#conspiracy theorist Sasuke
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theshadowrealmitself · 8 months ago
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Once again thinking about Sasuke thinking Tsunade’s actually Naruto’s grandma
Current thoughts on it: Naruto unlocking a version of Mokuton (something something the Uzumaki and Senju being sister clans so Naruto gets something similar but not exactly the same, anyways!) and him and Sasuke put it together that whatever Naruto can do now, it’s a lot like what the first hokage could do
So of course, first thing they try and do is see if Naruto can do it without the necklace, turns out he can! While thinking about it, Sasuke hears Naruto refer to Tsunade as “granny” again and starts to really think about it
While looking into it, he finds out that Tsunade’s grandma was an Uzumaki (and maybe somehow completely overlooks any mention of other Uzumakis which doesn’t seem too impossible since like. no one seems to know anything about Uzumakis for some reason)
So Naruto: has a similar ability to Tsunade’s grandpa, kinda looks like Tsunade?, was given the first hokage’s necklace (this would look really weird if you were not in the know of why, let’s be real here), and the only other “Uzumaki” that he can find evidence of was Tsunade’s grandma
So clearly, Naruto’s v closely related to Tsunade, but then why would she not claim him as family??
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canonsinthehead · 5 months ago
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Naruto Modern AU/Hollywood pt.4 - The Perfect Older Brother: Itachi Uchiha.
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Itachi Uchiha is an actor. Not any actor, but an A-list one who has a background in finance studies and whose career path changed overnight After a movie director suggested a role at an art auction his family attended. Fugaku accepted on his son’s behalf without a second thought (With dollar bills in mind). Regardless of having zero experience in this field, Itachi thought "Why not?" and accepted the offer.
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The relatively cheap production romance movie ended up being a box office success, and a blueprint in the Roman genre. Itachi received many acclamations and prizes as a new actor for his performance. His genuinely stellar actor skills help him beat the “nepotism helped me” allegations (even if it did). He filled his catalog further with diverse rules and started making a name for himself.
His fan base grew fast and worldwide. He always had a confirmed reputation for being super nice to fans at fan meetings and treating his staff nicely. The Public and many leaders in the industry fell in love with his effortless handsome looks.  Strangely, he gained a great reputation as a host/MC for various shows and awards ceremonies. His fanbase stretched across all large nations, and they all liked him for different reasons.
Konoha: his romance, movies, skills as an MC, being a Uchiha (and the status attached to it), his clean style, and social media presence
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Iwagakure: when he acts in action movies (a lot of them are filmed there), the one-sided beef Deidara has with him and features in a lot of commercials.
Kumogakure: a huge portion of his fans are from Kumo. ironically, he is known for his effortless humor and features in many celebrity variety shows.
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(yep, a Blackpink reference...)
After a guest appearance at Kumo’s most popular program, Killer Bee’s Showtime, there was a running gag at some point exposing how terrible of a dancer he is after losing in a challenge.
Sunagakure: appeared in many perfumes’ commercials, and many of his movies have been translated into the native language.
Itachi has never been on the press’s bad side. He often attends his relatives' or friends' events. For the sake of his little brother’s peace, he did not show support publicly to Sasuke for a long time.
It has been established that he and Kisame Are good friends. On top of being an avid basketball fan, Itachi is a regular front-roll attendee at those events.
Nobody’s perfect, hence why the conspiracy theorist and podcast bro Mizuki has been on Itachi’s neck since the dawn of time to relatively no success since only a small niche of individuals believe him.
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The strongest podcast by Mizuki has been spreading the weirdest conspiracy theories known to man along with questionable ideologies. His show appeals to a certain demographic of men worldwide and it pays his bills. Recently, he has been calling anybody and everybody gay. It is part of. Mizuki’s routine at this point and Itachi did not escape those false accusations. There is a theory circulating on the dark side of the web stating that Itachi is a secret homosexual along with Kisame who is on the DL And is dating Izumi Uchiha to save face (WOW! This is a bold egregious claim!). Nobody outside the small Eco chamber, a.k.a. his fan base believes this theory.
Well, as crazy as it sounds, Mizuki is partially right… (bear with me…)
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Itachi is in a 100% consensual agreement with Izumi and uses her as a beard. He is currently dating (and smashing) Juuzo Biwa. Not even Sasuke or Kisame are aware of the truth, it is something he prefers (along with Juuzo) to keep for himself.
BACK TO Part.1 previous part next part
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sauntervaguelydown · 2 months ago
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@clevertyranttidalwave
This is so interesting, I came to the fandom somewhat recently, and already knowing about chakra natures from the get-go and it didn't even occur to me to think about what this retcon does. If you would be up to talking about your thoughts on this, and maybe Naruto's magic system in general in more detail, I would be very grateful to hear them!
Heyyyy I’m stuck in an airport and I would love to talk to you about Naruto
I talked a bit before about some of the early jutsu that are introduced, which don’t really mesh with the later ones that well
But… about the chakra natures specifically
So right from the start the choice in 5 elements is weird. I’m sure you know the Greek/Western tradition gives you four with air/fire/water/earth. Japanese Shinto, on the other hand, gives you five with Earth/water/fire/wind/void. The concept of “Void” is like the void of heaven, ether, air, even linguistically like “space” in the astronomical sense.
So it’s weird that Kishimono pulls lightning as the 5th element at all. Maybe there's some prior trope in shonen manga that I'm not aware of, but to me this sniffs of backwards world building. He already had Kakashi and Sasuke using Lightning Jutsu, but he was about to start having his mouthpiece teacher character explain to Naruto that most jutsu come from elemental manipulation, and so Lightning got swapped in because idk “void” wasn’t giving him what he wanted. I can’t actually figure out if the Land of Lightning was introduced anywhere in the OG manga or not—Hidden Cloud definitely comes up during the Hyuuga backstory, but I’m honestly not sure if it being situated in Lightning gets mentioned at all.  Not to be a conspiracy theorist, but the 5 Major Nations TM kind of seem like a later bit of world building overall.  
