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the-void-i-scream-into · 4 years ago

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White Tulips - a JunJin fanfic 3/3

Full Story: Part 1, Part 2

Hey my beautiful readers. Thank you so much for sticking around till now. I was honestly so terrified of posting this fanfic because I had never done that before but everyone’s response has been so kind to me. Thank you.

This is the final part. I hope you all enjoyed the story. As always, this chapter is dedicated to the Shooters GC who are the best people on Tumblr.

Quick Info: The songs used in this chapter are You Were Beautiful by Day6. Park Yoona who plays Sujin said in an interview that she liked Day6, specifically this song. Haru by Royal Pirates is a personal favorite of mine. It has the same theme as True Beauty that in real love, things like looks don’t matter. The final song that Seojun sings to Sujin is Half Moon by Dean. Hwang In Yeop who plays Seojun stated that he liked this song in an interview.

Pairing: Kang Sujin x Han Seojun

Romantic Trope: Haters to friends to lovers

Word Count: 16.2k [this one is LONG]

Rating: T

PART 3

“What have I done?” Sujin pulled at her hair in frustration.

The deal she had made with Han Seojun had been the on account of the many shots of soju she had taken. It was only when she had sobered up the next morning that she realized, with horror, just what exactly she had promised.

It was a bad idea. On paper it sounded plausible; two people suffering from the same pain could empathize with each other. But in reality, going through a heartbreak meant that you needed someone to support you, not the other way around. Trying to support someone whilst being in pain yourself was hard. And in this particular case, it would be impossible. Mainly because the people Kang Sujin and Han Seojun liked were with each other.

Sujin could see her and Han Seojun’s fledgling friendship going up in flames before it had even had a chance to fly. She would always want to talk about Lee Suho and he would resent that since Suho was the one dating Jukyung. Seojun would want to talk about Jukyung and Sujin would find that annoying for the same reason.

It was a recipe for disaster.

“Yah, gimme your number.” Sujin had demanded last night, handing Han Seojun her phone after he had agreed to her stupid proposal. Seojun had obediently entered his number at her behest. She programmed her number in his phone as well.

“There. Now we can text each other if we ever need to talk.”

“Ya, why am I Gangster in your phone?” Seojun had protested when he had saw her type it out.

Sujin had chuckled, drunk on soju. “Because you’re a gangster, you gangster.”

“Is that so?” Seojun proceeded to type away furiously into his phone. He held it up for Sujin to see.

“Princess? Are we kindergarteners?” Sujin had frowned.

Seojun stuck his tongue out. “That’s what you get for naming me Gangster.”

Sujin had retaliated, editing his contact. “Here!” She held up her phone.

“Wha-What? Twerp?”

Sujin blanked on the argument that had proceeded after this but she knew they did argue. To the point that the owner of the tent bar kicked them out.

Now Sujin was stuck with the contact named as Twerp on her phone and she had no idea what to do with it. Should she text him? Should she delete it? Should she just pretend last night didn’t happen?

She knew she should choose the third option. Or even the second. But her hand itched to send Seojun a text and see if he really was up for hanging out.

All day long Sujin kept checking her phone, looking for any new messages or missed calls she may have received. All she got were some memes from Suah and everyone else’s responses to those messages on their group chat. Han Seojun had also responded with a laughing emoji. Which meant he wasn’t too body or occupied to text Sujin.

Then why wasn’t he texting her?

Why do I care?

Sujin knew why. It was because she had no body else to talk to about what was bothering her. Normally, she would have called Jukyung but this time, she couldn’t. Jukyung’s giant engagement ring kept flashing in her mind over and over. It even plagued her dreams last night.

Sujin needed to occupy herself. Her current jobless situation wasn’t helping things either. She quickly fired a text to Suah to see if she was free to hang.

Sorry Kang Su! Me and Taehoon are going to visit his parents. Suah had replied.

Sujin looked at her list of contacts. There was no one else but Han Seojun who she could ask. Reluctantly, she texted him.

I’m going to the batting cages. Wanna join me?

Sujin pressed send before she could stop herself and was immediately filled with deep regret she saw the “Seen” check appear.

One minute, two minute, fifteen minutes passed. He didn’t reply.

“Guess he wasn’t interested.” Sujin lamented. It would have been nice to have someone to hang with, but given the obvious rejection, she had to make do with just lonesome herself.

Kang Sujin wasn’t exactly a prodigy at sports, but she was considerably better than most. Batting happened to be one of her strong suits.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

She hit each ball with graceful ease. Her brows were furrowed in focus. Her breathing controlled and steady. Sujin had learned long ago that sports aided in dealing with her rage and frustrations. It was a way to release all of her worries in a healthy manner and channel inner peace.

Thwack! Thwack!

She hit again and again, not caring about the score, just wanting to get the shot.

“Wow, I’m impressed.”

“Huh?” Sujin carelessly turned and her surprise at finding Han Seojun standing in the adjacent batting area was only thwarted by the ball hitting her in the torso. She yelped in pain.

“Oh, gwenchana?” Seojun asked in concern.

“Aish.” Sujin held her side and moved out of the way of the pitching machine. She gave Seojun a scathing look. “What are you doing here?”

“You asked to meet here didn’t you?”

“People normally respond to invitations to confirm they’re coming.” Sujin checked herself for injuries before resuming her batting position.

Seojun was quiet. “I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to meet you.”

Thwack! Sujin hit a ball. “Oh, yeah? What made you change your mind?”

Seojun picked up his bat, not responding. The pitching machine on his lane whirred to life. He hit his ball. Thwack! “Did you see the video Jukyung posted?”

“Ah-nee.” Sujin replied. Thwack!

“She posted a bridal makeup tutorial.”

Sujin missed the next ball. And the one after that. Seojun could feel her gaze on his back but didn’t dare turn. From his posture Sujin could sense hostility. Which was fine, she hadn’t invited him here to talk. She invited him here to vent. She resumed her batting.

“I scored higher than you.” Sujin informed with a grin once they were done.

“Good for you.” Han Seojun said, unimpressed.

He still seemed on edge. Sujin had tried to engage him during their small breaks between the game but all he had given her were clipped answers.

“Did you watch the entire video?”

“Yes.”

“How did it feel?”

“How do you think I felt?”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Just hit the ball.”

Sujin didn’t know how Seojun was when they had parted, but she herself felt significantly better. She went home with a peaceful mind and even discovered that she had gotten a call from a prospective employer. They asked if she could come in for an interview the following week. Perhaps things would be getting better from now on.

Or perhaps not.

The interview had gone horribly wrong, especially after the interviewer realized who she was. Sujin had expected a polite rejection but instead the interviewer had decided that she deserved a lecture on bullying from him.

“You know. I was bullied too as a kid.” The interviewer had said.

The experience had left her shaken. Was this going to be her life from now on? Would she just be kicked out of society just like that, over a badly reported gossip article?

Sujin’s hands ached to be washed but she refused to even think about it. She needed an outlet and she knew exactly what she wanted. It was then that she got a text from Han Seojun.

Let’s meet.

Sujin told him where to show up.

“You know jujitsu?” Seojun was surprised when she had invited him for a match.

“Don’t you?” Sujin said, clad in her white Gi. She had been warming up when Seojun had arrived clad in jeans and a hoodie. He had a cap on underneath the hood.

“I don’t fight with girls.”

“And what if a girl fights with you?”

Seojun chuckled incredulously.

“If you can laugh like that then you can show me what you’ve got, no? Or are you afraid you’ll lose like you lost in the batting cages.”

“That wasn’t a competition.”

Sujin smirked, “Sure it wasn’t.”

Seojun rolled his eyes and went to change out of his clothes.

Smack! Down Han Seojun went. He had gone easy on Kang Sujin for the first round because she was a girl. But she had immediately disarmed him and thrown him over her shoulder. Grinning like a wolf, she immediately took the fighting position again, leaving Han Seojun to recover on the floor.

“First one doesn’t count!” He argued.

“What’s wrong, Han Seojun? Can’t even fight against a girl?”

Seojun got up, “Alright. I won’t be going easy on you anymore.”

“Fine by me.”

Sujin attacked first, Seojun quickly blocked her, wrapped his arms around her waist and tried to push her down. She wrapped her legs around him and swiveled him around so that he fell. Then she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling at his arm.

“You fight without strategy.” Sujin said through clenched teeth as she tried to keep him down. Seojun managed to turn her entire body over, releasing himself.

“Fighting is about instinct. Not strategies.” Seojun went for the attack this time. Sujin blocked him but he easily maneuvered around her, throwing her down and pinning her in place with all his strength. It was an awkward position to be in, but he didn’t care. He would not let her win.

“Anything without a strategy is doomed to fail.” She grabbed his collar and adjusted her leg to flip them over. Now she was keeping him down.

“Nope. Instincts always win.” He weaseled out of her grip and they parted.

Sujin took fighting position again. She easily jabbed and smacked him around while Seojun blocked haphazardly. She was precise and focused, knowing exactly where to hit and how.

In her mind, she wasn’t fighting with Han Seojun. She was fighting with her interviewer. She jabbed and blocked and kicked the man who had sat and judged her without even hearing her side of the story. It was cathartic to let this all out. And if Han Seojun got hurt in the way, then she didn’t mind.

Sujin and Seojun fought for a long time, both sweating and panting with exhaustion but neither relenting.

“I’m still winning Han Seojun.” Sujin said with labored breath.

“We’re not done yet.”

Smack! Down Han Seojun went. Again, and again, and again.

“Had enough?” Sujin asked as they parted.

“Never.”

Seojun attacked. Sujin easily blocked it, kicking him in the chest. The mat was slick with their sweat. Sujin didn’t see Seojun slip and fall to his knees. She only spun around to deliver a roundhouse kick to his torso. But the kick would have hit him in the face. Except, except Han Seojun caught her ankle just in time. The force of it nearly knocked him down.

“I can’t let you hit my face.” He said with a half smirk.

“Wae?” She asked with a flick of her brow.

“It’s a precious commodity.”

He pulled Sujin by her ankle, bringing her leg to his side. She fell on him, using his shoulders to brace herself. Their noses were almost touching. He cupped her calf and grabbed her sleeve to hold her in place.

It was too close. Sujin’s mind went blank. And that was the opening Seojun needed to throw her down.

“I won that round.” He grinned, standing up.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m still ahead.” Sujin’s face still felt hot. She got up and straightened her Gi. “I think that’s enough for today.”

Seojun nodded. “You hungry?” He asked. After the workout she had just had, she was ravenous.

They went to a nearby convenience store where they got ramen. Seojun watched in surprise as Sujin hungrily chowed down.

“What?” Sujin asked.

“You are a very unexpected girl, Kang Sujin.” Seojun took off his cap and ran his hand through his hair.

Sujin smiled and stirred her ramen. “So, what happened this time?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why’d you ask to see me today? Did Jukyung post another video?”

Seojun hesitated. “Last time… I was in a bad mood. But you seemed like you wanted to talk.”

Sujin gave a slow smile. “What? You felt guilty?”

“Yes.” Seojun said unabashedly.

“You know we don’t have to talk. Maybe we can just keep each other company.”

“Sure. That seems fine.” Seojun looked at her critically. “But something was bothering you today.”

Sujin bit her cheek. “I had an interview today.”

“Didn’t go well.” It wasn’t a question.

Sujin told him, about how her interviewer treated her. About how she feared she may never get a job again.

“Ah-nee, how can people be so ridiculous? You already settled the matter didn’t you? Then what’s everybody’s problem?” Seojun’s outburst warmed Sujin’s heart. It felt good to talk and share. It made Sujin feel lighter. She wondered if she could return the favor.

“You didn’t tell me what you thought of Jukyung’s video.”

Seojun’s face fell. “Ah. That.” He leaned back and sighed. “Did you see it?”

“Yeah.”

Seojun’s face was a strange combination of pain and admiration. “She looked beautiful, didn’t she?”

Sujin’s voice was small. “Yeah, she did.” And Suho probably thought so too.

“They’ve been together for so long. Marriage was inevitable. But now that it’s happening… I don’t know. I just feel… honestly I don’t even know what I feel anymore.”

“I know what you mean. I can’t imagine how I’m going to attend the wedding.”

“My mom’s inviting the two over for dinner to celebrate. Imagine having to sit through that.”

“Yikes. Does your mom know how you feel?”

“Of course, she does. But Lee Suho is my best friend and she’s happy for him.”

“Well… I’m always here,” Sujin held up her phone, “just a text away. If you need me.”

“What I need right now is more food.” Seojun got up.

“Aren’t idols supposed to diet?”

“Not when they’ve had their ass kicked twelve times. You want anything?”

“Nah. I’m full.”

While Han Seojun went inside, Sujin checked her phone for any messages and emails. She had applied to a dozen non-profit companies. None of them, except the interview today, had gotten back.

“Omo. Isn’t that, that girl?” Someone said loudly.

“Yah! Shhh!”

Sujin looked up to some mean looking high schoolers gawking at her. There were three of them but the one standing in the front was clearly the leader. The girls to her side was trying to keep her quiet but unsuccessfully.

“It is! Look. Its that woman, Kang Sujin! Wah! I never thought I’d meet someone I read about online in real life.” The leader girl came forward, crossing her arms.

Sujin stood up to her full height. The girl was shorter than her, but she was undeterred. Sujin half admired her courage.

“Can I help you?” Sujin asked in a measured tone.

The leader girl stared Sujin down. “Check out her audacity. Should someone who’s hated by everyone be talking like that?” The girl spoke in banmal.

“I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. So why don’t you leave?” Sujin suggested. These kids were younger than her, although by not much. They looked like seniors who might have been held back a year or two.

“Why should I leave? You leave.”

“I was here first.”

“This is my usual place. My boyfriend’s coming here to meet me.” The girl said self-assuredly.

“Then let him come. There’s enough space for the both of us.”

“I don’t think so.” The girl got right in her face. “You’re the girl who seduced our Seojun Oppa, aren’t you? Don’t you know that you almost ruined his career by doing that?”

Sujin laughed at the thought of Han Seojun being someone’s Oppa. He always seemed so childish to her.

“Oh, you think its funny to ruin someone’s career?”

Sujin tried to explain calmly, “No, no. I wasn’t—"

The girl pushed her, “Women like you are everything that’s wrong with the world!”

The old Kang Sujin would have kicked this rude girl’s ass by this point. But Sujin was trying to be a new Kang Sujin, one that didn’t hate easily. Sujin sighed. “Kid, just leave me alone.”

The girl poked her finger in Sujin’s shoulder. “And what if I don’t?”

Sujin raised a hand and the girl flinched. But Sujin only stroked her head. “Youngster, you shouldn’t be so rude to people.”

“Like you were to Lim Jukyung?” Sujin’s face hardened as the girl taunted, “What? You guys are friends now? Who would buy that bullshit? People are you are such trash. You go around flaunting your beauty, seducing our idols. Trash like you doesn’t belong here.”

“Yah, stop it!” The girl’s friends warned from behind.

“Chaeri, you’ll get into trouble.”

Chaeri didn’t listen. “Leave! I don’t want people like you here.” She told Sujin.

It was one thing to be nice. It was quite another to be weak. And Kang Sujin was anything but weak. “You want me to leave?” Sujin said. “Then make me.” Sujin stood her ground, glaring at the girl.

Chaeri smiled. “Okay.” She reached over to the half finished can of soda that Han Seojun had left on the table and poured it over Sujin.

Sujin closed her eyes to calm herself. Don’t engage Kang Sujin.

“Here you go, b****.”

Alright, screw it.

Sujin’s eyes popped open enraged. “What did you just call me? B****?” She grabbed Chaeri’s hair and pulled.

Chaeri screamed, “Yah! What are you doing?”

“I was going easy on you since you’re a teenager. But now I see you need to be taught a lesson.” Sujin kept her grip firmly on the Chaeri hair as the girl struggled to break free. “Listen carefully. Just because someone has allegedly done something wrong doesn’t mean you get to take justice in your hands. If you see something wrong, you speak up about it. If it’s happening in front of you, you stop it. But you don’t go around harassing someone without even understanding the full story, arachi? If I’m a bully, then go tell the police and have them investigate. Calling me names and bothering me only makes you another bully, not an avenger.”

Sujin let go. Chaeri ran and cowered by her friends who looked at Sujin in fear.

“Now get out of my sight. And don’t let me see you girls again.”

The girls ran away as Sujin watched. She didn’t enjoy what had just happened. It left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Was I too harsh?

“Remind me never to piss you off again.” Han Seojun came to stand by her.

“Mwo-ya, were you watching? How long were you here.”

“I came out when I saw you grabbing that girl’s hair.”

Sujin frowned in worry. “I wasn’t—”

“I know.” Seojun came forward, eyeing her head. “I heard the speech. Did they do this?” He pointed to her wet hair.

“Ugh. Yeah.” Sujin groaned.

“Let’s go inside. You can clean up.”

Sujin used the convenience store bathroom to wash out the soda from her hair. She dried off with some paper towels but her head looked like a mess when she was done. She tried to smoothen it down but then it stuck to her face weirdly.

In the store, Han Seojun was signing an autograph for the store clerk. “Ya, gimme that.” Sujin came up behind him and took his cap off from him, putting it on herself. Han Seojun didn’t bat an eye lash.

“Here you go.” He told the clerk.

“Thank you. My girlfriend will really appreciate it.” The clerk beamed.

The convenience store entrance rang as they exited.

“You can keep that cap.” Seojun told Sujin.

“Ah really?”

“Yah! Are you the one who harassed my girlfriend?”

Seojun and Sujin turned. The high schooler, Chaeri, was standing there with four hulking boys, all looking like miscreants with their mean faces and unkempt clothing. They seemed older than high school kids, more like college students. The girl’s friends were notably missing. It was just her and the four thugs.

“Han Seojun,” Sujin whispered, “you leave.”

“No.” He said casually, yet firmly.

“You could get into another scandal, you idiot!” Sujin hissed.

“No.”

Sujin clenched her jaw. “Listen to me, you dolt. You’ll—”

“Omo! Is that Han Seojun?” Chaeri was staring, eyes wide in wonder. “It is! Oh my God, Oppa! Is that you? Why are you here?” Chaeri’s eyes passed between Seojun and Sujin. “Oppa, are you actually dating this girl?” She asked, sounding betrayed.

“You know this guy?” Chaeri’s boyfriend asked.

“He’s Han Seojun. He’s an idol.”

“He’s not with me.” Sujin declared as she walked up to the group, putting distance between her and Seojun. “We just coincidentally met inside.” She stood resolutely with her shoulders squared, not showing an ounce of fear.

Seojun walked up and stood Sujin. “I am with her. So what? You got a problem?” He asked Chaeri.

Sujin’s face contorted in exasperation. Han Seojun, you idiot!

The boyfriend looked amused at the situation. “Aaah. I see now. You think that just because your boyfriend is a big shot idol that you can do whatever you want?”

“That’s not what happened. Your girlfriend here harassed me first.” Sujin explained coolly.

“Oppa, she’s lying.” The girl said. “I was just walking by and she started pulling my hair.”

Sujin scoffed. “What an obvious lie. You gonna believe that?”

“I don’t see why I have to believe you.” The boyfriend replied.

“Why would I attack her without any reason?”

“Oppa, she did it because I was a fan of Han Seojun.” Chaeri looked at Seojun, “Aren’t you going to defend your fans?”

Seojun tilted his head. “My fans don’t go around harassing my friends.”

Chaeri’s mouth fell open. “What?”

“Also, no real fan would damage their idol’s reputation but causing a scene like this. Don’t you know it reflects badly on me when say I have toxic fans?”

Chaeri’s face contorted in anger. Sujin gulped, “Han Seojun, shut up.”

“Oppa, you’re going to just let these people treat me this way?” Chaeri pulled at her boyfriend’s arm.

The boyfriend leaned down to Sujin, “Listen here ahjumma, you hurt my girlfriend. That action is going to come with consequences.”

Seojun grabbed the boy’s collar, pushing him away from Sujin. “You can’t call yourself a man if you threaten women like this.”

The boyfriend laughed, before he went in for the punch. Seojun dodged it and kicked the guy in the chest, sending him backwards. Chaeri squealed and jumped to the side. The other three thugs went for Seojun and Sujin.

Sujin brought one of them down with a spin kick in the face. The other two boys were on Seojun. Sujin kicked one of them away and dragged him further by his hair.

It was difficult for Sujin and Seojun to keep up. The thugs, while young, were still huge and more in number. Sujin took her time to size up her opponents, hitting and dodging accordingly. Seojun fought in his typical instinctive manner, taking many hits but also delivering his own.

One of the boys had Seojun backed up in the corner and by this time the boyfriend had gotten back up. Seojun didn’t see the boyfriend, but Sujin did. The boyfriend picked up a stick lying on the corner of the street by the garbage cans. Two thugs were on Seojun now, holding him back as the boyfriend raised the stick, aiming to swing it right in Seojun’s face.

In that moment, Sujin forgot all about fighting with strategy. All she could think of was saving Han Seojun. She ran into the boyfriend, taking him down with her entire body. She kicked him in the groin, causing so much pain that the boy’s face became red. Han Seojun, and the two thugs holding him back, were staring at her speechless.

“I won’t let you hit his face.” She told the boyfriend. Then, giving Seojun a sideways look she added, “It’s a hot commodity.”

Seojun took this opening to break free and kick the thugs away. Sujin swung the stick and hit one of them in the back. The last one standing decided to be smart and ran away.

Seojun and Sujin looked at each other, and the high schoolers lying on the ground, moaning in pain. They had won and it felt good. Seojun looked at something behind Sujin. She followed his line of sight and found Chaeri standing by the corner, recording everything on her phone.

Sujin walked up to her. “Give it while I’m being nice.”

“I’m recording this too you know.” Chaeri said insolently.

Sujin smiled. Then spun around to kick Chaeri, except she missed her face by an inch.

“Ah, how sad. I missed.”

Chaeri just stood, frozen in place. Seojun walked up, pulled the phone from her hand and smashed it to the ground.

“Am I going to hear about this online?” It was a rhetorical question. Said with such authority, in that deep angry baritone, that even Sujin felt intimidated.

Chaeri just shook her head.

“Good. Lets go, Kang Sujin.” Seojun led Sujin away by her arm.

“So, like I said. Remind me never to piss you off again.” Seojun repeated. Sujin chuckled. “Also…” Seojun rubbed the back of his head, “Thanks… for saving me back there.”

“Don’t mention it. After all, we have to protect his hot commodity.” Sujin teased. Instead of getting annoyed like she expected him to, Han Seojun smirked.

“You know I never said my face was a hot commodity. I only said it was a precious commodity.” Sujin stopped in her tracks as she realized he was right. But Seojun kept on walking smugly. “I guess you think I’m hot.” He called back to her.

“No way!” Sujin yelled as she ran after him. “No way!” ii.

Things had changed between Kang Sujin and Han Seojun. They were way past enmity now. In fact, Seojun couldn’t even remember the hate he used to have for her. They were also past the courteous co-existence they had sustained for a brief period where they acted polite and nice to one another which was more a sign of them being strangers than anything else.

Now Han Seojun and Kang Sujin really could say that they were friends. Hanging out together had become a weekly ritual. Almost always, it was prompted by something Jukyung or Suho did.

The night of Suho’s and Jukyung’s the engagement party, hosted by Suho’s father, they went to karaoke to sing their hearts out. As expected, Seojun was the better singer. But Sujin wasn’t exactly bad herself. Her song choices were about self-empowerment and having fun. Seojun chose soft, ballads that were clearly about Jukyung.

“One day, my songs will be on a karaoke machine too.” Seojun had wished as they had walked back home.

“And then I will sing it.” Sujin encouraged.

“And ruin it.”

Sujin punched him in the shoulder.

The time Suho and Jukyung announced their wedding on Jukyung’s channel, they went to an arcade. Of course, Sujin beat Seojun at every game.

“Ah-nee, how do you know how to play? All I ever saw you doing in school was study.”

“Just accept it, Han Seojun. I’m better than you.”

“At bragging maybe.”

The time Jukyung got drunk and went around hugging Han Seojun thinking he was Suho, they went for a drive on his bike.

Sujin had insisted that he teach her how to ride it.

“Aren’t you afraid?” Seojun remebered how terrified Jukyung had been when she first rode with him.

“Why would I be?” Sujin asked, confused.

She took to the bike quickly and soon was riding them both around the city without Seojun’s guidance.

“Not too bad, Kang Sujin.” Seojun was impressed. Sujin grinned triumphantly.

As per their agreement, the two looked out for each other when they were with the group, making sure their feelings weren’t too apparent. At the night of the engagement party, Sujin kept covering for Seojun when he didn’t participate in conversations as much as he usually did. She would answer for him or change the subject. On the same night, Seojun had been the one to sneak Sujin away when she was on the verge of breaking into tears when the couple was cutting the cake. No one had noticed the two heart broken friends that night. All eyes had been on Jukyung and Suho.

On the same night that Jukyung had gotten drunk, Han Seojun had been the one to distract Suah when she kept pushing Jukyung into dating a guy she knew from work. And on a separate occasion, when the group was out for dinner and had run into Suho’s father, Seojun had kept a firm hand on Sujin’s back when Lee Joheon spoke at length on how sad he was about her parents’ divorce.

As uncanny as it seemed, it was undeniable. Han Seojun and Kang Sujin were friends now. Oddly enough, no one seemed to have picked up on their closeness, despite the fact that they never hid it from anyone. Sujin mentioned that Seojun had taught her how to ride his bike but the statement went unnoticed for its inclusion of Han Seojun. All Suah and Jukyung cared about was how dangerous it was to drive bikes.

“Han Seojun! Stop being a bad influence on Sujin!” Jukyung had scolded.

“What did I do? She’s the one who wanted to learn. And she’s not so innocent either. Just ask her about how she beat me in jiujitsu.” Seojun had pointed a finger at her.

“You know Jiujitsu?” Suho had asked, ignoring the part about her beating Seojun.

“Yeah. We should spar sometime.”

And so things went on and Jukyung’s and Suho’s wedding date inched closer and closer. But Sujin felt nothing had really improved with her feelings about Suho.

“We should really get to the therapy part one of these days.” Sujin casually said over a cup of coffee. This time, they had opted for a quiet meeting in a café.

Seojun considered her request. “What should we talk about?”

They both drew a blank, neither able to come up with a good starting point. Their feelings were so complicated and tangled that neither knew were to start unraveling.

Sujin raised a hand, fingers spread out wide. “Five questions.” She said, and with each word she lowered a finger, “Who, What, When, Where and Why.” She said in English.

“What’s that?”

“Its how you gather basic information. You ask yourself these questions.” Sujin explained, translating in Korean, “Who is it? What is it? When was it? and Why was it?”

Seojun nodded. “Okay. You first.”

“Hmm… We can skip the Who since we already know who it is. So, what is it that I like about Lee Suho? Hmm…” Sujin had to think for a minute.

The first thing that popped into her mind was her father. She and Suho both had troubled relationships with their fathers and at the time, Sujin had felt that Suho could understand her better because because of this. But she couldn’t tell Han Seojun that. Having a dysfunctional family made her feel like a freak. She didn’t need Han Seojun knowing about her private problems, even if they were friends.

So instead of the truth, she said, “He was cool,”

Seojun scoffed. “Kang Sujin were you that shallow?”

Sujin looked at him flatly. “It wasn’t just that! It was… well, he was always cold to everyone else. But he still treated me better.” Sujin looked at her hands, nervously playing with her thumbs. “I guess I liked how he was with me. And I liked that he wasn’t shallow like most boys are. ”

That answer seemed more acceptable to Seojun. “I don’t think I can distill my feelings to just a couple of traits. I like everything about Lim Jukyung. The way she smiles, the way she ties up her hair, how kind and caring she is with everyone… she just has this warmth about her that just… draws you in.”

“I know what you mean.” Sujin agreed. But there was a little part of her that resented Seojun’s compliments of Jukyung. Wasn’t she kind and caring too? Didn’t she have any warmth?

Probably not. Her father’s voice said. Sujin pushed it away.

“When did you first start liking Lee Suho?” Seojun asked.

Sujin thought for a minute. “I don’t know. I just know that when I noticed I liked him, it felt like I had always liked him.” She sat up straight. “What about you? When did you start liking Jukyung?”

After a pause he replied, “When I started to get to know her. I can’t say exactly when… But I noticed my heart would act weird after she started teasing me about my underwear--”

“Say what now? What underwear?” Sujin perked up. It was at this moment that Han Seojun knew, that he had messed up. He could feel himself get red in the face.

“It was nothing. What I meant was—”

“Nononono, no. Han Seojun, you’re not getting out of this one. Tell me. What underwear?”

Seojun crossed his arms, “I’m not saying a word.”

Their therapy session had ended there. Sujin tried again and again to get Seojun to reveal what the underwear incident was but he kept his silence. He would die before he ever told anyone about how Jukyung had seen him dancing around in his cheetah print underwear.

Han Seojun still experienced PTSD when he heard “Okey Dokey yo!” from anywhere.

iii.

Seojun didn’t know how the fight began. They had met up for dinner after Sujin got off from work. She had taken up various part time jobs to pay the bills. With her being busy throughout the day, dinner was the only time they could meet.

They had been talking about Suho and Jukyung. Seojun normally danced around the topic of what Sujin had done back in high school now that they were friends. But this time she had brought it up herself.

“Do you remember that picture I took of you?”

“Yeah.” Seojun still remembered how flatly she had said You look cool. He had almost admired her audacity back then, and he did so more now.

“I traded it to get the info on Jukyung.” She admitted quietly.

“Ah, even back then my face was such a hot commodity.” Seojun said smugly.

Sujin made a face at him.

They joked about the past, about how Han Seojun hadn’t changed since then, about how Sujin had changed so much. Then, as they walked towards Sujin’s apartment, they got into the serious stuff. About how Sujin just disappeared after the truth about her was revealed, about how Seojun was right that she had only destroyed herself, and no one else.

“I wish I hadn’t done all that. Looking back, I want to kick myself.” Sujin had said.

“You should have shared, about what you were going through. Suah and Jukyung would have understood. I mean, having your father treat you the way he did… it must have made everything harder to deal with. Looking back, I might have acted better too, even helped y--”

Seojun suddenly noticed that Sujin wasn’t with him. She had stopped in her tracks and was glaring at him but Seojun couldn’t understand why.

“W-what do you mean my father’s treatment?” Sujin asked icily, her face was unreadable.

“Well… didn’t he used to beat you and pressure you for—”

“Shut up! Just shut up, Han Seojun!” Sujin suddenly freaked out. And it scared Seojun.

“What’s wrong?” He asked with concern. He moved towards her, but she moved back.

She looked at him coldly. “Who the hell told you about this? Was it Suho? It was Suho, wasn’t it? No one else knows besides him.”

Seojun hesitated. “Actually... that time when I met your mom—”

Sujin blinked rapidly. “So you’re saying that you’ve known about this all this time?”

“Kang Sujin, calm down its not a—”

Sujin spoke through clenched teeth, “What’s not a big deal? The fact that my family is broken or the fact that my father was an abusive asshole? What exactly about it is not a big deal, Han Seojun?”

Seojun was thoroughly confused now. “Sujin-ah.” he called out to her but she kept moving back with every step he took towards her. She was shaking quite visibly.

“Did you have fun, thinking I was so tragic and damaged? Did you have fun pitying me all this time? Did you—” Sujin’s eyes went wide as if she hit a realization. “Ya Han Seojun… did you become friends with me because you pitied me?” She said the word with such acidity that Seojun flinched.

It would be a lie to say it hadn’t influenced his opinion of her. But it wasn’t the only reason they were friends. Surely Sujin had to understand that.

“Sujin-ah—”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” Sujin’s lip quivered. “All this time, you’ve only treated me decently because you thought I was some tragic case—”

“You know that’s not true.” Seojun protested but Sujin wasn’t listening.

“—and here I was thinking we were actually friends. Han Seojun, would you have even been nice to me if you hadn’t known?”

“Does that matter?” Seojun asked, frustrated, “We’re friends now, aren’t we?”

That had been the wrong thing to say. Sujin’s eyes flamed as she suddenly switched. Gone was the shaking and the freaked out look. Sujin was now very calm and cold; calculating in her movements. She gave a sarcastic smile. “Ya Han Seojun. Do you know? I pity you too.”

“What?”

“Pathetically liking someone for so long, whining like a boy over everything, acting all childish, you think that makes you attractive?”

“Ya, Kang Sujin—” Seojun warned.

“I bet Jukyung pities you too.” Sujin stalked up to Seojun. “Ah, that loser, Han Seojun, until when is he going to be hung up on me? I bet that’s what she thinks every time she sees you.”

They glared at each other for the longest time. Maybe too long.

“Kang Sujin… you are seriously messed up.” Was all Seojun said before he walked away; from Sujin and the entire situation. Sujin’s eyes filled with tears which she furiously blinked away.

If Sujin had been more like Jukyung, she would have dealt with this situation maturely. Lim Kukyung would have faced her emotions and not taken Seojun’s sympathy as pity. Lim Jukyung would have been up front about how she felt and not pushed Seojun away. Lim Jukyung would have been better.

But Kang Sujin was not Lim Jukyung. Kang Sujin was a messed up girl.

iv.

“Has anyone heard from Sujin recently?” Jukyung asked the group. They were all gathered for lunch, all except Seojun and Sujin, both of whom had been absent these past couple of get-togethers.

“Wae? Has something happened?” Suah asked.

“Not really. But she hasn’t been replying as much to my texts.” Jukyung pouted.

“You know what Kang Su is like. She’s rarely online. Plus, she’s working all these jobs now.”

“She always replies to me though,” Jukyung muttered to herself as she looked at her chat with Sujin. The one Sujin hadn’t responded to since four days.

“Is Seojun not coming today either?” Taehoon asked Suho.

“Don’t know. He’s so busy with brand practice these days that he barely replies to me.”

