#compared to how i went on a date with a woman yesterday and we discovered that we live one single street apart within the first five minutes

[lepakonpaska]

god i've missed dating women (and will ramble more in the tags)

[aestheticaltcow]

What Happens in Vegas Doesn't Always Stay in Vegas... Part 3

Ellie's presence at The Bear is... entertaining?

The Bear Masterlist

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Part 3- The Fight

“I don’t get why you want to work with him, baby. He never treated you right.” Jack sighed as he buttoned his sleeve. Ellie shrugged “Carmy is my friend. He’s also a really talented chef.” Jack shrugged “I guess…” “If it makes you feel better, I’m cooking with him today, but tonight, I’m sleeping with my insane and insanely hot fiance. Unless you suddenly don’t want to be my husband.” Jack chuckled and grabbed at her hips, pulling her into his body “I don’t have anything to worry about, right?” Ellie shook her head, “I love YOU, Jack. Carmy was just an appetizer compared to the absolute meal of a man you are.” Jack grinned and put his forehead against Ellie’s before softly kissing her lips. “I love you, Mrs. Aubrey.” 

Ellie walked into the kitchen and was immediately noticed by Syd. “Hi, can I help you?” “Yea- I’m Ellie. Carmy’s friend from culinary school and New York in general…” Syd nodded, side-eyeing her as Carmy came out of the office. “El, hey.” he smiled as he hugged her briefly, trying not to look suspicious. “Who’s this beautiful girl?” Richie playfully flirted when he saw Ellie in the kitchen; Carmy rolled his eyes at Richie’s comment. “I’m Ellie, Carmy’s friend from New York.” Richie nodded and watched as Carmy showed her to Marcus’s station. “She’s hot- you sure she’s Carmy’s friend?” Syd scoffed at Richie’s smart-ass comment, “Carmy isn’t totally hideous. I could see him being friends with her.” 

“Okay, I gotta ask. How’d you two meet?” Gary asked during family. Carmy stared at his phone, waiting for Claire to text him back about coming to the dinner they’d begun eating. “Well,” Ellie said after swallowing a bite of pasta, “I met him in culinary school. He was just this cute little awkward guy, and there were no cute guys in our class, right? So my friend Carly went up to him and tried inviting him to a get-together, but Carmy, being Carmy, said no. Fast forward three months, I discovered he was my across-the-hall neighbor.” Carmy grinned, remembering the day they realized they were neighbors like yesterday. “Anyway, we started commuting together, we got hired at the same restaurant, and it just kinda became convenient.” Syd looked between Ellie and Carmy, “You two dated?” Ellie laughed “I wouldn’t call it dating- it was more just ‘oh fuck I worked a 15 hour day and want to get my dick wet’ kind of thing.” Richie laughed and hit Carmy “Cousin, my fuckin man.” 

Ellie rolled her eyes at Richie’s pervy comment, “Then we got married in Vegas one night when we were drunk.” Carmy rolled his eyes “Yea, and you’re divorcing me.” Ellie was about to say something when she noticed a new woman standing in the restaurant “What was that, Carmen?” Claire felt her blood boil as Carmy turned to face her “Hey Claire…” 

“So you and Carmy got married?” Ellie nodded cautiously “Don’t worry, I don’t want him. I’m engaged to an awesome guy, and honestly, if I weren’t getting married, we probably wouldn’t have ever found out.” there was an awkward tension in the restaurant after Ellie explained the peculiar circumstances that brought her to The Bear. Claire nodded “Yeah, you’re probably right. Took him like 12 years to ask me out…” 

The mood shifted back to everyone making fun of Carmy and discussing how The Bear would get a star that year. After everyone ate, Carmy walked Claire out to her car, “Baby-” “Carmen. Why didn’t you tell me about this when you found out?” before Carmy could answer, Claire cut him off “You know what? I don’t want to know. I’m on call tonight. I’ll talk to you later.” Carmy nodded and watched her drive away. He waited until she turned the corner before pushing his hands through his hair. Carmy knew it wasn’t the right move not to tell her about what he’d found out the day prior, but she was already mad at him and figured telling her would just make it worse. He groaned, “Fuck.” 

Ellie noticed Carmy’s shitty mood throughout dinner service. It didn’t improve as the night went on. After closing, she watched him sanitize his station before going to his locker. She followed, “So… you’re in a shitty mood.” Carmy rolled his eyes at Ellie’s comment, “Yeah. I fucked up with Claire.” Ellie nodded “Well. It was great seeing you, CAB. I’m sending you an invite to the wedding, with a plus one. You’re a mostly okay guy, Carm. I’m sure she’ll come around.” Carmy laughed “We’ll see. But I’ll be there.” “You also have to stage at my place. We do this epic brown sugar habanero bacon sandwich- it’s fuckin fire.” Carmy shook his head and laughed “Of course it is.” “It was nice divorcing you, Carm.” “Right, back at you, Ellie.” 

Carmy was startled awake by his door slamming; he sat up on the ratty couch he’d bought off Facebook Marketplace when he’d first moved back to Chicago. If this had been a cartoon, steam would be coming out of her ears right now. “Okay, so you got married in Vegas, whatever. What was with that ‘oh, we probably wouldn’t have found out’ bullshit!” she yelled, her sloppy bun bouncing with every syllable. Carmy swung his legs off the couch to the floor and stood before her “Claire-” “Are we ever going to get married, Carmen?” Carmy swallowed as Claire’s eyebrows knit together. “Carmen, I’ve dealt with a lot of your avoidant attachment bullshit. I deal with the fact you work upwards of 60 hours a week. I get it. You aren’t ready to move in together. But today at work, I realized you haven’t even told me that you love me- unless we’re having sex.” she scoffed “What’s the end game here, Carmen? You shit on our relationship. You beg me to take you back and barely try to involve yourself in my life outside our relationship- what’s the end game? Do you ever want to get married? Buy a house? Have kids? What is the point of all of this, Carmen?” she crossed her arms over her chest, looking up at the ceiling in an attempt not to cry. Carmy sighed; he really needed a fucking cigarette. “Claire, I told you last year that I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be in a relationship- you still wanted to be with me. I recognize that I fucked up, and I’m tryin' to be better.” Carmy explained, “Can you look at me, Claire?” she huffed in response but obliged. He saw tears welling up in her eyes and instantly felt guilt wash over him “If I’ve learned anything about myself in the last 48 hours, it’s that I don’t think I’m actually in love with you- I’m sorry, but that’s the truth.” “Fuck you, Carmen.” Claire spat before leaving his apartment, “Don’t ruin Ellie’s relationship like you ruined ours.” she slammed the door on her way out.

Carmy sighed as he closed his eyes, lighting his fifth or sixth cigarette of the technical morning. He had slept since Claire left hours ago. He couldn’t stop thinking about Ellie. She was always so kind to him. It wasn’t just fucking to her, she put in effort for him to be comfortable in her space, but he’d never reciprocated the effort, and he knew it. He’d always assumed it was just his age. Being a hot upcoming chef in New York, there wasn’t a lack of women interested in him. If Ellie hadn’t been across the hall, at school, or work, he would have done the same thing to a different girl. Maybe he wouldn’t have married a different girl in Vegas, and while he knew they couldn’t stay married, part of him wished he could go back in time and change what had happened. Rewrite their love story. Be an actual boyfriend or at least just a friend. He didn’t deserve to be happy.

[frostedfaves]

Haunt (2)

Masterlist

Pairing: civilian!Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader

Summary: Getting to know you brings a few ‘firsts’ for Wanda.

Warnings: brief alcohol mention, tiny bit of angst

A/N: click on the link at the end of the masterlist to add yourself to the taglist! and tell me what you think!

Previous part

-

“Honey, I’m home,” Pietro called loudly as he locked the front door behind himself, smiling as Wanda appeared from the kitchen. “There you are, rybka. Smells good in there.”

“As it always does,” Wanda playfully bragged as she pulled her brother into a hug, sniffing his shirt as he pulled away. “Why do you smell so good?”

“Because I had a date earlier. Don’t give me that look.”

“What? I didn’t give you any look,” she mumbled as she attempted to quickly bring a sense of nonchalance to her expression. “I just worry.”

“You don’t have to--”

“Pietro, your last girlfriend was a nightmare. I have a right to be worried.”

“Well, you can relax this time,” he assured her as he followed her into the kitchen to wash his hands. “Usually things don’t go so well with girls that have posters of me in their rooms, but I have a good feeling. She travels for work almost as much as I do, but she lives really close to here. I can visit you both on the same day if I need to.”

“Wait…” Wanda paused to think as Pietro grabbed two plates from the cabinet. “Does she have a roommate?”

“Yeah, her name is Y/N, I think. You know her?”

“I do now. We met about an hour ago.” A smile formed on her lips as she began plating the food she made, but it faded as quickly as it appeared. “Why are you giving me a look right now?”

“Nothing, just been awhile since I’ve seen my baby sister with a crush.”

“You’re only twelve minutes older than me,” she argued with a scowl and Pietro laughed.

“I see you’re not denying that crush, though.”

“You can enjoy someone’s presence without being attracted to them.”

“Maybe, but you definitely have a crush.” He caught her hand with a grin as it flew toward his chest. “Come on, rybka. Just admit it.”

“Fine, I think she’s gorgeous. Happy?”

“I will be when you start dating,” he teased as she pulled her hand away.

“There won’t be a date. I mean she’s coming here tomorrow to hang out, but I don’t think she sees me like that.”

“Then she sucks,” he affirmed, groaning when her elbow bumped his side harshly. “She’s not even your girlfriend yet and you’re already super overprotective.”

He ran back into the kitchen to grab the wine and glasses before she could hit him again, giving her a bit of time to fantasize about a world where you were her girlfriend. She’d never tell Pietro just how great that sounded to her.

-

Wanda gasped as the doorbell went off, nearly knocking over the 3-tier cooling rack full of cookies on her race to the front door. She paused in the hallway to fix any hairs that flew out of place in her rush and took a deep breath before opening the door with a smile. You were standing on her porch wearing a different hoodie from yesterday and jeans instead of sweatpants, but every bit of the face she’d been thinking of in the past 16 hours was the same, and she couldn’t help but think that nothing could’ve prepared her for being this close to you again.

“Are you going to let me in or just stare?” you teased with a slightly shaky laugh, and Wanda wasn’t sure if she was blushing because she was caught or because she was already so enchanted with every little action of yours.

“Sorry, sorry.” She stepped aside as you walked in and locked the door behind you. “I’m not usually this weird, I promise.”

“I’m sure you are, and that’s okay because I like it.”

Wanda was sure (if the tension surrounding her grinning mouth was any indication) that her face would split open at any moment. You hadn’t even been here more than a full minute and she felt a warmth growing inside her chest that hadn’t made an appearance in quite some time. She wondered if it was too soon to admit that to you, but Alexei tiptoed into the room before she could decide.

“Hey, it’s your cute dog!” You were on your knees in seconds greeting the corgi that happily trotted over to you.

“Yes, this is Alexei, which basically means ‘defender’.”

“I feel like you call him that ironically, but I think I can see this tiny baby taking out some bad guys,” you quipped as you glanced at her from the floor, turning back to Alexei as you scratched lightly along his jaw. “What do you think?”

Wanda joined you in giving her furry son some love for another minute or so before he grew tired of the attention and walked off, leaving the two of you alone again. A few seconds of awkward silence passed before she offered you a tour of her home. She led you through the living room into the dining room, showing you where the bathroom was and briefly gesturing toward her bedroom, trying her hardest not to make such a big deal of doing so. Once you made it back around to the kitchen, she took you through the back door to her yard.

“And this is my garden!”

“I’m surprised you don’t grow your own vegetables, too,” you told her as you checked out the variation of flowers growing in a line, quickly adding “You seemed to know so much about it yesterday.”

“There’s this market I go to sometimes, and the elderly woman that sells vegetables there is always sharing tips with me. I could take you one day, if you’d like,” Wanda offered as she cast a nervous look your way, relaxing a bit when you smiled and nodded.

“I would like that a lot.”

You made your way back inside and Wanda gave you the freedom to pick anything from her movie collection under the television while she set up a tray with cookies and bowls of popcorn and chips. She watched you slide a disc into the DVD player from the corner of her eye as she placed the tray on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“What’d you pick?”

“Tangled,” you answered simply as you grabbed the remote and took a seat. “It’s wholesome.”

You pressed play as Wanda returned with two glasses and a pitcher of water, and she sat at what she hoped was a respectable distance. The part of her that wanted to pretend that she hadn’t seen this movie thousands of times was quickly overpowered by the part that wanted to sing along, quietly at first during “When Will My Life Begin” and a little louder and more enthusiastic with “I’ve Got A Dream”.

“Am I that bad?” she joked when she noticed you watching her and you shook your head quickly.

“No, you’re not bad at all! You just have such a soothing voice. It’s kind of hard not to lose myself in it.”

“Oh...thank you.”

You faced the television again and Wanda took that as a cue to turn back to the movie too, but her focus was still on you. The last time she’d watched Tangled was with her ex-girlfriend, who complained every time she uttered a single note, but you almost seemed to encourage it with your attentive gaze. She found herself shaking her head a bit in an attempt to clear those thoughts, not wanting to compare you to someone else when she barely knew you.

“I’m sorry,” you quickly apologized as you paused the movie, causing Wanda to look at you as you faced her once more. “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“No! No, I’m not uncomfortable, just surprised is all. You’re the first person to show appreciation of me singing during a movie...I mean, Pietro likes my singing, but he’s known me since birth, so the novelty’s kind of worn off.”

“Well, you sound incredible. The kids at your school are so lucky to--”

“Can I kiss you?” Her eyes widened as she scooted over a bit on the couch to give you more space. “I’m so sorry I said that! I’ve just been staring at your lips for the past minute and I swear I was listening, but I couldn’t stop thinking--”

“I’ve been thinking about it, too.”

The sight of your reassuring expression was all the encouragement Wanda needed to pull herself close enough that your thighs were touching, and her hand went for your jaw as she leaned in, internally cheering as you did the same. Your lips met in a gentle fashion, but Wanda couldn’t help her greed as she pressed herself into you more. She felt the tip of your tongue and opened her mouth without any thought, quickly losing herself in your touch as her hand slid toward the base of your neck while the other grabbed a fistful of your hoodie.

You yanked yourself out of her hold as she was about to slide her hand under the fabric covering your back, and Wanda jumped back in shock, torn between keeping her distance and placing a hand on your thigh to calm you when you began gasping for air a bit.

“Is everything okay? Did I go too far?”

“No, you didn’t. That was all me,” you assured her breathlessly. “I, um, just thought of something and kind of freaked myself out. Terrible timing, I know. I also know that was pretty weird so I can leave if you want.”

“I was just scared that I’d done something wrong.” Wanda placed her hands carefully over yours with a soft smile. “I think we’ve had our fair share of weirdness to the point of it not being a deal breaker anymore.”

