#confusing af to meee

[yongseungkim]

.

[zalrb]

Do you need to have any understanding of star wars to watch the acolyte because like… MANNY JACINTO SAVE MEEE

Look, I will be confused af, I don't. care. Twitter is like WATCH IT, ZAL. WATCH IT. Because why else do I keep SEEING things?

[megumiifushiiguro]

dude how tf does twitter work😭 i just went there to see president snow thirst tweets cuz tumblr is empty af but this is confusing..killll meee

[puppy-wife]

okokok i have charged up the social batteries and am ready to yap back @ u!!!!!!

so again, ty for such a big answer 😭 i love hearing ppl yap about their special interests, v cool v nice

questions i have are:

why is 3.5e your fave? im only familar with 5e so i dont know much

playing wit tarot cards instead of dice sounds cool af, which game do u do that in?

for ur world building, how do u personally go about starting such a vast project?

as for meee i havent actually played a TTRPG yet 🤓 i have only watched 5e campaigns on youtube so far! but i love the creativity that goes into this stuff & it has become one of my favourite pieces of media to consume

no YOU'RE very cool very nice I love opportunities to talk about my favorite stuff, so I am absolutely super happy lmao

1.) I really liked 3.5e because it gave a lot more variety and ways to make your character unique vs 5e today (don't even get me started on fucking OneD&D or whatever they're calling it. trash). Firstly, back then wizards was making so many books for that edition that you could make any kind of character you wanted to play. They even allowed official material to be printed by other companies!! you want to play the ultimate evil wizard who gives people cancer? that exists. you want to play the perfect necromancer, and maybe even be undead yourself? you can do that. You could build your characters skills to different levels and choose exactly how good you are at certain things. You could take a Flaw, a permanent debuff on your character but in exchange get a Feat! god fucking Prestige Classes!! those were the coolest fucking part of the game, building a character and leveling them up enough to unlock this special class with wild abilities you can't get from a basic class. this isn't to say that 3.5e didn't have its faults, it could be confusing and the math could sometimes really add up. in some ways it needed a bit of streamlining but 5e basically threw a lot of that away in order to streamline everything. If you want a good example but how fluid 3.5e could be, you should play the videogame Neverwinter Nights 1 or 2, the system they use in that game is taken directly from 3.5e. It just made characters feel so mechanically unique that each character felt different. These days it almost feels too formulaic and too streamlined.

2. I honestly don't know what the name of using it is called, anytime me and my friends have done it, we just use the reference book that comes with a tarot deck and spontaneously decide the outcome based on the way the card could be interpreted. For example, let's say you're fighting a monster, and you want to try and escape from the monster, maybe even lure it away from your friends so they can escape. If you drew the Ten of Swords, I would say that would mean that you successfully draw the monster away, but you fall prey to it in the process. or something similar, yanno? but I don't know if that style of playing has a name given to it lol

3. oh I actually had someone ask me that yesterday! I'll send you the post once I find it, I was very active yesterday so it may take me a minute lol

you're so valid for that!! it can be hard to find a good group to play with, every group I've had has kind of fallen into my lap, but also to be fair I am known for being very into ttrpgs lmao

what are your favorite shows/campaigns you've watched? fun fact somewhere out there exists about 30 episodes of a d&d actual play podcast that I DM'd from somewhere around like... 2019? I think? lmao. technically I have a TON of episodes in a backlog somewhere that I never edited but that campaign kind of fell apart and I never finished it.

[sneakyfox55]

1. I read your stuff and commented and you just started. Reading my stuff??? And you were so sweet???

2. And then when I found you in tumblr you just started talking to me acting like you. Were an equal to me when you were my inspiration????

3. You roleplayed with me and indulged me in my dumb stuff

4. You listen to my ramblings and you're actually the only non creator who knows of Wisp's Backstory not even my best friend for 2 years knows what happened.

5. You work yourself so hard and never let yourself relax because you're so dedicated which is admirable but please take it down a notch and care for yourself

6. Despite me not doing anything for you, you do so much for me??? I'm buried in debt to you ily

7. You are always fun and interesting and I love talking to you

8. Your mushy brothers is the reason I have mushy brothers because I was self conscious about it

9. Even if you don't know what I'm talking about you listen and my goodness ily

10. You make so much Giftfics for meee

11. It's so fun to bully Wisp because you're so entertaining to

12. I love being able to talk about true crime without having the other treat real people like fictional characters

13. You write so much skelebros... and you write them so well...

14. You read my stuff despite you being good enough to probably be with better more known creators

15. You're only 18 and you've made so much stuff and you've inspired so many people and you have so many followers

16. I'm literally so fucking weird and you don't even blink an eye at it???

17. You always cheer me up when I'm in a bad mood

18. Your Sans angst.... ouagh...

19. YOUR PAPYRUS ANGST... OUAGH...

20. The newest giftfic where Sans is so sappy where he tackles his brother out of love???

21. You thought about me and wrote a chapter inspired by me :')

22. Even with my delusional memories you comforted me and helped me so much

23. Even with my really angsty whump stuff you encourage me and tell me how you like it

24. Speaking of that you shower me with love and idk why????

25. You're so creative and I don't know how you get it???

26. You made an au inspired by my interpretation???

27. AND YOU PERFECTED IT SO QUICKLY TO WHERE IT MAKES SENSE WHILE MINE IS REALLY LAZY

28. I was supposed to be doing my homework but I'm doing this instead just for youuuuuuuuuuuuu

29. You light up my life so muchhhh

30. You're literally one of my favorite authors. When I see a Gmail with your name I scramble to open it

31. Almost every author I know there are parts of their work I think is less than stellar. Not with you. I can't think of one part.

32. You put stuff into words so well while I can't and just try to somewhat convey what I'm feeling

I'm actually tired af so I'm going to conk out and continue tomorrow ilyyyyyyyyy

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HOW

HOW

WOH

HOW

HOW

DARE

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

EVERYONE

EVERYONE LOOK

LOOK AT THIS IDIOT (AFFECTIONATE) AND WHAT THEY DID FOR ME WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS I LOVE YOU I DIDN'T EVEN??? I COULDN'T EVEN WORD MY OWN LIST WELL AND I WAS BAD AT IT YOURS IS SO MUCH BETTER BUT WHY DID YOU DO THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

(ALSO SORRY ABOUT, THE CONFUSION ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY/AGE, FOR ANYONE WONDERING I ACCIDENTALLY PUT THEM UNDER THE IMPRESSION MY BIRTHDAY HAPPENED ALREADY BUT I DON'T TURN ADULT UNTIL LATER THIS YEAR DSHJGDSJDSGJHDS)

[opossum-the-burr]

welp ig i did a thing. i hereby present to you… every reason bohemia raphsody is trans! the full guide by yours truly.

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

wait is this real?

am i just confused af?

Caught in a landside,

No escape from reality

goin down the ftm pipeline

yeah this is real

Open your eyes,

Look up to the skies and see,

dude look around your trans the signs are here

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,

Because I'm easy come, easy go,

don’t pay any attention to me (except to call me a boy now and then)

Little high, little low,

lil gender euphoria, lil gender dysphoria

Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to

Me, to me

lmao idek about gender anymore

Mamaaa,

Just killed a man,

my mother just invalidated my transness

Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger,

Now he's dead

killed my masc side with not good words

Mamaaa, life had just begun,

i had just found out why my life felt wrong all the time

But now I've gone and thrown it all away

i really shouldn’t have came out to you

Mama, oooh,

Didn't mean to make you cry,

frick now your sad cause you think i’m confused

If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,

Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

i’m running away you obviously don’t care i’m running away

Too late, my time has come,

Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all

The time

peace out fam

Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,

bye bye

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

i’m runnin away to face my true trans self cause y’all can’t face the truth

Mama, oooh

I don't want to die,

ok on the other hand is my fem self alllllll bad?

I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.

