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changenameno · 14 days ago

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To Be, Or Not To Be

(One-Shot)

(Complete)

Summary: You absolutely despised Halloween. That’s why your best friend had to drag you to this party, even though you normally avoided these at all costs. Who knows, maybe you really shouldn’t have come? Especially when a costume-less guest makes an appearance, and your evening suddenly takes a deadly turn…

Pairing: August Walker x Fem. Reader

Warnings: MDNI, 18+,cursing, major character death, aneurysm, morbid?!, angsty…good god way more than I intended, promise there is a GOOD ending though, major character undeath, P in V, outdoor sex, pet names

Word Count: 3.2K

A/N: This idea had been sitting in my mind quite some time and now it’s finally Halloween and I can whip it out. As always this is not spell checked by someone else, so any mistakes are my own. Happy for any/all constructive feedback and every reblog. Thank you and enjoy!❤️✨

! Neither August Walker nor Mission Impossible are mine!

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It had been ages since the last time you attended a party and even though it was themed and wearing a costume was mandatory, your best friend was able to convince you to come somehow.

And as you gave yourself a last once over in the floor-length mirror, you couldn’t help but smile at your refection. You’d put on your favourite black dress, paired with black boots and a pointy black hat. This had to be enough of a costume you decided, and besides the dress accentuated your body’s natural curves and made you feel incredible good about yourself.

Satisfied you pulled on your warm coat, hurrying out the door. Because you really had to get going, as you had promised to be there at 10 pm sharp and it was already quarter past ten.

In hindsight maybe this had been the first sign that you shouldn’t have gone to the party.

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Once you had arrived, your best friend had chided you for being late, but it had no real bite, because she was just glad that you showed up at all.

Now you were standing somewhere in a corner, grimacing at the loud music blasting from the next room. You definitely needed to catch up on the alcohol consumption of the other partygoers, else you weren’t even going to make it an hour here. And of course your head had started to throb just in time as well.

You quickly made your way through the masses of sweating, dancing bodies over to the surprisingly small kitchen, where all the alcohol was stacked. Somehow the kitchen was empty when you entered. You looked around and saw a few beer bottles on the counter, grabbing one, before you re-entered the living room. When you felt like no one was watching, you hit the rim of your bottle on a quite expensive looking table to open it. Which it did, though unfortunately it bubbled over from the movement, dripping on the floor.

“Arrgh, shit.”

It had also dripped onto your hand and dress, making both disgustingly sticky. Great, now you had to search for a bathroom. You already cursed your best friend for disappearing the second you entered the mansion of the rich guy who was hosting the party. Taking a swig of the somewhat warm beer, you grimaced even more, putting it down on the table.

As you made your way to the staircase in search of a ‘clean’ bathroom, you felt oddly dizzy and when you turned around a pair of bright blue eyes were already fixed on your face. Trying to blink the fuzziness away, the owner of those beautiful eyes disappeared as soon as the dizzy spell had lifted. Making you wonder if you had just imagined them to begin with.

After you climbed the stairs, you finally found an empty bathroom. Swiftly turning on the sink, washing your hands first. Then you folded a few pieces of toilet paper, wetting them, trying to rub at the alcohol stains on your dress. It didn’t really help, if anything your dress was now wet and sticky. Sighing you existed the bathroom, stumbling into whoever had been about to enter.

“Oh sorry, didn’t see you there sweetheart.”

The voice sounded way too deep and smooth to belong to any of those drunken idiots downstairs. Your suspicions were confirmed, when you looked up and met those same beautiful blue eyes from before. Those were definitely not the only beautiful part about the man in front of you. How could anyone look that stunning? His moustachioed face, must have been carved by the gods.

His shapely lips suddenly pulled into a knowing smile and he winked at you.

“You know, you are not far of there, sweetheart.”

That made you raise your eyebrow in confusion, what was this insanely handsome man talking about?

“What?”

Still smiling he opened the door behind you and whispered, “Don’t worry. You’ll see later.” Then he had disappeared and shut the door in your face.

Okay that encounter was certainly very, very weird and intense. As you descended back into the crowd, the blurriness from before returned, making you stumble again.

The tall guy you had tumbled into this time, loudly complained, “Hey, watch it!”

You mumbled an apology, which seemed to placate him, the small blond woman who pulled him in for a kiss, certainly helped distract him as well.

Still feeling somewhat off, you decided it’d be a good idea to get outside for a bit of fresh air. For the umpteenth time tonight you squeezed through the masses of people. When you finally reached for the patio door, another hand had been quicker, pulling it open. You didn’t even acknowledge who it’d been, because your head felt like it was on the verge of exploding, vision gone for a moment.

But as you took your first step outside, your lungs filled with the cool and calming night air, instantly making you feel better. A lot of smokers had gathered out here and for some reason they decided now was a good time as any to hurriedly get back inside as they ran over to you.

Quickly dodging, you moved past them, and more into the vast garden, extending into the darkness. You had known the guy who lived here wasn’t poor, but this garden was beyond anything you’d ever seen.

You passed multiple statues as you ventured further and further away from the stuffy mansion behind you. If you had to describe what you’d been feeling, ever since stepping outside, it’d be a calm sort of pull, leading you right here. Turning a little to the left you had found the entrance to a small labyrinth, a few lanterns lightening the way. Normally you wouldn’t enter, but something seemed to call to you, so you continued, walking right ahead.

Turning corner after corner, you were sure to have found the heart of the labyrinth. Its centre was round, with a huge white, marble statue in the middle, circled by a few equally white benches. The moment you stepped around, to take a closer look at the statue your breath hitched, as a dark silhouette came into view. Because you’d been walking for some time, your eyes had adjusted to the darkness, being able to make out a man sitting on one of the benches.

“Mhhm. We meet again. Didn’t expect you so soon.”

That voice.

You knew that voice.

Carefully approaching him, he’d turned his head and as the light fell onto his face, you finally recognised the handsome stranger from the bathroom incident.

“You.”

“Me.” His deep chuckle should have been unnerving, but instead you still felt calm in his presence, even sitting down next to him.

Scrutinizing his every move and expression, you noted that he wasn’t wearing a costume.

“Yours is just a pointy hat. Not sure that qualifies as a costume either.”

“Sure it does. Wait I didn’t say that out loud, did I?!”

A little alarmed that he’d known what you’d been thinking, you stared at him, questioning your own sanity as you let him take hold of one of your hands.

His smooth baritone, making your skin prickle pleasantly, “No you didn’t, sweetheart.”

His thumb had begun stroking over your skin gently, blue eyes on your face, taking in the delicacy of your sweet features. “You look beautiful.”

You weren’t sure why no alarm bells went off in your head when his free hand softly brushed over your cheekbone, but you still felt tranquillity reigning your thoughts. Even going as far as leaning into his touch.

Before you knew it, his pillowy lips pressed against yours. Moving perfectly in tandem as if he’d kissed you a hundred times before. Warmth settled in your stomach, slowly spreading through your whole body.

When he pulled back after a while, he still held your chin in his warm hand. His sapphire like eyes seemed to glaze over, suddenly filled with a deep seated sorrow.

A little confused by the sudden change of his expression, you wanted to ask if he was alright, but he was quicker.

Chuckling sadly at your musings, he purposefully picked his next words. He was determined not to lose you, so with surprising firmness, he promised, “I won’t let you die, sweetheart.”

What on earth, was he talking about??!!

You didn’t get to voice your thoughts though, as one of his big hands was pressed over your heart, immediate heat radiating from him. Not only that, his hand started to glow with a blinding white light.

“This is going to hurt, I’m sorry. Take a deep breath, love.”

You wanted to cry out, the situation more than just confusing, as the heat rose to an unbearable level. Tightening your chest, every breath burning your lungs. Pain spreading through your entire body, though stopping within your head were it felt like your brain wanted to crack your skull open. You didn’t notice, when exactly you stopped seeing anything but an all-consuming darkness, too occupied with the excruciating pain riddling your body. Only agony filled whimpers leaving your lips.

A last thought running through your mind, before everything stopped as suddenly as it had begun.

Who was he?

You didn’t hear his rumbled murmur anymore. But he uttered his answer anyway.

“I’m your death.”

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Your eyes flew open, panicked voices all around you. Completely disoriented by the utter chaos and confusion in your head, you tried sitting up, focusing on the person squeezing you very tightly. Whoever was on top of you, was sobbing into your neck, “Are you alright? Oh god, you sacred me half to death!”

The squeezing made it hard to answer, but you weren’t sure you could give one anyway. Death. Why? What had happened?

After another minute of hugging and sobbing, your best friend’s head came into view as she had leaned back, searching your face for something. You tried smiling at her weakly, then she addressed the people that had gathered around you, “E-every thing’s alright. No-no need for 9-1-1.”

Calmer now, she whispered, “You are alright, aren’t you?”

Honestly, you weren’t sure? Had you hit your head? You didn’t know. Just as you looked up, a pair of blue eyes met yours. Him.

He had saved you. But how? Why?

When you blinked, he was gone. No, damn it, you needed answers! A little rushed you tried getting up, pulling your friend up with you, as she stared at you in astonishment, “I promise I’m alright. I-I just have to go…I’ll, um…I’ll call you later!”

Before she or anyone else could stop you, you were running full force in the direction his curly covered head had disappeared into.

Leaving your gaping friend and the onlookers behind you.

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Out of breath you reached the labyrinth’s entrance once more. One look over your shoulder told you that no one had followed.

Starting to turn around the same corners as you had previously, you finally arrived at the labyrinth core. He was already there, as if he’d waited for you. Standing tall, burly arms crossed in front of his chest, small smirk grazing his lips. Those same lips you’d kissed. Those same lips you wanted to kiss again.

Blue eyes sparkling with mirth, as he held out his hand for you to take. When you put your smaller one in his, it fit like a puzzle piece. He pulled you closer until you were standing directly before him.

Still a little out of breath, you asked one of the more urgently, pressing questions,” Who-Who are you?”

An amused shadow grazed his features, as he answered cryptically, “I’m sure you already know, don’t you little one? But to make it easier, you can call me August, if you like.”

He was right, you knew. But that didn’t change the fact that you couldn’t wrap your mind around the truth, so you opted to stay in the moment for now, not questioning the insanity that had taken place.

You leaned into his muscled frame, purring up at him,” August?”

His deep timbre vibrating through his chest, as his name rolled so deliciously off your tongue, humming right back, “Yes?”

“Kiss me.”

Immediately his soft lips caught yours, big hands roaming your body, landing on your waist pulling you closer into the warmth of his. A shiver running down your spine, tightening your nipples against the fabric of your black dress.

A wanton moan breaking free, when August began grinding your bodies together. His lips had moved down, pressing heatedly into the skin of your neck.

Gasping when his teeth lightly bit down, as your instincts kicked in, baring your neck to him even more. When you tilted your head back to give him better access, a feral growl left him, intensifying the sexual tension between you.

Strong hands began sliding down your body, squeezing your behind while his generous bulged pushed more insistently into your stomach. Making you wonder how’d he fit?

Voice a lot huskier then before, he pressed out between kisses, “Don’t you worry, your pretty little head. We’ll. Make. It. Fit.”

Oh fucking hell. You were quite literally fucked.

August’s deep voice, pulled you from your thoughts, “Well that’s the idea, isn’t it, sweetheart?”

When you only whimpered in response, he nipped at your skin harder, pulling a shriek from you, repeating himself,” I said isn’t it, sweetheart? Verbal confirmation. Or I won’t continue.”

It took you an embarrassing long time, processing his question, but once you did, you quickly mewled out, “Y-Yeah that- aargh fuck-“ August had sneaked one hand into your soaking wet panties, expertly manipulating your little nub with his calloused thumb.

Laughing meanly, when you couldn’t finish your sentence as pleasure began wracking through your body, “Mmh, I take that as a yes then?”

All inhibition lost the minute you’d felt his lips against yours, you cried, “F-fuck, ye-yes… yes don’t stop!”

One long finger started to slide through your pulsing folds, stopping right at your weeping, little hole. Then he pushed it inside, to the hilt, making you moan loudly.

“That’s it. Atta girl, already so, so wet for me.”

You bucked against his hand when he lifted one of your legs, letting it rest against his hip, because the movement pressed against one of the delicious spots inside you.

Your lips parted, panting, as a second finger began stretching you, readying you for a much, much bigger rod soon about to enter. August looked down, a sudden need to properly see you, overtaking him.

Swiftly he shoved the hem of your dress up, fastening it by stuffing it inside your bra, so his eyes could drink in your sullied panties. But he wanted an unobstructed view, so he unceremoniously ripped them open, exposing your soaking cunt to the cold night air. He didn’t let up any of his movements, fingering you open, as his thumb circled your clit with vigour.

Your leg began trembling, as your pleasure climbed higher and higher, reaching an intense crescendo when a third finger squeezed into your tight canal.

The orgasm was ripped from you so violently, if August hadn’t had such a steely grip on you, you would have buckled and fallen to the ground, as both your legs had instantly turned to jelly.

After a few deep breaths, you were able to get your bearings again, hot puffs of air hitting your face, showing August’s restraint as he’d waited for you to calm down a little bit, before proceeding to pull his fingers out.

With surprising ease he lifted you up, off the ground completely. The metal buckle of his belt pressed into your ass, making you hiss at the coldness against your skin. You slung your arms and legs around his body, pressing closer to enjoy the heat radiating from him.

“Hold on tight.” When you did, his hands left your waist, to unbuckle his belt, making him groan as his throbbing cock was finally freed from its confinement.

His biceps curled around your back, positioning your weeping pussy right over his raging cock. His rich, velvety voice panting against your ear, “You ready, sweetheart?”

The slide of his cockhead between your folds, made you whimper anew. His size definitely very impressive.

“Don’t worry, that’s why we stretched you, no? Can’t hold back much longer, are you ready, little one?”

“Y-yes. Ple-“. You didn’t come any further, as August began pressing his length into your slick tunnel, groaning loudly as your warm, tight walls wrapped around his cock.

Drunk on lust, your legs tightly wrapped around his middle, making you sink down to the hilt of his shaft. Needy sounds pouring from your mouth, as he filled you so completely.

Long fingers pressing into your sides were he held you just as tightly. “You sound so sweet. Gotta make sure you keep purring for me, little one.”

And he did make sure on his promise, the first thrust up into you, already made you see stars. Your fingers desperately clutching his curls, panting directly into his ear.

Legs quaking, as August continued to thrust languidly into your pussy. One of his hands gliding between your bodies, thumb catching on your clit, making you arch into him.

“Needy little thing.”

He filled you perfectly with every movement of his pistoling hips, picking his pace up even more. Hitting places inside that had your cunt quivering around his mighty girth.

You started rocking with him, as he kept ramming into you, sending pleasure through you with each thrust of his fat cock.

“Gonna- fuck gonna fill you up, sweetheart.” His long, deep groan, locked up your body, sending you into second, blinding orgasm, loud cry of his name ripping free. He followed you right over the edge, burying his cock as deeply as he could, before spilling inside you.

Grunting and biting at your neck tenderly, once you both had calmed down a little.

A pleasant post-climax haze settled over you, as August set you down, pulling your dress into place.

Hunger satiated, your critical thinking skills reared up again. Many confusing thoughts and questions swirled through your mind. His expression soft when he tried to reassure you, “I’ll answer all your questions, but not tonight, sweetheart. It’s been too eventful an evening already, don’t you think?”

You nodded slowly, still unsure how he wanted to proceed.

“Do you want to come with me? Spend the night, at my place?”