As far as the actual implementation of elemental magic goes…
Early jutsu in Naruto can do all kinds of things. You can make a copy of yourself out of nothing, you can transform into a giant shuriken, you can swap your body with a log, summon animals, you can cast Mind Magic Hypnosis on people. Water walking comes from extant ninja handbooks, although the handbooks generally suggest techniques that are not magic but rather clever inventions. These are, I think, more in line with the things Ninja in legend are supposedly able to do. Conjurers’ tricks that are real.
“Katon” and “doton” are both names that come from real life ninja handbooks, I believe. Katon is the art of using fire—usually, setting fire to an enemy stronghold from the inside so that they panic and create an opening for a siege. But if you’ve got techniques for earth and fire already, why not round it out with water and wind as well? And so on.
There’s a lot of manipulating chakra so that it interacts with the body in specific ways—the gentle fist style, the 8 Gates, tree & water walking… even the Shadow Possession stuff is about how your chakra affects changes in another person’s body. This makes sense! Chakra is, at its linguistic root, a reference to Indian yogic mysticism. It’s about what you can do for your body and soul using the life-force inside of you.  On the other hand, having jutsu closely intertwined with the physical body is magic in a very different flavor than Zabuza summoning a dragon made out of water. They’re both equally valid, though.
When Shippuden takes a swerve into trying to explain everything in terms on Elemental Alignment, it raises a lot of questions that get lampshaded by Naruto and then not answered by anyone actually. Making every keikeigenkai an elemental combo feels weird, because we have SEEN the sharingan, and it has nothing to do with elements. Trying to explain Haku’s keikeigenkai  as a combination of “water” and “Wind” elements feels weird. In the chapter it was introduced, the impressive thing about his jutsu isn’t that it’s ice, it’s that he can reflect himself in all these mirrors at the same time and functionally collapse into the 2nd dimension.  
On a nitpicky level, in what world would kids not do these affinity alignments during their school years? It’s such an obvious thing to want to learn early on, while you’re developing your style and focus. Yet Naruto had never held this magic paper until he was 15, and no mention of affinities was made during the whole of Part One.
You would think this is a thing people would like to know. Kakashi frames it as a higher level skill, but like... if you're gonna have Temari's fans be retroactively turned into a Wind Element TM skill, then clearly some genin are ready and willing to try their hands.
That’s most of my thoughts. I’m not, like, against the inclusion of elemental affinity. Sorting people into boxes is fun. We loved hogwarts houses, we love ATLA, we love astrology. Elemental affinity is appealing!
It just feels very tacked on, and kind of limiting in the specific way it's introduced. Once you meet people from the Land of Lightning/Earth etc, their respective element kind of becomes the main thing they all do. Whereas in Konoha, not everyone is blowing fireballs all the time. I mean that's partly because of the issue with the story moving more and more towards Major World Players (ie. Kage, their lieutenants, and jinchuriki). I have some critiques about how that's handled as well but I've already been talking for SO LONG that I actually got out of the airport
ummm thanks for coming to my tedtalk?
Redditors been having the same crisis about canon that I’m having for the last ten years
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Kishimono Math strikes again
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millennial-ring · 6 years ago
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wait ok i haven’t finished shippuden and i only know like 5 things about boruto but are y’all really trying to tell me naruto and sasuke have matching hand tattoos and are literally soul mates and somehow they still ended up straight?
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1rakus · 3 years ago
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i love sasuke but you all need to admit hes not smart or well adjusted enough to be a fucking leftist. that man is an anarcho-primitivist or a libertarian conspiracy theorist who eats perfectly balanced macros to maximize his workouts
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werm-whole-skwerm · 3 years ago
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I'm literally obsessed with conspiracy theorist Sonic the Hedgehog being in love with jock chad Sasuke Uchiha.
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jacksgreysays · 2 years ago
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It sounds like the most likely option would be for ANY to gather support and force Naruto to resign in favor of a different candidate. I think they'd go for a more political approach, both because Naruto is not great at politics and also because they know actual fighting would end poorly, y'know?
Probably not Kakashi, but maybe someone like Tenten? Or Neji? Someone respected, mostly neutral, but also leaning a little more in Shikako's favor so as to get her home - aryaokayfriend
That's definitely a reasonable alternative course of action, aryaokayfriend, and I would think in a less bleak AU such a route would be feasible and without worse consequences. But since this is a bleak AU and thus everyone is being their most cynical/suspicious, it's unfortunately not the path the ANY clans can take. But, to clarify, when I say civil war, it is largely a COLD civil war in that the ANY clans ALSO don't want it to end in actual fighting--the secession IS them politically/legally maneuvering their way out of being part of Konoha (ie if the clans joined Konoha initially with the understanding that certain clan rights would be respected, then the Incident was a violation of that founding contract)
Although, to be fair, part of the problem is that the point in the timeline that Primadonna Girl (ftvuwc) happens is a full decade AFTER the Incident. And I would also think that the ANY clans already TRIED other methods before settling on a mass exodus/secession from Konoha. Especially early on when the Incident was still fresh and a vote of no confidence (or at least the military dictatorship equivalent) on Naruto would be striking while the iron was hot. A full decade later would be too late. Especially if you consider that a decade of peace is probably one of the better/longer Hokage reigns.
