#cool facts that explain why we haven't gotten that thing yet

[exploding-goobery]

Steve Purcell worked at Pixar for 18 years so he got asked that a lot, and his opinion was that the characters' moral ambiguity and intentional lack of real development outside their 'looney tunes commit police brutality' archtypes wouldn’t fit the Pixar style.

He got laid off last year tho, so maybe he'll now give it a try?

Any time a big studio makes a shitty animated film at this point I just think to myself how much better the world would be if they all stopped making sequel after sequel and if a studio just finally made a Sam & Max movie

[adobe-outdesign]

Here's my theory on new megas for Z-A

New Gen 1 megas: unnecessary, but given Game Freak's Genwunner bias, it's inevitable

New Gen 2 megas: since almost all gen2 pokemon are pretty bad due to the power creep over the years, getting some new megas for these guys would be great

New Gen 3 megas: unlikely since we got a bunch of gen3 megas in ORAS

New Gen 4 megas: also unlikely since we just got a bunch of gen4 content in bdsp and legends arceus

New Gen 5 megas: pretty likely, given how much Game Freak was teasing BW content leading up to Pokemon Day

New Gen 6 megas: despite the fact that mega evolution came out in this gen, there is only 1 gen6 mega, which is Diancie, so hopefully the Gen 6 game will add Gen 6 megas

New Gen 7-9 megas: since mega evolution was "scrapped" after gen6, it would be great to see megas of more recent pokemon

However, one really cool but extremely unlikely thing for Game Freak to do:

EVERY pokemon can "mega evolve" (maybe just getting a large stat boost in their strongest stats), kinda like how every pokemon can terastallize, and certain pokemon get mega forms, where they can change types and abilities etc.

Disagree on Gen 1 megas because a lot of Gen 1 Pokemon that haven't gotten any updates over the years could actually use one. I wouldn't mind seeing a mega for something like, say, Dewgong or Parasect. The problem is that GameFreak keeps giving stuff to the same group of popular Gen 1 pokes instead of the ones who actually need something

Also, giving mega evolution as a non-form changing stat boost to all Pokemon wouldn't actually be surprising given GameFreak's track record. The biggest problem would be explaining why it doesn't change the form of 'mons that they might want to add megas to way down the road. Maybe all the non-form 'mons get a generic mega stone, so they could write it off as just that species stone not having been discovered yet or something?

[optimisticlucio]

Growing up Jewish means that, among other things, you get used to a passive but everpresent dread that the rest of the world will eventually want to see you dead. Passover is about that one time the Egyptians enslaved all of the Jews, and despite trying to kill us, we survived. Purim is about that one time a Persian minister tried to have us all killed, but we survived. Hannukah is about the time the Greeks destroyed our holy sites and tried to have us all killed, but we survived. Tisha Be'Av. Holocaust Remembrance Day. Tzom Gedalia. It's gotten to a point where we commonly joke about how 90% of our holidays are just "they tried to kill us, they didn't, let's eat."

If it was merely historical, that'd be one thing, but this sort of fear is far from merely being a story passed down by your elders. My great grandma's entire family was burned alive in the Pogroms. My uncles were beat up for speaking up about antisemitism. My brother was bullied relentlessly in school for being circumcised. "Generational Trauma" is the correct term to define this, but I do think it's important to highlight how every generation re-experienced this trauma. Luckily, I haven't experienced this sort of violence yet beyond some dickheads online, but I don't believe this'll stay the case for much longer.

I want to be clear that despite this all, I'm not pessimistic about my future as a Jew or of the Jewish People as a whole; I'm a hopeless idealist, whether it's about individual life choices or about broader political change in general. We've made it this far, I don't think we'll be taken out that easily, and we can certainly build a better world without having to hide in a gilded cage of our own making. But holy shit, have I heard some concerning things from people recently.

Antisemitism is no longer the Cain's Mark it used to be. Saying this I now realize that it never was this sort of mark it was made out to be, but atleast while I was growing up, it felt like it was atleast socially unacceptable to be openly against the Jews. In the past few years I've had to come to terms with the fact that even if this was the case, it very much no longer is, and the past few months had this process exacerbate significantly.

You guys have heard about the Houthis, right? Paramilitary organization in Yemen, not the official government but controls enough of the country that they function as the government, been blocking trade through the Red Sea as of the time of posting? Those guys. Their logo has "A Curse Upon the Jews" written in big red letters. There is no other way to read that sentence, it is very explicit. Seeing people cheering for this group openly on social media made me somewhat uneasy, both for the... well, the antisemitism, and also that this group is infamous for its blatant human rights violations, including but not limited to bringing back chattel slavery. So, I brought this up to people.

I was expecting some sort of shock, right? Even if they fundamentally believe blocking the red sea is good, that they'd readjust their position on the group itself. "I think it's a cool thing to do, but wow what assholes." I shouldn't have to explain why antisemitic slave owners are bad guys, right?

Right??

The sheer amount of people who responded with one justification or another for why it's actually totally fine blew my fucking mind. "Oh, it's not actually slavery, they're treated very well." "Well, they don't really mean they hate the Jews." "It's just a different cultural form of labor!" "Well, when you have a country like Israel oppressing your people-"

Yeah I think I should probably address the elephant in the room real quick. Israel, and its fascist-adjacent government, has nothing of relevance when someone brings up the issue of worldwide antisemitism. Antisemitism has been thriving for years now. If you open a map Yemen is nowhere near Israel. There's certainly a conversation to have about Israel's abhorrent treatment of palestineans in the west bank and gaza, no doubt, but, frankly speaking, that's not the goddamn conversation we're having right now, and I feel the need to specify this because I've had multiple people derail such conversations consistently. If your first response to someone talking about antisemitism is to bring up Israel, for the love of god reexamine your biases.

Antisemitism has been growing, a lot, and we're scared. According to polls, 7% of the US thinks that the holocaust did not happen, with these numbers increasing to 20% if you sort the results to only the 18-29 age group and 9% of Americans think it's acceptable to hold neo-nazi views. Trust me, I wish these numbers were flukes, but I have seen these same numbers in multiple polls by numerous sources in the past 5 years.

7% of the US is about 23.2 million people.

There are only 16.2 million Jews in the entire world.

You, do not, have to justify antisemitism, I fucking promise you.

[empty-pizza]

thoughts on nona the ninth john 5:18

You couldn't explain it away. there were no strings or magnets. No illusion of the witch or whatever.

umineko reference

john will never ever be as cool as beatrice though

i'm going to take this as implying that john had canonically read umineko. this enhances the reading experience in a way i'm not sure i can truly explain.

okay hang on. i haven't read a page of this chapter yet but i'm cooking something.

these memories seem like god explaining things to alecto, even if harrowhark is viewing the memories. when would this have occurred? perhaps in the early days after shit got funky. alecto was the first one, wasn't she? and she was a monster in some way.

so why would alecto need all of this explained to her? there are many possible reasons but here's one: whatever magical thing happened to her could be the same magical thing that happened to nona. take some souls, be it gideon's or harrow's or a mix, do something funky, and you get some Weird creature with a brand-new outlook on the world and very little memory.

this is just a random guess of course, but it would be a really cool way of tying the present events to the larger lore. it would narratively connect the fact that we're reading about Nona, in her position, to everything else that was going on at the end of last book.

anyway back to reading.

damn, cytherea was british. explains a lot about her actions in book one.

"We all thought of you right away, what it could mean for you."

i think an earlier chapter also implied something about like, Alecto having been sick or something like that, but i don't think i have the full details yet, so it's okay that i forgot

LMAO they fucking streamed it. i mean honestly, that's perfect. it's one of those things that's really obvious but i've seen a lot of stories shy away from. when like, yeah, you can just show the world you're magic. people will be skeptical at first, claim cgi, but it will get you independently verified, and keeps you public enough that you can't be gotten rid of.

[bonesandthebees]

Chapter 29 of stars is such a nice filler chapter. I don’t think there’s a lot to analyse for me because most of it deals with resolving the ripples of the fight which puts a lot of things already out there.

Tommy didn’t know, he knows now, but since both of them are going to die, there is not much he can do about it now. We finally learn why Tommy started trusting Techno. Open communication really could have saved them from this awful decision. Honestly, it’s so nice to learn that Tommy and Techno had field trips too, regular ones, from what I understand.

And Tommy doesn’t get mad, because when Wilbur explains it, he realises that’s how he came to trust Techno. That’s a parallel too I suppose. Both of them trust their respective mentor while not understanding why the other does the same. And it’s sad too, because the more they talk the more they realise this was a bad idea. Which they already know for obvious reasons. But if they hadn’t overheard Ranboo and Techni, they would have talked this out sooner and realised.

Tommy: “Why does Phil call you little bird?”

Wilbur: “How about we don’t talk for a while?”

But seriously, it’s nice to see them talk about it without judgement. Part of that is because judgement won’t save them, so why bother? And part of it is that their imminent death is forcing them to accept what they were in denial about. That Phil and Techno did care. That it was real.

And of course, we get some closure on Tubbo too. It’s not his fault. It’s Eret’s and it’s easy now for Eret to say that they didn’t mean for this to happen (they did, but still). And then Eret’s admission that they were glad the boys were safe on Zephys IV knowing they gave that up because they didn’t feel safe due to the fallout of Eret’s betray. It hurts.

-🎄

yup it's more of a filler chapter and just tying up some stuff we haven't gotten a chance to resolve yet

we finally get a bit of insight into what was going on between techno and tommy!! yes, their field trips were pretty regular. wilbur always just assumed tommy was off training but no he was picking cool ice cave berries with techno lol

the ranboo reveal really happened at the worst possible moment for them. they would've gone over all of this way sooner if that hadn't gotten in the way

THE FACT THAT YOU BROUGHT THAT UP IS SO FUNNY BC WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS I WAS MESSAGING ELI ABOUT IT AND

lost my shit at this thank you @vague-idea

but yeah, overall they just don't see the point in arguing or judging each other anymore because they're going to die. they don't want to die being mad at each other over stupid stuff :(

tubbo really didn't do anything wrong like he was put into a bad spot and just did the best he could

eret meanwhile is a lot more complicated, and that's what I like about them as a character. their motives were not innocent. they wanted power, and they were perfectly okay with the brothers being exiled to get it. but they had limits, and they never wanted it to go this far. also, in the months that Essempi has controlled Eldingvegr, they've definitely realized that making a deal with the devil has consequences

I'm so glad you enjoyed though spruce!!

[somethingforsenro]

to whom it may concern

it's about rassicas… kinda… but really just an excuse to ramble about headcanons.

~ { • • • } ~

hey, so… fair disclosure.

firstly, this is gonna ramble on for a long, long time. so, if you don't have it in you to do a stupid amount of reading… oue deeply apologize.

secondly, this isn't anything serious. it's not about to be eggman's announcement 2, making a call-out post on tumblr.com. so, if you're hoping for anything actually important, you should probably check out now.

this is just the ramblings of yet another autistic person currently hyperfixating on splatoon. that's all.

also, oue actually really like rassicas. if it weren't for their noble sacrifices of blood, sweat, and tears (that are definitely NOT made of ink), there would be countless millions living their whole lives never knowing that there was some developer interview, somewhere, that never got translated out of japanese, where someone said that some of the younger octolings on the surface, might, maybe, be starting to forget that they are, in fact, octolings, and how could we ever live without that knowledge?

in all seriousness, though, they're singlehandedly carrying the entire splatoon theory community on their back every day. "ceo of splatoon lore" is right.

on that note, oue would personally put a teeny-tiny asterisk on that very impressive resume. let's talk about it!

~ { • • • } ~

so, if you've ever talked to the average young-ish squid person fan, you probably have a good idea of the sort of ignorance rassicas is fighting on a daily basis with all that translating.

people can get pretty defensive of their canon-that's-actually-fanon. it says in the english localization of the game, after all, that marina lived in the ‘ruthless oppression of octarian society, that was definitely caused entirely by dj octavio, and this is totally a direct quote’.

sometimes, they don't really BELIEVE you, or at least don't WANT to believe you, when you tell them that maybe they're wrong.

trust ous. oue know. people have insisted to ous, very heatedly, that marie is agent 1 and callie is agent 2. even though they're definitely not. even noa got THAT part right.

point is, there comes a time when you have to put your foot down and say in no uncertain terms that no, hypnotized octolings are NOT canon to splatoon jp. among other things.

but this is where oure problem lies. not to say that this is by any means an intentional action on ki's part, or at all what they intend to tell people – in fact, oue're pretty sure they've said the exact same thing oue're about to say in several of their oft-referenced yt videos…

but it seems like SOME people haven't gotten the message, so…

just because it's not canon doesn't mean you can't headcanon it.

“now, hold on, senro,” oue hear you saying, “i am but a wee raccoon, surfing the seven cyber-seas, borne of the waves of tumblopolis. i don't know what a ‘headcanon’ is. it sounds like a foul, black magic to me – which is exactly why i must know just what you mean.”

thank you, captain raccoon. oue will explain what a headcanon is.

in case anyone doesn't know, a headcanon is something that isn't really a fact within the universe, but you think it's cool, so you choose to believe it's true, anyway. these are normal things that pretty much anyone with opinions can make up about the stuff they're passionate about, and splatoon is no exception.

and, yes. ‘hypnotized octolings’ does, in fact, qualify as a headcanon. as long as you acknowledge, in some deep, dank, dark part of your soul, that it's not really been confirmed by nintendo – actively contradicted, in fact – that octolings are hypnotized…

well, you're not gonna hurt anyone. except octavio, maybe. but then again, he seems to have absolutely no qualms with brainwashing them all a different way by constantly blasting propaganda at them 24/7, so maybe not even he would care.

on that note, the rest of this post will just be ous rambling about oureselves and oure own personal headcanons. if some demonic force somehow possesses you to care, you can read on, but if not… woe befall all ye who enter here.

