#cop au incorrect quotes

[queenofapeacefuldawn]

Cop AU Incorrect Quotes That I Wish Would Come In The Story, But Alas [#3]

[When Mini is out sick]

Rudy, bored: You know I shot a watermelon once? It went exactly how you might imagine.

Subala, about to slap him: I am begging you, please get out of my office.

Rudy: I miss Mini :(

Subala: Don't you have cases to work on?

Rudy: I miss Mini :(

----

Guys I SWEAR I'm working on the cop au, I'm just tired as hell (during my exams I was on high amounts of adrenaline but now since there's nothing to stress over I've crashed,, but I'm building enough stress inside myself to trigger an adrenaline release (idc if it's scientific or not. it works for me). i know im slipping so i'm sorry :(. it's not an excuse, ik, but you guys deserve better than my laziness

[sodamnbored]

PJO Cop AU

Cop Jason, during a serious interrogation: Enough messing around. Give me a name.

Criminal Percy, hesitantly: Aren’t your parents supposed to do that?

[harringroveera]

Enter Steve climbing to the roof, sneaking to Billy’s room through the window but ends up being caught by Jim and Joyce

[harveywritings92]

{Radom magic au, there was murder in town, Soap and Ghost are acting as temporary investigators until the actual authorities show up. Soap has R/n pick out the suspect in a line of people who were nearby when the murder occurred.]

Soap: Okay we’ve set up a line up of five suspects tell me if you recognize any of-

R/n: Four.

Soap: Say again?.

R/n: you said five suspects, *points at the line up* ...There’s only four.

[Soap looks to see what she’s talking about? And sees number three is missing.]

Soap: Just a moment, Ghost?

[Ghost calmly walks up between suspect 2 and 4, grabs an invisible form and punches them in the stomach causing them to uncloak.]

Ghost, to number 3: Stay visible till the line up is over!

Suspect 3, coughing and holding their stomach: Okay, okay jeez!

Soap: Thanks Chief ,(to R/n) Now do you recognize any- *notices R/n wince* ....What’s wrong?

R/n, pointing at the line up: They disappeared again...

[Soap looks to see the other suspects are staring at Number 3’s empty spot.]

Soap, face palms: *sigh* Sometimes I hate mages...

Suspect 5, rising his hand: Does this mean we can go home?

Ghost: No.

Suspect 5: Awww..

[blood-inthefields]

Tissaia: I love murder mysteries! Yennefer, trying to impress her: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

[moondrop39-dovewing70]

Monkey Cop: K9 Unit AU Incorrect Quotes Part One

(This is when they are in character on the show)

"Do you even have a gun?"

"Why do I need a gun?"

"To defend yourself? Why else?"

"I don't need a gun to defend myself, I have my other trusty side kick besides Luna."

"And that is?"

"A Taser."

"Why a taser?"

"Because while I don't condone violence. I do condone sending a message."

"And that message is....?"

"If you act like a prick, you will be holding on to your dick."

*Everyone off-set and on-set burst out laughing*

Director: "CUT!"

[asunnydreamer]

Incorrect Quotes: Dancing Powers Edition.

Here is my attempt at grasping each of their personalities XD

[traveleroffarawayplaces]

Warriors standing in the background menacingly;

The yiga: *Starts sweating* WHO EVEN ARE YOU GUYS?!?

sky, kindly: now, why don't you tell us why you're here, hmm? i'm sure we can come to an arrangement.

time, darkly, hand on his sword: we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. no points for guessing which one you'll enjoy more.

hyrule, clearly out of his depth but trying to look tough: yeah... tell us why you want to, uh, kill wild!

the yiga footsoldier, tied to a chair, very confused: ...

