#conquering fears

[pot-black]

So I'm a big coaster fan, but I wasn't always that way. In fact for much of my childhood I had such an intense fear of them, that it would not be an exaggeration to call it a phobia. I'm talking a level of fear and avoidance to the degree that Little Me would not walk past the entrance to the queue line for a coaster, even just to retrieve loose articles of clothing that my parents or younger sister couldn't take on. Hell, when i was 15 or 16 I tried to get over my fear, and that ended with a panic attack that delayed dispatch so I could get off. This all started from one (technically three) event(s) that happened when I was 5 or 6, and then was reinforced by two (extremely unfortunate) events when I was 8.

So first, my family took a trip to Hersheypark. That is our home park, and I recommend it for the diversity of rides. I was tall for my age, and this year I was finally able to ride some of the big coasters, with an adult of course. Dad decided this would be a perfect time to introduce me. The ride he chose was the SooperdooperLooper, which despite its name, only has one loop.

It was the the parks first coaster with an inversion when it opened in 1977. It also was the East coast's first inverted coaster. Pretty tame, but it only has a lap bar, no shoulder restraints. By all means, a good coaster to introduce inversions to a young fan. Not the best one to introduce coasters to.

I did not like the look of it . I do not want to ride it. But Dad mistook my apprehensiveness as expected jitters. He thought all i needed to do was go for a round and then I'd be fine.

I came off the first ride in tears.

I did not like the G-forces. I had my eyes closed the whole time. The one time I opened them happened to be in the 15 seconds of the ride when the coaster was in a pitch black tunnel. But my sister and mom hadn't come back yet, and the line was short, and maybe if I went on it again I would understand there was nothing to fear, thought my dad. So we went on it two more times. After that I didn't ride anything for the rest of the day.

In 2006, Grandma died. We were all very sad, but she stipulated in her will that my siblings and I should be taken on a trip to Disneyworld, because she knew we had always wanted to go. Spoiling us to the end. We went for a week over new years at a resort in the park, The Grand Floridian. We also had a mulit-park pass. I actually began to open up here. Mom got me on the Seven dwarfs minetrain... and I LOVED it.

We also did the haunted mansion. I probably would have enjoyed it, if I had opened my eyes. I was the only one in my family looking at the ceiling in the portrait gallery preshow. the portraits on the walls stretch to reveal darkly humorous situations. then right before the doors open, the lights go out, and through the ceiling, actually a silkscreen, a hanging copse is seen laughing. That clocked me out, but the actual ride had not even begun. I was also a real scaredy cat as a kid.

So we went to Hollywood Studios, where I made two serious mistakes. First, to prove to my parents and younger sister (who had been telling me I had been overreacting with the Haunted mansion) that i was brave, I decided to ride the Tower of Terror. The preshow got to me again though, and the moment i saw the peppers ghost I closed my eyes. But what made matters worse was a serious misconception I had with the ride; it was not the same thing as Haunted Mansion. I did not know it was a drop tower, until we dropped. So that ended with tears in the gift shop.

But i decided to so something more relaxing as my second ride. my sister wanted to ride Rock n Roller Coaster, an inside coaster. Someone, (may have been my uncle) compared it to space mountain. My parents had separately tried to convince me to ride space mountain by telling me it was like the dwarfs minetrain, which i had enjoyed. So my logic was the rock n roller coaster was like the minetrain.

It was not. Rock n roller coaster is like space mountain in that both are inside coasters that take place in the dark. Rock n roller coaster is a launch coaster that goes from 0- 60 mph in under 3 seconds. The ride lasts for 80 seconds and has three inversions, and again, takes place in pitch dark. All to the tune of energetic Aerosmith music being pumped through your head rest. I had no idea until right before we boarded. I kept my eyes closed throughout. Man the waterworks poured after that. I did not do anything else at Hollywood studios. Think they may have brought me back to the hotel early.

Gradually over the years I got better in my fear. Knobels managed to eliminate my fear of wooden coasters. Apollo at Bush Gardens got me over noninverting steel coasters. Then I was 20, on a college trip back to Hersheypark. I had been psyching myself up by watching POV camera shots of coasters on Youtube. I asked my best friend to hold me to my commitment. I wanted to conquer inversions.

We went back to where it all began. SooperdooperLooper. there was a lot of hand wringing. he had to walk me down the aisle at times. I was kicking the ground like a horse, and went weak in the knees, trembling. But then we were in the car. then it was dispatched. up the lift hill, then over and down. Into the loop. I had my eyes open. I loved it. Haven't had any phobia since.

[alazarrr]

Truth.