“Guys! Sorry I’m late!” Sujin rushed towards the group.

“Kang Su!” Jukyung and Suah welcomed her.

“We were afraid you wouldn’t show up again.” Jukyung said, putting her arm through Sujin’s.

“Kang Su-ya,” Suah said, playfully nudging Sujin’s shoulder, “you’re all dressed up. Did you just come back from a date?” Indeed Sujin was wearing a sleek black pant suit with full makeup on.

“Who went on a date?” Seojun arrived but stopped when he saw Sujin. Sujin held her breath as she waited for him to say something.

“Our Kang Su.” Suah responded. Seojun just flicked a brow but betrayed no emotion. He took a seat besides Suho.

“Ya! It wasn’t a date. I just came back from an interview.” She grinned.

“Ooh! How did it go?”

Sujin kept her silence for a second before she finally burst with excitement, “I got it!” The girls squealed at the good news. “Its at this non-profit that works with providing clean water to under-developed countries.” She showed everyone the website for the company and the work that they did on her phone.

Everyone congratulated Sujin on her accomplishment. Even Seojun gave her a “Congratulations.” To which she thanked him.

“I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t think you’d come.” Suho told Seojun.

He wasn’t going to. But he had heard that Sujin hadn’t been present either and he had figured it would be okay for him to join everyone if she wasn’t there.

She should have been an actress, Seojun thought as he watched Sujin behave like nothing was wrong.

The conversation over lunch flowed easily as it usually did. Everyone laughed, joked and shared about what had happened since they last met. No one seemed to notice that Seojun and Sujin were not speaking directly to each other, even once. They only spoke to everyone else.

It was only when Seojun was leaving the men’s room that he found Sujin waiting for him and jumped in surprise.

“Ah, ggam-jjak-ee-ya!” Seojun held his chest in shock.

“Aww, the great Han Seojun get’s scared?”

“Only when confronted by pervert girls who stalk boys outside the washrooms.”

Sujin narrowed her eyes. “Shut up! I wasn’t stalking. I was only waiting to talk to you.”

“That’s equally worrying. What do you want?” He said dismissively.

Sujin handed him a keychain. It was his own face made in cartoon form. “Here. I know how much you love seeing yourself.”

“What’s this for?”

Sujin cleared her throat. “An apology. Mianhae, Han Seojun. Last time—”

“I don’t want to hear it.” He handed the keychain back to Sujin. She grabbed his arm as he tried to leave.

“At least hear me out.”

“No.” Seojun pushed her arm away.

Sujin’s lips tightened. She grabbed Seojun’s arm again, pulling him with brute strength. “Will you just listen to me you big baby! I’m trying to apologize.” She glared at him.

“Why? I thought you hated me.”

Sujin’s face softened. “I don’t hate you, Han Seojun.” She let go of his arm. “That time… when you started talking about my father, I just lost it. I haven’t actually told anybody about what he did to me. Not even Suah and Jukyung know. All they know is that he was tough on me.”

“Lee Suho knows.” Seojun accused.

“He figured it out on his own. I never actually told him. How could I?” Sujin felt ridiculous admitting it out loud, “How could I tell him that I don’t know what a happy family looks like? I see Jukyung with her dad and Suah with hers and how they have such good relationships, and I can’t imagine being the same way with my father. And that makes me feel like a freak. People already give me weird looks because of my parents’ divorce. If they knew about my father, they’d think that I was crazy… and maybe I am, who knows.”

Seojun softened. “You’re not crazy, Sujin-ah.”

There it was, that pity on Han Seojun’s face. Sujin hated it but she had come today to this lunch only to apologize to him and that is what she was going to do.

“I am, Han Seojun. Why else would I have said all of those mean things?” Sujin’s voice shook. Seojun moved to hug her but she stepped away. Him comforting her would be too much, she would fall to pieces if he did. She had to hold herself together, on her own. “I’m sorry Han Seojun. I didn’t mean any of it. Not a single word.”

Seojun nodded. “I know.” He felt like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders and only then did he notice how bothered he really had been about their fight.

“You guys not coming?” Suho asked as he passed by. Seojun and Sujin straightened themselves up and joined the others.

They found the girls giggling at something on Jukyung’s phone.

“What’s funny?”

“Ya Kang Sujin, your nose looks so big in this!” Suah commented. Jukyung turned the phone to Sujin. It was the video of the live event they had done.

“Aish!” Sujin said disapprovingly. “I look so weird in this video.”

Suho and Taehoon leaned over and laughed too as Sujin robotically read off the comments in the video.

“Maybe we can go Seojun’s makeup next.” Jukyung suggested.

“I’m a celebrity, Lim Jukyung.” He said haughtily, pulling the lapels of his jacket, “You can’t just have me on any show.”

Sujin wrinkled her nose at Seojun, “This coming from a guy who didn’t even know the difference between ppt and fitting.”

“That never happened!” Seojun contested. Everyone else laughed.

“Sujin-ah. Maybe I can have you on as a guest next time.” Jukyung suggested.

“Sure.” Sujin put her arm around Jukyung and whispered audibly, “And let’s do it when Suho isn’t around.” The girls winked to each other.

Suho smacked Sujin’s hand away from Jukyung’s shoulder. “Keep your hands off my girlfriend.”

“Sure. But I can’t guarantee she’ll keep her hands off me.” Sujin grinned evilly. Suho’s wide eyed, worried, expression made Jukyung laugh.

Han Seojun fell on his face for the umpteenth time as he tried to hit the ball that Sujin had served. He was lucky they were all on the beach and his face was hitting soft sand instead of concrete.

“Ya, who’s idea was it to play volleyball?” Seojun asked as he brushed himself off.

“Quit being a sore loser, Han Seo!” Sujin called from the girl’s side of the net.

“Just you watch. I will make you eat your words!”

Of course, the boys lost. Suho was too distracted by Jukyung. Taehoon played bad on purpose because Suah said she wanted to win. Chorong was a bad at playing in general. The only two people taking this seriously were Han Seojun and Kang Sujin who ran around covering up for their team mates, as if their lives depended on winning. Sujin in particular refused to let Seojun get a single goal.

“You must really hate Han Seojun, huh?” Suah asked once the game was over.

“No. I just don’t like to lose.”

“Look at her, it’s like she’s going to war.” Jukyung laughed at the fire in Sujin’s eyes.

“Did you piss Kang Sujin off?” Taehoon was asking Seojun on the other side as the boys drank water.

“Nah, she’s just like that in general.” Seojun panted, still exhausted from the game.

A crowd of girls had gathered around their little game, drawn towards Suho and Seojun playing. They had cheered the boys on during the game and now they gravitated towards the two, hoping to get a chance to talk to them.

Suho had brushed them off in his usual rude manner. Seojun had been obliging, especially when they recognized who he was. He patiently signed autographs but couldn’t take pictures since his company didn’t allow them.

“Han Seojun, we have to get back.” Suah had come over to inform him.

“Yeah, just one minute.” The fans kept coming and coming. Seojun realized that maybe he should tell them he has to go. But as much as he wanted, he couldn’t say no to the hopeful girls who had liked the music that he made and had decided his signature was worth something.

“Han Seojun hurry up! We have to move!” Jukyung called.

“Just a second!”

Suho came over and rudely pushed through the crowd of girls. “Yah! Don’t be like that to my fans.” He tried dragging Seojun away but Seojun dodged him and the girls quickly pushed him back.

“Yah! Haven’t you girls had enough?!” Sujin’s voice boomed over the crowd, terrifying everyone. “And you girls over there!” Sujin pointed, “I saw you two return twice! You’re planning on selling those autographs, aren’t you?”

“Ya Kang Sujin—” Seojun began to protest.

“Don’t piss me off.” Sujin warned, “Our trip isn’t a place for you to have fan meetings.” She grabbed Seojun’s wrist and dragged him away before he could object.

The fangirls whispered to each other angrily, but none dared stand in Sujin’s way as she took Seojun away from them.

“Mwo-ya.”

“Who is that girl?”

“What the hell?”

“Come on, I’m hungry. We should get back to the resort.” Suho said when Seojun had joined them. He and Taehoon picked up their things and loaded them in their car.

At a distance, near a food cart, stood Kim Chorong. He watched as everyone got ready to leave. He could see Suah and Jukyung clinging to their boyfriends, his own posse goofing around and Han Seojun laughing and joking with his arm around Suho.

“Did you see how all those girls swarmed around me?” Seojun asked Jukyung. “Ya, aren’t you lucky to have a guy like me as your friend?”

“What lucky? You wasted all our time!” Jukyung scolded.

“Ah, I just can’t turn off my charms.”

Sujin scoffed, pulling a disgusted face, “Where? Where are these charms?” She put her hand over her eyes and mimicked searching.

“Right here!” Seojun replied, puffing his chest. “See how charming I am!”

“As charming as a sea louse maybe.”

“Yah!” The group laughed as Seojun pointed accusingly at Sujin.

Chorong had watched as Seojun pointed at Sujin in a huff while everyone laughed. It was the liveliest that Chorong had ever seen Han Seojun be.

“Chagi, what are you doing here all alone?” Chorong’s girlfriend came up to him.

“Geunyang.” Chorong put his arm around his girlfriend and walked towards the group.

They all went back to their resort, a beautiful location that Suho had paid for as this was the first time that everyone was going together since high school. They were all given shared rooms. Naturally, Chorong shared his with Seojun.

“Han Seojun,” Chorong began as Seojun changed out of his shirt, “I’m really happy for you.”

“Huh? What for?”

“You always used to complain about hanging out with everyone, but I don’t hear you do that anymore.” Chorong said sentimentally.

Seojun blinked. “Kim Chorong did you drink too much sea water? What kind of a weird thing is that to say?”

Chorong came up and hugged the half-naked Seojun, who balked at the gesture. “What the hell?!”

“Do you know how worried I was about you?” Chorong, with his enormous size, did not notice how Han Seojun desperately struggled to break free from his grip.

“Ya! You pervert, lemme go!”

“Ah-nee, look at you now. You said you would never go on an overnight trip with Suho and Jukyung, and yet here you are.”

Seojun stopped struggling. “What?”

It was odd that out of all people, Chorong had been the one to notice. “I’m so happy for you Han Seojun. Th—”

“Han Seojun, Jukyung’s asking if you would—whatthehell?” Sujin burst in and went still when she saw a half dressed Seojun being held by a sentimental looking Chorong.

Sujin betrayed no emotion. Just wordlessly took out her phone and promptly snapped a photo.

Han Seojun tried to push Chorong away, “No! Ya! Don’t you dare!”

“Jukyung is asking if you will sing songs for us. Quickly get dressed and come over, okay?” Sujin went out and Seojun caught a glimpse of her evil smile as she did.

“Yah! Kim Chorong!” Seojun shouted as Chorong finally let him go.

Of course, Seojun would perform. He always did when Jukyung asked. The group clapped at the end of the first song but the only reaction Seojun cared for was Jukyung. As usual, he found her engrossed with Lee Suho instead of him. Seojun couldn’t help but stare at the two.

“You sounded good.” Sujin came out of nowhere, blocking his view of Jukyung. Seojun knew, she was doing it on purpose.

“Too obvious?” He asked quietly.

“Too obvious. Suah almost noticed.” Sujin moved to block Suah’s line of vision to Seojun’s face.

“Thanks, I owe you one.” Seojun said.

“Pay me back with a song then.” Sujin rolled on her heels.

“Nope. Only Jukyung gets to request songs.”

She pfft-ed through her lips, “Mwo-ya. How stingy.” She turned on her heels.

“What song?” Seojun asked. Sujin smiled and turned back.

“You Were Beautiful by Day6.”

“Why not something by my band?” Seojun sounded almost insulted.

“I like Day6 better.” Sujin teased.

“I expected better taste from you, Kang Sujin.” Seojun adjusted the tuning of his guitar, testing the chords.

“Its my goodbye.” Sujin explained. “I’m moving on from Lee Suho.”

“Haven’t I heard that before?” Seojun said skeptically.

“Its for real this time.” Sujin said. Seojun looked up at her determined face.

“You’re serious.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah. It’s been long enough now. This is my way of making it official. So do a good job, okay?” Sujin walked away.

“I bet I’ll sing it better!” Seojun called after her.

“We’ll see!”

She hadn’t looked at Suho even once during his performance. But then, she hadn’t looked at anyone, just stared out the window. By the end she was tearing up. Seojun saw Suho happen to look over at Sujin.

He’s going to see her cry.

Seojun began to play his guitar loudly and messily, “Yeppeosseo! Yeppeosseo! Neon neomu yeppeosseo!” Everyone winced as he sang, or rather shouted, at the wrong note. But the abrupt bad singing had its intended effect. Suho’s attention was on Han Seojun. It took a second for Sujin to get the message. She sat up straight and wiped her face.

“Han Seojun! Stop it!” Suah yelled and Seojun stopped. “Are you in a rock band?”

Sujin sent him a grateful smile.

“It’s a totally new style of singing. You guys don’t like?” Seojun asked.

“No!” Came the resounding response.

Sujin’s was the only voice that said. “Yes!”

Seojun pointed his guitar at Sujin, head tilted back. “Better than Day6?”

“Much better!” Sujin grinned.

vi.

“YES! I WIN! I WIN!” Seojun ran around the court, pumping his fist in the air as Kang Sujin stared with a flat face and her hands on her hips. After having lost at nearly everything to Kang Sujin, Han Seojun had finally discovered something she was bad at.

“Are you really that happy?” She said, her upper lip pulled up in disdain.

“Ya! How can someone be so bad at basketball? You didn’t score a single goal!” Seojun’s eyes were wide with pure joy, his cheeks uplifted in a wide smile.

“Stop making fun of me.” Sujin fumed. She hated losing.

“I mean, I’ve never seen anyone lose so bad!” He laughed while pointing at Sujin, relishing in her first defeat. He knew he was great at basketball, but he hadn’t expected Sujin to be that bad. Sujin looked away, puffing up her cheeks.

“Zero!” He made a circle from his finger and thumb, “You got zero! I’ve seen worse players score more on accident!”

“Ah shut up!” She stomped her foot, "I was just off my game!”

“Off your game? Wae? Was my handsome face too distracting for you?” Seojun expected Sujin to come after him with a flying kick, or a punch in the shoulder or even a pithy retort. What he didn’t expect was the deep blush that spread across her cheeks. She looked around, choosing to look anywhere but him.

“Oh my God, jinjja? You got distracted by my face?” Seojun moving to look at her face better.

“Ah-nee-godun!” Sujin yelled, dodging his gaze. “Who would get distracted by those mean eyes?”

“Oh, so it was my eyes?” Seojun purred.

“As if!”

“Ooooooh! You’re even blushing!” He teased.

“I’m red from playing!” Sujin spun around and walked away, leaving Seojun laughing.

“I’m joking! I’m joking! I know it’s not that. Come back Sujin-ah!”

They changed out of their sweaty gym clothes. Seojun was wearing his typical brown coat over black pants and a black turtle-neck sweater. He was ready before Sujin so he waited for her outside.

She came out all dolled up, her hair brushed straight, fresh makeup on her face. She had a white coat over a pretty, pale pink dress. Seojun didn’t understand why she had dressed up so brightly today. She even had heels on. Sujin had denied any special reason when he had asked before so he figured this was just a girl thing that he would never understand.

They had only walked a couple of steps when Sujin stopped in her tracks. “Ah, shit. I think I forgot my phone inside.”

“Why are you so distracted today? Where is your head, Kang Sujin?” Seojun complained. Sujin ran back inside to get her phone.

“Got it!” She came back running.

They walked over to the café that they frequented to the point where the barista recognized them now.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t go to the amusement park like you wanted.” Seojun apologized.

Sujin waved a hand dismissively, “Doesn’t matter. It was just a throw away suggestion.”

“But I understand why you wanted to go there instead.”

“You do?” Sujin asked with a tinge of worry.

“Its because you didn’t want me to find out you were bad at basketball, didn’t you?” Seojun snapped his fingers.

Sujin’s face fell. She clicked her tongue in disappointment.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

Sujin replied sarcastically, “Ah, you’re totally right Han Seojun. I am so immature that all I care about is winning against a guy who thought Einstein was an appliance.”

“That happened only once.” Seojun defended.

A silence fell between them as their order came. Wordlessly, Sujin drank her iced latte and Seojun sipped his iced Americano. They often had these moments where neither would speak. But it was a comfortable silence. Sometimes Seojun and Sujin just enjoyed each other’s company without feeling the need to talk.

“You know we never finished our five questions.” Sujin reminded.

“Oh wow. That feels like it was so long ago.” Seojun leaned his head back as he tried to remember. “We covered the When. Where… I don’t remember where I fell in love with Jukyung. I think it was the moment in school where she was making fun of my…” Seojun cleared his throat.

“One of these days I’ll find out what that incident was, Han Seojun.” Sujin claimed.

“But not today.” He smiled. “So yeah, I think it was in school. What about you?”

“I think it was at the tutoring centers. I used to go there to study. My father had hit me, and I was in a strange place at that time. Suho comforted me and I guess that was when I realized I liked him. Now you, why did you like Lim Jukyung?”

Seojun leaned back and thought for the longest time. “She was… unexpected. I only started to pester her because I thought she was dating Suho.”

“Yeah, I remember that pestering part.”

Ya, Han Seojun are you a gangster?! Whiplash. Every time Seojun remembered that moment he felt whiplash.

“Since I hated Suho at that time, I had expected her to be hateful too. I thought she was just some vain, mindless girl but… she was the complete opposite. She was kind and thoughtful. She had a good heart and that made her beautiful to me. With or without makeup.” Seojun paused, then suddenly chuckled.

“What?”

“It’s funny. Before, I was never able to pin down what I liked about her. My feelings always seemed so complicated. But now that I see it… it feels so obvious.”

Seojun didn’t notice Sujin looking down at her hands, nervously rubbing them together, “Seojun, do you ever think you coul—” She spoke just when Seojun did.

“What did you like about Suho—oh sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“No, no.” Sujin shook her head. “I wasn’t saying anything. You were asking why I liked Lee Suho? Umm…” Sujin thought about it.

“Lee Suho, has never once liked a girl. Not before Jukyung, at least. There was a time when I was his only friend in school. And I thought… I misunderstood, his kindness as interest. I’ve always been pushed to get the number one position, you know? I always had to be number one. And when I thought that the guy that liked no one, liked me… it made me feel like I was number one, even if I ranked low on the grade sheet.” Sujin looked out the glass wall of the café, out on the street where people were walking, and it was slightly drizzling.

“When he found out that my father hit me, I thought he would see me as a crazy person, or pity me, or judge me for hating my father. But he never did. He only comforted me. He just… understood. And it was the first time that I felt that there was someone else who could understand me and understand what I was going through. That’s why I liked Lee Suho.”

Sujin looked back at Seojun. His mouth had shrunken into a small curve.

“But now he’s just annoying.” Sujin said in a lighter tone, “I mean, at a certain point you start hating people when they appear too perfect, isn’t that so?”

Seojun attempted a smile but it was weak.

“I’m happy now, Seojun-ah. I’m happy that I’m not with Suho. I think its for the best. If I think about it. Suho and I are too similar. We didn’t need more of the same. We needed someone who would help us change. Jukyung helped Suho do that. I could never have.”

“That’s a healthy way to look at it. Though I still think I’m perfect for Jukyung.” Seojun said smugly.

Sujin scoffed. “You think you’re perfect for every girl.”

“Where’s the lie?”

“Here! Yeogi! Here’s the lie.” Sujin tapped her finger on Seojun’s side of the table.

“Ah, Kang Sujin. You have no taste.” Seojun squinted his eyes at her in mock pity.

“And you have the IQ of a sloth.”

“I don’t need a high IQ. My greatest strength is my charm.”

“You keep mentioning this charm but I never see it.” Sujin put her hand over her eyes and began to search around.

They bickered in the café till the barista had to remind them, that they were being too loud. The banter continued as Seojun walked her all the way to her apartment. Throughout the way, Seojun could notice Sujin acting nervously; playing with the hem of her dress, combing her hair again and again, wiping her sweaty palms against her coat when she thought he wasn’t looking. He felt she had something to say to him but he didn’t want to ask what it was. If Kang Sujin had something to say, she said it.

Then, out of the blue, she swiveled on her heel to stand right in front of him.

“Ya, Han Seojun…”

“What?”

Sujin gulped. “Ah-nee-da. It’s nothing.” She turned her back to him.

“Whaaaat?” Seojun whined. “You’ve been fidgeting this while time so you definitely have something to say. What is it?”

“I forgot.” Sujin said, walking ahead, biting her lip.

“Mwo-ya…” Seojun let it go. She probably had more to say about Lee Suho and he wasn’t in any mood to hear it.

“Good night, Sujin-ah.” Seojun said when they reached her building.

“D-Do you wanna come up?” Sujin asked, stuttering a bit.

“Nah. I should go. I have an early day tomorrow.”

“Ah, okay.”

“Chalga.” Seojun waved goodbye. He had not walked more than ten steps when Sujin called out to him.

“Han Seojun!”

“What?”

Sujin hesitated. “B-Bye!”

Seojun chuckled. “Mwo-ya. She’s so weird.”

Sujin saw him wave and then leave. “If he turns, then I’ll tell him.” She told herself, trying to work up the courage to say what she had been meaning to the entire night.

But he never turned. Seojun just kept on walking and walking till he disappeared into the crowd.

“I like you, Han Seojun.” Sujin confessed to the wind. “I like you a lot.”

vii.

Han Seojun had to be absent for the whole month due to his idol duties. Sujin was glad for his absence. It had given her time to set her head straight about her feelings. She could still vividly remember, that last time she had ever confessed to a guy and that was back in high school. She clearly recalled how Suho had looked at her with disgust when she had said, or rather declared that he would have liked her if she had confessed first.

No. I wouldn’t have.

“Aish! What was I thinking saying all of those things?” She pulled at her hair as she rolled over in her bed. The humiliation of demanding that Suho break up with Jukyung, and ridiculously saying that she would toss Jukyung aside for him was too much. On top of that, she had tried to kiss Suho and he had pushed her away, repulsed. That in and of itself made her stomach ache with embarrassment.

She had a good heart and that made her beautiful to me. With or without makeup.

“Ah out of all people why him?! Why another guy who loves Lim Jukyung?! What the hell is wrong with me?!” Sujin groaned, rolling around in her bed over and over. Was she obsessed with men who were into Jukyung? Sujin felt frustrated with herself and wanted to throw her heart out.

She just has this warmth about her that just… draws you in.

Kind, caring, genuine, warm; none of those things describe me. Good heart? A single search on the internet would reveal just how good my heart is. Betraying my best friend and ruining all of my friendships in the process… who would say I have a good heart?

Sujin couldn’t compete with the shadow cast by Lim Jukyung. Even if Seojun did start to like her, Lim Jukyung would always be his first love. And just like always, Sujin would be second.

Sujin felt a familiar jealousy creep in; a resentment, a hate, an anger. It was history repeating itself. It was Lim Jukyung again. Why? Why did it have to be her? She and Suho had ten years worth of history between them and even that couldn’t compare to how he felt for Jukyung. Sujin and Seojun had only a year worth of friendship, a quarter of which included Seojun hating her.

It was a dark feeling. A heavy feeling. Like a weight in her chest. Sujin carried it with her whereever she went. She was supposed to meet everyone today. Seojun was suppsed to be back. She felt like she would be a coward if she didn’t go. But she felt like she would hate Jukyung more if she saw her. In the end she did go, and that weight in her chest went with her.

Jukyung was outside alone when Sujin saw her. She was finishing up a call.

Why? Why did it have to be her? Whywhywhy?

Sujin stopped in her tracks. No. She thought resolutely. She would not make the same mistake again. She would not let her feelings take over her judgement. She would not lose her friend again. As much as she loved Han Seojun, she loved her friendship with Lim Jukyung even more.

“Sujin-ah! You’re here-Oh?”

Sujin enveloped Jukyung in a massive hug, almost on the verge of tears. Jukyung hugged her back, confused.

“You know I love you, right?” Sujin said.

“Dangyunhaji! I love you too.” Jukyung hugged her tighter.

“I’ll always be a good friend to you, Jukyung-ah. I promise.” Sujin sniffed.

“Oh, are you crying?”

“No, there’s just something in my eye.” Sujin quickly wiped her face while still holding Jukyung so that she wouldn’t see her cry.

But before she could part, something pulled her collar from behind.

An irritated Suho stood, still tugging at her collar, “You’re not stealing my fiancée.”

“I bet she’d prefer me to you.”

“Okay! Okay! No fighting!” Jukyung declared a ceasefire.

“Are we fighting?” Seojun came up, putting his arm casually around Suho. “If it’s a fight, my bet’s on Sujin.”

“Wae. You think she’s better than me?” Suho asked.

“She’s scarier than you.”

“You traitor.” Suho released himself from Seojun’s side hug and went inside, grumbling. Jukyung followed after him.

“What was that about?” Seojun asked Sujin.

Sujin looked at him. His delicate, boyish features, his mean looking eyes that carried a surprising warmth. Her heartbeat wildly like a hummingbird. Sujin felt like she could spend an entire day just staring at his face. And then she felt it again, the quiet darkness that reminded her that she could never be with him. Quite suddenly, Sujin spun around and kicked Han Seojun in the back.

“Yah! What was that for?!” Seojun yelled.

“For being you.” She said and walked in, leaving Seojun bruised and confused.

viii.

You were pretty

The feeling of not wanting anything more

Moments that only you gave

Everything, everything

Everything has passed

But you were so pretty

Seojun hummed the song as he finalized the playlist for Jukyung’s wedding. Of course, he was going to perform at Jukyung’s wedding. It only made sense given his connection to Jukyung and Suho. The fact that Suho’s father was an important man at Move Entertainment also helped make things official.

A part of Han Seojun had wished that Jukyung hadn’t asked him. He was terrified of her wedding day; terrified of what his heart might do to him, terrified that he might feel compelled to run away with her in front of everyone.

Right now Seojun was calm. But it felt like it was the calm before the storm.

“Memories of me, have probably become, a thing of the past for you too, whatever I saw to you, it will all be something, in the past.”

“What’s that? New song?” His band mate asked when he overheard Seojun singing to himself.

“Hmm? No, its Day6.” The song had been stuck in his head since the day he had sung it for Sujin.

“You’re going to play a cover for your friend?”

“Yeah.” It would be his send off to Jukyung. Like Kang Sujin, Seojun was going to put an end to his chapter with Jukyung.

His bandmate put the song on their speaker. After the first verse he declared, “Yah! You can’t play a breakup song at a wedding.”

“Is it too obvious? I was hoping I could get away with it.” Seojun scratched the back of his head, stretching. He had been on his computer for hours now.

“Take it off. Choose something else.”

Seojun went back through his list of songs that he wanted to play. There was one other song that he had discovered recently by a disbanded group. He had really connected with the lyrics and it wasn’t a breakup song.

“How about this?” Seojun played it.

“Yeah, that’s perfect. Use that for the couple dance.” His bandmate said.

The anticipation of the pain kept Seojun up all night. He worried about how he might behave or what might happen. The next day he woke up grouchy and depressed.

“Woah! Why do you look like a ghost?” His bandmate had said when Seojun arrived that morning. He would be going to the wedding with his band, given that they were performing. This might have been easier if he had gone with his friends.

Don’t worry. I’m here if you need me. Sujin had texted that morning. But Seojun was done relying on Sujin like a crutch. He would deal with things on his own. He didn’t want Sujin to think that all he was good for was complaining about his broken heart.

Seojun waited for the pain to hit when they arrived at the location but it didn’t. The wedding planner helped Seojun and his band set up along with members of Seojun’s own staff. When everything was good to go, Seojun took his leave to meet Jukyung in the bridal room where everyone was taking pictures with her.

Here it comes. The pain. How would it feel? Would Seojun cry again?

“Seojun-ah! You’re here!” Jukyung said. She looked stunning in her beautiful white dress. “Hurry! Get in the picture!”

Everyone was there, already positioned for the shot. Seojun joined Sujin to the side. She was wearing a tasteful black pant suit that fit her well. She was wearing makeup which Seojun noticed looked similar to one of Jukyung’s tutorials.

“How does it feel?” He whispered to Sujin.

“Meh.” She replied. “You?”

It was strange. Seojun didn’t feel anything. “Oddly enough, I feel fine.” Surely he was in shock. The pain would hit any time soon.

It was a while before the pictures were done. Seojun’s cheeks felt sore from all of the smiling.

“Come with me to see Suho.” Sujin held up her arm and Seojun took it. She escorted him to where Suho was receiving his guests.

“Lee Su! Congratulations!” Sujin hugged him. Seojun did the same.

“Yah! I can’t believe we’re old enough to get married.” Seojun commented. Suho laughed.

Chorong and the Seojun Squad came over too, patting a blushing Suho on the back.

Seojun couldn’t help but think that Seyeon would have loved to have seen this. Sujin sensed his sadness and bumped shoulders with him.

“Okay?”

“Uh-huh.” Seojun smiled. Oddly enough he was. The pain still hadn’t hit.

A couple of girls walked up to him and asked him whether he really was the Han Seojun they were fans of.

“Of course!” Seojun puffed his chest and signed their autographs. He couldn’t see it but he could feel Sujin’s disgusted gaze on his back. When they were gone, Seojun turned to Sujin with an arrogant grin.

“Ah, I hope more people won’t bother me for my autograph.” He said in fake modesty.

“You should be grateful to have any fans.” She scoffed at him.

“Ugh. You’re too mean, Sujin-ah.” Seojun pouted.

“Ugh. You’re too childish, Seojun-ah.” Sujin mimicked him.

“Um. Excuse me.” A shy looking girl approached Seojun.

“Oh, you want an autograph too?” Seojun had a pen ready. Sujin gave him her most scathing side eye.

“Um actually—”

“You want a picture too? Sorry but I’m not allowed to take pictures at the moment. But I’ll sign if you like.”

The girl blushed deeply. “No, um—”

“Oh I get it.” Seojun swiped his hair dramatically from his forehead. “You’re here to confess to me. Well then I should let you know—”

“They’dlikeyoubackonstage!” The girl quickly blurted. “They’d like you to join your band. The ceremony is about to begin.”

Sujin laughed uproariously, that clear gurgle of pure, high pitched happiness that Seojun often enjoyed. But not in this moment. Not when his arrogance had been so efficiently deflated.

“Sure. I’ll be right there.” He mumbled to the girl who scurried away. Sujin was still laughing. “Found that funny, did you?” Seojun said, but it was not a reprimand. He liked that she was happy.

“Yes.” Sujin wiped away tears.

“You’re going to regret making fun of me when I perform.” He said, comically pulling the lapels of his jacket before leaving.

The lights dimmed as the wedding began. The Master of Ceremonies kicked things off, guiding everyone through everything. The band only played instrumental now. Suho entered first. Jukyung entered after him, looking every bit the ethereal angel that she was.

The couple exchanged their wows and drank the traditional wine. They then bowed to each other and bowed to their guests. Even in the darkness, Seojun could pick out Sujin. From the light glittering off her cheeks he could tell she was crying. He was too. But these were happy tears. His friends were about to make a new journey in their life together and he was happy for them. Truly. That pain he had dreaded over Jukyung’s wedding never did show up. Perhaps it never would. All he could feel was excitement for his closest friends.

Seojun had only one regret, that Seyeon hadn’t been able to see this moment. Seyeon’s was the one absence he always felt. In that moment, Han Seojun swore that he saw Seyeon among the guests. He saw his friend smile to Lee Suho’s and then to him. But Seojun blinked and Seyeon was gone but Seojun would keep that image of Seyeon similing with him forever.

Once the formal ceremony was over, it was time for the real party to begin. Seojun and his band turned up the performance, raising the mood of the room. People danced and sang along with them as they played so well that Sujin realized she could no longer make fun of Seojun when he bragged about his band.

The band then slowed things down, the set finally reaching the song Seojun was excited to play. He emptied his mind of everything but that one song and how it made him feel. This was for Suho and Jukyung and he was going to give his best performance tonight.

The bride and groom took center stage and swayed as Seojun played a softer version of Haru by a lesser known band, Royal Pirates. His rich baritone filled the room as everyone listened, entranced.

“You’re not a traditional beauty, but I like you, you who gets more attractive everyday.”

Seojun had never understood why people considered her attractive. To him, beauty had never mattered. But as he had gotten to know her, he found her to be more beautiful that how others described her.

“You don’t have a feminine voice, but the more I hear it, the more I get attached.”

He could hear her now, scolding him, yelling at him, throwing witty remarks at him that caused him whiplash, which was just his heart beating really fast.

“I can’t call you often, but I always miss you. Each minute, each second. Yeah-yeah.”

When he thought about it, they never really hung out as much as he did with Suho or his Seojun Squad. Most of the time Seojun was busy with work and so was she. But he still looked forward to the times he would meet her again.

“An entire day would pass just by looking at you. If I look at you, I can’t do anything else. Oooooooh. An entire day would pass just by thinking of you. I won’t be able to sleep at thoughts of you. But I can’t help it, an entire day would pass just because of you.”

Time did fly when they were together. Whether he liked her or hated her, he had to admit. She was never boring. Even through the mundane stuff, she always kept his attention. With her brows furrowed as she concentrated, her mouth turned like an ‘n’. He smiled whenever he thought about it.

“We have so many differences. But you fill up what I lack. No matter how much I see you, you’re always beautiful. No matter what anyone says.”

She was always ahead of him; so much smarter and stronger. Beating him at everything. Well, everything except—wait. He never played basketball with Jukyung.

Seojun missed a note. The guitar twanged awkwardly as he stopped singing. His hands were shaking but he didn’t have time to digest what had just happened. The moment only lasted a half-second; Seojun had recovered quickly and continued. No one paid attention to his little mess up, but his hands were still shaking, and his heart felt like it would burst.