Somewhat bewildered and amused that he had a place of his own, you smiled none the less and pecked his lips, before humming in agreement. Blue eyes sparkling happily at your answer.

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Taglist:

If you’re interested in being on my taglist, please let me know! And if you want to be taken off (my taglist), feel free to tell me!❤️✨

#henry cavill characters #august walker smut #x reader #fanfic #mission impossible fallout

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legendofzoodles · 2 years ago

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How the Chain solves dungeon puzzles

Time has been doing this since before his first puberty so he’s got it down to a science. With decades of experience he’d probably rely on that heavily when approaching any dungeon puzzle, and automatically pay attention to certain things like the design, who might have created it and the items he finds there to give him a leg up when it’s time to use ye olde noggin. That being said, since he has been doing this since he was a child I feel like he’d 100% rage if things got too difficult.

What? You think he survived the Water Temple because of patience and controlling his emotions? Goddess no, he was mentally 9 when he painstakingly got through it and it broke him. He now has a deep seeded hatred for all water based puzzles.

Warriors on the other hand, has spent a lot of time managing armies and little to no time in a room devoid of sunlight- unless it was shutting himself away in his office to crunch some overdue paperwork. Don’t get me wrong he’d crush any sort of puzzle where the solution is simply beating up a room full of monsters or the dungeon boss, but traditional puzzle he might struggle with. A lot of Zelda puzzles require an ‘out of the box’ kind of thinking that probably doesn’t come naturally to the ‘by the books’ Captain.

Since back in the day Twilight had Oocca and her son to teleport him out of the temple when he got tired, low on supplies or bored so if he can help it he won’t stick around longer than he needs to. That said he’d still really enjoy his time there, silently taking in the atmosphere and ambience of the dungeon.

Also, according to the 2000s Zelda fandom TP’s dungeon puzzles were the most difficult of the series. I’d wager that Midna, rather than helping out (outside of her being a companion type character), would’ve either cryptically teased the answer if she figured it out before him to poke fun or simply not have taken an interest and just nagged at him to hurry up. Meaning he solved them mostly on his own and therefore got really good at it.

Sky definitely used to chat with Fi as he solved puzzles back in his adventure, sharing thoughts, getting hints and occasionally voicing frustration. Because of this, he would definitely collaborate with whoever’s exploring with him and if he’s on his own then he’ll just talk to himself. Helps him think.

He’s the type to overthink every problem presented to him, to the point where he’d often invent a very convoluted solution when an obvious one was staring him in the face ignored. And unless there’s someone there to point it out he’ll never notice.

Like Time, Legend’s got a lot of experience dungeon crawling, I’d argue more since judging by Time’s armour he hasn’t been travelling a whole lot recently, so he’d also be relying on that experience. When he was younger, dungeon puzzles were a blast to figure out but now they’ve all just kind of bled together. There’s nothing he hasn’t really seen before in some shape or form, no tricks for the deity’s to pull that will surprise him.

He’d just breeze through each puzzle or trap like: “Lame,” or “Seen it,” or “Hey...the spider’s new,” yawning as he went. I feel though if he were paired up with Warriors (he could act nonchalant while Warriors is jumpy at everything) who’s new to all this or Hyrule how’s only ever seen really simplistic dungeon puzzles it could spark that joy he once had.

Wild would unashamedly break the system. Either accidently while finding creative way to cheat or to intentionally carve out his own shortcut. Not so much out of frustration, he could absolutely solve it they way the designers intended if he wanted to, trouble is he rarely has any interest in doing that. He used to ruin the carefully constructed puzzles (most of) the Sheikah monks crafted specifically to test him- right in their faces!- and they rewarded him regardless of the damage he caused. He’s been spoiled. I can imagine him blasting a way out only to turn around, go back in and intentionally destroy the rest of the puzzles for the sake of completion and loot.

Members like Wind, Hyrule and Time on a bad day would 100% support this method, the others would be horrified, with Legend somewhere in the middle.

Four is a very methodical sort of problem solver, not one to let his past experience cloud his judgment and restrict him to assumptions rather than trying out something new. As a blacksmith who’s probably gotten to learn about how other cultures craft their weapons he probably has a deep appreciation for the dungeons design and would be the first to point out what certain quirks of the building mean and what tribe left their mark there. Whenever he may feel agitated for not understanding a puzzle all he needs to do is walk around and look at some historic architecture to keep Blue at bay.

For this reason he may be one of the slower ones to complete a puzzle, but at least the walls swirling patterns may give him inspiration for a cool new sword handle. Not everyone would be able to relate to his eye for detail though.

Four: The paving looks amazing with all these unique carvings, don’t you think?

Hyrule: [grazing a hand over the stone] Ah yes, the floor is made out of floor.

Similar to Warriors Hyrule hasn’t really seen any complex dungeon puzzles, but unlike him he has a more creative ‘out of the box’ way of thinking, which would give him an edge. He’d probably get easily distracted though, lured away from the puzzle by a hidden passage or another route he hadn’t checked out, yet would somehow end up discovering every nook and cranny in the entire dungeon has to offer without much trouble.

Wind is not really a fan of them. Unless it’s for a specific purpose like rescuing someone or to beat up a monster he’ll actively avoid them. But if he had to he’d try to get through it as quickly as possible by literally just trying whatever first pops in his head. He’d rush past and ignore any sort of hints the designers might have given him and try to brute force his way though. When it eventually works he’ll immediately forget the solution though, so don’t bother asking how he got out just be glad he did, like Grandma would.

He’s not the type to ‘stop and smell the roses’ like Four, or just enjoy the atmosphere like Twilight, but he’s too polite (thanks to Grandma) to go around destroying ancient masonry like Wild.

Who do you think would make up the best teams (2- 4 people) if the chain were split up in a dungeon?

I’m thinking Sky, Four and Hyrule because they’d go at a slow pace chatting the whole time, with Four teaching the other two about who built the dungeon and Hyrule encouraging them to explore every room. Or maybe Legend, Warriors and Wind, with the latter two trying really hard and Legend supervising and making fun of them. Leaving Time, Twilight and Wild, where Twilight would struggle to keep Wild from blowing them up and Time being seconds away from joining him.

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Thanks for reading!

Masterlist

Other headcanons:

Parkour team

Honorary Gorons

How each member of the chain laughs

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msbarrybeeson · 2 years ago

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Before You Go | Future Leo X GN!Reader (Part V)

A/N: This is legit the longest part yet. How time flies when I write. Any constructive criticism is appreciated. To be honest, reader feedback boosts my motivation to write anything in the first place.

Summary: You’re both adopting-parents of Casey. After years of being raised in an underground base, seven-year-old Casey got to finally see the overgrounds. Bunch of fluff and family interactions.

Reader: Gender-neutral pronouns are used, except the terms “(Mama / Papa)” are also used. Second POV.

Pairing: Rise! Future! Leonardo X Reader

Warnings: None.

Word Count: ~3660

Parts: One / Two / Three / Four / Five / ...

“Woo! Let’s go Leo!”

Beneath the surface was a battle, surrounded by refugees onlooking their leader, Master Leonardo, against one of Big Mama’s top fighters.

Cheers boomed and echoed the cavern. It was supposed to be a practice round for Leo to better his swordsmanship. Alas, nothing could stop the interest of spectators.

Leo leaped over a giant shuriken being flung at him, making his way right at his opponent. Right when he managed to get close, a hammer smashed him into the ground. Dust and dirt flying from the impact.

The crowd groaned, feeling the phantom pain.

You stood high above in a ledge, watching alongside Leo’s brothers and April. You couldn’t help but wince, worried that all these battles might do your blue wrong if the Kraang ever discovered your base.

In fact, shouldn’t anyone be concerned at the slightest that the Kraang might hear the commotion? All caution was thrown out the window. You hadn’t even realize Donnie had all the time in his world to build an arena.

..He hadn’t happened to bother the DIGG band to do this, did he?

In your peripheral vision, a short figure hopped up and down next to you.

“(Mama / Papa)! You promised to take me above!” Casey whined. Though his patience was running low, his youthful curiousity was on high.

“I’m aware. But just be a bit more patient,” you assured. “Your father’s having a big show right now. He’s fighting one of Big Mama’s strongest.”

His eyes glimmered. The seven-year-old hopped again, wanting to see past the ledge. He always had a big interest for fighters and becoming a skilled one. Did he know how? He wasn’t sure at the moment.

“Really!? I wanna see, I wanna see!”

He yelped as Raph picked him up and sat him on his shoulders. “Gosh, Casey, you’ve got to chill out. Papa’s not goin’ anywhere.” The snapping turtle grinned. “Seeing things better now?”

“Thanks, Uncle Raph!”

The audience roared loudly again. Leo swiped his ōdachi to open up multiple portals. He leaped across from one to another to another. Making a strike. Yes, Leo’s challenger was much larger, strength incomprehensible even, but could they match his speed?

You smiled, seeing Casey in absolute awe.

“You can do it, Papa!” he yelled.

Leo jumped onto one of his opponent’s many arms. His form front-flipping to slash the head. Moments passed and a gash sent the fighter recoiling.

To top it off, he opened a portal underneath them, before another one appeared high above. This time, he anchored his ōdachi in the dirt. He gave his wrists a few twists. And as Big Mama’s fighter fell through.. Leo took a swing and—!

WHHIIIRROOSH!

A heavy wave. A burst of wind. A strong blast from Leo’s contact with his opponent went and knocked everyone off their balance!

Some chunks of the ledge you and your friends were standing in even broke off.

The stunned crowd erupted into cheers. Casey was leaning off of Raph’s head, wide eyes and beaming astonishment on his face.

“WOW, THAT’S SO COOL!”

Raph, on the other hand, felt cold sweat the moment he had his own balance faltering from the kid’s movement. “Woah woah! Easy there!”

“Let’s go, baby!” Mikey jumped. “There’s our Leee-oh!”

April examined the knackered ledge. “Yeesh! If he was any stronger, Big Mama’s fighter ain’t gonna be the only one going down.”

“A safety hazard?” Donnie was appalled. “Great.. another thing for my agenda..”

A quick sigh of relief fell from your lips and you laughed. “Okay okay, you guys. Casey’s been waiting for his time above-ground. Let’s get Leo before we head up.”

“Don’t get too worked up, Big Mama.” Leo smirked. “It’s all just practice.”

The old Spider yōkai huffed. “Yes yes. I was simply hoping that it could’ve been just a tad more entertaining of a show..” She turned her head to her knocked-out fighter, laying against the wall of the arena. “Unfortunate it is to have my Champion thrown off his feet with ease— do you not have other turtley-doos partaking? Perhaps the orange one would do nicely.”

Leo let out a laugh. “Unfortunately, for you, Big Mama, we got another schedule going for today. So how ‘bout you give us a call.. a week later. Sound good?”

“Bu—.”

“Muy bien. ¡Adiós!” He waved.

“Papa!” Leo saw Casey running. He opened his arms for the boy to catch a hug. “You were so cool, Papa! You were like: swish, swash, woosh!”

“You guys were watching me!?” He seemed embarrassed.

“Hello? You got a whole ass arena here, and you think we wouldn’t check out all this screaming going on?”

“Tsk. I mean, I would’ve continued on with my projects if only Mikey and April didn’t drag me outside my lab,” Donnie spoke monotonously.

Leo then faced you.

“Wasn’t he cool, (Mama / Papa)!”

You only grinned, arms crossed. “Yes, sweetheart. He was so cool.. as expected of the greatest ninja I’ve ever known.” A flush of red caught Leo’s face as he coughed into his scarf, and everyone else being mildly amused.

“L-Let’s get moving everyone.”

“Now, child, it’s imperative for you to know that you shouldn’t be all too excited about traversing above-ground,” Donnie lectured, while the group arrived by the elevating system. “I assume your Papa and (Mama / Papa) told you about the Kraang?”

“Yes, Uncle Don!”

“Good. Be aware you are always at risk of being caught in their sight. One detected motion and they could be running here—.”

“Why do we have a ladder when we could just use this thing?”

“That’s a ridicu— I mean, good question, Casey.” Donnie saved himself. “The way up the ladder is far more narrow, a better option if you want to exit the base in a more discreet method. What we’re using can take multiple beings at the same time.

A big risk in return, however, is that we can easily be spotted. When we reach the top, you’ll see that this Eleva-Don has a dome covered in rock and soil.”

“To camoflauge?”

“Hm.. Can’t necessarily consider it camoflauge, but sure, the purpose is to hide the entrance to this base.”

“How long does it take to go up?”

“..Now that you mentioned it,” Raph wondered. “Shouldn’t we be up a minute ago?”

Donnie hummed. “..Give me a moment— my bad, I forgot I had implemented another button to push, because some morons kept forgetting their equipment.”

The group reached the entrance. It was like the purple’s description. There was a sturdy dome over and a sealed doorway being the only thing separating Casey’s eyes from the outside world. But he had to admit: he felt a bit nervous. His small hand took yours, and you tightened your grip to comfort the boy.

Leo stepped on the other side of Casey, eyes narrowing.

“Casey, before I open the entrance, you must brace yourself,” Donnie warned. “There are hot winds blowing and dry air outside. Move your eyes away from any flying dust too.

In fact, be quick to cover your eyes. You’re not used to the light.

..Do you understand?”

“Yes, Uncle Don.”

The hinges turned. And as told, a bright light beamed through and the boy had to clasp his hands over. It was blinding, especially for someone who had spent his whole life in dim undergrounds.

It took a long while.

He felt the winds drying the moisture off his skin, even the sweat he released.. Bit by bit, Casey’s fingers separated. His sights eventually adjusted to seeing his shoes. Then, from side to side upon his parents’ footwear. Then, some prickly brush nearby.

And then.. the horizon.

He didn’t know what to expect. He heard all the recreations from his uncles and aunt. He heard more from the refugees. They all said the same thing: red skies and dried.

However, somehow, this was more than he could’ve dreamt of.

There were skeletons, bones of different kinds on the ground. Large boulders to play hide and seek in. Flying cotton balls to make a snow ball.

Casey looked back at the horizon. There afar was a giant city. Broken, yet it was still a magnificent city in his mind. Tall skyscrapers were shattered in half, ragged edges remained.

But his amazement stopped at the sky, bloody-colored skies and dark clouds. Right above New York City was a floating.. ship of some sort. It looked like that one yōkai’s eyeball, always plopping out and back in.

The boy cowered behind your leg.

He tugged onto your hand. “Hey (Mama / Papa)?” You looked down. “I thought you said you found bunch of things and food here. Why is it so empty?”

“Empty?”

“Yeah.”

“..It might look like that. But I promise you, Casey, there’s more to it than meets the eye. It’s been many years away, so expect that a lot is buried in sand and dirt.” You began leading him. “Come along.”

“..That’s.. kind of boring. What about fighting Kraang and stuff?”

“Hm.. You know..” You just noticed: there were barely monsters in your area. Could they have gone to the city? Best of luck to the others going then.

“How can you find anything?”

“That’s easy,” Mikey spoke up. “The best way is to catch a glimmer, some sort of sparkle on the ground. Sometimes, you’ll find something valuable.”

“..Oh! Like this?” The boy picked up an empty plastic chip bag. Mikey deadpanned.. and cleared his throat. “My poor boy, of course not. That’s useless trash.” For a moment, Doctor Delicate Touch came out. He snatched it away and threw it behind him.

“If you see anything more like that, toss it right behind you. Or even better, don’t pick it up. Trust me, it’ll save you so much time.”

Casey slumped. This wasn’t the finders-keepers experience he was... He shook his head. Whatever, he should just follow you instead—.

