#contrary to popular opinion i never said i disliked this look

[cosmicdreamgrl]

𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘫𝘬 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴: (114/?)

[bluestarjay]

Most of my hinata headcanons are based on the fact that most people write him pretty shallowly- as nothing more than his height and love of volleyball, his need to fly, and the fact he's friendly. The really well written stuff writes him well, as a kind of enigma, but even then, one of his main traits is: Oh, he's pure sunshine!! His eyes shone with pride and determination, a hunger to win; to fly, etc, etc. Right? With most ships, it's just about how beautiful he looks in the sunset/sunrise with his hair and eyes. My point is that he's mischaracterized without really being mischaracterized because it's all *true*. he is absolutely gorgeous, and he does have a hunger to win and fly, and volleyball is his entire world, but there's sooooo much more still.

Normally, I hc him according to canon; according to scenes from the manga/anime, and then further analyzing it, yk? But I *truly* think hinata shoyo would be a good liar and hard to read.

It's already somewhat canon that people find him confusing, in the fact that he's a people pleaser and switches up really quickly to make people happy. He'll say something, and then someone will disagree, and he'll immediately switch up so that person won't dislike him for his different opinion, ykwim?

And then people never know what he's thinking, either. He's completely oblivious to his own feelings but is hyper aware of other people's feelings. He doesn't notice when he's running a fever of 102° but notices that someone has 2/5 symptoms of the flu 💀💀 like my guy can remember suuuuper specific details about a person's life, like the day their great aunt's cat died, but forgets his own bday.

He's actually really smart, but he's failing all his classes bc he can't focus. I think he'd be really good at math, but really only with like decimals and uhh money math, like he's good at calculating tax and saving money, but that's bc he grew up especially poor and had to be cautious with money. He'd probably be better with Japanese literature than English literature bc obvi that's his native language, and I think he'd really like linguistics post Brazil.

But, he also has his signature death stare, and I kinda came up with a hc based off it; since we all agree he has adhd, a part of it is zoning out, and i think he'll sit hunched over like L and just do his little death stare out to nothing or nowhere in particular, or will sit on his bed zoned out doing the death stare out towards the door, with the lights off, and someone will walk in and scream. He just randomly hunches over like L sometimes, and daichi will tell him that it's bad for his back, and he'll say, "But it's comfy :(" actually I think I'm just writing autistic hinata rn oopsies it's ok tho we love autism hcs here!!

Since he's really small (probably underweight actually), he can fit into really small spaces, and he thinks they're comfy (me guys). But at the same time, he loves big fields and gyms bc he likes to run around. Basically, he says and does really conflicting things, and it confuses people, which is another reason he was bullied in middle school.

He started doing the death stare as a defense mechanism in middle school actually, bc older, taller kids tried to use that to their advantage and bully him, but glaring at them weird made them walk away. Also, contrary to popular belief, I hc he can fight. So many people have just decided he's, like, too weak to fight or smth?? Like they think he can't defend himself physically, which I personally think he could, but yk, anxiety, so he doesn't. Like my guy is an athlete, have you seen him?? He may be small, but if he wasn't frozen in fear and anxiety, he could beat someone's ass!!

I said before I actually do think he could lie, bc one again, he's a people pleaser, and I feel like once when he was a kid, a family friend or someone or like when he was at a friend's house, they made dinner and he didn't like it, so he lied about liking it, but the person knew he lied and called him out on it and he cried bc he lied abt liking it and lying is bad, but also telling them he didn't like the food is rude, which is also bad. So then he decided he'd learn how to lie. Also, ik he uses his height and baby face to his advantage!! ***Depending on the person*** he can get away with just about anything bc "🥺🥺🥺" and then when everybody else calls him out for it he's like "L fuck you hehehe 😜💪💪" Like he drew a 🍆 pp on the wall or something once and then blamed it on kageyama and the teacher believed him.

And even though he's a people pleaser, he's managed to find peace in playing pranks and being mean, in a normal teenager way ofc, because suga helped him come out of his shell (suga purely bc he is mischievous but still responsible and nice)(and then suga asks Asahi why he can't be like hinata bc Asahi can barely even write with pencil on a desk, let alone sharpie anything so 'vulgar' on school property (it's not *just* because he's scared bc it's vulgar it's also bc he doesn't think those kinds of jokes are funny, and simply doesn't understand why writing on school property is fun (that's how I feel, idk 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️) ))

BTW, guys, half of these are to spite my friend who calls hinata a "bean 🥺" even though she's not on Tumblr. Also, I think I'm gonna start organizing these kinds of posts so they're easier to read, haha. Does anyone want any character specific hc posts since I always do hinata?

[horizon-verizon]

Yes, it's a little sad the way George is being called out because he wants to say the things he didn't like about HotD, specifically season 2. He was more than satisfied with the first one, although the changes were more or less criticized, but he didn't say anything bad and now that he wants to give his opinion as a writer/creator of the Song of Ice and Fire universe, they call him unprofessional (because they name him as a producer) and that he owes us more books, I even saw someone saying how he should have written the dance.

"unprofessional"

below or contrary to the standards expected in a particular profession

not having or showing the experience, skill, etc., that is expected or appropriate in a person who is trained to do a job well

not exhibiting a courteous, conscientious, or generally businesslike manner in the workplace

I agree completely. I'm not sure what "professional" means in this context, I listened to a TikTok creator who argued that GRRM leaving a quick, strongly-worded, strongly-toned paragraph at the end of a long post abt problems with S2 was unprofessional bc it was vague enough to open up

The thing is, does it really matter when, if we're talking exclusively about any sort of material prospects that GRRM could have to have more of his work adapted into TV/streaming OR the show's viability/popularity in streaming:

HBO owns any and all ASoIaF adaption now and in the future

HBO will continue to make adaptations even after he's gone most likely no matter how "unprofessional" he acts, bc they are getting rich from it and that's all they care about anyway

and GRRM is an old man who's now richer than he needs to be

yes, he is focused on ASoIaF, and this is his more famous as well as the only (I think) adapted part of his oeuvre

if he really has signed away his own work to be HBO's material forever and ever (as I heard) and has not assured that he could be the final authority for stuff NOT having to do with costs and those practical things AND if people really feel as if nothing he could say abt the show could deprive them of loving the show...why the claims of "unprofessionalism" if you're just going to watch the next season and keep HBo's pay up?

a) some of the actors don't even watch the show OR they avoided knowing too much abt the orig story so they wouldn't compare and be disappointed or stay focused on Ryan's vision (out of the mouth of Steve-Corlys' actor); b) some don't watch bc it's just a thing among actors to not watch what they are a part of, therefore how are their feelings really hurt, esp when the running line among fans who criticize the show is that the only or one of the few things abt it that were nonnegotiably good were the actors? When people ride and die even when some say Emma is not that good looking or BR-ugly or they say Matt is ugly and the responses are ranging from "no" to "no one else can play Daemon, I just can't see it"? The critiques are never abt the actors; c) GRRM has ALWAYS praised the actors, esp Paddy and Phia; d) the critiques were ALWAYS abt the writing or choices in STORYTELLING, not the fucking actors and non-writing crew! I swear to god, things get fed into the "Machine of Fandom Disengnuity" every other week: most recently it was why people disliked how HotD did B&C and some said "oh you wanted it to be bloodier, you just want to se a kid die a gory death" (as if what was presented on screen, even just by audio, wasn't "gory" by itself since hearing a literal child's head get sawed off instead of quickly cut off still presents an "image", one with even more physical suffering--again, gore).

I really wanna know, WHAT is at real, deep stake here? HBO/HotD's reputation (S2 was mediocre, and I didn't like S1 but it certainly was just of shoddier quality than the last and people still loved it apparently) that they never really cared abt in the first place bc they know people will keep coming back for more? Or the justification for why they love ASoIaF?

Bc, again, if you really go by books =/= show, you'd be able to just enjoy the show for all of its flaws when they are presented to you as flaws OF when the AUTHOR OF THE ORG STORIES shares their opinion abt the work regardless! Why do you feel the need the label his actions as "unprofessional"

Why do you really care enough to try to argue the man--who said similar abt the separation of bk vs show atp--shouldn't give his two cents on the adaptation of his life's work? And esp if you argue that he doesn't have the obligation to give you more books/complete the series? So he's obligated to let us/you keep our blinders on abt the lore of his books, but not obligated to give us more books? Mayeb I'm missing something here.

Another thing, yes, he has been in the TV industry for long before ASoIaF; there have been some changes and he seems to stay back in ComicCons and writer's meetings. Still, if being "professional" means you need to shut up abt what you don't like abt an adaptation, point blank period, bc outstanding actors or non-responsible people will feel bad about it or the show will suffer or be your work is no longer yours to determine the meaning and themes of once you "sold" it...we're in serious trouble from self justifying capitalist interest.

Oh, and don't forget, when RYAN CONDAL decided to say that:

Daemon was the internet's "boyfriend" when he shouldn't be despite having to know he'd be a fan fav bc he already was one for years bc he's seemingly upset he hasn't been able to ubiquitously convince the female portion that he's a feminist...when such a statement is beyond condescending

the fans of the show/bks don't know the story as well as he does [pic below], when we all know GRRM is not often in the writer's room or has much authority on how they will write the series AND has gone on record to say he actually wanted to write the Dance when Aemon and Baelon were alive!

Basically saying/dismissing fans' critiques for "I know what I'm doing" and "trust me, bro". How is this not "unprofessional" and actually, "Ryan is right? to tell bk readers to shove it"?!

GRRM's July inflammatory post mentioned Maelor [below] and how he'd talk abt that...Ryan's post above hasn't aged well.

And you can see that he already hinted at his writing a blog post abt his issues with B&C; how would he not add other stuff he felt strongly about?! This was a long time coming and some were genuinely surprised not at the strength of his language and his being so direct (that is actually surprising, considering how he said nothing abt how HBO did Dany, Catelyn, Jaime even, Tyrion, the Three Eyed Crow, magic in general, etc. dirty that I've seen) but that he dislikes or could dislike the show or aspects of it when they are so used to using his praises or exec seat as way to say the show is valid for MONTHS and now can't always feel comfortable using it.

And no, I don' think that many TikTok creators are being paid to say they loved the show. I watched and listened to many, and they genuinely love the show or certain aspects of it when they say so. Let's take them at their word. All the power to them, sometimes--as many current HotD fans of S2 have said--people just want to either see their favs onscreen and realized or they are there for messy-boots drama and "comedic", "unserious" entertainment (which is funny, bc HotD has served genuinely interesting and non-superficial tidbits here and there but what's aggravating is how they almost immediately tend to not develop or some fans refuse to get into really acknowledging the problems HotD creates with is storytelling decisions both out and in the universe [race, gender like how they wrote Rhaenyra's sons and the Velaryons or the women's....passiveness and dragging an inevitable war post-Lucerys or trying to maintain Rhaenicent]).

[skelezomperman]

Some random Thoughts the first

Here's some random thoughts about Fire Emblem that I'll post here since the Opinions Thread on Reddit is a bit late. Negative first, then positive.

Firstly, I've said this before but I think that the biggest casualty of incest being discussed in Fire Emblem is that it means that people cannot treat a brother and sister being affectionate to each other normally. Every time they do so much as share an embrace, you are sure to see someone claim that there is some kind of romantic undertone. I really, really just hate this. Can we just...not?

Secondly, there's a pattern I've noticed, a sort of temptation to get addicted to looking at other people's bad takes. It is certainly not hard to find people saying things that objectively make no sense, not especially on social media sites like Tumblr, Reddit, or Twitter/X. Sometimes it is so funny that you have to say something to someone else. But at the same time, it's easy to fall into this addiction to looking at bad takes. To make it a full-blown habit of spending so much time at looking at terrible things said on the Internet is extremely unhealthy! I am not saying this to laugh or to proclaim myself as better, because I too am guilty of gossip. But we are called to greater things than circlejerking off other people's faults.

---

We are honestly blessed to have so much talent in our community. Obviously, there's artists, but we also have talented writers, talented cosplayers, talented translators, talented analyzers. I see it when I see the subreddit, I see it on Twitter, I see it on Tumblr, I see it on Discord. My talent is nowhere near the talent that other people have. I can't draw, I can't really speak Japanese, and my creative skills amount to some middling writings. So to everyone who has this talent, I thank you for all you've done, and if you want to use your talents to enrich the community, I say go for it! I support you.

Have I mentioned before that I like Ivy from Fire Emblem: Engage? I will spare you the details of my months-long angsting with the fact that I like her. I've said repeatedly before that I would not die on a hill defending that character, but for once I'll say that I appreciate her. I appreciate that she isn't one-dimensional (contrary to popular belief, ghosts are not mentioned in every support she has). She's adept at maneuvering around many different people, whether it's with Alcryst who clearly still has bad feelings about what happened in Chapter 10, with her sister whom she wants to support despite the enmity between their mothers, or with someone like Mauvier who is in a similar situation to her. Yes, the worldbuilding in Elusia rings hollow just as it does throughout the game, but I still felt that she was fine with regards to fitting into the plot, perhaps more-so than any of the other royals in the game.

(In general, I think my enjoyment of Engage increases when I turn away from looking at posts where people say they dislike it. Then I feel less bad about liking Engage even if it went against a lot of what I was wanting out of future Fire Emblems.)

One last thing is that I want to just say that I like how many little things there are to discover about FE4. I'm in the process of building a group of docs comparing the various translations of FE4. It's been three years since I went through the work of putting together a script for Project Naga, and I'm still finding lines that I never knew existed. Who knew that there's actually a line for if you seized Lubeck (first castle in Chapter 5) with Byron somehow still being alive? Or that Ishtore's boss dialogue changes if you fight him before killing Liza? So many little details to appreciate from this game even if it does show its age.

[angelasscribbles]

My Best Friends Girls Chapter 5: Lythikos

Series: My Best Friends Girl

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Characters: Drake Walker, Liam Rys, Riley Campbell

Rating: R

Warnings: Some chapters may contain explicit language, mentions of sex.

You can catch up on my other stuff here.

Tags: @texaskitten30 @tessa-liam @karahalloway @gkittylove99

@nestledonthaveone @kachrisberry @fangirling12566

@belencha77 @lovingchoices14@twinkle-320

I always found winter in Lythikos beautiful, in a stark, brutal kind of way. Everything buried under a blanket of white. Tree branches glistening with ice. The air crisp and clean, and always smelling fresh. The cold never bothered me. When we were kids, it seemed like a magical place, frozen inside a snow globe. As teenagers, we loved spending time there, away from the palace, away from the adults (well, if you didn’t count the security guys that followed us everywhere).