[noctivagant-corvid]

incorrect quotes 4 ur au (mostly williamverse)

wight: right. let’s split em up and make em talk. two of you take the one on the right, the other two take the one on the left. smokescreen: right. good cop bad cop. destroyerswill: yknow it’s interesting that people say “good cop bad cope”, because policing in this country is really broken, so it’s just “bad cop, bad cop”. wight: smokescreen, you’re with him. smokescreen: got it.

monwill: i’ve met a lot of pricks in my life, but you, smokescreen, are a fucking cactus.

wight: i never said i was gonna get back together with him. but i was thinking, he’s in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if i gave him a call?  smokescreen: no. no, wight, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. it would be the fourth worst thing. number one: a super volcano. number two: an asteroid hits the earth. number three: all the Evel Knievel movies are lost. number four: wight calls wisperer. Number five: seer gets eaten by a shark.  seer: i’m seer, and i approve the order of that list.

pjowill: listen i know we don’t always see eye to eye- wight: that’s because you’re too short to do so. pjowill: …listen here you fucking—

montide: i am going to need you to swear- mondakota: fuck. montide: …swear as in promise-

csadam: i’m not superstitious. but i am a little stitious.

racingashe, post trickster: hello, my name is failure, and you’re watching my life fall into pieces. (does a fake disney channel intro)

smokescreen: hey besties- monwill: die. smokescreen: what did i ever do to you?

canon lethe: didn’t you DIE? canon will: that was weeks ago dude. things change.

wight: i’m terrible at expressing myself. seer: actions speak louder than words..? wight: yeah, but my actions are also terrible.

wisperer: any plans for tonight?? ;) wight: no wisperer: lmao loser

wight: life is like kota. it’s short.

[rosedajester]

NS!AU incorrect quotes part two + quotes from the actual AU because you all loved the first one-

Lunar: Mufasa's death scene made me cry again.  Pollux: Awww, Lunar!  Pollux: It's okay, he's not a real horse! It's a cartoon!  Lunar: Horse...?  Lunar: HORSE???  Pollux: In my defense, I've never seen it.  Lunar: It's called the LION KING Pollux.  Ruin: New cryptid: It's me. I come into your window at night and I say "Feel how cold my hands are" and then I put my cold hands on the back of your neck.  Solar: But... My neck!  Ruin: You should've thought of that before you went and had a neck.

Puppet: Pick a card, any card.  Lunar: Fine.  Puppet: Wait, that's my credit card!  Lunar: You said any card. 

Eclipse: So... In horror movies where flat tires stop people from running away... You can still drive with flat tires. It damages the tires and wheels and it's not safe at high speeds, but you can still drive away from a raving serial killer. Pro tip next time a knife wielding lunatic comes at you. Get in the car, you'll be fine.  Puppet: Well, this would have been useful last night.  Solar: See, this is where people make the mistake. If the knife maniac is running straight at your car, slam it into reverse. You probably won't kill them but you might cause some damage, then drive. They'll be stopped and you can get away, and maybe they'll even be at the same spot to call the cops (And maybe the ambulance) on.  Ruin: What a top notch addition to an already excellent statement!  Earth: ...Are we going to ignore how Ruin apparently had an encounter with a serial killer last night...? 

Ruin: *has a booth that says “the earth is flat”* Eclipse: *sneezes* Ruin: you ok? Eclipse: yeah it’s just that I’m allergic to BULLSHI-

Star: If I run and leap at Eclipse, they will most certainly catch me in their arms.  Star, running towards Eclipse: Coming in!  Eclipse: No! I’m holding coffee!  Eclipse: *Drops coffee and catches Pollux*

*Star and Moon playing minecraft*  Star: Oh no, oh no, oh no-  Moon: What’s wrong?  Star: I did a thing.  Moon: You regret the thing you dID- Star: *screams*  Moon: What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-  Star: *screams again* 

QUOTES FROM THE AU:

Star: MY TAIL IS SHARP- *proceeds to stab the hell out of Earth with her tail* Earth: AHHHHH-

Star: Its plain to see your scared of me.. Ruin: but that’s not how it’s supposed to be! Star: When your the reason I’m in town! Ruin: And Every pice of mind- Eclipse and Solar: STOP SINGING BILL WATTERSON-

(more soon (:)

[queenofapeacefuldawn]

Cop AU Incorrect Quotes (That I Wish Would Come In The Story, But Alas) [#6]

----

[Arresting a criminal]

Criminal: [pulls out knife]

Mini: Oh. I see. You have a knife. But what you should have brought was an umbrella.

