#connie has a panic attack >:{

[tsukishumai]

please tell me who’s ur dream blunt rotation and who’s ur nightmare

[ist4rgirlo]

─ 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 - 𝐜.𝐟 : 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Summary: Now that your life has turned upside down, are you still willing to put your siblings' feelings first? Or would you rather fight for your feelings and do what makes you happy regardless of the consequences that might result in the future?

Prev ; Next || Conrad Fisher x fem!reader || My blog

Warnings: S2 SPOILERS! swearing, fluff (lmk if i missed anything!)

SEQUEL TO BEFORE EVERYTHING HAPPENED.

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Steven’s Pov

“Conrad? man?” I called out for him — walking towards him, he was there standing near the shore with his phone in his hands.

“I’m okay, Steven” Conrad replied — his back still turned to me, shaking his head. “What’s happening man?” I asked, walking closer to him — genuinely concerned after seeing him stand up so abruptly earlier.

“Panic attack. I-I’m okay, i’m okay now” Conrad replied shaking his hand — like it was normal for him to have this kind of incident, like it happened to him before. “Okay, do-do you want to tell me what got you worked up or should we just pretend this didn’t happen?” I asked him — walking closer.

“I-I got into stanford” he turned around — his face filled with worry. My face started to lighten up “What? Are you serious?” I smiled.

“Yeah man, my mom has this fantasy about me finding myself in the west coast” He said, his voice filled with panic. My brows furrowed “Okay but Connie, this is a good thing. You’ve been dreaming about it, about getting into stanford”

“Well but it doesn’t make sense anymore you know. I-It… It’s just things are starting to get better with Jere and he’s going to Finch in the fall which is close to Brown so.” Conrad looked at me. I went and grabbed his shoulder gently “But.. but you don’t need to choose right this second okay? Just talk to him.”

He shook his head no “He doesn’t even know about it, he doesn’t know that I applied. Just please don’t tell him.” I just nodded then walked beside him patting his back — respecting his decision.

The things he would do for his brother, it was always him who puts his family above anything. It was his dream — to get into Stanford, it was also his mom’s dream, he wanted to go, it was a great opportunity but he can’t, he chose not to so fuck it I guess.

“Let’s go?” I asked — walking beside him. He looked at me and nodded before stopping, pulling his phone out “Oh and Steve” I turned around and stopped walking too.

“She’s coming” Conrad said — smiling gently, his eyes lighting up, handing me his phone. My brows furrowed — confused with who he was talking about. Who “she”? is, i looked at his phone then it all clicked, the only one who was missing.

“My sister?” I whispered — looking at my sister’s text that says ‘I’m coming tomorrow’. I looked at Conrad — he had a big smile on his face. He looks so happy, this means its true.

We’re finally complete. She’s finally here, my sister is finally here. God I could cry because of how happy I am. It’s been so long, i’m finally seeing her — we’re finally seeing her.

“Holy shit” I whispered under my breathe before going up to Conrad to hug him. Conrad chuckled “I’m glad she’s coming, we’re finally complete, Steve.” he pulled away and smiled.

“Omg let’s go, we need to fix her room!” I said giddily — jumping up and down before pulling Conrad with me towards the house.

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THE NEXT DAY

Conrad’s Pov

Today was the day — Y/N was coming. She finally answered. It was just me and Steven who knows, we didn’t tell the rest because we thought that it would be a good surprise. It wasn't just me and Jeremiah who didn't see her for so long, it was also her siblings.

There was her car, she's finally here - with us. I saw her hop out of her car, with a bag in her hand. I walked towards here - smiling gently. The moment she saw me, she smiled so big and walked towards me "Hi" she said, her voice so gentle.

God how I missed her. She was still so beautiful, so stunning. The one I have been waiting for. I reached out for her hand, she held mine back.

I smiled — looking at her in the eyes. "Hey there" she looked down, giggling softly. I missed that sound. God I missed everything about her, I missed my bestfriend.

I went and grabbed the bag from her hand and guided her inside the house to surprise everyone else. As we went inside the house, we saw Belly going down the stairs — as soon as she saw Y/N, she ran to her and hugged her. Steven came in to the view yelling Y/N’s name before joining his sisters.

"Oh you guys, I missed you so much. I am so so sorry for shutting you guys out, I just needed time for myself." Y/N said to her siblings. I can see that she loves them truly, she just didn't want to hurt them, that's all.

Jeremiah walked inside the living room, Taylor behind him — smiling as they saw Belly and Y/N hugging.

Belly pulled away — tears in her eyes, she shook her head no "No, I am so so sorry for getting mad at you. You were struggling too and I was too insensitive about it. I just.. it just looked like you were so strong so I guess I kind of got jealous about that but I understand, we understand so don't say sorry" she said before pulling Y/N again for a hug.

"Oh my cinderbelly. Stop crying! it's open house, we need to stop Aunt Julia." Y/N said giggling pulling away from both of them. She walked toward Jeremiah and hugged him before going to Taylor — hugging her too.

I went and walked beside her and guided her upstairs to her room. That was much better, her being here. Her going here, us being complete. This just made me want to fight for this house more, this just made me not want to give up.

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Y/n's Pov

It was definitely good to be back. As soon as I saw Conrad's text, I just had to go here and fight with them. I had to be there beside them.

There will always be a special place in my heart for this house, since it was also special to Susannah. We considered it our home and we will always consider it our home. It is our safe place, forever and always.

As I got done unpacking my stuff, I went down to the kitchen to get some food to eat — until I saw Aunt Julia with Skye. As I was about to go back upstairs, I heard Skye say "Oh, hey, Y/N. I see you're here too" they smiled at me.

I turned around and smiled back at them "Yeah, I just got here earlier" I nodded before walking towards the island “Also are those muffins?” I asked. Skye nodded offering me one but Aunt Julia cut me off.

“Oh those are for the open house” she paused “Morning” smiling gently. I nodded, I looked at the door seeing Jeremiah and Conrad walk in it. They just got done swimming.

“Hey, Jeremiah… Conrad” Skye said, both Conrad and Jeremiah just smiled. “Uhm how are you guys doing now, you know.. since your mom?” Skye asked the boys — their voice filled with worry.

Conrad looked at Jeremiah before answering “Rough” Jeremiah said then Conrad replied “Rougher now that our aunt is stealing our house” he looked — his eyes filled with no emotions.

Aunt Julia turned around — leaning on the table “I am not stealing anything, Conrad. Like it or not, I get to choose what happens and I chose to put it in the market” Aunt Julia said smiling at us sarcastically “You know, you guys should hit the road now, to avoid traffic” I looked at Conrad, waiting for his answer.

Conrad shook his head no “Sorry but we’re not leaving. We’re staying for the open house” he said before walking beside me. Aunt Julia shook her head no “Oh no no, I cant have teenagers laying around here during open house. You guys need to go somewhere else.”

“Just let us stay” I said — trying to convince Aunt Julia, she shook her head “I’m sorry, I don’t have time for this.” she said before walking away.

I just looked at Conrad — he smiled at me gently before guiding me towards the living room.

TIME SKIP

As I went down the stairs, I heard the doorbell ring. I went and walked towards the door to open it. There was a lady with folders in her hand “Hi, what can I do for you?” I asked. “Hello, I’m the realtor. I’m looking for Julia” she said — smiling.

“Oh for the open house?” she nodded — I paused trying to come up with an explanation. "So uhm, the open house has been cancelled. Our apologies, it is totally last minute." I smiled gently. She furrowed her brows, “Sorry but who are you?” she asked, genuinely confused with who I was.

Conrad went beside me — I felt him put an arm around my shoulder “She’s my girlfriend, and she’s right. The house is not for sale” In my confusion, I looked at him, unable to understand why he had called me his "girlfriend", completely forgetting that he was probably doing this just to give us some time “Conrad right? I’m so sorry about your mom” the lady said. Conrad was about to answer when we heard Aunt Julia yell

“Ignore them! the open house will still happen. There’s just a problem with the ac, but it’s not too big of a deal,” she said, walking between us.

The lady's brows furrowed “That is not a small problem Julia, it’s supposed to hit 95 today!” the lady said — Aunt Julia smiled before walking towards her and guiding her outside of the door. When Conrad closed the door, I heard him say, "Hey, I'm so sorry I called you that, I-" I went and patted him on the shoulder.

"It's fine, Connie. It's totally cool, don't worry about it." I said walking towards him — putting an arm around his waist while his arm is around my shoulder. He nodded smiling at me —smiling because it didn’t bother me, smiling because he heard that word again, the word ‘Connie’.

It felt good to call Conrad 'Connie' again. Being back like this felt so good, so unreal - normal and happy, but the word 'girlfriend' sounded much greater especially coming from him. I would say, it did give me butterflies.

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hi everyone!! sorry if it took me so long to update — i was just to tired and i kinda didnt know what to write next but here it is !! i’m sorry if theres mistakes here and there but i hope everyone likes it !!

lmk if you guys want to get tagged :)) lots of love !!

[chaotic-iguana]

Sleep

Summary: Reader suffers from lack of sleep, caused by a recent event. As she continues to overwork herself, she reaches her breaking point with near disastrous results. Starring concerned!steve murphy, chaotic idiot!steve murphy and clueless!reader. javi has my fucking heart though.

Pairing: Javier Peña x reader (no use of y/n though)

Rating: M

Wordcount: 2.2k 

Warnings: fluff, mild angst, sort of a panic attack, mild MILD allusions to someone being creepy (not javi though), mild flirting, humour, lots of swearing sorry

this is my first fic - let me know your thoughts! check me out on ao3

masterlist.

“I swear to fucking god Murphy, if you don’t stop bouncing your leg against the table, I’m slamming your head right into it” is the gospel that flows out of your mouth at 7 am on a Monday morning. Feels like it’s gonna be a great week.

“The hell did I do? You’d think Connie’s cookies would be enough to get you animals off my back, but no, first sign of any damn fire an’ the first person you’d throw in?” Steve huffs. “Murphy”, he repeats mockingly. You scoff and roll your eyes at him, clenching and unclenching your fists in an attempt to talk yourself down from strangling the idiot situated two feet to your left before turning back to the paperwork in front of you. The one-foot-tall, monster stack of paperwork. Right. In. Front. Of. You. And would the golden boys ever do it themselves? If they ever got a moment’s relief from jacking each other off during missions (or however the hell they manage to fumble practically every single little op), maybe. But most of the time, you were stuck with it. Because god forbid the two princesses you were partnered with ever had to so much as lift a pen themselves. Hell would freeze over.

And it isn’t like you mind. At all, really. Half your job is the paperwork, and you’re happy to get it in order - if only to avoid Noonan’s wrath. Besides, what good is an agent if they can’t do their fucking job? In its entirety; not the half-assed shit most of the men did around the embassy. But a single glimpse of yourself in the mirror while rushing to leave the house revealed that these past few weeks of skipping lunch breaks, going home late, and taking files home to work on have been catching up with you - sunken, bloodshot eyes, cracked lips, and bruises smudged under your eyes now, perpetually, since the nightmares had started. Anything to keep you busy, right?