I do have the headcanon that the Akimichi (and thus the Nara and Yamanaka) have closer ties to the daimyo of the Land of Fire than the other Konoha clans, and such a thing could be useful for gathering economic/political support. And I do think that economic/political support is also useful for the ANY clans (and whoever decide to go with them) to essentially found their own mini-village. But while that economic/political support would put pressure on Naruto's reign (perhaps not as drastic as what happened with the Fourth Kazekage before the Konoha Chuunin Exams) there's other, more important, factors to consider seeing as how the Hokage is not beholden to the daimyo but rather a deterrent to the other hidden villages (ie, our leader is so strong, don't mess with us)
Which gets to the second part, in that for all that Naruto is not politically savvy, he is undeniably one of the strongest shinobi of Konoha. It's part of the reason why Danzo didn't become Hokage after the Sandaime died even though he must have jumped at the opportunity: there were two more obviously powerful candidates available (Jiraiya and Tsunade.) So there's more than just administration when it comes to being Hokage. And, again, to be fair this is right after an attempted invasion with them fully knowing that Orochimaru is a major threat and Tsunade is one of the few people who can take him in a fight. World peace is a little iffy in a society of magical military might as the basis for government, but even if it didn't matter how powerful a candidate is, it still matters how POPULAR a candidate is (ie, can their reputation alone protect the village)
And obviously Naruto's generation is absolutely FULL of badasses. Unfortunately, the only people who have the level of reputation that Naruto does are his teammates and his sensei who just stepped down. Which is part of the tension in the village since some people (in their most cynical/conspiracy theorist opinion) that the Incident happened as a way to get rid of Shikako. And while Naruto is not politically savvy, he is extremely charming/personable which Sasuke is not (and Sasuke wouldn't even want the role of Hokage. AND it would be very awkward for him to BECOME Hokage without it seeming like a huge betrayal to Naruto, no matter which side of the Incident Sasuke falls on.)
TenTen simply doesn't have the reputation or political backing (and some people, again in their most cynical opinion, would simply view her as a knock off Shikako considering a lot of her fire power comes from seals.) Neji might have a more impressive post-war reputation (since we're entertaining the idea that he lives in this otherwise extremely bleak AU) and is a clan kid but that's also part of the problem. Because he's part of the Branch House of the Hyuuga clan and has, essentially, a slavery seal on his forehead (again, bleak AU, we're presupposing the caged bird seal has not been dealt with) which is not something you want in a Hokage--although, as far as the cynical/conspiracy theorist versions of the Hyuuga are concerned they have Naruto who has, in all but name, married into the Main House.
There is also Sakura (because some part of me will always be so enamored with a Hokage!Sakura) depending on how actually devoted to world peace the other villages are because she is the last apprentice of Tsunade and so has both the healing and combat abilities to ride that legacy even if she doesn't have the clan lineage that other candidates have. Especially if, given Konoha is already known for being medical leaders, that's the direction they (and I don't know who "they" are tbh) essentially market Sakura as a Hokage candidate. And while those same cynical people who thought TenTen is just a knock off Shikako would think of Sakura as a knock off Tsunade, that's not as bad a thing. Because Shikako is still arguably available, versus Tsunade being fully retired (or deceased?) and passed her prime. Sakura as a knock off Tsunade is the closest to a Tsunade in her prime that the Konoha would be able to get at the point in time everything goes down. Additionally, Sakura is not as close to Naruto in DoS as she is in canon and so she wouldn't be as concerned about it and it wouldn't feel as much like a betrayal for her to replace Naruto as Hokage.
Unfortunately, there would still be that sign of weakness that Konoha would even switch Hokage without the previous Hokage being dead/medically unfit. Would the other villages act on it considering the "world peace?" I don't know, but it certainly doesn't look good.
I know I said it jokingly in the first PG(ftvuwc) review response, but at this point in the timeline, it might actually be that the safest/least politically tumultuous route to fixing this bleak AU is for Shikadai to become Hokage. Or at the very least declare his intentions to be Hokage (since I don't think Konoha's political landscape can survive another decade of cold civil war.)
And it does harken back to the original premise of Naruto (boy trying to be powerful/Hokage so as to protect his precious people) in a very twisty sort of way.
Because Shikadai (declaring his intent to) becoming Hokage does unpack the politics of the Incident without needing anyone (ie Naruto and Shikako) to backtrack their decisions. (Not that, at this point, the individuals that used to be friends, Naruto and Shikako, WOULDN'T backtrack and apologize to each other. But by this point in time they are no longer individuals so much as they are unwilling symbols of different sides of a civil war.)
And while Shikamaru wouldn't have had the power/reputation to be a Hokage candidate, Shikadai is also Temari's son (and the Incident was a consequence of how she was the better Kazekage candidate than Kankurou) and he's been a motivated Nara since the beginning similar to Shikako AND if he does end up getting the deer summons from her (and maybe other training?), will probably end up her heir which is, similar to Sakura, enough of a connection that he can ride that legacy even if he never becomes AS badass as Shikako.
As for the other side, it wouldn't be seen as Naruto being replaced so much as it would be passing the hat along to the next generation. Yes, it would be him retiring relatively early as opposed to having to step down because of health (or death) but it would be less jarring politically (internally and internationally) if it's going to the next generation rather than laterally to someone less powerful in his same generation.
This is probably way more of a response than you were expecting for, aryaokayfriend. Sorry about that, the brainrot is real.
the bleak primadonna au brainrot is real
I have loved your posts on characters' thoughts so far, but I haven't really seen Kakashi mentioned? How does he feel about the whole ordeal? How is he reacting to the fallout? What would he do if there was a civil war over it?
AHHHHHH, anon, thank you for validating bleak primadonna AU brainrot is real. I’m patient zero and it is wild how much I keep thinking about it, lol.
To be fair I hadn’t really considered Kakashi much in this AU until you asked. Except for the canonical “had he still been Hokage this wouldn’t have happened” type thing. But as a person also affected by the Incident and, again, living with the knowledge that he could have prevented this, there’s all that good classic Kakashi Guilt™
BECAUSE I do still stand by the idea that he would have given Shikako her justified revenge. BUT ALSO, another part of the reason for the brewing civil war is that some people think Shikako is the better Hokage candidate so there must be a part of Kakashi that is wondering what if he had chosen Shikako as his successor.