“Okay.” You sighed and shifted your hands to grab yours. “I’m just worried that we’ll start something here that you won’t want to finish, and I know that can happen with anyone in any kind of situation, but I…Can you promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Promise me that you’ll walk away the moment my baggage becomes too heavy. I don’t want you to try sticking it out for my sake and end up hating me.”

“I wouldn’t stay just for your sake--”

“I asked you to promise me something and you responded ‘anything’ with zero hesitation, and you’ve known me for only a day,” you quickly reminded her. “I have a right to be worried.”

Your words took her back to last night, which took her even further back to the reason she said the exact same thing to Pietro. She finds it incredibly easy to discover those red flags most people seem to hold, but always struggles to leave and ends up hating herself for it more than those that deserve it. So despite the lack of warning signs with you, she decides to give in.

“I promise.”

-

Tags: @littlegasps @peggycarter-steverogers @imnotasuperhero @natasha-danvers @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @trikruismybitch @cristin-rjd @slut-for-nat @honeyvenable @creepingwolfberry @stickystudentlightmug @choni-trimberly @thedragonzland @dylxn-lee @cordeliaswhore

[keanureevesisbae]

Coach Cavill - Chapter 7

Summary: Amelia is about to go on her first date with coach Cavill

Coach!Henry Cavill x Amelia Jung (Asian ofc)

Wordcount: 3.3k

Warnings: None

A/N: To celebrate the fact that I am done with school for a while, I thought I’d post (part one of) their date with you! I hope you like it 💕 please let me know if you want to be on the taglist!

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

Within an hour I had to dress up to look splendid that Friday, because I didn’t want Dean to see how beautiful I was going to look. Maybe the stress dressing up under sixty minutes also had to do with the poor state of my planning today, but we are simply going to ignore that.

The entire week I have been looking forward to this. During the training yesterday, Henry kept stealing glances from me, after he made me a wonderful cup of cappuccino. It’s weird really, how head over heels I’m becoming, in just a matter of a little more than a week.

While everything Dean was exciting and somehow terrifying, since he was mysterious and a little hard to get, this instant connection I have with Henry feels so safe and familiar. I can’t stop thinking about him, to a point where Ricky, Annabelle and the rest of the little ones in my class kept asking me if I was doing okay. However, they figured out pretty soon I was a bit in love and now they continue to make kissy sounds during the day.

‘You look fucking hot,’ Eve says, as she brushes through my hair. ‘Lucky mister Henry Cavill.’

‘Is it too much?’ I ask, as I smooth down my tight dark blue dress, that Isabella insisted on me wearing and it’s a good fit: I mean, it accentuates the few curves I have. I look down at the matching high heels and sigh deeply. ‘It’s too much,’ I conclude.

‘No, honey, it’s not too much. You look beautiful and I know that Henry will think so too. Besides, he is already smitten with you, so I don’t think you have anything to worry about.’

I let out a sigh again. ‘It’s just that I’m nervous. How long has it been since I had my last first date?’

‘When you were nineteen,’ Eve answers my rhetorical question. ‘I know that, but that went well too and since Henry is an absolute angel, this date will go without a hitch, I can guarentee. And besides, you have done things much more terrifying than this. You went to South Korea, debuted in a girl group. A full one eighty in career choices when you got here, went on a date with the mysterious hottie Dean, somehow made that work. Plus, you were a total bad ass and gave birth to Isabella on your own, who was breeched.’

I roll my eyes. ‘I highly doubt you can compare giving birth to a first date.’

‘What I want to make clear to you, is that you are fierce and awesome and Henry knows that too.’ Eve and I both yelp when the doorbell rings. ‘Your future husband is here.’

‘Shut up,’ I say, as we walk down the stairs. She stuffs something in my clutch and hands it to me. ‘What on earth did you put in here?’ I hiss, as I grab my coat from the rack.

‘A condom.’

I halt all my movements. ‘You did what?’

‘Better to be safe than sorry.’

Before I can tell her off and that I’m really not going to have sex with Henry on the first date, she pushes me to the door and I quickly put on my coat, before I open the door.

I’m hit with the realization that I’m going on a date with the most beautiful man on this planet. He looks illegally handsome, with his nice suit jacket hanging open, that matches with his black pants. He is wearing a white blouse, nicely tucked into his pants and the tease has the two top buttons open and the sight of his chest (and the chest hair) is making my mouth dry.

‘Wow,’ he says with a beautiful smile, ‘you look beautiful, Amelia.’

This is going to kill me. How am I supposed to survive this entire night? ‘It’s not too much?’ I ask, just to be sure and first date jitters taking the upper hand.

He shakes his head. ‘This is exactly right.’

I turn to Eve, who is holding in a squeal. After being friends with her for so long, I know every facial expression. ‘Only call me if it is a matter of life or death,’ I tell her.

‘Have I ever called you when it was not important?’ I cock an eyebrow and she nods. ‘Right, I have done that before. I’m sorry. Won’t do it tonight, promise.’

‘Very good. Please, don’t wait up and don’t sit on the front porch with the twins, because I know you three want to do that.’

Eve slaps me on my ass, before I step out of the house and I sincerely hope that Henry hasn’t seen that. From the looks of it seems like he hasn’t seen that, but maybe he is just polite and doesn’t show me he has seen it. ‘Don’t look back,’ I tell Henry, as we walk towards his truck. ‘She’ll embarrass either one of us if we do so.’

Henry can’t help but laugh and he opens the door of his truck. ‘Do I have to give you a boost or can you manage?’

‘Oh shut up,’ I chuckle as I get in the car, after I took his hand. ‘Because I’m short, I have developed cat woman like skills. You should see me in the classroom, when I have to grab something from the top shelf.’

‘I’ll believe that right away.’ He closes the door and I wave to Eve, who nods approvingly and gestures something about how firm his butt looks. I mean, I can only agree to that, but once again, sure as hell hope he hasn’t seen any of that.

Henry gets in the truck and before he puts the key in the ignition, he looks to the side, meeting my eyes. ‘What?’ I ask him.

‘You look breathtaking,’ he whispers, almost as if he doesn’t want me to hear this compliment.

I’m at a loss for words. ‘Oh,’ I manage to choke out. ‘Thanks…’

He clears his throat. ‘I’m just a little nervous.’

‘What? Why? If someone should be nervous, it’s me. One, I’m going on a date with you and two, my last first date was sixteen years ago.’

He chuckles, but he sounds really nervous. ‘Well, mine might’ve not been that long ago… But I have never been on a date with someone like you.’

‘Do you mean that in a good way or…?’

Henry’s eyes widen. ‘In a good way, of course,’ he hastily says. ‘It’s more that you are way out of my league.’

What? ‘I think I was hallucinating. What?’

‘I mean, have you even seen yourself? You are admirable, in any way.’

Is this how it feels when your heart not only is figuratively melting, but also literally? ‘Oh.’

‘You are truly one of a kind, Amelia and I sure hope I meet up to what you deserve.’

Okay, I’m officially blanking. What are words?

Henry smiles and starts the car. ‘I hope you like the place I booked. I heard some pretty good things about it.’

✰ ✰ ✰

Leave it to Henry fucking Cavill to not only book a spot at my favorite restaurant here in town, but also to have a secluded spot that I didn’t know was here. We sit on the patio, a heater pointed at us to keep us warm, as we look over the lake. We are surrounded by romantic Christmas lights, as we sit next to each other on the soft couch. His arm is resting on the back, his thumb softly drawing circles on my shoulder.

He hands me a glass of wine and I can’t help but melt a bit against his frame. ‘You did amazing,’ I say. ‘I really like this spot. I never even knew it was here. How did you discover this?’

‘I might’ve had some help from Greg.’

‘Convenient store Greg?’ I ask. ‘You two becoming friends?’

‘Yeah, I’m there quite a lot. He sometimes watches Kal when I’m not home for too long of a time. Annabelle constantly tells him that she loves Kal, so that’s a plus.’

‘Annabelle is in my class,’ I say. ‘A true angel. A cheeky one, but she is such a delight to have in class.’

Henry smiles, taking a sip of his wine. We’re still waiting for our food to arrive, but the wine will do just fine for now. ‘It’s quite the one eighty, to go from a K-Pop idol to a kindergarten teacher.’

‘Oh, you have no idea,’ I chuckle. ‘It was so weird, to go from that hectic world, fans screaming your name, photoshoot here, there, dance practice and just never not busy, back to Luna Meadows, where every second seems to tick at least three times. I had to spend three months in the barn in the back of my parents yard, to simply talk with Eve and Johnny, getting used to this pace again. It was nice to be back here though, since this will always be my home.’

He nods. ‘So, you come back to Luna Meadows when you were eighteen, go back to college and…’

‘And I met Dean, when I was nineteen, was twenty one when I had Benji, somehow got my degree and after I graduated, I married Dean.’

‘Wow,’ he says. ‘That is top tier multitasking.’

‘That’s what I thought so,’ I chuckle, taking a sip of my wine. ‘It was really important for me to finish college, because, I wanted to be able to provide for myself and even after I graduated, I worked three days a week. I’m not equipped to be a full-time house wife. I tried that for two months and then I became mad.’

Henry laughs. ‘And now you work full-time.’

‘I do, indeed. It’s the only way I can continue to pay for the house. I don’t want to move away from Eve and her baby sit service.’

He nods in agreement. ‘You are very lucky to have friends that care so much and do so much for you.’

‘I sure am,’ I say with a smile. I take another sip, before I ask: ‘What about you? Why did you leave Jersey to move here?’

‘I was a judo coach there and worked in a cafe. However, some family stuff happened and I had to get out of there.’ Henry clears his throat and shakes his head. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘No, no, you don’t want to talk about it, I totally understand it. Just, tell me how you got into judo then.’ I turn a bit to the side and oh my, I can feel his strong body against mine, but weirdly enough it doesn’t make me nervous anymore.

‘Oh, that was something me and my grandpa had together. All of my brothers were into team sports, like lacrosse, football and rugby.’

My eyes widen. ‘You have brothers?’

‘Mhm, four,’ he says.

‘Your mom had five kids?’ I ask him.

He can’t stop his laugh. ‘She did.’

‘Mad respect,’ I say. ‘I don’t want to be too TMI, but I had to recover six years after I had Benji before I even thought about adding another one. Not the point, Amelia,’ I quickly realize letting out a soft chuckle. ‘Your brothers were into team sports.’

Henry nods, a smile evident on his lips. ‘My entire family was obsessed with everything team sport related, including us as a family. I liked to do things solo, just like my granddad and that’s how judo became our thing. My family supported me and judo, of course, but… I knew they didn’t really like the sport as much as my granddad and I liked it. When I was twenty, I was actually doing pretty well. Competing in national tournaments, even some international ones.’

I frown. ‘Why do I feel a however coming up?’ I ask him.

He snickers. ‘However, I broke my leg in three places when I was in the gym.’

‘Oh no,’ I say, as I shiver.

‘Yeah, it was pretty bad,’ he chuckles. ‘But judo was my life and I couldn’t just let it go, so I started to work as a trainer and coach, but I didn’t make enough money to provide for myself, so I also worked in a cafe.’

I nod. ‘And why did you choose Luna Meadows?’

He shrugs. ‘It just felt right. And that’s where I met the most amazing judoka I have ever seen. Benji is miles ahead of not only everyone here, but also to everyone I have ever encountered.’

‘Including you?’

‘Including me,’ he laughs. ‘He is amazing.’

‘That’s because he has some judo genes from his amazing mother,’ I chuckle, as I throw my hair over my shoulder. ‘I was quite something back in the days.’

He chuckles. ‘So, what does Isabella do?’

‘She is in a drama club. When she was younger, she would force Benji, Yara, Jake and Lola to be side characters in a play she made up, where she was the main character. She is overly dramatic and I figured that I would do the other kids a favor if I would put her in a drama club. Yara and she go every Tuesday, Wednesday and Sunday after school with Eve.’

‘It must be amazing to have a friend this close living to you.’

‘It does,’ I say, as I stare at my wine. ‘Made the whole divorce thing a whole lot better to handle.’

‘I imagine. Divorce is never easy.’

‘Experience or…?’ I carefully ask.

‘I was married,’ he says, ‘but the second we said ‘I do’, it was already a lost cause, really. Actually, we never really fit together.’

I take a sip of my wine, but I place my other hand on his strong leg. Normally I wouldn’t be this forward, but it feels so warm and comfortable. ‘Is she part of the reason that you had to leave Jersey?’

He shakes his head. ‘No, we were married from my twenty fifth to my twenty seventh.’

Okay, he doesn’t want to continue to talk about it and for some reason I can’t stop the words from coming out of my mouth. ‘You know, I never thought I’d go on a date again.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because everyone in this town knows that I got divorced and everyone had an opinion about it,’ I whisper. ‘You know, I wasn’t exactly the most loved. A lot of them thought it was my fault that Dean started to see someone else. I wasn’t a good enough wife, who didn’t love her husband enough.’

When I look up, I see that Henry has clenched his jaw, before taking a sip of his wine. ‘That’s bullshit.’

‘I know,’ I say mostly out of disbelieve. ‘But good things happen to good people and now I met you.’

‘Moving to Luna Meadows was a good move on my behalf.’

Our pasta arrives and I sit up a bit straighter. ‘This looks delicious,’ I say, twirling around my fork, to twist the spaghetti around it. ‘Henry Cavill, you sure know how to swoop a woman off her feet.’

Henry smiles, taking a bite of his pasta. It’s different than mine, but it looks delicious. I can see him ogling my plate as well and I guess the grass is indeed greener on the other side. ‘Here,’ I say, with a fork full of pasta. I hold it above my other hand, so I won’t spill something on any of us. I now realize that it might be weird to feed a grown man on our first date, but I can’t go back now.

‘You’re a natural,’ he chuckles, before taking a bite. ‘Oh, yours is really good. Want a bite of mine?’

‘Sure,’ I say with a blush creeping up on my cheeks. He is a little clumsy, but somehow manages to bring the fork to my lips, without it spilling on my dress. With his thumb he wipes the corner of my mouth clean. ‘Am I tasting some cinnamon?’

‘That was what I was thinking,’ he says. ‘I would never put cinnamon in my pasta, but it is really tasty and it actually works.’

‘I once accidentally added honey to the chicken and somehow it turned out to be pretty okay.’

‘Yeah, Benji told me you weren’t a great cook.’

I hide my face in my hands. ‘I may have burned quite a few meals in my kitchen. One time, for Thanksgiving, I attempted to cook for Eve and Johnny, because they were having a bit of a rough time, with Lola being admitted into the hospital and all. However, I burned the entire meal, the kitchen was filled with smoke and I had a complete meltdown. Isabella called my parents and somehow my mom saved the day.’

Henry’s shoulder shake as he laughs. ‘That would be quite the sight.’

‘Oh, it was terrible. Can you imagine if I was a full time housewife? I think I’d have the fire department on speed dial.’

I want to add something to this (believe me, I have tons of stories of me nearly burning down my place), but my phone starts to ring and I quickly open my clutch to check the screen.

It’s Eve.

Part of me doesn’t want to take it, but I know that she took her promise serious. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I say.