Another aggravating side effect of the amount of work you had taken on apart from the usual? The constant irritation. Marlene’s new nails, Katie’s suspicious last lay, the stupid fucking demon alarm clock that never quite managed to wake you up, the busted tire, the broken coffee machine, Dave from accounting’s downright idiotic whistling, your pen running out of ink, and finally - Murphy’s bouncing knee banging the table every fucking millisecond, practically in tune with the pounding ache beginning to form between your brows. If you were a better person, you’d let these things go. Such is life, right? But since the lack of sleep, the increased workload and general mishappenings had already created this beautiful trifecta of shit just to screw you over, better people could go fuck themselves. As could Murphy. “Don’t use your wife’s cooking as an excuse. I’m telling you, make another sound and die.” you spit out, whirling in your chair because the incessant fucking banging still hasn’t stopped - just in time to catch Peña sauntering in, already smirking.

“Already nailing Murphy’s balls, cariño? Careful, I’ll fall in love, baby.” You can hear the laughter in his crooning voice as he throws it over his shoulder - but you don’t care - can’t care, beyond the spots that seem to be forming at the edges of your vision. Were your fingers always a bit tingly? Or is that a new development, like your tongue suddenly feeling thick and heavy in your mouth, like you’re choking on it? But even though your thoughts feel slow and weighed down by molasses, rage sparks brighter in your mind as Peña’s flirty nicknames and bullshit teasing registers. You push away from your desk, and shoot up from the chair, striding towards the door to get some air - or you try to - because before you know it, your vision is blinded by white and you’re breathing quick, shallow breaths as you lay on the ground trying to figure out what the fuck is happening. Distantly, you can hear someone calling your name but it sounds so far away you barely even register it. Hands wrap around your wrist, your head, attempting to stabilize you, to ground you, as you flail wildly in a panic. A low hum begins to fill your senses, forming words that sound to fuzzy to understand or care about right now, but you lean into it, something in your being telling you it’s safe.

When your sight clears, you’re curled up on the on the floor trembling. Shaking, like a scared fucking child, while Peña kneels to hold you to his chest, repeating the same few phrases over and over: “You’re okay, it’s okay hermosa. You’re safe. Safe. No ones gonna hurt you, it’s over now, okay?” as Murphy stands next to him, watching with panic and a hint of sympathy in his gaze. You scramble away from them both, panting, nearly slipping in your effort to get to your feet. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, pretty. You’re okay” Peña repeats his assurances with his hands held out, palms facing you, as you stand on wobbling knees, wiping at your face.

“‘M fine” is all you whisper to them hoarsely before ducking your head and rushing out of the pathetically cramped room you three work in. You can hear footsteps behind you, but can’t find it in you to turn around - not even at the panicked sounds of your name being called by a familiar voice. You’re making a scene, you know it, but you don’t care. It’s all too much, and you’re too far gone. Reaching the parking lot, you struggle to unlock your car as your trembling fingers drop the keys twice. Swearing, you resolve and pick them up again, pressing them and reaching for the door. But just before your fingers find the handle another hand - much, much larger than yours - splays out on the window to stop you, just as Peña’s signature bedhead comes into view. He looks at you with wide, concerned eyes, his mouth tucked low at the corners, like he’s disappointed. You want to melt, you do, because the melting pot of emotions you have for him make you preen at his worry - but your usual defense mechanisms humble you. And so you sharpen your claws, flash your fangs, and the hackles raise again, leaving a “What, Peña?” to come tumbling out in a tone so sharp it makes you flinch. HIs frown just deepens as his gaze rakes over your form frantically, as if checking for injury. He says nothing, pursing his lips further before snatching your wrist and tugging you behind him as he stalks to his car, opening the side door. You raise a brow at him, and he counters by jerking his head towards the car, scowling slightly. You get in, slightly confused, and wait for him to walk around and get into the drivers seat. “What the fuck, Peña? I just fainted, I’m not senile. And I don’t give a shit how mad you are, you can’t just-just drag me to your car and f-force me to get in. The fuck are you playing at?” you begin to ramble, fury somehow still rising at a dizzying speed. Peña doesn’t respond, just starts driving while looking straight ahead while you continue fumbling over a panicked rant so pathetic it sounds nonsensical to your own ears. “…And what? You just enjoy calling me s-stupid nicknames? You think it’s cute to flirt with me while I’m- while I pass out?” This one makes his nostrils flare, eyes darkening a bit while his jaw tightens just for a second before letting go. You pause for a second, getting your breath while your hands still shake in your lap. “I’m fine, it’s fine. Can I just go home please? I’ve already done the month’s paperwork for all the ops we have planned, and you can just give me the rest post-op. I’m just a bit under the weather, I just need to lie down for a bit.” you start trying to reason, but the stubborn ass just keeps driving, and alarm starts bubbling in your chest again. You look down to your lap while you fiddle with your thumbs, willing to control the irrational fear yelling at you that something’s wrong every second Peña chooses to stay silent.

“Think I was flirting with you while you passed out? Y’think I don’t see it, you working yourself to the fucking bone? Think I can’t see how you’ve stopped eating, honey? Stopped laughing like you used to? Think I don’t know how late you’ve starting going home? As ‘f I’ll ever stop waitin’ for ya to clock out first so I know you’re home okay, baby. You gotta tell me what’s wrong - this is eatin’ you up.“

Peña’s tone softens, but his harsh whisper makes you turn your head to look at him. He sounds so…tortured, as if he’s the one suffering. He glances your way, locking eyes with you for a second before turning his head back to the road. You sit there and practically gape at him, your jaw slack as your head whirls. Peña knows? No, wait, he waits? For you to go home so you’re safe? He cares? What the fuck? Confused, all that comes out of your mouth is a mighty elegant open-mouthed “huh?” before you blink at him, waiting for him to continue.

“You gotta know by now, sweetheart. Gotta see how I’ve been lookin’ at you. You’re the smartest fuckin’ agent I’ve seen, with the balls to take down men I’d sweat to be ‘n the same room with. You swear like a sailor, an’ make me laugh till I’m chokin’ on my own damn cigarette. Tell me what’s hurtin’ you, honey. I can’t promise I’ll fix it, but I can swear to you I’ll damn well try my best.” He responds, turning to hold your gaze as his own eyes widen, and his brows turn down. Puppy eyes, you think. 

Your brain has gone from hazy to too fucking clear in a matter of five minutes, and now it feels like your thoughts are gonna come ripping out of your head. So you just blink at him, again, before reaching an unsteady hand out to cup his cheek. “I’m okay, I swear. Just-you remember that deal I had to cut last month? With the sicario? For intel on that lab?” Peña nods, and you continue. “Fucker led me to a dead end. Ambushed me. O-only got out ‘cause his gun jammed, and his child-soldier ran away. I just-this is so fucking dumb I’ve been in worse but- I can’t get it out of my head. The shit he said to me, the way he looked at me, t-touched me. I should be dead or worse, Peña. And I nearly was.“ you look down again, ashamed of the truth that’s spilling out of your mouth. It’s so small, so weak, you just want to fold into yourself and never come out. Your voice wobbles towards the end, tears filling your eyes as you turn your head away from the man you’ve wanted for so long to save whatever dignity you still have left. “‘N I can’t sleep anymore. Just see- or feel him every time. So thought I’d work for a bit. Clearly didn’t fucking work out, though.” small hiccups have started to punctuate your words, testament to the tears now flowing down your cheeks. Peña pulls up to an unfamiliar building and turns to you.

“‘S Javi, honey. Look at me, pretty baby.” He cradles your chin between his thumb and his forefinger to turn your head towards him. “None of that was stupid, okay? Come lie down at my place. I’ll sit in a damn chair next to you and fight him away if he comes in your dreams, sweetheart, okay? Nothin’ to be ‘fraid of. Never letting any fuckers near you again.” Javi leans in to brush a kiss to your forehead before stepping out of the car and hooking his index and middle finger to beckon you too. You step out of the truck and towards him, smiling while swiping at your face. “Didn’t know this was what the girls meant every time they bragged about sleeping with you” you snark softly, with a teasing grin on your face as you reach him. Javi rolls his eyes playfully before unlocking the door.

“Ain’t gotta do no sleepin’ you don’t want to, honey. You’re here to get some rest. Be a good girl and sleep f’me, and I’ll keep you up for as long as you like after,” he  throws over his shoulder with a matching grin and a wink.

[kiss-me-muchoo]

𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞 || 𝐉𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐌𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ╰┈➤ 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐉𝐨𝐞𝐥, 𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐃𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭. 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝, 𝐃𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐲. 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐉𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐉𝐨𝐞𝐥’𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ╰┈➤𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊, 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤. 𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐄, 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦, 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐬𝐮𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞, 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐃𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐞, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐨 𝐁𝐄𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐄. 𝐒𝐀𝐃 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐒𝐔𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐱, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲/𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀/𝐍 ╰┈➤ 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭. NO PROOFREAD, upsi

✰ 𝙄𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙓 (𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚) (𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙢.𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙤)

♪ ♫ 𝙋𝙀𝘿𝙍𝙊 𝙋𝙇𝘼𝙔𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙏 (𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩)

「 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐲: 𝐑𝐞𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐦𝐞, 𝐈 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭 」  𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 6

(𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙗𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙚)

It feels eternal, like he’s never going to be able to recover. Everything feels like slow motion, heavy and unreal. But Joel swears he hears some singing. 

Distant hums and pieces of songs he can’t identify are there. 

Only that you are actually singing. 

You are biting your lower lip as you hum a Connie Francis’s song. It’s uncomfortable to wait. Ellie has been gone for at least two hours. You were close to stopping her from going out. But you failed. And when you tried to go with her, she said you needed to be with Joel. 

You knew she wanted to do more. She tried to be helpful and do as much as she could. 

Your hand finds its way down to Joel’s hair. Giving him a massage on his scalp and feeling his soft and greasy hair.  Honestly, you were tired. Sleeping on the floor, checking on Joel every hour, fearing his increasing infection. You brought a rabbit some days ago. And it made you sick to see his lifeless eyes judging you all the way to the abandoned house. 

But you remained strong. Hoping that all your efforts and sacrifices were worth it. 

The bang on the basement door startled you, making you find your gun and point it at the stairs. But after seeing Ellie, you lowered the weapon.

“What happened?” You asked, seeing her very hyperactive. “Ellie?…”

“I got penicillin…” she mumbled, looking lost. She handed you intramuscular penicillin. You gasped, surprised, taking the little bottle and the syringe. 

“Where did you get this?” she was avoiding your look. But finally, she met your eyes nervously.

“I traded it for a deer I shot. But… the men that attacked us in the university, they… were followers of the man I traded with” panic floods you, making you stand up like a spring. “What? Ellie!”

“And they let you go so easily? They will come and-….” Ellie shushes you, pointing at Joel, who barely moves. You sigh, lowering your voice and crossing your arms.

“You know it’s dangerous. They must be angry. Did they tell you anything? Are they far, or..?” Ellie shrugged, looking at Joel. It was becoming harder without him. It wasn’t that you couldn’t make decisions, but Joel was right most of the time. So you were nervously trying to think of the most viable solution for everything since he got ill.

“Uh… the man was David. He’s a preacher, and he has his group of people. He said they were… like 3 kilometers away from when we encountered” Ellie feels guilty for making you worry. She can see you quietly thinking, looking at Joel every ten seconds. 