And, like, we have to imagine that when it came time for Kakashi to pass down the hat he did know that objectively Shikako is the better leader, administrator, mentor/guide, general, etc. etc. Of course as of canon DoS, Naruto is still out on his time skip training trip, but Shikako has gone full jounin with SQ’s world building of peace time jounin requirements and even before then we see the difference between Shikako taking the lead on missions versus Naruto being mission leader.
Although, again, haven’t consumed Boruto, so I don’t know if they ever explained what happens between teen Naruto to Hokage Naruto. He could still be genin ranked for all I know, although I would think that whatever powers that be that decide the next Hokage would want him to prove himself as a jounin. And while, arguably, wartime promotions are a thing (obviously child Kakashi didn’t have a civic leadership project considering his almost literal lone wolf vibe and also being a child) the whole point of a Hokage Naruto is that he wants/brought about a world of peace. Which is to say that we don’t necessarily know what Naruto will end up doing for his jounin civic leadership project or even if one is required of him, but I can’t imagine it’s more impressive/significant than the, essentially, multiple jounin civic leadership projects that Shikako has done/contributed to, etc.
All of that to say, if Kakashi were to be logical about his successor he would definitely consider/ask Shikako first—privately so as not to rub it in Naruto and Sasuke’s faces--then ask for her opinion on who it should be after she says no. Because obviously he knows about being a reluctant Hokage forced into a position he doesn’t want (he probably tried to pass down the hat even earlier, but it’s not until a certain age when his students are a more acceptable option that it becomes reasonable) and he would never want to do the same thing to his students. And of course at this point in time—post war/all threats dealt with—Shikako just wants to relax and come up with cool seals and not worry about any oncoming tragedy so she certainly doesn’t want to be Hokage. And moreover of course she wouldn’t want to steal Naruto’s dream. So she turns Kakashi down.
(And this is maybe something she thinks about, too. After everything. The hubris she had that even if she didn’t become Hokage that she could still guide/influence her friends into doing what she wanted/thought was correct. And how galling it must have been when Naruto refused her. O_O)
But back to Kakashi.
He wonders, maybe, if he should have… not MADE her take the hat per se, but been a little more convincing. Encouraged her toward it in a way that said, “Hey, I was the best option Konoha had at the time and I stepped up. I think you’re the best option Konoha has now and I want you to step up, too.” Because it’s not always about who WANTS it the most but who is BEST for the role.
(And also, for all that Naruto is arguably not great in the bleak primadonna AU, I don’t think he’d be resentful towards Shikako had she become Hokage. He would have been a little heart broken for a little bit, maybe, and always think about it wistfully, but I think he would have eventually come to terms with it and, like, re-contextualize his desire to be Hokage for what it really was (to be publicly respected and liked which he achieved before becoming Hokage anyway))
But, let’s move beyond Kakashi’s Guilt and Regrets™
If Sasuke is conflicted to the point of being neutral and staying in the village, I would want to do something different with Kakashi. In classic Kakashi fashion, he does turn the blame inwards, but he also has to never show it because now—with the exception of Gai—the only people he can be vulnerable about these types of things are his students who are at the heart of the issue (and also Sasuke who is already SO conflicted)
It’s a very fine line he is walking and I’m not sure if I’m even articulating it right, but basically I think he is a big Kako Heijo fan but also never acknowledges who Kako Heijo really is. Like, whenever possible, he goes to the midnight premieres of her movies but never reaches out to use his obvious connections to get merch or autographs or special seating or anything like that. Why would he? He’s just a fan of Kako Heijo. He has no other connection to her. Of course he never taught her, you must be confused, Kako Heijo is a civilian actress not a shinobi. Why are you being so weird. Oh, you must be thinking of my student Shikako Nara. I suppose they have similar names, but I don’t see how you’d get them confused.
Extreme denial is the way he’d go.
I also think, in order to prevent… hm… there’s probably another faction in the village who want Kakashi to be Hokage again instead. Like, a neutral faction or a faction who is also trying to prevent a civil war by seeking a third option or, like, the older generation who see both Shikako and Naruto as overdramatic upstarts because Kakashi shouldn’t have even given up the hat anyway. You keep it until you die (or are unable to fight. Actually, DOES something happen to Kakashi that would make him unable to fight? I did not read much of Shippuden.) But even if Kakashi thought it would work (it wouldn’t) I don’t think he’d want to be Hokage again. And if anything that would just be kicking the problem further down the line because he’d have to retire again eventually and his successors would still be Naruto and Shikako… and maybe Sasuke, although I feel like he’d want it even less?
Anyways… in order to prevent that, I think Kakashi really is leaning into the whole… I’m just a silly old man. Yes I used to be Hokage and one of the deadliest S-rank shinobi on the planet, but now I like to watch movies and play with my dogs, nothing to see here.
And so as not to seem one-sided in his personal but not professional support, I do think Kakashi gets closer to the Uzumaki family as, like, a strange uncle figure (which adds to Boruto’s weird double prince privilege vibe) so its not just them and the Hyuuga clan. But understandably it gets fraught when Naruto neglects his fatherly duties to be Hokage—which both Boruto and Himawari are sad about and only adds to the guilt that Kakashi points inward—and Kakashi doesn’t help him with that because 1) that’s not his job anymore, 2) he’s just a silly old man, and 3) if Kakashi helps Naruto professionally then what was the point of even passing the hat down, if he’s going to advise Naruto then he should have just kept it and maybe the Incident wouldn’t have happened and he wou—
Things get cyclical with Kakashi and his Guilt/Regret Spiraling™
When I say civil war, I don’t actually think there will be outright war and fighting. Most of the movement would be led by the ANY clans and most of that would be a peaceful secession from Konoha, possibly citing the original clan laws of why they joined Konoha in the first place, and sort of implying that there were contracts in place about clan responsibilities to the village and vice versa when Konoha was founded.
