#considering I have low blood pressure

[sol-among-other-things]

Cumming on my new medication makes my entire body very shaky post-orgasm, my heart rate skyrocket, and my mind a little dazed, which keeps me in subspace a little longer, apparently

[kimtaegis]

I genuinely feel like my heart’s gonna stop these days, I’m really scared

[poptartmochi]

it is the dreadposting hours ur honor

[shiroselia]

Nothing has made me reevaluate my view on "healthy" eating habits like being one of the most food sensitive autists I know with a wide fucking margin (to the point where it's the entire reason I even got evaluated) and also having Insanely unpredictable low blood pressure fainting issues that will and Do take any opportunity to fuck me over

Especially now that I've finally found some breakfast I enjoy eating because I am Not good friends with a lot of breakfast and as soon as my autism has decided that I'm not enjoying eating what I'm eating I Cannot eat more. Which is Bad because it causes me to undereat like hell and get at risk of fainting. But now I've found something I can eat and Do like and it's checks notes one of those brand of cereal that parents all over the world cry wolf over because "It's just candy and they're UNHEALTHY"

Well Idonno bro but I think it's more healthy for me to actually eat enough food for breakfast than it is to not eat anything and get at risk of fainting (and let's not forget how fucking Bad it is to not eat anything like actually eating will ALWAYS be healthier for you than Not Eating) than it is to buy a "healthy" brand of cereal I literally can't swallow because my autism has beef with it

Not to mention how much money and food it wastes

[deathepicx]

i wanna make short comics about my life with mild pots but mild in quotes cuz it ain't that fucking mild and the fact that my cardiologist used the word "mild" because of my tachycardia symptoms being slightly, but not really, mild when every other symptom is always through the roof baffles me.

[llatimeria]

one thing about HRT i think is underdiscussed is the fact that if you're on testosterone, you can (sometimes) just produce Too Much Blood, and the way to fix having Too Much Blood is to Do Bloodletting. There are modern day people doing bloodletting as part of their transitions. why does no one talk about this

Hi! If you're here because you're wondering if testosterone could fix your anemia, low blood pressure, or other blood-related ailment, the answer is I don't fucking know and it's possible that nobody really understands the answer to that question yet! Ask your doctors when it comes to your health, or if you're just benignly curious, find an endocrinologist willing to answer questions about this.

I turned off reblogs because I was worried this post was starting to slip into misinformation territory in an unconstructive way. I don't want this to become another "wow professionals in complicated field X are so stupid, why didn't they think of suspiciously simple solution Y?". It's not that doctors are never stupid and never make bad choices for bad reasons - doctors are humans and fuck up all the goddamn time - but sometimes there is a good reason they didn't consider obvious solution Y and I just do not know enough about this topic to be comfortable offering any answers, sorry!

[no-one-hears-me]

I am confused about who I am

[seattlesellie]

Jealous. 🎀

pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader

cw: mean dom!ellie sub!reader, jealous kinda toxic ellie, eating it through the panties, orgasm denial, spit play (literally spits down ur panties like), exhibitionism, some dude named michael.

an: pls be gentle, i haven’t written in a long time! 💗 credit to angel gbc for the mod used in the picture above <3

something we can all agree on is the importance of aftercare — right?

Ellie is big on that obviously, as she should. Caressing her slim fingers down your body, planting wanton kisses on your shoulders, running her palms across your shaky thighs, whispering words of encouragement in your ear;

“Did so good for me, babe”

“I love you, so much”

“Need anything? hm?” She’d murmur against your skin whilst cradling your body from behind.

And she always insists on cleaning you up. She consistently renders you nothing but an achy mess, dried up juices staining your wobbly jelly thighs, combined sweat on your breasts and ribs, back of your neck. The ritual of bringing a wet towel to bed, swiping it’s fabric across your inner thighs, your face, your behind — is a sacred one for her. Not solely because she loves hearing your sweet, exhausted sighs of relief as she cleans the soil away, but also not solely because she gets to see your naked body in all of its glory again.

It’s the act of taking care of what’s hers. In a way, when she wipes your cum away, she’s taking care of herself — too.

Here, lays a solid proof that she can break things apart and put them back together again. She’s not a total fucking fuckup.

The ability of making you scream and cry, then moments later have you whisper in that saccharine voice of yours an airy “love you s’much, Els…”

It’s fucking exhilarating.

She loves it every time, she does it every time.

But today… today you pissed her off. You poked the bear, for real this time.

There’s this new Michael guy in Jackson. He’s handsome, tall, has coal black curls that somehow stay soft and shiny even in this apocalyptic hellscape. He told Ellie and you where he was from, what he did, why he came. Ellie didn’t listen to a thing he was saying. It was like he turned into a fly and started loudly buzzing in her ear. He kept looking at you weird. Smiling at you, smirking, laughing at your jokes, even the ones that weren’t all that funny. She knows you have this affect on people, that damn charm, hell — you have this affect on her.

And she’s usually just playfully jealous, manages to keep it relatively tame and simple by tightening her grip on your waist.

But you just wouldn’t stop bringing him up. “Michael” this, and “Michael” that, “Michael invited us for dinner”, “Michael said this funny thing earlier”,

For all Ellie knows Michael could die in a ditch and she wouldn’t give a fuck.

You're on your way back home from the Tipsy Bison on a chilly Thursday night. Jesse was there, Dina, Maria... and Michael. She thinks of his name and it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth, tart, pungent.

"Meh, I'm more of a Tequila girl, Whiskey tastes like shit" you announced with a giggle. Michael rested his hand on your thigh, and agreed with a nod and a chuckle. For you, it meant nothing.

For Ellie, it meant everything.

Her blood pressure was usually low, steady, healthy as a bull. As of now, Ellie felt like she just ran a marathon. The blood rushed to her head and her brows furrowed without intention. She cracks her neck and moves it left and right, takes a long and burning sip out of her Whiskey and shuts her eyes. She repeats a mantra in her head; "I'm not angry, I'm not angry, It's fine."

But you're so damn intuitive.

"Els? y'tired?" you murmur towards your auburnette girlfriend. She suckles on her bottom lip and considers saying no, but she lies.

"Exhausted"

You leave the humble bar hand in hand, wrapped up in her big coat that smells of mint and wood and Ellie. She prays you won't mention his name, prays you could just go home and forget about this whole thing, but you do, innocently.

"Oh, Michael said one of the horses is sick, I'm thinking of helping out in the barn tomorrow an—"

She stops you mid sentence with a scoff and a tightening grip on your hand. "Oh, mhm, Michael said that?"

Her voice mocks your own a little.

You stop and shift your gaze towards Ellie who has her lips tucked in a tight line. Internally, she's cussing herself out. You don't deserve her anger, but she can't help herself. Your answer is an unsure hum. Her grip tightens even more, and it hurts your palm but you keep on walking side by side, quietly. Five minutes manage to pass with no words being muttered by no one. That's until she shakes her head and lets go of a husky chuckle.

"Did I do something?", you mutter doe eyed. Ellie stops in her tracks and inhales. She grabs you by your waist and walks towards you, making you have to clumsily pace backwards until your back meets a cold grey brick wall with a resounding thud. "Uhg!" You hiccup, breath catching down your throat. You even sweetly giggle, thinking in your head that this could possibly be just a sweet attack of PDA.

But her eyes are dark, gone from emerald to pine, pupils pitch black as big as a button. Her warm whiskey breath meets your nose and your top lip, you gulp. Why isn't she laughing? teasing?

"El?" your voice is still candied, always. Ellies mouth is agape, scarred eyebrows scrunched and furrowed as if she's confused, or pissed, or provoked. Her forehead meets yours so automatically, you attempt to connect your lips with a kiss but she backs away meanly. Albeit her taunting position, how intimidating and truly scary she looks whilst you're caged within her frame, your'e still smiling, you're still thinking she's just teasing.

You're not used to this, she knows, but god knows she yearns to teach you a lesson.

You don't fuck with what's hers.

She licks her bottom lip before she starts speaking.

"Take off your skirt"

Her voice nearly renders you drunk, It's huskiness, gruffness, it's depth, and really, you've only had one shot. Your cheeks heat up and your ears feel as if they're nearly burning. Her lips are so damn close to yours and she still won't let you kiss her.

"Wh... we're in public, we can't—" you stutter, eyes shifting downwards towards the knee she has shoved near your barely covered crotch. When she brings it upwards just to brush delicately on your inner thigh, you let go of a small gasp.

She responds to your gasp with a barely audible "Mhm?", her eyes sharpening with intent.