Liv would tell us fantastic tales about her ancestors. We went snowboarding, skiing, ice skating. Sometimes Savannah would take over the kitchen and bake cookies. Liam and I would explore the frozen woods behind the keep. Leo would disappear into the nearby town for hours at a time. I guess he was always looking for a new adventure even back then.

Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t dislike Olivia. I know I can be short with her, but it’s because she gets under my skin in a way only someone who knows you well can. She does it on purpose too. Her prickly exterior is her way of protecting herself and I totally get that. I don’t know how we ended up with more of a contentious sibling relationship while her relationship with the Rys boys was more….complicated. She couldn’t seem to choose between them. If Leo had ever actually been in love before, it was with her; but he didn’t pick her during his social season. Probably because she was in love with his brother. I tried to stay out of all that.

My favorite part about Lythikos was always the meteor showers; they were spectacular. Sometimes we all watched them together, sometimes it was just me and Sav. Savannah. It still hurt that she had left without saying goodbye…or telling me why. I could have used my security and military contacts to track her down, but she made it clear she didn’t want to be found. I had to respect that even if I didn’t like it.

I know Liv can be mean, but it still surprised me that she would throw Savannah in my face that way. It hurt. She knew it would. There were plenty of things I could have said back that would have hurt her just as much, but I didn’t. I just shook my head and excused myself. I had a meteor shower to attend.

It surprised me to hear Riley defend me, and so passionately. It made my stupid heart leap in my chest is what it did. Something it has no business doing, not where she’s concerned. So I just walked out like I didn’t hear it. But she followed me. Why would she do that? Next thing I know, we’re laying on the ground, staring up at the stars and I’m pouring my heart to her about my missing sister. What the hell is wrong with me?

On the way back, she stumbled, and I reached out to grab her on instinct. That’s a natural reaction, right? To grab someone so they don’t fall? She reached for me at the same time and grabbed my hand. I can’t remember the last time I just…held hands with someone. It felt good. It made my stupid traitor heart start beating like crazy though. When I told her that we should both be careful, I wasn’t really talking about walking on the snow, but I doubt she knew that. I held her hand all the way back to the keep, the whole time telling myself that I should let go of it already. Apparently I don’t listen to good advice, even from myself.

After that, I tried to keep my distance as much as possible but leave it to Liv to put us at the same table at the ball. On the surface, it was supposed to be a dig, seating us in the back. But Liv is nothing if not cunning and ruthless. I’m pretty sure she suspects I have feelings for Riley and was using this as a way to push us together. If Riley were to actually return my feelings, that, in Liv’s mind, would open the way to Liam. Too bad for her she was barking up the wrong tree.

It was a good thing I saw her coming before she saw me though. That dress she was wearing should have been illegal. It was white and clingy and the neckline plunged almost to her waist, showing plenty of cleavage. Not that I was looking at her cleavage. Ok, I was totally looking. How could you not look? The point is, I was able to get my reaction out of the way and my facial expressions under control before she saw them.

Then she pulled that stunt with the waiter, pretending to faint. I had no idea what she was doing until she was doing it! I had to catch her in my arms, didn’t I? What else was I going to do, let her fall?

“Just warn me next time, ok? Or I might not be able to catch you.” I will always catch you. Holding her in my arms, for even that brief moment, had felt like heaven.

“Oh, Drake. You know I like to keep you on your toes.”

I did not know that. I think I blushed a little, I realized she was teasing but it still sent butterflies swirling through my stomach. The next thing I knew, my mouth was moving, and I swear, against my actual will, I was asking her to meet me in the wine cellar for drinks later that night. What the holy hell is wrong with me?

I would have been relieved when Maxwell swept her into his arms to dance if I hadn’t been so busy wishing it was me doing the sweeping and the dancing. Huh. Dancing. The fact that I wanted to dance with her should have told me how far gone I already was. I hate dancing, at least I use to.

I tell everyone that I don’t know how to dance. That’s a lie. I know how to dance. I grew up in the palace for God’s sakes. How do people believe the shit I say? I just don’t like to dance, and I’ve always needed to stay alert at these functions. I can’t stay close to Liam if I’m off dancing with someone. Then it occurred to me that since I’d been officially assigned to Riley, dancing might be an actual advantage. Can’t get much closer than that. Just the thought of dancing with her, having a valid reason for putting my arms around her, holding her body against mine, filled me with undeniable desire. Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea after all. I filed the thought away for later consideration.

I had to content myself watching her dance with Maxwell then Liam. I told myself it was my job to protect her, that’s why my eyes stayed glued to her the entire night. I am an accomplished liar apparently. Especially when lying to myself.

I didn’t really expect her to show up in the wine cellar. Why would she? But there she was, sashaying in like she owned the place. I felt several emotions smack me in the face all at once. Surprise, elation, and a bit of terror. Why, on God’s green earth, would I purposely get her alone? That was the dumbest thing I could have done. I tried to cover it with snark, “There you are Campbell. I was beginning to think you didn’t have the guts to show. Y’know, breaking the rules, out after curfew and all that.”

“I’ve got more than enough guts to keep up with you.”

I tried to hide my smile but couldn’t. The girl’s got spunk, I’ll give her that. I offered to share my whiskey with her. I never share my whiskey. But honestly? I’d give her anything. I’d give her everything. But I’m not the one she wants it from.

She gave me a smile that turned my insides to liquid fire. How does she do that? I wish I knew because it burns me alive; she burns me alive. This desire burns me alive.

“So. You come down to the wine cellar to drink whiskey? Doesn’t that seem a little silly?” She gave me a measured a look and I had no idea what she was thinking.

“I came down here to get a little commoner time by myself where I don’t have to bow and kiss hands for a few minutes.” It was close enough to the truth.

“Drake, if you hate the nobility so much, why do you stick around?”

“It must seem ridiculous to you.” How could I possibly explain without blowing my cover?

“To be honest, I don’t understand why you put yourself through it.”

I considered my next words carefully. I didn’t want to lie to her, ever. But I couldn’t tell her the whole truth either. I settled for something that’s one hundred percent true even if it’s not one hundred percent of the story, “It’s Liam. It’s always been for him.”

I had left, I had made a place for myself in the armed forces, and I had been damned good at it too. The military didn’t care about your bloodline, it was one of the few places in Cordonia that was a true meritocracy. I took to the life like a duck to water, I figured it was in my blood because of my father. I rose through the ranks quickly. If Liam hadn’t needed me, I probably would have been a lifer. Military life suited me just fine. But that assassination attempt had happened, an undercover guard agent had shown up at my duty station, I had gone back to hear Bastien out and I had resigned my commission and accept a position with the guard.

She looked like she was waiting for more so I told as much of the truth as I could, “I would have left a long time ago, but Liam needs me. I know he’s got nobles and courtiers all around him, but most of them would stab him in the back if they thought they could profit from it. I’ve seen so many underhanded moves that I don’t trust any of them anymore. And these are from our friends! And this latest one….” I trailed off, realizing I shouldn’t be telling her any of that.

“What happened?”

“I…I’m not sure I should tell you. It’s still being resolved.”

“You’re always saying I need to watch out…it’d be nice to actually know what for.” She had a point.

I had to tell her about the pictures from the bachelor party. I didn’t tell her that Maxwell Beaumont was our prime suspect. Those pictures seemed to have been taken up close and after looking into him, we had found the Beaumont’s were struggling financially. I didn’t like to think it. I’d known the guy since we were eight years old, he didn’t seem the type, but that was my point, you could never be sure. I had to do my best to warn her, didn’t I?

“I just want you to be careful. I…I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

When did that happen? When I first found out about the photographs, I was livid, of course, but not surprised. I was worried about Liam and his public image, the damage that a story like that could do to the monarchy.

Somewhere along the way though, my priorities…shifted. I suddenly found myself worrying about her image, her feelings, the damage the story could do to her. The thought of anything hurting her made me feel weak in a way I never had before, vulnerable.

I couldn’t do anything to save my dad, because I had been a kid when he died. But he instilled in me his self-reliance, his independence and survival skills. Drop me off in the wilderness with no supplies and I’d still be fine. I could hunt, fish, build a fire without a lighter, set trap lines, read the land, avoid predators, build a shelter without tools (yeah, it was easier with the tools, but dad had been adamant that I still be able to do it without, just in case. Because you never know).

I started jujitsu when I was about ten and by my teen years moved onto mixed martial arts. I could handle myself in a fight. I took fencing and archery lessons growing up. What I didn’t already possess in weaponry skills, I picked up in the military. I could handle a firearm.

I can take care of myself, and I joined the king’s guard because I was reasonably certain that I could take care of Liam as well. In addition to my college classes, I stay up to date on all the latest in security techniques and technology. I specialize in threat assessment and prevention, but in a pinch, if all else fails, I can throw myself in front of a bullet and I would. But with Liam I never really had to worry about his….feelings.

I mean, yeah, he has feelings and we sometimes, kinda talk about them. When it’s important, ya know?

But this was a different animal entirely. Worrying about her emotional wellbeing, worrying about how she feels. I care about what she thinks, I find myself wanting to impress her, I want her to have a good opinion of me (despite the stupid shit I say to her all the time that I know does not help my case).

I can throw myself in front of a bullet for her or beat the crap out of anyone that tries to hurt her, but I am completely clueless how to keep her from getting her feelings hurt, and that kills me. I never thought of myself as that guy, but I would do or give anything in my power just to see her smile.

She must have heard something in my voice, because her eyes softened and the way she said my name, “Drake….” Made my heart constrict in my chest.

“I mean, I sometimes look at you….and I see this wide-eyed baby deer who just stumbled into the hunter’s campsite.” It was true and it brought out a protective side that was intense, even for me.

“A baby deer?” Now she looked amused, which wasn’t exactly what I was going for. “So you think I’m cute?”

“What?” I panicked, I admit it, “No! I mean…You’re…”

She finally had pity on me and continued as if I weren’t stumbling over my words like a love struck third grader, “I’m more like an alpha wolf. Anyone coming at me should be prepared for a fight!”

I still don’t know how she does that, she can make me stumble over my words like an idiot one moment then completely disarm me the next. She looked fierce and serious about her declaration too and I laughed despite myself, “You know what, come to think of it, maybe it’s the hunters I should be worried for.”

I shook my head and regarded her for a moment before finishing, “Your unique talent, Campbell, seems to be putting me in my place.” I held my tumbler up to her in salute before taking a drink.

“Someone’s gotta do it.”

Yeah, I thought to myself, but no one else can.

“What is it about you? You’re so frustrating, but….”

“But?”

I absolutely could not finish that thought. There was no universe in which that ended well for me. So I changed the subject, sort of.

“Forget it. How about a toast, instead?”

“What are we toasting to?”

“To the moments in between.”

“The moments in between?”

“Yeah, all the nobles think about are the big events. The grand balls, the press appearances, the banquets…. They don’t even realize that the moments that matter the most are all the ones they’re missing. Moments like right now, just the two of us and some cheap whiskey. The ones that really mean something. At least, it means something to me, anyway.”

That may be the closest thing to a declaration of love that I have ever uttered. I had never felt as emotionally vulnerable as I did in that moment.

“Drake….” She held my gaze, “It means something to me too.”

Thank God. I don’t know what I would have done if she had said something dismissive or worse, unkind. Still, I was unequivocally sure that whatever it meant to her, it meant far more to me. I couldn’t think of anything else to say so I raised my glass and toasted, “To the moments in between.”

It was there in that wine cellar, in that moment, that I realized she would never be just a friend to me. No matter what I was to her, she was now everything to me. She could just never know it.

[ducavalentinos]

Why do you think that Cesare helped Della Rovere become Pope? It's seems uncharacteristically...stupid? Perhaps illness and grief had made him desperate?

(Also I can't get that scene of Della Rovere hitting on Cesare in Borgia out of my head help lol)