Now whether or not the other side accepts the secession peacefully is up in the air, but the ANY clans have been PLANNING and PREPARING for this for a long time so i would think that if it did come to actual battle, the ANY clans would have the foresight to have already evacuated all their noncombatants which puts more risk for the other side. And, sure, Naruto would kick Chouji’s ass—especially since, without Shikamaru, he and Ino aren’t as effective in battle as they were before and no way is Ino going to be able to mind jump a jinchuuriki—but by that point it gets kinda dicey since like… Naruto’s whole stance is that he brought peace to the Elemental Nations and also that Shikako straight up murdered who she wanted… so obviously it’s not hypocrisy per se, but it doesn’t look great in either direction for Naruto if he lets a third of his village leave or if he forces(?) a third of his village to stay under threat of imprisonment(?)
Kakashi knows this. And this is the one case where he is being proactive, competent Hound/former Hokage in that he is trying to reintegrate the ANY clans into the village without tipping anyone off about the plan to secede and also that he knows about the plan to secede. Or maybe he doesn’t really KNOW it per se, but I think he gets the vibe that something is happening to the ANY clans similar to what happened to the Uchiha clan and he’s trying to fix the problem the same way he would have fixed that without realizing that the ANY clans are isolating/diminishing their presence themselves rather than it being done to them by other people.
(Because if it comes to actual war, Kakashi knows what he’ll do. It’s what he’s always done. He’ll fight for Konoha. He’ll kill for Konoha. He doesn’t want to, but he will if it comes to that. But it won’t. Because the Hokage is Naruto and that’s what got them into this situation in the first place)
That being said, it really does depend on the Hyuuga Branch House on whether or not things turn to violence. Because if the ANY clans are able to recruit the Branch House they get that moral victory AND the majority of Konoha’s current most powerful bloodline which means that even if the other clans are willing to stay with Naruto’s village, much less fight for it, odds are not in their favor. But, if the ANY clans CAN’T recruit the Branch House, it then depends on whether they are willing to fight against their current best chance at removing the seal (because even if Shikako is currently off being Kako Heijo that doesn’t mean she won’t at some point go back to sealing. And she won’t look favorably on them if they mess with her clans) and even if they do fight, I can’t imagine they’re going to go all out. (And, also, I have to wonder if Akimichi physiology is at all a deterrent to the Hyuuga’s style? Like… does their bulk mean that more effort is required to hit the tenketsu?)
And, like, even if the ANY clans lose, at worst Naruto is going to imprison them (specifically Chouji and Ino and maybe Kinokawa as the leaders) because the whole situation even started because he doesn’t believe in capital punishment. And then, what, their clans are just supposed to fall back in line without being resentful? And then as if Kako Heijo won’t come out of retirement to prison break her childhood friends and her little brother. AND THEN! THAT JUST FURTHER PROVES THE FUTILITY OF NARUTO’S STANCE (but also does maybe now turn Shikako into an official S-rank nuke nin like the many Konoha S-rank nuke nin before her, but who’s going to go up against her, really, lol)
Oh Kakashi, so little of this is your fault, and yet I know he’s going to internalize all of it and just destroy himself emotionally while still being cool and casual externally.
Sorry for ranting, thank you for indulging me.
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effeminateboyninja · 4 years ago
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some random naruto characters and why they are annoying but still cool during the sesh 😎
naruto/kiba: can’t handle their high BUT they are really funny and will get the group into fun mischief
sasuke: the conspiracy theorist who won’t shut up BUT you do learn some new things and that’s cool for a while
shikamaru: know-it-all about strains BUT he rolls better than anyone in the group
ino: charges too much for mids BUT she’s never dry
sakura: never contributes and is constantly bumming BUT she’ll get everyone ubers home and buy snacks
shino: gets weirdly outspoken and aggressive when he’s high?? BUT he’s usually so quiet so it’s fun to see that side of him
tenten: gets very touchy feely after one joint BUT she always has the best sesh playlists
neji: snob who only smokes quads BUT he’s probably the most chill in the group, very easy to just hang out with
kakashi: catches you guys smoking and takes your ouid for himself BUT he doesn’t tell your parents
BONUS
hinata: one time kiba pressured her into a bong hit and she greened out :/
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shokoraa · 2 years ago
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Quantum Grace
Quantum Grace
By: Koistral
Summary: In which I overpower the hell out of our favorite traumatized boi, spit in the face of canon, self-indulge in every way known to man, and completely ignore the dynamics of the Naruto universe to make plot points happen.
Or, alternatively, Todoroki Shouto learns the bittersweet beauty of second chances.