Rudy, vibrating with excitement: Tell him why!

Mini: Because a fucking storm is going to rain down on you, bitch.

Rudy: Whoo!

[detective-inspector-her]

Left Behind AU Incorrect Quotes

Gordon: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Valkyrie: Gordon what-?

Saracen: It was difficult, so you’ve just given up. You might fail, so why bother trying?

Gordon: Exactly.

Gordon, to Tanith: I told you he’d understand.

Saracen: I want a trip down memory lane.

Valkyrie: proceeds to grab every warrior cats book they have and sets them in Saracen's lap

Valkyrie: I heard you needed these?

Saracen: YES! ALL OF THEM!

Gordon: Hey, Ghastly, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?

Ghastly: Yeah.

Gordon: And you, Tanith?

Tanith: Umm... yes?

Gordon: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!

Tanith: Did he just-

Anton: What?

Saracen: You know, there’s something weird going on with your face?

Saracen: You’re smiling! I didn’t know you could do that?

Ghastly: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.

Tanith: Hey, Ghastly, what do you think it would be like if we had kids?

Tanith: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?

Ghastly: Can't really say I have.

Tanith: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes.

Ghastly: Sorry, Tanith. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.

Dexter: Chillin' in a hot tub!

Saracen: Two bros!

Saracen and Dexter, in unison: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS FUCK!

Valkyrie: You a cop?

Dexter: Hey, aren’t you Valkyrie?

Dexter: No.

Valkyrie: Then yes, I am.

Tanith: Oh, I’m sorry.

Dexter: I asked Saracen out.

Dexter: Why?

Tanith: Well, I assume he said no.

Dexter: No, he said yes.

Tanith: Really? Then I’m sorry for him.

Tanith: He once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."

Dexter: So, what's it like living with Gordon?

Dexter: ...

Tanith: I love him so much.

Gordon: *Ugly crying*

Skulduggery, holding out a cookie for Gordon: Look! This ones a heart, that’s how I feel about you!

Skulduggery, holding out another cookie for Valkyrie: This ones like Michigan, that’s how I feel about you!

Valkyrie, throwing their hands in the air: What does that mean?!

Valkyrie: Okay-

Skulduggery: Yo dumbass, get over here.

Gordon: *gleefully runs past* I’m coming!

Valkyrie sadly: I thought... I was dumbass...

Valkyrie: Um… the moment I saved you from getting killed.

Skulduggery: When did you become a hero?

Skulduggery: You’re the last person on earth I wanted to rescue me.

Valkyrie: Well… sucks to be you, don’t it.

Valkyrie and Dexter: *fighting and yelling at each other*

Saracen: Can I get a waffle?

Saracen: Can I p l e a s e get a waffle?

Valkyrie: When I join this friend group I thought you guys would be dealing with my bullshit.

Valkyrie: You know what?

*Saracen, Dexter and Tanith continue screaming about mould water*

Valkyrie: Not the other way around.

Ghastly: I dunno, sounds like you need to drink the mould water.

Skulduggery: The reason I wake up every morning.

Saracen: So, what is Valkyrie to you?

Saracen: ...That’s adorable.

Valkyrie earlier that morning, barging into Skulduggery′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

Skulduggery: You slept for three hours last night! Why are you surprised?!

Valkyrie: I'm tired.

Valkyrie: I'm not surprised. I just wanted to complain about it.

Dexter: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Valkyrie: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

Saracen: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

Dexter: But I heard a siren.

