#corona pain doctors

[oaktreeorthopedics]

Phone: (657) 235-9355

Address: 800 Magnolia Ave., Suite 102, Corona, CA 92879

Email: support@oaktreeorthopedics.com

Oak Tree Orthopedics is a private practice based in the Inland Empire & Orange County, California. Centered around the patient journey, Oak Tree Orthopedics strives to provide patients and their families with unsurpassed personalized care, delivered by Harvard-trained orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Nasser Heyrani. His motivation to start a private practice with individualized care for patients came from his years at major hospital groups across the East and West Coasts. With the evolution of the healthcare industry — a shift from personal to business-centric.

[flowersforvax]

Hahaha it's so fun having a body!

While I was still coming down from a migraine that started Sunday I was having... chest pains? Last night? In the beginning it felt kind of like when your underwire is poking you or the band of the bra is too tight. Except dialed up and the dial kept turning. And then it spread. And then i was suddenly writhing on my floor in pain, covered in sweat 🙂 and considering that I had to unlock my bedroom door in case someone had to come get me in the morning 🙂

And when I was googling symptoms (pre-floor) the two most accurate were heart attack and muscle spasms and since it couldn't be a heart attack because my arm wasn't numb I just. Assumed the other thing.

Anyway this morning it was fine - then it started again. then I remembered that heart attacks have different symptoms in women and when I had made my mind up to take a shower and go see my doctor it stopped. So that's fun.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

Hey-O! So about that Varian Reborn au, hm ok for an au let’s call it, The Prince of Hell au. second you wanna do a storyline of it? I’ll go first

Pain, pain was all he felt as he laid there in his machine. Gasping for air as the black rock stayed through his middle. He didn’t know how it all went wrong, his plan was supposed to be simple. Well as simple as a plan is when you kidnap a ruler of the land. He wasn’t going to actually harm her though he was only meant to use her as a means to get the princess to agree to his terms. 

His father would be set free, Rapunzel would get her mom back, they both would leave, never set foot in Corona again and live out the rest of their lives as if this incident never happened. Obviously that did not happen, as he and Rapunzel battled a large black rock, got him from behind and impaled him right through his suit. Now as he laid there taking in as many breaths as he could before his final curtain call all he could feel in his heart was regret. Regret for how his plan went, regret for trapping his father, regret for ever even going near the rocks, but most importantly regret for ever putting his trust and friendship into the princess! That horrible, backstabbing princess! 

Slowly but surely his breath became more shallow and his vision started to black. As his eyelids became heavier he heard the door to his robot suit rip open and someone started to yell. He couldn’t make out much words but there was one word he did hear before he closed his eyes for the final time

“VARIAN!!!” 

Finally he was in complete darkness. 

He didn’t know how long he was there, it didn't feel too long but then again it was hard to keep track of time in a void of complete nothingness. 

However, eventually there was a light at the end, however small. Varian felt himself go nearer the light even though he had no feeling or movement in his body, he just felt it. So as he got closer and the light grew he heard a voice, or well voices, multiple of them. they weren’t clear but he could hear them like they were speaking underwater. Then suddenly and without warning, he felt as though he was being grabbed and surged forward into the light.

Adam screamed, fuck this hurt so bad. It never got any easier.

Doctor: You are almost there your majesty, just a couple more pushes and your baby will be here.

Lucifer: Our boy is almost here love.

Lucifer kissed his husband's forehead, this was going to be their sixth child and the royal family couldn't be happier. Apple, Lily, Lucas, Thomas, and Avery were with Charlie as the latest addition to the family came into the world.

Adam: Ow! It fucking hurts!

Adam gave one last final push before all the pain stopped and their baby was here. The new baby boy cried to indicate that he made it.

Doctor: He's here!

Adam: Fucking finally.

Adam was exhausted and slumped in the bed. He smiled when he was finally handed his baby.

Lucifer: He's perfect.

Adam: Yeah.

Doctor: Have you picked a name yet?

Adam and Lucifer shared a look with each other and nodded.

Adam: Varian Morningstar.

((I hope this is what you were going for))

[hell-is-a-teenage-girll]

HEALTH UPDATE

Well.. Guess who finally got Corona.

On top of everything this was exactly what I needed. I joke that I'm just always late for the trends 💅.

But seriously, I'm in so much agony. Before ending up at ER last night, my heart had been going 130bpm + whole day. (my watch literally congratulated me on my fitness) it went up to 161bpm. When I went to the doctor my blood pressure also was way to low. My fever was climbing close to 40°. (sorry for all my Americans on here, I'm European so I'm not converting it haha)

So they send me there.

I never felt in so much agony. I think mixed with my already existing illnesses and disabilities it's just a mixture for disaster.

I've cried from pain, and I don't do that normally. Or atleast not infront of someone, not even my partner, now I been crying with her. She's also positive btw.

I'm also already dealing with the disappointment of most likely not being eligible to be helped by the state for paying for an implant in my brain.

It would cost me 20.000 and after 5 years to replace the battery again 15.000. I don't know how to place this. As this implant was for me always my safety plan, my dream plan, and the one with the most succesrate to reduce the pain.

Now I don't know anymore how to live like this.

I also went to England recently with my gf and a friend, and I have never realised more that I'm disabled. And that things are getting worse and God. It feels terrible and the reality is hitting me HARD.

I must say they were so helpful to people with accessibility at the airports and all. I had never experienced that ❤️

[starkillerbass]

This is the very messy and not good first draft I wrote for my hospital AU. I currently have corona and wrote this while I had a fever and you can definitely tell my head wasn’t working.

—————————

2k+ words

Hospital AU, Maura is a surgeon, Jane is a homicide detective and they tend to meet in the ER and always end up fighting

It was like a routine at this point. Jane getting hurt on a case and being brought to the hospital that Boston finest always went to. Luckily doctor Maura Isles seemed to always have her shift when Jane got there either in the ambulance or driven by a colleague who had to drag her there with the threat of desk duty if she didn’t go. For Jane this was everything but luck, she hated having to argue with the pretty woman who didn’t seem to understand a single emotion. She was always only focussed on the numbers and stats and telling Jane how risky and bad everything was that she did.

So when Jane was sitting in the ambulance after catching a suspect who had a gun which was something they had figured out too late, or well, Jane had seen the gun, pushed Frost out of the way and in turn got hit by a bullet right in the shoulder. Bullet proof vests be damned, the damn tweaker hit her right where the vest didn’t cover her and judging from the way he was shaking he didn’t plan on hitting anything anyway. Jane had pushed through the pain and quickly tackled the guy but that didn’t stop the bleeding and the sharp pain in her shoulder and since she was shot in the line of duty she had to be checked out and get driven there with an ambulance.

Jane had already made the poor paramedics' lives worse by arguing over having to take her shirt off or more like having to cut her shirt off, which was something Jane didn’t want to do. Even though there was already a bullet hole in her shirt and it was completely ruined by the blood, Jane felt like arguing and she had no intention of making anyone's day easier than her own. So the paramedics just drove her to the ER with a makeshift bandage over her shoulder, ready to make her someone else's problem.

That someone else turned out to be doctor Maura Isles who had sworn that the only cop that ever gets to the hospital is detective Jane Rizzoli anyway. So when the call came and the information was a gunshot wound to the shoulder, patient female in their thirties, Maura knew who it was and even if she didn’t have to she took the case knowing how difficult detective Rizzoli made it to actually work. She didn’t need one of her colleagues wasting their time with this impossible woman.

So when the ambulance arrived Maura was already well prepared, especially since she knew that there would be no chance that the detective would cooperate with hospital rules, which was proven to be true when the back of the ambulance opened and the detective stepped out ignoring the paramedics and rolling her eyes as soon as she saw Maura. Who in turn was glad that she was so used to seeing wounds, so that she didn’t involuntarily wince seeing the detective holding her arm, the blood having drenched her white dress shirt and the color in her face being way paler than her usual olive tan.

“Detective Rizzoli, you have to sit down in this wheelchair or I will have to call security to make you sit down.” Maura greeted her with a stern face and pointed to the wheelchair by her side. She had long given up on making the detective lie down on a gurney unless it was medically necessary, which was only when the detective was basically half dead, which was also the only time she didn’t give them any problems when trying to care for her.

“Hello doctor Isles, come on, it’s a shot to the shoulder, probably clean through, nothing that means I can’t walk.” Jane tried to be smug and smart about it but Maura just continued pointing to the wheelchair and after a minute of just staring each other down Jane finally sat down with a huff.

“Seeing how often you are here, you really should be aware of the hospital rules and the way you are already getting special treatment for being such a pain in the ass. So, what happened this time?” Maura asked while wheeling Jane to a free bed, motioning for her to lie down, which meant that Jane sat down on the edge of it, like she was a child that had to disagree with every direction she got told.

