#considering bad life choices. bad life blog revival choices.

[newdestination]

----

[punechelation1]

Reviving Your Heart: Best Non-Surgical Ways To Treat Heart Blockages - Punechelation

When it comes to our hearts, blockages can be a big worry. In the past, surgeries were often the main solution, but now, we have some exciting non-surgical options. In this blog, we’ll address all your questions about what is the best treatment for heart blockage, explore new methods that can help you fix your heart without going under the knife. We’ll take a look at EECP therapy, which is like a workout for your heart, and we’ll also talk about non-invasive tests that can give you a clearer picture of your heart’s health.

Discovering Heart Blockage Treatment without Surgery

When it comes to heart blockages, things are changing. In the past, surgery was the main option, but now, there are new ways to tackle this problem that does not involve going under the knife. Let’s explore two exciting non-surgical options:

1. EECP Therapy: A Workout for Your Heart

EECP therapy is a bit like a workout for your heart and the best heart blockage treatment without surgery. It’s a non-surgical treatment that doesn’t require any cuts or anesthesia. During the treatment, you wear cuffs around your legs, and these cuffs inflate and deflate in rhythm with your heartbeat. This helps improve blood flow to your heart.

2. Why EECP Therapy is Exciting & Best Heart Treatment

It’s non-invasive and doesn’t require a hospital stay.

Most people find it comfortable with few to no side effects.

It can improve heart health, making it a great option for those looking to avoid surgery.

3. Non-Invasive Heart Tests

These are tests that give doctors a good look at your heart without any surgery.  Some important non-invasive tests include:

CT Angiography (CCTA) is a high-tech imaging test that shows detailed pictures of your heart’s arteries.

Stress Levels check how your heart responds to stress, which can help identify blockages.

Echocardiography uses sound waves to create pictures of your heart, helping doctor’s see what’s going on inside.

Non-invasive tests are crucial for understanding heart blockages and planning the right treatment.

EECP Therapy: A Non-Surgical Marvel

EECP treatment is one of the best non-surgical options to treat heart blockages. Your best bet when it comes to heart blockage treatment without surgery. It’s like a breath of fresh air for those who want to avoid surgery. During EECP sessions, you simply relax on a comfortable bed while cuffs around your legs inflate and deflate in sync with your heartbeat. This special inflation and deflation process does wonders for your heart health:

No Surgery Involved

EECP therapy is a non-invasive treatment, meaning there are no cuts or anesthesia involved.

Comfortable and Quick

Most people find EECP sessions comfortable and can go about their day aright after the treatment. You can resume your normal life.

Long-Lasting Effects

EECP treatment can improve angina symptoms, exercise ability, and overall quality of life, and these benefits can last for years. What’s more, EECP therapy is often more cost-effective compared to angioplasty, making it a smart choice for many.

Personalized Treatment Plans

What’s great about non-surgical options is that they can be tailored to you. Your treatment plan depends on various factors:

How Bad the Blockages Are:

The extent and location of blockages determine the best treatment approach.

Your Overall Health

Your doctor considers your health history and any other conditions you might have.

Lifestyle Choices

Things like your diet, exercise habits, and stress levels are also taken into account.

Your Preference

Your comfort and preferences matter, ensuring that the chosen treatment aligns with your goals. Working closely with your healthcare team ensures that you get a plan that’s just right for you.

Considering Costs and Accessibility

Cost can be a big concern when it comes to heart blockage treatment. Surgeries can be expensive; recovery takes time and not everyone has the time or can afford them. That’s where non-surgical options like EECP therapy come in. They are often more affordable and accessible. The Pune chelation (Dr. Jyotsna Patil) Heart Treatment Center Pune and Pimpri Chinchwad.  for example, offers the most cost-effective EECP treatment in Pune. Remember, your health should come first. Investing in non-surgical heart blockage treatment isn’t just about your well-being; it can also be a smart financial decision in the long run.

 Conclusion

The world of heart blockage treatment is evolving, offering non-surgical options that are safe, effective, and budget-friendly. By embracing these innovative approaches, individuals can take charge of their heart health without going through surgery, an option for heart blockage treatment with medicine. Always consult with your healthcare provider to determine the best treatment plans for you, ensuring a healthier, surgery-free future filled.

[enzo-zzz]

A vent on the fandom + cg

If you dont wanna hear any negativity, please just ignore this post. It includes dissatisfication on the yttd fandom and ongoing belief in it. I'm not going to use very kind words here, so just ignore this post. 3b spoilers included.

I like yttd so much, but the english fandom, i cannot interact because how toxic it is. Even the smallest different of which route you choose, will attract anyone to abuse, harrass, ridicule or humiliate you. And to be truth, there are many of them who are so judgemental, to the point that there is only one thing that are right and the other are wrong. Black and white mindset. The term "canon route" is what fans created itself. I guess there are many of them who are teens or kids, since most of kids who havent grown up yet tend to lean towards black and white mindset, even if they believe they are not. If you find people who keep arguing especially on social media, you can bet that its teens. Adult are too tired to involve in things like fighting with strangers. There is one time when the poll asked your age and the age range quite small to teens age. I guess thats why i think so.

OTHER THAN THAT, THERE'S ONE THING I'M ANNOYED WITH. ABOUT THE CG AND HOW THE FANDOM DECIDES THAT THE MORE CGS, THE MORE CANON IT IS. To be perfectly honest, i'm the one who came up with the analysis that on certain route 2-2 ending the cg is more. But people really use it the wrong way and now thought that anything that has more cg is the canon route. The word canon route is wrong in itself, who tf come up with the term canon route in yttd? Is the reason for creating two route is for one to be canon only, or for sparing different characters, or for having different storyline? (I personally think that on different route, the story will change and the ones who got to live at last is probably different ). Now i see those who misuse that information everywhere. "In sou route 2-2 ending evil joe AI dont even have new cg but in kanna route he has. See how biased the devs are? he should have drawn more if he really meant the route to be the canon one. Kanna route will get happy ending, sou route is bad ending." I think thats stupid. B*tch, he keep reusing his old art here and there. You can check for yourself. Joe and midori has same hand based on the cg? He's just reusing the hand art. The arm in 3b and 1-1 is the same arm he reuse. Sou and kanna 2-2 ending basically use the same sou drawing, he just changed it a bit. Sara in 2-2 kanna ending use the same cg as when keiji try to calm her in front of computer, he just changed the face. Midori and sara on the 3b game screen cg basically use the same cg in the 3b content, but changed a bit. So i can think why need to create new cg when joe is still malicious as the hallucination in 2-2 sou ending? If i want to create something i will also reuse this to save my time.

So if you wanna really use this cg argument, then maybe you can consider why alice memory game got so many more cg than reko's? and how ranmaru gone insane has so many new sprite and pose with the hair like that. And why when dummy is dead they got cg's. Especially the ranmaru dying one, he got moving cg's and how it was put more effort into that. Then that means dummy dying is actually the canon route since when they alive they got no addtional cg? This is my assumption, but i think the devs just do as many cg as it takes depends on how impactful the scene he's working on, not because its canon, thats really a lazy take if he is actually unwilling to do extra route but still forcing himself to do it anyway. Imagine if dummy is dying but no cg, instead a message " ranmaru/mai/anzu died ". Do you think that will really give impact to you? This game clearly hinting that joe is going to be the spotlight of the game, even in 3b. So when sou set the real joe ai in kanna route for sara, the script is written for the real joe to genuinely react to sara. of course thats going to be heartwrenching since joe himself is the very important part of sara's life. When the script is made that way, lacking of cgs will hamper down the storytelling nankidai genuinely want to deliver. All i can say is it come from the heart of the author himself. If it is just only text for something as tearful as that moment and no cgs, it wont really touch the feeling isnt it? It is the same with alice memory game that tells about how alice "kill" midori. I'm not sure how many it is but atleast there is 3 cgs with one of them has variant. The story of how alice kill midori is also important and should have impact, thus the extra CG's. I can say its about being passionate and indulged in the storytelling.

I dont even know if joe will ever heal sara in sou route, but based on how the story still keep joe relevant til the end, then there must be something that need to happen between them in the end right? Nankidai even made sure that sara see the dog keychain in 3a if player probably choose to not ask gin about the dog keychain he's hiding in ch 2. Its also for relating ranmaru and joe. Having closure or conclusion with joe in the middle of game is still valid, and having a closure with joe at the end of the game is still valid. Imo, having closure with joe at the end of the game after all of those suffering involving him makes the better climax or impact for sara chara development since the game build up to highlight joe and mr. Policeman, it can be even better if all of it are to be pull together in the ending.

Even if the devs has route he prefer, he's not abandoning any route he less prefer, only if its true that he ever have a route he prefer. Plus you dont know which route he's prefer if any. He's taking his work seriously, it just some "fans" looking down on him, even to the point calling him biased, he's punishing the one who take another route, treating like he only use his career for egostatiscal reason (it somehow clearly mirrors that you are the one who egostatiscal to the point of wanting to find any excuse to punish other, you just using the devs name to validate your mindset). If he's dislike people who chose that route that much, then why create that route? If he know its tiring to make alternate route, then why still make the choice to let 3 dummy alive route at the end? It will make more work. I can only assume its out of passion, or just that he deep down wants the character to be alive atleast in a route ( idk if this is correct, i just read google translated version of his public fanbox that he's actually very reluctant at first when the time comes and "crying" so hard when he had to kill joe in chapter 1. So the part where he wants to spare some character is only my assumption ). By this punishing logic, shouldnt he not make alice die when you push reko ai to spare gin, and only do it to those who dont push the ai to save gin by killing real reko? I am more sure that the variants is to tell a different story or who to spare, and specifically for who sara actually was.

Happy endings? I'm not sure. I've expected that once from story with a lot of deaths, wishing for atleast the protagonists alive. Anime or story with a lot of death is definitely my jam, but from what i see, most of them has bittersweet ending, it depends on how the author wants it to be. Some author dont mind killing them all till the end, and some author just easily kill them all because they plan to revive them later. And everyone sense is different. Some japanese people sense in storytelling is a bit different imo. As the one being the audience, happy endings is the most common wish the audience wants. But its all up to the sense of the author. This is why i'm annoyed with some kids from overseas who rarely watch or play many things that involves a lot of death from japan suddenly says that this "one happy ending, this one bad ending! Everyone will survive in this route, everyone dead in this route"

Just play any route you like, nothing wrong with that. Whats wrong is to start this war of ridiculing others or have that irritating attitude towards those who play their own first route and start bad mouthing or desperately throwing bad assumption that one route will end very bad just for the sake of feeling better for your choice and to scare others.You do know that when you read a book, you'll only know if the overall story is good or bad until you know the ending right? The ending will conclude everything that happened. What happening in the fandom is now like, you only read 3/4 of the book and already expecting that this one will have good ending and bad ending. What if its not about the binary, but for the difference in direction? Its not that bad if the story of the book is kinda predictable, but with how plot twists become the main part of yttd's charm, its getting more difficult to predict how it will end. There's a lot of story which was masterpiece in every part as seen by fans, until the ending hits. Its what the author wants, but its not what the fans wants.

If you pick fights with others, even passively, the consequence is all on you. Good luck taking care of your mess.

Thats why i'm reluctant to publish any theory because the fandom will always use it as an excuse to pick fights with other and say " i'm more right bcs i got this proof" . U see in my caption i dont want any of those harasser to even digest my theory. If you are one of them get out of my blog.

[tiny-cacti-magnet]

The Shot Goes off, Yet the Show Goes on

Summary:

"Are you sure about this?"

“Of course,” Wilbur answered surely. “This probably won’t take more than a few minutes.”

Sam shrugged. “If you say so. Just… be careful. He’s dangerous.”

Wilbur had to scoff at that. “He’s also the one who brought me back. It’d be a pretty stupid move to revive me, only to kill me at the first opportunity.”

—

Wilbur visits Dream in prison.

Tags:

No Archive Warnings Apply, Clay | Dream & Wilbur Soot, Sam | Awesamdude & Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot, Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Sam | Awesamdude, Mentioned TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), a little bit of crime bois, Pandora's Vault Prison, Older Sibling Wilbur Soot, Resurrected Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot is Not Okay, he is just very confused, Author is Not a Clay | Dream Apologist (Video Blogging RPF), but we're not condoning torture mkay?, Author is a Wilbur Soot Apologist, and I will die on this hill

In the end, it wasn’t too difficult to convince Sam to let him into the prison. The warden had some concerns about his past relationship with Dream, which Wilbur easily explained around. He signed the contracts at the entrance, and he wouldn’t go back on them. Wilbur had no intention to break Dream out of prison.

Or, not this particular visit, at the very least.

The second source of concern came from his relationship with Tommy; his right-hand man had to stay outside and far away from the prison. Something about an argument with Sam, the teen had explained to Wilbur.

Thus, here he stood, deep in the belly of the beast, the monster known as Pandora’s Vault. Sam stood in front of him, Warden’s Will gripped tightly in his right fist as he flicked the lever to lower the lava. Nothing seemed to happen for a minute, then two.

The lava bubbled and popped, its orange glow illuminating the obsidian walls with warm light. It made the room stiflingly hot, and Wilbur could feel himself beginning to sweat beneath his heavy overcoat.