Status: Incomplete  Updated: Nov. 14, 2021
Words: 12,811  Chapters: 4/??  Language: English
Fandom: Naruto, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Characters: Uchiha Sasuke, Hoozuki Suigetsu, Uzumaki Naruto, Karin (Naruto), Hatake Kakashi, Orochimaru (Naruto), Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Itachi, Otogakure no Shinobi Yonin Shuu | Sound Four (Naruto), Gaara (Naruto), Haku (Naruto), Momochi Zabuza, Maito Gai | Might Guy, Rock Lee, Akatsuki (Naruto), Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama, Todoroki Shouto, Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Touya, Dabi (My Hero Academia), Bijuu | Tailed Beasts (Naruto), Other Naruto Character(s)
Relationship: Hoozuki Suigetsu/Uchiha Sasuke, Hoozuki Suigetsu & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Itachi & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke & Team Hebi | Team Taka, Orochimaru & Uchiha Sasuke, Orochimaru/Yakushi Kabuto, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Uchiha Sasuke, Haku & Momochi Zabuza, Haku & Uchiha Sasuke, Gaara & Uchiha Sasuke, Akatsuki & Uchiha Sasuke, Akatsuki & Uchiha Itachi, Hoshigaki Kisame & Uchiha Itachi, Hatake Kakashi & Todoroki Shouto, Todoroki Shouto & Uchiha Itachi, Haruno Sakura & Todoroki Shouto & Uzumaki Naruto, Bakugou Katsuki & Todoroki Shouto, Bakugou Katsuki/Todoroki Shouto, Todoroki Shouto & Todoroki Touya, Dabi & Todoroki Shouto
Additional Tag: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Dimension Travel, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, Todoroki Shouto-centric, Todoroki Shouto is a Little Shit, Uchiha Itachi Being a Good Brother, Gaara Needs a Hug (Naruto), Protective Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Todoroki Shouto, BAMF Bakugou Katsuki, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved Todoroki Shouto, Not Canon Compliant, Timeline What Timeline, Todoroki Shouto Needs a Hug, Conspiracy Theorist Todoroki Shouto, Todoroki Shouto is a Dork, Found Family, Todoroki Shouto is So Done, Severely Overpowered Todoroki Shouto, Still Emotionally Constipated Though, Hurt Todoroki Shouto, Orochimaru Being Orochimaru (Naruto), Slow Burn, Not Really Character Death, Eventual Romance, Crack and Angst, Out of Character Todoroki Shouto, no beta we die like men
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maoam · 3 years ago
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I know the twitter account who posted that tweet of naruto rivalries and tbh from most of their tweets i don't think they believe that sns is comparable to sakuino either (i remember they've stated it in some tweet as well) it just seems like a joke/light-hearted tweet to me
Tbh i dont think its fair to compare the views of twitter sns stans with tumblr sns stans' views since most sns stans on twitter have to be very very careful about what they do or say to ensure that they aren't subjected to the daily harassment sns shippers have to face from sasusaku shippers on there so i won't be surprised if half of them dont say what they actually believe in
Tweets like that are something which is appropriate for the current naruto twitter climate where its better to show how naruto and sasuke were one of the "accidentally gay rivalries" created by kishimoto so that they can enjoy talking about sns without being branded as "crazy conspiracy theorists fujoshi fetishizers" by the sasusaku freaks on there who always go apeshit crazy when anyone dares to say that kishimoto intentionally made them gay
Like im not even exaggerating twitter sasusakus are on a whole next level of disgusting and pathetic they keep calling sns shippers "incest/soul brothers shippers", make monthly tweet threads about how "sasuke and naruto are brothers" where they cite multiple interviews of kishimoto calling sns brothers, commonly send death threats and suicide bait sns shippers (i remember how one of them replied with a "instructions on how to hang yourself" image chart to a sns shipper during an argument), have asked a sns shipper with intrusive thoughts to end their life even AFTER they kept telling them to not do it, have made islamphobic comments n called muslim sns shippers terrorists, pretended to be poc and made fun of black sns shippers appearance, and all this is something that has happened in last THREE months alone
And don't even get me started on how they constantly police what sns shippers do or say and try their hardest to paint them as problematic, ss shippers on twitter keep reaching hard to act like every non mlm person who writes/consumes sexual content of sns is automatically fetishizing mlm, many of them believe that liking sns itself is fetishization of mlm, many if them attack sns fans when they even joke about sasuke and naruto liking each other more than their wives by accusing them of "pushing their cheating headcanons which is wrong", act like sns shippers who dislike sakura are automatically misogynistic etc etc
Alot of sns shippers accounts are constantly stalked and monitored by some or the other ss shipper bc there have been so many instances where some sns fan tweeted just some harmless negative OPINION about sakura or sasuke and their comments and quote tweets were filled with ss shippers harrassing them within less than an hour
Honestly, its pretty fucking hard and tiring to be a sns fan on twitter so im glad and surprised that there still are many sns fans there which is why i never bother correcting any sns fan who claims that kishimoto "accidentally" made sns gay or compare sns with mediocre ships like sakuino n kakaobi or display any other wrong opinion since i personally know MANY twitter sns fans who dislike sakura but pretend to like her just so they dont get harrassed by the rabid ss and sakura stans on there
Anyways, really sorry for this essay length ask I've been wanting to discuss the twitter sns and ss fandom with u for a long time and seemed like a good opportunity to do so
I see. I understand, I know twitter sasusaku shippers are absolutely crazy and gross. To be honest when I post about it I mostly want to make it clear what my own stance is. But honestly many sns shippers on tumblr say the same about "accidental gay" and also like sakuino. Actually I recently talked with someone who asked why do so many sns like that ship (and she is only on tumblr) since she dislikes it. There are also general shonen fans who claim this is something that happens often in shonen which is in my opinion a bad take.
It must be hard for ss shippers on twitter when everyone (including casuals) make fun of their ship and call Naruto and Sasuke gay. Not that I feel even slightly sorry for them, they are the worst ship fandom I've come across. Everything you said and my own experiences with them, they are just terrible. Also I have experienced ss on tumblr too who have claimed to be "bi" or "part of the lgbtq+" before only for them to end up doing or saying something homophobic afterwards that didn't even have to do with them hating sns. So I never believe them when they claim to be something. I once got an anon telling me to not generalize ss but how can I not when their fandom is terrorizing people constantly? They are a mob.
Also Sakura is embarrassing, these twitter anime feminists need to get real and stop acting like hating Sakura is some conspiracy. It's what to be expected.
Anyway if you want to talk more you can send another ask.
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theshadowrealmitself · 3 years ago
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I need fics of Sasuke taking what he knows
(Naruto’s main jutsu is a forbidden one created by Tobirama but everyone just lets Naruto use it, Tsunade gave Naruto the First Hokage���s necklace, Naruto’s “sexy jutsu” makes him look like a girl with two ponytails, and Tsunade has two low hanging ponytails, Tsunade and Naruto are close, and Naruto calls her granny)
And taking it to its logical conclusion
(Tsunade is 100% closely related to Naruto, possibly as his actual grandma)
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justice4sasuke · 3 years ago
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I feel like no one wants to say Kishimoto was teasing ships to keep readers engaged but idk man.