He couldn’t think about it. But how couldn’t he? This song had been for her all along. He had been staring at Kang Sujin the entire time he was performing, without even knowing it.

The base guitarist for his band leaned over to him when the song was done.

“Thought you lost your footing for a bit there.”

“You noticed? Did anyone else did?”

“Nah, I think you’re safe. But are you okay? You’re shaking.”

“Nothing.” Seojun said, more to himself, “Its… its nothing.”

ix.

He never got to see her again at the wedding. The band was surrounded by fans once they finished so they had to be escorted out. Their food had been arranged separately for privacy. By the time Seojun got the chance to break free, Sujin, along with most of the guests, had left.

Which was good because he needed to settle himself before he said anything to anyone. He couldn’t make heads or tails of what had happened.

“I like Kang Sujin? Ridiculous. Totally, ridiculous. This would never happen!”

Be that as it may, his heart still acted strangely when he got a text from her asking if he was okay. She was worried about him since Jukyung and Suho were now married. He told her tersely that he was busy and couldn’t meet. Then threw his phone away when he realized he actually really wanted to meet her.

It was the first time that I felt that there was someone else who could understand me and understand what I was going through.

Seojun could still remember his irritation when Sujin had told him why she liked Lee Suho. He had resented the fact that yet another girl saw Lee Suho as perfect. How could Han Seojun ever compare to the perfectly perfect Lee Suho? He and Sujin had ten years between them and a shared tragedy with their fathers that Seojun didn’t have.

Ah-nee, can’t I be someone who understands? Can’t she see that I get her too?

“Ridiculous. Why would I want her to think I understand her? Ridiculous.”

If Han Seojun had to answer the What, When, Where and Why of his feelings, he would not be able to put it into words. His feelings were intense and complicated. Too complicated for even him to comprehend. Which is why the braincell that he shared with Suho decided that he must be mistaken and that he didn’t actually have any feelings for Sujin.

“Ah-ne-da. I must have been overwhelmed because of Jukyung. Yes, that must be it. It must be a defense mechanism. I’m only thinking about her to protect myself, because I’m still not over Jukyung.”

It made sense. She was the only other girl he was close to in his squad, and they had been hanging out together more than they used to. His heart must have just gotten confused for a moment. Yes, that was it and nothing more.

The group did not meet each other for a while. Suho and Jukyung had gone off to their honeymoon. Suah and Taehoon had their own things. Seojun only met up with Chorong and Co. but his heart was never in those meetings.

He wouldn’t meet up with her. She tried texting and calling but he always gave her an excuse.

Why did we start meeting so much in the first place? He hadn’t noticed when it had happened, but Sujin had become someone he had come to rely on and this he only noticed when he started avoiding her.

“Seojun, you’re not coming to the flower festival?” Chorong asked, shaking him out of his thoughts.

“Huh? What flower festival?”

“Ah-nee, where is your mind these days? You attend it every year! Did you forget?”

Oh right. Seojun always did like to see the flower exhibitions held once a year. He always got flowers for his mother and sister when he went. It may have seemed like a ridiculous hobby for a boy to be so interested in flowers. But Seojun unabashedly liked them and of course, Chorong and Co. were always there to go with him.

“Of course I’m going to attend. Wae?”

“Sujinnie was asking if she could tag along with us. Suah and Taehoon are not around so she has no one to go with.”

Sujinnie?! Seojun blinked rapidly. “Ya, since when are you and Kang Sujin close?”

“Waegurae? Aren’t we all friends with her now? Did something happen?”

Seojun put on a straight face, “Ah-nee!” He exclaimed in a pitch too high, “Nothing happened. I’m just surprised, as all.”

“Aigoo. Did you guys fight? Sujin did say you haven’t been replying to her texts recently.”

Seojun tried hiding his curiosity, “You’ve spoken to her?” He said, as nonchalantly as he could, which wasn’t nonchalant at all.

“Of course. We all had drinks yesterday.”

“What?! Why the hell did you guys meet her and not me?”

“Seojun, she did text you about it.” One of his friends pointed out.

“Yeah! And why are you acting so weird? Do you hate Kang Sujin again?” Chorong asked.

“Ya! Don’t hate her! We like her now!”

“Yes!” Half the group said together.

“Arasso! Arasso! Calm down.” Seojun waved at them to chill. It wasn’t as if he minded that Kang Sujin was hanging out with his friends. But he did feel a sense of betrayal that he didn’t know about it.

“So, how about it? Will you go?” Chorong asked.

The flower festival was an exhibition where all flower vendors came over to show off their best products. People looking for suppliers of flowers and the public in general could attend, buy flowers or just enjoy the various arrangements.

Seojun went with Chorong and the others. Sujin was there waiting for them.

“Ya Han Seojun! You’re alive!” She lit up when she saw him, punching him in the chest with a brutal force only she had.

“Yah! How could you hurt an idol like that?” Seojun rubbed his chest in pain.

“Oh, sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“Not at all!” Seojun said, “I’m a man. I don’t get hurt.”

“Pfft. Sure.” Sujin grinned.

They went through the various stalls that showcased the various beautiful flowers. The group seemed to have broken off. Chorong was led away by his girlfriend to take some pictures. The boys all banded around a strange, evil looking plant like school children. Seojun and Sujin seemed to have taken a track of their own.

“You don’t want to take pictures?” Seojun asked, pointing at Chorong and his girlfriend who were stopping at every stall.

“I don’t care for that sort of thing. Wae? You want me to take yours?”

“No. We should take on together.”

Seojun took out his phone and pulled Sujin closer, taking a selfie.

“Ya, you can’t even see the flowers.” Sujin complained.

“Yes, you can.” Seojun put a hand to his cheek. “Right here. I’m the flower.”

Sujin’s lip curled in disdain. “Ah, right.” She said dryly. Seojun laughed and she couldn’t help but smile too.

As a regular attendee, Seojun knew most of the repeat vendors there. He took Sujin around, introducing her to the people who knew him and showing her the various flowers he liked. Sujin listened to him go on at length about where the flowers came from and what they meant.

“You know the language of flowers?” Sujin asked, thinking back to the white tulips and the yellow roses he had gotten her way back when.

“Dangyunhaji! Every man should know flowers. How else will you impress the ladies?”

Sujin chuckled. “You know if being an idol doesn’t pan out, you can always be a florist.”

“I’m too pretty to be a florist. The flowers would all wither in shame.”

Sujin patted his head, sarcastically remarking, “Aigoo, our Seojun has suffered so much for being so good looking. It must have been so difficult, living like this.”

It felt nice being with Sujin again. Seojun felt oddly energetic; like he could run a mile and not break a sweat. He babbled about this and that and wondered if Sujin was getting bored. But she never was, she listened and nodded and responded when need be. Time flew by and before he knew it, they had finished going through the festival.

He pulled at the sleeve of her coat, “There’s something else you should see.”

In the back corner, hidden away from the main area were the small level vendors who could only afford the cheaper stalls. It was a street that led away from the festival. Only a couple of people were around.

“These people don’t earn that much because they’re always placed at the back. But they have the best flowers.”

Seojun introduced her to the people that were running the stall, all of whom he knew by name. Some of them gave Sujin flowers for free. She gratefully took them.

The day was almost ending, the slow sunset had begun. A lot petals had been shed. The street with these vendors was covered in these petals, making it look like a path made entirely of flowers.

“This is really beautiful, Seojun-ah.” Sujin said, admiring the street.

“Yeah.” Seojun said, looking at her.

One of the stalls was filled entirely with tulips. Bright yellow owns, pretty pink ones, eccentric multi-colored ones. Seojun pulled out a purple one and gave it to Sujin.

“Here you go, Princess.” Purple tulips represented regality. Sujin smiled.

“Aaand…” Seojun’s picked out a red one. “Here.” He said. Then quickly-— a little too quickly— he added. “Ah-Because it matches your coat.” He pointed at Sujin’s red coat.

Sujin looked at the flower, then back at him. But said nothing.

They strolled over to a bridge that overlooked the entire festival. The descending sun had set everything in a warm glow. The air smelled sweet with all of the flowers. Petals flew in the air.

“Here.” Sujin handed the tulips back to Seojun.

“Why? They’re for you.”

Sujin smiled. “Phabo. You should be giving them to the girl you like. And tell her what they mean when you give them.”

Seojun sighed wistfully, “The girl I like doesn’t know the language of flowers.”

Sujin hit him lightly with the tulips. “I wasn’t talking about Lim Jukyung. Go and like someone else, and bring her here, and give them these.”

“I wasn’t talking about Lim Jukyung either.”

“Mwo-ya. You have someone you like?”

Seojun’s bit his lip. “Yeah. But I’m going to give up.”

“Waaaee? You only just got over Lim Jukyung!”

“Because this girl likes someone else too.”

“Omo, chincha?” Sujin laughed. “Again? Ya, Han Seojun, can’t you choose a better girl to like?”

Seojun gave a sad chuckle. “I know, right?”

“Who is she? Do I know her?”

“Yeah.”

“Who is it? Tell me!”

“Nope. Secret.”

“Ugh, how stingy. At least give me a hint. What does she look like?”

Seojun looked at Sujin, “She’s beautiful. Very beautiful.”

“Ayyy, that’s every girl out there.”

“Well, that’s all the hint I’m giving.”

Sujin punched his arm but relented. It was perhaps better to not know who Seojun liked. Sujin would have been filled with jealousy again and she didn’t want that.

It was curious however, that Seojun found someone he liked, and she didn’t even know. It was curiouser that this new girl had someone she liked too. Just like Sujin, Han Seojun had—

Sujin looked at the tulips in her hand. They stood out among the other flowers the various vendors had given her. Sujin looked at Seojun, who was busy admiring the sunset.

It was strange, but in that moment, she remembered something her teacher had once said.

Some of you don’t know what it is you really want. And some of you do know but you’re hesitant. However, opportunities come without warning and you must be prepared to take advantage of it.

“Han Seojun.”

“Hmm?”

Sujin pointed the flowers at him, tilting her head slightly. Much like he had done a long time ago when he had asked her Do you think I’m handsome?

“Do you like me?”

And just like she had, Seojun answered immediately, with no remorse or regret. “Yes.”

Like the cool girl she was, Sujin didn’t overreact or exclaim in surprise. She only casually said, “I like you too. So, we should date.”

A beat of a pause. One, two three.

“What? What?! WHAT?! You like me? You like me?! Me?! As in, Han Seojun?”

“Yes you, you idiot. Manhi Joahae.”

“What? Ican’tbelievethis. How? Why? Wait, you asked me if I liked you. Did you already know?” Seojun appeared as if his brain had malfunctioned.

Sujin grinned. “You phabo, even if I didn’t know flower language, I could still tell by the red tulip. Ah-nee, red is the universal color for romance. Didn’t you know?”

Seojun’s face was a mixture of wonder, shock and pure happiness. His eyes were wide, cheeks red and pulled up, mouth hanging open in a slow smile. He had no words to speak. He felt like he would explode like a firecracker and light up the sky in sparks.

“You like me? You really like me?”

Sujin closed the distance between them, pulling at the lapel of his coat. She gave him only a chaste peck on his lips before moving back, blushing. “It’s official now. So, no backing out, okay?”

His mind, that was already haywire, went blank.

He pulled Sujin by the waist, pressing her entire form to him and cupped her face with his other hand. The kiss he gave her was intense and she gasped before giving in to him. Sujin felt she could stay like this forever. The kiss only ended because their mouths kept pulling back in an uncontrollable grin.

“You like me?” Seojun asked.

“Yes.”

He kissed her again but they couldn’t stop smiling. Both of them were shaking.

“You like me?” He asked again.

“Yes.” She replied again, chuckling.

And they kissed again.

“You like me?”

“Yes!” She laughed.

And they kissed again. And he asked again, she replied again, and they kissed again and again and again.

EPILOGUE

When Seojun and Sujin told Jukyung and the others that they were dating, it had been the first of April. So naturally everyone assumed they were joking. Seojun and Sujin hadn’t realized this and were surprised at the luke warm response that everyone gave to their announcement.

“Yes. We believe you.” Suah had said and Sujin missed her sarcastic tone.

when Seojun gushed over Sujin, the group all just looked at each other thinking, Wow, they’re really dedicated to this prank.

And even when they left together, the group all gathered and said;

“You believe them?”

“Why pull a prank that’s so obvious?”

“Exactly! Han Seojun and Kang Sujin? No way.”

Only Suho had been the one to keep his silence and not say anything.

But when they all met up again and Seojun and Sujin acted like a couple again, everyone gasped in shock.

“What?!”

“You guys are actually dating?!”

“How?! How did this happen?”

Only Suho had been the one who wasn’t surprised. “Congratulations. I’m happy for the two of you.” He had said warmly.

“Sujin-ah, what about our affair?” Jukyung said despondently, making a crying face.

“I’ll let you know when Seojunnie goes on tour.” Sujin assured her quietly.

“YAH!” Both Suho and Seojun exclaimed in protest, pulling their girlfriends away from each other.

“Lim Jukyung, you keep your hands off my girlfriend.” Seojun warned.

“I will. But there’s no guarantee she’ll keep her hands off me.”

Chorong and Co. had a similar reaction, they all exploded into shock and happiness at the news. Only Chorong seemed unsurprised.

“So you finally figured out your feelings?” Chorong asked Seojun.

“You knew?”

“Friends know.”

To Sujin, Chorong said, “Sujin-ah, I respect you a lot. But if you hurt—”

“Arasso, arasso. I won’t hurt your precious Han Seojun.”

“I meant don’t hurt me if he ever pisses you off. You scare the shit out of me.”

When enough time had passed and they knew they had to tell their parents, they went to Seojun’s mother first. The woman had been pleasantly surprised by this news and declared Sujin a part of the family immediately. She had met Sujin before and had taken a liking to her immediately but now that she and Seojun were dating, the woman gushed and cried.

“Ah, I have another daughter now.” She said, kissing Sujin on the forehead.

The tricky part was Sujin’s mother, who was still a little pissed over the scandal.

“What will people say if you announce this online?!” The woman had argued.

“But mom,” Sujin made a flower pot with her hands around Seojun’s face, “look at how handsome he is.” And that was enough to entice Mrs. Kang.

Receiving so much happiness and love from everyone was an unfamiliar experience for Sujin. So much so that it terrified her. She felt like she was in a dream that would shatter any minute and she would suddenly wake up back in her old bed with her father banging on the door, screaming at her that she was worthless.

It was this image that jerked Sujin awake in the middle of the night. She sat up straight, her heart was pounding, her hands felt sweaty and clammy. Her father’s shouting was still ringing in her ears.

Seojun stirred on the other side of the bed, “Bad dream?” His rich baritone was husky from sleep but it cut through the darkness of the room and Sujin didn’t feel so scared anymore.

“Um-hmm.”

“Come here.” Seojun patted her side of the bed. She fell back into his arms, nuzzling her nose in his neck.

He sang to her softly, his deep voice soothing her. “Love, love the stars. Love, love the moon. Nothing has really changed. It’s still the same air. With the same bed looking at the same ceiling.”

Sujin’s hands stopped feeling clammy and dirty and soon enough, she drifted off to sleep, dreaming of flowers and sunsets.

THE END.

A/N: Dear reader, if you stuck till the end and liked what I wrote, then thank you. Saranghae <3

Please have my badly made memes with my sarangs

#true beauty #true beauty fanfiction #true beauty kdrama #true beauty soojin #kang sujin #kang soojin #Kang Sujin Fanfiction #kang soojin and han seojun #han seojun #han seo jun #han seojun fanfiction #seojun x sujin #seojun x soojin #kdrama #fanfiction #hwang in yeop #park yoona #junjin

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ejm513 · 5 years ago

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ON SOKKA, TOPH, LIN AND SU’YIN

EDITED BECAUSE I WROTE THIS AT ALMOST 10:00 PM WHEN I HAD TO GET UP AT SIX IN THE MORNING BUT I JUST WNATED TO WRITE SOMETHING TO GET MY BASIC IDEAS OUT BECAUSE I WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP IF I DIDN’T. DID I MENTION I’M NOT THE SMARTEST PERSON?

Hello my lovelies! So I finally got my act together and watched Avatar The Last Airbender and…

Yeah, I don’t know what was wrong with me when I was a child. It just wasn’t my cup of tea. But at this point in my life it is quite possibly one of the best shows I’ve ever watched and is now one of my favorite shows.

In fact I’m re-watching after finishing my first binge about a week or two ago.

Theirs is so much to discuss not just with Avatar but with The Legend of Kora (I’m in the middle of season three… I like it a lot but I’m just having a harder time getting through it. I’ll probably wait to finish it until it comes to Netflix). What I want to focus on is Sokka, Toph, Lin and Su’yin.

Because if there’s nothing I love more than family, babies, children and family drama.

I mean seriously that’s literally what everything I write is about.

I don’t have a problem not at all.....

So you can imagine as soon I heard there was a theory that Su’yin may or may not be Toph and Sokka’s daughter my imagination and excitement went in overdrive, because even though I adore Sokka and Suki I always thought there was SOMETHING between the two of them. It’s clear in Avatar that Toph has a crush on Sokka which I mean can we blame her?

While it doesn’t appear Sokka has any romantic interest at that time, he is extremely caring and protective of Toph. It’s not impossible to see their relationship maybe not deepening into love but becoming something more than simple friendship and becoming physical.

But what evidence is there that Su’yin is Sokka and Toph’s daughter? Just because it’s a nice idea doesn’t mean it’s true.

Well it turns out there is some substantial evidence to back it up.

First of all there is Su’Yins coloring.

Now that doesn’t necessarily point to anything. But it is interesting to note that her skin coloring is the same as those in the water tribe, who tend to have darker skin tones.

On top of that there is a physical resemblance between her and Sokka.

And then... there is this...

This is Baatar Jr., Su’Yins oldest child. Sure he does look a lot like his father

But I would argue he looks even more like Sokka. It’s kind of eerie how similar they look and I don’t think the animators and show creators would do something like that unintentionally-especially in a show like this.

Then you need to factor the personality similarities-Su’Yin’s sarcasm, leadership abilities, her devotion to family above all else. It all rings very familiar.

I personally lean more towards the side of this theory being true, but there are some arguments to be made against it.

The biggest argument is that Sokka would never be an absentee father. It’s just not in his nature. We know that both Lin and Su’Yin’s fathers were both absent and not a part of their lives.

And then we have to factor in Sukki and what happened to her.

Well here’s what I think could have happened.

There’s another theory going around that Sukki died young in some sort of battle. It would make sense to a certain extent given what she does. I’m going to lean in on that theory, but it is highly possible that their relationship just didn’t last. After all they were young and the hard truth is statically the majority of young relationships don’t last. These seem to be the most probable explanations, as we know jack shit about what happened to Sukki.

Lin’s father was a man named Kanto. The jerk left for whatever reason-maybe the pair got in a huge fight, maybe he just didn’t want a child or couldn’t handle the responsibility of being a parent. Basically we can assume he was a dead beat who honestly doesn’t even deserve such an amazing life partner as Toph and amazing child as Lin.

I don’t doubt for a second Sokka stepped in as a father like figure of Lin and thus they would be spending quiet of bit of time together. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say Sokka would be a top notch father figure with Lin-funny, creative, and surprisingly gentle and tender. Lin being Lin would probably act like her mother-all strong, tough and independent. But secretly she loves the doting and gets very upset when he has to go.

So as you can imagine Toph and Sokka are spending quite a bit of time together. Toph is enamored by Sokka and how great he is with Lin. Her old crush is beginning to bubble up and maybe turning into something more. If we go off the theory that Sukki died young or their relationship just naturally ran it’s course he’s probably been enjoying female company that isn’t his sister or anyone on the council. They’re both grown adults who are single who have a very deep connection and have probably been lonely so it’s not out of the question that they uh.., well... you know.

Now I don’t think they would necessarily end up in a serious relationship for various reasons. Toph is to hell bent on her freedom and independence to truly settle down in a serious relationship, and Sokka has probably been through to much bad luck with relationships to want to truly get invested... even if it is Toph and he low key loves her and Toph’s heart flutters every time she’s with him.

Correct me if I'm wrong but it is cannon that Toph has had her fair share of sexual partners, which I would like to state for the record there is nothing wrong with. So it’s possible Sokka wasn’t the only person she slept with. So when she became pregnant it’s entirely possible she wouldn’t know for certain who the father is. Now obviously when Sokka finds out he would probably demand to know if he’s the father her being blunt would say something along the lines of

“I’m not sure who it is Snoozle’s, and I’m never really gonna know because I won't be able to see the kid. Besides it doesn’t matter who the father is I don’t need any help.”

So for nine months Sokka is sitting on pins and needles waiting to know the truth. When the baby finally comes and he sees her it’s... it’s pretty obvious. Though she’ll never say it out loud, Toph can tell just by feeling her facial features.

Now there’s a problem. Even though she doesn’t neccasrily want to keep him away from his child Toph being... well... Toph... still insist that she doesn’t need any help. More over she doesn’t want to cause Lin any resentment, confusion or pain by Su’yin having her father around but her’s is gone.

Besides there’s the whole issue of him being a member of the council and her being the chief of police... I could see their relationship causing a controversy and or scandal that no one wants.

Sokka on the other hand wants to obviously not just be apart of his biological child’s life but Lin’s life-as Lin has basically become his child as well. And in reality Toph knows she can’t stop him, moreover as stated earlier she is not heartless and doesn’t necessarily want to keep Sokka away from his daughter. So they come up with compromise.

He’ll continue acting as a father figure, but he will be nothing more than Uncle Sokka. He goes along with it so he can still see both of his girls and be a part of their lives.

He spends more time at Toph’s home than his own. He helps Lin with her homework and happily plays and cuddles with Su’yin. He helps makes sure they go to bed at a decent time (while under the guise giving them all the freedom Toph wants them to have). At first Sokka will sleep on the couch, but slowly but surely the pair end up sleeping in the same bed and living as a couple... just in the safety of those four walls.

It’s a bit of an open secret between Team Avatar and company-especially Katara because she would know the truth from the second she laid eyes on the child. But out of respect for Toph and the delicate balance they created no one says a word-especially because I can imagine Sokka is gone a good portion of the time with his various duties.

I’m not one who subscribes to the fact he dies protecting the new avatar Kora, because it is cannon that he helped put members of the Red Lotus in jail. What I do think is he passed before ever getting to tell Su’Yin the truth. And Toph realizes she messed up and it’s most likely her one biggest regret. In the end I don’t think she would say a word to anyone about the truth until she is on her death bed... because she is just that pig headed and stubborn.

So that is how I think everything could have possibly panned out... and don’t be shocked if I end up writing a fan fic about this! I also hope to write a post examining Aang and Katara and their children because once again I love children and family and family drama and there is a lot that too.

Also might I add it’s so endearing and sweet that Zuko-the character who had the most toxic, abusive and fucked up family had, by all appearance, the happiest family with the least amount of drama.

God.

Bless.

It.

#avatar #atla #toph beifong #sokka #tokka #lin beifong #suyin beifong #sokka is suyins father #sokka is the father #i will fight anyone on this

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oveliagirlhaditright · 3 years ago

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Stretch Out Your Boarders

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36176239

Summary: Neku was going to play some new form of Reapers' Game called the "Ruguru Game", to keep the former Players he's friends with from having to play a worse Game--the Angel Game--but Shiki, in not wanting Neku to suffer anymore, finds herself wishing that she could do so instead. She gets her wish, and finds herself sucked into this dangerous Game by herself. NeShiki (though it sort of ended up more Shiki-centric). Oneshot. Future fic. Post-Neo, though I don't really think there are any Neo spoilers here.

This fic is sort of weird, I'm not going to lie. I started it when I was in the hospital. I wanted to write another sort of Game, I guess, and thought about making it based on another supernatural creature (since Reapers are that, of course. And in fanfiction, people have written them playing an Angel Game, for obvious reasons). So, I came up with the Ruguru Game (I learned of them from Supernatural. They're a lot like vampires). I feel like I didn't get into the Ruguru theme nearly as much as I could have, though. But oh well.

This is SUPER LATE, but I wrote this for NeShiki Week:)

Also, just a note that Joshua sadly ended OOC for this story. I’m, like, the biggest Joshua fan ever. But it’s just the way the cookie crumbled, unfortunately:(

Edit: There’s also kind of some light horror here, maybe (I don’t know if I go into that much detail, so hopefully you’re okay--though maybe not. I don’t know--so perhaps tread carefully, if that might bother you?)

"So... what do you do in this strange new game?" Shiki asked at last, even though her extreme fear about it made her not want to know at all. "You're not really going to get turned into a vampire, are you? …Err, Ruguru, sorry. I swear I’ve been looking into it some, after you’ve told me about it."

"Nah. I think it's just a literal bloodier version of the Reapers' Game... which sucks. But I’ll be fine, Shiki. I swear."

“Neku… do you really have to play it?” And Shiki hated how she sounded now. She had never wanted to be the needy girlfriend, after all. And if Neku had finally come to a place where he could enjoy the Game some… good for him. It was better than being traumatized by it. And if he was certain he wouldn’t get erased and that it would be fair this time around—like it usually was supposed to be—then maybe he ought to do it. But she still couldn’t help but to worry…

“I’m doing this for us, Shiki,” Neku promised her now, as he stood up from their Neapolitan colored bed (why did they even have a bed that color, Shiki found herself wondering now, as she found herself trying to focus on the little details and not this insanity) and moved closer to Shiki, so that he could hold her small hands in his bigger ones.

Though Shiki actually tried not to think about how much bigger Neku’s hands were than hers right now. It made her think that, of course, he the big, strong male in the relationship should be joining the Game and not her. Never her.

It was very sexist and Caveman like, and Shiki hated the idea of it.

…Not that she wanted to join the Reapers’ Game again, mind you. But if it would somehow lead them to getting everything they’d ever deserved, she would happily do this for her and Neku’s future, if she thought that he saw her as someone strong at all.

But he hadn’t thought about letting her join in last time, either. And then, she wouldn’t have even needed to die. She would have just needed to pick up one of those pins that Rindo and his friends had had.

“Chic, what’s on your mind?” Neku asked—cocking his head to the side now, as he regarded Shiki with a far too confused expression on his face. He must have realized he’d lost her. Or that, moreover, her mind had completely switched gears here. Shiki refused to think of it in terms of that first sentence.

“Neku, don’t you know how bad this could go? I’ve watched a lot of movies, y’know. And, okay. Maybe my first mistake is basing anything in real life on them. But most people who say they’re doing something for their loved one, that’s, like, war related… don’t live to tell the tale afterwards. And ohmigosh, I can’t believe I’m even putting those kinds of bad thoughts out there. But Neku, I’m scared. I-”

And apparently, that was all she’d needed to say. Because suddenly Shiki found herself in Neku’s arms, as he dragged her across the bed. Shiki also found herself being kissed, and she could barely get out a surprised squeak after it happened, before Neku was rambling, “Shiki, I-I’m sorry. I- I have to do this. It’s this, or- or Josh says we’ll have to play something called the ‘Angels’ Game.’ All of us who have escaped before, even the Wicked Twisters—who are only beginning to get their lives back on track, and don’t deserve that—would be there. So, Shiki… please. Let me be selfish and strong, and do this for us.”

“I-” Shiki choked out. Finding herself bizarrely wishing she was holding Mr. Mew instead of Neku right now, because she felt Neku was somewhat trying to seduce her here, even as much as she loved him, and her beloved plushie would never lead her astray.

But when Neku told her that people like the traumatized Rindo and Shoka, of all people—and Beat and Rhyme, of course—might be threatened again… what else was she supposed to say?

“I- I guess, Neku. But I swear, if you die, I’m going to find a way to haunt you, even while I’m alive!”

Neku laughed at that, upon hugging Shiki sweetly now. And while he did, Shiki couldn’t help praying that somehow it would be her entering this Game, after all.

…

And Shiki got her wish… though a very selfish part of her would wish that she hadn’t, and that she had never even thought it to begin with.

She woke up on the Shibuya Scramble Crossing, like she did in so many of her nightmares. But what was right away different about it, was that there was rain water all around her.

And Shiki’s first ridiculous thought when coming to, was that she was in prison and the guards had let the toilet overflow, because they didn’t care about her at all, and she had fallen from her cot into it.

As Shiki laughed bitterly, when it dawned on her that she had to be in the Reapers’ Game again, when she pinched herself and didn’t wake up. She supposed she wasn’t too far off about being in prison if she really was here.

What the water really seemed to be from, was… ice on the ground! Or the seamstress presumed it was ice, of course! She’d never seen any in real life, since Shibuya was too warm for ice. But whenever she watched Christmas movies on TV, she thought that this was what the stuff looked like.

“What is going on?” Shiki asked, reaching into her bag—that she fortunately had with her; she would thank Mr. H for this one—and getting Mr. Mew out to clutch to her chest, for some sort of comfort here. “What sort of rules has Josh put into the Game this time?”

And speaking of …where was Joshua, and why would he do this to her? Shiki despaired.

More importantly… where was Neku? While more than anything, she wanted to believe her lover wasn’t here—just so he could finally be safe and happy, like he deserved to be more than anyone else in the world—there was also a side of Shiki that thought that since the two of them had been Partners (in every sense of the word, even, Shiki thought now—remembering fondly, the day that Neku had proposed to her with an engagement ring that had Hello Kitty on it) that Neku would be here for her.

But so far, no dice.

Already, people were getting erased as Shiki wanted to cry out. And it happened so fast, her eyes could barely follow the movements. And the Players that had taken care of the other ones… it was like they all had super speed or something.

Shiki gulped, as she took several steps backwards and found her back hitting Taiseido. She didn’t have a Partner yet (if Partners were even a feature in this Game), but Shiki wondered if she could go into this store with the Reapers’ Decal on it before she had one and get a Partner later, when things had calmed down a little bit… if they calmed down.

“Oh, God. Why does it look like there’s now blood on the ice…” Shiki whispered, doing mental gymnastics in trying to make sense of this all, when she knew that Players were supposed to just turn to static when they were erased.

Shiki figured that maybe the rules of the Shibuya Game had gotten changed again—or, that she had actually wished herself into the Ruguru Game Neku had been telling her about, with its different laws—but this was too much for her.

And before she could second guess herself, she dove into Taiseido just as a voice shouted behind her, “Yes, go in there! I think it might be our only sanctuary!”

Not having to be told twice, Shiki walked over the threshold, and disappeared behind her favorite shelf, where all the sewing books were, and tried to catch her breath…

Which wasn’t exactly an easy task right now. Though Shiki was still usually cheery, she found that all she wanted to do was scream or cry.

But she wasn’t the only person hiding behind this bookshelf. A young girl, who Shiki was guessing might have been the one to tell her to come in here in the first place, had just joined her.

And without waiting for Shiki’s assent, the girl reached out and touched her shoulder. Almost at once, the two of them were engulfed in a cerulean light show, with energy soaring around them and making them feel at once free.

As fast as it had appeared, the light was gone. But something else was there now. Shiki now felt this girl’s life force as though it were her own.

“You just made a Pact with me, didn’t you?” Shiki accused, though Shiki knew she should have been thanking the dish water blonde, whose overall appearance reminded her of Rhyme somewhat. “So, this for sure confirms that I’m in the Game again… but I guess I’ve got to grin and bear it. Tell me, if you could form a Pact with me without my consent, are you a higher being like a Composer? And please just be straight with me.”

The girl laughed, and her voice was like music… Or at least somewhat. Shiki got the strange sense that the child probably could sing well, but people would still never sign her for a record deal, just because they wouldn’t like her tone compared to other people’s voices. “You must know a lot about the Reapers’ Game to ask me that,” she correctly guessed. “But, no. I’m not. Even if I’d wish that. The rules are different here... that’s all. And I just acted before we both got erased. Speaking of which… I don’t think this place is as safe as you remember it being.”

“Wha-” But before Shiki had even finished getting the word out, Noise had burst through the store and were coming right for them. Fortunately, they didn’t seem to be gunning for anyone else in the shop, but they turned over the girls’ favorite book shelf as the two Partners stood gaping at the monsters for a second. “Go, Mr. Mew!” Shiki bellowed as soon as she recovered, motioning for her favorite plushie to at least defend against some of these beasts.

And he did, thankfully, the gods bless him. Shiki watched on with awe, when he erased five of them with such ease, upon following her punches. She hadn’t been sure that he would still have it in him… or, realistically, Shiki hadn’t been sure that she would still have this in her, as rusty as she was. She wasn’t even entirely sure that Mr. Mew would still be her psych, here in the UG.

The blonde girl pulled a pin out of her pocket and once she rubbed a thumb over it just once, she was able to press a forcefield around the two of them. Some of the Shark Noise were going crazy, trying to break through it, but it was still holding well.

Shiki let out a sigh of relief.

“Uhh… Miss. Do you know why Noise are attacking us?” the girl asked. “They’re not supposed to in this Reapers’ Game. Just Rugurus. I’m Satsu, by the way.”

“I’m Shiki!” Shiki explained, thinking about trying to get a hold of Rhyme on her phone now. She would have tried Neku, but she knew that hacker-girl-Rhyme was her best bet. “Wait… what?!”

Shiki supposed she should have expected that, since she actually did know a little bit about the Ruguru Game from Neku. But it somehow still caught her off-guard somehow.

Idly, she had to ponder if that was what she’d actually seen erasing so many Players before. Surely, it was. And that certainly didn’t bode well for them. How the hell was she supposed to beat those?! Shiki knew full well that she didn’t have the kind of Imagination that Neku did!

Satsu didn’t dignify Shiki’s question with an answer. And Shiki didn’t blame her for that; what Satsu had said had been self-explanatory and they had bigger fish to fry.

“Shiki, look to the corner of the room over there. I think there’s a hatch we can go down. Let’s do that. Now!”