Oh, thank you anon, for giving me the chance to vent my thoughts about the most frustrating event in Borgian history! This is long-ish, and tumblr is being weird(!!!!!!!) with the read-more link, so I'm not sure where/if it will show up below or not. Before answering your question, there is a question to be made first, I think: Why was Della Rovere still breathing in the year of 1503? If we follow the Borgias’ historical literature, the vast majority paints Rodrigo and Cesare, in particular Cesare, as unscrupulous, utterly ruthelss, vindictive men. They were the terror of Italy, and they meticulously eliminated all of their enemies. Yet, most of their enemies and their families, important to add, lived. Including Della Rovere, the most dangerous and bitterest rival of their family. What are we supposed to make of this? It's another one of those common situations in Borgian bios where what it is said is demonstrably at odds with the historical material, and it's something to ponder, I mean, Cesare only found himself in his predicament in 1503 because he and his father failed to strike down Della Rovere during those long eleven years they were in power. Their inability and/or unwillingness to do so was a graver political mistake than Cesare helping Della Rovere win the papacy in the end. And answering your question now, yes, I think the initial impression is that it does seem uncharacteristically stupid for Cesare to support Della Rovere, and help him win. But then again, I don't think Cesare's biographers are very good in showing the complexity of papal Conclaves, and the whole political landscape Cesare was in, and all the possible factors that came into play in his decision. Maybe it's a decision made not to overwhelm or bore the reader, but it usually has only one or two chapters covering both Conclaves, with a lot being left out or ignored, or simplified. The two most popular opinions are that: 1. Cesare had no choice, but to support Della Rovere. Some claim he was no longer in a powerful position, or felt lost without his father's guidance, and/or Della Rovere was the only and strongest candidate for that Conclave from the start, and his election was an impossible thing to avoid. It was already settled, and Cesare had to roll with it the best he could, and try not to make the future Pope even more hostile towards him. 2. He had other choices, namely he had cardinal Rouen, but in the end it didn't worked out, and Della Rovere stood unopposed as a candidate for the papacy, which forced Cesare to support him, and/or he apparently believed Della Rovere's promises, and thought they could reach an understanding. Opinion #1 is the most messy, and it makes zero sense to me today, given there is actual historical info reporting the contrary. The idea that Cesare's power and influence died out or diminished after his father died, or that he was lost without his guidance, are false. Prior to Della Rovere's election as Pope Giulio II, Cesare's power and influence remained strong. He still had large sums of money with his bankers in Genoa and other places of Italy, he continued to be visited daily by cardinals and orators, and indeed it even seems he was thought to be the decisive factor for any papal election. There isn't much criticism to be made either, when looking at his actions right after Rodrigo died, esp. considering at the same time he was dangerously ill himself, and it wasn't something he had prepared for, being it impossible to predict such a thing, he played all of his cards wise and correctly. He was able to secure Piccolomini as Pope, who if not a Borgia partisan, at least was not antagonistic towards him and his family. About the second Conclave, there is a report from Machiavelli in which he says cardinal Pallavicini was the only one being regarded as a possible rival to Della Rovere. And Burchard, whose info seems to have been correct in this instance, writes of a meeting that took place between Della Rovere and Cesare with the Spaniard cardinals at the Vatican, a variant of this info is of Della Rovere meeting Cesare and the Spaniard cardinals at the Castel Sant' Angelo, where they were able to reach an agreement. Opinion #2 makes a little more sense, and it matches a little bit more with the info there is, but it's still messy. Cardinal Pallavicini is almost never mentioned (only Woodward mentions him iirc), and it has to be said that even if Della Rovere succeeded in making himself an unopposed candidate, nevertheless, the Spanish vote could decide an election. So Cesare still had choices, and the reason why he didn't went with those choices, in my view, is not because he believed Della Rovere's promises, it's not the case of Della Rovere winning in the game of deception, I believe both men were aware that agreement was only temporary, and Cesare's decision there was composed by other factors. And between these two opinions, here's what I think is more plausible to have happened: Cesare, knowing his beloved tutor Giovanni Vera was as impossible a choice in that second Conclave as he had been in the first, thought about supporting the French cardinal Rouen. He was far from the ideal choice, but he was a workable choice for him. However, although his influence with the Spaniard cardinals was strong, he must have been aware his influence with them had limitations. The cardinals would never vote for a French candidate, because they were also obliged to King Ferdinand II of Spain, who also had his influence with them, and whose interests they were there in Rome to protect and represent. So much like Vera, Rouen quickly became an impossible choice for him. After this, it's reasonable to think he turned his efforts towards any candidate who stood a chance against Della Rovere, which turned out to be cardinal Pallavicini. Pallavicini is interesting, because like Della Rovere, he was also from the Liguria region (Genoa), but unlike Della Rovere, he maintained a friendly relationship with the Borgia family during Alexander VI's papacy. Rodrigo Borgia was able to secure his support during his own battle to win the papacy in the Conclave of 1492. He also counted on this cardinal's efforts when trying to nominate Cesare for the cardinalate. And he appointed him Bishop of Pamplona, a title previously held by Cesare himself. There is nothing, that I've found anyways, suggesting he and Cesare had direct interactions, but it's possible Cesare cultivated a relationship with him much in the same way he did with cardinal Piccolomini (later Pope Pius III). So by all accounts, Pallavicini was Cesare's best choice then, and it is intriguing there isn't much about this, or why Pallavicini failed to make himself Pope. In theory at least, with Cesare's support, he would have won the papacy. The Italian cardinals were not supporting Della Rovere because they wanted him, many disliked him, some still remembered the papacy of his uncle, but he seemed like a better choice than another Spaniard, or a French, or god forbid a Colonna or an Orsini, but with cardinal Pallavicini, they had a good choice there, and the only reason I can think of as to why they didn't elect him comes down to money and benefices. At some point, Pallavicini, even with Cesare's support, couldn't keep up with the resources Della Rovere made sure of having, and just like Rouen, he fell behind. From this point forward, things get more complicated for Cesare, but Della Rovere's election was still not a concluded reality. A question that follows when reading the info about him meeting with Cesare is: Would he have reached out to Cesare, the son of a man he hated to the core, from a family he despised, if his election was such a sure thing? I think the answer here is no. Della Rovere entering into an agreement with Cesare highly implies, if not proves it, he did not had the necessary votes to win. He needed the Spanish vote, 11 votes to be precise, which were under the influence of Cesare. Without the 11 votes, every single voting would end up nowhere, and a thought I believe was on Della Rovere's mind at the time was that: the longer it took for an election, the more difficult it became for him to stay as strong and unopposed. The support he had could shift in one week or two. New rivals could emerge, unexpected things could happen, because papal Conclaves were mostly unpredictable. It depended a lot on money, influence, the political situation on a daily basis, esp. in Rome, where as it was the norm without a Pope, was a city under total chaos. Della Rovere could only control so much for so long, and I think he knew that very well, hence why he swallowed his hatred, and went to negociate with the son of his archenemy, and get the 11 votes he needed to win as soon as possible.

Another question that follows after reading all this is: Ok, so why didn't Cesare used that for his advantage? better yet, why didn't he use the chaos in Rome, for example, to subtly force the cardinals to stop supporting Della Rovere and find a more favourable candidate for him? Or why didn't he simply stalled the election until a more favourable candidate appeared? These are all things he was in a position of doing, and the reason why he didn't do it, and instead went with helping Della Rovere can be better explained when considering the following factors: 1. You mentioned his grief, and his illness, which might have made him desperate, and while I don't think it was that exactly that made him desperate, I do think it counts as a factor into understanding his state of mind at that moment, and why he made that final decision. Cesare had gone through a rollercoster of events, and dare I say, emotions in less than 3 months. He lost his father, the constant and closest male presence in his life, as far as we know. He didn't had time to grieve him nor make sure he had a decent and respectful burial (it's possible he heard later what was said about his death and burial, and I have no idea how that made him feel) because he was also fighting for his life then. First against illness, then against his enemies in Rome. Not only that, other people and things depended on him. He was the head of the house then, and it fell to him the responsibility, among all that chaos, to keep the women and children of his family safe, as well as to make sure to get all the valuable possessions left in the Vatican and in his palace, before they were sacked completely by servants and others. This was an important step to ensure their survival in the coming months. Gioffre was there to help him, and he did helped, but you know, everyone looked at Cesare for leadership and protection, and he could barely leave his bed, so that surely must have added an extra layer of stress for him. But then, he succeeded in making Piccolomini pope, and it looked like the worst was over, things looked hopeful for him and the Borgia family. And then, suddenly Pius dies, only after 26 days of papacy. Again, if it was truly a natural death, there is no way Cesare could have predicted that, and just like that he was right back where he started. Having to navigate the messy political affairs of a papal conclave and its outcome, of which he and his family’s lives and future depended on. Cesare was resilient. Rodrigo raised his children to be resilient, and to not crumble at the face of adversity, to persist. But I guess we can agree this a lot for a person to process in such a short amount of time. So by the time the second Conclave happened, it would be reasonable to think Cesare might have been feeling overwhelmed, tired, in pain (he had gone through awful treatments), and overall just a bit shaken up mentally and emotionally, although he always tried to look strong and positive —it's interesting to notice it didn't seemed to have been in his nature to be a pessimist, only much later he is recorded as feeling more despondent, and saying Fortuna has left him *gets sad in spanish* — which made him more open to consider options he wouldn't have had under normal circumstances, I think. 2. As said above, Cesare seems to have had this trait in his personality of being resilient, it's one of the reasons why I think he survived for as long as he did (same with Lucrezia, I suppose), he had an instinct to not give up no matter how impossible the situation looked, of not being afraid to face adversities that came his way. He seems to have welcomed challenges, and it was when he felt most encouraged to fight and to thrive. When he was the prisoner of Della Rovere in the Vatican, then pope Giulio II, one of Giulio's men said to him: "signor duca, you have always been spirited." to which he is recorded as having said that: "quando più sono in adversità tanto più mi fortifico di anima. // the more I am in adversity, the more I strengthen my soul." So this is another factor to consider. It's possible he saw the situation with Della Rovere as just another adversity he had to face, and with his tenacity, intelligence, and most importantly, with time, he could overcome it. 3. Another possible factor, but this one is only my personal assessment after reading Alvisi and some of the documents he exposes there, is that both Rodrigo and Cesare display a difficulty in understanding not everyone was as cold-headed and pragmatic as they were. It's evident in their actions, they never had much, if any, trouble putting their personal dislikes aside, and working with their enemies, if it meant they would reach a certain goal they wanted, and/or if it avoided needless conflict or bloodshed. However, not everyone is capable of rising above their feelings, and in this case prejudices, and work like that with people they see as enemies. It was the case of Florence and Venice, for example. Every single conversation the Borgia men had with these two city-States made it painfully clear no agreement would ever happened between them. They would much rather damned themselves and their cities than to genuinely try to work with men they suspected of being marranos and who they saw as being beneath them. It was personal, deeply personal, and to a point just irrational, too. But Rodrigo and Cesare did not seemed to grasp that, like the idea of acting against one's own interest simply out of personal dislike or prejudice didn't register inside their minds, it was just preposterous to them (I agree! dsdjsdjsj). With the right terms, surely an agreement can be reached, no matter how they feel about us, that's what they seem to think, and it's a bit funny, and sad to observe. And if I'm correct here, then Cesare helping Della Rovere might have carried some of this mentality, too. Him thinking: yes, of course, Della Rovere hates me and my family, but not to his own detriment, right? (wrong, just as like in the cases of Venice and Florence, but he later learned that the hard way) and this thinking made him conclude they could work together, despite of any hatred. 4. And finally, the last factor, which I see it as the final nail the coffin, sort-to-speak: His impatience. In the middle of all this papal business, and him fighting for his life, Cesare was also receiving daily news from the Romagna, and after Pope Pius's death, the situation went from bad to worse, his dukedom was being attacked by the men he had ousted from those cities (instead of having had them executed, as it was the norm of his times) with the full support of Venice and Florence in doing so, and only a few cities, like Cesena, were able to withstand these attacks. This is what I think made him desperate. We have to keep in mind Cesare was a man of action. Sitting idle watching his project, one that seems to have been dear to him beyond just mere ambition, wasn't how he did things, and it had to be pure agony for him to be in a position where he couldn't do much. He was still ill, he couldn't organize his men well, he was pretty much trapped at the Castel Sant'Angelo since the one time he tried to leave Rome, the Orsinis almost caught him, and if they caught him, he was a dead man, him and everyone with him. And he didn't had papal authority, only with that would the attack of these cities stop and only with that could he leave Castel Sant'Angelo and finally do something, so he needed a Pope elected as soon as possible, too, even one like Della Rovere. This hurry, this agony, combined with the other factors mentioned above, very likely might have made him overlook some details about his particular situation, misunderstanding Della Rovere’s nature, and underestimating this man’s hatred for him and his family.

Personally, I believe he should have stalled the Conclave for as long as possible, and waited a more favourable papal outcome for him. Sure, it involved other risks. The main one losing all of the Romagna, but here's the thing: the Romagna was basically lost to him anyways. That region belonged to the Church and to papal rule, and Cesare's control over it came from his position as Gonfaloniere of the Church, but imo, that wasn't a position he could have kept. Popes tended to appoint this position to men close to them, family members preferably, because it was an important and influential position, and they needed someone they could trust, and whose interestes would be aligned with them and their papacy. Maybe there is a precedent of a Pope letting the son of the previous Pope in this position, instead of changing it for someone inside their own circle, and nothing bad happened either lol, but no example comes to my mind right now. And in any case, I don't think they were quite in the same situation as Cesare. Cesare's situation was kind of unique, too. He was a beloved and popular ruler, and this little fact, whether he realized it or not, made him even more of a threat to any Pope who wanted to have full control over the Papal States. It created a conflict of power where the Gonfaloniere's influence in the Romagna would have been stronger than that of the Pope himself, which could lead to dangerous situations. With a decent amount of money, the right partisans, and the people's support (who always had anti-papal feelings to being with) Cesare, if he wanted to, could very easily strike up a rebellion against papal authority. No clever Pope, surely not Della Rovere, would have wanted to have that hanging over their heads. That's way too much power for a person to have over them and their papacy. So the Romagna wasn't something possible for him to keep, unless we consider other possbilities, but that's another topic, the point is: at least with a favourable Pope, one like Pius, Cesare could have tried to secure some cities, as well as some fortresses in the lines of the Romagna, Umbria and Tuscany regions. I think that's something he could have achieved with a favourable Pope, creating a new duchy for him and his family, not as Gonfaloniere, but as the Pope's vassal perhaps. But, maybe he didn't considered that, or maybe he had info that didn't came down to us which made this scenario not an option, or info which made him feel confident with his decision with Della Rovere, as usual, this is another theme where there's many things we will never know for sure, but I hope this helped a bit into shedding a light on this confusing, frustrating event in Cesare's life. (And I don't remember that scene, anon??? lol is that the one where Della Rovere is already pope, and he wants to humiliate Cesare further so he brings him naked and in chains to his rooms? and then proceeds to take advantage of the situation, forcing Cesare to kiss him? that one? that's the only scene that comes to my mind, and I have to say I felt pretty disgusted watching it. I guess it's another example of the poor taste of much of Fontana's writing, he really seems to like taking things to an extreme and always enter this sadistic, twisted territory with his characters that really is not my thing. On the other hand, it made me appreciate Mark as an actor even more, because it's not every actor who could have put that scene off, among so many others tbh, without looking utterly ridiculous, and failing to convey any emotions to the viewer. I felt very sad for Cesare there, in Fontana's world, Cesare was a victim of rape in the past, and in that scene with Della Rovere, he was again at a vulnerable position, without any power, and being force to kiss this man who had his life and his future on his hands. It's again, a extreme and sadistic take of the real psychological torture Della Rovere seems to have had enjoyed inflicting on irl!Cesare once he was pope Giulio II.)

[kokichixreaderthings]

TW: Rant and swearing

Hi, first of all, I wanna apologize in advance for what I am going to say. You are a huge comfort blog for me, especially when it comes to one of my biggest comfort characters (Kokichi), but I just wanna let this all out. I saw something today that really bothered me, and I just want to feel like I'm talking to someone that shares the same opinion and view as me. Whether or not you respond or even delete this is up to you, after all, this is your blog and you have the right to post whatever you want. So I apologize if I take up your time with my vent:

I was on reddit and I came across a HUGE thread and reasons why "Kokichi would be a toxic partner" and why "Saiouma is a toxic relationship". It made me so angry, I tried to reason with everyone else, but they harassed me to the point where I had to deactivate my account. If they don't ship Saiouma, that is fine. It is there opinion. But I do not stand ignorance that "Kokichi is a toxic partner" and they twist canon to make it seem like he is a purely evil person and therefore doesn't deserve love. I was just reading what they said, questioning if we even played the same fucking game!

They totally misunderstood Kokichi's actions in chapter 5 and said "He wanted Shuichi, Kiibo, Maki, and Himiko to commit mass suicide" which wasn't even his plan! It was quite the opposite--to fucking save everyone and get them the hell outta that goddamn killing game! That was his plan, if anyone was even paying attention--to end and ruin the killing game! They were also giving him a lot of crap about him and manipulating 'uwu the precious cinnamon roll that did no wrong' Gonta into killing Miu. OMG! SWALLOW THESE GODDAMN PILLS! GONTA MADE HIS OWN DECISION, HE IS A BIG BOY! Even Alter Ego Gonta said that he made his own choice to kill her! Literally, all Kokichi did was lead Gonta to the flashback light!

You might as well say Sonia was responsible for Hiyoko's death by telling her there is a mirror in the music venue and 'luring' her to her death!