Another sparkle in the distance. This one gleamed brighter than that chip bag.

He glimpsed around. You were a couple of feet away. Mikey disappeared. His Papa in a couple of feet in the opposite direction. The red-eared turtle appeared to be casting his gaze at the landscape, arms crossed. The others? Didn’t follow their path.

At least, he had his parents.

The boy moved closer. It was in an open box? There was some really smooth-looking cloth on the inside. Cushioned in it, there was.. a long necklace.. He recognized what a necklace should look be, many refugees had one of their own to cherish.

Oh, hold on.. there were two necklaces?

He examined the pendant. Shiny. Silver-like. It looked like a heart, except there seemed to be a gash right in the middle. “Oh..”

It was broken..

An idea lit up.

Casey took the box, brushing off the sediment, closed it, and shoved it down one of his pockets. Maybe Uncle Don could help him.

“Oho? What do you have there, Case?” He flinched when he heard his father from behind. “Don’t think I didn’t see that.”

“Don’t scare me, Papa!”

“Pfft. You’re just like (Mama / Papa).”

The boy fiddled his fingers, before reaching back into the pocket. He pulled out the box. “I found this necklace.. but.. it’s broken. I thought Uncle Don might fix it!”

Leo took the box from his hands. He chuckled.

“It’s not a broken necklace, buddy. These are couple necklaces.”

“Couple necklaces?”

“They can be two separate ones.. Put them together though..” Leo clicked the two halves in place. “..And they become a whole.”

“They look.. a lot shinier together!” Casey admired.

“Yeah.” Leo’s eyes squinted as he smiled. “It does, doesn’t it?”

“What about ‘friendship’ necklaces? Are those any different?”

The red-eared turtle blinked. He realized he assumed these were meant for couples. Maybe it was because everything that came in pairs reminded him of he and—.

“Oh, I have an idea!” Casey proposed, grabbing the box from Leo’s hand. He faced himself in your direction. “Maybe these can be for you and (Ma / Pa)—mmrph!”

“Hm?” Your head turned towards them. “Did you two call me?”

“Uh! No no!” Leo frantically waved his hand off. “We didn’t say anything.. at all! You can keep doing your own thing, (Name).”

Blinked once, twice. You shrugged, eyes down on the ground.

Leo sighed, releasing his other hand from the kid’s mouth. “Bah! Papa! What was that for? Don’t you show (Mama / Papa) about this? They’ll love it a lot!”

“Shh shh.. I’m sure they will, Case. But.. I have another idea on how we can show them. Okay?” The red-eared turtle proceeded to whisper into the boy’s ear, hoping you wouldn’t catch it if you tried.

The seven-year-old clasped his mouth, eyes sparkling. He nodded his head.

“Find anything, (Name)?” April asked, the group rendezvousing.

You sighed. “Only packets of vegetable seeds.”

“Hey, more food, the better.”

“Let’s just hope Todd will be able to work his magic on them.”

“Knowin’ he raised who-knows-how-many puppies back then, m’sure he could handle a couple of plants.”

“What about you?”

“The city’s tough to get through as ever. We only got a couple of blankets and scraps of metal for Don. You didn’t come to the city?”

“With a child who barely knows how to nagivate out here?”

“Point taken. How’s the kid doing?”

“..I.. I think he likes the rummaging.”

“Why’d you hesitate to say that? Giving me a scare for a sec.” April laughed behind her hand. “That’s good, that’s good. Gives ‘nother reason for him to go out more.”

“Just as long as he watches himself.”

“Have some faith in him, (Name).”

“Of course.” You closed your eyes. “Commander O’Neil.”

“H-Hey!” She wrapped her arm around your neck, while you laughed. “Thought I said I don’t want my own friends calling me that.”

“Do you not like it?”

“Yeah I do, but..” April pulled away and rubbed her arm. “I don’t want you guys to forget what we all were before.”

Your breath paused.

She continued, “We were all close friends. If we start calling each other these formalities, I.. don’t know how different we’ll treat each other.”

“...”

“Man.” April almost felt her eyes sting. “Young me wouldn’t be this emotional over some title. Only in our late twenties, and we’re already talkin’ like we’re gonna die.”

You chuckled. “This world’s making us old, isn’t it?”

“Sure is..”

Your friend slowly faced the base entrance. “Guess we better return. Boys! Let’s head back!” she called out. They moved along, except for Leo and Casey. They stood in place and gave a knowing look at each other.

You raised an eyebrow.

“Leo! Casey!” April shouted again, only to be stopped by Donnie. He pushed her off, whispering something in her ear. Raph, strolling behind and past you, tapped your shoulder. Then, Mikey winked.

You were confused.

What was going on?

“(Name),” your blue called, signalling for you to come with them. “Casey and I got something to show you.”

They led to a short hill, where the three of you sat watching the horizon. The whole world might’ve changed dramatically, sunrises and sets still exist.

“Vegetable seeds weren’t the only thing you found, was it.”

“How perceptive.” You snorted. “No.. there was something else. When we walked further an hour ago, there was something I recognize..”

You pulled out something wrapped in a brown cloth and unwapped it.

It was.. Cassandra’s hockey stick.

Leo’s eyes widened. “You.. No way..”

“I can’t believe it was intact after many years..” You teared up, holding the stick close to your chest. “I thought it disappeared with her..”

“..She probably dropped it, switching to her hyperbeam guns..,” Leo guessed. “You chose not to tell April?”

“Hey.. I get emotional talking about anything related to Cassandra to anyone else. You’re the only other guy who knew exactly what happened anyway..”

Casey was perplexed.

He tugged onto the blue scarf. “..Papa? Why’s (Mama / Papa) crying over a.. wooden stick? Who is she talking about?”

“Don’t ask me, buddy. Your (Mama / Papa) knows this person a lot more than I do.”

You moved your arm, pulling the boy close to you. “Casey.. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while..” You gazed down at him. “Did you know you have another parent?”

“...”

Casey was absolutely shocked, flabbergasted, open jaw and wide eyes.

Meanwhile, Leo was dying on the inside. You couldn’t help but laugh as well. “Heyy! Are you trying to joke around?”

“Sorry sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh,” you quieted down. “But it’s true.”

You pulled out a photograph. There was you, Leo, and everyone else.. except for an unfamiliar woman with piercings and a paler complexion in darker clothing. Casey took a closer look. “She’s also my Mom?”

“Yes, she is.”

Casey then glared at Leo, who was taken aback by the kid’s offended expression. “..(Mama / Papa),” he not-so-quietly whispered. “..Did Papa cheat on you?”

The red-eared turtle coughed hard. He was ready to argue, charge at the boy for even thinking he would do that to you. Where did he even learn the concept of cheating? Those gossiping girls who somehow remembered everything from their high school career?

“Hey—!”

“Don’t worry, he may seem like the kind, but he would never.” You teasingly smiled, testing Leo. “You actually have two fathers.”

“How come he isn’t in the photo?”

“..He just.. doesn’t like pictures.”

“Oh.”

“Mhm.”

“What about other Mom? How come I’ve never seen her?”

You sighed. “Casey.. You know how sometimes Papa and I go out to make sure no Kraang comes near us?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you miss us when we’re gone?”

The boy fiddled his fingers. “Even though Uncle Mikey.. Uncle Raph.. Auntie April.. and sometimes Uncle Don take good care of me, I still wish you were there with me.”

“And we miss you too.” You tightened your embrace. “That’s because we love you, Casey. We are both always worried that something can happen and we won’t be there to help you.

But we also have a job to do for everyone, to make sure we are all safe.”

“..Is that why other Mom is not here?”

“Correct. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. In fact, she was willing to fight the whole world to make sure you’re in good hands.” You tapped his chest. “She had to fight the Kraang too. She knew she won’t be able to see you for a long time. Because she loves you so much, she wants only the most capable to raise you.”

“...It’s okay, (Mama / Papa). You don’t have to say it like that.”

You felt yourself freeze.

“I’m growing up. I can handle it,” Casey assured. “..Is she up in the stars?”

“..She is.”

His arms wrapped around your back and Leo’s shell. “Well.. In my heart, you’ll always be my (Mama / Papa) and Papa to me. Nothing will ever change how much I love you.”

You inhaled, struggling to keep a stoic face.

Leo covered half of his face in his scarf. In the end, even he couldn’t hide his feelings. He decided to give you both a sudden big hug himself. “Gah! Come here, you two! You really know how to make a grown man cry.”

“Ah, Leo! You’re.. hurting.. our lungs..!” In reluctance, the turtle released you. “Look what happened, your Papa’s turning into an sobbing mess.”

“This was a heartwarming moment for me, (Name). Don’t you dare judge.”

Casey bit his lip. This was when he made his move.

“Oooh. Did you know Papa can also turn into romance?”

Leo froze.

“Hey hey, hold on there, buddy..” A nervous chuckle. “Couldn’t you give a cue? We’re.. doing this right now, no warning?”

“But this was your plan!” Casey countered. “Stand up, both of you!” You followed along. The hockey stick set aside for now. At this point, better not to ask more questions.

“(Mama / Papa).. Papa says he has something special to show you.” The boy gave Leo a box.. Indiscreet as he was, he tried. A grin appeared on his face when he scurried off behind a nearby rock.

“So.. I’m guessing this had to be related to my name called back there.” You put your hands on your hips.

“He’s still learning his social cues. He’ll get his self-awareness from me, you’ll see.” Leo cleared his throat. “Anyways.. (Name).. it’s been a long time since we got together. Even longer when we first met.. say about twelve years ago.

Gotta admit.. first impressions weren’t special.

You were just another high school kid. You were the second human I know to ever like hanging out with us mutants. You just seemed like another person to me.

But you were.. considerate.. kind. I wasn’t used to having someone actually listening to me, ‘cause we were all idiots back then. The gang and I would only fool around, bite each other and all.

It wasn’t until you.. said something.. Those words to me..” He felt his hand reaching out.

You took it in both of yours. There was a light in your eyes. You remembered exactly what that moment was. Your voice slipped,

“..You have always been my champion..”

Leo’s grip tightened as he immediately went down on both knees. “No one.. no one’s ever said that to me... I couldn’t help it anymore.

I couldn’t help looking your way every time you were there.

As much as I hate to swallow my pride, I couldn’t help but act all cool and badass whenever you’re looking.. even though most times didn’t work out so well.

You were the only one who believed in me.. and I knew it has to be you.”

Then, Leo released your hands. He took the box out and opened it. “I know it isn’t an overrated ring.. but..” The two heart halves revealing themselves on separate chains.

“(Name).. Will you.. marry me?”

“..Yes.” You were tearing up again. “Yes! But..!”

His heart suddenly chipped itself off. That last word was never assumed to be a good sign. “Is there something wrong? ..God.. did I do this too soon?”

You, though, were trying not to snicker. “No no. It’s just.. you’re supposed to propose on one knee, Leo! Not both!”

“They chose to question that over the whole ‘apocalypse proposal’?” Donnie muttered to the others. “How does anyone even consider that as romantic?”

“Donnie, shut your aro-ace ass.”

Your blue turned red. Embarassed, his face was flushed. He groaned, “Not the teasing right now. Is being the only person to get me on both not enough for you?”

“Hm. We’ll just have to see how we do in bed.”

Leo choked.

“WHAT—.”

“(NAME), NOT IN FRONT OF THE KID!” Raph screamed.

299 notes · View notes

physalian · 3 days ago

Text

An Obnoxiously Long Final Captive Prince Review

So I pissed off a fandom I thought was dead. Fun times.

The post that did it was written after an obscenely long travel day, after election week. I was already in a sour mood and that absolutely colored my review.

Could the review have waited? Well, yeah, but I don’t run a fandom blog and my last few posts about the CP fandom got like, 4 notes each. I was not expecting a response at all, certainly not the one I got, and I was venting and tired and did not plan out my argument very well.

Which, in all honesty, the backlash was constructive criticism of my thoughts on it by and large, and agreement with a few of my grievances, until it wasn't. I read a book that wasn’t written for me, didn’t like the themes written on the tin, complained about it, and got blasted for complaining about exactly what I asked for.

So, yeah, they’re mad. I get why.

Thing is.

My relationship with this series, and why I kept reading it even though I knew I wasn’t going to like how it ended, started way back when, when I found a fanfic for a fandom I adore heavily inspired by the events of this book (of which I had no idea existed at the time). Characters who weren’t canonically together fit into this foreign plot line extremely well. I read book 2 so fast because I thought I knew how it would end, given the similarities ripped straight from the page already in the works.

I kept reading because I was attached to my perception of this story, a story I already read nearly beat for beat with slightly different characters, and then went and disappointed myself. Is that CP’s fault? Nope. You can’t un-read things though, and I liked the fanfic’s take on the storyline better than the OG. Not CP’s fault.

Concerning the “why did you read this if it contains shit you hate, don’t like don’t read”.

Whenever I see a character in a situation like “I can have sex, or I can save my life/make the rational choice/do the right thing” and they pick sex, and suffer for it, I have zero sympathy. Damen was very smart, but he thought with his dick way too much for my tastes. Such is the tragedy of characters in romances, of which, I do not read. I only read CP because it was gay. If it was a straight romance I would not have gone near it.

But it stopped being just a romance novel in book 2.

That’s why I kept reading. I read book 1 out of morbid curiosity and almost put it down a dozen different times because both MCs were awful to each other. I hated Laurent for being a little abusive shit, I hated all the kinky sex, I hated how Laurent got away with every little thing he did, hated all the gratuitous assault, but I liked the characters. I wanted to see how they’d evolve and I could look the other way and skim for important details and appreciate the bits of the story I liked and by that point, the plot was eerily familiar and I wanted to see how far the similarities would go. By book 2 they felt above the tropes they started with, more refined and self-aware.

So let me try to make it clear: If this series had been simply three straight books of romanticized sex slaves with a hint of fantasy and the potential for great characters never realized, I would have been like “well this was terrible in a good way. It accomplished exactly what it set out to do.” I wouldn’t have kept reading it and wouldn’t have been at all attached to the characters I did like because then it really wouldn’t have been for me.

So while I’m not the target audience for the kinky smut and what I think is a long list of concerning tropes, I am very much the target audience for everything else. That’s what I stayed for, that’s why I kept reading, and that’s why I was so disappointed when the greatness of book 2 did not last all the way through to the end of book 3.

That was the TLDR.

—

Then I started book 2 and book 2 blew book 1 out of the water. It was so much better in every way. The characters suddenly had depth, the author flexed her skills hard on the scope of grand battles, made an amazingly clever character, had so many twists and turns and excellent tension and pacing and so much growth for the “enemies to lovers” plotline. Yes, thanks to that fanfic, I knew what would happen, but I read it anyway because I wanted to see exactly how she’d do it.

Unfortunately.

Book 2 set my expectations too high.

Gone were the excessive non-con kinks of book 1. I thought they were going in a new direction. The issues I had, with the sex slaves and the pedophilia, looked like they were going to be addressed—and Damen did say he would outlaw slavery.

But I kept waiting for things that never came. I didn’t hate Kastor because he was a bastard. I hate the vilifying of bastards. I felt horrible for this dude because his entire character was “the bastard idiot puppet of Jokaste”. He had nothing, no dialogue, no scenes, until he showed up in the 11th hour for a swordfight and then died. Of course he became a villain! Dude was the crown prince for… 9 years? I think? And then his perfect little brother shows up, gets granted his inheritance, and all he’s known for is being “the bastard”. Fuck yeah, he did some shady shit wanting attention and to right his world that went so wrong. I’m not justifying his actions at all, the punishments he doled out absolutely did not fit the crime, but boy do I understand why he did what he did.