Anton: That was Gordon.

Gordon: Sorry, I got nervous.

Saracen: Uh, no, no, that is basil.

Dexter: Is this mistletoe?

Dexter: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you.

Saracen: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

Skulduggery: ...

Valkyrie: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?!

Valkyrie: Oh, right. The lying.

Tanith: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...

Skulduggery: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.

Valkyrie: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

Saracen: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.

Dexter: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.

Gordon: Mental stability, my old friend!

Skulduggery: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Anton: Oh, I would... but I don’t want to.

Dexter: Hey Anton, do you wanna help us?

Valkyrie: Yes.

Dexter: So... This is my full potential?

Dexter: So, then it's...

Valkyrie: All downhill from here.

Dexter: Like Skulduggery.

Valkyrie: I do not know what this Skulduggery is. But it sounds disappointing.

Tanith, in defeat: Let’s go.

Skulduggery, smugly, after security arrives to escort Tanith and Valkyrie out: So, do you wanna walk out of here or do you wanna be carried out?

Valkyrie: Wait.

Tanith: What?

Valkyrie: I’d kinda like to be carried out...

I'll probably do this for other fics that I want to write. Like, a heads up for some of the insane bullshit that's been hiding in my head for the past few months.

Valkyrie: And now for a gay update with Saracen and Dexter.

Dexter: Getting gayer.

Valkyrie: Thank you, Dexter.

[azar-rosethorn]

Incorrect Security Breach Quotes 5

(someone stop me)

Also my AU Fic demands attention

Gregory: Thanks for pulling the fire alarm, you saved me from giving an oral report about The Scarlet Web.

Chica: You were too lazy to read the book?!

Gregory: I was too lazy to watch the movie.

--

Vanessa: What’s your biggest fear?

Roxy: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Gregory: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Chica: Zombies.

Roxy: ...

Gregory: ...

Chica: BUT they can open doors.

--

Chica: Why doesn’t Roxy find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Gregory: What do you look like when you bite your lip?

Chica: *bites lip*

Gregory: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

--

Monty: Now, if I may speak for good-looking people everywhere...

Roxy: Only as our rodeo clown.

--

Vanessa: What do people in relationships even do?

Freddy: Care about someone with your whole heart and dedicate your life to making them happy.

Vanessa: Okay. Didn't ask.

Chica: Asks question

Chica: "Didn't ask"

Vanessa: Thanks for the play by play, Captain Fuck.

--

Monty: My head hurts.

Vanessa: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

--

Monty: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is an orange called orange because oranges are orange?

Sun: Which came first, the orange or the orange?

Vanessa: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago.

Roxy: What was the color called before then?

Bonnie: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!

--

Sun: You’re a loose cannon, Roxy.

Roxy: No, I’m not. I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Bonnie: I think you play by your own rules.

Gregory: No way, she thinks rules were made to be broken.

Sun: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Roxy: No, I’m just a reckless renegade. Moon is a loose cannon.

Moon: *smashes a chair* You shut your trap, Roxy!

Gregory: I’d say Moon’s more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing.

Bonnie: Now I’m just confused. Is Roxy a loose cannon or not?

Sun: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this.

Roxy: *groans*

Moon: Aw, man.

--

Vanessa: Good morning.

Freddy: Good morning.

Bonnie: Good morning.

Monty: Y'all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Gregory: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

--

Sun: What does “take out” mean?

Roxy: Food.

Chica: Dating.

Vanessa: Murder.

Gregory: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

--

Freddy: How do you do that?

Bonnie: I'm fearless.

Chica: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.

Bonnie: I'm mostly fearless.

--

Roxy: I just wanna be called cute 21/7.

Chica: Why not 24/7?

Roxy: Snack breaks.

--

Freddy: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Vanessa periodically send me texts saying ‘we need to talk.’

Freddy: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.

--

Monty: I’m a multitasker!

Monty: I can disappoint fifteen people at once.