~ { • • • } ~

as an author, and a roleplayer, oue personally like to mix together little ideas from various sources to make one greater whole. for example:

splatoon jp's ‘octolings are not immune to propaganda, and the octarian species's survival is existentially threatened’

splatoon en's ‘modern octarian society is very oppressive, and modern octavio and craig are both bumbling idiots – how the hell did they even get here’

splatoon community fanon, like ‘octolings are hypnotized just like callie, and the calamari inkantation can overpower it’

the shiny things that other people came up with and oue snatched up, like ‘callie is actually really emotionally attached to her shades because they give her a kind of emotional stability that she usually doesn't get’

oure own personal thoughts, like ‘the shooting off of the Hypnoshades gave callie a dissociative identity who acts exactly like her hypnotized self did; their name is Aori, and they are her Big Momma Bear that helps her be more assertive and emotionally independent than she was in the Squid Sisters Stories. also, the Hypnoshades are literally a sentient fucking being that marie is casually imprisoning in a cabinet drawer, its name is hypnos and its pronouns are it/they/she AND it somehow needs even MORE therapy than callie does!’

as you might be able to tell from all that, it's a pretty hectic mix. it's chaotic, it's messy, and to less knowledgeable friends, oue often have trouble communicating which stuff is jp canon, eng canon, fanon, or headcanon.

(because, let's face it, those are all completely different beasts. they overlap at times, yes, but you're never gonna get anything even vaguely coherent if you try to make them all the same.)

however, oue mix stuff together anyway. not out of any malicious desire to mislead, but because it's just more fun to write that way. and, honestly, what's the point of being in this community if you never let yourself have any fun?

so, on that note…

a little advice.

~ { • • • } ~

if you want to know the japanese localization's lore, go to literally any content by rassicas, or watch jexst's ‘exhaustively comprehensive explanation of the splatoon series's main story (with timeline)’.

if you want to know the english localization's lore, look up "splatoon iceberg" and get ready for something absolutely off-the-walls. the upper layers tend to have a lot of popular fanon, too, so be ready for that. either way, it's not a good iceberg unless they mention THE TOFU and pearl's octo form at some point.

and if you want to hear the stuff that various people like you have come up with, look no further than right here on tumblr! there are plenty of super creative headcanons to be found here just by doomscrolling, and you don't even have to traumatize yourself for life quite as much as you would on twitter or amino!

on that note… oue're so sorry that you had to subject yourself to this post.

also, toodle pip, and thanks for reading!

[kernelbastard]

I've been thinking about Horizon Zero Dawn lately. It's been a while since I played, and I haven't gotten through the sequel yet, but it's been on my mind - specifically, how it handles its tribes.

I won't get into detail here, for obvious reasons, but I'm mixed Native American. I wasn't aware of this until about two years ago, and since then, a lot of things about my life have started to make sense. However, because I'm two generations removed from my tribe, I wouldn't have legal grounds to officially join it unless the parent I got that connection from did so first. Realistically, I wouldn't either way, because I'm financially stable and don't want to take money from the tribe, but that, combined with the fact that I don't really "look Native", does make it a bit complicated.

In Horizon, the protagonist - Aloy, if you're not familiar - is, at least on the surface, a white woman growing up in a Native American-coded society. To be clear, the Nora tribe pulls inspiration from Celtic and Nordic tribes, too, but a lot of their visual design is from pre-colonial indigenous culture. Apparently, mostly Hopi. Most of the people have medium-dark skin and black or brown hair. This is pretty common across the rest of the game, particularly the Banuk weraks, who are similarly based on Inuit and other First Nations tribes.

The games are set in North America, so it makes sense that they would have some of the same technology based on what resources are available, but there's only so much that convergent development can explain. This series is set in a world where all the cultures we know have been sliced, diced, and scrambled together in a big sci-fi omelet, effectively robbing all the humans left alive of their heritage from before the apocalypse that created it; some things remain, simply because concrete buildings don't rot like wood and cloth do, but there really isn't much left.

There's definitely a lot to be said for the game's appropriation of Native culture. Plenty of people have said it better than I can, and I don't disagree with them... But, at the same time, I can't say I hate it, either. I actually love it. Horizon Zero Dawn is pretty much the only first-person shooter other than Portal that I enjoy, because of its worldbuilding, not in spite of it.

And, yeah, I absolutely do see the issues, I'm not just ignoring them, but as a mixed person... I honestly really, really love Aloy, because she reminds me of what it was like, growing up with no idea where I actually came from or why that information was kept from me. I knew I was white - not sure where from - and Persian on my other parent's side, so I identified strongly with that, but it didn't explain... Well, what I now know to be generational trauma. Later on, because of the same DNA test that cleared things up on the Native side, I learned that I was also Celtic, so that's cool, but I have no cultural connections there, either. It's kind of a mess. Frankly, there's too many bits and bobs in that report to keep track of, and it wasn't even my report, it was my parents'. Er, reports, I guess. But you get the point.

I'm honestly not sure if I'd be able to relate to Aloy the same way if she visually matched her tribe. She's an outcast, because of how she's missing her ancestral ties to the tribe. That's important. You could also take her alienation and misunderstanding of social rules as an autism thing, which, y'know, is also good, but I feel like it's secondary to the other, stronger themes of heritage and lost connections.

So, no, I don't dislike her portrayal at all, for entirely subjective reasons. There's plenty of reasons to be upset about it, and I do wish we had more accurate Native representation in general, but I'll take what I can get, and this honestly hits harder than it would if she was a regular, accepted member of the community who knew who her family was and why she ended up somewhere she seemingly didn't belong. Maybe my priorities are off, but... It doesn't have to be perfect.

[pokemon-experiments]

I had found myself in a strange situation. I wasn't happy with myself. Strange for a Daek One. In fact it was part of my entire family line. Every few generations a new Dark One was born, and a hero to fight them. The problem is that, up until my destiny was revealed, I had been a simple farmer. Nothing tragic. Nothing big and grand. I was just a farmer. One who met a Seer and was told of my destiny, and my lineage. It explained why I could use dark magic as naturally as breathing, but I used it to farm.

After I was told this I packed and made my way to the castle that all Dark Ones took residence in. It took years to gather my troops. All of them with such cool backgrounds, stories, and abilities. But having nothing to do left me bored. My name had gotten out, but no heroes had come. So I left to seek them out myself, and what I found was a cool warrior with a tragic past, and his friends who were much like my lieutenants. Everyone around me so much cooler.

Upon my return I just simply went to my chambers to try and see if there was anything that I could do to make myself cooler, but all of the outfits and armor that I tried never seemed quite right. This led to a poor mental state. I would only come out to eat, but not much else. I was supposed to be the last, but it seemed like I was the wrong person for it. Like I was a fraud for it.

This lasted years. Time passed, the world gree more anxious of my plans, and while my lieutenants were in my room trying to coax me out of this the heroes burst into my castle, and began to search. When they burst into my room instead of finding, whatever it was they thought they'd find, they instead saw a scrawny man with long hair, and just now getting dressed. With the help of others.

I sighed. "Sorry. Would you mind waiting in the throne room? I know we're supposed to have a big battle or something, but I'm not exactly ready."

The leader looked a bit confused for a moment before he raised his sword. "Your nasty tricks might have worked for a moment but I see right through this ruse!"

I sigh again. It must be nice to have a goal to truly focus and work. To know exactly who you are. But I was not given such an opportunity. I was told who I was after I had already lived for twenty years. I even moved the castle, through magic, to be closer to my farm.

"Look, I haven't really eaten yet. Can we maybe has breakfast before we start fighting?" I watch as the elf ranger speaks to the human hero. Seemed she was whispering before they turned to their dwarf mage who cast a spell of some kind. And than looked shocked before the three stepped out to talk amongst themselves.

My beast-kin lieutenant, Rasha, told me that we should kill them and I shook my head. "We can do that after breakfast."

"But master they need to-"

I put a hand up to stop her speaking. "Please don't. I want us to have a breakfast together before anything happens."

With that I send Rainer, a vampire, to prepare the meal as his last task for the day, and Jackal, a demon, to go and prepare a dueling area after breakfast.

I led them to the dining area and began talking. Telling them about my dull life. The dwarf, who's name I would learn to Kraner, seemed to be the most interested. Probably because he had cast a truth telling spell on me.

The hero, who's name was Hans, would tell me about his life well. That he wished he had such a simple life, and that everything was dictated for him. That when I noticed. The same look in his eyes that I often saw in my own. A sense of being a fraud. Of not being who others expected you to be.

Over breakfast Celeste, the elf, would request all sorts of things. Probably a nobles daughter. But me and Hans were left on the far end. So we talked. I told him about how I felt, and he was shocked to find someone who felt the same.

When the time came for our duel we felt sure that we couldn't fight. Instead we acted as kings negotiating terms. On my side it was simple: vampires, beast-kin, and demons be allowed to establish, maintain, and c9ntrol their own kingdoms. That was all they wanted.

For his part he wanted assurance that none of them would prey upon humans. I couldn't guarantee that because of individuals. It took days, maybe even a month, but we were able to find terms that everyone agreeded to. So treaties were signed, and we went to each king and queen with proof.

The change was slow. Almost inpercivable, but eventually the old civilization fell. Not in the way that everyone had expected, but because everyone was not truly free. I watched as old kings passed, and new more accepting rulers came to power. I watched an elven king take a beast-kin husband, a dwarf queen take an incubus husband, and a human queen take a colony of vampires as her lovers. The lines for all races blurred until the old civilizations were no more, and in their place someth8ng new and greater had come.

You are the Dark One, destined to bring the fall of civilisation and doom to mankind. But…you don’t know, it’s so hard to motivate yourself when your enemies and lieutenants are so much COOLER than you.

[septusuki]

"Last time," they are at the meeting point. Strictly, a hill two miles north-east of it. The actual 'meeting point' has become a government hide, and was promptly abandoned. "Last time, you were larger." Standing, and looking pensively at the sunset, A crosses her arms in a slow confusion. It's rare that she encounters issues that throttle her to her very core.

"I was—?!" B scowls, almost screams. Sitting, still working off her body's exhaustion from the short hike, B glares up at A before remembering her stature. "I was larger. But that was due to a genetic misprint in the body's birth." She tries to explain between pants, wheezing as she growls at her partner. Her partner-thing. Not a partner yet, but a partner-to-be, most certainly. "Do not mistake yourself. It was not due to a lapse in my own judgement!" Pausing, for a few seconds, to type up the line in her brain, check it for typos, and then re-write it to make sure she's taken out the anger, B wishes she could stand, so she could stare A down and curse her for that cocky streak she's always had.

"I am not blaming you," A concedes, turning finally to look at B. "Of course I am not." She drones, speaking in robotic tones, as if every word between the two are just platitudes. Proceedings, in a ritual's foregone conclusion. "But,"

"But?" B forgets to remove the bite from her voice, as she chomps and chews back at A's accusations. She smacks her forearm quickly, to punish herself; to punish her body, for becoming so heated and frothing, so easily. Usually, she isn't like this. "Get to the point, A-61." She drawls her partner's true classification, as the 61st reincarnation of the woman she's betrothed to.

"If you'd stop interrupting me, I could." A snickers back, so easily plying B between her fingers. "This time, you're rather confrontational, aren't you? B-78." A purrs as she reminds B that she, too, has access to the same librarius codecs as her. "But that is beyond the point." She clears her throat, tying up one of the knots in her duster-coat as the evening's cool air settles around them. The tension smooths itself out, as though the atmosphere itself is aware that the little tip is over. "But you are larger this time, too. Care to illuminate me, as to why?" She sneers, pacing over to her benchbound partner.

B gasps, both in frustration and outrage. She is letting herself get worked up too simply; her matrix tells her that much, without a second's notice. "Leftover habits from last time. Leftovers that are refusing to leave my matrix." She whirrs, leaning forwards, and feeling the rub of her tummy rolls, underneath her sweater. This time, she had started slim. Slimmer than A, even; which only makes the fact that she's gotten this large, more of a complete failure.

"You hope." Decoding the wires and lines traced across B-78's face is a pathetically easy task. "You hope." A repeats, taking her place on the bench next to her partner. She smirks, and reaches out a hand, to place it on B's shoulder. "But. I ought to tell you a secret," leaning in close, she's almost whispering. Her black bob's fringe falls around her face as she gets close enough to breathe the husky sweat clouds formed from B's exhaustion.

"A secret?!" Shivering from shame as A grows closer and closer still, B resists the urge to shove the girl off of her. B resists a lot of urges, all carryovers from last time, and the time before that, and the time before that. So many urges, all burnt into her matrix-core. "So, what haven't you told me, in our thousand years together?" Easing off her embarassment, enough that she can lean back, B blushes as she feels every one of her breaths bulge her belly.

