole ass book or watch a sitcom or something of the seemingly ever present weird-ass shit that seems to happen on a day-by-day basis.

/gen /lh /nf /pos

2018 newsies fandom. we weren't overly close but we bonded over race and albert a little and then katya dropped off the face of the earth for about a year.

during 2020 lockdown we both independently got into the witcher fandom and somehow ran into eachother again and had the fingers pointing OH MY GOD Y O U !!! moment in our dms. we bonded over hating jaskier. during this time we realized we were both dancers and katya was looking at dance colleges, i was already in college for dance and since it was lockdown and we couldn't go anywhere i told katya my experience auditioning at places to give him a good idea of places. and then i broke every internet safety rule known to man and said hey what if you had applied to my college but didnt know it?? and then one thing led to another and i dished out all the tea on my school. (only After that did we face reveal and give eachother our names lol) and then katya applied. mostly as a joke. until it wasnt a joke because that school gave katya a shit load of money and actually had stuff katya wanted to do. katya ended up coming to one of my zoom ballet classes and it took everything we had to not loose our shit on camera.

during this time we mostly kept eachother sane in lockdown writing witcher fanfic, and sending eachother awful thirst traps on instagram to pitbull music. one of our awful bits was using the dilf filter to make bad frat boy edits.

come august of 2021 we both moved into college. the same college. in the same building. it was wild. i pinched myself several times in shock. we went on a walk around campus with some worms on strings and were like what the hell how did we get here.

we continued to hang out and did weird insane things together. we took a class on the french revolution together where i had to put up with katya and fennec awkwardly flirting (read: making finger guns at eachother).

and then, since i was 2 years older, i was graduating and was going to stay in the area for a job and was like hey. what if we got an apartment together? and then we did. several adults agreed to this. idk why they let us. but now we live together in a real life apartment and we haven't even killed eachother yet. neither of our parents know that we met online. each of them have a different fake story as to how we know eachother and we really just hope they are never in the same room long enough to ask eachother about it. but its insane. 12/10 would recommend.

katya wanted me to include old tumblr screenshots of us talking, heres what i found from circa 2020:

we've always been like this lol

and heres some ancient greatest hits from instagram, i dont have context and trust me you dont want it:

every now and then the two of us look at eachother and go. how the fuck did we end up here??? (we have no idea)

[celaenaeiln]

Okay but you can’t just say “I'm not going to get into their brother relationship because that involves how Alfred treats Dick as a son rather than a grandson and is opening a whole new mansion of stuff so I'm going to wrap this up here” and not follow up with another post because that’s just cruel 😔😞 (aka this is me saying I really like & enjoy reading your interpretations and I need more of them HEHE)

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Thank you!!!! <3333

I love thinking about how Alfred treats Dick more of a son than a grandson because their relationship is different from Alfred's relationship with the other kids. Furthermore, it also explains a bunch of his actions.

First of, I know when everyone saw that Alfred had left Dick his entire inheritance they went "What the fuck." There were a bunch of jokes and questioning about why Alfred would do that and a lot of people have wrote it off as Tom Taylor's writing. But here's the thing. Tom Taylor has done a lot of stupid stuff in terms of characterization but he's done quite a few things right and one of them was adequately explaining Dick and Alfred's relationship.

I don't know how many people can read cursive but it says, "I invested much of this wisely and ethically...In fact, I planned to come to you for advice. Like Bruce, your mind is astonishing. You are a problem-solver and the world is full of problems." (There's actually panel during one of Dick and Slade's fight I have saved so lemme know if you or anyone is interested in Dick's innovativeness and how it makes his a terrifying opponent.)

Let me pause right there. This is Alfred's life savings. It's every piece of penny he's saved and every minute of his life is in that money. On top of what he says about Dick's intellect-and I agree and can prove it-he must've loved and trusted Dick an extraordinary amount to do this.

Alfred goes on to say, "I couldn't think of better hands to leave this fortune in. I believe you will see this, not as a personal gain, but as an opportunity. Because I believe in Dick Grayson."

He continues praising him and- HERE IT IS- "I am so very proud to call you my son."

DICK IS ALFRED'S SON.

This is the cleanest, clearest panel where he explicitly says it.

Hold on-this is the cleanest panel that says it? Wait a minute, let me retract that:

"Master Bruce was my son for a while. And then there was you."

THIS MOMENT HAS BEEN BUILDING UP ON US FOR YEARS. Tom Taylor wasn't doing lip service, he was just writing the inevitable!

I swear there's a panel where Dick refers to Alfred as his dad...

*Record scratch* WHAT DID ALFRED CALL DICK? WHAT DID DICK CALL ALFRED?

THIS IS WHY I LOVE THEM!!! THEY ARE GLORIOUS, BRILLIANT, UNDERRATED, AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE FULL EXTENT OF EITHER OF THEIR ABILITIES, LOVE, OR DEPTH OF EMOTIONS.

THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL.

Take the Ric Grayson arc for another example.

Background context: Dick-Ric-was sleeping on the counter and all of a sudden he was startled out of a nightmare thus accidentally ending up bumping into the guy next to him who was drinking. Of course the guy doesn't mind only because it's Dick but anyways, here Alfred makes his entrance. Another thing I love about about this interaction is this is one of the few times Alfred has ever admitted to being in the military. The only other time I can think of him openly saying that is when he's slapping Bruce around.

The worry in the man's eyes for his wayward son...when Bea is snarking with Dick about his tab Alfred decides to pay for him instead.

LOOK AT HIS EYES AS HE SAYS GOOD NIGHT! THE AMOUNT OF EMOTION HE HAS IN THEM IS PURE PERFECTION. THE MAN JUST WANTS HIS SON TO COME BACK.

Not to mention, Alfred adores Dick in a way he didn't even with Bruce.

"For a long time I would dread coming down to this dark hellhole. But the advent of young Grayson has forced an alteration in my attitude. The masters have made much progress in these few short months. I was opposed initially to the recruitment of the lad in Master Bruce's self-appointed 'War on Crime.' But I am prepared to admit my error. Master Richard has mad a difference for the better to our lives."

This is HUGE. Coming from Alfred, this is massive because Alfred LOATHES Bruce's "War on Crime." How much?

So much that he slapped Bruce bloody for it.

The pseudo-father and son beat each other to pieces over it. So after years of Alfred hating Bruce for what he's done, for him to say he only accepts it because of Dick-because of Dick's personality-is enormous praise and accomplishment.

Alfred loves Dick in a way he doesn't love anyone else. And before I get flamed by people for suggesting Alfred loves Dick more than Bruce, I want to say he loves Dick as much as Bruce but in a different manner. He doesn't see Dick as a grandchild who needs to be coddled and softened, he sees Dick as a son he can spoil and cherish.

Him paying off the tab was not only an act of kindness, but it mimicks the way a rich father gives everything to his youngest son. Bruce was the first born he raised but Dick was the baby of their family. This also ties in with how Bruce doesn't see Dick as just him son like he does with the others. To Bruce, they are just as much brothers as anything else.

When Bruce fires Dick from Robin after two-face, Alfred couldn't take it lightly. Dick wasn't just the light of Bruce's life, he was the fucking sun to Alfred's.

I started crying when I read this because the emotions and the pain he's feeling is so visceral. A man who has been MI5 and SAS (Special Airforce Service), who has fought wars, who has fought his son, lost his best friends, is breaking down alone at the top of the stairs over not having Dick as Robin.

You might think that's not all that sad. Worse things have happened. You're overreacting.

Tears are literally streaming down my face as I'm writing this review. Rudolph nose and ugly bloodstained eyes complete with it.

Can you ever imagine loving someone so much?

Crying in silence with a steady voice to never let them know your sorrow?

But sure, sure, he's cried when others were killed like this so I'll go into other special things.

Some of his best moments are with Dick:

The pure adoration in his eyes as he watches his young son go 'flap' 'flap' 'flap' with his older brother's too big cloathes.

He's laughing! Do you know the only times he laughs or grins like that?

That's right-with Bruce! With his other son.

With Dick, he laughs, gets angry, and actually shows interest in things not related to people's health. Dick humanizes Alfred.

Who is the only other person Alfred has gotten mad at? Oh yeah. Bruce.

There's another panel where Alfred just sits by his bedside holding his hand.

It's the little things that matter is a lie. When it comes to Dick, Alfred does things in fighter jet air shows level of affection which he learned just for this during his SAS days.

Their shared interests & mutual understanding

People always think Dick and Alfred have nothing in common between them. Dick is excitable, bouncy, and some other adjective while Alfred is calming, stoic, and butler-y. They actually forget that Dick and Alfred canonically bond of plays. Dick, as I said before, is a massive theater nerd. He loves plays. He really wanted to see that shakespeare play and Alfred said he would take him because he knows people there and then went on to complain about how his brother didn't even drop by to see him. I love their interactions because Dick brings out a different side to Alfred.

Das Rheingold was a German musical drama that was performed as a single opera at the National Theatre Munich. This is the link if you're interested in reading a short synopsis of this complicated play by the Metropolitan Opera. It's like a mix of "The Lord of the Rings" and "The Rings of Power."

Also the fact that Alfred is tying his tie like a father would tie his son's.