*confusion in trans*

I see a little silhouetto of a man,

oh lookie lookie i look like a man from far away

Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango!

idek it’s past midnight i’m skipping this line

Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening

i’m on my owwwwwwwn and there are scary things in the world

me

Galileo, Galileo

Galileo, Galileo

Galileo, Figaro - magnificoo

*gets gender envy from historical figure* (y’all know how it it)

I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me

*internal gender was begin*

He's just a poor boy from a poor family,

take that internalized transphobia!

Spare him his life from this monstrosity

don’t make me be a girl ple big bad internalized transphobia go away

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go

*true trans self slinks away from big bad internalized transphobia*

Bismillah! No, we will not let you go

(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go

(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go

(Let me go) Will not let you go

(Let me go)(Never) Never let you go

(Let me go) (Never) let you go (Let me go) Ah

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

*internal gender wars continue*

Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia, let me go

oh i’ve figured it out i get my internalized transphobia from my non excepting mother that must be it now mom leave me alone!

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me,

For meee

*internalized transphobia attacks*

So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye

So you think you can love me and leave me to die

Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,

*true trans self fights back (with force!)*

Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

i must leave my homophonic parents house!

Nothing really matters, Anyone can see,

Nothing really matters,

Nothing really matters to me

Any way the wind blows...

ok so main dude gets trapped at home and tries to repress his true trans self and that is where the song ends cause freddy mercury wants to kill us all with meaness

to be continued… never!

thank you and goodnight

[jusananimehoe]

How would Geten react to his s/o finding him creepy because his eyes glow with his hood up lol

I’m a lil burnt out so have some short h/cs, sorry xx

·         Plays it off like he doesn’t give a fuck- he has a reptation to uphold and he is hesitant to put it at risk, even for you.

·         Lowkey (not really, it’s so obvious to you) a little upset about it, like, you don’t think he looks cool? Everyone else does…

·         He a petty baby, so this will come back to bite you in various ways, in multiple scenarios, you won’t be expecting it all because he’s usually so cool, calm and reserved for the most part, he isn’t big on expressing emotions.

·         It’ll start with something dumb af, like you asking him to come and cuddle you and he’ll just glare at you, go ask some other guy that doesn’t creep you out to cuddle, and you just left standing there like, excuse meee????

·         When you try and bring it up he gets even more testy, like i don’t give a fuck, leave it alone, and you’re a little confused because he very clear does give a fuck, but getting him to admit it will be like puling teeth, he’ll test every bit of patience you have.

·         Is actually genuinely concerned that it upsets him so much, because having the feelings he has for you is a weakness in his eyes, it puts both of you at risk and he probably hadn’t realised just how deep his affection ran until you told him it creeped you out, and now he’s horrified because, like he creeps you out, him??? But you’re meant to love him?

·         Will act like a petulant child for weeks if the situation is not addressed so do be warned that you will want to get a start on this as early as possible, because he’s a little shit about it.

·         You will 100% end up feeling guilt here, which is exactly what he wants, lol, you deserve it for hurting his damn feelings, not that he has any 😉

[mcytheadcanons]

Dream and Wilbur's Pizza Hut date?

Ofc!!! This might be bad because I don't know Wilbur that much but I'll try to make it seem natural. Edit/ as im writing this I am struggling so hard anxbjsnzjs

-------

Dream and Wilbur's Pizza Hut Date

-------

• Note: This is just a joke! Don't take anything I'm writing seriously and yes I know Wilbur has a girlfriend, I'm just trying to make this like a date but in a fun and jokingly way cause it wasn't specified how they wanted it to be, so please don't hate me.

--------

• None of this was expected for either of them. Tommy was there just communicating for Wilbur to Dream and while Tubbo was spamming this is deffo flirting.

• Wilbur was happy that he got what he wanted. To spend sometime with Dream. But in return he had to pay for the Pizza.

• Dream was looking forward to some Pizza while Wilbur was just staring at his phone getting blown up on Twitter since GeorgeNotFound had tweeted at him "???"

• Still had no clue who he was but he didn't care. What mattered most right now to Wilbur was Tommorow.

• But sometimes people lie.

• Dream was on the plane and he checked his Twitter and was confused af.

• It was just a misunderstanding and both Wilbur and Dream settled on the time, date, and place.

• Dream likes a unique and creativity entrance, so he waited till Wilbur arrived and took a photo and it was on Twitter within minutes.

• Dream waited and saw Wilbur check his phone, you could see his face crinkle up in confusion and Dream was trying so hard not to laugh.

• Wilbur looks around and spots Dream, with the same confused look on his face. They both burst out in laughter.

• George should be there in about 20 minutes, which gave them both enough time for their Pizza Hut date.

• Wilbur, being the gentleman he is, held the door open for his date while he walked in with no acknowledgement that Wilbur held the door open.

• This really wasn't a pro gamer moment for Wilbur, but things were sure to turn around.

• They both sat at their table chitchatting adding along to the commotion around them.

• "What Pizza shall we order?" Wilbur asked Dream, taking his hand.

• Wilbur was the romantic and sweet type. He's very respectful and caring towards his loved ones. An 11/10 guy.

• "How does this sound?" Dream said, pointed towards one of the things on the Menu. Dream had been debating on whether to be an asshole or not and order the most expensive things in the menu since he wasn't paying.

• "Sure." Wilbur replied, giving Dream and light smile. They order and waited for their Pizza to arrive.

• "You know Dream, I have something to tell you."

• "What is it?" Dream said.

• Wilbur scratched the back of his neck nervously, taking a deep breath "Dream I-"

• Wilbur was cut off by a lady approaching their table with his pizza.

• He was practically screaming internally but he came off with a nice approach.

• "Oh thank you." He said giving the lady a nice smile.

• "Your welcome, enjoy your pizza." She said back.

• And right then and there Wilbur's brain shut off and he replied. "You too!"

• The lady tried not to laugh as she walked away and Dream was containing his laugh.

• "What?" Wilbur asked. Dream then let out his iconic tea kettle wheeze. Wilbur sat there confused for a second and then it finally hit him.

• When Wilbur does something embarrassing to himself he tries to not let it deplete his confidence but this time it was just too much. He put his hands over his head and laid his head down on the table.

• After Dreams laughing fit was over he poked Wilbur in the head. Wilbur peeked and saw Dream giving a comforting smile.

• "Cmon, the Pizza is going to get cold." he said.

• Right about now Wilbur could say that his heart bursted but he kept his cool and they both took a slice and started to chat about the SMP and some other personal matters.

• Right about down the the last slice Dream popped a question. "So, what were you going to say earlier?" Wilbur almost choked on his slice of pizza.

• "Well uh, it's not important." He insisted. Dream frowned, "Cmonnnn tell meee.

• They both sat there in silence until he finally spoke up.

• Wilbur grabbed Dreams hand with both of his hands infront of him like as if he was holding a princess hand down on one knee. "Dream... I..."

• "I like you." He said, his face flushed. Dream's face turned red and he sat there nervously. Wilbur made a bold move and pulled his hand closer, leaning down to plant a soft kiss.

• Then all of the commotion stopped, everything went silent as the doors to the restaurant were slammed opened.

• Dream and Wilbur along with everyone in the restaurant turned their attention to the door.

• There stood a short Brit with short brown hair. He looked pissed and out of breath.

• "DREAM!" He shouted. Wilbur looked to Dream with confusion on his face. "G-george! It's not what you think!" Dream stammered.

• Then after that Wilbur remembered what Tommy said,

• "Do you know who GeorgeNotFound is?"

• "No clue."

• Everything clicked together in his mind and the he only spat out two words after

• "Oh fuck-"

--------

Well, I hope you liked it. I had to write the ending twice because I forgot to save the draft ha.

[100-reasons-to-svt]

To date, or not to date

Word Count: 1780

Genre: Fluff

A/N: I’m not confident with this, I’m sorry anon. ;; But still… happy reading loves!