Not having to be told twice, Shiki looked to the very back of the room they were in, and saw the little metal door in the ground that Satsu was talking about. The seamstress figured that the owner of the establishment must have been fearing a bombing or zombie apocalypse? The exact details didn’t

Shiki was sliding across the floor to their only room as fast as her legs would move her, and was pulling Satsu behind her. “C’mon!” Shiki urged, the moment they were standing over the hole in the floor, and Shiki was again fighting some Noise with Mr. Mew (because their moving here had clearly made Satsu lose her focus, so that she couldn’t keep the shield up). “We don’t have much time to lose here! Let’s get into that bunker, before my second time in the Game has an untimely end!”

“Except that I don’t know how to get it open, Shiki!” Satsu cried. “And one of the changed rules of the Game, are that shop owners—any people in a shop—can’t see us! …Not that I think the owner would help us with this if she could see gaze at us, since the Noise are no big deal to her. But-”

Shiki sighed in a long-suffering way. And once again, she resisted the urge to cry. Maybe even sob at this point. She had the insane idea of breaking part of the door open, so the both of them could squeeze through it—and then trying to cover those parts up with other things, to try and keep the Noise out that way—and she thought they still might do that, if it came down to it… but Shiki knew that that really wouldn’t work at all, would it? Because the Noise would follow them in too easily. They’d just break through the holes they created to get in themselves, and then they’d be trapped there. Could they come up with some other kind of plan?

“Forget the hatch, then! We’re near some windows right now, Satsu… let’s go through them and make a B-line for the Shibuya River. It’s our best bet!” Shiki didn’t wait for Satsu to agree or disagree with her. She took her new Partner’s hand and busted through the windows, while running at them, with her right behind her.

Shiki hated, of course, that they were destroying poor Taiseido here, and giving the owner more work—Shiki knew far too well how expensive rent and repairing damages could cost, as a business woman herself—and that she had just cut her and Satsu’s bodies up some with this stunt. But what other choices had they had?

And as Shiki was seeing other Partner pairs on the scene now, she hoped that if they got into a fight they couldn’t handle on the way to the River with these injuries, one of the other teams would jump in to help them; Shiki could already tell that with this Game, working together would be a better choice than staying apart. But then she’d always thought that, hadn’t she?

“I-I don’t understand, Satsu,” protested now, when the two of them were nearly knocking over the tables at Hachiko Café, in their clumsy haste to weave around the Rugurus. “Why the Shibuya River? How will that help us at all? And what if we get a mission that has us going in the other direction, and we don’t have time to go there because we’re half-way across Shibuya?”

As nuts as it was to think, Shiki had almost completely forgotten about the missions. And this coming from a girl who had always been adamant about beating them when she’d played the Reapers’ Game the first time she was here.

Shiki supposed it had to do with her panic… or the knowledge that the Game had been rigged when Neku had played both times, so the missions had hardly mattered or really helped them at all.

That was what Shiki was thinking this time, really: that the sooner she got to Joshua and sorted this out, the better.

“Just- just trust me that the Shibuya River will have the answer to all our troubles. Or it should, at least…” Shiki couldn’t exactly tell her new Partner that that was where the Composer of Shibuya resided. Joshua’s need to protect his secret was partly why he’d locked Neku in Shinjuku for three years, after all. And Shiki didn’t exactly want a repeat performance of that.

When they got to the River, she would probably have to keep Satsu away from the Room of Reckoning, too, now that she thought about it. But Shiki would find a way to have all these requirements met.

She would do it, so she wouldn’t have to see a Ruguru snacking on someone, as if they were a cheeseburger ever again! Shiki thought, horrified, as she did scream now!

That was definitely where all the blood was coming from, too: the blood that was staining the ice, the most hideous coral that Shiki had ever seen, before the Player finally turned to static, the poor thing.

It was about that time—that time that Shiki was almost lost in shock at the horror of it all, with Satsu having to pull her along—that her phone started ringing.

And at first, Shiki didn’t want to answer it. She was seeing more and more Players being erased viciously before her very eyes, like a guy who seemed to be as good at fire psychs as Neku had always seemed to be, a girl with a sort of hoverboard… and then, a man who seemed to be going after the Rugurus with no psychs at all, but rather his fists.

And more than she didn’t want to end up like them, Shiki wanted to help these other Players if she could—as she felt her selflessness shining through her once more—but knowing that this was probably Mr. H or someone like him, Shiki knew she couldn’t just pass this call up.

“Satsu, I hate to do this… but do you think you could fight while I take this? Whoever it is, I think they’ll only be of aid to us!”

Satsu looked at Shiki incredulously for this. And later, Shiki would try and dissect that. But right now, after Satsu swiftly got over her anger, she did as Shiki told her—and sent as much lightning as Shiki had ever seen from anyone, at everything coming their way. The two of them continued to run towards the Shibuya River. And Shiki motioned with one hand, while she held her phone with the other, that everyone should come with them.

“Hello?!” Shiki breathlessly got out. She almost had dropped Mr. Mew from her left hand, while holding her phone with her right one, and what a disaster that would have been.

“Shi-Shiki, where- where are you?!” came Neku’s panicked voice on the other side of the line.

And Shiki let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. If she had Neku here with her here, even if it was just on the phone, she knew that she could get through this. The two of them could overcome anything together, after all, and they always had.

“One guess, Neku: it looks like I got pulled into the Reapers’ Game somehow… Or the Ruguru game, I guess.”

“Fuck,” Neku cursed. And was it Shiki, or did it sound like he might have been crushing his own phone with his grip now? Oh. Now she wasn’t hearing a loud noise anymore. “I wa-was worried tha-that was what had somehow happened. I swear I’m gonna skook Joshua alive.”

“Neku, you’re what? You’re going to skin Joshua alive or cook him alive? Because what you said sounded like a mix of the two. Or did you even say that at all? Your end’s kind of staticky or something. It’s hard to make out what you’re saying at times.

“Actually, ignore the Joshua question. That’s not important now. You think my best bet is to get to the Shibuya River. Right? Tell me.”

“Yeah. And tell- tell ‘im to switch our places, damnit! I dunno know why-why he pulled this stunt to begin with!”

‘I might have an idea,’ Shiki thought, but she didn’t say so, of course. She didn’t want Neku blaming himself for her predicament here. Who even knew for sure why she was really here?

“So, I take it you also think we should ignore all the missions for now?” “Yes, Shiki!” Satsu interrupted her current conversation. “Including your ‘mission’ of talking on the phone right now! I can’t do this by myself!”

And Satsu wasn’t lying, either. A Player she’d witnessed out of the corner of her eye as she’d been speaking—that she’d thought would be okay, because they seemed like they could fly or something that looked like it!—was already fading away. And a Noise (thankfully not a Ruguru, at least) had Satsu’s right arm in an iron grip and the arm was already starting to turn to static.

“Satsu!” Shiki shouted, sending Mr. Mew after the jellyfish Noise with a vengeance. Damn, did she hate those things.

“Chic, listen to me! I- I secretly put the Harmonizer Pin in your bag in case something like this ever happened to you. Use it. Now!”

“Okay, Neku!” Shiki said, setting her phone down for a moment. She knew there was only one place in her purse where Neku could have put something so small, where it would be safe. Thankfully, she only had one tiny, zippered pouch.

And sure enough, that was where the little gem was. “Satsu, try to sync with me! That’s our only chance!” Shiki thought about how this girl had already had her back a few times already, in instructing her to go into Taiseido, making a Pact with her, and fighting so brilliantly while she chatted with Neku.

And Satsu must have seen something within her, too. Because suddenly, Shiki felt as though a bridge had been created between them… maybe the bridge was even literal, too.

Because all too soon, Shiki felt like she was being lifted into the air—with Satsu beside her—and all of the Rugurus and Noise suddenly seemed miles away from them. Mr. Mew, who was massive again, and as high up as Shiki and Satsu were, blasted their enemies with his laser vision. And then Satsu jumped down, and in a cloak of fire and lightning, rolled and took out what was left of them.

Then, everything returned to normal: the bridge was gone—but Shiki was safely on the ground—and Mr. Mew was in her arms again.

Shiki picked up her phone, desperate to talk to Neku once more, but the call had been disconnected. She cussed.

She wanted to call him back straight away, but she knew why that might be more trouble than what it was worth. She’d have to try again later.

“Shiki, we have a moment’s reprieve. And we’re almost at the River. Let’s go go go,” Satsu urged.

“You’re right,” Shiki relented. “I just- I just wish some of the Players we saw could have come with us. But maybe we’ll run into more we can help on the way. Or more will join later this week, that we can help. …Not that I really want more time in this Hell hole.”

Walking down the waterway that was pretty much a sewer, and would be giving way to what was actual sewer soon, Shiki prayed that they wouldn’t need a key pin to get in here this time.

If they did, she supposed she’d just have to see if she could knock down walls like Beat would have.

Or call Neku for help again… if she could get through to him.

Or threaten out loud to reveal Joshua’s secrets. Though, again, Shiki didn’t know if she wanted to do that. But if she had no other choice… she knew that she would.

Though, oddly enough, as Satsu came to stand beside Shiki now—while running her hand through the air, in trying to feel for a wall—the hair on the back of Shiki’s neck stood up, and she couldn’t help thinking that Satsu herself… might have actually been Joshua in disguise.

…

“So, what’s your story, exactly?” Shiki asked Satsu now. The two of them were currently heading towards the Room of Reckoning, after it had been discovered that apparently no key pin was needed. Joshua must have been getting arrogant about his safety, or the knowledge that no one knew who he was anymore (or only people he could trust)… or something else, Shiki thought.

And while Shiki remembered from her last time here, that Noise could appear in this area—even with their master up ahead (she wondered what that was about), she thought that they would probably be few and far between. So, she and Satsu probably could take somewhat of a breather here, and discuss these sorts of things…

Which was good, because if Shiki was right about Satsu being Josh—and he was about to turn her into a frog for “showing a stranger his secrets”—she’d like to be prepared for it sooner rather than later.

Satsu seemed taken aback by the question. And she even stopped walking for a moment as soon as she’d heard it, Shiki saw. But she got her wits about her rather quickly again, and was soon by Shiki’s side once more. “I have to say I’m surprised you’re asking me that. You seemed like you were only focused on the Game,” Satsu remarked, pulling out another pin that she could use as a flashlight.

Shiki honestly didn’t think it was so dark yet as to need that. But if that helped to make Satsu feel better about things, who was she to take her security blanket away from her, so to speak? “Actually,” Shiki corrected, “in my first Game—because I have played the Reapers’ Game twice—while I definitely didn’t skirt the missions, I was all about getting my first Partner to open up. I guess I’m just being more… intense here because this Game is kind of crazy, huh? And to be honest, I’m not even supposed to be playing it.”

“I-I’m sorry to hear that, Shiki. I really am,” Satsu whispered, as she seemed to very reluctantly reach her arm out to pat Shiki on the shoulder once. “I’m here because I want to be. I- I lost a relative to the Game. He, umm, was really good at technology, you see. So, he… he hacked the RNS, or whatever it’s called, and told me all about it while he had the chance. And ever since he lost… I guess I’ve wanted to conquer this Game to avenge him in a way… or something. Even if it’s the more difficult Ruguru game, I guess.”

Shiki was about to ask Satsu if she’d killed herself to enter the Game, then, even though she knew that really was not her business.

But before she could, who would appear but Joshua himself in all of his Composer glory—almost blinding Shiki—as he looked at her with clear disdain in his eyes. “Come to buy yourself a ‘get out of jail free card’, have you, Shiki? Even though it was your idea to be here in the first place?”

Oh, Shiki could have just strangled Joshua for that one! Even in this form! She almost wanted to risk her life and just throw herself at his neck! What had happened to the Josh she’d used to be friends with? At least somewhat.

The one that she’d hung-out with a few times before Neku had disappeared, and at least once when Neku had left them—as he had tried to cheer them up—and the guy that had spirited her and Rhyme away to safety when Neku, Beat, Shoka, Rindo, Fret, and Nagi had been fighting that giant Phoenix? Shiki couldn’t see any trace of that man now. And it broke her heart as much as Neku’s pushing her away after Rhyme’s death had.

“Whoa. You know- you know the Composer, Shiki?! Isn’t that just crazy cool!” Satsu spluttered. And Joshua bowed to her—in thanks for her compliment, Shiki was sure (though there did seem to be something in his eyes)—so it seemed that one of them had the Composer of Shibuya’s favor at the moment. How she wished that it were her.

“Josh, why are you even allowing this Ruguru Game?” Shiki tried, venturing closer to the angel and ignoring how it hurt her eyes more and more to get closer to him, and every instinct in her body that screamed at her to run from this inhuman being. “It seems like most of the Players have been erased already. And this kind of cruelty… it isn’t what you and Mr. H stood for, I don’t think. I thought the point of the Game was to find people worthy of ascension. So why aren’t you even giving the people here a chance? What’s the point of this-”

“The point, dear Shiki, is that we have recently discovered these beings called Rugurus. And we have to do something with them. If they can spice up a Game, where’s the harm? No, a number of our Games won’t be like this, but perhaps special ones will be. They can show us what humans really deserve ascension. And if the Rugurus can fight against their base instincts and not feed, perhaps we’ll even let them ascend. They don’t deserve to suffer any more than humans do, after all.”

‘Joshua, what’s happened to you?’ Shiki wanted to ask, but dare not. She knew that that would only set him off. She imagined that she must have been dealing with the Joshua that Neku had had, before he’d convinced him to spare Shibuya.

But she also remembered what Neku had told her before all this nonsense had started… that if Neku joined the Ruguru Game, it would keep the Angels from making Players enter the “Angel Game.”

So, was that what this was, then? Joshua was being held at gun point, too, and had also chosen the lesser of two evils?

And if so, was there anything Shiki could do now to make him fight against his fellow angels, or at least think that she and Satsu had already won the game and let them out already?

“Josh, I think Satsu and I are the only Player duo left. And man, does that leave a bad taste in my mouth. Did you even see how everyone else was slaughtered today, Josh?! …But, anyway… if that is the case, I’d say the Game is pretty much over, wouldn’t you? Can you let us go home to the RG, then?”

And at that, Joshua was giggling. He was laughing so hard, in fact, he was even shaking with his laughter. Shiki chanced a glance Satsu’s way. And the girl didn’t seem scared, though maybe a tad bit concerned, and Shiki didn’t exactly know how to feel about that. She herself was getting plenty scared here. But maybe she had always been a coward without Neku: and if that wasn’t something Shiki had never wanted to face about herself, she didn’t know what was.

“What do you think this is, Shiki? The Hunger Games? That the two of you will pretend to eat some poisoned berries, and I’ll let you both out for that reason? If you’ll recall correctly, the last time you played, only you earned the right to return to life. Not Neku. Why should it be any different this time?”

Shiki gasped out loud. Because she saw, of course, what Joshua was really saying there. That if she kept pushing this, she would be the one to escape and Satsu would be all alone.

And Shiki wasn’t kidding herself. While Satsu had a lot of promise—because she was good at psychs like Neku was—Shiki knew that she had saved the younger girl’s butt a lot of times so far (mainly with her plan to get here and beg Joshua for help, but still).

And more importantly, if Shiki left now… there was a good chance Satsu wouldn’t even have a Partner! Shiki couldn’t accept this deal. She wouldn’t!

For a second, Shiki thought about trying to call Neku again and letting him bawl Joshua out. She thought that that might work, since she knew that Josh had always had feelings for her husband. But she refused to drag Neku into this mess, if she could help it, so she had to think of something else!

Somehow, even though they were underground, a breeze was still able to fly by right now and ruffle Shiki’s hair into her face—also bathing her in the scent of bananas from her shampoo—and it made her feel alive… and that was a good thing. Because if she went with her next plan, she didn’t really know if she would be considered that anymore.

“Josh… what if I ascend? Would you let Satsu go then? I know, strangely enough, I must have that capability. When Mr. H talked to us after your game with the Executor, he told me that only an angel should have been able to get Tsugumi out of Mr. Mew… and yet I was able to do it.”

“…Or, Nerd, you can own up to my bestie’s girl, that the recent Rugurus were really angels’ plans to give sick humans immortality, that it went horribly wrong, and now we’re trying to clean up their, like, disgusting messes in two ways, and stop playing the bad guy.”

“Satsu, what are you talking abou-”

But before Shiki had even gotten the chance to finish the sentence, something was happening to Satsu! She was engulfed in a bright light! And Shiki was running towards Joshua to shake him, to demand to know what he’d done to her new friend—damnit—but just as Shiki was about to risk her own life to do that, the fluorescence disappeared. And in Satsu’s place was… Coco.

“You mean to tell me you were Coco the whole time?!” Shiki demanded, placing a hand over her forehead and feeling a massive migraine coming on.

“Yep-yep!” Coco assured Shiki. She even went as far as to put a hand on her hip and pose. “I’m sorry that I had to trick you, Shiki! And I wouldn’t have, if I thought this nerd would have let me enter this Game as myself. But know that I think you’re fantabulous, and that we really are well on our way to becoming the most splendiferous of friends! After all, Neku’s wifey just has to be a friend of mine, of course!”

Well, if nothing else, Shiki could kind of understand why she’d thought Coco was Joshua now. Coco was as overpowered as he was, wasn’t she? And they sometimes had some of the same temperament. And as “Satsu”, Coco hadn’t even changed her appearance that much. She’d just had shoulder-length hair that was blonde. Really, Shiki should have known. And she was ashamed of herself that she hadn’t! Maybe she had thought it was too obvious?

But she wondered about Satsu’s—Coco’s—story for entering the Reapers’ Game and pondered if there was some truth to it. The person in her story sort of sounded like Joshua… could it have been the two of them were related? And instead of the guy in her story getting erased, he had just ascended? And that was why Josh always seemed so annoyed by her?

As if reading her mind, Joshua answered Shiki’s million-yen question, that she’d thought would never have a solution. “Oh, great. You’re here interfering with my plans for Shiki and this Game, little sister? What can I do for you? Besides nailing you to a dart board or erasing you, that is?”

“Is that any way to talk to your darlingest little Reaper sister, Yoshiya?”

“…A sister I never wanted here, who’s always been a pain in my side, and tried to upstage me the moment she got to the UG! And all of this was supposed to be information that never reached our poor Shiki’s delicate ears. So, do shut up. Now that she doesn’t have a real Partner, and the Game may be a wash. And, no. I’m not bringing Neku here, like he originally wanted. So don’t even ask.”

“But there has to be something we can do to end all of this,” Shiki said, practically begging now. Also, she again found it bizarre that they were just standing in the sewer having this conversation. They hadn’t even made it to the Dead God’s Pad or Room of Reckoning, and yet here they were: pretty much standing in a circle, singing “Kumbaya”, Shiki thought sarcastically.

…Though she really shouldn’t be thinking such frazzled thoughts right now. Things were bad enough without her going cuckoo. She blamed it on the stress, and took a deep breath before trying to continue on with any sense of normality once more: a hard thing to come by with these two, she knew. “Umm… as much as you may ‘despise Coco’, I doubt you’re going to turn your sister into a Player again and have her in the Game with me more, or anything like that. Could you have the Rugurus ascend or something like that, Josh? No, don’t answer that with a disparaging comment my way, Josh. I already know that won’t work.... Oh, hey what’s this button on my phone?”

Shiki had been getting anxious again. And as much as she had wanted to help Joshua in the past, after Neku had explained to her that the Composer of Shibuya was a lot like how he himself had been—and Shiki had wanted to believe they had made some progress, for a while there, after she’d decided that Joshua would be her new pet project—she thought that maybe he really was better left Neku’s puzzle than her own.

And thus, sometimes old habits really did die hard, and Shiki found herself staring at her phone, like she had done when she’d been here the first time. It had been that she’d seen a strange button on her phone that she hadn’t noticed before.

Shiki wanted to believe that it had been there before, of course, and she just hadn’t noticed it. Rhyme must have been the one to install it (or Mr. H), as only they would have the know-how on how to do so. And the ability to access her phone, as Shiki hadn’t taken it to an electronics store recently.

And she was pressing said mysterious yellow button, the moment that Joshua was shouting, “Shiki, no don’t press tha-”

Then there was a burst of violet in front of their eyes. And while it was stupid just to assume because of the color (Neku’s favorite shade), that it would be him, Shiki somehow assumed that it would be. And she thought that she saw the color of his hair and the shape of him through the bright rays, too.

And sure enough, he was suddenly there. And Shiki was saying Neku’s name before she’d even thought that air had reached her lungs enough to do so—just as Coco was—but she couldn’t help noticing that Joshua remained silent. What? Was he miffed at Shiki for unwittingly bringing Neku here? Or was he just trying to play it cool?

Well, whatever Josh was thinking, Shiki would not ferret it out right now. Not when her husband was before her, and Shiki’s first thought was jumping into his arms—and soaring so far as she did so, that she thought she might have actually been flying—and then kissing him on the neck.

Shiki knew, of course, that it was wrong to show such affection in front of other people, but fuck, if she cared! She thought she’d die and maybe never see her Neku again! And hopefully anyone watching would just think she’d buried her face into Neku’s neck.

Neku, meanwhile, brought Shiki’s body flush against his own—apparently, he had similar ideas to hers, of getting somewhat risqué here (as they’d earned some of this, hadn’t they? They’d been through so much together. And once again: they’d had no idea if they would see each other again)—but Shiki knew that everyone else would just see it as an embrace.

“I’m so glad to see you again, Neku! No, that doesn’t even cut it! I-I love you so much! And you have the best timing like always, my Partner!” And when Shiki was done talking, she kissed Neku’s cheek this time.

Neku chuckled at Shiki’s words. But the moment he felt her lips on his cheek, she saw him blush. And Shiki was thrilled, that even after a few years of marriage, she could still have this affect on him. “I’m just glad I could get here in time for you, baby. The legendary Player Neku has to keep his reputation, me thinks... But in all seriousness, Shiki… I have no idea how you got here, but don’t ever do something like this to me again. Please.”

Shiki was about to say more to the love of her life, but it was at this point that they were interrupted by Coco gagging and telling them to, “Please get a room, you two. Can we figure out this dire situation before you commence with the baby making?”

“Err, right…” Neku muttered, pushing Shiki away from him some, but still keeping her in his arms—something that Shiki was ever grateful for, because she wasn’t ready to let go of him yet, either—“How did I even get into this ‘dire situation’ of the Ruguru Game when I missed my train ride before. Did Josh bring me here?”

“No, he’d rather have left you of it, for your own safety,” Shiki guessed. Hadn’t Joshua said before that he was omniscient? Shiki was willing to bet that that was why he hadn’t wanted her to press the strange button on her phone (that she was now ninety-nine percent certain that Mr. H had put on it, while she’d been asleep last night), because he didn’t want Neku involved with all of this. And now he was acting even colder to her, if at all possible, because he couldn’t stand that she’d spoiled his plans.

And Shiki knew that she was right, when Joshua destroyed an elephant Noise that appeared right next to him with one of his beams of light, before he put a hand over his heart—trying to give off that he cared about this situation with everything he got, and of course would have wanted all of his best fighters here—when he looked deeply into Neku’s eyes and said, “Neku, dear, I fear your wife is on thin ice with that one, attacking my character like that! Doesn’t she know that it was of course I, Yoshiya Kiryu, who put that button on her phone? And that I’m even about to summon the Twisters here? Yes, I am. And maybe even someone else? Yes, I clearly wanted you to be the super sleuth again.”

“…Talk to Shiki like that again, Josh. And see what happens,” Neku threatened, curling his hands into fists, while Coco gleefully jumped up and down in the background. She must have been getting a kick out of her brother being messed with.

“Neku, please-please don’t. It- it isn’t worth it. And it isn’t why we’re here,” Shiki tried, putting a gentle hand on Neku’s shoulder, so he wouldn’t try and pummel Josh, because this was just who she was. But the words felt a bit hollow on her tongue.

Because, truthfully, she’d appreciated Neku sticking up for her. She had. She was getting sick of Joshua’s antics, too. But it was best not to antagonize him, so hopefully they could get out of here sooner, rather than later. It just broke Shiki’s heart to see what had become of their once friend…

And she didn’t get what his issue was with her in particular. Was it all just petty jealousy, or what?

Neku took a deep breath to calm himself down—and Joshua crossed his arms over his chest, clearly doing the same thing in his own way—before looking at everyone in turn and saying, “Gat me up to speed if I’m wrong here, everyone… But the solution, to me, is to turn the Rugurus into vampires. Because I’m assuming those already exist in our world. Right, Josh? And are better at controlling themselves, and already fit into our society or some shit, unlike this new being?”

“Umm, my dearest bestie Neku, I’m actually all for that plan—and think it might be for the best, overall—so just know that I’m throwing this out there: but do you know how much stinking work that would be? What I mean by that, is do you know how many more vamps there’d be wanting to chow down on humans if angels pull that card out of their asses?!” Coco countered. She was getting close to gremlin territory again, Shiki saw, at the talk of all that work. But the moment Neku looked over to her, she was back to her fairy princess demeanor, and smile.

Neku chuckled. And despite herself, Shiki couldn’t help but to chuckle herself. She had a new appreciation for Coco. She did. (Though Joshua certainly wasn’t laughing. That was for sure.).

Putting a hand on Coco’s shoulder, as he leaned down to see her better, Neku explained his side of things. And it was hard for Shiki not to swoon a little then. It was hard to believe that he had done what no one else had done, and gotten in Coco’s good graces. But then, maybe she had, too? “I don’t think it would be much different than the Rugurus wanting humans right now, Coco, except they desire human flesh and vampires want blood. Have the angels get off their asses and figure it all out, and do something for once.

“And since it would be the angels, not the Reapers, I think you’d be off the hook when it comes to working on this, Coco.”

“You let Coco off the hook, but you have no qualms with yours truly getting saddled with all of this, I see,” Joshua complained.

But though he complained, he didn’t seem that serious about it. He’d started playing some game on his phone (Shiki thought he was playing something, anyway). And if she had to guess, she would say that it was Tin Pin.

“Well, yeah, Josh. You’re the one who wanted us to figure this all out, so there would be no Angel Game,” Neku explained. “Which tells me the Angels wanted us to give them some solution to this problem, so they wouldn’t have to punish us for not being clever for them and giving them their answers. So, here you go.”

“Oh, very well!” Joshua snapped Closing out of the app he was in with a vicious tap on his phone. “You two get out of here, and never trouble me again!”

The Composer of Shibuya then angrily touched a few more apps on his phone.

Shiki saw a violet light then—perhaps the very same one that Neku had seen before he ended up here—and she started to lose consciousness.

Before she was completely gone, however, she couldn’t help feeling somewhat guilty that they would be changing an entire species into something else.

In some ways, they may even be making them worse. Because as vicious as Rugurus could be (and Shiki had seen the brunt of that, hadn’t she?), if they could resist the urge to feed and never did once did, they would stay human.

Now they would all just be full-on vampires, unless they did ascend somehow.

But this Hachiko Group had no choice in the matter.

It was for the best.

Or so Shiki told herself, anyway, before she then knew nothing.

…

“So, that was all crazy…” was the first thing Shiki said when she came to on her and Neku’s bed. And it was such an understatement—and perhaps one of the worst things that she could have said in this instance—that she wondered why she had, as she tried to work out a kink in her neck and gave Neku a small smile. But it was too late now, so she would try to sell it for what it was.

She had Mr. Mew dance after she said it, and that seemed to soften the blow a little. Neku laughed.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Neku quipped, standing at the foot of the bed. He looked into Shiki’s eyes then. And he must have seen something in them, because it seemed like no time at all before she was safely in Neku’s arms once more: a place she never wanted to leave again, thank you very much. “Mind telling me why you made the wish that you did, Shiki?” Neku whispered into her ear. “Josh thought he owed me something for being such a bitch to you—to us—so he let me read his mind and figure out how you ended up in the UG at all, as he was sending us back here. What were you thinking trading yourself for me?” Neku growled. And it was almost funny that he did. He sounded like a lion or something. Or a bear. Or a teddy bear.

Was he her teddy bear—her big ol’ teddy bear—like that Elvis Presley song? Shiki wanted to cling to Neku, and laugh hysterically about this thought process she’d just had. Neku needed to hear it, too (and oh, man, was she going into shock once more with these ridiculous thoughts? It was quite possible. If so, she should probably wear something warm and drink something).

But first, Shiki knew that she needed to sober up and try to give the man she loved some sort of explanation here. Because even she could barely understand what she’d been thinking with that anymore.

“I guess- I just didn’t want you to have to play the Game anymore, Neku… I don’t know.”

“An admirable thought, Chic,” Neku said, before kissing every available patch of skin that he could find on her. And it was a very good thing that they were both sitting down on their bed together now, because if they hadn’t been, Shiki knew she would have been falling down and fainting now. She still didn’t feel quite right, as it were. The events of the past day—had it really only been a day?—were definitely catching up with her. “But it was my choice. …But I can also get why you felt the way you did, and maybe I shouldn’t have made that choice that I did, either. We should have stayed Partners, huh? So, Shiki: let’s promise to stay that way from now on, like we said we would in our marriage vows, huh?”

That was what Shiki had wanted all along! And the Shiki of old—the one who had chewed him out a lot in the start of their first week together—wanted to tell Neku just that.

But she instead settled on breathing the moment in, giving Neku an Eskimo kiss, and closing her eyes and saying, “Of course, Neku. There was only one Partner I ever wanted, after all. And only one Partner I ever really had. Coco doesn’t fully count. It’s just the way it is.” (And Shiki’s lips found Neku’s once more.)

Though Shiki did feel like she should figure out her friendship with Coco some, and Coco’s story more. So she did.

…

The two girls, a few days later, were sitting at Miyashita Park and eating ice cream, after Coco’s shift was over for the day.

Shiki had thought that it would be like pulling teeth to get Coco to, first, want to spend time with her—and “try out this friend thing with someone other than Tsugumi or Neku”, as Coco put it—or get into Coco’s backstory. And Shiki had told herself she wouldn’t push it. If she and Coco just remained acquaintances and/or if she never found out about Coco and Joshua’s tragic falling out, she would be A-okay with that.

…Which was why she’d been flabbergasted when Coco had pretty much begun telling her story—in front of a ton of strangers!—when they’d been in line together for the ice cream, the first time they met up. Coco sure didn’t do anything by the books, that was for sure. But maybe Shiki liked it that way. It reminded her of one of the things she’d used to like about Joshua, when they’d still been friends…

“I totes didn’t believe Josh about the things he saw. None of us did. And he, like, shot himself to enter the Game. It wasn’t our family’s finest hour when that happened. Even if he and I are only half-siblings, I totes still care about him like a full sibling, y’know?

“And wouldn’t chu know,” Coco said, as she ripped the paper off her cone and started folding it into origami now, “that after he did that, I started seeing everything he’d blabbed about. And suddenly I wanted this Game thing, too. And I didn’t have him to bore me about the details anymore. I guess- I guess I missed him. I don’t fucking know. And I definitely wanted power. I won’t lie, Shiki. What do I look like? So, I followed in his footsteps, but don’t ever tell him I said that, Shiki, or I swear that I’ll give you the worst makeover, that even your awesome fashion sense won’t be able to save you from.”

“Coco, you’re getting sort of sidetracked here,” Shiki laughed, taking a bite of the new grape ice cream they’d recently gotten in—that was definitely some sort of rare commodity; she’d never heard of grape ice cream anywhere before—and it was pretty dang good. “So, what happened when you found Josh?”

“Ohmigosh, Shiki! Don’t interrupt me like that! It’s super rude! If most people did that to me, I would show them up by not finishing the story at all! Be glad I like you so much!

“ANYWHO, I tried to find Joshy in the UG after that, but he was still pissed that I was never really there for him beforehand, y’know?—and now stealing his thunder, to boot—and it’s pretty much been like that with us ever since. What can you do?”

Shiki supposed she could have figured that much. Joshua had pretty much said as much when the cat had come out of the bag. But Shiki thought that that wasn’t where the story ended for them, either. If it was, he would have happily sacrificed his sister to continue the Ruguru game.

Shiki wanted to reach across the table and take Coco’s hand to try and reassure her of that now, but she didn’t think they were quite there yet. It would just scare Coco off—despite how Coco had touched her while under the guise of Satsu some before—so Shiki decided she’d just give Coco the rest of her grape ice cream. Coco had clearly wanted to try it before, but had been too afraid to—or hadn’t wanted it over her favorite peanut butter ice cream, anyway—and now she didn’t have to choose.

So, Shiki slid it across the table to the girl and said her piece. “I think he cares about you, Coco, even if he doesn’t want to show it. That’s just Josh for you. Just keep beating him over the head with your feelings for him, and he’ll eventually let you in, like he once did us. Though it seems like we, his friends, may have to work at that again.

“Anyway, until he does see you as family again… you have Neku and me, Coco. I promise. When I let Neku in all those years ago, I opened my heart to his whole world, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

And that was the truth. There had been so many hard times. First of all being when he tried to kill her… but there had been many ups and downs after that, too. Like when his face had lit up when she came back to him after that, despite the odds, and they’d begun to build a bridge to each other, only for him to shut her out after Rhyme’s death. And then for them to be torn apart after their hard-fought week together… and for her her to have to die when Joshua shot Neku before her very eyes, before she herself was then murdered before they were both brought back… or when the news that Coco, this very girl, had shot her beloved Neku, and Shiki had gone into an endless bout of waiting for him, not wanting to believe the alternative. She wouldn’t believe the alternative. And how glad she wasn’t, because it hadn’t been true, and she’d gotten her Neku back in the end!

And even then, when they’d miraculously found their way together, like they’d wanted to for so long—and it had been truly magical—they’d had their silly arguments even amidst all the bliss, but Shiki wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Mr. H had been all along, after all—that if you stretched out your boarders, there was no telling how far you would go.

And so now, Coco reached out her hand and took Shiki’s own. “Okie-dokie. Sounds good. Thank you so much, Shiki!”