‘Please, take it,’ Henry encourages me, when he sees me hesitating.

I pick up and say: ‘Eve, this better be very important.’ However I don’t hear her voice, but I hear Benji yelling in the background and that is something I barely understand. ‘What’s wrong? Is everything okay?’

‘I have no idea,’ Eve manages to say. ‘Isabella is just sitting in the corner of your living room, not speaking at all.’ That can’t be good. ‘Benji is on the edge of losing it, but I feel like he is too much in a rage to listen to any of us and Dean is outside, trying to let himself in, but we locked the door. I’m really sorry to interrupt your date, but I feel like both of your kids need you right now.’

My heart sinks. ‘Oh no,’ I mumble. ‘I’m coming back.’

‘I hate dad,’ I hear Benji yell in the background. ‘I fucking hate him.’

‘Benji, please stop it!’ Lola pleads.

‘This is not working, man,’ Jake adds.

‘Mom, Isabella is crying,’ Yara says.

I hang up, shaking my head. ‘I’m so sorry, Henry, I have to get back. Something is really wrong and according to Eve, Benji is really close to losing it completely and Isabella is not talking, Dean is outside of my house…’

‘I heard it,’ he says, already standing up, holding up my coat. ‘Let me get you home.’

[alia-turin]

It has been three whole days since I have told you about my love for Caranthir, right?? Here comes another story for fairly young Caranthir

I’m continuing on my quest to get there some backstory, because no one else will do it for me. Couple of big thank yous come in here. 

@challengeofthedark I know you prefer to lurk, but I’m calling you out because you are great for bouncing ideas and you also did the beta. So yeah. 

Also @mentoskadraws for your AMAZING art being such an inspiration, I have no idea how I will do physical descriptions without you. 

As always thank you for reading.

Fic Name: Hold Me Closer Fandom: The Witcher (Aen Elle) Characters: Caranthir, Avallac’h, Imlerith Pairing: Caranthir/F!OC Warning: Angst, character death  AO3: Click  Summary:  Young Caranthir falling in love for first time thanks to a small prank from Imlerith. He is still too young and even naive about certain things.

Imlerith was bleeding in his hands, Caranthir had just a second to think before he opened a portal and moved them right in the healer’s room in the castle.

“What…” Orin, the old healer was not there, the voice was of a young woman who dropped the bandage she was holding as Caranthir walked through the portal barely supporting Imlerith. “Bed, now.” the woman ordered and he didn't question or protest at the urgency in her voice.

“Where is Orin?” Caranthir asked as he looked around, the man was the best healer they got and he did not know the woman.

“Help me remove the armor.” the woman ordered, ignoring his question, Caranthir raised an eyebrow, but obliged. He took his helmet and his gauntlets off and started pulling the straps of Imlerith’s armor.

“I think I’m about to die because Orin turned into a beautiful woman…” Imlerith groaned as they managed to pull his armor off.

“Where is Orin? He needs a healer.” he repeated himself looking at her this time, her eyes still focused on the blood coming out of Imlerith's side..

“I heard you the first time, I’m a healer, now sit down, and stop being in my way.” she told him with a very flat angry tone, as she grabbed some things from the nearby shelf.

Caranthir took a deep breath. No one spoke to him like that. Not since he was a child. He opened his mouth to tell her exactly what he was then he closed it just as fast. Up until now he had not truly seen her. He had seen she was a woman, but he was too busy dragging Imlerith’s dead weight and taking the armor off. She had red hair tied up and green eyes that pierced him like ice. He made a step back until his legs hit a chair, he sat and covered his face with the hood of his coat.

“Orin never had ass that nice.” Imlerith’s hand was on her legs sliding up as she was trying to clean his wound. Caranthir stared until the other man screamed and pulled his hand away. Caranthir smirked at himself knowing no one could see under the hood how satisfied he was with his little burning spell.

“What was it?” she asked and looked at Caranthir, his eyes were somewhere on his shoes making sure she didn't have a good view of his face.

“Striga.” he said and looked up again only when he sensed she was not looking at him. Imlerith was staring at him, his eyes narrowed. The man smiled, seriously smiled as he was being patched and tried for her ass again but Caranthir shook his hand. Imlerith’s face was glowing as if he just discovered some secret.

“I thought you Red Riders are good.” she said teasingly as she was closing the wound.

They were, they were also drunk and made a bet they could kill the striga bare hands, no magic no swords. Caranthir was not going to admit his stupidity.

“He will live?” he asked as he got up.

“He is a big guy, he will live.” she said and turned toward him, but Caranthir was already on his way out through the door.

“You should see what else is big on me…” he shut the door as he didn’t want to hear the rest of Imlerith’s sentence. He walked straight to his room, trying to think about...stuff. Anything really but all that was in his head was bright green eyes, the way she had looked at him.

He didn’t even touch the door, he opened it with magic, he closed it with magic. He just stood in the middle of the room breathing heavily, not really sure what to do with himself. He started pulling his armor just because he needed to occupy his hands with something.

He had to calm down. Nothing happened; he didn’t even know why he was freaking out. As he was pacing eventually he found himself in front of the only mirror in the room, covered by a bedsheet. Caranthir pulled the sheet and looked at the mirror, slowly removing his hood.

That was why he was freaking out. He could only hope she never actually saw his face. He ran the events through his head - he was wearing his armor when he came in, then she was busy, then he had his hood covering him, nothing happened. He pulled his hair back, revealing the scar on the right side of his face, it was staring just above his ear level and running down his cheek, to his jawline, trailing down his neck, to his collarbones. Another scar was starting just under the tip of his nose and cracking his upper lip in two, his lower lip was broken on the side from a scar pointing at his chin. There were also smaller cracks just above his left eyebrow and the left cheek, but nothing was as nasty as the right side of his face. He let his hair fall over again, that covered most of the mess that his skin was, but the scars on his lips were still there, the damage on his neck was still visible and some of the other pieces, but at least he could pass for somewhat acceptable with all that. He forced his lips into a smile, the way his scars pulled his lips made that smile look like a dog snarl in his mind, there was a reason he always smiled just with the corner of his mouth.. He grabbed the sheet in anger and tossed it over the mirror again.

Why was he even worried? It was not as if...he liked her or something. The world was filled with pretty girls. Every world was filled with pretty girls and he had access to all of them with just a wave of his wand.

Caranthir crawled in his bed, clothes still on, he didn’t care. He simply stared at the ceiling, thinking of her...it was a new feeling. He had been physically attracted before. He had women in his bed, but he never really cared about any of them. It was very physical, even animalistic. He had done what he needed to do and there was that. Unlike now. No, now it was different, and no matter how much he wished he could deny it, he knew. He had been in her presence just a few minutes and his heart was racing in a way that he had not experienced before.

On the next day he went to see Imlerith, he felt guilty for leaving the way he did yesterday and he also felt as if he should have not listened to the other man when he suggested they fight something drunk, no weapons. Imlerith was known to take stupid risks only to make his blood run faster, Caranthir alwasy felt that he was supposed to be the smart one between the two of them. No, he was the smart one between the two of them, he just...sometimes did stupid and rash things.

He made sure she wasn’t there when he walked into the room, Imlerith was already sitting on the bed looking better.

“I was hoping you were dead by now.” Caranthir said with a smile.

“That lady healer has a touch.” Imlerith chuckled and made a motion with his tongue against his cheek. Caranthir stared, clenching his jaw so hard his teeth hurt.

Imlerith’s expression suddenly became serious. “I’m just joking, stop looking so grim, don’t turn me into anything unnatural.” Imlerith got up and stretched, his hand on the bandage that was wrapped around his abdomen. “Now if you hurry you will find her in the garden waiting for you.” Imlerith chuckled again.

“Find who where?” Caranthir pretended he didn’t know what he was talking about. In fact for all he knew Imlerith probably wasn’t talking about her, but Caranthir had been thinking about her all night and every second since he woke up. She was in his cursed dreams and that was...exciting.

“Her name is Riona, we spent a lot of time talking about you. She said she thinks you are cute. I told her everything about you. How you are the best mage that was ever born, how strong you are…” Imlerith gave him a very cunning grin.. Caranthir didn’t like that, people usually died once his friend smiled like that. “I also told her you will take her on a date and she should wait for you in the garden.”

“You..what?” it wasn’t typical for him to raise his voice, he never shouted, even when he felt anger it was more of a silent storm in his head. Now all sorts of emotions ran into his brain and he just couldn’t control how loud he was.

“I suggest you hurry before she decides you don’t like her.” Imlerith chuckled.

Caranthir turned and rushed out of the room. He had no idea why he was running, he could just open a portal and he would be in the garden, but his brain had just one thought in mind. ‘She is waiting for me’, every idea of rationality was gone, every sense of what he could and could not do was also gone, all he needed was to get in the garden.

It wasn’t difficult to find her there, she was kneeling next to a patch of herbs, her red hair just standing out compared to everything else.

He cleared his throat as he didn’t want to talk, he had been running, he was breathing heavily, she didn’t need to hear him trying to form sentences when he was short of breath.

“Hello to you too.” she turned around with a smile and Caranthir almost forgot why he was there or his name for that matter. He could just stare at her smile for days and he would be happier than he had ever been. He had no idea what was going on with him..he barely knew her. No, in fact he did not know her.

“I’m sorry, I just spoke with Imlerith, he told me he promised you I will take you on a date, and I want you to know, I never asked him to do that, but I also would love to do that…'' he closed his mouth. At first her expression was full of surprise, then she smiled and covered her mouth to hide a laughter. Caranthir started rolling the events back in his head. Imlerith was..smiling and laughing. Imlerith had said he talked to her about him, Imlerith used the word date. He took a deep breath realizing he was an idiot. Imlerith would never set him up for a date. An orgy maybe, or some random encounter...date was not something Imlerith was familiar with. He was pranked. “Imlerith never spoke with you about any of that.” He wanted to open a portal under his feet and just disappear.

“I asked him about you…” she offered with a shy smile. “He said you have a stick so far up your ass you choke on it.”

“Of course he did.” Carathir couldn’t believe how stupid he was. He was going to find that big sack of shit and turn him into a frog and then toss him in the desert.

“Well...I wouldn’t mind...you know. Going somewhere with you.” She said as they both stood in silence for a moment, Caranthir too busy wondering if he would have the ability to kill Imlerith before he killed himself and just put an end to this shame. Her words made him look at her, green eyes just staring at him, shining in the daylight. There was his chance. He could salvage that. He could impress her and look less of an idiot than he did right now. He opened a portal and made a sign with his hand to her. “Well, follow me.”

They found themselves on an island in the Aen Seidhe world. He discovered that place a couple of years ago by accident, it was a small piece of land, you could see from one end to the other with ease, nothing lived here, just a number of palm trees and tropical plants. It was calm, only the sound of the sea and the wind. At first he had thought of taking her somewhere in the mountains, but that somehow seemed out of place for her. She just seemed like the opposite of him, and as much as he loved the snow and the storms, that wasn’t what he wanted to show her. She was like the summer in his eyes.

“Where are we?” she walked to the water and he could see her eyes just drinking the picture around them. “This water…'' That was another thing he liked about the island. The water was colour like he had never seen before. The type of blue and green that was absolutely unique.

“The Aen Seidhe world. It’s an island I found a couple of years ago.” he didn’t care about the island or the water, he was just watching her marveling at the view.

She walked the beach in front of them and then walked back to him. “You certainly know how to make an impression.'' She sat down on the sand and he followed. “Sometimes I wish I had the power to just go to a different world.” she said with a smile on her lips. “Not to escape. But just to see other things. To see what you have seen. All the beauty.”

Caranthir looked at her uncertain what to say. He had never...looked at it in that way. He had been curious about other worlds and his curiosity had been satisfied to an extent, but he rarely saw the beauty in other worlds, it was mostly ugliness. He knew about places like this one and he cherished them, but he saw other worlds as tools, means to an end.

“You are not a talker are you?” she asked him and he realized he had been silent awfully long.

“I don’t think I have much to talk about.” he pulled the collar of his shirt up covering the scars on his neck. She had probably seen most of them by now, but he didn’t need to put them in her face.

“Are you serious?” she looked at him, her eyebrows raised, her whole face bright and shining. “You, the Navigator of the Red Riders, a man who has seen worlds without count, who can move a whole army just by waving his staff, has nothing to talk about?” he smiled with the corner of his lips at her words, he knew he could do all that, but hearing she was impressed by it stroked his ego to a level that he had not felt before which was rare. He knew who he was and he was proud of his skills, Avallac’h had called him arrogant, but somehow next to her he felt like a child who can barely dress himself.

“Fine.” she finally said and reached for his face, he almost jumped back. “Tell me about these.” her hand was cupping the side of his face, right where his scars were, and her thumb was brushing against his lips.

“Not much to say about them, I was born with them as far as I know.” he grabbed her hand and moved it away from his face, allowing his hair to cover the place where her warm fingers had touched him. He didn’t let go of her hand, so small and delicate in his.

“You are ashamed of them.” it wasn’t a question, it was a statement, if someone else had told him that he probably would have been angry, but the way she looked at him...it wasn’t pity, he had seen too much of that, it was..concern. That shocked him. Nobody ever had expressed concerned towards him, at least not on that raw level.

“It’s not a pretty sight.” he smiled, not sure he could explain to anyone the collection of feelings he had about his face and body, but not being pretty was a good way to summarize all that. It did cover most of what was behind it.

“I think you are handsome.” he just stared at her as she said that. If anyone else would tell him that he would accuse them of lying, wanting something from him...but he didn’t care if she meant it or not. He didn’t want to care if she meant it or not, he was going to take it and even if that was a lie it would be the best lie he had heard in his life.

Caranthir didn’t answer, he leaned toward her and pushed her on the sand, his lips crashing against her, his body trying to be as close as possible to her. She kissed him back, her soft lips against his, her tongue in his mouth, she tasted amazing, he realized he had never touched anything that made him feel so...alive. She moaned in their kiss and he knew he could lose himself in this moment. He pulled away from the kiss, realizing that was his last chance to stop, any second later and he was going to abandon any rational thought his brain ever had..

“What’s wrong?” she asked him, disappointed.

“Nothing, you are perfect.” he ran his fingers through her hair. “I just...I don’t want it to be just that. I didn’t bring you here to fuck you.” he pushed himself off her. “I really want to, believe me, but I also like you. I don’t want it to be just that.” he had never felt about a woman, or another person this way. Sex has alwasy been that, just sex, a need he had to satisfy or something he needed to get out of his system. There was a lot he needed to get out of his system right now, but...as stupid and childsih as that sounded he wanted to make love to her, not to fuck her and that would be a first in his life.

“I wouldn’t hide it, I’m a bit disappointed.” she said as he got up and gave her hand to help her as well.

“That just means you would want to see me again.” he smiled when he saw the excitement in her eyes.

“Well..” she looked around. “Since you want to be romantic and what not, why don’t you show me this world. I want to see how the humans live. I know they control this world.”

Caranthir opened a portal, there was a town he knew about, there were elves in the region so their presence wouldn't be completely surprising.

