#consider that you don't actually have to be attracted to men. you're allowed to not want a boyfriend'

[ghostsontelevision]

so much of comphet discourse feels like it could be solved by bisexual women and lesbians like, realizing they have different experiences.

like i don’t blame bi women for having a negative reaction to “have u considered having a crush on men is fake” but as a lesbian who DID look at boys in my class and make the active *choice* to have crushes on them like. i think someone telling me that made me secretly bisexual would also cause a negative reaction in me yanno

if u read the am i a lesbian masterdoc and go “actually attraction to men feels good and cool for me, can’t relate” then cool! you’re probably not a lesbian lol. the lesbian masterdoc isnt saying “all women feel like this and are lesbians” it’s saying “if you can relate to this, it’s probably worth considering that you might be a lesbian”. and even if you CAN relate to stuff in the lesbian masterdoc but still feel that bisexual is the most accurate label for you, that’s fine too! its your sexuality nobody else should tell you what to do with it. it just seems wild to me to look at a tool that multiple lesbians have said is helpful and go “well this does not help me, a bisexual woman, so we shouldn’t use it”

[inkskinned]

no, but really, we need to talk about the casual objectification that has become the fallback discourse of the internet: if you're pretty and dressed nicely, you're a slut. and if you're even vaguely outside of their body standard, you're fucking disgusting.

too-frequently, people position sex workers as being "the problem". they sneer you're addicted to pornography, you don't know what a real woman looks like. but real women are in pornography. the real bodies on display are not the issue here: the issue is that other people feel extremely confident when commenting on someone's physique.

2000's super-thin is slowly worming its way back into the public ideal. recently i saw someone get told to "go for a run", despite the fact she was on the thinner side of average. not that it would ever be appropriate to say that: but it's kind of like sticker shock when you see it. people think that is fat? holy shit. do they just have no idea about things?

but what are you going to do about it? that's the problem, right. because chances are - you're a normal person. we can say normalize carrying fat on your body, but we are not the billion-dollar diet industry. we are not the billion-dollar fashion industry. we are just, like. people. who are trying to make content on the internet, without being treated shittily.

as someone who has been on both sides of things: you are treated better when you are thin and pretty. this is statistically correct. i am not saying that you cannot be bullied for being thin; i'm saying there are objective institutional biases against certain bodytypes. there are videos of men and women who lost weight all saying: i now know for a fact exactly how much worse you're treated. in the comments, some asshole inevitably says something akin to you deserved to be dehumanized when you were fat.

which means that ... the easiest thing to do is be pretty and thin. it is the path of least resistance, because of course it is, because any time you post a picture of yourself without a thigh gap, someone immediately comments something like you need to try a diet.

the other half is also dehumanizing though, huh, just in a different way. when i put on makeup and nice clothes, i am told i slept my way to the top as a professional. do you know how many women in STEM have told me they purposefully dress to "unimpress" because they already struggle to be taken seriously and if they're ever considered pretty - it for some reason takes away from their authority.

so they make it seem like it's your fault. you, existing in a body - it's your fault! if you didn't want shitty comments, don't have a body. they position us against each other like chess pieces; vying for male attention we don't even need.

and i can be an authority on this unless you think i'm fat and unattractive. when i am pretty and thin, i'm an activist. when i am just a normal person who makes a good point: i am immediately dismissed. nobody fucking believes you if you're not seen as attractive. you literally lose value. you cease to exist.

but the whole time, it feels like - is anyone actually grounded the fuck in reality? the line of "pretty and thin" keeps shifting. nobody seems to understand what "a normal weight" even looks like, because it's not something that exists - you cannot tell a person's health by looking at their body. even if you think you could tell that, even if you're sure a person is dangerously overweight - people are not your dolls. they do not need to be dressed up or displayed properly to soothe your aesthetics. you aren't concerned for them, you're stealing their agency. you don't get to say if they're "allowed" to take pictures and post them on the internet - you don't get to tell them how to exist.

people hide behind "the obesity epidemic" without any actual qualifications. they crow things about "normalizing unhealthiness".

but it's bullshit. i have visible abs. there is a pair of parallel lines on my body, even when i'm relaxed; where my obliques meet my abdominal wall. i am proud of this because it means i'm strong, because i overcame an eating disorder only to be ripped as fuck. it is genetic and physical luck that i even get any definition, i'm pleased as punch.

but it does mean that my abdominal wall sticks out a little bit. the other day i posted a video of myself dancing, and, for a moment, my shirt slipped. you could see a little bit of my stomach. i was cartwheeling to the floor. moments before this, i'd had my foot over my head.

a guy slid into my DMs. a row of vomiting emojis prefaced: you should really lose some weight before you think about dancing.

i stared at it for a long time. there was a time when i would have been triggered by this, where it would have encouraged me to starve myself. i would have ignored the fact i'm flexible, agile, good at jumping: i would have lost the weight for a stranger's passing comment. i would have found myself and my body fucking disgusting.

and for what? to please what? because why? so that he can exist in this world without an unchallenged eyeball? what would my self-hatred even accomplish? usually i write paragraphs. obviously. on this particular occasion, in this body i've been at war with for ages: i just felt exhausted.

it shouldn't be even worth saying. it shouldn't be hard to explain. all of this emotional turmoil when he cannot even comprehend the most basic truth: i am not an object on display for him.

[dropoutfailure]

ok, enough wholesome dadson. time to sexualize terrible fathers. (cw for: dadson incest + FtM son POV + transphobia / misgendering / fetishizing / forcemasc)

transphobic dad: doesn't approve of you transitioning or taking T, but isn't stopping you and doesn't seem turned off by the changes, even after you pass consistently as a man. doesn't know how T even works, always lowkey curious about the changes. he does like that you're so much hornier on T and don't even have periods anymore. tugs at your facial hair (ow? wtf :/) and goes "huh? it's real? I thought you drew it on every morning!" with a hearty laugh. dad joke? he might have actually thought so. backhanded praise, mean jokes at your expense, and moments where he genders you correctly, by accident.

thought you would eventually change your mind and give up transitioning "when you realise that being a man is hard," as if he's not the one making it hard. he might actually think of you as a son at some point, but he was never taught to apologize, he's "always right," he's stubborn, so he will keep calling you a daughter because a father can't show weakness. wants to call you homophobic slurs sooo bad, but that would be admitting defeat.

gets angry when you bring up surgery bc he likes to squeeze your tits and fuck your pussy. won't do any anal because it's gay. and clearly, he's isn't, he says. definitely closeted.

trans boy chaser dad: for better or for worse, only took an interest in your life when he found out you're a trans guy, fixed his relationship with you by treating you more like a date than as his son.

excited, touchy-feely, even creepy. eager to please. just pathetically horny for the way your body's changing from T - he won't misgender you. you get aggressively reaffirmed to the point of it getting annoyingly patronizing actually. regardless, he fucks you hard, encouraging you to moan with your cracking voice, and is too horny to feel bad about the incest. it's a welcome change from the previous emotional distance, but you feel used, like he's taking advantage of your newly high libido.

fixated on your body and everything "clockable," would rather you didn't get any surgery... says you're already perfect as is, from just testosterone... it does feel nice that he takes some sort of pride in having a son now, fully embracing you, the way he finds even all the awkward changes (sparse facial hair, voice cracks etc) not just endearing, not just attractive, but really fucking hot. and it's a relief for your body which craves that release. but. dad might just completely lose interest a few years into T, if you pass consistently.

bisexual, he says. but of course not into cis men.

transmed dad: thinks he knows what's best for your body, forcemascs you in his own ideals, pushing you to work hard to speed up your transition, to become a "real" man. you were so happy that dad accepted you being a trans guy so wholeheartedly and proudly, but the acceptance seems to have turned into overbearing surveillance...

dad insists on doing your T injections himself, because he doesn't trust that you'll actually do them. "no son of mine will be a fucking embarrassing softboy pansy who never transitions for real, have some dignity, god damn it! either you transition fully or you don't transition at all!" ...he pushes you to consider top and bottom surgery asap, to become a "real man," regardless of what you might want. he very excitedly looks forward to the day you can top him with your real cock, like a son should. :)

he makes you like anal because that's how real men do it. you're absolutely not allowed to derive any pleasure from anywhere but your ass and T-dick, and the phantom sensation of a strapon. he's good at working your T-dick though, it's all almost worth it just for that...

love, validation, and praise only when you've "earned it." if you fail to live up to his strict expectations, the things he says fucking hurt. misgenders you as punishment and threatens to withhold your testosterone "since you want to stay a girl so bad."

