#cos I love some casual affection between partners

[hansoeii]

I might've started a small jayvik comic because the brainrot is still going extremely strong

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

A Surprise^**

Hello friends, thank you so much for your patience. I ended up having quite a disastrous day and it took longer to finish editing! But here is the one shot based off of this request. Hope you like it!

Warnings: TW! abusive partner: mentions of love-bombing, gaslighting/accusations of infidelity, verbal arguments, intimidation tactics (psychological and physical), physical altercation between M/F ( described, but more intimidating than violent or aimed to hurt), physical altercation between M/M (not described but the aftermath is mentioned, bloody nosy type of thing), mentions of law enforcement and law enforcement processes. Mentions of sex, unprotected sex, oral (M/F receiving), fingering, unplanned pregnancy, ultrasound procedure.

WC: 18.2K

You were nervous as you rode up in the elevator. You weren’t claustrophobic or anything, so the feeling of it closing in on you was one you had no idea how to deal with. You were trying to keep your breathing as calm as possible and clearing your head of any irrational or negative thoughts, but it was truly a challenge. It had been a nearly a year since you and Harry had been in any space together and it was nerve-racking. What was originally supposed to be a month or two-long break, turned into all this time and distance. He said he wanted to talk and get some closure, which you thought was bull shit, and that’s why you were so nervous.

Before “the break” you and Harry had been dating for four years. Things had been going really well up until he started getting antsy to work again. You’d moved to London for him and now that he was finally “off” you saw that he was jumping into the next thing he could. You understood that he felt like he needed to do something with his time but soon enough he was back in the studio for hours at a time while you just hung out at his house. You lasted a year like that before you told him that you couldn’t do it anymore. You felt lonely in your relationship with him and you saw that he wasn’t ready to slow down and settle a bit like he said he was before. That was the whole reason why you’d even moved to London for him. So when you suggested a little time apart to have him sort through his priorities he freaked out on you. But the following morning the tune was different, he was more open to this idea of taking some time apart.

You had assured him over and over again that you loved him but that you were ready for the next step and he clearly wasn’t. He then assured you that you were the love of his life and that he’d take a month or two to just tie up all the loose strings with his current project and then focus back on your relationship. You even went back home to LA to give him all the space he needed. You checked in with each other a lot but when the two months were up you reached out and didn’t get a response back until two weeks later. Much to your dismay it was just an “I’m sorry.” And with tears in your eyes you just deleted the entire messaging feed you had with him.

A few months later you were back on the dating scene. One of your co-workers set you up with her cousin, Steven. He came off as sweet, smart, and mature. He mostly had his shit together from what she’d said and you had seen, so you gave him a real chance. Yeah, he was no Harry, but no one would ever equate to Harry, so you stopped comparing and got to know him for who he was. Soon enough you’d started to develop more feelings for Steven, he showered you in attention and time and affection, it was almost too much, you thought. But then you recalled that things had been so cold with Harry towards the end that maybe you just weren’t used it anymore. It wasn’t love-bombing, it was just a man who is interested in showing you what you meant to him. After two months of seeing him casually you started talking about the future, about starting a real, committed relationship. You talked about properly meeting each other’s families and taking serious steps forward, you were gearing up to properly move on with someone who clearly prioritized you! And then Harry called. 

He was jealous, you heard it in his voice when he called, but the fact that he was jealous pleased you in a way. Honestly, you thought you’d be so well off that when you spoke to him you’d feel above him somehow, but when you heard his voice your heart ached with longing and your small victory suddenly made you feel a bit sadistic. He then asked to see you to get some closure and you quickly agreed because you needed it too. But that’s how you ended up at his hotel just an hour later. So far you were just standing there at his hotel door just taking each other in. Quite frankly, you were just pleased you had made it out of the elevator alive. But it felt like it’d been ages and no time at all at the same time, your heart was racing in the confines of your chest, making it hard to breathe once again. It made you so happy, but hurt your heart at the same time to see him. It was so confusing, feeling relief and joy and disappointment all at the same time. 

“You look great.” He complimented you after a few moments of staring.

“Oh! Thanks.” You smiled timidly, “H-how are you?”

“I’m alright. Come on in.” He said moving aside and you wandered in. You sat at the couch in his suite as he headed to the kitchenette.

“Can I offer you some water or tea?” He asked.

“No, I’m alright.” You assured and he nodded before coming over to sit near you on the couch. You sat in silence for a few moments again before he chuckled in slight disbelief and shook his head.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here.” He confessed with a shake of his head.

“Me either.” You chuckled a bit humorlessly. He had wronged you…the only thing that you knew about him right now was that he did not love you as much as he said he did. If he did he wouldn’t have left you hanging like he had. “I guess I just…needed to see you one more time. I don’t think that we left off on a good note so-”

“Exactly. That’s why I wanted to see you.” He said leaning forward and taking your hand and your facade of stoicism and ease melted away immediately. The hurt from his actions just came to the surface and made a pang of pain ripple from your chest all the way out to your fingertips, you swore even your scalp hurt as his eyes met yours apologetically.

“Harry, it’s almost been a year.” You pointed out and he frowned.

“I know, love.” He confirmed, “And I haven’t even tried t-to apologize since that text I sent you.” He said and your eyes started welling up. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just…I got scared that if I took that step forward with you it meant that my work was gone.” He explained and you scoffed.

“Harry, no! When I asked you to slow down that’s all I meant. Slow down, not stop! I’d never tell you to stop.” You sighed, exasperated and upset that he even thought that you’d ever make him stop doing what he loved most, “I just wanted you to slow down a little and enjoy your life for yourself. Spend time with your mom and your sister and your cousins and nieces and nephews!” You vented, “W-with me.” You added towards the end and he nodded in understanding. “What you do with your work matters to me. I see how happy it makes you. And I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to make you feel like you couldn’t be honest with me about your priorities.” You said and he shook his head.

“You didn’t. I should’ve talked to you about it all, Y/N. I know I fucked up, big time, but I love you and-”

“No you don’t…” you interrupted with a scoff as you pulled your hand away from his, “You’re just jealous because I’m ready to move on with someone else now.” You said to him and he glanced up at the ceiling and smiled sadly.

“Yeah, of course I’m fucking jealous!” he confessed through a pained, breathy laugh, “And I still love you and whether you believe it or not because of my previous actions, I respect you and you deserve an apology. That’s why I wanted to see you.” He explained as his eyes met yours again, “I know that I’ve lost you, Y/N.” He said sadly, “Believe me, I didn’t come to try and talk you out of that decision. I just wanted to tell you, in person, that I love you with my whole heart. I should’ve fought for you. You showed me so much love and gave me all of your care and support all the time! I shouldn’t have been scared t-to talk about it. I shouldn’t have let you go.” He explained, “I’m going to have to live with that for the rest of my life, Y/N. I know that.” He sniffled and you wiped your tears carefully. “I just needed you to know that it’s not anything you did. I love you, even still, I think I’ll die loving you.” He said.

“Jesus, Harry…” you inhaled sharply before standing up quickly. You grabbed your purse from the coffee table and started rushing back to the door.

“Baby! Baby, baby, baby-” he rushed in front of you blocking the door, “J-just wait.” He sniffled, he looked panicked.

“Why should I?” You questioned him, “Why now?” You asked for clarity and he swallowed thickly, “You had this whole fucking time and now that I’m just about t-to forget about you, y-you show up and…” you trailed off as your anger boiled over and your tears started to trickle down your face more heavily.

“Y/N, I’m sorry-” He started.

“Y-you better not be trying to manipulate me!” You warned, your voice raised in accusation and he shook his head.

“I know it might seem that way b-but I’m not, love. I’m not looking for anything from you, I know I don’t deserve it. I just needed t-to see you and apologize to you and tell you how I feel before you wouldn’t entertain the idea of me in your presence ever again. And I know you probably hate me so much right now-” He explained and you inhaled sharply with a disappointed shake of your head.

“That’s the stupidest fucking part of this whole thing! I-” you stopped and shook your head, “I felt so happy when I heard from you.” You confessed, “And I still have so much love for you.” You sniffled and felt sick to your stomach just admitting it. You felt like an idiot for it.

You had gone over a very similar scenario in your head if not millions of times before while daydreaming or lying in bed. You dreamed of him coming back and apologizing and you having the strength to not come crawling back to him after whatever excuse he gave. Except you’d gotten it wrong. Harry wasn’t standing before you asking you to come back to him with an underlying arrogance that came with knowing that your love was enough to have you come back to him. He was actually just coming to be accountable for his mistakes and to apologize to you for hurting you. He came with humility and sincere repentance for his errors, no ulterior motives. And well, you weren’t nearly as strong as you thought you’d be by now.

“Oh, baby…” he sighed, “I don’t deserve it.” He recognized, “And I know that you’re happy.”

“I am.” You sniffled.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel confused, I really didn’t want that. I really just wanted to make things as right as I could after all this time.”

“Thank you.” You responded and he gave you one firm nod. “I think I should go.” You said and he glanced into your eyes and just waited for a moment and when you didn’t waiver he exhaled and moved out of your way to let you leave.

You reached for the door and opened it up before stepping out into the hall, pulling it shut behind you as you cried quietly as you walked back to the elevator, what seemed like a trap before now felt like your much needed escape. You were just about to step inside when you glanced back down the hallway at his door, questioning if you’d been too harsh. After all, you did miss him and you still loved him…you’d definitely regret not giving him a hug goodbye or even just confirming to him that you forgave him. So with all the strength you had, you ignored that pull to return to him and got inside and left. It was time to move on.

****************

You’d been quiet and in your head all afternoon. Internalizing everything you were feeling was weird because you were never one to just let things brew in silence. You had to talk about it and your best friend was back in the UK and she had an important work thing in the morning so you couldn’t interrupt and you just wanted to talk to someone who would be 100% real with you. You decided to just distract yourself until stopped by for dinner, surely his company would provide an adequate distraction.

But even when Steven arrived you found yourself ruminating on how awkwardly you’d left Harry. You certainly got what you needed but you were out of there so fast that you had no idea if he got the closure he needed from you and now you felt bad! That’s what you were thinking about, but your silent and pensive demeanor had Steven feeling iced out which he did not like. So after sitting in your little living room on his phone for half an hour in complete silence as his football game droned on, on the TV he figured he’d just ask you.

“Babe, are you upset at me?” He finally asked as he came into the kitchen. You were just grating some carrots into the salad you were making for dinner.

“No.” You assured him with a small smile as you glanced up at him briefly.

“Well, you’ve been oddly quiet since I got here. More than half the time I’m wishing you’d just shut up for five minutes but I don’t know anymore…it’s weird.” He joked, trying to make light of the situation. But upon hearing that your brows pinched in confusion and offense at his “joke”.

“That’s quite rude and not funny at all. I heard you turn on the game and you don’t like it when I talk to you when you’r watching so I just stayed quiet.” You mumbled a bit spitefully before going back to grating and he came closer and placed a hand on your hip.

“Damn, you’re so sensitive, it was a joke.” He said mawkishly and your irritation continued blooming so you refused to look at him, “Y/N, you’re clearly in your head about something and now you’re taking it out on me.” He said and you sighed.

“I’m not taking anything out on you, Steven. I’m just thinking some stuff through.” You shared with him.

“Stuff like…?” He pressed.

“Like…my ex, Harry.” You said and he straightened up at the mention of Harry’s name.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He asked with a sardonic smile and you put down the carrot and glanced up at him.

“You asked.” You emphasized and he huffed out a sarcastic laugh, “I’m not done, so listen up because it’s good news for you.” You said and he clenched his jaw and nodded, “Well he’s in town and he asked to see me so we could talk,” You explained and Steven’s expression twisted into a disconcerting look, “so earlier I met up with him and we talked-”

“Wait.” He cut you off, “Why the hell would you think to go see your ex?” He asked you, fully offended over what you’d done this afternoon.

“I went to get closure! And well, considering we’ve been talking about starting a relationship in the near future it’s good for us that I just close that door for good.” You explained and he shook his head.

“And you didn’t think to tell me about this before you went there?”

“It happened so fast and I know you were meeting clients all day so I-”

“You should have at least asked if I was fine with you doing that!” He groaned with frustration and you frowned.

“Like…ask you for permission?” You asked and he shook his head.

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Y/N.” He snapped quickly.

“I’m not, I was asking for clarification. You said I should’ve asked if it was alright with you before going. Is that not asking for permission?” You asked and he sighed.

“Look, not permission but like…at least consider me! Like, have me be there so he doesn’t get any ideas.” He said and you looked at him like he was completely delusional.

“W-what?!” You asked in disbelief, “Why would I invite you into a conversation with me and my ex about our old relationship?” You questioned.

“Because, I need to make sure nothing weird is going on! And if you didn’t want me there, which you clearly didn’t, then you should’ve asked if I was cool with you going to meet him all alone! It makes me uncomfortable to think of you two alone.” He said and you were complete confused at his logic.

“And what if you said that no, I couldn’t go?” You asked.

“I would’ve said no and you would’ve not gone.” He rebutted confidently and you were in total shock, “You have no business talking to him again, Y/N.” He added and you sighed and shook your head in exasperation.

“I wanted answers and an apology, Steven. I am owed at least that! And he took responsibility. He was able to give that to me.” You said and he scoffed.

“You’re…you’re so fucking naive.” He said and you looked at him in confusion, “It’s a test. He was testing you! Testing you to see if you’re still loyal to him. Testing to see if he still has power over you! And guess what? By going there all alone the moment he called you up, you confirmed that for him. You confirmed that he still owns you!” He was speaking to you in the most belittling way. You felt your rage flaring up inside of you.

“What are you even saying?!” You scoffed in disbelief, “It was just a conversation! I was in and out of there in less than 10 minutes!” You laughed incredulously.

“10 minutes? Really? That alone fucked you up so much you couldn’t talk to me?” He asked with a sardonic look on his face and you rolled your eyes, “See now, I’m not so sure that something else didn’t happen between you two.” He soft-launched his accusation and you scoffed.

“Nothing happened! I’m telling you that he said what he needed to say and I just left!” You explained, “I’m just thinking on it because I don’t feel right about just having left like that.” You explained, “It was awkward, the way I handled it. I didn’t even ask him if he had any questions for me or anything else to say, I was selfish. I just got the apology I needed and that was that.” You said a bit sadly and his jaw clenched for a second before biting down on the inside of his cheek.

“You promise that was it?” He asked you after a few moments of silence.

“I promise! Literally we just talked.” You reiterated and he nodded.

“Fine. I’m sorry.” He said grumpily, like a child who is dying inside because they had to apologize. You imagined he was feeling a bit ashamed or even embarrassed for jumping to conclusions like that and being so off the mark. So you walked up to him and hugged him tight as you rested your head against his chest. You relaxed in his arms and smiled when you felt his hand grab your jaw and angle up your face. Your eyes met for a few tense seconds, you were preparing for him to ardently kiss you but suddenly his hand fell from your jaw and grabbed around your throat, right beneath your jaw. Your eyes widened in fear as his grip got a bit tighter by the second. His eyes were dark as he stared into yours.

“S-steven.” You gasped in concern as you started to run out of oxygen. You tried to wiggle out of his grip, eyes watery and full of fear as your nails dug into his wrist hoping to startle him out of whatever possessed him to do this.

“I don’t want you talking to or seeing him again. Never again. Do you understand me?” He demanded and you felt your entire body just turn cold. You had no idea how to even react to this change in Steven’s demeanor so you just nodded. “You’re going to be mine soon and I need to know that I can trust you fully.” He said “I want to trust you. But can I? Can I trust you to stay away from him?” he asked and you nodded again, you’d do anything to get out of this situation, “Then say it. Swear to me.” He insisted darkly as he loosened his grip around you.

“I-I’ll never talk to him or see him again.” You whispered, “I swear.” You insisted with tearful eyes and he let you go before walking out of the kitchen silently. 

You grabbed onto the counter because your legs unexpectedly lost their strength. You were panting, struggling so hard to breathe as this entire interaction processed in your brain. You suddenly felt extremely nauseated as a wave of fear overcame you. You trembled wordlessly for a bit, feeling so devastatingly mortal. You’d never had such little power. You’d never felt so small. After a short, uncomfortable, and contemplative moment you grabbed the carrot you had been working on and got back to grating. You just had to take deep breaths and grate.

You were walking on egg shells for the remainder of the night, doing anything and everything to act as normal as possible and not bait him into another aggression. Meanwhile, he was genuinely chatting with you so casually, as if he hadn’t just grabbed you by the throat like that. It terrified you that he wasn’t acting, he was genuinely fine. You were questioning yourself now, wondering if there were signs you missed? Granted, you were now getting into more serious turf, but there was nothing that you’d seen before that indicated towards him ever behaving this way. Even as you lay in bed attempting to get some rest you just stared at your ceiling thinking about that moment. How dark his eyes looked…did you need to tell someone? It’s not like he’d actually hurt you…or threatened you…he just made you promise to stay away from Harry. There wasn’t even a mark on you. Who would believe you or what could you even do about it?

He sweetened up intensely after that though and it had your mind reeling. Even when you’d had sex earlier he had been so possessive. Normally, any type of sensual talk got you going but when he told you he was “going to make you his” as he finished it didn’t have the usual or intended effect, it made you feel uneasy and made you regret having slept with him after what had happened earlier on. You immediately hopped into the shower because you just needed to wash off the memory of him of on you. You held in your tears because you thought he would join you but he just called out a goodbye after some minutes. But even in your solitude you were practically frozen and emotionless. You’d never experienced him like that and it worried you, so you decided to talk to your friend about it.

*****************

You were nervous to talk to Marie about this because she was also his cousin, but you just needed to know if there was a history to Steven that you didn’t know yet. Maybe he’d done something like this before, just got aggressive and overly possessive with another partner? Or perhaps he’d been cheated on and severely overreacted because of his past hurt? But Marie’s sort of distant demeanor should’ve tipped you off that things were not going to be good with this conversation.

“Thanks for meeting me. I actually wanted t-to talk to you about something important.” You said as soon as the waiter left after bringing your drinks. “Something that happened w-with Steven.” You said and she pulled away from her straw.

“Look, you don’t need to tell me what happened, Y/N.” She interjected, “Steven already told me.” She said flatly and for a second her anger seemed just. You were glad she was angry at him for you. “And look I love you and you’re my friend, but quite frankly, I can’t believe you’d go and hook up with Harry after how good Steven has been to you.” She said and your jaw dropped in shock.

“W-wait what?” You asked incredulously.

“Don’t do that with me, Y/N. I know how weak you are for Harry.” She said and you shook your head, “I mean…I did warn Steven early on t-to be careful and take his time with you because you’d probably cave and run back to Harry.” She said and you frowned, “But after all this time? I mean Jesus, Y/N! The man pretended like you didn’t exist for almost a year! How little self respect do you have t-to allow him back in after everything?!” She questioned you with disappointment and a harsh judgement.

“Is that really what you think of me?” You asked her and she sighed.

“Look, I’m sorry for being so harsh but I love you and I’m angry at you for cheating on my cousin. He’s a good guy!” She defended her stance and you shook your head.

“I didn’t cheat on your cousin. We’re not even in an official or exclusive relationship so even if I had fooled around with Harry he has nothing to be upset over! He’s the one who hasn’t wanted to be exclusive yet!” You corrected and Marie smiled incredulously down at her drink, “You don’t have to believe me about Harry if you don’t want but believe this, Steven? He’s not a good guy.” You said and she looked up at you again fully offended.

“Y/N, look-”

“No, listen to me. I just need you t-to hear me out. Last night he…h-he grabbed me really hard by the throat and made me swear I would never talk to or see Harry again. He terrified me.” You confessed and her eyes didn’t even soften up, “I came t-to ask if maybe I’d struck a nerve by mistake, looking to justify how he behaved towards me but the fact that he got to you first and lied about what happened…that just confirmed to me that I want nothing to do with him. He’s a ticking time bomb and I refuse to be collateral damage.” You said as you stood from your seat.

“How dare you.” She said and stood as well and you shook your head. “You can’t just go around throwing accusations about someone like that! Especially about this sort of thing! It could ruin him, Y/N!” She said with a quiet and calculated rage.