"It is," A's eyes search and scan downwards. "It is a new development. I have only realised this within recent years. Before we met." She hums, still as close as ever. Her hand traces down, to A's jeans, and stays there, fixated on the thickness of her thigh. "I think something from last time has tracked over into my matrix-core." A shuffles in closer to her already-lover, taking her red-head fluff between her fingers, accidentally prodding a chubby cheek as she does. "Last time, you weighed three-hundred and five kilos. At the moment of your death." She chides, tossing out such a loaded phrase, almost carelessly. B swallows, frustrated that A confided such a brutal fact to the librarius. Forevermore, they'll know this. It'll be locked in; B's exact, precise size. "You burnt that into me." A begins to smile. To grin, even.

"You," with another swallow as her biological body starts to blush, B just closes her eyes. A-61 can do whatever she wants. She is trusted, totally, by B, and by the program that governs them both. Even if her biological body has not known this freak for any longer than ten minutes, that changes nothing. "You are delaying. Out with it." She places her own hand on A's, keeping it fixed there, and making sure it doesn't make another journey, to somewhere more private.

"My matrix-core has been scorched. A new pattern has been added." A is blushing, too, now. "A pattern that wants you larger." Finally, out with it. The truth. "Please," A giggles, at her own humiliation. "Please do not put this in the librarius. This can be a secret between us. Us and our cores." A becomes teary, as she realises; this is the first time this body has confided that fact in anyone, or anything. Not even anonymous, online messageboards know that A-61 likes fat girls.

B-78 almost screams, down to her core. "You what?!" She gasps, throwing herself away from A-61, and almost dropping to the floor. She forgot how huge she was, and how much of the bench she was taking up. "A pattern that... That wants me larger?" B gawks, wondering if she's being toyed with. Screwed with, played with. Her hands clap against her stomach, feeling it gurgle and roil between her fingers. "Not that big, surely?" She squeaks, remembering how debilitating and dehumanizing it was, to be a blob of fat. Even in 60% gravity, she was near-immobile. She was restricted. She was restrained, by her own body-fat. Compared to that whale, this body is still stick-thin. "You freak!" There is no room left to apologize, for using such boorish language. She spoke out of turn, but B shall not make amends for it. If anything, A-61 needs to put together some kind of truce, for thinking B would just waddle along, to her plans.

A lifts her now-free hand to her chin. Her eyes begin to swirl as she examines her own innards. The furious beeping and squealing of her matrix-core can almost be heard, as she inspects it, ten-hundred times every second. "What do I want?" She snaps, unable to control her tone, as her consciousness dives inwards. There's a silence, for several minutes, as A-61's neural depths are plumbed. And then, "Bigger."

[mithrandirl]

“Hmm… So— hmm…”

Barriss liked to describe herself as a quick thinker. Somebody who could look at a situation and assess it with a cool head. She was having a hard time coming up with a logical explanation for what she was witnessing right now though.

“Hmm,” she said again.

"Are you gonna keep hemming and hawing or are you gonna help me out of this? We don’t have all day here, Offee," Ahsoka snarled between gritted teeth. Though that may have been because of the position she’d wedged herself in more than any frustration directed at her friend. Nothing about Ahsoka screamed comfortable right now. "And you owe me for that time with the worms."

That got Barriss’ attention. “You mean the time I told you to kill me, is that the time you mean?” she huffed petulantly. “You know what, fine, whatever, we've moved on from that. But what the—" She stopped herself from cursing just barely, and took a deep breath. Ahsoka is a dear friend, she reminded herself. A dear, dear friend... "What is going on and why are you—" She waved a hand around.

"In Rex’s quarters?"

"Well, yeah, that. But also—"

"Stuck in… what is this, a footlocker, a crate? Well, I don’t know what I’m stuck in here. That’s kind of the reason I called y—"

"Okay, yes, and—"

“The dress, yeah. Is it ugly? Padmé said it was in fashion but I kind of don’t believe her. I haven't actually seen it yet because of the, you know, the blindfold—"

"Ahsoka! Why are you in a— a ball gown! And a blindfold?! And what is wrong with your—” She wanted to just indicate Ahsoka’s whole person at this point because there wasn’t one part of her that she could say was normal. In the end, Barriss decided on just waving at her from top to bottom again, even knowing that she couldn’t see it. “What is going on?!"

"Oh." A sheepish smile crept onto her face, and Barriss imagined she would have avoided eye contact if, you know, she was looking at Barriss in the first place. "Well, it's a long story..."

.

"So you stepped on a poisonous plant on your last mission— which plant was it again? You know I took that botany course a few years ago—"

"I don't know what kind of plant it was, Barriss."

"Well excuse me for trying to get all the—" she grunted with the effort it took to shove Captain Rex's desk back into place, "facts straight while I help you cover up your crimes!"

"Sorry, sorry! I really don't remember what the healer said the plant was called. All I know is that my leg went numb where I stepped on the plant thing—like really numb, like I still can't feel it—and I lost my vision. Both temporary they said, and if Rex hadn't gotten me the antidote right away it could have been worse."

"Okay, that explains the blindfold—wait, no it doesn't. Why do you have a blindfold on?"

"Oh, well, my vision came back already, but my eyes are still really sensitive to light. And I kept squinting at everything and couldn't go outside without getting a massive headache so finally they just gave me this." She slapped the side of her head where a piece of thick black cloth wrapped around her lekku and covered her eyes.

"Mhmm. "

"Still can't feel my leg though. Not looking forward to the pins and needles if it's anything like when your limb falls asleep and then it wakes up again, you know what I mean?"

"And the ball gown?"

"Oh, well, I was out dress shopping with Padmé before this. There's some big formal thing she wants me to go with her to. Sounds lame, if you ask me. But Skyguy said I had to since I'm not cleared for any sort of work yet."

Barriss paused in her task of righting the various 'pads and miscellany of objects the Captain kept on top of his desk. "And you're still wearing the dress you bought?"

A timidly guilty look passed over Ahsoka’s face then. "I guess I didn't actually buy this one. I should probably return it once we're done here... Don't give me that look! It was a stressful afternoon!"

"You don't know what look I was giving you and it wouldn’t have been quite so stressful if you didn’t leave an embarrassing comm message for your captain detailing your massive crush on him..."

Ahsoka crossed her arms, but encased as they were in the great puffy sleeves of the dress, she could only manage to grab opposite wrists. "I have a vivid imagination. And I thought we agreed not to bring that up again. I told you, it was an accident. I didn't know I'd called him. I lost my comm in all these fluffy layers of the dress... Are you done with the desk yet?"

Barriss sighed as she picked up the last pen from the floor and set it in a cup with the others. "Yes."

"Good, now lets steal his personal comm and get out of here."

"How do you even know his comm is in here? Wouldn't he keep it with him?"

"Because he's in an all-day training with the other Captains and he always leaves his personal comm in his room when he’s on duty."

"Mhmm."

"Look, can you just get it? It's in the second drawer on the right, the key is wedged in the seat cushion of his chair where it's ripped a bit."

"You couldn't even get the key out before you toppled everything over in the room?"

"I'm blind, okay? I tripped on the footlocker by the door and lost my balance because—"

"You can't feel your leg, I know."

"Thank you, now can we hurry it up? I don't know what time it is but I feel like it's getting close to end of the training."

"Training let out at 1600 and I took my personal comm with me today."

Even though she had a blindfold on, Barriss knew Ahsoka's eyes had widened to saucers, probably because Barriss' own eyes were wide with a mix of horror and humor. This definitely made up for the brain worms.

"Captain! Didn't see you there," Ahsoka said loudly. It might have been smooth if the situation was... well, not what it was.

"Yeah, I got that."

Barriss finally stood from where she had been kneeling next to the desk chair and looked curiously at the key she'd just fished out of the cushion. "Ahsoka, you can probably manage the situation from here, right?"

Ahsoka's lips were pursed so tightly that it looked painful. She gave a tiny, furious shake of her head, which Barriss ignored.

"Excellent." Barriss stepped around her carefully and brushed past Captain Rex still frozen in the doorway of his own quarters, pressing the key to his desk drawer into his hands as she did so. "Captain," she acknowledged formally.

"Commander Offee," he replied automatically, and stepped aside fully so she could exit.

"See you later, Ahsoka! Make sure to tell Captain Rex all about—"

Ahsoka's indignant screech of embarrassment and rage was the last thing Barriss heard before the door slid shut. She smiled to herself, satisfied that she could be of help to a friend in need, then walked down the corridor with a new spring in her step.

[justcourttee]

Adrien asks mari out and she says i would of been so happy in the past but now its too little to late. She's engaged to Damian but they haven't announced it yet

Bittersweet

It had been a while since Adrien had found himself in Gotham City. Too many years to count on his hand. Yet when he received an invite from Marinette he didn’t hesitate to hop on the next flight to attend her gala.

He had no idea that she had created a partnership with Wayne Enterprises, in fact, he had no idea they were interested in the fashion world at all. Then again, why should he be surprised? When Marinette put her mind to something, nothing would get in her way.

Ever since he had taken over his father’s company, Adrien hadn’t had much time to keep up with his old school friends but it hadn’t stopped them from trying to keep him in the loop. From what he could gather, Alya and Nino would also be attending, Rose and Juleka too. It would be nice to see them all again, especially Marinette.

Stepping out from the warmth of his hotel room and into the cool streets, Adrien couldn’t help but let his mind drift to thoughts of her.

It took Marinette moving to the States for him to realize how much he was in love with her. It was something he never wanted to admit seeing how much he adored Ladybug, but as she disappeared from his grasps, he was left to face his true feelings.

Glancing at his phone, Adrien confirmed that he was mere minutes away from the address she had listed. The gala was still a few days away, but Marinette asked if he had wanted to meet up for a late-night coffee, a Gotham specialty. Even her scarf that she had gifted him ages ago couldn’t hide the red on his cheeks as he imagined the perfect date with the girl of his dreams.

He paused, reaching the door of Deja Brew, his heart beating a million miles a minute. Somewhere in this late-night shop was his best friend. How would she react to seeing him again? Would she be as excited as he was? Would she feel the same way as she did?

Taking a deep breath, he pushed through the door, his eyes glancing through the scattered exhausted customers until they landed on her. She still hadn’t noticed his presence, her nose buried into her sketchbook, her coffee still steaming beside her seemingly untouched.

She was early.

The thought almost drew a laugh as he approached the counter to place his order. Of course she would have finally picked up some time management skills by now. Marinette was 27 and slowly making a name for herself as the future of the fashion industry. That wasn’t something accomplished by constant tardiness.

He picked up his cup, placing a ten into the tip jar, the hostess’ raised eyebrows making him smile. He could already hear his father scolding him. After all, that wasn’t the way to becoming a billionaire. You only make money by holding onto it.

Honestly, Adrien didn’t understand why he had to be a billionaire. His father said it would raise the bar for their line, but it just wasn’t in Adrien’s heart to hoard all of the money unnecessarily. Maybe the Waynes offered Marinette the same advice. Maybe they had something they could relate to together.

“Excuse me ma’am, is this seat taken?”

His heart had finally slowed down but as her eyes slowly peeked up at him under her lashes, it immediately began somersaulting once more.

“Oh Gods, Adrien!” She was out of her seat before he even had the chance to set down his coffee, her arms flung around his neck. He hoped and prayed she couldn’t feel his chest threatening to explode. “You should have said something! I’ve gotten into the bad habit of zoning out in public places.”

Her smile was blinding as she unwound herself, slipping back into her seat, motioning for him to sit as well.

“How was the flight? Did you fly private or first class?”

Adrien gasped, his hand covering his chest as if she had shot him.

“I only flew business thank you very much.” Marinette’s look of mock disbelief earned a small chuckle.

“That must have been so hard for you. I really am sorry you went through so much trouble for my sake.”

“You know, I would go through so much more for you Marinette.”

Her smile faltered for a moment, so quick that if he hadn’t been staring so hard at her, he might have missed it. Did his statement make her uncomfortable? He had only meant it jokingly with the truth laced in, but he was sure his eyes gave him away. They always softened when it came to her.

Marinette cleared her voice, her true smile shining once more as if the falter never happened in the first place.

“You’ve missed so much, I don’t even know where to start.”

“How about from the beginning?” She nodded as she dove into her move to the States and how she began as an intern for the CEO, Tim Drake, years ago and slowly worked her way up to personal assistant.

She recounted how Tim found her sketchbook at work one day and showed it to his father. Together they agreed that she was their way into the fashion industry, an investment that could open the door to many more jobs for the Gotham citizens.

It took two years, but she finally had a full line that was presented at Bruce’s first fashion show.

“So many big names were there Adrien! I really thought I was gonna faint!”

His smile became softer and softer as she recounted meeting the rest of the Waynes and finally after six long years, she had made enough of a name for herself to be holding her own official Gala, the Wayne’s simply a sponsor.

“That’s amazing Marinette, you’re amazing.”

She beamed proudly, her smile pulling at his heart.

“I couldn’t have done it without them. They are genuine and kind people and they are pretty much family.” Something glistened in her eyes as she spoke of them. It could have been obvious to anyone, Marinette cared so deeply for these people.

It was Adrien’s turn to falter as an ugly thought passed.

She’s so comfortable here, she would never want to come back to Paris with me.

He was shocked with himself. This was no time for jealousy. His best friend, the love of his life, was excitedly telling him about a future she had built for herself and the only thing he could think was that it was an obstacle keeping her from him?

Adrien desperately wanted to smack his own forehead, but for Marinette’s sake he straightened out his smile instead.

“I’m so sorry. I’ve only been talking about myself! What’s new with you? How’s your dad’s business? Do you have anyone you’re seeing?”

