#compulsion to repeat
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Parenting is critical, and regardless of how much we try to fix everything else, the government, the climate, it would perhaps all fall back to repeat the same mistakes.
#alice miller#prisoners of childhood#compulsion to repeat#drama of the gifted child#mental health#parenting#book quotes
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thinking about stefan and damon and what’s dead staying dead. they will always be those people they were at the moment of their death incapable of understanding their past incapable of moving forward. stefan will always be 17 and immature and obsessed with who he thought katherine was and furious with his brother and wanting so ardently that he will kill for it. and damon will always be jealous and possessive and wishing that it was him, that he was the one who mattered, that he was worthy of the love he watched his father and katherine shower on the boy he had to leave behind
#and elena is stuck in the middle of it all traumatized af#what if u were cursed to repeat the love story of a century#where is the culpability did it ever mean anything? did she ever love stefan did stefan ever love her did katherine love him#or was it all just the oldest sort of compulsion. and they try so desperately to cut the cord that ties them#but never go far. always back to damon always back to stefan and alway always about elena#Yeah a lot in mh mind rn just started my hastag official s1 rewatch#tvd#the vampire diaries#damon salvatore#stefan salvatore#defan#brothers bond
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its actually insane how much eddie has ocd. but no one is writing morality/scrupulosity obsessions and mental compulsions so you cant understand HOW MUCH he has ocd
#i know eddie was kneeling on his bedroom floor repeating the same prayer of protection over + over again in his head until everyone was safe#+ then when his compulsions shifted away from explicitly religious he was like Woah that was so crazy. I've been an atheist this whole time#talk#911
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was going to start writing an essay about the possible overlap between christianity and OCD and then I remembered im on Tumblr dot com and also a fucking idiot when it comes to putting things into words
#idk man I just think about it sometimes#because I feel like one of the biggest steps in the direction of ocd treatment/management/recovery is to acknowledge that it exists#and recognize your obsessions and compulsions are becoming detrimental#and it becomes so much more difficult to do that when the obsessions are around gods perception of you/your own moral standing#because it just feels like a normal religious thing to be thinking about and worried about#and compulsions like repeated prayer just feel like something you're supposed to do#so even the thought that they could be bad feels blasphemous and it becomes a vicious cycle of ocd and IDK!!! IDK!!!!!#I still feel very weird talking about it with other people but its something I think about a lot because the worst part of it is that#no matter how bad it is breaking the cycle is maybe the most terrifying part of it and on top of that if religion is a big part of your lif#then it can be harder to find support for it as well because everyone around you doesn't see it as a problem either#idk im just rambling a little bit. anyways. hi guys religious ocd is a major bitch I kinda want to write something about it
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pick 8 pictures from pinterest for standstill!! (a moodboard)
heyyy so im actually really awful at moodboards but i do save pictures of things that inspire standstill so heres some of those! sorry they arent like aesthetically cohesive. standstill talks about a lot of different themes all neatly tied together w the thin thread of a romance plot so sometimes it's hard to describe those in a way that feels coherent, even in picture form. hopefully u get the idea though 👍
#jade answers#Anonymous#straud asks#dogs/rabbits are thematic for vlad and brie specifically. when i see dogs or rabbits i think of them#bc it's about... the power play... it's about... the switching... wink... sometimes you're the dog and sometimes you're the rabbit#birds are more thematic for their life circumstance than Them as people. the birds are more about the journey#the trees remind me of them too... specifically the picture i included. bc it has underwent a process known as inosculation#which is when two trees growing in proximity begin to merge together into one tree#run down trailers bc those are where most of brie's childhood memories are. notice the forest surrounding the trailer#forest too are special in standstill... there are 2 posts so far of caleb and lilith traversing the forest when they arent supposed to#vs vladislaus having a genuine fear of going into the forest (hasnt been shown yet on my blog but it's written and comes up soon)#vs breanna not only going into the forest but being genuinely unafraid of it unlike lilith and caleb who enter it with fear#and vlad who doesnt enter the forest at all bc of his fear#the picture of the red woman swimming in blackness. almost like she's drowning in water. it evokes the image of human vlad#who stood on the dock overlooking the red bloodied water. and even more so the image of vlad as he was transformed#since he was lying on his back. and lastly that bible quote is included bc it's a quote vladislaus repeats in his head often#i think? i took out the scenes where he says that quote repeatedly bc i decided his compulsions are mainly internal but#it is an important quote for him nonetheless and i think about it very often while im writing#if you actually read all that im making out with you sloppy style
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gotta love the adhd and repetitive habit combo pack getting distracted and forgetting if you've done the action/the action correctly so having to redo it to make sure you have
washing my hands. forgetting ive washed my hands. my hands are now unwashed (this is bad). i wash my hands.