“Well, next time I’ll try harder to explain to my boss that I really don’t need to come here, then you won’t have to deal with me.” Jane grumbled, while Maura put the bullet proof vest to the side and touched the shoulder that was all bloody, which immediately made Jane curse out loud, wincing away from the touch and angrily staring at Maura.

“The fuck, you’re supposed to make it hurt less not more.” Jane said through gritted teeth while Maura continued to feel her shoulder. “I thought you’re the best surgeon around here or was that just an exaggeration.”

“Detective, if you were easier to work with then I didn’t have to probe you like a medical student. I am a renowned trauma surgeon and I spend my days arguing with you like a child.” Maura noticed her voice getting louder and judging from the way that detective Rizzoli had opened and closed her mouth without saying anything she had hit a nerve with it. “So now, you will let me cut your shirt, you will let me disinfect your wound and then you will let me take you up for x-rays and continue on with your care and I won’t hear a single word from you unless I ask you something.” Maura continued while the detective looked like she wanted to wreak havoc but couldn’t since she was in a hospital and it wouldn’t be appreciated if a renowned member of the Boston PD yelled at a renowned surgeon who had saved her life multiple times.

So Jane shut up and let Doctor Isles do her thing, she did roll her eyes and act like it was the worst thing to ever happen to her though. Definitely making her job harder but at least this time without arguing with her. Something that Jane actually had come to like a bit, the doctor didn’t shy away from putting Jane in her place and she never shied away from making her words come true. Which was why Jane had one or two run-ins with security so far, one was a misunderstanding though, the second time was just Jane testing the limits.

When doctor Isles came back to Janes room (Jane had no idea why and when she had gotten a room but apparently she had fallen asleep at some point between coming from the x-ray and waiting for the doctor to make an appearance) she looked stressed, something that Jane hardly saw, she had seen the doctor get annoyed, she had seen her angry for the first time today and she had seen her nice and friendly a lot, especially the first few times Jane had met her, before their relationship was established as hating each other for reasons that didn’t even make sense.

“You good?” Jane wasn’t about to make the doctor's day even worse when she already looked like something horrible had happened (well something worse than having to deal with Jane).

“Detective, the bullet didn’t leave your body in full, there is a fragment stuck and we will need to operate so you won’t be having any problems with your shoulder in the future. The surgery is scheduled for this evening and doctor Chang will make you as good as new. DO you have any questions regarding the surgery or do you need anything else?” The doctor just completely ignored Janes question, which made her angry, since she was actually being sincere and the woman in front of her decided to just ignore her like she was some background noise.

“Don’t you usually operate on me?” Jane asked, trying to be nice and all that.

“Yes, I usually operate on my patients but for personal reasons doctor Chang will be your surgeon this evening and you are in the very best hands with her.” Doctor Isles explained while looking through Janes chart like she couldn’t even look her in the face when telling her that she despised her so much that she didn’t even want to do her job anymore.

“So, I’m such a pain in your ass that you just won’t operate on me anymore or what personal reasons do you have to give my case away? Don’t you usually act like the good samaritan that works with me so nobody else has to deal with moody detective Rizuzoli who is so horrible to work with.” Jane was angry, she didn’t even know why she was angry really, she just was, something about doctor Isles politely telling her that someone else would be looking after her for personal reasons just made her mad.

“Detective, you will be in good hands and there is no reason to get so loud over this.” Doctor Isles just replied, her voice clinically smooth and void of emotions, something that made Jane just all the more angry.

“Yeah, fuck that, just tell me why you hate me so much that you can’t even do my surgery.” Janes voice had dropped lower but the anger was still seeping through like venom and she couldn't stop it.

“Detective, I don’t think.” Doctor Isles started but Jane immediately stopped her from continuing her polite answer by quickly getting out the bed (something she immediately regretted since she felt a bit woozy on her feet) and accusingly holding up her finger.

“Oh bullshit, you’re trying to give me the nice and polite official answer to that question, but I want to know your answer, I want to know what you think and not that shit you always tell me that makes you sound like a fucking robot.” Jane was taller than doctor Isles but even with her lingering over the doctor, she didn’t seem to have the power in the situation, something about doctor Isles continuing to stand so relaxed in front of her just gave her all the power. The only real reaction she had shown was the concern when Jane got out of bed but that soon washed away.

“Detective, I don’t appreciate you accusing me of things that aren’t true and if you don’t want me to call security on you then you will get back into bed and follow doctors orders.” Doctor Isles just replied, standing her ground and carefully leading Jane back to the bed, something that Jane didn’t even want to but somehow did with how careful Doctor Isles was leading her.

“If I stay here and stay quiet for the rest of the day, will you tell me what that personal reason is?” Jane tried the more polite route this time, seeing the dark circles under Doctor Isles eyes and feeling bad for her. Jane had emotional ups and downs that were worse than a lot of suspects she had in custody, but only when she was talking to doctor Isles.

“Detective Rizzoli, that is hardly professional.”

“Buuut you bend the rules for me anyway, so why not tell me when I ask so nicely?” Jane tried to smile like she was innocence itself, which made doctor Isles smile a bit.

“Detective Rizzoli, I do a lot of things for you that I shouldn’t and you don’t seem to appreciate them enough and because I already do all of those things it would hardly be appropriate for me to operate on you, there would be a conflict of interest.” Doctor Isles explained and Jane found it hard to follow her admission or what exactly she meant by it.

“A conflict of interest?”

“If a surgeon is involved with a patient there is a conflict of interest and isn’t allowed to operate on said patient.” She explained like Jane was five, it didn’t help her understand the situation at all though.

“Woah woah woah, but we aren’t involved, we always just fight and that hardly counts as being involved.” Jane rambled, unsure of where this was going.

“Detective Rizzoli, I cannot operate on you because despite all of our fighting I have started to develop feelings for you and it would be against all that I stand for to continue your care myself. I hope that reasoning is enough for you.” Doctor Isles explained, now fiddling with her fingers and looking away from Janes eyes, something that Jane wasn’t aware of not liking, she liked the way the doctor never looked away from her, just never shied away from a challenge.

“You have feelings for me?”

“If you plan on torturing me with this revelation detective Rizzoli, then please make it quick.”

“No, no, I uhm I just didn’t know that you liked me, like in any kinda way, ya know.”

“I honestly don’t know.”

“Well, ya know you’re real pretty and smart and I’m a bit stupid and hard headed, so yeah, I tend to miss a few signs here and there.” Jane awkwardly scratched the back of her neck before breaking out in a small smile.

“Sooo, if I were to ask you out for a cup of coffee you’d say..”

“Make it dinner and I’ll say yes.”

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I have also realized that last time I was having bone pain and seemed to be dealing with high blood calcium, taking magnesium really helped. It would also lower my blood pressure [one main risk for kidney damage when they slow down is your blood pressure getting too high]. So long as I don't over-do it, starting to take some magnesium again will help with both blood pressure and with getting extra calcium and phosphorus out of my blood so it stops fucking with my bones, and will help prevent me from developing cardiac spasms this time.

All of this really was way worse 5 years ago, and I recovered. I recovered while not even realizing I should be avoiding phosphorus or sugar... And eating mostly oreos and pork to avoid letting my blood calcium spike [because it was causing heart attacks, see I am not even having daily heart attacks! I wish that was a joke].

And I think the only reason why the problem came back is because I had coca cola every day for like 4 months [in pursuit of atp] and then started a daily multivitamin... And then had loratadine twice daily for 1-2 weeks because of that autoimmune attack -and- stacked aspirin and avdil and another antihistamine on top of it. I think if I just do not do that, I should be okay. The autoimmune attack has calmed the fuck down now anyway.

I think so long as I do a recovery plan and do not drink coca cola daily or have a daily multivitamin anymore, I'll be okay, it's just going to take time to recover and that's very annoying because my hands/arms really fucking hurt, and painkillers might make the problem worse and aren't helping very much anyway.

And to be clear the only reason I am not already at the hospital or clinic asking for tests now, is because I have been through this before and it has been -proven- they will go out of their way not to help me until my symptoms are so far past that all anyone can do is speculate on what the problem was and if I had "really stopped peeing for over a week" or was "really" having what perfectly describes cardiac spasms including my blood pressure suddenly tripling. All it'll do is run my body down and expose me to the sun and corona which is probably part of what triggered this to begin with. I -also- wish doctors would do their jobs and take me seriously so it was actually of use for me to go to a doctor about this... But also my doctor just gave me the worst kind of 'doctor breaking up with you' phone call and I haven't tracked down a local clinic yet that isn't part of their doctor clique.