"Yes we can", she tsk's, and her voice taunts. Her eyes graze over your face, and you expect her next sentence to bite like the last one did, but her voice goes softer. "For me?", she cocks her head to the side.

And it simply pushes you over the edge.

You peel your skirt off of your body, asscheeks plastered over the brick wall as her body squeezes you further back, and you're left half naked with a piece of fabric scrunched below your knees, resting on your shoes. She eyes your body up and down, meeting your pleading and still confused eyes — and for a moment, thinks of just carrying you home and taking care of business once you get there. No jealousy, none of that.

But it's still bitter down her throat, and she can still picture his disgusting hand meeting your soft thigh, her soft thigh — as your body is hers, so that thought is ever so fleeting. It's either now or now.

Her cold as ice finger traces faint circles on your lower tummy, making the fine hairs of your body rise like soldiers. You whimper quietly as her finger snaps the elastic band of your panties and lets it smack down your pelvis. You rub your thighs together, but you're ever so pliant as she makes your legs spread wide with a boot covered foot opening up your calves like a gate.

She whispers in your ear. "Are you wet?", it makes you shiver.

"M'cold" you whine.

She scoffs.

She kneads your bra cup with her palm, squeezing an erect nipple with her thumb and middle finger. "Didn't ask that"

Her eyes meet your gaze and again she reconsiders this whole thing — because you truly look so needy, and your lips are so pouty and sweet and red with cold, you look as if you'd die if she didn't kiss you right now so how can she even be worried, let alone be jealous?

She knows how much you love her, how much you yearn for nobody but her, how her touch leaves you speechless time and time again.

But it's like something takes over, a dark figure, a figure that's thirsty and starving and wants to prove a thing it already knows.

It's an internal struggle, she doesn't want to be possessive,

She can't help it.

Your panties are striped with pink and white, and she looks at them as if they're the most expensive lace in the whole entire world. Her breathing gets heavier as she curls her fingers inside the cotton fabric, pupils darkening when she notices a sweet clear string of your arousal clinging from the entrance of your cunt to the bottom of your underwear.

She chuckles, followed by a sigh of relief that you notice. You are wet, right in the middle of the street where an innocent soul could catch you at any given moment. "Didn't answer cause you're shy?" She knows you so well. You bite your lip and nod, butterflies fighting in the pits of your stomach. A chaste kiss on the lips is all you get from her, and you deeply whine into the air. "At least kiss me!" you beg, — god, you're so cute when you're pissed.

Before landing on her knees, Ellie looks from side to side in order to check that there's truly nobody around, and no — not because she's scared to get caught, but because she'd die before she let someone see her girlfriend half naked with her skirt down her thighs.

Ellie is face to face with your quivering, pantie covered cunt. A wet patch greets her — a fuckin' pleasure, one she can't help but swipe her tongue across. Your choked up, terrified sound of a moan is a symphony to her hears, fuck Mozart. Her eager muscle of a tongue is so warm against your pussy you nearly forget it started snowing yesterday.

You buck your hips inwards, she groans. "No moving", she warns — simply to assert a dominance that has already been asserted. She kisses your little clit, coo's at the way it slightly pokes out of the fabric, erect and pumping on her tongue. "Ellie... Ellie... Ellie", you babble like a prayer, which she nods to. "S'my name, that's fuckin' right", she groans as her husky voice is muffled by your soaked panties.

"Ellie..." you repeat, thighs beginning to ache as you try and spread them further apart, almost sitting on her face.

Ellie, not Michael.

She smiles, greedy, triumphant.

She flicks her tongue on your clit, once, twice, three times before biting on your meaty pussy lips. You bite your knuckles in order to keep your voice down, but she glares up at you. "Do that again n'I swear to god I'm stopping" she growls.

You're not used to this side of her at all, but her voice makes your hole leak a small stream from deep inside. She feels it's wetness on her tongue, eyes closing in ecstasy as she audibly suckles your sweet, tangy, heavenly juices from the now sheer fabric. Her own spit runs down her chin, she doesn't even bother to wipe it off. All you can hear are your breathy, whiney moans, tiny begs of "take 'em off, please", regarding your panties, and Ellie's throaty groans. You're so wet from your own juices and her saliva it nearly gets uncomfortable, but then again you're so goddamn close to cumming.

You try taking matters to your own hands, attempting to peel off your panties from your waist with a shaky hand but she snarls and slaps your wrist away.

"Nuh uh, pussy's fuckin' mine, don't touch it"

With relentless sucking on your drenched clit, and soiled panties, she opens her eyes to merely glare at you again with a warning look. "When you're close, you let me know" she bites.

You don't respond.

A stinging slap meets your pussy, which makes your thighs shake, whole body jolt, and throat ache with a high pitched yelp.

"You're not listening" Ellie warns.

"You listen when I talk" she warns again. Her tongue meets your clit and it pushes it further and further up. You shake, eyesight gone blurry, you're close, you know it by the way the coil down your stomach threatens to snap, and by the way it tickles down there so damn bad.

"M'close" you brokenly wail.

She grunts deeply and stops completely. your heart nearly breaks, no no no no no. "Ellie, Ellie, Els, no!" You try and buck your hips forward but she holds you in place with an iron like grip. You buck them again and she peels off the fabric of your underwear, slightly rising up as she stares inside at the mess she made of you. There's a devilish smirk that creeps up from her lips, apple of one cheek rising. You let out a sigh of relief, thinking that perhaps she'll actually fucking eat you out properly instead of letting you suffer inside a warm, wet material of a mess that truly doesn't look like something wearable anymore. Instead, she audibly spits inside with a "Ptu'", letting the band snap shut. Her saliva mixes with your warm sleek. You're so confused she nearly feels bad, but she's such a cunt that she really doesn't.

"Were going back inside," she murmurs so casually as if she didn't just fuck you up in the middle of the street, as if her chin isn't shiny with your precum. "N'if Michael puts his hand on you again, I'm eating it in front of him"

[fslurusami]

i dont think theres enuf nullo characters to make a full nullo swag competition and even if there was its unlikely edogai would win. but he wins the nullo swag competition In My Heart <3

[cressidagrey]

Looked to the Sky - Chapter 11

Summary: 

Eira Archeron was neither a Valkyrie, nor a Seer, nor the High Lady of the Night Court. She was, however, Azriel‘s mate with her own mysterious, untrained powers.

Also known as: Azriel tries to court his mate the human way.

Warnings: 

THIS IS THE LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE SEQUEL! SO READ THAT FIRST IF YOU WANNA READ THIS ONE OTHERWISE THIS MAKES NO SENSE!

Elain Bashing, Low Self Esteem, Burns, Discussion of suicidal thoughts (If this triggers you, PLEASE don't read it) and without @k-godling this would have never happened.

(super pretty dividers by @tsunami-of-tears)

Azriel’s jaw was clenched and his fingers were trembling.

He was using all of his willpower to keep himself in check, forcing himself to keep still in his chair.

Every single instinct was screaming at him to get up, to reach out, to scoop Eira into his arms and get as far away from her sister as possible.

And he had to force himself to stay in his seat, reminding himself that Elain wasn’t a physical threat.

He felt his blood boiling at the sight of his mate in pain like this, every fibre of his being screaming at him to fix this. To take her as far away from her sister as he could.

His hands were still gripping hers, his shadows wrapped around her wrist like a comforting pressure. His eyes were trained on her, every inch of him attuned to his mate as she sat beside him, the sparks still dancing across her skin.

And it took all his control to keep himself from doing anything, to keep himself from just grabbing her and running and taking her somewhere far, far away from all of this.

No. He needed to stay calm, he reminded himself. He needed to control himself.

So he forced himself to sit there, his eyes still trained on Eira. He sat there, forcing himself to stay still, as his every instinct was screaming at him to do the opposite.

"I think we should retire," Rhys said carefully. "Emotions are running high."

Azriel heard his brother’s words, his eyes flickering over to him for a moment.

It was the understatement of the century. 

He could see the concern in Rhys’s eyes, even if the High Lord was doing a damn good job at hiding it. And he could see Nesta’s anger still churning in her eyes, even as she took a deep breath, restraining herself from outright yelling at her sister.

"I think that’s a good idea," Helion said, his eyes still on Eira.  "I'll have the kitchen send up lunch. We'll see you for dinner and dancing this evening?"

Azriel had the suspicion that they weren’t exactly going to partake in the dancing.

He had a feeling that they would be spending the evening locked in their rooms, wrapped up in each other’s arms and away from this mess.

He stood, pulling Eira up with him.

Eira didn’t resist as he pulled her up, her hand still gripped in his own, the sparks still dancing across her skin.