......

so, all of these options leave you feeling unsatisfied and degraded in one way or another!! yippee! no, there's no option for a Normal About Trans Men And Masculinity Dad, this is the Terrible Fathers dadson poll. you must choose.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: The Heretical Liberal

Published: Jun 18, 2024

Lots of responses to this post I made the other day laying out the case for why trans activism is homophobic, most of them supportive. For the few that weren't, here's a thread where I brought the receipts. If my earlier post was opening arguments, consider this the full case: 🧵

First up, the charities, such as Stonewall and GLAAD. These are the groups that were originally set up as gay rights advocates, but were retooled around 2015 into trans rights advocates, and - since trans activism seeks to erase homosexuality - promptly began to do exactly that

With the anti-gay activists now in charge and setting the tone, media now takes the reins and begins subtly erasing the very notion of same-sex attraction, suggesting that lesbians who don't want to date ppl with penises, and gay men not interested in vaginas are hateful bigots

And more of the same nonsense:

With the activists dictating, and the media following their lead, the homophobia inevitably trickles down. This manifests in different forms, but one of them is the psychological torture of homosexuals, some of whom have come to believe their innate orientation means they're bigots

But mostly the biggest effect is in the trans community itself, who have increasingly internalized the idea that same-sex attraction doesn't exist, and thus, any ppl who claim to be exclusively same-sex attracted are actually just transphobic bigots who can be abused at will

The rest is just gonna be a firehose of hate, as I try to dispel the idea that this homophobia is "just a few bad apples" instead of the truth: it's a core component underpinning the entire ideology transgenderism, as are the violent threats that often accompany it:

I could go on and on, but I think the point here is made. Homophobia doesn't just exist in the trans community, it's RIFE in it. It's a feature, not a bug, the erasure of sex (and by extension, homosexuals) is a core goal of trans activism. Hopefully this has opened some eyes /end

--

Threadreader:

==

Firstly, if you're shocked by this, then you haven't been paying attention.

This is what it looks like when the mentally ill use academic gobbledygook to pathologize the normal and normalize the pathological.

You're not crazy: same sex attraction and opposite sex attraction are real things and completely normal. You may have either or both (bisexual). Their stupid buzzwords don't - and can't - change that. Nor turn it into a "genital preference."

If you take away nothing else, know that an accusation of being "transphobic" is a predator trying to emotionally manipulate and blackmail you into allowing access by the predator beyond your boundaries. Whether that be sexual boundaries, to simply how you address others, and anything and everything in between.

You never have to justify your boundaries. Someone who tries to make you, or who tells you that you need to "rethink" your boundaries, or particularly who acts morally superior about their purported higher evolved absence of boundaries is a full-blown predator. No, I'm not being hyperbolic. When I say "predator," I mean they're a predator. You're talking to someone who is dangerous and not to be trusted, because they see your boundaries as something to be overcome, circumvented or "fixed." They do not respect you and they feel entitled to what they want from you. They are dangerous. They are a predator. By definition.

In the very definition of an abusive relationship, these virulently anti-gay fanatics also won't let LGB operate without them. Because they'll lose their human shields and their stolen valor they've misappropriated from the gay rights movements. Which is the point in the movie where the abuser shouts, "without me, you're nothing! I won't let you leave! If I can't have you, no one will!" And then something horrible happens.

[fanficsforheartandsoul]

Happy Ending | Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!Reader

Note: This has been ghosting around in my head for some time now because of the song "Wallpaper" by Megan Cromwell. I noticed that whenever I don't have the pressure of a request in the back of my head for a story it's much easier to write. That's why I wrote this rather easily and quickly. I just wanted to post something again lol. So yeah, have some good ol' super dramatic angst. I'll be more active again hopefully.

Fandom: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II (2022)

Warnings: Angst, Heartbreak, Unrequited Love, Mentions of NSFW Stuff, Trauma, Reader has some Issues

Summary: Ghost wants a happy ending but not with you.

Word Count: ~2k

If you want to be tagged in my stories send me a pm with the fandom/character name! Or comment on the fic :)

Masterlist

Call sign: Vigil

"We can't do this anymore."

You had known from the start that sleeping with him was a bad idea.

Generally, people advise you against sleeping with a co-worker. Because it makes things complicated. Even more complicated when you're both in the military.

Because technically you’re not allowed to fuck, your actions could be clouded by emotions, potentially risking not only your but the lives of your fellow operators as well. But that little clause in your contract was printed in that tiny font, and so you decided to ignore it.

It didn’t stop you from getting involved with your lieutenant. You were never a big fan of rules after all. Your rank as a sergeant after so many years of service in the military said enough about that.

But at the start, you truly believed that a physical relationship with him wouldn't cause trouble to you or anyone else.

You thought you had it under control. At least in the beginning.

Yes, you had been attracted to him since your first meeting when you had signed your contract with Taskforce 141. Mysterious men were your thing, and he embodied such a man with his skull mask.

So yeah, you did allow yourself to daydream about him, and have some dirty thoughts every once in a while. It wasn’t like you were the only one.

You were attracted to him and you knew he was attracted to you. It was mutual and actually pretty obvious.

You could feel his searing gaze on you just a few days after you had joined the taskforce; the way his eyes trailed up and down your body. The looks he gave you were charged with want.

But attraction doesn't necessarily lead to a romantic relationship, right?

He was a good-looking man in your opinion; tall, rugged, buff, with muscles and fat in the right places, just the way you liked it.

His face couldn't be considered conveniently attractive yet that made it so much better for you. The arch in his brows, the dark eyebags, the scars on his cheeks, his cheekbones. He was your type. And his rough appearance fuelled the fire in your lower stomach and your imagination.

What was the harm in joining him in the sheets and having a bit of fun? It wasn't like you loved him.

That’s what you had asked yourself.

It was much better to get rid of your pent-up frustration with him instead of a toy or a rare one-night stand when you were off-duty.  And damn, was he good in bed.

Rough, fast-paced, keen to try out every possible position, and not shy of pleasing you. You could've expected it. He was a man who wasn't afraid to get down and dirty. Dirt, blood, sweat, and other fluids... It didn't matter.

Short summary: It was pure ecstasy every time.

You two had lots of fun together in lots of different positions and locations, and that was all it was. Just some fun.

No strings attached, as you both declared at the start. Just fuckbuddies.

"I'm not a relationship kind of guy, Y/N" he had told you after you had spent your first time together.

You had snorted because shit, you weren't either. Both of you were too broken and bruised by the baggage of your pasts. Your traumas would probably weigh you both down in the long run. So you were fine with the line he had drawn between you.

It was okay. No emotions, no obligations, no lovey-dovey shit, just a means to an end.

Just a meeting in your room after a mission, a phone call on your days off, then a quick meet-up in a hotel. Just pleasure. Not love.

Until it wasn't just that anymore.

You two had settled into a routine where he would join you in your room late every other night.

After you had pleasured each other enough, he would leave soon after, and somehow - with time, you began to miss the warmth next to you on your bed.

The feeling came slowly creeping, and it took you by surprise.

You never asked him to stay; you didn't dare cross the line. To ask for a bit more affection. But you wished.

That he held you just a bit closer during the act. That he remained next to you just for a few more minutes after it. That he kissed your scars, your lips. That he touched you as if you were something, someone precious to him. Someone important.

Sure, you liked it when he treated you like an unbreakable object when his grip left bruises on your body - in a way, they satisfied your need for more. They marked you as his. But just for once, you wanted to be treasured by him. To feel that you meant something more to him.

You didn't know when your feelings for him had turned into a fluttering mess in your chest. He wasn't just a means to an end anymore. You valued him. Not just as a soldier who had your back. Not just as a friend. But as a man, a partner. A man you wanted close to you. For the rest of your life. No matter how long that would be.

Because Simon had done something no one else had been able to do before.

He made you wish. For a future. A future with him.

He made you wish to be better, to be a little less broken. To pick up the pieces that had once made you whole. You wanted to be better. A better version of yourself. For him. To have a chance to be truly happy. To get that fairy tale life others dream about – you once had dreamed about when you were younger, your shoulders lighter.

His attention made you excel, it made you stronger, faster, harder. You were just better when he was around. A better soldier, a better woman, a happier person.

And you thought, no, believed that he understood that. That he helped you to be better. That you needed him. Not just in your bed, but by your side. As your other half.

You both were people of few words, so you thought that through your actions, your eagerness during missions, and your gentle touches during your time together, you conveyed all these feelings. That he got it, saw how you felt about him.

But you never spelled it out. Never said; I've come to love you.

Just let these feelings simmer under your heart, hoping that one day he'd get what you felt for him.

"We can't do this anymore, Vigil."

You'd love to say that it came as a surprise when he, one day, called you to meet up and told you these words.