I am asking you not to worry. And I am doing it in good faith that I really will be fine.

I was so so so so so much closer to dying of this 5 years ago and no one helped me then either, in fact my roommates were consistently bringing corona home, caused a black mold problem in my room and kept letting the c0 from the dryer exhaust flood the basement where I lived... And that's not happening this time either! So don't worry too much. My kidneys and liver seem to do the same thing as my thyroid gland [bounce back so they can threaten to fall under attack all over again sometime later].

They gave my thyroid 5 months to live 10-15 ish years ago, and it's like, fine actually, I just have to manually manage my iodine intake because it's my immune system's favourite chew toy. The problem with my thyroid is literally that it just keeps healing instead of dying so I am -stuck- in the hyperthyroid initial phase of thyroiditis... Indefinitely [hence having hashimoto's that somehow acts like graves disease and halfway tests that way because my thyroid levels are high as shit instead of low]. My immune system attacks my organs and tissues and then if I can give them what they need and calm down the attack, they heal. I have no choice in this and I have never had a doctor who actually knew the full scope of what they were looking at anyway. My body just chews on itself for fun and I can't stop any of it.

I am going to be whiny about it. This is me being whiny about it.

I am used to bounding back from everything withing like 3 days unless it's an ongoing autoimmune problem... The last time this took MONTHS to feel significantly better and like a year+ to fully stop having heart problems. Again, it was way worse last time and I had way less idea what was happening, but I don't want to deal with this for the next 3-6 months and that's making me feel more whiny about the whole thing. Like your hand hurting is one thing, but knowing it's going to keep hurting like that for half a year? Instantly exhausting. Migraines suck, but knowing you have had them last 1-3 months without stopping and that advil won't save you? ahahahahahahaha

But I'll find a way to cope. I'll probably just get slightly weird about something online. But in my defense when I was dying of organ failure last time, and was exposed to c0 and black mold at the same time, no one accused me of those things, so I have to imagine I somehow managed to not be *that* weird.

And if I don't get better and my kidneys keep getting worse I will go to a clinic and demand they test my kidney function like a broken record until someone does, and if I am far gone enough to actually need treatment, they will have a very hard time denying me treatment. I will involve lawyers if I have to. I will talk to whatever bodies of authority can do anything to a doctor at all and I will make myself the biggest pain in the ass. My doctor already "patient fired" me, so if I think my life is actually on the line they will find out how much MORE annoying I can chose to be. I prommy <3

The only reason I am not doing that now is that the problem isn't far gone enough that it'll help me more than hurt me.

The only downside is that one of the best ways to decrease blood calcium and phosphorus is to make your urine more acidic... But I already have gout, so there's some kind of balancing act I need to figure out here and a question of how many beets I should actually be eating and which pain/problem is worse or more pressing. There's a chance that if I ignore my liver entirely for now and strip all excess purines etc from my diet I can keep a few key things incorporated and not make either problem any worse. And at least all information I can find all confirms green tea will help every problem I have without hurting any of them, and I have this whole fucking collection I couldn't drink before because it make me pee 50 times a day.

Worse case scenario I deal with gout for way longer to get the extra phosphorus out of my blood so the calcium bone pain thing stops being a problem and then address the gout.

And complain about it T~T I want steak and cokey cola.

[abbenai]

IF U HAVE A CLIT CHECK FOR CLITORAL ADHESIONS! they are very common, treatable, and treating them can improve your sexual experiences and reduce pain. i thought it was normal to not be able to see the corona of the clitoris but that is not necessarily the case.

cw in this article for. well medical photography of clitorises

[mirageofadesert]

"That's just how it is sometimes", said my doctor

When my mother spoke about her pregnancy, she always described it as a wonderful experience. In reality, it was far from magical. She hid her pregnancy from those around her, moved to a new city without any financial support to complete her studies. She avoided pregnancy preparation courses because she didn’t want to be influenced by the fears and worries of others. She had faith in God, or so she says. After nine months, I was born in a farmhouse that had been converted into a shared apartment for students, in the room of my future stepfather, above the pigsty.

My reality is different. No God, no faith that everything will just be okay. Instead, constant nausea, stomach pains, and worries. I knew that pregnancy wasn't as easy as everyone tried to make me believe, and thanks to the internet, I vaguely knew about the absurd consequences that pregnancy can have on the female body. And yet, I am happy – even though I don’t feel well.

But for the first time in my life, that’s not a big deal. Even though every day is a struggle, and I have to use almost all my energy to plan my meals and get through the day with as little pain as possible, it’s bearable. Because I know that my child is growing inside me. And because I know that this condition is not permanent.

But there’s something else. A certain sense of satisfaction and the knowledge that I was right. For many years, I regularly went to doctors (male) and described my complaints in my stomach and digestive tract. They conducted examinations but ultimately found nothing. The diagnosis always varied from "that's just how it is sometimes" to "stress." Stress as the main explanation increased after I developed anxiety disorders during the Corona pandemic. Suddenly, all my agonizing symptoms were simply caused by my mental health. As if it were all in my head.

And yet… why did my symptoms subside when I stop taking the pill? Why was my skin a disaster and my hair thinning if this can't be hormonally related, even though it only happens after stopping the pill? Again, it’s all stress, and sometimes it’s just how it is, the doctors (male) said. For many women, these issues disappear during pregnancy, said my dermatologist, though sometimes they get worse.

For me, it has gotten worse. Everything has gotten worse. Hair, skin, digestion. Because it’s about hormones. BECAUSE IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT HORMONES. For years, they tried to convince me that I couldn’t read my own body. That my body observations were even pathological. And now suddenly the connections between female hormones and my complaints are known?!

And yet… I was right. Being a female-read person in the healthcare system is such a wonderful experience.

[twotangledsisters]

"Cass dies in the Great Tree" Is the title literal? Or does it mean something else?

Do you have a piece of history made? Anything you could share? That title and that "Shot" made me curious

Funnily enough... it's not literal but because Cass actually dies AFTER leaving the tree XD so not in the Great Tree.

But yeah, it's not a title to keep. If I don't have a title I just put down the concept until I figure one out!

It's an AU where Cass touching Rapunzel has a much bigger consequence and the gang tries to get her help before it's too late but can't. And Rapunzel and company have to deal with both the guilt of not listening to Cass about the tree being dangerous, but also the consequences, things like, writing home to Corona to let Captain know...

It's only meant to be short but it's another case of... how in the world do I end this little bit of angst?

Here's a few snippets of what's already written :D

In the sunlight the extent of Cassandra’s injury became clear, an almost burnt like black texture covered her arm, her fingernails were gone, her fingers didn’t look like fingers. “Cassandra…” Rapunzel stared. Cassandra took a few deep breaths. “Is everybody alive?” Eugene looked around, leaning heavily on Lance, the decay incantation has taken a lot out of him but he could count. “Yeah… Yeah, for now,” he tried to joke. “Does your hand hurt, Cass?” Cassandra looked up at Rapunzel, tears were in her eyes, something Rapunzel had never seen from her usually strong friend. “That’s a yes…” Eugene answered. “I think I need help…” She whispered. Rapunzel nodded. “Don’t worry, Cass, we’re going to get you to the closest town with a doctor! Right, guys?” Nods and the gang got into action, packing what belongings they had left, Fidella knelt down next to Cassandra and Eugene moved to look at the injury, but it was like nothing he’d ever seen before and he didn’t know how to help.

Cassandra rested on Fidella’s back. Her breathing was shallow, and she lacked all of her usual stability. She was so shaky that Lance and Eugene were standing on either side of Fidella, ready to catch the woman if she fell. Her right arm was completely limp at this point, the blackness which had started with her hand had spread upwards, now reaching past her elbow and towards her shoulder. It wouldn’t be long until it reached a more crucial part of her body. Rapunzel was walking way up ahead, her eyes on the horizon, she hurried as much as she could hoping the next town would come into view already so they could locate a doctor’s office and get Cassandra the help she needed. Rapunzel didn’t know what she’d do if things got worse.

Cassandra lay in the bed with the white sheets, her arm resting atop the sheets. Her arm didn’t even look like an arm at this point and the fact her breathing was so painful told her the blackness had reached her lungs. The past few days were a blur of pain and tears. Rapunzel was inconsolable, not even Eugene could calm her down. Right now Rapunzel was asleep in the chair to the left and Eugene was sitting to Cassandra’s right. He’d been annoyingly quiet these past few days, no bad jokes or stupid comments. Cassandra hated it, but she also understood. “Eugene,” she whispered. His eyes moved to meet hers. “Yes?” “If I don’t—” “Don’t.” Eugene’s eyes went wide, and he shook his head. Cassandra smiled. “Scared?” Eugene didn’t know what to respond. “Just… In case,” she whispered. “If I don’t make it, tell my father I love him, alright?” Eugene nodded.