“Believe what you want, but I want nothing to do with either of you ever again.” You said to her and walked off. When you sat in your car you were trembling with rage, you could not believe the last 24 hours of your life. You were just collecting yourself before taking off, you didn’t want to get on the road with that much anger flowing through your veins. You jumped in surprise when your phone started ringing loudly from your purse and you groaned and reached for it and when you saw Harry’s name on the screen you just felt a wave of comfort and then it turned into fear. You knew Steven wasn’t here but you couldn’t help but glance around your immediate surroundings before answering the call.

“Hello?” You spoke into the receiver tentatively.

“Y/N, I ummm, I need you to come down to my hotel right away if you can.” He said to you and you felt your stomach drop.

“W-why?” You asked him nervously.

“Your boyfriend broke into my suite and tried to attack me.” He said and you gasped. “Are you alright?” You asked instantly.

“Yeah, thankfully. But now h-he’s telling the officers that you put him up to this.” He said lowly, “Just come and we’ll sort this out.” He assured.

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.” You said and took off despite your heightened emotions.

Just before you arrived to Harry’s suite you saw a pair of officers guide Steven away down the hall in hand cuffs. He had a bandage over his nose and a busted lip. He barely held eye contact with you as they pulled him along. You rushed down the hall and hurried into the open suite more than relieved to see a paramedic only icing Harry’s hand while he talked to one of the officers looming over him.

“Oh my god, I’m glad you’re okay!” You exclaimed in relief and he stood right away and hugged you tight as you leaned into him and that’s when all of your emotions from even the night before caught up with you and you started to cry. 

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s alright. I’m alright.” He assured you lowly.

“Yeah, but sometimes you minimize things to not worry anyone so…” you reminded and he chuckled a little as you pulled back, “I’m so sorry about this, H. Sincerely. Genuinely! I-I can’t believe he went as far as pulling something like this.” You expressed, still quite flabbergasted at what had gone down. Harry rubbed over your back in comforting circles.

“It’s alright. I’m alright.” He assured you, “He’s worse off than I am.” He smirked a bit as he delivered this news.

“Oh, I saw.” You chuckled through your tears and he hummed. “You’re not gonna get into any trouble, are you?” You asked.

“No, love.” He assured you, “I acted in self-defense so we’re all clear there. He did give me a good scare though.” He said more seriously and you sighed. 

“This never should have happened…I just don’t get it where this came from? I swear, this is not at all like him! I’ve never seen him behave this way in the couple months we’ve been seeing each other. Even last night was just so out of character for how he’s always been towards me! And I’m not trying to make excuses for him. Clearly this is fucked-”

“Wait. What happened last night?” Harry asked you more seriously and you sighed and shook your head.

“Nothing, really.” You said to him and he gave you a look, not a scary one, just an insistent one. You sighed and shrugged, “Last night when I…when I told him we met up to talk and get closure he got really angry at me. Like, he was livid. It was truly an overreaction to me mentioning that I was really happy over having received that apology from you but that I felt like I had been awkward about it and left it weird with us.” You explained, “Then, he asked why I didn’t ask for permission t-to talk to you or see you or why I didn’t ask him to come with me? And I explained that I agreed to meet with you so that we could clear the air so that I could move on with him in peace and he accused me of fooling around with you.” You explained monotonously as you felt like you were there all over again, “I assured him we just talked and he then pretended like it was fine and apologized half-heartedly… and I went in to hug him but then it’s like a switch flipped.” You recounted what had happened, “I thought he was going t-to kiss me but he…” your voice faded out into an exhale, “H-he grabbed me so hard by the throat and made me swear that I wouldn’t see o-or talk to you ever again-”

“Miss?” One of the officers interrupted and you turned towards the officer as Harry released you just a bit. 

“Yes?” You asked softly.

“Can you elaborate more on this altercation?” He asked and you swallowed thickly.

“I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.” You said softly, eyes now laser focused on Harry’s dangling pendant as your vision started to blur with more building tears. You were scared more than worried about getting Steven into any more trouble and Harry could see that. “Love, look at me.” Harry insisted and you blinked rapidly as one of your tears trickled down your cheek before you looked up at him, “If he did anything to scare you, you need to report it.” He said, “He’s fucked as it is for this, he can’t do anything to you ever again. He won’t.” Harry assured you and you nodded.

You proceeded to explain what had happened and how he had grabbed you. You explained that you felt intimidated and frozen and unsure of what to do next after the altercation. You were asked why you didn’t call the police or make a report and you explained that you didn’t think there was anything to report. He hadn’t technically hit you or injured you. You had no visible marks on you or anything to prove this apart from the fear you’d been harboring ever since. But the officer informed you that even a forceful grab is considered assault in the sate of California. And that speaking to you that way, exerting any tactics to make you feel subdued or intimidated were also considered acts of aggression and intimidation that were reportable offenses. And after a few more questions and you assuring them that he had never done anything like this to you before they moved back to the situation with Harry. With police reports filed they went on their way and you offered to get Harry a new place to spend the rest of his trip.

**************

It was just a few hours later and you were sitting in your living room waiting for Harry to come out of the shower and for his lawyer to arrive. You felt awful for this whole thing with Steven, you really had no idea he was a psycho like this. Marie had actually tried calling you almost 20 times and had sent you about 15 texts asking you to call back and that she was sorry for not believing you earlier. You were still too angry at her to respond so you put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” and just focused on the TV and wondered if it was a good idea to have brought Harry to your home. You had found another place for him to stay but before you booked it he asked if it would be alright to use your guest room because he was concerned for your safety since Steven knew where you lived. 

His concerns were valid. And you knew that Steven was well connected and had several lawyer friends who you were sure could get him out on bail by the morning, so you agreed to let him stay. You just didn’t want to also put Harry in harm’s way again. You would never forgive yourself if Steven did anything to hurt him. All in all, none of this felt real, you felt like you were in an unhinged daytime soap episode just waiting for another tragedy to befall you and those in your life. You were so on edge that you flinched in fright when the doorbell rang. Once the shiver passed through your body you hurried over to see through the peephole and saw Harry’s lawyer waiting there.

“Hi Darius.” You greeted him with a smile and he smiled back upon seeing you as well. It’d been quite a while.

“Y/N! Wow!” He chuckled, “It’s so great to see you!” He greeted you happily as you led him inside.

“Likewise! I think Harry’s just finishing up his shower, he had quite the day.” You said as you locked up behind him and he sighed.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry to hear about that. But I’m glad he’s safe and that you’re also safe.” He assured you and you thanked him before guiding him over to the kitchen and allowing him to get set up while you went to grab the Coca-cola he’d requested. 

It was just a couple of minutes before Harry joined you two and caught up a bit with Darius before he got into the story of what happened. Harry was going to follow through on pressing charges and he was even more motivated to get it all done ASAP when he heard what Steven had done to you the night before. He wanted to give Darius his statement as well while it was fresh in his memory so that it matched up perfectly to what he’d told the police and so he started answering the questions while Darius recorded and took notes as well. But hearing it in detail for yourself made it all the more sinister for you. You weren’t even thinking about it all that deeply when you reached for Harry’s hand under the table and he paused and briefly looked at you.

“Sorry.” You mouthed and started to pull it away from him but he instead tangled your fingers together and kept talking.

You stayed at his side for the rest of the time until Darius left, assuring you both that he’d let you know as soon as any headway was made in this case. With a final farewell you were locking up behind him as Harry waited for you just a small distance away. You sighed and turned to him.

“I’m so, so sorry about this, Harry. If I had know that he would do something like this… I mean, I just shouldn’t have said anything to him about you or-”

“Hey, it’s not your fault. How were you supposed to know, love?” He asked as he grabbed your face gently, right under your jaw and you swallowed thickly and he quickly slid his hands down to your shoulders. “Shit, I’m sorry. I forgot.” He said and you shook your head.

“It’s alright. It’s still fresh.” You reminded and he sighed and shook his head.

“I’m sorry…if I had just come back to you when I was supposed to we wouldn’t be in this mess.” He said and you sighed.

“You weren’t happy though, I mean…you preferred to be alone all this time instead of back with me so…it was the right thing for you at the time.” You said to him.

“You forgive me though, right? For not…” he trailed off and you nodded.

“Yeah, H.” You assured him and he pecked your lips quickly.

“Thank you.” He said quietly.

“Of course.” You whispered back. Your lips still tingling from his quick kiss. 

“Sorry, I just needed to kiss you.” He said and you smiled slightly.

“I get it.” You assured him. “D-do you want to…sleep with me?” You asked with a little bit of hesitation.

“Yeah, love.” He said without a hint of a doubt, “Of course. I’m a bit shaken up myself.” He said and you nodded.

“C’mon then.” You said and grabbed his hand and guided him to your bedroom. You guys washed up and then cuddled into your bed. 

You faced each other silently, just looking at each other, taking each other in. You were telling each other you had missed each other with your shared, longing gaze, but you refused to touch. You both loved the static and electric feeling buzzing between your bodies far too much. It was masochism in its purest form. It hurt to be apart, you missed his vibe. His energy. His presence…Harry was a warm, little ball of light, even on his dark days. He was the kindest, most thoughtful person you’d been is fortunate to encounter. He was so hard on himself also, and you knew he was angry at himself right now. You didn’t want him to be though, you wanted him to be here with you and enjoying this reunion, however unfortunate the situation was that led to it. 

The amount of love you felt for him was impossible. As you laid in silence you smiled because you had truly missed the sound of his breathing. You inhaled his exhales, feeling more than grateful to be within his reach. You wanted to feel him on you, skin to skin. You shivered as you felt this intense love just surge through you.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” You said softly and sincerely. His eyes glanced down, averting from your gaze as he smiled in disbelief. “I mean it.” 

“Even after all this time?” He asked, “After everything I’ve done?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t hurt by you.” You smiled and he chuckled, “But yeah, I still love you despite those things.”

“Enough to give me another chance?” He asked.

“I…I mean, yeah.” You chuckled nervously. “And I don’t know i-if I’m a complete fool for that?! But I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, baby. More so lately…” he said and you hummed.

“Why’s that?” You asked.

“Umm…I was cleaning out your side of things. Like to send ‘em back to you and I just…I found this little box in the corner on your side of the closet-”

“The memory box!” You exclaimed, remembering its existence.

“Yeah…I just got to see all of the wonderful things we’ve shared together. How you’ve been there for absolutely everything. You’ve never let me down.” He said softly, “And I just…felt like a total fool for dismissing that. Nothing feels the same without you, you’re the thing that just…tied everything together, you know? You made my heart feel…whole.” He explained, “When I say that I miss you that’s what I mean. I’ve been incomplete without you around, Y/N. I’ve been missing you from everything. I’m so sorry that I waited until I almost lost you to reach out to you…” he whispered with shame. You frowned and reached for his cheek

“Everything happens for a reason, honey.” You whispered, “I mean, I’m glad you came along at this time because you saved me from a potentially dangerous situation.” You said more solemnly.

“I’m glad I was here for this. May-maybe this is a…sign of sorts for you to come back home with me.” He said a bit carefully. 

Harry was nervous to bring this up to you but he really just didn’t want you staying anywhere near this man. He wanted to be certain that he could keep you safe, that he could protect you and ensure that you were never so easily in harm’s way again.  And on top of that, his love for you continued simmering lowly in the background, it had never gone out. He just fled out of fear and he regretted it so much. He had been selfish and didn’t realize it until far too late. It filled him with gratitude that you’d even hear him out for an apology, let alone give him another chance. A chance that he may have blown with this suggestion he’d just put out there.

“Ummm…I…I’m not sure w-what to say to that.” You responded honestly, “Like, my first instinct is to say yes.” You chuckled nervously and while he was relieved to hear that, he held off his excitement to hear what would come next, “But like you’ve acknowledged a couple times already, we’ve been apart for a while and I think we both hurt each other to some extent and I worry that…in jumping right back into where we left things off that we’ll forget about all of the issues that led to us breaking down instead of working through them.” You said and he hummed.

“Yeah, that’s extremely valid.” He responded, “And I guess I want this right now mainly because I don’t want you here all alone.” He explained, “I realize we have things to work through before we can get to where we were before all this. And I’m so willing to put in the work with you to get to that stage again. But right now I just want to ensure that you’re safe and far away from that prick, Steven. That’s my main concern as of now, baby.”

“Well thank you for worrying about me. I would love to leave with you but I don’t think it’d be a smart move.” You sighed.

“Even just for a few weeks until things cool off a bit? I can set you up somewhere else even.” He said and you bit your lip pensively.

“I’ll think about it.” You responded.

“Okay, that’s…that’s enough for me.” He whispered back.

***********************

It  was a couple weeks later when Steven finally showed up at your place. Obviously you had the locks changed, so his key didn’t work, which really angered him. And when you heard him shouting at you and pounding on the door, threatening to break in if you didn’t allow him in, you immediately called the cops as you had a restraining order filed against him. You also recorded everything this time as you tried to calmly coax him into leaving before they showed up. He was angry that Harry was pressing charges against him and he wanted you to talk him out of it. You knew better than to say anything about Harry’s case, so instead you asked Steven how he even got access to Harry’s location. Up until this point it was all speculation, you just assumed he grabbed the information off of your phone, that really was the only way. But there was no proof yet that this was a premeditated aggression on Steven’s end. So when he confessed to you that he searched for the information on your phone you were relieved and would submit that as further evidence to get a more strict order against him.

He refused to leave and the longer you didn’t let him in the angrier he got and even broke a window. Thankfully, the police were just arriving when this happened and they submitted an Emergency Protective Order, this was far more strict than the restraining order but that was really all they could do. You really didn’t feel safe anymore so the next morning you contacted your landlord and explained to her what had happened and let her know that you’d have to terminate your lease early for your safety. She was kind and didn’t make you pay the extra fee or even make you finish out a whole month, she just hoped you’d fine somewhere else soon. 

You contacted Harry and of course, he said you could stay with him for a little bit. You felt stupid for not just doing that to begin with like he had suggested. But the reality was that he had also hurt you and let you down and you were worried about what moving in together again so soon would do to impact your future. But for the time being this felt like the safest choice. Steven knew your friends and co-workers in the area thanks to Marie, so there was no one you could go to in LA that you felt he wouldn’t think of. It pained you to quit your job and pack up your life and go, but you needed to. Of course, Harry welcomed you with open arms and you were grateful to know that you were a whole continent and ocean away from LA right now. 

*****************

It had been three weeks of you living with Harry and things had been going well so far. You felt drained though, like completely fatigued from everything, you often felt this way when you were anxious or depressed so you prioritized reconnecting with your therapist from before right away. You were seeing her every week so far and were eager to see and feel the results of doing this deep and healing work after what had happened to you and Harry in LA. You also reconnected with a few friends and they were helping you network a bit to find a job. Harry assured you that he was more than capable to take care of you but you didn’t feel comfortable with that, especially since your romantic future together was still a bit up in the air.

You two were doing well, you were reconnecting as friends more than anything right now. Living with him was comfortable though, you had lived together before though, so you knew how to exist in the same space together. You soon noticed that just being in a situation that was familiar to you both was making you both more affectionate towards each other though, which you both had been working hard to keep at bay. Of course, the feelings were there, but having those little things that reminded you, you weren’t alone made you smile, like now…

“Baby, I’m home! Are you here?” Harry called as he came into the house.

“Yeah, I’m in the laundry room!” You called back over the rumble of the washing machine as you folded your laundry. Moments later he was coming into the small, warm room with a smile on his face.

“Hi, love! How was it today?” He asked as he came up to you and hugged you.

“It was good. I met with Poppy and her friend, Sheila, she’s the one who just started up her own tanner line or something and needs an accountant? She’s interested, so I’m meeting with her and her partner again her next week when she’s back from her vacation to see about the position.” You shared.

“That’s really good. Hopefully it pans out.”

“I hope so too.” You said as you dropped the t-shirt you were working on in the basket with folded laundry so that you could interlace your fingers as you clung to him.

“And like I said before though, no rush, okay? You’re doing plenty to help out here. And after everything else you’ve been through, taking it slow can’t hurt.” He added.

“Thank you. I really do appreciate that, H.” You smiled.

“Of course, love.” He hummed. You pulled back slowly and looked into each other’s eyes. “I’m really happy you’re here.” He reassured you.

“Thank you, baby.” You whispered.

“Baby?” He asked with a grin and you rolled your eyes and sighed.

“Well, I mean…you call me that, so…”

“It feels right, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” You agreed with a smile.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” You whispered with a smile. He tucked your hair behind your ear and kissed your cheek.

“Can I kiss your for real?” He asked you quietly and you just nodded. Moments later your lips met in a tentative kiss. There was a little bit of hesitation at first but seconds later you were kissing with more depth. Your hands held his as he cupped your face tenderly as you continued to kiss. You’d kissed very quickly a handful of times since your arrival but nothing like this where you could feel yourself getting all hot and bothered by it.

“Baby…” you mumbled into the kiss.

“Right…sorry.” He hummed and let you go breaking the kiss abruptly and you chuckled as you blindly reached down your leg and finally grabbed the dryer sheet that was half hanging out of the dryer and tickling your leg. You crumbled it up and tossed it in the garbage bin just a few feel away from you before turning back and looking up to him.

“You can continue now.” You said with a small smile and he grinned before picking you up and setting you on the dryer as your mouths met with more urgency. Your kiss and need started to grow and grow and boil over very quickly.

It really wasn’t planned when he carried you to his room and got you undressed. Even though you’d yet to resolve everything from before, you didn’t feel worried or wrong about this. You felt comfortable and beautiful as you felt his bare skin against your own. You were eagerly awaiting it as he kissed down your body and made you feel so good along the way. He wasted no time in getting down and going down on you, showing you just how much he had missed you. He savored you and gave you his best until you were starting to lose your grip on reality.

“Oh fuck, I missed you…” you giggled through a moan as his tongue did it’s wonderful work between your legs. You were tingling all over as he flicked over your clit until you were trembling and then he started to suck, “Oh my god!” You gasped as your eyes started to roll back. “I’m getting so close!” You warned. 

Your lips parted and you started to pant when he started to work two fingers into you. Your breath hitched when he curved them up into your g-spot. You felt your body melt into the bed for a second before he started to fuck into you harden until you were so tense your legs trembled as you started to come. The soft moans flowing from your lips were egging Harry on, making him even more hungry for you. You pulled him back up to you and your lips met eagerly as you reached for the button of his jeans.

“Want ‘em off?” He asked and you nodded, “Sure, baby?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, baby. I want you. I need you.” You whispered and he smiled before kissing your lips quickly before pulling back a bit.

“I just…I need you to know that if we do this I want us t-to be the thing that means we’re going to try again.” He said and your gaze softened, “Obviously, I’ve missed your body and having you like this, but this is more than that to me. I want it to  be more than that.” He said and you nodded.

“I do too, baby. I want to try again. I really do.” You said to him with welled up eyes and he smiled and kissed you slowly again.

“You are everything to me.” He mumbled as you helped get his pants off blindly as he tugged the material down, “I’m never going to forget that again. I swear it, baby. You make me so fucking happy.” He panted as he toed off the pants before he climbed over you and pulled you up with him towards the the top of the bed. You climbed over his lap and kissed his passionately. Harry’s hands roamed your naked body with expertise. He knew the spots to touch and to pay mind to as you guys worked up to the love-making bit. You too appreciated his body. You touched and kissed over his body and took his length into your mouth, working him up just a bit more before you two had sex. 

“Shit, baby…fuck that’s so good!” He groaned as you sunk down on him until you gagged around his tip. You weren’t as used to his size as you once were. 

“Careful, baby. Go easy.” He reminded as he stroked over your cheek lovingly before running his thumb along your stretched out bottom lip. He loved seeing how you fit him in your hot little mouth. It had his abs clenching hard as you rolled and fondled his heavy balls in your hands until he was fighting the urge to start thrusting in your mouth. “Baby, please…please, I need you.” He panted and you popped off of him and glanced up at him.

“Can I get on?” You asked and he swallowed thickly.

“A-are you sure you want this?” He asked and you nodded.