I know they make a crack out of it by using Bugs Bunny (Bugs Bunny is a fantastic cartoon! I grew up on it!) but Alfred knows that Dick loves opera and theater and is only asking if this particular play will suit his interests. Okay, great, we know Dick likes theater. You've said that and posted about it before. But how do we know Alfred likes it too and not just because he's British and posh and whatnot?

He has preformed at the London Theater, and this is another way he connects to Dick emotionally. When Dick complains about being Batman, Alfred is the one that tells him:

This is something Alfred understands about Dick that absolutely no one in the family does.

The two of them are show people. They know how to play the role they were given, and they know how to play it well. No one suspects Alfred the Butler of ruthlessly using firearms and no one suspects Dick the Light of the Universe to ruthlessly to manipulate allies.

Dick knows this about Alfred too and never presses for any answers. When Alfred's pulling out a bullet from Dick and performing high level medical techniques he should know nothing about, Dick asks him, "Where did you learn all this, Alfred." To which Alfred responds, "You would be amazed at what you can pick up by watching the Discovery Channel." Dick just gives a pained laugh retorts about his wonderful bedside manners.

They know.

What Alfred sees in Dick is a pure goodness that can't be emulated. He loves his son for how absolutely good he is and is devastated when Dick can't be with him. Of everyone, Dick is the one Alfred is closest to. Other members have their moments with him but no one continually seeks out his presence just for the fact they like him aside from Dick. The rest treat him as an important side character, not a parent. And Alfred responds to that devotion with overwhelming love of his own.

Alfred and Bruce's optimism comes bundled up in the form of Dick. It's stunning how it's always Alfred of all people who admits this. Alfred who isn't supposed to show favoritism or bias is the one that consistently acknowledges how important Dick is to the family and him. This solidifies the fact that Dick is Alfred's favorite.

Other moments that differentiate Dick and Alfred's relationship:

We're pretty familiar with this and many of us have laughed it off when Alfred scolded Dick (also Dick looks hot af here). But can you imagine even anyone else playfully mocking Alfred? THIS. BOY. IS. SPECIAL. Alfred doesn't even blink twice at the address, indicating how typical it is for Dick to act that way with him. You only do that to people you're best friends with.

Casual comfort, the two of them.

Dick and Bruce were brothers and how that ties into Alfred:

Adding to my "Light of Bruce's life" Robin Dick canon, Alfred told Dick that Bruce "would have self-distructed if he hadn't met me and learned responsibility. I made him laugh, and he was like the greatest big brother you could ever imagine...it was our town."

Bruce and Dick are so damn codependent.

Bruce would not have survived without Dick. That's all there is to it.

Robin Dick was the light shining through rain clouds, the glitter in the air, the angel with golden wings, the giggling sweetheart to Alfred and Bruce. He was sunshine, love, and joy and the men both adored, thrived, and cherished him for it.

And if Dick and Bruce were brothers then Alfred was Dick's father and he was Alfred's son.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for calling my friend spoiled?

So my friend still lives with her parents. She is 27 years old and still has dinner cooked for her every night, has her parents clean her room, has them do her laundry, etc. They only just asked her this month to pay some money towards house bills like internet etc and she complained for hours about them “stealing her money”. Now being spoiled isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s great her parents are willing to still do all that for her. The problem is my friend tells anyone and everyone that her parents are abusive.

To be honest she’s pretty bad at remembering events accurately. For example someone will give her constructive criticism, she’ll be a little upset, then with each retelling and the more time that passes she’ll build it up and up in her head until it becomes “this person SCREAMED INSULTS at me” and she’ll be genuinely distressed over it. She genuinely remembers stuff this way, she’s not lying exactly. She’s been upset with me over stuff I’ve supposedly said or done and when I’ve asked her to find the conversation she’s talking about in chat logs etc she’ll look back and realise it never happened or it was said completely differently and then she’ll be shocked and apologise.

The stuff with her parents is the same kind of deal. We’ll be on call, I’ll hear her dad calmly say “Can you put your clothes away in the bathroom please?”, and by the time she’s back she’ll be upset and ask me “Did you hear my dad scream that at me?”

She tells all our friends that her parents are abusive and constantly screaming at her and forcing her to do stuff.

For context as to why this upsets me a bit, I grew up in a hellishly abusive household. Not going to get into details but it went as far as having knives held to me, having my fingers broken, being homeless for almost a year. So hearing her call her parents abusive all the time when they do so much for her and treat her so well and all our friends offering support and joking they'll fight her parents really frustrates me. I watch her and her dad chase each other down the driveway to give each other hugs and I feel so envious of how comfortable and good their relationship is.

I recently stayed with her for a few months while I recovered from a surgery over Christmas and. it just got worse from there.

On Christmas she got more presents than I've ever seen in my LIFE. Her parents got ME more gifts than I've ever gotten! One gift she threw out the instructions and then got frustrated she couldn't work it, and in front of me she called her mom through, and snapped at her that her gift didn't work and it was useless. Her mom apologised and asked if she should return it, and my friend was just like "Well it's too late now isn't it!" I was just sitting there in shock because it felt so rude and ungrateful

The other night we were with friends and she was telling them about how her dad had made a joke about her being spoiled. She turned to me and said “AM I spoiled?” in a way that clearly expected me to say no and back her up.

I just kind of snapped and had enough and I said “Honestly? You’re one of the most spoiled people I’ve ever met.”

I said it in a kind of light-hearted tone and she played it off like a joke, but she seemed really mad I’d said it in front of our friends considering she’s been telling them how bad they are all this time.

Since then I’ve had a couple of our friends come to me and ask what her family is really like and I’ve said I don’t feel right talking to them about it if my friend doesn’t want me to, but it’s made me wonder if I was an asshole for saying it considering it’s clearly made our friends distrust her word now. And they potentially realised I wasn’t joking with the fact they’ve come to ask me privately about it.

AITA for saying it in the way and situation I did?

What are these acronyms?

[sunnebeam]

neon lights.

A 'CITY OF LIGHTS' DRABBLE.

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

warnings: gangster squad au, cheating (kinda, please read the previous drabbles for better context), toxic relationship, mentions of mafia shit

masterlist + disclaimers.

note: no smut? in a sunnebeam drabble?? who is she???? 😭 lol but here's the next col drabble. the plot is plotting, if i might say so myself :> let me know ur thoughts! and as always, feedback & reviews are my sustenance

— prev – backstreet buildings. | next – thunder & rain.

Things weren't always like this.

Believe it or not, there was a time when you liked Kim Taehyung. Heck, you could even say there was a short minute when you thought you could actually love him. But that was back when he was younger. Back when he was warmer.

Back when he was safer.

"Hey, baby."

The words from a normal person's mouth would sound welcoming and romantic. But when they come from Taehyung, they only sound calculated and dangerous.

Nevertheless, you put on a smile as if you didn't just come from Jungkook's apartment. Nevertheless, you place a kiss on his cheek as if you aren't caught off guard by his presence.

He's early. His flight was supposed to be at noon, which is why you took your sweet time back at Jungkook's. You didn't expect him to be home three hours too early.

"Welcome home," you say to him in what you hope to be a welcoming tone. "You hungry?"

"Mhm. But not for breakfast."

He pulls you in and kisses you deeply, not satisfied with your chaste peck on his cheek. You try to return his eagerness as much as you could, but he seems to sense your hesitation.

He pulls back and looks at you curiously, his dark eyes inspecting every inch of your face intensely. You stare back innocently, hoping he mistakes your frantic heartbeat as excitement from his kiss instead of fear from being found out.

"Where were you, baby?" he asks, his voice egging you as if daring you to lie. "You weren't here when I came home."

"Cafe. Down the block." You hope your words don't sound clipped. "They serve breakfast waffles."

His eyes flicker from your face to the earrings he gave you.

"You didn't bring me some?"

"I'm sorry. I thought you wouldn't be home until noon."

His eyes move downward, inspecting your entire body.

"Oh, I bet you hoped that would be the case," he says after a few seconds, his voice taunting, his smile sinister.

You gulp. "What are you talking about, Tae?" you ask in between chuckles. "Of course I wasn't hoping for—"

You're cut off by another kiss. You're grateful for the distraction, welcoming the kiss and deepening it yourself for good measure. You think you're off the hook but then he bites your lower lip aggressively, pulling away when he hears you hiss.

"Just joking, baby," he says when he pulls back, smirking when he sees your swollen lips. "I know you couldn't wait for me to come home."

Your heart becomes even more frantic and your fingertips are cold with nerves. But you just smile back and nod in agreement.

You almost let out a big sigh of relief when he turns to walk away, but then he stops mid-walk and looks at you over his shoulder.

"I think you were a little too excited for me to come home, baby," he tuts condescendingly. "You put your blouse on backwards."

He leaves you standing in the middle of the room, with your eyes staring down at your blouse in horror and your mind cursing your own carelessness in disbelief.

Luckily, over the next couple of days, Taehyung chooses not to bring up the incident again. Whether to give you the benefit of the doubt or to toy with you, you can't tell but you'll take it anyway. After all, his nonchalance is better than his fury.