“They’re a cult. Fuck. Me….” standing up, you analyze the penicillin the girl brought you. In your head, you’re already making a small plan. “We’re securing the basement at night. And tomorrow’s morning, we quietly leave, okay?”

Ellie nods, trying to avoid your look. 

“Now, help me with Joel. Put him on his left side, and lift his shirt, please” the girl obeyed and quietly waited for you to take the syringe with the penicillin. 

After cleaning his hip area, you softly press the needle on his skin. Joel doesn’t react to the touch, and he remains unconscious.

“Do you think it’s gonna work?” you nod at Ellie’s question. It’s not expired. The penicillin is fine. “Yeah, but… Joel has to do the other part.”

That night, you barely slept. You hold your gun and bow tightly, scared of those men coming for you and your family.

—

Another dose of penicillin and a kiss on the lips for Joel, and you’re out, helping Ellie to feed the horse. Both of you are quiet, working together without exchanging words. Until you spot a crowd of birds flying away from the woods. Instantly, you think about the men coming. Ellie looks at you worried, and cautiously, she walks out to see if anyone is close enough, then she returns hurried.

“Shit, shit, shit…” she huffs, walking back to the garage and untying the horse.

“They’re here. You go and stay with Joel. I’ll distract them…” you shake your head violently, taking her hands.

“I’m not leaving you alone. I’ll alert Joel, but I’m not leaving you…” she sighs but nods, knowing there’s no time to discuss it. 

You run inside the house, making it in time to take a knife out and kneel beside your partner.

“Joel. You have to stay awake. Some men are coming. I can’t leave Ellie alone.” You talk a little fast and violently. You are getting desperate, and you pray that the man in front of you can hear what you’re saying. “JOEL!.”

“Stay fucking awake. Be strong, my love.” trying to accommodate the knife in his hands, you rapidly kiss his cheek and stand to run upstairs again, taking your backpack in the way.

“Hurry!” Ellie tells you, waiting for you on the horse.

-

You forgot your bow and arrow. You missed two shots. And probably you broke your nose. Joel must be dead. Ellie is missing. Everything is over.

That’s all you can think while you’re unconscious. Even in that state, your head is preoccupied. 

Until you start to blink weakly, some lights blind your eyes, making you scrunch your face and stretch a little.

Your calf hurts. It burns. But before you can turn down to see something, a voice distracts you.

“It must be hard to deal with a girl like Ellie every day….” A man is standing beside you. You’re in some white room, dirty and full of suspicious instruments. You aren’t tied or cuffed. You’re just lying on a wooden table.

“Who the fuck are you?” you ask tiredly. Analyzing all of his movements, alert of anything. And wondering how he knows Ellie’s name.

“I’m David. The man Ellie encountered yesterday. Did the penicillin work?” His politeness is evil. You don’t have to know it. It just feels that way. And you also wonder why he left you free of anything. “Don’t be shy. I just want to know you….”

“Even if it did work, I bet he’s dead now….” David nods, crossing his arms, maybe pretending he’s interested. You want to believe that if you say Joel is dead, the men will stop looking for him.

“He’s your father too? Or perhaps your boyfriend?" He wasn’t judging you, but he was prying about it.

“He saved my life some time ago.” You manage to say. Shifting to a seat slowly, David is also cautious of your movements. So you decided right there that you must gain his trust to leave.

“But he did kill some of my men days ago…” you sigh. “Your people attacked first. So he defended… Ellie”

You also killed one of them too. But he didn’t need to know that. 

“Fair. Still, one was a father, the other… a brother. How do you think it’s going?” you shrug politely. “Pretty bad, I guess. I’m so sorry….”

You mean it. 

“Ah, there it is. I knew you were different from the little girl. You’re smart and quiet. You prefer to see the world burn from afar instead of living through it near, right?” he’s making you awkward. You don’t like him at all. It was like meeting the devil in person. 

“Maybe. However, what’s the deal with me? I prefer a quick death, please,” he giggles, and you think you are still in your clothes because David caressed your forearm, and it would’ve been disgusting if he touched your bare skin.

“No, dear. I’m going to save you again. I’m giving you another chance. I’m inviting you to make a good integration into my group. We’re all devoted and centralized.” you nod slowly, opting to make more time to run away and find Ellie. 

“Where’s Ellie?” David smiles, offering a hand to help you stand up. Awkwardly, you accept, and you confirm his touch is disgusting.

“She’s okay. She’ll meet with you for your initiation” goosebumps invaded you with the word initiation. It sounded like a ritual, and it scared you.

And as you follow David through the abandoned resort. You think of Joel and Ellie. They are not dead, and they are stronger and capable of sneaking out. However, you hope that they are finding a better way out.

__

The resort is mysteriously empty. Perfect for a horror movie. You quietly follow David through the large corridors. You can see from the big windows that you are on the second or third floor. 

“Here it is….” David knocks on a door, and some old woman answers, kindly smiling at the man. “Josephine. We have a new guest. She’s y/n and is willing to join us.”

“Oh, nice to meet you,” she greets you. And it’s weird because she gives you the feeling that only David knows their reality.

“Give her a nice dress for a warm initiation. I’ll stop by the dining room after I finish some issues” David turns to leave, but Josephine interrupts. “Did they find the family, sir?”

“Just the girl and the woman. I’ll talk to them later, and I’ll bring you any news so we can discuss it” David sends you a smile like he’s implying he’s got your back. Which scares you twice. 

“Come in, dear.” The woman lets you in. And you assume the room was like a big clothing shelter. It was filled with clothes and apparel. David probably organized most of the rooms for everyday things like food, clothes, health stuff, etc. “How did you find David? There’s not a lot of people near us.”

“I-I came from Boston with my husband and daughter. But… I lost them,” you manage to say honestly, with a lie. It fits, but it also hurts. Maybe Joel wasn’t your husband, or Ellie, your daughter. But somehow, you lost them when David’s men shot at the noble horse you had been taking.

“I’m sorry to hear that. But now you’re here, and we are a big family that takes care of each other” her tone is too kind to be real, or honest. So you try to send her the most real smile you can offer. 

“And... What is this initiation thing?” Josephine moves across the room. Looking into the drawers, she took out a baby pink tulle dress. It’s old, and if you weren’t in the same situation, you would’ve said the dress was pretty. 

“It’s just like a baptism. We eat, sing, and you get a blessing, that’s all.” She pulls away some strings from the dress and hands it to you. “Women tend to wear dresses like this for their initiation. Hope you like it….”

“It’s pretty….” you say, accepting it. Suddenly, you remember Ellie again. You can’t ask this woman. She could suspect. So you decide to get worried quietly.

“You can change in there. I’ll be right here,” she explains, pointing at some aquamarine door beside a pair of shelves full of different fabric types. 

After thanking her, you walk inside, hoping to see a window. To your dismay, there are no windows, just sewing material. Rapidly you look for something that could work to defend yourself. 

“Are you okay, dear?” The woman asks you, probably because you threw a little box full of needles. “Yes, sorry. I just threw a box by accident.”

Josephine says it’s nothing, and after that, another female voice is present. Sounds younger, and they are talking about their lack of food. Meanwhile, you start undressing because there’s no other option. As you take your boots and pants off, you feel that burning feeling in your calf again. And when you look at it, a shocked gasp leaves your mouth.

“Fucking piece of shit….” you whisper, trailing the zone. There’s a perfect little cut on your skin. They took an actual cube-shaped piece of your flesh. That’s why they were desperate for the deer Ellie killed, why the woman outside the room complained about the food. David feeds them with human flesh. All those materials and the wooden bed…

Quickly, you put the dress on and start looking desperately for a self-defense weapon. Wandering through the room, you found a big seam ripper. “Darling, let me see the dress.” 

Quietly, you try to hide the ripper in your underwear. But Josephine is coming, and your fingers are clumsy because you’re nervous.

“There you are. You look gorgeous….” you smile at her, leaving the room. The person you hear talking with Josephine is a girl around Ellie’s age or 16. She looks at you quietly. “Beatrice, this is y/n. She’s joining us.”

“Hello…” you greet awkwardly. She only nods, with her lips pressed on a line. She’s not happy…

“Okay, I’ll go for some new shoes. Stay here. Beatrice will make you company…” Josephine leaves, and you stand in the middle of the room. Holding the ripper tightly in your hand because you didn’t have time to hide it elsewhere.

Wandering across the room, you notice a big bow and arrows hanging from a wall. It’s wooden and indigenous style, super pretty. It must’ve been a decoration for the resort. But you know it works.

“Wow, this is super pretty. I wish I could take it….” you say softly, brushing the edges with your fingers.

“You know how to use it….” Beatrice says quietly. You turn to look at her blankly.

“You are the woman who traveled with a man and a girl.” oh, so Beatrice is a smart girl. You gulp quietly, holding the ripper like your life depended on it.

“One was my best friend’s father. And the one with an arrow in their throat was my brother. That’s why they found the girl, and David is protecting you….”

“Listen…” as you take a step forward, Beatrice stands up rapidly, her face changing and showing how mad she was.

“YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!” she screamed, pointing at you, and before you even blinked, she threw herself at you. 

The impact is inevitable. Your back meets the wooden floor, and you can only focus on the ripper. 

Beatrice slaps you, and the sudden sharp pain in your cheek enrages you. When she tries to suffocate you with her pale hands, you move a jar full of buttons toward you. But it’s effortless. The girl on top of you is trying to kill you. She curses you as she cries.

There’s evident panic in both of you. But somehow, you gasp and beg for air while attempting to fucking lift the jar. And once you do, you crash it on Beatrice’s skull, making her collapse beside you. All the buttons fall like rain above you. You know you’re not free yet. 

“Fucking, LET ME GO!” You yell when the girl holds your ankle. You push her, sobbing loudly, but somehow she can reincorporate and pull your hair, impeding you from going away. There are some silver scissors in her hand, which make you more anxious. There are high chances of getting out of the room alive, but you feel like you won’t succeed.

Everything is messy. The room is filled with horrendous screams. Beatrice acts as if some demon possessed her. You can’t see because she’s obstructing your face with your own hair. The sound of the scissors around your face is disturbing, and you wonder which is more powerful, your ripper or her scissors.

The ripper brushes her head, but you can’t see it. You’re scared and anxious, sweating from the desperation. 

What about Ellie? What if Joel is okay? You can’t simply give up. This is just a child, and you need to run. Even if you’re tired of being alive, you must keep going.

Finding some strength, you start a longer tussle. Where both of you scream and try to win. In an attack of rage, your hand slips from Beatrice's grasp.  And after shaking your hand around what you suppose is her face, you feel her crying in pain, finally letting you go.

Once you move your hair away, you look at what you've done. You destroyed her face with the ripper. She can’t open her eyes, and blood tears cover her cheeks. The traumatizing image makes you drop the ripper, gasping in horror and creating some nausea as you see the girl unconscious on the carpet. 

You’re not a killer. You are good, y/n.

Josephine suddenly enters the room, and after seeing the scene, she screams in horror. Dropping the box with some pair of shoes inside. Then she runs towards the girl and starts weeping loudly.

The doors lock from the outside. Run…

You don’t even think twice. You run outside and lock the door. Now you feel like you are in some horror movie. There are some emergency stairs at the end of the hallway, which you instantly decide to take. 