Because of his actions, in a fucking killing game, everyone started to rant about how toxic Kokichi would be. Someone said he would be physically and mentally abusive, which I just can't imagine Kokichi being! He would never EVER harm his SO! During his FTE (if anyone even had the heart to play it and understand Kokichi), he made sure Shuichi wasn't hurt with the games he played! Kokichi even took the harm himself, if it meant Shuichi wouldn't be hurt! Hell, read his fucking wiki page! It's even stated that he dislikes general violence!

And him mentally and emotionally abusing his partner? Look, I know Kokichi can be an annoying shithead that lies a lot, but I can't imagine him degrading and belittling his partner! Not only is it very OOC, but to the person he, on layman terms "loves"?! I'm pretty sure Kokichi isn't that goddamn stupid to not realize that his words can seriously harm is SO! He may be inexperienced with the romance department, but even he knows that there is a fine line between 'teasing' and 'bullying'. Contrary to popular belief, Kokichi knows his boundaries (look at his LSE) and will definitely tone down his teasing and pranks if his SO is uncomfortable. Teasing his partner, definitely! But what would make people think that Kokichi is THAT stupid and downright bully them?!

Look at his Salmon Mode and UTDP events! He doesn't even manipulate people! In his Salmon mode, his 'dates' with Shuichi are purely wholesome and hilarious! Kokichi, the embodiment of a lie, even said "If I wanna get closer to Shuichi maybe I shouldn't lie to so much"

HE WAS WILLING TO BETTER HIMSELF FOR SHUICHI!

If that doesn't scream "A good partner" Idk what does, bestie!

Even in his UTDP events, nothing bad, really! There was an event with him and Kaito, they were just talking about family. I guess you can nitpick that he was bothering Kiibo again for being a robot, but really--nothing bad! He was even kind to Mikan and Nagito (who are both outcasted in school). He called Mikan 'kind' and even distracted her from Hiyoko when she wanted to bother Mikan

KOKICHI IS A GOOD GUY! He just needs to get his shit together and be treated with a little bit more kindness

There was this Kokichi ask blog I was scrolling down and 'Kokichi' was really nice to everyone that sent him asks. On of the questions said "Kokichi, you are really nice to everyone here. Where did the 'evil, ultimate supreme leader go?'" and Kokichi responded "Well, everyone has been so nice to me here! I don't have a reason to be disrespectful, now do I?" Which basically just proves if Kokichi was treated with a bit more kindness (Which I believe his SO would be able to give to him), he wouldn't be an asshole! He would be an amazing boyfriend!

TDLR: If you don't like Kokichi, that is fine. If you don't ship Saiouma, that is fine. But for the love is god: DO NOT TWIST CANON!

(Again, I'm really sorry for dumping his rant on you. I just wanted to feel like I was speaking to someone that shared the same opinion as me. If you read all this, thank you)

YOURE SO RIGHT !!!

this is so true!! you said exactly what i always think when i see stuff like that!!!

he’s not an evil, toxic person, he was in a killing game and he was struggling! he just needs help! there’s also like plenty of signs in the game that he’s suffering from depression too (signs that i even see in myself) which can really mess up your brain and convince you you deserve to be a bad person, which adds to how he so “easily” made himself out to be evil in the game

but he was only ever “evil” because of the way he made himself look to other people in the game, that’s literally the only evidence, but who he really is isnt evil at all! there’s plenty of evidence, like you said, that he’s actually a good person!!

i would literally ramble on forever about this, but you said most of it anyway :) also i don’t know if what i said made much sense but i hope it did

(also dont be sorry :) )

[formashimataichi]

yes i agree that Chihaya will not think about answering aratas confession right away but i don’t understand how sensei will give us a sastifactory friendship end when both boys love chihaya and even though Taichi said his feelings were fading, that was a lie as seen with his actions like telling Sumire to invite Chihaya out. his story is very heavy on his love for chihaya. if she did not want chihaya to pick anyone then why is she dragging this out? it’s very baity to me and my most disliked thing about her writing cause it feels like she is teasing us readers who care about the romance side..alot of readers are going to be left disappointed if she actually goes for a cop-out friend end

The thing is, though, can a romance be called bait if the main character herself isn’t invested in it? The primary difference between the love triangle in Chihayafuru and the love triangles in most mainstream shoujo is the fact that they’re employed for completely different reasons. A love triangle in a shoujo series typically involves the female main character agonizing over which one of the two love interests she should choose, because the story is usually about her reaching self fulfillment through her relationship with one boy or the other, never both. In Chihayafuru, we don’t see anything like that reflected in Chihaya’s behavior—she’s certainly overwhelmed by the boys’ confessions, but there’s never a moment where it actively feels like she’s trying to choose one of them over the other, at least with regards to romance. To sort out the romantic conflict among Taichi and Arata as it pertains to herself has never been a priority in the story for her, ever, because she doesn’t need to be in a relationship with either of them to feel “self-fulfilled”. That’s something she looks for in karuta, in her friendships, and in what she wants to do with the rest of her life. And I think that’s really hard for a lot of readers to grasp, because they’re so used to shoujo (and josei) protagonists in the mainstream being defined primarily by their romances, and their independence as women coming second (although this isn’t to say that all shoujo protagonists are like this, just that a lot who are popular certainly are). 

Of course, this all begs the question: why, then, are Taichi and Arata’s feelings for Chihaya important, if nothing is allegedly going to come of them by way of securing a relationship with her? And that comes back to something I’ve said a few times before, wherein we can’t always view romance as an object to be reached for—sometimes it’s just something we happen to grow through, like a narrative device as opposed to a narrative goal. I definitely agree a huge focal point of Taichi’s arc is his love for Chihaya, but I think that’s because he has to figure out how he can love her while being able to love himself first (and the same can apply to his relationship with Arata). A lot of his issues are tied down to how he continues to push himself for the sake of others even though he himself isn’t invested in what he’s doing, and that in turn circles back to one of the most important messages of the manga as a whole: you can’t build your dreams on the backs of others. Taichi can’t sustain his relationship with karuta solely through what he feels for Chihaya or Arata; he has to be able to love and play the game for himself, to have purpose unique to himself in order to survive and thrive, to then be able to wholeheartedly support the people around him. It’s a slightly different but ultimately similar case with Arata, as well. His relationship with karuta is buoyed by what his grandfather, and then Chihaya and Taichi, made it into for him. He’s overwhelmingly shackled to these safe zones over the course of the narrative, and it’s why we’ve finally started to see him crumble and lose resolve, because his investment in the game isn’t entirely his own. Arata also has to realize that he can’t rely on the feelings he has for Chihaya and Taichi in order to sustain the love that he has for the game. At some point, he has to find and believe in his own pursuits, and to forge a path for himself without relying on anyone else’s safety net or influence. 

The ultimate message of comfort that Chihayafuru delivers, in my opinion, is one of being selfish in order to be selfless. Team matches are solo matches. Solo matches are team matches. You have to be completely invested in your own dreams and devote time to loving yourself before you can love and support anyone else. You have to trust the people around you to fight their own battles while you’re fighting yours. I think that’s something Chihaya has achieved, which to me is what sets her up to ultimately win; Taichi and Arata aren’t quite there yet, but they’re both very close, Taichi especially. And I don’t say all of this to mean that the boys’ feelings for Chihaya are worthless, or that they’ll disappear. On the contrary, I think they’re both always going to love her in some capacity. But the purpose of their romantic arcs, to me, is to reach a point where they can hold their feelings for her (and their feelings for each other, to be honest) and their own purpose in balance. I don’t think Taichi says his feelings are fading away because he’s falling out of love with her. I think he just means he’s moving on from fixating on winning her heart, because he realizes there’s more to his own self-fulfillment than waiting for her forever. Before it’s our purpose in life to belong to someone else, I think it’s our purpose to belong to ourselves. To love ourselves wholeheartedly. To believe in our dreams. That’s what sets us up to love the people around us in earnest. 

[teabooksandsweets]

Have you read April Lady by any chance? I was surprised by its earnest female lead and exploration of a couple that (a) is in love, but (b) undeniably consists of a wildly wealthy man of the Ton and a young woman from a debt-riddled family. The heroine's concern that she is only a pretty face for him to have as a wife, and the love interest's toxic doubt about whether his wife could ever love him or merely married him for his money make for great internal drama.

Yes! Thank you for asking, I have indeed read it, and contrary to what seems to be the popular opinion, I like it very much. I like the leads, and I like the side characters, and think it a very enjoyable read. What's more, I actually consider it a good book, much better than its general rating, and I find the main romance to be very heartfelt and serious.

To begin with, I don't think of it as a lukewarm revamp of The Convenient Marriage—the main problem is similar, but so are many basic plots of wildly different books—nor do I find their problem implausible.

In fact, I think—based on the context of the time and society, as well as my own awkwardness in such matters—that Nell and Cardross' worries are very realistic and understandable, especially given the things they both were told at the beginning of their relationship.

I understand the urge to say "just talk to each other!" and I am usually not at all fond of unnecessary problems based on misunderstandings and a general lack of communication, but what should they have done? What should they have said? — "Look here, I really love you, but I think you don't care for me at all." ??? No.

Especially when both were made to believe that the other didn't love them, and both could likely see why the other would marry them without loving them. I suppose a socially even match would have it easier in such a situation, but their difference in age, wealth and standing furthered the assumption that they married without love.

Unlike often thought nowadays, love matches were not uncommon, actually absolutely normal in the Regency era, but marriages of conveniences did happen rather often. The thing is just that the greatest difference between both types of marriage is, in fact, love itself. They are not really comparable to modern fake marriages for economic or legal reasons, as they really live as married couples.

And what makes things most complicated for Nell and Cardross, is that they truly like each other, and get along with each other, even when each assumes that the other doesn't return their love. They kiss each other and show affection on numerous accounts during the book, and it is also made fairly clear that they have sex. And yet, they are extremely shy around another.

So there's no physical signal or sudden change to proclaim one's feelings—and every attemt at explaining just furthers their misunderstandings.

And that is, I think, is very interesting, and actually understandable. The fear of not being liked, or even loved, by someone who shows no signs of disliking, but also never confesses their true feelings, is shown in a very realistic and uncomfortable way. The domino effect of misunderstandings and lies is, of course, a bit exaggerated, but it's a Heyer rom-com after all, and lies do have that effect.

As it is, I think that Nell's worry and Cardross' sadness are very tangible, more so than most emotions of Heyer's lead characters, who are usually engaging but at greater distance from the reader. One truly feels for them, or at least I do, and that makes it all even more uncomfortable to read about. Of course, in the end all is resolved in a light and cheery manner, but their shared love and fear of not being loved, are a very serious subject, and one that is socially and psychologically plausible.

I would like to say more, but I don't really find the proper words—the thing is just that there is much more depth do it than is usually acknowledged, and that the insecurity and the mutual, if that term fits, pining is a matter of a very serious love story. It is also one of Heyer's novels with particularly sharp social commentary, and Neil and Cardross are a good example of a couple who feels all the right things and yet only knows do say and do all the wrong things.

Edit: And the thing is, what truly matters to them both is their love to be known and returned. They have nothing to “gain” in their relationship, except mutual love and the knowledge of loving and being loved. They are already married, they are doing married-people-things, they don’t long for some sort of change in the facts of their relationship, but for the expression and the acceptance and return of their deepest and truest feelings, even if it would hardly make an outward change.

[aerltarg]

2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 26, 27 from ask game

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

oh, it's actually hard to answer bc pretty often my otps can work as brotps for me as well. it also means that when i can't ship some characters they don't work for me as friends either. not to mention that in asoiaf i'm open to many ships, and if i'm not very passionate about some it's not a sign i can't see them in romantic light.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

may i say any sansa ship? 😭 as well as sansa herself lmao. idk generally i can't ship characters i don't like because i'm just not interested. and it's not to say i don't like book!sansa (show!sansa is another case 💀), i just don't find her arc as intriguing and epic as arcs of some other characters. however, it's absolutely her obnoxious fandom's fault that i don't want to touch anything about her now, pairings including. sansaery? pass. sansan? i used to have a soft spot for them in my heart but now? nah. sansa x anyone? pls have mercy, she's already a fandom bicycle.

and jonsa ofc. i would never mind some crack ship as i do this one if not for their obnoxious stans that did way too much to list there right now. but this burning desire to persuade every rock on the street that your crack ship is canon will never stop being ridiculous lmao

also braime. tbh i used to low-key like them but some of their stans weirded my away lol. i get that not all of them are like that but still. it's generally my great pain when i see braime/brienne/jaime stans who are also dany/targ antis. every time i see them i cackle and run away as fast as i can crying from disappointment lmao. it's really a pity because i'm either very neutral or like in my own way all three of them.

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

jonrya it is! i never hated them, you know, but they never were more than siblings and brotp to me. however, later i encountered the deluded crack ship fandom that shall not be named and understood that if there is any possible romance for jon with any of his sisters-cousins we all know which one it will be lmao. also their stans are very sweet and i really like many of their takes on arya and jon! i generally love relationships of jon and arya very much so it wasn't that difficult in practice to see them in a quite different light.

7. Is there anything you used to like but can't stand now?

meta culture lmao. reading different analysis and interpretations of the text used to be very interesting to me (and still is tbh but in other fandoms) though asoiaf is a different case. imo many people aren't honest in their so called theories and analyses. i get that all of us are biased but some "meta writers'" denial of their own biases influence fandom in a bad way. it looks like too many people run to them to get answers to their questions about any minor detail as if they were grrm himself. yk instead of using their own reading comprehension lmao. you see how this meta culture ruined fandom just looking at the most delusional stans and shippers who spread their agenda by writing endless text posts full of nonsense and bullshit but styled as oh so intellectual and thoughtful analysis. it's insane how many people actually buy it and don't check canon accuracy of such claims themselves. it got to the ridiculous point when random people try to argue with you with some far-fetched embarrassing "theories" as if they were canon facts or quotes straight up from a fanfic because they read somewhere some other confused soul's post and got from a context that this quote is canon (despite the fact that it wasn't written in grrm's style at all but some people can't use their brains even if their lives depended on it it seems).

anyway it's become too long and rambly already so tldr. because of such "neutral unbiased" analyses i got the habit of fact checking almost everything i see in such posts. there's only a small amount of meta writers from targ/dany/jon/arya stans that i trust because i know by practice and following them for some time that they don't pull anything out of nowhere, back up everything they say with canon quotes, don't decontextualize anything and (that is the most important thing to me) are reasonable and open to discussion unlike so many bnfs nowadays.