But you knew subconsciously. Felt it. Long before he actually said the words, they were coming.

His calls had been less frequent, his visits rarer, and to your confusion, his eyes began to look different whenever you saw him. They looked clearer, and happier.

Only after you saw him at the party after your successful operation in Chicago did you understand. He did look happier.

But not because of you.

And only then did you realize that your brain had played a trick on you. You were so consumed by your feelings for him that you didn't realize how big the rift between you two had gotten.

He laughed.

Simon Riley laughed heartily for the first time since you knew him. Not just one of his usual chuckles that he reserved for your or Soap's jokes.

No, true deep laughter that came from deep within his chest.

And all because of a joke that the woman next to him had told him.

You didn't know her; you had never even seen her face before. She was a complete stranger to you, and yet Ghost rested a hand on her hip as if she belonged to him. As if she was his fucking girlfriend.

Soap looked at you, then who you were staring at.

"That's Ghost's new lass, I heard. Can't believe that guy found someone before us, eh? Surprised me too, I tell ya."

His words were like poison, and you tasted bile in your mouth. So much made sense to you now.

"Why not? I thought you liked it?! I enjoy it every time."

"That's not relevant anymore. I'm just telling you, Y/N. This thing is done. I won't come here anymore."

"But-"

"Let's just forget this happened, alright?"

"...."

"Okay."

You hadn't even been able to argue. Or tell him your feelings.

After all, you were the one who said you could never be in a relationship with him or fall in love with him. It was pathetic to get back on your words and admit it in front of him.

So you just shut your mouth and accepted his words for the time being.

A tiny voice in your head whispered that you could tell him your feelings later when he calmed down a bit. When he started to miss you.

You knew the whole situation with Hassan was getting to him and the others, so you cut him some slack. You thought he would change his mind. Believed it. Blindly.

But now, here you were. Looking like a fool. Feeling like one. Being one.

And the thing was, you couldn't even say anything to him.

He was the one who made you happy. Who made you want to be better. Less traumatized, more whole.

You could see in his eyes that she was that to him. Not you.

So, what right did you have to intervene?

You wanted him to be happy, after all.

How could you deny him that? You both had gone through so much.

She seemed to be the complete opposite of you. She basically glowed in the room, her smile radiant, and her aura was light as if the world had blessed her to never know hardship.

Her frame was soft, and her skin unblemished, untainted by the cruelty and darkness that existed in the world.

You couldn't help but compare yourself to her.

Your cracks, the marks of your trauma, made themselves known through various scars on your body. Your hands were rough, covered with old blisters; so unlike hers, and you were all jagged and sharp edges, while she looked so cute and bubbly.

You could see her appeal, and it hurt to think that way, but in another world, in different circumstances, you could see her as your potential friend. She just had the appearance and aura of someone who people gravitated toward. A soothing soul.

In that sense, you could understand Ghost. Why he searched her side. But you fucking hated it.

As lovely as she seemed, right now in this bar; you couldn't help but despise her.

She took him from you.

A voice whispered in your head. The ugliness of that thought made you want to throw up, because didn't it prove that you weren't completely right in the head?

Ghost wasn't your property. He had his own free will, and just because she appeared didn't mean she stole him away.

After all, he never belonged to you anyway.

This was probably why Ghost didn't chose you, you thought to yourself. Your ugly jealousy and possessiveness were rearing their heads.

I wouldn't choose myself either.

You felt like crying, but you couldn't even do that.

You hadn't cried for years now, and although the pain in your heart was worse than any of the bullet wounds you had received during your career, not a single tear welled up in your eyes.

You were truly broken. And the man who could fix you wasn't at your side. He would never be.

You looked at the two of them once more. An ugly thing clawed at your chest, begging to get out. Your vision turned red. You clenched your fists.

You had to get out of here. Now.

"You okay, Vigil?" Soap asked next to you, noticing that you seemed a bit off.

"Yeah. I just- think I didn't turn my stove off. I got to go."

You mumbled before you turned around and hurried to the exit of the bar. Soap tried to protest, but you were out the door before he could even finish his sentence:

"But you just arrived- Damn... off she goes."

He sighed and looked towards that woman and Ghost. They made eye contact. As if Simon was already looking at him. Or you.

[badassbbpirates]

Blackbeard Pirates Art Skills Headcanons

Basically, my headcanons on what type of artists Blackbeard and his crew could be. Do what you will with this information.

Blackbeard: He's not the greatest artist, but he's not terrible either. He can do pretty good sketches of people, animals and objects, which he takes some pride in.

Burgess: He's about as good an artist as Luffy is, which is to say he's not very good. For this reason, he's not allowed to help draw up a raid plan for the crew to embark on. Well, actually it's not that he's not allowed-he just doesn't want to because of all the criticism he got the one time he did...

Burgess: Okay! I helped draw up the plans, Laffitte!

Laffitte: Oh, very good! Show it to the group so we can go over it.

Burgess: *lays down drawing, which is the most barely comprehensible drawing the group had ever seen*

Blackbeard: Uh...I can't tell what's happening here...Like what is that big blue and gray mass???

Burgess: It's the marine ship we're raiding.

Laffitte: What's with the giant letter T on that brown square we're all standing on???

Burgess: That's the raft.

Augur: What's with the devil giraffe holding...god, I don't even want to say what it looks like...

Burgess: That's YOU holding your GUN!

Augur: Why is my neck so long???

Burgess: Necks are hard!

Doc Q: Is that amoeba riding that deformed dog supposed to be me and Stronger???

Burgess: *grabs drawing and eats it* I HATE CRITICISM!!!

Blackbeard: Maybe don't draw so badly and we won't criticize...

Laffitte: Will draw the most detailed and perfect images ever, like Da Vinci level art, and say "Honestly, I can't even draw a circle!"

Van Augur: He's a roughly okay artist, but he doesn't draw much so he doesn't mess around with improvement.

Doc Q: He can draw organs, he can draw skeletons, he can draw muscles, he can draw any body part you can think of, but he CANNOT draw people "intact and with the skin still on them", like Blackbeard would probably say. He can draw realistic animals pretty well, though, especially horses. He can also draw cute anthropomorphic animals (Minks? Hybrid Zoans?) pretty good, which was discovered when he was asked to draw up the raid plans one time...

Doc Q: Okay, I got the plans drawn...

Laffitte: Very good! Now show them to the group.

Doc Q: *pushes drawing towards group*

The entire crew are drawn as cute anthro-animals, such as Blackbeard being a hippo, Burgess being a tiger, Augur being a hunting dog of some sort, Laffitte being a dove, and Q being a horse.

Blackbeard: Uh, why are we all Minks?

Doc Q: I can't draw humans...

Burgess: I like how I'm a tiger! It fits me!

Augur: Well, I suppose this is a step up from Burgess's drawing skills...

Burgess: Hey!

Laffitte: Aw, you drew it so CUTE, Doc! I didn't think you had this in you!

Blackbeard: Yeah, I mean, considering how you are, this is a big surprise. Makes me rethink you as a person, actually.

Doc Q: ... *grabs drawing and releases it in the wind*

Laffitte: Aw, no! Don't do that! We were praising it! Not teasing you!

Q's got a reputation he likes to keep intact. He doesn't draw in that style very often.

Shiryu of the Rain: Cannot draw and refuses to demonstrate how bad he is.

Catarina Devon: She can draw perfect images of women, but men...she's not very good at and refuses to improve. One time she was asked to draw up plans, and she drew the entire crew as women, which raised eyebrows.

Blackbeard: Did you seriously have to draw us like this?

Devon: I can't draw male bodies well.

Blackbeard: Okay, I guess that's fair. Which one of us is supposed to be this lady here? Cause, damn! You made her the most hideous!

Devon: That's you.

Blackbeard: *starts to fume*

Augur: Why are Laffitte, Doc and I drawn so...beautifully?

Devon: Eh, you're the most attractive boys out of the crew, so I tried to match that.

Laffitte: Ohhohoho! Thank you!

Doc Q: You think I'M attractive?! *coughs up blood*

Augur: ...Okay.

Blackbeard: *fumes more*

Avalo Pizarro: He draws in a surprisingly cute style, maybe something close to chibi or cutesy-western cartoon style? But he gives everyone cat ears for some reason.

Vasco Shot: He's not the best artist, but he's a LOT better than the crew expects. He claims he draws best when he's really drunk.

Sanjuan Wolf: His drawing style is pretty simplistic, like stick-figure type art. What he draws is pretty comprehensive though, since he usually adds a detail to signify which figure is who, like a top hat for Laffitte, a scythe for Doc Q, or a sword and cigar for Shiryu. He can only draw in the sand or dirt due to lack of giant paper, though.