Which, would not have happened if the world he lived in didn’t hate bastards so much. The book I read gave me no explanation, so I was left to draw my own conclusions. I read a book that inexplicably hated bastards, with a bastard villain firstborn son whose throne was stolen from him, and my first thought was "well maybe you should have been a little nicer to Kastor and we wouldn't be here, bigots".

Damen did not hate him, no. Damen loved his brother. Kastor ended up being a more symbolic threat than a legitimate character, but I guess I have sympathy for the devil.

The Regent, too felt much more symbolic than a real character. He doesn’t even have a name (similar to “The King” in TOG). He was fine and his machinations were felt across the battlefield even without him present. I have no issues with his existence. When I called the pedophilia lampshading—that’s totally on me I mixed up my trope terminology, sorry, again I was exhausted when I wrote it and I'm leaving the original post up for transparency—what I meant to say was this:

It didn’t bother me that the author wanted to vilify child sex slavery and included it to do so, and I appreciated how she made it clear these kids are manipulated and taken advantage of across every character it happened to. I just don’t think it was necessary to include, the way it was included. The Regent is a despicable person enough, adding being a pedo on top of all his other heinous crimes felt like, in a book dripping with noncon kinks, it was included for the sake of dressing these fictional kids up like prostitutes for the audience who likes to read that stuff. And I didn’t like how much of it factored into the overall plot. I didn’t like the undertone of “this is messed up but it’s okay if you secretly enjoy it” concerning Nicaise and the underage pets. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, absolutely.

However. Nicaise’s situation was not in the summary. I just checked it on Amazon. I would not have read this book if “by the way there’s child sex slaves in here” was clearly advertised. Adult sex-slaves, fine. Nicaise will never not bother me. This wasn’t a fanfic on AO3 that had a bunch of tags I could see and scroll past. I know how to avoid Dead Doves on AO3.

Even if it was necessary for the Laurent/Regent reveal, I think a story like The Magicians handled it much better? Similar scenario: childhood victim of abuse, perpetrator who the heroes initially look up to revealed for what he is, but there’s a way to include difficult themes without parading them around in silks and gold jewelry and I already made a post about it. At least in the TV adaptation of Magicians, what it showed you was the horror, the revulsion of what was happening to this future villain. Not for a second were the writers like “mmm, but it’s hot though” and that was a very kinky show.

Morbid curiosity got me through the Govart “wrestling match�� too but this post is long enough.

But, book 1 was very clearly a kink fest, so, whatever.

Book 2 was so divorced from all the kink I fooled myself into thinking we'd turned a new and healthier leaf. I really, really did not like that Damen lied his way into Laurent’s bed.

Laurent didn’t tie him down or drug him or force himself onto Damen. Damen could have left that night in Ravenel. He could have said stop at any time, he knew Laurent was a good manipulator by that point. He could have even said no until Laurent had to force him or really be obvious, if only to the reader, that he was being manipulative, and the whole tone of the scene would have been wildly different.

Nobody cares, but in the fanfic version of that exact scene, the “Damen stand-in” has a crippling self-esteem problem and canonically thinks he doesn’t deserve to live for murdering his father to stop a genocide of his people. He’s lying about who he is, still, but that scene is rife with “I love him and I know he’ll never forgive me, so I’m going to let him use me and maybe selfishly enjoy it just a little bit” but it’s not at all his conquest of his lover. He makes sure he hurts when he doesn’t have to, to punish himself. All he cares about is that his lover has a good time because he feels awful for lying. When the "I knew all along" reveal does come, his lover reads that much more like an asshole, which he very much is.

Damen is not that character. I don’t know, maybe if he’d bottomed? Had any sense of “I am taking advantage of Laurent, this is not good”? It was played like they were on equal footing, but they were both lying to each other. Laurent was playing games and Damen was playing a caricature. Laurent could have easily become the clear-cut villain and Damen the naive victim, if Damen wasn't so damn eager to fuck him. It wasn’t romantic to me, it was off-putting.

The other thing that I was hoping for: For someone as smart as Laurent, did it never cross his mind that the Regent might find a way to tell Damen what happened between them? Laurent didn’t tell Damen before the trial, didn’t have any conversation before the book ended. Even if he would have hated having to be that vulnerable, I figured he’d fear Damen finding out from his uncle more. It would be such an easy thing for the Regent to exploit a la “you might have him now but I had him first”.

Shocked, actually, that the Regent did not do this, but it seemed like, though the “big reveal” was never actually addressed, Pacat was counting on the reader having figured it out, which I did way back in book 1. But because it ended up mattering so little to the overall plot and Laurent said absolutely nothing because a chapter later the book was over… why bother with this detail at all? What was it all leading up to? Why was it here? I knew the Regent was a scumbag. Have him murder Laurent’s puppy for the same effect.

It just felt. Unnecessary.

It also felt like there was a missing chapter at the end, because the last thing I wanted that never happened was just, addressing all the shit they did to each other. Laurent never had to answer for the flogging, for the assault, or for his own “I knew all along”. Nor did the “oh my fuck you killed my brother and my father” have much time to digest before the Regent was dead and the book was over. Missed potential, I guess?

—

When I said I liked Laurent, that did not mean I was a Laurent apologist. I like him like I like Maven Calore and Lelouch vi Britannia—he’s a magnificent bastard and I understand him perfectly.

With all of that said.

Yeah, I liked the series overall. I’d read it again. Wouldn’t recommend it to anyone I know, but there’s only one series I spend this much time writing about that I absolutely loathe and that’s Throne of Glass—another book that did not fully advertise what was within its pages. Like I said, book 2 was fantastic, poor communication between characters aside.

Book 3 was… lesser. It was a very long parade of “oh… that’s not what I thought was going to happen. I guess this is fine?” Not on the macro scale of expecting a huge fantasy battle, but on the smaller scale of Laurent being outed instead of telling Damen himself when they’d come so far and he trusted Damen so much, Kastor being a non-entity, a few too many “suddenly!” plot twists, and these two fucking instead of talking.

Other small issues being that with so many side characters of the same role and rank, I kept getting them mixed up. I knew who Jord and Nikandros were, but half the time I forgot who was Veretian and who was Akielon in the smaller group of 12, and line them all up in fanart and I’d have no idea who’s who.

The other other thing is that I thought the derivative worldbuilding was a bit lazy at times? I was a bit disappointed at how uncreative Akielos was. Vere was fantasy France but way less obvious than Akielos being fantasy Greece. Like, you can use the same cadence for your fantasy names as an existing language, but maybe get a bit more creative than changing "Delphi" to "Delpha"?

It’s a fantasy setting, you’re allowed to make shit up and get wild with a combination of cultures and lexicons. I liked that they weren’t all White, to be clear, but I read fantasy for fantasy.

Last thing I’ll say: I should not need supplemental reading material to understand why a book was written the way that it was. If I’d watched the TV show and fans were like “but in the book!” that’d be one thing. I interpreted what was on the page of the book I had, and if explanations and important context were missing, then they were missing. Death of the author. The additional context does help, but unfortunately it wasn’t actually in the book. What am I supposed to do?

So for the last time because I’m tired of upsetting this fandom and this is the last I’ll say to draw their attention, good or bad:

I had expectations for a book that this was not and was never going to be and I can’t blame it for not being the story I wanted to read. When it got good, I held it to high standards, and it fell short. That is all.

#writeblr #book review #captive prince #long post

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aliensupersyn · 2 months ago

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Yorozu, the Atomic Bomb, and Mothra: Why That Connection Helps Understand Sukuna Part 1

Spoilers for the Manga ahead!

Yorozu possessed the cursed technique construction, which allowed her to create pretty much anything. To balance the limitless power of construction, Gege made it so that it required large amounts of cursed energy. The specifics of Yorozu's abilities won't matter here. Instead, I will focus on how she uses her abilities, and why Gege's choices matter for the narrative that is Jujutsu Kaisen. To be frank, Gege choosing to connect Yorozu to insects directly references Mothra, the Mother of Monsters in the Godzilla franchise.

Godzilla exists not only as a cultural phenomenon of a franchise, but also an expression of discontent concerning world events affecting Japan. Scholars have noted that although Godzilla has been so successful for so long, few people have analyzed it as a cultural phenomenon. So, allow me to take a stab, and connect it to JJK. In "Godzilla and Postwar Japan," William M. Tsutsui describes the creation of the first Godzilla film:

The production of Godzilla was a very serious matter and the movie itself was "intended to be very serious fare." The movie was "the brainchild of Toho Studios producer Tanaka Tomoyuki. . . . Tanaka recruited top talent for the picture. . . . Toho Studios invested a lot in Godzilla -- 60 million yen, about three times the budget of the average Japanese film at the time (though far less . . . than Hollywood would have spent on a run-of-the-mill B-movie at the time)."

Tsutsui offers a less detailed, more fiscal focused account of Gojira. Tomoyuki invested a lot of money into this somewhat strange project, the first of its kind in Japan. Hunter L. Newell more immediately connects Godzilla to the atomic bombs and its fallout:

Two creatives, director Ishirō Honda and film producer Tomoyuki Tanaka, saw these horrific national tragedies one after another and, inspired by a wave of American monster films including The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms the year prior and a re-release of 1933’s King Kong, created not just a film steeped in deep relevance and metaphor, but an international cultural phenomenon: 1954’s Gojira. (2)

Nuclear testing, radiation disrupting fish ecosystems and a village's food supply, and the creation of atomic weapons all directly reference America's bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. After the initial bombings, radiation poisoning and other factors created destructive ripples throughout Japan and the lives of everything that lives there. In 1954, the Daigo Fukuryū Maru, a small Japanese fishing vessel, was caught in American nuclear testing. The vessel's crew and caught fish were coated in atomic ash. By time the crew returned, most of them passed due to radiation poisoning (Newell 3). The first Godzilla movie created by Tomoyuki uses these allusions to atomic weaponry to demonstrate their destructive power, and how they impact people's lives. Studio Ghibli also has many films centered on the perspective of those suffering under bombings, radiation, and senseless wars, like Grave of the Fireflies, Howl's Moving Castle, and Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind.

Now having the context of the events leading up to it, Newell's description of 1954's Gojira reveals Tomoyuki's overt connections:

After a fishing boat is destroyed and a local village's food supply is decimated, scientists discover Godzilla, a 50 meter tall sea creature awoken and mutated by nuclear testing. Though many attempts to stop him are made, he ultimately rampages through Tokyo and leaves absolute devastation in his wake until he is eventually stopped in Tokyo Bay with the invention of an even deadlier weapon: the oxygen destroyer, a bomb which destroys oxygen atoms and rots away all life caught in its blast. (3)

Gojira, the very first Godzilla film, focuses on allusions to atomic weaponry and their effects on the Japanese population. This series of posts will focus on that connection, its legacy, and how Gege directly pulls from the cultural phenomenon of Godzilla. For the sake of my arguments concerning this topic, I will be referring specifically to Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack. The Godzilla movie, All-Out Attack, depicts the King of Monsters doing what he does best: destroying stuff. To stop his reckless destruction, Yuri must free the guardian monsters Mothra and King Ghidorah.

The Queen of Monsters, Mothra, metamorphizes from her larva form into a giant moth-like insect. Mothra has the second most appearances throughout the Godzilla franchise. She sometimes aids Godzilla, but will also just as readily lead the attack against him in defense of others. Mothra has been uniquely popular among women, which influenced the films to make her a reoccurring character. Gege directly ties Yorozu to insects, and her giant form shares similarities with Mothra (the eyes, mouth, and wings). In All-Out Attack, Mothra faces off against Godzilla just as Yorozu does against Sukuna. The two share a conflict-based relationship that revolves around death and destruction. Just as Mothra metamorphizes from her larva, so does Yorozu from the comatose cocoon of Tsumiki, Megumi's sister.

Yorozu acts as a quasi-love interest for Sukuna. Meaning, Gege treats her love as a destructive and flawed one-sided obsession with Sukuna. Concerning her relationship to power, Yorozu's probably the second strongest character from the Heian era that appears in the Culling Game as a player. Yorozu studies and seeks power, so she's naturally drawn to Sukuna. By taking over Tsumiki before Megumi's eyes, she inadvertently aids Sukuna in achieving his goal with the enchain vow. Just as quickly, she challenges Sukuna to a one on one duel. Similar to the stakes in a movie as momentous as Godzilla vs. Mothra, Yorozu shares a special narrative bond to Sukuna. Among those in the Culling Games and from the Heian era, Yorozu sticks out due to her status as one of the leaders of the Fujiwara clan.

Yorozu admired Sukuna during the Heian era, which led to an obsession with him and his power. If she can't have him as a lover, she desires any part of him that she can grasp. Yorozu negotiates to retain his dead body if she defeats Sukuna; she proposes a marriage to him; finally, she demands to be killed with his own power, shrine. As a Mothra reference, Yorozu personifies the complicated relationship the Queen of Monsters shares with the King. Gege's Mothra focused on the personified romance between two monsters. Yorozu and Sukuna both share similar destructive tastes and remain apathetic towards others to achieve their goals. Yet, the two never truly ally with one another. Their goals simply happen to cross over, to Yuji and Megumi's dismay.

Tsumiki exists as the literal larva that Mothra famously metamorphizes from in order to take her true form. Yorozu as an allusion to Mothra supports the connections between Sukuna and Godzilla. In Part 2, I will have more room to focus more specifically on the connection Sukuna shares with Godzilla, and the narrative payoff between those two, Yorozu, and Mothra. Eventually, the breakdown of all the previously mentioned characters will lead to the importance of Higuruma vs Sukuna and Gege's criticisms of Japanese bureaucracy.

Notes:

That wraps up part 1 of this series! I hope you guys enjoyed this little history lesson on Godzilla lol.

I did not think I would depend on noting so much of Gojira's history.

Check out the overview for this Godzilla x JJK series here.

#jjk #ryomen sukuna #jjk yorozu #gojira #godzilla #mothra #king ghidorah #ill read over this in the morning #jjk tsumiki

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commanders-company · 2 months ago

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Audio Log Archive: Calculator Zoxxe

Entry 34 - 1326 AE. Transcription start:

Ten years with the Inquest, and I’m still equally amazed and appalled at what my fellows get themselves caught up in. I’m sure sciences like herpetology and ichthyology have their uses, but it gets aggravating seeing promising researchers become obsessed with some rare fauna or another when they should be applying themselves to the stated goals of our organization.

Case in point, this “Scarlet” character. Everyone and their golem is buzzing about this mysterious sylvari who studied at all three colleges - personally, I doubted the authenticity of her certifications even before the Council revoked them. As though a non-asura could ever hope to achieve our heights of genius. Ha!

Still, I can’t deny the spark behind her eyes. She has big plans, whatever they might end up being, and I have no doubt she will do anything to see them through. I have no interest in partnering with pirates or bandits or whatnot, so I will continue to watch from a distance as I continue my own aetherology research here. Who knows, maybe Scarlet will impress me after all. Or maybe dolyaks will sprout wings and fly.

Entry 39 - 1327 AE

Of course Scarlet ended up being a bust. Anyone who believed differently was a fool of the highest order.

She certainly went out with a bang - my aetherology instruments were going haywire from the sheer amount of magical energy that rushed towards the deep jungle. Now that we know the truth about the sylvari, we can near-conclusively see that her true goal all along was to reawaken Mordremoth. It was certainly a bold idea to flood the ley line stretching from Lion’s Arch to Maguuma with magic; not unlike jump-starting a stalled golem with an external power source.