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lilmissbeanie · 4 years ago

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Toru Oikawa Angst Word Count ~ 8k I have been writing this for weeks! I am so glad it is finally finished it! It was hard work and heartbreaking. I do have a second version I will be posting which of course it will be a happy ending. Edited 29/12/2020

"Thank you, Toru!" The h/c giggled as she gave him a side hug from her spot next to him at their usual table that the pair always sat at in the cafeteria, in her left hand she held a little paper bag - that he had just handed to her - containing her all-time favourite treat, pineapple mochi. The taller brunette allowed a rare genuine smile to cross his lips as he gazed at her affectionately as he watched the girl do the cute little dance she always did when she got her hands on her favourite treat.

"Anything for you Y/n-chan." Came the cheerful reply from Oikawa lips, his heart skipping a beat at the look of pure joy spreading across her delicate features, the moan slipped from her lips as the gooey texture coating her tongue as Y/n took the first bite into the mochi. Oikawa bit the inside of his cheek at the sound, a light blush covering his cheeks, god he wished he could be the one causing her to make cute sounds. Images flooded his mind of her under him as she sinfully moaned his name, his hands slipping under her shirt fingertips meeting her soft sink, lips brushing over exposed neck. Oikawa sunk his teeth in his cheek harder dragging him out of his sinful mind, knowing what would happen if he continued to fantasize about her and those cute little noises, pushing the thoughts to the back of his head for later.

Everyone one could see how in love Toru Oikawa was with Y/n L/n. Everyone but her. She was utterly oblivious to the fact that her childhood friend was head over heels, deeply and madly in love with her.

On the other side of the table sat the other third-year volleyball players watching the interaction between the pair, they felt terrible for their captain. Usually, they wouldn't care but seeing him pine for his childhood best friend of, well forever, was hard to watch, but at the same time he it was laughable, they had told him over a million times to confess to her, but he would say 'no not yet,’ and shrug them off before running off to find Y/n, like he always did. They were always together; you knew if you wanted to find Oikawa, you would just have to look for Y/n and vice versa.

"Hey Y/n?" Oikawa nudges her shoulder with his own. Glancing at him quickly, she motioned him to continue with a nod of her head before she nibbled on the pineapple goodness she gently held between her fingers once again. "Ya know that mochi cafe you have been dying to go to?"

The other three on the other side of the table observed them like hawks, their eyes flickering between the pair, was it finally going to happen? Was Oikawa finally going to tell her?

"Yea what about it?" She questioned, looking at him with her doe-like eyes.

"We only have practice in the mornings this weekend, so did you want to go Saturday afternoon?"

"Sure Toru, I have plans till about four so shall we meet at five, outside the cafe?"

"Sounds like a plan!" He grinned at her as they threw their rubbish in the bin and headed back towards class before the bell rang.

The smile had yet to leave "So, are you finally planning on telling her?" Iwaizumi asked as they were tidying up the gym after that day's practice.

"Yep!" The brunette replied, popping the p. "I don't think there is a better place to tell her that, that I have been in love with her for years other than being surrounded by her favourite treat."

"Took you long enough," Hanamaki smirked as he tossed the balls into the ball bin. "We're proud of ya, Captain." Matsukawa teased as he finished folding the net as he turned to the other three. Oikawa rolled his eyes at his friends with a smile on his face, he knew they cared in their own way, as they made their way back to the locker rooms to change, so he could meet Y/n.

Leaning against her shoe locker like he did every evening after volleyball practice, she waited for her to finish band practice. He knew it should have ended a few minutes ago, but Y/n was always the last one out, he was used to waiting for her, not that he minded. As Oikawa leaned against the shoe cubbies, he picked at the dirt that was under his tidy well-kept nails, before he glanced threw his sinfully long eyelashes spotting a few of his fangirls whispering to one another and glancing at him not so slyly. Not one to let his fans down he flashed them his perfect swoon-worthy fake smile, which of course caused the girls to erupt into giddy squeals.

"Honestly, Toru, stop with the fake smile and give them a real one for a change would ya. You are so handsome, and your genuine smile is swoon worthy and I, personally, love it." Y/n gentle voice reached his ears, sounding as sweet as honey even if she was slightly out of breath, causing his breath to hitch when he turned to where her voice came from. Her cheeks were slightly pink from rushing here and the way the tip of her tongue darted out to wet her lips as she ran a hand threw her unruly h/c hair made him want to gently cup her face, pin her against the lockers and kiss her.

‘- she loves my smile.’ The thought raced through his head as a bright smile graced her features as she toed on her shoes. "Ya know you don't always have to wait for me."

"My real smile is saved for a special someone." He replied, giving her that real smile, wondering if she might catch on, "We live next door to each other, you know I will always wait for you." He replied as he brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear like Oikawa always did out of force of habit - one of his many little ways of showing her how much he loved her - he loved the feeling of the soft skin of her cheek under his rough, calloused fingers.

"Anyway, what kind of gentlemen would I be if I didn't wait for you? It's not safe for a younger lady such as yourself, you know." Oikawa sent her a playful wink, while Y/n just rolled her eyes playfully. "Ready?" Y/n nodded in reply to his question, adjusting the strap of her bag into a better potion on her shoulder.

Oikawa arrived at the cafe fifteen minutes early on Saturday afternoon, and he found a cute little table for them on the small patio out the front, the little cream table had a small plant pot with favourite/flowers starting to bloom, the reason he had chosen this table. He nervously sat there waiting for felt eternity as he played with the good luck charm she had made and gave him before his first official match all those years ago, between his fingers under the table. His head shot up when he heard her soft giggle fill his ears, he could pick out her giggle in any crowd, no matter how big or small, his heart began to beat rapidly as he looked around for her, only to spot her stood a little way away with the third year Shiratorizawa setter, Eita Semi. Oikawa's eyes locked on to the way her eyes crinkled as she laughed at something Semi had said, a smile graced Semi’s face when the pure angelic sound spilled from her lips.

How did they know each other?

Why were they spending time together?

What is their relationship?

"Hey, Toru!" Oikawa blinked a couple of times finding the pair standing in front of him, he had been lost in thought with all the questions floating around in his mind in a panic. "You know Semi, right?"

"I do, Semi good to see you." Oikawa nodded politely at the ash-blond boy; Oikawa didn’t have a problem with the fellow setter; it was just Wakatoshi.

Semi nodded politely in return to Oikawa, "And you." The two setters stared at each other for a few seconds before Semi turned his attention back to Y/n, his eyes held such a distinct look of adoration as he looked at the h/c girl, Oikawa knew that look it was the exact same gaze, according to the boys, he gave Y/n when he knew she wasn't looking at him.

"Thanks for today sugar, it was fun." Oikawa frowned at the nickname, why hadn't he thought of that? He had known Y/n his whole life. Their parents have lived next door to each other since before their older siblings had been born, their mums are best friends, and so were they, so how did he not come up with that nickname, especially with that sweet tooth of hers?

"Thank you, I had fun too." Y/n giggled giving Semi a gentle smile. Oikawa could feel his heart begin to crack as he began to realise, he had missed his shot, the love of his life was with someone else.

"I'll text you later." Semi brought her into his arms wrapping them around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze before planting a quick peck on her lips. That was the final card, Oikawa's heart shattered into a million pieces as he watched her kiss him back.

Oikawa hated this. He hated how well-matched they were for one another. He felt sick to his stomach as he watched his childhood best friend and her new boyfriend. The Seijoh third years were in the park, and Y/n had asked nicely if she could invite Semi so he can meet them all outside of a volleyball match. The other third years let Oikawa decide, knowing how hard it was going to be seeing the girl he was so deeply in love with was inviting her boyfriend along, to their regular chilled out Sunday afternoons. Oikawa had always had difficulty, more like he couldn’t say no to Y/n.

What he really was not expecting was Y/n to bring her acoustic guitar and the pair of them being able to play. The sight in front of him had jealous flaring threw his veins leaving a bitter taste on his tongue, as he watched Semi's fingers skilfully glide over the strings as he played 'til Kingdom Come by Coldplay with Y/n head resting on his shoulder, the only thing that was keeping Oikawa from lashing out at the scene was Y/n gentle voice as she sang the words.

'For you, I'll wait till kingdom come.' He loved it when she sang, he found it calming, and he was guilty of thinking that the lyrics of some songs she sang just for him, especially the love songs.

Oikawa was kicking himself when she offered to teach him how to play the guitar all those years ago, that he hadn’t given up so easily, wishing he had tried harder, cause maybe, just maybe she would be sat next to him with her head on his shoulder as he played the guitar instead.

Y/n passion for music was on par with Oikawa's passion for volleyball, she loved it, Y/n would have earphones twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred and sixty-five days a year if she could. She was always in music room 3 playing whatever instrument she could get her hands one. She had taught herself to play them all, not once took lessons. Oikawa had sat with her hundreds upon thousands of times in that room watching her, whether it was her fingers gliding gracefully across the ivory and black keys of the piano, the way her eyes would close when she really got into the melody or the way she would get into the beat while she played the drums. But his favourite was the guitar. He loved watching Y/n play the guitar, the way her fingers glided over the strings, it didn't matter what kind of guitar, be it an acoustic, bass, or electric or what song she would play whether it was a slow romantic song or a quicker upbeat one she never missed a cord, all the mattered was being able to see her play it.

"You're making it obvious." Hanamaki's hushed voice reached Oikawa's ears as he was jabbed in the ribs by the outside hitter. The jab was what Oikawa needed to drag him out of his thoughts, realising he had been staring at her this entire time.

Semi knew how the other setter felt for his girlfriend, Oikawa wasn't exactly being subtle with his feelings nor was he hiding them very well, and well everyone knew.

Well, everyone bar the girl in question.

Oikawa had had his chance, eighteen years he had and didn't make his move, so Semi did. One thing that Semi had always wondered was how on earth had Y/n never realised how in love Oikawa was with her, it was so obvious how could she not see it, the brunette boy would do literally anything just to make her smile.

"Baby?" Semi hummed as he turned towards his girlfriend's voice that had called out to him, a gentle smile across his lips as saw her beautiful face, "My turn, can you pass me the guitar, please?"

Semi happily obliged, passing her the guitar with a gentle lingering kiss to her forehead, catching the way Oikawa's hands clenched tightly, his knuckles turning white. Semi had to bite back the chuckle, but he noticed how Oikawa instantly relaxed as Y/n fingers ran over the cords as she played a few random notes before she began to play 'Gold Rush' by Ed Sheeran, Semi was the same as Oikawa when his girlfriend played the guitar he relaxes.

'Smoke alarm went off at nine~' Y/n voice flowed in perfect harmony with the guitar, Oikawa couldn't help but let the gentle smile across his lips at the sounds of her voice once again, yet it quickly disappeared again as Semi joined in their voice mixing softly and sweetly, they harmonised perfectly together.

The jealous once again flared up, he cursed himself for being jealous, her happiness was more important and if she was happy with Semi then so be it, and he wouldn't tell her, no, not wouldn't, more like he couldn't tell her that he loved her, not now he has seen how happy she was with him.

He knew he should have told her when he realised three years ago during their first year of high school. They were in the music room, Y/n had recently taught herself how to play the drums, and that was where she was sat, at the drum kit, her eyes close as she played some song from the early two thousand, he was pretty sure it was AC/DC, it could have been the song 'Can't Stop Rock 'n' Roll'. Oikawa smiled as he tapped his foot along to the beat she was creating, she was lost in her own world, the music absorbing her, she was unaware of her surroundings, so much so he was able to sneak a picture of her. He had it printed and framed. He kept it safe on his desk at home and another two copies, one in his gym bag and the other in his locker. Oikawa once again pulled out his phone, but this time he took a picture of the couple, both still singing with beautiful, loving smiles on their faces.

God, how he wished Y/n looking at him like that, the way she was looking at Semi. For her to adore him and allow her to let him treasure her. Oikawa knew he would treat her like the queen she is, he would worship the ground she walked on, well like he already did, he would drop anything to be by her side if she needed him, do anything to see her smile. Oikawa knew that was never going to happen now. Not unless Semi fucked up and at that, he would have to fuck up massively and if he ever did Toru Oikawa would be the one there to be her shoulder to cry one, pick her back up, stand her on her feet wipe those tears away and show her just how much he loves, cares and cherishes her.

He knew she was in the stands; she always was, Y/n had never once missed one of his matches, official or practice she was always there. He was the same if she had a gig or competition, he was there to support her.

His eyes locked on to her figure, instantly spotting she was still wearing his spare jersey, he was glad tradition never changed since she had been wearing his jersey to the matches since forever. It was different this time, with her was Semi his arms were wrapped around her waist, and his chin was planted on her shoulder, he could see their lips move at a rapid pace as they spoke to one another, Y/n giggling every now and then at something the ash-blond setter had said. Y/n felt a pair of eyes on her, spotting Oikawa was staring at her, she gave him a grin and a wave before she mouthed 'Rule the court king!' the same words she says before every match, but this time it was different she was standing in another's man's arms.

"You manage to lose the girl of your dreams." Kageyama taunted from the other side of the net while he glanced between the h/c girl with her boyfriend and his heartbroken former captain with a smug grin firmly planted on his lips. "Impressive."

"Piss off Tobio-chan." The jealousy was clear in his voice as he venomously spat the words out, he felt disgusted with the bitter taste coating his tongue again, Oikawa's own eyes flickered back to where she was stood just as she turned in Semi's arms cupping her boyfriend's cheek placing a chaste kiss to his lips. Oikawa closed his eyes and bit his lower lip as he turned back towards his team, the suffocating jealous flooded his veins.

Iwaizumi didn't know what he could say or do to help Oikawa through this. He honestly wished that Semi didn't treat her so perfectly, not that he would want Y/n to be treated any less than a princess or mistreated, but if he did, he knew then Oikawa would be the one to be there to pick up the broken piece of her heart and fit them back together.

A thought had crossed Iwaizumi's mind that it was just a ploy that Shiratorizawa's team had come up with to break his friend for their next match against one another. But it wasn't a ploy. It couldn't be, Iwaizumi knew you couldn't fake the look of pure love, and adoration Semi's eye's held, and the way he was the perfect gentlemen, treating Y/n was the uttermost respect, Semi adored her, and he showed it to the world with the little signs of affection, he would always pick her up from school if he was able to, surprise her with pineapple mochi, it didn't take him long to work her love for it. The silver chain necklace that he had brought on their six-month anniversary adorned her neck since the day he fastened it. When they went to the zoo on their date, he even got them matching phone charms.

The Seijoh third years looked at their captain with pitiful looks on their face as they saw the longing glances he sent to Y/n. "Stop." Oikawa muttered as he walked up to his friends, "I don't want your pity. It's my own fault I should have told her three years ago."

The three lads gave him a sheepish smile, as much as Oikawa drove them around the bend, he was still their friend, and they didn't like seeing him like this, heartbroken and miserable. Oikawa had been putting his acting to the test in front of Y/n, putting up his confident, happy personality but if you looked close into those chocolate brown eyes of his, you could see just how broken and hurt he was over this.

"You got that right. You should have told her then," Iwaizumi said as he firmly clamped his hand down on Oikawa's shoulder causing the captain to flinch at the force reminding him just how powerful his vice captain's spikes can be.

"So, let's beat Karasuno today," Hanamaki smirked, slapping his back.

"Then tomorrow we will take down Shiratorizawa, and you can show Y/n who is the superior setter." Matsukawa also smirked, landing a punch to his right shoulder.

The whole match was intense, the score so close each set and the final set ended up in a deuce. Y/n was gripping Semi's arm tightly the whole match, it was more than likely cutting off his blood circulation. As Hinata's final spike passed the blockers and straight to Oikawa ready to receive it, but even, so it wasn't enough to keep the ball in play and the match ending with Karasuno proceeding to the finals.

Y/n untangled herself from Semi's arms as she rushed forward to the front of the stands, tears streaming down her cheeks as she watched her best friend try to regain his composure over the shock that they had just lost, watching as Oikawa and Kageyama stared at each other, she couldn't hear what he said but looking a lot like a declaration of war.

The two teams spoke to the opposing coaches before returning back to their respective coaches, and as the seijoh boys spoke to coach Irihata, the team started to tear up, Y/n could see Oikawa was trying to stay strong for his team, holding back his tears, as the team jogged over to thank those who had come to watch them, Y/n saw that even Iwaizumi was crying, she knew what was passing through his head. She knew he was thinking how can he call himself the Ace if he can't even land the last shot. She watched as Oikawa firmly slapped Iwaizumi's back, followed by Matsukawa and Hanamaki as they joined the others lined up.

"Thank you for coming," Oikawa said, firmly refusing to meet Y/n eyes, as much as he knew she was trying to get him to look at her. How could he meet her beautiful eyes when he was so ashamed of himself? "Thank you for coming." The rest of the team chorused as they bowed, the claps rang in their ears.

"She's crying." Oikawa heard Matsukawa mumble from next to him. "Look at her, she needs to see you're okay."

"I can't." Oikawa barely choked out as his eyes stayed glued to the floor, he bit his lip firmly as he held his tears back. "How can I look at the girl I love when I am a disappointment, I can't even get my team to nationals when he can. Tell me how to Matsukawa." Matsukawa's eyes widened as he heard his full name spill from his captain's lips.

"Clearly, I was nor will I ever be good enough for her," Oikawa told his fellow third years his back turned to them as he grabbed his bag, his hand in a fist his nails firmly digging into his palm as he blinked back his tears as he walked away, he needs to stay strong, for his team, he has to hold it together for them.

"Toru?" His whole body tensed up as he heard her hoarse sniffle filled voice met his ears. He slowly turned around to see her standing there a little behind him down the empty hallway, eyes red and puffy as the tears still leaked from them. Rubbing the sleeve of her hoodie against the tip of her red nose, the only thing he could think was how beautiful she still looked even though she was a sniffling snotty mess. Glancing behind her, Oikawa spotted the ash-blond boy about fifteen to twenty feet away from them, he was on his phone, but Oikawa knew he was watching them interact.

"I just want to be alone right now Y/n." His voice void of any emotion, her eyes widened as she heard him say Y/n, not the usual Y/n-Chan he always called her. He turned to continue his journey back to the bus to return to school, but as he took a step forward, her grip on the back of his jacket stopped him.

"I'm still so proud of you." Her voice was scarcely above a murmur, but he heard her words. "In my eyes, you will always be the king of the court, and I will always be by your side no matter the outcome of a match, always supporting you." Y/n took another step forward, wrapping her arms around his middle, left check settled against his back. "So, promise me you will get your crown back."

Oikawa bowed his head as silent tears began to flow from his own eyes. Y/n knew he was crying but the way he would take deep breaths trying to calm himself and the quiet choked sobs. Her grip tightens around him, causing his heart to leap in his chest, he prayed that she didn't feel it.

"Promise me Toru." Y/n's voice was firm yet still shaking slightly from the amount she had been crying.

"I promise." Voice cracking as Oikawa spoke those words. He gently loosens her grip on his team jacket before turning around pulling Y/n into a tight hug, her face instantly buried into the crook of his neck as her arms found their way under the jacket to grip on to his jersey tightly - his chin resting on the top of her head. The two childhood best friends stood there in each other's arms as they silently cried. In that moment Oikawa imagined that the girl in his arms was his, not realising just how cruel he was to being himself as he repeatedly chanted 'I love you' in his head. He loved how perfectly she fitted in her arms, the way her head fitted into the crook of his neck.

"I promise that one day I will make you proud to call me your best friend." Oikawa's voice dropping a few octaves as he buried his nose into her hair carefully inhaled her rose-like scent engraving the smell into his mind.

"I am always proud of you and to call you my best friend." She pulled back looking up into his eyes which held such a proud gaze before she glanced back over her shoulder to her boyfriend, which in turn reminded Oikawa that the girl he was holding wasn't his.

"Go." Oikawa sighed shakily as he slackens his grip, yet he didn't let go completely, wanting to keep her in his arms a little longer, he gave her a tight smile, "I'll text you later."

"My window is always open." Y/n replied, giving him a light punch to arm, returning his smile as she slipped out of his arms, taking a step back. He chuckled at her comment, he knew she wasn’t lying, her window was always open, and he had often snuck in when either of them was feeling a little low or just wanted to hang out with one another. Her window was most straightforward to climb up to if you knew how, his window, on the other hand, was not so easy to get too.

Oikawa watched as she walked back to Semi, his jaw clenching as he watched the girl who didn't know owned his heart snuggled into another man's side, Semi planned a long kiss on her forehead, causing a loving smile to grace her lips made Oikawa's heart skip a beat at her smile yet the jealousy bubbled in his chest once again suffocating him.

"Oi, Shittykawa." He felt Iwaizumi hand on his shoulder, tearing his gaze away from the happy couple. He looked at the Ace whose gaze held so much sympathy for the setter. "Come on." was all Iwaizumi said as he began to guide the setter back to the bus.

"Oh, Toru?" He looked over his shoulder to look at her calling him. "Get some ice on your knee please." He closed his eyes, chuckling with a nodded, of course, she knew his knee hurt after he slipped and landed on it during the match.

"Toru darling? Is that you?" Oikawa heard his mother's voice rang through the house from the kitchen as he stepped through the front door one early spring Saturday afternoon after a long day of training. "Yea it's me." He called back, trying to mask the gloomy tone to his voice. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Toru hasn't been the same since Y/n got that boyfriend of hers." He heard his mother say causing him to falter in his step midway up the stairs, his hand gripped the bannister tightly. Had he really failed to hide his feelings? Does that mean Y/n knows? Is that why she seems so distant from him now?

"He's a nice kid and treats her right but I just so desperately wanted to see Y/n and Toru together." He heard M/n sigh, of course, it was the weekly girl's night their mothers had, this week was at his house.

"Mhm, I was looking forward to planning their wedding." Oikawa took a seat on the stairs as he continued to listen to the women's conversation, he smiled slightly at the fact that even their mothers wanted them to be together. How he would love to marry her, he knew she wanted a ruby and diamond platinum - since she said yellow gold doesn't suit her - engagement ring. He knew what kind of wedding she wanted, a small affair with family and friends, the colours champagne and white.

"Oh, and sharing grandmother duties, those two would make us some beautiful grandchildren." The women were gushing happily over the idea of being grandparents again. The way they were speaking was as if they didn't already have a grandchild each.

Oikawa sighed happily at the thought of their children, he could see them having three or four; actually, he would have as many as Y/n would let him have. He wanted at least one daughter, hopefully, a carbon copy of her mother. She was definitely going to be a complete and utter daddy's girl who he would spoil rotten and sons he could teach to play volleyball, of course, his daughter too if she so wished. He could see evenings where they would all sit and watch movies together or watch their mother play one of the many instruments she knew how to play, he could see her teaching them to play them as well.

He felt a tear slip from his eye from the thoughts he was having, as if he was grieving for a future he knew he would never see, quickly wiping it away he continued his journey up the stairs and grabbed a pair of clean boxers and sweats from his room before making his way into the bathroom. He switches on the hot water before stripping off he throwing his sweaty workout clothes in the laundry basket, he lets the water get to temperature before getting in. Oikawa allowed hot water to run over him, setting his hands firmly on the wall in front of him, bowing his head as he watched the water run down the drain. Finally allowing everything he felt from the day flood out, he was impressed with how he managed to hold it all together and was grateful for the fact the rushing water was covering up the sobs that racked his body.

The pain in his chest became unbearable as he thought about the future he had planned out in his mind. The image of Y/n and Semi wrapped up in one another's arms and their children running around flashed through his mind causing yet another series of sharp sobs to rack through his body. He was kicking himself for being so stupid as to leave so long to tell her.

"Toru?" His next sob caught in his throat as he heard her voice call through the door with a light knock. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yea!" He choked out, gritting his teeth at the fact he stuttered, that was the first time he had heard her voice in this week, she seemed to be avoiding him recently, she left earlier to a school than him and lunch she spent it in the music room.

"Oh, okay." He knew that tone of voice, she was feeling down, something was wrong, "It's just you have been in there a while, like nearly half an hour." He could picture her standing outside the door fiddling with her fingers, "Aunty is planning on ordering take away, so if you could come out soon, please."

"Sure, I'll be out in a bit." He replied, grabbing his shampoo hair before washing his body. He got out the shower drying himself with the fluffy white towel before slipping on his clean clothes, he looked in the mirror, noticing his eyes were slightly red and puffy. Groaning Oikawa splashed some freezing water on his face before heading to his room to grab a hoodie before he went downstairs only to find Y/n sat on his bed, her gaze focused out the window with her knees curled up to her chest with her nose buried between her them. Her eyes held a faraway look, he knew she was upset this was one of her go-to places and position when she was upset.

"Y/n?" He questioned quietly, so quietly that wouldn't have heard it if you weren't in the room. Y/n jumped at the sound of his gentle whisper, bringing her out of her thoughts.

"When were you going to tell me?" She asked her voice also matching his tone as her eyes never left the window.

"W-what?" He stuttered out; did she know that he loved her?

"Brazil Toru." Her head turned to look at him, tears running down her cheeks, his eyes widened. How did she find out? He grabbed the nearest alien hoodie from his desk chair pulling it over his head.

"I'm-" he sighed as he took a few steps closer to her "I'm sorry, I just hadn't found the right time to tell you." Gripping his hoodie, she pulled him closer as she turned her body to face him full, her legs hanging over the edge of the bed, making him stand between her legs as Y/n wrapped her arms around his waist buried her head in his stomach as she started to sob.

"This is why I have been avoiding you recently. I didn't know how to bring it up either, I overheard Makki and Iwa talking about it." She gasped out, struggling for breath, over how hard she is crying, "Toru," She sniffled, "w-what am I going to do without you?"

Oikawa was crying as well now, his arms securely wrapped around her, gently stroking her hair.

"We have been by one another's side for the past eighteen years. We have stuck together, through thick and thin. You were here for me when my arse of a father walked out, and I have always been there for you when you needed me, picking you up when you fell, figuratively and physically. You're my rock, Toru."

"Oh, Y/n," his own voice cracked, "You're my rock too. I will always be there for you, wherever it is, I will always be but a message or phone call away."

"And I, you Toru, I will always be here for you no matter what." She looked up at him, her glassy e/c eyes peering at him questioningly "Why Brazil though?"

"It was the best offer, and I promised to make you proud. I am so sorry I didn't tell you; I just didn't know how."

"It's okay," She smiled as the tears-stains on her cheeks gave them a slight glow, she still looked stunning, her b/c hair half tied back in a ponytail. The tip of her nose was red, making her look so cute, even with her bloodshot eyes. The urge to cup her jaw in his hands and kiss her with all the passion and love he could muster was almost too much to resist as the tsunami of emotions swirled inside him, they were being to crack the dam he had built to keep them in and protect his heart as well as to not ruin the friendship he treasured so dearly.

"When do you leave?" She questioned, tilting her head on one side, looking like an adorable inquisitive owl. "After we graduate."

"Toru," Her voice holding fake anger as she scolded him, he knew she didn't mean it by the playful look in her eyes, "We are just going to have to make so many more memories before you go." She smirked at him tugging on the strings of his hood, "And I want this hoodie before you go."

"Fine," He sighed with a cheeky smile and a playful roll of his eyes.

Graduation rolled around far too quickly, the five third years spent a lot of time together, creating as many treasured memories as they could, going to theme parks, Y/n spent time teaching Oikawa how to make milk bread so he wouldn't miss his favourite treat too much. Over those few months, Oikawa just kept falling deeper and deeper in love with her. He was standing in the airport still a little while till his flight, he had checked in already, all he had to do was go through security. Stood in front of him wearing his hoodie was Y/n, tears in her eyes but with a small smile on her face.

"I'm going to miss you Toru," She clutched her hands in front of her, "but, like we said only a text or a phone call away." Placing his carryon bag down on the floor. Oikawa steps forward, pulling her into a tight hug, enjoying the feeling of her in his arms again. "I'm going to miss you too," blinking back his tears, "even though we may be thousands of miles apart you will always be my best friend, and always be there for you no matter what."

Pulling away to check the time on his phone, he had an hour till his gate closed but he needed to go before he changed his mind and decided to stay. "Sorry Y/n-Chan I got to go; I want to be safe and not miss my flight." Oikawa's heart was breaking that he had to leave her, that she wouldn't be just a few seconds walk away. The flood of emotion consumed him as he felt his feelings for her nearly tumble out of his lips as he stared into her e/c eyes, that were clouded with unfallen tears for him. Oikawa was contemplating whether to tell her or not, deciding with the latter he thought it was best not to leave with telling her he had been in love with her for the last god knows how many years.

"It's okay Toru, I'll see you soon." She grabbed his hand, giving it a final squeeze.

“Of course, Y/n-Chan, I'll be back at Christmas." He grinned, ruffling her hair, letting go of her hand.

Y/n stood there as she watched her best friend step through security. Tears streamed down her face as she knew it would be the last time she saw him for a long time. Oikawa looked over his shoulder, his heart broke even more at her tears. He gave her a gentle smile and wave before he disappeared out of her line of sight, allowing his own tears to fall. Deciding in those few seconds that he would use the thousands of miles distance to finally get over her.

Four years.

Oikawa had hoped that after four fucking years he would have finally been able to move on, but he was wrong, no matter how many dates he went on with other girls, none of them ever made him feel the way she did and to make matters worse he saw and heard her everywhere he goes. During their university days, Y/n and Semi decided to start a band, they only did it for fun, but they got noticed, and now they were world-famous. They were adored by many, their songs always being played on the radio, television interviews and news articles galore. He, of course, listened to the album they had dropped, and she still sang like an angel.

But right now, the most challenging choice he would ever have to face was happening, no match would ever be as hard as this decision would be.

"So, will you?" Y/n asked as she sat opposite Oikawa outside a delightful little coffee shop on a quiet side street of Buenos Aires. The Ruby and diamond platinum engagement ring sparkled under the warm morning sun. Oikawa wasn't going to deny it was a pretty ring but the one he had spent many endless sleepless nights designing would have suited her much better.

"Why him?" Oikawa could not help but let the question spill from his lips, he needed to know, it was so quiet, barely audible.

"W-what?" Y/n stuttered out blinking in shock at her best friend's question, even with how quiet his voice was when he asked her, Y/n still heard what he said.

"Why him Y/n?" Oikawa asked louder, with more confidence with a clear voice.

"What do you mean why him?" She snapped before she sighed, she knew he was just making sure she was making the right choice, which he was but he was also trying to understand why she hadn’t ever noticed how much he loved her.

"Toru, Eita and I have been together for five years now. Of course, we have had our difficulties and being in the band together does create a few arguments, but we have made it through those problems. I love him, and I know he loves me. Eita has always treated me with the uttermost respect and love, never has he hurt me, and I believe he never will."

Y/n closed her eyes, wrapping her hands around her mug as she took a deep breath looking up into those brown eyes, she has known all her life. "So please Toru, would you, as my oldest, closest and dearest friend will you please be the one to walk me down the aisle and give me away?"

His heart shattered into a million pieces like a glass shattering as it hit the floor as he listened to her words, but for her, for her happiness, he would put on a brave smile and replied, "Of course, I would love too."

So, he did, not even six months later he was standing outside her dressing room where she got ready with her bridesmaids, he knocked on the door gently as her mother opened the door giving Oikawa a tight sad smile, which he returned before she pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry," She whispered into his ear, "It should have been you, my dear boy." The older women let a quiet sob escape from her lips. Oikawa could not say a word because if he did, he would cry and would admit how he felt to her, so he just gave the older h/c woman a nod as he bit his lip blinking back his tears.

The wedding was beautiful. She was beautiful, the dress made her glow, and her loving, joyful smile did not leave her face the entire day, Oikawa managed to hold back from objecting - somehow - when he had the chance to. His speech made her cry, and they danced a few times together that night, he cherished the time they had together that day, still wishing she was marrying him and not Semi.

"How are you doing?" Iwaizumi asked as he stood next to Oikawa while they watched the first dance.

"As good as I can be, I suppose." Oikawa shrugged, sipping his whiskey on the rocks.

"I'm impressed you didn't object." Oikawa scoffed before biting his lip, and he whispered: "I wanted to."

2021 rolled around, and Y/n and Semi's band was asked to perform at the opening for the Olympic, as always, the performance was mesmerising, Oikawa's eyes were glued to her the entire time. "Uncle Toru!" Her sweet little three-year-old voice called out.

"Amaya!" He grinned, turning around as her little legs ran towards him, he scooped her up in his arms spinning around, her giggle was like music to his ears.

He stopped spinning to look at the child in his arms, she was perfect likeness to his best friend when she was a child; the only difference was her eyes; she had her father's sharp brown eyes they should have been his molten chocolate brown eyes, this beautiful girl that should have been his baby girl, the child that should have been calling him papa not Uncle Toru. "I've missed you." She wrapped her little arms around Oikawa's neck. "I missed you too little one." Wrapping his arms around her.

"Amaya!" Oikawa heard her mother's voice call out in panic. "Where are you?"

"Did you run away from your mother?" Oikawa smirked playfully with raised eyebrows. Amaya pulled away from Oikawa's hug, setting her hands on his shoulder, with a guilty look on her face.

" Y/n!" Oikawa called out to h/c women. She turned around at the sound of his voice, seeing Oikawa stood with her daughter in his arms. Sighing out in relief, placing a hand on her heart as she saw her daughter in his arms.

"Amaya, don't scare me like that." Y/n scolded her daughter, and the gentle look was in Oikawa's eyes, he was still so in love with her, he loved how good of a mother she was.

"Y/n? Did you find her?" Semi's voice rang in his ears, dragging him out of his thoughts as he watched Y/n scold Amaya.

"Toru had her, she must have spotted him." Y/n called back over her shoulder as he walked towards them. "She called out to me and came flying in my direction." Oikawa smiled at the happily married couple. "You know that wasn't safe Amaya what if I didn't hear you."