Summary: Joshua always asks himself this question, “To date you or not to date you?” His heart says yes, but his mouth can’t seem to pop the question out.

teacher!Joshua is very very popular between his students

he probably has 5 stars in his ratemyprofessors profile and some of the comments be like “lit af 🤙🔥” or “dude is so chill we love him ✊✊❤️”

everyone loves him

he also jokes around and boi oh boi he’s full of puns at which his students would always groan

“i went to a bar once. There sat a guy named past. And a guy next to me called future. Another one sat next to me and his name was present. After a few drinks they started fighting and it was so tense. HA! Get it?”

cue him laughing at his own jokes

“i used to have a close friend back then, he was in a gang called alphabet. A weird name for a gang right? anyway, we don’t talk anymore. I don’t know why” GET IT?

his students also laugh but you know it’s an awkward laugh because they don’t want Joshua to give them bad grades

he works and collaborates on teaching with literature teacher!Wonwoo

they conduct a play together annually and this year it’s Hamlet

oh and he never EVER gives his students difficult and tiring homework

and that’s why his students love him to death

“kids i went to school and i know how it feels when you have so much homework so no homework for today”

his students sometimes write funny comments on their tests like “please give me an A, I won’t tell your crush that you like them”

and he’s like “waIT A MINUTE HE KNOWS WHO MY CRUSH IS?”

he calls that student over and he said he was joking although we all know it’s very obvious lol

he gave his students creative writing one day for homework and one student decided to write a subtle writing about him of how awesome he is as a teacher which made his heart flutter

you know what made his heart flutter too?

you

you work as a choir teacher in the same school

and well, you’re fucking gorgeous that people often stare at you, even your own students

you also get your students into choir championships and you have won a few times, you also get to go overseas for the championships which you and your students enjoy lol

FREE TRIP!!

you get your students to a world choir games once which is the largest choir championship in the world and you got yourself a gold medal too

ayyy i’m proud of you Y/N

you remember how you were introduced in the staff room being the new teacher, shy and nervous. And look at you now, teaching the choir group for 6 months, confident and vigorous

now now now, you really like to hang out in the gym room

why??? because your childhood best friend also works in here

guess who??

it’s jeonghan, bitch

other than the gym room, you also like to hang out at the staff room with him

you two would eat together and you would always bring him some food like sandwiches or maybe some salad because man you two don’t want to touch or even eat the food from the cafeteria yikes

he likes how you and him always bicker at each other but in the end of the day you still take care of him since you two were little, he also used to dream a lot about being a teacher. Something that kids don’t usually dream about and well look at him now, being a gym teacher

looking at his lazy behavior you scoffed at his dream, thinking it would be impossible for him to be a teacher

“I pity your students, they’ll suffer if you teach them” you mocked him to which he replied, “I pity your future significant other for having such a pain in the butt as a lover”

you always tell him that he doesn’t suit the role of the gym teacher because you know he’s as lazy as sloth

and he is still lazy, we know he likes to sit around and rest

he would sit at the bench when his students are playing dodge ball

and you would sit with him at your free time, watching the kids play and talk to him

a kid once yelled “yo guys, our teacher is flirting with our choir teacher again!” and he got a ball in the face for not focusing in the game

ha! serves you right

and that kid is right

Jeonghan would “flirt” with you A LOT

he would cling his arm around your shoulder out of habit or hold your waist out of sudden. And you don’t really mind, because he’s just a friend and he sees you as one too

one day you were talking to the cute english teacher joshua when out of sudden jeonghan came, gave you a back hug and laid his head on your shoulder

you rolled your eyes at how clingy he was, “stop jeonghan we’re at school.” you said out of annoyance.

in response he pouted and replied, “okay okay we’ll do it later” he then left the room throwing a wink at you, which made you more even more annoyed

you rolled your eyes again and continued to talk to joshua

sadly you didn’t catch his little frown at the sight of you talking to jeonghan

speaking of you and jeonghan, everyone in the staff room would non stop gossip that you’re so cute and you two would make a good couple

everyone ships you two even the students and the teachers

except one person

our poor poor boy, joshua

well guess who’s his crush? you

he thinks that you two are dating and that makes him sad :((

he’s jealous of how jeonghan can hug you and hold your waist so freely. Joshua often says to himself, “who am i to be jealous right? I’m no one. Y/N doesn’t even like me”

he didn’t want to be a jerk and make you two break up so he decided to stay away from you. He knows unrequited love is hard so he would try very hard to not like you but by just looking at you laughing and smiling about the littlest thing makes it hard for him. He’s always there in the background, watching you talk with everyone and laugh with them. He doesn’t even have the confidence to talk to you, how could you like him back, right?

little did he know, you also had a crush on joshua

you would non stop talk about how funny he is, how cute he looks with his bangs, how you love his (un)funny jokes and how he always laughs at them by himself

you think that he’s a very positive person judging from how cheerful he is and you really want to be close to him

real talk jeonghan deadass always listens to you and your babbles

“yeah yeah i get it. joshua is cool, fuNNY, CUTE AND WOW LOOK AT HIS FACE. YEAH HE HAS THE FACE CARVED BY THE GODS”

you narrow your eyes at him and whine, “there’s no way i can talk to him. he’s too gorgeous. help meee”

jeonghan smirks a bit well oh well look who’s going to be a matchmaker

“we’ll see about that” he said ominously and that gets him a weird look from you

days go by and you start preparing your students for a championship in poland

you’re busy with your practice and tight, hectic schedules but you still manage to talk and hang out with jeonghan, he tells you to come to the annual school play after coming back from the championship to which you agree since this is your first time seeing it and you’re excited for it

fast forward to the day of the school play, josh is super super nervous for the play because huh you’re not in here that’s a shame, he wants you to see this play with him

he stares at your chair longingly which makes wonwoo pat him lightly on the shoulder

but you’re not on your chair until the very last second the play ended

josh is a bit devastated if i must say

but surprise surprise you’ve been there the whole time sitting at the back because someone was stuck in traffic and got late :))

you walk your way down to the empty fitting room where jeonghan told you to wait for him but then

“hey, good play” you said, leaning at the door frame, a tad shocked looking at the man you weren’t expecting

joshua got startled a bit at your sudden appearance and rubbed his neck out of embarrassment, “y-yeah, thanks. I didn’t know you were coming. I saved a seat”

“I know, I sat at the back” You said and smiled, making your way in the fitting room and looking around the costumes before sitting on a chair “so why are you here?”

“u-uh jeonghan told me he’s gonna help me with these costumes” he said, looking confused at how his friend didn’t come to the fitting room like how he promised to

you grin, amused at how clever jeonghan would set him and you up like this

Typical jeonghan tsk

“He’s not gonna help you. I bet he’s on his way to domino’s right now, thinking about how many pizza slices he can fit in his mouth”

he laughs and shakes his head out of amusement, “speaking of pizza… we should go to domino’s too sometimes”

“just the two of us?” you grin, your heart beating rapidly in your chest

“yeah, like you know… a date.” he adds, a subtle red tint creeping up on his cheeks. He clears his throat and whispers, “if you want to”

You scoff and nod, a timid smile forming on your lips, “sure, but not at domino’s”

“okay, you can choose” Joshua says with a chuckle, feeling proud of himself for finally scoring a date with you, something he had dreamed about for quite a long time

“you know, domino’s is not a bad place to go on a date…” a small deep voice creaks in from the door and how could you not notice wonwoo’s body leaning on the door frame? he must be some kind of a ghost

“how long have you been there?” joshua asks, a hint of exasperation visible in his tone

“a few minutes ago, Jeonghan called me to help you with the costumes. And he asked me to invite you to his private pizza party in his apartment”

you and joshua looked at each other in amusement, who says no to a pizza party and great friends?

certainly not you two

[siredtofictionalmen]

Insecurity 1: Being Overweight

Disclaimer: Everyone has gone through different experiences and this is my expierence. This falls into my number one insecurity and I need to let it out.

Warnings: fat shaming

Growing up I was thin, I ate whatever I wanted; chips, soda, junk food, fast food and never gain weight. Until I entered middle school I hit puberty and thats when I began to gain weight. Middle school was when I began to be more weight conscious. It was when I learn what the doctor would measure on the scale. How junk food made you gain weight. Learn how to starve myself and went through emotional suffering for something so insignificant; my weight.