The sun was rising and neither Eugene nor Rapunzel had managed a word more than ‘To the Captain of Corona’s Royal Guard’. How do you tell a man his daughter’s dead? Sending a letter felt wrong. But waiting for them to get home rather than tell him immediately felt worse. “How could this happen?” Rapunzel didn’t have an answer. “Two days ago she was fighting our enemies and now she’s gone.” “Magic…” Rapunzel whispered, her fingers going through her hair. “I guess… I guess it doesn’t just bring stuff back… Sometimes it takes stuff away.” She took a deep breath as tears ran down her face. “Eugene… This is all my fault.” “No, no, I agreed with you, we all did except Cassandra.” “But she was right.” “But it’s not all your fault. I could have sided with her. But I… I didn’t. I never sided with Cass.”

[bitchfitch]

Idk, I want to talk about Lino's prosthetic.

He gets his first while in The Sun. the Leader gives it to him to 'celebrate' his birthday. Lino doesn't know when his birthday is, no one in the corona knows theirs because it was seen as outlandish and wasteful to celebrate oneself like that. That was what the Leader said when they were banned soon after the Sun formed. But the prosthetic .

The implants were put in too early. Lino is still fighting the same infection he got from his crush wounds not being treated right. A less obedient doctor would have taken one look at his femur and say they need to remove the whole thing if they're ever going to make a functioning prosthetic for him. The implants hurt. The bone they're supported by is weak and they're too heavy for someone Lino's size.

The leg itself was even worse. It was a perfect mirror of his other. It was warm to the touch and the skin felt real and it could move like it was flesh and bone instead of metal and silicone. He even had some sensation of touch through it. But it was so extremely heavy, and his implants so poorly done that using it was agony. It would twist his hips with every step and make him stand with his entire weight on the other. It looked perfect though and that was the point. It wasn't meant to make Lino able to walk again. It was meant to make him 'perfect' again. The fact it gave the Leader an excuse to remove Lino's chair from the picture and trap him more fully where he was needed for the image the Leader was trying to project was just an accidental benefit.

after he escapes back to the bunker Lino takes the leg apart piece by piece. Cannibalizing what he wants and discarding the rest. He's a tinkerer at heart. He has no formal training but he's gotten enough machines apart and put back together that he can reverse engineer the contraption. His first version is barely better than the original. Hes still trying to make it look like a leg and wasting a lot of weight to do so. His second is better, it's all skeletonized aluminum but still too heavy. his third, fourth, eighth, they all have problems. but each iteration gets closer and closer to what he needs.

until he finally has it. He still calls it a prototype, because he doesn't expect it to work so well. It's light, its cuff is designed so that the meat of his thigh takes some of the weight when stepping and standing so his implants don't have to do so much work. He wires up the touch sensors to help deal with the phantom pains, and the heater so he could still go outside in the winter without it getting unbearably cold where it meets his leg. It's an ugly, purely functional thing and he loves it so much more than the perfect leg he had been given.

[theoriginalkittyromero-blog]

FLEETING THOUGHTS

It was about time something happened, upon pain and destruction, coursing inside my head. Is there a reason? Maybe. No. Definitely. Do I remember? Clear as day. Maybe it all started when I was 11. Maybe it started with my birth. I wouldn't know. That is, what I can't remember. Analysing it, I think something triggered it. Maybe my narcissistic mother, or that man that stole the one thing that every woman keeps holy. Virginity is something we deem closest to us. But what does it mean? The first kiss? The first hug? The first time drinking something alcoholic? There is always a first time. For everything. Only, if we realy know and cherish this, we know to worship life itself. But what if that chance gets taken from you? What I wish to tell is, that there may be a first time, but most times it is with the wrong people, some times the wrong time or even with the wrong feelings. Things get taken from you, from me, from all of us. We tend to hang onto these things, but then, at some point, it is nothing anymore. We forget why we hang on, we forget what that feeling was, what the people that were with us felt or how they looked. Life is by all means not short. You can see and feel it when standing in line to buy something, when we wait for something and even when we can't fall asleep because something keeps us up. On other occasions it is way too fast. When you feel comfortable, when you enjoy the time you are spending with someone you like or doing something you love. Now... My life tends to be very slow. The feeling of having lost the joy of life, kreeps onto me. Doctors call it Depression, Family calls it a phase. But I know, deep down, that I am analysing way too much. I tend to overthink, not fast as others but slowly. Boring myself with it to the point of me trying to do anything to break my mind away from thoughts. Playing guitarre, listening to music until I become deaf, drawing, reading, binge watching shows and movies. The pleasure doesn't lay within any of those things, at least not anymore. It lays with a person dead already. someone, nobody will be able to replace. Someone, some call mother, Father or any other Family member. Maybe even a dog or cat. The crushing feeling, of having lost that someone, makes my heart heavy without me noticing. Now, sometimes I find joy again and life is better. But everybody leaves at some point and everybody has someone else, where life seems faster. Is it what we wish for though? Life to be fast? We say we want to cherish moments, say we don't want them to end. But what if that hug felt a little too crushing? what if... The list is endless, seeming to not be able to stand on it's own. All what if's can be answered though. The only problem, is that everybody answers them differently. That is something good, realy. But I don't want a hundred answers. I want the one answer that tells me, why I feel empty without that someone, why I can't understand my own feelings sometimes. why I don't know what to write and still, my fingers keep typing. Is that your magic? Did you give me something new to make my life faster? My pulse rushes when thinking about you. My heart pounds again. I thought it was dead since so many took and took. Never giving anything back at all. So selfish, so miserable. Like they didn't have anything else to do, other than make me more miserable. Confusing me more, ripping parts out until I am left empty like that one roll of toilet paper during Corona. Or when everybody send Sunflower Oil to the Ukraine. How selfish. To not think about others but to still want to stand in a light. I am not a good person. Not a good living being. And still... I crave you. I feel drawn in. But sometimes, you lure and on other times, you push away. I try not to feel again but you make me feel and I cherish the pounding of my heart once more...

[ifwebefriends]

Happy Solar Eclipse day to the seven years woman and ONLY the seven years woman

Source

Content ID under cut

[Content ID: a 20-panel comic. It’s drawn in a simplistic stick-figure art style. The first 8 panels are more faded than the final 12

Panel 1: a woman and her boyfriend are sitting on a bed while the woman gets a call from a doctor. The boyfriend has one hand on her shoulder and another holding her unoccupied hand. She says “oh god”

Panel 2: the woman is sitting in a large chair, she has lost her hair and is receiving an IV infusion. The machine goes “…beeep…beeep…beeep” her boyfriend is sitting next to her. They’re both working on laptops.

Panel 3: the woman and boyfriend are canoeing on a lake. The woman is wearing a beanie. There’s lilypads in the lake and mountains in the background.

Panel 4: The woman and her boyfriend are sitting at a table. The woman is still bald. There’s a phone on the table and a clock on the wall. The woman says “how long can it take to read a scan!?”

Panel 5: the woman is receiving another IV infusion. Her boyfriend is with her and they’re playing scrabble. The boyfriend says “‘zarg’ isn’t a word.” The woman responds “but caaaancer.” The boyfriend relents “…ok, fine”

Panel 6: the woman and her boyfriend are talking to someone else. The woman is wearing a hat. The other person says “so next year you should come visit us up in the mountains and” the rest of his text is obscured. The woman and the boyfriend are both thinking “next year”

Panel 7: the woman and the boyfriend are getting married. The man is wearing a bow tie and the woman is wearing a white dress and veil. Her hair is short and a bit frizzy. There’s lots of other people there.

Panel 8: a caption at the top says “two years” the woman and her husband are at a coast watching a large bird swoop in and take a fish with a “fwoosh.” the girl is wearing a hat. This panel is the last of the faded ones.

Panel 9: the woman and her husband are walking through a forest full of tall trees. The woman seems to have grown back some of her hair.

Panel 10: the woman is sitting on the ground, her hair is down to the nape of her neck. Her husband is standing behind her. The woman says “my toe hurts. And I found a report of a case in which toe pain was an early sign of cancer spreading.” The husband responds “wait—didn’t you stub your toe yesterday?” The woman responds “yes, but what if this is unrelated?”

Panel 11: the woman and her husband are climbing into a dark cave while someone else guides them. The woman’s hair is down to her shoulders.

Panel 12: the woman is on a large rock taking a picture of a crocodile with a large camera. Her husband stands behind her on a platform with rails, he says “when they estimated your survival odds, I think they made some optimistic assumptions about your hobbies”

Panel 13: the woman is at a doctor’s appointment. Her hair is a little past her shoulders. The doctor says “this is probably nothing, but given your history, we should do a full scan. We’ll call with the results in a few days. Try not to worry about it until then!”