Whatever her exact motivations for this could have been, her success does open up a potentially fascinating avenue for my research - what sort of link is there between the elder dragons and the magic of the world? Clearly Mordremoth was attuned to it, but what about Zhaitan, and for what purpose? And most importantly, how can we exploit it for ourselves?

I’ll prepare my thesis and send it to high command along with a request for additional funding and personnel. I have no doubt they will give me all I ask for, so I will begin my personal work at once. I wonder if the Pact would miss one of their submersibles…

Entry 53 - 1335 AE

The Pact and that blasted commander of theirs continues to be both a boon and a curse! While our agents in the Rata Novus lab have passed on immeasurably useful data from their efforts, that blasted sylvari keeps killing more dragons - good for the survival of the common folk, I suppose, but absolutely detrimental to my research.

Only one dragon remains, the ever-theorized but heretofore unproven “deep sea dragon.” There’s so much more we’re on the cusp of discovering, and the commander is on track to ruin my career without even knowing!

But, as always, I have a plan. I was able to find records of Scarlet’s notes left over in an old workstation. She mentions time she spent with the late Omadd, and most importantly, a fascinating device he constructed near the Silverwastes. Supposedly, the device allows the user to peer into the fabric of reality - the very Eternal Alchemy itself!

Finally, a chance to mathematically prove what I’ve always believed - to show those boorish idiots I call my fellow researchers that absolute structure is the only way to success. Everything down to the smallest particle of the least important atom can be determined, charted, predicted and directed. The Inquest has always strived to control the Eternal Alchemy, but no one ever thinks about what we’ll do with it. Absolute order to all things is the only conclusion that makes any sense, and I will be the one to put it in place.

I will be traveling alone to the machine - no reason to give anyone else the chance to muck everything up, or worse, steal my work. Very soon, all asura - the entire world - will know my name!

Entry 55 - 1335 AE

[unintelligable] -it’s wrong. It’s all wrong, everything is wrong, I was - [crashing, papers scattering, yelling]

I fixed it. The machine worked and I saw everything. All magic flowing in and out the dragons like water through a filtration matrix. For a moment it was so beautiful. But the dragons died one by one, and in their place, there is…

Nothing. Less than nothing. Void from end to end. No greater purpose, no rules or equations or anything comprehensible. An emptiness that will take and take and take until there is nothing left.

She’s doomed us all. She can’t save us this time. Now everything we’ve done, everything I’ve done is worthless. No one can stop what’s happening.

The Void comes for us all. The Void comes. It comes. It comes. It comes…

[unintelligible]

Entry 56 - 1335 AE

Ahem.

I’m not going to delete my last entry - embarrassing as it may be to admit, it is important to acknowledge when one’s conclusions end up being incorrect, if only for the purpose of proper documentation.

Which is to say that the world didn’t end, obviously. The Commander found a way, as she always seems to do. Our agents report that Aurene now fulfills the role the previous elder dragons used to, sans the whole death/rebirth cycle. Magic flows through her to be cleansed, and the world is balanced once again. The Void is - it’s gone. It has to be -

[coughs] I’m putting together another thesis and personnel request. The events of the last few days opens up yet another previously unknown facet of aetherology. We’re not under immediate threat anymore, but it demands to be studied. All sorts of possible applications could be found, if we can properly contain it.

I cannot - I will not be taken by surprise again. I will master its flow and dictate its course.

I will be the one in control. It will have no power over me ever again.

Should my proposal be approved, and I have no doubt it won’t, I will be forming the V.E.R.G.E. krewe - Voidic Energy Research and General Exploitation. We will decipher every secret of the Void and turn it to our own ends - and prepare ourselves should it ever return like this again.

I will be ready. And someday soon, all of creation - even the Void itself - will bend before me.

#guild wars 2 #gw2 #asura #inquest #gw2 fan submission #my writing #zoxxe #eyyyyy new alt time #i've been sitting on this one for a while just finally decided to touch it up and post it #can't believe it took me this long to make an inquest alt

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cookiecomics · 5 months ago

Note

26&28 for the writer ask game?

26. are you able to write with other people around?

Not at all sdjkfhsdkjff like maybe during a sprint where I'm body doubling, but with people physically around me? not even a little. I need blasting music and absolute isolation to write even a coherent sentence.

28. Your least favorite part of the writing process?

Constructing scenes for slower chapters. God, keeping interest in chapters that don't have a big battle or a big argument, or Ren murdering someone, is hard work. Down times are necessary though, and I worry a lot about whether or not something is interesting enough or if it matches the vibe I want for that moment. It drives me up the wall a little bit lmao

ACT 3 Is very character interaction/relationship focused, rather than the drama of Act 1 or the schemes of ACT 2, and especially down to the last 10 chapters, Characters have a lot of baggage to resolve and it's my job to make that resolution interesting.

Anyway's know I'm eating the dry wall rn.

#atott #asks

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mins-fins · 10 months ago

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all flights are delayed !

"i like to call myself a pretty man connoisseur.."

synopsis: your sad to say it, but you don't have much going on in your life. you have a very time consuming major, just a few friends, barely any time to go out, and spend most of your free time either a: working, or b: sleeping. so for once, when you finally have the friday off, and your dragged off to go watch a football game between a rival school of yours, you really do wish you were anywhere else. somehow though, it turns out to be one of the best things to happen to you, because a charming oreo–haired musical theater major from your rival school just happens to saunter his way into your life, you didn't expect to fall in love in your junior year, but your also not complaining!

pairing: xiao dejun x male!reader

genre: college au, strangers to friends to lovers, musical theater major!xiaojun x health science major!reader, fluff, like the lightest of angst, lowkey fast burn 😖

warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking, kissing(?), gay people, a little miscommunication, reader having a crisis over oreo xiaojun, probably a lot of repetitive phrases, huang guanheng is EVERYWHERE

word count: 12.8k

notes: OKAAAAAAAY hello! now in the beginning i really did enjoy writing this but after like the fourth scene its all so disgusting and jumbled up but i am also very proud of myself because this is the longest ever fic i have ever written (it is all xiao dejuns fault), actually it is ALL of nct's fault because why do i have a bunch of 8k word fics of so many nct members..😢 anyway if this seems any rushed or makes absolutely no sense at times its because im tired and i worked extra today but it doesn't really matter because constructive criticism is good (i shouldn't even publish this tbh) but there is a first for everything! enjoy!

YOU'VE NEVER BEEN A FOOTBALL FAN. now you know that might be a little of a sour opinion, especially to the men in your family, but it's just never been a sport you enjoy. it is just a little fun to watch, especially when drunk, because the sight of men in tight ass clothes running around a field chasing a ball is possibly one of the funniest things you think your drunk mind has ever seen. which is why now— in the stands, listening to the loud shouts and screams from your schoolmates, and rival scholars, you feel as if your ears have just been popped.

after all the days of working, and doing nothing but schoolwork, you were glad to have the rest of the friday off. there was nothing else you wanted to do but put on an oversized sweater, make a bowl of ramen and rewatch gossip girl for the seventy fifth time already (yes, you keep count), but no— guanheng decided he was going to drag you out of the dorm to watch stupid football game, one about "school spirit" or whatever, you weren't paying attention to him when he decided to go on his ramble, and now he's abandoned you once again! probably off to go talk to one of his 1000 other friends or something.

you almost consider leaving, but then you witness the amount of people you'd have to maneuver through, the amount of excuse me's you'd have to utter, the amount of pushing you'd endure as you tried to make your way through the crowded stands, besides, you can't leave without guanheng, your pretty much the only person responsible for keeping him alive at this point.

so you somehow suck it up and manage to stick around. your ears are practically on fire right now, and you desperately want to take off your shoes because of how they are poking you at the moment. you almost feel like your being pressed together by all the people in the stands, as if walls are slowly pushing in and crushing every single bone in your body.

"that team is doing horribly.." you mutter to yourself in an attempt to calm your crazy mind.

"i know, we suck".

at first you think you've made up the voice, because in the past hour and a half all you've heard is shouting, cheering, and loud music blasting on your ears, no one has made any attempt to talk to you since guanheng up and left you alone in the stands, so the response almost seems like muddled up words created by your brain as a response—

but it's not.

someone actually did respond to you, and in a split second there is a completely new person standing beside you, also observing the game but not looking as pleased to be there. when you do glance to your left, you come across possibly the most beautiful boy— no, person, you come across the most beautiful person you think you've ever seen in your twenty years of living, for once it feels like everything stops.

you are not the kind of person that just.. does that. now you've met tons of pretty people, you've met so many people that you could definitely say are so beautiful they could be displayed in a museum as an art exhibit, but never in your twenty years of living have you ever seen yourself go silent at the sight of a beautiful person— your brain feels like it's malfunctioning, you're not exactly sure what to say, you open your mouth but no words come out, and you almost consider punching yourself because you probably look like a complete idiot right now.

"oh? you don't go here?"

that's what you decided to say? of all things you could've said, of course he doesn't go to your school, he just implied that the other team belonged to his school, why would that be the best thing to say out of everything else?

the stranger looks up, then he laughs, and your not sure how you keep your composure. "oh no, i go to vixsith" he replies, using his thumb to point backward, though he's not pointing at anything in specific, just pointing to point. you're not sure why you pick up on that, or why you're even watching where his hands are going anyway.

"your insulting your own team?" you inquire, and he laughs even harder at your question, covering his mouth with his hand. "this is about school spirit, have faith in them" you joke, and all he does is continue laughing, crossing his arms as he tries his best to calm himself down.

"i'm being honest, the only person on that team who knows how to play is mark, he deserves better" he remarks, eyes focused on the player he just named. he then seems to have a random realization and turns to you once again. "i'm dejun by the way" he holds out his hand for you to take, and you just blink at it like an idiot, before coming back to your senses and quickly shaking his head.

"y/n".

at the sound of your name, he seems to have yet another realization. he points at you and narrows his eyes. "we have a mutual friend don't we?"

at the question, you narrow your eyes, cogs turn in your brain as you think about who he could possibly be referring to, then it comes to you—

"guanheng".

the two of you say his name in unison, and the two of you both try to stifle your laughs as the realization dawns on you. "he knows everyone i swear" you mutter, and dejun snorts, looking away from you to laugh. "even from other schools.."

"oh we go way back" dejun responds, moving his hair out of his face. "middle school actually" he adds, and your eyes widen, as if your shocked, of course guanheng has friends from way back when, why are you surprised?

you don't feel as surprised as you do lucky..

"was he still as inhumanely flexible as he is now?"

dejun laughs again, he does that a lot. "yes, yes he was".

"he talks about you a lot.. you know" dejun comments out of the blue, tucking his hair behind his ear. "he basically lives with us, and if he's not sleeping over we always assume he's with you".

"oh so that's why he always just.. appears and disappears.."

"yeah that's kind of his thing" dejun scrunches his face, looking bored by the lack of action happening on the field. "i can never find him unless he directly comes to me first" he doesn't look at you as he says those words, but you're very much staring at him the whole time.

you almost feel like a creep in a way, you want to punch yourself in the face again for continuing to stare at him. you blink a couple times before turning your face away, trying to correctly articulate your thoughts.

"both teams suck".

you only say those words because you want him to continue talking, you want to hear him talk, it's nothing that crazy, having a conversation with him is just so intriguing to you for some reason..

"well yeah— but you guys get more training so you have an advantage" he comments, narrowing his eyes at the field, arms crossed over his chest. "the guys on our team have no idea what their doing".

"do you like football?" you ask, not sure why your so interested in his answer, you just are, you have no explanation for your sudden intrigue of this charming oreo–haired boy that goes to your rival school.

your much too distracted by how gorgeous he is to worry about giving yourself an explanation.

dejun laughs again, shaking his head. "not really, my dad does, so i just know things because of all his screaming and shouting" he replies, arms still crossed over his chest. "i'm not really a sports person, i do musical theater for pete's sake".

"oh so you sing?" you don't mean to ask another question, you're worried that you might be bothering dejun with your constant inquiries, but he actually seems glad, excited that someone is asking him about his major.

"well yeah" he responds, his smile growing. "all things theater, i write the songs, i act the parts, i play instruments, sometimes i even take offstage roles instead of my usual onstage ones".

he fiddles with his fingers, picking his nails. you assume, from his mannerisms, that he doesn't know what to say because most people don't really ask him about his major, or what he does, it's like he's elated that you even asked him.

"what about you?" dejun instead asks, veering away from the topic of his major and instead making yours the main topic of discussion. "what do you do?"

"health science" you say the words as if it pains you to, like it's the single most uninteresting thing you've said this whole interaction. "i know, it's boring".

dejun laughs again; "no no! i didn't say that!" he waves his hands in a disagreeing manner as he chuckles at your words. "i just don't meet a lot of people interested in pursuing science.."

"it's more of the health aspect than science actually" you mutter, and dejun just looks even more interested in what you have to say now. "but science is a big part of it so.."

"you must be very smart then" dejun remarks, smiling as the two of you make eye contact.

"i'm alright" you just say, finally pulling down your formerly rolled up sweater sleeves now that the air outside has begun cooling down. you only lightly shiver, and you glance back at dejun one more time..

"where do you think guanheng is?" he asks, clearing his throat as he scours the still full and lively bleachers, searching for your friend. "off doing whatever he does.."

you're currently very distracted, and you don't even realize what's going on when you snap out of whatever daze you were having and everyone is suddenly standing up and cheering like there's no tomorrow.

dejun looks over at you, and he can clearly see how confused you are because he laughs for one last time. "you guys won!" he somehow manages his voice over the roar of the crowd. "congrats!"

he's yelling, but he's not exactly loud, he still manages to sound so gentle whilst yelling at you.

"thanks!" you blurt out as a reply, and you feel like a complete idiot for that, but dejun smiles, so you don't feel all that embarrassed.

the game is over, and people are going to start to leave soon. dejun looks back, spotting a group he recognizes, then he looks over at you, a smile on his face. "i've gotta go now" he says, almost disappointed in a sense. "it was nice meeting you y/n!"

you nod, not knowing what to say. "yeah! you too!"

you too? you too?? is that what you say y/n!?

dejun gives one more beautiful smile before heading off, and you blink, having absolutely no idea what just transpired in those few minutes.

holy shit i forgot to ask—

but you couldn't— because he was gone, gone in such a flash you couldn't even spot his oreo hair in the crowd.

YOU FORGOT TO ASK FOR HIS NUMBER. YOU FEEL SO STUPID, your not even sure why you wanted to ask him that, but in the back of your mind that was the question you were preparing yourself to ask from the moment he told you his name, that he was friends with guanheng, the moment the two of you began laughing about your majors and stuff like that. the whole interaction with a pretty oreo–haired musical theater major at a football game is all that you were thinking about last night, as you tried to find pretty much anything else to think about as you struggled to sleep.

how did you forget to ask him for his number? you want to smash your face into your computer screen because of how stupid you are. you said "you too!" like a fucking idiot, but maybe you were just too distracted, he was smiling at you with that beautiful smile and staring at you with his absolutely gorgeous fucking eyes, how could you even think coherently whilst a beautiful man (from a whole other school but who cares?) was staring at you with his pretty brown eyes like you were the only person in the world?

okay your pushing it now..

but there is just something, something about him that drew you in, your not sure why you were so adamant on getting to know him, but he was just so— you can't explain it right now! you are currently very sleep deprived and also moody because of your disappearing roommate that always decides to appear at the worst times.

you don't remember the last time you ever got an actual eight hours of sleep, these days that seems like a dream more than a reality, but guangheng is just never tired. he's somehow always up, doing something, hanging out with people, he never sits down in once place and just stays still.

when he walks into the room, hands on his hips and gaze immediately focused on you, you barely bat an eye at him, just spare him a quick glance, noticing how pissed off he looks. you scour your mind for an explanation as to why he must be mad now, probably something someone said, or he got into yet another argument with one of his classmates, your not even sure anymore, you don't know where he is half the time.