[foreignswaggersession]

Thank you for your IWTV posts and clearing up misconceptions. Tbh I wouldn't be so annoyed if people weren't constantly determined to do as many bad faith readings as possible when it came to Louis and Armand's relationship. Like of course it was a very flawed and very complicated relationship, we know this! But it's so obvious when a fan is making a post about how it was "completely loveless and devoid of sexual intimacy" solely so their own otp could look better. So many examples that others have already pointed out, including that one take about Louis disliking the first TVD performance, so this means that he hates theater in general and prefers Lestat over Armand (excuse me, what?)

Also more than one person trying to say how loumand had more PDA and not just for Daniel in the Dubai interview. But that this meant "every affectionate gesture between them to ever happen including Paris was just for performance" and was not truly genuine compared to what was with Lestat? Um no shit, Louis and Lestat had more of their love scenes behind closed doors. But also consider the context with how things were in NOLA and Louis having to pose as another person (brother, business partner, etc) because of rumors surrounding him and his lover. How due to racial discrimination he couldn't even get into an opera house without playing Lestat's servant. Then skip forward to the 1940s when he believed he can actually be comfortable doing this openly "Paris was a formative sexual liberation", with him having those casual relationships with other men while cruising. To kissing and being affectionate with Armand in public and not give a damn who is watching or if he's being heckled for it. This isn't even trying to reduce Louis' previous relationships either or say they're less important, more that Louis' comfort with how he expressed his own sexuality and romantic gestures developed over time.

As for Dreamstat... guys he's an extension of Louis' inner thoughts (a complex mixture of emotions before Louis was ready to enter a new relationship), but he wasn't present during loumand sex scenes either... and Louis certainly wasn't having sex with Armand just for Dreamstat to watch??

Despite already knowing what's "endgame" some people still can't allow even a single moment of love, attraction and vulnerability between loumand to just exist without twisting it into something else, or making it actually about Lestat or Daniel while propping up their preferred pairing. good lord, I'm tired of this.

🥰thanks anon! i'm not as familiar with tv fandom so maybe i'm not understanding why people are so resistant to acknowledging louis's attraction to armand (even pre-claudia's murder) when they were together in canon. like in both the show and the book (and not in a future book, devil's minion stans). since when are people not allowed to enjoy different relationships at different times? i think it's silly to ignore or misrepresent whole sections of the plot just to feel like your favorite ship is the more romantic(?) or healthier (😂) ship, i guess? but yeah, recognizing any romance or attraction between louis and armand (especially from louis towards armand) makes some people angry, as though it undermines armand's abuse or any future relationship either party will have.

not much to add to what you said - the majority of fans only care about louis to the extent he cares about lestat, so they focus on dreamstat/lestat scenes in s2 and ignore the many scenes without him. then there are fans that can't let go of their s1 headcanons that conflict with new information from s2 (louis tops sometimes. it's just a fact now. please stop being weird about it.) i also hate the refusal to engage with louis's repeated statements about his changing relationship to his sexuality over time. his sexual preferences are not stuck in 1910, and i don't agree with pathologizing louis topping or having sex with men besides lestat (if you're not into it, just say that, but don't act like there's no evidence for louis enjoying a different sex life in the show).

i'm not a solo shipper and i love thinking about louis so it's not hard for me to imagine louis in multiple relationships (and in various positions 🥵), and lucky for me i get to see that on screen! cause that's what the show is about actually! louis! the titular vampire.

[chaos-in-one]

The argument points about lesbian intercommunity discourse against xyz term/label/etc. that hinge on saying how this "only happens in lesbian communities, you don't see other orientations have to deal with this!!!!" has always been simultaneously funny and frustrating to me.

Because 9 times out of 10, the equivalent to that DOES in fact exist in other lgbtq+ communities. It just doesn't get anywhere near as much public attention & arguments over it.

"You don't see people trying to argue for trans women or women in general to be allowed in the gay community like you do with people arguing for trans men or men in general to be allowed into the lesbian community!!!" You literally do. There are women, including trans women as well as various others such as genderfluid, multigender, and other genderqueer people who consider themselves women, in the gay community. There's even an equivalent term to the term lesboy for women who are gay called turigirl.

"You don't see gay men unironically using she/her & calling their partner their girlfriend!!!" You do. There are definitely gay men, hell even gay cis men, who use she/her and/or prefer typically feminine terms.

(Both of these two above points are extra funny to me because both have been said to my face while I am a pangender gay guy who does use she/her. They are literally saying to my face that people like me don't exist when they do that.)

"You don't see people arguing gay men can actually be attracted to women!! You don't see people trying to call themselves mspec gays like people try to say they're mspec lesbians!!!!" mspec gays do in fact also exist. Also what world are you living in where homophobes who try to convince lesbians that are definitely not into men they actually all can and are attracted to men exist, but people who try to convince gay men who aren't attracted to women that they can be and are attracted to women don't? Way to say you don't talk to any gay men because most could tell you that they do in fact have experiences with that happening.

There's a lot more I could point out, but those three are ones I've seen the most recently. Point is, if you're going to make an argument that something is bad/a problem, and what you are using to help prove that point is the fact that it doesn't exist within other similar communities, maybe check that it actually doesn't exist in those communities first so you don't straight up erase shit from other communities to try to make a point about your own.

[boy-above]

absolutely hate how people treat adults who look younger than they actually are. like genuinely i wish people talked more about how borderline dehumanizing it can be to be treated like a baby your whole life no matter what you do. i have never once had a person correctly guess my age and i am perceived as a child by literally every person i have ever met; and they treat me accordingly. they speak down to me like i'm less worthy of respect, they treat me like i have little agency, and worst of all is when they use that certain specific voice that most people use when they talk to kids. yknow the like, "hey buddy how are you doing :) where are your parents? :)" and i have to be like i'm fucking 26 years old and half the time they don't believe you. i got carded at the chuck e cheese, they wouldn't let me Leave The Building until i showed them my ID. and you probably think that's so funny but you wouldn't if you were in my shoes. it's frustrating and embarrassing and just makes me tired. and do not even get me started on how people treat adults who look young who are in relationships. people call their partners creeps and weirdos, saying being attracted to a full grown adult is equivalent to being attracted to a child just because of how they look. if you think like this i need you to take a step back and think about what this mindset means for the "young looking" member of the relationship. you are telling us that we straight up aren't allowed to have relationships. not only are you saying our bodies should never be considered attractive, you're saying being attracted to us should be considered a crime. what are we supposed to do? do you expect us to find partners who also look as young as we do? are we supposed to jump through hoops to make you comfortable? do you know how hard finding a partner who looks your age is when you're this small, especially if you're attracted to men? why do i have to be made to feel guilty about wanting someone to be attracted to me? why do people not think about the implications of what being told it's disgusting to be attracted to you can do to a person? i wish there was more discussion about this because genuinely it's weighing me down. i'm already infantilized due to my autism and i probably won't ever be treated like an adult, not until i go fucking gray i guess. i just want a boyfriend, that shouldn't be a scandalous fucking statement

[pompadourpink]

Hi ! I hope u are doing well. I saw some advice you gave earlier and they were pretty solid so i came to ask for advice. I’m at college and i spent high school focusing on my studies, with zero boy interaction. However, i would like that to change now, but i realized that i dont know how to flirt. Like when we are at a bar, i can talk with people if we are a group, but i dont know how to give a hint, idk how to flirt seriously lol , im open for suggestions ! thank u :))

Hello! Dr Talkstoomuch is back in office!

I apologise for the delay, I received several bot messages after yours and it was out of sight. Given your lack of experience and the current climate, I feel obligated to talk about safety.

Where are you trying to go? If it's to bed, it will not take much effort as the average guy is easy: look for someone who is patient, playful, enthusiastic, curious, will take your pleasure seriously and is openly happy to be considered. If you want something more committed, find out what is important to you (beliefs, goals, dynamics).

Any guy in your life should be clean, emotionally, financially, and domestically autonomous, somehow health-oriented, a good friend, etc. - not just a potential husband.

PS - those things are grey flags, not green. Expected. When you accept less, you're just sentencing future you to cringe when she remembers Mr. Chanel #5 who had yellow sheets and whom she still dated for ten months out of politeness. Someone who is willing to make you through that will never love you.

Remember however that, while it is good to know what man you want, it is important to be his match. If you have issues with anger, family, religious trauma, get help first - making someone the solution to all your problems is both selfish and unrealistic.

Fishing 101:

Make eye contact and smile from across the room.

Shake his hand and share your name when he comes over.*

Compliment something innocent his jacket or his eyes, make it clear that you are looking at him and liking what you see.