On one hand I feel like I heard that Japanese fans aren't as heavy into shipping as fans outside Japan so why would Kishimoto care or know about it, but then Kishimoto has to know the fanbase outside of Japan is if not bigger at least comparable to the Japanese fanbase so that's not an excuse anymore.
And why else is Kishimoto like doing a big thing with Hinata and Naruto and then almost immediately doing a Sakura and Naruto thing while also attempting to sprinkle in (attempts at) Sakura and Sasuke and Karin and Sasuke stuff.
And of course him accidentally making Naruto and Sasuke look gay as hell instead because that's just peak Kishimoto behavior (or Naruto gay as hell, Sasuke here against his will because he clearly gives a fuck about no one here).
idk I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist but I don't know why these ship moments start getting heavy handed during the war arc so I wonder if it's not just a ploy for reader engagement/retention. It's not to help with the ending because only one of those couples has an ounce of heart behind it and like I said it's multiple pairings for the same characters, not anything consistent.
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a-student-out-of-time · 4 years ago
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**MAIN CAST:**
- ryuji kinjo, private investigator (yuki + tsurugi)
- akume chiebukuro, criminologist (setsuka + )
- hikari kisaragi, engineer (yamato + kinji)
- taiyo makunouchi, parkourist (hajime + emma)
-mitsuki kurokawa, mortician (mikako + rei + ? satsuki ?)
-kuroko sannoji, dungeon master (mikado + )
-aiya tomori, fashion designer (kiyoka + kizuna)
-mai hatano, conspiracy theorist (akane + ayame)
-chisato otonokoji, idol (hibiki + iroha)
-daichi otori, body repair technician (teruya + syobai)
-madoka kabuya, librarian (yoruko)
-sasuke maki, ??? (ryutaro + midori)
-dimitri kagarin, violinist (kanade + yuri)
-shiro yamaguchi, orthodontist (kakeru + kanata)
-ren kurokawa, skateboarder (mikako + satsuki + ? rei ?)
-naomi kobashikawa, train conductor (haruhiko + mitsuhiro)
**SIDE CHARACTERS:**
-yume, [REDACTED] [REDACTED]
-shioriko (???)
-akira (???)
-ronin (???)
-nozomi (???)
Oh and this!
gay: Rem
lesbian:
Akume
Mai
Chisato
bisexual (no lean):
Kuroko
Madoka
Ryuji
bisexual (female lean):
Aiya
Naomi
Shiro
bisexual (male lean):
Taiyo
Mitsuki
ace: Taiyo
up to interpretation:
Hikari
Daichi
Dmitri
Sasuke
trans: Aiya
Taiyo
Non-binary:
Hikari
Dimitri
Demiboy: Kuroko
I thought you would like this cast more considering how the age gaps were more or so aligned to be like this blog, but there’s also a Yuki x Tsurugi child and you said you enjoyed that ship! It’d be cool to see this cast to be implanted, since it can more or less easily be implanted without it completely being creepy in the blog.
Small thing: I like the idea of shifting universe, maybe we can do something on that with Umeko’s lessons?
Link to Buggy’s insta!: https://instagram.com/buggygutz?igshid=1f2bf77zml66f
Link to ADG insta: https://instagram.com/anotherdespairgeneration?igshid=ah4eyj18291l
//Interesting : o
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professorsparklepants · 5 years ago
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Also the Naruto HPverse Mafia au plot is kick-started by Naruto going "hey does anyone want to help me overthrow the government" one day during homeroom and Sakura (muggleborn) is like "yeah sure I'm in" and Sasuke (conspiracy theorist whose family died in an "accident") is like "yeah me too" and then the next day Sakura shows up with a five year plan she made instead of sleeping because God knows Naruto isn't going to do it
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cynicaljapanophile · 6 years ago
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The Uchiha Family Modern AU Headcanons
I would like to say the only character that I really "know" is probably Sasuke and even when it comes to Sasuke my talent in writing him is probably -37 out of 5 
P.S. This has a bit of SasuHina, it's just hard for me to have a modern AU that features Sasuke without a bit of SasuHina, so if you're not into SasuHina sorry about that
Anyways I hope you guys enjoy this I’ve been thinking about doing some more family headcanons in a modern au so I just want to see what people think of these. 
_______________________
Madara Uchiha
Is probably in his 40s but looks like he is in his 20s
Shady Uncle
Is rich but gives weird presents
Disses the head of the Senju family 24/ 7
Is constantly stressing out Fugaku
Theorizes everything
Was probably married three times
Is an instigator
Uses Game of Thrones as a reason for him attempting to kill Hashirama
Only brings fruit cake around Christmas time
Eccentric Emo(??? Is that even a thing)
Whenever younger members of the Uchiha and Hyuga families(Itachi, Shisui, Itachi, Hinata, Hanabi, Neji, maybe Izumi sometimes, etc.) are feeling down he just randomly appears and gives an inspirational speech while simultaneously dissing them
He is banned from about nine restaurants in South Korea, three clothing stores in Canada, and twenty-three car dealerships in the U.S
Is banned from entering Romania
Probably owns 12 sports cars
9 out of the ten cars have probably never been used
Annoys Izuna 24/ 7
Probably has a group chat with Izuna, Fugaku, Tobirama, and Hashirama
He only sends memes(85% of the memes are sent to Izuna)
Izuna Uchiha
The uncle that everyone likes
No one hates him
How is he related to Madara?