This was his last chance to back out, to take, well, everyone’s advice and leave Dream be, let him rot in prison. And yet, here he stood, probably a mere twenty to thirty blocks away from the man that had caused so much destruction on this server. All the same, Wilbur himself had caused a fair amount of destruction as well, and he remained a free man. Never once had anyone threatened to lock him away, despite everything he’d done.

The lava still hadn’t fallen an inch, and Wilbur decided to take the time to reorganize his thoughts. He would need to be prepared for what he was about to do. It was hard to be prepared for this. How could he be when everything was so incredibly complicated beyond all comprehension?

Dream was the villain—or at least, Tommy had been very insistent on telling him so. Wilbur found it hard to believe that. Or maybe Wilbur just didn’t want to believe it. He couldn’t tell sometimes. It was all so confusing. Dream was the bad guy, but he had saved Wilbur from that train station of hell. That wasn’t a very villainous thing to do, was it?

Unless Dream had only revived him for his own purposes, which Wilbur suspected, and Tommy agreed with. Tommy also certainly seemed to think that Wilbur shouldn’t be visiting the prison at all unless his life depended on it. Wilbur couldn’t wholly disagree with the sentiment.

It was simply too dangerous, according to Tommy, and Sam; even Quackity had warned him about visiting Dream. Wilbur took their concerns into consideration, and set off in the direction of the prison regardless. He needed closure and some sense of understanding of Dream’s actions, and there was only one person who could give him that.

“Are you absolutely certain about this?” Sam asked, his deep voice cutting through Wilbur’s train of thought. “The last time you—or a version of you, rather—was here, it didn’t end well.”

Wilbur inwardly scowled at the implication that his revival was something that “didn’t end well”. He considered that day to be one of the best, watching the sunrise for the first time in thirteen years, feeling its warm rays on his pale skin. It didn’t matter that the air vaguely tasted of gunpowder even after so much time had passed—at least he could taste.

“Of course,” he answered surely. “This probably won’t take more than a few minutes.”

Sam shrugged. “If you say so. Just… be careful. He’s dangerous.”

Wilbur had to scoff at that. “He’s also the one who brought me back. It’d be a pretty stupid move to revive me, only to kill me at the first opportunity.”

“Still.” Sam frowned. “I don’t want anything else to happen to anyone in this place. He’s caused enough damage and death on this server. Don’t let him cause any more.”

He nodded. “I’ll do my best,” Wilbur promised.

After a few minutes of listening to the lava slowly flow down from the ceiling, it started falling down, revealing the prisoner across the gap.

Wilbur stood on the small platform that would take him across. A memory hit him—of covering for someone, crossing the gap with another person. Ghostbur’s memory, he realized quickly. He’d been getting more of those, recently. Little snippets whenever he entered a plains' biome, or pulled out a compass.

Tommy had told him some of it, but not all. And Wilbur tried to tell him what he remembered, but never all of it. He couldn’t get through a couple of words of it sometimes without feeling the need to disappear into a forest to aggressively hack away at trees for an hour or two.

The stone hit the edge of the obsidian box that had become Dream’s new home. Or perhaps it was his first home, technically. Wilbur had heard from somewhere that the man had been homeless before. Not that that was going to make him feel any sort of sympathy for him.

The platform left. The lava fell. The netherite blocks descended into the floor.

Wilbur got his first good look at Dream in person in over a decade, and it was immediately obvious that life in prison had not been treating him well. He wore a bright orange jumpsuit that looked to be stained with blood in some places. His eye was bruised, and there were multiple cuts and scrapes on his face, which was lacking his usual mask.

In spite of his state, Dream still smiled when he spotted Wilbur at the entrance.

“Dream,” Wilbur greeted curtly.

“Wilbur,” Dream echoed in the same tone. “How nice of you to finally decide to pay me a visit. I’ve been waiting for you, you know.”

Wilbur cocked his head to the side. “Oh?”

“After all, I was the one who revived you.”

“I know.”

Dream turned his head sharply at Wilbur, who’d taken to casually leaned against the obsidian close to the lava. “You… know?”

“Of course, I do. You were conducting the train.”

He grinned at that. “I was, wasn’t I?” His gaze drifted to the wall of lava, then back to Wilbur. “So,” he said, “I take it you’ve come here to thank me?”

“Among other things,” Wilbur answered. “But yes. I can’t say I enjoyed being stuck in my own personal limbo for thirteen years. And you were the one to get me out of there. That at least deserves some form of acknowledgement.”

“Well then. You’re very welcome. I’m glad I could be of service.”

“But I know you didn’t do it out of the goodness of your heart, or some other bullshit like that, did you Dream? You’re no altruist. You want something from me.”

The smile that Dream gave him was full of something corrupt and wrong, and in some twisted way, Wilbur saw something of himself in that expression. Perhaps there were some similarities between the two of them. Wilbur had been stuck with his thoughts, which were hell enough on their own without the incentive from the fucking train station; Dream had been stuck in this cell in a similar predicament—trapped with nothing but his own thoughts.

Maybe he did deserve some hint of sympathy.

Or not.

“Well, I think after doing you such a large favour, you could at least offer me one in return,” Dream suggested with that same expression.

“And what would that favour be?” Wilbur questioned, pushing himself off from the wall and casually making his way over to where Dream stood in the opposite corner.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed my current living situation. If I remember correctly, your previous situation wasn’t all that different, was it?”

Wilbur tilted his head, considering. “No. It wasn’t. I’m assuming you want this “living situation” changed?”

“I’d like a change in scenery. I’m sure you’d understand.”

And he did. Prime, Wilbur understood that. Understood shouting and clawing at the walls, screaming until his throat felt like sandpaper, and he couldn’t have spoken if he tried to—not that there was anybody else in limbo to talk to (apart from Tommy for those blissful few months, and Schlatt when he wasn’t passed out or high out of his mind).

However.

He remembered a crater, a destroyed camping site in a plains' biome. He remembered an obsidian grid in the sky and explosives raining down from above. He remembered looking in as much as he could from the afterlife, watching two teens give everything they had to protect each other from the enemy.

He remembered Tommy pleading with him.

Trust me, Wilbur, listen. Dream is not a hero. He has caused so much damage and trauma to everyone on this server. Trust me.

And that was the issue, wasn’t it? Trust.

That was his downfall, always. Spiralling into his own mind, convincing himself that anyone and everyone could be the traitor. It was trusting too much that had gotten him killed, and refusing to trust anyone at all that had dealt the final blow.

Wilbur knew he couldn’t trust Dream. That wasn’t his paranoia speaking, that was just common sense. Tommy on the other hand… maybe the kid deserved some of Wilbur’s trust after trusting him for months in Pogtopia despite all reason saying to do otherwise.

He’d made his choice.

“There’s this saying, Dream, from someone I know very, very well.”

Dream whispered under his breath, “I swear, if you’re about to say ‘It was never meant to be’—”

Wilbur fought a smile at that, but continued on regardless. “‘I believe in absolute reciprocity’.”

“I’d agree,” he replied. “It’d be a fair trade, wouldn’t it? One rescue for another?”

“That’s one way of thinking about it. But you see, I was trapped in the afterlife for thirteen years, Dream. Thirteen years. You’ve been in here for what? A few months at most? Maybe half a year?”

“Wilbur—”

“‘Absolute reciprocity’,” he repeated. “That leaves you with about twelve and a half years to go? I’d say that’s a fair trade.”

“No, no, no, no, no,” Dream frantically tried to explain. “Time works differently in the afterlife. You weren’t gone for that long, I swear.”

Wilbur shrugged carelessly. “I don’t particularly care about how time works in limbo, or whatever that place is called.”

“But—”

“Sam!” Wilbur called into the lava. “I think we’re done here.”

“I—I revived you,” Dream insisted. “You owe me.”

“No, I don’t. You should never have hurt my brother, Dream.”

The lava fell.

“You should have known I wouldn’t be merciful to those who hurt my family.”

The platform came.

Wilbur let a twisted smile spread across his face as he stepped onto it. He turned around to spare a gloating wave in Dream’s direction. “Enjoy the next decade in prison. I’ll be back sometime around then, probably.”

If you last that long, he didn’t add.

—

AO3

[imaginesbymk]

Small Bump.

The Walking Dead One Shot

Summary: Negan and Y/n are a couple, and she finds out she’s pregnant.

Pairing: Negan x Reader

Tags: mentions of intercourse, violence

A/N: Revived from my old writing blog!!

OUT OF ALL OF NEGAN’S WIVES, Y/N was his favourite, the only one of them that had true loyalty and real love towards a man with such a brutal side of him, but also a man with sweet talk and affection. One that really cared and saw some humanity in him.

They grew close, the more they did, the less attention he gave to his other wives. It was like they never existed. It was like he didn't care if they left.

Y/N looked at her lover bent with the tasks of whatever community he was gonna visit next and saw him through the entrance of the factory. She could hear him telling how he sent his second-in-command, Simon, out to a community called Alexandria only to find that the man they were having a search party for, Daryl, wasn't there after all.

Instead, Negan balled his hand into a fist, before sticking Lucille inches away from his face and closes his eyes shut. Too shut. Y/N carefully makes her way down the rusty stairs and sprints toward him.

"Careful with Lucille, you might hit her with something, or someone."

"Y/N, baby, it's like going to a potluck looking for the rolls when actually no rolls are rolled up at the table. Daryl's missing." Negan's eyes softened when Y/N pursed her lips.

He sighs. "Screw it. Like hell he'll turn up alive. If he is, I want him back. God forbid I go easy on that stupid prick."

Y/N had suffered when the some of the Saviours, one by one, got killed by the people Daryl was with. She didn't want to lose Negan too, over her dead body. And she knew why.

Y/N loved Negan to the moon and back. The rest of his wives were just there, and one girl named Amber got into so much shit for seeing a man named Mark behind Negan's back.

She would never do that to him.

Negan tucks a strand of hair behind Y/N's ear. "It's late. Bedtime, darling?"

Before Y/N could even tuck herself into bed, Negan wraps his arms around her and throws her down onto the mattress. She laughs as he nuzzles his face into her neck.

While this is going on, Y/N notices a slight change in her body. She began to feel nauseous, but she ate a good meal the entire day, and everyone double checks to see if the food hasn't been contaminated. Maybe she was feeling anxious ... but for what, though?

She brushes it off.

Negan kept going on. "And what would ever happen if I never brought you in? Told you I ever loved you? Let you hold Lucille ..." He whispers into her hair. "There's only you, my sweet baby, that I give a shit about a hundred and nineteen percent."

She had promised him, "I wouldn't trade this for anything else. Not even for my old life back." Negan would laugh and kiss her many times, he liked to hear her say it and only her.

SHE SITS UP FROM THE BED, quickly but quiet enough not to wake up the sleeping, shirtless Negan with his back facing her. She crept out of bed slowly to stretch her arms and legs- not long before feeling the same uneasy feeling in her stomach, the same feeling she brushed off from last night.

Oh shit.

She rushes to the nearest bathroom, one room was unoccupied and thank the Lord the locks weren't broken. She drops on her knees and belches out whatever content was once inside her system and out into the bowl.

She pulls her own hair back with one hand and uses her other arm to wipe her mouth.

Negan had built the Sanctuary with the help of other men, which included the Doctor's office. It had the named Carson written on a block on the desk and Y/N stares at it patiently waiting for Dr. Carson to finish filling up a glass of water.

After he hands it to her, he sighs. "Are you fairly certain that you're-"

"Wanna keep the volume to a minimum? People have ears," Y/N snaps.

Doctor Carson shrugs and shuts the door. He continues. "How long have you been with Negan?"

"A while. Maybe a few months but not long, I guess?" She buries her face into her hands. "I've slept with him before, but he does that with his other wives.”

"Last time you two had intercourse, was it with a condom?"

Now that Y/N thought about it, she didn't remember Negan bringing one. She didn't know if he was intoxicated that night or if he planned on bringing a mini Negan to a world that has crumbled to pieces.

"Explains it, then. Sherry's been trying with Dwight for a while."

"And how's that working out?" Y/N knew who Sherry and Dwight were. She believes they're not together as much considering Sherry is one of Negan's wives, but she'd rather run a blade through her hand than kiss Negan's lips every so often.

Doctor Carson doesn't say anything, only a stare.

Y/N nods. "Right well, they should of thought it over before that mullet-haired scientist bit Dwight's dick off like it was a twinkie."

The doctor doesn't laugh. "Y/N, I'll give you a pregnancy test but if it's positive, are you gonna tell Negan?"

"Do I have a choice? If my small bump grows within what- nine months? You think I'm just gonna brush it off and tell Negan that I've just been eating a lot?"

"You can't handle a baby, Y/N. Especially if it's Negan's. He has a lot on his plate right now. Word got around that a war is coming, and one of our workers, Daryl, is still missing. Bringing a baby into this world is a mission. What if you can't find formula or anything a baby needs?"

"That's where the Saviours come in and tell other communities to bring half their shit. That helps!"

"What if Negan doesn't want it? What if he ignores you or tells you he doesn't want you or the baby?"

That, that really hurt. But what if it did happen? Y/N was still so close to puking again, but it was due to the situation that sickened her. Negan's something else, and he's not very good with people that aren't on the same page as him.

She sighs softly and allows a tear to flow down her cheek. "Just give me the box. I'll test it out as soon as I'm alone."

SHE WAITED for what seemed like an eternity and finally looks down to read the stick. Positive.

Y/N began to hear voices near the bathroom. She adjusts her dress and stuffs everything in a bag before opening the door. The coast was clear, just a few guys on their lunch break.