For the years to come, I believe the numbers on a scale determine my worth and that I wasn’t “good enough, beautiful enough” because of the number on the scales, the shape of my body.

I wasn’t obese but I wasn’t model skinny nor was I thin. I was chubby. I had stomach rolls and I could never get rid of them. Wherever I was, I felt utter shame. I dont remeber a day in middle school were I felt confident, not even one. Sadly my family was there everyday to remind that I wasn’t thin, and that if I ever wanted to be I wouldn’t achieve it by eating like that, as my grandma would love to point out.

It all starts one day it was the first month of school. I had gotten my period for the fourth time and I remeber coming back from school. My grandma had gotten us McDonald’s to eat and I remeber there being chicken sandwhiches. The joy on my face when I saw McDonald’s soon would be let down by my grandma who passed me a salad. I frowned confused, I look at her and she told me it was for me. I told her its not what I like and she said I know but it’s healthy you need to change your habits the pounds you are putting on your getting fat. I quietly ate my salad quickly and went to the restroom. My grandma lived in a studio so the only room for privacy was the bathroom. I look at myself, pinch my chubby stomach and cried. Tears flowed down my cheek and I remeber tasting them when they came to lips how they tasted much better than the salad I just ate. Ashamed of my fatness I just sat on the toilet. I was 11 at the time and when my mom came home to pick me up my grandma made some more comments about my weight to my mother. I love my grandma and I know she did it because she cared for me but the way she made me feel that day and the rest of the years to come could have been avoided. I never enjoyed my middle school life because of my “guilt” of being fat.

The middle school I went to was so much worse. It was by a rich area and all the girls there were already wearing crop tops and short shorts. Like COME ON YOUR 12!!! Like how can the parents let them dress like that. Anyway I remeber most of the girls being skinny. I remember envying them and thier looks. I beat myself up everyday because I didn’t have the ideal body, skinny. I felt ugly because of it and I was depressed and because of it I never enjoyed my middle school.

The people who fat shamed me the most was my family. I have mentioned my grandma but lets talk about my mother. I love my mom and I know she loves me but I think some comments could have been avoided. I remeber once I was in 8th grade I was with my mother and she was talking to my aunt and my girl cousin about losing weight and then she said oh yes she needs to lose weight too, look at her hippo legs. She began to laugh, i chuckled looking at my legs so did my aunt and my cousin awkwardly laughed. I remeber that night I went to bed and I couldn’t stop staring at my legs I would squeeze them and the thought about cutting some of my flesh with a knife occured to me. I knew that wouldn’t help and I remeber thinking whats wrong with me. Who have I become. I never felt happy anymore I always wanted to be alone. I never wanted anybody to see me. I was ashamed, embarrassed of my chubbiness. My mom would take me to a restaurant and she would see an omd guy friend. I remeber him saying wow she getting taller. My mom would laugh and say yes she getting bigger and from the sides also. I would smile I hated that so much like she fat shames me enogh I dont need other peoples opinions on my weight. He never commented on it though and he was respectful when it came to me.

I started starving myself after new years. I was in the second semester of the 8th grade. I starved myself for two weeks and you could see change. I was becoming thinner, I was getting closer to what I always wanted to be skinny and beautiful. I remeber my grandma congratulated me but on the third week I couldn’t keep it up I began to eat much more than before and before I knew it I had gained weight and probably more than I was before. My grandma said it was such a shame. I remeber her frowning and nodding her head.

Highschool was so much better. I couldn’t believe it people were nice and it wasn’t like mean girls. Majority of girls at my school were chubby, thicc, overweight. I saw some thin but I felt like I fit in. I began to feel confident, comfortable in my own skin. My best friend was thin and I remeber her complaining because some girl called her skinny. I remebering wishing that’s something I could complain about and instantly I becam insecure again. I shrugged it off the next day. I felt ridiculous.

My best friend could eat whatever she wants and she couldn’t gain weight. I was jealous, envious I wish for her metabolism. I remeber telling her as a compliment that her fingers were long and she must of took it as offensive because the next thing she said was look at yours there fat. I remeber telling her that I meant it as a compliment and that I wish I had skinny fingers like her. She said my fingers were cute that they were tiny and that guys like tiny fingers.

I remeber my friend would call herself flat and I would always tell her shut up she has good body proportions. I told her she may not have big boobs but she has decent ones. I remeber telling her that at least her stomach wasn’t bigger than her boobs. At least she didn’t look deformed like me. She told me I wasn’t deformed and that I had a big ass. I would smile pretending that I was comforted when in fact I felt sick because I also had a big stomach.

My confidence really went up in highschool during freshman year when guys were lining up for me. FOR MEEE!!! I was surprise my mom once told me only fat ugly guys would be attracted to me if I continued at the weight I was. I was fed up and told her so what fat guys arent always ugly and they might actually have manners. Just because someones fat doesn’t mean they are ugly. At least I wouldn’t attract abusive alcoholics. I told her that and then I felt really bad. My dad was an alcoholic and so was her new boyfriend. It didn’t stop her from fat shaming me. I remeber she told me I can’t see move your fat ass legs. I cried that night. I remeber three different guys asked me to homecoming and they were fine as hell. I was surprise they liked me and even if a guy wasn’t that attractive and ask me out I still would have given him a chance being an expert with feeling ugly.

My friend constantly nagged about how no one had asked her to homecoming and how three guys already asked me. She called herself fat a couple of times saying she wasn’t pretty enough because she had been getting fat. I reminded her that she was beautiful and that she wasn’t fat and even if she was she would still be beautiful. She continued to call herself fat. During 6th peiriod she called herself fat a couple of times when let me remind you she was model thinnnnn. Skinny af!! I didn’t say anything because I felt like she could complain. I remeber a guy who sat in front of her and next to me would taalk to us. She went up to him and said I feel fat. He said you aren’t fat and hugged her. After she stop complaining. This just reminds me how most girls define thier worth from guys when we shouldn’t. Guys shouldn’t build our confidence but we should ourselves. I remeber making a vow whether I had guys lining up for me or not I would never let myslef down.

Now I barely finished my tenth grade and Im still overweight. Now that I dont let my mothers comments get to me and feel more confident I have more energy. I started exercising and still struggling with my eating habbits. What I learned and continue learning is that your weight does not define your worth. And fat shaming does not work. I read stuff online about how fat shaming motivates people to lose weight. As someone who has been fat shamed it just makes people hate themselves more and in my case I felt depressed. Depression only gave me less energy and no motivation whatsoever. Fat shaming is not the answer. First accept your body for what it is then if you want to make minor changes go for. Lose weight gain weigh whatever makes you happy but never let yourself down in order to achieve it. Remember weight does not equal worth or beauty. Your beautiful whatever shape you are. This is my experience and it still continues today. Also anyone can feel worthless even skinny ppl. If ur skinny friend cals herself fat remind her that she is not and that fat does not equal beauty. Never respond with look at me Im a cow. Never put yourself down to make someone else feel better and never put someone else down to mane ur self feel better.

[connorissoftboi]

Tell Why I’m Waiting.

(Connor x Reader)

(Happy Endings Alt.)

It had been days since that night, since your stupid actions had caused the mess that was now your life. You had decided that the best possible course of action was to discuss working from home with Captain Fowler, something that he actually agreed to; on serious cases you had to go to the scene of the crime, which you did anyway. You prefer being on scene at all times.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months and slowly you hurt less and less. Gavin became a close friend of yours, eventually asking for a date. You agreed, but later you both decided you were better as friends and he ended up dating Forensic Detective Jones, or Tiffany as she prefered to be called. It was coming up December, two months after the fateful incident and you were getting better. Though, the holidays were an awful time to be alone. You would find yourself constantly watching couples with a weight in your chest. A Connor shaped hole filled with the stones of sadness. 

You strolled through central park a week before Christmas, gazing at all of the beautiful lights. They had truly outdone themselves this year, the park was lit up with soft copper lights, the trees were vibrant under the soft glow of the beautiful lights. The snow that had begun falling the day before glowed in the same lights, like a billion tiny diamonds scattered upon the earth. Although it was freezing, the scene filled you with warmth, the beauty of it all helping to brighten your spirits. This was perfect.