His eyebrow raised at the last question. She asked the question he so desperately wanted to ask her. And she did it so casually, equating it to his work and social life. Did that mean she was also fishing for his response?

“Nothing much. Dad wants to move from a multi-million dollar business to a multi-billion dollar business so he’s been pretty aggressive about money lately. He didn’t even want me flying over here for the gala.”

Marinette snorted much to his amusement. She knew how his dad was and how petty he could be as well.

“And as for your last question,” he paused watching her face carefully. “No, I am not seeing anyone.”

He waited for the reaction, any reaction really. But none came. Instead, she simply nodded as if she expected as much. Maybe he had read into it too much. She really could’ve just been asking for the sake of catching up. Should he ask too? Was that what she was leading up to?

Adrien cleared his throat before taking a long draw from his cup. This was so nerve wracking. She looked so content, so grown. This was a Marinette who had grown leaps and bounds while he was still stuck in this high school romance that was quite possibly one-sided.

“Well, I hate to cut it short but it’s going to be a long day tomorrow and Damian will be here any moment to pick me up.”

She slid out of her seat so effortlessly, her sketch book snapping shut before it disappeared into a bag that he hadn’t even noticed. Her smile was just as warm as he remembered, but something was missing from the girl he loved.

“Your eyes.” The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Marinette’s smile faltered as she tentatively reached up to touch her eyelid, confusion etching it’s way into her face.

“Is there something near my eyes Adrien?”

“No, no, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I just-” Adrien bit his lip, trying to string his thoughts together before he sounded even more like an idiot. “You used to stare at me with such soft look. I’m sorry I never noticed, but once I did, it was all I could see. Yet now-”

He trailed off as her lips drew into an o, her hand moving slowly from her eye to her lips, trying to hide her shock.

“-now, I can still feel the love in them, love directed at me, but it’s not the same love is it?”

She looked like she wanted to say something, but she couldn't find the right words. He knew she was trying to explain that he was wrong, but couldn’t bring herself to lie. It was the only confirmation he needed.

He slid out of the booth, his hand grasping the scarf slipping from his neck.

“Marinette, I was so excited when you invited me out tonight. In fact, I thought of it as a date.” She tried to reach out, but Adrien took a step back, tears brimming in his eyes. “I don’t blame you at all, please don’t think I’m saying all this to make you feel guilty. I just had to get it off my chest.”

Adrien blinked hard, trying to spill the tears clouding his vision. This was harder to say than he thought. Her eyes were so distracting, the sympathy oozing toward him in waves.

“I love you, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I know you’ve made your life here and I would never dream of taking that from you. Hell, if you asked me to, I would drop everything to be at your side in an instance. Is there any chance at all that after the gala ends, we could give this a shot? Just one real date. Not some deluded fantasy I created in my head, but something we both consent to.”

He flinched when her hand finally made contact with his upper arm.

“Adrien, I love you. I really do. But you were right when you said my eyes had changed. That soft look is meant for someone else now. He and I had tried to keep our relationship quiet, but tomorrow at the gala, I was going to announce my engagement to Damian.”

Adrien couldn’t help the small sob that left his mouth. He was painfully aware of the few scattered glances all directed toward him, but he couldn’t help it. He felt Marinette pulling his head down until it laid resting on her shoulder, her small arms wrapping around his figure. It was embarrassing how hard he cried, unable to hold back his sobs any longer.

“I’m so sorry Adrien, I had no idea your feelings had changed. You were always chasing after a dream when we were younger and when I left Paris, I had finally decided that there wasn’t a chance after all between us.”

He knew she meant her words as a comfort, a promise that at one point, she would have gladly accepted his offer. Why couldn’t he have seen it earlier? Why was he so blinded by a partner who never even revealed herself right to the end? He had someone who trusted and loved him with all of their being and he ignored their feelings for a what if.

Adrien slowly pulled himself from her grasp, his smile shaky. He took a moment to use the end of his scarf to dry his soaked face.

“I’m glad you told me that Marinette. I really am. And I hope you and Damian have a long and prosperous life together.”

Her eyes widened, her mouth forming the wait, but he was already out of the door, running. It was a cowards move, one he would mull over all night. But it was too painful to look into the eyes of one you love and only find pity reflecting in them.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“So you came?”

Adrien turned, his smile bittersweet as he embraced Alya, his fist connecting with Nino’s outstretched hand.

“How could I not support her? She’s worked so hard to make this a reality. My feelings can take a backburner for one night.”Their eyes all trailed to the center of the room where she stood, her arm threaded through with the man he assumed to be Damian Wayne. “Besides, you can tell. She loves that man beside her more than anything in this world.”

The glint of the ring on her finger caused an aching in his heart. Despite it all, he really did wish the Wayne boy no ill will. If he was who Marinette chose to spend the rest of her life with, then Adrien trusted her decision.

“I’ve never seen her smile so bright. And to think, I used to believe her smile was at its maximum blindlingness.” Nino’s chuckle earned a small chuckle from Adrien as well.

There was no denying it.

Marinette was where she belonged. The only thing left was for him to support her in any way that he could. And that was exactly what he planned to do.

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[kittydcoxx]

Stay with Me.

KAEYA X READER.

Warnings: light angst/heartbreak but nothing bad (happy ending)

The tavern was as crowded as usual, and by that meaning almost completely baren for a rainy Wednesday afternoon. As you order a apple cider from Charles, the tavern door bell rings and you instinctively turn to check.

"Ah~ it is pouring out, I need a drink to combat the dissapointment of getting my fur cape wet."

Kaeya. Of course he wasnt the last person you'd expect to see open the tavern doors, he just wasnt much of a "afternoon delight" type drinker. Still, you stare as he tries to cooly swipe off the wet rain from his uniform as he walks towards the counter and takes a seat next to you.

"Well, well! Good afternoon y/n! What a suprise to see a beauty such as yourself here at this hour."

He raises an eyebrow and smirks as he turns to look straight ahead and run his fingers through his hair, not allowing time for you to respond before he has a drink in his hand.

"Afternoon Captain,"

You face him and smirk with the same intensity of flirty-ness as he just had.

"Of course you would be surprised to see me at this hour, you usually drink yourself to sleep before i order a evening drink."

You chuckle and look straight ahead and take a swig of your beverage, the confidence of your little witty come back replays as the cider burns your throat.

"Oh ho, well thats quite the attitude! I must ask, whats the purpose of this?"

"Hmm?"

"The occasion? I've never seen you drink three days in a row, I've been sober enough to pay attention to that."

The truth is, the last few days you've been at a bit of a crossroads. You know you and the Cavalry Captain share feelings, but you have a job offer in Natlan. This job is a dream to you, ever since you were a child. You could never dream of passing this opportunity, but you question if this possible romance could be the first significant one. You've been meaning to bring it up to him, but recently you just havent seen enough of him to bring up the subject. As a result, you turned to the more than occassional drink at the tavern to brighten your mood from the decision that faces you.

"Well then if you're interested, it actually... might concern you."

Your face is flushed red due to nerves, of course it doesnt directly concern him since nothing astronomical has occured in order to absolutely weigh your decision based on a man, but you didnt want to leave without warning.

"I see, well, we haven't..." His cheeks grow the slightest bit red as his eyes skip to look around then back at you.

"we haven't progressed to that yet, have we? I mean, you're not pregnant are you?"

"What?!" You're taken aback by the direct-ness of his statement, about the fact that he thought it could even have been a possibility. Was it confirming your suspicions of him returning feelings? "No, i- its not that! That is out of the question completely!" You yelp as you shake your hands as a frantic meaning of saying "Absolutely no way".

"Of course! of course.. i just figured i'd ask in case, but i guess drinking for a few days regularly isnt particularly healthy for a baby."

You roll your eyes and take another swig. Oh boy.

"It's actually more of an advice thing, i suppose."

"Ah~ well! lets discuss then, hm!" He happily takes a sip of his wine, his face surprisingly relieved.

"So? What do you need the great Master Kaeya's guidance on?" He smiles and giggles slightly.

"Actually, I'd like to take this outside."

"But its raining cats and-"

"Outside. please."

Your tone picks up more aggresively and he gets the memo. He takes one more sip of his beverage and you do the same with yours. You pay Charles and meet Kaeya right at the door.

"Get ready for the rain, sweetheart"

Your heart jumps as he grabs your wrist and swings open the door, pulling you with him down the street, stopping at a small archway behind a building, big enough to comfortably converse without being cramped or drenched.

"Now, where were we?"

"right.. well.." You look down and fidget with your thumbs, only to look back up at him and see him gazing into your eyes, examining your soul and what felt like your heart. Did he already know? It sure felt like it.

"I have a big decision to make, but i want to ask you before i come to a concrete decision."

He nods as a sign to continue talking, acknkowledging his position in helping you decide.

"I might have to move away. To natlan more specifically. I've recieved a dream~ job offer that i simply cant refuse, unless i was faced with new circumstances here in Mondstadt."

"Hm, And how do i play a role in this?" He asks as he folds his arms and leans back against the stone wall.

You explain to him his part, and he lets you talk until you are completely finished. you tell him your feelings, your worries, your doubts, and your hopes. Every single one that included him in the package. He looks at you sternly the whole time, but he looks hurt at the same time and you wonder why.

"Well, i honestly dont know what to say to this y/n. You know i cant leave Mondstadt if we were to persue eachother."

"I know."

"Then why bother telling me? Why not just leave, hm? Before damage could be done? before you told me all this, confirmed my hopes in our relationship but crushed it with the fact that you 'might' leave? You should have just spared me and left!"

He looks emotional and teary eyed, much more that you're used to seeing from a man who held such a cool composure 24/7. Have you hurt him that much? Does he hate you?

"I can always stay if you wan-"

"No. Its your dream job, and you shouldnt pass it off. I just cant promise that i'll wait for you."

He steps closer to you, inches from your face. His breath is warm and it contrasts with the cold rainy air. He slowly takes your hand and hold it in his, then lands a soft passionate kiss onto your lips. A few seconds of the kiss pass and he breaks for air and looks at you, making strong magnetic eye contact with you.

"Y/n, I can't wait for you."

"You dont have to. I can stay."

He runs his hands up your arms and grips firmly onto your shoulders and kisses you again, and when he pulls back he lets out a heavy sigh.

"There's no staying, just be safe. Please."

Your throat swells like a rock is stuck and your eyes burn hot along with your ears. You cant muster any words, you just stand there maintaining a sorrow eye contact for a few seconds.

As you both stare in silence, he slowly lets go of you, and as soon as his hands depart from yours, he turns and walks out and into the road. The further he walks and fades from your vision, the further you slide down the wall until your behind hits the wet floor as you curl up to your knees. Hard, Hot tears stream steadily down your cheeks as you hide your head in your knees, sobbing hard yet silently. Your heart aches and your stomach churns.

You want to run and look for him, grab him by the waist and embrace him in a hug from behind as you cry against his back, but he has already erased you from his plethora of memories as he sulks in his room with a drink. The night is weary and so are you. You walk home, replaying the scene in your mind over and over, and the instant you step into your home, you fall to your knees and sob once more.

You dont even close the door behind you. You cant do anything but cry, you had no idea you felt so strongly for Kaeya, but you had to put it all behind you.

He probably had.

What feels like an hour or two goes by and you barely made it to the couch, where you lay sprawled out, half on the couch and half not as you stare into empty space, thinking of nothing but everything at once. Why did his mood snap so quickly? Why did he cut you off? Was it self defense? What could he gain by pushing you away? You had no clue, but you didn't want to dwell on it and start crying again, so you just lay there trying to fall asleep.

Suddenly, a warm, slender hand grazes your back and rubs up and down softly.

"I'm sorry."

You jolt a little, but you dont get up immediately.

"How long have you been like this? Its almost night again y/n. Have you gotten up at all!? Your door was wide open, I was worried."

No response from you as you try to analyze the voice. It sounds like Kaeya, but you had remind yourself that he wanted nothing to do with you.

The man sighs and walks away. A hallucination for sure, you thought. The male comes back and lifts you by the shoulders. He sits on the couch and then lays your head onto his lap.

You look up and are met with blue eyes, one scarred and one as normal as you're used to seeing on him, though both glossy as if about to cry.

"Kaeya?"

"Mhm. Sit up Darling, you need to drink water."

You obey and sit close beside him, sipping the water he hands you with both hands on the glass like a child. He puts his arm around you and his hand on your head and gives you a soft yet quite long kiss on the head as you finish your water.

"Im sorry. We can work something out. I know that i shouldn't.. I can't push you away."

You dont fight his embrace as it gets firmer, and his body trembles slightly as if he is crying.

"Do you want me to stay?" you ask sheepishly.

"My dear, its up to you what you want. I'll follow you in whatever you decide. Im choosing to persue you, the rest is yours to seal."

"I want to stay." you state calmly.

"As you wish." He eyes your empty glass of water and gets up to pour you some more. When he comes back you sit against him again, and drink the glass empty, then put the glass on the coffee table and lay your head on his lap.  

"Sleepy?"

"Mhm.."

He chuckles and holds you as you fall asleep, giving you tender kisses all over your face. When you fall asleep, he carries you bridal style upstairs to your room and tucks you into your bed. For a moment he stands there and ponders leaving you to rest, but the guilt of the words he said yesterday and seeing your state today convinced him to stay at your side. He walks to the other side of the bed and crawls in beside you, wrapping his arms around your waist and gives you one more peck before falling asleep.