He walked behind her as she looked at the buildings, observing with the same marvel she did when he brought her to the island. Humans passed them and ignored them or gave them nasty looks, but Caranthir didn’t care, not today anyway. They were nothing and his attention was somewhere else.

“It is...not what I expected!” she looked excited, like a child who had just discovered some special secret nobody else knew.

He was about to respond but a familiar unpleasant feeling made his skin crawl. He looked around in panic, trying to figure out the source of magic. Did someone sense him?

“What?” she must have seen the concern in his expression. In that same moment the wall next to him exploded, stone and dust flying all over. He started casting a spell, but before he could finish the world went into darkness.

When Caranthir opened his eyes it was complete chaos. Fire, people screaming, a woman in front of him holding the corpse of a child and crying. Nothing had sound, he could see but everything he could hear was the combination of bells and millions of bees just buzzing in his head. He touched his face and his fingers were covered in something sticky, he looked at it, just blood. He ran his fingers through his skull, he couldn’t feel any terrible gashes so he concluded that he would live.

Slowly he pushed himself up, dust was covering his body. He looked around, his hearing slowly coming back to him, people screaming and more destruction could be heard somewhere else. Magic, there was a lot of magic nearby and he could feel it, two sources. He looked to his right and then he saw her.

“These sorceresses will kill all of us!” a woman cried nearby, running as far and fast as she possibly could.

More humans were talking around him about magic and sorceresses and wizards, but he didn’t really pay attention, the only thing in front of him was Riona, her body limp, an arm twisted in an unnatural way, her neck broken so bad that he could see the bones rearranged under her skin, her beautiful face almost crushed by a rock.

Caranthir had never felt grief in his life. He knew what grief was. He had felt sadness, pain, physical and emotional, but grief was something he had never experienced. He was pretty sure he wasn’t feeling grief right now either. His whole body was possessed with anger, that was a familiar feeling. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His blood was boiling and his body was shaking. When he opened his eyes, everything around him was gone. No more humans, no more trees or houses. Only dust, the whole town turned into nothing just with a thought...then the snowstorm started.

Avallac’h was reading in his study in Tir na Lia, it had been some time since he had allowed himself to come here. He raised his eyes from the book, eyebrow lifting up as he felt something familiar. He got up slowly and walked to Caranthir’s room, almost convinced that he was imagining it.

He was not. The man was sitting on his bed, just staring at Avallac’h as he walked in. Caranthir’s hair and face were covered in dried blood, the blonde and silver hairs were painted in brown, black and red, stuck together, his clothes were another mess of blood, dust and mud. His pale eyes were just looking somewhere past the Sage, not even at him.

Avallac’h walked out of the room and quickly got some bandages, rags and water. Part of him wondered why on earth was he even bothering, Caranthir had obviously made his choices, he wasn’t his father, nor mother so why did he even feel worried? He ignored that and rushed back in the room where Caranthir was just as he had when he left.

“That happened on a hunt? Eredin?” Avallac’h asked as he started cleaning the other man’s face.

“Eredin?” Caranthir finally looked at him confused as if he had no idea who Eredin was.

“Do you know where you are?” Avallac’h looked at the cold eyes, there was focus, but also confusion and something he had not seen in the younger man before. He had, however, seen it in the mirror.

“The Tower where I grew up.” Caranthir answered with slight offence at the question.

“Do you know who I am?” Avallac'h was trying to clear the gory mess that was on Caranthir’s head to see how bad that wound was. He looked at the man, his fingers still working, the cut wasn’t deep but needed to be cleaned.

“A prick with inspirations to be a god.” His voice was flat, no emotion, but that wasn’t really abnormal for him. Caranthir either hid his emotions or expressed them all at the same time, something Avallac’h thought was dangerous given the boy’s power. No, not a boy, a man, he had to remind himself that.

“What happened to you?” Avallac’h ignored the taunt. They haven’t really spoken in years, not since Caranthir found his study. There have been one or two bitter comments, if he had to be completely fair from both sides but they had kept a certain distance between each other. Avallac’h felt certain guilt about how things had developed and he had wondered if he had been more open about what he was doing...maybe Caranthir would have never chosen Eredin and...well that was done now was it? Water under the bridge.

“In the Aen Seidhe world. Humans using magic, what do you know about them?” the young man continued with these random disjointed sentences as if they were having two different conversations.

“A human did that to you?” Avallac’h couldn’t believe that. Caranthir was strong and in the last years he had only grown stronger. How could a human do that to him?

“No...two human mages were having a go at each other. Then a wall exploded next to me.”

Avallac’h didn’t respond to that, nothing Caranthir said made any sense, the way Caranthir looked the least of it.

“Why were you in the Aen Seidhe world?” he decided to start small. “Did Eredin make you go there?”

“No.” Caranthir suddenly snapped out of whatever was bothering him, the spark in his eyes came back. He slapped Avallac’h’s hand away as if just remembering he disliked him. “I met a girl, I took her there. She wanted to see how the humans live. I showed her, but then these two mages were fighting and...I should have paid more attention.”

“Where is the girl?” Avallac’h was afraid he knew the answer.

“She is dead.” again that flat lifeless tone. Caranthir had never been about sharing his feelings or expressing them for that matter, but Avallac’h was surprised by the lack of emotion in his voice. He had taken some poor girl to the Aen Seidhe world, that couldn’t be just one of the usual entertainment he indulged in with Imlerith. That sounded like...effort.

“The mages killed her?” no answer followed. “Caranthir, that was not your fault.”

“What?” the confusion again in his eyes, as if he just snapped from a dream. “Of course it is not my fault, it was an accident. Killing the humans was my fault, but that just felt good.”

Avallac’h hesitated for a second. Whatever was happening in Caranthir’s head was something new. For years now he knew that the boy was gone and the man he had turned into was not someone Avallac’h approved of, but he had never heard of him to be vicious or cruel. The mess of words and short sentences did not reveal the full picture of what had happened, but he could guess. At the very least he knew that Caranthir had killed people not even as part of a Hunt and it seemed like there was no reason for killing so many. He knew Eredin would be a bad influence, but was he wrong? Had he created something more dangerous than he had ever imagined…

“When she died...I was angry. I just wanted them all to die. The mages, the people around...everything.” The scar on Caranthir’s lip made his smile crooked and evil. “I don’t feel bad about any of them. I only regret I couldn’t watch the mages as they died.” silence again. Avallac’h just stared, not sure what was going on in his former student’s head. He wasn’t scared, but the state that Caranthir was in was unnerving. Dangerous. “I will find every fucking bitch sorceresses in that world and break their bones.”

“Caranthir, whatever happened was an accident.” Avallac’h tried to calm him, but he knew that was a fruitless effort. “Whatever these mages were doing was not personal to you.”

“No, it wasn’t.” the younger man admitted. “But whatever I do to all of them will be very personal.”

[xsecretblastsx]

2x03 - The Dark Night

I'm actually surprised this recap came out faster than I thought it would, that's rare but I'm glad, also this episode is a fun one, or rather that's how I remember it.

Anyway, as usual recap under the cut:

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

I know AC is a thing but it's kind of weird to have GG voice over be like: the last days of summer and the heat... and then there's this shot of Chuck drinking scotch in pajamas that look more suited for fall/winter

So I guess we're still on the Dan and Serena can't keep their hands of each other train.

Poor Blair, the Lord ain't into that, gotta love her for mentioning that Atonement scene in the library... she could totally rock that green dress.

Blair a delicate little flower, please. I do like how it's a constant the various fact that all her boyfriends never really got her, and have this fake image of her.

Jenny starring in her own version of the Devil wears prada, slaving it all around NYC

The Nate and the Duchess scene are giving me the creeps.

Compared to her season 1 looks, I'm kind of liking Vanessa's outfits so far.

No one likes to hear the hard truths of life, but Blair's words to Serena about her relationship with Dan were really spot on.

Fun fact about myself: purple is my favorite color. I guess that's why like Chuck's robe even if it makes him look like this weird junior version of Hugh Hefner.

This is the first time we see the minis!!! I loved everytime they popped up like mini cosplayers.

That outfit of Blair is one of my all time faves. Particularly the colors of the skirt

Oh Nate, even if he knows Blair's motives are never pure, he stills accepts her invitation. Go figures.

This has got to be Chuck and Serena's most funny conversation ever. Both of their expressions during the whole thing are hilarious.  

"I don't have a romantic body in my body. Least of all that one" Honestly who came up with these lines 😂😂

Looking back there were many sings of how obsessed Dan was with public opinion and his weird behaviors' for example take this throwaway line from Rufus: he still reading those Dan and Serena should they or not threads. Like what?

Dan: turns out I'm an ass but a passionate minority thinks I'm just and idiot. Yep pretty much the public opinion nowadays too.

This is so one of my fave chair lines! "The thing that always fascinated me about you: the cool exterior, the fire below" 😉

The whole scene honestly, from the way her eyes roll back to his smug smile at the end 🔥🔥🔥

Considering what happens in the second half of this season is kind of interesting to note that so far every single interaction between Blair are Nate is really passive aggressive.

Gotta give it to Vanessa even though she's freaked out after finding out Nate is sleeping with Catherine, she stills gives him a chance to explain

That scene between Catherine and Blair was actually good, because they both are right, Catherine can't stop Nate from doing what he wants, and there are things that Blair can't give up on, even if she thinks so.

Is there an emergency box for Serena Van der Woodsen? Well she lives there douche. But even if there was, what's the problem with that?

The whole Jenny & Eleanor storyline makes me feel lowkey sad for Blair, like this epiaode shouldn't Eleanor be at that party? It was parents/students thing, but Eleanor is at her atelier accepting from Jenny the kind of honest commentary she would never take from Blair

It's almost depressing to see Blair throwing herself at that Marcus guy

Chuck's "fake" accent, except it wasn't 🤭

And finally!!! All that pent up sexual frustration had to went somewhere

I'm living of Serena having moments like this one: "Fine, you know what? Life is not fair because it doesn't fit with the way you, Dan Humphrey, think it should be. But why are you always right?" Because this is it, the real crux of it, and why they keep having the same fight

Im so done with the Marcus storyline, because yes she wants his tittle, but she ain't also wrong because he kept treating her in a way that was so meh. Poor Chuck, though, but then again he kind of puts himself into this situations by ignoring his feelings at first and then they explode in his face anyway

I felt for Vanessa the whole episode, not used to that.

This Dan and Serena break up is so frustrating to watch because basically they're ending because Dan just won't meet her halfway. She's not asking him to give up all his ideals, only that he don't judge her for who she is.

I feel like Vanessa was more understanding to Nate's situation than Dan could have ever been with Serena.

For an episode that started quite sunny and happy it sure had a sad ending. Almost everyone ends up feeling pretty miserable.

This episode was one I remember mostly for that Chuck and Blair scene at that party were he's trying to seduce her, also the whole blockade thing was hilarious, this time around however while I still love those Chuck and Blair bits, I did find myself getting more invested in Nate and Vanessa and even more surprisingly on the argument between Dan and Serena, their break up scene really frustrated me.

Let's go first with the Nate, Catherine and Vanessa storyline. This is such a messed up plot, then again most of Nate’s plot that involved his family had a tendency to be that way. I may not like the details sometimes but what I do like about is how these kind of plots really showed the amount of pressure Nate’s family put on him. At this point in the show Nate’s only seventeen and yet he has to find a way to keep his mom’s head above water, so he falls prey to this woman who is just awful. Is no wonder he wanted to be with Vanessa again because she’s literally a breeze of fresh air, so far removed from his messed up world which is exactly what he needs, and yet is inevitable that she gets caught up in all the scheming and nastiness in the end. She lies to him in order to help him which is sad because help him still leaves him as prey to this woman, but that’s what I really like about this plot, Vanessa’s willingness to be there for Nate and also how understanding she was of the situation.

Vanessa, same as Dan, tends to be judgmental of others and comes from a background that has a more black and white view of morality, she was also raised by a family who despises everything the UES side represents. So imagine what it must have been for her to find out that Nate is sleeping with an older woman for money, that goes against her morals and her beliefs, she’s disgusted by the situation, and yet when Nates begs her to let him explain, she does and she ends up while not exactly approving of the situation, he understands why he’s doing it, and she tells hims that this can only bad for him and that whe should stop it, becaause he’s better than this, and she says it mainly because she in fact is concerned about him and see the best in him. This is why I like her relationship with Nate, because I feel they gave each other some needed perspective, through him she learns that not everything is black and why and that’s there a reason of why people does certain things, and through Vanessa Nate’s gets in touch with a much saner world were he can be himself. 

On the other hand, we have Dan and Serena, who for the last two episodes have been avoiding the fact that they have issues and they must be faced if they want to move forward, and it’s pretty easy to see why they were putting it off, because the moment they do it obvios that they can’t really solve them. The source of the conflict is the same as always, they keep having the same fight, except to me there’s a difference this time around, at Bart’s brunch and at the wedding Dan’s issues with Serena’s world were also framed with the fact that he discovered something about Serena he feels he can’t deal with, it annoy me both occasions at the Brunch because they had barely met and he was mad because she wasn’t the girl he thought almost as if she had deceive him, and it was like dude you guys met like yesterday, chill. At the wedding he had more of a right to be mad, because she had lied to him a lot, so one could understand his resentment with the UES in the sense that it had shaped Serena to be the kind of person that acts wildly and lies and whatever else he wanted to claimed. This time however he gets mad because the elevator situation serve as reminder of how she’s “more important” than him because she’s part of the 1%. They start arguing literally because they won’t help him as quickly as if she was her. Is it unfair? Yeah, but If we’re goint go be objective about it the mere existence of a 1% priviledge class is unfair to the the other 99%. But that’s life, and the majority of us have to deal with that, and that doesn’t mean we can be assholes to people that have been nice to us.

When he meets Serena he already knows she’s an UES princess, so if he really has a “eat the rich” mentality, why did he got involved with her? And is not like Serena was condecending or mean to him because he wasn’t rich as her, and yet he acts as if he had dated S2 Blair who was an elitist bitch to him every single time they interacted. He may also be not extremely rich as Serena, but he wasn’t poor at all. Correct me if I’m wrong but the kind of loft he lives in, at Dumbo ain’t cheap. So the way Dan acts if he had dated said a girl from a lower income background she had the right to be a total bitch to him, because he was more priviliged? Serena herself says it the best:  "Fine, you know what? Life is not fair because it doesn't fit with the way you, Dan Humphrey, think it should be. But why are you always right?” and this is prove that theirs is not a relationship problem, is exclusively a Dan problem. Serena says to him she can’t change who she is, and is not like she’s saying I won’t change the way I act, is not related to that, because their “problem” literally refers to who she is: her last name, the family she was born to. To that Dan says, I can’t change who I am either, and that's the thing Dan! hers is a matter of being, his is a matter of thinking, and she can’t change her family, but you can change the way you think, and it’s not even a drastic change, he doesn’t have to change his ideals, rather just be understanding and accept her for who she is.  If one thinks about i Vanessa did  a better job with Nate on that topic this episode than Dan ever did, so it can be done, it can be resolved, he just refuses to do it Serena doest thing through the series that definately add to their problems, their parents situation doesn’t help either, but this episode really shows that the root of their issues is Dan.