"I'm sorry," The small h/c girl lips trembled as she spoke. Oikawa pulled her closer and placed a kiss on her forehead. "It's okay, just don't do it again."

"Oh, Uncle Toru! Guess what?" Amaya suddenly chirps back up again.

"What?" He asked just as excitedly as her.

"I'm going to be a big sister!" She cried out throwing her hands up in the air in excitement. He glanced at Y/n for confirmation, and he got a nod and sweet smile in reply. "No way! That is going to be awesome! You're going to be such a good big sister."

Oikawa had grown numb to the stinging pain in his chest after all these years. The day he found out Y/n was pregnant, he was over the moon for her, but of course, he still thought it should have been him.

Y/n had often asked Oikawa why he had yet to get married or be in a committed relationship that lasted more than six months, most of the time he lied saying he had yet to find the right girl, and he wanted to concentrate on volleyball. She believed his lies. Oikawa knew he may never get over her, and if he did, it would be a miracle.

"Toru why have you never gotten married?" She asked again, her voice cracking and raspy from crying so hard, grasping his hand tightly, as he led in his hospital bed.

It was time he decided, he did not have much longer, outside the room looking through the window was her family, the four children she had and her husband, both his and her mother and of course Iwaizumi. Amaya, who was incredibly close to her uncle, was sobbing into her fathers chest. He wasn't expecting his life to end like this, stage four lung cancer, for someone who never smoked a day in his life and was fit as anything he did not expect to go out like this.

He knew he wouldn't have much longer.

"Cause it was always you." He choked out, struggling to breath "I have been so in love with you for the past thirty years." He watched as her eyes widened and her lips parted "Before you even ask me why I didn't move on, I tried Y/n I tried so hard to move on, I saw so many people Y/n but not one of them compared to you."

The tears began to stream down her face once again. "It's always been you," cupping her cheek, stroking her tears away. "Why didn't you ever tell me? I was so in love with you during our last year of middle school and most of high school, but I never t-thought you loved me, so-” She choked on another sob “-so, I moved on."

She buried her head in the crook of his neck as she cried. He was kicking himself. She loved him all those years ago, and he blew it. He wrapped his arms around her as they both cried. He took in a raspy breath, knowing it was going to be his last.

As he whispered out his final words, he would every speak he had no regrets so glad he could finally speak the words he had always wished he could say to her,

"I love you so much."

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shinsousbedroom · 4 years ago

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Stars and their Distance

Daiya no Ace misawa FWB AU, 1/10 chapters

Miyuki Kazuya, a depressed, workaholic catcher in the NPB, and Sawamura Eijun, a frustrated influencer who just got dumped, are both looking for temporary distraction. The casual, no-strings-attached friends with benefits thing they stumble into is exactly that.

Well, it would be if either of them knew how to do casual.

[Read on AO3.]

Chapter 1: Spinning

Excerpt from “Ace of Hearts: a blog about when love comes outta left field!; Q&A: Bad Break-Up Blues”

“[…] Think of relationships like this. You’re a pitcher on the mound and there’s a line up of batters waiting to knock your ball outta the park. These are your dating prospects. When you’ve gotten hurt pitching before—tore a tendon, drilled the batter, balked, whatever it was—you might not wanna pitch again, right? But the only surefire way to lose the game is to not throw the ball at all.

“You might be thinking, ‘But Eijun, if the batter hits a home run off your pitch, aren’t you losing the game?’ Well, if you think the point of the game is to win, sure. But to me, the point of baseball isn’t victory. It’s playing the best game you can with the best players you can. The same can be said for love. Some batters will foul out early, and some runners will never make it all the way home. But when you make that connection, when that bat slams the ball out of the park and the whole field feels the electric rush of a phenomenal play that you helped make—isn’t that a beautiful moment to chase after? Isn’t that feeling worth the risk that comes with love?

“So no matter how unlikely a batter steps up to your plate—and there will be batters you didn’t anticipate—throw the pitch! I promise, every strikeout and home run just makes you a better pitcher and brings you a step closer to a beautiful game. […]”

***

“Did you have to move right after the end of the season?” Kuramochi wiped off the sweat from his face with the bottom of his blue shirt. The whole thing was already drenched dark, consistently doused with water the whole day through as Kuramochi drained bottles over his head to beat back the unseasonably hot September day. “Take a fucking break first, Miyuki.”

Kazuya spat out a handful of screws. The bitter, metallic aftertaste clung to his mouth. “Why delay?” he said, tossing the instruction manual for his shelf to the side in frustration. It skittered across the hardwood floor and into Chris’ calf.

Chris plucked the booklet up and thumbed through the pages of mildly helpful pictograms, eyeing them warily against Kazuya’s clear lack of progress. “Yeah, Miyuki. Why delay?”

Kazuya shot Chris a sour look and flopped back onto the ground with a groan, defeated. “Not like we’re busy during postseason this year.”

They sighed in unison, united in the bitterness of loss.

At least Chris’ team had been only one out from the Climax Series. The Swallows hadn’t come close, and even though it was expected from a rebuild year, the loss still rankled. Small mercies, though: Kazuya could rub in the fact that the Swallows hadn’t been last place in their league unlike the Mariners.

Suck it, Kuramochi. He’d take his victories where he could.

Kazuya stuck his hand into the air, spreading his fingers wide as the overhead lights filtered between them. “Anyway. Moving is work, and you all banned me from working for the next four months. So really, I’m being responsible here.” His hand flopped down next to him with a hard thunk.

Kuramochi trudged over, heavy steps echoing through the empty apartment, until his head popped into Kazuya’s vision, arms crossed and scowl fierce. “If you wanna try to fight this again, just give me a fucking reason to pin you into a headlock until you’re crying for mercy.”

Kazuya grabbed at his ankle, rolling onto his stomach for a second swipe as Kuramochi danced out of reach.

“You can’t pull a fast one on the cheet—AH!”

His ankles caught the edge of the shelf boards, knocking Kuramochi onto his ass. The wooden slats scraped across each other as they slid out of their neat stacks, thumping and scratching the floor until they were criss-crossed between Kazuya cackling into the floor on his stomach and Kuramochi, shocked and sprawled across the debris.

“Fucking build your furniture, Miyuki!” He cradled his foot in his hands, holding it up to inspect as he twisted it every which way. “We’re not doing the same thing as last time, when it took you a full year to finally put all your shit together.”

The weight of apathy slid back into Kazuya’s limbs, edging out the laughter that had given him a moment of relief. “What if I just didn’t?”

“Is that what you want?” Chris replied evenly.

He lolled his head towards Chris. Despite the heat, Chris had spent all day in a black turtleneck, never once hinting he was even mildly uncomfortable even at the peak of the day’s heat, lugging in heavy boxes from the sun-warmed streets. Now sitting on the floor among bubble wrap and crumpled paper, legs kicked out in front of him and waves of brown bangs framing his face, he still looked as wholly put together as ever.

Even when Kazuya knew beyond a doubt Chris was the epitome of keeping a stone face even when he was going through the worst of it, he still couldn’t help but be jealous.

Kazuya went back to staring at the unfamiliar gray tiles on his new ceiling. “It would be pretty funny to leave my apartment unfurnished to spite Kuramochi.”

“Finish the shelf.” Chris tossed the manual back.

“Kominato’s the one who left the task half-done,” Kazuya said, closing his eyes, overwhelmed in a sudden wash of fury and helplessness.

He opened his eyes to see Kuramochi and Chris hovering above him again. Both their brows were furrowed, Kuramochi’s fist clenched at his collar, Chris frowning mildly.

“I’m fine,” Kazuya said brusquely.

They glanced at each other, then back at Kazuya.

He sat up, forcing the other two to reel back to avoid knocking their heads together. “I’m 27, not 7,” he said, testily. “I don’t need to be put under a watch, I’m a grown ass adult.”

“We aren’t gonna—we can’t sit to the side and watch you nearly kill yourself from overwork again this off-season.”

“Don’t exaggerate—“

“You said you had it together last year, but you didn’t. So you’re getting strict rules this year,” Kuramochi tugged at his hair, a frustrated sneer on his face. “The Swallows and your agent both know not to let you pile on more than your bare minimum until preseason. And the rest of us are going to check on you regularly because we care about your health, even when you don’t. Got it?”

“It’s not overwork,” he said, falling into the same argument that had been chipping away at him for a year now.

“Then what is it?”

The only coping mechanism that works. The only way I can pretend to feel anything off the diamond. The only thing that makes me tired enough to sleep at night without baseball 24/7.

He settled on: “It’s just work. Making a living, some might say.”

“Hard to do that when you’re stuck in a hospital bed.”

“That won’t happen again. I was just stressed and tired and a bad day caught me off guard.”

“Yeah, it won’t again because we’re gonna help make sure the off-season doesn’t wreck you again after a long history of hiding your fucking problems until they explode.”

“At least you can’t take conditioning away from me.”

“Follow the plan your trainers set for you.” Chris’ voice cut into Kazuya’s stubbornness. “Please don’t joke about this with me.”

After a moment, Kazuya nodded his head, brusque.

Kuramochi rubbed the back of his neck, trying to break the awkward air that had sprung up between them. “Isn’t exercise supposed to help depressed people? Boost your serotonin up or some shit like that?”

“Just my luck it doesn’t,” Kazuya muttered. He cleared his throat. “Can we go back to harassing me about how bad I am at unpacking?”

“We wouldn’t harass you if you just did it.” Kuramochi stood back up and kicked at a box as he went back to sweeping the floors. “Unpack before the season starts up again. You have nearly five months. If you’re feeling feisty, try decorating your apartment, too.”

“My entire personality is baseball. I don’t care about interior design. Or anything else, for that matter.”

“You used to. Pick up your old hobbies. Bring out that telescope you had at back at Waseda. Read a memoir. All the shit you can’t do during the season, drag ‘em out into the open again.”

The wrong answer, he knew, was to reiterate that he didn’t care about any of that anymore. Seriously. “You two are busy-bodies.”

Chris handed him the power drill then returned to the pile of securely wrapped glass kitchenware. “It’s called friendship,” he said, bubble wrap crinkling.

“This is ridiculous.”

“Just try, Miyuki. Please.”

“Sure,” he said, flippantly, knowing the lie didn’t pass unnoticed from the sag in Kuramochi’s shoulders. He thumbed through the instructions, pushing aside the guilt welling into his throat. Kazuya needed this conversation to be over. “Chris-senpai, where’d you put the drill bits?”

***

“Hjnhbgfgvbhnjmknjbhgvfdbghnjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj” wasn’t the most eloquent start to Eijun’s next blog post. Of course, Eijun normally didn’t start his articles by rolling his face across the keyboard in frustration, but considering how little he’d written in the past week, this was as good a draft as any.

Eijun’s eyes flung open as the laptop shifted from under his face, tipping his head off to thunk into the table. He rubbed at his forehead, and blinked up to find Harucchi tapping delicately at the keyboard while the other hand balanced the device in the air. “Eijun-kun,” said Harucchi, peering from around the screen, “not your finest work.”

Eijun sat up and scowled, the lines of his face scrunching against the keyboard indents on his skin. “What would you know about it?”

“I’ve been editing your posts for years,” Harucchi said. He settled the laptop in front of Eijun, then settled into the chair across from him. “If you’d like me to stop now, I can happily use that time in other ways.”

The dishes rattled when Eijun slammed his palm onto the table. “You’re not allowed to ditch me like that!”

Harucchi raised his eyebrows. “Says the man who’s been avoiding me.”

A double blow of panic and then confusion struck him. He frowned and swiveled his head around. Snaking line at the counter, coffee scenting the air, a low hum of incomprehensible chatter: this was definitely the coffee shop he’d just discovered this morning and came to by himself and didn’t tell Harucchi about. “How’d you find me?”

“You should stop posting your location on Instagram if you don’t want to be found,” he offered with a gentle smile.

“You don’t live anywhere near here.”

“A teammate just moved to the neighborhood. It was pure luck I happened to be there while you happened to be here.” He ran his fingers against the edge of a plate by Eijun’s elbow, empty of all but crumbs. “It’s a cute shop. New haunt for you?” he asked, a touch too casual.

Eijun averted his eyes, lips pinching. He knew what Harucchi was really asking. “I’m fine.”

“I didn’t ask that.”

“I’m doing fine,” Eijun insisted. “Really.”

“I’m glad you stopped feeling obligated to go to the other cafe.” His voice was barely loud enough to reach Eijun, covered by the clatter and call of employees, and a particularly rowdy group of seven students packed at a four person table next to his little corner.

“The old place got too many baristas who sucked,” Eijun lied. As if Harucchi didn’t already know that he’d only just shoved his pride aside enough to accept he’d lost his favorite coffee shop to the break-up. “Had to find a new one.”

Harucchi pried open the plastic lid to his coffee, blowing at the steam rising from the cup. He drew in a long, slow slip of his drink. “Maybe a fresh start here means a fresh start with the blog. Talk about grinding new beans, or something…?” Eijun blanched, well aware that Harucchi’s innocent reputation was a front.

“If you think I am going to subject my loyal followers to love advice using bean grinding as the topic—”

“You’ll have to excuse me if you had an idea in mind already. I’d thought from the keysmashing that you hadn’t.” Eijun aimed a kick at his shin under the table. Without looking, Harucchi crossed his legs, as if he’d planned on it for that exact moment all along instead of the attempt to dodge Eijun’s ire that it really was. “Is there a reason you can’t find an appropriate topic for your next post?”

Eijun cheeks puffed out, determined for two whole seconds not to tell Harucchi the truth, before blurting out, “I promised Wakana we’d wait a few months before officially announcing we broke up.” And yep—there it was, that classic Kominato passively skeptical look that circled past nonjudgmental so thoroughly that it ended up aggressively intimidating. The one that meant Harucchi was seconds away from bulldozing through all the nonsense he was seeing ahead of him. Eijun lived in terror of it. “She wanted to give us a chance to recuperate in private first,” he muttered, defensive.

“Eijun-kun.”

“I know, I know! A smart idea for people like Wakana, but I don’t…like wallowing like this. I can’t keep sitting here thinking about how much she doesn’t want me, and it’s all I want to write about. But I can’t post any of it. It’s been nearly two months, and I haven’t moved on. I’ve just gotten madder.”

“You two didn’t consider posting a small announcement saying you were over but you needed time? Space?”

“I couldn’t ask her.” Eijun subsided, spinning his teacup in its saucer with a single finger hooked through its tiny handle. “I owe her, Harucchi. The only reason I started lifestyle and romance blogging was because Wakana got me into it. I made my start on her profiles with her followers. Talking about her now? Why we broke up? Even if I want to, it sounds like betraying her. I don’t want anyone thinking I’m trying to talk shit about her, when we’re both in the same influencer circles.”

Harucchi tilted his head, and when Eijun didn't continue on after several seconds, he prompted, “There’s more.”

So much for the dumb jock stereotype.

“If I write it, then I feel like I’m giving up on her. On us ever being something together, again.” He crossed his arms onto the table, elbows shoving the dishes and laptop uncomfortably close to the edge of the small table, and laid his head on his forearms. He closed his eyes, and said quietly into his chest, “I still love her, Harucchi.”

“I know, Eijun-kun.” A warm hand squeezed his elbow. Between their silence, the monstrous table of college students packed up and left, and suddenly the shop settled into a calm Eijun needed.

He poked his head up from the comfort of his arms to stare at Harucchi. He was steadily sipping his coffee, one hand resting on Eijun’s elbow. His pink hair had pulled out of the bun at his nape and fell into windswept wisps framing his face and neck. He’d long since stopped wearing Ryou-san’s hand-me-downs in favor of softer, luxe sweaters and slacks, the only true expense he indulged in despite his lucrative status as a rising star for the Swallows.

Altogether, he looked gentle, dangerously so. On the diamond or off, it was easy to be lulled into a sense of security right before he whacked an unpleasant truth out of the park.

Harucchi pulled his hand back and apologized with a glance. Eijun wasn’t sure why…until he started speaking. “You make a living off of posting about your life—and romance, in particular. You’ve never hidden your past relationship troubles from your followers, however difficult it was to express. It’s part of your brand at this point.”

Eijun’s mouth twisted as he sat up. “Wakana isn’t a branding tool.”

“No one is saying that,” Harucchi said patiently. “What I am saying: you underestimate how much of your own work goes into your success. Aotsuki was certainly helpful—but your personality and your words are why people stay. People trust you.

“You’re good at what you do, Eijun-kun. You’re honest and kind in your observations, to yourself, to your partners, to strangers, despite how difficult and personal love is. When the time comes, whatever you post about Aotsuki will be the same.” Harucchi shrugged. “Also, I’ll edit out anything that makes you sound insensitive.”

Eijun let out a heavy sigh, stretching his arms into the air and shaking off the melancholy. “Thanks for not letting me fall on my own sword.”

“What are friends for?”

For all that he felt better, though, Eijun was still stuck staring at a blinking cursor at the end of a line of drivel. “That still doesn’t solve my problem. I don’t have a clue what to post next. The schedule I followed is trash now without personal updates of me and Wakana. I haven’t been able to binge any of the manga or shows I wanted to review, either. All I got left is the advice column, but if I keep that up with nothing else, I might as well change the blog name to Dear Eijun instead of Ace of Hearts.”

Harucchi stared at him, calculating out something as he took in Sawamura’s restlessness. “You don’t have to keep writing about romance.”

“That’s what I started the blog for.”

“But that’s not why you started writing and recording back at Seidou. You’ve had success with your baseball analysis and tutorials on YouTube and Instagram. You could even say you’ve been neglecting them to chase after romance.”

Eijun groaned, loud and theatrical enough to make the meek businessman behind him jump in shock. “Maybe if I got as much engagement talking about how stupid the idea of celebrity athletes are when it’s a team sport—”

“See?” he cut in, tilting his cup toward Eijun. “You already have a topic to post about.”

“Baseball is my hobby, not my job,” he said mulishly, jaw jutting out. “My dad wrecked his love of music that way! I’m not gonna risk hating baseball after he spent my whole life yelling at me not to ‘monetize my interests’ while holding me in a headlock. That’s asking for the biggest lecture of my life!”

“You can always stop if it’s not the direction you want to go. You’re not getting married to the idea.”

“Don’t bring up marriage, I just got dumped!”

Harucchi pressed his lips together in a thin line. “Fine, don’t think of it as a marriage,” he said. From Harucchi, the sliver of impatience he let free was the equivalent of hauling Eijun by the collar and shaking him down. “Flirt with baseball. Go on a few dates. Get a benefit or two out of it. Does the metaphor suffice now?”

Eijun gasped. “Harucchi! You’re too innocent for that sort of talk!”

“My brother is Kominato Ryousuke, and my best friend writes a blog about romance and sex that I edit,” he said, even as his quiet voice went squeaky and his face mottled bright red from embarrassment.

“Maybe I should change my blog to save you the embarrassment.”

“I also admit I have a request of you,” Harucchi said sheepishly, pressing a hand to his cheek. “The Swallows want me to get more heavily involved in PR this offseason, and I could use your help figuring out what I’d actually like to do instead of going along with every idea they propose. I’ve seen what they make the other players do, and I’m not interested in doing the exact type of promo they’ve done the past few seasons.”

Eijun crossed his arms and leaned back, chin tilting up defensively. “If you’re trying to convince me by pretending you need help—”

Harucchi shook his head, bangs bouncing across his forehead. “I hope you’ll find value or inspiration in it, too, but I was going to ask, regardless.” He grimaced into his cup. “The players who carry most of the strain of Swallows marketing are…otherwise occupied this offseason. I was volunteered to step in; management’s been wanting me to raise my profile for a while. I can’t really say no, so I may as well make the most of it.”

“I don’t want a pity job.”

“Please, be reasonable.” Harucchi smiled the shy, dreamy, polished smile the Swallows had been trying to splash across their advertising since he joined the team. “It’s a pity favor.”

Eijun snorted, relaxing into his chair again. “Fine,” he said, pulling open a clean document on his laptop. “Let’s brainstorm.”

#daiya no ace #daiya no a #misawa #daiya no ace fanfic #lolo's fic writing tag

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apathycares · 5 years ago

Text

Enraged

Warnings: high school AU, cursing, angry Sasuke

Pairings: implied Sasuke x Reader

Enraged, he slams his arm against the board, his long fingers itching to rip off the paper and burn it along with his crushed ambition. No one would see him do it as the halls were yet to be filled for another hour and the staff busy conversing in a closed-off area, but he was certain there were cameras everywhere and lifts his arm away.

The words glare at him and he glares back, willing it to burn as he wishes but he knew from past efforts that nothing could be done after this.

Konohagakure High School’s Top Twenty Honors Students 1. [Last name], [Name] 2. Uchiha, Sasuke

He never bothered to read the rest, as he was too preoccupied wondering how could this one person hold his deserved rank so unabashedly? He had spent too much time with his nose in his books and sleepless nights cramming, and he was yet again unable to outdo whoever this girl was.

He hears footsteps behind him not long after he sees a girl he had grown accustomed to. She would always come a half an hour after him and before the students and glance at the very sheet he spends seamlessly staring at. They’ve never spoken a word to each other and he sometimes wonders why she never seems discouraged but he doesn’t ask because that isn’t his business.

As per usual, she takes her glance and isn’t bothered by his presence, before sighing slowly.

“Are you unimpressed?”

He is just as surprised as she is by his random initiative to speak, but she recovers quickly and mats her hair as if in thought.

“Not really,” she says slowly, looking up at him with slightly squinting [colour] eyes.

He turns back to the large pin-up board and narrows his eyes at the first slot, before mumbling under his breath.

“Did you say something?” She asks while adjusting the large books onto her right arm, a sign that he’s come to know indicates she’s about to leave.

“I need more books.” He repeats a little louder, a frown marring his pale face when she laughs and waves him off.

“Studying isn’t everything Sasuke Uchiha.”

His frown becomes deeper and he stares as she turns away, and he doesn’t understand what comes over him when he asks, “What’s your name?”

Her eyes twinkle and she cringes a bit, a reaction which seems uncommon to him before she takes a deep breath and animatedly gestures flipping her hair off her shoulder.

“[Name].”

The air is basically knocked out of him as his lungs constrict and all the choice words he’d been saving up if he ever met her could not escape his lips. He had unintentionally been entertaining the enemy for years now and he never knew it?

She struts away sickeningly confident after shooting him a half-smile, and his hand unknowingly ball into fists. How hadn’t he known?

He finds her in the girl’s bathroom on the second floor, leaning against the basins while formerly reading what seemed like some notes. Her eyes are wide and she looks around dumbly and he wonders how on Earth she had kept the first rank when clearly she had no –

“You’re not supposed to be in here.” She states cutting off his internal monologue, though she is calm and her eyes momentarily stay on him.

“How are you first?” He asks impatiently, his teeth clenched and his fists balled.

“Well great magicians don’t tell their secrets, right?” She smiles as she jabs a finger to him, but he is not amused. [Name] drops her hand and purses her lips as she gazes at him in wonder. “You’re a hard worker, aren’t you?”

“Aren’t you?” He asked incredulously, before scoffing. “Are you really….” He choked slightly, before furrowing his eyebrows.

“Oh, dude,” she sighed, “you can’t even say my name? Do you hate me that much?”

He didn’t. He actually thought she was the most laid-back girl, whenever they stared at the board together every morning for the past five years in silence, and assumed she could be the only friend he’d accept.

Before he realized she and his ultimate nemesis were the same person. How could he have not realized it? More so –

“Did you know?” he asked quietly, looking at her with disappointment. She nodded slowly and confirmed it. “I can’t believe this…”

They are quiet for a moment, for very different reasons, before [Name] smiles and attracts his attention back to her.

“I have a proposition,” she says while glancing at her watch, fifteen minutes before the first few students appeared. Sasuke folded his arms, and she took it as a sign that he was listening. “I can help you improve your grade without more cramming or new books.”

He scoffed indignantly. “Why do you assume I need your help?”

“I have this thing where I assume, and my assumptions are right, so I always go with the flow, you know? Hey, that rhymed! I’m a total genius!” She sighed and stared off for a moment. “What was I going to say?”

Sasuke stared at her incredulously. Did she have some sort of mental illness? Was it contagious?

“I must admit, the many years you kept growling at the board kind of made me remorseful, especially since I catch you studying more than you breathe, so I promised myself the moment you break the trend and talk to me, I would tell you where you went wrong and help you, okay?”

She spoke in such a sincere way; he almost apologized for snapping at her before.

Almost.

“Starting today, you will spend every free moment with me, and I promise you will see some improvement very soon.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And how do I know you’re not lying?”

[Name] checked her watch, seeing only ten minutes left, before facing him with a bright smile, one which he’d correlated to ambition-less people.

“We have a pop quiz at the end of this week on Human Transport Systems, and I know for one your average score in Biology is 94 percent,” he narrowed his eyes suspiciously and she sighed loudly. “I keep track of you just as much as you keep track of me, okay? Anyways, you follow my methods this week and I can guarantee you’ll get at least a 98 on this quiz. Though I need one thing and one thing only in return.”

There is a pregnant pause as he re-evaluates her claim. He had nothing to lose, as the coming quiz would not affect their overall grade and therefore if he did score lower than his average, it would not harm him too much. She seemed really genuine throughout her little explanation and he was planning on cramming to no end anyways. Was there really an easier method?

“Alright,” he decides, dropping the defensive stance and folding his arms across his chest nonchalantly. “What do you want?”

“It’s very simple really,” he has a clue on what she’d like just from her little smirk of triumph. “Your cooperation.”

…

What?!

“That’s it?”

“Well, yeah,” she shrugged, “It’s not like I proved anything yet so I’m in no place to ask for things.”

He recoiled abruptly. That made so much sense; why didn’t he think of it? Maybe she was really smart.

"Well then," [Name] awkwardly shifted her weight and looked away from his piercing gaze. "I guess I'll see you later."

Sasuke stayed rooted as she brushed past him in a blur and left him in the girls' bathroom. He was trying to recollect what had just happened, when he realized she hadn't mentioned a time he was supposed to meet her. He narrowed his eyes.

"Idiot."

-break- His lips were pursed in infuriation as he sat picking at his food. He was suddenly hungry and started to genuinely dig in, when his father erupted into a hearty, yet uncommon laugh. His elder brother received a pat on the back and the usual gushes of pride from the otherwise stoic Uchiha patriarch. He slumped his shoulders and his eyes stayed fixated on his plate.

"How about you Sasuke?"

The silence that followed his kind mother's question was suffocating. He hid behind his bangs when his father's smiling eyes turned stone cold when it landed on his youngest son, scrutinizing and unimpressed, just as they always were. He muttered a quick reply and got up abruptly. His mother stared sadly as he walked away.

Sasuke slammed his door shut, locked it, and lay back on his bed. Papers and books were sprawled all over the room, and he reminded himself grudgingly of the test at the end of the week he had to cram for. Consequently, a certain girl with a stupid grin popped in his thought. He couldn't understand how someone like her could ever achieve higher than himself, more so when she blatantly stated how she didn't study as much as him.

He sat up. Maybe she cheated some way or another?

Later, he was seated at his messy desk, highlighting important information in his biology text book and making notes on the side. The digital clock read 23:43, so he dropped his highlighter and pen and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He still had seven sections to go until he completed the unit.

Sasuke grabbed his phone and found a text message from an unknown number. He stared at the bright screen for a moment, before tapping on the notification.

Step one: No studying after dinner, assuming you eat by seven. And if you don't eat dinner then we have bigger issues. No skipping meals either dude. Please retire for the night.

He blinked comically. This was certainly her.

Sasuke growled under his breath and glared at the message as if it was [Name]. Who did she think she was telling him to go to bed?!

His phone vibrated and another notification came from the same number.

Remember our deal; you agreed to cooperate. Gosh Sasuke, I felt your malice all the way where I live.

Fine. Stop texting me.

He slid under his sheets and stared at his phone. Maybe this was his ticket to freedom; his route to receive that pat on the back from his father. He wanted to see how this turns out.

~fin

This was actually the beginning of a sasuke x oc story I wrote way back and never posted. I’ve got about a thousand of these and thought I’d edit this one and throw over here. Let me know what you think!

Tip Jar | Naruto/Naruto Shippuden Masterlist | part 2 ->

#Sasuke Uchiha #uchiha sasuke #sasuke x reader #naruto x reader #sasuke uchiha x reader #uchiha sasuke x reader #naruto characters #Naruto Shippuden #naruto gaiden #naruto shippuden x reader #apathycares

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bush-viper-cutie · 5 years ago

Text

Love Me Roughly: Letting Her In

Pairing: Snape x fem!reader

Word Count: 2,113

Rating: M for Mature

Plot: Severus can’t believe the state of his new life. In a matter of days all his troubles are able to melt away and stay forgotten, replaced by joy and happiness.

A/N: This is part 4 of 7 for the week 1 schedule for Snape Appreciation Month! @snapeloveposts

DISCLAIMER: I have edited (drawn over the original) the artwork (taken from a 80′s bodice ripper novel) for the purpose of this short series and will post more information about the original work here.

Posted: 6/4/20

Chapter List

<– Last Chapter Next Chapter –>

~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~

The sun was setting, and the bedroom was getting darker, like the windows were slowly shutting their eyes as night approached, the light grew feinter and less of it could be seen on the opposite wall. The birds were back in their nests and sang soft tunes that could put any insomniac straight to sleep. Softer yet were the slow breaths of the woman in Severus’ arms as she napped.

It had been an hour since they had decided to become intimate – each being each other’s stranger – which had lasted for a good two maybe three hours, he wasn’t sure, in its entirety – foreplay and all. He smiled remembering how it all went down, everything that led to him laying on his back, relaxed, with a beautiful woman in his arms.

The only regret he had was opening the window during the most heated moment because he knew he would eventually need to close it as it got colder. He wanted not to move and just stay in bed with her asleep, even if it was for just one night.

I doubt she’d ever want to see me again… Now that it’s all over and done… He had never allowed himself to go beyond one night with anyone, knowing it just wouldn’t work out with his missions and all the dangers of it… not that anyone had wanted to continue anything afterwards. They normally just got up and left, whether he was asleep or not.

His lids began to droop and he figured he’d give in and close his eyes. If he fell asleep she’d be gone by morning and his new life would simply continue. He was so tired he couldn’t hold on to the moment any longer. He tried turning but his arm was caught under her body, trapping him in an embrace with her as she snoozed with her hands to her cheeks by his ear.

He allowed himself to continue enjoying her company under the sheets and placed his trapped hand on her side and pulled himself closer, closing his eyes and going to sleep.

. . .

Severus turned and realized he was no longer trapped on his back. He turned back and saw the bed was empty and the spot where she had been was as cold as the dungeon floors. He shivered and realized the whole room felt cold. The window. He got up and ran to the window, but it was stuck and a gust of air was now blowing in, making him jump away.

WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES! He was still naked and the room was covered in complete darkness. He reached around the floor until he felt something soft and tugged it closer; it was his long coat. He slid it on and realized it didn’t cover anything below his waist. He growled and shrugged it back off.

He stepped closer to where he knew the bed was and reached out for the bed sheets, pulling them off and wrapping them around his body to shield him from the cold. “Lumos,” he whispered and looked around, hoping his wand would shine in his room. Still downstairs. She could have brought it up for me before she left. He made his way across the room and opened the door.

He could see light down in the kitchen, At least I know my wand’s still here. He gripped the sheets tighter and headed down the wood spiral stairs, but it wasn’t just his wand that was giving off light… it was also dozens of candles.

“Sorry – ”

Severus jumped and turned to the woman walking out of the joint laundry and bathroom behind the stairs, drying her hands. Is that my…?

“I hope you didn’t think I’d just bail after – after everything,” she smiled.

She’s wearing my shirt. That’s my undershirt.

“And as a thank you,” she laughed, “I got us some dinner… if you’d like to share it with me.”

Is she only wearing my undershirt?

She coughed and Severus tore his eyes away from the sheer white undershirt he normally wore under his waistcoat and nodded.

He looked down at himself, “I-er- the window was open and I couldn’t see…”

“Oh! Here,” she picked up several tall thin candles and placed them in his hand. “I summoned them from my basement. You should place them upstairs.”

He nodded a ‘thank you’ and picked up his wand, heading back upstairs into his bedroom. He closed the door and placed candles on the windowsill and nightstand and lit them. He pointed his wand and forced the window shut, stopping the cold breeze from invading, and looked around for his underpants and trousers.

She was wearing his shirt so he couldn’t wear the waistcoat which meant he’d have to settle for the muggle sweater in his trunk. After he was dressed, he made his way back down and noticed there was a small pot with stew in the center.

The woman dried two bowls and placed them on the table. Severus couldn’t help but watch her, eyes gleaming with approval after observing that she was indeed wearing something bright blue and lacey under his shirt. She winked at him as she headed up the stairs, giving him full view of it.

He bit his lip and turned away, paying attention instead to the stew and wondering where she had gotten it and the pot from, though he guessed she could have easily popped into her home and back for what she needed.

He heard a bark and noticed the little dog she carried with her everywhere was still around and by the looks of it happily relaxing in the other room. He waved at him awkwardly and sat down at the table.

She came down, though she had apparently not gotten dressed in her own clothes. Her hair was neater, and he realized she had gone to tidy up for him. He blushed and stood up from his chair until she had sat, and he took his chair again.

“Comfortable?” he smirked.

She gave him a teasing smile, “Very.”

She ladled soup into their bowls and they ate in comfortable silence. He looked around for any clocks in the kitchen, wondering what the time was.

“It’s passed ten if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Severus smiled, “I’m used to clocks everywhere and a schedule.”

“Oh?” She smiled and set down her spoon, “Hmm, what an interesting clue.”

He arched his brow, “What’s the point in guessing? It’s not like we can get to know each other…”

She dropped her eyes to her hands and fidgeted. She gave a quiet laugh and looked back up at him, “I suppose if you don’t want to, we don’t have to.”