Sadly, over the next couple of days, you experience the same nonchalance from Jungkook as well. Whether his radio silence is to give you time or to confirm your accusations about your place in his life, you don't know but you won't try and find out. After all, Taehyung is already on to you and you can't afford to play with trouble again.

Unfortunately for you, however, trouble always seems to find you.

"Where are you going?"

You just arrived home after going to another fancy dinner with one of Taehyung's potential clients. Taehyung asks you the question when he sees you walk to the direction opposite your shared bedroom.

"My skin care is in the other bathroom," you explain to him. "I'm just gonna do my routine there."

He stares at you for a moment before he says, "Don't take too long," and enters the master bedroom.

It's when you just finished with your night routine and you're exiting the bathroom that you see a troubling sight.

"Jungkook?"

"Shhh," he shushes you, his index fingers upright and against his lips.

"What are you doing here?" you ask, caught off guard.

"Baby? Is that you?" Taehyung's voice echoes across the hallway.

Jungkook quickly ushers the two of you back inside the bathroom you just exited, and locks the door. When Taehyung doesn't follow up in calling for you after several minutes and you both hear the door to the master bedroom close, you both sigh in relief.

"Jungkook, what the fuck are you doing here?" you demand angrily.

"The guys and I were just raiding Taehyung's office," he tells you honestly. "We thought you wouldn't be back from that dinner until another hour."

"Tae wanted to come home all of a sudden so we left early." You sigh. "Look, Jungkook. You won't find anything in Tae's office, or in this whole house, for that matter. Trust me."

"Yeah, we figured that ourselves when we couldn't find anything useful. Thanks," he says sarcastically.

"Drop that attitude with me," you say, jabbing a finger against his chest. "Just get out of here. Taehyung already suspects me, and god knows what would happen if he sees you here—"

"Wait, wait," Jungkook cuts you off. "He suspects you? How?"

"I don't know. But please, for my sake, you need to get out now." You open the bathroom door slowly and see that the coast is clear. "Follow me. There are men stationed around the house, but I know a way you could get out."

As quietly and stealthily as you could, you lead Jungkook out the house using the blind spots you figured out when you were still sneaking out to see him. It's when you're hurriedly ushering him out of the property when he gently grabs your wrist.

"Wait a second."

"What is it now?" you groan.

Jungkook knows he only has a few seconds to say what he wants to say. He wants to tell you he's sorry for not telling you he's a cop. He wants to tell you that what you have is real. He wants to tell you that the nights you shared are precious to him.

But he can't. Yet.

So instead, he kisses you, long and deep. When he pulls away, he whispers, "I'll get you out of here, I promise," before running out of the property.

You're left with your fingers touching your lips, completely unaware of the pair of eyes witnessing everything that had just occured.

COPYRIGHT 2023. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[julianalvarez9]

we need to talk / christian pulisic

request: heyyy idk if your still taking requests but i rlly wanna see an imagine on christian and his girl bestie argue after she hears him say that he wouldnt date her to his guy friends and she comes downstairs and ignores all of them and dosnt speak to him for a while and when he does its all fuff x

summary: you ended up hearing something you wish you never did. maybe you shouldn't have been eavesdropping, or maybe you should have addressed the situation before it got until this point.

word count: 1.7k words

warnings: mention of the pandemic (briefly, just to give context to their relationship), declan being kind of a dick??? but not really

author's note: so i don't know if you meant for it to be best friends to lovers but since it's apparently all i can write about, here it is <3

christian and you had been living together since early 2020, right before the lockdown started. you had been having trouble finding another flat that was close to your job, and with your lease coming to an end soon, your best friend had the marvelous idea of sharing his home with you, for however long you needed. at first, you had opposed, not wanting to intrude in his personal space, but he reassured you each time, saying that he was away too often anyways so you wouldn’t even notice him. and he had been right, for the most part, until the pandemic hit and you two were forced to stay home. it wasn’t an issue, really, even though at first it worried you. would he get tired of seeing your face every day? would you get under his skin and bother him too much?

when life started getting back to normal, you tried talking to him about moving out, not wanting to bother him that much, but he completely refused, threatening to stop talking to you for s month if you went away. that's how you had ended up being his flatmate for almost three years now, and you couldn't complain, since it was incredibly easy to live with him.

you had been in your room all evening, waiting for him to come back after his recent trip to manchester, but decided to start making dinner before he arrived. about thirty minutes later, when you had chopped every vegetable you needed for the meal, you heard the keys unlocking the door, and just as you were about to go out to greet him, another set of voices alerted you that he wasn’t alone. christian thought that you weren’t home since the lights in the living room were turned off, and that’s usually where you used to be when he came back. he didn’t even think about checking the other rooms, too wrapped in whatever exchange the young american player was having with his teammate.

“i don’t know how you didn’t get with her yet. you’re taking your time, man” the other man joked, presumingly, to christian. you couldn’t really tell, since you weren’t actually seeing them, just hearing the voices that came into the room. to be honest, you didn’t even want to eavesdrop, but god, they were being so loud.

the chelsea player replied, and you could almost picture him shaking off his head like he does when you tell him a bad joke. “she doesn’t want me like that”, he said, and now you were curious to know who he was talking about, since he didn’t tell you anything about his newest romantic interest. the other voice retorted, not even a second after, “i’m sure 70% of the world population would want you like that.

god, how you wished to be in your room, comfortably tucked into bed watching something on the tv. maybe then you wouldn’t be hearing whatever witty remark his fellow footballer was making. it wasn’t news to you that, yeah, there were plenty of people who would want to sleep with them, but it didn’t seem right to you to hear how they bluffed about it. you wished that christian would stop him from going any further.

you were standing still in the kitchen, afraid that any movement you could make would alert them of your presence, and thus, discovering that you had been hearing everything they said. you figured from the sound that they were now seated on the couch, and you knew that there was no way that they wouldn't see you if you were to escape right now from the kitchen.

“no, i wouldn’t. she’s only my best friend, declan”.

“i guess she’s part of the other 30%” christian said, and you could hear the smile in his voice. he continued. “you don’t know her. she’s special, mate”. you felt the little tug in your heart, but tried to ignore it, since you were glad that your best friend at least had some kind of respect when talking about his romantic interest. the man laughed, like he had said something unbelievable. “so you wouldn’t date her if you could?”.

oh.

the cold that had invaded your whole body after hearing what he said had made you unable to continue hearing what they talked about, even if you wanted to. thinking straight, you didn’t have any reason to get mad at christian referring to you as his best friend ‘cause that's what you two were: best friends. still, it was like a bucket of ice water had washed over you, like receiving shocking news that you wished you could erase.

so they were talking about you?

and god, you wished you could erase the past five minutes, and forget whatever they had said.

along with the sudden cancelation of noise, it seemed like your legs had a life of their own, and before you could ‘cancel the action’ like you used to with your sim in the famous game, you were out of the room in direction to your bedroom, where you hoped you could hide, at least, for the rest of the day.

christian was shocked to see you leaving the kitchen, after being sure you weren’t in the house. it dawned on him quite quickly that you must have heard him and declan talking, and that’s why you had run away the way you did, and closed the door harshly, making him wince on the spot.

a few minutes later, you heard him knocking on the door of your room. and even if you didn't give christian permission to enter, he still made his way into the dark room, sitting on the edge of the bed. “he’s gone” he whispered, afraid to talk any louder than a mumble. he knew you were awake, even if you weren't facing him, only by hearing the sound of your breath. after spending so many nights sleeping together, you had grown accustomed to his warmth and learned the pattern of his breath, just like he had learned yours.

a few minutes later, once he realized that you weren't actually going to answer him, he continued. “i only said that to get them off my back”. you huffed, clearly not buying whatever he was excusing himself with, and turning to look at him, even in the dark, you muttered. “you don’t need to explain anything to me. i’m only your best friend, remember? nothing more”.

“y/n, we need to talk”.

in the last couple of months the relationship you had with your best friend had turned more… complicated, to say the least. you noticed that he had been putting more effort in your friendship lately, being the one to initiate movie nights and helping you prepare dinner when he was at home. at first, you brushed it off as normal things flatmates did for each other, right? but when his absence during away games started to weigh more, and you found yourself giggling like a schoolgirl at every message you received from him with variations of “hey, i sent you this because it made me think of you”, you thought that you needed to stop the feeling that was brewing inside you, fighting to not be silenced, instead, to be screamed for every awake soul to hear.

of course, you knew better than to fall for christian, so you never actually talked about it. never showing you cared, not even when he presented girlfriends, or he talked with you about the new girl he had been messaging later. so it was weird to you how the anger had slipped upon every self-controlled barrier you carefully placed to avoid getting caught, and was presented to the american player to dissect and inspect.

you heard his shuffling, and figured that he was anxiously brushing his hand through his hair, not knowing how to say what he truly wanted to. he managed to say “you know it’s not like that”, which came out sounding a bit broken due to how dry his throat had gotten in the past minutes. you repositioned in your bed, back against the headboard while crossing your legs over eachother. “how is it then? since you seem to know everything about us, christian” you bitterly said.

you knew that christian needed the psychical contact to keep his nerves even, so when he reached to touch your knee for reassurance and you didn't move away, it felt to him like he could actually get this right.

even when you were about to tear up at hearing the sweet words that your supposed best friend was speaking, he continued, trying to make his point clear. "that's why i haven't been with anybody else. I don't want to be with anyone that isn't you, y/n. you get it, right? i know you feel the same" he looks at you with pleading eyes, and even in the darkness of the room you can see his eyes glistening thanks to the moonlight illuminating his features. still,you were caught up in what he had said previously. "why did you say what you said then? why did you sound like the idea disgusted you that much?". christian let out a breath, cursing himself for not searching for you before he let his friend continue with his meaningless topic.