You sat on a wooden bench that gazed out onto the frozen water of the lake, watching people skate gleefully along the pristine ice. You sipped on the hot coco you had bought at a nearby vendor, letting the smooth liquid keeping your still body warm in the weather that raged around it. Peaceful. 

A man sat beside you, his curly hair falling upon his forehead, his eyes also locked on the ice and skaters that occupied it. He seemed familiar, but because he was turned away from you slightly you shook it off as mere coincidence. You only really knew your coworkers in Detroit and most of them were hard at work at the station. That and you weren’t certain who it was, you only took a quick peek at them afterall.

The stranger turned towards you, staring at you intently, which caused you to glance up at him. You were stunned when you saw a mildly disheveled, yet somehow well put together Connor. He looked stressed, upset and... Guilty? You scanned his face with your eyes, noticing the glow of his LED was absent.

Strange, that can’t be right.

“C-Connor?” The moment your voice broke he leapt at you, scooping you into his large, safe and warm arms. His hands ran along your back, his face was pressed into your hair. He was shaking and taking large, shaky breaths. You were confused, torn and yet, somehow, relieved. You felt liquid drop onto your cheeks and realised, he was crying. 

“I found you, I finally found you. I heard rumors you skipped town, I heard that you were with Gavin! No one would tell me anything that was going on with you and it scared me, but you’re here and you’re safe. You’re with me. You didn’t leave.” He was frantic, eyes wide and hands careful. 

He was... different?

“Connor, what happened?” You whispered, stroking his palm to try and relieve his nerves somewhat. “I thought I lost you, I thought that you hated me and I’m sorry! God, (Y/n), I made a mistake, I was scared when you kissed me. Now I realise...” He stopped, staring at you intently, as if he was drinking in every detail of your face. Savouring each and every crease, line, freckle, hair. Saving it to memory.

“Realise what? Connor?” You snapped your fingers and he grabbed your hand, pulling it to his chest, placing it flat against it. You could feel his thirium pump beating hard, it was a solid rhythm that only faltered once you looked up into his eyes. “Now I realise that you make this beat, every second of every day. When you left, something changed. I-I knew, I just knew that it was you, you changed me; you became my everything. I breathed for you, I felt for you, I- Fuck- I love you. I’ll say it everyday, I’ll scream it if I must, I love you (Y/n).” You froze, he was a mess, but he was your mess if you wanted him; so you did the only thing you could in that moment, you nodded. You were in complete shock, so that was your only reaction that seemed to make some sense.

With that nod Connor took your face into his gentle hands and kissed you, stroking your skin tenderly and holding you against him with care. You felt electric, it was if someone had lit a thousand fireworks inside you, you were filled with pure joy and Love. “I’m sorry I made you wait, I’m sorry I didn’t discover that my real mission, the most important one, had been with you all along.” He stroked your hair, his chocolate eyes were locked with yours and were brimming with passion and absolute adoration.  “You’re a deviant Connor.”

“Deviancy is worth everything, if I get spend every second of it with you.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

_______________________________________________________________

 Well hey, second post for today!  I’m sorry I made you guys sad last time, so here is your nice happy resolution!

(Do you still wanna see the sad af one? Or no?)

REMEMBER: RP and REQUESTS are OPEN! ALSO: Asks are open with: Gavin Connor Carter (rk900) Narri (Meee~)

and.....

HANK!

Till next time!~  -Narri

[simandy]

Answering ♥

I’m doing this post because I’m feeling guilty while flooding your dash with my answers because I take too long to answer and that’s why there are so many (._. ) sorry

Nonny said:

Hi 👉👈 ... I know you have a lot on your plate right now but would it be possible for you to make a short hair for male with the bangs parted, like the one on Mars' hair? 👉👈... It's okay if you can't, don't stress about it ☺💕

Hello adorably polite and shy nonny! It’s possible but I can’t right now :) message me back when my requests are open again!! 

terelskistuff said:

Hello! Thank you so much for your content! I was wondering if it’s possible for you to make the unnatural hair colors an add on to your reg ea colors? I just have so many hairs that I don’t want to have to add 2 stand-alones at a time. Anyways, just wondering! Also, you’ve given me the Sailor Moon fever now! I gotta watch it again!! 😂😂😂 anyways, thank you so much for the beautiful content you create ♥️♥️

You guys are getting me confused XD Some of you want it merged and some of you want it separated. Ok bby, let’s start doing both.

Nonny said:

Can you make more short hairs or shorter versions of your hairs? My game just can’t handle long hairs but your cc is so good

Sure, I just need to know which ones would you like :)

@httpsoceana said:

i'm sorry if this has already been asked (i can't see because i'm on my phone) but what skin do you use? is it an overlay or is it a default replacement (or both?) i just love how soft it makes your sims look! ty xx

Hello! I use my Spice! Skinblend. There are defaults and nondefaults :)

Nonny said:

Hey, um I love all the hairs that you're making for sims. Gosh, they look really cool. But if it's not really that hard, can you make some more for males? It would be pretty cool, because ahhh there's not that much hair meshes for male sims. Thank you for making such a good stuff. Ily 🌺

I got you and thank you for asking me about male hairs. DON’T LET ME FORGET about those precious angels again!! We need more male hairss!!!!!!!

Nonny said:

I really liked the hairs for Sailor Moon, Mars, and Mercury. It is so awesome! but will there be a Sailor Jupiter and Venus hair too? to make it complete. <3

Only two missing?? You bet I am.

Nonny said:

Are you ever going to make vampire, alien, and pet versions of your eyes?

NEXT NEXT

Nonny said:

Hi, I’m really sorry to bother you but when would the Lucy Heartfilia hair becoming out(if your making it that is XD)

That girl has so many hairstyles... 

@awkward---af submitted:

Hiii

I really love… Well everything you create :) I don’t know if you have ever played dragon age, (I hope you did because hellll those games are beautiful) Though can you please (iiif you want to) create an hairstyle inspired by the one wore by Alistair or by Blackwall? But Alistair pls ❤️❤️❤️

Message me again after the requests are open!!! Also ty ♥

Nonny said:

I know there already is a Minako hair but I’m not fond of it so could you make hers too?? ;3;

Answered above!!

@monkeesgirlxii​ said:

WCIF the top that the blue haired model is wearing in the venus hair post?

Clio Top

 @izysims​ said:

Do you think you could make a shoulder length version of your Venus hair? The bangs are super cute but long hairs always glitch out for me, there could a curly or straight hair version maybe as well? Sorry to bother you

Well I could try XD

Nonny said:

Hi ^^ I was just wondering if you could upload Jay/Yeol to the gallery? (or upload his tray files?) I really want to put him in my game :)

ok

Nonny said:

Your hairs are love, your hairs are life!!! 😍😍 You're my favorite CC creator!! How can you be so talented?? 😍😍❤❤

😍😍😍😍😍😍 Thank you!!!!!! ♥♥♥

@stephanine-sims​ said:

Hiya! Just wanted to stop by to let you know I'm really loving those longer hairstyles you've been making 💖 TS4 doesn't have a lot of longer hairstyles so I'm so happy that you're filling that gap for us! Keep up the good work 😘

This gap has been driving me crazy since 2014 u.u I’m glad I can fill it! Still dont understand why cc creators don’t make long/extra long hairs but I’m here!!

@imvikai​ said:

Your recent hairs are gorgeous! I can see so much improvement! 👍💖

You know you’re good wHEN @imvikai JUST POPS AT YOUR ASK TO TELL U THAT

THANK YOU BBY U MY INSPIRATION ♥♥♥♥

Nonny said:

Omg that sailor moon wip hair is super cutee!! I love Sailor Mercury 💙 she is like the nerd girl from the group <3

u.u hope u liked it

Nonny said:

WCIF the hair in your post of the random sim named Riley? I love ur sims btw thanks!

nonny check my wcif tag!!!!