Even though nobody is behind you, you feel like something will start to follow you. Terror invades you, but calm hits you when you make it downstairs and open the door, and the only thing you can see is snow. 

Rare. Now shock greets you as you start to walk away from the resort.

Nothing can fit in your head, only that you’re not a killer. You’re innocent.

__

Joel can barely hold three backpacks, especially yours, since it’s the heaviest. He was relieved after finding Ellie, but you weren’t there.

So when he spotted you at the entrance of the woods, he screamed your name.

Ellie looked relieved, too, even when she was still in shock. 

As they walk closer, the man and the girl notice your messy braid, your hair looked like a mess, your face is slightly scratched, you have a dress stained with blood, you have no shoes, and you look very lost.

“Jesus…” Joel whispers, looking at you. And the first thing he does is pull you into a big hug. He thanks God you’re alive.

“We’re okay. It will be better, baby….” you feel him kissing your hair multiple times. “Now you’re safe. You’re with me.”

“I know…” you whisper back. When he lets you go, you turn to look at Ellie. She’s covered with Joel’s jacket, and she’s disheveled like you, with blood on her face. Both of you hold each other because you don’t need to speak to know you have done and seen life-changing things. And Joel knows it, too, because that’s how he felt many years ago.

__

There’s a cozy red House. With a half-full kitchen, a clean living room, and two bodies in decomposition lying in the garden (which Joel had to drag away). And the bathroom has a nice apple shampoo. A shampoo that Joel was using to wash your hair.

There’s a towel under you, making the experience in the tub better. With your hands around your knees, you sigh delighted as Joel massages your scalp. 

“Your hair was… chopped up,” his statement alerts you. What? Your hands reach the wet hair, and you feel the disengaged strands. “What?” 

Joel hears your little whimper, and instantly Joel stops you, preventing you from feeling the unevenness of your hair. “Do you want me to cut it evenly?”

You nod, sinking your face between your knees. Joel starts cutting your hair with some scissors And it feels okay. He makes you feel safe. It’s intimate, but the sound of the scissors reminds you of Beatrice. Joel feels immense sympathy for you. He’s tired of watching you suffer. He feels guilty about not being able to protect you more.

Rage invades you. All you do is keep losing something from your identity. But then, you think about Beatrice. “I left that girl blind, Joel. I don’t know if I killed her, but… her face. She was so mad. You should have seen it. The look in her eyes….”

“I know what you’re thinking. You’re not a killer, y/n.” His hands trail your shoulders and naked back. Joel’s sweet voice comforts you. “You’re the goodest woman I’ve ever met.”

The silence is satisfactory. The lights are off, only an old candle leaving a coconut scent. You killed your family; you killed that man in the university, and now this girl.

“How is your wound?” You ask him, hoping to break the ice and make the negative thoughts disappear. Because you wanted to hear him, you wanted a little normal moment with him.

“Better. But that’s not important right now…” he watches you lay your head on your arms, curling yourself into a little ball. He was done with your hair. He washed the strands over your neck and back with a cup and the tub of water. “It is important, Joel. I hope the penicillin worked.”

“Where did you get penicillin?” you sigh, and he knows that sharing that with him would lead to more. But he focuses on the new length of your hair, brushing your shoulders. “Ellie. She traded it for a deer she caught.”

“What?. She used the sniper?” You nod slowly. You won’t lie. Besides, it’ll show Joel that Ellie is capable of more things than he thought. 

“And the man was the leader of this macabre cult. Avenging the ones we encountered in the university,” Joel sighs once he finds the correlation between all the events. He wants to know why you ended up with the dress and no shoes. But he won’t push you, except for one thing.

“Did they…?” you know what he means. Instantly you shake your head. “No. Trust me, I would’ve known if there were some signs of it.”

Finally, he tells you to stand up. You do as he grabs a towel and starts wrapping you with it. Then he guides you to the mirror. He looks at your reflection, swiftly holding your arms.

“You look very pretty…” he tells you, making you chuckle briefly, now with a very short hair and clean face. “I’m sorry….”

“Why so?…” you ask curiously. Turning to face him. He looks tired. Even after showering, he put fresh bandages on his wound and decent food. His hair still looks messy, and he seems older than usual. However, you’re relieved he’s there, he’s alive, and he's okay. You still have him.

“For not being able to protect you as I wanted,” you sigh, your eyes watering at his look and words. Your hand brushes his beard, making him close his eyes. He’s also safe with you.

“Oh, Joel. All the shit we’ve been through is not your fault. Or mine or Ellie’s...” he nods, trying to convince himself.

“Once again, you saved my life. And you bathing me moments ago felt like the beginning. When I was sick, and I had no one to look after me,” his eyes were also teary. Both of you have come so far.

“I admire you, y/n. I admire you a lot” he rolls his eyes.

“And thanks, Joel. For the haircut and the bath,” he smiles again. Making it impossible not to kiss him. You didn’t kiss very often, but once you had a little privacy, Joel was more than happy to accept your lips. 

“It’s nothing. You said it, like the old times….” He was getting used to love now; being at the edge of dying, losing you, and more made him appreciate the importance of love. Also, to accept Ellie was an essential part of your and his life. He had seen you being a mother figure for her since the beginning. But now it was like you were her best friend. So he wasn’t surprised when Ellie preferred to talk about what happened in the resort with you. Maybe the girl would tell him later, but for now, he was okay with her having the trust to say to you.

“She wants some time alone. She said she would be at dinner” you read his mind, so he just nods. “Let’s rest a little. I want you to hold me….”

“I can do that…” he states in his low voice. He just needed to hold you because you only were safe with him and no one else.

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Taglist: @aonungs-tsahik @buckysmainhxe @amethystwonders11 @kyuupidwrites @bookfrog242 @acornacreacure @enbywan @ipadkidsworld @my-obsession-spn @happycupcakeenthusiast @thesameoldboo @spideysimpossiblegirl @tubble-wubble @flightlexsbird @randomstory56 @memento-mora @royalty-cashinout @ayamenimthiriel @eddies-bat-tattoos @kassieesworld @damnzelsoul @floffytofu @rintheemolion @coldheartedmar @rhyanna6012 @floralsightings @pedro-pascal-3nthusiast

Season ending for this series= PLOT TWIST

[ithebookhoarder]

Javier Peña req (and Steve as bestie). Y/n is their partner and is feeling extremely burnt out; running on empty, coffee, cigarettes and not much else. She’s barely sleeping or eating and constantly has a tight chest and racing heart. They both know something is up with her but she just shrugs it off until one day, Javi is out on a raid and she reaches her breaking point. Steve manages to get her home but can’t reach Javi until he gets back to the embassy etc. Also, please could you throw in a little Carrillo cause😍

Burned Out (Javier Peña x F!Reader)

A/N: I’ve missed Narcos and my DEA boys, so thank you for this prompt, whoever sent this in. I really appreciate it. I’ve been in a bit of a slump recently with writing for this blog, so it’s great to have something to focus on and pour myself in to - hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: Swearing, smoking, alcohol, reference to depressive / self destructive behaviour, description of a panic attack, mild smut, canon-typical violence, death, reference to drugs / overdosing. 

Masterlist

You knew exactly when it started. When you began to feel yourself beginning to sink downwards into the quicksand that was your life. 

It was a bad day… well, a worse day, if you were being honest, given that life in general in Bogota was hard and full of bad days that left you feeling numb inside. Whereas you were normally able to banish the darkness by spending time with the friends you had collected since your arrival to the city, not even Javi’s gentle kisses or Steve’s dirty jokes or Connie’s homemade deserts could do the trick. 

The day had been bad for many reasons.

One, you’d lost a contact with direct links to Escobar, that you’d spent weeks working on. 

Two, you had lost them in a drive-by shooting that had killed not only them but countless civilians too. 

Three, some of your asshole colleagues decided to spill coffee all over your files meaning you were forced to work late to re-type them up for a briefing the following morning. Even though you had got it done, you knew you had likely missed some details, the ink far too smudge to even begin to try and understand what had previously been written. 

However, that day had only been the start of it. The start of the downwards spiral you found yourself tumbling into. 

Sure, the others had noticed there was a change about you. Yet, it wasn’t as if they knew what was causing it or how to fix it. 

Javi especially knew what you were like - you were like him after all. Spilling your guts wasn’t your natural reaction to handling things. You kept your emotions bottled up inside of you, cramming more and more in, forcing that lid to remain firmly screwed in place even as the pressure began to build. 

And if the lid did threaten to pop off? Well then, you lost yourself in him. In the love that existed between you, and the intimate knowledge you shared of one another. After all, Javi had said it himself, “who needed therapy when you had sex and good whiskey?” 

A night of passionate fucking was all it took to take the edge off… to let a little pressure escape, delaying your inevitable eruption… But that was just it; you would erupt. It was inevitable. There was no way on earth you could sustain the relentless routine of long hours spent at work, with coffee doing its best to act as a replacement for your bed. 

Hell, you could feel the toll it was taking on you both mentally and physically, from the way your hands shook slightly, to the way your chest felt too tight to breathe sometimes. Then there was the fact your clothes were starting to get baggy, whereas they’d once clung to your frame like they’d been tailored for you. 

“Here,” Javi had smiled one afternoon. You could smell the sandwich in his hand before he even set it down on the desk in front of you, accompanied by a packet of chips and a can of your favourite soda. “Grabbed that for you on our way back. Figured you’d forget lunch - again.” 

A weak smile tugged at the corner of your lips at the kind gesture. “Thanks, Javi.” 

“Anytime, hermosa.” He said it so calmly and easily that you felt your heart skip a beat as you realised how lucky you were to have someone who cared about you so deeply. It was why you made sure to tear a corner off of the sandwich and pop it in your mouth. 

The relieved nod Javi granted you told you it was the reaction he’d been waiting for, as he took a step back to let you finish eating and working in peace. 

You knew he’d be back to check you’d finished it in a matter of minutes. So, you were quick to chuck the rest of his lunch in the waste paper bin behind you, burying it further under a pile of discarded documents you’d already finished looking through. 

It was fine. You’d eat later. Maybe you’d even try and cook dinner for you and Javi… an apology for being so distant lately… 

Somehow, despite lacking the gift of prophecy, you knew deep down that that was unlikely to happen. Just as you knew it was unlikely Javi would even make it home tonight. For the last week straight, both he and Steve had been called out on some last minute, late night errands by Carillo - not that you minded all that much. 

Not having Javi’s arms to fall into meant you felt less guilty about working late yourself. About only making it back to your empty apartment long enough for a quick shower and a power nap each night. 

It was ironic to think of Carillo, though, given that your brief conversations with the Colonel in question had been the closest you’d come to finally releasing some of the hurt and the pain inside of you. 

You didn't know what it was about him, but somehow, the Colonel had an ability to draw you out. To make you open up and share things you would never otherwise dream of. 

Maybe it was his candour? You’d noticed that about him since you'd started working together; he had a blunt demeanour, saying what he thought regardless of the affect it could have on another person. 

Now, it wasn't done with malice, per say, but rather as the result of a man who had the weight of an entire army on his shoulders and an impossible task. He just didn't have the time to bullshit anyone - especially when you both lived in a city full of people all too willing to lie and cheat. 

It also came from a weird sense of respect, of seeing people as equals, deserving of the truth just as he expected the same in return. No matter how painful it may be.