Even Sasuke and Itachi question his relationship to Madara
Is the only functional adult
Owns a business in Tokyo
Low(High)key spoils his nieces and nephews
He is probably happily married
Lowkey roasts Madara and Fugaku
When Sasuke was going through his horse phase he legit bought Sasuke a Thoroughbred Horse
Itachi and Shisui's childhood treehouse looks like a condo because of him
Izumi also owns a mini "castle" because she was going through a princess phase
Shoots down 95% of Madara's ideas
Probably drives a family van
Is almost always
85% is because of Madara
Straight up BOIS people(it's usually Madara and Hashirama)
Gives Orochimaru dirty looks all the time
Is probably responsible for getting Madara banned from like 6 places
Will roast you to the edge of death if you disrespect any of friends and family
Fugaku Uchiha
The patriarch of the Uchiha family
CEO of Uchiha Tech.
Is a stereotypical traditional Asian dad
He has a net worth of like 21 billion USD
He probably views 100, 000 USD as like 10 USD
Probably gave his kids math and reading presents
Made Mikoto wear those headphone things that you put on your stomach when you're pregnant when she was pregnant with Itachi and Sasuke and just had them listen to classical music
Probably took away his kid's phones away from them if they got anything less than 95 marks
Gives Madara a judging look all the time
Questions everything Madara, Hashirama, and Jiraya a skeptical and dirty look all the time
Highkey disses Jiraya and Madara
He and Sasuke go back and forth dissing each other
Is the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company but is almost always home
Didn't learn how to drive until he was 26
Really only gets along with Izuna
Is stressed
Mikoto Uchiha
Wears the pants in the family
Is done with the shit of the men in her family
Is always straight up roasting Fugaku
Cried when Sasuke started high school
Spoke about Itachi like he was dead when Sasuke started high school
Is part of a book club
The book club hardly discusses books and all they do is talk about the neighborhood drama
Roasted Sasuke to death when he insulted Sakura and Ino
Gives Madara a judgemental stare all the time
Knows martial arts so do not mess with her
"Accidently," told Naruto about the time that Sasuke called his swimming teacher mom
Is a fan of YUI
Holds grudges
Would not speak to Madara for 2 whole months after a certain incident
Is that mom that everyone had a crush on boys and girls alike
Always suggests the family play Monopoly but is always the one that gets the maddest
Shisui Uchiha
Is in college
Is a college student but has literally no friends his own age
His only friends are probably people that are related to him(Sasuke and Itachi) and the Hyuga family(Neji, Hinata, and Hanabi)
The only friend he has that is actually his age(I know I said he doesn't have any friends his actual age but that doesn't matter now) is probably Ko and Ko is done with his bullsh*t
Is the dad friend
Only tells puns
Lives with Itachi in a dorm
Will roast battle people
Only watches dank memes
Acts like a dumb a** but gets some of the best grades of school
Has legit gone to the store to buy a candle and a lighter, waited for Itachi to come back to their dorm after classes and light the candle just to say that a party that they were going to go to was going to be lit
There is so much tension between him and Fugaku
Thinks Sasuke is cute
Is a weeb
Nico Nico Nii!!!
Loves Idols
Sleeps five minutes a week
Can someone please help this child
Makes excuses for not getting gifts
Will not even spend five bucks for a card
Has given Sasuke a piece of composition paper with Happy Birthday on it for his 10th birthday
Itachi Uchiha
Is a stereotypical older brother
He lives by the rule that every older sibling lives by which is to roast your younger sibling every day of their life
Gets a lot of sleep but always looks tired
Drinks around 93 liters of coffee a month
Works at the school library
Eats real food unlike Shisui
Lowkey disses Shisui
Roasts everyone he talks to
Visits home once a week
Is always annoyed by Madara
Eats about 5 fruit cakes during Christmas time
Teases Sasuke 24/ 7
Has written an itinerary that was solely him roasting Shisui
Is dead on the inside
Is on the dean's list
Has shown all of Sasuke's friends old family albums and has told all of Sasuke's friends embarrassing stories solely to embarrass him
Lives with Shisui
Is done with Shisui's sh*t
Only gives out money for birthdays and Christmas
Is a momma's boy
Is popular amongst girls
Has admitted that he learned everything he knows about women and how to speak and treat them from dating sims
Has driven from Tokyo all the way to Osaka with Shisui solely to leave him there
Will straight up roast you and your entire family if you disrespect women
Sasuke Uchiha
Lowkey hates his family
Is done with his dad, Itachi, Shisui, and Madara
Only likes Izuna and his mom
Despite saying he hates them he always wears the sweaters his mother makes
Only eats the bentos his mom makes him
Claims he hates his family but if you so as even mention any members of his family with a negative tone you will be traumatized
Someone said something about Shisui and the last thing people heard about them is that they transferred to a school in Hokkaido
Will roast anyone that comments that they find Mikoto attractive
Has a brother complex
Used to think that Shisui was cool
When he gets extremely annoyed by someone he will just give them a blank stare
His favorite uncle is basically everyone's favorite uncle, Izuna
Has a pet parrot
Is confused by Madara 93% of the time
Highkey crush on Hinata
Gets teased a lot by Itachi and Shisui for his crush
Overthinks everything
Still owns the horse that Izuna gave him when he was a kid
Has not gotten out of his horse phase
Will roast anyone who disrespects women to death
Takes monopoly way too seriously
He stopped talking to Shisui for a month after a game of Monopoly
Looks calm on the outside but is screaming on the inside
Is a conspiracy theorist
Doesn't really show it but gets embarrassed easily
He is just the baby of the family that acts aloof and emo but is just cute and precious
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diggingfordragons · 6 years ago
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Some things never change. A.k.a. Team 7 MUST have a conspiracy theorist thinking that Kakashi is an alien bc his mom was the moon. That Orochimaru and Sasuke ended up Teacher and student was just fate, really. (Kabuto isn’t paid enough to deal with their conspiracy theorist bullshit. NO he doesn’t see any horns in that picture of Kakashi. It’s just so blurry!) @sloaners you’ve got to stop with the ridiculous cracky aus, bc they’re too much fun to doodle when I’m bored.
Bonus:
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Kakashi and what he hides in that hair and behind that headband. (would have added dog teeth but eh. I’m still bad at drawing those)
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