Nonny said:

Hi, just wanted to thank you for all the hard work you put into making these amazing CCs. You're the best! :)

Thank you for stoping by and to say kind things to meee ♥

Nonny said:

I’m in love with your hairs! You are so talented! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thank you dear!! ♥♥

@monkeesgirlxii​ said:

I love your hairs!!! But, what is the top that is on the blue haired model in Venus hair post?

Just answered abooove!!

[billionaire-prince]

Get to know me tag!

@mycomplex This made me softt, thank you!

1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better:

(I think some were already tagged. And I want to tag a lot of people, but I keep forgetting) @gdislovegdislife @divinaxcommedia @itsbigbang @seungridiculous @jiyongtabi @jiyongs-g-string @daengerous-af @dae-dreamxx @gh0st-tabi

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller (The other day was the Greatest Struggle To Reach The Bus Handle of 2017, so yeah, I’m smol).

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces (Don’t remind meee, why are they so expensive?)

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people (When I feel comfortable around them. Otherwise I tend to be very shy)

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

ABILITY:

I can sing well

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory (selective)

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch (I. Burn. EVERYTHING.)

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

I do or have done martial arts (I miss doing karate)

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss (And it was so awkward)

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts (I want to scream into the void)

RELATIONSHIPS:

I have a crush on a celebrity ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close to my school (At least I don’t live in a different city like 2013, but nah)

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the united states

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s

I share my room with someone

RANDOM STUFF:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce (Not technically my teacher, but she teaches at my uni. How the fuck do you pronounce Guirao?)

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (’Dying Now’ by Noah Gundersen. I love his music)

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life (Can I half-bold this? Because I have an idea but i’m still confused af)

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

[imaginegladions]

K Project AU Headcanons [PT1]

G doesn’t have the time to write a fully fleshed out fic because she has an Accounting exam, an online long exam at 8PM for Science, a play script to write for English, a video about her autobiography, a service project, and a philosophical journal to write for Philosophy, 15 working hours at my church as well as an interview about it’s history/church statement as well as an Oral Exam to prep for in Theology, two articles due for the School Paper, and a Tag Sale to prepare for which is a requirement for all Marketing students all due within the next two weeks on top of my regular homework.

*breathes in* I need a break.

So like, the Slates choose people with great influence in Alola and give them supernatural powers as per usual. 

It’s not like Kahunas, nononono these are different.

For one, the Slates were created by scientists in Aether as a way of boosting human genetics and abilities.

Basically, they found a magic rock and accidentally turned it on now there are like 6 people running around in the world wielding these superpowers who can also give them to people who become their clansmen.

START HERE IF YOU ALREADY KNOW THE BASICS OF WHAT K PROJ IS!!

Enter You!

*Opening Song Plays* woooorriesssss slowllyyy come and kissssss tell meee what’s youurrrr nAAAAAME

ok shutting up now sorry i’m such a nerd for this anime

After the Slates started giving people these crazy powers someone had to prevent it from going out of control.

Luckily!!! Lusamine was granted with the amazing Blue Aura!!! Queen Lusamine managed to tame the Slates which she created anyway so that’s fair but still 6 people were left in the world wielding different coloured auras.

Meanwhile!!! This evil Silver King!! From a different region happens to visit Alola and gets these powers!!!

And in a bid to destroy Lusamine and grant even more power to the people of the world by stopping her from putting a cap on the magic rock, he tries to assassinate Lusamine!!

EXCEPT!! HER HUSBAND MOHN TAKES THE BLOW AND DIES!!

Lusamine completely desTROYS THIS SILVER KING AND HER SWORD OF DAMOCLES - a floating sword that appears above the heads of Kings when they use their Aura that is also a symbol of their power - BECOMES REALLY WORN OUT LOOKING.

This is bad news bc if the sword falls then it will destroy… everyone in the Alola region, oh noes.

LUCKILY!!! Green King Kukui steps up to help her handle the Slate in the mean time!! He’s not too strong though since his power mainly works with nature and Lusamine was one of the stronger Kings having derived her power from ice and wind.

Lusamine slowly becomes insane as time passes still not over the murder of her husband~~

Following Canon, Gladion realises that if he stays with the Blue Clan then he will be expected to become his mother’s right hand since his dad was fulfilling that role beforehand.

Instead of staying to witness Lusamine’s reign of terror he leaves to find a power that can rival Lusamine’s.

AND ALONG CAME THE RED KING GUZMA.

Team Skull is basically Homra. They’re both full of thugs that mean well and are actually cinnamon rolls.

Plumeria is like… their Kusanagi lbh they both mom all the members of their clan.

Anyway, by becoming part of the Red Clan Gladion earns the Red Aura which derives power from fire isn’t that the edgiest thing omg.

All the members have the skull tattoo too instead of the Homra Tattoo that they have in canon.

So Gladion stays with King Guzma and basically becomes his 3rd in Command who digs out all the secrets and goes on stealth missions.

Meanwhile!!! Lillie is confused af about why her brother left the Blue Clan and she asks her crazy mom for permission to go after him but Lusamine becomes even crazier and Lillie is starting to think that staying is a bad fucking idea so she runs away the first chance she gets staying with King Kukui in his little hut.

On her way to it!!! Lillie meets you!!!

You just arrived at the island and are lost so Lillie takes you to see Hala.

Hala is, of course, the Gold King. He keeps people in check, he mostly has the managing jobs taking care of the governance of Alola with his Gold Aura of light.

His grandson Hau takes to you immediately!!!

AND SUDDENLY!!!

YOU START GLOWING!!!

And Lillie is like ( 0.0)

And Hala is like ( 0 o 0)

And Hau is like ( OwO)

BIG SURPRISE!!! A SILVER SWORD APPEARS ABOVE YOUR HEAD CONGRATS YOU’RE THE NEW SILVER KING.

And then Lillie Realises.

Oh Shit, you’re the new Silver King.

Lusamine and Guzma are on the scene and start clashing like rip Kukui’s hut and Hala’s house these two are fighting and destroying things.

And all the while poor you are confused and floating in the air not used to your Silver Aura and the powers that come with it.

Luckily! Gladion is on the scene! 

And Gladion takes one look at you floating lit up with Silver Aura and thinks Oh Shit.

Cupid better mcfreaking put that arrow away right now-

Cupid, no!

Cupid, YES!

Anyway, he knows he should get you the frick away from Lusamine before she blows you up and her sword falls down because she almost didn’t survive killing the previous Silver King she’ll destroy Alola if she kills you her sword will blow you all up to kingdom come.

Lusamine’s sword falls anyway during her battle with Guzma and the Red King scrambles to shoot Lusamine before her Sword hits the ground so that nobody will get killed.

Everyone stands there, staring at Lusamine lying on the ground, her sword disappearing.

The Blue Clan are devastated.

Lillie starts following you everywhere, at a loss for what to do. 

You decide not to take any more clan members, remembering how her mom’s death was caused basically by her need to kill you.

As a way to repay her, you take Lillie with you on a Pokémon journey.

You don’t use your Silver Aura in front of her.

It might remind her of the person who killed both her parents.

Hau tags along some time after and sometimes he uses his Gold Aura to make butterflies and make Lillie smile.

In which Hau is a Totsuka that doesn’t die.

You’re all surprised to find Gladion walking up to you one day, challenging you to a battle.

“Do you mean-”

“I mean a Pokémon battle, of course.”

He’s surprisingly alright after his mother’s death.

He’s a bit desensitised to it after his dad’s death. He’s still hurting from it, from the absence of the Blue his mother gave him. Which is why he decided maybe training Pokémon would give him something else to think about.

Gr8 minds think alike hm? *eyebrow wiggle*

YOU CRUSH HIM IN POKEMON BATTLE AND HE’S NOT ABOUT TO TAKE THAT LYING DOWN.

He tags along too.

His excuse? He wants to be close and see how you train so he can beat you.

Lillie is v amused because this is her brother she knows what he really means. He just wants an excuse to be near you.

BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe some of the old Blue Clan are still angry at the Red Clan and Silver Clan and Gold Clan for not preventing the death of their King so one day they see you four!!!

The Silver King!!! The grandson of the Gold King!!! And the traitor 3rd in Command of the Red King!!!