“you know it’s you. it’s us. you must know”.

"I want to be with you, truly. long term." he reassured, now coming closer to you so he could hold your hand that was resting over your knee. "declan wasn't talking long term when he referred to date. he knows how i get when the guys talk about you, he was just trying to piss me off".

"i didn't plan to tell you how i felt in the darkness of your room, to be honest" christian laughed, trying to lift of the mood a little. when you giggled in return, he bowed his head to give your hand a kiss, and he stayed there once you started caressing his hair with your other hand. "what if you help me make dinner and then i tell you how i feel?" you suggested, smiling brightly at him even if he wasn't looking at your face to see it. the american nodded, enthusiastically waiting to get some food into his stomach. after all, he had came home an hour ago and due to the little misunderstanding that you had, he hadn't ingested anything since the little protein bar he had eaten during training.

"please. i'm starving".

[whatbigotspost]

On being real mean and then less mean

Long post incoming........I've been chipping away at writing this for like a month now and (unlike my usual self) I've stalled out a few times unsure of what all I want to say. But I think I've got it squared up the way I would like to. Unfortunately, I need a long context laying preamble. Sorry this will feel like an online recipe experience 😅

As the 5 of you who usually read my blocks of text will know well, I grew up in a very toxic, abusive, high-control environment. If you wanted to intentionally produce kids who would have anxiety, shame, self-loathing, aggression, be overly-competitive, angry, and equipped with little-to-no social skills, you should be parented like I was. In my nuclear family, we couldn't have had worse life lessons or role modeling when it comes to building healthy relationships, strong friendships, and harmonious existence with others. Violence was often normalized. Manipulation was encouraged. Specific conditions and rules were put on receiving love and/or affection. We weren't seen as independent humans who had their own lives and thoughts and ambitions--we were seen as extensions of my father, brought into the world to be his unquestioning cheerleaders and adoring team, to do our best to become his clones, to live out his unrealized dreams, and to combat his grievances w/ the world.

In short, it sucked.

Above all, I was taught in a very deep and real way to hate myself, not that this was explicitly acknowledged mind you, but it was the implication of everything. This self loathing was an extension of my father's own insecurities and full inability to grow the fuck up and build a life for himself that was emotionally mature, resilience, and self-caring. This mentality, if truly internalized, creates ugliness from the inside that radiates outward. I can see that so clearly now, but back then, I didn't understand it at all.

I was implicitly taught a thought process like, "the best way to 'own' someone is to shit talk them into crying" or "you can make yourself look stronger and distract from your own shortcomings by staying 1 step ahead of everyone through making THEM feel like shit about their shortcomings."

But you weren't just mean to someone to stay ahead of them, you were also mean as a way to ingratiate others to you. "Telling it like it is" even if what you said was unnecessarily cruel, was a virtue. Like, "what? I'm just saying what we're all thinking!" kind of stuff. I was taught that "teasing" is a way you show someone you love them, where "teasing" means saying all kinds of awful things that are quite hurtful. I was taught that being funny was one of the most important qualities and it didn't matter if those laughs came at the expense of others' feelings and if, over time, your comments began to destroy those around you.

It's "just teasing." It's "just joking." It was a lot of "oh come, on grow a thicker skin" over "maybe saying cruel shit for fun is bad?" It was "God, I can dish it and I can take it, why can't you?" over "maybe I want friends who support one another instead of digging at our insecurities."

Some recent nostalgia I've been wallowing in this summer reminded me of my grossest self who lived by these rules.

Those worst moments, where I was a bully and an asshole, all occurred for me at school, when I was probably around 11/12 and older. School was a very interesting place for me. When I try to paint an efficient picture of what my childhood home was like for others, I often say, my family existed in a weird liminal someplace between mainstream, mid western white suburban society and a survivalist/separatist/cult/fringe culture (like Tara Westover describes in Educated or as seen in Captain Fantastic if you're familiar w/ either of those.) We were a cult of 4 and there were many things We Did Not Do, all my dad's rules. (My grandparent's house was a safe harbor unlike my home, but that's a tangent for another time.) That said, accessing education was something my father DID trust the local government to do (as long as he could emphasize over and over how we can't trust everything they say, we could trust their lessons of math, music, English, etc.) He strategically chose a place to live where I could get the best "free" education possible in Central Indiana. My social life existed fully in a traditional school setting, where it took me all of 2 seconds to clock that other kids' lives weren't like mine, and that was compelling to me. I became a lifelong student of interpersonal relationship dynamics far before I realized I had become a lifelong student of relationships. I remember when I was in elementary school journaling about and thinking about and talking about all the friend groups and dynamics, etc. Writing stories about friend groups. Creating Barbie universes and dramas with 2 neighborhood friends. Trying to spend more and more time w/ peers instead of family.

Beyond that, I loved school because I would receive praise and love at home for A's and praise and love from my teachers for being "so good" (aka offering 100% deference to adult authority as I been told to do, even if I could question them inside.) This all means when I was very young, I did SO WELL at figuring out school...how to make friends...how to get an A+...how to get teachers to love me...how to be The Good Kid...how to reduce my value to my grades and what I produced, which is a mentality I've still only begun to unweave from within me, some 30 years later.

Anyway, point is, despite the hand I was dealt, I somehow never had trouble making friends and with a lot of my closest friends, I wasn't all that mean to in the way I describe above, at least initially. But when I did apply that behavior, god damn was it ugly. I get that now, but back then, I felt cool as fuck.

The more it (temporarily worked for me) the more I used meanness. By the time I was like 17, I literally was known as mean and wore it as a badge of honor. Lacking emotional intelligence and an overtly loving home environment, I thought it was normal? cool? idk...to "not be able to handle mushy emotional stuff." I would (LITERALLY) run if friends were telling me they loved me. It became more and more common for me to apply, "witty mean girl" quips to even my closest friends. Stuff was said about me like, "oh, if she makes fun of you, it means she really loves you." I was always saying shit to gain laughs from others that really hurt some people and I would act like that was a THEM thing like "god, they're so sensitive, poor widdle baby."

NOT GOOD. Nothing to be proud of. Signs of someone who deep down hates themselves and hopes you don't notice because of a big, bad exterior. In this era, I was someone who attracted and accepted other toxic people and was abusive toward and accepted abuse from friends who had these same issues. How I met and fell in love w/ my partner who is not at all like this during that period of time back when sometimes confounds me. His boundaries and feelings are why I started really looking inward. His patience and willingness to understand what was going on for me was immense (as I was similarly patient for things related to his baggage.) FOR YEARS we had a dynamic where I'd "make fun of" "tease" "just joke" about him too harshly in front of others and he would ask me over and over to stop. I'd get better for a while, then I'd backslide and make him feel like shit in a group setting again--but hey! everyone laughed at my ~*~*just oh so hilarious comment*~*~ and so that makes it fine right?? Obviously, not, and the older I got the more I started to FINALLY see "mean" as mean and not "telling it like it is" or being a core part of my humor.

How I REALLY know that this toxic coping mechanism I used to my benefit was a thinly veiled defense mechanism style behavior to cloud my deep deep deep self loathing is because when I'd be talking w/ my partner about his very reasonable and normal request that I not say unnecessarily cruel things about him for fun in front of others, I would be afraid of things like, "But that's part of who I am? It's my humor."

I really thought so lowly of myself that I believed that if I wasn't witty-mean, people wouldn't love me. That I wouldn't still be funny. That I wouldn't be ME unless I was being MEAN. It was so backwards and upside down because my meanness did make me harder to be around, and people were right there loving me anyway, not because of it, but despite it.

It's so sad to realize this! Looking back and describing this girl now feels in both parts foreign to me and also like looking in a mirror. I've been in 20 years of some form or another of "recovery" from this kind of childhood now, and I'm about 15 years into true healing and re-parenting myself. Almost 14 years ago, I made the biggest shift toward killing this old mentality...I moved away from my home town and the people I spent my days around to that point. I had an opportunity for a hard reset in my social life and behaviors, leaving behind old reputations that didn't serve me. And I’m still me. I’m spicy and I’m real and I’m blunt and I’m funny but I’m not cruel or mean anymore. The old me sometimes still rears her ugly head, especially when I'm tired, stress, or dysregulated. But it's less "how I am" now than ever in my life.

As I've been thinking about this whole topic for quite a few weeks now, and I tried to articulate what I did that really changed me and allowed me to shed that mean girl shell of armor I was wearing that I had so thoroughly needed to outgrow. If these things resonate with you, I do have some pieces of advice.