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?

ah, not in this fandom yet, god bless! i think i'm not loud enough for the needed amount of time to deserve it lol. but since i'm not going anywhere soon maybe one day i will 😂

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

robert baratheon and tywin lannister, obviously. tbh it's pretty hard for me to hate any characters because you know. they're fictional lmao. just lines on paper, they can't hurt you. and even such dudes as tywin or robert don't get real distaste from me if they're written well enough. my problem with them lies not only in their canon crimes and shitty consequences of those but in fandom's (or at least some parts of it) unwillingness to acknowledge that they're canonically written as shitty, not as stan/pity/worship material. tywin isn't as clever as some think and robert is a coward outside of battlefield, not to mention some absolutely disgusting denial of his nature from targ antis only because the man happened to be the most vocal targ hater in-universe so these folks feel like he is their main book representative and whitewash him completely lmao

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

uugh idk even. i'm either low-key interested (or used to be at least so i can stay pretty neutral for the sake of nostalgia lol) or too indifferent to really care.

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn't? Why?

all my faves have their own crowd of haters i'm afraid 😭 but let me say rhaegar. even among some dany/targ stans my man is so misunderstood lmao. it's not even his fault i dare say it's fanon about his half-imagined crimes that somehow got widespread to the unbelievable degree. and when i say they're half-imagined i'm being very generous actually. ofc he isn't perfect, no one in asoiaf is. and yes, he's a pre-series dead minor character but almost all little information about him is actually positive, not to mention the narrative itself that doesn't paint him as a villain or just a shitty dude. on the contrary, he's an idealized to some degree dead prince who could've been a good king (like some other historical targaryens, jacaerys, baelor breakspear, aemon son of jaehaerys, etc.), a mysterious yet tragic figure. i have much to say about why it's so popular to shit on him in fandom but yeah. his haters should send their complaints to grrm instead, no one forced the man to write him like that lol. and i mean that no one has to like him ofc. but it's misinterpretation of the text to claim he was intentionally written as a villain or smth by grrm.

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn't? Why?

i don't know if it counts as unpopular but i would say tyrion's arc as a whole because i enjoy his character and like in my own way. i can get why some people don't like him but this man will always have his own place in my heart i must admit.

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

is this unpopular tho?.. ok but renly wouldn't make a terrible king. i dare say he would be better than both robert and stannis. yes, he wasn't shown as perfect and i don't claim this. he wouldn't be the best or the most brilliant or the most just or noble. yet still better than his brothers. his flaws weren't anything other high lords didn't have, his mistakes weren't anything other lords and kings didn't do. in many ways he would make a better job than robert or stannis, too bad he died so early, even though i get why it was important for the narrative.

26. Most shippable character?

well generally for me it's the ones i love the most lol. jonerys/snowstorm is my never dying otp but i admit my sins, sometimes i just see dany with other characters (often from other fandoms pls don't @ me). however, since dany is THE fave of mine it means i would rather twist the other guy or girl to fit into the good match for her than twist her for another character in my new born crack ship lol. and i never stay for too long with the ships with which i feel they don't really fit and don't do justice for each other lol. maybe that's the reason i'm not much of a rare shipper / crack shipper afshdjdb

27. Least shippable character?

everyone i don't like? 😭 as i've said sansa for the reasons above lol. you can insert many others in her place lmao

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

do u have any blairnessa headcanons? if so, I would love to read them!

hmm, i feel like i have already said a lot about them? still, might be good to put it all in one place. so this is all dynamic stuff, it got hella long but im going to give you misc Not Heavy headcanons too - which in retrospect, after writing out this wholeass esssay... is maybe what you actually asked for. give me a minute. 

until then! blairnessa dynamic rambling under the cut!!

to be really honest, most of my dair sentiments carry into blairnessa too? by which i mean - everything i like about dan and blair i can envision with blair and vanessa? blair & dan are very opinionated and have unsolicited advice on literally everything, and i feel like vanessa is like this, too? and like i’ve said before, the fact that b&v had a plausible deniability kind of moment as early as 1x12... they had the perfect energy for a really invigorating dynamic and romance. much like d&b, it would begin with mutual dislike and gradually evolve to grudging friendship - i think over mutual love for nate, tbh, which is why im forever pissed that we got d&b teaming up to save serena but NOT b&v teaming up to save nate?? anyway.

also it always felt strange to me - strange isn’t the right word but like, it felt off that blair & dan bonded over films of all things, when blair canonically regarded vanessa with such contempt? like.. budding filmmaker vanessa?? i feel like any film literacy dan has is likely because of his friendship with vanessa so that part of the dair arc always makes me feel this soft and sad nostalgia for vanessa. 

that entire thing of the dair arc, like the museums and the art galleries and the films and the opinions and the banter and the pretentiousness and the intellectualism and EVERYTHING, all of that transposes so well into b/v? 

also, there are things about blair and vanessa that dan and blair don’t have. the thing i’ve spoken about is mostly just that i feel both b&v would hold each other accountable for things (vanessa holding blair accountable for her bigotry, etc, blair wanting to do better - i’ll say more on this in a few paras i guess) but alsooo. i feel they would have a solidarity that d&b wouldn’t exactly have. you know that whole speech blair gives beatrice when she’s sloshed? the whole “you and i are the same, overbearing mothers and absent fathers and the weight of a thousand expectations’ thing?? i mean... so much of that applies to vanessa? idk about her dad being absent, but her overbearing mom + the expectations thing is literally canon for her. 

then there is - i said this in the tags of a reblog, but ‘the dair dynamic minus the melancholy, that’s blairnessa.’ like... so i feel in a lot of ways dan & vanessa are very very similar characters, which is to me part of why they work so well as best friends and so badly as romantic partners - they are like almost exactly the same person!! this is like those jokes i have seen floating around about nate & serena basically being genderswapped versions of each other. but of course they are not exactly the same, and the biggest difference between d&v (i can talk about serenate later, LMAO) is that vanessa is a lot more outgoing and extroverted than dan is.

there’s a lot to be said about this, i guess, like how many times dan has tried to make friends and have that metaphorical door slammed in his face (that bit on the bus in the pilot! my poor son) or whatever, but like, as characters - dan broods, dan sulks. dan makes a home in his sadness and just lies down there. vanessa... does not do that. vanessa literally perseveres. vanessa keeps on going on. vanessa is unfazed. vanessa gives no fucks. vanessa is punk rock, and dan is soft emo. or something! 

i just feel like, given that, blair and vanessa’s dynamic would be different, would be charged with something different, like a different energy. i had more thoughts about this but i don’t remember - mostly just like, vanessa would probably actively encourage blair to step out of her comfort zone in more extreme ways than dan. like, take blair to some hepburn remakes and insist that she tries out for the leading role, or she would be like, what if we make a porno (and maybe they would! idk) or like, sending blair’s writing to various fashion mags and helping her get a column somewhere other than just W- random, creative, miscellaneous, potentially out of blair’s comfort zone kind of things, and blair waldorf never backs down from a challenge, but also: unlike w/ chuck, vanessa is aware of like, what are blair’s hard noes and will never push her past those? 

which brings me down to like, the whole privilege thing and all that. i actually do not like blair’s bigotry, and i don’t really think it’s a fun thing about her. i love it when she is able to grow past that - and i know a lot of people in this fandom don’t really think of blair like that, which, whatever - i feel like, vanessa would prod at it a lot. and blair would have mixed feelings about it (we’re going the slow burn way, so by the time this prodding is happening, blair already likes vanessa’s company + respects her, albeit grudgingly/ with some denial of course) - blair would not really take it well, but i also feel like ultimately she would like her best friend vanessa enough to find some way to acknowledge these issues. i feel like it’d turn into some sort of blair being like, “i can prove that i am a good ally!” and at first it’d be blair being blair, doing a performance and being the best of the best at it, going to protests and marches and reading all the things, but i feel when it comes to social action/ social justice, after a point immersed in it you can’t really close your eyes to it? and i mean, blair is smart and sensitive and loves the people she loves with all her heart. the moment it’d sink in for her that like, there are forms of racist violence that vanessa can never really shut her eyes to, and blair can, blair can afford to look away - i feel like once she realises THAT, they’d actually, uh. what is the right word - that hurdle in their relationship would be overcome, sure, but also, blair as an individual would grow so much from it?? 

what would vanessa get from blair. uhhh, i feel like d&v both have this ‘outsider’ thing going where they’re actively like, trying not to admit to themselves that maybe they would like to be popular - dan more than vanessa, canonically, but i wouldn’t be surprised if vanessa has this sort of thing going as well. i think blair would make vanessa feel like it doesn’t matter. like whether you cling to being an outsider or to being the queen b, you’re still clinging to something, and are we - popular mean girl and outcast who uses snark as a defence mechanism - are we really that different? on rewatch especially all these little moments of blair’s kindness, blair’s gentleness, how MUCH blair loves the people she loves (’you’re serena van der woodsen, you deserve a guy who would move mountains for you’, etc etc) all of those stood out to me, and i feel like blair’s moments of kindness would be cherished by v in a different way because of like, how much blair and vanessa, contrary to literally ALL belief, understand each other perfectly??

[legolaslovely]

Helios and Morpheus

A/N: Here is my part of our collaboration for the Durin’s Day Gift Exchange for @linane-art ! Thank you for brainstorming with me and being so supportive and patient. You made this even more exciting than I thought it would be, and let me tell YOU, I was thrilled about it all in the first place. I hope you enjoy it. I am so excited to share it! :)

This is somewhat loosely based on Greek Mythology, AKA it’s an Alternate Universe! Rated Gen. Get ready for some LONGING and some FLUFF.

LOOOOOKKKKKKKK AT @linane-art​ ‘s ARTTTT LOOOOOK AT THE PERFECT BOYSSS!!!! Thank you for giving us SUCH gorgeous works. 

The link for Fili is HERE!! And Kili is HERE!! Please go give @linane-art​ some love!!!!!!

Helios and Morpheus

Tell us of the impossible lovers, O Muse.  Those who defied Fates, Furies, and Almighty Zeus, Who found forever hidden in distance between, Paradise more perfect than Elysian serene.

Tell us of Helios, the God of Golden Sun Who rides in his chariot before night’s begun. His radiance shines as he watches and he waits For God of Dreams, Morpheus, to fly from his gates. 

Perfumed with his poppies and directives to spare, Roused only by his One with the rays in his hair, Morpheus stars in dreams prophetic and divine, Telling his love in sleep, “You are mine, you’re all mine.”

One alone rules the day as sky’s singular light. Another’s domain lies in the darkness of night. As stubborn as star-crossed, fierce as Cronus, they were, Bridging the cosmos for a love that was most sure.

Book I

To those below and above, he was known as Morpheus. To those around him, however- to his parents and his brothers, the Oneiroi- he was Kíli. To himself, he was a dreamer.

One could suppose that’s how it all began.

From very early on in his eternal life, he was known around the cosmos for his talent of deceit. But the true-hearted Kíli only deluded with his physical appearance. With a bit of concentration and a blink of time, he could shift from his godlike form into any other imaginable. Those below often said that no other was more skilled than he in representing the gait, the features and the speech of men, but little did they realize, Kíli could manifest as much more. Truthfully, he just thought the world of men had very tiny imaginations, even in their dreams. 

And so, his talents were put to use. Zeus commended him and dubbed him the leader of the dream makers, called the Oneiroi. He was to spend his nights flying through the world of men, delivering messages from the gods to their pupils through their dreams. Instead of using his skills for amusement, for playing pretend and hiding from his brothers, Kíli- Morpheus- would exhaust himself and his power by playing messenger boy for the King of the Gods.

Still, Kíli learned to have his fun. 

You see, though Kíli was explicitly told what message to send to whom, the how was entirely up to him. He could morph into a towering cyclops and poke the belly of his recipient until he listened. He could make a pit stop in the sweetest dream of the prettiest semi-divine woman and make her fall in love with him just before night’s end. He could even visit Hades to make ghost children into brave soldiers, or Hephestus to take a lesson in sword forging. As long as he delivered his messages on time, he had the power to do whatever he wanted.

But it all ended with the rosy-fingered dawn.

Every night had its end. For others, that was a hopeful thought, even a prophetic one, but for Kíli, it just meant he’s run out of time. His freedom was stripped away by the clouds painted orange. For a long while, some thousands of years, he stomped back through his gates like a tantrum struck child, furious at his forced time-out. He’d grunt at the guards and leap over the Rivers of Forgetfulness and Oblivion, and lock himself in his cave to sleep among the poppy seeds until he received the orders for his next outing.

In the recent millennia, however, he’d been risking everything to hide behind the lock of his ivory gate and watch the black night sky lift and glow indigo, then violet. He’d wait to see the golden chariot cross the cosmos, pulling aside the curtain of night to reveal the bright blue day behind it. He’d heard the stories all his life. He knew what happened in the universe that took his time away from him and turned it into day. But he only recently saw the phenomenon for himself and since then, he never wanted to miss the show.

It wasn’t the glittering coat or glistening mane of the thundering horse that he was interested in. It was the one inside the solid gold chariot that first caught his eye. It was Helios, God of Sun, he wanted to watch because, though he was almost blinded by the sunny halo every morning, Kíli was sure Helios was smiling at him.

Book II

Helios was happy. Though others often wondered how he could be.

Those above pitied him for his status. It was unjust for the God of Sun- the deity of something as important as creation, light, and life- to be considered a minor god. He would never see the world below from the peak of Mount Olympus. He couldn’t watch the measly humans through the silver, puffy clouds. Sure, he had his own clouds to peer through way up there on his own throne, but they weren’t as pretty as the ones that surrounded Mount Olympus. Not at all. Helios only had regular clouds. What a shame.

It may have been that those below pitied him even more than the Olympians. Helios was alone. Yes, he had power, eternal youth and breathtaking beauty, but he’d never share any of it with anyone. How sad! To spend the light of day watching the world below, only to be so distant from it. Poor, lonely Helios.

Solitary and depressed, but never forgotten. For who could forget the sun?

In return for his service and out of their pity, the gods above gave him the most beautiful land to shine on and watch over. Artemis kept her trees tall and her meadows vast so long as Helios kept them green. Demeter graced the farmlands, encouraging crops to grow up to the light of his rays. Even Poseidon, grateful for the glimmer of warmth Helios left on his sea, returned the favor and controlled his waves whenever the halo of sun crossed the sky at day’s end.  And sometimes, Zeus would throw some thunderbolts and give Helios a day of rest when he especially deserved it after weeks and weeks of impeccable radiation.

Helios was the only being who couldn’t understand the world’s view of him. Between those generous gifts from the higher gods and the worship and prayers from the humans below, how could Helios ever be unhappy? In his opinion, he had it made. 

Because he was a minor god, he didn’t have to deal with the problems of Olympus. He was glad the fabricated kidnappings, adulterous adventures, and cannibal snacking rituals were kept way over there on that mountain and his warm, serene hours were spent way over here on his very own throne. He shined his brightest on his own. 

Still, that didn’t mean he disliked watching the humans from afar. On the contrary, he adored them.