Could she believe what just happened? What did she expect? She's in a relationship with the Saviours' leader. She can't avoid him, and he hates people who avoid him.

Doctor Carson was right anyway. Raising a baby in a world full of walking corpses is just as bad as anything else.

Throughout the day Doctor Carson's words troubled her through her mind. She would sit alone in her room with the door locked shut and the blinds closed so no light would shine in. Negan would be back any-

Y/N jumps when she is greeted by a loud bang on the door. She draws a long breath while opening it, revealing Simon.

"Screw you! You almost gave me a heart attack," she sighs in relief.

"Negan wants to see you," he says without even saying a proper hello. "He said he hasn't seen you all day, and you didn't come to eat brunch."

She shrugs and brushes passed him, making a few turns toward the factory.

By the time she arrived, Negan drew a punch on a Saviour, taking pleasure at the mark he left on the man's nose. He laughs before barking out, "Ah, you gotta learn to say please and thank you to whoever serves you food. Have you not been taught any manners by your mother? We worked our asses off and shit! We got food and everything! And yet a prick like you can't even say the magic words. Am I clear?”

The Saviour nods before apologizing. Negan motions a woman to give the man a cloth for his nosebleed.

When people moved onto business, Y/N picks up the courage to step down the stairs and drop a call out to him, catching Negan's attention.

"Darling," he greets her with a kiss on the forehead. "Where have you been all day?"

"I wasn't feeling good this morning. I stayed in our room," she explains. It wasn't a lie, and she wouldn't want to lie to Negan ever.

She gulps. "I need to tell you something."

Negan raises his eyebrows, but Y/N couldn't find a way to say it. Not even muttering a syllable.

He was already impatient, but he concealed it with a smile. "Well, I don't got all day, baby. What is it?"

The same words echoed her mind.

... You can't handle a baby, Y/N. Especially if it's Negan's ...

"Negan, I'm pregnant."

[woozi]

i agree how you described twt, sometimes everyone's just ready to fight it seems, i've genuinely had fun on both platforms at different times but now it's just too much on stan twt (no space for difference of opinion djsjdjj) it's good to know you're having fun as well :3 & omg i've seen few of my moots starting to give svt their attention after fallin flower dropped, everything abt it is <3333 the song, mv, choreo i love it.

hdjdjddkdjdj " virgos 😐 " also me in next breath "happy birthday mark :D i love you so much 🥺💕💗" any virgos reading this i really hope you enjoy your month to the fullest djjdjd <3. righttt?? you're correct abt mark's temper being very virgo djdjdkd.

your line screams hard-working people <3 jihoon, jaebeom, jeonghan the 3Js <3. isn't jaebeom also an infj? (i don't take mbtis seriously but at the same time it also makes me happy if it ends up matching someone i like djdjjd) chan & yugs 🥺 these two imo have the sweetest personality, like the one which makes you feel welcomed & they also have the cutest laugh 🥺.

i love jus2 <3 focus on me is one of my favorite kpop mvs of all time & also drunk on you??? i love this song so much, very sexy of them. the vibes, style and everything w/ their album, i want more songs like that. and for when i am feeling melancholy i need more songs like jjp's verse 2 😭💔 but i am also okay if they don't want to go back to these units bcoz everything so far they've been giving is just as great <33 ( maybe in future we'll get blessed w/ features 🥺)

honestly g7 as grp and individually have won me over with their music style, even if i don't like full album ik there will be 3-4 songs which will be exactly what i like to listen to, all of the music they've released individually i've liked it so much. there is this song of youngjae's, titled "i'm all ears" i had no idea of its existence until it popped up in my spotify i'm so glad it did, it's been in my playlist ever since. there was also a time when i was obsessed with jackson's 'on the rocks' djdjdk.

aww <3 the live performance video of 1° has mark as thumbnail so for long time i used to associate this song with him jdjddk. i think the only j*pe thing i'd miss is got7 studio live sessions 🥺. RIGHTJDKSKS aju nice's mv is very cute djjddk I love it, in reality its reverse tho, i see them and boom! 💖💛💗🤍💕💙

it was the year they won first bb*as award so that gave them the exposure, and no i don't follow them anymore. mixed feelings abt them, very negative feelings abt f*ndom fjdjdjd. i do miss what it used to feel like liking them sometimes. at that time i never thought i'll willingly drop them from my interest (i've stanned zayn since 2012 first him as grp member then solo. sometimes thinking abt it gives me a whiplash hddjks it's been 9 years, really thought it would be same with them too but it didn't happen)

i've had falling in love by yugs and in to you by jaebs on loop for days djdkdk i really love these two songs and also air by bammie <3 (i'm slow jams kinda person djdjdk :3)

(bam released the most fun album & title this year idc abt others, ribbon is one of the soty) also special mention of look so fine & running through the rain. yes! you do make sense they feel organic & very them.

exactly 😭 it's more believable when they drop stuff out of nowhere like encore 😭😭. the way youngjae posted his letter on twt too ddjjdkssk the announcement & release of encore is such a 'you just had to be there' situation the excitement, nervousness, confusion and everything 😭 sometimes i can't with them. also is the bibi with mark on ost, the same one you mentioned in last ask? the ost is really good <3, it must've been fun to see it happen (if its same bibi).

making a whole ass playlist just for me???? 😭😭😭🥺💗 yza you're so sweet nooooo 💖

and don't worry abt replying late jdjdkdjd i mean it, sometimes my friends text me after weeks and i'm am the same. it's really okay <3. i hope this week is treating you kindly, take care yza - 🪂

p.s ( just saw last post djjej) - it was me who manifested more bunny dino <3 manifesting even more <33

i was on stan twt during my younger years too and it was v fun and memorable to me ngl <3 idk what happened though.. it's evolved to be.. Something Else.. i still see a lot of good people there though 😭 and now that i'm in my Hag Era... idk it's just too fast for me now 😭 it's still my go-to place for updates though nothing can top twitter on that dept

and ms fallin flower.... i feel like everyone was blown away by it (based off of what i see carats when talk about it) and rightly so!! she SERVED. the looks too oh my god. it's another factor i look forward to and enjoy so much when i watch their performances!!

u know what? virgos 😐 indeed KJJKDFJKFDJKFDKJ i want to slander virgos today because it's their season and no one slanders them that often so <3 ABOUT MARK'S VIRGO TEMPER THOUGH... i know i've said i enjoy seeing it sm but whenever i think abt it i cant help but say that.. I Love His Temper <3 he doesn't get pissed off in a scary and douchebag-y way it seems so... contained?? IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT he punched an a/c though so that might not be the perfect word to describe him lmaoo <3

THE J TRINITY HFDJFJDJHDF BESTIE UR MIND IS SO!!!!!!!!!!! honestly... maybe it's the acts of service for me <3 JKDFKJFDKJFJKD i think this is just my eldest sister and savior syndrome speaking though kfjkdkjf ALSO OH MY GOD THE WAY U NOTICE THESE THINGS <3 THAT'S SO SEXIE OF U!!! and yes he used to be an infj!! there was an interview that's more recent wherein he mentioned that he's now an enfj though but i cant rmb which interview it's from :/ ALSO MOOD FKJJKGJGKF i dont believe in mbtis too but im just... a little obsessed w it for the fun of it all <3 and the way u described them </3 what if i tear up a little </3 I LOVE CHAN'S LAUGH SO MUCH BUT IM SO SOS O GLAD U BROUGHT UP YUGYEOM'S LAUGH??????????? IT'S NOT TALKED ABT ENOUGH LIKE...... HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! one of my bird moots said he sounded like a schoolboy in choir 😭😭😭😭😭😭

GOD UR TASTE!!!!!!! what if i start falling in l*ve a little :/ what then :/ focus on me was ahead of it's time and people fucking slept on THEM i cannot fucking believe this. this has to be some kind of sick joke 😭 ALSO HAVE U SEEN THE CHOREO FOR SENSES!!!!!!1 INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!! holy fuck!!!!!! sorry for the expletives but like.... holy SHIT they did THAT!!!!!!!! ALSO UR SO RIGHT </3 jjp verse 3 when... ALSO did u know i let go of the jjprojects url... thats the worst mistake of my life KDKJDSKJDSJK also agree wholeheartedly <3 i think they're all trying to find their footing this time around as soloists and im so proud of them for that!! i'll stand by my jus2 agenda though bc they're almost in the same company so maybe.. i might have hope left 😭

SO TRUE BESTIE!!! the same principle goes w svt for me as well <3 got7's such a flavorful group musically like... all of them have the capacity to go solo and they're still considered flops.. waht the fuck <3 ALSO OMG FJDKJFKFJD YOU'VE HEARD The Song!!!!!!!! maybe he'll be releasing something along those lines <3 esp now that he's supposedly coming w an album KJSJKDJSK on a similar note.. do u also listen to jamie (the other artist on the song) <3 NOO SHUT UP THIS CANNOT BE FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i was obsessed w on the rocks too 😭😭😭😭😭😭 IT WAS MY FAVORITE ON THE MIRRORS ALBUM HELLO??????????????????????????? im proposing to u rn

ok now i have to watch all the live vids again JKDSJKSJDKDSKJ ik keep saying 'ur so right', 'i agree', and 'so true bestie' but im gonna have to say this again bc i LOVE LOVE LOVE live sessions sm no matter the artist. i also just am a little partial to live bands in performances like that in general so JDJKKDSJDS

the way you're saying these cute things abt the svteenies.. </3 giving me heartache!!! i'd bully them though i can't coddle them anymore <3

not the fandom JKFDKJFDKJFDKJFKJF ok but i think it's mostly their younger fans tbh. it wasn't this bad before.. i also really liked bts during their debut days. their songs were really good!! i kind of lost interest though and couldn't really get into them although their songs slapped lol. my irls are still into them though so i still hear about them. 9 YEARS............................... wait oh my god it HAS BEEN a little over a decade since 1d was The Thing huh 😭 now i feel kinda old lmao. and i totally get that feeling </3 it really do be like that sometimes JKFDJKJKFD

you really ARE keeping up w the sevens oh my god how are you doing it!!!!!!!!!!! it's like getting svt content now at this point but more complicated bc u need to get the updates from different sources JDKJSDKJJSKD love ur song choices too <3

ALSO FULLY RELATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when i saw bam's teasers... the aes was my cup of tea and THE HIGHLIGHT MEDLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't fucking get it out of my mind it's objectively one of the best things i've seen from kpop in 2021. i'm super impressed <3 love how abyss really supported bambam on this. they really went all in for him!!

I KNOW GKJDFJDK I GOT SUPER ???????/// DURING THE TIME EVERYONE THOUGHT THEY WERE DISBANDING LMAOOOO they pulled a move that's so unheard of though no one really expected That. i respect jaebeom so much for handling all the paperwork and shit behind the scenes it must've been HELL!! ALSO IT MEANT I CRIED FOR NOTHING THEN 😭😭😭 AND YES OH MY GOD IT'S THE SAME BIBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SHOCK I HAD WHEN I SAW THE LIST????????????????????????? thought i was gonna black out like,,, mark,,, AND BIBI??????????????? she's fucking phenomenal how is she just a YEAR older than me.. INSANE!!! ... and i also thought jackson was gonna have an ost for this movie.. idk why it wasn't released though i didnt look into it :/

i had a rough few days so i'm not yet finished with the playlist (my laptop's Dead i am still trying to revive her and uni's starting soon 😭) but for the mean time, here's another one that some people from caratblr previously asked for JDSJKSDJ these are mostly english songs though its not my k-playlist KJDSKJSDJK

i do hope this week gets better!!! and i hope that you'll have a fun one too <3 thank u for being so patient w me 🥺 i just get so many messages and find the need to recharge FDKJDFJK

ALSO I FELT LIKE IT WAS U!!!!!! OH MY GOD, i even searched my blog for the word manifest but for some reason your ask didn't come up in the search so i didnt mention u in the tags so i wont misattribute if it ends up not being u 😭 thank u for manifesting this chan for me he's my little... hop hop now ig... 😭

[wordsnstuff]

Guide To Writing Faded Love

WORDSNSTUFFBLOG.COM HAS NOW LAUNCHED!

-- This is a thorough guide to writing love that has faded, either quickly or over time, and hopefully you romance writers will find it useful. There’s some general tips outlined, some common questions answered, and some resources linked at the bottom. Happy writing!

You can also find this article (and more) at wordsnstuffblog.com

Patreon // Ko-Fi || Masterlists || Work In Progress || Studyblr || Studygram

The Slow Reveal

It’s important to slowly reveal why the love faded, and the manner in which it did. Was it a slow, slippery fall into a routine of just.. not trying? Was it a quick burst of passion that lead to quick commitment and then ended up being extremely short? Reveal that to the reader, and do it carefully. Tug at their heartstrings, and make them feel it. Don’t reveal it too quick either. Show them the good days, and then show them rotting. It’s that much more bitter sweet that way.

Bring The Characters To Unpack The Big Issue

It’s important to remember that your story will actually read by real people, and whether or not you mean for it to, the story will send a message. It’s vital to keep in mind that no matter the ending to your lovers’ story, they need to be the ones to propel it. No exterior factor can fix or break a relationship. Financial struggle, infidelity, distance, difference, and betrayal are not the causes of a failed relationship, or a faded love. A good rule of thumb is to think “if this factor couldn’t bring the love back, then it couldn’t drive it away either”, and that will always bring you to the conclusion that the only thing that can resolve an issue is the lovers themselves.