Speak from your personal values 100% of the time. That means defining your personal values first, not just accepting what you think is valuable you've been told by others. Once I grew the maturity to understand I needed my own life values, it was very simple to grasp that I was not in line with them. My top 5 personal life values are: love, equity, humor, loyalty, and open communication. Mean jokes don't check many of those boxes.

Become your own best friend first. My behaviors were driven by self-hatred I did not choose. When I choose how I want to feel about myself, I choose self-compassion, and I actively cultivate this mentality and practice all. the. time so that I don't backslide.

Stop "telling it like it is." This is not helpful. No one needs something obvious and cruel pointed out. This is basic "THINK" acronym stuff. It's a classic because it works. Is what you're about to say.... "true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, kind." Telling it like it is is only TRUE, it's rarely -HINK.

Never "just joke" about something someone could possibly be vulnerable about. If someone has a physical wound, you don't jab your finger into it for fun. When someone has an emotional tenderness, you similarly don't jab a mean comment into it. When in doubt, just don't joke about it.

Have actual hard conversations and "call outs" in the right times/spaces. Sometimes behavior that one friend may call "mean" is actually a very necessary hard conversation to the other person. So it's helpful to just remember that those kind of real-deal communications are rarely done effectively or productively with an audience or by using humor. Real shit deserves a real shit tone.

Push yourself to say the nicest stuff and just be fucking sincere and genuine. Tell your friends you love them. Tell your friends when you are obsessed with what they are achieving/doing/saying. Tell your friends WHAT you love about them. Make an effort for your most important relationships to have far, far more "positive bids" than negative.

Use "teasing" or "self deprecating" humor selectively and strategically. Sometimes, my partner and I DO tease each other by having open communication and actually knowing one another's boundaries, I now understand what's fine and what's not. So I can proceed w/o hurting him. But I don't know most people to that level, so I'm not going to try to tease someone else in front of others w/o that knowledge anymore. Self deprecating humor has also been a go-to for me in the past and one of the people I could be meanest to was myself. I realized I should use it sparingly with people who I don't know well, too, because I don't necessarily need to give them a cheat sheet to what my baggage is. And lastly, in general, I think that we should ALL be very very careful to spare strangers our sarcasm, deadpan comments, or whatever. Many folks are neurodiverse or otherwise don't get your sarcasm and your implications can be lost in translation. You never know what topics, with strangers, might be a hornet's nest you stumble into.

PFEW! Ok, I think that's plenty for now! If you've got similar tips or thoughts, LMK! Of course, I still fuck up my practice of not being mean all the time, but the best thing about having done this work and shared it with those around me is that my friends are much more like to say something like, "OW! Was that your dad talking for a sec?" and help me than to just go on assuming I'm an asshole. 😆

[galpalkirk]

I made a post a while ago about how ttpd is the perfect loustat album. Long story short it then evolved into this playlist.

Notes on each song choice under the cut (because I'm insane and they're long):

1. Guilty as Sin? - POV Louis Ep 1x1 In throes of increasing wonder... it's all about desire and religious guilt.

2. But Daddy I Love Him - POV Louis Ep 1x1 "He ain't white, he french." Ep 1x2 "He had a way about him" He was chaos, he was revelry. Ep 1x4 I'm having his baby! The obvious forever iconic baby trapping.

Crazier - POV Louis (not on the list because of vibes but still an honorable mention) Ep 1x1 You lift my feet off the ground, you spin me around. Levitating vampire sex. Ep 1x2 You showed me something that I couldn't see, opened my eyes and you made me believe. Lestat trying to free Louis from the trappings of his life and Louis literally seeing the world differently as a vampire.

3. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - POV Louis Everything about them. Ep 1x2 Louis starting to see that he cannot stomach the way Lestat enjoys killing. Lestat humiliating and killing the opera singer simply because he was a bad singer. Ep 1x3 The jokes that he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud. "What is wrong with that man?!" and then add Louis actually trying to fix Lestat by having him only kill evil people.

4. False God - POV Louis and Lestat We were crazy to think, crazy to think that this could work. But we might just get away with it, religion's in your lips, even if it's a false god. I know heaven's a thing, I go there when I touch you. Honey, hell is when I fight with you. I can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town. You can't talk to me when I'm like this, daring you to leave me just so I can try to scare you. Self-explanatory.

5. Renegade - POV Lestat Ep 1x1 I tapped on your window on your darkest night, the shape of you was jagged and weak. There was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway. Louis running away from Lestat to the church to try to exorcise him from his mind and heart. Trying to keep him out rather than let him in. Ep 1x2 After the phantoms of your former self. Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these? And let all your damage damage me? And carry your baggage up my street? And make me your future history? Louis trying to continue his life as it was before he was turned but finding it difficult in a multitude of ways. "I almost ate my nephew, Lestat!" You've come a long way, open the blinds, let me see your face. You wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody. "You are a challenge every sunset, Saint Louis. And I'd have it no other way." Ep 1x3 You fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself, but do you know you're demolishing me? "This is not a life!" "That's because you TOOK my life!" Louis leaving Lestat because he hates his own vampire nature. Ep 1x5 Is it insensitive for me to say "Get your shit together so I can love you?" Louis' depression after Claudia leaves. Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything? Or do just not want to? "Say 'Lestat, I am never going to love you.'" Louis never telling Lestat "I love you" during their 30 years together.

6. Bejeweled - POV Lestat Ep 1x3 and onward. Don't put me in the basement when I want the penthouse of your heart. Lestat starting and continuing his affair with Antoinette whenever he feels neglected or rejected by Louis.

7. High Infidelity - POV Lestat I just think the cheating blondes Lestat and Taylor have a lot in common. Ep 1x5 Put on your records Read your books and regret me. Lestat being ignored by Louis who is only staying inside and reading his books since Claudia left. Ep 1x5 (with additional 2x7 context) You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love? The slowest way is never loving them enough. "If every word coming out of his mouth is vitriol or disinterest for seven years... you don't want to. You still hope that he'll emerge out of his melancholy. That he'll love you like you love him." But in the meantime you cheat. I bent the truth too far tonight, I was dancing around, dancing around it. Lestat keeping up his affair with Antoinette after he had promised to end it. You said I was freeloading. Not related to the show but in the original novel Louis keeps saying how Lestat was exploiting him for his money.

8. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - POV Lestat Ep 1x5 The Fight™️ Oh, here we go again. The voices in his head called the rain to end our days of wild. The "Claudia has left" depression spanning for several years. Lestat hoping he'll "emerge out of his melancholy" but also just being sick of it because he wants to bejeweled. But first, pull the string and I'll tell you that he runs because he loves me. "I have waited, Louis. I have patiently waited in vain for you to love me, as I love you." Ep 2x7 (still The Fight™️) He saw forever so he smashed it up. Hehe, Slam Reid his face into the coffin.

9. The Great War - POV Louis and Lestat Ep 1x5 The Fight™️ 2: Electric Boogaloo I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone. Louis ignoring Lestat and going deeper into his depression. And maybe it was egos swinging, maybe it was her. "A thousand nights of sulking, and the first sight of her, you are just gonna up and leave me?!" Ep 2x7 (still The Fight™️) Your finger on my hairpin triggers. "A word of context for our jury. The single worst thing that a vampire can feel is loneliness." Soldier down on that icy ground looked up at me with honor and truth. Broken and blue. So I called off the troops. That was the night I nearly lost you. Louis leaving Lestat after being dropped from the sky. "I did it to hurt him. And it did hurt him. And afterwards he was a broken thing. I know, I saw, because I am the one who broke him!" Ep 1x6 We can plant a memory garden. Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair. There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair. And we will never go back to that bloodshed. The aftermath of The Fight™️. "We leave the damage so we never forget the damage."

10. imgonnagetyouback - POV Louis Ep 1x6 Whether I'm gonna curse you out or take you back to my house. I haven't decided yet, but I'm gonna get you back. Louis swimming the Mississippi to yell at and fuck Lestat after he sends him the "Come to me" record. And then taking him back. And then plotting his death to get him back.

Rest of the songs will be in a reblog because apparently you CAN reach character limit on a tumblr post...

[ijichi-nijika]

Warm - by Butterfly-Latte/Krispy Cat.

So this might be a bit strange, seeing a random game review from random tumblr user ijichi-nijika. I have wanted to have a list of games I play in general and to write down my thoughts, immediately upon finishing them. I apologize if this is strange, but I will put my thoughts below a drop down so you can simply skip past these if this isn't anything you wish to read.

However I will link to the game above my review with my own score, so people can read it for themselves proper without any spoilers, and an except from my review so you can get a general feel.

"As a person who has felt numb for a large portion of her life, I really connected to Warm. I really think its worth a read. Short and sweet, with tense moments. I really loved the characterization of Megumi a lot."

Score: 9/10.

When I randomly went through my downloads folder tonight looking for a few files before I went to bed, I didn't expect to stay up to read a visual novel. Let alone one that I think is genuinely good. I had gotten Warm from a bundle years ago, but never touched it since I had no idea what to play from said bundle at all. So, flash forward 4 years and now I have.