You wake up once in the middle of the night to use the restroom, and when you come back to your room you're awake enough to process the fact that Kaeya was indeed in your bed. You crawl up into where you were in the bed before but this time facing him. You run your fingers along his face, feeling every bone and inch of his smooth skin, his tan beauty enhanced by the glow of the moonlight that peeked in through the window across the room from the bed. Your run your fingers down his hair and admire how his hair falls down his body. You've only been this close to him once, but never had you touched him like this. Your face was red and your smile was definitely pronounced, and as you stroke his cheek his eyes slowly open to see your expression.

"Good morning y/n~" he smiles and wraps his arms around you softly.

"How did you sleep?"

"Actually, its midnight."

"Oh, i see. Well, lets fall back asleep shall we? Or are you wide awake?"

You don't respond immediately but instead wrap your arms around him and hide your face in the crook of his neck.

"Back to sleep.."

He chuckles and brings you closer to his body, rubbing your back and stroking your hair until you both are hazy and about to fall asleep.

"I love you..." you whisper, half aware of what you just said and half not.

He pauses for a second, then gently squeezes your body as if to be his response back.

"I love you too.." he whispers back, his words echo in your mind as you drift to sleep, your dreams filled with nothing but happiness and him. 

You would stay in Mondstadt, but occasionally take trips to Natlan for a few weeks, and would try to take Kaeya with you if he wasn't too busy. The two of you became inseperable, and quite the item for some time, the story of your romance left most who heard it in tears.

After every time you tell the story, he grips your hand and grabs your face softly making you look into his eye.

"I'm glad you stayed."

He says as he pulls you in for a tender kiss, which is usually embarrassing in public but you dont mind in this case, because it was of genuine emotion and not of his flirtatious teasing.

You really do love him.

NOTES!!!!!!!!!!!

This was my first fanfic LMAO

[serasvictoria]

Stupid Games - Chapter 2

Pairing: Ubbe Lothbrok x Reader, Ivar Lothbrok x Reader

Rating: Explicit at the end

Word count: 7487 (look, I obviously have issues)

Summary: You used to live next to the Lothbroks when you were younger, but you moved away and haven't seen them since. A wedding brings you back to town after many years and during a bachelorette party you run into the brothers again.

Notes: After Hvitserk had a go in the first part, Ubbe and Ivar take over. I thought that this chapter would end up being more centered around Ubbe (he will get more attention in the next instalment), but Ivar had something to say about that apparently. He is a bit of a pushy shit in this chapter, but I was oddly into it.

Took me a while to post this, because I couldn't get the first part of this to work. I'm finally pleased with it now so hopefully it'll work for you guys as well *fingers crossed*

Part 1 (link to my AO3)

All images from Pinterest

Tagging @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @ritual-unions-gotme @vikingstrash @pomegranates-and-blood @quantumlocked310 @adrille88 @actual-queen-of-hell @youbloodymadgenius @punkrocknpearls @zuxiezendler

“A game?”

After Ivar had alluded to some kind of game that seemed to be going on between Hvitserk and Ubbe, something that neither of them wanted to comment on, their youngest brother had been the one to tell you what he had been talking about. It didn’t exactly help that Ivar looked a little bit too gleeful that he was the one that got to tell you all about this.

They had been playing a game. And it was all centered around you. That was why whenever one of them tried something when you were still a teenager, the other one was always keen to take it one step further. Everything from the kissing to the heavy petting to the dry humping, quite possibly all the way down to what had taken place in the restrooms earlier, had all been part of some stupid game.

“So the two of you were just playing with me this entire time?” Hvitserk had gone completely silent and seemed to be more interested in the contents of his glass. You somehow guessed that he was waiting for Ubbe to say something, since he was usually the one that diffused situations when they threatened to get out of hand, but his older brother never interjected. “Why would you even do that?”

“I would never do that to you,” Ivar suddenly said. “They are children.”

“Now hang on…”

“Shut up, Hvitserk.” Whatever it was that he was going to say, you didn’t exactly want to hear it. “Yeah, Ivar, you’re a real saint.”

“Better than them anyway.”

“I need some fresh air.”

“You want me to come with you?”

“No, Ivar. Stay here.” You leaned over to him and briefly pressed your lips on his cheek. “But thanks for offering.”

Before turning away, your eyes swept over Ubbe and Hvitserk for a few seconds and it looked like Ubbe had been about to say something, finally finding some words, but he closed his mouth when you turned away from them. Obviously sensing that it might not be the best idea to say something right at this very moment. You pushed yourself through the throng of people, the air too stifling now. When you were relieved that you could finally breathe in some cool air instead of the almost humid atmosphere in the bar. The night air was pleasant, on the cusp of summer and autumn, where the temperatures were still nice until relatively late in the evening.

Despite the fact that you had given it up years ago, it was times like these where you wished you hadn’t quit smoking. Since your hands needed to do something, you grabbed your mobile instead and scrolled through your instagram feed, if only to make sure that you weren’t opening yourself up to a potential conversation with anyone.

If you were honest with yourself, you had always expected that Ubbe and Hvitserk had been up to something all those years ago, but that a game had been at the source of it was quite unexpected. You had somehow convinced yourself that you’d just been having fun, that you were simply exploring new things with the boys next door, that you were using them just as much as they were using you. But it was never that simple, was it? Because at one point your feelings had very much entered into it, long before Ubbe had even kissed you.

But would they really be so cruel as to turn it all into a game? You knew and trusted these guys. You had a hard time thinking of them as callous. They wouldn’t do that. Not to you.

“Want some company?” You turned your head to the side and saw Ubbe approach you. He leaned against the wall next to you, but kept his distance. “I know that what Ivar said just now sounds really bad, but he was the only one that ever called what we were doing a game. Neither me or Serk ever looked at it that way.”

“Then what was it?”

“Interest in my case and Hvitserk was obsessed. Plain and simple.”

“Obsessed? With me?”

“What did you think it was?” He turned so that his shoulder was now pressed up against the wall and he could look you in the eye. “You remember that stupid card game?” You nodded. “Serk knew that you had never kissed anyone and he wanted to be your first. He figured that he had it in the bag as well, but he didn’t have a clue that I had a winning hand.”

“I had sort of figured out that it was the reason why he had suggested that dumb prize in the first place.” Why else would he have even come up with it to begin with if he hadn’t been convinced that he would win? “But why didn’t he just kiss me then? I wouldn’t think that he needed much incentive to do that. Especially when you take into consideration how many other girls he had already kissed at that point.”

“I don’t know,” Ubbe said with a shrug. “I probably know him best of all, but I don’t get his reasoning all the time. Maybe he thought that his best option was to turn it into a game.”

“That would explain it.” You looked up at Ubbe with a slight smile when your mind flitted back to that particular day. “And then he lost.”

“He was furious.” Ubbe started laughing. “Even accused me of rigging the game in my favour later.”

“It wasn’t like the kiss was any good.”

“Say what now?” He playfully poked a finger against your ribs. “I was prepared to put my heart and soul in that kiss. You were the one that pulled away.”

“Don’t remind me.” The only thing that you remembered was that you were absolutely horrified that Ubbe had essentially been forced to kiss you because of some dumb game. You’d wanted it to be a natural thing, not something that he had felt obligated to do. “He didn’t have any problems later on.”

“He wanted to outdo me.”

“Then what was everything that happened earlier all about?

“You want to know what he told me?”

“Well yeah.” You thought about it for a few seconds after answering him and added a quick, “It’s not going to be bad, is it?”

“Nope.” Sensing your apprehension, he reached out and took one of your hands in his as a comforting gesture. “He said that it had been worth the wait. As soon as he said that, I knew what the two of you had gotten up to while you were away.”

“Worth the wait?”

“He was obsessed with finding out what you tasted like. He even lost sleep over it at the time.” Ubbe barked out a laugh when he saw the surprised, yet also intrigued, look on your face. “It was pretty bad.”

“Oh my god,” you groaned. “He is such an idiot.”

You covered your face with your free hand and wished that you could just disappear right this very moment. This was definitely not what you thought was going to happen when you decided to come back to Kattegat after all these years. You always knew that there was a chance that you’d run into the Lothbroks at one point during your visit, but you hadn’t accounted for anything like this.

Ubbe’s hand slowly peeled your hand away from your eyes and his big blue eyes peered into yours quite insistently. “We’re cool, right?”

“Come on. As if I could stay mad at you.”

“Good.” He kept up his intense stare and kept holding your hands. Whenever you tried to pull your hands away, he squeezed until you stopped resisting. “Can I ask you something?”

“Depends on what you want to know.”

“Why did you never call?”

“Call?” You frowned, not sure what he was talking about. “When?”

“When you moved away. You promised to stay in touch, but you never did.”

“Oh. That. Why do you want to talk about that now?”

“Just always wondered about it. That’s all.”

“I don’t think I…” He tilted his head to the side in a similar way that Ivar always did to show that he wasn’t going to drop the subject. You sighed deeply and wished that he’d just let go of your hands already so you could cover your face again. “Stupid really.” You tried to figure out how best to say this since it had been based on nothing but teenage insecurities at the time and they seemed so trivial now that you were a grown up. Ubbe didn’t push you, he simply waited until you found the words, his thumbs drawing comforting circles on the palms of your hands. “I erm… I wanted to. Just figured you guys would be busy.”

“With what?”

“More important… stuff.”

“Cut the crap.”

“Okay. Jesus.” You squeezed your eyes shut, knowing that he couldn’t exactly pry your eyelids open. “I needed some time to adjust at first so I didn’t want to bother you guys with that dumb shit. Who wants to hear about that crap right? To hear me bitch and moan about how much I hated it there.”

Your mother had moved to be closer to her family and staying in Kattegat had hurt too much. Much later she had told you that everything there had reminded her of your father. Where they had their first date, where he had proposed, everything there had been tied to him and she wanted to get away from it. Her entire life before she had met your father had been in Silkeborg which seemed a million miles away from the only place that you’d ever known. You transferred into school in the middle of a school year and the only kids you knew there were two cousins, one of which you hated. You were absolutely miserable and basically kept your head down until you were old enough to go to college so you could get the hell out of there.

“I stayed in touch with Svana, Olga and Gunna and I eventually asked about you guys, since I was thinking of calling and I wanted to know if it’d be weird if I did that after going all silent for a while.” You swallowed. God, this was hard. “But they’d always go all quiet when I brought you guys up and I didn’t know why. They kept saying that you were doing fine and wouldn’t elaborate. So I asked Kára instead since she’s the only one that wouldn’t sugarcoat anything...”

That was where you stopped suddenly, not really wanting to continue. The reason was so incredibly stupid. It didn’t matter. The urge to go back inside and get paralytically drunk was overwhelming. Before you knew what happened, your face suddenly connected with Ubbe’s chest and he gave you a massive hug. He was still good at giving those. You still remembered that time after he had given you your first orgasm and the two of you had lain in his bed, hugging each other until it got dark outside. He never even said anything that time either, he just held you which was the exact same thing that he was doing right now.

“What did she say?” Nothing in how he held you gave away that he was angry, but you could hear it quite clearly in his voice.

“This is so stupid.” You pressed your head against his chest so that you could muffle your answer. “They told me that you and Serk were seeing Margrethe.”

At the time it had felt like the deepest betrayal to your young mind. It didn’t matter that you hadn’t been in a relationship with either one of them, but the only thought that had been on your mind at the time was that they’d moved on and found someone else. With your mortal enemy no less. It wasn’t like they didn’t know that the relationship that you had with her was strained, if you could even call it that at all.

You thought that the two of you had been friends at one time, but Margrethe had merely befriended you as a means to get closer to the Lothbroks. When that hadn’t worked, she had started spreading vicious rumours around school and the word about you being a whore that slept with all four of the boys spread around the school like wildfire.

It hadn’t mattered how much anyone had denied it, a lot of people had been a bit too eager to accept the gossip as gospel. Mainly girls had eaten it up like cake. Apparently a lot of girls were incredibly jealous of the fact that you were around the most popular guys in school almost constantly. The only girls that had stood by you through all of it were the seven girls that you were with tonight. Kára had even attempted to break Margrethe’s nose when she’d found out who had been behind the rumours and had been expelled for a week because of it.

In the end Margrethe had gotten exactly what she wanted.

“That’s it?”

“What do you mean ‘that’s it’?” You pulled away and slapped his chest suddenly. “You knew I had a history with that bitch.”

“Maybe you should have called and asked me about it.” He sighed and pulled you back in for another hug. “Or were you worried about what the answer might have been?”

“I was a dumb kid.” You pressed your head against his chest again and breathed in his comforting scent. He always smelled so musky and earthy. There was no other scent quite like it. “Course I was worried.”

“It was never that serious. Not for her anyway.”

“What are you talking about?”

“She had… issues.” Ubbe was picking his words very carefully. It wasn’t that big of a surprise to you to be honest. The fact that Margrethe was seriously troubled hadn’t completely escaped you back then, but you had never concerned yourself too much with trying to figure out what her deal was. “I tried to help her, but whenever I tried to broach the subject she’d run to Serk to badmouth me.”

Even if you haven’t thought of Margrethe for years, hearing him say that made you want to hunt her down. You would have told him that too, but that wasn’t what he needed right now. You were a bit at a loss how to make it better however. It didn’t seem like he was still hurting or anything so telling him that everything was okay was probably a million miles off.

“She always had her problems,” was all you said in the end.