Needless to say, it was one of the reasons you'd grown to respect the man - and dare you even say, like. 

Still, when he decided to loiter on the other side of your desk, late one night, you felt yourself stiffen, as if suddenly all too aware of every little gesture your body made and what it gave away.

The Colonel missed nothing.  

“You look like shit.”

Wow. Don’t beat around the bush. 

“Jeez, your wife married a charmer, Colonel,” you scoffed, dragging on your cigarette, sparing him a fleeting glance. “Speaking of, doesn’t she want you back home? Or do you prefer my company that much that you’d rather stand at my desk at 11 o’clock at night?” 

“She’s out of the city, visiting her parents,” he rebuffed, clearly not taking the bait as he dropped into the empty seat opposite. In fact, he decided to reach across and steal one of the cigarettes from the packet on your desk, lighting it for himself in a gesture that made it clear he wasn’t going anywhere for now.  

“Good for her.”

“Yes, it is. I think time away from this place is good for everyone.” 

You could feel the accusation lacing his words, as well as the heat from his continuous stare. “Then why didn’t you go with her? Not enough vacation days?” 

He scoffed, a bitter smirk twisting his lips upwards. “You’re funny; I can see why Peña likes you so much. Like calls to like, as they say, even if you try and hide it behind that smile of yours.” 

You bit back a laugh. “What can I say? I lucked out in that department and got my Mom’s smile. My sister was not so fortunate. She always had my dad’s features - meaning she looked more often than not like she was sucking on a lemon.” 

“This is the sister that died from an overdose, correct?”

“Yes.” 

“The anniversary is this week, is it not?” 

He asked it so calmly and casually that anyone would have thought he’d asked you what the weather was like outside, or what your favourite record to listen to was. 

At least his concern now made sense. It was the kind of detail he would remember, and you were honestly more surprised by the fact it had taken until now for him to bring it up. 

He’d probably been itching to ask you about it all day, aware of the date even if your two partners were not. Well, they might have been, but neither had said anything which was your preference if you were being honest. Hence your rapidly cooling demeanour towards your colleague. 

“I’m fine, if that’s what you're trying to fish about for, Colonel,” you sighed, staring back down at your desk again in an attempt to dismiss him. “You don't have to worry about me. I’m good. Thanks. So can I get back to work in peace? Or did you have some other question for me?” 

Carillo sighed, simply choosing to smoke his cigarette, letting the tension linger along with the steadily growing haze around you both. 

He didn't need to say the words aloud; his actions did all the talking for him as he reached over and helped himself to a file off of you desk. 

He didn't buy this ‘calm, cool, and collected’ act you were pedalling. Not for a second - something his stare alone gave away, even if he refused to say it. Instead, he chose to read, and work, and smoke along side you so that you would not be alone. 

He had his eyes on you... watching and waiting for the moment that your carefully constructed walls came crashing down... the only question was would they crush you in the process?

It was about a month later that the inevitable happened; that you finally hit rock bottom. 

It had just been a causal remark that did it, of all things. A casual remark that sent you tipping over the edge. 

You had just returned from lunch and hadn’t even sat back down at your desk yet when you noticed that someone was missing.  

“Yo, Steve?” you queried, quickly glancing up at the empty seat next to you. “Where did Javi go?” 

Now, you couldn't be a hundred percent certain what Steve said next but you knew he’d said something about Carillo, a lead, and a raid ... 

“What?”

“I said, Javier went with him,” Steve repeated, staring at you with growing concern. You realised he must have already repeated himself. “What? Why? What is it?” 

“Javi went too? He… he’s there? On that raid?” 

“Yes, y/n, that’s what I just said - hey! Where you going?” 

You didn’t even realise your feet had started moving, not until you heard Steve’s confusion as he yelled after you. 

But you didn't stop.

You couldn’t stop, not until you were outside - not until you were far enough from that place that you could actually stop and fucking breathe. 

When did it become so hard to breathe? 

When had the room become so small? 

Why did your mind suddenly feel the need to go to the darkest place possible? 

It was just a raid... one of hundreds Javi had gone on since arriving here in the country, just as you had also gone on your fair share. So why was your head suddenly picturing him... lying there... injured, or worse... dead. 

The number of bodies you’d stared at, lying in the streets in a macabre tableau that had become all too familiar by now - all part of this fucking job. A job you signed up for, hoping to vanquish the bastards who had taken so much from you and those you loved… yet, every day, it seemed you had failed as more and more innocent people suffered… and to think, that Javi - the man you loved more than anything - who you had neglected terribly to the point you couldn't actually remember the last time you’d woken up next to each other - could be amongst them… 

It brought you to your knees. 

“Whoah, y/n. Easy. What’s wrong?” 

Steve’s voice sounded distant, as if you have been submerged beneath water. Yet, you could tell he was beside you, dropping down onto the kerb before hauling you close. The warmth of his touch was enough to tether you to him, to reality, as everything around you seemed to spin in dizzying circles.

You could feel it as his hands rose, cupping your cheeks, turning your head and trying to get you to look at him. 

When you finally did, he could see immediately that your eyes were glassy, like you weren’t really seeing or hearing him. 

He knew that look. 

“Y/N,” Steve murmured in a soothing voice. “Y/N, look at me. Look at me.” 

He paused, waiting until your eyes trained themselves on his face, some of the cloudiness starting to dissipate. 

“Good, that’s good. Now breathe. Just breathe,” he instructed, taking a few deep breaths himself to show you how.

It took you a moment or two, but you eventually became fully aware of your surroundings and what your friend was telling you to do. 

Following his lead, you took a few shuddering breaths, then a few more. You kept breathing until you could feel the racing of your heart slow and the fear that had felt crippling just moments before begin to ease.

You were exhausted.

Wiping at your face, you tried to banish the tears that had left a salty trail burning down your cheek.

Steve doesn't say anything for a long minute, instead choosing to pull you into his side and light up a cigarette, which he was quick to offer you.

“T... thank you.”

You sat like that for a while... just watching people and cars passing by, smoking like two people on a perfectly ordinary break.

No one bothered to stop and ask you two questions. Hell, no one even shot a glance in your direction, everyone too busy with their own business to stop and give a shit about yours.

So you sat. 

And smoked. 

And said nothing... not until the cigarette was nothing more than a stub.

Steve was quick to take it from you, before it could burn your fingers. Tossing it aside, it had clearly served its purpose. 

He stood and offered you a hand. 

His face left no room for debate as he stated calmly, “Come on, I’m taking you home. Now.” 

“Come on. A couple more steps, Y/N,” Steve urged, guiding you up the stairs to your apartment. 

His hand was warm, firm even, as it pressed against your lower back. 

He’d been like this since the moment you’d left the embassy, steering you and hovering over you like he expected you to simply topple over at the slightest breeze. 

It was touching, yet irritating all at once - a sentiment you were too busy trying to put one foot in front of the other to even attempt to unpack. You were also just too goddamn tired. 

“Here we are.” Steve’s words startled you. “Home sweet home.” 

You didn’t remember giving him the keys, but you must have as he opened the door a second later and herded you inside. 

There was emotion in your throat - threatening to spill from you. You were holding on by a thread and he knew it. Just as Carillo knew it, and possibly Connie too - 

Wait, Connie?

You blinked as you realised that at some point the woman had also entered your home, most likely having been summoned by Steve on the drive home. 

You wanted to feel guilty at the thought of her being dragged into your mess, but you were honestly too tired to feel anything other than grateful as she hurried over to you, offering you a cup of what you assumed was tea, as well as two pills. 

To help take the edge off, she explained, urging you to take them. Doctor’s orders. 

It was impossible to miss the way that they were both staring at each other - sharing anxious glances as you swallowed the tablets and dutifully sipped the tea. 

They were worried about you. Hell, you were worried about you, and Javi, and Steve, and everyone else you loved and cared about - that was what had got you in this mess in the first place. 

Damn it.

You heard them say as much as you marched yourself to your bedroom, claiming you were going to try and get some rest whilst you waited for news. 

If they bought it, you couldn’t tell, but neither protested as you left them. 

They simply let you go, allowing you the space and privacy to crawl into your bedroom, bury yourself in the unmade sheets, and lie down for a while. The medication had clearly started to work as you felt heavy... tired... 

Lying there, you could hear their voices... faint murmurs drifting down the hall. 

You caught only snippets as they tried and failed to keep their voices down, just as your parents had once done when you were just a kid. Still, despite their efforts, you caught enough to know that there was still no word from Javi, or about the raid he went on. 

“-called Javi- no reply.”

“Carillo - try again -”

“-worried about her - stressed.” 

Eventually, the words began to fade away, replaced instead by your body's sudden need to sleep. It was pointless to fight the drugs now in your system, or the comfort of being wrapped in the bed sheets that still smelled of Javi... not even you were strong enough to fight it as you felt yourself drifting off into sweet oblivion.

"Sweetheart?"

You must have still been dreaming - that was the thought that crossed your mind as you swore you heard Javi's voice.

"Javi?" you moaned, fighting against the grogginess that greeted you as you tried to open your eyes.

Despite the fact it was clearly now dark out, you could easily make out the face in front of you, illuminated from behind by the bedside lamp. The sight was almost angelic - as if some divine being had deigned to answer your prayers and return the love of your life back in to your arms.

“It's ok, I'm here, sweetheart,” Javi purred again, brushing your hair back behind your ear and pulling you close. “I’m right here, ok? In one piece - promise. The raid went off without a hitch. Even snagged ourselves a new asset for you to take a crack at.”

Your eyes shimmered with tears as you quickly burrowed into his chest. You didn't really hear what he was saying, too busy focusing on the fact that he was here to say it at all - here - alive - in your arms. 

The reality hit you as you began to let it pour out of you: how relieved you were, how much you loved him. You also grumbled something about fucking telling you when he next decided to run off on a raid without so much as 'goodbye' - else you’d shoot him yourself. 

“I’m sorry, carino. I am.”

And you believed him. 

"I love you, Javi. So much."

"I love you too," he purred, "and I'm so sorry, I knew you were struggling, but when Steve told me-"

He didn't get to finish whatever the hell he'd been about to say. You didn't let him.

Instead, your lips surged hungrily towards his and as only Javi could, he kissed you back, soft and slow... as if desperate to reassure you through actions alone.

You felt him chuckle into your mouth as you grew impatient, grinding your hips against him in a silent plea for him to fill you. To join you. To bury himself, and the day you'd both had, in a moment of bliss.  

It was a special kind of neediness, reserved for just him, and one that was only sated once he had fully joined with you, as one being. Safe. Whole.

Yes, in an ideal world he would have waited until after talking to you to lose himself in such a way. After all, Steve and Connie had filled him in on the troubling turn of events that his absence today had triggered - and he'd be lying if he said the idea didn't scare him shitless, that you had broken down so completely...

He could only thank God that Steve had been there for you - especially when he couldn't be himself.

But he was here now... and you had time to start trying to make sense of this mess. Together. Carillo had assured him of that, informing him in no uncertain terms that you both had the next few days off from work. He didn't want to see either one of you back in the office until you'd begun to sort through the mountain of shit you were buried under.

So, yes. If you wanted to lose yourself for tonight, to use him to forget the world outside for a perfect moment, then he was only too happy to oblige.