Let The Characters Grow, Even If Apart

Not all faded love comes back. Not all faded love stays dull forever. What’s more important than the love returning, is the fate of those who felt it in the first place. Both characters should learn something important, and both characters should be on the path to where they’re meant to be by the end, even if that isn’t with each other.

Love Is A Choice, Not A Chance

I know this is a difficult thing to understand, especially with the way love it typically framed in fiction, but at the heart of every larger-than-life romance, is the choice that was made to conceive it. Love is preserved in the choices people make to keep it alive. There isn’t a person out there who would tell you that they had a perfect love story without any compromise or conscious decision to stay and conserve it. If the love has gone away, it’s not because the couple was unlucky, it’s because one or both of them made a choice. Explain what choice(s) that was and why it was made in the first place.

The Little Things Build Up

It is never one big event or argument or struggle that makes love fade. It’s lots of little things, that each partner overlooks because “it’s not a big deal”, “they’ll get over it”, or “we’ve been through worse and gotten through it”. Show this, and make it hit home. This is the time to insert relatability, and the time to make the reader reflect on their own relationship(s), past or present. 

Common Struggles

~ Couples who recognize early on that the fire is going out... There are three types of couples: the ones who try desperately to fix it before it gets critical, the ones who let it simmer and get worse, or the ones who give up immediately. Determine which type your couple is based on their personalities and motivations, then go from there.

~ Depicting faded love vs. evolved relationship dynamic... Faded love is just that. When two people love each other, it’s easy to tell that they’re more comfortable than they are bored or even unhappy. Show this through the little things, and through the way both parties react in mundane situations. 

For instance, when choosing a paint color, two people who love each other may bicker, but it would show that they’re both confident that no matter the outcome, it will be a compromise and that the tension won’t long because, in the end, it’s just paint. For a couple whose love has faded, the paint would act as a channel for bigger issues, and the argument wouldn’t really be about paint. That would show in the way their argument escalates.

~ Showing the confusion between love and infatuation... This isn’t always the case for faded love, and for the most part I’d say it usually isn’t because time passing is a major factor in this category of failed relationship, but two people failing to differentiate these two things can often lead to what is mistaken for faded love. Your love can’t fade if you were only ever infatuated with each other, so be careful in this territory. 

Stories that are meant to be about faded love, but are based on infatuation that went too far, often fall flat, and the necessary trends that are exclusively for faded love will leave a nasty taste in the reader’s mouth. Arguments between two people who loved each other, but now don’t, are completely different than ones between two people who thought they were in love, but never were. The latter often comes across as abuse, rather than tragic loss of true connection, because the tropes don’t work.

~ How do you show what love fading feels like?... You have to have experience, or have a really practical imagination. Simply, put yourself into different shoes, even if they’re yours from the past, and trust your instincts based on what you have been through. We all know someone who has experienced this in some form, if not ourselves, so don’t be ashamed of asking for others’ stories and recollection. Emotional research is just as valid as any other, and just like representing a mental illness, you will be representing this experience differently than anyone else has ever felt it, so accept that. 

~ Parents hiding their situation from the kids... This is a tricky one, because this area is where it gets real, and it starts insinuating aspects of your perspective. A lot of  why a lot of couples who don’t love each other stay together (realistically) is religion, traditional values, and shame. These are viewed very differently by any given reader, and is the easiest spot to push some buttons and accidentally push your personal voice through to the point of them noticing. 

That aside, I would approach this, like the emotional aspect, from an empathetic angle. Imagine how the kids would feel, how the tension would build, why it would build, how the parents would feel, how the parents’ interactions with the kids would be impacted, etc. Simply, put some time aside to think long and hard about this situation and all its implications.

~ How would a couple revive their love for one another?... That depends on the individuals in the relationship. As I said before, there are three ways a couple would respond to this, and the way they respond greatly impacts the way they would solve the issue. Some would fight for a while and wait for the love to just.. come back. Some would simply call it quits. Some would be in complete denial. You decide, and base it on the characters’ personalities and motivations. Not just what they want in general, but what they want out of the relationship, because whatever they have to fight for is what will determine they strategy they use to do so.

Resources

Angst Prompts

How To Make A Scene More Heartfelt

20 Mistakes To Avoid When Writing Young Adult Fiction/Romance

A Guide To Tension & Suspense In Your Writing

Writing Arguments Between Characters

Pros and Cons of Different Points Of View

Tips On Writing Intense Scenes

Resources For Romance Writers

Useful Writing ResourcesUseful Writing Resources II

Resources For Describing Emotions

Giving Characters Bad Traits

Support Wordsnstuff!

FIND MORE ON WORDSNSTUFFBLOG.COM

If you enjoy my blog and wish for it to continue being updated frequently and for me to continue putting my energy toward answering your questions, please consider Buying Me A Coffee, or pledging your support on Patreon.

Request Resources, Tips, Playlists, or Prompt Lists

Instagram // Twitter //Facebook //#wordsnstuff

FAQ //monthly writing challenges // Masterlist

MY CURRENT WORK IN PROGRESS (Check it out, it’s pretty cool. At least I think it is.)

Studyblr || Studygram

Check out my YouTube Channel!

[feelingbluepolitics]

This article reflects utterly irresponsible right-wing media style reporting. The fact that this information is being presented this way, through a news source that reputedly leans left, is very bad news -- in every way.

Here is what Christine Blasey Ford's [CBF] lawyer said:

"Speaking on the theme of 'Applied Feminism and #MeToo' earlier this year, Katz told attendees: 'In the aftermath of these hearings, I believe that Christine's testimony brought about more good than the harm misogynist Republicans caused by allowing Kavanaugh on the court.'

..."'We were going to have a conservative [justice] ... Elections have consequences, but he will always have an asterisk next to his name. When he takes a scalpel to Roe v. Wade, we will know who he is, we know his character, and we know what motivates him, and that is important; it is important that we know, and that is part of what motivated Christine.'"

This language is being painted as a revelation of a political attack, a hatchet job by CBF against Kavanaugh...just as conservatives always suspected! This woman gratuitously revealed agonizing and personal details, and wrecked her life in most ways, just to pick on Kavanaugh! All along, she was a stealth pro-choice plant! This attorney helped her! So did Democrats! Every conservative should be outraged and should work to destroy these people!

It's the same old, but now freshly inspired. It's deliberately warped and politically opportunistic lies. It's Republicon strategism to try to build up pro-Kavanaugh momentum. Republicons will be using the disgusting intrusion of Kavanaugh onto our highest court:

- to help campaign for trump and Republicons, because they deem it a victory;

- to rehabilitate Kavanaugh's image, as if they can, by reasserting him as a "victim" cruelly smeared by Democrats, because that might help Susan Collins' election, to help Republicons hold a Senate majority; and

- to diffuse and distract from the knowledge -- everybody's knowledge -- of why he was installed, so that when the conservative-tainted Court flips more and more legal precedents upside down and hard right, it might not all look so corrupt and politically disgraceful.

Step back, and consider confirmation hearings. Every single one is supposed to be a "job interview," a process of understanding the nominee, including background, and character, and motivation, and intentions, and whether the nominee is appropriate and suitable for the position being considered.

What Republicons consider "appropriate and suitable" in a judge -- and we have terribly extensive evidence of this -- is an extreme conservative bias in a person who will not hesitate to impose their political and other beliefs onto the jurisprudence of our country, in order to drag our judicial system out of the justice zone, and into the zone of hard right, arbitrary, politically and judicially corrupt rulings imposed on this country.

What Democrats consider "appropriate and suitable" in a judge is someone of good character, a finely honed legal mind, and a balanced and judicial habit of well-reasoned and impartial assessment of facts and legal arguments, so that our judicial system is secure in steady justice and trustworthy legal principles and laws. "Justice for all."

Republicons nominated and confirmed Kavanaugh to torque the Supreme Court hard right, and to work relentlessly to personally warp laws to reflect his personal extreme conservative beliefs.

When Kavanaugh was nominated, with a strong likelihood of being confirmed, CBF stepped forward to her great detriment and sacrifice, to make clear that she knew Kavanaugh as a person of longstanding bad character, who would take opportunities to seize power, and who would then abuse that power in line with his personal inclinations, uncaring of any cost to others affected.

The means of CFB's knowledge happened to be available to her because young, drunken, entitled Kavanaugh attempted to rape her.

Her lawyer correctly realized that this information provided powerful insight, so that

"we will know who he is, we know his character, and we know what motivates him, and that is important; it is important that we know, and that is part of what motivated Christine."

So when Kavanaugh, the unprincipled hyper partisan political conservative hack specially chosen for the role, overturns Roe and other longstanding principles of American law and rights, we know it is not a better understanding of cumulative law that leads to this result, but disgusting personal and political corruption, instead. As CFB's lawyer said.

Why did a "left biased" news source pick up this despicable mess and run with it as "news"?

That points to another critically important issue, of the need for transparency in the sources feeding us news and shaping our perceptions.

This is some information that should be considered about Newsweek, for example, such as who has ownership stake and, perhaps, why.

"[I]n 2013...the current owner—then known as IBT Media—bought Newsweek, [and] revived the print edition that had been mothballed the year before.

..."IBT Media, a privately held firm founded by evangelical Christian friends Etienne Uzac and Johnathan Davis in 2006 when they were in their early 20s, seemed an unlikely candidate to restore Newsweek’s good name. Its flagship publication, the International Business Times, used cheap aggregation and search engine optimization to build impressive online readership figures. But IBT remained relatively little known, even within the industry, until the company purchased Newsweek.

"[I]n March 2017...[a] major update to Google’s search algorithm, designed to crack down on low-quality, ad-heavy sites and 'private blog networks' that are widely viewed as traffic scams, hit IBT Media hard. The flagship IBT publication’s organic search traffic plunged by 50 percent, according to the analytics site SEMrush, as did search traffic at other IBT Media properties."

A "left-leaning" "news" source quietly owned by a pair of evangelical Christians, which suddenly comes out with a distorted story like this, which is intended to be politically explosive?

We must demand from our news sources more transparency, more factual and fact-verified information, and more accurate labeling of the gamut from news to speculative or hysterical or explosive opinion pieces.

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Anonymous asked: You are one of the rare intelligent traditionalist blogs that appreciates high culture of art, music, and aesthetics. I don’ consider myself racist and people can call me an old stick in the mud but I love high culture as it is central to our European identity. I have been concerned how classical music especially concert hall performances are in terminal decline. Do you think this is because diversity killing classical music?

Classical music concerts are in decline. That’s the bad news.

Classical music is thriving. That’s the good news.

Classical music attendance for concert performances have been generally low especially when compared to pre-1945 levels in Europe and the US. It’s also true if sales of CDs etc are an indicator too.

Like you, as a believer in the heritage of tradition of western civilisation I find this deeply troubling. Western classical music is an achievement of high culture and more importantly an integral and unique to the DNA of Western civilisation.   The questions as to why is a tricky one because it’s not just one thing.  Is it the music being performed that’s old hat? Is the audience or the lack of one thereof?

It’s painfully obvious that audiences are not there to support it. Why?

I think part of the blame can be laid at the foot of the producers of classical music concerts. The largest contributors to keeping today's orchestras alive and functioning are usually old, rich, white, conservative people who enjoy their Beethoven and Brahms. They don't care about any music post late 19th century.

Firstly, I would take issue with where they think classical music begins and ends. Classical music is not music trapped in amber for all time. It can and must move forwards. This is why - despite some truly stinkers in 20th Century classical music composition - music composed in the 20th Century is given short thrift and met with sniffy indifference.

The paradox here is that they say there is no demand for such contemporary pieces because the audience isn’t there. But if they don’t show the courage to showcase new works then how will they grow an audience? It’s a sticky wicket to say the least. 

Secondly, in being such stiff shirts, there has been a stunning failure to educate and entertain the next younger generation of the value of classical music. The decline of classical music has been a tragic failure of handing down tradition from one generation to the next. Its root cause has everything to do with the material corruption and spiritual laziness of its own native European people - young and old.

But I don’t want to lay the blame too much on the older generation despite the above criticism. This is because at least they invest money into classical music. The younger generation can’t - because they need to make a living - or won’t - because they are not emotionally invested in it. 

This nicely leads me to another crucial part of my answer.

I think blame can also be laid at the feet of us, the audience.

With each passing generation our Western society is nurturing its own people to be musically illiterate. By that I mean millennials have no real grasp of appreciation of classical music, let alone learning a music instrument or going to attend a classical music concert. Like Latin in school, we don’t teach children how to be musically literate and enjoy the wonders of Peter and the Wolf or Holst’s The Planets as a starting point on a life long journey of cultural enrichment. This enrichment is a unique inheritance of their Western civilisation unlike any other culture or society.

This isn’t an either/or argument i.e. less Taylor Swift and more Schubert. It’s a false choice.

Why limit your musical palate?

Is diversity the reason for decline of classical music?

No. Not in the way you might think.

In my humble opinion the decline of classical music in the concert hall has precious little to do with the controversial topic of diversity. Diversity is not the cause of it but a symptom of it. 

Today's classical orchestras are quite diverse. Classical music will always be considered as stuffy museum music by the general population. Being sensitive to diversity of today's classical composers won't fix things.