“I do, H. I want this with you. I want everything with you. Everything that we had, I want it all back. I love you more than anything in the wor-” he cut you off with his kiss and laid you down. You were dying of impatience as hi heavy erection glided against your slicked up and swollen folds, you were so ready to have him back.

“I love you. I love you so much.” He whispered as he lined up to your entrance.

“I love you too. Please just…I need you.” You begged and so he pushed forward until he was sinking deep in your hot, wet little hole until he bottomed out. 

You hissed as you adjusted back to his size, he was great about it, so patient and eager to get you going by rubbing over your clit until you were so wet you were sliding up and down his shaft. He watched you hungrily as you lifted your hips up and down to feel him moving inside of you. But it got to the point where he needed to take over and just get you both to come. His thrusts were deep and slow, he was bottoming out with each one, it was making your brain blank each and every time he sunk into the deepest part of you. Your body was tingling and your walls fluttering and pulsing around him with every movement. Everything felt so good with him. He was looking down at you with so much adoration it was making you even more emotional.

“Baby, baby don’t cry.” He chuckled as he kissed your forehead as a few tears streamed down your cheek.

“It just feels so…good.” You sniffled and he kissed you quickly, “It feels so good to be with you.” You hummed as you rolled your hips up against his and he moaned lowly and kissed you again.

“Yeah? Are you gonna come for me?” He asked and you nodded. “Good girl, let me know when you’re getting close.”

“I will.” You whined out as he delved deep and ground against you until your eyes squeezed shut, “Shit!” You gasped as he started thrusting a bit faster into that spot until you just felt yourself leaking around.

“Fuck…” he laughed, “Fuck, you’re so wet f’me, I-I’m getting close.” He panted and you whined and started to rub your clit to catch up to him.

In a few moments you were right there on the edge with him. Your back was arching as you moaned his name as your orgasm nearly took you out. Your ears were ringing and your vision was blurring as you started to come around him. He started to thrust faster to get off, but he was drawing out your orgasm until you were trembling.

“Fuck…fuck, I’m coming!” He warned as he started to press himself up to pull out. “Oh fuuuuck…” he moaned as he started to stroke himself as he came all over your mound. He thrusted his sensitive cock through your folds, making a little mess of you before kissing you ardently. “I love you. Love you so fucking much.” He whispered, his voice cracked as he started to cry and you pulled him into your chest and held him tight as you both just let your raw emotions out in this moment. 

You both needed it desperately. After he settled down he hurried to get something to clean you off and then you started to talk about you two. What you wanted, what you hoped to see in the future. You’d had these conversations before but even now the things that Harry was saying to you were complete different than before. Losing you seemed to be the thing that woke him up to how much he’d been taking you for granted. He’d gotten used to it, he’d gotten complacent at your expense.

“It’s going to be so different this time.” He said softly as he looked deep in your eyes, “I will be different this time.” He assured and you sighed.

“I believe you…there’s just a little part of me that is still not ready to let you back in.” You explained after he had explained how he was going to show up for you from now on, “I want to just trust you fully, but I’m afraid that you’ll make a fool of me again. That you’ll hurt me again.” You explained, “And I know y-you won’t but I just need to let you know that I’m still learning to trust you fully again.” You explained. “So please just…be a little patient with me.” You requested and he smiled.

“I know, baby. I will be patient with you and I will do everything I can to prove to you that I will never do anything to make you doubt choosing me again.” He said and kissed you slowly. You smiled into the kiss and let him pull you closer to him again and that’s how you fell asleep, nestled close together.

….. ONE MONTH LATER ….

In this short amount of time things had drastically shifted between you and Harry. You’d started to go on a date a week, doing thoughtful things for each other, sharing your feelings as they arose, communicated openly…he’d matured a lot in your time apart and helped you overcome your fears faster than you anticipated. You were so proud of him and it was spilling over into every moment. Like now, you were filled with a surge of love as you wandered into the kitchen to see him pulling out your favorite salad dressing from the fridge.

“Hiya, baby. What’re you up to?” You asked.

“Just making us your favorite salad for a light lunch.” He said.

“Wow, lunch already?” you asked and he smiled as you went over to him and hugged him from the back as you peeked over to his hands, eager to direct him on how much dressing he needed to add.

“Yeah, love!” He chuckled, “We had breakfast at 8! It’s already past 2pm.” He informed you and that surprised you. But you’d been so sucked into your work that it was very possible that you forgot to even feel hungry.

“Oh, I didn’t realize.” You explained and he frowned a bit.

“Baby, have you been feeling alright? It’s not just today, I’ve noticed that you haven’t had much of an appetite at all lately.” He pointed out and you frowned as you gave it some thought and realized that yeah, this was something you’d been feeling for at least two weeks. Maybe it was intense PMS? You hadn’t gotten your period since moving here, so you hoped it was just your body finally catching up with itself.

“You’re right…I mean, I have very visceral reactions to stress and big changes…I mean, my whole body and system have just been out of whack for a little but they’ll balance out again.” You assured him and he hummed.

“That’s true, it’s been hectic for you.” He said as he opened up the dressing bottle, “Honestly, I was thinking that-” he stopped as you gagged as the scent of the dressing wafting up towards you. You had to let him go and go hunch yourself over the sink as you felt the scent of the dressing just linger in your nose and mouth. “Baby…?” Harry came over and rubbed your back slowly, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah…” you grimaced, “But I think the dressing is bad. Didn’t you smell that? It was rank!” You turned to him with a disgusted look on your face and he frowned.

“I didn’t smell anything. You look a bit awful now though. You’re all pale.” He said feeling your forehead and you exhaled slowly to ward off the nausea that you suddenly felt making your head spin.

“I might throw up, the dressing smells so bad.” You explained and he frowned and turned to the counter and brought it up to his nose and it smelled just fine to him. He even checked the bottle for the usage date and it was still good. 

“This is fine…should I mix your salad with something else then?” He asked and you shook your head.

“I think I’m fine. I’ll just have some toast.” You said and he nodded. Eventually, you had to go back to your “office” and leave him hanging for lunch because you could not handle the look and scent of the salad, especially that dressing. By the time dinner rolled around you were still feeling a little off so you just had some veggies in a chicken broth and that was that.

*******************

You’d truly forgotten about your sensitive sense of smell until once again, you were assailed by an unbearable scent. Except this time it had happened at your friend, Poppy’s house. And this time you did actually get sick.

“God, I’m so sorry, P.” You apologized as you returned to her kitchen with embarrassment, “I swear its not your cooking, my nose has just been so sensitive lately and I get to grossed out by certain scents. I’m not sure what exactly yet though.” You explained to her.

“God, you sound like my sister when she got pregnant.” Poppy chuckled and you froze. That hadn’t even crossed your mind. Yeah, you’d missed your period for the last two months but literally everything impacted your period, your cycle was fickle, especially when you were under as much stress as you’d been. You weren’t surprised that it hadn’t come at all. Truly, this wasn’t new to you, especially when you were stressed out, regardless of whether or not you were on the pill (which you weren’t after moving back here, you’d run out the week before you came out). Then, you recalled that when you and Harry had sex the first time he hadn’t used a condom. Yeah, he’d pulled out but that was never a guarantee.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Poppy asked you with concern.

“I think I should probably take a test just to rule that out. I mean, it’s…very unlikely but I was a bit irresponsible a bit ago and just need some peace of mind.” You said.

“Okay, I have some in my bathroom, let me get you one.” She offered and you nodded so she hurried off to get it for you.

You were sure you were good, but you just needed to see it for yourself. There was absolutely no way you could be pregnant, you weren’t ready for that. Harry wasn’t ready for that. Like emotionally you guys were, but you had just rekindled your relationship, the last thing you needed was something this crazy to throw a wrench in things so quickly after you’d gotten back together.

“Alright, here you are, babe.” She said handing over the box as she came up to you again.

“Thanks.” You smiled nervously.

“W-would you mind if I did it here?” You asked her and she smiled and shook her head.

“Of course not.” She assured you and with that you were off to the bathroom again, sitting there, willing yourself to pee enough to saturate the stick and finally it came and you put the cap back on it and washed your hands before coming out. “I hate to be that person but what if you are pregnant?” She asked and you sighed.

“I have no idea…” you confessed through a nervous chuckle while you stared at the wall blankly, “I mean, H and I just…God, we’re just getting back into the groove of things. Throwing a baby into the mix at this time isn’t going to make anything easier. It’s just not what we need right now.” You explained to her.

“Yeah, I get that.” She chuckled, “Cam and I try and then we stop because of the same thing and like…ugh, it’s just a vicious cycle! And genuinely, if you have that many doubts it’s just that you’re not prepared for it, you know? That’s what I had to tell Cam after a few months.” She explained and you nodded in understanding. “I-if you are…what do you think Harry’d say?” She asked and you sighed.

“I have no fucking clue…” you admitted, “Obviously, before, we had said we wanted to have a family together. But again, that was before everything went to shit with us.” You sighed, “And like, we’re in such a good place right now…” you sighed, “Like I know he wouldn’t be a prick about it but we’re not quite ready for that yet.” You chuckled nervously and Poppy nodded in understanding.

“Well, don’t worry, you’ll see in a few minutes that everything is fine.” She smiled with encouragement. 

You decided to believe her that everything was going to be fine. You were already booked for a full body, deep tissue massage next week with Poppy when your timer went off. You turned off the timer and then brought the test up closer and your heart stopped beating and you stopped breathing for what felt like an eternity. Staring right back at you, clear as day, were two little pink lines.

“Th-that means I’m…right?” You asked showing Poppy and she bit her lip nervously and nodded.

“Are you okay?” She asked you with concern and you just exhaled slowly. You were completely taken by surprise. Then you started to get worried.

“I ummm…I think I need to get home.” You said to her, still in shock. You swallowed thickly as you tried to imagine how Harry would react to the news that he would be a father.

“Do you want me to drive you over?” She offered, since you had walked from Harry’s to hers. It was just a 20 minute walk, you guys lived quite close.

“No, no, P, it’s alright. I think walking will be good for me, I need to…I need…” you trailed off as your eyes started to well up with tears as you started to imagine the worst case scenario.

“Hey…Hey, hey, hey, c’mere.” She said pulling you into her arms as you started to cry, “It’s going to be alright, babe. H is not gonna be angry, you know that.” She assured you as she rubbed comforting circles into your back as you held her tight. “You have options, yeah? You know that he’ll have your back no matter what.” She said and you nodded, “Let me get you home, yeah?”

“Okay.” You whispered to your best friend and she gave you one more squeeze before letting you go.

  Once you got to your place she encouraged you to have a shower and that she’d get some tea going for you. You texted Harry that you needed him to come home as soon as possible, you didn’t want this solely on your chest for another minute. You took your time and when Harry started pulling into your driveway Poppy popped in and let you know before shouting a goodbye to you. You sighed and relished in the warm water for just another moment before turning off the water. You were soon reaching for your robe and slipping into it. You padded over to the mirror to wash your face and you bit your lip before untying the robe and looking over your body. You looked the same, you saw no evidence of a baby.

“Baby?” You heard Harry calling from downstairs. Soon, his footsteps were heard coming up the stairs and you quickly tied your robe up and got to lathering your face wash in your hands.

“In the bathroom!” You called back before rubbing it into your skin. He rushed into the bathroom and looked more than relieved to see you intact.

“Are you alright?” He asked and you sighed and quickly bent over to rinse your face. You then dabbed it dry as you reached for your toner.

“I think so…” you responded after a little bit, “I don’t know.” You sighed as you grabbed your moisturizer.

“Well what’s going on? Hmmm?” He asked you as he came over and kissed your shoulder, his arms wrapped around your middled and pulled you in closer and suddenly you had to throw up again. You gasped and wriggled out of his hold and turned around to face him. Your eyes started welling up with tears again and you were just building up the courage to say it. “Baby, you’re worrying me.” He said softly and you swallowed thickly.

“Ummm…I…I’m pregnant.” You said and his jaw slightly dropped. He let out a small and nervous laugh before he just pulled you back into his arms without a single word. You hugged him back and just held each other for a little bit.

“What do you want to do?” He finally asked you and you shook your head.

“I have no fucking clue…” you said and he let you go and hoisted you up onto the counter. You draped your arms over his shoulders as he held your thighs, “I mean, what do you think?” You asked and he sighed.

“I don’t fucking know…I mean, that’s gonna be our baby so I…like I’m inclined t-to give it a try. But at the same time I don’t know that our relationship is ready for something like this. I mean, I want this with you in a few years but we’re just getting started again.”

“I know…I don’t even know how this…like you pulled out.”

“I know, but it’s not always a guaranteed thing.” He said and you sighed.

“I should’ve said something then…” you shook your head as you rubbed your forehead with one of your hands.

“Hey, there’s no point for any would’ve-should’ve-s,” he said, “It’s gonna be alright. We’ll figure it out soon, okay?” You nodded, “Just take your time, baby. Whatever you decide, I have your back.” He assured you and you nodded. He grabbed your face and kissed your lips until you were smiling.

“Stoooop.” You giggled, “M’not in the mood.” You pouted through your smile and he smiled.

“I think you’re lying.” He hummed and you rolled your eyes. “Look, how about we get an appointment with the doctor and see how far along you are and maybe that’ll help us decide what we might want to do.” He said and you nodded.

“Yes, good thinking.” You smiled, “God, I was so scared to tell you.” You sighed and he tutted.

“What made you think to take a test?”

“I smelled something P was cooking and got sick.” You said, you felt tour cheeks growing hot in embarrassment. Harry chuckled and then furrowed his brows pensively. 

“Didn’t you almost get sick at the salad dressing a bit ago?” He recalled and you chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s true…” you remembered, “I mean, I know I haven’t gotten my period but-”

“How was that not a sign?!” He chuckled in disbelief and you proceeded to explain how your period often skipped when you were under a lot of stress so this wasn’t an odd thing for you. But he was sweet, he was calm, but you could see the cogs just turning at full speed in his mind. You hoped he wasn’t angry at you, but you couldn’t help but think that he was and that he would run again. “I’m not angry, you know?” He mumbled softly and you glanced into his eyes and smiled a bit, “I can see it in your eyes, you know?” He whispered.

“You sure?”

“I am, baby. But I am…excited too…I mean, I don’t want to dwell on it too much incase we decide not to proceed with this but…I am. I mean, you’re the only person I want to have a life with. No matter how it happens, it’s you that I want to have babies with and raise them with and just share that experience with. So if you did want to continue with the pregnancy that would be good with me too.” He hummed.

“Okay. Thank you for your opinion.” You whispered before kissing his lips and hugging him tight against. You kissed at his neck as you just nestled yourself in the crook of it. “I love you.”

“I love you.” He smiled.

…. TWO DAYS LATER ….

You currently found your self peeing into a cup at the doctor’s office. You knew you were pregnant, but the doctor wanted to verify before they did an ultrasound to see where you were at. Once you finished you closed up the little jar and left it not he shelf as instructed. You washed your hands and then scurried across the hall and back into your room to see Harry intently reading the poster on the wall abut pregnancy.

“You know you get super horny during the second trimester.” He said in amusement, “As if you needed any more of that while pregnant…greedy.” He mumbled with a grin and you chuckled.

“You’re dumb.” You said as you went back over to the bench and sat again. You dangled your feet back and forth for a bit before Harry came over.

“What’re you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that…this is fucking insane.” You chuckled.

“In a good way?”

“Yeah…bad too.” You hummed and he nodded and leaned in to kiss your cheek.

“It’s going to be just fine, baby.” He assured you right as the doctor knocked at the door. “Come in!” Harry called and soon the woman was coming in.

“Hello, Y/N!” Dr. Sallow greeted you sweetly, “Glad you’re back!” She said with glee and you smiled.

“Thank you.” You replied, “And ummm, this is Harry, my…partner.” You said and she turned to him and smiled.

“Harry, wonderful to meet you.” She smiled and extended her hand and they shook them quickly before she walked over to the screen. “So, you’re here because you are pregnant.” She said and you nodded, “I can confirm that.” She smiled and Harry squeezed your knee when you inhaled sharply. It sort of felt official now. “So we can definitely do an ultrasound if you’d like, the room is available. Or did you have other questions?” she asked.

“Definitely an ultrasound. Want to know how far along I am and that sort of thing.”

“I’d assume fairly early if you’re just noticing any symptoms, so don’t be too disappointed if we don’t see much of anything just yet.” She forewarned and you both nodded. “Alright, I’m gonna have nurse Debbie set up the room and then she’ll escort you over and we’ll get a look at you.”

“Thank you.” You smiled and soon she excused herself before fluttering off to her next patient. You only waited a couple of minutes before nurse Debbie came to escort you to the ultrasound room and got you all set up. Harry was practically bouncing beside you with anxiety as he waited. 

“Let me get the doctor.” Debbie said and hurried out. You glanced over to Harry.

“Hey, hold my hand.” You said and he dragged a chair over and interlocked your fingers. “I’m so excited to see.” You whispered and he grinned wide.

“Me too.” He confessed and you chuckled. “Maybe we…think a bit more about keeping it…” he suggested and you smiled a bit.

“Yeah? You mean it?” You asked softly and he nodded.

“I do, baby.” He smiled. 

A few moments later Dr. Sallow was announcing herself again before coming in. She explained the procedure and then got the gel on you before grabbing the camera and gliding it over your tummy, looking for the best spot.

“Oh…there we are.” she hummed and Harry immediately shot upon seeing the image projected on the screen.

“Oh my god…” he whispered as he squeezed your hand tight and you smiled up at him quickly before you both glanced back over to the screen.

“So that there is the head and the arms and legs…” she pointed out and shifted the angle, “Do you want to know the sex?” She asked as she turned to you and you chuckled.

“That’s…ummm, isn’t it a bit early to know that?” You asked her and she shook her head.

“Not at all, we can tell as early as 10 week if the position is right.” She explained and you’re heart stopped.

“And I’m already 10 weeks along?” You asked shakily as the realization of what this meant started to settle in. You felt Harry starting to pull his hand away from yours.

“Oh no, you’re more like 14 weeks, dear.” She said and that’s when Harry completely pulled away from you and you felt the air completely leave your lungs. You turned to him and he just clenched his jaw as he ran his fingers through the top of his hair. “So do you want to know?” She asked and you were so frozen that you nodded quickly as your eyes teared up. “It’s a girl.” She said with a smiled and you just nodded.

“That’s…that’s so great.” You whispered and then brought a hand up over your mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound as started to cry. Dr. Sallow turned to you quickly with concern and then you felt Harry’s hand grab yours again. You turned towards him and saw he was crying too. “I’m sorry.” You whispered and he shook his head.

“We’ll talk about it.” He said to you softly and you nodded.

“Is everything alright?” Dr. Sallow asked and you sniffled.

“Sorry, yes. I just didn’t mean to say that.” You explained and she apologized but you assured her it was fine. 

You just wanted to get out of there… you were mortified. This wasn’t Harry’s baby and now you really had no idea what to do. You always used condoms with Steven, but now that you knew he was psycho, you had no doubt that he was capable of sabotaging you like this. More than anything you were so hurt and angry that he had taken this from you and Harry. For a second you almost turned and asked for an appointment for an abortion but you glanced at the screen and you were flooded with guilt for even thinking that.

“Ummm, I’d like to leave.” You said as you started to sit up and Dr. Sallow was quick to clean you off. Harry helped you off of the reclining seat and you were back on the road not even ten minutes later. 

You were just silent the whole way home, you felt like shit. You felt awful for getting Harry all excited only to know that this was not his child you were carrying. You were so confused right now, you almost wanted to pinch yourself and hope you woke up. You could feel Harry continuously glancing over at you but you couldn’t look at him. There was no way you could look at him after this. It was over between you two…there was no way you could ask him to stay with you after this. It wouldn’t be fair to him. When you got to the house you made it to the stairwell and plopped down as you started to sob violently.

You moved to the side when you saw Harry coming over, assuming he was just going to go up to the bedroom. But then he crouched down and sat a step above you and pulled you into him by the shoulders.

“It’s o-”

“Don’t say it’s okay.” You cut him off, “This is not okay.” You whispered sadly. “I hate Steven.” You seethed and he swallowed thickly as you started to sob and he pulled you closer and kissed the side of your head.