Panel 14: the woman and her husband are at a lake, their image is distorted by the water due to the angle of the picture. The woman is controlling a small submersible camera, she is looking at the lake floor.

Panel 15: the woman and her husband are standing next to each other. The woman’s hair has grown a bit past her shoulders. The woman says “hard to believe—six years ago, I was bald. But today, after a long struggle, I finally look like the little girl from The Ring.” Her husband responds “that’s, uhh…good?” The woman responds “hissssss”

Panel 16: the woman, her husband, and two other women and two other men are looking at a solar eclipse. The landscape is dark and you can see the corona behind the dark moon.

Panel 17: after the eclipse has passed, the world is bright again and everyone looks at each other. another blonde woman says “wow.” The woman says “yeah.”

Panel 18: the woman and her husband walk away hand in hand. The woman says “that was incredible. When’s the next one?” The husband responds “in seven years. Wanna go see it?”

Panel 19: the woman and her husband, still walking hand in hand, are both thinking of a timeline. The timeline has the years 2010, 2017, and 2024 marked with points. Before 2017, the timeline is a solid line, but after 2017, it’s a dashed line. There’s three question marks under the 2024 bullet point.

Panel 20: the woman says “yeah. I’ll do my best.” Her husband responds “it’s a date!”

End ID]

[rhmis-user-2020]

Parent swap AU

[Marcellus isn't the son of Ramona and Gilbert, he’s the son of the leader of Old Corona, Quirin. Varian isn’t the leader's son, he's the face of the abuse of Ramona and Gilbert and the one who causes rebellion towards them]

Marcellus

This does not change their personalities, Marcellus is still creative, optimistic, empathetic, disciplined, lightheaded and humble. Who wants to take in his father's footsteps to become a leader of Old Corona, and often follows Quirin.

After the death of Quirin's wife, the man grew protective of Marcellus as he shielded him from discriminative comments and judged looks. As well as bullies Marcellus, he defends him when he gets ridiculed.

In the original/canon AU or maybe canon divergence AU. Marcellus got inspired by alchemy by Varian and even wanna do things just like him and Varian creating sunscreen, an umbrella and breathable material. In this AU, Marcellus was gifted a sunscreen by the doctor and breathable material.

While Quirin does try to lighten up, Marcellus's mood after the death of his mother. He will teach Marcellus how to act like a leader in the village, even guiding him. Quirin does not yell at Marcellus, cause Marcellus is not Varian to almost kill Old Corona with his inventions. Because of this, Quirin views him as a little too disciplined. Marcellus slowly grew to take in his father's footsteps and be a leader of the village, and often listens and followed Quirin.

Marcellus still wants to know more about Quirin, since he kinda like to hear the man's words about topics. In the dark kingdom, where Quirin was a knight to King Edmund and had friends like Adira and Hector.

Quirin does occasionally help Marcellus with farming pumpkins and such, even Marcellus finds it fun.

He grew up in a sheltered house due to Quirin is a little more concerned about his albinism, and he does know this because people with albinism are vulnerable from the sun or light. And bullying, teasing or unwanted questions about their appearance, eyewear or visual aid tools.

When Marcellus shortly meets Varian, he won't expect Varian to act rebellious towards him. As he glares at him every time, they meet each other.

Varian

You can imagine how that goes. Varian won't tolerate the pain from his parents who treated him like crap by abusing him and cutting his leg off for being late, and cause of this he grew rebellious over them and the village for not helping him.

He often challenges his parents, Ramona and Gilbert and grows irritable as he doesn't like being hurt by people over being different.

His parents do "punish" him, by punishing him means abusing him. Varian will grow more rebellious and each time, he won't like seeing them. His father will be abusive and egocentric towards Varian, at times. He would be angry at Varian if he dared to "talk back" at him, and not obey them by not cooking or sweeping the house or rooms plus he isn't allowed to eat food with them and even for himself, he won't allow his wife who is Ramona to place a plate for Varian. He often sexually assaulted and harassed him! Which disgusts him and gives him the right to literally be even more rebellious towards them each time, his mother is just as abusive as her husband albeit she acts submissive towards him and his actions. She often is shown to cook food for the family and places plates on the diner table to eat but does not place one for Varian since she views him as inhuman, but she often scolds him. Which makes Varian, pretty much get pissed off at her.

Varian will argue with his brother, as he does not like to be laughed at when he gets "punished" by their parents and even joins with his parents to hurt him, his brother exploits or uses him for his own advantage by manipulating him. Varian will outsmart him, and actually make Ignatius even more angry.

The boy once his parents got arrested, became even more rebellious when no one helped him else than the villager who saw him in the horrid state when they reported him to the guards about the abuse.

Besides Varian's personality is similar to how he was in half of season 1 but dialled to 100, as he hates the abuse of both parents and brother. The neglect, abuse, pain and all of this make Varian even more rebellious than usual.

When Varian agrees to act a little not trusting of someone, he will glare at them or give them a cold look. Emotionless stare or vacant depends on how he reacts or sees things, Marcellus's eyes will often be worried when seeing Varian in a state where he is in pain.

"Guess, what? You have a better life than I do."

[dancingwiththoughts]

Medwhump May Day 28: Head Injury

I've decided to bring back a ridiculously old story I wrote when I was ten or so for TTS. Enjoy!

Why did it have to be happening now?

They were miles away from any other people, and there was no time to find a doctor. Rapunzel screamed, and Varian made a mental note to never go anywhere with a pregnant person near their due date.

+++++++

“This was such a fun idea, Hugo!” Rapunzel beamed.

Hugo smiled back.

“Well, I can’t take all of the credit. As much as I hate to admit it, it was also Fitzherbert’s idea. He thought that some fresh air would be good for you; and for Goggles.”

“Huh?” Varian’s head shot up from where he had been hunched over a book.

Hugo rolled his eyes.

“Come on, Var. What about a vacation don’t you get? You’re supposed to be relaxing, not working.”

“Hugo, I don’t have time for a vacation,” Varian ran a hand through his hair,”I still have a full schedule to work through.”

“Varian, it’s only a short trip for the weekend. You can take a vacation. In fact, I’m royally decreeing that you take one.” Rapunzel cut in.

Varian opened his mouth to argue, but seemingly decided against it.

“So what’s Eugene planning on doing while we’re away?”

Rapunzel thought a moment before replying.

“I’m not really sure. I think he said something about running drills and maybe taking Sunny to a park if he had time. But I’m sure he’s doing fine.”

+++++++

In Corona

“Lance, quick! Go grab the girls, and I’ll get Sunny. Rapunzel is gone, and this is the perfect time to try out that new sled.”

“But there’s no snow.”

“Who needs snow!? We have stairs!”

+++++++

“Yeah, he’s probably fine.”

“Hey, there’s the water!” Hugo called.

They turned to face the front of the cart. There was a vast expanse of shimmering blue. The sun glinted on the surface, causing the water to glisten magically. There was a small strip of sand between the land and ocean, which was also bathed in the sunlight.

“Wow, this is so beautiful!”Rapunzel exclaimed.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!

+++++++

“Varian!”

The group had been at the beach for a few hours, splashing around and chatting. Hugo had left a few moments ago, leaving Rapunzel and Varian alone. Varian had been brushing sand from Ruddiger’s fur when Rapunzel’s cry caught his attention. Ruddiger started sprinting towards the queen, and the alchemist followed. Rapunzel was sitting on the beach towel, color draining from her face.

“What’s wrong?” Varian exclaimed, kneeling down next to her.

“Varian, my water just broke.”

“What! We have to go back-”

“Varian, there’s not enough time. The baby’s coming now. You’re going to have to help me.”

“Me!? No, no, no, I can’t! I don’t know how to deliver a baby! What if I mess something up! I’m not qualified to-”

“Varian.”

Varian focused back on Rapunzel. She gazed at him, a soft smile dancing on her lips.

“I trust you.”

Varian took a breath

“O-okay”

+++++++

Hugo ran through the forest.

He had left the beach a few minutes ago to take care of business, leaving Varian and Rapunzel by themselves. He had just been walking back when a shrill scream caught his attention. They were the only ones nearby, so Hugo immediately broke into a sprint.

He turned a corner along the road, his shoes slipping in the sand. He could see Varian kneeling next to Rapunzel, who was breathing raggedly. Varian’s head turned as Hugo reached where they were, his face pale.

“Rapunzel’s going into labor. I don’t know what to do!”

The alchemist looked close to tears.

Hugo quickly shot into action.

