#control over consciousness

[keferon]

Did you think I was done? Ahahahaha no, I have more.

Because chapter 70 of MOMU gave me the very dynamic between them that I missed so much, I just blacked out and started drawing uncontrollably lmao

Also. ALSO. I noticed a while ago that Prowl has the habit of..like…constantly frowning. So. I did a bit of research and made this graph.

In 70 chapters, Prowl frowns rougly 104 times. And the intensity of this gesture is very clearly correlated with the development of his relationship with Jazz, as you can see ahahahahah It might be wrong tho don’t take me seriously I’m not good with graphs

[mwolf0epsilon]

The Unlucky Tug's season 13 & Hero of the Rails Retrospective video got me thinking about Spencer... As a character we really don't have much on him do we? (Which is ironically fitting since he's a private engine)

Come to think of it, most of what we know of Spencer are a handful of crumbs you can count off your fingers (that he's proud of being a speedster, that he enjoys his work as a private engine, that he's not overly fond of Sodor's engines, etc...), and just a few personality traits you can parse from watching how he interacts with others (which often amounts to him being a pompous jerk who cares more about his status than actually behaving in a way that upholds that status with grace). Other than that, we don't really know who he is or what he did before he became the Duke and Duchess of Boxford's privately owned engine...

Sure, he's an A4 Pacific but... Is he meant to be a specific one?

Every engine in the railway series and the tv shows has a proper basis one can refer to. Even if some of them are fictional members of a specific line of engines or heavily altered (Gordon as his class's imperfect but no less endearing prototype, Edward being a surviving member of his class despite all of the Larger Seagulls having been scrapped in actuality, James being a custom fleshed out in the series, and Henry being a personification of one class configuration being rebuilt into another, etc...the list is never ending here!) they still have a concrete basis you can look at and equate them to.

With that in mind... Is Spencer supposed to be one of the Silvers? The first batch of A4s that pulled the Silver Jubelee and didn't escape scrapping? If so, is he meant to be a fifth fictional member of the Silvers or is he actually one of them under a new identity?

I've seen the latter idea being toyed with a lot (and I do vibe with it because second chances at life freaking slap as a character arc!), but the former idea... The one where maybe he's a secret fifth member that was never really in prominence compared to his older siblings (overlooked and ignored)... It also does seem fitting doesn't it?

Especially considering none of his fellow Silvers survived.

What I'm getting at, is that Spencer strikes me as someone who's deeply insecure to the point he'll latch onto what he thinks is his (his status for example), and protects it with such jealous ferocity that it makes him a very difficult engine to get along with.

If he were one of the Silvers who somehow miraculously got bought by the Duke and Duchess of Boxford when he was going to be scrapped, it definitely makes sense why he tries to seem like he's more than he really is. Making himself out to be important would ensure he continues to remain useful enough that he won't see the cutter's torch so soon...

But it also makes him a potentially very unstable and volatile individual if he gets it in his funnel that someone is threatening his position/existence. Literally anything minor can be blown out of proportion. Including something as harmless as a cheeky little tank engine trying to show him up, and humiliating him in front of his lifeline...

Because trying to get a fellow steam engine scrapped due to a wounded ego is DEFINITELY a disproportional response to his petty squabble with Thomas. And his later reaction when Hiro rescues him shows this too. If Spencer were that much of a jerk that he is all for getting someone else scrapped, he wouldn't have changed his mind so easily.

Spencer's lack of a backstory not only bothers me, it also makes his behavior all that much more interesting to study under a microscope... Just what did he go through that THAT was the only way he thought was appropriate to get back at Thomas? Especially when later it becomes very apparent he didn't mean it...

Who were you Spencer? What did you see?

[alipeeps]

Ahhh there's full MV of the ending theme dancing. It's fucking adorable and it's breaking my heart.