AND THEY AMBUSH YOU!!

You try of course to activate your Silver Aura and manage to do it but so far all you know is some floating and a bit of memory manipulation you don’t know any offensive uses of your Aura yet!!!

Gladion steps in front of you, his Aura engulfing him in flames and protecting you.

And he is lit af omfg.

Hau is struggling a bit with his Gold Aura but he knows how to apply it enough to protect Lillie.

Lillie is v distressed that her friends and her are in danger and everything was going fine for the first time since her dad died and she sNAPS

AND. THEN. THERE. WAS. LIGHT.

A big majestic Blue Sword appears above Lillie’s head. Surprise! She’s the new Blue King.

And all these Blue Clan that attacked you? Yeah, they all bow tf down to their Queen.

NO ONE MESSES WITH HER CLIQUE.

You four are like… the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. No one messes with any of you. You have 2 Kings and 2 strong clansmen among you from all 4 coloured clans in Alola.

Green King Kukui is v proud of all his kiddos and so is Hala.

You guys finish up your Island Trial and you become Pokémon League Champ but also your headquarters is now in the Pokémon League with Gladion, Lillie, and Hau as part of your Elite Four.

Your last member is this guy named Sun who Kukui also trained. He doesn’t say much but he’s part of the Green Clan and is fairly strong so it ties all the colours together nicely.

Grey King Red watches all of you from the Battle Tree all chill and everything. His only clan member is Blue.

[babygirlblogging-lise-blog]

My First

I failed my driving test. 

That was in the fall of 2017, I was a senior in high school. All of my friends were getting their licenses and cars while I was stuck being a passenger. The woman who failed me thought I wasn’t confident enough. Like damn, can’t even be nervous without being penalized these days huh? She failed me for the most ridiculous shit. But that has nothing to do with the story I plan on telling. 

A few weeks before my eighteenth birthday I tried again. This was something I needed to do before I turned 18. Giving up wasn’t an option. There was no way I wanted to retake my written if I didn’t pass before I was considered a legal adult. The guy who tested me this time? He was fine as hell and now that I think about it, I was supposed to text him when I turned eighteen. I lost his number, sadly. But that also has nothing to do with the story. I want to tell you the story about the first guy I-

-’ve always been cheap. I was ten when my aunt was going to get a new car. I convinced her to save her old car for me so that when I started driving I wouldn’t have to buy a car. By the end of the summer of 2017, my grandpa fixed up the old car and I was all good to go. Free to go wherever I wanted. I no longer had to wait around for people, waste money on lyfts or walk. So naturally, I took myself on adventures. 

One night, against my better judgement. I lied to my mom and said I was going to hang out with my friends. If I would have told her what I was really going to do, she would’ve gone into over protective mode and I didn’t want that. I just wanted some time to myself. I drove over the bridge and into Philly. Not for a concert or any other event. I just wanted some me time. I parked my car. Got oreo ice cream and sugar cookies from Insomnia Cookies and walked around the city. 

Not going to lie and say I knew exactly where I was at all times. I wasn’t even guaranteed that I was safe, I wasn’t focused on my surroundings. All I know is I was somewhere around Broad Street, because that’s where Insomnia Cookies was located. I came across this huge, gorgeous building, I’m not very good at names. Everything was lit up and there was art on the sides of some of the buildings surrounding it. There was even a fountain in front of it all. The scene just looked so beautiful. I walked across the street, hopped up on a ledge and just took it all in. It felt serene, even with so many people flooding the sidewalks. I sat and continued eating my snacks, I was enjoying clearing my head. Until someone interrupted me that is… 

“Hey.” I looked up to see a cute guy. There were a few girls not too far from me talking. It was the beginning of August, late at night but still pushing eighty degrees. Of course they were clad in clothes that left nothing to the imagination. I figured he was talking to them. Guys like the ones who look easy. He couldn’t have been talking to me. So I went back to dipping my cookie into my ice cream and admiring the scenery. I didn’t really acknowledge the fact that he moved a little closer to me. He said hey again and I finally looked up at him directly, before looking around. He laughed a little. “I don’t blame you for being that into ya snacks. I love their shit. But I’ve been trying to get your attention for a minute.” Yep, he’s definitely talking to me. I was confused as to why though. I get hit on by guys pretty often, I know I’m not ugly but with him talking to me, I felt extremely insecure. Suddenly I wished that I had dressed a little better. I looked like a child for fucks sakes. I was wearing a gold fish shirt, black tights, a hat that said “Hoodrats” and Chucks. I was even swinging my legs off the ledge, eating ice cream! 

He introduced himself as Dey. I wanted to know the name his mom gave him so I asked him for his full name. Ayinde. Pronounced Uh-zhen-day. Unique. It has African origins. He told me that my name was almost as pretty as I was. If I were white, I definitely would have blushed. I didn’t understand why he made me feel so shy. 

 I learned that he was mixed with Irish, Haitian and Cuban. Interesting mix, I know. Despite his slight baby face, he turned out to be 20. He was tall, about 6’1. He had taken his hat off to redo his ponytail, he tied his curly, brown hair back into a man bun. He was light skinned with a slight tan. Doe brown eyes paired with the cutest smile. He was dressed in all black, I would’ve been a little concerned if it weren’t for the logo on his hat. I could see a tattoo peeking out from under his short sleeved shirt. Just my type. 

I was tired of the small talk and beating around the bush. “Why’d you come over here to talk to me?” Instead of replying, the douche just smiled and then hopped up on the ledge next to me. It was weird. I was supposed to be having me time, if any other guy did this I would’ve been rude. I wouldn’t have given them the time of day. I wasn’t even afraid, Ayinde strangely made me feel safe. Something was telling me to give him a chance, instead of shutting him down. 

“Well, I was on break, I work across the street.” He points to a small cafe. “I saw you walk by and… I don’t know I thought you were beautiful. Now that I’ve gotten closer, it seems so effortless. No make up and you’re not even dressed up.”

Shit, I have no clue what to say to this. He’s been nice and respectful. “Thank you.” Well, that was lame but it was safe. We talked more before he had to go back to work. He was funny as hell, we both had the same rude, dark, sarcastic humor. He complimented me pretty often and he seemed kind of bummed that he had to leave once his break was over. 

“Why don’t you grow some balls and just ask me what you wanna ask me.” I thought to myself, I should be a fucking actress. I’m great at faking confidence. 

He laughed and just smiled at me for a second. “Well, I would like to get to know you more. Can I get your number?” 

You know when you give someone your number, you almost expect them to wait days or weeks to text you. Surprisingly, Ayinde texted me that night. 

AYINDE: hey beautiful, u get home safely?

ME: Oh shit, I see u found ur balls! 

AYINDE: lol yea yea yea. I know I was acting like a pussy earlier but that’s not how I usually am

***

AYINDE: FT me? I haven’t seen u since we met punk

ME: No I look crazy rn 

AYINDE: Is tht even possible? I think you’re cute af

ME: aww thanks but everyone’s entitled to their own insecurities

AYINDE: Ig but that’s y u need me 

ME: wym?

AYINDE: to take away your insecurities

ME: Doubt that’s possible 

AYINDE: try me

***

ME: entertain meee! I’m bored, stuck at my great grandma’s house :(

AYINDE: I literally just woke up, still in bed

ME: Luckyyy, my head’s fucking killing me

AYINDE: wish I could help

ME: me too lol do u have superpowers? 

AYINDE: no, do u?

ME: Nah I’m not tht awesome 

AYINDE: I think ur pretty awesome

Ayinde and I got closer over the next month. We hadn’t actually seen each other after the first time we met. He worked crazy hours and still had school. I worked everyday and had school as well. Plus, I wasn’t completely comfortable meeting up with a guy I didn’t really know. He understood that. He always made sure I was comfortable before we did anything. He eventually convinced me to facetime him… a lot... and when we didn’t he acted like a big baby.

ME: u happy now?

AYINDE: lol no

ME: y not -_-

AYINDE: I got nothing pretty to look at now

ME: whose fault it tht?