Any classical composer writing music these days, regardless of ethnicity, gender or skin colour, is doomed to failure because of the economics of the business. So giving preference to today's composers by gender, skin colour or ethnicity won't help revive it.

Diversity within orchestras is wonderful - and I have seen some virtuoso performers across the globe, especially in Japan and China where they have a genuine love for classical music which is inspiring to witness. But ‘diversity’ within classical music itself is muddle headed.

'Diversity' is a concern of disintegrating societies in malaise that have lost contact with their heritage and identity.

The honest truth is that Western classical music was the creation of aristocratic Europe. It should not be forced into something it isn't. The foundation of classical music was created by White, European, males of a Christian background - after all classical music began in the church.

Without taking a thing away from some very talented and wondrously creative African, Asian and female composers, the music simply didn't include Africa and Asia - or America, for that matter! - as part of its origins.

It would be as if one were to insist that any forum that highlights the many fantastic forms of American music that was started by African-American people - Gospel, Ragtime, Jazz, Blues, Rock, Hip-Hop, Rap - should have to include a fair sampling of non-Blacks that contributed. 

As for the dying of classical music, it is not dead or even on life support.

It has simply moved, though, from the church to the concert hall to electronic and digital media.

As far back as the 1960s, the pianist, Glenn Gould stopped touring and began recording exclusively in the studio. His final recording from the 1980s included his conducting debut (Wagner's "Siegfried Idyll"), and if not for his untimely death, his next step was to record piano concertos with himself as both conductor and soloist; able to use technology for the purpose of editing and dubbing every aspect to his own specifications.

People will continue to attend concerts. I try to attend when I can. Indeed not too far from my place of work I can attend lunch time recitals and concerts in an old church and it’s heavenly to feel uplifted to such sonorous heights.

But such is the pace of modern life it’s not always possible. But my thirst for live classical music means, like for many others, the technology has made it so much easier to enjoy what ever music you like without being economically and geographically inconvenienced.

I look at films (another love of mine) and accept that even this most modern of mediums is changing with the viewing habits of people through digital online technology. Going to the cinema is really going to see big blockbusters and watching your artsy niche films increasingly on laptops and phones through streaming services simply because of economics of the film industry.

To me not watching a film - any film - on the big screen loses not just the romance of the occasion but also the bonding of diverse people into one room.  Going to the cinema was like a social glue to bond community of people who lived in the shared neighbourhood. It’s also changed the nature of film itself in the way we tell stories - think of the decline of episodic television to more serial arc based stories to - what we have now - binge watching series in one sitting.

Likewise the challenge for classical music is learning how to adapt with the times without compromising the rich tradition it carries....too much. How it continues to meet that challenge will be fascinating to watch.

Thanks for your question

[killthebxy]

i have so many mixed feelings about the season finale.

so.

many.

mixed.

feelings.

and i don’t really know where to start... so i think i’ll start at the end. and i’ll start by making a separation in my analysis.

1. if we look at s08 ep6 on its own

          i’ve been writing Jon Snow since January 24th, 2017. s07 happened during April-May 2017, if i remember well? which means, some of you who’ve been with me from the start of my blog have watched me watching s07; have watched my reactions and my opinions and my rants. ever since then, i have been very open and very vocal about how much i loathed the idea of Jon as the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, and Jon eventually sitting this throne as king --- those of you who’ve followed me for less time also likely know this very well, because gods know i never shut up about it. so, considering the finale that Jon had... someone might tell me: you must be very happy! and, well... i am very happy. i was not made to see Jon sitting the throne. i was not made to see everyone call him Agony and hail him and glorify him. i got to see him wearing his black cloak again and returned to where he belongs --- away from thrones and kings and queens, away from the ungrateful northern lords, making peace with the free folk. hell, i even got to see him hugging Ghost, imagine. who would have thought, Jon Snow loves his soulmate more than his own life. sarcasm aside... yesterday, i told a couple of you that i had two final, very little requests of ep6: i wanted to see Jon crying (because i had read the leaks, and thus i knew what to expect) and i wanted to see those beautiful curls freed from the bun. and i got this. i got to see, FINALLY, after weeks, Jon Snow and not Agony Targaryen. loyal to the end, struggling with the cruel decision he had to make, quoting master Aemon, accepting his fate, doing his duty no matter the cost --- as he once did with Ygritte. if we look at this episode only, i got everything i ever hoped for, and for this i am grateful. and yet...

2. we cannot look at s08 ep6 on its own

          and this is where it all begins and ends. because ep6 does not exist on its own. does not exist in a void. nothing of what happened came out of spontaneous generation. Dany wasn’t suddenly the mad queen. Tyrion wasn’t suddenly clever again. Grey Worm wasn’t suddenly thirsty for blood and revenge. Jon Snow wasn’t suddenly Jon Snow and not Agony Targaryen. and this is why everything in this season is irredeemable to me, no matter how much i loved Jon’s finale if we look at it objectively and pragmatically.

          do you know why i love George’s writing so much? it’s not for the prose --- very honestly, 90% of the persons i roleplay with write better than him. it’s not completely for the storyline, either, though it is amazing --- very honestly, some of the book chapters are boring and long and fillers and with descriptions and details that no one cares about. i love George’s writing, however, for his absolutely brilliant talent to manage such a vast universe. he’s got so many major characters, thrice as many minor characters, even more characters that only appear at the end of the books, listed as part of the great houses and such. the experience of reading A Song of Ice and Fire, and least for me, was that --- you get to a point you lose track of what’s going on, exactly because there is SO MUCH going on. so many characters, so many stories, so many destinies. and i remember myself often asking: how the hell will some of this make sense in the end, this is huge and so complex. and then... then you get to A Dance with Dragons... and, fuck, it does make sense. ALL of it starts tying together. all the details, all the little plot twists, all the symbolism, all the foreshadowing --- it all comes around and ties together, it all makes sense. all these many, many parts come together in a whole --- and this is why i praise George so much. this is why i admire his writing so much. because, even if i am upset with some choices, it all makes sense. it all is fluid, coherent, so pleasing to read and to follow and so goddamn captivating.

          and then you look at s07 and especially s08... and you find nothing of this. where George does kill a lot of characters, he keeps the bulk of them and considers all of them --- and D&D simply kill them all off for not having any better use for them. where George writes intricate, complex, layered characters and 99% of them are purely made of grey areas and grey morals and so very few are completely good or completely evil --- and D&D turned them completely flat, shallow, predictable, cliché, borderline boring if not downright so. where George named this the world of ice and fire and makes it so that the big, overarching theme is flawed, very different humans trying to gather together to survive the common, legendary foe --- D&D were done with the Long Night in like 40 minutes, and the only thing dark about it was the terrible lighting that makes iconing ep3 a nightmare. and i could go on, but i think i’ve made my point. D&D haven’t the 10th of George’s talent --- and, hey, i can accept this. -i- don’t have the 10th of George’s talent for sure, and very few people in this world have the 10th of George’s talent when it comes to tying together such a huge, deep, complex plot. and i can live with this. i could live with predictable, cliché writing in s07, and still be able to enjoy it at least half the time. i wasn’t happy, but i was content.

          but s08? well. s08, the way i see it, was simply two things: 1) D&D trying to be George and trying to go for plot twists and trying to make a bittersweet ending of some sort... and then 2) D&D realizing they are as far from George as the Earth is from Pluto, and going fuck it we’ll resolve everything based on shock value. and i wish i was joking or exaggerating or being sarcastic --- but they have stated this themselves and are proud of it, apparently. you only have to google it and you’ll easily find it. these two gentlemen looked at, say, Daenerys, and asked themselves: we want her to be the mad queen in the end, what can we do to lead to this outcome? and they did it. it’s as simple and as linear as this. and literally everything and everyone, logic and common sense included, gets thrown under the rubble for the sake of making this happen. and this is why i have zero respect and zero credits for them, at the end of all things, even if i did love Jon’s finale when i look at it isolated from everything else.

because.

          yes, Jon Snow, the honorable man with a good, kind, merciful heart who does whatever needs to be done for the sake of his people, no matter the toll it takes on himself. check, this is the Jon i know and love. Jon Snow, not a glorified savior who succeeds where everyone else fails, not Azor Ahai reborn, but a tool, an instrument used to bring salvation --- Lightbringer itself. check, this is the Jon i know and love. Jon Snow, who was never destined for a happy ending, carrying the guilt and suffering the consequences of his decisions. check, this is the Jon i know and love. but what happened before this? what about everything that led him to this? 

          book!Jon and show!Jon were always different, this isn’t a new thing. even during seasons 1-5, where the show followed the book canon for the most part (at least in Jon’s case), they were already different. show!Jon has a lot more personal agency, in that he chooses to do a lot of the things he does --- while book!Jon tends to get sucked into the whole ordeal, and he tries to navigate it as well as he can. for an example: show!Jon offered himself to go with Qhorin Halfhand, book!Jon was chosen by Qhorin and caught by surprise and even lord commander Mormont was like ????. another example: show!Jon sends Grenn to hold the gate against Mag the Mighty and brings on himself the responsibility of commanding the Wall during the attack, book!Jon gets command imposed on him by Donal Noye and then again in the morning by master Aemon. again, i could go on and on, but i have made my point. regarding all this, while i do prefer book!Jon, i never hated show!Jon. some parts, even, like the battle at Hardhome, i honestly loved and i wish i could get that POV in the books.

          now, s06... post-revival. this is where the books-show rift happens for good, as they ran out of source material. very sincerely, i did not watch s06 as a whole --- i only watched Jon’s scenes. so if you ask me what was going on otherwise, i don’t know and i don’t really regret this choice. s06 Jon is a sort of limbo for me, because i cannot say if his portrayal was good or bad. clearly, this is when he starts making stupid decisions and being far more reckless, but... as mentioned, this is post-revival. this is a man who was stabbed in the heart by his own sworn brothers, who got wrenched back out of the grave, who immediately got told: hey you gotta keep fighting and you gotta start by going and reclaiming Winterfell and saving your little brother. given this context, can i judge him for not being himself? i can’t and i never did, which is why i accepted s06 (again, re: Jon Snow only) for what it was. and i was content with it, even if the revelation of his parentage for show!canon did not impress me.

          s07. this coincided with the birth and infancy of my blog, and honestly i was so excited to get to share this experience with everyone --- and this much was absolutely amazing. i was writing my Master’s thesis back then and i had a lot more free time, so i was able to stay up late and watch it live... and, boy, was that a ride. i had so much fun back then, and all of it thanks to my beautiful followers and friends who were there to live through this with me. but as far as the season itself went... yeah, that was the beginning of the end. because, unlike s06, Jon didn’t have excuses anymore to be stupid and reckless. and yet he still was. he still just grabbed a bunch of sturdy men and ventured into the fucking Frostfangs in the middle of winter without even bringing 1 (one) horse, just to name the most blatant of stupid examples. and the whole glorified superhero savior vibe? my good beans, i wrote a meta with 4000+ words to justify why that frozen lake scene was total bullshit and why Jon did die his second death there --- exactly out of spite for how much i hated it. how much i hated that D&D were turning the boy i love into a commercial protagonist who does the impossible and suffers no consequences and gets to have everyone else’s portrayal tossed under the wreck for the sake of glorifying him further. Rickon was already a plot device, Benjen Stark was a plot device, and i had the sinking feeling it would not stop there. s07 had bad and lazy writing, was terribly rushed and with very little character development, was pointing towards a very obvious and very cliché ending: Jon & Dany, the power couple, sitting the throne, having a baby, living happily ever after.

          and today... today i ask myself: how can you fuck up a plot so much, to the point where i wish i was made to see this cliché, predictable ending instead? i spent a year and a half whining about how much i did not want to see Jon sitting the throne... only to now look at the finale and be like --- sweet summer child, what did you know of fear. because, hey, yes, Jon was reborn from his ashes and Agony was cast aside and he got exactly the endgame i prayed for --- but at what cost? to get here, i had to see ALL the northern lords and half his family spitting on him for his decision to bend the knee. to get here, i had to see him literally say: it’s true, my name is Aegon Targayen. to get here, i had to see him avoiding Dany and not having the balls to talk to her about it until the very last moment. i had to see him plan the defenses of Winterfell like a complete stupid idiot who has no clue what he is doing. i had to see him forgetting Ghost is his soulmate. i was even deprived of the thing i love more in Kit’s acting, which is fighting on the ground --- for the sake of an epic dragon battle, yes, but that by rights he should not have survived. i was denied a one-on-one battle with the Night King, no matter who’d win and no matter who’d get to destroy the NK in the end. i got an epic moment of him roaring back at an undead dragon, yes, but what came in the next episodes got me to the point of headcanoning that he died during that moment. i had to see him not even mourn Edd’s death and going for Lyanna Mormont gods know why, who openly questioned and defied him. i had to see him being the by-the-book definition of a douchebag who sits drinking with friends and completely ignoring his girl who’d just lost one of her closest loved ones and was so clearly dissociating throughout that entire feast. i had to see him being described as so stupid that he obviously bent the knee for love and Dany was going to play him like a fiddle. i had to see him practically being made to choose between his family and the girl he loves. I HAD TO SEE HIM ABANDONING GHOST. i had to see him, again, pull away from Dany when she needed him most --- and, yes, in show!canon it is incest and all that, but you don’t have to fuck or kiss the girl you love to be there for her. i was denied, again, 1 (one) decent fighting scene on the ground because all he did at KL was to cut down a few soldiers with a few basic slashes.