Finally, there’s Chuck and Blair, who keep having the most amazing chemistry ever, and the sexual tension in their scenes is off the charts. This episode really relays on the fact of the amount of desire they feel for each other, which seems super fitting at this point in the series because while it’s clear they have deep feelings for each other, desire was what first brought them together, yet they both believe this episode that desire isn’t as exclusive as feelings, it’s easier to feel desire and so they think they can easily find it in other people, but what they discover this episode is that sadly that wasn’t the case. In Blair’s case it has to do in part with the fact that Marcus doesn’t really sees her that way, which makes me sad because here she is again dating a guy who refuses to be passionate about her, but even if he did, she’s forcing the passion, is not really there and can she honestly live like that? Like something is missing? Sadly, no. Oh she’s going to try, not only this season in fact, but is never going to fully substitute the one she has with Chuck.

Chuck faces the same issue, in quite a very literal way, which is hilarious. Chuck Bass playboy extraordinarie is suffering from a “blockage”, a very PG-13 way of saying that he can’t get it up, which is obviously a big tragedy for a guy like him, that amuses Serena to no end even if she can’t quite believe it. Anyway, this is the way that Chuck learns that feelings can win over desire, and that ther is more to sex than just a momentary physical pleasure, which is something he really need it to learn. As long as he can frame what he feels for Blair as mere desire, nothing beyond really good chemistry, is easier for him to see his pursuing of her as only a matter of seduction, easier to ingore that it hurts that she’s with someone else, and his regret over the fact that this whole situation was his own doing, at the end he finally admits to himself that is more than seduction, which is why I believe all his plots from here on are more based on getting her to go to him, not because she desires him, but because she needs him. But that’s for the next episode.

Random bits I’ve noticed:

Because later on this show  got to the point of being like Chuck had no culture whatsover, and as such Blair couldn’t possibly have any intellectual talk with him, I would like to point out that he mentions madame butterfly as a reference to the Japanesse flight attendant, which means he knows the opera. And I can totally picture him, listening to opera from time to time just because, he’s dramatic and larger than life sometimes. It fits him.

He also mentions  Little Lord Fauntleroy which is a children book, and I like to believe he at least got one decent nanny while growing up and that she gave it to him. 

Finally a pic of the minis, because I love them

[thesportssoundoff]

One day, we will all be memories

I feel compelled to write this. It'll probably be messy and sloppy but I felt compelled to put something down that would encapsulate yesterday.

My day began with a family drive to go and get gas; standard garden variety life stuff. As we passed a windy icy road, we came across an overturned SUV with a person inside of it who had been literally on her way to church. After minutes that felt like hours of waiting in January weather for help to arrive, police and medical personnel made their way to the scene. The woman inside the overturned vehicle was fine to my knowledge (or as fine as somebody could be after having their car flip over and wind up on its hood) and thankfully she was cognizant of her sorroundings, coherent about what had had happened and seemed to be okay. What was so awe inspiring was the sort of humanity of others in that moment. My father, a former EMS and just all around "in the heat of the moment do the right thing" guy, got out and went to work helping the person while other onlookers blocked the road, my sister called 911 (as did others), people went to get her family and just put on a tremendous showing of humanity. It was the sort of showing that people may see in a gif or in a sappy youtube video and then move on with their day, perhaps even muttering about how that'll never happen to them or where they live. Sometimes I tend to have that same mentality of not believing but at the end of the day, I truly believe that people in the most dire of times will always show the sort of strength and courageousness that CAN make a difference in our world. Sometimes, painfully enough, it takes the worst in life to bring out the best in us. 

Fast forward a bit later on and the Kobe Bryant news hits social media. At the time I was more just hoping for facts and clarity as rumors spread about who had died, what had gone wrong and god knows whatever awful horrendous things that are often associated with tragedies. Sometimes our desire to be right, to be first or to be informed trumps all and our hearts move faster than our brains. We're so hungry for clarity and information that the synapses in our brains shouting for us to stop, assess the information, take it with a grain of salt and understand that patience will always prevail with something like this are washed out by our hurting hearts that take over. As I saw the news articles coming out and watched social media banter rumor and story at one another (from Rick Fox being on the plane to all of Kobe's daughters being on the plane to the eventual full story we now know), I waited and in hindsight, I almost think I waited because I wanted it to all be a lie and a hoax. Even as more and more legitimate sources came out to either confirm or correct the information, I just kept waiting for something else to be said otherwise. I kept waiting to be lied to and for social media to be wrong about everything.

Unfortunately, it was more right than we all wished to bare.

Speaking purely from an impact standpoint, Kobe Bryant's legacy and inspiration are hard to match in the sports world. I tried to come up with a global comparison with Alex and the best he could come up with would be if such a tragedy struck a major soccer star. The point being that Kobe Bryant is something almost incomparable to anything else I've ever experienced. My mother and I talked about Roberto Clemente and how it rocked the world but the world feels so much bigger and interconnected now than when Clemente passed away. It wasn't until later that night upon reflection and seeing the outpouring of love from his on the court detractors to lifelong supporters that it really clicked for me. It just feels wrong. It just feels unfair. It's hard to come up with a loss so powerful and so....wrong. It just feels wrong. Kobe Bryant wasn't an aging great who passed away quietly in his sleep; he was 41 years old with young children. A group of families were traveling to a basketball game when something very tragic happened and robbed a family of their husband, father, daughter and sister. Kobe Bryant will never get to walk his daughters down the aisle, Vanessa Bryant will never get to see her daughter's first WNBA game or her graduating college or discover the cure for cancer or where the winding road of life planned to take her. The most painful and fucked up part of this is that his younger children who came into this world long after the 81 point game vs the Raptors or the two Olympic gold medals or the handful of rings he wore as an NBA champion will have to hear from other people how amazing their father was as an athlete and as a person.

Wrong.

Unfair.

Fucking wrong and unfair.

I always feel like such an asshole that it takes something tragic to stop, breathe and appreciate how blessed I am to even be alive. Sports is my escape and when your escape gets real, it’s always such a system shock.  In a day and age where it's easy (and perhaps even trendy) to be numb and nihilistic, I think there's something about athletes going through struggles off the field/court/ice/ring/cage that brings out something humbling in all of us. Kevin Love and DeMar Derozan made people take a second to reconsider the pangs of mental health. Andrew Luck and Luke Kuechly forced us to remember the limitations of the human body. We put athletes on such a pedestal that we forget that they're human beings like us and when we see those flickers of mortality, it's almost as if these amazing people become...well people I guess. Kobe Bryant's death and the death of eight other people is another painful reminder that no matter who you are or how special you may be, life is such a fragile thing. It truly is a blessing and one that often gets taken for granted. It forces us to stop fishing for likes, retweets, favorites and all of this immaterial borderline toxic stupidity and take a second to remember that all of us are not guaranteed a tomorrow. Life is so fleeting and can be taken from you/us at any given time. Kobe Bryant at the end of the day was no different than all of us. The people you like, love, admire or even ones you don't like don't have an expiration date tattooed on their foreheads---they can be here in the morning and gone forever by night time. In life, everybody you know will eventually become memories to you and in turn you to others.

And I guess as I lay here in bed trying to find a good way to sum up my emotions, I can only try to follow up on that with honesty; you WILL become somebody else's memory---so why not be a lasting one? Why not aim to be a good one? Kobe Bryant's impact on life wasn't just as an amazing athlete but as a flawed perfectionist who truly tried to better lives in so many different capacities. He was an inspiration, a hero, a loved villain but most of all? He was an example of how we are all never our best days or our worst days but what we do to improve and better ourselves and others. That's more important than anything else. It made me reconsider if, as I've often said on the DojoTalkPodcast, if I truly live my life like every conversation I have with somebody could be the last one we share and if I truly take that to heart. I literally sat here and thought of all the people and all of the things that irritate me and realized that in the grand scheme of things, those are so small compared to the grander picture of life. Think of someone, think of the things they do that irritate you and then just let it go. My brother playing video games all the time? Who cares. Parents nagging? Let it go. The way some of my friends overreact to everything? Whatever. You stop and think of the things the people you love do that irritates you and then consider that right now two families (and countless others who were impacted by them) would give up every car, every dollar and every piece of jewelry in their house for just another day of those bad habits or silly minor things their sister/mother/father/brother would do that would irritate them. I won’t have you forever and you won’t have me forever so why spend it aggregating ourselves over meaningless nothing? Never go to the grave with a beef you didn't squash and never go to the grave with somebody wondering how you felt about them. Life is truly too short and it's unfair and it will never give you a heads up and a set date for you to go around letting everybody know your appreciation level or that you're sorry or that you forgive them. If tomorrow is considered the first day of the rest of your life; then make the rest of your life one where all you wish to be is somebody else's eventual happy memory.

Chances are you already are.

[theysaywhatasadsight]

Someone New

A/N: This is for @lokissoul  ‘s 1k Hozier challenge and my prompt was the song ‘Someone New’ by Hozier. This is an angsty monster that took me 3 weeks to write, it was so sad. This was beta read by my love @nasarogers  and I’m tagging @trashpanda-barnes who’s always a lovely supporter of my nat fics

Warnings: Oof, character death, mentions of civil war, I guess

“I really don’t think Paris is an option, even if we skirt around and get to the countryside, someone’s got to be there, they always think we’ll be there next-” Natasha was interrupted by the vibrating of one of her burner phones. Muttering an excuse to the rogue Avengers in front of her, with whom she was discussing their next move.

On the other line, a male voice spoke “How are the pears today?”

“Fresher than yesterday. What’s going on, Pat?”

“ Remember the name you told me to keep a lookout for? There was a mugging up on an apartment on 31st street., near Chelsea. They left a body behind, stabbed twice in the head. They’ve sent it for the autopsy, but so far the cause of death is the loss of blood.” He could hear her sharp intake of breath even across the phone.

“It’s identified?”

“Y/N Y/L/N. She was renting one of the flats, looking for a roommate.”

“Thank you for the information, Pat.” She ended the call.

The apartment still smelt of her perfume and coffee. The moonlight shined through on to the hardwood floor, which was stained with blood despite the shabby attempt to wipe it away. It was in the privacy of the empty apartment that Natasha finally allowed herself to break down. Tears streaming down her face, she opened the drawer in the cabinet where Y/N always kept the extra keys. Y/N always spoke of losing her keys so she had a bunch of copies made, one of which she gave Nat. The assassin wasn’t looking for the keys, though. She wanted back a photograph they had taken long ago, which Y/N had framed and wanted to keep on the mantle, but when her girlfriend had argued they’d know she was dating an assassin and subsequently make her life hell, she’d compromised by keeping it in the drawer.

After the whole going rogue fiasco, though, she’d probably moved it somewhere she didn’t have to see it every day. Maybe even dumped it unceremoniously into the trash can. If it was here though, the police would’ve already taken it away. She moved her hand across the inside of the drawer, finding nothing. Her fingers brushed up against an edge that seemed to stick out a bit. Poking and prodding, she tried to lift it up, to no avail. She accidentally pressed it, and it gave way, and something on the right jutted out.

“Clever girl.”

There was nothing in the concealed drawer except some loose change, receipts, and a phone. Police had probably taken her perosnal phone for the investigation, along with the rest of her possessions. The phone was primitive, okay by market standards but Y/N had recently purchased a Starkphone that would make any other look like a bloody typewriter.

So unless the police left something behind, it would seem Y/N wanted someone to see this. After she went rogue, Natasha had only called her once on a burner phone. A voice call that lasted only 15 minutes, where each could clearly hear the other cry, but the redhead knew they would come chasing after Y/N if they discovered they had been communicating.

She took the phone, slipped it into her pocket and went searching for the photo.

Dear god, why am I even doing this? Clearly losing my sanity.

I know you said nothing could ever come out of dating a bloody assassin but god, how I love you. It’s hard. Yes, I know, whoever’s listening to this is scoffing and Nat if that is you, wipe that cheesy smile off your goddamn face. It’s just, once you fall in love, it’s really fucking hard to get out, you know? Particularly when there’s no such breaking of the commitment; that here’s your heart and here’s mine and let’s go our separate ways. We fell apart because we had to, because some idiot decided to fight with their own teammates.

She pressed pause. The phone had nothing on it except a few recordings on it, and the number of the burner phone. It would not work, but it was nice to some corner to her heart that Y/N had somewhere to turn after all.

But it would be of no use, would it? Y/N was dead, dead, gone, and she could not protect her. Then and now. Crying was a release, it reminded her she was human.

So, I met someone today.

What a fucking slut, right? Barely, what, 4 months after your girlfriend of 2 years drops off the face of the earth after betraying her team, Y/N hooks up with the first person she sees.

He’s nice, for your typical coffee shop hipster. Reads. Probably thinks a date is us discussing our favorite indie films. Not bad, right? We used to do that, Nat and I, except she never saw movies.

I think it’s natural I compare everyone to my previous relationships. Healthy, right? I mean you see where you went wrong, what you should’ve done. So, Nat, where did I go wrong? Why was I not worth it? Why do I have to suffer this goddamn agony of losing the one person I love more than anything just moves on.

It’s late, I think I should sleep.

She should’ve done that.

Cut Y/N loose, explain nothing. She would never have to go through what she seemed to be going through, or she would’ve already moved on and there would be no recordings where she compared herself to everyone else she saw and how happy they were. How she’d lost the chance to be happy herself.

Natasha set the phone aside and looked at some photos Pat had sent over of the crime scene. The stained carpet after investigation would probably be replaced by the landlord and Y/N Y/L/N would become some kind of urban legend in the building. There would be trouble finding tenants.

Nat did have enough to buy out the landlord. Cry herself to sleep every night in the shell of the house she was meant to share with the love of her life.

Saw this cute girl in the grocery store today. Pretty, nice hair, glasses. Loves to write, probably and wants a photographer girlfriend. I mean I did have a photography phase in college. The family has enough money to let her do whatever she wants.

Dear god, I need therapy and a drink.

Is it even normal to fantasize over every stranger you see and imagine a life with them? Love with every stranger, the stranger the better?

There was no evidence that the murder was premeditated. The official conclusion was that Y/N had chanced upon the robbery and was silenced before she could alarm anyone. They had found some bits of DNA under her fingernails that matched a fugitive who was accused of 3 muggings in the past and had been acquitted all three times. His lawyer was really good, apparently.

Natasha skimmed a few of the recordings to see if any conclusive evidence or anything about anyone following her. She kept these recordings as a diary of sorts, clearly, but it could be valuable if it had managed to pick up something of the day Y/N was murdered.

There were many recordings, all of them detailing people she’d met and how she’s imagined an entire relationship with. About how she’d find someone with hair the exact same color as Natasha or one who had exactly the same clothing sense and on and on until  Y/N herself had had enough of the constant comparisons.