He smiled down on them as they wept in his name. He peeked through the dreary, grey clouds and gave them warmth as they built his temples stone by stone. Attentively, he watched as they danced and sang for him, begged him for his blessings and thanked him for his creation. In their words, he was gracious. He brought joy to mortals. Again, their words, not his.

He was given all this simply for being beautiful. He was pure light. He ruled the sky for thousands of years and was grateful, never wanting any change.

Then, as randomly as an autumn leaf falls to the ground, his lands brought him something new. Or rather, someone. As Helios crossed the sky and brought the dawn, he looked down on his endless estate and spotted this someone watching him. It was not a farmer, nor a thief or human forced to wake before the day. 

Instead, it was clear this Dark One enjoyed the night. He stood unshrinking from the black sky and smiled at Helios, clearing any blame for his bringing the sun. This someone, this Dark One was happy to make his sacrifice to Helios- a ritual the Sun God had never enjoyed until now. Now, it was a gift.

Never in his eternal life had Helios pulled on his steed’s reins to slow the sunrise. It wouldn’t work. His chariot would plow on with its duty with time warping speed, never paying a hair’s attention to the Dark One in the shadows. There was no time. Dawn must come.

With that, Helios crossed the sky, eventually losing sight of his someone below. When he leapt from the gold to gold, from the chariot to his throne, he searched for the Dark One, but his own light stole the shadows and his someone was nowhere to be found. His passing eras slowed to hours. During the time of his reign, he watched the humans find Aphrodite, Hestia, and Hera and when the night came, he himself found his Dark One waiting for him every morning.

Book III

Morpheus had the ability to enter the dreams of any and all. He could punish the dastardly with nightmares so garish and haunting, his victims would change their ways in the morning. Or he could gift the selfless with visions of peace and profit, the lonely with companionship, or the sick with health. Over the span of his existence, he’d delivered messages and prophecies to billions- humans and gods alike.

Tartarus, he could even sneak into Zues’ dreams and feel the power of the King’s Thunder if he felt like it. But Kíli valued his immortality too much for such a thing.

Bottom line: Kíli could visit all who dreamed. Which was everyone. Or so he thought.

It was really just his luck that the one he so wanted to meet- and even eavesdrop on if Kíli was honest- was out of his reach. Contrary to popular belief, the sun never slept and neither did the god who powered it. 

He didn’t understand why. What did Helios have to do during the night? Where did the Sun God even go when darkness came? Wasn’t there time for the Golden One to rest?

Kíli was determined to find out.

When darkness came on the Winter Solstice, the longest night, Kíli flew as fast as he could to the dreamers through the lower lands. He delivered a curse here, and a revelation there. Then, dressed in his best disguises, he climbed up to Mount Olympus to greet the two gods he was meant to visit. His foretellings were clear and concise. There was no time for any mix ups or confusions which, despite Kíli’s best intentions, were a common occurrence with drowsy recipients. 

After all his duties were finished, he tumbled down to his gate with time to spare. There, hanging onto the delicately etched ivory pillars, he waited alone. The night hours he so treasured ticked slowly past- slower than ever before. More than once he leapt from the ground, wings waving and flapping when he was sure he saw a speck of light coming from the east. But he realized his eyes were only playing tricks on him in his anticipation, and eventual boredom.

Still, he didn’t leave his post.

The sky remained dark for so long, Kíli was sure he’d gone blind trying to make the smallest stars into the golden halo he longed to see. He wondered why nothing was happening, why the blanket above wasn’t lifting to indigo, then violet in preparation for Helios. Had something happened to the Golden One? 

He panicked. 

It was unbelievable. 

For ages, Kíli wished for eternal night and cursed the morning Sun, and now all he wished for was the scalding rays to burn his skin. He’d welcome such a painful end if he could see the Sun God one last time.

Then, there was light. 

Real light, nothing Kíli’s eyes or drowsy mind could create. This was it.

His waving wings let him hover just above the ground, his bare toes dipping into the tall grass. He had to be careful, he had to time it right if he wanted a chance to speak to Helios as he crossed the sky and brought the dawn. If his actions weren’t perfect, his flesh would sizzle and leave his bones unsheltered to melt in a matter of seconds. Helios’ light was his end. So he must stay in the shadows.

After such darkness, Kíli could only see a white blur crossing the sky, but after years and years of watching the sunrise, he knew well how Helios’ shining steed cut through the night like a rapier. He raced up to meet it, his every muscle jolting in tandem to flap his wings with enough speed and precision to shoot him to a height that took his breath from his body. There, on the level, he waited.

That was his mistake.

The chariot barreled toward him with such graceful speed, its very own wind left Kíli reeling through the air.

       “What are you doing?” He heard.

He found his balance and his rhythm and darted from the heat on his back. It singed the very tip of his wing, but with the breeze of his flight, the fire and pain didn’t travel upwards. So he flew on, grabbing hold of the chariot’s edge.

       “No!”

Kíli realized, but it was too late. Of course the gold of the chariot would be as blazing as an open flame. He hissed in pain, but flew on until he matched Helios in his flight.

He called the Sun God’s name, letting it grace his lips for the first time. “Helios!”

       “Are you daft?” Helios cried, yanking on his reins with a force that turned his knuckles white, but the horse didn’t slow.

       “I’m Morpheus!”

Helios laughed. His eyes sparkled, glittering like the brightest stars in the sky, like the loudest, most dazzling thunderbolt Zues ever threw had been captured inside the golden head of this god.

Kíli knew Helios was beautiful. He knew of the creamy skin, the aureate halo, and the smile as curved and irresistible as cumulus clouds. But he didn’t know of the blue eyes. They struck him and slowed him down.

Still, before he burned, before he circled back and raced to his gates, flying through without a look back, he heard Helios yell something to him. He saw Helios smile at him, as he’d seen every morning for hundreds of years. But this time, his Sun was close enough to touch.

Book IV

Helios’ days were all the same. It was clockwork and routine- the paths he took to and from the farthest corners of Poseidon's ocean, how long the trek took, when and where he’d begin and end. He knew what he’d see along the way. There were never any surprises because nothing was ever different. 

At least that was the case until Morpheus loomed by his gate for the first time. His first appearance had been unusual and indeed gave Helios pause at first, but even that had become something expected after thousands of years of his Dark One’s presence. 

Morpheus flying to his chariot before dawn, however, that was unexpected. A surprise. Even a fright to Helios that jarred him like nothing else he’d ever experienced. It left him with so many questions. Helios wasn’t used to having any such thing. He was the Sun. He had all the answers. He was the steadiest thing in the cosmos. He was arguably the most dependable god.

But now that Morpheus had flown to him, Helios was unsure. He sat in his throne and glowed dimly over the day, diverting most of his energy to all the questions now crowding his headspace.

Why, he asked. 

He’d spent his eternity thus far watching all beings under his light. They were predictable. He was never surprised by their actions. And yet, Morpheus, God of Dreams, left him flabbergasted without a single answer as to why he’d risk his life to speak to a god in the opposite domain. What was the point? What did he want to say? Wasn’t he terrified?

But Helios’ most important question was: Had Morpheus heard him?

He hoped so. For when he wasn’t wondering and pondering, Helios was dreaming. Well, he guessed he was dreaming. He’d heard his humans talk about it in his temples, running to his altar after a night of his blessing their sleep and revealing himself to them in a vision. It was as if they’d truly seen the god, Helios, and had even spoken to him, though it was obvious such a thing was impossible. Helios never strayed from his post.

But he dreamed on with his eyes open and his rays shining. Just before his mind’s eyes were wings twice the size of Morpheus’ body and black as the fur of Cerberus. He even went inside his fantasy and touched the wings with his fingertips, leaving them with what he hoped was a pleasant warmth. As his dream Morpheus leaned into his touch, even closed his eyes to it, Helios’ halo shone ever brighter to the lands below. 

Then, as if clouds filled the sky, more questions would clog Helios’ mind and his rays would dim as he asked himself why.

So the day went on, sunlight ebbing and flowing until his steed grew agitated. Sparkling hooves stomped into the ground, the glistening tail swished and the impatient head bobbed, strong neck arching tight in anticipation. Dusk was approaching, as was Helios’ long ride. But even after his exhausting day, he leapt into his chariot, ready to work through until dawn when he’d see his Dark One again.

       “Come to me tomorrow,” he’d said. 

He hoped it with every glittering speck of himself.

The reflection of his chariot shimmered in the ocean below as he passed through the sky. His steed took him past mount Olympus and over the thatched roofs of Corinth, then Larissa. He passed wide meadows and gentle creeks, waiting patiently for the chance to fly over Morpheus’ gates. Though the Dream World spanned much of the Underworld, Helios knew exactly where the horn entrance would appear at the break of dawn. He knew where Morpheus would be. 

Morpheus.

It left the great Sun God trembling, for he was aware of the danger his Dark One faced. If all didn’t unfold perfectly, Morpheus would be no more. And it would be Helios’ fault. Even in all his uncertainty, he was sure of that.

Leaning over the side of his chariot, Helios kept his eyes glued to the ground. He stayed low, remained as dim and cool as he could without giving himself a mortal chill. He waited. All things familiar glowed underneath him until the horn gates of Morpheus’ Dream World glittered in his rays. But Morpheus wasn’t leaning on the post. Instead, he was already flying through the air to meet the chariot. Helios’ gut sunk.  His Dark One was wasting his energy. He should have waited! 

It was too late now.

As Helios’ golden horse loped on, quickly surpassing Morpheus’ own swift speed, Helios reached out with a cool hand and dragged his Dark One safely into the seat of his chariot. Then he slid to the opposite side, pulling his limbs as far from Morpheus as the chariot allowed.

The two gods stared at each other. Morpheus was squinting at him, even in Helios’ dim light.

       “You told me to come back to you,” Morpheus said. “You told me to return at dawn.”

       “Yes,” Helios said.

Morpheus scooted closer to him, moving his hand to the back ledge of the chariot to pull himself along. “Why-”

       “Don’t!” Helios cried, dragging his Dark One’s hands into his own. “Don’t touch the chariot. It will burn you.”

Morpheus latched onto him. “But you’re not burning me. How is that?”

      “It’s only dawn. My rays aren’t as powerful now.”

Morpheus was watching him through narrowed eyes, taking in his every feature as if he’d never seen another being before. Like he’d only ever dreamed them, and never actually saw or touched. It took every bit of Helios’ power not to shrink from his gaze. No one had ever looked so closely at the sun.

Morpheus reached for him and ran his icy fingers around Helios’ ear, tucking his shining hair around it. “You’re so warm.”

       “Sorry.”

       “No,” Morpheus was quick to say. “It’s pleasant. You feel wonderful.”

Just below them was the shore of the western ocean. Dawn would soon pass into full morning. They didn’t have much time.

       “Why did you come? It was dangerous for you,” Helios said. He shifted in his seat to shelter Morpheus from the light creeping up to his back. They were close now, closer than any two opposing gods had ever been.

       “I’ve spent so long in the shadows,” Morpheus said. “I wanted to feel your light.”

Helios grinned. Everyone in the cosmos wanted to feel the light of the sun. But he’d keep himself from all the world, he’d let it all freeze over if it meant he could safely shine on his Dark One for the rest of his eternity. Just for a moment, he leaned closer to imagine what it would feel like.

       “I wanted to see you, but you don’t sleep!” Morpheus said, bumping the tip of his nose to Helios’ cheek. He jerked away and hissed, rubbing his sizzling face. “You heat up quick,” he laughed.

       “You must leave,” Helios said with a wince. “I can’t slow the dawn.”

       “I know. But here, take this.” Morpheus reached to the nape of his neck and untied the sticky stem of a single poppy from his hair. He placed it in Helios’ hand and folded his fingers around it. “Tomorrow when the moon rises, I want you to smell this. It’s one of mine. Bring it up to your nose and take a deep breath. Think of me and I will come to you in your dreams.”

       “I’ve never dreamt anything before. I’ve never even slept.”

Morpheus reached for him, but stopped himself before he could touch Helios’ scalding skin. He closed his eyes to the blinding shine. “Then I’ll fly to your chariot every day at dawn.”

       “No. It’s not safe for you.” The poppy was wilting in Helios’ hand without its maker. “I’ll do as you said. As long as you will come to me.”

       “I swear it. There’s no place else I’d rather be.” One eye creaked open and Morpheus smiled before it clamped shut again. “You sure are bright.”

       “You must go.”

His black wings rose above the chariot and opened like wide wooden doors before Morpheus blindly leapt from Helios’ side and dove to his gates. There, he disappeared before Helios’ own rays could burn his flesh.

As the Sun God was delivered to his throne, he held tight to his poppy and dreamed with his eyes open about what the night would bring.

Book V

It was rumored Morpheus’ wings had the strength of a thousand soldiers. Though the feathers were lush and silky, the arching bones crowning the tops- extensions of his own spine- were not to be trifled with. How else would he fly through the cosmos from city to city and even to Mount Olympus to deliver himself to the dreams of his recipients? The wings were so robust, so legendary, and yet his flight was as silent as an owl’s, for what good were they if they woke his dreamers? 

Tonight, however, his wings were still. He had his scroll, his list of messages to deliver and beings to visit, but instead of rushing out of his gates to tend to his duties, he stood just past the lock to his Dream World. For the first time in his endless existence, he didn’t know where to go. 

His most important dreamer didn’t have a regular resting place. As far as Kíli knew, Helios traveled in his chariot all through the night, distributing his light around the universe. It would be impossible to pinpoint his exact location, never mind catch up with the soaring chariot. The only thing Kíli could do was wait to be summoned.

Still, Kíli couldn’t even be sure Helios would be able to dream, or even sleep for that matter. His poppies worked wonders on ailing humans, but he’d never offered one to a god before. It was forbidden by Zues. As was his and Helios’ affair. He knew they were treading a very dangerous path.

Usually, Kíli would be terrified of Zues. He would hide in the shadows of his Dream World, only emerging from it to take orders from the King of the Gods. He’d take his notes with his head down and wings wilted, never quite looking the Maker of Thunder in the eye. Every interaction made him quiver down to his soles.

Now, however, with Helios in his sights, he wasn’t scared. It was as if he had a secret weapon that left him powerful and fearless against anyone who stood in the way of him finding his very own Sun. Nothing mattered beyond his One who glowed and lit up the sky, bringing hope to all in his domain. Kíli felt that now.

So he stood at his gates, daring Zues to threaten him or his love and hoping with every inch of himself that his poppy would work. He waited for Helios’ call.

He closed his eyes to listen.

The wind rustled in the grass and tickled his feet. A cat yowled in the dark. The warm stuffy silence of night muddled his mind. 

Then all was clear. When he opened his eyes, Helios was in his arms, asleep.

His plan had worked.