          and, very frankly, what bothers and disgusts me the most out of all of this hellhole... i had to see character after character ruined, completely ruined in their essence, for the sake of stating: hey Jon Snow is a good guy! Rhaegal, who had to be butchered for the sake of triggering Dany and also because Dany and Jon and Tyrion were too stupid to remember Euron’s fleet still existed.  Missandei, who had to be butchered in chains for the sake of triggering Dany. Grey Worm, who had to be metaphorically butchered and turned into a blood-thirsty savage longing for blind revenge for the sake of Agony Targaryen, our lord and savior, being the merciful savior who claims pity for unarmed men. the women of King’s Landing, who had to be raped by northern soldiers, again for the sake of Agony being the good guy who saves one of them. and at the end of the day... Daenerys Targaryen. the little girl who wanted to go home and return to her house with a red door. who was exiled and sold and raped and harassed and humiliated and abused and betrayed and used and objectified. who made terrible choices more than once, yes and i erase none of them, but who made them with a good intention and who paid the price of said choices --- like Jon himself did, like we all, flawed human beings, do. the strong, willful, kind woman who heard Jon’s plea for help and went to save him and his men beyond the Wall and who lost one of her children for it. the queen who wanted to break the wheel and to make this world a better place. the breaker of shackles. Mhysa. she, who was never her father. reduced to this, for the sake of making Jon Snow the good honorable man who does his duty even at expense of his own interest and his own happiness.

          dear Mr. Daniel B. Weiss and dear Mr. David Benioff: do you know since when Jon Snow is a good honorable man who does his duty even at expense of his own interest and his own happiness? since always. since 283 AC. since far, far before you got your incompetent, untalented hands on him. and he never needed to be shown as one --- he was one. without the need to sacrifice 90% of the plot and the characters to make him seem so. he IS so. and this is why i’ll never forgive you, even if you did give me exactly the finale i wanted. because what you did to him, in order to bring him here? honestly, you deserve no redemption. ever. and if there is one thing that makes me extremely, utterly, earnestly happy today, it is that never again you will touch him. Jon Snow belongs to George, and he belongs to me, and he belongs to every beautiful talented roleplayer who writes him, and he belongs to every beautiful talented roleplayer who writes muses who interact with him. never to you, again. and for this i thank the old gods of the forest. today, Jon Snow is finally at rest. and, as of today, i can finally stop writing out of spite --- and return to writing because i love this boy.

[michelles-garden-of-evil]

Episode 16 Review: Jean Paul’s Latest Detained Guest

{ YouTube: 1 | 2 }

{ Synopses: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

{ Screencaps }

I wasn’t going to start working on another review until next week at the earliest, but I have been re-watching the Agatha episodes from Desmond Hall and, oh my Great Serpent, are they terrible! I don’t wish to spoil too much of what happens then because those reviews are a long way in the future, but I will say that (1) I can’t stand Agatha Pruitt and (2) while some episodes of Desmond Hall Part I have decent writing, in others the writing is very, very, very bad. I can’t help but feel sorry for the fans of both this show and Dark Shadows in early 1970, because Agatha would have been swanning around Desmondton getting on everyone’s nerves during the same period as one of the least-loved arcs on DS, the Leviathan arc.*

Normally, I would type out my complaints about Desmond Hall in the OneNote notebook where I take screencaps and save them for when I write those episode reviews in a year or two. However, I felt that I had to mention the awfulness of Episode 91 in this post, because that is what compelled me to return from my hiatus early. I needed to remind myself why I like this show enough to dedicate a whole blog to it, and so I took a (metaphorical) trip back to Maljardin to re-watch and review Episode 16.

Our mascot!

On the last episode, Jean Paul hired Reverend Matt Dawson to conduct a funeral service for his wife Erica, still frozen in the cryonics capsule  and awaiting her resurrection by THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES. Now Jean Paul--who has changed into a very nice pinstripe suit--is showing Matt the crypt at Maljardin where the capsule is located. “Even with the electrical connections, the compressor and cryonics capsule, I think this probably will be the best place for the service,” he says to the horrified minister. “Don’t you think, Reverend Dawson?” All Matt can do is smile and nod in response while privately questioning the life choices that led to this moment.

He’s probably thinking, “I left my ministry to stalk a 20-year-old full-time for this?!”

Jean Paul continues interviewing him. “You have no objection to a service without a burial?”

“No,” Matt shakes his head. “I have officiated at many such services, where the body is usually placed in the family crypt.” Considering that the vast majority of families don’t have family crypts--at least not in their basements--I think that he’s humoring Jean Paul. After all, he’s seen so many red flags already--the isolated island, the extreme secrecy, Jean Paul’s reluctance to tell anyone about Erica’s death, the whole cryonics/resurrection thing itself, and now his insistence on conducting the funeral service around a cryonics capsule.

He questions the idea that a body held in cryonic suspension can be brought back to life, and Jean Paul continues to deny that Erica is forever dead. He also continues to insist that the usual laws of nature don’t apply on Maljardin, and that on that island he is God:

Yes, Reverend Dawson, your new client thinks he’s God. There’s another red flag for you, Matt, that Jean Paul Desmond is not a client that you want to work for and you should probably cancel the agreement, give up on Holly, and try to get off the island while you still can.

Jean Paul tells him of a man who was allegedly brought back to life after dying in a blizzard, and who lived three decades as “a soulless corpse, like a zombie” before dying again. After saying “zombie,” the camera cuts to Quito who is spying on them, confirming that Quito is indeed a zombie--although, considering that Quito has emotions (which he expresses through body language) and pets whom he clearly loves, the “soulless” part is unlikely.

Did he offend Quito when he called zombies “soulless corpses,” I wonder?

It’s at this point that handsome devil Jacques takes over and starts trolling Matt. “You are a theologian trapped by your own logic and teachings,” he remarks with a mocking smile. “When you run out of answers, look to the fire god. He’s got some new ones, new for even you.” Which goes over about as well as proselytization usually does: that is to say, not at all, especially without one of those poorly-written smiley-face tracts that are absurdly popular with Christian fundamentalists. But Jacques, unfortunately, is straight out of copies of SMILE THE FIRE GOD LOVES YOU and so has to resort to confusing Matt (and us) with non sequiturs instead:

Jacques: “I don’t advocate or procrastinate.” (That has to be a line flub.) “I live and let live.”

I’m surprised he didn’t bring up the age-old theological question about how many angels can fit on the head of a pin and awkwardly try to connect that to the situation as well.

Matt storms out and Jacques stays behind to gloat. “I haven’t had so much fun,” he quips, “since one of my colleagues fiddled while Rome burned.” This reference to the Roman emperor Nero is without a doubt the clearest evidence so far that Jacques is indeed supposed to be the Devil, who at some point came to occupy the body of Jean Paul’s ancestor.

Back in the great hall, Matt returns to stalking Holly, who once again rejects him, because stalking only leads to mutual love and committed relationships in bad romance movies. He insists that he has something important to say to her, and she agrees to listen, but only for five minutes. He insists that Elizabeth doesn’t like him and that he followed her to Maljardin because he “thought [she] might need [him] for protection, guidance, maybe even comfort.”

According to StrangeParadise.net, this is an allusion to a real person, Reverend Harold Davidson, described in more detail on this page. I won’t copy Davidson’s bio on here because of its length, so I’ll just quote Holly by calling him a “lecherous minister.”

She rejects him, he leaves with his proverbial tail between his legs, then she proceeds to mope while sprawled in Jean Paul’s favorite chair for arguing with Jacques. Alison finds her there and asks what’s wrong, so she starts to explain before Matt arrives again and interrupts by insisting that he’s not trying to keep her from her inheritance like she claims. He’s right, but that doesn’t change the fact that Elizabeth is using him to do just that. Now it’s Holly’s turn to flounce, and she does it with more gusto than Reverend Stalker.

He talks to Alison, who fills him in on the whole situation, speaking again about how Jean Paul thinks he’s God and also about how Matt is now a prisoner on Maljardin.

Alison explaining the concept of a detained guest to Matt.

Matt suggests that Alison get Raxl to try to reason with Jean Paul, unaware of how well that didn’t work out a week before, He insists, though, that “perhaps these Tarot cards [that Vangie gave him in Episode 14] will sway her.” Although Alison is skeptical and so is Raxl upon her arrival, that all changes when he gives her the pack of cards and tells her that Vangie said “that [she] should use them for everyone’s good.”

She knows instantly that Vangie has predicted that Maljardin is doomed.

An interesting conversation between the two follows. Matt reveals to her that she should contact Vangie at “the third hour” (3 AM, also known as the “witching hour” or “demonic hour”), which means nothing to him but “everything” to her. She recaps for him about Jacques Eloi des Mondes, the conjure doll, and the silver pin, mentioning that “the power of the Great Serpent made him an eternal prisoner” for three hundred years.

Raxl: “Jacques Eloi Des Mondes! It must be he who walks. It must be!"   Matt: "Impossible!" Raxl: "You believe in God, but what about His work?” [I think this is a line flub for “word,” which would make more sense in context.] “I trust the Tarot cards, but what about the words of the woman who reads them?" Matt: "I'm a messenger, not a convert." Raxl: "One conjure doll, one silver pin. If that pin were still driven into that doll's head, we would all be safe."   Matt: "Raxl, that is witchcraft!" [And reading Tarot cards--a form of divination--isn’t?] Raxl: "Do you feel safe, Reverend?"

He gazes at the portrait of Jacques without another word until Jean Paul returns, explaining that he had to apologize to Quito after inadvertently hurting his feelings earlier, most likely with what he said about zombies. He asks Matt if he’s started preparing a speech for the funeral service, and an argument erupts between the two of them:

Did I mention yet that Jean Paul is more than a bit of a control freak?

Jean Paul decides that maybe Jacques had the right idea as far as the detained-guest thing went, and so puts the island on lockdown: “There will be no further trips to the main island and no trips even for mail until a matter between the Reverend and his conscience is resolved.”

Jean Paul is a male example of what is known in certain fandoms as a yandere, or a character who is madly in love, enough to hurt and even kill anyone who they believe is standing between them and their love interest.

Meanwhile in the basement, Raxl performs a ritual to contact the Conjure Man using Vangie’s Tarot cards while Quito enters the Not-So-Hidden Temple. And with that, the episode ends.

Raxl and the Tarot cards.

This was an interesting episode, with Matt as the central character for a change. The major theme of this episode seems to be belief, and how, whether seen through the lens of science (Alison), Christianity (Matt), or voodoo (Raxl), Jean Paul’s plans to revive Erica appear crazy at best and dangerous and/or sacrilegious at worst. There’s also the suggestion that Erica might return as a zombie, which does not seem to bother Jean Paul as much as it should (make of that what you will). Did it make up for the badness of Episode 91? Yes. It’s genuinely a good episode, even though some of the lines don’t make sense--but I think that at least most of those are line flubs.

Coming up next: Raxl sends a message to the Conjure Man, so Jacques decides to interfere. Also, Jacques’ portrait becomes much stranger.

Notes

* I don’t know the exact original airdates for most episodes of Strange Paradise. Maljardin aired from October 20, 1969 to January 19, 1970 in Canada according to StrangeParadise.net, but the show premiered in the United States on September 8, making the US six weeks or 30 episodes ahead of Canada. The YouTube user retronewfoundland has the endings of several episodes on their channel with the original Canadian airdates. The nearest episode to Episode 91 that retronewfoundland has a clip from is Episode 84, with the airdate of February 17, 1970 (a Tuesday). This means that (according to my calculations) Episode 91 would have most likely aired in Canada on February 26, and in the US six weeks earlier on January 15. Either date places it contemporary with the Leviathan arc, which lasted from November 14, 1969 to March 27, 1970 (source).

{ <-- Previous: Episode 15   ||   Next: Episode 17 --> }

[ncumenia-archived]

📱MOBILE-FRIENDLY RULES📱

OTHER LINKS:

lore

bio

headcanons

exclusive ship list

Since English is not my mother language, I apologize in advance if there are some grammatical errors or I use wrong words to describe an action. If something is not clear to you, just let me know, I’ll fix it as soon as I can.

Roleplay Rules:

TAG DUMP HERE!; (NSFW too)

Mun&Muse are both 21+. This blog is selective, 18+ exclusive, canon divergent, duplicates crossover, AU, fandomless, etc… friendly!  

Besides the obvious fact I won't rp smut or ship with minor muns/muses whatsoever, do not follow me if you're underage. This because I feel uncomfortable interacting with minor muns due to the huge age gap that might be between us. (Mun is currently 25 as I write this) Please, don't take it too personally, it's just for my own comfort. Furthermore, if your rules and age (mun is 18+, mun is 23, mun is of age and so on...) are not present on your blog I won’t rp with you at all. Lying about your age will result into a permablock and reported. The same applies if you're underage or your age is not stated and you dare to interact in any kind of NSFW way with me (This also includes liking/commenting my nsfw posts or sending me nsfw asks)

I refuse to ship/interact with: aged up muses (Nunu, Annie, Zoe etc…) and only smut-oriented blogs since they both make me uncomfortable. So, please, if you’re one of these blogs do not follow me.