The last recording was a whole 4 hours. YN had either forgotten to switch it off or…

Natasha didn’t allow herself to think of the other possibility. She quickly played it back and held her breath.

It’s never simple, am I right? Getting over people, like they’re a bridge to cross and once you get over that there’s no looking back.

I just see anyone and all I see is you. All that time we should’ve had together, just gone. I’m wasting my time apparently because love is useless. I have it but the one person who has my heart completely is just not bloody there.

I wouldn’t ever know how long we would go on, Nat, how far we would travel together, I would…

What was that?

Hold up, I’ll put you somewhere.

A thud. Low groans. A high pitched scream, noises and then silence. Apparently, she had really forgotten to switch it off before putting it back and it had recorded until it ran out of battery.

There it was, clear as day, the conviction of the man who had evaded the law until now.

Natasha sent off the last recording to Pat, asking him to send it to the investigation. It would be sufficient to get him the time he deserved. The rest she kept for herself, the last memory of the woman she loved.

[cathygeha]

Have you discovered THE THALANIAN DYNASTY series by NYT Bestselling Author Katee Robert?

In FOREVER THEIRS an exiled prince, his bodyguard and the woman they can’t seem to leave alone, must return home to clear his mother’s name and reclaim his crown. Fans of Laura Kaye’s THEIR’S TO TAKE or Sierra Simone’s AMERICAN QUEEN will devour this cinderella-esque ménage.

Start reading the series for FREE! Download THEIRS FOR THE NIGHT, the novella that introduces you to Theo, Galen, and Meg for FREE at:

Amazon: https://amzn.to/2M3w3A9

B&N: http://bit.ly/2Jl0k7Q

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 Add THEIRS FOR THE NIGHT and FOREVER THEIRS to your TBR pile on Goodreads then keep reading to get a sneak peek excerpt and your chance enter the giveaway to win one of TEN (10) eBook copies of FOREVER THEIRS!

  Title: Forever Theirs

Author: Katee Robert

Genre: Contemporary Romance/Thriller/Menage

Release Date: September 10, 2018

Publisher: Indie

Series: The Thalanian Dynasty

Page Count: 73K

Format: Digital

ASIN: B07DP7HT14

 Synopsis:

 Meg Sanders enjoyed her wild night with a prince and his bodyguard—but now she’s moving on. She has enough problems without borrowing the kind of trouble Theo brings just by being who he is. But no matter how determined she is to leave that night a fond memory, she hasn’t seen the last of Theo and Galen… Galen Mikos's life boils down to one goal. Keep Theo alive. But as long as Theo draws breath, he’s a threat to the powers that have taken over Thalania—and anyone they associate with runs the risk of becoming a target, too. Galen will never forgive himself if they let their selfish desire for Meg puts her in danger. But it might already be too late… Theo Fitzcharles might be an exiled prince, but he doesn’t intend to stay that way. He’s only concerned with one thing—clearing his mother’s name and reinstating himself as Crown Prince of Thalania. There’s no room in that plan for distraction, especially when it makes him forget himself the way Meg does. But after spending one perfect night with her and his best friend, Theo has no intention of leaving her alone.  Even if it damns all three of them in the process.

 Available at:  

 Amazon: https://amzn.to/2t3usho

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  Enter to win one of TEN (10) eBook copies of FOREVER THEIRS!

Direct link: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/b050ef29564/?

 Forever Theirs Excerpt

Copyright © 2018 Katee Robert

 Galen stepped out of the cab and pulled Meg after him. At this time of night, there was still plenty of street traffic—plenty of opportunity for his father’s men to blend in until they were close enough to attack.

They already had attacked.

He hustled her off the sidewalk, half carrying her in his rush. She cursed at him, but she could be pissed. At least she was still alive. He didn’t believe for a second that Dorian would order her killed, not when he would see her as a tool just waiting to be used. But Galen’s father would attempt to take her, and that Galen couldn’t allow.

He didn’t relax until the elevator doors opened into their apartment and he caught sight of Theo pacing back and forth through the living room. He’s okay. Meg’s okay. They’re safe.

Except they weren’t.

Shit had hit the fan in the most fucked up way possible, and there was no cleaning up this mess.

Galen released Meg’s arm and ensured the security system was booted up and the door was locked. “Trouble?”

“Not here.” Theo rounded the couch and stopped just out of reach. He devoured Meg with his gaze, no doubt taking in her tangled hair, her torn dress, and the way she shook like a junkie in need of a fix. Adrenaline letdown. Theo cursed. “I’m sorry, princess.”

Meg crossed her arms over her chest and slid back a step, shying away from him—from them both. “I… I need a minute. A shower. Something.”

Theo gave a short nod. “Take what you need.”

She headed for the bedroom and spun at last second. “Alone.”

“No shit,” Galen growled. “Go. Take your time. We don’t touch walking wounded anyways.”

Her spine went rigid and her hazel eyes icy. “Fuck you.”

Better she be angry than terrified. He could work with angry. The scared woman in the back of the cab, looking for reassurances that he couldn’t give her… That kind of comfort wasn’t in Galen’s skillset. He preferred the harsh truth to silken lies, and there was no truth he could give Meg that wouldn’t result in her terror.

He stared until she squirmed. “Already did.”

Meg raised a shaking finger. “I swear to god—”

“Children.” Theo’s voice snapped through the room, a sharp tone that a person ignored to their peril. Meg made a sound perilously close to a snarl, but Theo ignored it. “Go shower or do whatever you need to get your head on straight. You’re fucking terrified and you’re snapping at the biggest dick in the room just to prove that you’re not helpless. It’s wasting time we don’t have.”

“His dick isn’t the biggest,” she muttered.

Galen almost laughed. Even scared out of her damn mind, Meg still had a mouth on her—and hell if he didn’t respect her more for it. “Go shower, little mouse. The adults are talking.”

She made a sound like an angry teakettle and stalked down the hallway. He waited for the sound of the door slamming, but a soft click was all he got. “Damn.”

Theo stalked into the kitchen and snagged the whiskey bottle. He took a long pull and then passed it over. “Tell me.”

“Two men. I didn’t recognize them, but they claimed Dorian sent them.” Galen drank from the bottle, letting the whiskey burn away the awful feeling in his chest when he’d walked through that door and found Meg tied to a chair with two men standing over her. He’d thought… It didn’t matter what he’d thought. He got there in time. They hadn’t done any lasting damage.

At least not the physical kind.

“She can’t go back.”

Galen stared at the bottle. He tightened his grip and put serious consideration into bashing Theo a few times with it. “You just couldn’t leave her alone, could you? It took them a grand total of three days to figure out she might matter and come after her. Fuck, Theo, this shit is on your head.”

“I know.” Theo watched him. Those blue eyes saw too much, just like always. “And yet I’m not the one who was skulking outside her work. You told me you were meeting a contact.”

Caught.

He opened his mouth, and then abandoned the lie before he gave it voice. “You put her in danger. I was ensuring she stayed safe.”

Theo’s lips quirked, but his eyes went hard. “Lie to yourself if you need to, but don’t you dare lie to me. I know why you were there—the same reason I was a week ago. You couldn’t stay away from her any more than I could.” He bracketed Galen’s throat with his hand, his thumb caressing Galen’s pulse point. Theo leaned in. “I shouldn’t have paid the tuition with my own name, and I’ll be the first to admit it. But we are both moths to her fucking flame, and you don’t get to play the beleaguered bodyguard—not right now, and not with me. You want her.”

“Yes.” The word felt ripped from him, taken despite his best efforts to stay silent.

Theo’s grip tightened and his gaze dropped to Galen’s mouth. “We can’t stay in New York. They’ll have eyes on her place.”

“They wanted to take her, Theo. There was a van illegally parked near the back door. They might have set her up to answer questions, but they were going to take her.” If they had, Dorian would use her for whatever purpose he had in mind, a lever to get Galen and Theo to dance to his tune, and then he’d discard her like yesterday’s trash. Even if he didn’t kill her, there would be scars, and she wouldn’t be the Meg they knew anymore.

Theo pressed his forehead to Galen’s, grounding them both. One breath. Two. Three. On the fourth, he stepped back and released him. “You were there in time.”

“I might not have been.” If he’d managed to resist the siren call of Meg’s presence, if he’d had more control, if he’d really gone to meet his local contact instead of doing the skulking Theo accused him of.

“You were there in time,” Theo repeated. He glanced down the hallway to the master bedroom where they could still hear the shower going. “Make the call.”

“She’s never going to forgive us for this.” For dropping a bomb on her life and leaving on destruction in their wake. The two grand was nothing compared to what came next.

Theo sighed. “I know. But better she’s pissed and alive than the alternative. Make the call, Galen. We need to be out of New York before dawn.”  

  Other books in The Thalanian Dynasty series

 Theirs for the Night

THEIRS FOR THE NIGHT is a novella. Theo, Galen, and Meg's story continues in the novel FOREVER THEIRS.

Download at:

Amazon: https://amzn.to/2M3w3A9

B&N: http://bit.ly/2Jl0k7Q

Kobo: http://bit.ly/2JxT2Bg

iTunes: https://apple.co/2LtEK1L

 About Katee Robert

New York Times and USA TODAY bestselling author Katee Robert learned to tell her stories at her grandpa’s knee. Her 2015 title, The Marriage Contract, was a RITA finalist, and RT Book Reviews named it 'a compulsively readable book with just the right amount of suspense and tension."  When not writing sexy contemporary and romantic suspense, she spends her time playing imaginary games with her children, driving her husband batty with what-if questions, and planning for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. 

Connect with Katee at: Website | Facebook | Twitter| GoodReads | Instagram | BookBub

  http://www.barclaypublicity.com/

[covid19updater]

COVID19 Updates: 08/21/2021

UK:  Army supporting ambulance services in England LINK

RUMINT (US):  Walmart and Covid experience has been a popular topic, so I had one today I thought I would relate. I went to Walmart this afternoon to purchase office supplies and a few food products. With self-check out I should have been out in ten minutes. It was about four-thirty when I completed my purchases. When I got up to the self-check out area, there was a line eight deep. There was only five spots open for the public to do the work of the Walmart employee. Many self-check out lines were closed. This line was during a pandemic when logically you would want people to check out quickly and leave. True, it was during a peak time, but that is why you have management and peak planning decisions made. I was not a happy customer. I finally got to a register, and checked out. I then went politely up to the door monitor and told her they needed to open more registers or check-out lanes. Then, she made the classic comment, "No one wants to work, we are short-staffed." Well, Walmart has instituted the policy that all workers must be vaxxed. That is probably part of the problem. Even for eleven dollars a hour I would not want to play Russian Roulette with the vax reactions. I look for this to be happening a lot more as people choose not to take the vax and leave their employment. It could really be impactful and not in a good way in the health care industry as more people come down with the Delta variant ant the vax mandates are pushed.

California:  Los Angeles County passes 25,000 COVID-19 deaths as new mask rules aim to slow spread LINK

World:  Not sure who is trying to ram FDA approval through early, because these prestigious outlets aren’t naming names, but the federal clinical trials website estimates that the clinical study of the Pfizer shot won’t even be complete until May 2, 2023. LINK

UK:  47008 'delta' cases in the 2x vaxxed: 402 deaths, 0.86% chance of death 215837 delta across ALL vaxxed: 481 deaths, 0.22% chance of death 151054 delta in UNVAXXED: 254 deaths, 0.17% chance of death 0.22% vs 0.86% 291% higher increase in vaxxed people.

UK:  Adverse events reported to IPC during the last 2 weeks: 317 new reports. Among them: 55 deaths including 28 after jab #3, 3 after jab#2 bellow 40 yo. 39 Neurological issues. 63 Cardiac issues including 8 under 40 yo, 7 after jab #3

India:  India gives emergency approval for world’s first COVID-19 DNA jab LINK

World:  Long-haul COVID: How grassroots online movement Survivor Corps helps those facing lingering symptoms LINK

Arkansas:  Northwest Arkansas hospitals reach all-time high in ICU bed usage LINK

Tennessee:  BREAKING: An absolutely stunning 2,106 new #COVID19 cases reported today among Tennessee's school-age children. For our kids, this is the worst moment of the pandemic.

China:  One positive #COVID19 case has been confirmed in Jingmen, central Hubei Province. The person tested negative nine times previously.

Florida:  BREAKING Florida Huge dump of new cases (55,751 cases reported for today & tomorrow: new record for 1 or both days). Huge dump of deaths (415 more than yesterday;1,486 more than last Friday). Positive rate UP to 19.8% from reported 19.3%.

US:  BREAKING: U.S. reporting 1,000 coronavirus deaths a day on average, highest since March

US:  U.S. COVID update: More than 1,000 new deaths for 4th day in a row - New cases: 182,035 - Average: 149,456 (+4,054) - In hospital: 93,590 (+678) - In ICU: 23,043 (+156) - New deaths: 1,485

World:  .@ScottGottliebMD says vaccinated people must remain cautious as the contagious delta Covid variant spreads LINK

US:  U.S. probing Moderna vaccine for higher heart inflammation risk - Washington Post

UK:  Covid19 and sport: Government data shows mass participation events can happen safely LINK (Propaganda...)

Louisiana:  Louisiana’s Governor says there have been more COVID cases reported by Louisiana schools - during the first week of the school year - than were reported in ANY week of last school year.

Florida:  Florida Education Commissioner Richard Corcoran says the state will withhold state funds from Broward and Alachua public schools, targeting school officials compensation, as a result of them violating Gov. Ron DeSantis' mask orders.

Israel:  74% of 70 - 79 year olds in Israel have ALREADY received the Pfizer booster shot (3rd dose). There are early signals of effect. But we should see a meaningful decline in serious cases by next week if this strategy works. (LOL)

Tennessee:  Hospitals, health care systems pen letter to unvaccinated Tennesseans; 'beg' them to get vaccinated LINK

RUMINT (NYC):  For people across the US, when you go to the doctors office or medical clinic are the staff and doctors wearing N95s and KN95s? In NYC it seems like most doctors and staff are just wearing loose surgical masks. Wondering if other cities it’s the same?

World:  WHO today issued an open call for experts to serve as members of the new WHO Scientific Advisory Group for the Origins of Novel Pathogens (SAGO)

UK:  The latest UK PHE Technical Briefing has just been published, and it shows that the vaccine breakthrough rate for Delta infections in the UK continues to increase by about 6% per month. The curious conundrum of the fully vaccinated being more likely to die of a Delta infection than the unvaccinated also continues. Links to the relevant PHE Technical Briefing papers are given.  Breakthru rates: End of May = 3% Mid June = 7% Mid July = 13% Mid August = 19% LINK

NYC:  NYC To Require Vax Card And Proof Of ID For Indoor Activities

Jamaica:  JUST IN: #Jamaica recorded 794 new #COVID19 cases in the last 24 hours. The positivity rate now stands at 43.8%. 15 deaths were recorded in the latest update.