“Okay. Var, get some towels, and wet them down with one of the canteens. I’ll stay with Rapunzel.”

Hugo glanced at the queen.

”Ready to have a baby?”

+++++++

“Come on, last stretch. You’re so close. One more push!”

Rapunzel let out a cry of pain, before gasping for breath. Hugo grinned, holding up the infant, who was now wrapped in a towel.

“Congrats on your new baby girl!”He said, handing the child to Rapunzel, who smiled, tears running down her blotchy skin.

Hugo turned to Varian, who had been relatively silent, but helpful.

“Thanks for the he- are you okay?”Hugo asked, eyebrows knitting together in concern.

Varian had gone ashen, swaying slightly where he stood.

“I’s… I’s alotta blood… sorry.” Varian’s eyes rolled into his head as he fell to the ground with a loud thud.

“Varian!”

Hugo kneeled down next to the alchemist, propping his head in his lap. He felt his hands grow sticky; pulling them away from Varian's head, he saw that they were smeared with blood.

“Oh Fu-”

“Hugo, what happened? Is he okay!?”

Rapunzel propped herself up, the child letting out a few noises of protests.

“He passed out and hit his head. I should’ve remembered the whole blood thing. I’m going to go grab bandages; he’s bleeding. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a concussion. Can you keep an eye on him?”

Rapunzel nodded.

“Great. Holler if you need anything. I’ll be right back.”

+++++++

Varian groggily blinked, trying to clear his vision. His head hurt, and everything was blurry. He could just make out a blond figure in front of him.

“Hugo?”

“Oh, good. You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“M’fine. What happened?” Varian tried to move from his position, but Hugo quickly grabbed his shoulder.

“Quit moving, idiot. You cut open your head, and now I have to bandage it. Just hold still, and I’ll be done in a sec.”

They sat in silence, before Hugo stepped back.

“There, that should stop the bleeding until we get back to Corona.”

Hugo sat down next to him, placing Varian's hand in his own.

“Be more careful, Goggles.” He murmured, planting a kiss on his cheek.

Varian blushed, before turning his attention to Rapunzel.

“So, how are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m good. Not my first time.”She beamed, cradling her child closer to her chest.

“So, what’d you name her?”

“I think I’m going to call her Beatrice Cass Fitzherbert , or Bea for short.”

“That’s a great name. I wonder what Eugene will think?”

“Well, we’ll see when we get there!”

+++++++

Hugo got out of the wagon first, helping Rapunzel and then Varian down. They opened the castle doors, ready to show off the new baby, when Sunny ran up to them; well, limped over.

Rapunzel gasped.

“Sunny, what happened! Oh, your face!”

There was a long scrape along the child’s forehead, and bruises were quickly forming on his arms and legs.

“I’m okay, mommy. But daddy’s a little stuck.”

Sunny pulled on Rapunzel’s dress, guiding her and the group down one of the halls.

“What do you mean daddy’s- EUGENE FITZHERBERT! YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU’RE STUCK IN THE FAMILY PORTRAIT !”

[grahamfolgersdeliciousnotebooks]

For @tmaappreciationweek Day 7 - Somewhere Else, I wrote the first chapter of a short little Somewhere Else fic:

Content Warnings:

Grief/Mourning

Mentions of canon-typical injury

When Jon was finally released from the hospital – when his wounds had healed (nothing short of miraculous, the doctors said, given the state they’d found him in), when the doctors and the police were finished asking him questions he couldn’t answer, and he’d grown to accept that he would get no satisfactory answers to the questions he put to them, when weeks went by with no sign of Martin, alive or dead, and the fear grew into a panic grew into a certainty that he had come to this doomed world alone – he didn’t know where to go.

The first thing he did was simply wander around this London, cataloging all the ways it differed from his own. The differences were subtle – the National Portrait Gallery was on St. Martin’s Place rather than Great George Street, Everton Street was now called Sydney Street, and the old Gothic cathedral on that road was now called St. Luke’s rather than St. Michael’s. The most important difference, of course, was that the Magnus Institute never seemed to have existed in this universe. The stretch of road where it should have been located now housed an unassuming row of shops and restaurants and drab office buildings. The area around it was the same, though. Jon passed the cafe where he and Martin used to get lunch once a week, and as he walked by, he could hear the voice of their usual waiter drifting through the window, asking another pair of customers for their order. The sound was like a punch to the gut, and it was enough to convince him that he couldn’t stay in London.

He bought his train ticket in a haze, and spent the entire journey numb and thoughtless. He hardly realized where he’d been going until he was already stepping across the threshold of the safehouse. When he recognized where his feet had taken him, all he could think was that it felt right, somehow. Of course instinct had led him here. Where else could he possibly go?

***

He wasn’t sure how those first few weeks passed. He was aware that he must have left his bed. He must even have left the house, wandered into town to buy food and toiletries and all the things he needed to keep himself alive, now that he couldn’t be sustained on statements alone. But he didn’t remember it. In his memory, those weeks were a bleak, empty blur, entirely spent lying alone in the bed he used to share with Martin, waiting for the pain to recede into something he could bear.

It hadn’t, yet, but there was still time.

Jon stared at his hand where it sat curled in the empty space that Martin ought to have filled. The burn had faded to a scar that looked much older than it was, but sometimes he imagined he could still feel the blinding heat of Jude Perry’s hand gripping it tight, pressing hot wax into all the lines and furrows of his palm. 

He’d only been able to feel the edges of the burn. The pain in his palm had flared intensely but briefly, and then the nerve endings had all gone dead and he’d been left with nothing but an absence. He could feel the outline of his injury, a white-hot corona of pain, but where the burn had been most severe, he’d been numb.

This latest wound was similar. Not physically, not by a long shot – he had very much felt the blade in his chest, followed by the sharp absence of a blade in his chest. But he found that he could only feel the edges of his grief. He missed the taste of Martin’s tea, missed the warmth of him in the bed, missed the smell of that awful, cheap shampoo he always used, but any time he tried to think about Martin, as a full person who he had known and then lost, he’d be overcome with a pain so all-encompassing that he’d swing back around to feeling numb.

He pushed himself out of bed. He’d been meaning to go to the store for ages, and he couldn’t put it off any longer. 

***

He and Martin had visited this shop together once. They’d been so hesitant then, fresh from the Lonely and scared out of their wits, clinging to each other even as they each worried that the other would push them away again at any moment. Martin had kept shooting nervous glances at their joined hands, and Jon had kept opening his mouth to just say something, anything, to clear the air, but he couldn’t.

Unscented soap, do you think? he’d asked instead, because it felt safer than saying anything else, Or lemon?

L-Lemon sounds nice, Martin had said, and Jon had squeezed his hand.

 It had looked a little different in their world – the baked goods had been up front by the produce rather than tucked away beside the frozen section, and the lights had been pleasantly warm-tinted compared to the harsh white fluorescents currently flickering over Jon’s head – but it was familiar enough to sting.

Jon grabbed a bottle of unscented dish soap from the shelf. He wasn’t sure how he’d run out already – it seemed impossible that he’d been here long enough to use an entire bottle – but somehow he had. He tossed it into the basket alongside the box of pasta and the protein bars he’d taken to eating on days when he couldn’t get out of bed to cook.

He brought his items to the front and handed them to the bored woman behind the counter to scan.

“I hope you found everything you were looking for today,” she said in the blandly friendly customer-service voice of someone who could not possibly care less if you had or hadn’t found everything you were looking for.

“Yes, thank you,” Jon replied in much the same tone. 

The woman glanced up and blinked at him. “Do I know you?” she asked.

“I doubt it,” Jon said. “I’m new in town.”

But the woman’s eyes widened as he spoke, and her jaw dropped.

“You’re Jonathan Sims!” 

Jon’s blood ran cold.

“I– I-I don’t know what you–” he started to say, gathering up his groceries as quickly as he could, but when she spoke again, he stopped in his tracks.

“I found one of your tapes.”

(View this work on AO3)

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Gremlin update October 31st 2024

I should be doing these properly again and keeping them shorter T~T

Short for real this time.

3:00 pm

Should have better chronicled the kidney problems in a blog post tbh. [remember me, you do not tolerate loratadine well, it turns out, and can't take a vitamin or a cokey cola daily! Your kidneys are a little slow sometimes and it causes gout and the blood phosphorus/calcium issue and bone pain+ cardiac bullshit]

Last week I did the groceries on Monday and then slept pretty much all week until I had to go out last Monday for another grocery run.

Both times now I have come down with cold symptoms almost immediately after getting home and cleared them within 24 hours.

Not allergy symptoms, decidedly cold, decidedly how I respond to viruses.

I think what's happening is my immune system has reversed to what it used to do when I was a teen and young adult.