If I don’t want to? He thought over her words and wondered if he was hearing her correctly. Could she want more than a night with him? The dinner afterwards would make more sense if that were the case… though there was a reason wizards weren’t supposed to give out their names to Relocators. The Ministry pays quite handsomely for runaways from Relocators, seeing as it’s illegal to feign death and disappear. Of course, the same applies for Relocators since the whole business is forbidden.

Though she doesn’t seem… He finished his soup and stood up, placing the bowl in the sink.

“I’m not asking for information, I’m sorry… I was joking about that. What I meant was…” she bit her lip and stepped around the table, playing with the collar of his shirt she wore as she walked towards him. “I’d like to find myself in your bed again,” she winked.

He smiled, “Is this how you treat every wizard you relocate?”

She scoffed and moved away, clearly offended.

He shook his head, “I-it came out wrong…” He touched her arm and pulled her back, “I guess I was just wondering if it was something about me or…”

Her face lifted and her eyes smiled once more, “Something about you… I’m not saying I’ve never – ” she laughed and looked away, “But I’ve never with a stranger until now.”

He felt a sort of flutter in his stomach at her words. “What did you have in mind?”

“Let me into your bed tonight?” She stood on her toes and kissed his lips, “And I’ll repay your kindness tomorrow morning.”

She winked again and he laughed. He kissed her back, enjoy the mysterious girl in his arms and her surprising charm. He wasn’t sure what could come of letting a stranger into his life and letting her stay a stranger, but he knew he didn’t have much to worry about at the moment.

The Dark Lord was gone, he was supposed dead, the Ministry would be worried about the school and the Deatheaters who had stayed on the Dark Lord’s side, and he knew he had packed nothing to even hint at his name or who he was.

And unless this girl was better at the dark arts than him, his trunk would remain sealed unless opened by him personally. The only thing he didn’t quite care for was the dog. He looked over at it as he ran around trying to bite at floating dust.

“I don’t see why not… But must your dog come with?”

“Yes.”

He rolled his eyes and led her towards the stairs by her hand. She grabbed her wand on the way and followed him up, giggling as he unbuttoned his pants while climbing the stairs. He opened the door and pulled her through roughly, grabbing her and hoisting her up, pinning her against the wall in one quick and needy motion.

She tangled her fingers in his hair and kissed him harder than before. He set her down and moved her towards the bed as he took out his wand and undid all his buttons at once.

“It’s a good thing the stew was fairly light,” she laughed and slid off his shirt.

He stepped out of his trousers and removed his sweater and threw it behind him, mindful of the candles, and pushed her down. He knelt by the bed and leaned over her, biting on the light blue fabric and pulled it down with his teeth.

She moaned as the fabric slid away and he climbed over her, kissing along her body until he reached her lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down, running her hand along his neck and back, encouraging everything he did.

Severus found it hard not to smile while they kissed. He found it hard to keep composed, because all he wanted to do was laugh and smile at the situation he found himself in. Third day free and he could hardly believe this was his life already. All those years locked away, restricted, imprisoned, under strict orders and vigilance, all those years had just melted away in a matter of days. Everything was done and buried, and he didn’t have to talk about it or think about it. And she wouldn’t ask. His life could just… start.

“Are you ok?”

He realized there were tears rolling down his cheek and he tried pulling away, but she held him close to her. He turned away and cursed himself for just ruining everything with his frustrating emotions and feelings.

“Are you sad?”

He looked back at her, “No… I just…”

She smiled and kissed at a tear, “Let’s continue, then.”

She kissed more of his tears away and he continued enjoying her. She pulled the sheet up to cover their bodies better and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, moaning. He tucked his face in her neck and went slow, enjoying her body and letting his freedom truly sink in.

She held him close and he closed his eyes, glad for her company. He moaned and kissed her neck, biting at her skin, hoping she’d decide to stay the next night as well. He wouldn’t mind her help unpacking and especially not if the next night involved more of this. He felt her nails dig into his back and he let out a deep moan, picking up the pace as her moans got louder.

His tears were replaced by sweat and his strange emotions by sweet and sudden ecstasy. She pulled on his hair hard and the euphoria overtook his body like an enchantment. It crashed on him like a wave and the retreat was slow, and pleasant. He was unable to do anything more than pant and moan as it washed away.

She kissed his neck and wiped his hair from his sweaty face, “You really know how to treat a lady.”

~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~

Chapter List

<– Last Chapter Next Chapter –>

#pro snape #severus snape #severus #snape #severus snape x reader #severus snape x you #severus x reader #severus x you #snape x reader #snape x you #snape x fem!reader #snapedom #snape fanfic #snape fanfiction #snapeloveposts #snape appreciation month #snape appreciation month 2020

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sincerelymarinette · 4 years ago

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A Recorded Life Sequel (2/10) - Miraculous Ladybug

Words 1479 Chapter Summary: School is back into the schedule and everyone is busy. Marinette uses a school project as an easy way to get a video done and Alya pops by. Author's Note: I'm back! I'm so sorry for going MIA the past few weeks but school has been kicking my butt with projects. School comes first, tho! Hoping to get back into regular updates but my semester is about halfway over and teachers are picking things up. Keep an eye on tumblr/wattpad if things get postponed! Also the ending sounds ominous but trust me it isn't, I just wanted a good way to wrap things up.

Prev / Next / Masterlist

Life Updates

---

A few months into the school year

Adrien was still living with Marinette and her family. Though now he would have the mansion all to himself, he didn't want to be there. It was filled with harsh memories, and he couldn't even think about looking at the pictures of his father. Instead, he let Gorilla live there, rent-free and happy. He still accompanied Adrien when he went to Agreste Fashion, but he also knew Adrien could take care of himself.

But he couldn't leave Adrien alone after losing his mother, father, and closest thing to another parental figure. Gorilla was still there for him, picking Adrien up in the morning to get him to school, picking him up from school, and taking him wherever he needs, whether it be the offices or back to the bakery.

Marinette and her parents love having Adrien around. Tom and Sabine knew how hard it is for him, and letting him stay with them brought some normalcy into his life. Plus, he really enjoyed learning how to cook with them and even helping out in the bakery when it gets busy. They loved walking out into the living room to see the kids watching movies or playing video games, and waking up in the morning to find they fell asleep in the middle of their TV binge-watching time, all cuddled together.

Though it was more of an adjustment, Tom and Sabine also loved the Kwamis. Tikki is very sweet, and they love having Plagg taste test new ideas. Since Ladybug and Chat Noir aren't needed as much anymore, they're more like pets, but that doesn't change the love everyone has for them. Now with Marinette as the guardian of Paris' Miraculous, every so often, she lets them all come out to get a breath of fresh air. Being stuck in a box has got to be boring, and it's a lot of fun to see all the Kwami's interact.

Adrien loved the freedom of university and getting to study business. It was a lot to take on, but he was really excited to take Agreste Fashion in a better direction once he learned more and more. He may not be officially running it right now, and the COO is acting as CEO; he does get a lot of say in the way things go. When he first started, he immediately stripped Agreste Fashion of his father's name, and Gabriel is nowhere to be found; he will not let his father's bad choices run this business any longer.

While Adrien was having a great time with school, Marinette was stressing. Of course, she loved everything she was doing in her classes. She was finally able to take her designs to the next level and learn more than she could teach herself. Adrien already promised her a job at Agreste Fashion, but she's determined to earn her place and work her way up by herself.

Marinette had a busy week with a big project due. Since she's been distancing herself from videos (still posting at least weekly!), she figured to take advantage of the situation. Marinette had her camera set up to shoot the mannequin she was working on, and another camera pointed at her desk to get different shots for what part she was focusing on. She wouldn't post the video until after she got her grade back, but it never hurts to shoot something in advance.

As Marinette was carefully pinning a piece of fabric, she jumped at the sound of the trap door opening. "Ah!" She shouted when she poked herself. "Oh, Alya," She calmed down. "You scared me."

"I can see," She giggled. "I came to check up on you and bring you a smoothie," She offered her gift with a big smile. "And I wanted to see your work!"

Marinette gladly took the drink and nodded. "Thanks, nowhere near done yet. I'm recording the process for a video."

Alya gasped, acting offended. "And you're doing that without me, your camera operator?"

"You've been busy, too; I didn't want to stop you!" Marinette reasoned.

"Good point, but I'm going to sit here and help," She sat and sat on the chaise against the wall. Pulling out her laptop, Alya smiled. "I brought work with me. We can both work loving the company of each other," She said.

Marinette smirked as she got back to work. "Missing Nino?"

"Like you'd never imagine," Alya groaned back. "We talk all the time, but it's not the same. How's Adrien?"

"Honestly, better than I expected. He spends a decent amount of time at Agreste Fashion, but is always back in time for dinner. Speaking of, you want to stay?" Marinette offered, and Alya nodded in response. She yelled down to her mom to ask if it was okay, which Sabine said absolutely.

Alya started typing away at her computer to work on a paper while still making conversation with Marinette. "How are you all adjusting? I know Nino, Chloé, and I have gotten over most of it, but I'm sure it's different for you guys."

"Oh, you know, we're still working through it. Adrien sees a therapist, as expected, and it helps. I think it just takes time, and school is definitely helping as a distraction. I can't imagine what will happen if Nathalie tries to contact him, but last we heard, she moved to the States when she was released. They made a compromise that she'd finish out community service there, especially since Gorilla said it would be more damaging to Adrien to have her still in Paris," Marinette rambled. "But other than that, good!" Marinette sighed, glad that she would be narrating the video in the editing phase.

Alya nodded. "I'm still shocked that he was a witness in court," She said. "But I'm glad he was. Though I don't believe her 'I was forced to!' defense, at least she won't be near us," Alya said. "It's a shame; she seemed nice. Well, before we found out."

Marinette shook her head with a slight laugh. "She scared me from the beginning. But so did Gabriel," Marinette reflected. They went back to work, having a few remarks here and there, and soon enough, they were called down for dinner. "Oh, Adrien, hey!" Marinette smiled when she got downstairs to see that Adrien was home, and had been, as he helped with dinner.

"Sorry I snuck in," He chuckled and kissed her cheek. "Hey, Alya, how are things?"

---

ahhhh i love Marinette's designs so much thEYRE BEAUTIFUL

when is this going to be in stores?? i need it like yesterday

I wonder when Adrien will give her a job at agreste fashion. we all know he wants to. but w h e n. I need my fashion power couple to take over the world

I loved Alya just chilling in the back, that's friendship. working independently but together (also is anyone else trying to figure out what they were talking about??) >Marinette Design's Reply Oh trust me it's nothing interesting. Just getting caught back up about school and life!

I'm so happy when you upload! Thanks Mari, hope you all are doing well.

I HEAR A NINO TRACK IN THE BACKGROUND IM SEEING HIM WITH JAGGED IN A FEW WEEKS AHHHHHH

one day we'll get a vlog from Marinette preparing for her first big time fashion show. With Adrien as a model. Manifesting it.

Marinette snickered as she read through the comments from her most recent video, and even replied to a few. She was waiting for Adrien to finish getting ready so they could head out for their date, and she was highly entertained by the comments. Only a few more minutes passed before Adrien came from the bathroom in a green sweater with a big smile on his face. "Ready to go, Milady?" He asked and held his arm out for her to take.

Marinette nodded and linked their arms. She was wearing a casual dress with leggings, looking nice but not being overdressed. They were excited to have a nice dinner together and act like a normal couple, which they never really had. They left the Kwamis at home and were ready to enjoy the evening, ready for a night for just them. Gorilla picked them up and drove them to the restaurant, and they only had two rules for tonight: No discussing past superhero adventures, and stay off the phones so they can enjoy each other's company.

The rules were easy to follow, as all they wanted to do was sit, talk, and eat. Maybe their lives would go back to normal faster than they thought. They were happy and excited for the future, and both were happy to talk about anything else than the trauma they have suffered.

Marinette, however, did miss running around on rooftops with her cat.

---

@lady-of-the-roses-and-lilies @bookishserendipity03 @avatheexceed @gkz10 @coccinellegirl @kat-thatoneweirdo @strawberryblondish @snow-swordswoman @lilgaga98 @evufries @toodaloo-kangaroo

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losingmymindtonight · 6 years ago

Text

Whump: Hostage

AN: Y’all I mean it when I say that this one is long. It’s over 11k. So, if you’d rather read it on the AO3, I’m linking it right here.

Just a little housekeeping before we proceed! This is set post-Endgame, but with a few tweaks to pieces that I didn’t like, because this is fanfiction and I can do that. For one, Tony’s alive. Steve did not go back to Peggy. Bruce is not... that weird Hulk/Bruce thing.

This is technically a continuation of my last bingo square, which was AU: TV/Movie! You don’t need to have read that for this to make sense, but it would definitely help! If you haven’t read that other fic, just know that May died sometime after Endgame and Tony adopted Peter.

There’s a little ‘bonus scene’ at the end of this, from Natasha’s POV. It’s my version of an end credit scene, I guess. If I’m being honest, I don’t even know why it’s there, but it is.

This boy is long, and some parts are edited a lot better than others. Did I mention that this thing is 11k yet? Because it is, and I think I’ve gone insane.

EDIT: I’m a dumbass and I forgot to mention that this one is based off of a West Wing episode, just like the last square. If you’re a West Wing fan and it feels familiar, that’s why!

WARNINGS: kidnapping, mentions of date-rape drugs (but no sexual assault, just a brief mention near the end, and not in reference to something that actually occurred), non-consensual drug use, a couple mentions of alcohol, lots and lots of ruminations on a missing persons case, discussions of death (I don’t think there’s anything too graphic, but it’s there).

“Suma cum laude from Columbia. Columbia, Rhodey. Did you know that their acceptance rate is 5.1%? That’s the second most selective college in the Ivy League.”

Rhodey didn’t look nearly as impressed as Tony thought was appropriate. He just took a sip from his whiskey, tone dripping with sarcasm. “So you’ve told me.”

“That’s more selective than MIT.” He gestured with his own glass, although his was filled with some of Morgan’s apple juice. “Their acceptance rate is 7.9%. That’s a 2.8% difference.”

“Yes, Tones. I, too, am capable of basic math. Even though I did graduate from MIT, which is obviously the inferior institution here.”

He glared. “Yeah, well, did you know that Peter graduated on a 4.0 GPA? You know how hard it is to graduate on a 4.0 GPA at an Ivy League school?”

“I don’t know. Probably about as hard as graduating on a 4.0 GPA at MIT. Which I did, by the way.”

“Are you ever gonna let that one go? I’m the visionary of a generation, but I got one B in an English class and my best friend does a mutiny.”

“Yeah, well, your son managed to make an A in English.”

“He did, didn’t he?” He grinned, still drunk on the memory of Peter in his cap and gown, leaning down so that Morgan could adjust the tassel. “I think he made a 99 in that course, too. He’s smarter than you and me, Rhodey. I’ve been telling you that for years.”

Rhodey held up a hand, stalling him. “I’m sorry, you remember the exact number?”

“Of course he remembers the number, Rhodey,” Pepper sighed, slumping down at Tony’s side with a glass of wine in her hand. “He used to pin the screenshots from Canvas up in his office.”

Used to? He thought, a little incredulous. He still had them there.

“Listen,” he griped, “there are worse crimes than a father being proud of his child. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Sure,” Rhodey said, not even trying to conceal his amusement. “By the way, I thought that his security detail did a good job of blending in today. If I didn’t personally know all of them, I wouldn’t’ve suspected a thing.”

Tony snorted. “Let me tell you something: when it’s your kid, you don’t want them to blend in. You want them carrying a sign that says, I’m carrying a loaded gun and the safety’s off.” He swirled a finger around the rim of his glass. “But, yeah. I think Peter even managed to forget about them for most of it, which was the goal.”

“His speech was lovely as well,” Pepper interjected. “Very polished. He’s grown up a lot.”

A dagger of nostalgia pierced through him. “Oh, don’t remind me. I swear that I was coaching him through his first awkward date just a couple of days ago. What the hell is he doing going off to California all alone? It’s ridiculous.”

Rhodey snorted. “Sorry, I don’t get it. Are you proud of him or are you trying to lock him in the house and never let him out? I’m just trying to make sure that we’re all on the same page here.”

A chime from Rhodey’s phone interrupted the conversation. The man glanced down at the screen, expression darkening at whatever it was that he found there, and then quickly excused himself.

Tony didn’t really think anything of it. Rhodey got a lot of calls and texts that weren’t pleasant. It came with the territory of being such a high-ranking Colonel in the military. Nobody on Earth would call that a relaxing job. Plus, he still flew the occasional mission as War Machine. Not every superhero was quite as ready to leap into retirement as Tony had been.

Minutes trickled past with Rhodey out of the room, and Tony and Pepper found themselves constantly circling back to their favorite topic: their kids. They (well, it was mostly him, but Pep joined in occasionally) reminisced and complained, in the pride-struck kind of way, about the bittersweet upheaval that the upcoming months would bring to their lives. It was nice. It was quiet. It was a taste of the peace that he’d fought for through all those years as Iron Man.

Isn't that the mission? Isn't that why we fight? So we can end the fight? So we get to go home?

He’d ended the fight, and the endgame had been so much better than he could’ve ever imagined. When he’d said that to Steve, he hadn’t even had a home. His home had been the Avengers, even if he wasn’t ready to admit that to himself. But after Thanos, after hanging up the armor and looking into a future, a real future, he’d built a home. He’d built a home out of a dozen scattered bricks: the scarred shambles of his and Pepper’s baggage-laden love affair, a pregnancy test that was never meant to be positive, and a frightened, orphaned teenager with nowhere left to go. He’d taken those foundations, and he’d built and built and built until they were sheltered. Until they were home.

The pain of letting Peter leave, of releasing his grip and watching him run off to California to be his own person, to build his own home, his own life, was such a new, privileged kind of pain. It hurt, but in a gentle way. In the way that good things sometimes ached in the beginning, before they settled into a normalcy.

Tony had just decided that he’d be happy to live through a hundred moments of Peter graduating college (just so long as he could feel this proud with each repetition) when Rhodey surged back into the room, chest heaving.

He knew, somehow. He knew from the moment he saw the look on his best friend’s face. He knew even before Happy, who was not supposed to be here, who was supposed to be with Peter at some graduation party in the city, came barreling in at his heels. He knew.

Maybe it was a father’s intuition, maybe it was just paranoia, but he knew, and that knowing was the absolute worst thing in the world.

Everything froze.

“Rhodey?” He set his glass down on the coffee table, half-rose from the couch, wanting to ask but desperately not wanting to hear the answer that came after the asking. “What’s-”

“Tony, it’s Peter.”

The world had broken into color and chaos. The drinks had been cleared away, the coffee table in the living room swiped clean. Pepper was in the kitchen, babbling on the phone to about a dozen different people at SI, trying to organize whatever and whoever she could. The team was on their way: the new and the old. He’d spoken to Steve for a stunted 30 seconds, had pulled himself out of his adrenaline just long enough to process his promise of I’ll be there in an hour before hitting End Call.

He was sitting on the floor, now, back pressed against the couch, clutching the TV remote in his left hand for no reason other than to be holding something.

“Is Morgan still in her room?” He whispered, because that was… that was all he had left. God, he couldn’t live without one of them, how would he possibly survive losing them both?

“Yeah, Tony.” Happy seemed hesitant, like he wasn’t sure how much information he was meant to be revealing. “Pepper checked on her. We’re letting her sleep.”

“Okay. Okay.” He closed his eyes. Tried to steady himself on a home-grown foundation that had just lost one of its most vital supports. “Okay. Tell me everything.”

Rhodey knelt beside him, hand heavy on his shoulder. “Tony, are you sure that you shouldn’t-

“Yes, I’m sure,” he snarled, although he wasn’t really sure what he was sure about. He wanted his child back? Yeah… Yeah. He was sure about that. He was sure about regretting the fact that he’d ever let Peter leave his sight. “Now, will somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?”

Happy sighed, pushing the coffee table out of the way and joining Rhodey on his knees in front of him. It was funny, in a horrible, morbid, stomach-twisting sort of way. Three of the most high-powered men in the country were kneeling on the floor, falling to pieces because a single kid was missing.

“He was with his friends, at a club,” Happy started slowly. “We had two of his guards in there with him, blending in and keeping their distance, and a group of six more stationed on the outside. He got up to go to the bathroom. One of the guards followed, the other stuck by his friends so they could have eyes on him when he came back. We don’t really know what the hell happened after that. As far as the guards saw, he never came out of the bathroom. One of them went in after about ten minutes, checked all the stalls. His phone was on the floor, but he wasn’t there, so they raised the alarm. We scanned the perimeter, and found skid marks and one of the external guards down by the kitchen’s loading area-”

Tony hated panic, hated situations that threw him in the deep end like this. He wasn’t used to being slow, to being one step behind everyone else, but that’s exactly what this was. He was handicapped, stuck in molasses because this was his child. There was nothing… There was no way that the word efficiency could slot into the haze settling over him.

“What, uh,” he shook his head, trying to clear it, to knock his thoughts into something orderly and complete, “what do you mean, one of the guards was down?”

“They’re dead, Tony,” Happy breathed, and even though his own turmoil, Tony could see the pain on the man’s face. “Whoever took Peter shot them in the head. By the time we got to the scene, there was nothing we could do.”

Peter’s never going to forgive himself for that.

He didn’t even have the presence of mind to feel guilt over the fact that his only concern was for Peter. The guard… he’d feel bad about that later. He’d compartmentalize it, because it was selfish and horrible and very unheroic, but nobody mattered more than Peter. Nobody mattered more than his kid.

“Why… Why didn’t he hit his panic button?”

“That’s the question.” Happy scrubbed a hand down the front of his face. Every inch of him looked tired, like he’d been running on empty for weeks and weeks and weeks, except it hadn’t been weeks. It had only been a few hours since Peter had been taken, only a few minutes since Tony had been told, but it felt like… it felt like decades. “We found it out in the alley, a few feet away from where we think the getaway car must’ve been parked. He never pushed it.”

“He didn’t push it?”

“No.”

It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense. Sure, Peter could be a brat about security sometimes, but he did use the resources he was given. He’d hit the panic button multiple times before. Why didn’t he do it now? Why?

He shook his head again, swallowed hard past the lump growing in his throat. “So… So he knew them. He must’ve.”

“Or… Tony, you know I don’t wanna be the person to break this to you, but he was drunk. He’d already had about half a bottle of champagne and a few shots by the time he was taken. One of the guards said he was stumbling when he got up to go to the bathroom, and his friends told us that he seemed pretty wasted.”

That shouldn’t have mattered. Peter was… he was 22, for god’s sake. He’d just graduated valedictorian from Columbia. The kid was allowed to drink some champagne, to get a little-

“Wait, no.” He ran a few numbers through his head, cold and ice and dread sprouting up in his lungs as they refused to compute. “That… he was stumbling?”

“Yeah. That’s what one of his detail said, at least.”

“No, that… that doesn’t make sense, Hap. He… He shouldn’t’ve been that out of it already. His… His metabolism. It’d take more than some champagne and a few shots to get him that drunk. He’d need… He’d need something else.”

Realization snapped over Happy’s face, and he lunged to his feet, kicked the leg of the coffee table irritably when it got in his way. “Fuck. Shit. Why didn’t I think of that? They drugged him. They must’ve.”

Rhodey rubbed Tony’s shoulder, his calm presence the only anchor in wave after wave of helplessness, failure, fear. “Then they were inside the club. Or they had someone helping them.”

Happy was nodding restlessly, already working furiously on his phone. “I’m gonna call the guys on the scene, tell them to detain the bartender and anybody else who might’ve had access to the kid’s drink. And I’ll have someone get his glass and that bottle of champagne for testing.”

“You go,” Rhodey said, slipping forward to settle down at Tony’s side. “I’ll stay here. Hold down the fort.”

“Got it.”

Happy was rushing for the door. Tony could still hear Pepper talking in the kitchen. The team must’ve been most of the way to the cabin by now, scrambling over themselves because this was… it was all too much. Too awful to comprehend. Tony’s brain couldn’t process it. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Peter just… wasn’t going to come home. Wasn’t going to walk through the front door, a little tipsy and a little unbalanced but fine. Safe and loved and present. Ready to fly off to California at the end of the summer and leave a very, very proud Tony behind.

“Happy?” He called out, voice rough. The man went stock-still in the doorway, just barely turning to let him know that he had his attention. “Call me as soon as you know anything? Even if… Even if it’s bad. Just… please. Call me.”

That’s my baby, he thought, chest constricting at the bone-crushing loss of it all, if he’s dead… if he’s… if he’s never coming home, then I need to know. I need to know.

“I will, Tony. I promise.”

The Avengers blew into the cabin like a choreographed hurricane.

Tony had rarely had a chance to admire their efficiency from afar. He was usually on the outskirts of the disasters, working alongside them. But now he was the disaster. He was ground zero.

Rhodey brief them on what they knew so far, and the living room was quickly transformed from a haven of fireplace and colorful throws and family movie nights into a control room. The only thing that wasn’t touched was the couch Tony was leaning against. He didn’t even realize that it was because of him until Steve sat down on the carpet, brow furrowed in concern as he set a cautious hand on his knee.

“Tony, I want you to let Bruce examine you.”

He scoffed at the suggestion, bitterness rolling over him so suddenly that he felt swamped by it.

“And I want my child back,” he snarled. “Guess tonight’s just gonna be full of disappointments for all of us, huh?”

“Tony.”

“Don’t even start with me, Rogers.” He didn’t know why he was being so cruel to Steve. The man didn’t deserve it. He was just… the closest target. The easiest thing to despise. “I’m just not in the mood.”

“Tones,” Rhodey whispered, dropping down pacifyingly between him and Steve, “listen to me. You know that your heart’s weaker after the Snap. If I’m hauling your ass to a hospital, I’m not looking for your kid. We’ve gotta prioritize, here.”

Even in this state, Tony was clever enough to know when he was being manipulated.

Luckily for Rhodey, he was just too goddamn tired to care.

“Fine,” he growled. “What the fuck ever. Just do it.”

Rhodey was right, unfortunately. He didn’t have time for a heart attack right now, didn’t have time for his body to be anything but functional. After they brought Peter home, well… then it didn’t really matter anymore.

He blinked up at the ceiling, ignoring Bruce as he tugged out his arm, clipped something onto his finger.

Bring him home, he prayed, although to who, he didn’t really know, please, just bring him home to me.

Apparently, his blood pressure was high.

Everyone seemed pretty damn concerned about it, which was just… honestly, it was hilarious.

Did they think it wouldn’t be high? His child was off god-knows-where with god-knows-who, probably drugged and confused and afraid and desperately in need of his father, and Tony was supposed to be calming down for the sake of his blood pressure?

His blood pressure could go screw itself, for all he cared.

Of course, nobody else seemed to share his viewpoint. They all fussed over him. Pepper tried to get him to do some bullshit breathing exercises, while Bruce called Cho and bickered with her about medication and preventative measures.

He really didn’t know how to explain to everyone that there was only one cure, and it was his child, safe in his arms.

Until that happened, there wasn’t a drug or a pill or a yoga technique in the world that could save him.

Happy burst into the room without any ceremony.

“I’ve got the results from Peter’s drinks.”

Tony staggered upright, shoving Clint’s hands away as the man tried to steady him. He felt breakable, like a single touch might send cracks down his spine, into his bones and down through the ground. Like one wrong move might split him apart.

“And?”

Happy winced. Physically winced, like the words he was about to say weighed a thousand tons. “They found gamma hydroxy butyrate, more commonly known as-”

“GHB,” Tony finished, and he was surprised by how numb he felt at the news. It should’ve terrified him. At the very least, he should’ve felt something. Instead, he just stared at it clinically, chemical formulas and sterile facts filling his head in place of the things he just couldn’t think about. The things he didn’t want to face. “It’s degreasing solvent mixed with drain cleaner.”

God. Drain cleaner. Someone… Someone had given his kid drain cleaner.

“Exactly,” Happy said, voice small and unsure. “And in low doses-”

“In low doses,” he breathed, “it’s a date-rape drug.”

Pain streaked across his old bodyguard’s face: a cocktail of guilt and terror and shame. “Yeah, Tony. It’s… It’s a date-rape drug.”

He swallowed. “That’s, uh, that’s why he was stumbling. Why he didn’t hit the panic button.”

Happy nodded. “Yeah. From the looks of the doses, it was probably meant to knock him out, but with his metabolism…”

Tony finished the sentence in his head. With his metabolism, it probably just made him feel awful, sick, confused. He probably wondered what the hell was happening to him. He probably wanted me.

“He was awake when they took him,” Tony whispered, nauseous. God, he was awake when they took him.

“That’s our best guess. And, uh, Tony…. Listen, I don’t really know if I should be telling you this, but-”

“Tell me,” he ordered, voice somehow sharp and resigned all at once. He… He had to hear it. He had to hear everything. It didn’t matter if it gave him nightmares for the rest of his life, didn’t matter if it was the worst thing he’d ever heard.

It was the only link to Peter that he had.

Happy was silent for a few seconds, then let out a defeated breath. He reached into his pocket and pulled out Peter’s phone. Tony knew it was his because of the case: pink and green and godawful to look at. The kid had only bought it because Morgan had liked it so much.

“We’ve gotten all we can from this, so I thought I’d give it back.” He handed it over, and Tony slid his fingers over the case, borderline reverent. He could still imagine it in Peter’s hands, or charging on his bedside table, or getting tossed onto the couch in favor of playing a boardgame with Morgan. Tiny, insignificant snippets of life, and yet they mattered so much. They’d mattered so much. “We think he was using it when they grabbed him.”

He tilted the phone to the light, watched his reflection warp in the glass screen. “What was he doing?”

“He was texting you.”

Something icy gripped his chest. When he finally managed to force words up his throat, his voice came out hoarse.

“What’d he say?”

Happy just gestured at the phone, expression pinched. “Bathroom didn’t have any service, so none of them sent, but it’s all still there. We didn’t delete anything. D’you know his passcode?”

“Yeah,” he said. Peter just doesn’t think that I do.

“Okay. Well, I’m… I’m gonna get back to work. I’ll come back if we find anything.”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t have to read it, Tony.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Alright.”

He heard rather than saw Happy move away, just barely caught him murmuring, “don’t let him spiral,” to Rhodey before he left.

Sure enough, Rhodey was right beside him within a few seconds, voice lowered in a guise of privacy, despite the fact that the room was still packed with Avengers, all pretending not to watch but definitely watching.

“Tony, it’s late,” he whispered. “Don’t do this now. Get some rest, and you can face it in the morning, if you really have to.”

“No,” he said, more forceful than he’d intended, but then again, Rhodey just didn’t understand. He was holding his child’s last words in his hands. How could he not read them? What kind of father would he be if he didn’t? “No. I need to do this now.”

He left the living room before anyone could stop him.

Happy’s car was already gone by the time he got to the front porch. He briefly considered settling down in one of the rocking chairs, or the porch swing, but every one of them carried a dozen memories of Peter, of summer days and fall nights and laughter and warmth and the kid’s head pressing heavy on his shoulder and he just couldn’t. He couldn’t face them.

He sat on the floor, back pressed up against the cabin, knees drawn to his chest.

He unlocked Peter’s phone. The brightness was up, but it automatically adjusted after a second or two. He opened the messages app, clicked his contact icon, and read.

hey tony? i thimk i fucked up (ERROR: not delivered)

i feel super super gross (ERROR: not delivered)

:( (ERROR: not delivered)

plz dont be mad i didnt mean to grt thsi drunk (ERROR: not delivered)

ugh fuck batgroom service (ERROR: not delivered)

i just kinda wish u were here to yell at me rn (ERROR: not delivered)

The front porch was nice at sunrise.

He’d spent so many hours out here, with Morgan and Peter. Both of them tended to be up early: Morgan because she was a child, Peter because he carried things that no child ever should. He’d sit with them, curled up under one of the afghans Pepper liked to buy from pop-up markets, and watch the sky become an oil painting.

That’d be a pretty smoothie, Morgan would say, pointing at the horizon, and Peter would laugh like she was the funniest thing in the world.

And what would it taste like, Mo?

Like a smoothie!

He heard the door swing open to his left, and while he knew it wasn’t Peter, a tiny part of him wanted to keeping pretending.

“Tones?”

Rhodey. Right. Of course it was Rhodey. Who else would come out here this early, ready to pick his ass up off the floor?

“Did you find anything?” He rasped, still staring out at the lake, watching the daylight step into the clouds, wishing he was watching Peter instead.

“Not yet.”

He just barely inclined his head in response. The answer should’ve hurt him, should’ve stung or panged or something, but it didn’t. After a while, pain just become pain. There wasn’t a scale anymore, wasn’t any room for additions or levels. There was just pain. Pain, and a family missing child. That’s all Tony had.

“I need you to tell me something,” he whispered, then swallowed. His throat scratched, dry and hot, “and I need you to be honest with me when you answer.”

Rhodey sat down beside him, leg braces glowing gently in the yellow-red dawn. “I can do that,” he responded, solemn.

“Do you… Do you think he’s already dead?”

Rhodey’s answer came immediately. “No.”

“Are you lying?”

“If I thought he was dead, I’d tell you.”

“Do you promise?” He balled up a fist, resisted to urge to slam it through the nearest object. “If you… If we reach a point where you think he’s dead, do you promise to tell me?”

He knew he was asking a lot. He could tell, because Rhodey’s breath caught, and he paused. Considered.

“Yeah, Tony,” Rhodey murmured, with all the enthusiasm of someone bartering away their soul. “I promise.”

“Good.” It wasn’t, but it felt like the right thing to say. “This is… This is bad, Rhodey.”

“Yeah, Tony, I know.”

He dropped his head into his hands, strained and exhausting and defeated. Peter was all it took, and Iron Man was down, decimated, conquered.