“I love you, okay? This doesn’t change that for me.” He said to you and you shook your head.

“I would never ask you or expect to stay. It’s not fair to you, Harry…” you said sadly, “I was about to tell Dr. Sallow that I wanted to abort but then I saw the screen again and I just…I don’t think I can do it. That’s like…a part of me too and I just…I don’t think I can go through with it.” You said again, sputtering on your tears. “If that means that we’re over, I get it. I totally understand it.” You sniffled.

Harry frowned deeply as he heard you say this. His heart was completely torn right now. He thought you were reacting this way because you were going to terminate the pregnancy upon finding out that it wasn’t your baby together. But hearing you say that you wouldn’t be able to do that, it made him so angry and so hurt. Despite his own feelings about this, he fully understood why changed your mind. After seeing the tiny little thing tucked inside of you his heart was in shambles too. He was fully ready to advocate for you guys keeping it, but hearing how far along you were, it completely shattered his heart. He felt physically ill as the moment replayed in his brain. You’d both slept with other people during your time apart, so he wasn’t angry at that, it was more that it was Steven’s. A man who had hurt you and disrespected you and that scared you. It made the hate he felt for him grow even more intense than it already was. He was livid, he could kill him for taking this from you two. Harry had to decide how he would proceed from here. You were fully prepared to leave him again in order to keep this baby and the thought of it put so much sorrow in his heart. He didn’t want to lose you.

The idea of leaving you and letting you do this all on your own made his sad. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved to have a good pregnancy, one that came with a supportive partner, someone to share the experience with. He wanted to be the person to be there for you but right now the thought of that little thing growing inside of you made his blood boil with hatred. He couldn’t think clearly in the slightest. 

“I ummm…I love you so much, baby. I just, I think I need some time t-to process this and just think about it all.” He said to you and you nodded. “I love you though. You know that right?” He asked and you nodded again as he kissed the side of your head.

“Love you too.” You whispered and he hummed. “Should I go for a couple of days?” You asked quietly.

“No, baby.” He said quietly, “You stay here and rest up.” He hummed lowly, “I think I’m gonna go up north and just spend a few days with my mum, clear my head, if that’s alright?” He asked. You wanted to say no, the last thing you wanted right now was to be all alone with this information. But you had no choice but to agree, you had just put him in the most impossible position and he deserved to have the space to think about it as calmly and comfortably as possible.

“Yeah, sure.” You whispered.

“Can I tell my mum?” He asked and you sighed.

“Why the fuck not…” You chuckled through your tears and he pouted.

“Hey, look at me.” He insisted, “I won’t if you don’t want me to, baby. This is about you, about your body. If you want me to keep it to myself I will.” He assured.

“Sorry. I’m just afraid that it’ll change how she feels about me.” You explained nervously. You’d had a wonderful relationship with Anne. You missed her wisdom and kindness and friendship during your time apart from Harry and hearing that another man had impregnated you, her son’s girlfriend, well you’d understand if it upset her. 

“No…I mean, things happen. Accidents happen.” He said and you shook your head.

“Baby, I-I don’t think this was accidental because we used a condom every single time. I’m certain of it!” You wept, “Like I’m not stupid, or careless like that.” You assured.

“You think he ruined the condoms?” He asked and you sighed as you recalled all of the overtly possessive things Steven had been saying to you during sex the last month or so that you had been together. Things about making you his forever, about giving him babies one day, making you a mom…you thought he was just introducing some of his preferences in bed with that kind of talk, but maybe it was more than that. 

“It’s very possible.” You said softly.

“Jesus…” he shook his head, “How fucked up was this guy?” He asked you and you shrugged.

“I never saw that side of him before all of this.” You said and Harry sighed and nodded. After a moment of silence he cleared his throat.

“Ummm…I’m just gonna pack and head out soon, want to avoid that rush hour traffic near Birmingham.” He said and you nodded. 

He stood up and then offered to help you stand as well before you guys went up to the room. You sat on the bed as you watched him pack a couple days worth of clothes. You wanted to ask him to stay, but you couldn’t be that selfish. This was the least you could do for him after that a-bomb was just dropped on him. Not to mention the a-bomb you’d just dumped on him too. When he finished packing up his bag he went over and kissed you quickly.

“I’m not running away from you, okay? I just need to clear my head.” He reassured you, his words were mumbled against your forehead before he kissed you there, “I love you so much.” He whispered before kissing your lips.

“Love you.” You mumbled, “Text when you get there, yeah?”

“I will, baby.” He assured.

“Be safe.”

“Always.” He hummed before he bid you farewell once more before he left. 

Once you heard him pull out of the driveway you just curled up on your side and started to cry. This couldn’t be real…there was no way this could be real. You felt completely defeated. The only thing you could think that made you happy was that you never wanted Steven to know about this, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. You had no idea how that would go down with your child in the future, but right now you wanted him not to know a single thing about you ever again. After coming to that conclusion you ended up calling your mom and telling her everything that happened. You talked and cried for nearly an hour before she had to go, but not without promising she’d call again and chat the next day in order to keep you some company, even from afar. 

After that you decided to draw yourself a warm and relaxing bath, that always made you feel so calm. So you started out on that, letting your bath bomb melt in the warm water as you made yourself a nice cup of tea, your last caffeinated one for the foreseeable future, and then got inside.

*****************

Harry had been driving up the M1 motorway for a bit before he quickly texted his mum his ETA. This caused her to call him right away and ask what this surprise visit was about, but he couldn’t speak when he answered her call. He just sobbed, he sobbed for nearly 15 minutes before he shared what had happened that morning at the doctor’s office. He explained everything he was feeling, even the bad things he was thinking, but the one thing that kept coming up was how much he loved you.

“I love her so much but I just don’t think I could get past the fact that, that prick is the baby’s dad…I cannot for the life of me sit with that information and not become enraged by it.” He said, it pained him to spare Steven a thought.

“D-do you feel angry at Y/N for being with him?” She asked and he frowned.

“No/ It’s not like I didn’t see other people but I hate that she thinks that I couldn’t be with her after this. Like, I think about letting her go, like she’s saying, and it absolutely guts me.” He explained. “And like…I feel bad that it crossed my mind at some point, but not for the reasons you might think, it’s just that I don’t know i-if I am even prepared to take that role on.” He sniffled.

“No one ever is, even when it’s meticulously planned, H.” She reasoned and he sighed,

“Are you concerned about him wanting to come back into her life?” She asked and he nodded.

“Yeah…a bit.” He admitted, “I mean, I don’t think he’s the type to take any accountability for his actions but if he finds out about it he’s so arrogant that he might want to just to make her uncomfortable. I mean, Y/N thinks it may have been deliberate because she said she always made sure t-to use protection. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past him to do something like that, the man was completely mad.” He shared and his mum hummed in understanding.

“Well sweetheart, it doesn’t sound to me like you’re all that conflicted. It sounds to me like you don’t want to end things with her.”

“Of course not! But what if I…what I can’t love that baby as much since I now know this?” He asked.

“I-is that what’s holding you back?” She asked and he hummed on confirmation. He felt like a complete prick saying that but he was legitimately concerned about this. What if you went on to have your own kids together and it just changed something in him? What if he was open to being with you now but then changed his mind? What if he saw Steven every time he saw that baby and only felt anger instead of love? The chances of something like this happening were extremely low, practically non-existent, but not 0%. And in the end he would hurt you and that baby even more if he walked out because one of these things happened.

“You know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you will love her just fine, H. You know why?” She asked and he hummed, “Because out of everyone in the world you know the impact that one incredible and dedicated man can have on a child.” She said and he sniffled, “You’ve seen for yourself that a biological connection is not needed to give someone unconditional love and support. You’re lucky, you got that from two fathers.” She said and he smiled.

“Yeah.” He whispered.

“I’m not saying that it won’t be scary and difficult at times t-to do this, but it can also be extremely beautiful and rewarding. You’re both such wonderful people that if you decided to stay and do this together you could impact that child’s life for the better, just like yours was.” 

“Right…” he said softly

“And well, honestly sweetheart, these concerns you have, they’re things you need to figure out with Y/N. She will listen to you, H. I mean, if you’re feeling this conflicted about things I can’t image how she must be feeling now.” she said with sympathy and when he saw himself nearing Birmingham he felt awful. It got as bad as him feeling sick to his stomach as he pictured your fearful and distraught face back in the bedroom. He’d done it again, he’d left you hanging at a time when you needed his love and support the most. He loved you so much, he could not believe he’d left you alone in that state. And in two seconds he started to signal to get off of the motorway.

“Mum, I ummm…I need to go back and be with, Y/N.” He decided, “I shouldn’t have left here there by herself after everything she had to hear today…I’d be surprised if she was still there after I just walked out…fuck!” He groaned in frustration.

“H, she loves you so much.”

“I love her too…why do I keep doing the wrong thing and hurting her?” He cried now as he got off at the next exit. He was waiting for the traffic to clear before he could make his turn to turn around.

“I think it kind of scares you, how much you love her. And I think in a way you might feel like you could lose her, so you pull back regardless of how that might make her feel. It’s self preservation.” She explained and he swallowed thickly. Hearing this helped him mentally decide that he wasn’t going to run any more, after everything he’d done you’d given him another chance regardless of the possibility of him hurting you again. This was his chance to show you that his love for you was bigger than everything else. “Don’t be afraid to open your heart, sweetheart.” She added and he hummed.

“Alright, thank you for listening. I’m just gonna call Dr. A and ummm…hopefully sort some mental things out before I get back to Y/N.” He said.

“Okay, bub. Be safe, please let me know when you’re home safe. I love you.”

“Love you.” He mumbled before he hung up and got back onto the motorway but heading back towards the South. He wasn’t going to do the same thing again and leave all alone to guess just how much he loved you, not this time. He was going to be there for you and support you and love you both.

*****************

It was a bit odd to you when you heard the large gate to Harry’s house opening up. But then you recalled that sometimes his PA would do errands that required him to come to the house. So you just got out of the tub quickly and rinsed your body off in the shower before getting into your robe in case he came upstairs for any reason. You were just getting one of Harry’s hoodies when you heard his voice.

“Baby? Are you still here?” He called out as you heard the front door shut heavily against the frame. You hurried into the yoga pants you’d grabbed and rushed out to see him coming up the stairs. 

“You came back.” You sighed in relief as he hurried up and he just pulled you right into his arms and you started to cry.

“I’m so sorry. I should never have left you like this, baby.” He sniffled as he kissed your head over and over again. “I love you so much. I love you so fucking much.” He assured you. “I’m not leaving you alone with this, baby.” He said to you and you pulled back a bit to look at him.

“What do you…mean by that?”

“It means that we’re doing this together.” He said to you and you shook your head.

“I can’t…I couldn’t do that to you.” You said to him and he shook his head.

“You’re not doing anything to me, baby. If you’re keeping this baby I am choosing to do this with you. I know it’s going to be hard but I will be there for you every step of the way and love our little babygirl with everything I am. I love you far too much to not see this through with you.” He said and you just broke down and hugged him tight.

You had no words, there was just joy. You knew this would be hard and challenging and even sad at times, but he’d come back to you and he wanted you to stay with him.

“I love you so much, H.” You finally whispered before kissing his lips.

“You’re everything to me, baby. We’re gonna get through this.” He smiled and you smiled.

“Promise?”

“I promise.” He smiled, “It was actually my mum who reminded me that biology had nothing to do with being a great father, so…she doesn’t hate you.” He said and you chuckled through your tears.

“Good, that would’ve definitely been the worst outcome.” You said jokingly and he smiled. “And look, I know that there are a lot of logistics and other things to discuss and I’m still sorting through that mentally, s-so if you can just be a little patient with me while I…get that together in my head I would really appreciate that. I’m still processing that there’s a little person forming in there and it’s kind of…freaky.” You said as you looked up into his eyes and he sputtered on a laugh. You frowned at his reaction, “What?”

“I thought you were going to say it was magical or amazing, not freaky.” He giggled and you did as well. 

“Oh…well, I…I don’t feel…happy about it yet.” You confessed to him and this brought on a fresh wave of tears, “I feel like shit about that. Like I’m gonna be a mom, I should be happy, not freaked out, shouldn’t I?” You asked him.

“Not necessarily. You can feel however you want about it, baby.” He assured you, “Especially in this situation, it’s come as a surprise to you. I don’t judge you at all for not feeling happy about this yet, baby.”

“Promise?”

“I swear it.” He promised before pecking your lips again quickly.

“Thank you.” You whispered and he nodded and smile at you.

“Wanna do something to take your mind off of things for a bit?” He asked.

“Like what?”

“We can…sort through the pantry and fridge and see what foods you’ll have an aversion to?” He offered and you smiled and shook your head at his bizarre, yet completely productive suggestion. “I see you trying to hold back your smile.” He teased and you finally gave in.

“That’s the wildest but most genius thing you’ve ever suggested.” You giggled.

“I know. Imagine how smart our kid’s gonna be?! We’ve got this in the bag.” He said confidently.

“You think so?” You asked and he nodded.

“With you as her mum, I know so.” He smiled.

…. 1 YEAR LATER ….

You woke up feeling completely refreshed and renewed. It was absolutely quiet in the house and it was strange to wake up in silence. When you rolled over and looked at your phone you saw it was nearly 10am and shot out of bed. You had no idea how you’d slept in that much! The baby needed to be fed and changed! You hurried over to the nursery already thinking up an apology in your head for Ellie. But when you made it into the nursery it was empty. Harry had some work to do for Pleasing today so you knew he’d be out. Maybe he called someone to come look after the baby? When you passed by his home studio on the way to the kitchen you heard his voice along with others, so you knocked on the door.

“Come in!” He called quickly and you peeked inside and immediately smiled when you saw Harry spin around in the chair with Elara sitting on his lap, she was literally just chilling there while she drooled all over one of the newer nail polishes Pleasing would release soon. He smiled at you over the sounds of whoever was speaking right now. “Hey guys, are we good for today or is there anything else we needed to go over?” He asked with a smile as you waved from the background.

“We’re all good!” You heard and then heard the multiple voices bidding farewell to you and baby Elara before he hung up.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You said to him as you walked into the room to grab her from him.

“It’s alright, baby, we were just chatting a bit.” He assured you, “Weren’t we?” He asked the baby who just ignored him to keep attempting to bite the bottle in her hands before he started to rub at her back.

“I know you had work, you should’ve woken me up.” You said as you kissed his head.

“No way.” He chuckled, “You know, you slept through two whole alarms, you clearly needed the rest. I thought you were dead for second there.” He said with grin and you tutted.

“Don’t even say that.” You scolded.

“You’re right, sorry. Bad joke.” He corrected himself, “But really, my love, I don’t mind doing these launch plan meetings online, it’s none of the fun stuff so.” He shrugged and you smiled, “Besides when I have Ellie on camera everyone is so obsessed with her little smile that they’re so agreeable, so it’s a win-win.” He chuckled and you smirked.

“God forbid the paps see her and exploit her for money, but her own father is exploiting her cuteness for sway in the board room.” You said with a grin and he chuckled.

“Hey, she likes hearing all the commotion too.” He added and you smiled before kissing the top of her head and she sighed and laid over his chest making you both coo. “She finally slept through the night. Sorry you missed it.” He said softly and you chuckled.

“I’m sorry you’re so used to waking up to her crying that you noticed!” You giggled as you raked your fingers through his curls easily and he hummed.

“I don’t mind it. Reminds me that this little cutie is finally here.” He said and you smiled at how sweet he was with her.

“I can’t believe she’ll be six whole months tomorrow.” You said in disbelief.

“I know…S’your half birthday, bub.” He said to her and she just blinked tiredly, "She’s perfect though, isn’t she? Your little twin.” He hummed with pride as he looked down at her and then at you again. You nodded and watched him with her for a few moments.

Harry had nothing but love for baby Elara. He adored her completely. He almost felt silly for being so worried that he wouldn’t bond with her as genuinely as if she were his biological daughter. Once he saw you starting to show and you guys started shopping for the nursery, and picking out baby names, every ounce of doubt he had melted away. That was his daughter in every sense of the word. He had so much love for the both of you that he felt like his heart would burst sometimes.

“I love you so much.” You said to him and he glanced up at you.

“More than Ellie?” He smirked and you chuckled.

“The same, I think.” You hummed and he looked surprised.

“Oh wow, I was expecting a firm no.” He laughed.

“Oh my god…I love you both. It’s a bit different for sure but I somehow get it all to fit in my heart.” You said and he smiled as he stood up.

“Look at her, she’s about to pass out again.” He said as he looked down at the baby.

“I think we should get her back in the crib and have a cuddle. We can watch that show you’ve been pestering me about.” He suggested

“Love is Blind?” You gasped and he nodded. 

Soon enough you had washed your face and brushed your teeth, as you did every morning, all while Harry got Ellie down. But he soon joined you in bed as you waited for him to return. He climbed into the bed beside you and like a magnet, you immediately scooted right up against him and kissed him gently, it caught him by surprise.

“Thank you for letting me sleep in, baby. That was exquisite.” You confessed and he smiled and pecked your lips again.

“Of course, baby. Anytime.” He smiled. “I do have a question for you though…when are we going to have another baby?” He asked you and you giggled.

“Ummm, ask me in a year!” You laughed.

“A year?” He scoffed.

“Hey, it’s hard work!” You added and he smiled.

“Yeah, but it’s so worth it, isn’t it?” He asked with a smile and you sighed happily at his response.

“Yeah…” you hummed, “It’s all worth it.” You smiled.

“Our little family makes me so happy, I just want one more.” He said and you glanced into his eyes.

“Just one more.” You agreed and he chuckled.

“Yeah, just one.” He assured you, “So in a year I’ll ask again, okay?”

“Okay.” You sniggered and kissed him quickly again before you got the show going.

You were explaining a little bit about why you were suddenly so interested in this show without trying to give away too much of what you knew had gone down, thanks to your friends and social media. He easily got sucked into the narrative and when you both started commenting as you watched on you just got so happy that you could share something so simple together and then also something as huge and serious as a baby. It made your tummy flutter and swirl with love for him and you then realized that maybe it would be less than a year before you’d be trying for another baby and you were perfectly alright with that.

---- TAG LIST ----

@sunshinemoonsposts @anotherdudetteinthisworld @matildasatellite @sad-avocado @sunflovverharry @cherrysulewski @daphnesutton @gurugirl @reveriehs @ottawaoutlander @jessitpwk @permanentllyharry @here4thefanfics @slutfortigertattoo @angelbabyyy99 @freedomfireflies @behindmygreyeyes @justlemmeadoreyou

These are the friends who liked the ask with the request for this piece:)

@harryssattelitestomper @vanillagirllll @thef0reverl0st @unknown7549 @liviingfxst @leantunes0309 @outofthisworl-d

[tarotwithavi]

What kind of lovers do you attract/ are attracting?

How to choose a pile?

Take a deep breath and gently close your eyes. Politely request your spirit guides to reveal the appropriate pile meant for you, then open your eyes. Whichever pile captures your attention is the one meant for you.

Masterlist

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Pile 1

Your energy has this amazing superpower to heal, like a magic balm for broken hearts. It's no wonder people are drawn to you like bees to honey. You're like a walking oasis of comfort for those who've had their share of love's bumps and bruises. Those you attract are the creative types, the ones who think outside the box and color outside the lines. You've got this magnetic pull for guitar-strumming, canvas-painting, poem-writing folks. You know, those artsy souls who've often danced with heartache. It's like your aura says, "Hey, bring on the creatives!" Your magnetism doesn't stop at artists. Nope, it goes all the way to the bank, you attract some deep-pocketed darlings. Money? Not an issue for them, they've got it going on. And oh boy, strength? Both mental and physical? It's like you've got this fiery aura that's a total strength magnet. And hold onto your hats because popularity is part of your package deal. You snag the ones who are well-liked, the ones everyone wants to hang around. It's like you've got this neon "cool people only" sign that shines super bright. The people you draw in might be total opposites of you. I know, wild, right? But hey, life's all about surprises.