--

Sun: Monty has only knocked me out three time this week. Our friendship is really developing!

--

[somereaderinblue]

A/N: A series of incorrect quotes that made me think of Flash & Peter in @kzele Mutual Bullying AU wherein Flash is Spiderman & Peter's his hypercompetent sidekick that forces him to undergo something worse than puberty: ✨character development✨

F: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. P: You're 16. F: I might die at 32!

P: Please, I'm begging you, go to a doctor. F: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

F: Today is a day of running through hurdles. P: Aren’t you supposed to jump over hurdles? F: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

F: I've gotten faster at math. P: Alright, what's 30x17? F: 47. P: That's not even close! F: But it was fast.

P: This is a bad idea. F: Then why're you tagging along? P: Someone has to talk the cops out of arresting you! F: I hate that you're right.

F: Oh shit, you use humor to deflect trauma, don't you? P: Thank you F: I didn't say that was a good thing! P: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.

[firephoenix2020]

Incorrect quotes with my Stuck In The Inky 'Void' au

[different au BATIM/BATDR au then i've been posting about before]

Relationships:

Romantic: Susie x Allison, Joey x Henry, Bendy x Sammy x Fay [oc]

Platonic relationships: Norman & Fay [Besties], Allison & Thomas/Tom [their like siblings], Joey & Fay [Frenemies], Fay & Henry [Father-child relationship], Joey & Bendy [Enemies], Henry & Bendy [Their Chill], Norman & Susie [Tolerates each other bc of Fay], Fay & Susie [Besties, tho Susie won't admit it] Norman & Sammy [Both think the other one is crazy as hell, Still friends tho] Allison & Fay [Loveable Dumbasses]

Fay refer to Joey as Father, and Henry as Papa btw!

Love Triangle you'll definitely see jokes about in the au:

[They will all end up together tho don't worry]

!Swearing warning!

Now the Quotes!

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Fay : We should normalize not loving family members. Joey: You can just say: “I hate my dumb fuck Father” or whatever. Talk like a normal person!

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Susie: Can we go to a haunted house? Allison: What’s wrong with the one we live in? Susie: Wh-what? Allison: Goodnight, Susie.

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Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker Joey: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Everyone: Allison: …I did. I broke it. Joey: No. No you didn't. Susie? Susie: Don't look at me. Look at Tom. Tom: What?! I didn't break it. Susie: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken? Tom: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. Susie: Suspicious. Tom: No, it's not! Fay: If it matters, probably not, but Bendy was the last one to use it. Bendy: Liar! I don't even drink that crap! Fay: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? Bendy: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Fay! Allison: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Joey. Joey: No! Who broke it!? Everyone: Fay: Joey… Susie's been awfully quiet. Susie: rEALLY?! Everyone starts arguing Joey, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. Joey: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Joey: Joey: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

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Norman: What are you drinking? Susie: Vodka. Norman: Straight? Susie: No, gay. Why?

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Sammy: If the thought of something makes any of you giggle for longer than 15 seconds, you are to assume you’re not allowed to do it.

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Bendy: Yeah, well I've never died so how do I know that god is real.

[Says the Demon in love with the God of Death & Destruction]

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Norman: Bendy, I have a couple of words to say to you. Allison: Please let those two words be “I’m sorry.” Sammy: I’m ready with the bleep button if not.

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Allison: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Susie is? Because Susie is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.

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Fay: bites lip Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are? Cop: That isn’t gonna work, hands behind your back.

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Allison: You’re mean! Fay: You’re meaner! Allison: Yeah, well, you’re ugly too! Fay: You’re uglier! Allison: You’re a dumbass! Fay: You’re a dumberass! Allison: You think “dumberass” is a good insult!

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Allison: I’m really glad “fight me” has replaced “sue me” in the common vernacular because I don’t have money, but I do have fists and I am always angry.