“I know,” he replied. “All in the past.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Shut down on me.” He released you, cupped your chin and gently tilted your head up so you could look at him. “You used to do that when we were kids as well.”

“I swear that I wasn’t! But you started this. Not me.”

“So it’s my fault?”

“Basically,” you said with a grin as another idea formed in the back of your head. “So make it up to me.”

“Make it up to you?” His eyes started sparkling with obvious delight. “I’m not going to do what Serk did earlier. I never wanted to outdo him at anything. I know I can do better.”

“That’s not what I was thinking of!” You smacked your hand against his arm first before letting it rest on his bicep. You could not help but give him a light squeeze, briefly imagining how easy it must be for him to lift you up and pin you between himself and the wall. “You’re unbelievable.”

“You’re thinking about it now though.” He brushed his thumb over your bottom lip. “I can see it in your eyes.”

“Doesn’t mean I want you to do it,” you replied. “Not out here anyway.”

“Hmmm.” He leaned forward, his beard tickling against your ear as he kept talking. “What do you want me to do then?” His large hands settled on your hips and he pushed you back against the wall. “You’re gonna have to tell me, princess.”

“You’ll figure it out.”

“Maybe.”

Ubbe settled his lips on your neck. All he did was kiss and nip at your skin, but you could feel your heart rate increase already. He briefly reached up to pull the collar of your shirt open, placed his mouth right on the spot where your neck met your shoulder and started sucking on your skin. Despite the fact that the two of you were standing only a short distance away from the red neon light that hung above the entrance to the bar, he covered you in such a way that it would simply look like the two of you were just making out. Besides, crazier stuff must have happened out here anyway.

“This what you had in mind?” he murmured huskily against your neck. Before you could reply, he moved his hands from your hips to your ass. “Or do you want me to take you home?”

“What is it with the two of you and this urge to get me back to your place?” You blurted out with a giggle. “I just wanted you to kiss me.”

“That it?” He peeled his lips away from your neck and pressed his forehead against yours. “Just a kiss?”

“Just a kiss.”

“You sure are easy to please.”

“As you know.” Ubbe never really had to try very hard with you and he knew this. In the past he would always joke about how blissed out you would look even after something as simple as a kiss. You tilted your chin up so that your lips brushed together. “You gonna kiss me or not?”

“Your wish is my command, princess.”

Pushing forward, he closed the small distance and captured your lips. The kiss that he had given you inside earlier had been intense as well, but it had been short and tasted of more. He didn’t have to stop now. He growled against your lips, kissing you so hungrily that it felt like he was trying to devour you. Even when younger Ubbe had often joked that he was like a wolf, something that his parents had recognised at birth and had named him for it. It had always made you laugh, but you could practically feel the resemblance now. If he could have his way, he’d no doubt be tearing your clothes off right now so he could eat you alive.

If he kept this up, you would be tempted to just turn around and let him fuck you right here up against the wall. Your entire head felt fuzzy and it was pretty hard to concentrate on anything other than Ubbe’s tongue which he kept slipping into your mouth. Hvitserk had worked you up to a frenzy not that long ago, but Ubbe was beginning to push you in a similar direction very quickly. One of his hands started sliding down and you knew that you should tell him to stop before you lost your mind completely, but you didn’t. His hot palm was on your bare thigh seconds later and then he slid it up, dipping his fingers into your panties so he could touch your bare skin.

“You’re burning up,” he groaned against your lips.

“Sure feels like it.”

“Want me to do something about it?”

It sure would be tempting to simply say “yes”. And oh so easy. Just one word. Just that little affirmative answer and he’d do something about this heat that he was gradually stoking inside of you. Your body was practically screaming at you to just say “yes”, to get it over with and stop putting it off. You could have what you wanted. Right here and right now. All you had to do was…

“Oh hell no!” You pulled your lips away from him, because you recognized that voice. “You little slut!”

“Am not!”

“Yeah, you are!” Svana was making rude gestures at the pair of you from the entrance with a big smile on her face. “Get back in here. We just bought another round. As for you,” she was pointing straight at Ubbe now. “We bought your ass a beer, so you’d better finish it before we let your brother have it.” She cackled loudly and then disappeared without waiting to see what the two of you were going to do.

“What do you want to do?” Now that his lips weren’t on yours anymore, it was a lot easier to think. When you didn’t answer straight away, he pinched your ass once before removing his hand from your underwear. “Go back in?”

“Be a shame to waste those drinks.”

“I guess.” He held his hand out to you and you took it without hesitation. “One thing though, you’re having dinner at our place tomorrow. Just to avoid any more interruptions.” You could feel all the hairs on your arm stand on end the second the words were out of his mouth. Just the thought of an evening with the two of them with no one around to stop them… your brain already went into overdrive. “Deal?”

“Sure. Sounds good.”

Right before the two of you passed through the entrance, Ubbe pushed you up against the wall right next to it very quickly and gave you one final hungry kiss that took your breath away.

It very much felt like a little taster to what could happen the following evening if you’d let him keep going.

*****

After the night you’d had, you were glad to be back in your hotel room.

When you and Ubbe had gone back inside to join your friends, you found that Hvitserk and Ivar had already joined them and the rest of the evening was filled with even more alcohol and witnessing some incredibly bad dancing from Hvitserk’s end.

Switching the light on in the small bathroom, you looked at yourself in the mirror and came to the conclusion that you looked like absolute shit. You stripped out of your clothes, dropped them on the floor and left them there. It wasn’t of the utmost importance that you fold them up right this minute anyway. You had already hung a slinky, spaghetti strapped nightshirt on a peg on the door. It had been packed in case you managed to get lucky sometime during this short trip and the way things were looking after tonight, there was a definite chance that you would.

Make-up removed and teeth brushed, you headed back into the room and promptly dropped face first into the bed. You spread yourself out over the mattress and pressed your face into the sheets. It was a good thing that you didn’t have anything planned until tomorrow evening (technically this evening), because you probably wouldn’t wake up until midday.

You’d been about to doze off when you heard your mobile. You swore and reached for it and stared at the screen. Unknown caller. You groaned and shoved it underneath the pillow. Probably a wrong number or some bad joke from one of your drunk friends. It kept ringing until it switched over to voicemail and you sighed deeply when it stopped, completely ready to let sleep overtake you…

It started ringing again. By now you were determined to ignore it, but as soon as it stopped, you kept hearing your ringtone kick back to life. Whoever it was, they would not allow you to fall asleep until you’d picked up. After the fourth time, you dug it out from under the pillow and answered.

“What!” The annoyance in your voice was unmistakable and you’d been about to start swearing about how this had better be really fucking important when you heard a familiar voice on the other end.

“That’s no way to greet an old friend.”

“Ivar?” You rolled over until you were laying on your back. “What the hell? Do you know what time it is?”

“4:48.”

“Jesus Christ. Why are you calling me? And how did you get my number anyway?”

“Ubbe gave it to me.” You’d exchanged numbers with Ubbe after he’d invited you round to have dinner with him and Hvitserk since he had promised to pick you up. “You didn’t want me to have it?”

“I didn’t say that.” You didn’t mind. Ivar would probably end up getting your number sooner or later anyway, but he still hadn’t mentioned why he had decided that now was a good time to call you. “I don’t know why you’re calling me, but can’t it wait until later?”

“No. I need to talk to you now.”

“Okay, fine,” you said with a sigh. You had known Ivar for long enough to know that he was the type of person that would end up getting his way no matter what and if Ivar wanted to talk to you, that would be exactly what would happen. It didn’t matter if you were too tired, you just had to get over it and accept it. “What is it?”

“What are you wearing anyway?”

“Ivar! What the fuck! I’m not telling you that.” You started laughing and was waiting for him to join in to let you know that he had asked you that question to be funny, but he never did. “Get to the point. Why are you calling me?”

“I was just thinking of you in that ridiculous outfit.”

“Oh. And you figured you’d call me to tell me about it?”

“Yes. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep after seeing that and I don’t think you should either.”

“Okaaaay…” You stretched out the word and found yourself wondering what else was going to be coming out of his mouth. “So what should I be doing instead?”

“Touch yourself.” For a few seconds you weren’t entirely sure that you’d heard him correctly, somehow convinced that you were imagining this entire conversation because you were so sleep deprived. But then he said your name in a low voice and asked, “Are you still there?”

“Y-yes.” You didn’t know why he was asking you to do this, but it had to be a joke to see if you’d actually do it. That was the only logical explanation. “D-did you just ask me to…”

“Touch yourself, yes.” He paused for a few seconds while you were still waiting for him to tell you that this was all a joke, that he had just been having some fun, but then he continued. “But you were wrong.”

“Oh? About what?”

“I wasn’t asking you, I was telling you.”

“Ivar, you can’t just call me at five in the morning and tell me t-”

“Yes, I can.” He cut you off before you could finish your sentence. “Touch yourself. I am not telling you again.”

“Ivar, fuck.” Hearing the command in his voice was working for you in ways that you had never thought possible. You pressed the index finger of your free hand against your neck, just below your ear, and started trailing it down. “This is insane.”

“Are you touching yourself, kitten?”

“Y-yes.” This really was a dream. You were having some kind of vivid sexual dream involving the kid that used to sit in the little red trailer behind your bike as he screamed at you to go faster. And now that same kid, all grown up by now, was initiating phone sex with you. “I am.”

“Where?”

“My collarbone.” Your finger had pressed into the dip above your sternum and had started trailing outward.

“Child’s play.” Ivar sounded less than impressed with you. “Are your nipples hard?”

“Ivar!”

“What?” You heard him chuckle on the other end. “Well? Are they?”

You looked down at your chest and could see your nipples pressing up against the silky fabric of your nightshirt. “Yes.”

“So touch them instead.” Despite the fact that he couldn’t see whether you were doing it or not, you thought that he would probably be able to tell if you were ignoring what he was telling you to do. “Your collarbone. Honestly.” You whimpered when your finger brushed up against the hardened nub. “Feel good?” You made an affirmative noise. “Squeeze.” You did as he asked again and stifled a moan. “Don’t do that.”

“W-what?”

“I want to hear you.” You repeated the movement and this time you didn’t try to silence yourself. “Good.” You could hear the pride in his voice. “Now move your hand down lower.”

Your hand skimmed down your stomach, moving down ever lower until your fingers brushed over your mound and you sighed deeply when your hand dipped down in between your legs. When you pressed against your covered core, you could feel that your underwear was already damp and you set to lazily rubbing your fingers up and down. Little gasps and moans kept tumbling from your lips and you gripped your mobile tighter in your hand.

“Did I tell you that you could do that?” Your hand stopped moving instantly and you made sure that Ivar heard how displeased you were. “No. I didn’t say that you could move your hand down that low.” Since you could somehow tell that it was coming, you pulled your hand away and moved it next to you to grip the sheets instead. “Start again.”

“From where?”

“Your collarbone.”

“I thought that was child’s play?”

“Just do it,” he replied mercilessly. “And don’t talk back. Good girls do whatever they’re told.”

“And who told you that I was a good girl?” He wasn’t in the room with you so you could be a little bit defiant. “Good girls don’t necessarily give guys blowjobs in restrooms.”

“Probably not.”

Without any warning, the call suddenly disconnected. You stared at your screen in confusion. Why would Ivar get you all hot and bothered like that only to hang up on you? So now you had to finish it yourself and then you could finally fall asleep. You’d been about to do just that when your phone started ringing again. When you looked at the screen, you saw that someone wanted to video call you. You swiped your thumb over the screen and the next thing you knew Ivar’s face came into view.

“You thought that I was going to leave you hanging, weren’t you?”

“I kinda did yeah.”

“I just wanted to see with my own eyes that you were going to do what I told you.” Ivar bit his lower lip. It was a move that was almost a little bit too calculated to come across as natural, but you didn’t really mind. It only made you wish that he was in the room with you so you could feel those lips on yours. “Now show me what you are wearing.”

You moved the phone up a little bit higher and slowly tilted it downward. There was a lace trim at the top of your nightshirt and the rest was made of a pink silky material. It didn’t exactly leave much to the imagination. You had your legs pulled up so he couldn’t see your underwear properly and you could see a slight frown crease his brow.

“Open your thighs.” You parted your legs slowly and made sure that he could see your panties. They didn’t match your nightshirt, but when you heard him whistle through his teeth it was made clear that he didn’t particularly care that you weren’t wearing a matching set. “Nice.”

“You like it?”

“A lot. Let me see your face again.” You moved the screen back up and smiled at him. “I want you to take it off now.”

“My nightshirt?”

“Everything.” He could probably see the hesitation on your face and you saw his eyes soften. “Would you do that for me, kitten?”

“Just my top.” You saw his other hand move into view for a few seconds, gesturing at you to continue. You put the phone down next to you, pushed yourself up into a sitting position and removed your top. Moving back into view of your phone, you sat in such a way that Ivar could see that you were half naked now without letting him see your bare chest. “See?”

“But not enough.” One corner of his mouth curled up in an almost wicked grin. “Just a peek.” You knew where this was heading, that much was obvious, but you had never done anything like this before and it made you apprehensive. “Do you want me to say please?”

“I’m not so sure you can say please.” You lay back down, moved one of your arms so it covered your breasts and grabbed the phone again. You held it high above you so he could see your face and the top of your chest. “Like this?”