going to bed. check the door is locked. turn the lights off. have a glass of water (dehydrated). cant remember if the door felt locked (this is not good). check the door is locked (done twice so i can go upstairs and not forget the door is locked)
#mouse rambles#probably but not necessarily ocd...#*surprised pikachu face* when the neurodivergence neurodivergences#tw compulsions#it doesn't *bother* bother me minus the forgetting and repeating unnecessarily again bit (on top of my normal repetitions)#yeetus#maybe delete later
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Thinking about Ginger in Bones And All rn
That’s it, that’s the post
#ever after high#eah#ginger breadhouse#bones and all#not so much her in the movie but like#Explaining her lineage#The need to eat#Why her story has continued for so long#That kinda stuff#The uncontrollable compulsion to cannibalize#I know in the movie its used as a metaphor while Ginger’s situation is more literal#But like!!!!!!#The destiny system in EAH is wack#How has certain stuff repeated for so long#Like?????#Wack#I know in Kiss and Spell Ginger claims that the eating kids part was made up#BUT AINT NO WAY#I think that’s Mattel avoiding the cannibalism allegations#/joke#sort of#I headcanon its just a biological thing at this rate#And I also hc that Ginger throws up a lot when she does feel the urge#bc she doesn’t want to hurt people#(she’ll eat the fuck out of like a Slim Jim though to hold the craving back)#It’s canon that she distances herself from her family anyways so I think it’s reasonable that she came up with the lie#that her mother trying to eat Hansel and Gretel was made up#BECAUSE IN THE SECOND (?) BOOK#RAVEN GETS TOLD THAT GINGER’S MOM USED THE BACKDOOR OF HER OVEN TO ESCAPE BEING COOKED#You cant make that shit up
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I need a nickname for him because I can't just keep calling him {redacted}
Also horrible HORRIBLE NEWS /lh
His name is a vocal stim for me.... like I could repeat it over and over I just lovvveee how it sounds! Godddd (/w\) absolutely ridiculous! Hhhhh
#WHY!? WHY HIS NAME!? ;^; {lays face first into my pillows} I just get an overwhelming compulsion to repeat his name because#like sorry guy I got way to excited by you and now I cannot stop saying your name because I love the sound of it on my tongue#(thats not me being suggestive I literally love it)#my dirty little secret; 💢
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we keep jokingly using spanish while out on the street (like saying "mira la caca" to warn each other of dog poop on the sidewalk) and I can only pray and hope and plead with god that any argentine passersby who hear us won't be offended hdhdh
#i also say dale and bueno (and arriba for some reason?) a little too much but it's only bc my brain is compulsion pilled#so whenever i learn new sounds i need to repeat them 200x a day
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#my obsessive-compulsive/monotropic thoughts are so much worse when i'm doing badly and it impacts my mental health#cause they're not compulsions like tap your finger x times it's like#oh you had a thought that made you feel a particular kind of distressed? now you gotta do it again#one doesn't count u gotta think of the same thing until it causes u the same emotional reaction again and again#until it's a correct number so don't dare think about it again after cause it'll start all over#so imagine what it's like when there's a lot of distressing thoughts happening#and i gotta force myself to repeat not just the thoughts but the emotion#or it's gonna feel Wrong until i do#the amount of ''rules'' in my head is ridiculous#idk if monotropic is the correct word it's just that with me it's more of an autism thing than an ocd thing i think#unless i got more things going on that idk about lmao
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1, 2, 3, 4, 5 please
i’ll just post the wrapped lol
#not surprised at all by number 1 that supernatural edit had a chokehold on me….#spent an entire day listening 2 compulsive liar on repeat etc#WAS surprised by tennis didn’t realize how much i listened 2 that album…not mad abt it tho <3#vampire empire…..also zero surprises….#eat your young actually surprised me a bit but i did listen 2 it quite a lot so xx#ask#rae's playlist
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hi lia ask game going around do u wanna. share 5 fave songs then pass it on to 10 or so people…if u feel like it etc <3
hi rae <3 thanks for the ask
putting the dog to sleep - the antlers
small poppies - courtney barnett
ain't it strange - patti smith
garganta - ana carolina
flor de tangerina - alçeu valença
eastwick - julia jacklin
#hope you like them <3#dont know if I ever told you but you got me *hooked* on compulsive liar.... was listening to it on repeat and etc....#ask
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venting so much i ran out of tags lmao
#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision#im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful#life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy#oop very emo thoughts incoming#life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing#im just. struggling very hard this year. idk#i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it#and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh#idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and#all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety#and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been#bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long#but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore#idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days#ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk#a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no#like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life#its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma#and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them#like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please#please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room#i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic#i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle#(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken
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I was just camping in the desert for four days man this next shower is going to feel so glorious
#I am not a big camper at ALL#(contamination OCD yall woo)#but my bff wanted to go on a camping trip with all her friends#so I flew out to go camping with her#and man… I’m dusty… dirty… stinky….#I cannot wait to shower#it’s honestly been a real challenge to keep my cool what would try the compulsions#but the sun was beautiful and so was the desert#maybe I’ll post a few of the pictures we took bc they’re good#also it stormed TWICE while we were out there and one of them was a hailstorm#I was in my tent trying to wish myself home#and LET ME REPEAT!! I DO NOT CAMP!! I WAS ALREADY GRINNING AND BEARING IT!!#but it was actually fun and nice#and I loved all of her friends we all really got along
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i definitely don’t have ocd no siree not at all
#my boyfriend and i agree i do but also ~do-iiiii?#no compulsions… other than needing reassurance#and repeating stop in my head or clicking my cheek + snapping my head to one side when i have intrusive thoughts…
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The unofficial theme song of Mr. Gabriel "Sylar" Gray and his feelings for Claire. You best believe he's bumping this somewhere with tears in his eyes and depending on the timeline he might have even sent it to her because it's such a perfect embodiment of all that he is and all that he wants.
Each of them listening to it alone, but at the same time, and so together.
Here's the non Tumblr Spotify link, in case that doesn't work.
#sylar#gabriel gray#claire bennet#sylaire#headcanon#yeah yeah yeahs#wolf#love songs that hurt so good#hurt/comfort#I've literally listened to this over 100 times since it came out#on repeat#the adhd compulsion to listen to the same track repeatedly until it stops giving you dopamine#Spotify
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