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Fay, learning how to drive: What happens if I press the gas and the brake at the same time? Susie: The car takes a screenshot. Allison: Please pull over. I’m driving now.

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Allison: What are your three best qualities? Fay: I’m hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.

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Henry: Tom, you're my best friend. Tom: Best friend? BEST friend?! Bitch, I'm your only friend. Tom: I'M THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF TOLERATING YOUR DUMB ASS!

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Norman: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them? Susie: Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them. Norman: Okay yeah thanks Susie, that's great but WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT?

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Susie: What's the scariest horror movie you've ever watched? Joey: IT. Henry: Annabelle. Sammy: Paranormal Activity. Fay: High School Musical. All throughout high school I was scared that everyone was gonna randomly get up and start singing and dancing, and I would be the only one who doesn't know the words.

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Allison: I need to dye my hair. Susie: … Allison: Or get another tattoo. Susie: … Allison: Or a new piercing. Susie: Why? Allison: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

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Susie: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions. Tom: Ridiculous. Give me some examples. Joey: Wasps? Henry: Terriers? Susie: Fay.

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Fay: Ow! Susie: What’s wrong? Fay: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow. Susie: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

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Allison: Between Norman, Fay, Tom, and Henry -- if you had to -- who would you punch? Sammy: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them. Allison: Norman? Sammy: Yeah, but I don't know why.

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Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle. Tom, with Allison and Joey behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?! Police: Yes…three. Tom: Oh, my God— What the fuck!? Police: Wha- Tom: Henry FUCKING FELL OFF!

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Bendy: Do you have any idea what you’re doing? Fay: Why start now?

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Sammy: So, Henry is late today. Anyone wanna bet why? Sammy: I say they slipped through the subway grate and is having terrible sex with the mole man. Allison: I don't know about that…I think either their alarm clock didn't go off, or they're in line at the bank. Bendy: Take this more seriously! Henry was clearly taken in their sleep! Tom: I bet they tucked themselves into the bed too tightly and got stuck. Norman: Maybe they fell into another dimension where they're more interesting…? Henry arrives Henry: Sorry I'm late - there was a problem at the bank. Allison, clapping their hands in excitement: HOT DAMN!

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Sammy: looks at Bendy Sammy: Baby boy. Baby. Sammy: looks at Susie Sammy: Evil.

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Joey: I don’t care what anyone thinks about me. Fay: Ok. Joey: Wait, why such a muted reaction? Did that not sound cool?

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Bendy: How do you type so fast? Henry: Anxiety.

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Computer: Please enter a password. Joey: types in Henry Computer: Your password is too weak. Joey: How fucking DARE YOU-

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Allison: Why does Susie always do the laundry so loudly? Sammy: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house. Susie, in the distance: slams the washing machine shut

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Fay, jumping out of Henry's closet: BOO! Henry: Fay: Henry: Fay: makes a sad face Henry: Ahh! Oh my god! You scared me!

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Henry: Regular soda is too sweet! Tom: Diet soda has a weird after taste! Henry: No! Ugh, oh my god. Diet soda is THE BEST! It doesn't have sugar! It's SPICY! Tom: It has other weird stuff in it! I'll take REGULAR sugar in my REGULAR soda! Henry: It's SO SWEET like it's a dessert though! Diet feels more like a drink! Tom: I'm going to physically attack you. Henry: Which is better, Norman? Norman: Oh, I usually drink water! Tom: Wha- NO! Henry: DISGUSTING!

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Henry: Norman has never seen Star Wars? Fay, the only people in the universe who haven’t seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars and that’s cause they lived them, Fay! That’s cause they lived the Star Wars!

Fay: . . . ok?

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Allison: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE! Allison: TOM IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW! Allison: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

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Norman, to Fay: …And I need you and Bendy to help, and by "help" I mean "do everything."

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Joey: Th-that was horrible! Your wish is horrible! You’re horrible! You’re an irredeemable monster! Fay: Woah, woah! What took you so long, idiot?!