Ask questions, listen to his answer, then respond with your own: give him an opportunity to show interest.

Find a reason to put your hand on his arm for a second, pick something off of him, brush against a tattoo or a scar.*

Ask him to hold something, to help you do something small, give him an opportunity to do something for you.

Make him laugh (without getting crass).*

Don't feel obligated to uncover or act sexy to attract. Your body is the least interesting thing about you.

If he mentions something you don't know about, ask.

Have a conversation with his friends, take an interest, make yourself known (they might talk about you later).

Be playful - he mentions being warm: I am indeed really hot, he compliments you: thanks, I couldn't *just* be hilarious.

*- When I mention being cautious, it's not in the sense that if you act like a slut you will be treated like one, it is that there are men for whom it is the only thing that you can possibly be, and you don't want to realise that once you're alone with them.

Filtering 101:

Be attentive during the first few minutes: is he actually flirting or just letting you know that you've been selected? Is he talking to a human being or buying a watch?

Explore special interests, be knowledgeable, go on adventures, keep yourself happy, have goals and morals, be more than a pretty smile. The wrong guy won't like that.

Be wary of a guy who uses cheesy punchlines or fake questions to break the ice: he may be avoiding vulnerability.

Don't let him do something you would never do to him. You are allowed to like different things, want monogamy, or not enjoy being picked on without being ridiculed.

See if he tries to act manly or blasé in front of his boys.

If he's too attached to his mother, you will come second forever.

When unsure how to feel, ask yourself if you would be okay or horrified if it happened to your best friend.

Be mindful of bums, you're not the salvation army.

If a date feels like Bateman having a Narcissus moment (aka mirror dates: you're there to show him his reflection and make cooing noises), he's already dating his ego.

Be wary of "modern men" who want to be 50/50 at the bank and 1950s in the kitchen, the laundry room, the bedroom, the nursery, at the supermarket and during social outings.

Survival 101:

If he wants nothing to do with other women - especially ones he is not attracted to or cannot have, if he only accepts to be around us when we are beneath him or obedient, flee.

A boundary is followed by the person who created it: it's "if you X, I will Y", not "you have to Z because I said so".

Someone shifty will not want to be recognised. Take selfies, introduce your friend, ask about his workplace, chat with the bouncer. If friends introduced you, tell them about the date.

You only need one guy to never go home again. Leave or make a scene if your safety is at risk: it is not your role to be malleable so that a man can frick tonight or continue having a girlfriend.

If a date blocks the front door or a driver takes the wrong road, get as far as you can and put the police on high speaker. We have lost enough sisters who didn't want to be a bother.

Say no to the shots, the cruel feedback, the unprotected woohoo. Betraying yourself for male attention will only attract hunters.

If he has no questions, trashes women, or tries to change you, he wants one-sided companionship, control, and free labour.

Have a plan B. If a friend leaves you behind or a date won't drive you back after you said no, you still have to get home.

Relationship 101:

Prince Charming is not coming. Do the work too.

Don't take personally someone's actions or preferences. Accept the breakup, ghosting, cheating - don't burn his car, move on.

A good man knows your wellbeing outweighs his ego. Go out for the first dates, wait to be comfortable to have intimacy.

Don't be afraid of the talking stage. A good partner is not just for dates and bedroom activities: butterflies fade, wit stays.

Don't be afraid to show who you are. If he's a 5am guy and you're a bat, let him workout and stay asleep. A good relationship is two people dedicated to teamwork, not robotic twins.

Treat yourself well, he will know what to do.

Don't entertain a man you would be afraid of divorcing.

Looking for someone forever is an unrealistic shopping list - people change, yourself included. Instead of trying to make the right long-term choice, make the right choice today to make tomorrow easier. If there is eventually a breakup, it will not mean that it was a mistake. Everything is temporary.

PUA methods to make you fight for validation 101:

Body count - it comes not from an abstinent virgin but from the guy who thinks you're a slut if you've had sex but also that he rented you for the night because he paid for your 9 dollar drink

Hot and cold method (is all in your business then semi-ghosts to to make you feel boring and miss the attention)

Mystery method (comes over because he wants you, ignores you completely and only talks to your friends)

False time constraint (acts charming then claims he needs to leave so you'll ask for his info or beg him to stay)

What are you looking for? (wants a step by step recipe to fool you)

Internalised misogyny (claims you're not like other girls)

Victim complex (has been deceived before, feels a connection)

John Wayne (calls himself an asshole so he can act like one and say he told you so, forcing you to be a "cool girl")

As usually, this is too long, but it's important.

Much love,

Rose

[bullet-prooflove]

OMG "Kelnon, Prompter of Matthew Keller" I love that! It makes me feel like a knight of the round table lol. Thank you for bestowing me the honor of being knighted, I'm glad I could make your morning better! And yes, I agree ol' Matty boy certainly does have a long way to go since he tends to keep all of his emotions locked away far down in the deep hole of his mind. It's like what Neal said to him during the last episode of the show.

[SPOILER WARNING FOR ANYONE WHO HASN'T SEEN WHITE COLLAR GO CHECK IT OUT IT'S GREAT]

Matthew is once again giving Neal shit for being "too trusting," and Neal hits him where it hurts by saying that yeah, maybe he is very trusting but he also has many people in his life who truly care about him. Whereas Matthew is all alone in the world. And Ross McCall is such an amazing actor cuz you can see for a split second that Matthew was indeed hurt by what he said! There's this flash of pain in his eyes that slips away just ad quickly as you see him put on his "bad boy" persona again to protect himself. And then only minutes later have Peter shoot him dead, and the camera pans out to show him all alone with no one to mourn him??? So poetically tragic, I love it. One of the best TV villains!

Sorry for the long ramble lmao has it been made very apparent yet that I love him? Is it starting to become clear? Anywho, I'd also be curious to know what the "meet-cute" was for the reader and Matthew and at what point did both of them realize "oh shit, I might feel something for this person!?" But that's not an official request or anything! Only you get to choose what you write and don't write, and I totally respect that. I hope you're doing well! 💗

- Kelnon

I have always felt that Matt is very aware of his status as a 'Blue Collar Criminal'. Neal describes him as such in one of the ep. I feel like Matt is very working class, he knows what it's like to have to fight to survive, I imagine he suffered an abusive childhood with his father in a criminal gang and he had to 'work' otherwise he didn't eat or was punished. He learned the family business in a brutal way. He is ridiculously practical because he was never allowed to have the same moral opportunities as Neal. Emotions are weakness is a lesson he learned from a very young age and it's made him hard.

I think he had a very traumtic event in his youth regarding a woman betraying him. I imagine he fell in love, considered going straight and his father killed her so he would learn that love is a weakness and because he wanted to keep him close. I believe in return Matt killed his father before disappearing and making a name for himself. I don't think he has ever had a person who actually cared about him. Even the girl he was associated with was on his father's payroll, she was set up as a learning experiance. He felt genuinely for her but she did not for him. His father still killed her anyway because he could see the depth of Matt's feelings and thought he needed to learn that lesson.

I think Avery is a naturally warm, empathetic person but she's very coveted in their world. I think a lot of criminals playing at their level struggle to form relationships outside of other criminals because it means hiding those aspects of yourself. You can't tell your partner you're stealing a Monet because if you're caught they will become an accomplice so you have to have a secret life and that fractures a relationship. Also their world is very male dominated so the ratio of attractive women is very limited so Avery is used to getting hit on ALOT by the men she works with which makes her guarded. She has walls but she isn't afraid to be herself, she knows who she is and she doesn't try to hide it and that's what Matt finds attractive. She's the most direct and upfront person he knows, she cuts through all the bullshit and she sees through his bullshit.

I imagine they met through a joint assignment possibly through Neal. Game recongised game, afterwards they worked a few ops on their own. I think Matt loved the way she made him laugh, I think it's been a long time since he's allowed himself to relax. I think he fell in love with her ability to be open when he's so closed off. I think the moment he realised he was in love was when he found himself telling her about his history because she asked him to tell her something real about himself.

I think for her it started off very much as sex. Matt's attractive, intelligent, dangerious but he's emotionally unavailable, which originally made her feel safe as there was no danger of attachments. They had similar tastes and became very attuned to each other as lovers. I think it was very on and off, usually when they were in each other's orbit by accident and then I think for Matt it started becoming less accidental. I think for her she realised she enjoyed spending time with him outside of the bedroom. I have this image that once when they were casing a place as couple they both sat down in front of a painting they had no interest in stealing and he told her how he felt when he looked at it. Not from a technical stand point but from an emotional one and it really resonated for her because he was describing real feelings in that moment, something she had never seen from him before and she realised there was incredible emotional depth under the surface. Afterwards I think she took him for gelato and it became more like a real date, her arm linked through his as they walked through the park. They started doing more couple like things after that, dinner, wine tastings, art showings, things that weren't related to jobs they were pulling, things they actually enjoyed doing together.