"could you do me a favor?"

you almost laugh out loud, not at him, but at the idea that he wanted you to do him a favor. at this point, he probably owes you thousands of favors considering how many you do for him, but he seems upset, and you don't have any of that pettiness leftover to ignore him, so you move your eyes to look over at him.

"why should i?"

okay— you lied, your still just a little petty, but you totally have every right to be! guanheng deserves just some sass from you after disappearing each and every time he decides to take you out somewhere.

guanheng blinks, then he pulls out the signature guanheng frown, a sad stupid frown he always makes when he wants to persuade you into doing something. you're not sure how you've even ever fallen for that signature frown, maybe it's because he's just so great at looking sad, at looking upset, he somehow always manages to make you feel bad for him, and therefore, end up doing the favor for him.

"because i'm your best friend, your roommate, and you love me so much" guanheng smiles wide, like he just found out he won the lottery, and clasps his hands together as he rocks back and forth on his heels.

"i don't know.." you mumble, looking back at your computer screen. it's a saturday, you have no classes saturday, you can just sit down, relax, be the absolute lazy motherfucker you were put on this earth to be. "i don't feel like going out today".

guanheng huffs, crossing his arms. "one last favor! just one! then i'll get off your back!"

"your horrible at following your promises, heng" you comment absentmindedly, your tone is much meaner than you intended, and guanheng's gasp is enough to tell you that he indeed takes offense to those words. "what? i'm not lying".

"y/n!" oh great, he's whining now. "i will get you anything i can, anything! just this one favor! please?"

your about to say no again— but then it's like a lightbulb goes off in your head, and you get a spectacular idea. anything? he did say anything, and he can give you something you want.

the number of a pretty boy preferably!

you let out a sigh, and guanheng knows what that sigh means, it means you agree. "fine, i'll do you this favor, but this is the last one".

guanheng's smile brightens, and he cheers like a kid that just got the best christmas present one can receive. "thank you! thank you! thank you! i love you!" he kisses your cheek, and skips off to another room.

"get your jacket!" he shouts, already rooms away from you, so he has to shout.

"what?"

"get your jacket! were leaving!"

you furrow your eyebrows at his words, but you don't say anymore, because you did agree to do this favor for him after all.

so, without questioning it more, you get up and go grab your jacket.

"SO WHEN YOU SAID A FAVOR..?" you don't continue on with your sentence, pausing to let out a breath as you shove your hands into the pockets of your jackets. guanheng looks over at you, and he just chuckles at the unreadable expression on your face. when you agreed to do this favor for him, you didn't know it included leaving your dorm and having to be dragged out to yet another unfamiliar place. "did you forget to mention the fact that we'd have to leave the school?" you finally finish, eyes focused and narrowed on your friend, who again, smiles at you with that signature guanheng smile.

"it's a saturday, most of us don't have classes anyway, they won't question it".

"is that supposed to make me feel better?" you ask to yourself more than to guanheng, but he hears you anyway, and that results in a snicker from him. despite that, he doesn't respond to your silent question, making you frown just the slightest.

"stop pouting".

"i'm not pouting" your quick to rebut, rolling your eyes at his words. you almost bump into him when he suddenly stops, and your about to yell at him again for being stupid when he places a finger on your mouth.

he knocks on the door in front of him, not paying attention to the burning glare your currently sending him.

"i'll bite off your finger" you threaten, moving forward and pretending your about to do that. guanheng squeaks and quickly moves his fingers away from your lips, a flash of true fear in his eyes. all you do is give him a menacing and totally not threatening smile.

"psycho.." he whispers, he looks like he's about to say more, but the door opens, so he closes his mouth and turns around.

"come on!"

he grabs your wrist and drags you into the dorm, and you felt your heart rate increase. maybe he knew these people, but you sure didn't! what if they thought you were weird? you want to pull him back and tell him that he shouldn't just drag you into some strangers dorm, but he is much too distracted to even notice your uneasiness.

"i've returned!" guanheng yells, letting go of your hand to place his hands on his hips, as if he was proud of himself.

"can you slam the door on him!?"

"ten! come to me!"

before you can ask him what the hell is going on, he sprints down the hallway, you assume to go after this ten person, you just blink, shoving your hands into your pockets as you begin to rock back and forth on your heels.

"hello stranger!" an unfamiliar voice exclaims, you look up and come face to face with a pink–haired boy with a bright smile.

"hello" you reply politely. "i like your hair" you immediately remark, pointing at his hair like an idiot because you don't want to touch it and make him uncomfortable.

his face lights up, as if you were a millionaire that just gifted him a life changing amount of money. it was as if no one ever told him that his hair was pretty before, or that they liked it. he jumps up and squeals, excited. "thank you! ten said it was stupid!"

you furrow your eyebrows, then chuckle. "what? no it's very pretty, pink suits you!"

"hah! i told you guanheng! pink does suit me!" he yells down the hall, and you can hear the small shout of rebuttal that guanheng responds with from all the way down the hall. "thanks! only a few people actually noticed that i dyed my hair".

you laugh again, okay he is very funny, you like him!

"oh! i'm yangyang! the nicest person who lives here!" he introduces himself in the same fashion a reality tv star would, and quickly grabs your hand to shake it. you don't complain, just laugh again as he vigorously shakes your hand.

"y/n, it's nice to meet you".

he gasps, recognizing your name. "oh you're the famous y/n! guanheng always talks about you, for a long time i was convinced he was in love with you!"

"why are you tarnishing my brand!?" guanheng shouts again, sounding even more pissed off than he did before. "huh!? liu yangyang!?"

yangyang shakes his head, ignoring guanheng's loud shouts and flapping his hand, mocking him. you laugh as you watch him mock the other, who has absolutely no idea what he's doing right now.

"you have a project to do!" another unfamiliar voice shouts.

yangyang gasps again, suddenly looking stressed. "fuck yeah— um!" he turns around and reaches over to grab his laptop, then he turns back to you and gives you a smile.

"yeah, my apologies" you just wave it off, urging him to keep going. "um i'm doing a project where i have to interview people on their majors.. trust me i don't know either, but! i've interviewed like the whole school already, and i need one more person.."

"and that person is me?" you ask, but you already know the answer to that question, yangyang nods, much more quickly than he seemed to intend to.

"yes!" he exclaims, but then he clears his throat. "but only if you want to, i don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do—"

"no no no it's fine!" you cut into his sentence, shaking your head. yangyang, again, looks elated that you agreed.

okay so this was the favor guanheng wanted you to for him! (not for him necessarily— but his friend). he could've just told you about this straight up instead of being vague about it, it wasn't even that burdening of a favor, not like the other ones you've done for him.

"guanheng! why don't you bring him around more often? he's better than you are!" yangyang yells again, probably for the nth time that hour.

guanheng doesn't answer, but you knows he's pouting, you can just sense it at this point, you call it your "roommate instincts".

"oh hi y/n".

now that's a voice you recognize, and you almost don't believe your eyes when the one person that kept you up all night walks into the room and smiles as he sees your figure. "dejun, hi" you smile back at him, hoping you don't sound as awkward as you feel.

dejun looks so so pretty, as he always does. he fiddles with the necklace hanging around his neck, his eyes lingering on you for an unspecified amount of time.

"ten hit me with his shoe" guanheng suddenly storms into the room, arms crossed over his chest. "asshole.." he mutters under his breath, huffing like some sort of baby.

dejun then laughs, covering his mouth with his hand, and that causes you to laugh, turning your head to the side as to not make it obvious.

guanheng exchanges glances between the both of you, a prominent glare in his eyes, but then the look in his eyes changes, and he points at the two of you. "you two have met?" he asks.

dejun pauses, still humored by the previous words said by guanheng, and your brain almost malfunctions once again. "i— um" great, you just sound so natural and not awkward.

"we met at the game" dejun immediately says, saving you the awkwardness of having to collect your words in your brain. you thank whatever god or deity up there for dejun's quick response, and he just flashes you that familiar pretty smile. "yesterday, you know, while you were off doing who knows what.."

guanheng gasps, looking at dejun like he'd just cursed his entire bloodline. "you— your just such a bitch! you know!?"

"ow! don't punch me! i'm fragile!"

guanheng lands one more punch on his shoulder, and it gets one more squeak out of dejun, who jumps once again. "i don't care, your horrible".

yangyang blinks, probably already used to their little quarrels. he then turns to you, just shaking his head as they continue to whisper–argue. "so, what do you major in?"

it's almost like you totally forgot, his project, the thing that guanheng dragged you here to help him with. "health sciences, i take courses in everything related to healthcare and like— half actual science courses?"

"so your looking to work in healthcare?"

"yeah basically, i've already taken courses in emergency service's, becoming a paramedic is my top option!"

yangyang gasps at your words, he looks over at guanheng, then quickly back at you. "are you single?" he asks, again with the same quickness.

dejun snorts, hitting guanheng as begins laughing hard. guanheng scrunches his nose, staring at yangyang like he's crazy. "what kind of question is that!?"

"what? that is a totally valid question to ask!" he exclaims, crossing his arms. "it's for my project! clearly!" he lies.

"your— oh my god, unbelievable".

"so are you?" yangyang asks again, looking at you with suspenseful eyes. he is very much interested in your answer it seems.

your finally finished with your laughing fit, and nod, still very amused. "yes i am, i'm single".

"good, this is very important information".

yangyang gives you a giddy look, and dejun just continues to laugh.

you're not sure why your so focused on him though..

YOU AGAIN, HAVE NO LUCK SLEEPING that night, and after the first hour and a half of tossing and turning, you gave up on trying to chase slumber you knew you wouldn't be able to catch. you assumed that the longer you stared at your computer screen, the quicker you'd get tired and the quicker your eyes would become heavier, but no! it's now almost two in the morning and you still aren't sleepy in the tiniest bit, you didn't know insomnia got this bad, if you knew this prior to coming back to school this year, you would've bought more of those sleeping pills. you lean your chin onto your hand as your computer continues playing audio from a random episode of brooklyn nine–nine.

the millions of thoughts rampant in your mind were probably distracting you, rendering it impossible to sleep, and also rendering it impossible to focus, seeing as your just looking around your room, which is pretty much boring you considering all you've been doing for the past thirty minutes is looking around your own room.

you think your gonna bore yourself to death, you pretty much prepare to stay up for the next five hours until your alarm rings and startles you out of your daze (which has happened way too many times for your comfort), but then your phone rings.

it's almost two in the morning, who exactly is calling you at this time? who knows that you're awake at 1:56 in the morning and decided to call you? they probably knew you'd pick up..

and you know who it is— it's so obvious.

dejun.

you don't mean to pick up your ringing phone as fast as you do, you want to punch yourself in the face for how desperate you seem, and you almost don't answer the phone because you feel so embarrassed. "hello?"

"hi!" dejun sounds way too joyous for someone who is sleep deprived, and up at 1:57 am. "sorry? was that too loud?"

"no no your fine" you reply, even though the speaker is on, guanheng can quite literally sleep through anything, there was one time the fire alarm was going off for a good ten minutes and he didn't even budge. "guanheng is a pretty heavy sleeper".

"he's lucky, i can't sleep" the sound of shuffling on the other line resonates in your ears, and dejun huffs, sounding frustrated. "you were the only person i assumed would be awake".

you snicker. "why is that?" you inquire, he was right, of course, but you just wanted to hear his reasoning, and also wanted him to keep talking.

you really like dejun's voice for some reason, it just scratches the right part of your brain. in these past two days you realized that you like a lot of things about dejun, many more things than you thought you might.

"your major has the word 'science' in it so i just assumed the amount of sleep you get is slim to none".

now that gets another laugh out of you, you laugh much more than you intend to, but also— it's dejun, and you can't resist the loud laugh that escapes your lips.

oh your such a desperate little bitch—

"well you'd be correct" you respond, humming as you pick at your nails. "at this point sleeping is beginning to make me tired".

there's a long pause, and your worried you made everything more awkward, because you don't hear anything from the other line. for a moment, you're almost convinced dejun hung up on you, but before you can speak he beats you to it.

"i can keep you company until you get tired" he immediately suggests, and you almost choke on your spit when he says that. "i don't mind".

you go silent, feeling as if all logical thoughts in your mind have suddenly disappeared into the air. you might sound like a complete loser right now but that was just so sweet of him to suggest, you smile much too wide for your own comfort, but you don't even think about that, because your just so charmed by the words.

"you are.." you pause, clasping your hands together as you think about what words to say next. "yeah yeah, that's fine" you finally continue, your new words having no connection to the previous ones you previously said, you just hope dejun doesn't notice.

"good! it would've been awkward if you said no" dejun giggles, and you just can't get over how cute he sounds. "plus, i wouldn't want you to be tired in the morning, lord knows how much you do in a day.."

you feel an unfamiliar fluttering feeling in your stomach, because he is so considerate? he wants to help you, he's just being so nice to you at.. two! two in the morning! you bite down on your bottom lip, hoping it doesn't bleed from how hard your tooth drives into it.

"aww, you care about me that much?" you ask, just wanting to hear him talk again. you feel like a teenage girl giggling and kicking her feet over a high school crush, except you can't kick your feet and giggle because then dejun would know.

"okay, be quiet, don't make me hang up".

"okay okay don't do that!" you say, totally meaning to sound as desperate as possible this time. "if your not here i won't ever fall asleep".

you hear something similar to a squeal on the other line, as if dejun had heard your words and just freaked out.

the realization honestly boosted your ego.

"you— you suck!"

"you offered to help me jun, don't get like this now!"

you're not sure how long it goes on for, but you swear you two laugh all night while on the phone.

"SO WHOSE THE GUY?" the question is asked so abruptly that at first, you assume you heard your friend wrong. when you look up, he stares at you with that deadpanned gaze, and that's when you realize he's completely serious. you chuckle at the realization that your friend is sure that your in love with someone (well you are— your just surprised that he figured out so quickly). "what guy? there's a guy?" you tilt your head, acting as if you have no idea what he could possibly be talking about. you giggle as you watch him slowly get even more irritated by your answer.

"you always come in here looking a little less miserable each day" chenle observes, leaning forward as he narrows his eyes at you. "someone is making you excited to live life?"

"do i always come in here looking miserable?" you ask, completely diverting your attention from chenle's previously asked question, which makes him pout.

"yep!" renjun exclaims, sitting beside you, he crosses his legs in his chair and presses his lips into a thin line. "so! who is he?"

the two seem way too excited to know about your never talked about before crush on dejun. now— you didn't know it was so obvious that you were now smitten for this new guy, you're usually the friend that's known from straying the furthest away from love, you don't remember any people you've legitimately liked that weren't elementary school crushes..

so yeah, your friends totally had every right to be surprised, because your absolutely smitten for a man and they just want to know who this man that is making you so happy is!

you hate that you give in so easily. "he's one of guanheng's friends.." you mutter, picking at your nails, looking down to make sure you don't witness renjun and chenle's reactions with your own two eyes.

renjun gasps, sounding like those ladies at the hair salons that just heard the juiciest gossip. "ooh! who? does he go here? do we know him? is he pretty?"

chenle looks over at renjun like he's crazy, that familiar judging stare in his eyes as he watches renjun lean closer to you with a totally not creepy smile on his face. "don't you think your acting a little too interested in this?"