No godmodding. If our muses are fighting, I’d like to discuss first with the other mun, in order to avoid it as much as possible;

I don’t like “follow for following me back, and if you don’t follow me I’ll unfollow you“ philosophy because I find this kinda disrespectful. I’m also available to interact with you even if we’re not mutuals! Usually, the reasons why I unfollow you are these: spamming too much without using a proper tag, talking shit about other people here on tumblr, spreading useless drama or rumors, posting stuff that makes me uncomfortable or if I somehow assume you’re not interested to interact with me.DMS are always open for plotting!

Currently available verses: Canon, Odyssey, Modern/Academy, Bloodmoon, Deity Please, before interacting with my muse in one of these verses make sure to read the lore and, if something is not clear to you, dm me anytime!;

I’ll try to match length more or less, so don’t worry about that. And please, TAKE YOUR TIME to reply. I have a life too, so don’t worry I’m not the one who runs after others! I tend to easily forget threads, so if I didn’t reply to our thread for like a couple of days dm me!;

I do believe in reblog karma, it’s your choice to send me a meme, but please reblog it from the source and not from me if you don’t want to send me one. If you reblog a meme from me without sending me one for more than once, I’ll block you. I’m sorry about this rule, but after some time this becomes quite annoying;

Any kind of hate toward a nationality/gender/sexual orientation and so on will result in a report and permablock. I believe everyone should respect a person, regardless of their gender/ethnicity/sexual orientation. If you don’t, you’ll get permablocked. Period. The same goes for every kind of insult or anon hate toward me, a ship or a friend: not only you’ll be ignored, but, if it is necessary, I’ll report and permablock you.

This blog is against any kind of fake/unfounded rumors and drama. I'll only reblog callouts that provide evidence about the problematic individual, and mostly about extremely serious topics (like minor hunters, abusers or if someone who is seriously in danger) I'm not afraid to callout people if they have a problematic/gross behavior or if they support/justify problematic/disturbing/traumatic topics.

I won’t rp and tolerate extremely disturbing topics like incest, rape (non-con/dub-con as well), pedophilia, child/animal abuse, and similar. The same goes for every kind of ship where these themes are involved. Mentioning these topics during a thread is okay (For example if you’re talking about your muse’s past), but I’d rather talk with the mun first so we can plot things properly.

Any jokes about child death, rape, racism, disability, sexism and so on are not allowed here. If I see one of them, I may go to your dms and telling you that’s not okay writing these things because they’re harmful, and to stop with that stuff. If you’ll ignore/insult/make fun of me you’ll be permablocked. [Added: 09/07/2019]

This blog may contain triggers such as blood, angst, smoke, drugs, gore, mental health etc. I’ll tag everything and I’ll use “read more”. (I’ll tag my triggers using, for example, “tw: blood” without air quotes) Before rping this stuff with you, I’ll always ask you if you’re okay with it, so do please tell me if you have any triggers or I should tag something specific in my blog! For example, my muse, when she’s overwhelmed by certain feelings or recalls what happened to her kin, she bleeds from her mouth and sternal scar. Please, if this makes you feel uncomfortable don’t be afraid to tell me it; Regarding sexual content, it will also be present, especially during Sinday, but I will always tag everything accordingly and put everything under read more.

Please, tag these two topics: needles and stepping on people. I feel extremely uncomfortable regarding the latter because it's heavily connected with animal abuse, and it makes me feel so sick I start to panic. I only ask you to tag these two topics.

I’m a human being, and sometimes I make mistakes too. If I made something that offended you/made you feel uncomfortable, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I want to learn from my mistakes.

Shipping rules:

Even if I’m more than aware of the fact an 18+ mun is legally an adult, I realized I feel more comfortable shipping with both muns/muses who are 20+, especially in the case there will be some nsfw. That’s my personal preference, and this is NOT negotiable and it will NEVER be.[added 06/05/2019]

If you don’t want to keep our ship going on, that’s TOTALLY OKAY. I will NEVER get mad at you, neither asking you the motivation. If you don’t feel comfortable anymore, that’s okay and I respect your decision!

This blog is multiship exclusive, that means I'll only ship with one muse/au of that muse. Furthermore, I'll be highly selective with whom I ship with, and I mostly prioritize people I've been friends with for a long time. [EXCLUSIVE SHIP LIST]

I state in advance I don’t ship my muse with Diana, since she sees her as a mother-like figure. So… This basically would be incest, and I feel very uncomfortable with it. Furthermore, I won’t ship with Taric, Leona, Aurelion, Soraka, Zoe (But this is almost needless to say since she’s a minor, but prevention is always better than the cure), and yordles.

Even if I’m extremely fine with a platonic/non-sexual relationship, I’m also okay with some smut and that may occur with a serious plot, and ONLY if I feel comfortable and I trust my rp partner enough. Unfortunately, I don’t feel very comfortable rping it on Tumblr, and I’d rather rp it on Discord. [Please check the smut rules here] DON’T FORCE IT WITH ME, otherwise the ship will be deleted and probably I’ll block you too.

My muse is a revenant (I’m talking about her canon verse. In Odyssey! and Modern! she’s a living being) and NO, shipping with her is NOT necrophilia (She’s NOT a lifeless, nonsentient, smelly and rotten body who cannot give consent. She has revived thanks to Targon/Moon’s magic, and she’s ABLE to consent and she doesn’t smell bad, she’s not rotting and so on). I’m writing this because I’m kinda sick of this subject because “Shipping with Ernye/Pyke/Thresh/Kalista/Yone is necrophilia1111!!1!!”, and I’m more than sure these people are the first who fall in love with a vampire. If I receive any anon asks about this stuff in which there’s written I cannot ship her with anyone or other offensive things toward me or my muse (both ic and ooc), I’ll ignore and permablock them. No matter who’s the person who sent this. Again: I’m sick and tired of this stuff because basically there’s no problem in shipping with a psycho who can basically kill/abuse you any moment, meanwhile, GOD FORBID a revenant/vampire and stuff like that. So, better safe than sorry. If this bothers you so much you can unfollow me.

Respect my right to say “NO” if I don’t want to ship with your muse. So, don’t force it or I’ll block you.;

About the Mun:

You can call me Silkie, and I’m 25 years old;

Discord for mutuals only;

Pronouns: she/her (They/Them is also fine, if you feel more comfortable with it, no worries);

Chickens, cats, chinchillas, and Castlevania addicted;

I consider myself as a friendly person, so if you wanna know me or rp with me just send me a message! I suffer from diagnosed GAD and depression, so I really need time to open up to people and my activity may be sporadic because of this. And, please: if I make/say something that makes you feel uncomfortable TELL ME ANYTIME since I never mean to hurt anyone here through my words or acts;

Remember Muse ≠ Mun. Ernye’s actions don’t reflect my personality, or what I think about you;

Please DON’T FLIRT WITH ME, it makes me extremely anxious and uncomfortable due to many awful experiences I had in the past, and also because rp is a hobby and I want to have fun, and I’m not looking for a romantic partner. If you ignore my warnings I’ll permablock you. And yes, this also applies to every NSFW question about me. If you dare to do so you’ll get immediately reported, permablocked and the whole chatlog saved. I will also NOT tolerate any kind of NSFW anon ask about me.

The cringy art you see on my profile is made by me unless stated otherwise. Constructive criticism and bits of advice are more than welcome and encouraged ♥

[ If you have read my rules send me “Has the killing moon come for them?” That’s optional, of course, you don’t have to send it to me!]

[gay-little-sideblog]

it has been two years since i last posted on this blog, and i've decided to revive it.

did a quick scroll through my old posts. i am simultaneously amused and impressed at how much i've matured in such a short span of time. though i've also become more cynical and jaded, as a result of my experiences. i myself am aware of how my tone and writing style have changed.

life updates:

1. i got into my first relationship with someone. it started off with a curiosity towards dating. i had expressed a similar sentiment before, about needing experience to know my sexuality and romantic orientation for sure. although i had planned to be single, dating experience is never a bad thing nor is it easy to come by.

so i went along with it when they confessed to me. it wasn't like i had a strong sense of emotional attachment, but i hoped that i would grow into it. i didn't. i ended things off because:

there were personal projects i wanted to work on at the time,

our relationship had been an utter disaster and they had depleted enough of my time, energy and resources,

i could not see a future for us,

i thought that the relationship was stifling their growth, while smothering me.

so i cut them off. but i don't regret it, because they would've remained codependent and i would've continued trying to placate them while not offering up too much of myself.

having a scarcity mindset is like this: it is difficult to seek abundance when you have a constantly grasping approach to life.

2. i survived college, and i'm glad i did. it allowed me to make significant progress in terms of writing - academic or otherwise. pursuing the arts was the right choice, as i truly woke up to myself and was able to demonstrate my intellectual prowess. i developed my critical thinking and argumentative skills, which i am now more confident in. i pursued my own niche(s) and although there were challenges, i pulled through, somehow. although these 2 years were impacted by covid, i was able to still do something of my own.

3. i am currently in university.

i have not met anyone new that i would consider a friend. it is lonely sometimes, but i have eliminated that need.

i have been coping ok with the workload for the most part.

i had some identity crises although totally unrelated to sexuality or romantic orientation.

i have joined a few queer groups to explore my identity and stop compartmentalising these different aspects of the self.

if i had to take on labels now, they would be asexual and questioning.

[negativereader]

Everything Wrong With the Twilight Saga: Why was it so popular?

So, I’ve been hedging around this for a while. I’ve talked about it, I’ve mentioned it, but now I’m going to actually talk a little bit about it. Also, I felt that I honestly couldn’t end this Everything Wrong With series without talking about the reason why it was so popular.

Twilight’s popularity wasn’t something that anyone really expected. It wasn’t released to much fanfare, and it certainly didn’t get much in the way of publicity. Right when Twilight was coming out, YA was experiencing something of a slowdown. The Harry Potter books were still chugging along like no one’s business, but people were starting to realize that making knock-offs wasn’t going to sell well.

There were a lot of action books, and a lot of ‘real life issues’ books like before, but fantasy and sci-fi didn’t seem to know where it wanted to go. Did it want to go more in the epic direction, like Eragon and some of the repackaged ‘YA’ fantasy that had been moved over from the adult section were doing? Did they want to be humorous like The Wizard, the Witch and Two Girls from Jersey? Was it going to be wrapped up in real teen issues?

A lot of things were getting thrown at the wall, and one of them just happened to stick.

And ever now, no one is completely sure why.

Why Do People Love the Twilight Series?

I’ve made this blog on insulting this series. I’ve attacked the poor plotting, awful characters, confused planning, and questionable themes. Yet, for all of my, and others critique, this series was, in its heyday, ungodly popular.

And I’m going to take a look at the things that I think really appealed to fans to make a compelling enough read for them to keep wanting more.

The Setting

Settings are extremely important in fiction. A ghost story set in the Southeastern U.S. is going to be very different than one set in the Southwestern U.S. and both will be completely different than one set in Japan. Not only do they have different histories and lore which should contribute to how their written, but they have a different feel. The Southeast brings to mind hanging Spanish moss, abandoned plantations, long family histories, and small towns that have existed since the country was founded and have a good share of morbid stories, the Southwest brings to mind ghost town, forgotten mines, mountaineers who disappeared, and violent ends of gamblers. Settings set tones, expectations, and get people in the mood for a story.

Forks was an amazing choice of a setting. The Pacific Northwest is a tragically underused area in fiction, and it lends itself so well to creepy stories. There are still a lot of areas where people just don’t live, so it’s one of the last big wilderness areas in the country, it’s often overcast, giving an aura of gloom and mystery to the whole thing, and it just sort of seems like, if there were strange things left in the world (or at least in the U.S.), it would be here.

The setting might have been chosen by Meyer purely because she wanted her sparkling vampires to remain hidden, but she also managed to choose one of the best settings if she wanted to give a feel for the mysterious. You see the eerie looking trees in the background, or the fog, and it feels like there’s something strange going on before anything even happens.

The Supernatural

People like strange stuff. This shouldn’t be a surprise, but it always sort of is. Every time TV breaks from its reality TV/soap opera/sitcom and does something supernatural, everyone is all over it. Look at Supernatural, Stranger Things and even the first few seasons of Sleepy Hollow. People love the supernatural, and teenage girls are no different. It’s something that people don’t seem to understand, even now, but never seems to fail.

Teenage girls are no different. In fact, I can remember, as a teenager, actively looking for stories that involved a supernatural love interest, and even though the paranormal romance genre has died down, it still exists in some form or other.

The idea of the supernatural gives a feeling that what they’re reading is a fantasy, but also allows things that could have never happened to happen. It makes the story feel more epic, more important and more interesting. It adds to the atmosphere and gives a feeling like anything can happen, as well as adds new dimensions, such as theorizing.

The Powerful Powerless Plain Beautiful Protagonist

While I hate this trope, it’s a powerful one. Bella Swan is a perfect protagonist for a fantasy like this. She’s weak enough to that the reader can play out their rescue romance fantasies, but also grows to become the strongest vampire in the series. She plays out the reader’s insecurities on their looks and tells them that they really are beautiful.

More importantly though, while looking at Bella objectively, she’s a terrible person, she’s a character who was designed for the reader to insert themselves through. They can attribute motives and reasons to her actions that make sense to them. It is one of the reasons why, when you look at fanfic, you see so many different Bellas. You see ones who are snarky, ones who are kind, ones who are funny, clever, brave and so many things, that the reader wishes that they were.

Because that is what Bella is. She’s sort of like Barbie. She’s got an identity, but it’s not important. What’s important is that she plays a role for the reader to fantasize through.