As expected, the Sun God was warm. Kíli had felt this kind of residual heat before when he entered the dreams of sleeping humans who were wrapped up in too many quilts during the night. However, this kind of warmth wasn’t so oppressive. Instead, it was a balmy comfort that washed over his lap and up his arms. Kíli, the God of Dreams who only came out at night, was feeling the Sun for the first time.

Meanwhile, Helios, who never slept and never left his post, conquered his fears and did so for Kíli. He was peaceful. The poppy had worked and it had given him rest. That knowledge only added to the rush Kíli was feeling in his chest as he pulled Helios closer, protecting him, lest he regret placing his trust in his Dark One. 

Though Helios was not shining, not even glowing, Kíli was still stunned by his beauty. It wasn’t dull or dimmed in the night, but magnified. This close and without his rays, Kíli could see his true beauty- the lines in his lips from his own heat and those around his eyes left by his gleaming grin. Even now, in sleep, Helios smiled and Kíli didn’t miss the dimples in his cheeks and how the left one was deep enough to cradle the tip of his forefinger. 

Kíli took this chance to touch the god, not to take advantage of him, but to appreciate him while there was time to be had, while he was unwatched. He ran his fingers through the silky golden hair, down the strong neck and over the proud, smooth shoulders. It electrified him like the night air never could. Then, after what felt like hours of staring and contemplation, Kíli even dared to kiss his Sun’s head. His lips lingered over the warm skin as he held Helios tight to his chest.

With that, Helios sighed. “Where am I?” he asked, working to focus his gaze on the one above him.

       “You are in the arms of Morpheus,” Kíli said, smiling down on him. “Which is to say, you are asleep.”

       “Morpheus.” Helios wriggled closer, wrapping his arms around any part of Kíli he could reach. “If this is a dream, then let it never end. There’s nowhere else I wish to be.”

Kíli hummed. “You’ve come over to the dark side then, hm?”

       “If that’s where you are, yes. I’ll follow you there.”

Like most things in the world of the gods, Kíli’s flowers affected all beings differently. He was happy enough that Helios had fallen asleep at all, so he couldn’t blame the virgin dreamer for his honeyed state. If Kíli was honest with himself, he didn’t at all mind his Sun’s sweet words, though he knew they were coaxed out by the power of his poppy.

Helios sighed again. “I’d follow you anywhere.”

       “You’re quite the romantic in your dreams,” Kíli said.

Helios grinned. It was bright enough to make Kíli’s heart soar, but not to blind him as it had when they shared the sky. 

       “Have I won you over, then?” Helios asked.

       “Do you think I’d risk my life just to speak with you if you hadn’t already?”

       “Twice!” Helios said with a wagging finger. “You did it twice.”

       “Yes, I did. And I’ll do it again every morning hence if it will allow me the privilege of holding you again.”

The Sun God let his head flop on Kíli’s arm. “Now who’s playing the romantic?”

Kíli would do anything to see those blue eyes more clearly, but as Helios talked on, his lids fluttered shut, lashes feathering against his cheeks.

       “I must have- had too much of the poppy. I did as you said, but the first… it didn’t do anything. I needed to see you, so I...” He laughed. “And now I can hardly keep my eyes open.”

Kíli caressed his cheek. “It’s all right. You can relax, I’ll be here.”

Immediately, the Sun turned to sand in Kíli’s arms, burying his forehead in his Dark One’s chest. Again, Kíli felt immeasurable pride. One of the most important beings in the cosmos allowed himself to be cradled and cared for by him. It made him return to his earlier wishes of wanting the night to last forever.

       “Morpheus-”

       “Call me Kíli.” He smoothed the line between Helios’ brows with his thumb as he explained, “It’s the name my mother gave me. Only when Zues gave me the Oneiroi, did he give me the name Morpheus as well.”

       “But that’s not who you are.”

       “No.”

Helios said his name. His real name. A lazy tongue flicked its way through the consonants and soft lips curled around the sounds with a smile. Then Helios said it again. “Kíli.” He leaned into Kíli’s night-cool touch that grazed the rounds of his golden cheeks and the cliffs of his thick brow. It rumpled as he said, “I don’t remember a time when I didn’t empower the sun. I’ve always been in the sky. Alone.”

       “Not anymore,” Kíli said.

Helios hummed and sighed and sank further into Kíli’s arms as if the disease of his loneliness- an ailment he never knew he had- was cured irrevocably. “Kíli. If you are Kíli, then I must be someone as well. Give me a name, Kíli.”

       “Your name is perfect just the way it is.”

He opened his eyes. “But it wasn’t given to me by anyone who matters.” For the first time, Helios reached up to Kíli and stroked his cheek. The touch was long overdue, but Kíli could forgive it because of the tenderness it evoked. He leaned into it, distantly listening as Helios continued. “Call me Fíli. Similar and yet opposite, just as we ourselves are. I’ll be your Fíli.”

Kíli snorted. “I should call you ‘Silly’ instead-”

He squeezed Kíli’s arm and chuckled. “Just give me this.”

Kíli wasn’t in a state to deny him anything. He’d fallen too far too quickly for such things. So he nodded.

       “Will you give me something else?”

       “Anything.”

Ever so gently, Helios- Fíli- led Kíli’s lips down to his own. Kíli gave him his kiss. In one moment everything between them changed. The cosmos parted and opened the way to a new universe of their own, one in which they could live in harmony and without fear, pain, or isolation. After millenia of giving- Fíli giving life and Kíli giving fantasy- they together stole it all for themselves. They gave each other the impossible. 

But Kíli felt himself begin to fade. 

Fíli held onto him like a stubborn serpent.

       “Don’t leave me,” Fíli said against his lips.

       “I won’t. It’s you who are leaving me.”

       “No.”

Kíli chuckled and his cool air blew over Fíli’s face, making him shiver. “It’s not your fault. You’re waking up.”

       “Stop me.”

       “I can’t. Not even you can slow the dawn. But we have forever now, Fíli.”

Fíli kissed him again. Even on the edge of his dream, the sun inside him was rising, leaving his flesh hot in Kíli’s arms. He would be untouchable in a matter of minutes.

       “Will you come to me again?”

       “Every night,” Kíli assured, risking his fingers to feel Fíli’s smoldering cheek once more. “And I will wait at my gates for you every morning.”

       “Not for too long, Kíli. I won’t have you scorching your wings again.”

       “You’re starting to sound more like yourself,” Kíli said with a scoff.

Fíli smiled. “I’m still your Fíli. And there’s still nowhere else I’d rather be than here in your arms. But you’re right, we both must go.” 

Yet Fíli’s only movement was to kiss his Dark One again. Then he watched until Kíli was a blur in the darkness.

Book VI

When Fíli opened his eyes, he was in his chariot. From the look of the waving blue mountains ahead, he could tell his nightly quest was about halfway through, meaning his trusted steed hadn’t even noticed his mind’s absence. After all, the horse knew the route as well as he did. It was an encouraging display that simultaneously left him bitter with disappointment. While it was made clear he’d be able to remain in Kíli’s Dream World for longer nights in the future, it only reminded him how short tonight’s visit had been.

He didn’t want to wait- not for the day to pass or even the night hours to fade before he could see his Dark One again from high above. But alas, even Zues himself suffered from such impatience for not even the King of the Gods could accelerate time. 

What did comfort Fíli, however, was Kíli’s love of the night. Though Fíli was bored by its boring darkness, his love- yes, his love- relished his freedom under the starry sky. It was his time to thrive. Fíli could imagine him, dream of him flying through the cosmos as he leaned back in the seat of his chariot. Maybe one night, the two would cross paths, he thought.

But when he wriggled down into his seat, something crunched. It set off a familiar smell. He reached up, startled to feel something in his own hair, and gently pulled at not one, but three poppies that were neatly tied and tangled together. Kíli must have left them in his golden waves just before he faded away from the dream. Rolling the stems in his fingers, Fíli smiled, bringing too high a dawn for the middle of the night. But he couldn’t help it. These were a promise from Kíli for more nights like this one in a universe of their own. 

They’d make a life for themselves in the short hours before dawn. Helios and Morpheus, known to only themselves as Fíli and Kíli, would love for eternity.

[natsukitakama]

Hi, i loved your general hcs about Kuroo 💞 Could you write for oikawa and kageyama too, please?

Author note : Hello there ♡ Thank you for your request and your kind work it means a lot for me !  it took me a long time I’m sorry about it.  I hope you’ll enjoy it those two dorks are my favorite (honestly I can’t dislike a character from Haikyu). Again I tried to be as impartial as possible. 

Warning : None just me daydreaming about them / Spoiler-free i base my G headcanon on the anime for now

i do not own those gifs credits to their owner (the Oikawa”s one comes from tenor) 

Masterlist 

General headcanon Oikawa edition aka pretty boi ... How am I supposed to be impartial ? 

A lot of people tends to think he is a lady boy which he is not. Sure the man is handsome, he is very nice and pretty funny but honestly he is married to Volley ball.  

Have you seen his reaction when his girlfriend dumped him ? He asked himself what did he do the wrong way. It doesn’t mean that he is blind, that he doesn’t care about you. But Volley ball is his passion. You need to understand that, he is breathing volley, he is eating volley, he dreams volley, he literally went as far as to hurt himself from training. You need to understand that he craves for Volley Ball 

It doesn’t mean he won’t take care of you, when this man let someone getting close to him it’s means the world. Have you seen him ? He is self-conscious, he has a low-opinion on himself even when he tried to be cocky it’s just a way to brush off his own insecurities. 

He thinks he is not a good setter, he is probably doubting his leadership even his own ability as an athlete (it probably started when he hurt his knee) 

I won’t be surprise if he got some trust issues too, despite being pretty popular he is only around the same people which include his best friends Iwa-chan (which he knew since he is child) and his friends from his team that he knew since 3 years. So I don’t think he was in relationship with a lot of people. 

Speaking of relationship, i think he will talk with Iwa-chan about his crush you know just to be sure he doesn’t misunderstanding things

He got a tone of buddies but don’t have much friends, it means a lot for him

I do think he is the kind of people to run into your house if you say you’re feeling down, probably because he’ll appreciate if you do the same for him 

I highly doubt he can take care of himself, I’m not saying that he can’t live on his own but he tends to forget a lot of things because of volley ball. I do think he’ll skip meal time to time especially night meal because he is too focused on analyzing a match but I also think he is smart enough to know how to stay healthy. 

Honestly he needs someone to domestic him, I’m sure he’ll crave for it 

He really loves his fans they’re nice with him but sometimes he wish he could be less popular. They put so much hope in him and he is… well him. How is he supposed to support them while he can support himself ? It melt his heart to see how cute they are but it puts much stress on himself 

I do think he struggles for sleep because of his anxiety especially when he is fighting a good team 

When he got hurt, he was afraid he might no be able to play anymore. He never thinks about what kind of job he would have if he can’t play volley ball. But I can see him being good into social science or something related to language. 

I don’t how I know that but I’m 100% sure he smells something sweet like vanilla don’t ask 

Despite having some childish attitude, I think he uses it to hide his resentment. Especially when he is with Kageyama, he knows the boy does nothing to hurt him. But the fact he is literally made to play volley ball while Oikawa has to work hard, even hurting his body, is pissing him off. He is jealous of him. 

Since he is very close to his nephew I think he is family guy and was probably heart broken when he has to leave his family. I’m sure he FaceTime them as much as he can. I think he bought them ticket so they can travel to see him when he can’t travel. 

Probably the kind of people of doing aesthetic things on his instagram, remember the time when he nephew took a picture of him ? We can see a selfie with Takeru, a picture of a Sunlight, a selfie and a tone of picture of his nephew. His instragram is tidy. 

He is hard-working, he isn’t afraid of what he takes to achieve his goal. It could be a quality or a fault. 

We knows that his previous girlfriend dumped him because he was too focused on Volley ball. It probably means that despite his Monday, he can’t afford much time to date someone. But that doesn’t mean he won’t care about his significant other, maybe sometimes he’ll need you to tell him that it’s okay to live for his passion but that you need to have some times alone together. 

He won’t mind quite contrary, he’ll feel so relieve knowing you miss him but at the same time he’ll blame himself for not being able to notice that you were a bit sad lately. 

Speaking of notice, don’t even think you can lie to him. The man is able to adjust to anyone he is playing with. That means he is pretty good with people and especially good at reading them. Within a couple of weeks he’ll be able to read your body, he’ll know what makes you feel happy, what bother you and when you lie to him. 

Don’t lie to him honestly. As I said before I’m pretty sure he suffered from lack of trust on himself and everyone, he got trust issues. So don’t hide something to him, don’t lie. Tell him when something is wrong. It might not be good, maybe you’ll argue but at least you told him the truth and in the end he’ll be back to you. 

Lying means you don’t trust him and if you don’t trust him why would he date you ? I can see him dumping someone because he knows they’re hiding something. Of course if he noticed you hide something because you wanted to buy him a gift he won’t be mad and he’ll act like he didn’t notice (he is a great actor you won’t know he knew) 

Despite not being able to date you as much as he wants, he’ll be sure to be around you. If you two went into the same high-school, he’ll have lunch with you, he’ll walk you home, probably text you a lot (morning and night text are the most, he can’t sleep if you do not send him a have good night text)

Like Kuroo, I think he won’t mind getting married earlier. He is part of people who knows when they met their soulmate you know ? 

He will never give up on his career though, that means you’ll have to move with him If you want to spend the rest of your life with him. 

It’s kinda selfish but volley is too important for him, you need to respect that 

I also think he wants children, I can see him being a good dad (he claims he wants only boy but he’ll love his daughter with his life) 

At this time, we all know he is fan of science fiction. He is probably interested on everything related to space. 

X-files is his favorite shows. 

Deep down I think he’ll study to become astronaut but he fells in love with volley ball 

He loves to show off about his knowledge on space (and if you praise him about it … damn he would never stop) 

I need to talk about Glass!Oikawa cause he is too handsome, since he used it to watch a match. I think he might be short-sighted and wears contacts when he plays otherwise he won’t see shit. 

Since his favorite meal is milk bread (can relate buddy don’t worry) if think he has a sweet tooth 

To conclude, Oikawa is really great character with an interesting development and he is not as « superficial » as people tends to think he is more deeper than that. 

General headcanon Kageyama edition 

Another volley ball’s addict 

You’re all pictured Tsukishima as a tsundere which is 100% true but do not forget this boy 

He is obsessed with volley ball and is own skill, he looks like Oikawa more than he would like to admit. Both of them are perfectionist, both of them are hard-working, both of them are passionate about volley ball to the point they might forget everything else.

Oikawa tends to not really taking care of himself while Kageyama struggle with relationship, we all see that he is not good with people. Not that he didn’t try. 

For now I know nothing about his past, but I think he used volley ball at some point to counterbalance something about his life. He worked harder to forget a situation who hurt him. Especially during his junior years. 