The others got up as well, chairs scraping against the floor as they stood, and a small part of Azriel couldn’t help but note the way that Elain still remained seated, her hands clenching into fists in her lap

For a moment, he considered just picking Eira up, hoisting her into his arms and carrying her out of the room. He wanted to, just so that she could rest and he could shield her from the world. He needed, to quiet the part of him that was demanding that he take her into the solitude of their room, where she would be safe from her sister.

He didn't. But he kept a hold of her hand as they silently made the trek back up to their room, the door closed behind them...and that was the moment as Eira broke apart.

As soon as the door was closed behind them, Eira’s expression crumpled.

That anger, that fury that had been boiling within her, seemed to break. Her shoulders sagged, and her body started shaking, her breath hitching as her mouth opened, a small, broken sound escaping her as tears began forming in her eyes once again.

The lightning disappeared. Instead, he could see the grief on every line of her face as he hauled her into his arms when he managed a few steps backwards so they could sit down on that ugly marigold sofa, while his mate cried her eyes out, curled against him.

He held her close, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.

His hands were gentle as he stroked her hair, his hold tight and protective as he wrapped his wings around her, shielding her from the world.

He held her as she cried, the sound of her small, broken sobs echoing in his ears, and his hold on her tightened.

He held her close, murmuring wordless sounds of comfort into her hair, as his fingers continued slowly stroking her hair.

Every small, broken sob that left her tore through Azriel like a blade, piercing him in the heart. He hated the sound, hated the way that her body was shaking, hated how shattered she seemed, hated that he had to see her like this.

But he kept stroking her hair, he held her close, his wings still enveloping them both.

He didn’t say anything. Didn’t know what to say, not as the sobs continued to wrack her body, as her body continued to tremble against him.

He held her close, murmuring words of comfort as she continued to cry, holding her tight like she might slip away if he dared to loosen his grip even by a little.

"I always wanted to be a mother. I would have loved our babies," she whispered.

His heart shattered.

His breath hitched, his entire body going stiff, as her words echoed in his ears.

She had spoken them quietly, her voice breaking as the words fell from her lips, and he could hear the grief and the anguish in her voice at her words.

He could feel his breath catch in his throat at the thought of their future children, their future family, that had been dashed before it had even had a chance to begin.

The image of that tiny little girl, with his eyes and her hair, with numerous freckles and delicate, fluttering, wings, flickered in front of his very eyes.

But the image shattered, the vision of what could have been disappearing as quickly as it had appeared, vanishing into nothing but air.

The thought hurt. It hurt imagining the family they could have had, imagining what their life together might have looked like, with their little children running around the house, their laughter echoing in his ears as their wings fluttered.

But that future was gone. It was gone, he knew, vanished into nothing but an empty void, never to be fulfilled. Not exactly like that. Not like it would have without Elain’s interference. 

Elain. Elain, who he used to think was kind, who he used to think was sweet and caring.

Elain, who had torn all their hopes for the future to pieces before they had even had a chance to take root, and who has broken his mate’s heart.

"We'll have babies," he whispered. "You'll be a mother."

It was a promise, it was an oath. 

It was everything he had ever wanted. 

They would have children. One day in the future, Eira would hold their children in her arms. 

He felt her breath hitch again as his words echoed in her ears, her body going still in his arms.

Her sobs had slowed down, her breathing still laboured and her body still shaking, but the sounds of her crying had at least mostly subsided.

But now, he felt her breath hitch as the words continued to hang in the air, a small shiver running through her entire frame.

"We will," he whispered, his voice firm and sure.

"And you'll be a wonderful mother," he continued, his heart breaking at the thought. "You'll be the best mother in the whole damn world, and I'll be right there beside you, every step of the way."

"We'll have those fat, rosy-cheeked babies you used to dream about," he whispered gently. "Little children with my eyes and your hair, with their laughter filling the entire house and their hands sticky with food, all over our clothes and our skin. But we'll still think they're the most wonderful thing in the entire world, and we'll love them unconditionally."

A small sob, almost a gasp, escaped her at his words, and her body began shaking again.

She was no longer crying, her previous tears no doubt having dried up, but her body was still trembling, with that grief and that anguish still thrumming through her system.

"She was so beautiful," Eira whispered.

Azriel’s breath caught again at her words.

He could see the image of their baby girl in his mind, so tiny and beautiful, her eyes so lovely, and his heart broke at the thought.

Grief and rage churned in his gut at the memory of that beautiful daughter, in that vision, that should never be.

"Of course she was," he whispered back, his own voice thick with emotion. "She would have looked like you."

His hands were gripping her now, holding her tightly.

His chest ached a deep, hollow ache where the beautiful future they should have had burned.

He had no words. Nothing that could even come close to making this better. Nothing that could erase the grief and anger that was churning through his veins at the thought of the beautiful little girl they would have had, the little family that they could have built, and how it had all been shattered before it could even begin.

The silence in the room was thick, only broken by the sound of her shaking breaths and his own heartbeat, as Azriel continued to hold her.

He kept his wings enveloping around her, keeping her safe within the semi-darkness, and his hands remained in her hair, the shadows still coiling around her in a comforting manner.

Finally, Eira pulled back and he lowered his wings...the others had given them privacy and had gone out on the balcony, though as soon as he lowered his wings, Rhys met his gaze as their family returned inside.

The sound of the door opening echoed in his ears, his eyes shifting from his mate to their friends as they stepped back inside the room.

Rhys met his eyes for a moment, a small flicker of sympathy in his friend’s expression as Azriel continued to hold his mate close.

"There is food laid out outside if you want any," Feyre broke the silence softly.

Azriel nodded, barely more than a dip of the head, and the corner of his mouth turned up in a small, grateful smile.

He had no appetite. The thought of food repulsed him now, especially since it didn’t feel like something he could handle keeping down. He could feel his stomach churning at the thought, an almost nausea churning through him, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to get anything down his throat even if he wanted to.

Eira rubbed over her face, wiping away her tears.

"If you don't want to come to tonight's dinner, you can stay here," Rhys said quietly. "Maybe it would even be for the best. Give everybody some time to calm down..."

Azriel felt a small wave of relief wash over him at Rhys’s words, and he felt his shoulders relax for a moment.

That was a good idea. That was a damn good idea, and he would not mind at all staying in the room for the night, with his mate by his side where no one would be able to hurt her. 

"You want to go?" he asked gently, reaching out with one hand to touch Eira's face and she shook her head, before she gasped, one hand shooting out to catch his hand.

Her face crumbled as she examined it and he stared down onto his own hand...the scarred skin...nearly charred in place. He hadn't even felt it.

His eyes widened slightly as he felt her grip on his hand. He had been so focused on her, on her tears and her anger, on her grief and her pain, that he hadn’t even noticed the burns that were now covering almost half of his hand and fingers.

His skin was blistered and raw, the flesh almost charred , and it was only now that she had pointed it out that he actually saw how bad it was.

"...I am so sorry," Eira whimpered. "I didn't want to...the lightning...I hit you..."

He had never seen such a look of anguish on her face, never seen her look so full of hurt and horror and remorse, and his heart broke all over again at the sight.

"You didn’t do anything, sweetheart," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "It was an accident, that’s all. Don’t worry about it, Eira,  it’s alright…"

"It's not alright," she disagreed, her voice broken. "How can you say that? I burned you!"

"It wasn’t your fault, love," he said, trying to infuse his voice with reassurance. "You didn’t do it on purpose, you didn’t mean to, it was just an accident. I’m fine, really."

The last thing his precious mate should be doing was apologising for something completely out of her control.

"Let me see," Cassian said calmly.

Azriel didn’t want to let go of Eira, didn’t want to pull his hand away from her, but Cassian seemed surprisingly determined.

So he carefully extricated his burned hand from his mate’s grip and held it out for the his brother to see.

"Does it hurt?" his brother asked with a grimace. He just shook his head. At least the numbness was good for something for once.

The numbness made the whole ordeal a lot less painful than it could have been, and as he looked at his burned hand, he honestly thought that it wasn’t all that bad.

He’d dealt with a whole lot worse over the centuries, a lot worse, and he had suffered so much pain in his life that this hardly even registered at this point.

He would rather go through the pain of more burns than not give Eira even just a modicum of comfort. 

"We'll put some burn cream on that and wrap it up," Cassian said easily, after turning Azriel’s hand over and looking at it. "He had worse, Eira," he promised his mate.