[thefinalweightlossblog]

5.5 years ago, I challenged myself, faced my fears, and ran my first ever 10K. I’ve never been so proud of myself and the courage I summoned in that moment.

Today I realized that I have not been challenging myself in the same ways, mainly out of fear, but also because sitting out and hiding away has long been my main form of coping.

This time, instead of training for a race, I want to challenge my mental toughness in the final two months of the year. 2023 and 2024 were some of the worst years of my life. Truly. I want to fully leave them behind and never, ever look back.

No more ruminating over past events, no more obsessing over things/people that I cannot change, no more gaslighting myself into believing that things could have been any different. I have been carrying the guilt of others for a very long time now, and I am ready to put it down in 2024 and let it go forever.

No more overthinking and worrying and wasting my life away under an armor of fat meant to protect me. Life was scary for a long time, but I will fight with everything in my being to never live like that again. No more toxic people, no more one-sided relationships, no more unsafe environments. I deserve better.

I always did. 💖

[lifeinspiration4all]

Transforming Your Fear into a Beacon of Growth

Transforming Your Fear into a Beacon of Growth. Fear is an intrinsic part of the human experience. It’s a powerful emotion that can paralyze us, preventing us from taking risks and pursuing our dreams. However, fear doesn’t have to be a barrier. By changing our perspective, we can transform fear into a beacon of growth, guiding us toward new heights and helping us discover our true…

[sistersatan]

Trickin'

Today I went out for a ride on my skateboard.  I haven’t gotten out on my own for some time.  I thought it could help my agoraphobia as well.  I enjoy getting out and doing things when I can.  Satan Bless, honey.  🤘🏻😘

[wiltkingart]

"In the ruined lands of Old Humming Vale is it said a Fairy King once ruled cruel and unforgiving."

bonus cover art for another short story of mine, this one following a dewinged fairy's attempts to survive a viscous insect pit, even as they start to poke at (and burrow into) his warmest wettest holes.

Crystalline is the 2nd story in Mouth to Mouth to Mouth, an erotic transmasc horror collection, available on [itch.io].

[born-to-riot]

Cassian: Azriel, Two truths and a lie, who would you fuck if you had the chance?

Azriel: alright bet.

Rhys: Give us three names and we’ll guess which one is the lie.

Azriel: option one, Hybern’s headless corpse

Cassian: woah, woah, woah bro WHAT—

Azriel: option two, bryaxis

Rhys: Azriel what?

Cassian: HOW DARE YOU?

Azriel: and finally option three, Eris Vanserra.

Cassian: …

Rhys: …

Azriel: tell me brothers, which one is the lie?

Cassian: …

Rhys: …

Cassian: I…

Rhys: I think it’s better off if we don’t know.

Azriel: suit yourselves 🤷‍♀️

[somewhere-in-the-rain]

I think something that makes Violet and Xaden such a good couple is how completely deranged they are for each other. They have reached a level of down bad I just have not seen from another book couple in a while.

“He fell harder” is fun, but what about “he fell first, she threw herself over the edge after him”?

The extremes Violet and Xaden have shown they are willing to go for one another is what I love so much about them and their dynamic:

Xaden burst into her room and killed everyone threatening her without a second thought. Violet walked the Parapet in a dress just to talk to him. Xaden risked the secret about the rebellion and Aretia in order to save Violet’s life. Twice. Violet allowed herself to be tortured for five days to protect his secret. Both of them left their assigned posts to fly across the kingdom to get to the other. Violet was willing to die if it gave Xaden a chance to live. Xaden turned venin so Violet would survive.

they’re so insane for each other I just adore them

[trappedinafantasy37]

Sometimes I think about when Minthara first joins camp after you save her from Moonrise. She sits in her tent, alone at night, surrounded by strangers who she believes have every reason to kill her. She sits there paranoid, feeling that they will just kill her at any moment for any reason. You have earned a small sliver of her trust, but not completely. And she goes along with you and everyone because she really doesn't have much of a choice. And it's not like her fears are unfounded, some of the companions do state their reservations about her when she is first recruited (and one of the companions actually does want her dead if a certain datamine ever gets added to the game).

She only comes to completely trust you when you allow her to read your mind. But, it doesn't clear her of any paranoia with the other companions. She only trusts them because you trust them, and she trusts you.

In spite of this paranoia and fear, she is still willing to risk her life to protect them and save them from whatever trouble comes their way. Even if she won't admit it, she does care about all the companions in camp. Yes, even the wizard. But she feels that none of them will ever lift a finger for her and will let her die when she needs help the most.