“You’re not giving me a lot to work with here.” He sounded unimpressed so you moved your hand, aiming it down lower so he could see the arm that you were covering yourself with. “Move your arm.” You briefly closed your eyes and took in a deep breath to steady yourself, but didn’t pull your arm away. He said your name and you looked up at his face again. “Please?”

Very slowly, you spread your fingers so a single nipple appeared between them. His tongue peeked out from between his lips to swipe over his bottom lip. You saw his lips move, but before he could say anything you started circling the pebbled nub with one of your fingers. Ivar’s pupils were so big by now that you could barely make out the blue in his eyes anymore. You couldn’t help but wonder if he would come over if you were to ask him to.

“Move your arm.” You took a deep breath and very slowly started moving your arm down until it was resting right underneath your breasts. Ivar tried to hide it, but you saw his eyes widen ever so slightly and then he uttered a low, “Fuck.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“What are you wearing?” He didn’t respond immediately, he merely looked amused that you even asked him this, so you tried to make your next words sound as commanding as possible. “Show me.”

Ivar kept his eyes on yours for a few seconds longer and just when you thought that he wasn’t going to show you anything at all, he slowly tilted the phone down to show you that his chest was already bare. You’d already felt it back at the bar when he pulled you closer to him a couple of times after he and his brothers had joined your group of friends, but my god, he was ripped. You’d been paying such attention to his chest and the tattoos that covered part of it, that you hadn’t noticed that his other arm wasn’t visible. In fact you might even have noticed that there was slight movement coming from that side of his chest, but sadly you hadn’t.

The camera moved down over his stomach and you found yourself wanting to know how his skin would feel against the palm of your hands as you skimmed them down his chest. It wasn’t until you caught sight of trimmed hairs that led down that you noticed that he wasn’t wearing any underwear either. And then, without any prior warning, his cock suddenly came into view. You saw it for a few seconds, your mind only barely registering how hard he was and how slowly he was stroking himself before he disappeared from view and you started swearing.

“Fuck! Dammit!” You rubbed your forehead and heard him doing his utmost not to burst out in laughter on the other end. “Not funny, Ivar.”

“I am sorry, kitten.” He cleared his throat, chuckled one more time and then asked, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Dropped my goddamn phone.”

“Look at me.” You rolled on your side to grab your mobile and propped it up against a pillow so he could still have a clear view of your face. It also meant that you would not be able to drop the damn thing on yourself again. You definitely didn’t want to explain a possible black eye to Ubbe and Hvitserk tomorrow. “Were you that shocked?”

“Wasn’t expecting you to be naked,” you replied, feeling mighty stupid about yourself right now. “That’s all.”

“So… now that you know that I’m naked…”

“I’m not going to be showing you my pussy.”

“I am shocked that you even thought that.” He even gasped, but you didn’t believe him. That fucker always kept a very tight lid on his emotions. No way that something like that would shock him. “You could still take your underwear off though.”

“I could.” When you didn’t move, Ivar started pouting. Very much like before, it was such a practiced move. How many times had he done something like that before to get what he wanted? “You sly fucker.”

“What did I do?”

“Shut up. As if you don’t know.” His mouth broke out into a wide grin and you shook your head. “You are such a dick, Ivar.” When you saw him open his mouth to speak, you cut him off. “Don’t say it.”

“Say what?”

“If you were going to say anything about how nice your dick looks, I swear that I’ll hang up.”

“I wasn’t going to say that, but thanks.” You groaned for even voicing that opinion out loud. You really had to learn to think before you speak, especially around someone like Ivar. “What kind of guy would say that?”

“Have you met Serk?”

“Good point,” he said with a chuckle. “I was just going to ask you to take your panties off again.”

“You always were a persistent little shit.” Why not give him what he wanted? You weren’t going to shove the phone in between your legs to show him that you were entirely naked, you’d made that clear already. “Tell me. Don’t ask me.”

“Hmmm. So you like that, do you?” His grin turned practically feral now that you’d given him a piece of information that he would likely use against you at some other point in the future. “Take your panties off. Now.”

“Yes, sir.” The word was out of your mouth before you even realised it and when you did, your cheeks flushed bright red. “Oh my god… I-I am so s-sorry… that was…”

“Hot?” Your horrified expression only amused him more and he started laughing. “You can call me that anytime, kitten.”

“I wasn’t…”

“But I did tell you to do something, didn’t I?”

And then the command was back. When an involuntary moan escaped your lips, he drew attention to his own lips again by running his tongue over his plump bottom lip. You mouthed the word “fuck” before reaching down and sliding your underwear down your legs. When they were off, you moved them into view of your phone to show him that you were now entirely naked and hearing him groan softly on the other end felt strangely good.

“Ivar?”

“What is it, kitten?”

“If you’re going to tell me to touch my collarbone again, I’ll kill you.”

“Impatient.” Before he could tell you to do anything, you’d already slid your hand between your legs and you made sure that he heard the sound that you made when your fingers finally came into contact with your soaking wet pussy. “Fine. I’ve been touching myself for a while so I’ll allow it.”

“You’ll allow it? Gee, thank you, Ivar.”

“I can be merciful,” he replied without a hint of embarrassment. “What are you doing?”

“Touching myself.”

“You’re going to have to be more specific than that.”

“Lord. This is kinda…” You squeezed your eyes shut and bucked your hips up against your hand. “Fuck.” His laboured breathing was starting to propel you closer to reaching a climax and when you opened your eyes to look at the screen again, you could tell that he probably didn’t need much more either. “I’m so wet,” you half moaned. “Wish you were here so you could… replace my fingers… with your tongue…”

“Oh y-yeah?”

“Mmmm.” You moved your hand away from yourself, quickly replacing it with your other hand and then held your arousal soaked fingers up to the screen. “See that?” His lips were moving, but no sound was coming out. You kept eye contact with him when you sucked your digits into your mouth, moaning as you did so. You moved your fingers in and out of your mouth, determined to give him some kind of show.

“I need to feel those pretty lips of yours…” He was finally able to talk now. “...wrapped around my cock.” You released your fingers with a loud pop and then presented your tongue to him, to mimic that you were doing something else entirely. “Just like that,” he said with a grin. “Bet you’d look good on your knees.”

“In my… skirt…”

“Yeah…” It was getting more and more difficult for him to talk now, you could tell, but he was still trying. “I’m so…”

Ivar never finished his sentence. All that came out was a low guttural growl and then he was done. His eyes were closed and his breathing was heavy as he came down from his high. You kept your eyes focused on his lips and his tongue that kept darting out to moisten them. When he finally opened his eyes, within seconds he knew what you’d been looking at.

“Kitten.” He practically purred the word at you and you could feel your muscles twitch involuntarily. Your movements increased, rubbing harder as the pressure continued to build. “I should just come over so I can make you come with my mouth and my fingers.” Your face started to feel hot and you gasped loudly. You were close. So close. “And then, if you’ve been a good girl, I might even fuck you.” He paused for a few seconds, his blue eyes locked on yours. “But only if you’ve been really good.”

“Oh my god…” One last circular movement around your clit, that was all you needed. You squeezed your eyes shut and all but wailed the words as your legs started shaking, your muscles spasming, your toes curling against the blanket. “Shit, shit, shit…”

You were aware of Ivar’s soft chuckle somewhere in the background, but it was hard to focus on anything after orgasming that hard. If it was already this good, what the hell was it going to be like if he was actually in the room with you? If he actually pressed that thick cock of his into you and growled into your ear what a good girl you were? The sheer thought of it was almost enough to make you come again.

Finally cracking an eye open, you looked at the screen to find Ivar’s blue eyes focused on you. One corner of your mouth curled up and then you wiped the sweat off your brow that had accumulated there. “Fuck. That was amazing,” you said with a breathy laugh. “I’m exhausted.”

“I can tell,” he said quietly. “Will you be able to sleep or do you need me for something else?”

Wait. Was he angling for an invitation here? You looked at the alarm clock that was on the bedside table. The red glowing numbers had the time at 5:16 in the morning.

“Nope.” You decided to play dumb. “Why? Did you want to talk?”

“Talk? No.” He chuckled softly in reply and ran his hand down his face. “So that’s how it’s going to be?”

“Yep.” You rolled over on your side and blew a kiss at the camera. “Good night, Ivar.”

Before he could say anything in reply, you had already disconnected the call and then pressed your face into the pillow as you laughed. Your phone started beeping almost immediately. You saw a message illuminate the screen and you unlocked it to reply.

The message read: That was rude.

Since you hadn’t had a chance to add his number to your contact list, you were seeing nothing but his phone number so you added him so you could at least see his name.

Good night, Ivar.

You saw that he was typing back and it didn’t take him long to send a reply. Good night, kitten. You were going to reply, but saw dots appear again. I’ll have to teach you some manners the next time we see each other.

A shiver ran down your spine when you read his message. You wondered what he was planning, but knowing him it would probably be good.

Good night, Ivar. And I’m looking forward to it.

He didn’t send you any more messages and you fell into a deep sleep shortly after while clutching your mobile tightly.

[captain-azoren]

Marvel and the Military

I haven't really seen anyone talk about this, but I've been thinking about how the big Marvel properties that are typically anti-establishment have also been the ones that have been sidelined in the recent decade.

Namely, I'm talking about The Hulk and X-Men. First off, I know WHY these two IPs have been sidelined, because of movie rights issues (and Ike Perlmutter). Marvel didn't have the film rights to X-Men for a while, so when the MCU went into full swing, Ike Perlmutter, the guy in charge of Marvel at the time, tried to essentially replace mutants with Inhumans, and we saw how that went. With Hulk, it's because Universal Studios still holds the distribution rights to any major Hulk film release, for the time being.

But I do find it interesting that it's these two that were in this jam for so long. X-Men has always been a metaphor for the oppressed and ostracized groups of people, and they got sidelined by Marvel right as racial tensions and identity politics started to flare up again in America (fun fact: Ike Perlmutter is a rich elitist conservative, so it's fitting he'd try to replace the X-Men with the Inhumans, a group of super-powered royals who maintain a rigid hierarchy).

As for Hulk, I don't have much knowledge of the character or the comics, but I think it wouldn't be a stretch to say that the stories are typically anti-military; the U.S. military is Banner's most consistent antagonist just from my cursory knowledge. They might not be outright supervillains, but General Ross seems to hate and fear the Hulk.

And it's also interesting that since Endgame, they've basically gotten rid of the Savage Hulk persona, and with the status quo of the MCU currently, Banner doesn't have to worry about being hunted down anymore.

This leads to my last observation; the MCU is pretty pro-military. I don't know why this hasn't been commented on more often, but with how prominent SHIELD is in the movies, the MCU is a lot more like G.I. Joe. And yes I know Larry Hama pitched GI Joe as a SHIELD spinoff originally.

Taking a good look at the MCU, it's pretty obvious just how much the universe leans into this; a good chunk of the characters are part of SHIELD or reinterpreted as SHIELD agents. As in the Ultimates, the Avengers is essentially a military unit, if an irregular one. Even aside from that, compared to the comics it seems that far more characters are military, ex-military, or mercenaries as a way to establish why they have fighting skills. There are a lot fewer characters who are or remain straight-up vigilantes or street-level criminals with no military training.

It's also interesting how many more MCU characters don't have powers. At least for the first few phases, it seemed like the heroes and villains who relied on weapons or technology far outnumbered the heroes or villains with actual superpowers. As I said, it makes the MCU feel more like GI Joe, where most of the characters are badass normals with a slight gimmick.

Things do seem to be changing as they're adding more powers to the mix, but overall the MCU comes across as very pro-military, and maybe that's just a consequence of going down the more realistic lead that the Ultimate comics did to try and keep things grounded and explain away some things. Hawkeye being a circus performer is silly and dumb, but being a soldier is cool and makes sense. Even their most powered character, Captain Marvel, whom they have pushed hard as a brand, is yet another military hero.

Another thing to consider is how the MCU movies do get money from the Pentagon, and the Pentagon needs to give script approval; they're not going to like it if the U.S. military looks bad, and I'm sure Disney is also thinking about the Chinese military in some capacity. I have a feeling that this could be an issue when X-Men do join the MCU because the military has never typically been pro-mutant rights. I'm pretty sure that they'll make whatever mutant hunters they have a "rogue" faction, a bad apple that doesn't properly represent them.

I'm not sure where else I'm going with this. I guess I'm just worried about what Disney and Marvel are going to do with X-Men. The MCU has become so mainstream and seems to be in favor of the status quo while making token gestures towards progressivism, not really challenging the audience or asking viewers to consider a more radical stance. X-Men might not always be a perfect metaphor, but it does address issues that some viewers might not be comfortable with when they aren't fighting space aliens.

Even Wolverine, the most popular mutant, can be read as being anti-military with how he's betrayed and exploited by the establishment, whether it's a rogue faction or not. Logan might have been a soldier, but I think it's wrong to consider him as a pro-military figure the same way one might see another grizzled veteran hero like, say, Nick Fury or Punisher.

Logan spent years working for capitalist governments doing black ops to ensure they stayed in power, then was stabbed in the back by them and experimented on due to his unique powers. If anyone would have a cynical outlook on the military, or at least the people in control, it would be him. Logan knows exactly what kind of dirty work the government does to oppress others.

I realize the Origins movie is really bad, but in the game Logan and Team X are sent to an African region to try and acquire a special metal from the locals, alluding to Wakanda and Vibranium. It would be interesting if in the MCU something similar had happened, with Logan and a black ops team being sent to try and infiltrate Wakanda to steal their vibranium and technology decades before, touching on the themes of colonialism from Black Panther. It's the kind of work that Wolverine would be ashamed of, and being an X-man is a way for him to atone in some way.