Eira was still watching his burned hand, her eyes filled with pain and guilt, and she was chewing on her bottom lip as she looked at the red, blistered flesh on his hand. She didn’t look at all consoled, and her expression was still filled with that guilt and that anguish, and he could practically see the thoughts running through her mind at the moment.

“I didn’t mean to,” she repeated weakly. 

"I know, sweetheart, I know," he said gently as gently as he could. "You didn’t mean to, and you were upset, completely understandably so. We know you didn’t want this, and there’s nothing to apologise for. You didn’t do anything wrong."

He wanted to take her hands into his, but his burned hand was still on display, so he settled for stroking her cheek instead.

"You did very well in controlling your lightning," Rhys said quietly. "I expected much worse, to be honest,” he admitted drily. 

Cassian just nodded in agreement. “You didn’t even torch any furniture!”

Azriel chuckled a little, the corner of his mouth tilting upwards in a weak smile.

It had been in the back of his mind as well. He had fully expected her powers to cause just a little bit more….destruction than just a slight singe to his skin.

"This isn't funny," Eira said, her voice breaking, even as the shadows appeared with wrapping and burn cream that they handed to her.

She snatched the wrapping and the burn cream from the shadows, and Azriel’s smile instantly vanished as he saw her expression.

She still looked tortured , still looked heartbroken.

"May...May I...." her voice was broken.

"Of course, Sweetheart," he said gently, his voice soft as he held his burned hand out towards her.

His heart clenched again, as she took his hand and began spreading the cream over his skin, her own fingers trembling slightly as she continued to work. Her touch was so gentle, so soft, and she was clearly trying her hardest not to hurt him any more than she had already done, regardless of the fact that he couldn’t feel it anyway. 

Her guilt was written all over her face. 

“It’s not funny,” Feyre agreed with a sigh. 

"I don't think anyone is pretending that what just happened was funny," Azriel said quietly, still watching as his mate tended to his burnt hand.

It wasn’t funny. None of what had happened with Elain was funny in the slightest. 

"We're just...surprised that you had as much control over your powers as you did," Rhys said quietly. "And impressed, honestly. It could have easily been much worse than a few burned fingers."

Azriel nodded. Somehow, miraculously, Eira had managed to control her powers even as that grief and that anger overwhelmed her. It was a testament to her strength, and to how much she did care about him and the others if she had managed to keep as much control over her powers as she had.

He knew she hadn’t lost control at all - she was clearly still completely aware of her actions, and he had seen it the moment that she had started to become more and more upset, she had stopped the lightning when she had burned his hand.

She stopped with the cream, wrapping his hand in the length of linen the shadows had brought her.

She was being incredibly careful as she carefully wrapped the linen around his hand, her touch so gentle and soft, as if she was afraid of hurting him.

Azriel smiled weakly at her, trying to send some sort of comfort her way, and as she finally tied the last knot, he lifted his now bandaged hand and squeezed her fingers gently.

"Thank you, Sweetheart," he said gently.

He wanted to add something more, to assure her once again that she had nothing to feel guilty over, but the words stuck in his throat, and he was unable to say anymore.

He just kept looking into her eyes, trying to tell her with simply his gaze that he didn’t blame her in the slightest for what had happened.

He could still see the guilt written all over her face, that grief and that pain still in her eyes, but he could also see the love, the care, as she looked at him, and he reached up with his uninjured hand to gently cup her cheek.

He hoped she was starting to feel better, starting to understand that he didn’t blame her for anything, that he didn’t care if she had accidentally burned his hand, that it was the least of his worries at the moment.

"Are you going to be alright if we leave you here?" Rhys asked, his eyes flickering to Eira.

Azriel tightened his grip on her fingers, hoping to comfort her, and she jerked her head in a nod, finally returning her attention to the others.

It was a jerky, weak movement, that shaky nod and his heart ached at the sight of it.

He hated seeing her like this — so fragile, so hurt, and every instinct in his body was screaming at him to just pull her into his arms and keep her there.

He had never been particularly good with words, not like Rhys or Cassian or Feyre — Hell, he couldn’t express his feelings at all most of the time and he wasn’t any good at comforting people either.

But right now all he wanted to do was just hold her, to be able to make her feel at least a little better after...after everything that had happened today.

His heart clenched again, at the memory of that beautiful image of the family they could have had, but he pushed the thought aside quickly, as he had done all day.

No, he would not think about what could have been.

Right now, he only wanted to focus on what was in front of him, here, with Eira.

***

She felt awful.

Every time she looked at Azriel's burned hand, the sight of the white bandage made her insides twist, a wave of nausea washing over her.

There was a horrible, heavy weight in her stomach, and guilt still choked her, no matter how much he tried to assure her that it was an accident, that it was not her fault.

It was her fault. She had hurt him. Even when she hadn't done it on purpose, she still had hurt him.

He was her mate. They were supposed to be each other’s rock, supposed to provide a comfort and a safe place for one another, and yet here she had burned him. Eira felt tears welling in her eyes again, the weight in her stomach almost crushing her.

Azriel didn’t blame her, tried to comfort her and tell her he wasn’t upset, that his burned hand didn’t bother him at all, but that just made her feel worse.

He had been hurt, he had been injured, and yet he didn’t care, and she just didn't understand why, she didn't get how he could just pretend like that didn't even matter.

"Eira, I don't even feel it," Azriel said quietly, as she fussed with the wrapping again. "My hands are pretty much numb on a good day.”

It were just the two of them, Rhys, Feyre, Cassian and Nesta down at whatever Dinner and Dancing thing Helion was throwing the night before Elain and Lucien’s wedding.

Just the two of them.

The shadows had procured a tray out of cheese, bread and cut meats for dinner, but neither had even looked at it yet.

She was still picking at the end of the wrapping she had tied around his hand, making sure that it was perfect, and she was not looking at him, too ashamed of herself to meet his eyes, knowing that if she looked at him she would probably burst into tears again.

Hearing his words, she felt a wave of pain hit her once more.

It was bad enough that she had hurt him, but to hear him say that he could barely even feel it…

"I am sorry," she apologised again, her voice weak. "I just got so...angry."

"You don’t have to keep apologising," he said gently, his voice still soft, as always.

She winced, still fiddling with the wrapping, still trying to make sure it was as perfect as she could possibly make it, even though she knew that he wasn’t even in pain, that the burn probably wasn’t even bothering him.

It hurt her just to think about it, knowing that he had suffered because of her…

“Eira, I’ll take a burned hand anyway if me holding your hand comforted you in any way,” he told her seriously. She swallowed. 

Master will be fine, the shadows whispered. It will be fine. 

She hoped it would be. She wished desperately it would be. 

She returned to sit down next to him, hesitantly holding his other hand, the one that she hadn’t burned and he squeezed hers in response, not for one moment seemingly hesitation to touch her, even when she had just shown him that she could hurt him. 

"Can I…Can I ask you a question?" Azriel asked her, his voice hesitant.

Her body froze for a moment. She didn’t look at him, still feeling too ashamed of herself to meet his gaze, but she just nodded.

"Of course," she responded. “What is it?”

"You said that you stuffed your ears with cotton wool for the better part of 2 years so you could sleep," Azriel said quietly.

Her fingers froze again, her heartbeat speeding up slightly, and she finally forced herself to look at him, her breaths getting a little shorter as he mentioned her sleeping habits.

She didn’t like having that particular topic brought up, didn’t like talking about the fact that she couldn’t sleep for months without muffling the world around her first.

It wasn’t a question, but she knew what he meant. 

"...I hear so much more now than I ever did as a human," Eira explained quietly. "The...adjustment period was difficult." That was an understatement.

"It must have been hard for you," he said softly.

She looked up at him. His expression was gentle as he looked at her, his eyes holding nothing but sympathy and care.

He didn’t look at all judgmental, he just looked concerned, like he wanted to know more, like he wanted to understand her, and it was that expression in his eyes, the care and the kindness, that made her heart clench.

"It's nothing," she waved him off, but Azriel kept hold of her hand.

"It's not nothing," Azriel disagreed. "Getting thrown into that cauldron was traumatic for you, Eira. It's alright if you aren't over it yet."

She shivered, the memory of being thrown into the cauldron rising up in her mind.

Pain, fire, darkness. She had been in a living nightmare, and as much as she had tried, as much as she had tried to forget about it, she could still feel it, could still feel that same pain as if she was right back in that cauldron all over again.

"I didn't adjust better than Elain or Nesta," Eira finally said quietly. "I didn't have visions. I didn't have death crawling under my skin. But I...the only reason I functioned was for them."

He squeezed her fingers gently as she spoke, listening to her quietly.

She kept going, the words pouring out of her like a waterfall as she spoke.