He’d wait until the morning to have a proper conversation. 

He’d go down and whip you up some breakfast before trying to get you to open up to him about everything that had happened today… about the worries and concerns you’d been keeping locked away inside of you. 

Then, after you’d fallen in to pieces in his arms, he could try and start to put you back together again. As a team.

[mvltisstuff]

plz do some conrad head cannons i loved ur cam ones🙏🙏🙏

hc’s for conrad!!

babe

anyway

i feel like conrad would be a little tough to crack open at first, like he’d open up slowly but surely

once he does, he adores when people genuinely listen to him and help him process

when he feels comfortable, if he has a panic attack, he knows he can go to you for comfort and he doesn’t have to be afraid

if you’re anxious, he’s def the type of guy to hold you until you calm down, and then talk about it if you still want to

before susannah’s death, she always noticed his smile get bigger when he was with you and it always reappeared after her death

i feel like bro def would get a good therapist (someone get him one ‼️)

he pretends to hate the nickname connie but secretly loves it whenever you say it

gets turned on by the most random things, even if they’re little

i know him and jere have their little moments but i feel like he’d genuinely do anything for his little brother

keep in mind i haven’t read the books so i’m not fully sure what happens 😭 i know some major plot points but no details really

if you get insecure, he always slyly shoots out little compliments and makes sure other people say you look amazing (you do)

he’s usually civil, but the second someone says something to you, it’s game over

FUCKS UP mario kart wii and had to finish jeremiah’s laps for him when they were younger

wants to call people his best friend, but isn’t sure if he’s theirs (same)

i think once he learns how to properly communicate (no hate), he would have a really good relationship with you

if you argue about something, he stays up all night thinking about it in fear of losing you. even if he thinks he’s right, he’ll try and make it up to you

bro i know the fishers grew up drinking milk with dinner every. single. night.

i feel like he would be cold a lot (idk why) but he always curls up more to you if he does

definitely active on twitter and always retweets the weird, funny tweets (or x i guess, kiss my ass elon!)

whenever he’s soaking wet, it’s a must that he runs up to you and shakes his hair and pecks your cheek (cannon???)

bro has a blankie idc (this is me projecting)

this is so mean but he 100% scared susannah whenever she walked into a room (probably before being diagnosed again 💀)

has a private story that he NEVER uses unless it’s to post embarrassing pics of everyone else

made his snap username something so humiliating and shut down whenever someone mentioned it

cried tears of joy when the update came out where you could change it

i tried to add a few silly ones in there, but i hope you enjoy these <3

[toadontoadstool]

They try to take something and you put it in your bra

Characters: Eren Yaeger, Levi Ackerman, Jean Kirschtein, Armin Arlert, Connie Springer

Warnings: None, but if you don't have breasts or have small ones just pretend for this (☞ ᐛ )☞

Notes: This is the first bit of fan fiction I've ever written (other than some wattpad stories when I was 15 lol) so enjoy and please excuse any mistakes or bad writing. (*´∇`)ﾉ

Also this is a reader insert but y/n isn't used.

Eren Yaeger

You were sitting on the couch just trying to relax and read a book when Eren has to go and ruin your tranquility. He has a small bouncy ball and is throwing it against the wall which is making a very annoying banging noise.

"Can you stop?" You ask your annoyance clear in your voice. "Why, I'm not doing anything wrong." he says nonchalantly. "But you're making a noise and it's distracting me."

He continues to throw the bouncy ball against the wall.

"Could you maybe do that somewhere else?" He stops and pretends to think for a moment. "Nah, this is the perfect wall for bouncing a ball. You can go read somewhere else." You sit up straighter in your chair. "I was here first." You say but he just ignores you.

"Fine then." You stand up and walk over to him. He pauses for a moment looking at you, confused as to what you're doing. When he throws the ball again you catch it and go sit back down. "Hey, give that back." He says trying to take it from you.

"Nope. I asked you nicely to stop or go somewhere else but you insisted on continuing to annoy me." You say as you put the bouncy ball between your breasts and in your bra.

"Unbelievable." Eren rolls his eyes and walks away with a slight blush on his face to go find something else to do.

Levi Ackerman

"Alright, give it here." Levi says holding his hand out for you to give him the button that had fallen off of his shirt. You have no interest in keeping his button but decide to play around with him a little. "No thanks. I think I'm gonna keep it." you say holding the button up and inspecting it pretending that it's an extremely interesting item.

"What? Why on earth would you want to keep it? It's a button, MY button to be exact." He tries to take the button away from you but you quickly dash away and start running circles around his desk with him chasing you. (Yk just like when your older sibling chase's you and you're running for your life)

Eventually he gets tired of your little game and just hops over the desk. You stop dead in your tracks almost having a heart attack.

"Hand it over." he says with an unamused expression. In a moment of panic and with the fact that you don't want to surrender you stick the button between your breasts and safely into your bra.

He lifts up an eyebrow and stares at you in disbelief. "Seriously? That's extremely immature of you." he says looking away as his cheeks are dusted with a slight pink. "I'll just use a spare button." He grumbles going to fix his shirt.

Congratulations! You actually beat him and got to keep his button, which is basically useless to you.

Jean Kirschtein

"Give that to me." Jean says while trying to grab a small piece of paper from you with a horrible looking drawing of him on it.

"No way!" You say running away from him as he chases after you trying to grab it. You giggle as you run away but you get so distracted that you accidentally end up cornering yourself.

You turn around quickly to see Jean looming over you. "Gotcha" he says reaching for the paper and in a moment of quick thinking you shove the drawing down between your breasts. He freezes and stares at you while his face starts turning red.

"Ha, try getting it now!" You say with a proud look on your face. Jean glares at you and turns away mumbling how he's gonna get payback later.

Armin Arlert

It's a rainy day and you're sitting inside bored out of your mind. You see Armin sitting in the corner of the room scribbling something down on a piece of paper. You decide to go see what he's up to since you have nothing better to do.

"Hey Armin, what are you doing?" He jumps a little at your unexpected presence. "Oh nothing. I'm just writing a poem." he says shyly. "Can I read it?" You ask putting your hands together pleadingly. "It's... not really that good." he says rolling his pencil between his fingers.

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad!" You lean over and take the piece of paper from him. "Wait" he says "it's not finished yet" he tries to take it back. "Just let me read what you've done so far." You say holding the paper away from him.

"No, wait, please" he says reaching for the paper again. You quickly put the piece of paper between your boobs and cross your arms. "Why don't you want me to read it?" you pout at him.

Armin freezes up and his face goes as red as a tomatoe. "I- uh uhm..." He looks down at his feet with embarrassment. "I'll let you read it when I'm done. I promise." He looks at you with a pleading look. "Alright" you sigh out while handing him back the piece of paper.

"Thank you." He says and goes back to his corner still a bit flustered.

(The poem he was writing may or may not have been a love poem 😉)

Connie Springer

You were walking in the streets with Connie when he spotted a coin on the floor. "Oh yeah, jackpot!" he happily exclaims as he bends down to grab it when you suddenly swoop in and snatch it off the ground. "Thanks" you say with a cheeky grin. "I spotted it first it's mine!" he says trying to grab the coin from you. "Finders keepers!" you tauntingly say waving the coin around before dashing off with it.

"Exactly I found it!" He yells running after you.

You eventually get tired from all the running that you stop. You're now standing face to face with Connie and it looks like something from one of those cowboy movies. He wiggles his fingers at his sides as you both glare at each other. If this were a movie there would definitely be that classic showdown music playing.

He lunges forward to grab the coin but you dodge him and quickly tuck the coin safely into your bra. "What!? That's not fair!" he yells face heating up from embarrassment. You shrug your shoulders and walk away with a satisfied smirk on your face.

I hope my writing wasn't too bad. My requests are open if you want me to write anything. Also I might make a part 2 to this with other character if it does well. (´^ω^`)

[oncillamoltres]

actually looking back at the archive i'm. not sure how much it got onto tumblr that connie's been a complete wreck this weekend. most of it was either on discord or like? vaguely implied? for like the first time in the history of lovenpeace-pkmn i've actually managed to get anthea to talk more about her feelings than concordia???

anyway. what's been going on is:

somewhere around Friday Nictoria @/ariadosanon had that video posted of her brutally murdering some Rocket's pokemon. Connie, veteran of last time Nic was on Rotomblr, was planning to just scroll past and ignore it, but it ended up becoming a major topic of discussion on the Taskforce Distortion Gliscord server. this was not great for Connie's mental health

literally the next day @/cherrytree-irl N was hospitalized by a hydreigon. neither Anthea nor Concordia took this well (a); Connie, who has herself been attacked by hydreigon, spent most of the day offline trying not to have panic attacks.

however she did ask the Taskforce server if they could keep discussion of Nic's crimes to the vent channels, which was very brave of her because she's bad at asking for what she needs and also more intimidated by Lynda than she lets on.

Sunday Connie made a concerted effort to Stay Home and Do Something Fun With Her Kid to like. recalibrate her nervous system. unfortunately Anthea ended up pissed off enough about some things Byrd @/swellowmypride said in the Taskforce gliscord that she ended up like. actually venting her frustrations for once. including the thoughts on Connie's self-hatred that she's been biting back.

I'm really happy there was an opportunity to throw that in actually Anthea's been quietly bothered by that for ages now

anyway. A+C apologized to each other offscreen (this is hardly their first argument) and have been trying to like. calm down and focus on normal and silly stuff. I was gonna have Connie call in sick from work on Monday but I forgot it was Labor Day and it would. be kind of silly to do that on Labor Day.

so the reason Anthea was surprised by that anon asking if she was okay was that from her perspective, Connie's been having PTSD flashbacks all weekend and then got yelled at by her sister, whereas she got mad about something and has since mostly calmed down and even kind of feels better for actually expressing her emotions instead of bottling them up, so why would she be the one who's not okay?

but like. very little of that actually got onto the page. so.

pro tip: don't pick a roleplay character who hates talking about their feelings.

[celesteleoves]

“NO, I SAID, WHAT KIND OF BIRD ARE YOU?”

eren yeager x fem! reader

summary: y/n has constantly been in the shadow of her best friend, but at a party she is finally noticed.

warnings: mentions of anxiety,, insecurities, fighting (with family, etc! brief mentions)

a/n: this is heavily inspired by a scene in moonrise kingdom! enjoy

-

you have been leaning on a wall for thirty minutes listening to hitch chatting off your friend groups ears about her new Dior items that her mom bought for her, turning to you every now and then, comparing your outfits and your flaws as you awkwardly laughed and shrugged it off.

hitch has always tried to make you reside in her shadow. she was the definition of a mean, spoiled, popular girl and her nickname was, “bitch” which in your opinion, was hilarious and suited her quite well. it was a common joke throughout your friend group.

hitch met you in your freshman year. she was a complete loner and so were you but not as bad as she was, she knew nobody. she began to get noticed by a few boys in her junior year, mostly the football team and others. she changed. a lot. now, in your sophomore year, she is still stuck up and is trying to put you in her shadow.

it was hard leaving her and staying away from her toxic holds when she had seen you hysterically crying because of a panic attack or your insecurities, with no makeup, after a fight with family or school/boy problems. she could guilt trip and manipulate you any day of the week with how vulnerable you had been around her. she single-handedly knew how to make your days worse.

although, the one thing that made your days better was a boy that you met in your english class, eren yeager. he never seemed to notice you, of course he didn’t. it was hard to when you had a obnoxious dirty blonde covering you every second of the day.