One of the many reasons why Orin kidnapping her is so heartbreaking. Because ALL of the companions want to go and save her and get her back from Orin. And one of them is extremely outraged and pissed that Orin had the audacity to take her Minthara away from her. The one time the companions show unanimous love and support for Minthara, she isn't even there to hear it. If only she knew how much they wanted her back, she would probably stop being so paranoid of them.

And she attends the reunion party still thinking that nobody likes her and they all hang out without her. When in reality, they all love her. She is surrounded by people who love her, and she thinks they hate her and are still plotting to kill her. And it's all because she wasn't there to hear how much they do care about her.

[vorbarrsultana]

i finished rereading the first four vorkosigan books (+ "the flowers of vashnoi" because ekaterin!!!), and you really have to feel for piotr vorkosigan because what a nightmare life, truly.

imagine you are born just in time for your world to be unified by dorca vorbarra and rediscovered by people from wider galaxy. things are finally looking good, for the first time in 600 years of isolation there is no more feudal infighting, and the promise of galactic medicine and technologies being available lightens everyone's perspectives. sure, your grandpa is called count pierre "le sanguinaire", but who doesn't have terrible relatives?

then you are 15, and suddenly your planet is attacked by the aggressive eugenecist space empire hell-bent on subjugating your people and turning them into disposable material for unethical genetic experiments. you flee into the mountains, away from your family, and create guerrilla forces from locals sworn to your dad, and it's really terrible for a very long time. you have no high-tech weapons and no food, you sleep in a cave in the dead of winter, and the cetagandans try everything (from carpet bombing to chemical weapons) to murder you.

but hey, at least you now have your bff ezar vorbarra, and (from the bff's words on his deathbed) it sounds like you two had so much fun between unimaginable horrors and despair, and it's not surprising, since no one really believes in death after life at 20. then the emperor makes you a general at the tender age of 22. fortunately for him, you & bff make a frighteningly competent dream-team, and the joke's on cetagandans.

then, several years later, you ask the emperor for weapons, because you still sleep on the bare cave floor, there are little resources, and every ghem on the planet is trying to murder you. he offers you the hand of his granddaughter instead, like it's some sort of twisted fairytale, but you grow to love your olivia more than anything, and the tide of war is finally turning, and you allow yourself to entertain the idea of peaceful life, and then...

the space eugenecist empire nukes your hometown, killing your mom, dad, surviving brothers, and two hundred thousand of your people. plus your bff (ezar) gets a radiation doze large enough for it to cause severe cancer thirty years later. great.

but you win! your district is in shambles, your capital is an irradiated crater, your castle is in ruins, but you win! the old dorca dies, and yuri ascends the throne, but politicking is secondary to the fact that you are alive.

yes, you are probably not entirely sane, and you've long forgotten what the peaceful times look like, but you are alive, just under 35, and your entire life is ahead of you. olivia is alive too, and ezar, and you now have three wonderful children, and the extended vorpatril-vorbarra family that hosts regular get-togethers. sure, your mom-in-law is a betan with all sorts of crazy ideas in her head, but she is not pierre vorrutyer. small mercies.

but then the new emperor goes mad, and decides to murder your entire family overnight. your brothers-in-law are gone, one of your sisters-in-law too, and all your nephews and nieces except little padma. but all of this pales in comparison to the facts that olivia is murdered, and that your heir and daughter lay dead beside her.

all you have left of her, of your house, of the family you've lost in vashnoi not a ten years ago, is aral, whom you keep by your side throughout the bloody civil war to put your bff on the throne.

but you win again. you are 43, and ezar vorbarra is now the emperor. you are responsible for the imperium's entire ground forces. you are also responsible for a severely traumatized boy of 13, and the only children you've interacted with without olivia's genle guidance were little messengers of guerilla companies.

what a mess.

[neorhythm]

⛱️ Drinks by the ocean sound so relaxing 🍹✨

This was a submission for a Draw This In Your Style challenge over on Tweeter. I'm sure Scott is fine (probably lol)

[kerizaret]

Ok but can we just stop for a moment and admire just how brave Nene is?

We don't talk enough about the fact that she had to move houses as a child, change schools, make new friends... not even sure anyone would get along with her. She admits herself in the flashbacks in Mermaid Admiration how scary that was for her. Like stepping out of water into completely unknown land

And yet, Nene proves again and again that she's capable of overcoming these hurdles and situations that scare her. That she can work towards her dream despite the hesitation and challenges. That she doesn't want fear to control her life the way it used to ever again

She's scared of being alone in a new environment as a kid, but manages to make a friend in her neighbour. She's even the first one to indulge his ideas even if they're unusual to others

In fact, even after that failed show in middle school, she showed up for the next practice again, as if she wanted to apologise but try again – to correct her mistake – and I'm pretty sure it was the reactions everyone gave to that that discouraged her the most and ended with her eventually quitting