"I couldn't just...sit around all day and be, I had to be doing something, I had to be helping, I had to keep going because that's all I had," she said shakily, her breaths getting faster. "It felt like I was going out of my mind all the time, I needed to be useful, I needed to do something. If I didn't...if I didn't...then I...."

"What happened then?" Azriel asked quietly.

Her breathing was speeding up now, that awful twisting feeling in her stomach coming back in full force, as she thought about those months just after being made.

"It was bad," she whispered. "It was bad. Everything seemed like too much and not enough at the same time. It didn't matter, what I wore, it felt like sandpaper against my skin. Everything was too loud. Every food was too much. Everything was..." she trailed off.

"Overwhelming?" Azriel offered gently.

She just nodded at his words.

It had been overwhelming, every single damn thing overloading her senses, every sound, every sight, every taste, every single emotion.

She couldn't shut it all out, couldn't block everything away until it stopped hurting, and that had been the worst part.

"I hid underneath the bed. Or in the bathing chamber. Or in the closet," she admitted ashamedly. "Everywhere where it was small and dark and quiet. And then I sat down and I rocked back and forth like a child and hummed so I didn't need to hear anything else. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to exist. I wanted to crawl into a hole and..."

She stopped, her words choking off, but she knew that Azrael could guess what she had wanted to say.

He knew that she had wanted to die, in those dark moments after she had been made, she had wanted to just crawl into a hole and let the world forget about her, she had wanted to just disappear and never come back.

"I didn't want to be Fae," she said weakly. "I...I wanted to be human. I didn't want pointy ears or immeasurable power. I wanted a husband and children."

That was exactly what she had wanted — a husband, children, and a normal, peaceful life, without power and magic and a strange, immortal body.

But what she wanted didn’t matter, it never had mattered, and she had been made into a Fae anyway.

Everything she had wanted, all the dreams and wishes she had had as a humanity, had all been snatched away from her the moment she had been thrown into the cauldron.

Just gone, just taken, and there was nothing she could do to get it back.

"You wanted to have a normal life," he said quietly.

She shrugged. 

“I thought that was all I could have,” she responded weakly.  "I always thought I wanted a normal husband. And then...then you walked into that dining room and suddenly all I wanted was this handsome man with wings sprouting out of his back."

A small smile tugged at his lips at her words.

He didn’t say anything, just watched her with a small, affectionate smile, and his gaze was gentle as he looked at her as if he understood everything she was feeling just by holding her like this.

"Is it better now?" he asked her quietly.

She shrugged. "I don't want to throw myself from the balcony any longer or cut off my ears, so yes," she admitted weakly.

He let out a quiet exhale at her words, and she could feel the slight tension in his muscles as if just the thought of her hurting herself was hurting him.

Without saying anything, he pulled her close, wrapping both his arms around her and holding her against his chest.

"You wanted to do that." It wasn't a question. 

She could feel the tension in his muscles as he said that, and she buried her face into his chest.

"I know it's ridiculous," she whispered. "All of you have survived so much worse and there was I and I just...but I didn't want this. I never wanted to fight, to be a warrior..."

He closed his eyes, resting their foreheads together and his lips brushed over hers in a soft, aching kiss.

"It's not ridiculous," he told her quietly.

He wrapped his arms around her tighter as she spoke, one of his hands running through her hair as if trying to soothe her.

"You were forced into a world you never wanted," he said, his voice soft. "You didn’t ask for any of this."

"I tried to find the positive. I tried to...At the start, I told myself that...I couldn't have you as a human, but maybe as a fae...That maybe that was the reason why the cauldron hadn't outright murdered me,” she admitted weakly. 

"Gods, Sweetheart," he grounded out. "I am so sorry."

"It’s not your fault," she whispered, her voice shaky as she buried her face in his chest again.

She hated feeling like this — vulnerable and weak, and for what? Because being made into a fae had hurt her feelings? It all seemed so damn stupid.

He just shook his head, his arms tightening around her again.

She felt safe in his arms like nothing could hurt her here, and a part of her wished she could stay right here, tucked away in his embrace, for the rest of eternity.

"And what did you tell yourself when you thought it was never going to happen between us?" he asked her weakly. "What did you tell yourself then, Eira?"

"Feyre had enough other things to worry about, I didn't want to add to that," she admitted weakly. "I didn't want to hurt her. Hurt Nesta or Elain."

His hand froze in her hair, and she could hear him taking a slow, measured breath as if he were trying to keep himself calm.

He didn't say anything, just sat there holding her, and she could feel the muscles in his arms, still wrapped around her, tensing up, as if he was refraining himself from holding her even tighter.

"I wasn't really gonna do it," she said weakly. "I didn't want to bother anybody just because I couldn’t adjust. And it did get better. I still have bad days, but it's not as bad as it used to be."

He kept his eyes closed, burying his face in her hair as he just held her. She could feel his body shaking against her, if only very weakly, and his breaths were shaky and uneven, and guilt flared up in her chest again.

"I am sorry," she apologised. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"Gods, Eira," Azriel said, his voice like gravel. "My mate just told me that she thought that throwing herself off a balcony or cutting off her ears seemed like a fucking solution at one point, and you are apologising for hurting me?" he asked her, shaking his head as he looked at her. 

“I could have lost you before I even…before I even got to have this with you,” he said, his voice broken, cupping his cheek, resting his forehead against hers. 

"I wouldn't have done it," she said weakly.

"You don't have to apologise for anything," Azriel said, his voice still a wreck as he spoke.

He tightened his arms around her again, holding her so tight against his chest that it was almost painful.

"You didn’t do anything wrong," he said softly. "You didn’t have a choice, and I...gods, Eira. I am so, so sorry. I am so sorry that I wasn’t there for you, that I didn't notice you."

The raw emotion in his voice made her chest ache, and a lump rose in her throat.

She didn’t want him to feel guilty for any of this, but the way he spoke, the way he held her so tightly like he was scared she would disappear the moment he let go...there was no doubt that he blamed himself.

"...It's not you're fault," she whispered, finally bringing her own arms up to wrap around him, holding onto him just as tightly.

He just shook his head, refusing to listen to her, pulling her as close to him as he possibly could, his hands shaking from how tightly he was holding her as if he was scared that she would disappear the moment he let go of her.

"I am sorry," he murmured, his voice just a broken whisper, his arms tight around her.

She could feel him shaking against her, his breaths still unsteady, and the only thing she wanted to do right now was to take away his pain, to give him some sort of comfort, but she didn't even know how she was supposed to do that.

"Azriel," she said quietly, reaching up with a hand to cup his cheek.

He closed his eyes, letting out a long, shaky exhale as she touched him, and she gently turned his face so he was looking at her again, and the aching grief and guilt in his eyes made her chest ache.

"I am better now," she promised him. "I will not do any of these things. I swear."

He let out another shaky exhale, his eyes finally opening again. "You won't," he said firmly, not a question, but a statement.

He moved a hand, gently cradling her face in his palm as he looked at her. Her skin tingled where he touched her, and she leaned into his touch almost involuntarily.

"Promise me," he said gently, his voice aching. "Promise me that you won't do anything to hurt yourself."

He held her gaze as he spoke, his eyes shining with a strange, fierce desperation, and she couldn't even dream of refusing him as he looked at her like that.

"...I promise," she whispered.

His expression eased slightly at her words, and he let out a long, shaky exhale, burying his face back in her hair again, still holding her tight against him.

"I am better now," she promised. "I have bad days, but I don't want to do any of this anymore."

"The next time you have a bad day, you come to me. Or to somebody else. You'll tell us," he demanded quietly.

She closed her eyes, burrowing her face in his chest again, unable to look at the almost desperate expression in his eyes.

She should have expected that he would demand something like this, would demand of her that she wouldn't just...keep everything to herself, that she wouldn't just try to deal with it alone, but the fact that he was begging her, that he was almost pleading with her like this…

"Only if you do the same," she whispered.

He paused for a moment, just holding her against him again, and she could feel the tension in his muscles, still wrapped around her, still so close and tight. He was silent for several long moments, almost long enough to make her think he would refuse, and then he finally spoke.

"...Alright," he whispered. "I promise I will."

[moonstruckme]

Hi! I love your writing so much and was wondering if you could write Remus giving super lovey dovey aftercare to the reader? (Like maybe the reader gets really tired or has a bit of muscle pain after the deed and it’s just Rem taking care of her)

Thanks sm for requesting!

cw: definite implied smut, but no real details

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 798 words

It’s almost embarrassing that you’re hurting. You’d been talking big a little while ago, all I can take it and don’t stop, feels so good, and that had felt very (very) true at the time, but now that you’re coming down from your high, the ramifications of going so hard are catching up to you. You wish Remus wouldn’t notice, because it wasn’t long ago that he was telling you how good you were being for him and you’d hate to lose that reputation, but of course Remus misses nothing. 