US:  NEW: Number of Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 tops 95,000

Florida:  Vaccinated man dies in Florida, daughters share their anger and urge people to get vaccinated LINK

Montana:  In Missoula, Mayor John Engen said, “Our hospitals, more than a year and-a-half into the pandemic, are in the most dire situation they’ve been in to date." LINK

Australia:  JUST IN: Australia's most-populous city, Sydney, extends lockdown until end of September

Oregon:  patient with COVID died in the emergency room at an Oregon hospital because no ICU beds were available - OPB

Canada:  “Alberta Health Services said the outbreak consists of 15 staff and physicians who have tested positive, as well as five patients — all of whom were at the hospital for non-COVID health reasons — who acquired COVID-19 while in hospital.”

Georgia:  Beloved coach, teacher dies of COVID-19 at 36 despite being vaccinated LINK

World:  Norwegian study: More than half of young people with mild Covid-19 infections experienced Long Covid LINK

World:  Trial data from AstraZeneca on Friday raised the prospect of a new treatment to prevent COVID beyond vaccines, giving hope in particular for people who respond poorly to immunisation shots. The British drugmaker said its new antibody therapy reduced the risk of people developing any COVID symptoms by 77% in a late-stage trial. The company said that 75% of the participants in the trial for the therapy - which comprises two types of antibodies discovered by Vanderbilt University Medical Center in the United States - had chronic conditions including some with a lower immune response to vaccinations. LINK

US:  Actor Melissa Joan Hart believes she got breakthrough COVID from her kids after they went back to school. "It's weighing on my chest. It's hard to breathe. One of my kids, I think, has it so far. I'm praying that the other ones are okay." LINK

US:  Lack of hospital staff continue to plague many Southern states. Nationally, 13% of hospitals are reporting critical staffing shortages, up from 9% at the beginning of the month. In Louisiana, over 1 in every 4 hospitals are critically short on staff.

Israel:  80% of covid patients on ECMO in Israel are unvaccinated.

World:  Compared to previous years. Over the last 4 weeks deaths from causes, other than COVID-19, are 11% higher than would normally be expected in 50-64 females…

World:  Anecdotes tell us what the data can’t: Vaccinated people appear to be getting the coronavirus at a surprisingly high rate. But exactly how often isn’t clear, nor is it certain how likely they are to spread the virus to others. And now, there’s growing concern that vaccinated people may be more vulnerable to serious illness than previously thought. LINK

World:  "The Scientific Process Is Short-Circuited By Politics" - Startling Admission From Scientists Jeopardizes Biden's Boosters LINK

US:  This Is Why Your Walmart Could Be Closed This WeekendSTORES ACROSS THE COUNTRY ARE CLOSING THEIR DOORS UNTIL AT LEAST SUNDAY. HERE'S WHY. LINK

Japan:  Infected woman in Japan loses baby after being unable to find hospital that would admit her LINK

Arkansas:  There are currently 345 COVID-19 patients on ventilators statewide. This is an all-time high for Arkansas.

Virginia:  The University of Virginia disenrolls at least 238 students who didn’t comply with the school’s Covid-19 vaccine requirement before in-person classes begin on Monday, a university spokesperson says. LINK

Tennessee:  BREAKING: #COVID19 situation dire in West Tennessee. @uthsc warns ERs may soon be forced to triage medical care, turning away patients who, they believe, are unlikely to survive! Failure to impose mask mandates and other mitigation measures will be “catastrophic.”

Canada:  Health officials in B.C.'s north have declared a COVID-19 outbreak among employees working on the Site C hydroelectric dam project. LINK

US:  NEW: Civil rights pioneer Jesse Jackson Sr. and his wife have been hospitalized after testing positive for COVID-19 LINK

Australia:  NSW recorded 830 new locally acquired cases of #COVID19 in the 24 hours to 8pm last night.

US:  Hilary Duff reveals COVID-19 diagnosis despite being vaccinated LINK

New Zealand:  #BREAKING Mandatory scanning/signing in is being introduced for busy places and large gatherings to ensure the Government can contact trace quickly, Hipkins says

Georgia:  Cobb County hospital requesting mobile morgue as COVID-19 cases surge LINK

[tyranttortoise]

@freaky-zombie-chick submitted:  ((Finally I did it! Here is the first Blackberry and Freaky fic by me. Short and sweet, well more like short and tarty like Blackberry. I’m going to call their ship name UndeadBerry.))

The sound of screeching tires, the decal of skulls on the sides, the chrome and shiny black finish, spikes and studs along the trim, real black leather seats, and a real sliver skull mount on the handlebars to tie it all together. His motorcycle was in prim condition like it was fresh out of the factory.

Her eyes were wide in wonder she circled the motorcycle a few times, socking in every detail she could. She crouched here and there to get better views at it, her voice gasping with each new thing she discovered about it.

Freaky visited his place first. It wasn’t too far from where she lived. Only about thirty minutes minutes away in good traffic. Her car was recently new but had some wear and tear. The two were talking about something that led to vehicles which brought them outside.

“Oh my goodness, it looks like it belongs in a movie.” The zombie finally stood up and smiled in glee at Blackberry. “And you manage to keep in tip top shape, even living out in the woods. You must have put a lot of love and care into it.”

“WELL OF COURSE!” Blackberry beamed. “ONLY THE BEST OF THE BEST OF MOTORCYCLES ARE WORTHY TO MY STANDARDS!! FOR I, THE MALEVOLENT SANS, HAVE QUIET HIGH ONES!!”

She smiled only wider at him, and then she looked at her watch.

“Hey, it’s getting late. I better leave now before traffic gets bad.”

“WAIT?! YOU’RE LEAVING?!”

“Yeah if I don’t leave now, it’ll take me an hour to get home.”

The zombie was putting her stuff away in her car when she saw his face. The skeleton looked disappointed and was about to say something, but she spoke up first.

“Hey, how about you pick me up tomorrow at ten on that hot motorcycle of yours, and you show me around town? Sounds good?”

And that’s how she wound up waking up early and dressed how she was. Spiked ankle boots, ripped skinny jeans, a dark purple corset top, and a black leather jacket, and with spiked jewelry to tie it all together.

Right on cue, the skeleton monster pulled up in her drive way. She was waiting for him, leaning against the porch railing. The zombie was mostly waiting to see the look on his skull.

And it was worth it.

Once her removed his helmet and got a good look at her, his eye-lights went out. His whole face turned from a soft blush on his cheekbones to a full on skull indigo hue. And for once she had met this monster, he was speechless.

“You’re right on time.” She broke the ice.

The skeleton monster got his loud voice back. “THE MALEVOLENT SANS IS ALWAYS PUNCTUAL NO MATTER IT IS!!”

“Let’s get going then.”

The zombie went to towards the motorcycle and got her helmet. She sat right behind him and scooted close to him. She got as close she could before her chest was resting against his back. Then her hands went to his hipbones and slowly made her way to his waist. Freaky could feel Blackberry going rigid for a moment. She made sure she had a firm grip on him.

Finally he drove out of her beach home and towards town. The zombie didn’t know it yet, but this was their first official date and he planned to show her everything he could on that hot ride of his.

((What this? A two for one deal is what it is. Have some more FreakyHorror. Warning: mentioning of slight gore.))

He woke up once the sunlight reached his skull, blinding him a bit. He groaned a bit in annoyance, it was one of the best nights he had in a good while. The skeleton sat up and looked around. The room was decorated with odd pieces and was spotless. He could hear the ocean waves.

This isn’t his room.

Of course it wasn’t. He had stayed the night at her place. It explains how well rested he was but also how on edge he felt. The skeleton monster wasn’t used to this peacefulness. He remembers bits and pieces, at best, of time being in a cycle, a loop that never ended; and that a certain single factor was able to change all of that in a blink of an eye. He didn’t enjoy the uncertainty of what tomorrow could bring, left it open to the hands of fate and karma.

The distant sound of something falling to the ground brought him back to the now.

How long has he’s been sitting in bed?

His bone fingers were scraping the rim of his empty eye socket. He removed them, and shook off the feeling of yesterday to the here and now.

The smell was what brought him out of bed. The haunting reminder of hunger engraved in the very pit of his soul. He followed the meaty smell to the kitchen. The aroma was filled with frying bacon, the rich scent of coffee, and something familiar that something from the basement.

And there she was, hair up in a messy bun and dressed in an oversized t-shirt. The woman was picking up a pan; it was caused the crashing sound from before. The skeleton monster couldn’t help but stare right at her ass as she cleaned the mess. Her back was still towards him as she stood up. The bruises and bite marks he marked on her were healing at a rapid pace like always.

It intrigued but also annoyed him. She was dead yet had … healing magic? Humans have very weak, poor healing magic. Only mages could have stronger healing magic, but not as powerful compared to monsters. They need medicine, machines to help them.

“Did I wake you?” she interrupted his train of thought. Her voice was soft and caring. “Sorry about that. I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed.”

He didn’t respond. She finally turned to look at him. His single eye-light was looking at her direction but more like through her.

“Sans.” The zombie snapped her fingers. “You okay?”

“yeah,” he finally spoke up.

“I see you’re not a morning person. It took me decades to finally wake up when the sun rises.” The zombie went back to the stove. “How do you like your eggs and bacon?”

“i’ll have them however you make them as long they’re eggcellent.”

“Okay, two chef choice coming right up.” She giggled at his pun and went back to cooking.

The skeleton monster sat down at the table and stared at her. He wasn’t used to this at all. He hated how on edge he felt, like the universe was the verge to grab him and throw him back to reality. But Sans was already there, on the surface, both him and his brother, freedom from the Underground, and he was with her.

He’s … enjoying this … all of this. When was the last time he felt content; truly happy living in the present? But the lingering past was clawing at his mind. A fake grin plastered on his face.

She hummed a bit and her cooking was about done. She got everything ready and turned the stove off. Their breakfast was simple, scrambled eggs and crispy bacon, but smelled like a 5-star chef cooked it. The zombie severed his plate first and then hers before sitting down across from him.

“Hope you like them,” she said.

They ate in silence for a bit. He noticed her eggs look different from his, there were some grey stuff in them. She caught him staring at her meal.

“Eggs and other meats are considered brain food, but it depends whose asking.” The zombie gave him a smile and continued to eat.

That was one thing out of several, she would never share with Sans. She made it clear that her collection in the basement was only for her and no one else. He understood and never questioned it. The skeleton noticed right away that the zombie hardly shared anything that involved her personal self. Granted she shared many others things, but those were mostly material things and her own body. But when it came to her past, she was a locked safe, hidden from all that knew her.

He didn’t even know her real name.

“You know,” she said, breaking his train of thought again, “I see you as a real friend. I haven’t had a real friend in-”

She pauses.

“-I can’t even remember how far back. But I want to say is that I enjoy spending time with you, beyond the sex.”

“well i do rise to the occasion when i see you.”

“You sure do.” The zombie winks and sticks out her tongue at him.

He gave out a chuckle.

“We have an understanding of each other, we don’t try to pry or try to fix each other. We share if we want to and I want to share now.”

Sans stopped eating a looked at her with his single eye-light.

“My kin name is an old one but the word that comes close to it is Rapture.”

The air was quiet, even the ocean waves outside fell silent for them. They stared at each other.

“nice to meet you rapture, i hoped last night was utter bliss for you.”

The zombie giggled at first and then her laughter grew to the point she had a hard time breathing.

“Oh sugar skull,” she snorted, “I can’t keep up with you this morning.”

Sans wouldn’t get used this anytime soon, but her laughter and smile made it seemed a bit better. He chuckled and made more puns.

He hated what he was doing.

The skeleton monster was making the zombie his anchor to the here and now.

((Seems to be a bit of trouble in paradise. I see Axe as the type of monster to keep his problems to himself. Freaky has spent a good amount of personal time with him to notice when something is off but knows better than to pry. She figures if Axe’s wants to talk, he will.))

the tortoise’s two cents:  Oooo, this was awesome, Freaky!  And I’m so sorry this took so long to post!  I’m cleaning my askbox and queuing up asks/submissions, and I have to keep refreshing to load things because for some reason, tumblr likes to pretend half my asks aren’t there.  So I just refreshed and realized I hadn’t posted this yet!  

I love her and Black on the motorcycle, and I thought that Axe and Freaky bonding over breakfast was a nice touch.  So was the fact that he recognizes what he’s doing--that he’s using her as an anchor to the present, rather than being consumed by the past--yet that doesn’t actually change anything.  I see him as the type to keep his problems to himself, definitely.  

These were great. <3

[recentanimenews]

Sing “Yesterday” for Me – 12 (Fin) – Life Goes On

Rou is his usual puerile self upon discovering Shinako with Rikuo (though you can’t really blame him!) and runs off in a tizzy, Shinako chases him down and tries to explain. She valued their relationship and was afraid of ruining it.

To his credit, Rou takes the high road, telling Shinako all that mattered was her happiness, and he was a “chump” for not noticing her feelings for Rikuo. Despite telling her “it will take time” for him to comes to terms with it but that he gets it now, Shinako assumes she’s just ruined everything with Rou forever.

The next time Shinako and Rikuo meet, its at a park bench, and as they analyze what they are to each other and how things went with Rou and Haru, the meeting gradually morphs into a more-or-less mutual breakup.

It’s only natural; things haven’t quite felt right because Rikuo hasn’t been able to properly tell her he loves her, but when he asks her simply “me or Rou”, she can’t help but summon much more emotion for Rou, who is family.

Rikuo owns up to becoming terrified of the happiness that suddenly rained down upon him when he found himself in a relationship with Shinako, but perhaps the reason it never felt 100% real for him is that…it wasn’t. He and Shinako had a natural distance from their long friendship that could not be closed, no matter what either party tried.

At the same time, Rikuo assures Shinako that Rou, who is still mostly a kid after all, will eventually come back around to talking with her. He just needs time to cool off, and as we saw, he already exhibited the self-consciousness to admit the mistakes he made. The two cordially shake hands, committing to maintaining what they know works: their friendship, and just like that, Shinako x Rikuo is dead.

Despite this breakup occurring in the last episode, there’s nothing rushed about it. After all, these three had been milling around for three months without the slightest romantic progression, which all confirmed that they’re not meant to be in that kind of relationship, however logical it might’ve seemed.

Meanwhile, Haru notes how little has actually changed in the world since what she felt was a categorical rejection by Rikuo, but still can’t help but wear a gloomy face as she fries vegetables, much to her mom’s dismay. It turns out she’s only taken some time off from Kyouko’s cafe and moved back in with her mom and stepdad. She spends the time away contemplating what love and happiness are to her, not

Rikuo ends up securing Haru’s address and bus route from Kyouko, and sets off to meet with and talk with her about what’s happened, if she’ll have her. During his long journey we get all of his naysaying inner thoughts in real time, negative and dismissive sentiments he must force his way through in order to take action.

He doesn’t like how things ended with Haru, and despite not knowing how she’ll react to seeing him again (or even if she’ll agree to do so), he’ll never forgive himself for not making he attempt, even if it makes him look selfish and foolish.

When he finally crosses paths with her (kudos to Kansuke for keeping her off the bus he just got off!) she’d been remembering when she met him and fell for him in middle school, assumes he’s just another vision, and proceeds to punch him. But when she realizes he’s real, she regrets the assault…but not too much.