"i just want to know!" renjun shouts, playfully glaring at the younger. he then turns back to you, and you assume his cheeks must be hurting from how hard he seems to be smiling. "tell me please?"

"he's— he's just your run of the mill pretty guy who is nice, and smart, and absolutely adorable who tells horrible jokes that still end up being funny in some way and he has a pretty laugh and i just love his voice, and talking to him, and, i can't even explain it because it'll sound stupid!"

"you sound like a psycho" chenle immediately says, laughing at you like you just confessed to an atrocious crime against humanity. you sink into your chair, slumping towards the side.

"aww! the pessimistic y/n is in love!" renjun squeals, again, like those women at the hair salon who just heard the juiciest gossip. he grabs your arm and shakes you vigorously, causing you to get dizzy in the slightest bit. "i can't believe i've lived to see this day!" he shouts, continuing to shake you as you can't properly get out your cries for help.

"renjun you're gonna kill him" chenle pinches the older in the arm, making him yelp and jump, he giggles as he witnesses the glare the older male sends him, his crushing grip remains around your arm, but you don't even mention at this point, because at least he's not shaking you anymore.

"sorry" he remarks, definitely not sorry as he squeezes your arm once again, beginning to get overly excited. "it's just.. exciting you know?"

"it's exciting that i'm in love with someone?" you raise an eyebrow, and though you expect renjun to respond, chenle quickly does.

"yep! you'll finally be gone!"

his cheer results in a gasp of offense from you, and all chenle does is giggle in victory.

THE ONE THING YOU'VE LEARNED FROM THE now excessive amounts of times you've hung around guanheng's other friends is that they're loud, they are all really loud (even sicheng! who, for a good majority of the time, is always quietly staring at his friends with clear concern in his eyes), even if they don't mean to, they're somehow always either yelling, shouting, or making some sort of scene. they're all just naturally hilarious, like comedians that don't realize they're comedians because they're just being themselves. in the past few weeks, it's like you spend more time with these people that don't go to your school in comparison to people that actually go to your school and that you can see easily.

but if you're being honest, you don't really mind that your spending all your free time with them, because they are indeed very fun to be around (and you get to see dejun much more regularly, which is something you rather enjoy), and because life would be insanely boring if guanheng didn't decide to drag you out of the dorm every other day to go do stupid things with his friends that go to a whole other school.

"you are such a cheater! i won fair and square!"

"you did not! your the cheater! sicheng is my witness!"

sicheng, who was not listening to anything either ten or yangyang had to say, looked over at the younger with a look of concern washed over his features. he blinks as he's suddenly put on the spot, smiling nervously as the youngest stares intensely at him, waiting for his answer. "uh.. i— i don't know".

his delivery makes you burst out laughing, and you cover your mouth with your hand as to not make yourself look like an absolute fool. you don't even realize that you picked up on one of dejun's habits, you might be spending too much time around him..

actually, forget that! there is no such thing as spending too much time around dejun, and that might make you sound like a "simp" but you don't care.

you've fallen, and you've fallen hard.

"okay.." guanheng presses his lips into a thin line, ignoring the way ten and yangyang now begin discussing the logistics of cheating in card games, unfortunately dragging poor sicheng into their argument. he turns to dejun and scoots closer to him. "can you do me a favor?"

dejun groans, playfully rolling his eyes. you assume he's done as much favors for guanheng as you have, and you barely stifle the snicker that dares to escape your lips.

dejun hears the sound, and smacks your arm hard, making you jump. he only gives you a teasing smile before turning to guanheng, having to give him a response.

"at what lengths do i have to go for this favor?"

guanheng scoffs, crossing his arms. "it's nothing insane or anything, i just want you to get me something.."

"and you can't get it yourself because..?"

"i have no money on me" and there goes that signature guanheng frown, dejun opens his mouth to argue but then he shuts it so quickly it seems like he just got out in some sort of trance.

"fine fine" dejun rolls his eyes once again, surrendering much too quickly. "you owe me though—"

"take y/n with you".

there's a pause, both you and dejun go very silent for a moment. whilst dejun is just confused, you absolutely know what guanheng is doing, and you have to use every bit of patience in your body to restrain yourself instead of jumping over the table and tackling him right then and there.

dejun is clearly clueless, though, because he just raises an eyebrow. "why?" he inquires, somehow sounding so sweet even though his question is asked with so much confusion.

"y/n knows what i want".

what a smooth lie, dejun glances over at you, and you just shrug, having no idea what more to say. "he needs to take a walk anyway" guanheng lies again, wow, two in a row! he's on a roll.

"okay..?"

so that's how you find yourself on a walk with the person that you are very much in love with, a somehow comfortable silence spread between the two of you as dejun hums an unfamiliar tune to himself, hands in his pockets, eyes closed as he slowly sways back and forth.

he looks very peaceful, just doing what he does, being effortlessly pretty as he does so, and you observe his behavior, almost entranced by it in a sense.

you only stop when he speaks up—

"do you think they're still arguing?" he suddenly asks, and you snap out of whatever daze you were having, praying that he totally didn't notice you admiring him like a creep. "or are they just.. conversing calmly now?"

you don't want to seem like even much more of a weirdo, but you feel like he asked that question just as an excuse to talk to you, and maybe your thinking too much into it, but you've definitely done that before, so you know what it looks like.

"i hope they aren't still arguing" you answer, and dejun looks up at you, smiling. "that'd be a long ass time to argue".

"well they like arguing just to argue" dejun replies, fiddling with his necklace. "but they're harmless.. for the most part".

his delivery makes you laugh, and you look down at your shoes. "you're a very calm person, you know, the opposite of guanheng".

the sudden statement from dejun makes you look up at him once again, and this time, he's staring directly at you, as if he had been waiting to make eye contact with you the whole time. "calm?"

"well compared to my roommates you are" he giggles, and maybe he doesn't mean to, but he stares at so intensely that your legs feel shaky.

"who knows? maybe i'm a fraud" you tease, purposefully leaning closer to him so your words have an effect. dejun's eyes widen, and he lightly leans away from you, looking speechless. "you'd never know, though".

you don't know how you suddenly got so bold, or why you were so amused at the sight of dejun freaking out, you feel like some sort of genius for what you just did, and you snicker at yourself before leaning back.

dejun takes in a deep breath, looking like he's trying to fix himself. he clears his throat and stumbles through his next words. "i— uh.. you're such an idiot!" he decides to say, crossing his arms over his chest.

your not sure how the two of you became so casual in this amount of time, a few weeks ago, dejun wasn't such a regular figure in your life, and you were just any other college student doing their best to get by, not thinking about falling in love with a gorgeous oreo–haired man—

but you're also not complaining.

you aren't sure how you got so lucky, how it just happened that you could continue to spend time with the cute boy you met at a stupid football game simply because the two of you shared mutual friends, it's one of times guanheng's actually done you a favor, without even realizing it too!

"okay i'm sorry" you giggle, shoving your hands into your pockets, you once again begin taking from dejun's habits and sway back and forth. "seriously!"

"you're unbelievable" dejun exaggerates, rolling his eyes, but it wasn't serious, and you knew it wasn't serious. "but i meant what i said, your calm".

you raise an eyebrow at him, wanting to know more about the observations he has about you. "could you elaborate on that?" you don't mean to laugh, but you do, and it causes dejun to laugh too.

"you just.. seem content with what you have" he explains, but he doesn't explain it enough, so he continues. "like someone could get you a piece of paper as a birthday gift and you'd be pleased".

you laugh, hard, because he somehow managed to get you spot on. you almost feel like he is reading your mind, because he nailed you down with each word. "really? i guess i am like that".

"ah, so my prediction was right then!"

you laugh at how glad he is. "yeah, i am truly not that hard to please, gifts are gifts and if someone gets one for me, there's no use in being mad if the gift isn't something i like, at least they remembered to get me something!"

dejun stares at you for a specifically long time, looking you up and down. he stares at you with warm eyes, a gaze that seems so near and dear to his heart, a gaze so loving that it looked like he was about to get down on one knee and propose to you.

"i like any and all gifts" you continue.

"are there any specific kinds of gifts you like?"

dejun asks that question in a tone that makes it seem like he's totally not trying to sound suspicious, but he is totally asking you that question for a very specific reason.

guanheng must've told him something..

at least, that's what you assume, but dejun is patiently waiting for your answer, and you can't daydream the whole time about the true meaning of his words.

"i like books, plushies, music tapes, vinyl's, you know.. regular gifts that people like receiving".

dejun hums, as if he's noting down the information you're telling him in his mind, still, you don't say anything about his mannerisms, just keep it to yourself.

"are you noting down my reply?"

"i'm just keeping it in mind!" he says, smiling brightly at you. "just in case your special occasion comes up and i don't know what to get you".

oh! so guanheng definitely did tell him something..

"i mean— were friends! any gift from you will be a good gift".

at the word friends, dejun seems to pause, cogs in his brains turning as he tries to process your words. you don't understand why he would be trying to understand your words, because the two of you were clearly friends, did he think you two were something else?

you see the flash of disappointment on his face, but it quickly reverts back to a smile and he simply acts like nothing happened. "sorry, the word 'friends' just caught me off guard".

a lie..

how interesting.

"seriously though, i just want to get you a gift you'll appreciate forever".

but you're already enough for me— do you know how much you've changed my life?

your own thoughts manage to surprise you, because the words that you just told yourself in your own mind startle you enough that you make a judging face at yourself. luckily, dejun is turned away from you, so he doesn't notice.

"well that's thoughtful of you".

"i try my best.." he responds, finally looking back at you with that same loving stare, one that wants to lure you in and make you trip on your own feet.

for some reason, the two of you stop. there's an uncharacteristically long pause, like the world just decided to cease for a moment, and you both are completely stuck in place, just there, staring at each other.

dejun's eyes move, as if scanning your face like a camera, and they (of course) stop at your lips. he stares at them for what seems like forever, and it almost looks like he's restraining himself, but by the way he bites his bottom lip, it's clear—

he wants to kiss you.

and maybe there's a small voice at the back of his head that tells him to cut it out, because he almost immediately snaps out of whatever daze he was having, and clears his throat, his cheeks going a bright red.

"uh— sorry, yeah, um, we should get going" he says, shaking his head as he pulls his sleeves down.

"guanheng will yell at us if we're late".

okay, so he just decides to not talk about it? you want to ask him why he didn't just do it, because he clearly wanted to, but before you can even open your mouth, or get any words out, he grabs your hand and the two of you continue walking back to the group.

he doesn't say anything more, doesn't try to make anymore small talk, and while you do want to bring up what just happened there, you don't.

you just bask in the feeling of dejun's hands intertwined with your own.

it's a good feeling, you decide.

THAT MOMENT IS STUCK ON YOUR MIND for what seems like years. you can't get over it! how he was looking at you, how he clearly wanted to kiss you, but for some reason, decided to stop himself from doing so. you're not sure why you didn't just tell him that it was okay, that you would be completely fine with him kissing you, but you guess that you're just a complete idiot as well, because you just stayed silent throughout the whole thing, the two of you equally deciding in silence to not bring it up, just sitting next to each other in awkwardly for the rest of the night.

and yeah, it's become normal for dejun to constantly run through your mind these days, it's like he has his own subsection in your mind, dedicated to thoughts about him and him only, but it's like he's just become rampant in there ever since that.. thing he did (or should you say, didn't do, considering he decided to not kiss you when the opportunity was right there), maybe you should've pulled him in, maybe you should've (for once) been impulsive and done the first thing put to your mind.

and this crawls through your mind for days, then those days become a good week and a half. now— you and dejun aren't not talking or anything, it was just sort of difficult to look at him without thinking about that.

you're so into your thoughts these days, that you are much more spacey during your classes, at home, and somehow, guanheng picks up on your weird turn, which is crazy, because guanheng was the last person you expected to notice something like that, he usually never notices most things in front of him anyway.

"okay, what the fuck happened?" he decides to randomly drop it on you when he seems to have had enough, which is funny, because he's technically the person that started the whole thing.

you look up from your phone, blinking at him like he just said something out of this world. "hm?" he scoffs at your lack of a response, shoving your shoulder, which results in a glare from you.

"what happened?" he asks again, this time without the extra swear word, he makes himself comfortable on the other side of the couch. "you are acting weird" he points at you accusingly, like you'd just been accused of a crime and he was trying to figure out if you were truly suspicious.

"i don't know what your talking about.."

"stop stalling!" he complains, grabbing your arm and beginning to shake you back and forth. "tell me! you can't keep acting weird and just not tell me what's wrong".

now you want to tell him, but in your mind it sounds so stupid that you feel like guanheng would laugh at you the moment you uttered the first few words of your sentence. "you're going to laugh".

guanheng gasps, offended by your response, though it is true, he just wants to be dramatic. "i won't! i'm concerned! i'm being a good roommate and asking you what's wrong!"

so, you roll your eyes, taking a deep breath. "okay so hypothetically.." you begin, because you have no other idea how to start your sentence.

hypothetically just means = it was indeed not hypothetical!

"hypothetically, uh huh.." guanheng hums, understanding the true meaning your words have. "okay sorry, continue".

"let's just say that, hypothetically, i am totally in love with one of your best friends, and that friend totally wanted to kiss me but then chickened out last minute and like an idiot i didn't say anything and i have no idea how to go about it".

guanheng's eyes widen at your words, and his jaw almost drops. "hypothetically though" you add to the end of your sentence after a long pause.

"right right! hypothetically.." he nods, though he can't contain his look of excitement at the words. "and you didn't kiss him back!?"

you're almost knocked off the chair from how intense his yell is. you groan and cover your face with your hands, embarrassed and ashamed. "i didn't know how to bring it up and not be awkward!"

"just say 'hey dejun you could totally kiss me and it'd be fine because we are both mortifyingly in love with each other'!" guanheng shouts, louder than his previous words. he's always so straight up, and you almost wish you didn't tell him anything. "it's that easy!"

"it is not!" you shout in rebuttal, crossing your arms and frowning. your acting like guanheng at this point, but that's not what you're noticing at this very moment. "it's easy for you! you date people and you kiss people all the time! i don't do that!"

"excuses excuses!"

you're at a loss for words at his lackluster words, you once again, frown and turn away from him. "i'm sorry! i have never been hardcore in love with someone like this before! i don't know how to talk about it!"

guanheng looks like he's about to yell again, but he takes a deep breath and relaxes himself, leaning back in the couch. "okay, i'm sorry for yelling.."

"y/n, you really just need to tell him how you feel straight up, because if you keep stalling than none of you will end up confessing in the end and you'll both just be going through a loop of 'should we or should we not?'"

you blink, staring at guanheng for a good few minutes, honestly surprised. this is probably the best advice he's ever given you, usually, you’re the one that has to give him advice because he always ends up doing something stupid and has someone that wants to murder him because of that stupid thing he did.

"that was actually.. good advice" you reply, laughing at guanheng's eye roll. he just shoves you, making sure he does extra hard this time to get his point across.

"shut up! i always give good advice!"

"you usually don't give any advice at all.." you mutter, running a hand through your hair as you look away from your roommate, who just glares at you like you just committed a federal offense.

"say something again and i'm gatekeeping dejun from you!"

"your what!?"

at the sound of your shout, guanheng giggles as he scurries away, proud of himself for the words that escape his lips.