What’s more, the idea of a normal person having to navigate the supernatural world with little more than a blocking ability is interesting, since she’s being forced to survive against much, much more dangerous creatures than herself. This is a perfect fantasy, and it’s not surprising that a lot of young women loved it.

The Man Who Saves and Is Saved

This is essentially the romance novel equivalent of having your cake and eating it too.  Edward Cullen essentially fulfills the dream of both being saved like a princess by prince charming, but also being able to save him from the darkness in himself. While, in reality, he’s actually a pretty poor character who flips from the ‘bad boy’ to the moral savior and honestly, like most of Meyer’s character really is more of a fantasy than a person, it doesn’t matter.

No one here is really looking for a story or a real character. They’re looking for a dream, and Edward, while I can’t stand him, is that dream for many people, or at least he was. He was dark, tortured, yet also more than capable of supporting Bella when she needed him.

What was more, he was just ‘in love’ with her. She didn’t have to earn his love. They never had to meet, slowly come together, and fall for one another. Bella, and thus the reader, never had to work. The fantasy was just there, waiting to be enjoyed.

The Gothic Revival

All of my critiques have been given before to another genre. One that, during the Regency and Victorians era’s in England was discouraged for ladies of quality to read because people thought that it essentially ate your brain. It was filled with swooning women, dark and brooding men, mysterious and dark castles, hints of the supernatural, empty wilderness, and…well…vaguely uncomfortable depictions of either foreigners or Catholics, often both.

The original Gothic romance.

In essence, Twilight and all of the paranormal romances that have followed it are a revival of the Gothic, following the same themes, ideas and patterns that people wrote back in the eighteenth century. It follows similar themes, settings and even patterns as the original.

Forks is the perfect Gothic setting. Cloudy, isolated, with a hint of something strange, but enough that is normal to be uncanny. It remains mysterious, but also intriguing. It’s strange, but yet familiar enough for it to be an ideal setting that hints that there might be something wrong, but acts as a bridge between the real world and the magical. To the point that Meyer originally wanted to name her book Forks.

Bella Swan is the essential Gothic heroine, foolish, flat, and dull, but at the same time, at least according to the author, kind, pure, resourceful and filled with qualities that should be admired and rewarded. She exists for the reader to experience the drama through her, but also is rewarded, not for what she does, but for who she is, living out the wildest dreams and fantasies of the reader, but doing so in a way that always remains grounded in the idea that she is a good girl.

Edward Cullen is the Gothic hero, both Byronic in his tortured element, but also heroic and ‘safe’ for the reader to fantasize about. This is no Anne Rice vampire, even if Rice should be considered responsible for Edward’s creation. He exhibits contradictory traits, but all of them are what the reader wants at different times. When the reader wishes to be protected, he is the protector, but when she wishes to be the protector himself, he is both emotionally, and later physically, dependent on Bella as she transcends humanity.

Paranormal romance is the Gothic, repackaged and remade for the modern world. The themes remain the same, as to the critiques of it. This is true of all genres. They do not really die. They just repurpose themselves. Because the fundamentals that created the Gothic, young women with contradictory desires, entering the world of adulthood and the strange and unstable that that represents, and coming into a physical maturity that implies many changes, who want to both be protected and loved, but also to be respected and rewarded on their own merits, have not changed.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, even if Twilight itself was a deeply flawed novel. Meyer made many mistakes but bubbling under the surface was the potential for a good book. Not only that, but the basic themes of the story, those of change, of trying to find a place in the world, of suddenly dealing with romance in a more long-lasting way, were all things that spoke to the readers, both the teenagers and the older women. Don’t get me wrong, I still think that the Twilight Saga is trash, and the obsessed fans of its heyday were both obnoxious and a little worrying, but, as I said, the aspects that appeal to people are still there, and they’re not going anywhere.

The Gothic, Paranormal Romance, whatever you want to call it, might be in a slump now, but all it’ll take is one decent writer to revitalize it, and the trend will start again. After all, what good is a supernatural story without death and rebirth?

[aclsclasstampa]

Things You Should Know About Added Sugars For The Health Of Your Ticker

The health of your heart may not hold much importance now amidst the ongoing pandemic. But in no way should taking care of your heart be relegated to the back burner. It’s mainly the way you lead your lifestyle or the lifestyle and behavior choices you make that influences the major heart disease risk factors, including high blood pressure (HBP), diabetes and high LDL (bad) cholesterol levels. Leading a healthy lifestyle that comprises eating a healthy diet and performing exercise daily can be instrumental in keeping your heart in the best shape for the longest possible time and help ward off heart disease.

This blog aims to discuss the role of added sugar for your heart health.

The unfortunate truth is most people these days derive 17 to 21 percent of their calories JUST from added sugars, which put an individual at an increased risk of dying from heart disease. This is due to the fact that too much sugar consumption increases blood pressure, lowers good HDL cholesterol levels (that helps shield from heart attacks), causes diabetes (may as well worsen the condition in someone who already has it) and obesity (heart disease risk factors), and leads to inflammation which also is a contributing risk for heart disease.

See, sugars from vegetables, fruits and dairy products does not cause any harm to your heart, since these are natural sugars. The problem lies with added sugars that you consume when you eat packaged, prepared foods. Then there are sugary drinks and jams, not to mention, soup, ketchup and bread (yes, they have added sugar).

Tips to reduce intake of added sugars:

1.      The first and the most important step is to read the food labels for the grams of sugar in a particular product, so that you can make an informed choice. Brown rice syrup, sucrose, barley malt, honey, corn sweetener, beet sugar, molasses, corn syrup- are some names of sugar that appear on labels.

2.      Drinks, such as soft drinks, energy drinks and sports drinks also have added sugar in them. Consider healthier options like lemon water instead.

3.      Some foods you can prepare or buy with no added sugar include fresh apples, vegetables, fresh salad dressings (use lemon juice or olive oil), peanut butter as a spread in place of jam, and sparkling water (water with a squeeze of lemon or flavored with fruit juice) in place of soda or energy or sports drinks.

It is very important to understand your individual heart disease risk factors. Here’s where the advice of heart specialists can play a big role.

CPR is a lifesaving procedure everyone should train in. Proper application of the procedure can revive the life of a sudden cardiac arrest victim. Your knowledge in the procedure can be of great help during out-of-hospital cardiac emergencies. CPR Tampa in Florida is an AHA certified training site, and AHA cards are given on the same day of class at the end of your training. To sign up for a class, contact CPR Tampa at 813-453-9974.

[gayfrenchtoast]

Part 2!

So if you haven't seen pt 1 it is here or in the vent tag on my blog

Continuing on! After I revived that text I lost my fucking m i n d over so many points in it, and I'm not gonna describe it to you, I'm gonna show you the result of my message after I took his message into Google docs and made a response to every point so long that when I sent it back it had to be split into multiple messages. Any additions or changes will again be in red ;

-----------------------------

Whatever (sister) has told me is none of your business and don't you date interrogate her about it when she gets back, you may not think you’re doing it but I don’t want her scared into not being able to open up to us. She's said nothing that I know myself is not likely the truth, if anything she excuses your behaviour because she doesn't know much better. 

I do not agree with your "proportion to the offence" you do not even need to yell at the kids, getting down on their level and talking with them would be a much better teaching method than terrifying them and teaching them to be scared of you. Regardless you yell so much it hardly ever feels like you are ever yelling in proportion to a particular offence it just feels like you are yelling because of your own mood and it teaching nothing but to tiptoe around you, avoid you and lie to avoid your wrath. If you're yelling to "set boundaries" the only boundaries you set are massive ones away from your children that you then act like they aren't even there. 

Yes because they're children and don't know any better. They're innocent and don't know what going or what they're going through isn't normal much like I didn't.

I do not deny my need for therapy, in fact, I am actively in search of therapy thank you for your concern and causation of that, however my need for therapy does not negate your need for it, perhaps if you had it you'd see why I feel this way though I doubt you'd ever seek it out because for some reason you believe you are a good person and a good dad and I knew going into this you'd never believe me or believe you were any different. 

I know you loved me, it does not change the fact you had a shit way of showing it snd the fact your actions did affect me. And being annoyed at me because you care is a funny way of showing your love for someone. 

I do admit I find it funny that the only examples you can provide of me big happy with you are when I was a very young child that didn't know any better and I worry if you can't see past the times where I was filled with childhood innocence and not after it was destroyed because you, again, made me hate myself. I don’t believe you are listening to me because I think you've glazed over things like how you told me I was stupid and selfish and wanted to hurt you which made me hate myself and think I was a bad person when I was only a child that didn't know any better. If you think that kind of stuff doesn’t affect a child I don't think you will ever get better. 

Oh yeah, it does make things easier for you to blame things on the divorce, doesn’t it? Lemme shut that down right now; no. if anything it helped me get away from you.

And I think it’s unfair for you to treat your children the way you do but we don't get what we want all the time it seems. I'm sorry you feel I have to apologise for something I didn't do, as I said before o am happy to be used as a scapegoat, if (his finace) wants to blame me for (her daughter) getting back into something she never stopped doing then that's your problem and if now you want to blame me too it really is your problem! 

Everyone? If you've told others about this that is also your problem and I'd say it's a wonder they are wondering since they know you but you do surround yourself with people like you so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. 

Fuck you, don’t you dare talk about my Mothers, the only good parents I have ever had, that way. Don’t you dare try and talk shit about my mother's, my mums don't need to talk shit about you because the only one that ever starts any of that kind of stuff is me! I don't need prompting! I know who you are, I worked that out myself, and if anything they've done nothing but encourage me to have a relationship with you and give you chances because you're my dad but if I didn't want to they weren't going to push me or force me which is so much more than I can say you have done in relation to them. I do not need to assign "too much meaning" to events, I was there! I felt them! Do not assume that I am some stupid child who just miss-remembering things, not only am I fucking not but there are way too many, way too much repetitive behaviour, way too much I had to learn to go through life to be just misremembering anything, not only that but repeating events, verbatim, to other people has confirmed that all of that shit was fucked up. I am sure you're fuming reading this paragraph, I'm sorry you feel that way, but not going to hold back anymore because how fucking dare you.

Do not try and emotionally manipulate me with the "Does it mean nothing, all the work I have done for you?" line, frankly that's weak manipulation for you, but considering all you've done to me in the past, how that affects me and how you've implied I'm crazy in this message, aNo. You feeding me and putting a roof over my head is rendered null. And god forbid I end up a dad like you, that has been one of my biggest fears for years, part of my mental breakdowns in college was me being scared if I had children I'd fall into being like you, continuing the cycle of abuse. I may not even have children purely because I'm afraid of turning out like you. Oh and thanks for preparing me to be an adult dad, the anxiety you gave me made me have a panic attack when I tried to register at a doctors in (uni town), good fucking job. 

I've been feeling strange to you ever since I realised how you treated me was wrong, so since high school? Don’t think this is a recent thing and don't think this is anything but me seeing things for how they really are because they're not, I've had a long time to analyse that. 

I can’t believe you called your dad a good dad and then talked about how you were a bit better than your dad was in the same paragraph. Congrats on your "Not as shit as you could have been" award. Perhaps if you went to therapy you might see how you’re not as different as you should be proud of than your dad. I remember you telling a story of him trying to tell you to drive which caused grandma to cry in the car, you should see that's fucked up. That's the only story I have of him and it’s not a good look. 

Here's an easy one for you; when you're stressed, don't take it out on your children! And if you've only shouted when you were stressed you were stressed a disproportionate amount. Maybe that's something you should work on, in therapy. And this bit "Being a parent is stressful. Being one who really cares is really stressful." Is shit. Seriously? You're blaming me for you yelling at me? Do you even realise you're doing this? In case you don't realise it this is manipulation. And again just because you were stressed didn't mean you had the right to take it out on me, even if to you it was just because you cared about me.

I'm sorry you f e e l t h a t w a y

^

This last paragraph is a doozy

"Please don't let the past dominate your feelings for the present. For your sake" again implying how your actions have hurt me is my fault, I know you won't believe me but all the fault lays with you. 

"If you have anxiety and depression it will be your choice to recover" this line really got me, it sounds like you're blaming me for my own mental health problems, implying that how I feel is a choice and that I am not actually trying to help myself. I am very much helping myself and this is part of that, something you almost acknowledged in the next sentence in the same paragraph!

The fact is you are so arrogant and up your own ass that you think you're always right everyone else is always wrong and you are the greatest person in any given room when in reality you are a presumptuous asshole whose perspective on the world worries me and who's parenting style is emotional and mental abuse and manipulation and now I've broken out of it I am not afraid of you anymore so I can tell you this; fuck off you arrogant ass, leave me alone, treat your children better at least, I’m not gonna ask you to improve anymore because I know you won't. Have fun playing house and making yourself think you're the best man in the world but I'm not gonna tell you you are anymore cus I don't have to! Get, and I have wanted to say this to you for so many years, fucked!

-----------------------------

So as you can tell, I snapped. One could say I snapped when I finally told him he was the problem but this, this was me snapping. This was me being donezo. This was me finally getting my cathartis and you know what? I deserved it. And I am so happy I did.

So happy fathers day! Happy fathers day to my fucking dad, one of the biggest pluages on my life and the man who made the worst part of who I am today! Good job! If you ever see this father, I have one thing to say to you and I think you know what it is

Fuck you, fuck off and go ffuuuuuck yourself!