Pile 2

So, this is my personal pile of hopeless romantics. Get ready, because the lovers you're pulling in? They're just like you. You're like a magnet for those total dreamers, the ones who see love as this magical, larger-than-life adventure. You know those who could fall in love with the idea of falling in love. Yep, that's who's knocking on your heart's door. You're also attracting a bunch of daydreamers , those people who view love through these super rosy glasses. It's like they're lost in this fairytale, and they're looking for their partner to be the co-star in their romantic movie of life. And guess what? Your energy is like a beacon for the brainiacs too. You're snagging those who are smart, logical, and always ready with a dose of sensible advice. They're a blend of both worlds. It's like they've got this epic tug-of-war between their dreamy side and their practical side, and you're right in the middle of that sweet balance. They might not be super experienced in the love department. It's like they're all about that puppy love, that innocent and genuine kind of affection. So, whether you're nodding your head like, "Yeah, that's me," or you're like, "Wait, what?" this is your magnetic vibe.

Pile 3

You've got this power to pull in super dedicated lovers. They're the ones who are all about their hustle, totally work-oriented, and maybe even more focused on their projects than on matters of the heart. But hold on tight, because you've also got a thing for those who date with marriage in mind. No casual hookups for you , it's all about those who are in it for the long haul. Now, let's talk about down-to-earth vibes. The ones you attract, They're as grounded as a sturdy oak tree. It's like they've got their feet planted firmly on the ground, which makes for a really solid connection. And speaking of connections, you're kind of a magnet for the old-school romantics. Yep, you're attracting those who've got a dash of old-fashioned love in their style. It's like they're straight out of a vintage love story. The lovers you're drawing in are all about stability and commitment. Heartbreak? Not on their agenda. These are the ones who are ready for the real deal, a relationship with a rock-solid foundation. So, if you've been worried about love's rollercoaster, fret not. Your vibe is all about that steady, unshakeable connection.

[bearw-me]

Just read that vigilante request, can we please get that character somehow running into I.M.P. (maybe even helping them against Striker or Crimson?) , and also maybe a bit of a romance with Loona? You've got full creative liberty here on how that happens tho

vigilante!reader is back!! 😭😭💖

𝐈.𝐌.𝐏 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐕𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𐐒 ft : vigilante!reader, blitzø, millie, moxxie, loona 𐐒 cw : swearing, fluff, crushes, mentions of killing 𐐒 summary : odd circumstances lead hell's newly found 'hero' to I.M.P 𐐒 note : i loveee this, lets make a series lol

Blitzø hired you to help out his company, offering you "the fucking glory" of going back to Earth and help him and his crew do some good by killing some "bad fucking people"

It honestly surprised you that the little imp was cunning enough to track you down one night and offer you something so- casual

Even though you insist you and I.M.P are "mutual partners" Blitzø brags to everyone that you're on his payroll and work for him. It brings him a ton of business so he advertises it WIDELY

Like whenever clients come in looking to hire the company, Blitzø likes to try and wrap an arm around your shoulders and flaunt you off smugly before you twist his wrist backwards, successfully taking his arm off you

Moxxie is obviously skeptical, always questioning you, your morals, why your doing this, etc.

It gets old, and you have to just start shoving the imp away from you (literally keeping him at arms length)

Moxxie likes to try and brag to you about not letting your 'status' in hell affect him.

And honestly Millie likes having another badass on the team. She's the perfect co-worker. Respectful, bubbly, and fucking scary when she needs to be. She isn't intimidated by you so there don't seem to be barriers when she speaks to you.

She's terrifying, so you respect her for it. And she respects you back for carrying your weight in the company.

Millie would one day like to spar with you to prove who is the strongest.

And Loona. . .

You clean your guns during meetings and job run-downs Blitzø goes over, wiping down your pistol and inspecting it closely. Listening to the plan, imagining yourself providing the crew covering fire from a nearby roof.

Then you feel her staring and catch her eyes, quirking an eyebrow at her.

The poor hellhound blushes from being caught and tries to look away. Always trying to fix her hair and checking her makeup in the mirror whenever you look her way.

You can definitely tell she's intimidated and nervous around you. And she always jumps at the chance to give you your paychecks and info from her dad.

Her and Blitzø are the only ones who know/have your contact for that reason.

Blitzø hates it. Trying to interfere and keep Loon-y off you, coming between the two of you whenever he can.

In truth Blitzø loves Loona and wants you as his badass friend he can show off. . . but his dad instincts always come first so "Don't get any fucking ideas Deadpool"

Despite a little skepticism at first, I.M.P and its employee's grow to trust you and your 'holy' endeavor to make the world a little better by ridding it of sinners.

They still all try to get to know you and get under your skin at times, despite your insistence on staying a complete mystery to them.

[gouraminnow]

... So when do we get the reader insert fic where we co-parent with Marco? /hi I love the fic!

Birds of a Feather <- link to OG, tldr orphan baby harpy mistakes Marco for their own kind so he's a dad now

I'm not doing any proper one shots/multi chap things with it but I could do some hcs for you :) this is... a bit light on the actual Marco x reader tho tbh

Honestly if you're already in a relationship with him, this would realistically be a point of tension. No, the harpy kid latching onto him isn't his fault, and you're not some villain who thinks the kid should just be abandoned- but it's kind of a big deal if your boyfriend spontaneously adopts a child without consulting you whatsoever. Needless to say a very long conversation is going to be in order at the very least. He's not a bad person for taking in an orphan, and you are not a bad person for going "hey bringing a kid home isn't something you just DO to a partner wth man"

But assuming you do have that discussion, and you are okay with things after they've been explained, then it's gonna be him trying to make it clear that You are his partner. Kissing you while they're present, making sure you're included in meals, having you groom his bird form and just playing up the casual affection in general.

If you share a bed with Marco that might be challenging the first couple nights. He sets up a little nesting box by the bed, but the kid really really wants to cuddle. They think it's really weird that you're there- but is able to settle if you stay on his opposite side.

But they warm up to you and Thatch pretty fast. Thatch is the food guy and you are... another parent. I give it three days tops before they interrupt the performative preening of your boyfriend by plopping themselves down in your lap with some grumbly chirping sounds, fluffing themselves up and expecting you to do the same. Marco grins at you and you try not to get too excited- don't scare em off!

I can see it ending with you in his lap while the kid is in yours, melting into a little feathered pile. Now they want to sleep between you two at night, squished between both of their new parents.

They're not gonna get your name right. Marco is "Maro" for a bit, and then "Margo" for even longer. With Thatch, they struggle through what sounds a bit more like "Tadge," but gets frustrated bc they know it's not right. If they're especially fed up they settle for yelling "AAA" at him. Ace gets it the worst he's "Ass" for awhile. WILL glare if you laugh about this.

Good chance you end up on baby bird duty while Marco is doing medical work.

Late one night, after the kid is a sleep, he asks you if he should still call you "Baby Bird" as a term of endearment and that it feels a little weird now... you agree but you aren't sure. Maybe it's just an in private thing now..?

Finding babysitting for dates isn't an issue this kid has hundreds of aunts and uncles. Thatch is a common choice- he's had special gloves commissioned so he can teach the kid cooking without their hand fluff getting dirty.

Meanwhile, you two get some alone time together, whether it's on some island for a proper date or just relaxing together in his cabin. Despite the reputation of the WBP, Marco is a reasonable person who understands that bringing a random child into a pre-existing relationship is a lot. He does check in with you a lot- he's a busy guy, but he does his best to make it clear you're still a priority. Odds are you're used to this sort of thing since he's a doctor and a division commander. He's got shit to do.

If you two have the uh. Equipment to reproduce, then one night he asks how you feel about another kid. He's very careful about it. He isn't certain on whether or not he wants another, but he'd be lying if he hadn't thought about it, is all. Odds are you don't wanna handle pregnancy on a ship this busy. But you do joke that if you happen to find some other sad little bird kid on some other island... Well, it might be good for them both, honestly.

[nyxvamps]

GAP Friendship HC's:

We as a society have ignored the percy/grover/annabeth friendship for to long. Now, I love frienships that are very close and involve things like platonic affection and slight co-dependences so... and yes, percy and annabeth are together, but they still are best friends.

grover and percy hug like they are trying to fuse their bodies together.

annabeth actually perfers to wear govers hoodies bc he somehow always finds the softest clothes you'll ever wear.

they all say i love you so sincerely and casually to eachother that is makes people question their own friendships.

when they sit beside eachother, one of them always put their arm on the others shoulder. doesn't matter who's sitting with who.

they all sneak into cabin three regularly to have sleepovers

they get matching tattoos. one for all three of them and then special ones between percy and grover, grover and annabeth, and percy and annabeth.

annabeth started the theme of pinky swearing that they'll see eachother again. so anytime they leave eachother, they'll say goodbye with a pinky swear. even if it's just percy visiting his mom or grover staying in the big house for the night instead of in cabin 3 with the other two.

cheek and forehead kisses. Annabeth thanks grover for passing her a book with a quick cheek kiss. not acknowledging the confused looks thrown by her siblings. Grover kisses percy's forehead as he goes to leave the room. rolling his eyes at some stupid joke percy tells him as he goes. Percy kisses annabeths cheek in greeting as he sit next to her at the campfire. ignoring the looks people through at them, bc come on guys. date already.

platonic hand holding. Now percy does this with everyone, he actually loves holding hand and will instinctively reach for his friends hands when they are sitting together or walking somewhere together. (the first time he grabbed for jason's hand while they walked to the pavilion for dinner (he was visiting for a weekend), jason tried to fight him bc he was so confused, the only reasonable option was that percy was gonna try and flip him or something) But grover, annabeth, and percy are always holding hands. always.

People assumed that once percy and annabeth got together and continued to interact with grover in this way, that they were actually in a throuple with grover having juniper as a partner. he goes on dates with them, come on!

just, these three being so intertwined and in eachothers orbits that they sometimes seem like three pieces of one soul.

[basiatlu]

Thanks for tagging me @lqtraintracks and @goblinmatriarch 🤭💖✨

-Three Ships-: ok so last time I avoided hp ships so let’s make them all hp-centric! I mean Drarry as an easy shot, then there’s Wolfstar (but it always makes me really sad so only little nibbles), and finally Ginny serves as my village bicycle where I enjoy her paired with almost anyone I deem compatible as I want to see her thriving in life and experiencing fun and safe partners and finding herself etc etc I adore her. How’s that for a run-on sentence?

-First Ship-: was totally SasuSaku which was then a gateway drug to shipping the angsty boy with Naruto because early internet image searches, man.

-Last Song-: “Blue Spotted Tail” by Fleet Foxes

-Last Movie-: Gunpowder Milkshake - so good about 8/10 for me!

-Currently Reading-: reading through my paired fics for the upcoming Big Bang fest

-Last Thing I Wrote Drew-: yesterday’s drawtober prompt

-Currently Writing Drawing-: today’s drawtober prompt (totally not even procrastinating - not even a little bit)

-Are you named after anyone?-: I am! There’s the Polish jazz singer, Basia Trzetrzelewska. My mom is a big fan hehehe

-Favorite Subject in School-: History! Ancient history specifically

-Do you have kids?-: No, but I do have a circus of cats. They’re currently on a diet and have made the last month a terrible time for my sleep health lolz

-When was the last time you cried?-: so I have overactive tear ducts? So if I laugh I cry and I usually hit a breaking point everyday where I laugh hysterically at something. Today it was a sticker order a customer at work had ordered of an ms paint tracing of a Scooby-Doo ai splice gen where Scooby is eating the Mystery Gang in a giant hoagie sandwich. Yeah. Me and my co workers printed it out to pin to the wall as I cry/laugh/sobbed at my desk.

-Do you use sarcasm a lot?-: Yes but also no but also I just make fun of myself constantly and intentionally act stupid. It’s a great ploy to get others to lower their defenses around you. Not out of malicious intent, just I don’t take myself too seriously in order to save that energy for when it matters. Like when I have to intensely support my friends and partner with very serious-mode love and affection. … this doesn’t make any sense.

-What sports do you play/have played?-: soccer, softball, and swim <— I hate competitive sports and never stuck with them long than a year or I just was a filthy casual doing summer seasons/clubs. I’m more of a hiker and leisure gal.

-What’s the first thing you notice about people?-: the way they hold their shoulders and hands, secondary is their eyebrows and nose. It’s all demeanor and posture for me.

-Any special talents?-: gosh um I can cook really well. Honestly I don’t like eating out and neither does my partner because we turn to each other after and go “Eh it was ok but…” and wish I had done it at home instead. I can fold and make odd shapes with my tongue, can crinkle my fingers in odd ways (double jointed, but they lock badly so no thank you), and I can do some fucking weird voices/imitations but I chicken out in front of others beyond like 3 people, unfortunately for those 3

-Where we’re you born?-: Canada

-What are your hobbies?-: video games, tarot card readings, cooking, drawingdrawingdrawing, and reading

-How tall are you?-: I hover somewhere between 5’6” and 5’7”

-Dream Job-: comic artist / self-employed artist with occasional contract work for publishing/movies. I think if I could completely support myself and have a savings with a Patreon or the like that would make me so accomplished and at ease.

Ok enough of that!! I tag people now, yeah? @mono-chromia @hihimissamericanbi @littlewinnow

[victorluvsalice]

It’s February, and you know what that means -- Valicetine’s Day is coming up! Or, rather, Valicertine’s Day, given my love for my new OT3. And to help celebrate that, I have found myself some OT3 ship memes to post for the next couple of weeks! :D Here is one by @junnieevee, which I found very nice indeed. :) As per last year’s Valice Ship Meme February, some explanations of why I did some of the things I did on this meme are under the Read More:

Jealousy/Horniness/Clinginess Levels: None of them get particularly jealous (Smiler is naturally fairly chill, while Victor and Alice tend a little more toward self-loathing, unfortunately) -- I put Alice as the highest there because we’ve SEEN her jealous in the Forgotten Vows Verse, meaning I feel like she’s the most prone to it. Horniness was easy -- Victor has a fairly low sex drive, and Alice basically has none at all unless very specific buttons are pushed, so Smiler took that by a mile. XD It was a toss-up between which of Victor and Alice would be clingier (Alice due to the loss of her family, Victor due to the loss of his first two romantic interests) -- I eventually decided Victor struck me as the clingier type and put him a little ahead of the others.

Tropes: Victor and Alice’s tropes were easy -- Alice is very much a Violently Protective Girlfriend when it comes to Victor, and their dynamic (with Alice being the harder one who knows a thing or two about fighting, and Victor being the softer one who prefers to keep to the background) does at least invoke Pitbull Dates Puppy. Victor and Smiler were a little more difficult, but after a scan through some of the romantic tropes on TV Tropes, I decided on Romantic Ribbing (as Smiler really does strike me as the type to lovingly tease their partners) and Laugh Of Love (as Smiler would definitely make Victor laugh more!). Alice and Smiler also took some thought, as they themselves aren’t in a romantic relationship -- they’re just good friends who have a common partner. However, once I confirmed Friends With Benefits was also a trope, that immediately went on there -- one of Alice’s favorite jokes is that she and Smiler are “friends with benefits,” with Victor being “benefits.” XD I also gave them Casual Kink because -- well. At least in the main Modern AU verse, the relationship IS a kinky one, and the pair are basically co-Domming Victor. XD It felt like the best fit!

Alignment Chart: Okay, this one took some thought -- I ended up putting Victor and Alice in “Neutral Good” and Smiler in “Chaotic Good” because, the way I characterize them, they’re all good people who will help others, with Victor and Alice maybe being somewhat more inclined to follow regular old laws and such than Smiler. However, I put them at the BOTTOM of those squares (with Smiler actually coming out of theirs) because I feel like there is an argument to be made that they might shade Neutral due to caring about each other and their friends most of all -- I’m really not sure. I’m not a D&D player, and I feel like this is a really subjective one. But yeah, so far, so Good.

The Graphs: The “Be Gay. . .” one was probably the easiest -- Smiler is definitely the one to do chaotic crime, while chaotically SOLVING crime is kind of the plot of Alice: Madness Returns, sooo. . . XD Victor is of course a more peaceful sort, and Corpse Bride has him accidentally solving a crime as well (that being the murder of Emily), so yeah!

“Greeting Each Other” was probably the next easiest -- I was TEMPTED to put Smiler or Alice in the “’sup bitch” quadrants, but ultimately decided it didn’t fully fit their personalities and kept them below the horizontal line -- if close to it. Smiler is definitely more of a “bro” person, though, while Alice kinda leans toward “My Love” and Victor much more strongly leans toward it. He’s probably the mushiest of the three.

“Showing Affection” -- well, I immediately knew Smiler is the kind of person who will easily and often go in for hugs and kisses with their partner, so putting them high up in the “Physical PDA” quadrant was a no-brainer. Victor and Alice I decided were more verbal (I’d already established in earlier memes that Alice is more verbal than Victor anyway), though they do like their kisses, and I decided that, due to his upbringing, Victor was probably the one more likely to keep affection behind closed doors. Though I imagine that’s a habit Alice and Smile quickly manage to break him out of. XD

“They Are. . .” was probably the hardest because -- hmmm. While was fairly comfortable putting Alice in “Jock Goth” (if only because of A:MR combining pretty, generally dark-colored dresses with lots of platforming and running around), and I was pretty certain Victor and Smiler leaned more toward “Nerd,” I wasn’t sure if either Smiler or Victor was “Goth” or “Prep.” After looking up prep styles, I decided to put Victor on the “Prep” side, and Smiler on the "Goth” one, but keep them VERY CLOSE to the line -- Victor in particular because I think you could argue he’s got Prep clothes in Goth colors. *shrug* Again, very subjective, this one!

The Middle “Who Fits This Criteria Best” Bit: I imagine some of these are easy to figure out -- Victor strikes me as very much the first to apologize after any fights; Alice is definitely the “excuse me, they asked for no pickles” girl; Victor is only too happy to use his money to spoil his beloveds; and I think I make it clear my ships all tend to be ride-or-die, with all three of them being willing to sacrifice themselves for their loved ones. But as for some of the others:

First To Confess: This is Alice because, in the modern AU, she’s the first to bring up that she’s noticed Victor and Smiler have a mutual crush going on AND that she’s open to polyamory. The trio wouldn’t have gotten off the ground without her deciding to address the elephant in the room!

First To Kiss: Victor is much more comfortable letting his partners kiss him first, due to not wanting to misjudge a situation and make it awkward. So yeah, when it came to first kisses, both Alice and Smiler initiated their respective ones.

Prone To Hide Their Feelings: Victor because he’s shy and easily convinced others will reject him; Alice because she’s either oblivious to her own feelings or is also convinced no one will feel the same way about her. Smiler is much more up front about their feelings -- when they realize they HAVE them, see below...

Wakes Up First: Fear for Victor and Alice, as I have decided Smiler is a Morning Person. XD More seriously, when thinking about it, it felt right that they’d be the first one up -- they’re maybe not the EARLIEST riser, but they’re better at getting up in the morning that Victor and Alice for sure! And a lot peppier, which is either cute or annoying depending on how groggy Victor and Alice are.

What’s Updog?: Okay, simply put, Smiler would make the “updog” joke, and Victor would fall for it. I wasn’t sure which way to read the category. XD

First To Propose: Victor seems like the one who would most worry about marriage and somehow finding a way to make their relationship more “legal.” Though I don’t know if he WOULD propose just because -- well, which one does he actually MARRY? He’d personally feel like he was leaving one of them out.

Wants Children: I was tempted to line this out, but I eventually went for the “Victor with a ?” instead because I could imagine him KINDA wanting kids (he certainly does not mind becoming a father in the Secundus and Forgotten Vows verses). But I have never actually pictured the trio WITH kids, and I think he’d be fine if it just stayed the three of them, so... *shrug*

Didn’t Know They Were Dating: This is Smiler because, in the modern AU as I’m currently picturing it, they’re actually the LAST to figure out they wanna be with Victor. XD Basically, they waved off any potential for romantic feelings as “aw, I just think he’s a bit cute, not like I want a guy who’s already partnered with such a great girl!” -- up until the hypnosis session, when Alice called Victor “darling” and it hit Smiler like a TRUCK how much THEY wanted to say that to Victor. Cue a lot of panicked texting to their friends afterward (and a lot being on the receiving end of shit from those same friends XD). But yeah, for now, poor Smiler’s the one in that category.