YOU'RE NOT SURE HOW YOU SOMEHOW LET guanheng drag you off to a party on a friday night where all you wanted to do is relax. parties have never truly been your thing, but that's because being surrounded by a bunch of drunk and high adults just isn't your idea of fun, you're also just not a big drinker, so the only reason you usually even end up at parties is to take guanheng home when he gets too drunk and can't fully articulate his thoughts. so, the fact that guanheng was somehow able to convince you to get out of the house and go to a party when you truly should've been at home, watching horrible sitcoms.

but no, you're here! and you can't leave without guanheng because if you did, he'd probably find a way to end up killing himself, or he'd say the wrong thing to the wrong person and would end up getting punched in the face.

so you find yourself in a familiar spot, your back against a wall as you stare at your phone, somehow able to ignore the hundreds of screaming drunk people that surround you, it's become a skill of yours, and you're not sure how exactly it developed, you've just become such a natural when it comes to ignoring others.

guanheng, of course, has already walked off to do his own thing, but not before reminding you of the advice he'd given you a few days prior, yelling at you to 'just tell the boy you like him!'

maybe his advice is burned into your brain, because now all you wish is that you were with dejun, talking about something stupid, or just talking.

and there must've been somebody listening in on your thoughts, because he suddenly walks around the corner, head whipping around like he's searching for someone.

your not trying to look at him, but he catches your gaze immediately, and he skips towards you like a kid in a candy store.

"hi" he greets, a little giggle to his words. his face is a shade of bright red as he giggles once again, though nothing's funny. "pretty".

he whispers the last word, with the intention of you not hearing it, but his mind must be too clouded for him to realize that he said it much louder than he thought he did, but you don't say anything, just hum.

"hello" you greet back, and he laughs once again, covering his hand with his mouth. "are you okay?"

a loud snicker leaves his lips, and he moves closer to you to link his arm with yours. he rests his head onto your arm, a content smile spreading across his face. "i'm drunk".

his honest answer makes you question his state for a moment, since when do drunk people admit that they're drunk? or maybe he's only just tipsy.. your not sure, but he's not acting like a totally sober person right now.

"are you sure?" you raise an eyebrow, dejun just responds with a small 'hmph', and he keeps your arm linked with his. "dejun".

"yes! i am!" he yells as rebuttal, shaking your arm a few times. "do you wanna smell my breath?"

"oh no no no" you reply, covering his mouth with your hand. he laughs at you, his cheeks as pink as yangyang's hair, he grabs your hands, and whilst yours are cold, his are burning hot. "okay you have energy".

"i'm sorry" he suddenly blurts, another snort escaping his lips as he leans his head against your chest. you give him a look, confused as to why he felt the need to apologize.

"for what?"

"for doing that thing" dejun responds, closing his eyes as he sways back and forth. "i probably made everything awkward, i didn't mean to".

that's what he thinks? he thinks that he made everything awkward? you feel your heart break at the realization, but all dejun does is laugh sadly.

"you didn't— you didn't make everything awkward, it's okay".

dejun laughs again, clearing his throat. "just tell the truth, y/n.."

you chuckle, not at dejun, just at his words. he wants you to tell the truth? fine.. you will!

"dejun" you begin, using your pointer finger to tilt his chin up so the two of you make eye contact, you watch as his eyes widen, but he doesn't move, just lets you do your thing. "you can kiss me, it's okay".

he blinks, as if trying to figure out if you were lying or not. he opens his mouth, but no words come out, so he closes it again. "it is?" he asks again, just wanting reassurance, you hear his voice crack, but he's getting impatient, he wants your answer.

"yeah it's fine".

that's all the conformation dejun seems to need, because he finally presses his lips to yours after what seems like years of waiting. your arms naturally rest on his waist, and there's just something, something about this that makes you smile.

there's an urgency in the way he kisses you, and his hand comes up to hold your face. he is just so desperate, and it would be a lie to say that you weren't just as desperate as he is. you'd been wanting this for so long, you don't even know how many times you thought about what it would be like to kiss dejun.

his fingers caress your cheek, and the contact feels like your skin was set ablaze. maybe this is what you needed, and you assume it's exactly what dejun needed to, because he pushes on your shoulder with a seemingly inhumane amount of force, which makes you gasp a little.

while your one arm is around his waist, the other one goes up to run your fingers through his hair, somehow causing the two of you to both smile, barely stifling your laughs.

after what seems like forever, dejun pulls away, and while you're standing there, breathless, he just smiles, relaxing as you play with his hair. "you like my hair?"

you aren't sure why out of all things, that's what he decides to ask, but you laugh, completely enamored by the boy in front of you. "yep, it's soft" you reply, biting your inner cheek. "the color suits you".

dejun tilts his head, looking up at you with his insanely pretty eyes. you just want to squish his cheeks, or wrap him in a blanket and hold him forever, you aren't sure why you just have this surge of loving emotions for absolutely no reason, maybe it's the way he's staring at you, or that he just left you breathless and did it so flawlessly.

he hums, not knowing how to respond to your compliment. he just suddenly gets shy, his ears turning red at your words.

"you're so stupid.."

that's probably his favorite phrase to say to you by now, but you don't mind, you just smile as he hides his face away from you.

"dejun" you call out despite him being right in front of you, and he looks up at you again, gaze warm as he gives you a small smile.

"yes?"

"i love you" you immediately spout, not even surprised by how high your voice has gotten. "like— in the i'm in love with you kinda way and not in a i just want you to kiss you but not call you my boyfriend kinda way".

dejun pauses, snickering at your words, he looks at you like you're the only person in the world.

what other way could there possibly be?

but you don't get any response, at least, not from him, because all he does is lean forward and press his lips to yours.

YOU'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN A FAN OF YOUR BIRTHDAY, and you aren't sure why. it used to be a fun thing up until you turned twelve and it suddenly felt like a switch had flipped, as if your birthday was making you miserable. now it's not like you always feel depressed on your birthday, it's just that sometimes you don't want to have a huge birthday celebration. most of the time— you only request for huge birthday bashes on specific days, like when you turned ten (you were very excited about becoming a double–figured age), or when you turned eighteen (you became an adult, not that exciting but it was definitely something, you could finally legally drink), but it's truly only specific days that you don't mind having large, people–filled birthday parties.

and not only were you not exactly anticipating your birthday, you already had something even bigger on your mind the whole time.

like dejun ghosting you! that's definitely one!

okay so you tell the guy you love him, you make out with him at a party (in the opposite order but oh well), he doesn't give you a response and then he decides to just ignore you?

maybe he just didn't know what to say, and that also lead to him just not picking up his phone for a good two weeks as he completely ignored your calls and texts and voicemails!

and with this being the only thing on your mind, your birthday seemed to be the least important event at the moment.

you didn't really want to think about it, and the campus was starting to make you feel sick, so this year you planned on visiting your parents after the day was over, considering your special day fell on a friday—

but guanheng, guanheng had other plans.

he practically begged you to let him throw the party for you, he wanted to do it so bad that he vowed to never ask you for a favor ever again (which is a lie! he never keeps his promises!), he was acting so desperate, it was like you'd just saved his life or something.

you're not sure what made guanheng so eager to throw a party for you, especially because you just didn't know what you would do with a bunch of people in your dorm.

but he insisted, he would throw you the best party in the world.

and after what seemed like forever, you two finally agreed on something—

you go visit your parents friday evening, and guanheng throws your party on saturday, easy!

"what do you mean strawberry isn't a good flavor!?"

you scoff at his question, nodding your head, as if confirming your words. "i don't like strawberry flavored things, you get me a strawberry cake and i'm making you sleep outside".

your threat results in a gasp from your roommate, who looks genuinely hurt by your words as he places a hand on his chest, horrified. "you are such a horrible roommate! threatening me when i'm throwing a party for you".

"it'll be a horrible party if you get me a horribly flavored cake".

you totally mean what you say as well— you truly dislike strawberry cake.

and when guanheng said party, you didn't exactly anticipate how many people he would decide to let into your dorm.

now you know a good chunk of these people, but most of these people probably decided to come just because they knew guanheng, all they did was utter some happy birthday's and then they ran off to do their own thing.

guanheng got most things right, he just invited a bunch of people that really didn't care for your birthday, just wanted to be around him.

so it's no surprise that you felt just a little disappointed about the people at your party that just didn't give two shits about your actual birthday.

and guanheng was off doing something else, though you could actually see him this time, he was telling people where to put the gifts they brought for you.

your beginning to feel suffocated in your own dorm, which is ironic to you, because this is quite literally the place you go to get away from a bunch of people, it's the only place of yours that isn't full of people.

so, you clear your throat, and push through people to get to the door, not wanting to stay inside with all these people, you'll probably end up throwing up everywhere if you stay inside even longer.

when you exit the dorm, you take a deep breath the moment you close the door, letting your back fall against it. you immediately jump as you see a person behind the door—

okay so dejun (who you confessed your love to by the way!), is pacing back and forth in front of your door, totally stressing. you blink, a look of confusion spreading across your face. "um.."

"are you okay?"

you aren't even sure why you opened your mouth, but if you didn't, this would just go on for a good twenty more minutes.

dejun jumps, clearing his throat as he smiles awkwardly. "you— scared the shit out of me".

he's acting so casually? after not talking to you for a good two weeks!?

"sorry—"

"i'm sorry!"

dejun immediately yells, covering his face with his hands. "i'm so sorry for not texting you! or calling you! or giving you a response! it was so stupid of me to not consider your feelings and instead of just telling you straight up how i felt i decided to ignore you but i was scared that i wouldn't be able to tell you without making it awkward and it—"

"dejun" you place your hands on his shoulders, turning him around to face you. "your rambling".

he sighs, eyes darting away from your face, he frowns. "but it's not okay, i didn't talk to you, i probably came off as such an asshole! you were probably so confused, and i just.. said nothing!"

you observe his features, and he looks even more anxious at your silence. his face goes red, and his leg begins bouncing up and down, whilst his hands look for something to hold.

"okay, calm down.." you mutter, reaching for his left hand and lacing it together with yours. "it's okay, there's no need to be worried".

"i'm sorry" he says again, finally looking up at you. "i get it if you don't forgive me—"

"dejun" you cut into his sentence, squeezing his left hand. "i forgive you.. i love you".

you repeat your confession once more, and dejun blinks, processing your words.

"i love you too".

and finally, after what seems like forever, after what was so long, he gave you a response.

before you could say anything more, dejun pulls you in for a hug, his arms circling around your waist. you're a bit taken aback by the sudden display of affection, but you also don't mind, because he squeezes you tighter.

"happy birthday" he mumbles, a small smile coming to his face as he feels your hand comb through his hair. "i'm sorry".

"stop apologizing" you say, lifting his chin up so you could look him in the eyes. "i forgive you, it's okay".

and it is, you're being completely honest, but dejun doesn't say more, immediately pulling you back into a warm hug

but suddenly, the door to your dorm swings open and guanheng peaks his head out, eyes widening as he witnesses the current thing. he has absolutely no context to anything which was happening at the moment, he just opened the door to witness a totally unaware dejun hugging you.

"uh.." he blinks, glancing between you two, but not asking anything, just clearing his throat. "it's time to cut the cake?" he laughs awkwardly, and you just smile, giving him a i'll be right there look.

"o...kay" he doesn't say anything more, just goes back inside and closes the door.

dejun giggles as guanheng closes the door, pulling away again to look up at you. "oh he is totally tired of us".

"we didn't do anything, though".

dejun snickers, lightly hitting your arm. "okay okay, you need to stop, it's your birthday, you have to go cut your cake".

"and.." he pauses, pulling a box out of nowhere and handing it over to you. "open your gifts".

you raise an eyebrow, confused. "where were you even hiding that?"

"that's irrelevant! it's your birthday, come on!"

and you let him drag you back into your dorm, smiling at him the whole time.

YOU ALMOST CONSIDER THE WAY YOU are acting to be absurd, and it's funny how much of another side dejun can just bring out of you. now you would never consider yourself to be a grumpy person, but people usually do describe you as having a 'natural frown'. you never really thought of yourself as being like that, but you guess that people don't see you look so happy much, because they continue to point out how it's like some glitch in the matrix to see you just a little less miserable as each day passes. chenle especially makes comments, talking about how you need to "put your smile away" because not seeing your resting face constantly freaks him out, renjun on the other hand, is elated, or maybe he's just glad he can finally be rid of you, you don't know.

but all that put aside, you are happy, and you have a cute oreo–haired man to thank for that.

and maybe this is all you really need, just dejun, the two of you don't even have to do anything, he can just lay his head down onto your shoulder and you'd be having a good time.

you like it when he sits down and paints your nails for you, or when he watches you bake over your shoulder, not knowing what to do but happy to watch you do your thing, or when he coerces you to win prizes from carnival games for him with his absolutely adorable eyes (he doesn't even need to try to coerce you, you'd do it either way).

"i'm pretty sure this is illegal".

"it's not!" you reply, though you mean to reassure dejun, your words seem to worry him more than anything. you take his hand, squeezing it. "dejun, i'm not getting you into any illegal activity".

"i can never tell with you" he retorts suspiciously, keeping your hand in his as you lead him up, he would have tripped if not for you holding your hand and guiding you up.

you clear your throat, patting the spot beside you as dejun immediately sits, so close to you that your legs are touching. "if i ever wanted to do something illegal, i'd know better than to bring you along".

he gasps, and you can't resist the urge to laugh at how offended he sounds. "what is that supposed to mean!?"

"you" your pointer finger touches his nose, and he doesn't even try to move. "are a snitch, you would be horrible to commit a crime with".

dejun slaps your hand away, and you laugh at the way he crosses his arms, a familiar pout gracing his absolutely beautiful features. "you— i.. take that back!"

"it's true! even yangyang would be a better option than you!"

dejun is even more offended by the words, and he slowly scoots away from you, arms still crossed as he pouts. you giggle as he remains scooted away from you, still angry about the words you said.

"uh— jun, i was just joking!"

"you suck".

dejun glares, but his glare is anything but serious, as you can see the way he slowly starts to break under your gaze, resisting the urge to burst into laughter. "i hate you".

"you love me".

he does, and he can't pretend he doesn't, because he almost immediately snickers, looking away from you as to not laugh more.

oh he is just so adorable.

you scoot closer to him and wrap your arms around his waist, making him yelp. "you're so cute" you mutter into his shoulder, and at this point, dejun doesn't even try to pretend anymore.

"you're so corny" he says, patting your arms that currently circle around his waist. you lean your head down onto his shoulder, making yourself comfortable, and he just lets you, because at this point he can't really push you off him.

"don't fall asleep, i'm not going to carry you back to your place".

"you would be too weak to carry me anyway— ow!"

you yell loudly as dejun nudges you in the stomach with his elbow, and while he looks absolutely proud of himself, you just glare, absolutely done with him.

but you don't say anything, just lets your fingers run through his hair, probably your favorite thing to do with him. he just cups your face, and he just smiles at your face, giggling. "your just as cute as when we first met".

the statement makes you snicker, because you did not expect for him to say that out of all things he could've said. you get why he says it though, because you are at the place where it all began, the bleachers, the same bleachers where you two were standing when you shared your first interaction.

you tilt your head, wanting to tease him more. "so there were moments where i wasn't cute, then?"

dejun scoffs, turning away from you. he lightly pinches your arm, and you yelp once again, inching away from him. "why do you enjoy hurting me?"

he smiles innocently. "i don't, i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about!"

your face drops, and all dejun does is laugh, squeezing your cheeks. "don't be mad, babe, you know i love you".

and you do, you do know, he never fails to remind you of how much he does.

"i love you too.."

with your eye rolls, and tiny mutters, dejun knows, he knows that you're telling the truth.

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