[monocytogenes]

HEYYY for character bingo, pick characters for the following: "they got too much screen time," "they got done dirty by fans"(or canon honestly lol i know you have Opinions) and "i want to carry them in a handbag like a tiny dog"

Doing swtor obviously (sith warrior story spoilers below)

"They got too much screen time": honestly, Kaliyo in the agent story. I thought she was an interesting character concept and decently funny, but man I could just. Not picture an agent putting up with her shit to the degree the story asked me to/tooling around with her in places where she'd overhear sensitive intel. (Lokin, on the other hand, would've been a totally plausible companion to run around Dromund Kaas/visit the Citadel with.) It was a notable 'I'm having a tough time suspending my disbelief' thing in a storyline that otherwise felt pretty tight when you looked at characters' actions in context.

(I also feel that a certain villain got too much screen time in the expansions--not gonna namedrop since you're not there yet, Niri, but HOW MANY TIMES DO WE NEED TO TEACH YOU THIS LESSON, VILLAIN, omg do new things Bioware)

"They got done dirty by fans": IN THIS ESSAY I WILL--

Malavai Quinn got done dirty by shoddy writing and I'm absolutely sure that's why there's an almost rabid hatred of him in certain corners of the fandom, to the point that I've seen discourse like 'women only like him cause he's hot' (which like, ah yes, the time-worn dismissal of any character or media written with an eye towards the female gaze. It is 2022; could you not.)

I've read and recognize what the writers were trying to do with the Quinncident, and in a game where your character's relationship with him could vary considerably I think allowing for some flexibility in his intentions was valid, but the fact that there's no follow-up conversations about it, especially in the context of the romance, made it feel like some weird, isolated, out-of-character ass-pull by the writers to create drama. Like, oh my god, let my character have a argument with him afterward. Let the way he explains himself vary based on whether or not I did the romance and my character's past actions (e.g. an answer like 'I felt trapped and guilty and just wanted you to kill me' would work better with a lawful/imperial loyalist warrior; an answer like 'my attempt was genuine and I saw you as a problem' would work better with a bloodthirsty/edgelordy warrior.) In the expansions there's some notable bits where your companions' actions can vary depending on what you have and haven't done, and actions having consequences in a game is cool!

I of course dealt with this by writing fic but yeah, I really think his character would've been received better if the warrior had gotten to work through that crisis with him in the actual text of the game.

"I want to carry them in a handbag like a tiny dog": Guss Tuno. I love that dork.

Also like, not characters but sometimes I get entirely stupid about some of the creatures ingame that I find creepycute, like makrins and flirrons. S m o l.

[bisluthq]

Hey! I'm fairly new here and I have a pretty uncommon take on Kaylor. But I just wanna start off by saying I try my best to be as supportive of LGBT people as possible and if they're both bisexual, then I would be 100% okay with that! I'm not trying to "defend their heterosexuality" or anything, I think that's really weird

Okay, so my personal theory is that Kaylor did happen, but that Taylor and Karlie are both straight. I know that might sound contradictory, but I say this based on my own personal experiences based on how I am with my best friend. I think Karlie and Taylor's relationship might have been similar in some ways to ours

Right, so I'm straight and I'm not into women in the gay kind of way (but it's completely cool that some girls are), and I have this roommate who's gorgeous. Really gorgeous, she's like a 10/10 "I would sell my kidney to look like you" kind of girl. She's very attractive, she has like tan skin and long legs and gorgeous brown hair and pretty eyes and nice lips and just like… she's just very good looking. I'm definitely jealous of her body, I won't even pretend I'm not 😪 I lowkey hate her because of it (jk)

We've been living together since not long before COVID started, and we're very good friends. There were three of us before, but our other roommate went back home to stay with her parents until in person classes are back on and we agreed to it and worked something out because she has really bad anxiety so we understood her reasoning for it

Anyway so it's just been us two and because we've been at home a lot during this time instead of out for most of the day like before, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and have become a lot closer. We were already friends from before, but now we're like super close besties, we've been hanging out a lot together and playing board games, watching movies, helping each other with essays, just having long conversations about anything and everything, etc

Like it's been so nice having a best friend that I can be this close to now because I haven't had a best friend since I was a kid

So my friend and I were having like a conversation last year about how hard it's been in quarantine not being able to go on dates and how we miss kissing people, and so we decided to just like, make out for fun you know. I mean, there's not really anything that's inherently romantic or sexual about making out, that's just society that says that. But tbh I think making out with your friends if you want to should be normalized, it's fun and it can even be emotional sometimes. It's not that different from hugging people

After a couple of weeks or so, I think we got bored of just making out with each other and decided to like, fully hook up. It started off because we were modelling lingerie for each other for banter and were pretending we were each other's runway judges and then I think we just decided to hook up with each other as like part of the whole "game". I can't remember who initiated it now, I think it might have been me as a joke lol

Like just in a platonic way for fun, as a kind of substitute until we can go back into society

And tbh I always expected hooking up with a woman to be like mediocre and boring and awkward, but although it was a bit hard to get the hang of at first and there was a learning curve, it's actually very enjoyable. Like I was very surprised actually at how hot it can be, I think I can maybe see why bisexual women and lesbians like doing it

Anyway we both liked it and we just carried on hooking up on the regular and it's been like 8 months now and tbh I just think it's very sweet and heartwarming, like it actually makes me feel a little emotional how we're close enough and care about each other enough that we can even help each other out with the physical intimacy side of things so that we don't get sexually frustrated while we're stuck in lockdown

I just think it's really cool and we even sleep in the same bed most of the time now because tbh what's the point in sleeping alone when you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? It's nicer, like you can cuddle and stuff

Anyway, I think that maybe Kaylor's relationship might have been similar. I think they're both straight but they became really close friends in a short space of time, and that their friendship was so intense that it became physical but in a platonic way

I think lesbians and bisexual women are amazing and I have so much respect for you guys for accepting yourselves in a society that tries to erase you, and I think there definitely needs to be more wlw representation on TV and in movies

But at the same time, I would also like there to be more close female friendships like the one that me and my friend have where you can just talk about everything together and do things that society usually reserves for romantic partners, but in a platonic way. Because female friendship is really important and beautiful, whether that's between straight women like me and my friend who I think is probably straight too, or between queer women because one thing I've learnt during my short time on this blog is how queer women can have very close platonic friendships with other queer women too

I think society just has overly strict ideas of "straight" and "gay". Like for some people, they would hear about two women sleeping together and think "Oh that's gay", but not necessarily because straight women can enjoy sleeping with other women too, like it's normal 🤷‍♀️

I think it's just a result of women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men

I also think it's because women are so oversexualized in the media, and obviously straight girls see that too and so we sort of internalize that attraction to women because we're so used to seeing women being presented in a sexual way? Except it's not real attraction with us like how it is for queer girls

Like I'm very much "attracted" to my friend, she's genuinely stunning and just very hot tbh. But I still identify as straight because it's just a case of what I mentioned above, it's a "fake" attraction. And also because men are afraid to compliment other men because it's seen as "gay", but women can be fully confident in their sexuality and still recognize other women's beauty and sex appeal. You see it all the time in instagram comments, and I really love how we're all so supportive of each other like that

Like I can be fully confident in my sexuality and yet still say that some women like my friend are gorgeous as hell and also 100 times better looking than most men I've seen. I'm very much obsessed with some women's appearances but in a platonic way

And I just love the concept of "girl crushes" and I think that from a feminism viewpoint, it's beautiful that we're focusing on other girls and showing love towards other girls too, instead of just to men who, let's be real, don't even fully appreciate it half of the time

I am going to be sad when we all have to return to life as usual and my friend and I won't be able to spend as much time together anymore. I'm dreading it tbh, I don't want it to end yet. And it really sucks that the physical side of our friendship will probably have to stop too once our other roommate comes back because I think she'd definitely misunderstand the situation and think it's something different than it actually is if she ever saw us kissing or something. I really am going to miss it a lot though, I really like how things currently are and it's just really really nice and I don't want it to change :/

Btw I'm sorry if I sounded fetishistic or offensive with any of this, I just get a bit jealous sometimes that you guys get to date girls and we're just stuck with men. Honestly if it wasn't for all of the homophobia and the struggles that you all have to face and the fact that it would feel disrespectful to the LGBT community, I would probably really wish I could change my sexuality to be bisexual or gay instead because I just think women are better. Sometimes I really do wish I was into women in that way because dating girls just sounds so much more appealing to me (in a non fetishizing weird way) but unfortunately I'm stuck with dating men 🤦‍♀️ But I also know I'm lucky and privileged to be straight even though most men are mediocre and kinda gross and I don't mean to be disrespectful because I know you all have to face homophobia and other LGBT difficulties and it really sucks, people are awful. There's nothing wrong with women dating women or men dating men at all, society is just ugly and bigoted

Anyway, does anybody else have a similar sort of take on Kaylor where they think they could have both been straight and just had a very close friendship with a physical side to it? I think it would explain a lot. But like I said, this is just a theory of mine based on my own situation, and I'm also open to the idea that it was an actual relationship and that they're both into women for real, not just fake "into women" like I am.

Also pls feel free to call me out if I accidentally said anything offensive towards LGBT people, I tried my best but if I made a mistake anywhere pls let me know and I'll avoid it next time!

You’re not offensive. Please stop apologizing. And we’re gonna come back to the Kaylor stuff another time because... Honey. You and I need to have a conversation for a bit.

So firstly, I’m not trying to like “diagnose” you and at the end of the day it’s your choice what you want to call yourself but... tbh you might not be straight. Sexuality is fluid not static and exists on a spectrum not in absolutes. It’s not like it’s straight, 50/50 bi, gay and you’re born knowing and there’s no room for anything else. That’s not true. There’s a lot of room in between all of these and labels can change over time. We’re people, not cereal brands, and sometimes we don’t even KNOW the word for what we might be. I’m tagging a tag for you from when we asked people to share their label journeys for you to see. It’s not simple or easy and it’s not just because of external stuff - it’s because figuring this out internally is HARD. If you found yourself having such an intense friendship it became physical, repeatedly, you liked it a lot, you still sleep in the same bed and continue to share all your thoughts and you don’t want any of that to end... I’m not sure you’re Kinsey 0. And I think you might lowkey have a girlfriend dude. 

You can obviously prefer men but like... hun I reaaallly don’t think you’re completely straight.

Also: it’s okay to say “I see myself winding up with a man and this is a situationship for right now!” but that doesn’t make you straight because again, sexuality is a spectrum and you can manifest a particular kind of endgame while experiencing other things along the way.

But here’s where you really got me: “most men are mediocre and kinda gross” and “women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men” because that’s the kind of thing I used to say in my Bi 1.0 era before I ID’d as a lesbian for a bit and before Harry Styles (KING 🥺) made me bi for real. Hun, no. Straight women like men. Tbh BI women like men. I genuinely, unironically, find Harry and Timmy and Matt Smith to be sexy beasts and I would do dirty things to the former two but maybe not the latter irl in 2021 but yes also him if I could be on that Spain trip with him and Karen where they got sloshed and which I think of often. These men are genuinely fucking beautiful to me in the same way Taylor is and Di Silvers is (okay she’s prettier than all of them but like same ~vibe) and like Megan Thee Stallion is and Indira Varma in everything but especially GOT and Gillian Anderson and Keira Knightley. Like those women are HOT to me and SO. ARE. THE. MEN. 

Straight women find SO MANY DUDES hot. So many. Starting from objectively pretty options I just cannot personally understand like Chris Evans all the way through to bitches who are outchea simping for wrestlers and Cole Sprouse. Do I understand? No. But like... that’s straight girl culture and ours is not to judge. 

If you’re struggling to find men hot then... you might be gay.

Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “fake attraction”. Like queer women - especially femme women which I assume you very much are - experience the same kinds of feelings straight girls do. We have women we want to be like and look like and find enviable (me and Oenone Forbat) and women we find aesthetically gorgeous (me and Anya Taylor Joy) and we have extremely close female friends who we can spend hours on end spilling our guts to - as you say female friendships are truly special - and without going into personal people that you don’t know, that’s me and Cam and Sim right? I literally talk to them for hours. Like those are not gay feelings. And yes we can chat about those kinds of feelings with straight girls and call them “girl crushes” and not immediately get “caught out” because they experience this exact shit too.

But here’s the thing. They never do and I don’t want in the cases above to fuck these women. It’s not sexual.

The moment I can actually imagine fucking the women in question that’s... gay. 

Like it’s not “fake attraction” it’s literally just gay. That’s how we desire women. We want to fuck them. Not all women. Not always. But sometimes we want to get under or on top of one and just really truly fucking make each other moan with pleasure.

I have no idea if Karlie or Taylor are into women. They could both literally be straight. I have no idea.

But I have a better idea about you.

Hun, you’re fucking your roommate/best friend and don’t want to stop.

You’re not “into women”.

You’re into this woman.

And possibly into women more generally.

So I know it’s weird to have to be the one to tell you this, and if you want to keep chatting via anon or in my DMs or if you want me to try collate resources for you from around the web but...

Like.

Dude.

You’re a whole ass part of the rainbow.

Welcome to the community you thought you weren’t a part of earlier today 🌈 ❤️

It’s nice here, sure there’s homophobia, but at least we get to fuck girls and man is it good.