Initiates Contact: Basically a repeat of the “First To Kiss” category -- Victor would rather let his partners come to him with physical affection than go to them and be rejected (especially with Alice, who does prefer to be the one to initiate contact in general due to her touch thing).

Approached First: Basically a repeat of the “First To Confess” category, as Alice was, again, the first one to bring up and okay the idea of a polyamorous relationship. She’s also the one who encouraged Victor to say hi to Smiler in the first place after realizing who they were, sooo -- yeah!

Says The L Word First: I think Smiler would be the first to drop it, with Victor following behind -- I’ve given Alice trouble saying “love” in the past due to worry about what it might mean for the person she says it to (see the Secundus version of Alice, who couldn’t get it out without stuttering for most of the fic). Plus Smiler’s just the most open with their feelings, and Victor the most mushy, so yeah.

The Oblivious One: Smiler and Alice get to share this one due to a shared “it took us a while to realize we loved Victor” problem. XD Yeah, in this verse, it took Alice a little while to cotton on that she LOVED Victor, not just LIKED him, after they’d become friends, and I just explained what happened with Smiler above. It’s kind of adorable in its own way. XD

Where Are They On The Lines: I imagine most of these are reasonably easy to figure out, but a few notes just in case:

Big/Small Spoon: I have Smiler on the “Big Spoon” side and Alice on the “Small Spoon” side, but you can easily flip them -- what’s important is that Victor is sandwiched in the middle, which he really enjoys. :)

Kills The Bug/Lets It Out: I see Smiler as equally likely to kill or release the bug -- it depends on if they can catch it, where it is, and how easy a release would be. (Either that or they just get whoever’s closest to deal with it instead.)

Steals Clothes/Has Clothes Stolen: I put them all in the middle because, well, I can SEE Smiler and Alice being the type to borrow clothes -- but the different body types on display here means I’m not sure that anything any of them took from the others would FIT. Unless we’re talking some REALLY baggy hoodies and the like. Maybe they buy each other stealable clothes as the relationship goes on. XD

Swears Like A Sailor/Oh Fiddlesticks: I put Smiler closer on the “Oh Fiddlesticks” side simply because I feel they would use that kind of goofy non-swearing just for a laugh. They ARE capable of saying “fuck,” but “fudge” is often funnier. :p

Makes Dinner/Can’t Cook: They all have their strengths -- Alice is good with general cooking; Victor enjoys baking; Smiler is excellent with mixing drinks and making sauces and stuff like that. Dinner is often a team effort!

Responsible Driver/Don’t Let Them Behind The Wheel: I was tempted to make Smiler “drives like crazy,” but decided against it -- they may go a little faster than Victor would like, but they won’t do anything too reckless to avoid getting into an accident, which would really ruin everyone’s day. Meanwhile, I see Alice as wanting to be responsible, but oftentimes she DOESN’T drive because having a Wonderland hallucination on the road would be -- bad.

Can Live In A Dumpster/Clean Freak: Well, it’s not exactly a dumpster, but yeah, easy for me to picture Smiler as the messiest of the lot. The kind to leave clothes on the floor and water bottles in odd places. :p

[npclibrarydump]

rant abt hirano to kagiura manga (because ive been holding it in and also i just saw it updated so reading as we speak):

theres absolutely reason to believe hirano and his hesitance and troubles recognizing why and how kagi likes him = aromantic or asexual. however, i also really like thinking of it just as, humans experience romance and relationships differently.

kagiura blatantly said, he sees his relationship w hirano as romantic because they do the co-dependent needy things his parents did. as well as the fact hes got siblings (which i do believe affects how you interpret relationships in general) kagiura's idea of romantic affection is relying on each other and being clingy. physical affection, asking each other for help/favors and offering them in return, taking on the burdens the other doesnt want to deal with.

hirano in contrast didnt see that kind of love between his parents, or probably in general (only child syndrome) not to mention... theyre at a japanese all boys school. i feel like being sorta skewed w perception of romance just makes sense. so what hirano understands love as is probably all from movies, books, what classmates have said, the general social idea of romance. aka: kissing, overt romantic gestures, explicit dates, some level of distance at least in that first dating stage. and i think all friend -> crush relationships start out a bit messy while the lines are blurred.

hirano doesnt not reciprocate, nor is he unable to feel that kind of love (aromantic) he just doesnt register that any of what he does with kagi is romantic, hence the shock learning abt the crush, hearing that kagiura has liked him for so long, allat. (narration at the end of a chapter describes him as "underwhelmed")

in his head when he imagines dating, it's "wanting them to flirt with him" or "i would want to kiss them right now" as well as the not-incorrect but also not the only way to do a relationship: "we shouldnt be co-dependent and stuck to each other" which i think is extra valid because hirano is definitely an independent person. hes really capable all on his own, and probably used to handling stuff himself in general (only child) hes probably weirded out realizing that he and kagiura already act like that.

i think what he needs to finally "understand" his feelings isnt like.. a romantic date or movie kiss. he needs to see other relationships and that theyre all different, and some are exactly like him and kagiura, and yes, romantic. tbh a heart-to-heart bro conversation with sasaki or one of the side characters w a partner could open his eyes there. just being shown that romance comes in a billion different forms, and that he shouldnt fight what hes feeling.

were eventually gonna see him like... actively trying to make himself think about kissing and sweet-gooey dates and movie-romance, and its gonna backfire because hes forcing himself into it. and then (im predicting at this point) kagiura is gonna catch on and feel guilty and pull back (which hes done before...) and THEN hirano will miss all the casual affection and realize his feelings.

itll be great, and by the pace chapters are coming out rn, it will take 4 years. and im here for it

[quetzalpapalotl]

Nova, Nominus, Sentinel and Lord Protectors

This is just wordbuilding I came up with to blend the existence of Lord Protectors into the IDW1 verse for @lord-squiggletits (and mine) fic The One Most Worthy. Is not actually important for the plot, but it makes the setting make sense, which is important for me

Nova came up with the idea for Lord Protector to placate “I follow nobody” Galvatron when he made himself Prime after uniting Cybertron, so that he could say they were equals, whit the conjux bond cementing that. Nova figured it was also good PR so they would seem trustworthy and not power-hungry. They probably didn’t actually perform the rites, just told people they were conjuxed and co-rulers. Still, they had always gotten along and were already interfacing casually, they weren’t in love, but it was a good partnership and they dynamic didn’t really change, except the occasional term of endearment in a sardonic tone.

Nominus, however, took the role seriously, with the Prime mythos having been establishes across Cybertron. As he came to power in a time of political unrest with both the Functionist Council and the Senate being established, he needed a strong figure to help him have presence. Nominus conjuxed a civil war hero, who also took his role seriously. They shared many values, which means his conjux was as bigoted, but they saw eye-to-eye and developed a very real, very tender affection between them. Unfortunately for Nominus, his Lord Protector went offline thanks to a bad case of corrodia gravis. Nominus fell into deep mourning, which the Senate took advantage of to consolidate more power for themselves. By the time Nominus got his bearings back he had already lost too much power and didn’t have a Lord Protector to back him up anymore, which led to his canon predicament by the time of Shadowplay where he was more of a figurehead than anything and Proteus faction had him incapacitated and then killed after discovering his Matrix was fake to put their own puppet Prime.

Sentinel, of course, thinking that the notion of a conjux is ridiculous, refused to get a Lord Protector. As he was already the head of Cybertronian Security he argued he didn’t need one. Besides, being Proteus’ puppet Prime, the later didn’t want to add anyone else to the equation since Sentinel would already get a fair share of power and Proteus didn’t want things to get out of his control. Proteus couldn’t become Lord Protector himself because he’s already a Senator without any kind of military experience and that would make it too obvious that he’s the one calling the shots.

By the time Optimus finds the real matrix, the idea of what a Lord Protector should be is someone who can command armies and protect Cybertron like Galvatron, yes, but also someone who will stand as an equal to the Prime. Both so he can share his duties and have some real intimacy when he’s a semi-divine figure to everyone else, and so he has someone who has no problem getting on his level and talking back to him. But given that the Lord Protector’s own power comes from his relationship to the Prime, he should have no motives to backstab him. Most Cybertronians don’t ever get a conjux, something like a marriage of convenience is not actually an established practice on Cybertron, people don’t expect the Prime and Protector to be madly in love, but the romanticized conjux endura relationship is the ideal they are expected to try to emulate. Being partners and equals who can share their whole beings and work together for the good of all Cybertron. They should also not interface with anyone else, especially not anyone with power, so that they won’t be seduced into conflicts of interest. This all is why the Prime has the last word on whether they take someone as they Protector and can’t be forced into accepting anyone.

Optimus thought bringing back the position after Sentinel’s rejection of it would be a good way to show his intentions of working towards a more equal Cybertron, especially with opening the position to anyone who wants to try. Besides, given that both the Senate and Council hate his guts, he’s going to need as many friends in high places as he can get if he wants this to work. Megatron who is still trying to recruit to his movement thought it would be a great PR move to offer himself as a candidate and show the hypocrisy of a Prime who would quote his words and use him as a supposed inspiration but would never actually consider a miner and a pit fighter for such a position…… he really wasn’t expecting Optimus to accept him.

[riddlegecko]

perhabs,, early relationship, Paul wanting affection but being anxious and not knowing how to go about it?

Ceej, you understand me and my Paul hcs on a spiritual level, thank you for my rights and an excuse to write soft nonsense. It's uh... It's a little long.

Being in an honest-to-god romantic relationship was taking a bit of re-getting used to for Paul. He hadn't dated anyone since college, and suddenly wham, he's head over heels for a cute, snarky barista who seems to return his affections. It was odd, but no less wonderful, feeling his heart flutter in his chest whenever Emma so much as smiled at him. He hadn't felt this way about someone in damn near a decade, and then this beautiful 5'0 biology student walked into his life, and god, his brain just didn't know how to handle it.

Paul and Emma had started seeing each other around late October, hooking up in the Beanies break room during a Halloween party her boss Nora had thrown. It was mid-December now, a week and a half before Christmas, and things were still going strong between them. Though there had been... something strange on Paul's mind for a few weeks now, something that had never bothered him before in his past relationships.

Paul was a tactile guy with people he liked, something his friends all knew well. He was never sure exactly how he'd rank the five love languages as applied to himself, but touch was definitely his number one. Casual shoulder squeezes and light nudges were common gestures of his among friends, as Bill could easily attest. With romantic partners, this was cranked up a bit. Lots of light kisses to their temple or resting his hand on their back, stuff like that. It was always the easiest way for him to show that he cared. His partners... were never as tactile as him. It was very all give and no take on Paul's end when it came to physical affection, and he hadn't really minded it. At least, he was pretty sure he hadn't...

But now? With Emma? Her touch was something he actively craved. And it's not as if Emma never touched him outside of sex, far from it, she was probably the most physically affectionate partner Paul had ever had. She held his hand, kissed his cheek, cuddled up against him during movie nights, and gave him playful little jabs in the side when he was being a smartass. But she wasn't quite as casually affectionate as Paul was with her, and he couldn't help but wish she was.

And sweet jesus christ, did Paul find it embarrassing. It made him feel like some dopey lovesick teenager whenever he thought about it. Like, what was he supposed to do? Ask her to touch him more often? He'd sound like a total fucking weirdo if he tried to explain it to her. But still, he couldn't help but think about it a lot.

It had been a lazy Sunday evening, the one day of the week when neither half of the couple had work. And of course, they were... taking advantage of their day off, as it were. On Paul's living room couch, no less. They'd just finished up, and Emma had gone off to use his shower and whatnot. After washing up a bit, Paul had promptly put some comfy sleepwear on (because it was December in Michigan and Paul was not one to lounge around in the nude with temperatures like that outside), and was now absentmindedly channel surfing whilst laying on the couch.

Nearly half an hour later, Emma had emerged from the bathroom, hair tied into a braid and clad in a bright red hoodie that Paul recognized as his own. He couldn't help but smile, it was so big on her, and she looked adorable in it.

"Find anything to watch while I was in there?" she asked.

"Hallmark movies, a bunch of stock Christmas faire, and like three separate Harry Potter marathons," Paul replied. "None of which I'm particularly interested in watching, so we might have to retreat to the DVD shelf again."

Emma shrugged. "Hey, fine by me, TV edits are usually garbage fires anyway," she said. She strode over to the other side of the living room, where Paul kept his DVDs, and eyed the shelf. After a minute or two, she plucked a case off the shelf, snickering. "Monty Python: Life of Brian, that's a Christmas movie, right?"

"Absolutely," Paul quipped. "Anything can be a Christmas movie if you stretch the definition enough."

"Good, because I wanna watch Monty Python."

After popping the disk in, she turned back to the couch, and Paul sat up to give her some room. As she sat back down, Paul took in the sight of her. God, she was lovely. And she looked so cozy in his hoodie, it was hard not to find the sight of her absolutely heart-melting. His heart fluttered a bit, he was getting that feeling again. Unfortunately, Paul found himself staring at her instead of the screen for a bit too long, and she took notice.

"Paul?" she piped up, snapping him out of his trance with a befuddled smile. "You good, babe?"

Paul felt his cheeks flush. Had she ever called him "babe" before? "It's, uh... it's nothing," he stammered unconvincingly. "I just zoned out for a bit."

Emma, being the observant person she was, eyed him with skepticism. "You look like you have something on your mind," she noted. "What's up?"

Well, shit. Feeling his face burn hotter, Paul attempted to weasel himself out of this inevitable awkward conversation.

"N-nothing's up, I'm fine!" he tried to assure her, perhaps too defensively to sound convincing.

"That's the voice of a man who definitely has something up," Emma observed. She grabbed the remote, and paused the film before continuing. "Something's bothering you, Paul, I can tell."

"It-it's just..." Paul tried to begin, feeling momentarily reassured by Emma's soft gaze. But when the right words wouldn't come to him, he groaned and buried his flushing face in his hands. God, why was he like this? "Nevermind, it's really stupid, can we just watch the movie, please?"

"Paul, I know stupid, I work at Beanies," Emma retorted playfully, earning a brief chuckle from Paul. "Whatever's bothering you, it can't be any worse than the shit my co-workers complain about on the daily. I promise you I won't laugh."

Paul removed his hands from his face, meeting her gentle gaze once more. "You mean it?"

She nodded. "I'm all ears."

Exhaling a deep breath, Paul took a moment to think of how to word his self-imposed predicament in the least stupid way possible. Probably best to start small.

"Um, y'know how... when we watch movies or whatever together," he began, trying to force himself to talk above a whisper. "You'll like, lean against my chest, and I'll wrap my arms around you and play with your hair and all that?"

Emma nodded, looking somewhat confused. "Yeah...?"

"Do you think we could... do that the other way around this time?"

There was a brief moment of silence, and Paul was pretty sure his face had turned a shade of red that had only ever been seen by shrimp before. Jesus, that must've sounded so stupid.

"That's all?" Emma asked.

Yep, there it was. Paul looked down at his lap again, embarrassed beyond belief. "Basically, yeah..." he chuckled despite himself. "I know, I know, it's really dumb, and I probably got you all worried for nothing-"

"Whoa, whoa, Paul, slow down!" Emma cut him off, reaching out to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. She smiled at him softly. "I mean, sure! If that's what you want, we can do it!"

Paul took another deep breath. "Really?"

"Yeah!" Emma replied. She leaned back on the arm of the couch, and opened her arms. "Come on, bring it in."

Still nervous and flustered, Paul slowly eased himself against Emma, resting his head against her chest. He could feel her heartbeat, even through the thick fabric of the hoodie. Emma rested one hand on his back, and began to thread her fingers through his hair, just like he would do with her. Paul felt a chill go down his spine. God, he forgot how much he loved having his hair stroked. He wrapped his arms around her torso, face still flushing like nobody's business.

"How's that?" Emma asked, undoubtedly noticing the ridiculous smile that had forced itself onto his face.

"Wonderful..." he sighed, finally beginning to calm down a bit. "Thanks, Emma."

"No prob," Emma snickered, still stroking his hair. "But before we un-pause the movie, can I ask why it was such an ordeal for you to ask me about this?"

"It's kinda hard to articulate," Paul explained, adjusting himself so that he wasn't muffled by the hoodie. "My, um... my past partners weren't really the, uh... the affectionate kinda types, y'know? So it just kinda felt weird to ask you to... do this... I guess..."

"...Well," Emma began after a moment's pause. "I'm not your past partners, so I'd be more than happy to do this more often."

"You would?" Paul inquired hopefully.

"If it makes you feel as loved as it makes me feel," Emma said, rubbing a calming circle between his shoulder blades with her thumb. "Then I'll do it anytime."

Paul could've melted right then and there. He was loved... In a somewhat indirect way, Emma said she loved him. Perhaps now was the time...

"Thanks again, Em," he said, slightly choked up. He craned his neck a bit to press a kiss to her neck. "I, um... I love you."

Emma briefly paused in her stroking of his hair, only to resume moments later, and press a kiss to his forehead.

"I... I love you too, Paul."

[thedreadvampy]

ok look please understand that it is absolutely normal to want to live with your best friends, have casual sex with your friends, raise kids with your friends, and keep your friends as the most important people in your life.

whether it's a qpr or not, that's normal and it's healthy.

I think people are often encouraged to think that the historical, traditional expectation is to put your partner before your friends but that isn't...really true? men have very rarely been expected to have a stronger social connection with their partners than their friends, and the only reason women have been expected to centre romantic relationships is because they've historically been socially and financially dependent on making and maintaining a strong relationship.

that isn't to say that your partner shouldn't be as important as your friends. after all, at least in my social setting, relationships aren't a primarily financial and political arrangement - hopefully you are with your partner because they're a good friend to you as well as a partner.

like it's cheesy to say but Sam and Kofi are some of my best friends and that's a big part of our relationship. but like. they aren't the only friends I'm that close to. I'm differently close to, say, my friends Alex and Jake (who I think are probably the most important people in my life), or my friend Joe (who I've lived with in a mutually supportive way for 5 years), or my friend Courtney (who I hook up with regularly and love dearly) or my friend Lesedi (who I have very seriously considered co-parenting a child with) but I'm not less close to them.

and this isn't a Weird Me Thing either. like:

probably about half the people I know have housemates who they've lived with, moved house with multiple times, and who are as intimately involved with their lives as their romantic partners, often more

where I grew up and most places I've been, most people have "aunties" - your mum's best friends who stepped in to help with the kids and who are part of the family. I myself traveled down half the country regularly to help support a friend who was a lone parent while his son was little, from looking after a baby for days at a time to helping him look for daycares and booking doctors appointments, and that's super normal - when I and most of my friends were kids we were all used to spending up to 1/3 of our week at a parent's best friend's house. that's literally a big chunk of the role godparents play in many people's lives too. it takes a village to raise a child and formally or informally most cultures expect that the parents' close friends will chip in and love and care for the child.

Most adults I know have at least one friend who they carve out at least a few hours a week to spend time with - go to the cinema, go for a coffee, cook dinner, catch up and vent and offer emotional support.

Friends with benefits? totally a really thing whatever people tell you, it doesn't have to be emotionally romantic and often actively feels weird to be

It's normal to grieve when a friendship ends and it often affects people as deeply or more deeply than a relationship ending

like, this isn't to say that a lot of media messaging posits this sort of stuff as immature/less important (and for men, the dreaded A Bit Gay) but that messaging actively runs counter to how most people live their lives in the real world, and you know. in a film when someone finds a partner they become the Most Important Thing In Their Lives. in real life most of your friends will agree you're being kind of a jerk if you consistently blow them off in favour of your partner at any age.

and I think the thing that concerns me is the degree to which the idea that you're expected as an adult to choose between romance and maintaining close, meaningful friendships is uncritically absorbed and reflected in how a lot of otherwise very thoughtful people talk about relationships, romance, sex and friendships.

like if your expectation is that having intimate friendships can only happen if you don't have important/lasting romantic/sexual relationships, or that having a relationship means you can't have or want friendships deeper than casual hangouts and occasional Emotion Chats...like, that will harm you.