To describe Warm in one word, it would be - Healing. Warm takes place in a small town in what I assume is Japan, from context clues alone, and is centered around a 11 year old girl named Megumi. Megumi has gone through most of her life so far feeling, what I can only describe as numb. Unfeeling, lonely, depressed. This continues, until one day a transfer student named Hinata, moves in only a few blocks away from her. They, with some predictability, become friends, much to Megumi's confusion. And she outwardly expresses said confusion, on why anyone would even want to be around her. To which Hinata simply says "Because you're nice."

I won't go to further into too much detail, but the slow friendship that the two grow into warmed my heart a lot. Megumi, not easily understanding social cues, to Hinata's simple and quick solutions such as when she starts doing a hand gesture to show that she is joking. And the feelings beginning to grow into liking one another on both sides, made my heart feel extremely full. While the plot gets a tiny bit predictable, I do think for such a short visual novel, the detail and events that take place are still extremely well written, and felt real for the most part. Even the final act of the VN, while I could tell it was coming from a mile away, still felt impactful, at least to me. As a person who has been hurt before by people who simply were not in control of their emotions, I felt for what happens to Hinata in the final hour of the game.

The way that the game treats another character, Inoue, on the other hand, I don't like as much. In the first few acts I felt for the character. There was simple characterization to imply that she had some sort of social or learning disability. The game, doesn't make fun of this, and attempts to sympathize with her at least, a tiny bit. But I don't personally agree with her being the crux of why the final act happens as it does. Conflict is fine, I am all for it to make a better story, and mistakes also happen. But it didn't feel very good to hear that this character, after severely burning another character, is simply expelled from school and we never hear from her again. In fact, any plot point after the final argument of the game that involves discussing Inoue, just didn't feel good to me. I could tell, at least from my reading of the novel, that the character had a lot of jealousy, and needed help but couldn't vocalize it in a way or attempt to get the help in anyway that would possibly lower how people saw her, even if the other way was pushing every character to hate her. But once again, I am reading the feelings of children characters from my adult perspective, so perhaps I am reading too much into it.

The music, fits the game exceptionally well. The best way I could describe it is melancholic and at times, tense. There is at least one happy track in the game though, for the many scenes that warrant that. I think the score of the game really helped me get into how Megumi feels.

As a person who has felt numb for a large portion of her life, I really connected to Warm. Megumi's depression and general anxiety, to even her disconnect from how she can even perceive herself being so vastly different from reality? That's how I used to feel a lot. And sometimes I still do. I think while simple, the lens of numbness that the novel shows us from her lens is realistic, and not blown to proportion. And it made me think of how I've felt with others for most of my life, and how it could have possibly played out. Food for thought.

Warm is a really good yuri vn, with a heavy focus on relationships from the perspective of a young numb girl. And I think reading it, was probably extremely beneficial to myself. And not too many games nowadays really make me feel like that.

[starfragment1979]

My Facebook memories reminded me that today is Coming Out Day, and I was a little surprised to see no mentions of it on Tumblr unless I go searching for it, but maybe the assumption on Tumblr is just that we're all queer here and so we don't have to say it, ha ha, or maybe it's just that coming out isn't as big of a deal as it used to be. But I thought I'd tell a little story anyway.

I first realized I was queer when I was 15, in 1994, which itself is a funny little story. I grew up in a very tiny, very rural midwestern village that had absolutely nothing going on, but there was a little street fair one weekend in the summer, so of course I went to it because there was nothing else to do. So summer of 1994, I'm at that street fair, and I look at the time and realize it's after 8 p.m. and I start hurrying home, not because of any curfew, but because I wanted to watch X Files. And as I'm hurrying home, I'm trying to figure out why I left this once-a-year event to go watch an X Files rerun that wasn't even one of my favorite episodes. But then I get home and turn on the TV and there is a life size Dana Scully in front of me and I realize all at once, Ooohhh, I have a crush on Gillian Anderson.

(But, I mean, can you blame me?)

For historical context, for you young'uns out there, 1994 was before Ellen DeGeneres came out (1997), before Jill Sobule released the song “I Kissed a Girl” (1995). I guess Melissa Etheridge was out (1993), but the news hadn't reached my little village because I only remember the other kids at school talking about it (with disgust) much later. We had only the most basic of basic cable and the only time I had internet access was when we got an AOL free trial CD in the mail AND I could convince my dad that I wouldn't go over the allotted 10 hours a month this time, and I sure as hell wasn't about to look up gay shit on the family computer anyway.

So I had no queer role models, good or bad, in any form of media, and all I knew about queerness was my own, brand-new feelings and the knowledge of stereotypes. I knew no queer people in real life and the only time queerness was ever referenced by anyone anywhere was to make some crude joke. And at school, I was already getting called a dyke and getting shoulder-checked in the hallway or having my bra strap snapped, etc., so the idea of ever coming out seemed literally suicidal.

So I just assumed I never would. Not only because I couldn't fathom telling people and dealing with the consequences, but also because... what would be the point? Because what were the chances I would meet another queer woman at any point (I assumed queerness must be incredibly rare) and then what would be the chances that we'd be interested in each other? And even if by some miracle that did happen... we'd have to keep it a secret, we'd have to pretend to be roommates, we'd never meet each other's families or go on dates in public, and that was just too unfair to contemplate. But that was the world I lived in, and so I assumed I would just never explore that part of myself.

Things did evolve a bit through the rest of the nineties, and one big turning point for me personally came the following year. The next summer I got to go to my first big concert (Lollapalooza '95) and earlier that year I had read in a Rolling Stone article that Patty Schemel, the drummer for the band Hole, was a lesbian. So I was excited to see them in concert because I was a fan of the band, but also I stared at Ms. Schemel in awe because... she just looked like a punk rocker. Like I had these ideas in my head about what a lesbian was “supposed to” look like, and she wasn't it. Patty Schemel was my first introduction to the idea that queerness could look any way you wanted it to, that it didn't have to fit the stereotypes.

Look at this bad ass:

And even still, it took me until 1997 and after I had left for college to admit to myself in my own private diary that I was queer (at that was only after learning that another musician I loved, Michael Stipe of REM, was queer), and until 2000 to admit it to strangers on the internet, then 2001 to real life people, including my parents (my mom cried, so... there's that). And there were so so so many years where it took courage and the right frame of mind to be willing to leave the house wearing an itty bitty little rainbow beaded necklace because I wasn't sure what kind of reaction I would get from strangers.

I'm just stunned sometimes by how much the world has changed. Like I'm not that old, but I'm old enough to have seen what feels like a seismic, cosmic shift in representation and acceptance both in media and in society at large. Obviously there's still a lot of work to be done and things are imperfect and conservatives/fascists are trying hard to undo all the progress there's been over the past thirty years. But Like the simple fact that there are queer celebrities and queer characters in mainstream media, or that same sex marriage is not only legalized but also not really a big deal any more, or the fact that I can make a public post like this without panicking about who might see it... My scared and anxious and ashamed 15 year old self would have found that unfathomable.

My identity has shifted a lot over my lifetime (which is its own long story) and that is one of the reasons I like the word queer so much, because it lets me be my ambiguous, containing-multitudes self without having to fret about meeting the standards of some label, although if I had to parse it out I would say that right now I'm pansexual and non-binary.

So happy Coming Out Day to those who celebrate. I am queer AF.

[jun-of-love]

Hiii can I pls request reader taking care of Jun when he’s sick and calls her in the middle of the night to come over and help him (like maybe he has a migraine or something) ❓💖

Such a cute prompt wow! Thanks a lot for sending in a request :) I'm gonna be honest I thought so much about this but I couldn't find an appropriate (and interesting!) way to write this for a long time. This is what I've come up with, I hope you like it <3

It’s 12 a.m.

You stare at your phone screen for the hundredth time this night. Your “good night <3” message has been left on delivered for 2 hours now. Granted, he didn’t have to reply- you were not dating or anything- just hanging out, or ‘in a situationship’, if you may. It’s been six months since you met him, as a creative director for his solo comeback. Ever since then you had been seeing each other, work and outside of it- and your best friend was of the opinion that your relationship should have been exclusive by now. She had a point, but relationships in the showbiz industry didn’t have the same rules as ordinary life, and even though it hurt you, you didn’t want to lose him. Your thoughts slowed down and felt yourself drifting off to sleep, your grip still tight on the phone, careful of any movement.

You were enjoying the bliss of your meaningless dreams when your phone suddenly started buzzing endlessly. It was 2 a.m., what kind of lunatic wanted to talk to you at this hour?

It was Wen Junhui.

You huddled up, clearing your throat as much as possible to bring out your most attractive sleepy voice ever. “Hello?” you whispered, imagining him clutching his heart and kicking his legs in excitement because you picked up the phone.

“Um, hello? Y/n?” You blushed, his hoarse voice sounded so sexy!

Wait, his voice was too hoarse…almost like he was sick?!

“Hey Jun, are you okay? You don’t sound too well.” You made no effort to hide how worried you were.

“Y/n I- I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your message-” He was concerned about that? “-I’m just down with terrible migraine and I can’t bear to look at screens.”

“Okay, it’s totally fine, you don’t even need to apologize for that,” you hear a groan from his side. Wow, he had to be in a lot of pain. “I’m coming over.” You declared, already packing up necessities. He didn’t have to say it, you already knew why he had called.