Nene's story is constantly about overcoming her fears to follow her dreams or live a life she wants, and be proud of herself. She decides to try acting with wxs, even if it's just as Robonene, because despite everything she still WANTS to be on the stage. She could refuse Rui's offer, tell him that it's no good and she'll just mess up again, but she TRIES. She's scared but she tries–

She tries and fails, and messes up again, and is once more faced with the consequences – but when Tsukasa comes back and apologises and tells her they want her back, she accepts immediately. And she really doesn't want to mess up again, she doesn't want her fears get the better of her – and she's already on stage by herself by the time they put on the show to get Rui back. She's back there for her friend, for this troupe, for this park, and most importantly for herself

And this just continues. Is Nene intimidated by Sakurako's skill and how she belittles Nene, but wants to prove her wrong and make their show a success. She's scared of coming up to Ichika and making friends and yet agrees to be her singing teacher. She's scared of being alone on stage and having to improvise until Rui fixes Robonene in Mermaid Admiration, and yet she sings. She's scared of staying on a deserted island, but agrees to act as a decoy for wild monkeys. She's scared of approaching Arcland members to ask for advice, but ends up doing it anyway. She's scared her singing will ruin the Happy Phoenix play, so she asks to be taught and trains, trains and trains until she knows she's ready

Nene, just like all of the wxs, won't settle for a subpar performance. She won't let her lack of ability and her mistakes scare her into inaction. And most importantly she's notoriously fighting her fear and not letting it stop her from what she wants. Just like her idol taught her

And isn't that so brave?

[massy2ly]

Bison and Fadel running into each other on the way back from their respective little trips, ENGAGED, instead of mourning their traitor boyfriends they’d initially set to kidnap and finish off in the middle of nowhere.

Meanwhile, Style and Kant who probably thought the next time they’d meet each other would be in front of the gates of Hell…

[pineboots]

we’re both losers, baby

[lemonwrap]

I dunno if you take asks, but your Merman!Ghost + Soap AU is just mmm and I got hit with inspiration-

---------

Imagine:

Dog!Soap, loving paddleboarding and surfing, loving feeling the sea breeze in his hair and ears, the ocean being his place to relax after long days. Suddenly, a huge wave hits him out of nowhere, dragging him under, fast and hard. He thinks it's the end. Until this sleek, beautiful creature, with eyes as dark and thick as the night sky, grasps him by the hand and drags him upwards to the surface.

Months go by, Soap can't look at the ocean anymore, but he always, somewhere in the back of his mind, yearns to go out to a pier and jump in, go diving for the beautiful creature that saved him. He wants to thank him, do something for him, like any dog would for someone who saved them from the brink of death.

Suddenly, the nearby aquarium offers a new exhibit, only described in vague words and blurry pictures.

Price and Gaz drag Soap along, knowing he needed to go somewhere, do something, get out of the house, to cheer him up a bit.

As they make their way through the crowd around the large glass aquarium, and get right to the glass, Soap sees the same eyes he saw that day in the ocean, just as deep and enrapturing as ever, staring right back at him.

----------

And ofc anything can be changed if you want to write it-

I have no focus really to write it full out, but I also really wanted to share it somewhere lol

Omg, omg.

Ghost doesn’t even seem to see the other visitors once he spots Soap. He just stares past all the people with those pitch black eyes, intense and unwavering with zero doubt that he saw Soap.

Even Gaz and Price notice the merman’s unusual reaction.

“He noticed you,” Gaz says, then playfully flicks one of Soap’s perked ears. “Think it’s the ears?”

“Shut up,” Soap says absentmindedly in response to Gaz, not paying much attention to anything but the merman. He doesn’t look sick, but he looks unhappy. The aquarium’s water is clean enough, but it’s small and overly bright with no place to hide from prying eyes and the occasional flashing of cameras. The merman seems agitated, too, swimming in tight circles and scowling whenever the glass is tapped but repeatedly looking back to Soap.

They’d arrived in the afternoon, so there’s less people than at opening and Soap has a chance to get up close to the glass. He can’t keep his tail from wagging, but it slows when the merman doesn’t look any happier at his proximity, just more desperate.

“He likes him!” a young girl exclaims when she sees the merman pressing his palms to the glass, clearly the first time he’s bothered to interact with anyone. More camera flashes go off, and the merman’s black eyes squint, irritated by the lights, but he keeps looking at Soap, miserable and longing.

Soap hasn’t been back to the ocean since he almost drowned, but can almost feel the salt of the water in his lungs and burning his throat.

The merman saved Soap’s life that day, and he vows that he’ll get the merman out somehow.