I do not think he is the nasty type, I think he is someone shy who struggle with relationship. All he needs is some help, he is completely aware of his lack of skills when it came to socialize, he tends to talk a lot with Sugawara because he is capable of talking with everyone. I won’t be surprised if they talk a lot you know to help him relax around his teammate. He even worked hard so he’ll be nice with Tsukishima 

I think we all know that the reason he hates being called « King » is because it reminds him times when everyone left him, when everyone decided they will be better without him. I think he got so abandonment issues which tends to stop him from making friends. 

After all why will he bothers making friends while he knows they will leave him eventually ? 

At the same times, he loves being surrounded by friends so that’s why he worked so hard on his social skill : cause he knows not everyone could be as easy-to-live as Hinata can be. Not everyone can’t see beyond his « king »’s behavior 

I think he loves animal especially dogs and the fact that he is afraid that animal might not like him prove it. Just picture him with a Shiba while going for a run ? 

I think he sees Hinata as a best friends or at least someone close, he helps him going through some of his fears, forces him to do better In order to be a good setter for his teammate. They are rivals but they are friends too. 

Deep down I think he would be a great friends with Tsukishima both of them haves some issues, but if they went through this they would be great friends

The CD-Drama confirm this, but he is very popular ; girls really like him probably because he is an athlete with dark hair and blue eyes (or it’s just me fangirling over him ?) 

Like Oikawa I don’t think this man he thought about an alternative job if he couldn’t be an athlete unlike Oikawa he is not good at school. So it was volley ball. 

Despite his inability to make friends, he can talk to people as we saw during his training on Tokyo with Atsumu he is pretty easy to talk as long as you’re talking about volley ball. 

I’m pretty sure people of his class tries to talk with him but since he only talks about volley ball they just stop. I wasn’t lying when I said he is obsessed with volley ball.  

Nonetheless, since he is pretty strict when it came to health ; I won’t be surprise if he studied so he could have a healthier way of live. I’m sure he knows a lot of things about food, what kind of food he needs to eat before running etc, I won’t be surprise if he would send some text to remind his teammate (especially Hinata) to eat properly … in his own way. 

Yeah he insults them but not in the mean way more like « you don’t know you need to eat banana after running ? How stupid are you » 

He would be a great nutritionist for athlete 

Despite everyone calling him special, he doesn’t see himself as a genius. That’s why he was so jealous about Hinata because to him he was the genius, cause he got so many potential while he barely has to work to be like this (Kageyama despite being awesome, worked hard to be how he is). 

The truth is he is too lazy for school which is a shame considering the memory he got and how dedicate he can be when is interested on something 

I also think he never date someone unlike his teammate he isn’t ashamed on that. He needs someone special, and he is too busy with volley ball to think about it. 

For what it worth I think he is into someone kind, not the mummy type but some who is into domestic things. I can picture him being overwhelmed every time he saw you cooking for him 

He is probably the type of guy who can break you if heard you talking shit about someone he cared about 

He isn’t very talkative especially about his feelings so he uses his action to show people he cares about them. For example the fact that he knows how to give you the ball so you could spike it’s his way of telling you that he consider you as someone close to him (don’t disappoint him) 

If he’ll stop yelling he would be a good teacher, he can analyze almost everything quite quickly so he can tell you what you’ve done the wrong way. 99% of the time he came with a solution. 

During his junior high, one of the reason of his behavior was the fact that he became a setter after Oikawa, we all know that he is still his biggest rival because Oikawa is everything Kageyama isn’t. He had to become setter for his team while they all know Oikawa, he probably felt like he had to so much better so he could beat Oikawa even if he left for high school. Kageyama was already a perfection before he met Oikawa and his obsession became stronger after Oikawa left. So yeah it could explain why he was such an asshole to his team and how he looked so shocked and kinda depressed when his team left him. 

Even if he actually beat Oikawa, Oikawa still win a match so there is a draw between them. However Oikawa is still a better setter at Kageyama’s sight, no matter how hard he will work it won’t be enough. And he knows that. 

But his insecurity is also his strength, it’s because he is insecure about his skill as a setter than he is working hard to be even better. While people would give up he stands up and work harder

I’m pretty sure he is addict to milk and yogurt because he believes it’ll help him getting bigger (also because he loves the taste of it and I couldn’t agree more)

I’m not seeing him being the type to get married or having a baby, but he’ll easily settle down with someone if he believes you’re made for each other 

I think he is dog type (probably into Shiba or Husky) 

Since his room is pretty empty judging by what we saw, I don’t think he is materialist. I think he tends to buy things if he really feels like he needs it. 

Apparently he run earlier in the morning and since he is very strict about his health I believe he doesn’t need a lot of hours of sleep. Probably something like 7 hours are enough for him maybe less. 

He valued punctuality a lot it probably bothers him when someone is late ; no matter what time it is he will be there, he isn’t afraid of waking up at 4am if it’s important for him. Besides we saw that he can sleep even on Saeko’s car so I guess he can sleep everywhere he just has to want it. 

[lionheartslowstart]

Feeling Seen

Something I’ve touched on in a few of my posts is this idea that I felt truly “seen” by my abuser, “Shawn.” It’s not something I’ve ever really been able to elaborate on or articulate properly, but I’m going to try.

Contrary to popular opinion, I’m an incredibly private person. I have no problem telling stories from my life, I’m open about my past, my trauma, and my mental illnesses, and I don’t have a lot of secrets. I don’t lie about how I feel about people, I own up to my flaws...I’m pretty much an open book. However, there is one way in which I am exceedingly private, and that is when it comes to my deeper feelings. I do not like to be vulnerable with anyone, and only a select few have the privilege of seeing any part of that side of me. Now, this may seem like a small thing to be saying “I’m a private person,” but hear me out. Because I shield my innermost feelings from most of the world, I have this thick outer layer to protect me. This results in the “real” me, who I am at my core, being sort of distorted as it comes into contact with other people. Almost like there’s a veil between my truest self and others. I’m almost never my full, authentic self unless I’m alone. There have only ever been two people I’ve completely let me guard down with. One is Shawn, the other is “Kevin.”

This post is not about Kevin, though I do find it interesting that he ended up on this very short list. Perhaps I’ll elaborate on that another time. I will say, for the sake of this entry, that it at least makes some kind of sense that Kevin would fall under this category, considering that he really does love me, and we have a strong bond. Shawn though, now that’s a puzzler.

Shawn probably never loved me. I genuinely don’t know if he’s capable of loving anyone, even himself. And while he certainly love-bombed me enough and performed grand “romantic” gestures, we didn’t exactly have a good relationship, because it had no real foundation. It definitely wasn’t sturdy either, considering how many times we broke up and got back together. Looking back, I have no idea why I loved Shawn, why I craved him so badly. (And “crave” is definitely the word to use here.) He wasn’t funny, smart, kind, charismatic, creative...nothing. He was just...blah. Honestly, I’m not even trying to be shitty. Everyone I introduced him to was like, “Sophie, are you sure this is who you want?” Some people even said to my face that he wasn’t good enough for me. And even though I knew that on some level, he was still the one I chose. WHY?! I think it comes back to that feeling of being seen by him. But that honestly raises more questions.

If someone bumped into Shawn today, and asked him to describe me. I don’t think he could. I don’t think he could tell anyone what I like, what I dislike, my favorite foods, my goals and dreams, my best attributes, or even my worst flaws (though I’m sure he’d make up a few). I don’t think he really listened to me when I spoke. He certainly never cared about who I was as a person, only what he could use me for. So if he didn’t really care about me, didn’t really know me, how did he make me feel so seen?

I have no fucking idea.

That might honestly be the mystery that bothers me the most. This horrible monster somehow tricked me into feeling like he saw the real me, and that he loved me for who I am. He tricked me into feeling completely comfortable with him. He tricked me into feeling seen for the first time in my entire life. Though, to be fair, he was my first love as an adult, so it’s entirely possible I romanticized the whole affair and if I went back and relived it I might feel differently. But there’s no such thing as a time machine, so I’ll never really know.

This is a large part of the reason why being truly vulnerable with people scares me. There are maybe two other people in my life who are actually pretty close to seeing my whole self, whether they know it or not. But even then, there are still a few layers for them to penetrate. Even with Kevin, sometimes I doubt, and sometimes I regret being so open with him. Sometimes I wish I could be vulnerable with more people, sometimes I wish I could be completely shut off to everyone and anyone. It varies, and the fact that Shawn was the first person I felt that way with definitely fuels that. Because, if that’s the feeling off of which I’m basing the experience, how can I ever truly know if it’s real?

[a-little-slice-of-fandom]

unpopular opinion: lgbtq coding or actors/writers/producers/whoever else works on a movie i don't know enough about film saying that a character is lgbtq doesn't make it canon. if that's how they view the character (especially writers or producers) then they can fucking put it in the script. it's essentially queerbaiting while pandering to conservative audiences

Okay I’m assuming you’re talking about birds of prey and not Six (which also has queercoded characters), and I have some thoughts.

Firstly, Birds of Prey DID put canon queer characters in the script. Harley is confirmed to be bisexual within the first five minutes of the film, with Poison Ivy (or someone who looks suspiciously like her) appearing in that slot machine bit where Harley talks about her previous relationships. As a bisexual women who never really sees myself represented in blockbuster films (especially superhero films), I was so glad that BOP carried over Harley’s bisexuality from the comics. And we have to remember, this isn’t some throwaway character...this is Harley fucking Quinn, one of the most popular DCEU characters to date. And she’s queer and it’s not treated as a big deal! It’s just a part of her character. (Plus, Margot Robbie herself and Cathy Yan want to introduce poison Ivy into the DCEU soon and get that queer relationship going which would be absolutely fantastic and I for one cannot wait). And that’s not even mentioning Renee Montoya, was confirmed to be a lesbian within the script and whose sexuality directly impacts the plot via her ex wife. That was literally in the script.

I’m not going to get in to the whole thing surrounding Black Mask and Zsasz because I don’t feel qualified to discuss that and I understand why some people dislike how they portrayed them, but what I can get in to is Huntress and Black Canary’s relationship. Because I have a lot of feelings.

Do these characters specifically say that they’re part of the LGBT community within the script? No. They don’t. But there was no point in the script where it would have come up naturally. Huntress spent 90 percent of the script being awkward and fighting people. At what point would she bring up her sexuality? Same with Dinah. They had shit to do and honestly in their situations I don’t see why they would need to bring up that they’re gay. Contrary to some people’s beliefs...gay people don’t go around announcing that they’re gay every four seconds. Why would these characters do that?

But what Birds of Prey did do was show some small moments of chemistry between those two characters, specifically the diner scene at the end where Dinah keeps complimenting Helena and correcting Renee on Helena’s behalf. When I first saw that scene, I definitely got some vibes there...and then I find this interview a few weeks later where the actresses confirmed that that’s what they were actively going for!

But here’s the thing: I don’t personally see any of what birds of prey did queerbaiting. Why? Because the film never really flaunted it’s gay characters or tried to gain brownie points with the LGBT community by saying that it was some cornerstone of representation. There was a little bit of coverage on Harley being confirmed to be bi, but Margot Robbie (who also produced the film) was very casual about the whole thing. She didn’t see it as a big deal, didn’t act as if she was some amazing person for putting it in, she just treated it as a normal, everyday thing that she wanted to carry over from the comic books. Compare that to another comic book oriented series of films that keeps saying they have queer representation and keep acting as if they’re doing something amazing for the queer community by having these characters exist but the actual scenes that would back these claims up are mysteriously nowhere to be seen. Or how about teen wolf? Remember that video of two of the actors hinting that their characters would be in a relationship in the upcoming but they actually weren’t. Or fuck it, how about Supergirl? They keep teasing the audience that maybe Kara and Lena will get into a relationship but refuse to go anywhere with it or commit to it. These series draw in LGBT people with the hints that these characters are maybe possibly part of the community but never want to take the dive and fully commit.

But Birds of prey didn’t tease anyone. It didn’t try and draw LGBT people in by flaunting their characters. Birds of Prey simply showed us a handful of confirmed queer characters, and also showed some characters who either have great chemistry (Dinah and Helena) or hint towards their relationships in a different way (for example Black Mask and Zsasz wearing each other’s clothes) and then confirmed beyond the film that, yeah, that’s what they were going for. It doesn’t mean that these characters are 100 canonically gay, but feels a hell of a lot more genuine than other studios or other films.

And pander to a conservative audience? I’m pretty sure all conservatives hated this film for its stance on patriarchal structures and misogyny. Birds of Prey did a lot of things...pandering wasn’t one of them.

Could the film have been gayer? Yeah...a lot of it is blink and you’ll miss it moments and I would have loved for characters like Poison Ivy to actually show up. But,,, damn it I respect the film for a) putting it all in there and b) never treating any of it like a big deal or trying to act as if they did something amazing for representation. And, just like I said in my last post, I feel like there’s a big difference in having one vaguely queer coded character versus having 2 definitely confirmed ones and 4 coded ones. And if we want more openly and explicitly gay characters or more LGBT romances (such as Harley and Ivy) then we need to show support for a film that, while it wasn’t perfect in the representation department, was at least trying to give audiences queer characters.

As always feel free to disagree with me on this or continue to discuss it. I can only speak from my personal experiences with my sexuality, but I (for the most part) enjoyed how BoP added LGBT characters into the film without trying to act as if it was revolutionary.

[5sosbitchfest]

Many of you have written in that our little hidden blog has been “discovered” over on stan Twitter.  Yipee.  Contrary to what they believe, none of them live “rent free” in any of our heads.  We aren’t even active on Twitter so most of what we know comes from things y’all have sent in to the blog.  

They can write, think, believe, etc. whatever they want.  They can even say things such as “white women are actual demons.”  That’s the beauty of freedom of speech.   We exercise our right to it here on the blog.  However, we don’t take our opinions to arguably more popular forums and tag any of the people we are discussing in hopes that they will see it.  We don’t even use their real names in attempt to keep it somewhat hidden.  Yet horrible things are said daily about they guys and GFs on Twitter and people actually tag them in hopes that what they said is read by the person they are discussing.

We don’t hate anyone.  We dislike their crappy behavior.  However, from the looks of all the Asks currently filling our in box, it seems like there is a whole lot of hate being directed towards Michael and Crusty over on stan Twitter right now.   We have never wished ill will on anyone.  Our opinions have nothing to do with gender, age, color of skin, body type, etc.�� We’ve (let’s face it this one was directed squarely at me) never said therapy is bad or made fun of anyone for seeking out those services.  Bringing attention to the fact that someone mentions being in therapy a lot in no way demeans the therapy process nor the message that was attached to the post.  

Did I hit all the highlights?  They can have stan Twitter and we’ll just stay over here on Tumblr doing our own thing.