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Fay: Hey Allison, Joey just broke my seashell lamp. Allison: Neat. I’m gonna die alone. Fay: Okay, you win.

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Allison: Why did you guys dress up as each other for Halloween? Norman: Fay is the scariest thing I could think of! Fay: Norman told me I should pick the dumbest costume possible.

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Tom: Fay, I screwed up, big time. Fay: Tom, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.

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Joey: So what’s for dinner? Fay: I can’t tell you, it’s a soup-prise! Joey: … Joey: Is it soup? Fay: I soup-pose it could be! winks Joey: Please, enough with the soup puns! Fay: Wow, you’re soup-per mean. Joey: STOP! one hour later Joey: It’s fucking tacos?!?!?!

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Sammy, looking through their clothes: Has anyone seen my top? Norman: Fay's in the kitchen.

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Henry: Hey, aren’t you Bendy? Bendy: You a cop? Henry: No. Bendy: Then yes, I am.

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Susie, explaining why they are not allowed to cook: I put the noodles in the pot and put the pot on the stove and turned the burner on high. Turns out you don't put noodles in marijuana and I almost burnt the whole house down.

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Henry: dangling from a rope over a pit of fire Remember when I said I’d tell you when we’re in too deep? Fay: Yes? Henry: We’re in too deep.

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Joey: Why do you not believe that ghosts are real? Tom: Never seen one. Joey: Okay, I mean, there’s a lot of things that you can’t see that are real. Tom: What can’t I see? Joey: You can’t see gravity. That’s real. Tom: Yeah, I can drop an apple. Joey: Fuck.

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Norman and Fay texting Norman: Come downstairs and talk to me please. I'm lonely. Fay: Isn't Tom there? Norman: Yes but I like you more.

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Fay: The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died. Fay: I will not yield.

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Norman: So Sammy, how did your first time cooking dinner go? Susie: Pretty good if I do say so myself. Norman: Oo! Okay, what are we having? Susie: Alright, so for appetizers, we have a potato. Norman: A whole potato? Susie: Yes. And then for the main course, we have grilled cheese sandwiches! Norman: These just look like big slabs of black. Susie: Because that's what they are! Susie: And then for desert, we have chocolate. Norman: These are just chocolate chips? Susie: They sure are! Susie: And then for drinks, we have toast! Susie: lifts up a glass of blended toast Bon appetite!

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Sammy Telling Susie how Fay kissed him

Sammy: So, they kissed me. Susie: And you kissed them back? Sammy: No, I kissed their mouth.

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Fay: I have so much energy, I want to run a marathon or commit a crime… which should I do? Joey: Please don’t get arrested. Fay: No promises! <3 Tom: Why not both? Get creative! Fay: Wonderful suggestion, thank you. Joey: Please don’t encourage them, Tom.

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Bendy: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.

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[stocious]

weekly tag game! thank you for tagging me @mybrainismelted, @deedala and @energievie! 🖤

Name: 🍪

Location: swedenland

This or That?

Fanfic Tropes:

Canon Compliant OR Canon Divergent

Only One Bed OR Fake Dating

Coffee Shop AU OR Historical AU

Omegaverse OR Soulmates

Fluff OR Angst

Fix-It OR Post-Canon

Slow Burn OR Established Relationship

High School AU OR Fake Relationship

College AU OR Dystopian Future (both? both!)

Shameless Characters:

Date Night with Ian OR Netflix and Chill with Mickey

Clubbing with Fiona OR Bike Racing with Lip

Pub Night with Debbie OR Video Games with Carl and Liam

Wandering the streets with Frank OR The Alibi with Tommy and Kermit

Training at KevFit OR Girl’s Night with Veronica

General:

Reading Fics OR Watching Video Edits

GIFS OR Memes

Headcanons OR Meta

Incorrect Quotes OR Text Post

now you do it! (biggest cop-out known to man but deal with it today)