[storkmuffin]

Just deactivated threads because I was exposed to a nasty Korean thread about 'bihon' and I have only my access to this app to blame.

My off-gassing about how I came to regret making a threads account when I should've just stayed on tumblr (I knew this but I wanted the thirsty kpop edits, mea culpa).

Bihon is the Korean word for single people who aren't interested in getting married. This is in contrast to 'mihon' which means unmarried but eventually planning to. I like bihon as a concept, since I don't consider myself in line to someday be married. I get suspicious of married people who get triggered by this more dignified, permanent sounding neologism given to single people- I suspect they are not very happily married, bc if you are, aren't you just hermetically sealed into your fulfilling union, indifferent to the plight of others? A happily married person would not give a shit what single people, voluntary or otherwise, call ourselves, because we wouldn't exist for you as a category of relevance.

The thread that turned me off of threads forever said: You can say you're bihon but would you refuse if Eunwoo Cha asked to marry you? If you can't say you'd refuse, you're not BI-hon, you're just MI-hon.

Blink blink blink.

Uhh ... yeah. I would refuse. Immediately. Nothing against Cha, but I don't want to marry a pretty faced actor /former idol that I have absolutely nothing in common with and moreover I know literally nothing about. Why would I marry this person?

This question is mean spirited - underneath it is the sneer that those who aren't married are that way because nobody has ever found them sexually attractive i.e. we the unmarried are rejected losers. Which - if I'm not mad about it, why are you? But also, you know, speaking as a woman, the type of creatures that men have wanted to and have actually fucked include - infants, little boys, little girls, corpses, cows and sheep. Fuckability is not a badge of honor on planet earth. What the thread reveals about this person's assumptions about marriage are also grotesque. If a person's face is symmetrical enough or photogenic enough, this apparently fulfills all requirements for a life partner. Enough to like, enter into a binding legal arrangement from which it takes an entire years-long court proceeding to get out of. I don't allow anyone this abjectly stupid in my real life - why do I need to let this moron's trash thoughts invade my digital one?

The premise of the question is also a weird, hypocritical lie, too. I know so many unmarried people (we are the culprits of the 0.6% birthrate) and I can assure you none of us are virgins. All of us have had (very discreet, very private) premarital sex, usually in our late teens or early twenties. We just live in a society where even parents of multiple children pretend they don't know what sex is. Also, prostitution is really really tragically horribly rampant in Korean society. THe point being - we all know you don't need to marry the first or twentieth or seventieth person you fuck. Like, that's not a thing. So why even ask it in this way, about whether you'd marry the hot piece of ass actor of the year? Would I let him eat me out? Yeah. I bet he'd look pretty doing it. What the fuck does that have to do with getting married?

Anyhoo. Threads deleted.

[1863-project]

This may sound like it's out of left field, and I know it's a weird and potentially uncomfortable question to ask, but I was wondering if anyone has any experience with surrogate partners.

Allow me to explain.

Growing up, my bullies were actually primarily my male peers. I was considered untouchable and certainly undateable - when all the boys in your grade either think you're ugly or disgusting or won't be seen around you because they know other people will bully them in turn, it really destroys your self-esteem. I have a ton of self-image issues and still have anxiety around men my own age because of this and I'm 35 years old now. It was constant daily harassment during my school years and I can't really think of days when I was ignored. Out of desperation I made myself as invisible as possible. I don't know how to look or feel or act desirable or express desire on my own, even though I experience it intensely, and I don't want to act like someone who isn't myself, because that's false advertising.

Additionally, once I went to undergrad, I developed sexual orientation OCD because of my college roommate, who forced me into a codependent situation and denied me any agency or ability to exist outside of her. She would force me to share a bed with her, would physically cling to me and hold my hand despite me saying I was uncomfortable with it, and forced me to match her as often as possible. A time when I could have been exploring myself and meeting men who didn't know me beforehand was instead ruined by her. I didn't get a chance to start healing until I was away from her, and instead I just ran off to grad school and then hid myself further in work for a decade.

I've been on one date total in my life, and it didn't go well at all - it was a deeply uncomfortable experience because I didn't feel anything for the man across the table and he wasn't responding to my humor at all so I knew right away compatibility wasn't going to be there. I'd like to try to meet men but I'm deeply terrified of doing so because of how my peers treated me in the past and because I have a lot of OCD hangups I'd have to work through to do certain activities, and I'm also feeling less attractive than I ever have because of an autoimmune thyroid disorder that has given me an abnormal body shape. I don't even know what else to try besides surrogate therapy at this point to learn how to be normal. I want to learn to be healthier about this and actually experience the things I want to experience but I need help. I can't just go and do this. It won't work.

I'd like to know if anyone has had surrogate partner therapy and if it helped. I want to be able to enjoy my life and stop hiding from potential happiness and acceptance.

[aardvaark]

let's talk about how to spot TERF rhetoric & what TERF dogwhistles exist, because it's important to make your blogs actually safe for trans people!

unfortunately, i still see TERF posts that seem innocuous enough, making their way to my dash because people don't notice the dogwhistles. or TERF rhetoric appearing in feminist conversations and going unidentified & unchecked. also, it's one thing to say you hate TERFs, but it's important to actually know what it is you disagree with! and to make sure you're not so susceptible to propaganda!

note: "TERF" stands for "trans-exclusionary radical feminist". its worth remembering that TERFs believe general feminism ideas, and almost always consider themselves to be left-leaning in politics. TERFs generally believe that trans activism is in some way incompatible with feminism. this is different to conservatives and anti-feminists who hate trans people for other reasons, like based on their religious beliefs, patriarchal values/sexism, general bigotry, etc etc. and i know, yeah, you can argue that TERFs still ultimately hate trans people for these reasons or that TERFs are inherently anti-feminist, but i'm just here to tell you about what TERFs believe. and thats what TERFs believe about themselves.

TERF terms & definitions. many of these apply more broadly to transphobes in general, but they are very much also used by TERFs.

TIM: "trans-identified male", ie any amab person who is trans/nonbinary, usually trans women, because they believe that trans women are males who identify as trans.

TIF: "trans-identified female", ie any afab person who is trans/nonbinary, usually trans men.

libfem: "liberal feminists" which generally just refers to feminists who are trans-inclusive, rather than feminists who hold liberal political views

radfem: "radical feminists" which is what TERFs call themselves. technically radical feminists are not always trans-exclusionary, however radfem ideas tend to go hand-in-hand with a lot of transphobic ideas, and the terms "TERF" and "radfem" are often used interchangeably on tumblr, by TERFs and non-TERFs alike.

autogynephiliac/AGP: a male who is sexually aroused by the idea of himself as a female, or who has a fetish for being a female within a sexual fantasy. this is what some TERFs believe some/most/all trans women "actually are". it is generally believed that AGPs should not be allowed to transition medically, and that they are perverts or a danger to cis women. part of Blanchardism.

transsexual-homosexual/TSHS: a "real" trans woman, in comparison to an AGP (explained above). within this framework, the "real" trans women must be sexually attracted to (cis) men exclusively, and must have known they were transgender since they were very young due to significant gender dysphoria. TSHS are considered preferable to AGPs, and some TERFs & other transphobes think that only TSHS-types should be allowed to transition.

same-sex attraction: not always a dogwhistle or intentional! especially not in older sources or scientific sources. however, many TERFs are very specific about saying that all lesbians can only ever be attracted to cis women (and opposite way round for gay men). so, trans women are invading lesbian spaces by... existing or dating, i guess.

gender ideology: the "ideology" that sex and gender are different, or that its possible & fine to be transgender. the exact traits of this "ideology" vary wildly between different accounts. its kind of like the "gay agenda" but for being transgender.