“If… If they show me a picture of him alive,” he whispered, and he knew he was saying something awful, admitting something dark and frightening, “and then they tell me to aim missiles at… at some hospital full of refugees on the Syrian border, they’re counting on the fact that a father would-”

“But you wouldn’t.”

His head snapped back up, and he nearly laughed at the conviction in Rhodey’s voice. God, had everyone really forgotten who he truly was? The heroism of Iron Man was an act. It was a stage curtain, drawn down to hide the monster underneath. Tony Stark was not a good man. He was certainly not a selfless one.

Yet he was so good at pretending that even his best friend believed the ruse.

He turned to stare at Rhodey, voice low. “I might.”

And that might be the most important thing I’ve ever said to you.

The corner of Rhodey’s mouth quirked up, like some part of this was actually amusing to him. “There are people around you who won’t let you.”

He couldn’t possibly be this good at deception. Had Rhodey actually forgotten? Had he forgotten that Tony hadn’t always been an Avenger, that the Merchant of Death was still a title that haunted him? Somedays, he was almost certain that he was more Merchant of Death than he was Iron Man. More a war-profiteer than he was an idol.

“What about a picture?” He said, because he didn’t know how to stop. He’d never known how to stop. “They’ve got a knife to his throat, and they tell me to send a Jericho missile to a bunker in Afghanistan?”

Rhodey shook his head. “You shouldn’t think of images like that.”

This time, he did laugh. Rhodey flinched, concern etched in every inch of his face, because yeah, Tony probably looked like he was losing his mind. And wasn’t he? His child was missing. There was no sanity to this.

“All I can think of are images like that.”

“Tony…”

“I know it's a strange time to bring this up,” he said, and he knew it was abrupt, but nothing seemed quite so linear anymore, “but I forecasted this once. I made up a scary story a few years ago for Peter so that he’d take his protection seriously, and I… and I went too far. And I scared him.” He let out a breath, years-harbored shame rising in his chest. “And he cried. And this… this was the story.”

“Tony-”

“I’m supposed to keep him safe.” His shoulders jerked, his breath hitched. He bit his knuckles to hold back a sob, ribs creaking under the strain of keeping it in. “That’s… fuck, Rhodey, that’s my only job. I’m supposed to keep him safe.”

“You can’t protect him from everything.” There was a pause, hesitant. “The world doesn’t stop spinning just because he’s your child. He’s gotta find his way just like everybody else, and you were letting him do that.”

He wished it was as easy as that, as straightforward and simple to navigate, but it wasn’t. Once again, they’d found their way back to the same frustration he’d been helping Peter cope with for years: being a Stark was not normal. Nothing around them would ever be normal. Sure, the world didn’t stop spinning, but they had to operate differently inside of it, just because of Tony and his curse of a last name.

The money was nice. The fame was even pleasant, every once in a while. It certainly had been when he was young. But now? God, Tony just wanted quiet. He didn’t want this for his children. He’d give anything to drop off the radar, live in some middle-class neighborhood, buy a lawnmower, argue with Pepper about school districts.

“But they took him because he’s my child,” he pushed. They took him because they know it’ll break me. “This… This wouldn’t’ve happened to another kid, Rhodey. You know that.”

“Maybe not, but it did happen, and that’s what you’ve got to work with. Now, come inside,” Rhodey ordered, slicing a knife down on the conversation, as if ending the words could end the horrors still playing through Tony’s head. “Come inside, sit with your wife, and let us fix this.”

There is no fixing this. This will never be fixed.

But instead of staying that, he just did as he was told, and hoped that the next few hours wouldn’t bring him doing something awful in Peter’s name.

It was such a pure name, washed clean by kid who carried it. It didn’t deserve to be sullied by Tony’s true nature, by the darkness he dragged behind him like a chain.

God knows that enough had already been sacrificed on that altar.

It was daylight, and there were reporters outside.

Happy and his guys were keeping them back. Apparently, they’d released details of Peter’s kidnapping to the press in the hope that someone might’ve seen something, that they’d come forward with information. In these kinds of cases, one detail, one first person account, could be the difference between life and death.

They’d set up a hotline, and the team was already chasing a few leads, but the reporters were chasing the story, the sensationalism of it all, and Tony hated it.

His child wasn’t a headline. His child was a child. A living, breathing, precious person. Something be cradled and adored and protected. Not something be exploited for a melodramatic hook.

Pepper and Steve would talk about it in tense, hushed tones. A couple of the Avengers had gone out to talk to the gathered press, just once or twice, but Tony didn’t have a clue what they were saying.

What did other parents do when this sort of thing happened? When their child was taken from them? He remembered a few high-profile kidnappings, all distant and wobbly in his head. What did they do? Did they print flyers? Did they give interviews? Did they beg?

Wait. Wait. That’s… That’s exactly what parents did.

They begged. They pleaded. They told the kidnappers that they’d do whatever they wanted, as long as they got their baby back.

He staggered to his feet, a little wobbly but emotions finally hardening into something tangible, something he could focus on.

There were only a few things on Earth that Tony Stark was willing to swallow his pride for, and this… this was one of them. His children would always be one of them.

He was going to beg.

He only made it about four steps towards the cabin’s door before the team noticed. There were a solid few seconds of scattered glances, a rapid exchange of responsibilities, until Natasha stood and took the lead.

“Tony?” She grabbed at his arm, expression somehow soft and fierce all at once. “Tony, what are you doing?”

“I’m gonna make a direct appeal.”

The whole room went silent. He made the mistake of glancing at Clint’s face, and the raw pity there made him want to scream.

“Tony,” Nat said, voice quiet, coaxing, lowered like he was stupid, “you can’t.”

“I’m his father,” he choked out, because at the end of the day, that was the only thing that mattered, the only explanation that he should ever have to give. “I-I don’t even know why I’ve waited this long. I-”

And then Steve was there, reaching for his other arm, voice as calm and solid as it always was.

“Come on, Tony, let’s think this through-”

“Get away from me,” he snapped.

“Tony-”

“I’m going to make a direct appeal,” he repeated, and even he knew that he sounded like a broken record, but he just… all he could see was Peter. The stupid grin on his face earlier that day, when Morgan had barreled into his chest and he’d scooped her up off the ground, spinning her like she was the one who just graduated, like she was the most valuable thing he’d ever held. “I don’t know why I waited this long.”

Nat sounded a little desperate now, pulling hard at his sleeve, warning. “Tony, I know that you’ve convinced yourself that you’re doing what’s right, but you’re not thinking straight-”

And then there was Pepper.

She planted herself between him and the door, firm and solid and Tony knew, he knew that he wasn’t getting past her. He knew it from the moment he saw the look on her face: devastated and loving and calm.

“Stop it, Tony,” she said, soft and kind.

He grabbed for her, taking fistfuls of her shirt and clinging. He felt like a little kid, confused and lost and alone. He was navigating whitewater rapids without a map or a paddle. He couldn’t… He couldn’t do this. People weren’t built to survive this kind of thing. It wasn’t possible.

“I… I have to make a direct-”

��No,” she murmured, cutting him off. “No, Tony, Natasha’s right. You can’t.”

“Why not?”

He had meant for the question to be abrasive, angry, but it just came out broken.

“It can be seen as negotiating with the people who took him,” Pepper said, not apologizing, not pulling punches, “and if their goal is to destabilize us, or Stark Industries, or the Avengers, then they're going to see you and know that they're succeeding.” She let out a breath, composure cracking just a little, just at the corners. “You… You can’t make a direct appeal.”

He knew she was right. He’d known she was right long before he’d even made the choice to do it.

It still felt like he’d been torn in two.

He sank to the floor. He was vaguely aware of Natasha grabbing his elbow, guiding him down so he didn’t hurt himself. She pushed him up against the wall, then stepped away, gave him the room he needed to crumble.

“Honey,” Pepper whispered, voice hitching, hands tracing down his face. He didn’t know when she’d joined him on the floor, but he… he was so glad she was there. He was so glad that someone was still there. “Honey, I…”

“I’ve seen other fathers do it,” he croaked. “Before. In… In other kidnappings. I’ve seen other fathers do it.”

“I know.”

“I thought… I just thought that, that maybe if I tried, then I would’ve… then I would’ve done something.”

“I know.”

“I can’t stand not doing something. I have to be doing something.”

“I know that, too.”

His eyes jerked up, meeting hers in a clash of long-harbored panic. “Pep… What if he’s…”

“He’s not.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re not other fathers,” she said gently, a sad smile on her face. “Other fathers make direct appeals because that’s all they can do. They’re going to want to negotiate, Tony.”

“I… I can’t negotiate, Pep. Not… Not for him. How could I?”

“I know that. That’s why I’m going to do it.”

He blinked. That was… a good idea. He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of it before. Pepper had never, ever lost a deal that mattered. Ever. She had a spotless track record. And while she loved Peter, she wasn’t as shredded by this as he was. Her head was still above the water, at least for now.

Pepper had joked, once, a little bitterly, that Peter was all Tony’s kid, she just helped out with the details. He knew that wasn’t entirely true, of course. She’d stepped up for Peter in ways that had mattered beyond her comprehension, but she wasn’t entirely wrong, either. Peter had been his kid long before he’d been Pepper’s. And that changed dynamics. It had to.

“You have to bring him home.”

“We will, Tony,” Pepper said, and Tony wished with everything he had that he could drown himself in her belief, her faith. “We’re going to do everything we can to bring him back to you.”

He tried to ignore the fact that, as promises went, she’d just given him a pretty unstable one.

Tony was still sitting on the floor, staring blankly into nothing, when the alert chimed in.

He didn’t think anything of it, at first, and he supposed that he’d been doing a lot of that tonight. Staring past the obvious, overlooking the signs because ignorance was so blessed and calm compared to knowing.

But then Natasha’s face went hard, and she was waving for Steve, and then he was waving for Rhodey, and then he was waving for Pepper, and Tony realized that something had just gone very, very wrong.

He staggered upright, making a beeline for the rapidly growing group huddled around Natasha’s laptop. He couldn’t see past their shoulders, couldn’t even hear what they were saying, because so many voices were intersecting and overlapping in every other beat, and it was enough to make him want to scream.

“Is it Peter?” He snapped, and Steve swung to face him, face a mixture of pity and concern.

“Tony…”

That was all the answer he’d needed. It was Peter, then. Hell, what else would it be?

Something else had happened to Peter. Somewhere in his gut, he knew it was bad. Awful. Nothing that he wanted to see.

And yet he knew that he had to.

He tried to push past Steve’s restraining hand, craning his neck to catch of glimpse of the screen. “What is it?”

“It’s a ransom note,” Natasha said, forever to the point. He’d never appreciated that personality trait more than he did in that exact moment.

“And they sent a picture,” Steve added.

The world snapped to a halt. He felt hysterical. Unhinged. And Steve… Steve didn’t understand. None of them did, except maybe Clint. He was a father and he’d been torn away from his child. He just… He just wanted him back, even if it was in the form of a picture. Even if it was through a ransom note.

“Is it of Peter?!” He tried to lunge forward again, and failed. Damn Steve’s super strength. He wished he had the suit. “The… The picture. Is the picture of Peter?”

“Yeah, Tony, it is, but you have to understand-”

“Let me see,” he snarled. “He’s my kid. It’s for me. So let me see it.”

To his surprise, the group all exchanged glances, different people in varying degrees of sympathetic pain, and parted.

The image had obviously been taken with a polaroid camera, and then scanned or faxed alongside the handwritten ransom note. The quality was bad, but it was clear enough to show details. It… It wasn’t grainy enough to spare him.

Peter was tied to a chair, a dirty gag shoved into his mouth, digging into his cheeks. The kidnappers had tossed a newspaper into his lap, proof of life with the date clearly shown, but that wasn’t what caught Tony’s attention. No, it was Peter’s face that ached, somewhere deep in his gut. If he was a spiritual man, he would’ve said that it ached in his soul.

He knew his kid. Knew his eyes like he’d never known anything else. And that photo? It was wrong. Peter wasn’t just scared: he was drugged out of his mind. In fact, it was the general lack of fear in the kid’s gaze that disturbed him the most. He looked too incoherent for any emotion other than exhaustion.

He’d seen Peter high before, always after Spider-Man related injuries, but it’d never been like this. It had always been monitored, consensual, safe, and nothing they’d given him had ever made him vacant. He was usually just sleepy or giggly or both. He’d… He’d never looked so detached.

It made Tony want to hold him, shield him, but now he couldn’t do either of those things and it hurt.

“Oh, god,” he gasped, panic attack smacking right into him without warning, without a single chance to batten down the hatches. “Fuck.”

The world tilt-a-whirled. He felt Rhodey grab him, push and pull and tug him until he was sitting on the couch. His head was shoved between his knees, and conversations pinged around above him without any of the words computing. All he could hearseethink was Peter, Peter, Peter.

If I was a better father, none of this would’ve ever happened.

Eventually, someone grabbed his shoulders, hauled him upright, and it took him a full minute to realize it was Rhodey.

“Tony,” the Colonel said, and he sounded serious, like whatever he was saying was final, no arguments allow. “I’m going to call Bruce, alright?”

Yes. Yes. Bruce… Bruce would be good now. He’d heard them whispering about sedating him earlier, off in corners and hallways, when they thought he was too absorbed in his grief to notice. At the time, the thought had made his heart race, terror and revulsion making him paranoid. He couldn’t check out. He couldn’t. What use would he be to Peter like that?

Now, he’d lunge for just about anything that would take this feeling away. That would let him pull back from the grainy images of Peter’s eyes: glassy, unfocused, afraid and confused and lacking in that spark that would lull Tony into moments of forgetfulness. Moments when he’d genuinely have to remind himself that Morgan was the one with his DNA, not Peter.

“Tell him,” he gasped, eyes squeezed shut against the things he didn’t want to see, the photo that he’d never be able to forget, “tell him that I want whatever it is that Peter got.”

He didn’t know how long he slept for, but he knew that when he woke up, he woke up groggy. Groggy enough that, for a shamefully calm half hour, he forgot that Peter was missing.

And then he remembered, and he lost his child all over again.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. must’ve alerted Pepper when his heartrate spiked, because she slipped into the room within two minutes. She sat beside him, hand resting on his hip through their comforter. Her eyes were red, but she smiled like it was just another Tuesday, like their entire world wasn’t crumbling down around their feet, and he envied her. He envied her the composure. The ability to catalogue the things that were important and the things that weren’t.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey.”

“I thought you’d sleep longer than this.”

He pursed his lips, ignored the implicit suggestion in the words. “Anything new?”

“No.”

He nodded, took in the disappointment slowly, wondered how long he could survive living in limbo. There were thousands upon thousands of unsolved missing persons cases in the United States alone. Every hour that crawled by lessened their chances of bringing Peter home alive, or even bringing him home at all. How could Tony possibly be one of those parents, the ones who spent the rest of their heartbeats agonizing over their child’s loss?

Are they still alive, hidden somewhere out in the world, vulnerable and unprotected? Are they dead? Which option is better: knowing that they’re alive, and suffering, or dead and free? Oh, god. What was it like, at the end? Were they afraid? Did they cry? Did they call out for their dad, because he was the one person who was always meant to save them?

Tony hadn’t been there for the start of Peter’s life. And now it might be over, Peter might be gone, and he hadn’t even been there for that, too. Couldn’t even say if it had happened.

“What time is it?” He asked, just to distract himself. Besides, every hour marked a dwindling statistic. Tony needed to know if they stood a chance, if there was still even a sliver of hope, and someone must’ve closed the curtains after he’d gone to bed, so he couldn’t quite see if there was daylight or darkness behind them.

“7:30.”

“Oh,” he whispered. That was later than he’d thought. The graph in his head nosedived. “Bruce gave me something.”

Pepper’s face twitched, eyes bleeding sympathy. “I know. I’m so sorry, honey.”

“They gave… They gave Peter something, too,” he choked out, “and… and he said that it made him feel sick and I wasn’t there to take care of him.”

Pepper’s blink lasted a good few seconds longer than it should’ve, as if watching Tony crumble was too much for her to watch, but the rest of her stayed steady. “It wasn’t your fault.”

He swallowed, trying to stamp down the perpetual helplessness that had taken residence in his gut, replace it with something else, something he could hold.

“How’s Morgan?”

“She’s okay. She’s been asking to see you.”

“I wanna see her.”

“In a minute.” Pepper slid her hand through his hair, voice soft, the kind of tone she used with Morgan or Peter when they were upset. “Try to relax a little first.”

“I had a dream,” he blurted. He knew that this was probably the opposite of what Pepper meant by relaxing, but he couldn’t help it. “I was in Peter’s bedroom, but it was… it was before. Right after May died. Remember… Remember how he wouldn’t get out of bed?”

For a split second, Pepper’s face flashed from composure to devastation, but it was so brief that it was easy to imagine that it had never happened at all. “Of course I remember. He wouldn’t get up, so you used to go in there and sit with him.”

“Yeah,” he whispered, and he smiled despite himself. He treasured those memories just as much as he wished they’d never happened. Helping Peter grieve for May was an ongoing tragedy, and one of the hardest things he’d ever had to watch, but once the initial aftershocks ended, Tony had gained a second child. “He’d curled up in my lap, and I was holding him. We didn’t… We weren’t even talking. I was just holding him.”

He swallowed, breath hitching. He met Pepper’s eyes, trying desperately to convey something that just wasn’t possible to capture in words. A loss, a fear, a weakening hope.

“Pep,” he whispered, hoarse and crackling, “Pep, I was holding him, but then I woke up and he wasn’t there.”

She didn’t say anything. Didn’t apologize, or promise that they’d get him back.

She just reached out and took his hand.

It was just past 11:00 when Rhodey pushed into the bedroom.

For a split second, Tony assumed the worst. But then,

“We found him,” Rhodey breathed. Beside him, Pepper gasped, like she couldn’t believe it. “Happy got a lead and, well, it doesn’t really matter. But we’ve got him, Tones. Steve’s got him.”

The flight from New York to Calverton, Virginia took an hour. They left Morgan back at the cabin, with Clint’s wife. Tony half considered bringing her, but he didn’t know what shape Peter would be in, physically or mentally. And he… he didn’t want to frighten her, although he supposed that was a moot point after the last 48 hours.

When this was all over, Tony promised himself that he’d apologize to both his children, for lots of different things.

For now, he just wanted Peter. He wanted to hold him, like in his dream but real. He wanted a moment that he couldn’t wake up from.

He mostly ignored Rhodey’s explanation of how they’d tracked the kidnappers down. It was complicated and had something to do with a gas station and a random college kid who’d seen Peter’s picture on the news. Happenstance, really. They’d gotten lucky.

“Is he alright?” Pepper asked, and Tony was glad that someone rational was thinking of the important things. “Did they hurt him?”

“The medics think that he may have a clavicle fracture,” Rhodey said. Tony could feel his eyes on him even though he was staring at his feet. “His kidnappers set off some tear gas and stun grenades when the team went it, so he’s got some irritation and ringing in his ears. No sign of sexual assault, but he’s still pretty out of it. They’re running a tox screen to make sure we’re not in danger of any overdoses.”

Tony looked up. He flexed his hands out in front of him, wincing when his wrists popped. “Is he asking for me?”

“Yeah. Steve said that that’s pretty much the only thing he’s said, too. Asked where you were a couple times and checked out.”

Tony bit his lip. Peter had been drugged, beaten, surrounded by doctors he didn’t know and thrown right into the chaos of a crime scene, and yet he’d still looked up at strangers and asked for him.

“Does he know I’m coming?”

“The medics told him.” Rhodey reached across the seats and grabbed his elbow as they started to descend, engines whining. “Hey, look at me. You sure you’re good to do this?”

He blinked, barely even processing the words.

What kind of question is that?

“This,” he started, quiet enough that there was no way Rhodey would’ve heard him if they didn’t have headsets, “is my job.”

“If he sees you upset, it’s gonna make him even more upset.”

“He won’t see me upset.”

Rhodey groaned, and it kind of hurt that nobody seemed to believe he was capable of parenting his own goddamn kid, no matter what emotional state he was in. “Tony, you’re-”

“Very good at this,” he finished, cutting off whatever Rhodey actually meant to say. He imagined he wouldn’t’ve liked it much, anyway. “I’m very good at this.”

“I know you are, Tony, but this has been a rough-”

“He won’t know I’m upset,” he snarled, voice dangerous, and it felt so good to have a purpose. To have something to curl over and protect. “He won’t.”

Rhodey sighed, defeated. He didn’t look like he believed him, but Tony didn’t really care. “Alright. Just be careful, okay? Don’t go overboard.”

Overboard. Of course he was gonna go overboard. He was gonna go overboard with absolutely everything for the rest of Peter’s life.

He didn’t bother walking when the helicopter landed. He just bolted, weaving through police and paramedics and FBI agents and what felt like a thousand other pointless uniforms. Pepper and Rhodey both tailed him, not missing a beat.

Nobody had told him where Peter was, and it was pitch black outside, midnight having only recently come and gone. The only light came from the dozens of different emergency signals spread out across the field, blue and red and yellow and every other color of the rainbow, all blinking at their own dizzying frequencies. There was no logical way that he should’ve been able to find his kid in that chaos, and yet his feet just took him there, like they’d walked this path a million times, even though he wasn’t sure that he’d ever been within a hundred miles of Calverton before.

He saw the security before he saw his kid. There were about ten guards holding a perimeter around the solitary ambulance, and Tony made a mental note to give Happy a goddamn raise once this was all over.

And then there was Peter, and every single mental note he’d ever made evaporated into thin air.

He was slouched over on the back of the ambulance, orange shock blanket folded over his shoulders. He was bloody, bruised. There was dirt and ash all over his face, but none of that mattered at all because he was still the most beautiful, wonderful, breathtaking thing Tony had ever seen.

“Peter!” His voice broke with the force of the shout. “Peter!”

Despite everything, Peter recognized him right away. His head turned towards the sound, and his arms lifted up, fingers curling weakly in the air.

“Tony?”

“Here,” he gasped, skidding to a stop in front of the kid. “I’m right here, Pete. I’m right here.”

He grabbed Peter’s face between his hands, dragged the pads of his thumbs along the curve of his cheekbones, brushing away tear-smudged grime, and all his anguish evaporated. Gone. He knew it’d return, at some point, probably in the folds of night, far away from where anyone but Pepper could see it, but for now he was calm, capable. He felt in control, because that was the only thing he was allowed to be. Because that was exactly what Peter needed him to be.

He’d meant what he’d said to Rhodey. He was good at this.

“Hey there, buddy,” he whispered. He sniffed hard against the tears building in his throat, but he was grinning so wide that his cheeks ached. “You really got yourself into a mess this time, huh?”

“He’s been a little too close to unresponsive for our tastes,” one of the medics offered, and he glanced up to her. She had a sympathetic smile on her face, soft and kind, “but we were hoping that having dad here might help.”

He nodded, hoping that his expression conveyed the thanks he didn’t have the breath to voice, and turned his attention back to Peter. “Hey, hey,” he cooed, shifting Peter’s face a little, trying to get a reaction. “You with me, squirt?”

Peter looked dazed, pupils blown so wide that Tony could barely find any brown in his eyes at all, but there was recognition there, too. Drowsy and subdued, but recognition all the same.

“‘M with you,” he slurred, blinking hard. “I don’ feel very good.”

“I know, squirt. We’re gonna fix that, okay?”

Peter nodded, then slumped forward into his chest, nose digging into the crook of his neck. “‘M sorry. Didn’… Didn’ mean it.”

Tony had expected the apology, but it still felt like a slap in the face. “Shh, shh. None of this was your fault, kiddo.”

I’m sorry I didn’t do enough to protect you.

“‘M so glad you’re here,” Peter mumbled, and Tony wondered if he even knew that he was talking. “Kept asking for you. They said you w’re coming.”

Tony could feel each one of Peter’s breaths on his skin, warm and slow and relaxed. He’d heard about hostage victims being keyed-up on release, jumpy and paranoid, and just here his kid was: practically dozing off in his arms, murmuring apologies and sermons of faith, easy and relaxed just because Tony was here. Because Tony was holding him.

“Of course I was coming,” he managed to choke out. “I’ll always come for you, Pete. I’m always gonna come for you.”

“Mm. I know. Always got me.”

He’d never deserve this. Never. He could spend the rest of his life devoted to charity, to selflessness, and yet there would never come a day when he would deserve his children.

It should’ve been a disheartening thought, but it wasn’t. It was humbling. It made him feel grateful.

He found the gaze of the nurse who’d first spoken to him, fingers threading slowly through Peter’s hair. “Can I take him?”

“Of course,” she said. “But he’ll need x-rays to confirm that fracture, and fluids, and I wouldn’t let him go unmonitored until his tox screens start coming back clear. You have someone back at base who can do all that?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then he’s all yours.”

He wrapped the shock blanket more firmly around Peter’s shoulders, dreaming of the moment he could tear it off, burn it, and replace it with one of the red fleece ones Pepper had brought back from a conference in Colorado at the end of Peter’s senior year. He couldn’t wait until they could finally peel off the layers of this night and replace them with new memories, with new things, with good, peaceful, mundane things.

“I’m gonna take you home now, Pete,” he whispered, fisting his hand desperately in the back of the kid’s shirt. “We’re gonna go home.”

Peter slept straight through the helicopter ride back to New York, legs stretched over Tony’s lap like a cat. He woke up just long enough for Tony to guide him to his bedroom (Tony had to coach him up the stairs like it was his first encounter with the concept), but he was out again as soon as he reached his bed. Cho and Bruce both assured him that there was nothing to be concerned about, that his body was just burning off the drugs, but it didn’t stop him from laying Peter against his chest and keeping a finger on his pulse.

Cho and Bruce must’ve sensed that he wanted nothing more than to be left alone with his kid, because they rushed through the process of converting Peter’s bedroom into a makeshift hospital suite. Peter roused a little when Cho placed his IV, but only enough to make a mild noise of displeasure and bury himself more firmly into Tony’s arms. Otherwise, Peter seemed perfectly content to let Tony deal with the world for him.

That was fine. That was more than fine, actually. It was exactly what he’d been wanting to do for days.

Pepper wandered in and out of the room, spreading her time between them and Morgan. Bruce popped in to give him the tox screen results, but he left almost as soon as he came. He didn’t know what the rest of the team was doing, but he knew that Rhodey had stayed behind in Calverton, with Happy.

The longer he spent unwinding, the more he wished he’d asked better questions.

He didn’t have a clue what had actually happened to Peter, didn’t know if his kidnappers were captured or dead, or if they’d escaped. He didn’t know anything.

Steve knocked on the doorframe after a few hours of pointless wondering, shifting nervously on his feet. It was as if Tony had put an impassable barrier around Peter’s bed, the kind that no one could see but everyone could feel. Nobody was brave enough to touch it.

“You can come it,” he said, amused. “I don’t bite.”

Steve took two steps forward, then stopped, clearly having no intention of moving any farther. “I don’t mean to intrude-”

He rolled his eyes. “What do you need, Steve?”

“The press is clamoring for a statement,” Steve said, after a brief moment of hesitation, “preferably in person.”

Tony pushed some of Peter’s hair back from his forehead, forcing himself to ignore the tiny cuts and bruises littering the kid’s face. “Giving a statement would involve leaving this room.”

Steve just nodded. “I understand.” He gestured in Peter’s direction, stiff and unsure, like he was treading on ice. “How is he?”

Tony smiled. He really didn’t know why everyone seemed so determined to dance around the topic of Peter, especially now that he was home. It wasn’t a touchy subject, it was Tony’s favorite subject.

“He’s sleeping, safe and sound.”

“I’m glad.”

“They ran a tox screen,” he offered. “He’s got GBH and ecstasy and a couple other pretty nasty things in his system. Cho’s confident that the fluids should help him metabolize it. F.R.I.D.A.Y. confirmed that he’s got a small fracture in his collarbone, but his healing should take care of it pretty quickly once his body recalibrates.” He smiled, eyes never leaving Peter’s face. “He’ll be back to playing Mario Kart with Morgan in no time.”

“Good.” Steve walked around to his side of the bed, steps slow and measured. “Do you want me to give you the details of everything now, or later?”

“Give me the essentials. Are they dead?”

“Yeah.” Relief shot through him. “Clint got two with his arrows. The other one was sleeping when we came in. He tried to grab a weapon, but Nat got to him first. Sam found Peter locked in a closet in the back bedroom.”

The rage he felt at the detail conflicted with the tenderness that rose with every second he spent with his children. In the end, he set the anger aside. He didn’t need it, right now. It wouldn’t made Peter heal faster.

“You sure there were only three?”

“We’re looking into it, but we’re nearly positive.”

He dipped his head in Peter’s direction. “How was he when you found him?”

Darkness swooped over Steve’s face, and his voice went hard. “Not great.” A pause. “You think he’ll be alright?”

“Without a doubt,” he said, and he meant it. “He’s a tough kid, and he’s got a good therapist. Pretty sure there isn’t anything he can’t tackle and come out the winner.”

“And what about you?” Steve asked, as sincere as Tony had ever heard him. “Will you be alright?”

He smoothed his palm down Peter’s back, and thought back to his dream. He’d imagined the whole thing wrong, he realized. The joy he’d felt then hadn’t captured even a single fraction of the joy he was feeling now.

“Of course I’ll be alright,” he said, like it was obvious. “I’ve got the best family in the world.”

Natasha had never been in Peter’s room before. Then again, she’d very rarely been the cabin, either. Tony had gone out of his way to keep his family shielded from everyone, even the team.

After everything they’d been through, she had a hard time blaming him for that.

Tony and Peter were both asleep when she poked her head through the door. She guessed that it was probably the first time either of them had had any real rest in days. Even unconscious, Tony had placed himself between Peter and the door, arms wrapped tightly around the kid, as if someone was going to try to steal him when he wasn’t looking.

Bruce and Cho had turned the bedroom into a makeshift hospital room, monitors and an IV pole tucked up in a corner, but it didn’t change the cozy atmosphere. A few framed sci-fi posters littered the walls, but there were family pictures as well: everything from photobooth strips to professional portraits.

For a brief few seconds, she let herself wonder what it would’ve been like to grow up in a place that felt like a home.

Pepper ended up catching her attention before the thoughts could go too far. She was the only other person in the room, and, unlike Tony and Peter, she was actually awake. She beckoned for her to come in, posture as relaxed as Natasha had ever seen it.

“Hey,” Pepper greeted, voice just above a whisper. “Are you here for Tony?”

“I am.”

“Can it wait?”

Her eyes flickered up to the pair curled around each other on the bed, and she made her decision without a hint of hesitation. “I’ll make it wait.”

Pepper shot her a genuine smile. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. How are they?”

Pepper leaned forward in her chair, and brushed the back of Peter’s hand gently. It was a mother’s touch, kind and adoring. She tried not to stare.

“Peter’s still pretty out of it, but he’s been talking to Tony, so that’s a step in the right direction. It might take a while for his metabolism to clear out all the shit they pumped into him, but his vitals are holding steady.”

“Did the tox screen come back?”

Pepper sighed. “It did. It’s a miracle Tony didn’t have an aneurism when Cho read it to us. They gave him GHB and ecstasy, among a few other things, but there’s nothing we can do about it except wait.”

That certainly wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. She hadn’t said it out loud, but she’d been prepping herself for the possibility that by the time they found the kid, they’d have already OD’d him.

She’d seen those kinds of bodies before, and they weren’t pretty. She wasn’t sure how Tony’s would’ve handled it.

Speaking of which…

“And how’s Tony?”

Pepper’s face softened even more at the mention of her husband. She reached out to adjust his shirt, tone warm. “His baby’s back, so all’s right with the world again. At least for now.” She let out an exhausted breath. “And after everything that’s happened, I’ll take for now.”

She wondered if Pepper had slept since Peter’s graduation. The more she analyzed the past few days, the more she came to the conclusion that she hadn’t.

“I doubt Peter’ll be allowed out of his sight for the next few weeks.”

“Weeks?” Pepper snorted, a rare slip of her polish. Natasha guessed that she saw it more than the boys did. “Oh, Peter’s going to have Tony following him around for the next decade at least. It’ll be sweet for a while, because at first he’ll actually enjoy the coddling, but then both of them are going to make my life a living hell.”

Natasha just smiled. There wasn’t even a hint of genuine aggravation in Pepper’s voice: just relief. “You can’t wait, can you?”

Pepper’s face lit up. “God, Nat, I’ve never been more ecstatic over the thought of the two of them snipping at each other in my life.”

She laughed, careful not to disturb either of Pepper’s charges, then took a cautious step towards the door. As much as she enjoyed Pepper’s company, there were still a million things to be done. She’d handle the paperwork, and she’d let the parents handle the kid.

She wasn’t really qualified for the gushy stuff.

“I’ll let you spend some time with your family.”

“Actually, Nat, before you go…” Pepper paused, chewing on the words, “just, well, thank you. People are never able to forget that Peter’s Tony’s child, but they tend to overlook that he’s mine now, too. He’s been mine for nearly six years. And I know that I’ll never love him like Tony does, but… but I still love him, and I’m still grateful.”

“I’m just doing my job,” she said, smile tight.

“It’s a good job, Nat.”

She backed the rest of the way into the hall. “Yeah, it is.”

The door clicked shut, and she just barely inclined her head to the security guard that was stationed outside of it. They’d be a common presence around here, for a while, at least until Stark re-found that tenuous balance between keeping his kids safe and letting them live.

She’d been worried about Peter, before. If there was anyone in the world who understood trauma, understood what it could do to your soul, it was Natasha Romanoff, but she knew now that Peter Parker had something that she’d never had.

He had people who gave a shit. People who’d make sure that he was fine.

She wondered if he knew how lucky he had it.

#wooo it's a monster #me: my irondadbingo is going to be short little ficlets!#also me: *writes 11k words*#help #irondad #irondadbingo #tony & peter #tony stark #peter parker #losingmymindtonight writes

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