“I’ll see you then.” Hah, you thought, he was too sick to even politely decline as a courtesy. Not that you minded, but still.

You reach his place, pushing in his passcode like its everyday for you. It was pretty common for you to be at his place, but the context was totally different then.

“What happened to my little Junnie?” you hoped the joke would land, even if your audience member was writhing in pain right now.

Jun chuckled a little, turning towards you, wincing in the process. “I even canceled my late night practice today, this bitch of a migraine is not letting me live.”

You let out a laugh. This man is still in his jeans- how does he expect to feel better? “Did you take any medicine?”

“No.”

“Heat pads?”

“No.”

“Did you at least eat?”

“No.”

“You are stupid.” You sigh. “But you’re so lucky to have me.” You add sarcastically. “Change your clothes till the time I heat the porridge I’ve got you. You eat it and then take the medicine I give you okay?” Jun simply nodded, smiling slightly.

By the time you come back with his porridge and medicine, Jun had changed into his comfy pajamas. You avoided looking at him because if this guy got any cuter, you’ll probably buy him a ring and pop the question. You preferred to stay silent as he ate, because sound usually worsened his migraines, and you were not sure if your relationship was of the kind that your voice would be an exception to this.

“Why are you not talking?” Jun mumbled, his mouth full of porridge. You smiled, wiping a bit of porridge from the corner of his lips. “I know you prefer silence when you have migraines. Sounds make it worse right?”

“Yeah, but your voice is not a sound- it’s a voice and I like it- it is soothing and…..and, it makes me feel better.” He pouted.

Ah, why would he say that now?

“You’re sick, you should probably lie down now,” you try to change the subject, clearing up his bowl and water. You make him lie down, putting a cooling eye mask on his eyes. “This will make you feel better, I know your eyes hurt whenever you get migraines.”

The atmosphere was suddenly uncomfortable, it seemed like he had also grasped the meaning of what he had said. Did he regret it? Did he not mean it? You felt foolish, running around for someone in the middle of the night to take care of them, only to realize you probably like them way more than they like you.

“Y/n.”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for not making me say it.”

“Say what?”

“That I wanted you to come over.” Jun whispers. “I wouldn’t have been able to ask you if you didn’t take the initiative.”

Why did that feel like a punch to the gut? “Uhm, you’re welcome I guess?” Your disappointment somehow made its way to your tone. You could tell, because he took his eye-mask off and sat upright.

“I’ve just been taking you so much for granted lately, I don’t think I would’ve had the conscience to ask you to do such a favor for me.” He took your hand in his. You tried to keep your face straight despite your nerves tingling hopelessly.

“It’s not a favo-”

“But you knew I won’t be able to ask this of you and you came here to take care of me, ” he cuts you off. “You’re such a lovely person y/n, I wish I had met you sooner.”

You don’t know what to say. You open and close your mouth, closely resembling a fish, but he doesn’t seem to notice it. “I like you Y/n.”

What’s that now?

“I like you so so much.” He continued. You felt a blush creeping up your neck towards your face. Jun looked at you hopefully. He brought up both of your hands and kissed them softly. “I’m sorry to bring it up in a moment like this, when there’s a literal shit-orchestra playing in my head, its 3.30 in the morning and I’m looking like a frazzled orangutan but this question cannot be delayed anymore,” He took a deep breath, “will you be my girlfriend?”

He was so dramatic, wow. You giggled a little, trying to hide how taken aback you were. “Sure, it will be my pleasure.” Jun’s face lit up as if Christmas had come early. He pulled you in for a big hug, burying his head in your neck. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to ask you this, but my perfect moment never seemed to come.”

You laugh, “Am I supposed to say something corny like, every moment is perfect with you?” You hear his chuckle. You pull away, making him lie down on the bed, putting his eye-mask back on. “C’mon you need to sleep now.” You say in your sternest voice possible.

“Wow, you’re so sexy,” he mumbles softly, “is it too early to say that I love you?”

“Shut up!”

[mrmcwigglyman]

A letter to E-Sekai

Rare semi-serious post because E-Sekai's first anniversary is tomorrow.

Hopefully this breaches Tumblr containment because I don't use any other social media.

When E-Sekai first debuted, I was at a really bad time in my life. For context, I went to college in late August, and for two months, I was slowly destroying my mental health because I wanted to stay, but couldn't handle it. I continued to sink deeper and deeper into depression until my mom came to take me home in late October. During the first months of my return, I was so dejected that I didn't want to do anything. I wasted all my time doing unproductive things on the computer, relying on it for comfort. My parents intervened and restricted access to my computer. Without my computer for comfort, I turned to watching VTubers on my phone, to the point of staying up all night trying to distract myself from the sadness of having to leave college. It was really unhealthy and non-sustainable, but I couldn't get myself to do anything else.

Almost exactly one month later, I found a debut compilation for Idol-EN's first generation, called E-Sekai. I was immediately interested, so I found their channels and subscribed to all of them. I especially liked Rin, for various reasons which I'll get to later, but I enjoyed watching everyone. Their streams got me to come out of my shell online. Before E-Sekai, I didn't use the YouTube account on my phone for chatting or commenting at all, because I didn't have a channel linked to it, but E-Sekai convinced me to make a channel so I could chat. One of the things about small to medium-sized VTuber agencies is that the streamers are more likely to see your comment as an individual. Whenever I got someone to laugh with one of my jokes, it made my day. E-Sekai made me want to be creative again. They got me through the grueling late nights of working at my coat check job. And they helped me try to get out of my depression. I actually know and interact with people on the Idol discord, and I discovered a lot more VTuber agencies because Idol gave me confidence to chat in many other VTubers' chats.

My life is still not perfect. I'm really anxious about any sort of change to my routine, such as getting a normal job, and I need to get better at taking care of myself. But E-Sekai and Idol in general still brings a lot of happiness to my life.

I want to take the rest of this post to say how each individual member of E-Sekai contributed to my life, and the group as a whole. I'm not good at writing these kinds of things, and I'm probably missing a bunch of what makes them all so fun to watch, but I hope this captures them well enough.

Yuko: The scream from her debut was ear-piercingly beautiful. Her hyperactive personality leads to incredibly fun moments. I'm still amazed by how much she loves her boo bros. She's the perfect blend of lewd, wholesome, and silly. In one of her karaoke streams, she got me to listen to the entirety of "A Little Piece of Heaven", which is my least favorite A7X song. Keep being the most neurodivergent in E-Sekai, Yuko! Wanau :boobropout:

Juna: The eel's art and Live2D streams were super comfy, but also very cursed. I celebrated New Year's along with her, and I still have the art she made for it somewhere. Juna's streams got me through the early parts of my coat check shifts. I love all the inside jokes the fameely has, such as "good riddance", "LIVID", banning Yogurt, and Golden Shower. And speaking of the fameely, they're the friendliest people in the Discord server, and I love to talk to them. Juna actually responded to my comments a lot, which boosted my confidence a lot. Also, one of my favorite moments was during the Seiso Stream when I tried to catch her off guard by asking her to pronounce "Featherstonhaugh." Always remember that it rhymes with "hand saw." Stay LIVID, Juna, and thanks for all the completely sane streams so far.

Rin: Rin is the one that I instantly identified with. She loves making silly powerpoints. She has a very particular taste in video games that I can never find anywhere else. Even before she mentioned she was ace, I could tell she was ace-coded. She has an incredibly broken sense of humor. The first (and currently only) VTuber merch I've ever bought was the skrunkly plush. And I don't really believe in fate, but I had to admit that there was one coincidence that was very convincing. While watching her debut slides, when she was introducing some of her plushies, I learned that I have a very personal connection to the name of one of her plushies. Her streams are incredibly creative and fun. Her powerpoint streams and skit streams are the funniest content I've seen in a long time. Her reactions to things that wouldn't normally be funny makes them funny, which is part of the reason I love the shovelware series so much. I can tell she works so hard behind the scenes to make all those things happen. Even though after the Shortsening her chat is sometimes unbearable to look at, I'm glad that she is a lot of people's first VTuber. I'm proud to call Rin my kami-oshi. Fun fact: The B emoji in my YouTube username, although I've used it before Idol, was specifically chosen for Rin, except now that the emoji is banned in her chat, I can't actually send my membership milestone chats because according to YouTube logic, my username counts as part of the superchat?? I'll probably change it to a small capital B instead someday. Anyway, Rin, I'm glad to be a member of the Princedom, and I'm so happy that you are able to reach so many people. Also, congrats for keeping up the Rin facts for a YEAR! *metal_pipe.mp3* *outro music*

Pochi: Pochi is an absolute gamer. The fact that she doesn't rage very often leads to some very comfy streams, even in frustrating games. She also does some cool themed zatsus, like the pet peeves stream. I enjoy her Minecraft streams a lot, and I actually got back into modded Minecraft because of her. Her redebut was so good and so creative, and I just think her "hello, I am puppy" t-shirt is hilarious. I often leave her streams on in the background because she is just so comfy. Keep doing what you're doing, Pochi! Wäf wäf!