[majimaisms]

im new to your blog what's the okinawa fic

anon im so sorry for the late response i thought u were my friend taking the piss HSJSNDKAIKDJKFKF

um. well. i want to keep everything about it as vague as possible but it's basically my longfic-in-progress that deals with majima's Gender and Rootlessness (with motherhood, impermanence and generational trauma as prominent themes.) it's basically like. what if majima was allowed to be a woman. briefly and under Circumstances. but genuinely acknowledged as one instead of it being a joke or mask she can hide behind. like what would that do to majima how would she feel about it. etc

i cant say more HFJDHDKJD other than i plan (hope) to be in the editing phase by this time next year. i have everything outlined (<- already took me a year) and i know what i'm gonna write i just need to.... write it

i lied heres me going crazy about it (unprompted) (it's always unprompted) (we were talking about the liver failure thing) yesterday

i am basically meeting majima on her terms to give her a crumb of gender euphoria. that's what the okinawa fic is. and then it doesn't really amount to anything because it's basically a really elaborate canon compliant missing scene fic. but. it still does something. To Me

[angelnumber27]

violently forcing myself to have better days

[psychicthepsychic-daily]

drawn

[ragnars-tooth]

i did finish the unicorne files a couple of days ago but i fear i'm already rereading them and making notes again because SURELY i've misunderstood the takeaway

(MANY a spoiler in the tags)

[desertsportshipping]

Because Wes is a Shadow Human, he can't feel real emotions other than anger or guilt. The only way he can feel those other emotions is if he's subjected to aura powers from people who can wield them. He doesn't know this, but subconsciously he gravitates to aura wielders because they're the only ones who can make him feel happy.

[yaminerua]

God made me have to live on barely enough money to pay for the bills and groceries bc he knew if I had money to spare I would have no impulse control

but it would be nice at least to have money to have no impulse control over for a change at least

[a-flappy-bat]

I had a stupid crossover thought today involving Cortana and Jesse and it settled into this nonsense

[whentherewerebicycles]

.

[padthaifan]

Midnight snack 🤗

[seth-whumps]

characters apologizing for things they have no control over. mumbling sorry while losing consciousness. feeling ashamed of a bleeding wound. embarrassed when an infection sets in. deep seated feverish guilt when they need to be carried, when their legs won't keep them upright anymore and they lean heavy on a friend, slurring apologies..........

[psychoticwillgraham]

here's what i have so far for chapter 2 of the AI Will au 'perfect machine' that i should've posted a year ago but didn't actually start working on it until last month. i've got a whole ten chapter outline that's been done for a year but i don't wanna post it yet bc i do intend to actually write and finish it

[anissapierce]

Explaining my sleep issues to my previous counselor on the last session was so funny. Like damn i just didnt mention tht all huh. I hate sleep for the same reason i do not wish to drink alcohol or do non perscribed drugs ...

[rubra-wav]

He is only truly happy when there is someone who actively threatens his position of power to fight with, and is dead without that specific type of attention in his life.

The tag saying he needs to get therapy is fucking real, when you're only truly alive and in love with life when you're fighting with people and receiving attention? Goddamn. 💀

Longest tag rant I've ever been on under this good God

no but i'm literally just thinking SOOO much about how Vox is obviously living a hollow and unfulfilling life, and how the only thing he shows genuine interest in is power and Alastor

even with the other Vees, he's distant and muted- he doesn't really seem to engage with them, not deeply, or particularly happily- he does care about them, i think, considering he's willing to 'let his guard down', (which is a whole 'nother post, and only vaguely something i mentioned here) but i'd wager he finds the whole thing dull

Vox is stuck in a rut. he's bored, he straight up says fuck my life, and then follows that up with putting on a fake ass smile for the masses. up until Alastor is thrown back into the mix, Vox's whole demeanour screams fake

and then Alastor is back and Vox is emotive. he's excited, he's interested, he's energetic. yeah, the whole thing is based on some bitter ex drama, and it's probably not, like, healthy- but he's actually consistently acting alive

compare his whole music sequence with the way he's acting before Alastor's whole ass came back, and there is such a stark difference. he's all over the fucking place, he's borderline manic, whereas before he just- he was very obviously bored

you can even see some of this when you compare the brief glance of Vox and Val during Angel's song, and then with the episode 8 song

i think Alastor is the only thing in Vox's life he actively cares about, at this point. it's the only thing that interests him, that captivates him, and oh boy, i cannot wait to see more of them in season 2