He’s trailing a finger lazily up and down your side when he stops just shy of your hip. “You’re tense,” he murmurs, prodding carefully at your lower belly. “Are you cramping?”

“It’s not bad,” you try, and he frowns. “Just a little, uh, muscle pain.” 

“Dovey.” He pouts, and it’s almost comical, the mouth that had teased and bitten at you minutes before all pursed in sympathy. He begins rubbing your stomach with his palm tenderly, one hip bone to the other and back again. “Where does it hurt, love?”

“Right…there,” you hiss as he adds a bit of pressure, and Remus stops immediately. “And—and my legs.” 

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” He moves his other hand to rest on your thigh, like he can banish your pain with just his touch. “I knew I shouldn’t have been so rough with you.” 

“Worth it.” You grin at him, and you’re rewarded with a low chuckle. 

“Still, I think I’ll work on having a bit more restraint in the future.” Now it’s your turn to pout, and Remus thumbs affectionately at your cheek, following his touch with a kiss. “I’m gonna go get your heating pad, see if that helps. Just relax, yeah?”

You start to shiver after he goes, the slight chill in the room more apparent now that your blood isn’t flowing like it was. You’re considering going under the covers, but when Remus comes back he grabs one of his sweaters, passing it to you wordlessly as he plugs in your heating pad. The knowingness of the gesture warms your heart, and you wonder that you don’t see it glowing softly through the material of Remus’ sweater. He lifts up the hem, adjusting the heating pad over your stomach before letting it fall back in place. You widen your eyes at him pitifully, and Remus smiles as he leans down, obliging you with a sweet, lingering kiss before he sits on the bed and takes your leg in his hands. 

“It’s here, yeah?” he asks, pressing his fingertips to the taut muscles underneath your thigh. 

“Mhm.” 

“Alright, love, just straighten your leg out for me.” 

“Rem.” 

“Hm?”

You flush. “Can you not talk like that, please? I mean, right after?”

Remus’ smile is sheepish, but you don’t think you imagine the glint of smugness in his amber eyes. “Sorry, darling.”

You extend your leg on the bed, and Remus begins to knead at it, testing the stiffness of your muscles and then working it out with long, skilled fingers still sticky with sex. You make a sound in the back of your throat when he pushes at a particularly tight area, and Remus coos, dipping his head to drop a light, conciliatory kiss to the top of your thigh. 

“My poor, lovely thing,” he murmurs, resuming his ministrations even more gently than before. “Didn’t mean to put so much strain on you.” 

“Remus, please, I asked you to,” you sigh.

“Shh, darling. I’m talking to your leg.” 

You make a sound of startled amusement, but Remus keeps his composure, his expression grave as he sets down your thigh and moves to your other side, starting on the next. 

“It gets a kiss, but not me?” you ask, suffusing your tone with a good helping of neediness. 

“You’ve already had a kiss,” he reminds you, but doesn’t hold out more than a second after you pout, leaning over and taking your face in his hand. He squeezes your cheeks together, keeping your lips pushed out for him as he presses a kiss there, to your cheek, to your forehead. “My poor. Lovely. Girl,” he says between each one, dropping once more to your lips for good measure. “Is that what you want to hear?”

“Yes.” You smile, not caring that it’s all mushed up in his hand. “But only if you mean it.” 

He rolls his eyes, feigning benevolence, but he can no longer suppress the lopsided curve of his lips. “I mean it,” he sighs. “Do you think I’d be offering you free reign of my chocolate stores if I didn’t mean it?”

You brighten. “Really?’

“Just for tonight,” he says sternly, but it’s all for show. He’ll give you anything you want, whenever it pleases you.

[koyagifs]

𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓴𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓪

pairing: hongjoong x reader au: mafia genre: gore word count: 1.664 words summary: hongjoong gets kidnapped thinking he’s the leader when they have it all wrong. warning(s): gore!! blood, guns, swearing. I mean, come on it's a mafia au.

The metallic scent of blood hung heavy in the air, mingling with the sharp tang of gunpowder. Your doberman’s snarls reverberated through the room, her sharp teeth bared, and her claws scraping against the tiled floor as she lunged just enough to keep the men frozen in place.

The desk beneath you creaked slightly as you shifted your weight, crossing one leg over the other, exuding an air of unbothered control. The dim light overhead cast long, sinister shadows on the walls, amplifying the chaos around you.

"Pathetic," you muttered, your voice slicing through the panicked murmurs of the cowering men. You spun the gun idly in your hand, the movement precise and practiced, a deliberate display of dominance. The glossy finish of your weapon caught the light, a glint of warning.

The weight of the gun in your hand was a silent reminder of the power you held in this moment. Jongho's grip on the man’s shoulder was unyielding, and San’s fingers dug into the other side of his arm, keeping him firmly on his knees. The man struggled to keep his composure, but his wandering gaze betrayed him, lingering too long on your legs as your dress rode up ever so slightly.

You let out a sharp, disdainful tsk, your crimson lips curling into a faint sneer and tilted your head slightly, the corners of your lips curling into a smirk.

"You know," you said, your voice calm yet laced with an edge of menace, "it's impolite to stare." The barrel of your gun lazily trailed along the desk, your doberman letting out another guttural bark that made the man's shoulders jolt in fear.

San tightened his grip on the man's shoulders, forcing him to stay on his knees. "Eyes up," San growled, his tone low and dangerous.

Jongho, ever the picture of controlled fury, leaned in closer, his fingers digging into the man’s arm. “Better start talking,” he said coldly, “or her next move won’t just be a warning.”

The man’s eyes darted between you and the gun in your hand, his breathing uneven as beads of sweat rolled down his temple. You leaned forward slightly, the movement deliberate, your gaze locking onto his.

The room seemed to shrink under the weight of your words, the tension thick enough to choke. The man’s breathing quickened, his chest rising and falling erratically as his eyes flicked to the gun and back to your unwavering stare.

“W-Where is who?” he stammered, his voice trembling, the words barely audible over the growls of your doberman.

You sighed, a sound of mock disappointment, and leaned back slightly, your head tilting as if considering his pathetic display. The gun in your hand tilted upward, pressing lightly against his forehead, the cold steel making him shiver.

“Don’t play dumb,” you said, your voice calm but laced with deadly intent. “You know exactly who I’m talking about. Where is he?”

San shifted his grip, forcing the man’s head to tilt upward. “You really want to test her patience?” San hissed, his voice low and threatening.

Jongho added pressure to the man’s shoulder, his jaw clenched. “Answer her,” he growled. “Now.”

The man gulped, his Adam’s apple bobbing nervously. “I-I don’t know,” he blurted out, his voice breaking. “I swear, I don’t know where he is! They— They don’t tell me anything!”

Your eyes narrowed, your lips curling into a dangerous smile. "Wrong answer," you said coldly, the sound of the safety clicking off punctuating your words.

The man’s sobs grew louder, his pitiful rambling filling the room as tears and snot streaked his face. He kept glancing at your doberman, who stood poised and ready, her growls low and menacing. His words were a jumble of apologies and desperate pleas for mercy, claiming ignorance over and over.

You sighed heavily, your expression one of pure exasperation, and leaned forward deliberately, resting your elbows on your knees. The movement was slow and calculated, your neckline dipping just enough to ensure his eyes fell exactly where you wanted them to.

His sobs hitched for a moment as his gaze faltered. You smirked to yourself—hook, line, and sinker. “Look at you,” you said mockingly, your tone dripping with disdain. “Crying like a child. I thought you might be useful, but it seems I overestimated you.”

San chuckled darkly behind the man. “He’s too distracted to be useful,” he remarked, his voice laced with contempt.

Jongho’s grip tightened as he forced the man to face forward again. “Eyes where they’re supposed to be,” he snapped, his patience clearly wearing thin.

You tilted your head slightly, feigning curiosity. "Oh, but maybe you can be useful," you mused, running a finger along the edge of the gun. "You see, I have a rule—if you can’t give me what I want, you’d better make yourself entertaining."

The man gulped again, his face pale as he began to stammer something unintelligible. You leaned in closer, your voice soft but dripping with menace. “So, what’s it going to be? Will you tell me what I want to know, or should I let my dog have her fun?”

Your doberman let out another growl on cue, and the man practically jumped out of his skin. "I-I'll talk! Just—just don’t kill me!" he blurted, his voice cracking.