Not everyone wants or needs romantic/sexual relationships, true, but everyone, regardless of whether they also want that, needs supportive and meaningful and lasting friendships as part of a fully actualised social life. As I say, those needs might be met by some of the same people (I've been in a relationship with Sam for 9 years, but we've been friends since I was 14 and while I can imagine a life where we're not dating or having sex, I genuinely can't bear to imagine a life without his friendship) but emotionally close friendships are still a genuine need.

(plus honestly if the only place you can get emotional closeness is a sexual/romantic partner, that's a very vulnerable place to be in. both for you and for them. It's not good to only have one person you have a serious, close, mutually supportive emotional relationship with - ime most people do best with like 4 or 5 close friends minimum (one or more of whom may or may not be their sexual/romantic/queerplatonic partner)

and this is where I'm dipping a toe into the Spicy (shitty) Discourse, because I don't at a object to the idea of queerplatonic relationships (I don't necessarily understand them, but honestly I haven't understood anything since 1999) it worries me how many people defend the idea of qpps by saying WOULD YOU DO X WITH A FRIEND????

and I understand the defensive impact bc tbh when people say "explain the difference between a queerplatonic partner and a friend" they are very rarely asking in good faith - they've already decided that aro/ace people Just Want To Be Special and that qpps are a Stupid Tumblr Queer Concept.

and it's a shitty question anyway imo because like. I know there's a difference between friends-with-benefits and Girlfriends on an emotional level, or between a friend and a non-sexual romantic relationship. I know there's a difference and most of these people would agree but if you asked me to draw a hard line to define This is Not Romantic and This is Romantic I'd be stumped. it's an emotional reality not a behavioural one so it's not a clearcut concept and it may be different for everyone

B u t

When people respond to this (shitty, bad-faith) question by insisting "friends don't kiss! friends don't live together! friends don't co-raise kids!" they are just flatly Wrong. And it's a really weak argument because of that, because people will just say 'yeah we literally do, a qpp is a normal friendship, qed' and that's. Uh. Based on what's been said that's kind of a reasonable conclusion? because those things are all normal friendship things for a lot of adults.

there are many possible arguments for the term queerplatonic. it's about describing an emotional connection that isn't quite romantic. it's a way of clarifying that your intention is to commit to spending your life with someone. it's a way to define the expectations you have of your relationship. but ultimately it's not your job to justify this to anyone. many people (me included) might not understand exactly what a qpp means to you, but that doesn't mean we have any right to go 'that's meaningless' or talk it down if it isn't hurting anyone

but like. these specific types of defences of qpps (the "qpps are Important Vital Relationships and friends are just People You Don't Mind Spending Time With" attitude) are harmful, both to people not in qpps and to people in qpps

Exceptionalising the idea of having friends you love like family, who are the most important people in your life, who you might choose to live with or share your life with or be the person you'd trust with your children/your wellbeing/your health? That's dangerous!

and it takes us no closer to adequately valuing close friendships to say "close friendships are what QPPs are and they're a direct replacement for romantic/sexual partnerships". we can have both, and we should feel able have both. not necessarily both a qpp and a relationship, but both a life partner (sexual/romantic/queerplatonic) and other friends who are intimate parts of our lives and families. That's such a profoundly vital part of being queer particularly but also just of being, and it stresses me that people think that's a Special Kind of Relationship not a normal close friendship.

[kim-ruzek]

burzek kisses 49

49. secret kisses

I'm going to put most of this under a cut, because it got a little long, to say the least. It's 1.6k words long, but tbf...this prompt has burzek ALL over it! Enjoy soft!burzek

Do you have any evidence to file?

Kim’s phone buzzes, and she looks down at it, a smile immediately coming onto her face at the text from Adam. She doesn’t know how he timed it perfectly for when Roman and her pulled back up at the district, but it’s something he has a penchant for doing. There’s logical basis to it, he always messages around the time she should be having her break, or when the day has gone on a bit, and they’re usually in as much contact via text as their jobs allow, but it’s always uncanny in it’s timing.

“What’s making you smile so much? Who’s texting you?” Roman asks, and Kim quickly locks her phone, sliding it into her pocket.

“No one,” she answers, before realising the quickness of the response and the defensiveness of her tone brings up more suspicion than it dissuades .

“My sister. About something my niece did.” Kim then says. She’s a big believer in the bond partners should have with each other, that transparency is key, and she feels bad for lying to him but it’s necessary for her, for her career prospects. And lying to Roman about a message doesn’t kill her half as much as having to pretend her wonderful, caring, attractive boyfriend is just a friend.

“Here’s me thinking it was that new fella of yours.” Roman dryly responds. Being stuck in a car all day with someone, it gets hard to completely keep up a lie. Especially when there’s frequent texts between her and Adam, especially when Adam gets a little too enthusiastic in their love-making and she undoes her collar in front of Roman, forgetting all about the marks Adam left. So Kim had to make up some half truth about her seeing some guy, and had to try to ignore how much it hurt her to downplay the relationship, to make it seem like something casual and unimportant; just something fun that’ll end in a few months.

“Maybe instead of my love life, you should focus on your own.” Kim hits back, good-naturedly of course. Sometimes, on long, tiring days, she wants to hit back a little harder, but she’s always so aware how she shouldn’t seem too defensive, too secretive about whatever she’s doing relationship wise as that’s a sign of gossip to be had, and she so doesn’t want the spotlight on her.

“We taking a break now?” She double checks, barely waiting for his confirmation before she’s getting out the squad car, taking out her phone to message Adam back.

I think I do. x

Kim heads straight to the evidence room, a spring in her step at the thought of getting to see Adam. It’s hard already being away from him for so many hours, especially on the days their schedules don’t line up and it’s even harder with them keeping their relationship a secret. That they work together, that they regularly run into each other, that they could eat lunch together, that they can drive together in the morning and yet whenever others around they have to keep their distance, that they have to keep up the act that they’re just friends and that it is. Being so close to him, and yet unable to be with him, it aches her in a way she’d have never imagined. And she knows Adam feels the same.

This is how they get by. They message each other when they can. They don’t hesitate to waste time as soon as they’re at either of their apartments. They have stolen moments whenever they’re near each other. A brush against the arm here, a quick link of fingers there. A hey, a good morning, a how are you. Quick grabs around corners, gentle barely-there kisses that leaves them craving more. And this, rendezvous in an empty locker room, the back room, the evidence room. Anywhere and anytime they can.

They develop their own language in their messages, in their body movements. Adam’s text now, do you have evidence to file?, is their signal for I have free time, if you do too come here for a kiss. They can talk more open in their messages, they have, their messages being filled with words expressing how much they want each other, how much they crave each other, how much they miss each other. Messages about dinner, about how many rounds they’ll stay for in Molly’s before leaving.

Yet they have these more indirect messages, these private signals that dances around their intentions but is so clear to them. They give them a feeling Kim can’t describe, a sense of thrill and affection. A surge of possessiveness for their relationship, that these words are for them, and only them.

It’s how she feels about their subtle body language, the way their eyes catch each others across the district, the way they can ask each other things without ever having to utter a word, the way they know if the other wants to go to Molly’s or head straight home without needing to ask. It’s a language, all relationships are.

But when it’s a secret from the world, when privacy is a priority, it becomes something more. It becomes their first language, a language so unique to them, a language that is only theirs, a language only they can understand. It becomes the most important thing, because it’s how you communicate with each other. How you comfort each other. How to be close, to be in love, to be with each other when you have to stand what feels like miles apart.

It kills Kim whenever she’s helping out intelligence and Adam’s there, standing so close, and she has to pretend that her heart’s not beating ever so fast because he’s her man. It kills her when they’re at Molly’s with their co-workers and she’s having to pretend that she doesn’t just want to wrap her arms around him, that she doesn’t want to kiss him, deeply, firmly, passionately. That she doesn’t want to yell to the whole world that he’s hers, and she’s his.

It kills her when she sees a girl flirting with him and she has to pretend that a wave of possessiveness doesn’t wash over her and that she just wants to claim him, openly and publicly. It kills her that when they’re both hanging out with Kevin that she can’t cuddle up against him as they watch a movie, or cheer him on and give him a winner’s kiss when he beats Kev at videogames.

It kills her that they have to hope that they can sit next to each other in Molly’s without it seeming like they’re deliberately seeking out each other, that they can only secretly hold hands under the table if they know no one will see.

All she wants to do is to broadcast that they’re together. To be able to talk about how truly happy she is, how her day doesn’t feel complete unless she has seen him, spoke to him, kissed him, how he’s the person she wants whenever she feels so anxious, or distressed, when she just needs to rant and vent, when something exciting happens.

Kim’s a private person, really. She’s never been one who needs to broadcast that she’s in a relationship, who needs to show PDA to feel complete, to even particularly need the world to know she’s falling in love. But it’s different, it’s different when she’s so happy, it’s different when she can’t do any of that. Then she sees all the good parts of publicly showing your relationship, about having stolen moments without worrying it’ll cost you your dream job, of being able just to hug each other whenever you need, of being able to walk out a bar, hand in hand. All these little things she’s taken for granted in previous relationships, and yearns, aches, to be able to do it with Adam.

Adam, he’s kind, sweet, gentle, loving. She always knew he was, but had she known just how much underneath all that flirty arrogance, Kim might’ve not regretted kissing him nearly as much. He’s everything she’s ever wanted in a man. He makes her feel so attractive, so desirable, so sexy. And he makes her feel so safe, so warm, so secure.

He is why she can feel so achingly sad about keeping their relationship secret. Because he deserves the world, deserves to be able to kiss his girl whenever he likes, deserves to not have to steal away secret moments in the day, deserves to have the world told just how important he is to her.

She can’t give him that, not if she ever wants to make it into intelligence. Kim knows he understands, and so does she, that this is just how it has to be, no matter how much she wishes it wasn’t.

So they have these moments, little moments they carve out just for each other, biding their time until they can be in bed together, curled around one another, biding their time until they can tell the world that they are each other’s.

Adam is on her as soon as she enters the evidence room, immediately grabbing at her, pulling her to him, and kissing her deeply. Kim is immediately at his mercy, being able to only kiss him back with just as much ferocity, wrapping her arms around his neck as she does so.

“I miss you,” Adam murmurs against her lips, when they part from their passionate, needy kiss, instead gently giving small kisses to each other.

“I miss you, too,” Kim says back, her hands running gently through the back of his hair. She’s smiling softly at him, meeting his every gentle kiss he bestows on her. These kisses are secret, just for them. Kisses that if they get even the slightest hint of someone else being here have to immediately end. Kisses that are risky, dangerous, yet so needed, so craved.

They may have to kiss in secret, kissing in hidden places, away from prying eyes but Kim has no complaints—it is worth it, he is worth it.

[flightsoffandom]

Co-Conspirators

Pairs: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Words: 5421

Summary: Getting your career at the BAU started gets interesting when you realize you're attracted to your boss.

Warnings: None

Notes: Left completely gender-neutral. I had been interested in watching Criminal Minds for a long time, but a friend of mine finally got me to start it. Suffice to say my damn ass completely fell for Hotch. Was there other things I was planning on writing… Yes… but I couldn't help myself. Hopefully, now my obsession will chill out enough I can work on other projects for a bit.

I found this writing prompt @witterprompts​ and went with it. The original prompt is below.

"Look, I think it's a fairly simple question. Do you or don't you want me to work with you?"

Continuation of Co-Conspirators –Part 1*–Part 2–Part 3–Part 4–Part 5 –Part 6

You had initially gone to college for something completely different. Or at least you planned on using your degree for something else.  One of your classes had Jason Gideon come in as a guest speaker, which sparked an epiphany. So you picked up some extra classes and buckled down, reading as many books as you could on the subject, David Rossi’s books were among the ones you read. Whatever college social life you may have had was put on the back burner, so you could pour all your energy into learning. It took a lot of hard work, but you managed to do it. You wanted to help people. This seemed like one of the best ways you could do that. When you were ready, you pushed ahead and got an interview with the Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico.

    You had been beyond nervous. For the past few years, you had been training for this moment. So you steeled yourself before going into the FBI building. You made sure to wear something very professional, wanting to make an excellent first impression. Walking into the building was easy enough. When you got into the BAU area, you saw some of the other employees there. They were already watching you. It was easy to tell that they knew you were there for the job opening. While you walked up the stairs, you tried to absorb all the information around you. You reached the office and knocked on a door that read 'S.S.A. Aaron Hotchner', the man who would be interviewing you. You heard a voice call you in. You were thrown off when you entered Hotchner's office. He was older than you, but even with that scowl sculpted into his face, you immediately found him attractive. So that caused you to begin your interview precariously. You knew he was a profiler, so you did your best to bury your attraction to him. Agent Hotchner was your boss. You were going to handle this professionally. You closed the door behind you, "Nice to meet you, Agent Hotchner." You introduce yourself as you take a few steps closer before stopping a respectable distance from him. Hotchner motions to the chair on the other side of his desk, "Sit. Despite what the other profilers might say, I don't bite." You chuckle, moving to sit in the chair. Hotchner moved some papers around on his overflowing desk, “Hotch is fine.” He looked over what seemed to be your personal file. You weren't sure what to expect before you came here. There were rumors about the team and gossip sure. Agent Hotchner was supposed to be intimidating and mean. While he gave off those vibes at first glance, that wasn’t the feeling you got from Hotch when you took a second to read him. Hotch looked up at you from your file, “Your look qualified for the job, but you’re young. What makes you better for this job than other applicants with more experience.” You hum, quickly thinking to yourself. You make sure to thoroughly look around the room, trying to get every detail. You look back at your interviewer, “There are no other applicants.” You said with a very matter the fact tone. Hotch leans back in his chair, a ghost of a smirk on his face. “What makes you say that?” You sit up enough to get another look at the files on his desk, “All these files are paperwork for cases, the dates, and how they are labeled. Applications aren’t labeled like that.” Hotch narrows his eyes at you, signaling for you to continue. You smile, “You don’t have any other applications on your desk. Which means either I’m your last applicant or there were no others. ” You glance down at your watch, “Judging by the time of day, the stacks of paperwork on your desk, and the bags under your eyes, you don’t have a lot of time for interviews. This is why you’re doing this on your lunch break, and I don’t think you’ve actually eaten lunch yet. I imagine you would have scheduled all your interviews in one day to get it taken care of quickly. Limited time, limited people you are willing to bring in and try to fit into your already busy schedule. I'm guessing that I am the only applicant.” You pause and shrug, “I suppose I could also be the only application you deemed had enough potential.” Hotch leaned forward again, closing your file, “Can you start tomorrow?”

    You curiously peek at the papers on his desk. Interestingly trying to see if you missed anything as you respond, “I can start right now if you need me too…” You pause for a second, before looking back up at Hotch, “Was I right?” Hotch tucks your file away, “Yes.” You perk up. You had done exercises in classes and during training, but you always found them too easy. So being able to test your skills on something more challenging and being right was exciting, “Which one I am then? Only applicant?” You assumed you were the only one. Figuring if someone with more experience had applied, they would have easily won out over you. Hotch shakes his head, “The only file I saw with enough potential to bring in was yours.” You slowly stand up, making a curious noise. “Thank you, then.” You reach out your hand. Hotch raises his eyebrows and shakes your hand, “Don’t thank me yet, You'll still have to prove yourself in the field.”

    That was how you got your job with the BAU. To start out, Hotch partnered you and him together a lot, you were assuming it was a probationary situation. You did some cases with other people while you were learning. After you had been at the job long enough to handle yourself, you were still partnered with Hotch most of the time. Part of you chalked it up to the fact that you could handle Hotch’s grumpy and bully-like behavior. Quickly the whole team became your family. You spent most of your time at work, which meant you spent all your time with the team. You enjoyed hanging out with everyone on the team.

    Emily would help you learn new languages if there was time. You found it oddly soothing listening to Reid talk about whatever he was excited about at the moment, plus you usually learned something. Rossi shared a love for classic art, the two of you also shared a love of snarky banter. You and Penelope shared anything nerdy with each other, whether it was movies, shows, or comics. Derek would discuss books with you, and he would introduce you to new music. You were always happy to look at pictures of Henry while talking about family life with JJ. You and Hotch were workaholics together. Hotch got onto you about it a few times, but you always turned it back on him. It was hard to explain, you and Hotch kind of just gravitated to each other. There was always a calm mutual understanding between the two of you. Working so closely with Hotch didn't exactly help with your attraction to him. You were a professional. So you ignored it for the most part. You had resigned yourself to the fact that Hotch wasn't interested in you. Even if he was interested, he was such a stickler for rules that it wouldn’t matter.

    You had been good at remaining professional for a few years. However, you slipped up one night when you and the team went out to celebrate. A case had gone really well, and you all knew you deserved a break. Emily and Derek were the first two to get the idea rolling. Soon everyone was ready and willing to go, except Hotch. Since you both worked way too much when the team went out, it was usually down to either you or Hotch to be what Penelope lovingly referred to as the ‘designated buzzkill’. You agreed to go but kept wondering if you should invite Hotch. Reid quickly caught onto how you were glancing up towards Hotch’s office, “Shouldn’t we invite Hotch?” Everyone except you and Reid made a face. It was a collective look of ‘We could try, but he’ll just say no.’ Their skeptical looks sealed it for you. You moved away from your desk and to the stairs, “I’ll ask him.” Penelope let out an excited squeak, practically bouncing as she spoke, “You’re the only one of us who can speak fluent ‘Hotchner’. You can do it, sugar.” You chuckled and rolled your eyes as you walked up the stairs. You knocked on Hotch’s office door but didn’t even wait for a response before going right in. You and the team had only been back for maybe 30 minutes, and Hotch had already buried himself in paperwork. You walk over and sit in the chair in front of his desk. Hotch doesn’t even look up as he addresses you, “Yes?” You shift about in the chair using the sweetest voice you could muster, “We have all been talking…” Hotch looks up, cutting you off “A night out? I have paperwork.” Hotch had his scowl on, but it no longer affected you unless he was mad at you personally. You grin at him, “It will be fun.” Hotch just stared at you, waiting. You sighed and rolled your eyes quickly, dropping being overly nice, “Why do you make me do this?” Hotch leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. A smirk threatens to slide onto his face, Hotch still just stares at you. You glare at him, “Fine, you asked for it.” Hotch just waits, already knowing he pushed you to the point where you lose your verbal filter. While he had gotten onto you before for your lack of filter on cases, you think he enjoyed it when you spoke candidly in more casual situations. You point to his desk, “When is the last time you went somewhere that wasn't this building, the plane, or a company car?” Hotch goes to protest. This time you cut him off, “This stack of paperwork has been like this since you hired me... What two years ago now? You always do all your work. Go above and beyond. The files have changed, but the stack remains the same size. It can wait twelve more hours. At which point, you’ll realize trying to sleep is pointless. You'll come into work early anyway.” Hotch makes a face, doing what he does best and avoids the main parts of your argument, “It’s been two years and six months.” You open your mouth, ready to argue again, but are temporally confused. “What?” Hotch moves some papers around, “It’s been two years and six months since I hired you.” You gave him another confused look, “You remember how long it has been?” Hotch once again dodges the main issue. “Also, I’d like to point out that you also haven’t been anywhere other than here or on a case in a while, either.” You scoff, “I totally have…” Hotch rolls his eyes, “Sleeping in your car in the company parking lot doesn’t count.” You grumble and lean back in the chair. You decide to do what Hotch does and just avoid that statement, “What if I promised you I would help you with the paperwork after the teams’ little night out?” You could tell you were starting to win when Hotch sat up in his chair. Hotch motioned to the paperwork on his desk, “This is important.” You stand up and put your hands on his desk, raising your voice in a nonaggressive manner, “Mental health is important too.” You glare down at Hotch, “And I swear to god if I have to drag Reid in here and make you listen to the statistics about mental wellbeing and overworking yourself, I will be so pissed.” You get a bit more dramatic with your voice, “Aaron Hotchner, I already got that lecture from him the other day. If I have to listen to it again just to get you to go to the bar with us, I will.” Hotch puts his hands up in defeat before pushing himself away from his desk, “Please don’t subject me to that.” Hotch stands up, and you start grinning, “Thank you for caving.” You walk to the office door, waiting. When you looked through the window, the whole team automatically looked away. Trying to hide the fact they had been watching. You chuckle, shaking your head at how bad they were at ‘acting casual’. You walk down the stairs, “Stop pretending you weren't paying attention. Bossman agreed to join us.” Derek claps you on the back, “The boss whisperer has triumphed for us once more.” You roll your eyes, going over to your desk. “Why do you all act like Hotch speaks a completely different language?” JJ giggles, commenting, “Asks the only person who understands him half the time.” Hotch walks down the stairs from his office, “Let’s keep it that way. If the rest of you catch on, then I’m doomed.” You laugh. Now that you all were ready, it was time to go. The team went back to their excited chattering as you left the building as a group.