TRAs: "trans rights activists", ie anyone who supports trans people.

adult human female: TERF definition of what a woman is, and something you will see TERFs call themselves or put in their profiles. honestly gotta applaud this dogwhistle because its exactly what a dogwhistle is meant to be - seemingly totally innocuous, nothing much you can debate about it, but used to identify their

gyns: fellow women, fellow TERFs. in the way that most people might start a post with "hey guys" or "hey everyone", you'll see TERF posts started with "hey gyns". think "gynecologist", it comes from Greek.

womxn, wombyn, womyn, womon, etc: taking the "men" out of "women", very second-wave feminism. wombyn to include "womb" and emphasise the importance of being afab. (ironically womyn/womxn is sometimes used by trans allies in an attempt to be more inclusive of nonbinary ppl and trans women, but ultimately that's really not helpful either).

biological women, natal females, real women, etc: many TERFs dislike the term "cis", and will replace it with virtually anything else to distinguish between themselves and trans women.

hygienic (as a dogwhistle): not sure how popular it is currently, but some TERFs call themselves "hygienic" in their bios to discretely indicate that they are cisgender & are TERFs.

self-hating women: afab people who are trans/nonbinary. comes from the idea that afab people only transition because of internalised misogyny or body dysmorphia or something similar.

gender critical: opposing "gender ideology" as previously explained, thinking that biological sex is the only important thing. another term that many TERFs will use to refer to themselves or tag their posts with.

the ones that are most commonly used as dogwhistles or which may go unnoticed in bios/popular posts, are; adult human female/AHF, womxn/womyn/womon, hygienic, biological women, and (complaints about) liberal feminists.

now onto TERF-related concepts & TERF rhetoric

remember: not all TERFs believe all of these things. some will believe many/all of these ideas, some will only believe one or two, some might actually have a totally different ideology thats rare enough that i've never even heard of it. also, they might follow these ideologies but disagree that its what they believe, or they might believe these ideas without knowing their origin.

blanchardism: the ideas created by Richard Blanchard, a sexologist in the 1980s-90s. this is where the AGP/TSHS dichotomy comes from, as well as other transphobic ideas primarily about trans women. in regards to trans men,

bioessentialism/gender essentialism: the idea that there are distinct, intrinsic qualities that differ between amab people and afab people. that afab people are biologically predetermined to be X and biologically made for Y, and that amab people are biologically predetermined to be A and biologically made for B, basically. this is also classic sexism, with ideas like "men should go to work, while women should be homemakers" and "women are inherently more emotional and less intelligent than men" being examples of bioessentialism too.

gender socialisation: sort of like bioessentialism, but based on early childhood experiences rather than genes. idea that all children assigned male are treated and brought up one way (which involves "boys will be boys" sort of lifestyle, being allowed to do anything, no responsibility, being taught to be violent, being allowed to harm girls they're attracted to, etc) and all children assigned female are brought up a different way (which involves constant sexism & misogyny, patriarchal standards thrust upon them, huge amounts of responsibility, early objectification, being harmed by boys/men). now, its not untrue that afab kids and amab kids tend to be treated differently, especially if their parents are more conservative or part of an older generation, at least within the western/american cultural sphere (although this disregards the variation that exists in everyones childhoods but... anyway). however, this concept is used by TERFs to claim that (a) amab people are inherently irresponsible, violent, perverted, etc, (b) trans women are all male-socialised, and (c) thus, trans women are a danger to cis women, do not understand what it is to be female, and must be excluded from womanhood.

girlhood/womanhood as suffering: the idea that being assigned female leads to a childhood of suffering (due to gender socialisation as described above) and an adulthood of suffering due to futher sexism, so trans women (who allegedly didn't experience this) must be excluded from womanhood. this suffering is often romanticised in a sorta disturbing way.again, obviously sexism exists and causes a lot of suffering, but its the conclusion of "so trans women are bad" that is... just ridiculous. also holds the idea that trans women & girls do not experience sexism or are totally unaffected by it. and basing entry to womanhood on suffering is fucked up because, like... don't we want young girls to suffer less? isn't that a huge part of feminism? anyway.

trans women are privileged: the idea that trans women benefit from male privilege & also get treated particularly well by the rest of the LGBTQ community. often apparently because other trans & queer people are "too scared" to get accused of transmisogyny if they speak up. idea that theres a "silent majority" of queer people & trans allies who actually dislike trans women and/or agree with TERF ideas, but they're "too scared" to be accused of transmisogyny, so they never speak up. disregards the existence of transmisogyny & assumes that most people are trans allies, apparently.

trans women oppress afab trans people: the above, but specifically afab trans people being "too scared" to go against trans women. paints trans women as evil, controlling, cunning, angry & oppressive. disregards the existence of transmisogyny, often also assumes that trans women are pretending to be trans on purpose. paints afab trans people as poor, fragile, confused women, who have been tricked by evil trans women, and who are in need of saving.

gender abolition: the idea that yes, gender is a social construct, so we should get rid of it entirely. through a TERF lens, that also means that trans people are in the way of gender abolition because they identify as whatever gender they identify as, and that encourages belief in gender.

sex-based feminism: the idea that all misogyny and sexism is tied exclusively to biological sex, and thus feminism, as an opposition to sexism, should be concerned exclusively with the female sex.

gender/sex separatism, or female separatism: idea that feminism is exclusively for women, men can't be feminists, and a lot of bioessentialist ideas about the "impurity" of letting amab people into feminist spaces, whether thats cis men or transfems & trans women. idea that women should run society, or that men should be fully excluded from an idealistic utopian female-only society.

lesbian separatism: feminist movement exclusively for trans-exclusionary cis lesbians. holds the idea that virtually any contact with men (or, really, amab people) is anti-feminist, to the point that even bisexual cis women who are TERFs too but may sleep with/be in a relationship with men, are traitors. usually claims that trans women & transfems are invading lesbian spaces & tricking cis lesbians into having sex, which was already a transphobic concept used by heterosexual men. also, that a cis lesbian choosing to have sex with a trans woman (particularly an individual who hasn't had bottom surgery, but honestly often pefcieved the same way even if they have) is somehow being manipulated by that trans woman and that it is comparable to conversion therapy. this is transphobic, transmiogynistic, AND biphobic. the lesbian-exclusive idea does seem to have diminished a bit in TERF spaces, though - i used to see it a lot more. but the idea of trans women invading lesbian/wlw spaces is still pervasive.

gender dysphoria as body dysmorphia: people who transition actually just hate their bodies, and are encouraged by the "gender extremists" or whatever to transition as a solution.

gender dysphoria as internalised misogyny: the idea that afab trans people, especially trans men, are only transitioning due to internalised misogyny. that they desire male privilege, they have dysmorphia due to patriarchal standards (as described above), they don't want to be sexualised by men, etc.

transition to distance oneself from privilege: the idea that trans women are transitioning as a way to distance themselves from their male privilege. ironically the exact opposite of the above. may also contain the idea that straight people, white people, or otherwise privileged people, "become trans" to give themselves an extra marginalised identity.

gender dysphoria as sexual trauma: the idea that some/many/all trans people only want to transition because they were sexually abused/assaulted. either because they don't want to be seen as the sex they were when they were abused/assaulted, or

gender dysphoria as mental illness: it's in the DSM so obviously it must be just a mental illness! yikes. anyway, they'll point out that many trans people have mental health issues, so being trans must also be some sort of delusion, paraphilia, confusion, or other sort of mental illness.

exclusionism: asexual & aromantic exclusionism, nonbinary exclusionism, bi & mspec exclusionism, etc. the idea that some identities are fake and/or that they aren't oppressed enough to be part of the LGBTQ community. this is harmful in & of itself, of course. but it's also a lead-in to trans exclusionism, since TERFs push the idea that transness is fake in some way or another, and that trans women aren't really oppressed, or retain male privilege.

these are all the examples i can think of right now. if i think of more, or anyone lets me know about more! thanks for taking the time to listen.

[loopy777]

How do you think Mai would handle being The Bachelorette? Her bachelors are Zuko, Kei Lo, Ruon Jian, and Sokka. Who would get her final rose? 

To begin with, let's note that I have never see an episode of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette and I have no idea what the competition involves. Dating-like activities, I guess? But do they all go as a group while the men try to discreetly (or discretely) murder each other, or does the Bachelorette just run through the same date multiple times and the last guy on the list really needs to being his A-game to keep her from getting bored? At least with Mai, every guy will have to work hard to keep her from getting bored, so that's a bit more fair.

But before we get too deep into the game itself, I think we have to take a moment and explore something critical. Why is Mai picking a husband on a reality show? That makes so little sense there has to be an agenda at work.

Is she being put up to it by her parents? Is it some kind of ironic comedic performance on her part? Is Azula torturing her? Did she swap bodies with Ty Lee in a zany magical adventure again?

The explanation we pick is going to heavily affect who she chooses as her Reality TV Husband, so we have to be responsible about it. We can't just come up with an explanation that will allow Sokka to win, even though that's the objectively correct choice. Mai's clearly not in it to actually find a long-term romantic partner. You don't have to be as cynical as Mai to know that these Reality TV Romances don't last a week beyond the airing of the final episode, if that. And a quick search on my part turned up that The Bachelorette does not award prize money to the winning couple, so it can't be that she needs the cash.

In the end, I think we should stick with the classics- the most common reason for going on Reality TV.