AYINDE: idk. Do u kno?

ME: Lol yea ik

AYINDE: tell me 

ME: yours :P

AYINDE: well if u came over we wouldn’t have this problem

I was a very late bloomer. I knew freshmen girls who got pregnant, meanwhile I hadn’t had my first kiss until I was 16. I didn’t start dating until 17. I was a fresh 18 and I was still a virgin. I waited a while to tell him because I liked him and didn’t want to scare him off. But he surprised me, I learned that he wasn’t like other guys. Most guys only want you for one thing. And that’s to get them off. Not all are gonna be lovey dovey when you’re not putting out. 

ME: I hate being a girl. I think my uterus just exlpoded. Im dying

AYINDE: Aww u can’t die yet, I havent taken u out yet

ME: wut do u want from meee

AYINDE: I told u what I want 

ME: hmmmm

AYINDE: i didnt? 

ME: u could have an ulterior motive

AYINDE: lol what? Ayo y cant I just think ur gorgeous and want to get to kno u, find out who u r

***

He was very protective of me. Anytime I even looked a tiny bit sad or sounded off, he was ready to beat someone up for me. 

AYINDE: ur awake? 

ME: Yea just woke up on some bs 

AYINDE: u good?

ME: yea im ok lol

AYINDE: u sure? I’ll fuck someone up

ME: lol yea im good now

And as the oldest, always looking out for my little brothers and my friends. It felt good to have someone looking out for me for a change. 

***

ME: I move into college tmw nd I aint pack shit yet

AYINDE: ur bugging

ME: Pack 4 me?

AYINDE: lol ill pass

ME: my back hurts like all hell, some of this shit is heavy

AYINDE: what u carrying…?

ME: 4 one, I hav a lot of clothes, they add up nd I had to take em downstairs

AYINDE: lol whoakay wittle wone

ME: fuck u, this shit weighs more than me! I almost fell down the stairs!

AYINDE: thts cuz ur like 87 lbs

ME: Aye! Give me my props, im like 120

AYINDE: lol i see u killa

I fucking loved when he called me that, made me feel invincible. 

Despite how it seems this isn’t a love story. This isn’t a memoir about me finding my first love. Bleh. That’s so sappy. I want to tell you about the first time I stepped out of my comfort zone. You’ve experienced a snippet of our relationship. Ayinde and I were never together. We were just people who met at the wrong time. Had too much going on in our separate lives to focus on developing a relationship. But it didn’t stop us from pursuing the unique friendship we had. For years we maintained contact, I’d visit him pretty often but we always kept our distance when it came to personal things. We used each other as escapes from our realities. We were each other’s vacation after a long week. 

One night we were hanging out and things got more heated than they usually did. I wasn’t prepared to take the next step with anyone. No worries, I’m not about to make you uncomfortable and talk about how I lost my virginity because that isn’t the point. Before I say anything, I did have a great childhood. But some things did leave me scarred, I struggled with intimacy as a result. To make a long story short, it makes me self conscious, not something I’ll flaunt for the whole world to see. 

I’m the type of girl who will wait until the bathroom is empty to change my pad or start going to the bathroom. If it’s too busy, I’ll wait all day until I go home. In the locker room, I’d find the farthest corner or wait until all the girls leave to change my clothes. I’m not comfortable being alone around men. I used to clench my pocket knife in my hand when I walked home alone at night. The list goes on. 

The point of this memoir is to tell about the first time I felt completely comfortable in my own skin. Let alone, around a guy. 

They were everywhere. Trailing from my neck and back up against mine. His lips were distracting. I could barely focus. Let alone notice that the both of us were wearing less and less clothing by the minute. I stopped. 

I wouldn’t be able to handle him not liking what he saw. What if I did a bad job? What if he stopped talking to me?

“Do you want me to stop?” Ayinde pulled back from me looking concerned. He looks so cute right now. I kind of wanted to pick up where we left off. 

“Ye-No. It’s just, can you turn the lights completely down?” He liked his room dim, not too bright or dark. It was normally perfect but at that moment, they were making this situation turn into a nightmare.

“Um, why? What’s wrong?” He’s still hovering above me. I didn’t really want him to move. I bit my lip, contemplating. 

“Just don’t look at me any differently. Okay?” I pulled him down by the back of his neck and kissed him hard. Hoping that my issues with myself wouldn’t be a big deal, I’ve never gone this far with anyone. 

When the time came. I held my breath. Okay, I see my pants on the floor near the dresser. My shirt is near the door. I was locating my clothing so that I’d be able to leave quicker. I’m not really one to feel embarrassed but this was going to be borderline humiliating if I wasn’t enough for him. This reminded me of how I felt when I failed my driving test, but I wanted to do this with Ayinde. I didn’t want to quit just because I hadn’t grown the balls to show anyone else. I didn’t want to miss out because I was nervous as to what he might think. I had to at least give him a chance. 

What Ayinde did shocked me. Instead of being grossed out or losing his hard on. He didn’t ask any questions, he didn’t say anything. He kissed every part of my body and when he was done he leaned down to kiss my lips. I was worried, about him seeing all of me, for no reason. He wound up giving me the confidence I needed to be comfortable in my own skin. He told me what I needed to hear from a guy that I was into, not my parents: 

“You’re beautiful.”

And just like that... I didn’t have anymore insecurities. 

[itfeelssowrong]

Gonna try to be a bit more down to earth with this one. 

things could be worse i guess. but the thing is that it’s been extremely hard to talk about myself. like, even this whole blog appeared as I absolutely needed and *felt* like spitting a thousand words and venting everything out

but now it’s hard to even make a few phrases here. i’d like to think im better and that im feeling more instead of overthinking everything as per usual, but right now it’s like...yeah. my mind is exactly those three dots all the time im thinking about myself and trying to solve whatever the problem is with myself

my psychologist insisted and continues to insist on me writing more. this shouldn’t be a problem. i mean, again, i created this whole blog just to do that without the fear that someone i haven’t trusted access to it could read it

it’s not like i gave access to many people anyway

anyway, this is stopping me. i’m stopping myself from doing all kind of things and it’s like a deadlock: i stop doing something cause it’s gonna hurt someone but if i don’t do it i hurt myself and i go back and forth and then depending on the people it becomes too late (in my mind because i’m afraid of being an asshole) and i don’t do it AT ALL 

it’s like tomorrow i have college and i know i’ll feel like shit and anxious and i KNOW i won’t go to the classes im supposed to

and it’s bullshit cause i’ve been the past so many years trying to have a goddamn life and to just be happy and i’ve been telling people i’m great and im really not

but i keep telling people im gonna finish college next year for so many years

and i keep telling people that now i’m perfect and im very sure of my things

and I keep telling myself that too and i truly do believe it most of the times i say it 

but then some shits happen and it’s like a house of cards, or dominoes or whatever metaphor you wanna use, and it crumbles without me even fucking noticing sometimes  and it’s awful cause then im like “wait wow im bad? again? how did this happen i thought i was doing great”

and my brain replies “well but remember you felt like shit with this

and with this

and with this

and you thought it was okay but it really wasn’t and unconsciously but actually consciously you’ve been thinking about it all the time and it’s been consuming you slowly cause you don’t really have an idea how to fix it so you just ignore it! and yay it worked great until but now you know you’re bad

yes my brain says a lot of things. and then my heart chimes in and says

“hey brain do you know i exist too”

but he doesn’t most of the times. i know i feel things, good and bad. and i know i gotta fix shit. and it’s been bad with whatever i have with that girl and that’s been consuming me cause i have no idea what to do cause my heart tells me fuck NO but my brain doesn’t really want to believe it and then my heart changes it’s mind and says i shouldn’t hurt anyone but IT’S INEVITABLE and i already fucking hurt people so many fucking times and why am i so afraid and why am i so confused

okay so all i need is to start writing and things come out. well, i did need a couple cups of aguardiente to write something, but that’s barely anything so i’d consider this as being sober

and i think that in 2+ years if i read this i will think that “haha no you were drunk af” but noooooooooooo

believe meee

now, see you later, wrong feelings