    At the bar, the team stayed together for the first few drinks. After that, though, everyone slowly splintered off on their own. You flitted from each small group for a while until like always, you ended up sitting next to Hotch. Hotch was nursing a drink while watching the rest of the team have fun. You ordered another drink. After a few moments of comfortable silence, you spoke up, “We are supposed to be having fun.” Hotch chuckles, “Is sitting over here with your boss your definition of fun?” You smile leaning back against the counter to relax, “Actually yes.” You take a large drink from your glass, turning to look at Hotch, “But you knew that already.” Hotch turns to face you, “I do. It’s the ‘why’ I could never figure out.” You laugh, playing with the small amount of alcohol in your glass, “You’re a profiler, you tell me.” Hotch glared at you before taking another drink. You couldn’t help the cocky look that fell onto your face. Hotch looks back out at the mixture of people floating around the room, “Really want to go down this road?” You scoff, getting another drink, “Hit me with your best shot Hotch.”

    Hotch motions to all the people mingling in the bar, “You’re as bad of a workaholic like I am. So you don’t have a personal life.” You make a fake offended noise, but let Hotch continue. “You find flaws in anyone who would be considered a potential romantic interest before even speaking to them. Convincing yourself, there is no use in trying.” Hotch glances back over to you, “It's why you like hanging out with me that I don't understand.” You cock your head, “I’ll answer that after I correct you on a few points.” Hotch crosses his arms, leaning back, waiting. You chuckle, “You guys are my personal life, my family. Your right about the romantic interest part, though... Hard to stay interested in someone when you can profile them in one glance...” You pause before knocking back your drink, “I like grouchy, serious people. Lots of nice silence that isn’t awkward gives me time to think. No bullshit, you’ll tell me if I did something wrong or whatever else. Plus, My mouth normally gets me in trouble but not around you. I can be a sarcastic asshole or brutally honest.” Hotch makes a noise, “Your mouth is a huge problem.” You nervously rub the back of your neck and chuckle, “I mean… I’ve at least gotten better when we are on the job.” Hotch smirks, “You have.” He pauses for a second, “What else? You’re leaving something out.” This is the point where you would usually come up with a convincing lie to hide the fact you had feelings for Hotch. You were a few drinks in. You could handle your liquor, so you weren’t drunk per se, but you had drunk enough that you didn’t really think about the need to lie. You smile to yourself as you let out a small hum, “Because… seeing a sullen person smile… and I don't mean smirking… a genuine smile... It’s a special thing to be able to see that.” You realized that was the first time you had said something like that or even admitted it to yourself. You let out a curious hum. Turning back around in your seat, facing the counter. When Hotch turned around, that’s when you notice the two of you were shoulder to shoulder now. You glanced over at Hotch. He had a real smile on his face. It made you happy seeing him like that. You forgot where you were and that there were rules against fraternization at work. Hotch was so close to you, so when your eyes met his, all logic left your body. You closed your eyes before leaning in and kissed Hotch.

    Hotch even kissed you back. It felt so right that you got caught up in it. Both of you kept kissing each other. That was until your brain quickly started to catch up to what you were doing. It only took a split second for your bliss to come crashing down. You had just kissed your very handsome, regulations focused boss. At a party with your coworker’s nonetheless. When you realized that you just put both your and Hotch’s job on the line, you pulled away. Hotch looked confused. You couldn’t tell if it was because you kissed him or because you stopped kissing him. Not sure what else to do, you decided to bolt. Digging cash out of your pocket before putting it on the counter to pay for your drinks. You avoid looking at Hotch, “I… I have to go.” You said it so fast it sounded more like one word then a sentence. You didn’t wait for a response. Booking it out of the bar and straight to a taxi to take you home. You were mad at yourself. You managed to stay professional for over two years. Then it only took one night out for you to ruin that. Though deep down, you knew the real reason you were so upset was that kissing Hotch had felt perfect, but there were multiple rules against things like this. You didn’t want to forget about that moment but thought it might be easier if either you or Hotch just forgot about it by the time morning rolled around. As soon as you went home, you went straight to bed, hoping to sleep it off.

    When you woke up a few hours later, you hadn’t forgotten. It was actually the first thing you thought about. Making you realize that maybe it was more than a crush you had on Hotch. You pushed the thought back in your mind and decided to just go into work. Knowing you couldn’t go back to sleep even if you wanted to. Even though you were walking into work a few hours before anyone else should be there, you weren’t surprised when you saw Hotch’s car already here. You had your fingers crossed that he had forgotten about last night, and you never had to think about this ever again. When you walked into the bullpen, you got your answer. Usually, when you came in early for whatever reason, especially helping him with paperwork, you would sit in Hotch’s office while you both worked quietly. However, today Hotch’s office door was closed. The paperwork you had promised to help him with was sitting on your desk. Last night may have just fucked up your usual routine and, even worse, a friendship. You sighed to yourself and just sat down at your desk and worked.

    Over the next few months, it only got worse. Where you and Hotch typically gravitated to each other, now you were both constantly apart. He no longer paired you two together on cases, never sat next to each other on the plane. The worst part was probably the early and late hours both you and Hotch always worked. You both were the only two in this part of the building at those times, and still, there was no real communication between the two of you. Just basic, stiff sentences. Neither you or Hotch talked outside of team meetings and cases. It was a shock to your system considering how close you two had been before that night at the bar. But you felt you had no one to blame but yourself. You also felt lucky you still had your job considering Hotch could have fired you.

You reached your breaking point one random morning after a few months of this. It just hit you how much you actually needed to know what was going on. You didn’t even care what the answer was, you just wanted to know. So while you and Hotch were still the only two at work, you barged into his office.  Before you could even get the door closed, Hotch spoke up, “Yes?” You closed the door and crossed your arms, “If you’re pissed at me, could you go ahead and just say so?” You shouted that louder than you meant to. Hotch furrowed his brow and looked right up at you. You didn’t give him a chance to say anything just yet, “I was really drunk, okay? So don’t think anything of… of…” You tried to think of what to call it because calling it a kiss reminded you how much you enjoyed it. You subconsciously touched your fingers to your lips. As soon as you noticed, you dropped your hand and continued, “that situation… It meant nothing.” You didn’t even believe yourself and knew that Hotch saw right through it too. As an effort to hide more of your feelings, you let out a loud, annoyed huff before standing there and staring at Hotch. Hotch narrowed his eyes at you, testing you. “Then why are you yelling at me about it?” You scoffed a few times before you started walking around. You stayed mindful enough that it didn’t look too much like pacing. You calmed your voice, “Because I feel like I’m in the dog house because of it. You stopped partnering with me, practically stopped talking to me altogether.” You sigh, “I understand you could have fired me for that drunken mistake. You didn’t, and I appreciate it. But if you really hate working with me that much now, just tell me.” Hotch leaned back in his chair and watched you. There was some emotion in his eyes you couldn’t pinpoint at the moment. It almost looked like he was amused as he spoke, “You weren't that drunk.” Hotch moves some papers around on his desk, “You know, normally anyone else on the team would think being partnered with me constantly would be the punishment. Not the other way around.” You think for a moment watching Hotch, “I don’t feel that way about it.” Hotch nodded, “I know.” He looked a bit too amused for your liking. So you started speaking louder again, "Look, I think it's a fairly simple question. Do you or don't you want me to work with you?" You paused, but your nerves got the better of you. You let out a loud sigh before adding mostly to yourself, “I knew my mouth would get me in trouble one day… this just isn’t the kind of trouble I thought it would be.” Hotch chuckles at your comment, “I’m not mad at you.”  You scrunch up your face, confused. Hotch’s voice turns more serious as he finishes, “I do want to work with you, but I separated us because you’re a distraction.” You glare at Hotch, “What the fuck do you mean a distraction?” At this point, you may not have been thinking too clearly because you automatically took offense. You fully turned to face Hotch, your body language and tone reflecting your irritation, “We have worked with each other for over two years. Suddenly I’m a ‘distraction’?” Hotch stood up, crossing his arms and staring you down. You dug your heels in, “Am I really that bad at my job that I’m affecting your or the team’s work?” Hotch started walking over to you, “Will you stop and listen to me for a second?” Hotch had raised his voice just enough to get your attention. It was stern with no real anger behind it. You let out an exasperated huff but stayed quiet. Hotch stopped a few feet in front of you. Even a few feet away, Hotch seemed to tower over you. The serious look that was normally stamped on his face was softer than normal, “You’re a distraction because I have feelings for you as well.” 

You falter for a second, “What?” Hotch lets a smile slide onto his face, “You heard me.” You take a minute to think it over, “Then why didn’t you say anything before.” Hotch shrugs, “You’re the one who ran, and I wanted to cover all my bases.” You glare at him, wondering if this was a joke. Hotch wasn’t one for jokes, so it was unlikely, but part of your brain wouldn’t accept he was telling the truth. So naturally, you challenge him, “Since when?” Hotch raises his eyebrows at you, “Does it matter?” You give him a firm nod. Hotch looks off to the side, “Longer than I would care to admit…” Hotch knew you wouldn’t be satisfied with that answer, so after a pause, he looked back at you with a smirk on his face, “The first time you yelled at me. I was able to see how passionate you were. It started then.” You start laughing, “Really? You also wrote me up for that.” Hotch nods, “It was still against regulations, so, Yes.” Hotch pauses, “What about you?” This time the laugh that leaves you is a nervous one, “Since my interview.” You rub the back of your neck, “Tall, Dark, and Handsome. What else can I say?” Hotch makes a curious noise, “I just read that as regular nerves, not attraction.” Hotch smirks at you, “If I had known you had such poor taste, I wouldn’t have hired you.” You scoff and roll your eyes, “Shut up.” You look out the window down into the bullpen below, “If ‘poor taste’ is liking a man who is constantly pushing himself to do the right thing and can be an ass at times because of that. Then sure, I have ‘poor taste’.”  Hotch scuffs, “The word I think you meant to use was jaded.” You smile, looking back over at Hotch, “Nope.” You say it very matter of factly, letting the ‘p’ pop as you speak. You tilt your head and give Hotch a cocky grin, “So you like being yelled at?” Hotch rolls his eyes, “Only when you're the one yelling. If I didn’t, I would have fired you by now.” You chuckle but then have a serious thought, “How much trouble are we in?” Hotch sighs, “None… at the moment, but if Strauss catches wind of this…” It was finally time for other people to start showing up for work, just some background workers. Drawing both you and Hotch’s attention to the window watching over the bullpen. You think, “So we don’t let Strauss catch wind of this.” You tap your foot on the ground. “Everyone on the team hates the bitch, but…” Hotch nods, finishing your thought for you, “But… If we keep it a secret from the team, it will at least buy us time.” Hotch glances at you for a second before looking back out the window, “What do you suggest?” You tilt your head from side to side as you think, “We build upon what the team already knows about… We have clearly distanced ourselves from each other. The team has noticed… So we make it seem like we are actually mad at each other.” Hotch nods, agreeing with you so far, “An event about two months ago that would cause this ‘rift’...” Hotch scowls while thinking about it. You laugh, “It is us we are talking about. There are too many things to choose from. The team knows you can be a hard ass, and they know I have a smart-ass mouth.” Hotch chuckles, looking over at you. Your eyes meet for a second, and you can’t help but smirk. “Are you willing to get this elaborate with lying to our friends and colleges?” You were joking at first, but you had a serious thought. Your tone quickly changed, “In all seriousness… I don’t want to put your job on the line… Don’t get me wrong I want this, but not so badly that I’m willing to risk your career without both of us being on the same page.” You look over at Hotch. He furrows his brow, “It’s not just my job. It’s yours too.” You let out a melancholy chuckle, “Im young, I haven't built up my whole career yet. I could find somewhere else to work.” Hotch shakes his head, “You’d be miserable.” You shrug and smile, “ ‘Miserable’ is a relative term.” Hotch’s frown sets in deeper on his face, clearly he was starting to rethink things. So you quickly spoke up, “I just want to make sure we are on the same page. I’m more than willing, but if you want to back out before we break any rules, I want to give you that chance.” Hotch stares at you for a very long moment, “What event are we going to use from two months ago?” You smile softly, relieved that he wanted to proceed with things. You thought, “I cursed out that cop which you got onto me for even though the guy totally deserved it.” Hotch smirks, “He did deserve it but still inappropriate.” You chuckle and nod, “We could use that… act like someone in the department complained about it more and is riding your ass about it. Could combine it with several other things for more drama or leave it at that.” Hotch nods, “We can work with that.” You move away from the interior window, “When everyone gets in, we fake an argument and let the team see it.” Hotch moves back over to his desk, “They will see it and shouldn’t ask too many questions about it.” You sit in the chair in front of his desk, “From partners to partners in crime.” Hotch glares at you and rolls his eyes, “Crime makes it sound much worse than it is.” You chuckle, “Fine. Why don’t we plan something fun then? Maybe it will make you less grumpy.” Hotch sits down, crossing his arms, “Something fun?” You roll your eyes, “A date. I mean, we literally put all this effort into the lie to cover up something that hasn’t even really happened yet.” Hotch smiles, “Tomorrow night, we are supposed to have it off.” You give him a smug grin, “It’s official, then Aaron, we're co-conspirators.” With a sigh, Hotch leans back in his chair. As he rubs his temples, you can see a large smile on his face.

Continuation of Co-Conspirators –Part 1*–Part 2–Part 3–Part 4–Part 5 –Part 6

[rosesastrology]

Hi! May I ask what you see happening for JB and I? He and I are a friends w benefits type of deal and I was just curious if you see anything developing beyond that or not. Thank you so much!! Burlington, NJ. Oct 25th 2021 2:49 pm. Thank you again for your time and stay safe! - MA🖤⚡️

Hi,

Unfortunately I don't think y'all will last. I think you'll decide to stay friends or decide to stay as you are now in a bit over 4 weeks. You won't become official, so to say.

With love & light, Rose

You're represented by the first house and its natural ruler, as well as the moon which will represent your emotions and is also associated with actions and events. Additionally, you get Venus because, I'm assuming you're a woman (yes I assumed your gender, if I'm wrong please lmk and please mention your gender next time) and Venud is the natural signifcator of women. In relationship horaries, it signifies your desperation towards love/a relationship, your need to settle down and physical affection. The ascendant is in Aquarius, ruled by Saturn which is your main significator. The moon & Venus are your co-significators.

Saturn is domicile in 7°3 Aquarius in the 12th house. This tells me that while you're confident, you're also doubting yourself and wondering if your confidence if misplaced about him. You're feeling a bit scared and apprehensive about taking it further with him.

The moon is void of course in 28° Gemini. VoC shows 'inaction' in horary, it basically says 'not much will happen. Things will stay as they are'. VoC is when a planet changes signs before perfecting its next aspect, in horary it's particularly significant for the moon because the moon is related to events. This is an indicator that nothing will happen and you will stay as you are, friends with benefits—it won't become official.

But let's look around some more.

It's worth noting the moon is in the 5th house, the house of fun, children and casual sex. This shows that that's basically what's on your mind at the moment.

Venus is in 19°27 Sagittarius in the 10th house, the house of career and work.

Let's see the 7th house, the house of partners. It's in Leo, represented by the sun, which he would've gotten anyway to represent him as a man (same as Venus, but for men).

The sun is in 2°34 Scorpio in the 8th house, which is the house of loss and anxiety. Alternatively, it's the turned 2nd house (2nd from the 7th), showing he's thinking about his finances. His finances are represented by Venus which is peregrine, his finances aren't very good right now, but not awful either. He's in the detriment of Venus, though, so his money is damaging him. This could show splurging, gambling, overeating, etc. Additionally, Venus represents your feminine side, so it could show your need for more than just physical stuff.

Saturn is in the detriment of the sun—he's not going to take action about this positively, he doesn't like the way things are going now.

The sun is in the fall of the moon as well, if anything, this relationship isn't good for him.

The sun and Saturn are applying by square (4°). A square is already a signifcator of issues. So let's see what's happening... As I said, Saturn is in the detriment of the sun. This could show him breaking things off most likely. The sun is also applying to a trine with the moon, by the same degree (4°). Here, the sun is in the fall of the moon. This would show your disagreement, pain, etc. with him. Honestly, this tells me it's a mutual decision. When will that happen (it's either a stop of all contact or y'all just staying the way you. Some kind of decision that denies an official relationship), you may ask? In 4. 4 what. Well, the moon aspects first to the sun. I think the most probable units are "days", "weeks" and "months". So, let's see. Still, hate to break it but that VoC is in the way. It kinda shows this idea of "you're not gonna be the one breaking it to him if you don't..do it" so I take the aspect between the sun and Saturn as indication. The sun is faster, the sun applies. The sun is in Scorpio, a fixed sign. It's also in the 8th house, which is succedent. We have longest + middle unit which gives us the middle unit. So 4 weeks, and probably a bit longer.

[skullvins]

I am coming for your QueerPlatonic crown, your majesty. -An AceAro who is SICK AND TIRED of the only two known QPR HCs being from (beta)Team Purple

ITS TRAGIC I KNOW BUT!!!! a couple of points for u anon!

I largely don't shut up about qp skullvin and qp aviskull for kinnie reasons, but I DO have other aro hcs/qpr ish/alt relationship hcs

for example! I hc gloves and half rim to be in a sort of qpr? idk if this is a Thing people talk about as much these days, but there used to be a sort of concept where two people date, one aro and one allorom, and the relationship is romantic but the aro obviously Doesn't feel that. they do at least some romantic stuff, and the allorom has romantic feelings, but is fine with platonic feelings from their partner, and their partner is fine with romantic feelings from them whilst having platonic feelings in return. a case of who cares, we both care about each other, don't we? aro gloves and gay half rim babey!

I DO like gorai, but their relationship is 100% soft romo and can border on more qp stuff because rider is aroflux. a big point tho is rider's ok with most forms of affection but cannot handle mouth kisses At All

qp skullvin and to some extent qp aviskull I would argue have only really been popularised by, uh, me. from what I've seen, most people who ship it got it from me. people have defo shipped them romo before, but I decided to rub my aro hands all over it because me me kinnie

qp hcs in a fandom are. So fucking rare as is that I'm amazed people tollerate my bullshit at all. Like, some of my upcoming skullvin fics are VERY explicitly aro (one even has a whole section where a lot of terminology is casually discussed between skull and aloha, both because it makes sense in character and because I want to explain my hc for qp aviskullvin as well as explain elements of aro terminology to any readers who may be unfamiliar with more detailed terms). I'm actually very nervous to talk about this hc in more detail outside of my blog because I'm used to qp shipping being hated on or misinterpreted. I'd love to bring it up on the wiki but I am So Scared

I have seen other qp coroika content! only bits in passing, but I've defo seen qp poly S4 and that's such a good concept tbh

I do ship other qprs too for the games! I much prefer pearlina as a qpr (hot take: pearl's love of cake and marina's green: they're ace and aro lads) and qp agent 32 is always a must for my kinnie ass

I'm ACTUALLY starting to think about the possibility of qp diver/aloha. I think a lot of captain/co captain ships can end up with a qp vibe but I see mask and full moon and army and forge as more like siblings to each other, where as aloha and diver are emotional support dudes. also aro diver and super supportive allorom aloha kinda slaps

anyway, I would LOVE to see your qp coroika content anon!!! qp shipping offers a unique dynamic imo, but I think it can be hard to write if you're unfamiliar with qprs, which is the case for most allorom fans. then again, I've written kiss scenes, so who knows