Fuyo: One early series of streams that I enjoyed was Fuyo's Bioshock playthrough. Normally I don't like those kinds of games, but it was actually really interesting. I also remember watching her VTuber cosplay stream while waiting for a doctors appointment that I showed up an hour early for. I still don't know she got away with some of the games she played in the first week after debut. When I was waking up late because I was staying up late, Fuyo streams were what helped me wake up and get out of bed. Also I think I left the Nyan Cat stream on while I slept, which may or may not have been detrimental to my musical health. I look forward to the future, and I hope you are, too, Fuyo. Thank you for giving back my physical wallet, even if you kept the stuff inside.

I'm awful at wording things, but I really wanna thank E-Sekai for helping me out of a deep hole in my life. I know this is probably not gonna get more notes than my fucking Papa Louie Veggie Dog post, but on the offchance this reaches one or all of you... idk I'm all out of words, but I'm looking forward to another year of E-Sekai antics.

I also want to thank the rest of Idol for being just as awesome!

[forgottenspring]

A whole new level to being the supposedly "closeted" gay cousin at Thanksgiving. I know this may not get notes/views, but I was reminded of this today. So I wanted to share a wild "Me the Gay Cousin at Thanksgiving" story from two years ago that felt right out of a 90s sit com special episode.

Since I'm spending this Thanksgiving chilling with a friend instead, I realized yall might like to hear this story.

In my family my sister and I are the only two of our age. The rest of the cousins are MUCH young than us. Us being young adults and our cousins being lil gremlin preteen boys. We're talking like 10 boys overall and our two lil bros, and two newly not toddler girls at the time.

So bc of this my sister and I always sit at the kids table bc our uncles and aunts didn't want us excluded and feeling we couldn't be kids. (I am now 25 turning 26 for context, so I was about 23).

So, I know my family is highly religious and horribly homophobic/transphobic. So lil pagan nonbinary lesbian cupio aroace me has been squeaking by bc I've been holding my tongue and refusing to date in Utah around family for years in the past. Unless it was a group date with friends and the guy asked me out.

So imagine my shock when me and my lil bros and dude cousins are chilling on the floor playing a board game (my sister was at a friend's house that year) bc I don't want to hear the adults say anything that will rile me up bc I really don't want to be outed this year.

And right after I finish my turn, my kid cousin slides over a whiteboard and I look down and freeze in shock. It says "R U Gay?" And I'm knowing his parents are especially homophobic. And what I was afraid of AKA I'm out of the closet and tired, I wrote "Yes" and turned back to the game. He froze and squeaked out a "What!?" And he whispers back to me asking if it's true, as if I just admitted I was insane. And I shrug, trying to play it cool as I realize suddenly the ramifications of it and freaking out now bc he's a blabbermouth. I see both my brothers make eye contact to make sure I'm okay, which I nod to them. I then whisper back to my cousin and go "Yeah" and he tells me that's wrong bc nobody's gay and if they are they're evil, it's a joke you ask ppl in school. And I realize I have to walk this back immediately before my aunt and uncle are told and I'm outed on Thanksgiving and I haven't even come out to my dad yet.

So I shrug tell him I know a lot of people at school who are gay and they're really sweet people. And lie and tell him I'm not gay that I was just playing into the joke. He seems shocked that gay people exist and I know them. But finally after a bit he nods thinking nothing of it, but at least he's cooler about the gay topic I guess and I just survived.

I go downstairs where the adults are hanging bc the boys are running around in the snow and I'm wanting to try being with the adults, since I am one, for a minute. And to nobody's shock after a bit of joking around and stuff, my dad, aunts, uncles, and grandma are raving about "These people nowadays pushing their politics and gay agenda." I don't know how to react, so after a few minutes, I turn around and go back upstairs realizing what could have happened that night.

Luckily I came out later on to my dad and my siblings have already known for years so I felt less bad. But overall it really felt odd when I was put on the spot like that and then hearing my family talk like that. Like-... It felt like something you hear about on TV shows and go "That's such a contrived scene that doesn't happen in real life." And in that moment I was processing the whole scenario and less if I wanted to come out or not.

So anyways probs going to avoid Thanksgiving moving forward for multiple reasons, but mainly for the fact that I can't stay in the closet anymore bc I've been out for too long and I WILL get into arguments over gay/trans rights without thinking bc I'm tired and bad at staying in the closet. And the few ppl in my family who know other than my sibs have reacted oddly to horribly. And I really would prefer not being ostracized from the family whose already pretty sure I'm somehow gay bc I didn't pray enough or something rn bc I'm tired and in an unstable place that if I need to stay with a relative I'd like not for it to be being hate crimed 24/7. But I live in a different state than my family now and much better for it.

I have a good group of friends that are family to me now and I know I'll be okay. And I'm happy and living my best life rn and enjoy every day I'm being myself around ppl who accept and love me. But it still hurts to think about some days y'know.

TLDR: My preteen cousin asked on a whiteboard "R U GAY?" two years ago and I nearly outed myself on Thanksgiving to my religious homophobic family, bc I didn't realize he was doing a middle school prank.

[adolin]

do you see any RJK / artashipatrick parallels? ive been thinking about it a lot lately and wanted to get ur viewpoint

hi hi hi! I actually saw this opinion a couple of times in Ted Lasso fandom, but personally I don't share it. I AM very curious about your reasoning for it because I love looking at ships from different angles and seeing what people take from them.

my tldr is that I don't think RKJ has anything in common with the Challengers trio, beyond the fact that they're about two men ostensively fighting over a girl while also engaging in the kind of simmering homoeroticism that permeates elite men's sport. (this Marylin Frie quote says it better) I get why this can seem a parallel by itself but, to me, it's just a function of both ships being set in a Sports Media canon. When it comes to characters and their dynamics, these ships are built very differently IMO.

relative to each other:

the Challengers trio all start out as peers, both in age and in relative success level of their careers. They're all finalists in the Junior US Open when they meet. RKJ as a dynamic is absolutely hierarchical in comparison: you have Roy being a Legacy kind of Big Name in the sport, Jamie as the talented up-and-comer who idolised him growing up, and while he has promise, there's non guarantee he can come even close to the kind of career Roy's implied to have had. And then there's Keeley, who's absolutely an outsider in their world, and on a systemic level is much lower down the pecking order. I think Ted Lasso, especially in S1 and S2 does a great job giving an overview of, like, how transactional footballers/wags relationships inherently ARE, even to people who aren't already familiar with the context — not just the financial asymmetry and stark difference in career and life prospects but just, like. She's the girl peeking into the changing room and saying, Hi Boys. Jamie makes a joke about oogling her ass because they are both in on the joke that they fulfil a very specific stereotypical relationship dynamic.

Even if on a personal level both Roy and Jamie really respect and admire Keeley, she Does Not Belong in their hyperfocused sport-as-sexually-charged-rivarly world. Art and Patrick want to fuck Tashi first and foremost because she's a tennis phenomenon, they value her athletic abilities and coaching insight. That's a whole completely different dynamic from what's going on between RKJ. Compare Art and Patrick complimenting Tashi's performance at the US Open to Roy and Jamie "fighting over her" in 3x12 where it's all about who she likes more. As someone who actually liked the bar fight because I think it shows a very realistic ugly side to these characters (*) it's just. two men fighting over a girl. vs two athletes being so impressed by someone who is a girl and also a star athlete in her own right.

(*) asterisk because I absolutely loathed so many writing choices in S3, like, even if I like some seeds of plots I hate how they were executed. Oh my god typing this out is making me want to completely AU S3 of TL. anyway; I have beef with the pacing and stuff around that scene but I like the existence of the scene itself.

Keeley and Tashi couldn't be more different

Tashi is just. Her personality is most similar to Roy's, imo. She lives and breathes tennis. She needs to be around that world to live; she struggles to fill the void left with coaching (and living vicariously through Art to an extent). Keeley, meanwhile, makes fun of Roy feeling like the world is ending when he finally admits to himself that he can't go on any longer. Mind, I think that lighthearted "it's not the end of the world" attitude was precisely what Roy needed to hear at that point, because he takes himself too seriously and needed someone to tell him that he can live without football, actually — but the fact that Keeley just Doesn't Get It on a fundamental level, again, marks her as an outsider to the kind of all-encompassing elite athlete attitude Roy and Jamie share. She doesn't even like football! She's occasionally flighty (good for her). She's turning 30 and doesn't know where her life is going (SO valid). She's a completely different personality than the kind of single-minded all-or-nothing attitude you NEED to make it as a pro athlete. Again: her dynamic with the two men who are into her couldn't be any different than Art/Tashi/Patrick, BECAUSE she's a completely different personality. If she was in Challengers, she'd be one of the normie Stamford kids Patrick and Tashi make fun of.

IDK. I think any similarity between Tashi and Keeley starts and ends at "they're both women". Maybe I'm being uncharitable here! I'm someone who thinks that Keeley's portrayal in fanon flattens her a bit (in the way female characters in the periphery of a m/m ship are often put on a pedestal and shoved off the way) so I'm definitely bringing some of my own baggage here; that's why I'd love to know what parallels others see. But I think she and Tashi have very different neuroses. THAT SAID. If I was writing a crossover Ted Lasso / Challengers fic, I really think Tashi/Keeley would be my ship of choice