“y/n! y/n!” hitch called, “fetch me a drink, pretty please!?” she mocked a kind voice as historia and ymir stood by her side with an eye roll, not many people liked hitch being here at this party that historia hosted, never once inviting her but instead inviting you. the people who hated hitch were the people you got along with best: sasha, connie, mikasa, armin, jean, and others.

you sighed, faking a smile and grabbing the red solo cup out of hitchs hands with anger as you trudge into the direction of the kitchen. you filled hitch’s cup with some sketchy beer that she seemed to like as you were about to turn around, you felt arms wrap around you.

“(nickname)! i missed you so so much!” sasha smiled as you turned around fully, grinning at your best friends.

“sasha pushed me out of jean’s car today. LITERALLY.” connie fake cried and you felt your smile become drop and then become bigger than it already was, if that was even possible. there was never a dull moment with these two.

“it was for a reason and the car was barely moving! he said niccolo looked like a ken doll which is insanely backhanded because NOBODY can compare to him.”

sasha practically growled at connie’s face after she spoke, smacking him in the head as he yelped and whined with protest about how long it took him to fix his short stubby hair.

“well niccolo kind of does look like a ken doll… only a little bit!” you said quickly as sasha glowered at you.

“HE DOES NOT LOOK LIK-” she was cut off by hitch, who was barging through sasha and connie and wrapping her arm around your shoulder aggressively as if telling you to stay still.

she smiled like a cheshire cat at the two. “con, sash! it’s so good to see you.”

the two exchanged glances towards hitch and you with tight lipped smiles and nods.

“look at me and y/n being so cute! twinsies am i right?” she gestured to your outfits that were in fact, barely matching besides the red, long sleeve v neck top you wore, she wore the same one but in a light pink after swearing she wouldn’t get that top because she said it looked better on you than her. liar.

connie had tears in his eyes as sasha gripped his arm, air puffing at her cheeks as she tried to stop herself from laughing at your horrified face at hitch’s “twinsies” comment.

“yeahh… twinnem!” connie said while letting out small coughs from his laughter while he cringed at his own words as hitch smiled cluelessly and looked behind them.

jean, reiner, bertholdt, and annie had accompanied mikasa and armin who were standing beside eren yeager who had a stoic look on his face as he scanned his surroundings. his eyes slightly softened when he looked at you, at least you’d liked to imagine they did.

you began to get nervous as you still held hitch’s cup, which she snatched immediately and straightened her posture once eren’s eyes landed on both of you.

his head was slightly tilted as he asked, “what’s your name?” with a slight smile to his voice. the question looked to be directed to hitch but it truly wasn’t.

“im hitch! you’re eren-” she scrambled but was quickly cut off by his harsh stare.

“no, i said, what’s your name?” he looked directly at you, who had your head down.

you lifted your head quickly as the attention was on you.

you panicked and mumbled out words. nobody ever noticed you or tried to be near you. “oh! i’m y/n.” you nervously said as you watched his eyes scan your face and body with a small smile that you could barely see with the dim, disco party lights illuminating the room.

hitch was practically having a hissy fit beside you as she looked between the two of you with anger that the attention was not on her for once. she stormed away to go torture somebody else.

for a second, it felt like the world had stopped and it was just you and eren looking at each other as the night ended with connie and sasha making jokes, brightening the group. and you, with a new friend (wink wink) and the lose of a toxic one.

a/n: (edit) HEYYYY YALL! i kind of butchered hitch in this one, i’m sorry, i love her but i genuinely just didn’t know who to make toxic! i ended this on a bad note as this was a draft. ENJOY?!? I ALSO DO NOT KNOW IF SOMEONE ELSE HAS DONE THIS??? pls lmk babes.

A/N EDIT: IM LITERALLY SCREAMINGGGG! my first ever little imagine is at 300 likes 🥹 i love you guys sm, expect more to come from mha to aot!

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Drafts for my next fanfic: Couple’s Therapy

I thought of doing a Connverse/Benlie fic for a while and am a bit more confident with my writing skills than I was then. I don’t have all the ideas down but I do have some of the character dynamics figured out. Basically what happens is Steven visits Bellwood with Connie while on his road trip, post Future, and they end up having to help Ben and Julie sort out some of their issues.

Connverse does remind me a bit of a healthier and better written Benlie which is why I picked them. Both shows take a lot of inspiration from anime like Sailor Moon and Evangelion with Ben and Steven being the male version of Usagi Tsukino with a bit of Shinji Ikari thrown in. Both also get hate from their fandoms and are seen as “bland” for being a heterosexual white boy while ignoring the nuances of the character. People in both fandoms make Julie or Connie into toxic girlfriends usually to prop up another ship like Stevinel or Bwen which is gross or Brooken/Bevin. Nothing against slash but there’s no need to trash the female characters to prop up gay ships. There may also be some racism from Bwen/Stevinel fans with Ben/Steven’s love interests being POC.

My interpretation of Ben and Steven’s dynamic is sort of a middle ground between them being bros and @theangrycomet’s headcanon that they can’t stand each other. Ben’s attitude reminds Steven a bit of pre development Lars and Kevin (SU’s Kevin, not Kevin Levin). Both envy each other and think the other has it easy. Steven envies Ben’s relatively normal upbringing and his ability to remove his powers if he wished. Ben is irked by Steven not having to deal with people like Will Harangue and him having far less responsibilities post CYM.

They do eventually connect over some of their shared experiences, mainly the gem and Highbreed wars. Hearing about Steven befriending and healing Lapis and Peridot may remind Ben a bit of Reinrassig. Ben opens up a little about wanting fame because he’s always been in the shadow of Gwen and wanted to feel special reminding Steven of his issues with Rose/Pink. Ben’s love of aliens like Feedback because they make him feel strong and guilt over the loss bring back memories of Amethyst’s insecurities for Steven and Ben’s need to act strong as the leader to the point he pulls 4 all nighters reminds Steven of Garnet’s struggles as well as his own in episodes like ‘The Test’.

I think Connie and Julie would have an easier time getting along. Both being good at school and fond of activities like tennis, although Connie has no plans for it as a career. Connie’s political ambitions and need to prep for college early do remind Julie a bit of Gwen which worries her on whether Connie has issues with perfectionism. Priyanka is still a better parent than Natalie btw. Julie is shown to be very competitive and headstrong which concerns Connie. Remember how she demanded a rematch when Ben used Brainstorm to win a round of mini golf. Both of them have some trauma that’s often ignored and are quick to respond violently in a panic attack. Connie at least had Garnet to help her practice mindfulness which she may try to share with Julie who was neglected by the other characters and the writers.

Both can relate to feeling undervalued. Steven forgetting that they were meant to be a team when he sacrificed himself to Homeworld and not caring about how it hurt Connie. Ben not caring about Ship and insisting she stay home in ‘Pet Project’ or his treatment of her in ‘Duped’ and ‘The Flamekeeper’s Circle’. Julie being dismissed as just the “girlfriend of Ben Tennyson” in the latter episode does bring back memories of Pearl telling Connie she means nothing and is just supposed to be a knight for Steven. Both can also relate to saving their partners in their darkest moments. Connie helping monster Steven in ‘I am My Monster’ and Julie stopping Ben from abusing the power of Ascalon in ‘The Ultimate Enemy’.

I do have some other ideas down such as Ben and Steven unintentionally swapping jackets like Ben and Rex did in Heroes United or a race between the Dondai and DX Mark 10 which will boost Ben’s ego much to everyone’s annoyance. It will stay mostly canon to the shows with the stuff I don’t like in Omniverse getting cut, sort of like Ben 10 Guardians. The US in SU has different states than Ben 10 which is mostly the same as the real world. I do not hate Kai, Ester, Kevin or Rook btw or those who prefer them with Ben, I just prefer Benlie even if the writing went downhill. Nor do I hate OV or its fans, I just prefer UAF. Writing this post, I also realized that Ester and Spinel have similar powers which is just a coincidence but funny. I wanted to write this for a while but never got the time or motivation to do so until now.

[marcobodtlives]

I bet you $100 that at some point this has occurred:

Scouts: *experience something awful and traumatic*

Scouts: *majority are 15 year old kids being pummelled by sadness left and right*

Scouts: *lose so many loved ones*

Scouts: *in a battle where many of them are dying and watching others die*

Scouts: *crying left and right, panic attacks akimbo*

Connie:

Connie: *makes a pun*

[minijenn]

I never noticed how hard it must have been for Connie to be the voice of reason for the MKs. XD

Honestly I mean she has to deal with Mr. Steven "Magical Destiny Self Sacrifical" Universe, Mr. Dipper "Trust No One Constantly On the Verge of Panic Attack" Pines, and Ms. Mabel "Flighty Lovestruck Secretly Expresso Depresso" Pines. Like I said before, her back must hurt from carrying the single brain cell of this team.

[melishade]

what if Optimus appeared during Willy’s declaration of war and saw the start the battle of libreio which side will he help?

I am sorry this took so long to respond. I’ve been working on other projects. But I gotta say this is a really interesting ask. Because it’s an alliance with Marley with much more drama and stakes.

So Optimus gets dropped immediately after Eren kills Willy, but he’s still a great distance away from the actual fight in Liberio. But he hears screaming and panic, and from a distance, he sees Eren’s titan form skewered high in the sky. He immediately transforms and drives towards the danger. He sees the humans are in danger. There are dead humans everywhere. And Optimus is devastated that he can’t do much to protect them now. But he sees carts of military units getting bombed and immediately tries to act. Optimus sees the two gate guards trying to tell Gabi to run. Optimus sees Sasha ready to gun them down, and Optimus immediately transforms and shields them from the attack.

Sasha is immediately unnerved and calls to her comrades to run to the battlefield and warn the others, but she and Connie still hastily set up the lights so they can have an escape plan. Meanwhile, Gabi and the other two are stunned at the sight as Optimus sits up fully and asks if they are alright. They are all in shock at the fact that Optimus can speak so clearly, and Gabi almost mistaken him for Reiner, but Optimus doesn’t notice and just asks what’s going on. One of the guards explains that the devils of Paradis have attacked and are killing civilians. They point to where the battle is taking place and Optimus tells them to get to safety before transforming and driving towards the battlefield. Gabi uses this opportunity to run after him, causing the guards to follow and try and get her.

When Optimus approaches he’s stunned. He sees humans flying around like spidermen. He sees Pieck, Porco, and Zeke on the offensive. He sees Eren holding a human encased in crystals. He can’t tell who the enemy is. There was so much happening. He hear Magath barking out orders. He’s trying to figure it out, he can’t make the wrong mistake. But suddenly, everyone is met with the sight of an explosion. Armin has activated the powers of the Colossal Titan and took out the port. Optimus sees the Cart incapacities and the Beast getting taken out, and Eren is ready to use Porco as a nutcracker to kill Lara. That’s when Optimus decides to act.