Mai wants the attention, for some reason. And since most of the contestants are from the Fire Nation, it's specifically that nation's attention which she wants.

The fandom can't seem to settle on what the Fire Nation thinks of Mai, and sadly the comics have not really elaborated on the situation. Sometimes it's convenient to make her reviled, either for betraying the Fire Nation or for sticking her tongue in Zuko's mouth or not sticking her tongue in Zuko's mouth or not being Ty Lee or her strange lack of affinity for just-bear-bears. Other times, she's popular for her support of Zuko and/or being the coolest girl in the cast with the knives and the dour sarcasm and whatever is going on with her hair. Her reception amongst the Evil Factions isn't any more consistent, what with her complicated relationship with her father and her father's complicated relationship with being a villain. Even her temporary terrorist boyfriend couldn't decide which side he was on, thanks to her.

So I would personally avoid the question of whether Mai is loved or reviled. Instead, let's once again go on the most well-trod road of the Reality TV Star: she just wants everyone to know her name so she can get a better job later. This mandates that Mai does not start as a famous figure, despite how notable her life has been. But then, Upper Class Fire Nation Teenagers one island over from the capital didn't recognize Zuko's face, arguably the most famous face in the entire world, so obviously if you're not a Reality TV Star, the Fire Nation doesn't care about you.

All right, so we know why Mai is doing this. She wants to be famous. Now, what do the guys want?

The most simple of them is Zuko; he just wants Mai. Even the comics agree on this point.

Kei Lo also wants Mai. We know he doesn't have any other friends, and he seems to really like her, so I can see him being willing to debase himself on Reality TV just so that the girl he likes will consider pretending to date him until a week after the finale airs.

Ruon Jian, from what little we saw of him, seems to be honesty interested in Mai, perhaps even fully attracted to her. She helped wreck and burn down his best friend's beach house, but perhaps he found that amusing. Perhaps he likes dangerous girls. Perhaps he was always looking for the same kind of excitement as she was, and before he met her, he could never really admit it. So he's on the show to give wooing her a go, sure, but also to discover his best, true life.

Sokka is here as part of a scam. Disappointing, I know, but he's too much like Mai -- too perfect as a potential romantic partner -- for him to take Reality TV seriously, either. I can see him annoying Katara, who loves both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, by insisting that these things are scripted. So he has to have ulterior motives. Perhaps Mai is even in on it with him, helping him out while she's pursuing her own agenda. She probably thinks it's funny.

So with that established, how does the elimination go?

Kei Lo goes out first. I have nothing against the guy, but when he's not being a terrorist, there's nothing interesting about him. The most amount of spice he can bring is offering to pick a lock, and let's face it, he's no charismatic criminal gentleman. In contrast, Zuko lights things on fire and struts around like he owns the place (never mind all that delicious backstory on him), and Sokka is a strange foreign hero who even other foreigners think is compellingly odd. And Ruon Jian calls everyone else a loser while preening for the camera, so he's a natural Reality TV star and will probably be recruited for Survivor next season.

In the next episode, sadly, Sokka is out. He managed to use one of the dates as a cover to sneak his way into Ruon Jian's rooms and find evidence of Lord Ruon (Ruon Jian's father, of course) defrauding his international trading partners. Mai smirks, tells Sokka to hit the road, and he happily does so after giving her a peck on the cheek and asking how much prize money he gets for lasting two episodes. He walks away in a slump when he's informed the only prize is Mai.

In the final episode, it's down to Zuko and Ruon Jian. There's tension in the air on every activity. The boys spend more time insulting each other, sometimes even brawling, than paying attention to Mai. Despite this, neither one is stopped by any of the pitfalls prepared by the show's producers. Neither notices Ty Lee trying to seduce them. They sabotage Azula's attempt to assassinate Mai without even realizing she's there. When they get trapped together in the Spirit World, they manage to work together long enough to defeat the Reality TV Spirit (it's a giant glowing gross bug, formed from the tortured energies of all the gross bugs people have eaten on Reality TV for attention) and get back home. They even manage not to burn the mansion down (I think this franchise takes place in a mansion?) when doing the baking challenge, although Sokka proclaims neither one's bean pastries are sweet enough. (Oh yeah, the producers bring Sokka back for the finale as a surprise guest because he's so popular with audiences. He enjoys judging the baking competition but doesn't understand why the producers insist he not wear a shirt.) At last we come to the final scene, where Mai has to award her rose.

Mai tells Zuko that she's loved him since the day she met him, since before she even knew what love is, and that no one will ever be more suited for her.

Mai tells Ruon Jian that he's kind of good-looking when the lights are low and not quite as boring as most other people, even though she can't remember his name.

Then she gives Ruon Jian her rose.

There's scandal in the Fire Nation! No one can believe Mai picked this random dude over the Fire Lord! Everyone is talking about it. Zuko's fangirls are torn between being relieved and being offended on his behalf. Mai becomes a celebrity world-wide for her individualism and standing up to the weird culture of the Fire Nation that has people compete on Reality TV for love, instead of competing on Reality TV for money and singing contracts like normal people.

Mai becomes the most famous woman in the Fire Nation. Everyone wants her at their parties, even if they hate her. She cuts celebrity endorsement deals and appears at every big social event. She even gets to host the Tonys, which suits her fine because no one watches the Tonys. Mai becomes rich and everyone does what she says. Mission accomplished, she and her family never have to work a day in their lives again!

She also breaks up with Ruon Jian a week after the finale airs, without ever having gone on a real date with him.

She's seen going out with Zuko a month later, but by then everyone is more concerned with how Sokka has managed to get through eight episodes of his The Bachelor season without eliminating a single girl. It's a happy ending for everyone, except maybe Kei Lo but that's okay because he ends up on Celebrity Big Brother a few years later and wins when no one notices that he's been living there the whole time.

That's reality for you.

[kiefbowl]

I’ve seen a lot of people on radblr say they think asexuality is incredibly rare if at all extant, and I’m a bit confused by it? I experience sexual attraction very rarely, and experience it as more than a fleeting urge/interest almost never, so while I don’t identify as such, I don’t really get why there’s such skepticism around it? I’ve been celibate 98% of my adult life, and I know a lot of people in their twenties who haven’t had sex. It’s not something they advertise or discuss typically unless with someone else who’s also “perpetually single” but I don’t think it’s as rare or unlikely as it’s sometimes made out to be? I do think the “ace” community on here is nothing of the sort and is genuinely abominable - LGB had a robust enough class consciousness that even as the TQ has fought to erode their existence there’s at least a strong pushback. Meanwhile it was so early on that people who enjoy sex started saying they were ace, that actual asexual community building was annihilated before it could go anywhere or mean anything. There’s also the fact that asexuals really do not need political organizing - no desire to hold hands in public or engage in relationships means no marginalization to fight against. The worst things you can experience are pressure from family/friends/work, but that’s literally nothing, and pressure from men if you’re a woman, but that’s misogyny. If it hadn’t been destroyed by people who wanted to feel special in the stupidest possible way it could have had some value in normalizing people not needing to be in relationships, not just as something temporary but as a lifestyle, and as a way of in general fighting a culture that pressures women to say yes and fear saying no. …this got a bit tangential. Anyway while it is certainly a minority occurrence - is there a reason for the skepticism toward asexuality beyond the same issue that’s affecting everything, people who clearly aren’t ace destroying the meaning of the word?

I can't speak for everyone, but when I say it's rare, I mean that it's rare as a naturally innate orientation. asexuality would be no attraction ever, and can't be learned or gained and would never be possible for that person. I only think it's important to be pedantic about this when discussing orientation, so that the word orientation is understood in any context.

When it comes to any of the multiple reasons why people might see themselves as asexual because of external factors, I'm not interested in correcting them, not least of which not having sex is fine and even great! I'm not even interested in asking them to explore that and try to determine why they might be asexual, because it's their business and they don't owe me or anyone else anything, and I don't feel entitled to that. However, the line will stop if they choose to be openly homophobic or misogynistic, which I've seen. I think we're allowed to say "why do you think you can think like that? say that to me?" pretty much any time someone is being openly offensive.

I hope I'm being understood here. I hope people understand why it's important to say if you almost never feel sexual attraction except actually once in a blue moon you do and that attraction is always heterosexual, it's important to define that as heterosexuality as an orientation. Orientation is not a measure of how often you desire sex, but who you're attracted to, and in a homophobic society this matters a great deal.

Under no circumstance for any reason do I think anyone should be pressured to have sex, nor does sex need to happen to prove an identity to another person. Sex should only be had willingly and enthusiastically. And never having sex your entire life is more than okay, and I hope lots of women consider if that's actually something they want!

Thanks for the q