You smiled, slow and wicked. "Good boy," you purred. "Now start talking."

Just as he gave you the information to Hongjoong location, you tapped his check before you signaled to San and Jongho to let him go. The sigh of relief was heard from him and the smirk on your face grew. You shook your head no, tsking as you began to pet your doberman. “fass”

The man’s sigh of relief was short-lived, his shoulders sagging for barely a second before he froze at the sound of your sharp command.

“Fass,” you repeated, your voice smooth and decisive as you stroked your doberman’s head. Her ears perked, and in an instant, she lunged at the man, her jaws locking onto his arm with terrifying precision. His scream echoed through the room, piercing and desperate, as he tried to pull away, but your dog was relentless.

San and Jongho stood back, their expressions unreadable as they watched the scene unfold. Jongho crossed his arms, leaning against the desk, while San tilted his head slightly, a cold smirk tugging at his lips.

You watched calmly, your head tilted as though studying a particularly boring piece of art. “I let you believe you’d walk out of here,” you said, your voice carrying over the man’s cries. “But lying to me? That’s a crime I can’t forgive.”

The man thrashed, pleading for mercy between his sobs. Your doberman growled deeply, shaking her head slightly, her grip firm.

You crouched down to meet the man’s panicked gaze, your smirk never wavering. “Consider this... motivation,” you said sweetly. “For anyone else who thinks they can waste my time.”

With a quick whistle, your doberman released him, stepping back with a satisfied huff. The man crumpled to the floor, clutching his bleeding arm as he whimpered incoherently.

The faint hum of your tune echoed down the corridor as you walked, your heels clicking rhythmically against the tiled floor. Jongho and San flanked you, their movements sharp and ready, a quiet storm of power at your back.

Pulling a small, tattered piece of clothing from your pocket, you held it out, your fingers brushing against the coarse fabric. Your doberman, Nala, perked up immediately, her nose twitching as she caught the scent.

“Zook, Nala,” you commanded softly, your voice firm yet calm. The word was a trigger, and Nala instantly responded, her nose pressing into the fabric before lowering to the ground, inhaling deeply.

She let out a sharp bark and began to pull forward, her muscles taut with purpose as she led the way.

There stood Hongjoong, leaning casually against the doorway as though he hadn’t just been hunted down. A smirk tugged at his lips, his gun resting loosely at his side. His sharp eyes darted to you, then to the doberman by your side, and finally back to you, his expression a mix of amusement and admiration.

“Well, well,” he drawled, his voice smooth and taunting. “I was wondering how long it would take you.”

Nala let out a sharp bark, her body tense as she stood her ground, her gaze locked on him. You raised a hand to calm her, your expression unreadable as you took a step closer.

“Funny,” you said, your tone cutting through the tension like a blade. “I was just about to ask you the same thing.”

His smirk widened, and before you could react, he raised his gun—not to fire, but to press it lightly against your temple as he stepped closer. The gesture wasn’t hostile; it was a challenge.

“You’re not easy to find,” he murmured, leaning in until his lips were just inches from yours. “But that’s why I like you.”

The air between you crackled with intensity, and just as your hand inched toward your own weapon, he surprised you. His lips crashed against yours, his gun dropping to the side as his free hand snaked around your waist, pulling you flush against him. The kiss was hungry, passionate, and unapologetic, as though he’d been waiting for this moment just as much as you had.

Your fingers tangled in his shirt instinctively, and for a moment, the room around you disappeared, leaving only the two of you and the fire burning between you.

When he finally pulled away, his forehead rested lightly against yours, his breath mingling with yours as he whispered, “Now, what took you so long?”

You let out a soft laugh, a smirk creeping onto your lips. “Had to clean up your mess first,” you teased, your voice dripping with mock annoyance.

His laugh was low and rich, the sound warming the tension that had been hanging in the air moments before. “You always do.”

[metalheadsforblacklivesmatter]

Why not make this because I'm just a filthy commie.

My thoughts on Disability (getting paid because you can't hold down a job due to your disability).

Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) and Supplemental Security Income (SSI)

It should at least be minimum wage. (And minimum wage should cover average cost of living in that region.)

Housing, electricity, and plumbing should just be covered. Also accessible transportation.

Medical costs should be covered. 100%

It should supplement food (and restrictions shouldn't be so limiting to the point where people with food allergies can't eat)

You should not lose any amount of your disability just because you make a little income (if you can't make enough to live off of or hold down a full time job due to your disability, you should qualify)

Marriage should have zero impact on your disability.

You should be allowed to own a home (why the fuck can't you own a home? That's dumb shit.)

It should cover any changes that you need to make to your home to make it accessible.

If you rent a place and you suddenly get a short term disability (like cancer). Your apartment should be covered until you recover.

If you rent a place and you suddenly get hit with a long term disability (like long covid or certain types of cancer) and you have to be moved (like if you're renting a condo for $1million a month. It's a bit of an exaggeration but it gets the point across for its reasonable to not expect the government to cover that). Then moving costs should be covered.

Before the capitalists (derogatory) come in my comments "You're just mad because you're too dumb to work so you want free shit." (Because they always do when I post a commie take).

I am disabled, and I have a full time job that pays me quite well (and is very accommodating to my disability). I just don't think people whose disability are more limiting than mine should suffer. Especially because every single disabled person knows that stress exacerbates symptoms.

Like the stress of being forced to live off what is the equivalent $2/hr for full time work, being forced to find a living space that covers that, and trying to find food you're allowed to eat on supplemented income with dietary restrictions (because most disabled people have to eat what most people consider "unhealthy" to manage our disability).

Before capitalists (derogatory) say "Your disability doesn't make you eat unhealthy food". You just want an excuse to eat junk food. People with cystic fibrosis often require calorie counts similar to Olympic athletes because they can't digest food right. People with POTS often require ridiculous sodium intakes to help manage the symptoms of low blood pressure. And people with migraines often need high carb "junk foods" to help manage the low blood flow that comes with a migraine flare-up.

The disabled body is fucking WEIRD and what's healthy to most people isn't necessarily healthy to us, and we've found our ridiculous ways of eating through trial and error to find out what best helps us function. If you don't live in our body, you can't tell us what's good for us.

-fae

[novaursa]

hi!! may i request a rhaenyra x celtigar!male!reader where his father is apart of her black council and he is his family’s heir. after ser steffon’s death of trying to claim seasmoke, she recruits the reader, knowing the celtigars are also of Valyrian descent despite never claiming dragons. lord celtigar is completely against the idea (rightfully so) but is pressured by rhaenyra and ultimately complies. the reader surprising enough does claim seasmoke which bewilders and terrifies rhaenyra of rhe possibility of betrayal. however she’s reminded that reader and her were once good friends when they were young and often joked that they would one day be married. it doesn’t happen but they both reminisce about it bitterly how different they feel about adulthood. honestly this can seen as platonic or romantic either way!! its up to you :D

The Claim of Fire

Requests are closed!

- Summary: Rhaenyra asks of you the impossible. You prove everybody wrong.

- Paring: male!reader/Rhaenyra Targaryen

- Rating: Mature 16+ (just to be safe)

- Tag(s): @sachaa-ff @alyssa-dayne @oxymakestheworldgoround @literaturedog

The hall is low lit as your father, Lord Celtigar, stands beside you, his hands clasped in a futile attempt to keep his voice steady. Across the table, Rhaenyra Targaryen, your queen, sits with her chin resting lightly on her hand. Her eyes are sharp, assessing—knowing the weight of her request, yet unflinching.

"This is madness, my queen," your father begins, his voice taut with a mixture of outrage and pleading. "The Celtigars have never claimed a dragon, and with good reason. To send my son—our only heir—into such a perilous task after what befell Ser Steffon..."

Rhaenyra’s expression softens, though only slightly. “I do not make this request lightly, Lord Celtigar. But I need men of Valyrian blood to claim the dragons that remain. The war is upon us, and without more riders, we are at a disadvantage.”

You glance at your father, who shakes his head almost imperceptibly, but Rhaenyra’s eyes are fixed on you now. She knows what’s at stake. She knows that while your family has never claimed a dragon, you carry the same ancient blood of Old Valyria as she does. Her gaze holds yours, as if willing you to accept the burden she places upon you.

You take a breath. “Why me?” The question hangs in the air between you. “Why not another of Valyrian blood?”

Rhaenyra hesitates for only a moment, and when she speaks, her voice is quieter, almost… familiar. “Because I trust you, Y/N.” There’s a pause, and her eyes soften, recalling something distant, something shared between you long ago. “We grew up together. Do you remember? We used to jest that one day you would marry me and sit the Iron Throne at my side.”