Someone would be sick around me and then with no incubation period, like a day, max, I'd be sick with the same thing for another day and then fine. They'd try to argue it couldn't have been the same thing and that I got a "24 hour flu" out of thin air and that somehow I'd get sick with what they had in a week or two... I never did. It was enough of a pattern from puberty onward, and I don't socialize enough at all, to somehow not see the decided pattern. If you stay in your house with zero contact for a month, are around one sick person once and fall ill the next day, it becomes pretty clear how you got it.

I have always been pretty sure this relates to the autoimmune and having excessive allergies and hair trigger immune responses, dialed past 11. Like there is no "incubation" period because my immune system is freaking out over very little virus really immediately, almost like I'm allergic to viruses and not having to take time to learn they are a threat. And because it was so immediate, it was over fast too.

In more recent years after being exposed to something that acted like hanta virus after cleaning up after deer mice, my immune system kept having that same -new- response to every virus I was exposed to, be it cold or flu, so that my upper lungs would fill with congestion so I couldn't fucking breathe and sleep at the same time, but my lungs underneath the band of congestion were clear so doctors wouldn't help me. It was terrible. It became life threatening for me to catch any cold or flu virus at all and no one would help. Like I could not breathe unless I sat awake for 2-3 days and forced the air into my lungs. I understand why people die of that.

And then I almost died of corona virus and the knock-on autoimmune attacks and organ damage. I have been having flare-ups of symptoms in my heart, lungs, liver and kidneys every time I have been re-exposed to corona even just a tiny bit [not enough for corona symptoms or to qualify in any measurable way as re-infection] and which autoimmune symptoms I was experiencing, and how hard, have massively shifted [Pots lets up, thyroid better-ish, seem to have dermatomyositis and kidney involvement now?]. I can't be vaccinated because of this and because I am pretty sure the stroke-like symptoms I got after my last infection were from blood clots and I am certain I am one of the people who would respond to the vaccine with those rare blood clot problems.

But there might be a silver lining here, to having my immune system "reset" about a bunch of stuff.

My body seems to have forgotten the "congest the top of the lungs until we are being squeezed by an elastic band and can only breathe through concerted conscious effort" response... Which might be good actually. Not that I am being exposed to colds and flus with the corona precautions, but imagine responding that way to a virus that's ever-present and super air-born. Yikes.

So, seemingly, the virus levels are at such an all time high that I think even an hour in the grocery store, with 2 masks that seal to my face, first thing Monday morning at open, was somehow enough to expose me to enough virus to set off my very eager and angry immune system.

But instead of being slammed with a bunch of autoimmune symptoms [other than my eyelids peeling horridly again] I have "had a cold" for a day each and then been fine. At leas in the short term, no idea what long term effects this is having. My eyelids keep peeling. My immune system is NOT PLEASED, also not murdering any particular organ too quickly, but definitely not pleased [my skin is getting older looking again?? the wrinkles had reversed but now there's this softness like when skin sags a little??].

And I expected to spend this week even more exhausted and unable to cook or clean much, but by yesterday I was cooking for myself again. It's technically just barely Thursday and I am optimistic about getting some serious cleaning done in time to recover for Monday.

I still can't breathe freely outside my apartment but this is a good sign for my survival if I keep doing what I am doing... And nothing goes wrong...

...

So the smell. The smell I thought was coming from my bedding? That really kind of manly stress sweat smell I was blaming on sweat that was not getting washed often enough out of the bedding? I should have realized was not my bedding on account of the lack of old crayon skin oil smell [meaning the oil isn't old]...

It's just my armpits. Between showers. They just smell like that now.

Whatever hormonal shift is happening at 36 and onward that shrank the breast tumours to nothing... Is making me smell like a man. A stressed man.

I mean yes, I have PCOS but I also have suspected I have a partial androgen insensitivity , and maybe some more complicated hormone disorder, after a very weird puberty and a lot of hair compared to my mother and sister, who also get cysts [My poor sister also has PCOS is actually diagnosed, but still can't grow eyebrows and never got any height out of it :(]... My main problem was the cysts, really. I wish I had kept the voice I was starting to develop at like 14 [it got freakishly deep for a week]...

But I am way too young for menopause! So either my left ovary was hard to find in the last scan -if they found it- because it has murdered itself and the cyst they found on the right did a lot of damage... And it's all a cysts thing... Or something else is causing a massive hormonal overhaul.

I mean on one hand gender euphoria. On the other, I still don't have facial hair and now I smell like an unfamiliar man -_-

I'll get used to it.

Despite this though, I still have yet more baby hairs filling in on my scalp. Whatever was causing the extreme hair loss doesn't seem to have been a shift in hormones as much as maybe my organ health?

Well if your doctor won't let you transition maybe your body will just miracle itself more masculine?

I'm waiting for my finger and toe hair to grow back in. Where is my darker lip hair?

~*~

November 1st

2:15 am

On basically a nocturnal schedule for however long that lasts. Today did not look hopeful but then I ate some sugary jellies, and some steak and some more mango rice and now I have done half the cleaning I had been putting off each day for like 2-3 months. The cleaning I have been struggling to do most of or past of since my last big blog post because of how sick I got.

Floor is 90% clean, it just needs re-sweeping after it dries, dishes are done except some cat dishes, laundry is down to one load. And I need to clean out the litter boxes so everything can go out later this morning.

Then I will be caught up on the "for now" organizing, the cleaning/chores and be on a good schedule for at least finishing fall groceries before December.

So long as I don't get sick I will be good. I can hibernate in here for winter and get to more downsizing after I recover some.

~*~

4:00 am

Litter boxes cleaned out, toilet cleaned, bathroom floor wiped down once... Think I might finish up the dishes. Then all I really have to do is laundry, or keeping up really because there's just my current clothes and current dishes etc now, while I am finishing the groceries.

I have also showered. My hair has grown in just enough to be how I like it.

I'll need to move a couple bins of tools soon so I can put the jar and canned goods away where they go for winter.

~*~

5:10 am

Well I did the last dishes again, set the laundry to agitate again, etc...

If I get more pep in me before Monday I might just get the freezers up onto their new casters so I can easily wheel them around to clean under them and between them.

I don't want to push it this year to doing more than one grocery run in a week due to high virus levels. My body is going to have a full week to recover in between and even some vitamins, because I really can't risk actually getting re-infected.

And on the bright side that means if I have any energy left on the 6 other days of the week I can use it to stay caught up and start chipping away at other problems.

Now I just have to stay awake until at least 9 ish with a belly full of rice and steak, but on the bright side the kitchen being entirely clean means I'm way more likely to cook for myself properly.

~*~

5:40 am

I paid my rent and bills too, but my phone battery ran down to 1% from 9 while I was doing it despite that it shows as plugged in and charging. It has shown as charging for hours now but instead of gaining any charge it just keeps losing power. The screen is dying inside, it's possible I will have to rush out to replace it. I can't be without a phone.

Okay, I say that like I say "I can't just move out to the woods because even if I had room to grow food for myself I would still need to be close to doctors and a hospital"... But really when have they helped? How often does even calling ambulance accomplish anything for me, really? Have I not shown the capacity to walk a city away on occasion if I need to?

Whatever the point is I can't leave myself without the capacity to make an emergency call.

Stupid thing is sitting here at 1% refusing to take a charge, but at least I got my rent paid before it died completely and left me without a way to contact my landlord?

I figured I'd need a new phone in the coming year, but it looks like I might need a new phone in time for my birthday.

~*~

November 3rd

1:50 am

I was almost very sad when I thought it was already Smonday, but it's still just Satunday U.U

Don't know if I am doing my shopping Monday or Tuesday mornings for a while. I want to avoid the end of the week or doing them more than once a week or on days I already don't feel well. There's also remembrance day on the 11th and the store might not have regular hours.

I've been using a calendar for ONCE in my life for the past half year, which hasn't amounted to much but it has made me not go out when the stores are closed since I started leaving the calendar up next to my head.

I still have the kind of ADHD where I won't remember to look at the calendar unprompted but the fear of getting there only to realize the shops are closed seems to be external prodding enough. Now.

I still want to get 3 grocery runs and a $tore trip in this month.

The phone is good. This phone is the experience I should have been having in early 2020 when I was forced to replace my phone last time only to have it break within 2-3 days due to infuriating fucking circumstances and sabotage. This phone is my birthday present IG.

IG my only complaint is a game I got used to playing on android is actually an ipad game that I think isn't bothering to support android users anymore. It says it does but it isn't int he app store?

I got the last load of backed up laundry done and hanging now and the first of 2-3 loads collected from around the apartment for stuff due to be washed is in. I am thinking one more load for my current clothes towels and 2 robes and then another for all my sheets.