Now because Optimus doesn’t have the full context of the situation and he and Eren are not allies, Optimus shoots off Eren’s arm, forcing him to drop Porco and Lara. And because energon is toxic to humans, Eren is screaming out in agony, causing everyone to cover their ears in pain, including Optimus. Mikasa cuts Eren out, but she’s mortified to see his right arm starting to decay. She quickly cuts off what remains to save Eren’s life and the Survey Corps are forced to retreat in a hurry, without securing the War Hammer.

Optimus is mortified at what he’s done. He didn’t realize he harmed a human. He sees the blimp and aims his blaster at it, but he can’t will himself to shoot and let’s them flee, something that Armin himself notices as he helps an injured and crying Eren. Optimus is then met with hostile Marleyans who are aiming their weapons at him out of fear. Porco is too weak to do anything, and Reiner is still out of commission. Optimus raised his servos in surrender, but Gabi ends up arriving and coming to Optimus’ aid, saying he just saved her life. Optimus then hears crying under the rubble and sees a child pinned by gravel. He ignores the weapons aimed at him and immediately digs him out, noticing the armband on his sleeve. Optimus begs the others to help him dig out survivors. They are all stunned as Optimus continues to work, but Magath tells the others to dig and fast.

Meanwhile, the Survey Corps still have Zeke, but Eren can’t regenerate his arm and he’s still in pain. And they all can’t help but be terrified. Their chances at survival had just significantly decreased.

So some notes for this timeline (I don’t have a name yet):

-Optimus is immediately imprisoned by Lara after he aids in helping the humans out of the rubble. The Marleyans can’t trust this new Titan, they don’t know what he is. The news headline does include him and how he saved the War Hammer Titan, but they don’t include how he did it. Because Magath and Pieck realize that Optimus has the power to not just kill the titans in one shot, but also has the ability to stop regeneration. What happens after the Founding Titan is eliminated? Would Optimus turn on them?

-Optimus did help reduce the causality count through his efforts. And he does let himself be imprisoned and chooses not to break out. However he still notices that something is wrong. The snide remarks directed at him, calling him a devil. The armbands on some of the humans, the language. He knew that something was wrong. He hasn’t received the full context of the situation and is concerned.

-The Survey Corps and the island are terrified of this new Titan. Eren is treated for his wounds but he is still thrown into prison for his inaction. And because of his failure to capture the War Hammer Titan, he doesn’t get the same amount of support from the public as he would have. They still took out the port but Marley appeared to have two new titans. And because of Eren’s injury, the calls for Eren being transferred over to another grows stronger. Zeke is still imprisoned in the forest, and he’s worried at Eren and his plan.

-Lara does come to Optimus and apologize for imprisoning him, but she thanks him for saving her life.

-Armin still doesn’t know what to make of Optimus’ hesitance to shoot them down. He knows he had the power to. Why did Optimus choose not to?

-Megatron still gets shot through the groundbridge in the Purpose OVA and actually ends up being an ally to the island when he realizes that Optimus is here but he’s clearly being deceived or having information withheld from him.

-Also, Sasha is still alive because of Optimus’ actions, but Gabi and Falco don’t go to the island. Also Reiner is so confused as to what’s going on when he recovers.

[admirxation]

Crossover though that plays in my mind Leon kennedy in attack on titan. What are your thoughts? 🤩

ahhh an anon asking my thoughts?!?!? sorry I'm so used to having radio silence or weird stuff in my inbox so I'm so excited to have an anon in my inbox haha, especially with such an interesting thought. Thoughts below the cut off so I don't spoil people. 🩷🩷🩷

Leon Kennedy and aot, my two favourite things, honestly if I could draw I would love to see him in a scout uniform and some odm gear (the black one in season 4 would fr make him look like a snack) like I would fr scream (any artists if you wanna make that a reality I beg you tag me so I can see that beautiful creation).

If Leon was in the aot world, I could imagine him being innocent in the cadets but not incompetent or overtly happy (I don't imagine him overtly kind like Historia, and don't imagine him like a Marco character, more a neutral stance of knowing the world is shit but not fully understanding how the world is shit with lack of experience). I mean innocent in the sense he knows the world is dark and how dangerous it is, but he only knows that from what other people have said and what has been taught to him. he hasn't come to the physical realisation of how dangerous it is. Similar to how you can tell someone, 'oh this *insert action* is awful' and they know it's awful but doesn't really come to the grips with the affects of it until they have been face to face with it. If that make's sense.

In Re2r he seems like a bit of an optimist but slowly grows with the realisation that he can't save everyone and only comes to grip with true darkness and corruption with seeing what is around him. I can imagine him wanting to join and being a solider to help people, but doesn't realise how hard it is to help others, especially with the panic everyone is in since he joined where the series takes place with wall maria being taken, and only understands this when he’s put out in the world.

Also just a funny thought, I could imagine him in the early days with Eren and his little "IM GONNA SLAUGHTER THEM ALL" moments and leon is just there sick of the shit just wanting to eat his bread lmao.

I also think as he grows accustomed with the danger, he grows a bit more serious and a bit more realistic in the terms of that world, realising there needs to be sacrifice for humanity. I could also see that bright eyed rookie/cadent slowly fade, a little bit like Eren. In the series you see characters like Connie and Sasha who keep up their characterisations of being comical in ways but can be serious, we see how the world changes them but not too much, whereas for Eren there is obviously a massive juxtaposition to when we first see him and to when we leave him. I feel like there would be some similarly with his character fading but I don’t think his kind nature would completely go; in re4r he’s serious but that kind nature doesn’t completely go, he doesn’t detach, he’s still cares. I can imagine him being serious and getting the job done but obviously having a soft side,and finding it difficult to detach from some things. I can’t imagine him going extremely cold.

Also I'm in such a Levi brainrot, like I have loved that man since 2016 and he was my first anime crush and I will never forget about him (I also found out a month after first watching that he shared the same VA as Leon in aot English dub, so i knew why I fancied the socks off the English dub voice). Omg imagine Levi and Leon speaking and being in a scene together and being a part of the Levi squad, I would FR squeal like a piggy.

I know this wasn’t really in depth, I would love to make a long character analysis (English lit student go brrrr) but obviously I have some exams I gotta do. If anyone is interested, when my exams are done, I would like to have in depth convos about crossover stuff or maybe some head cannon stuff and character analysis.

Bruh I now can’t stop thinking about Leon in a scout uniform ughhh F E R A L.

Thank you again anon for getting in my inbox, means a lot when people actually speak in it haha

Have a lovely day/night *mwah*.

[lip-gallaghers-cigarette]

I am about to infodump about why steven universe has BPD (and cptsd but thats canon)

later in the series and in SU future is when all the trauma has already happened and hes finally safe is when it manifests itself heavier. hes very people pleasing, putting other peoples needs ahead of himself, even if the other person is in the wrong, his emotions spiral so out of control that he becomes corrupted or goes "pink mode", he has identity issues (bc of constantly being told hes his mother) to the point where he cant tell if he is her, if he is himself, if hes a he, if hes a she, if hes a gem or if hes a human, good or evil, etc.

has bursts of intense anger and feelings of guilt, would go to any length to keep people in his life (connie for example) and when she rejected his proposal his symptoms spiraled out of control, which is typically what happens w bpd, its triggered, his symptoms started presenting when he hit 16 / SU future. as for the ptsd though thats actually canon, there is an episode where he visits the doctor and she doesnt directly call it ptsd but shes asking him about his trauma and how far back it stems from (and he begins recalling traumatic events starting all the way from the beginning of the series to the middle of the series before connies mom interrupts him and tells him that he p much has c-ptsd) and steven starts having intense flashbacks and then falls into an episode when he is reminded of connie rejecting his proposal, his body starts physically reacting to it as if its happening again. (which by the way the proposal was very impulsive and spontaneous and mainly based in fear of abandonment, and solidified when garnet agreed. very bpd like.)

he views small issues as life threatening, which is seen in ptsd and bpd. hes been in a constant state of trauma since childhood, never knew his mom and constantly i n peril fighting monsters he doesnt even know the origin of protecting himself from a battle his mother forced him into, bpd and ptsd are inherently traumagenic. he changes himself and overextends himself to fit other people's perception of what he should be or to fit his own idea of perfection, hes terrified of being alone and will go to any lengths to keep his loved ones around him.

when people offer him support he pushes it away because he doesnt want to burden his loved ones with his problems or intense emotions or trauma. in fact, he bottles it up SO much that he falls into an episode where he starts fixing other peoples problems to distract himself from his own, as if fixing other people will in turn fix himself, which only makes it worse and worse until he explodes. he talks about how hes worthless, how hes a bad person, how he doesnt deserve his loved ones, and then becomes corrupted when the trauma become too much for him gem to handle anymore. (Him splitting on himself after bottling his feelings up for so long)

this was only soothed when his loved ones reminded him how much he was loved and cared for. he lacked a voice his whole life and once jasper taught him to fight and defend himself and he became all big and strong his personality changed completely and he ended up becoming aggressive in the same way jasper was and literally purposely and v violently shattered her because of it (which is obviously very out of character for steven who has healing powers)

he also takes control of and attempts to shatter white diamond when he has trauma flashbacks to her almost killing him despite working through those issues previous

he has a "the grass is greener on the other side" mindset

He has bouts of uncontrollable rage because he has no form of grasp of his emotions due to alienating them.

He creates narratives sticks to them then he is unable to change these thought processes.

after shattering jasper he has an intense panic attack, thinking he is a violent killer or bad person, his guilt spirals and he makes a very desperate and emotional attempt at bringing her back.

he also takes control of and attempts to shatter white diamond when he has trauma flashbacks to her almost killing him despite working through those issues previous.

he has a "the grass is greener on the other side" mindset

He has bouts of uncontrollable rage because he has no form of grasp of his emotions due to alienating them.

He creates narratives sticks to them then he is unable to change these thought processes.

He creates a happily ever after in his mind and then when the outcome isn't perfect or what he imagined he freaks out.

he has frequent flashbacks to issues from his past and tends to block the thoughts out when they show up or dissociate himself from them, or, alternatively, he hyper-fixates on them so much that it takes over every aspect of his waking life. he also thinks in black and white a lot, with things being either all good or all bad, and becomes paranoid about other peoples intentions or the way they perceive him. he also is CONSTANTLY on edge expecting bad things to happen and prepares himself for danger that might not even come.

Also throwback to the time where he crashed the car and split on his dad when he realized his dad got the childhood he always wanted and that he was neglected, he quickly went from idealizing his dad to feeling spiteful toward him and putting their own lives in danger.

also the time when he realized all of his friends were moving on without him and subconsciously trapped them in a giant bubble that he had no control over

oh and the NIGHTMARES!!!

- sincerely, a Steven kinnie with BPD and C-PTSD. (Cross-Posted)

[frogsare-friends]

my problem with bonrads making the party store scene with "connie baby" in it only about her calling him that is that it's such a good scene to analyze and it gets reduced down to just "connie baby" and honestly, it deserves more than that. they're opening up to each other, conrad is telling belly that he had a panic attack (and has them, generally) and belly realizing they were both not healthy to their relationship. conrad needed belly to come back when he pushed her away and belly needed conrad to stop pushing her. they both need more than the other could give them. they both deserve more than the other could give them. it's not them rekindling their relationship, it's them admitting to each other that they're allowed to be better, and have better