A faint smile flickers at the corner of her lips, but it’s bitter. You remember it too—the games of childhood, when politics and war were nothing more than stories whispered by older men, and you and Rhaenyra were free to imagine a different world. But now, everything is different. The woman who sits before you is not the girl you once knew. She is a queen, weighed down by betrayal, grief, and ambition.

“Yes,” you murmur, “but that was before.”

Rhaenyra nods, her smile fading. “Much has changed.”

Your father clears his throat, pulling you both back into the present. “My queen, this task… it will kill him.”

But Rhaenyra shakes her head. “It may save us all.”

The room falls silent. Your heart pounds in your chest as you consider the weight of her words. Claiming Seasmoke would be no small feat. Ser Steffon had tried, and his charred remains had been enough to dissuade others. But Rhaenyra’s desperation is palpable. She doesn’t ask for things she doesn’t believe are possible.

And some part of you—the part that longs for something greater, that ancient Valyrian fire stirring within your veins—wants to believe her.

“I will do it,” you say, your voice firm, surprising even yourself. Your father turns to you, his face twisted in anger and fear.

“Y/N—”

But Rhaenyra cuts him off. “Thank you,” she says softly, rising from her seat. “You will not regret this.”

The next morning, you stand before Seasmoke, the great dragon perched on the edge of the cliffs. His pale silver scales glimmer in the early morning light, and his eyes—those burning, intelligent eyes—lock with yours. The air feels thick with heaviness of the moment as the beast watches you approach, his nostrils flaring with each breath.

You can hear the whispers of those gathered behind you, soldiers and lords alike. Most are placing bets, some on whether you will die like Ser Steffon, others on whether a Celtigar has any hope of bonding with a dragon at all.

But Rhaenyra watches in silence, her face unreadable. Does she fear that you will succeed? That claiming Seasmoke will give you a power that could rival her own? Or is she simply afraid of losing an old friend, someone who once meant more to her than most would ever know?

The dragon’s breath rumbles in its throat, and for a moment, fear grips you. But then something shifts within you—an ancient stirring of your bloodline, something primal and fierce. You step forward, your voice steady as you utter the ancient Valyrian words that have bound dragons to men for centuries.

“Dohaeras.”

Seasmoke’s eyes narrow, and for a long moment, nothing happens. You can feel your pulse pounding in your ears, the weight of hundreds of eyes on your back.

Then, with a sound that is half growl, half sigh, Seasmoke lowers his head.

Rhaenyra stands before you now, her expression a mixture of shock and… something else. Her lips part as if to say something, but the words don’t come.

“I did not think you would succeed,” she admits, her voice barely above a whisper. “You… you were always different, Y/N. Even as children.”

You watch her, noting the way her eyes avoid yours, lingering instead on the dragon in the distance. “I didn’t think I would either,” you say with a small, bitter laugh. “But I suppose things have a way of changing, don’t they?”

Her gaze finally meets yours, and for the first time in what feels like an age, you see the girl you once knew. The one who laughed with you in the gardens of Dragonstone, who dreamed of a life without the burdens of duty and war.

But that girl is gone, and in her place stands a queen who has seen too much, lost too much. And you… you are no longer the boy who joked about marrying her.

[unlikelynerdsweets]

Jason Toddy X y/n

Fluffy

Jason Todd stumbled into the small apartment, grimacing as he leaned against the window frame for support. His usual confidence was dampened by the blood soaking through his shirt.

Y/N, busy in the kitchen, hadn’t heard him come in until the soft creak of the window. She turned just in time to see him try to stand, though he was clearly struggling.

"Jason?" Her voice was immediately concerned as she dropped the spoon from the pot she was stirring. "What happened to you?"

Jason's lips curled into a faint smirk, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Ah, you know, just another night. Nothing too bad."

Y/N didn’t buy it. She rushed over, her gaze scanning him quickly. "You’re hurt. Sit down, now."

Jason hesitated, but then slowly lowered himself onto the couch. He winced when his side pressed against the cushions.

"You're really lucky I don't let you get away with this," she muttered as she knelt beside him, grabbing the first-aid kit she kept ready for moments like these.

Jason smirked weakly, eyes darting toward her as she carefully began to clean his wound. "I'm sure you'd love to play nurse every night, huh?"

"You're an idiot," she replied, gently applying pressure to stop the bleeding. Her touch was gentle but efficient, something that came naturally after dealing with him for so long.

After a moment of silence, Jason let out a low chuckle. "You always know how to handle me, huh?"

Y/N didn’t answer at first, focusing on her task, but then she looked up at him. "Someone has to, considering how reckless you are." There was a quiet affection in her voice that she didn’t bother to hide.

Jason met her eyes, the faintest hint of something vulnerable beneath his usual bravado. "Guess I’m lucky you’re around."

Y/N finished patching him up, securing the bandage in place. "There. You’re all set. Try not to do this again, okay?"

Jason leaned back against the couch, the corners of his lips twitching upward. "No promises."

Y/N rolled her eyes but smiled as she grabbed a glass of water from the counter and handed it to him. "You're impossible."

"That’s why you like me," Jason replied with a smirk, taking the water gratefully.

For a moment, they both relaxed into the quiet of the apartment. The rain pattered softly against the window, and Y/N sat down next to him.

"You know," she said, her voice softer now, "you don’t have to do this alone, Jason. Not anymore."

Jason’s eyes flickered toward her, and for a moment, he didn’t say anything. Then, in a rare moment of sincerity, he muttered, "I know."

And for just a little while, the world outside didn’t matter. It was just the two of them, and that was enough.

[doberbutts]

I was typing a big long thing about the changes I've experienced in a year on testosterone and how it's affected me and all that and then tumblr ate it and I really don't feel like retyping that whole thing but I am kinda salty about it so tldr:

Starting testosterone has been the best thing for my health that I've done. Ever. Better than getting a service dog. Better than restructuring my life to cater to my disabilities. Better than any procedure or medication or otherwise that I've tried. Simply rubbing a pack of gel on my arm once a day has done more for me than anything else.

When I went to my endo to start T, I went with a suspicion that I am intersex. She confirmed it via blood test and told me that with my variation I could try two different things: estrogen to control my high levels of natural androgens, or testosterone to lower my estrogen further and make it stop arguing with my androgens about whether I'm supposed to be a boy or a girl, as it's that argument that was causing a significant portion of my health problems. Estrogen has been tried in the past and only made things worse. She told me it was my choice, and only I could choose my path forward, as I knew my body the best.

When TERFs have a fit about gender affirming care, they usually leave out people like me, or they brush my story aside by saying that I'm just an anomaly, or they claim for me and my demographic that we don't want to be part of this discussion. But I don't fit their definition of a woman- I have a testicle, and my natural testosterone was within normal range on the low end for a cisgender, perisex man, and enough male sexual partners have commented on what's in my pants to tell me that it's far from the picturesque womanly pussy, especially considering I can- and have- use it to penetrate with the help of devices designed for cis men who are a little lacking in length.

When TERFs have a fit about gender affirming care, they scaremonger about side effects and changes. But, I was already hairy. I was already growing facial hair. I already had atrophied- and by 30 to the point that it's not really possible to fix without significant medical intervention. I was already infertile. I already had an adam's apple and a deep voice. I already had belly fat and blood pressure problems. My menstrual cycle was already hellish and had interfered with my school and work schedules. A popped ovarian cyst sent me to the ER.

I'd tried no treatment. I'd tried estrogen-based solutions. These not only did not work but actively made things worse. I was fainting at school. I was calling out of work. I couldn't drive without my service dog. I couldn't go out and have fun with my friends. I spent days at a time laying in bed in too much pain to move.

TERFs say, gender affirming care turns you into a forever patient.

I already was one of those. I almost died when I was a baby strictly because of lack of access to care that accepts children who are born who are both and also neither from the womb, before anyone has a chance to develop a personality or understand the difference between a boy and a girl.

Testosterone has turned me into a "once every 3 months" patient instead of a "twice a month minimum" patient. I pay less than $15/month for my prescription and it's mailed to my house in three-month increments. Stopping my wildly irregular and incredibly painful menstrual cycle has increased my quality of life so much. My body doesn't ache for no reason anymore. I don't faint anymore. I can go out and do things and not be punished for it for days on end by fevers and chills and vertigo.

Don't let a handful of transphobic assholes scare you. If this is your way forward, then live your life to its fullest.

My only regret is that I didn't have the chance to do this sooner.