At some point I am going to cut my giant duvet into quarters that can be washed separately. I'll hem the new edges and if I want it to be a full blanket again I can sew it back together later, for now the concern is having it be washable in my apartment, because I use it folded in quarters as a mattress topper.

Not to jinx it but other than the tidy stack of too much stuff in the middle of my apartment and the global plague, everything is going well enough and according to plan? Ig.

~*~ November 4th

11:00 am

Slept till my noon-ish, and get out a bit earlier that usual, got to the store 5 minutes before open and was done by around 20 minutes after opening. Had to have done good on the not being exposed to much virus that way deal. Bought an obscene amount of canned goods. Only had one bag to put away in the fridge or freezer.

Now I am set up to spend the week here organizing and spot cleaning a bit more and getting the can put away, and not having to deal with something like having to run out again before I am ready because of some situation with my phone.

I can take my leisurely time with the next load of laundry and have my clothes dry for next week. The store didn't have special hours posted. I forgot to ask staff but I am assuming they have normal hours. I should try calling. I might put that trip off till Muesday, just so I don't risk getting there literal hours before they open. Got 2 trips left and then one $tore trip and then it's hibernation time.

~*~

November 10th

Eugh, I don't want to do more groceries T~T

I got my canned goods put away and the tool buckets at least moved out of the way to put them in there. I keep tool buckets in there over the summer to keep pumpkin out of my storage space under the bed.

I have 1-2 more grocery trips to complete and a dollarstore run and a walmart trip, and then I am done for the year. Probably not doing the groceries this week till Tuesday so I can just skip remembrance day with it's uncertain hours.

If I manage to get the rest of what I need in one trip I'll be done by the end of November, if not then the first week of December. I will have to take some money back out of savings, but only 1k this time, and like last winter I'll be putting all my money after rent and bills back into savings all winter.

I can't wait to get back to focusing on downsizing. I want it done so bad. My fingers are itching to throw some stuff away even, after spending all year thinking about it.

I also started writing another fic to get back into practice before I decide what to write on stream. This time it's x-men with "werewolves", but like the werewolves are all original people/characters, not existing characters [so overdone, leave Logan and the fuzzy boys and the changeling alone, let them be the ones experiencing a werewolf in their lives]. Again it's something I am probably writing for personal emotional processing and might never post. If I do post it, it'll be after I read all the comics ever to make sure the characterization is more on point than from just watching the shows and reading some of the comics because the movie characterization is largely not what I am going with. I did watch all the different cartoon series so far though, even the really short-lived stuff and re-watching evolution which I also consider an outlier. Are there x-men novels? I'd like to see those too tbh.

I don't know what the next fic or fiction is that I'll work on to post publicly. I don't have enough shame to stop me from posting the personal stuff, but I also don't get the sense that it would appeal to anyone except me anyway.

I think I am back on a daytime schedule because I have been sleeping most of the day but also until 4 am and I just need to be awake for a bit because even if I am tired, sleeping this much is starting to make me feel insane.

~*~

November 12th

10:40 am

I tried to do a big enough trip this time to not have to go back for groceries again, and I fucking... A front wheel on the cart snapped off.

My tomatoes also fell out and spilled everywhere like 4 different times, including in the store where other people helped pick them up. Like yeah I'm going to be washing them in soap regardless and probably blanching them in boiling hot water as I do with produce these days, but they were fucking married to bailing on repeat. The floor, floor, the sidewalk, the sidewalk, the floor again.

How did I get the cart the rest of the way home? Supported half the wight so I could roll it on the back wheels. FML

Now I am just hoping I can get replacement wheels at walmart online

I still need corn starch, salt, poppy seeds and baking soda for the winter but like, not so desperately as to need another grocery trip, since they will probably* be at walmart or the dollarstore and if not, fuck it.

Just fuck it, I do not care.

~*~

November 25th 2024

Okay. So...

I did the dollarstore trip on my birthday and was fucking reminded that I can't be carrying 200$ worth of shopping home in bags, JFCOAC like that wasn't obvious.

Then my mom texted me that the photos of ID aren't enough unless I sign and witness a form and she still needed my SIN. I re-researched what can actually be done with someone's sin and decided to give it to her for her pension forms, but -as I did not want it sitting in the text convo for all to see forever more- I anticipated that phone call going bleakly.

I felt bad putting it off because I know my mother is an anxious person, I anticipated her being pissed at me for not handling it right away, or for having peculiar boundaries/instructions about it [call me with the papers in hand and only write it there]... But mostly I felt bad because I thought she'd probably be stressing about getting the forms in on time the entire bloody way...

And then it the fuck occurred to me that the only reason I was putting it off was because my mother had made me so anxious about talking to her on the phone that I was putting off important legal documentation that I had already made a decision about for half a week... And that it was probably on her, and not my place to feel bad about it.

Whatever, she did as expected and used the call as an excuse to just strike up conversation, but she didn't nag at me or blame me for anything, she was just her usual self on calls... Overlooks the significance of anything I manage to get in edgewise, tells me about her life without leaving me room to tell her about mine, and then "has to go"... She at least acknowledged that it was up to me whether I wanted to call her back again, as I had only broken the no contact to give her what she needed for her cpp.

Tbh I'm kind of pissed she waited till my birthday to "oh by the way I still need your sin because nothing else will do despite what the website says" She should know by now that this kind of security relevant decision stresses me out, and that I'd be stressed about having to talk to her, and -particularly- that I'd be anticipating the usual tantrum I get when something happens in her life and I don't fix it fast enough for her liking. Maybe wait till after my birthday? Maybe tell me the week before? It's like the one day a year I'm almost guaranteed to have plans WITH MYSELF alone at home where I don't want to be stressed out. [I decided a long time ago that birthday is ME day, okay? It's self care day. I don't have friends irl to get pissed about that.]

She's moved out somewhere rural near where the rest of the family lives. Apparently prices are even higher there [7-8$ for butter as opposed to 5-6$]. Apparently my dad helped her move. So glad they can all cooperate and help her instead of leaving me to do it all. She got what she wanted, I think she's living with my sister. She kept harping on about wanting to live with one of us, and just wouldn't accept that it wouldn't be me. I hope they don't tear into each other.

...

Today I did the walmart run but apparently my bank lied about my daily spending limit being lifted, because I had to put one credit card back. I still have one to finish my shopping online, and I got a pot for cheaper in the store... But if I anticipate needing to spend more that 500$ this winter, I need to go back for another later this week.

Other than that I am good. Good and tucked in for the season. Hopefully till May since I got a later start on winter this year.

Thinking I might take some walks after January out to local geographical features that everyone else will have abandoned for winter, for fresh air, but I am not sure if that will make my ankle injury come back, it doesn't like me walking in the cold. I don't usually leave my house for about 5-6 months at all, but maybe I'll stick my head out this time.

Might have also found a service that will pick up "donations" of an unspecified variety at my door, so that might really help me downsize over winter without having to go anywhere.

Met a Raven on my way out from the store, it was making a noise from the roof that I thought was one of the gentler bird deterring noises, but it sounded way too close. Was a raven right over head. I imitated the call and we had a nice little chat for a hot minute. So my week is made, my month, whatever the universe says happy birthday. Love big black bird. Had no seeds on me :(

I want to go back to sleep.

At least when I get back from walks my apartment doesn't smell bad so much as vaguely like food.

This does solve the whole "I need to be at home for deliveries, but I have to leave to buy supplies" that was left over after the last episode. I can get the other card and then chill here and order whatever I need to all winter. I did have to take 1k out to get the cards, but I can put it back in like a week, I just did not want to be shopping on black friday and cyber monday weekend etc... With that exception I haven't had to dip into savings to do my fall shopping this year, and I only had 3 or so cans left from last year and a few bottles of condiments. I have now frozen the condiments till I need them, and will use up those few cans first. That means that last year's 'winter' shopping actually reduced costs through the whole next year, and I have a fall season to check all my canned goods and actually switch out everything I have on reserve and/or actually keep track of what I actually need. Nothing has gone bad o me yet.

So ig I have one more errand and then I am taking a moth to clean and chill out, and then I get back to sweeping organization and downsizing and see how far I get by spring.

Then this list:

Glue the one drawer from the dresser that pulled apart [because 1-2 drawers were never glued by me to begin with because they *seemed* to be holding in one piece too well] & put the pulls on it

Get the electronics tote organized and downsized

Call the electronics disposal service

Get the things I am giving away gone and out of the apartment

make ramp [for spring, haha, late]

Re-upholster arm chair

remake cat stand into cat stand/window bench

remake plant rack

shelf over sink

Re-downsize 'out' stack of totes

Fall groceries 2024