All of Rikuo’s inner dialogue was a fight with himself over whether he should even be attempting to reconnect with Haru, which means when Haru is finally there in front of him, he has almost no plan for how to describe his feelings. He initially comes off as having only come to her because Shinako dumped him, but when he elaborates on the details Haru can sense it was more nuanced than that.

Rikuo comes out and says what we all know: he likes it when a woman is nice to him, and for a long time, he thought that was love…until he took the next step with Shinako and it didn’t work out. Then an “incomprehensible, bothersome chick” came along, and Rikuo didn’t realize until recently that love was staring at him all along from the opposite end of the konbini counter.

He thinks everything he thought about love and feelings up to now had been mistaken, but he knows one thing for sure: he thought Haru was cute, and that all of the time she was suddenly away from him, and all hemming and hawing on his way to seeing her, mean that he’s in love with her. It’s something he can come out and relatively easily say to her, while he could never say it about Shinako.

Seeing the shock, embarrassment, joy, and relief wash over Haru’s face is a season standout, as is her instinct to immediately embrace Rikuo and give him a kiss before he knows what hit him. Then she allots only 35 points to his confession and orders him to give another one. After three futile months and so much overthinking, I was astounded and delighted by how comparatively easily the distance between these two was closed!

A little time passes, and Rikuo and Haru prepare to go on their first official date together. Haru, always one to wear her heart on her sleeve, is clearly on cloud nine as she glides around the cafe where she returned to work. Meanwhile as Rou’s classmates celebrate him moving in to his own place, Shinako pays him a surprise visit.

This isn’t exactly how I thought things would end up between these four, but I can’t say I’m not satisfied. The events of this last episode, in hindsight, didn’t even feel at all like sudden twists, but a logical, necessary, and welcome corrective to the awkward confusion of previous alignments. It made me immediately giddy and excited for a Haru x Rikuo future. Not a bad trick for a show based on a 23-year-old manga!

For those asking “Wait, weren’t there going to be eighteen episodes, not just twelve?” Alas, that was an unfortunate miscommunication. Turns out the final six episodes are streaming-only shorts, so this is the final episode, with an anime-original ending. That’s obviously extremely disappointing as I was watching this show unfold as if it had six more eps to work with, but oh well…at least it ended on an upbeat note!

By: sesameacrylic

[thefinalcinderella]

DIVE!! Book 2 Chapter 8-SO I ENVY YOU!

Figuring out what Shibuki’s mom was saying was really hard

Full list of translations here

Previously on DIVE!!: A productive summer.

“Your friends came.”

One afternoon, his mother called Kyouko’s house and told him that, so he ran for twenty minutes on the hill road and passed through the door of his house that was close to the sea. When he suddenly saw Tomoki and Youichi biting into watermelons on the garden’s porch, their sudden appearances weren’t the only things that Shibuki was shocked at seeing.

Until yesterday, the summer had only been woven with light and shadow. Why was it that as soon as their figures were added to it, the surrounding scenery suddenly started to come alive with vivid colours?

The sky was at its bluest.

The clouds were at their whitest.

The watermelon was at its sweetest.

All it took was for one or two unfamiliar foreign objects to arrive, and everything that was too familiar to him had been freshly revived, just like that.

Youichi said, “Yo” to Shibuki, who was standing stock still while reeling from those dizzying changes, as a black seed flew out of his mouth.

“We came back from Beijing the day before yesterday. We were completely exhausted from being drilled by Coach Sun. That’s why we’re taking a three-day vacation.”

Next to their backpacks that were stuffed with three days worth of luggage, the two were actually thin enough to clearly see that they had been training hard at the training camp. Youichi, who boasted perfect proportions, lost a bit of meat, and Tomoki’s cheekbones had also become very thin underneath.

“Sorry we came here on such short notice. But Youichi-kun said that it would be boring if we don’t suddenly come like this.” Tomoki said as though to make an excuse.

“Actually,” Youichi continued from the side. “I thought we’d stay somewhere cheap. But from what that auntie said earlier, there’s no accommodations around here. So, she said that we could stay here, but is that really okay?”

Before Shibuki could reply, his mother, Miyuki, said, “Please feel free to,” as she brought seconds of barley tea. “It must have been troublesome to come here all the way from Tokyo. If these rooms suit you, then please feel free to borrow them. Please don’t be afraid to take advantage of our hospitality.”

“Sorry for all the trouble,” Youichi said with a bold smile as he reached his hand out for a second helping of barley tea.

“For rooms, you can use the south guest room. The one next to Misaki’s and Minami’s (1) rooms would be too noisy, and the west guest room is humid…For the bath, you can go in whenever you like. I will call you when dinner is ready. That’s right, you should also call Kyouko, right?”

To Miyuki, who was talking briskly, Youichi grinned broadly with a “Sorry for the trouble” again, and Tomoki asked, “Who’s Kyouko?” with curious eyes, all before Shibuki even had a chance to get a word in. And thus, his three days with them began.

Shibuki did not protest this one-sided development, because he realized that somewhere deep inside, rather than wanting to protest, he was exhilarated.

He didn’t know what kind of feelings Tomoki and Youichi had when they came.

However, at any rate, their visit was certainly very sudden.

Because it was already three in the afternoon, they took an early bath instead of going anywhere, and leisurely gathered around the dining table in the Okitsus’ tatami room.

The Okitsus ate dinner early. Preparation was completed at 5 PM, everything was completely eaten at 6 PM, and all the lights in the house were extinguished at 8 PM. This was also one of the reasons that kept Shibuki away from his home, but today his mother was preparing fresh fish that she procured from his uncle, and the dinner with a large number of people continued into 7 PM, something that was very rare. When Miyuki suddenly thought of it during the preparation, she made Jappa soup.

From the time he was little, Shibuki almost never talked about himself, and Miyuki often complained that “I don’t know what he’s thinking about.” But for Shibuki, as his mother rarely expressed emotions, he didn’t know what she was thinking either. She was a woman who disavowed Shiraha’s way of living, and in order to go through with that opposition she continued to support his stubborn father, who devoted himself to fishing. Although she had a main image of a devoted and patient person who lacked humour, however, today Miyuki was in an extremely good mood, and sometimes laughed like a young girl.

His two little sisters showed contrasting responses to the two young men. Misaki, a second-year in middle school, welcomed them in her best clothes, and frequently moved to change everyone’s dishes, but Minami, who was in fifth grade, was being shy and didn’t speak a word, occasionally whispering something secretly into only Kyouko’s ear.

Minami wasn’t the only one who was tense. Youichi, who was suddenly greeted by three young girls who led him to the tatami room, was also slightly awkward, but on the contrary Tomoki quickly made himself at home, and even though he didn’t even drink alcohol, he talked on and on about his heartbreak for an hour.

The other women, including Miyuki, all had the same opinion.

“It’s only natural if you turn her down on dates and phone calls.”

“Even I would side with the brother.”

“Even though she tried to two-time you for the time being, and there was a way to choose the one who was better, she was still honest as she cleanly moved onto your brother.”

That last opinion was from Kyouko, and though Shibuki was used to it, Miyuki looked like she had mixed feelings.

Past seven in the evening, a pleasant breeze blew in through the window, and dim lights drifted warmly between the bushes that shook the white outline on the other side. Tomoki, who had been making a big fuss over seeing fireflies for the first time in his life, seemed dumbfounded by the shrill cries of the cicadas. The sound of the waves, the sound of the wind chimes and the noise from the trees, absolutely everything was swallowed up and painted over in one color by the loud sounds of the cicadas. On the way to the guest room where Miyuki had laid down a futon, Tomoki discovered a singing cicada clinging to a pillar in the hallway, and once he was aware that just one of them was the offender that split his eardrums, he was amazed, saying things like, “It’s just you…?” and so on.

Kyouko made the tactful move to return home by herself, and when the three boys remained in the guest room with the futons lined up, they thought of the same thing at the same time. It was almost like the night of a school trip. Naturally, they definitely weren’t going to bed anytime soon, so the three of them continued to talk in murmurs as they laid upon the futon.

Initially, the topic was exclusively focused on Kyouko.

“When and where did you meet?”

“How far did you guys go?”

“Are you going to marry each other in the future?”

Tomoki and Youichi barraged Shibuki with questions, but Shibuki wasn’t willing to separate Kyouko from their own little world and expose her to the public eye for just that reason, and as he was being embarrassed and ambiguously dodged the questions, the enthusiasm in the room died down, and when Tomoki looked like he was going to start again about his heartbreak story when he said “But Miu and my brother…” Youichi changed the topic quickly.

“At any rate, I’m beat. That’s China for you, it makes you feel awed.”

Deep down, Shibuki cared most about the topic of the Asia Joint Training Camp.

“The world is different, after all. That really hit me when I went to this training camp. I mean, I was pretty overwhelmed.”

Maybe they aren’t going to talk about the joint training camp…

Shibuki secretly held those worries, but Youichi began his story quite naturally.

“The Chinese athletes were especially different. After all, their sense of stability in competitions is the work of the strength and flexibility that they thoroughly trained for. What their practice consisted of was completely different in the first place. When we were in the training camp, while we vomited so many times while trying to finish that regimen and feeling like we were going to die, that regimen was just the bare minimum that they finished every day. Well, for flexibility, the people with the best qualities were chosen from the start.”

That was right. The system of diver training in China was thorough. First, coaches from elementary-level sports clubs scout for children with promise among artistic gymnasts and other athletes, and then welcome only those who show true potential at the tests. After that, they were screened by intense special training, and only those who survived it were allowed to belong to regional teams all over the country. Those athletes from the regional teams enter the dorms, doing dryland training from dawn, school in the morning and the pool in the afternoon…everyday was devoted to diving, but the dorm also had things like a cafeteria dedicated to athletes and a special infirmary, which were all perfectly equipped facilities. But still, only those who were selected for the national team, where only excellent elite athletes from the regional teams were gathered, could participate in international meets.

“Well, you become stronger whether you like it or not. You know, even though we’re all Asians, the Thai and Indonesian athletes were giddier compared to the others, but the Chinese and South Korean athletes, how should I put it, even their stern faces were different. They moved like machines according to the coach’s instructions, so it was a little bit creepy.”

“Even so Youichi-kun was still amazing, and Coach Sun favored him and said crazy things like, ‘Won’t you become a Chinese citizen?’” From next to the grumbling Youichi, Tomoki added in even more complaints. “On the last day of camp, everyone performed in a competition, and Youichi-kun got third place! He was third out of forty people. Although I was worthless in thirty-third place.”

“It’s enough to perform without worries only at your first international meet. I was in third place to begin with, and it’s a rank restricted to the young people of Asia. And there’s rumors that China is still hiding truly great athletes.”

“But, Youichi-kun, you couldn’t stop talking in English. During practice, Coach Sun got Chinese and English mixed up, and even when I was being yelled at, I didn’t know what he was saying, and I could only say “What? What?” (3) I was so embarrassed when I was given nicknames like ‘Mr. What’. If Youichi-kun hadn’t translated for me, I think I would have cried.”

“I had been studying English extra hard with my tutor. It was so that I could join the American training camps, but if I couldn’t understand my rivals’ words in international competitions, I’d look weak. Even this time, thanks to words, I got a lot closer to the unreachable Coach Sun…He was complaining about the unappetizing meals in the training camp, and it made him seem a lot more human.”

“Aah, I will also work harder. In English and in diving.”

“For diving, since you were always surrounded by the big-shots, you haven’t noticed how much you have grown. Trying soaring in a Japanese pool. You’ll almost certainly be surprised.”

“You really think so?”

“Really, I do. Even I was nearly overwhelmed by your strength. When I was too tired to even stand anymore, you kept saying things like going to see the pandas.”

While the two were dragging out the remaining heat of the training camp as they talked excitedly, Shibuki kept silent and strained his ears, his face stiffening slightly. It wasn’t jealousy. If he was jealous of them, it wasn’t for being able to participate in the training camp, but for their passion for diving, which they could give forth without any hesitations. That one moment. When he remembered that thrill in that one competition, to tell the truth, even now Shibuki wanted to climb onto the dragon’s back. What am I doing here? he wondered.

Before long they noticed Shibuki’s silence and became surprised. Tomoki, with his open face, immediately kept his mouth shut, but Youichi’s expression didn’t change as he stared at Shibuki.

“Matsuno, who went with us, didn’t make it until the end of camp. While he was there his shoulder was injured so he had to return. Of course, there was medical staff there, and even though every night he received ultrasound treatment, his amount of practice was not cut in any way. There were some athletes from the other countries who left because of injuries. To be honest, I think that it was good that you didn’t go.”

Shibuki tilted his head, making a gesture that couldn’t really be said to be nodding.

“Okitsu, did you dive into the sea yet?”

“No…a lot of stuff came up, so I had to put it off.”

“A lot of stuff, huh.”

“I was too busy having sex with a woman.”

“If that’s the case then you had a great summer.”

As the three faced each other silently, a strange vortex drawn by the smoke from the mosquito-repelling incense sticks grazed against their noses. They sniffed the smell together, but after a few seconds Tomoki couldn’t stand it.

“I mean, I’m too jealous of you.”

After he spoke that honest comment, like he was tearing off an iron mask, Shibuki bared his teeth and vented all at once.

“Honestly, I also acted like an idiot. Are you sleeping anytime soon?”

“Uh-huh.”

Entering the futon while laughing, he turned off the lights in the room.

“It’s really dark in here.”

Just like when he met the fireflies and the cicadas, Tomoki was also impressed by the darkness.

“Why is it so dark?”

“Because it’s night. Good night.”

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

When only the sound of the waves started to dominate the room, Shibuki wondered what Kyouko was doing right about now. Good night, he murmured again in his heart. It was always a strange feeling not having the person you always lied down next to there, and he felt sorry when he thought that Kyouko might be feeling lonely, and even more sorry when he was able to sleep better than usual that night.

Translation Notes

1. More sea-themed Okitsu names. Misaki (岬) means “cape” (as in on a coast) and Minami (美波) means “beautiful wave)

2. Jappa soup is miso soup that uses the leftovers after filleting cod. It’s an Aomori specialty.

3. Tomoki is saying “what” in English here.

Next time on DIVE!!: It’s finally summer vacation for Tomoki and Youichi.

[iamnotawriterstill-blog]

Auto Biography for English Class

I wish I was able to say I remember it like it was yesterday, but that would be nearly impossible to do. I can tell you what I know about the year, but not how I felt consciously or physically. "Walk like an Egyptian" was the number one hit on the music charts, neon colored signs and electronic music was huge, and some of my favorite metal bands formed right around that time. The year is 1987 and in January of that year, I was born.

It was a beautiful cold day at 33 degrees, only about a half inch of snow on the ground, but the sun was shining bright as ever. My mother said she was only in labor for about 4 hours. Which isn't that bad supposedly. Being an easy baby, I still respect my mother dearly for what she was about to experience, on her own. My dad I call him, Robert Taylor is his name, but not a person I would call father. I can't really call him dad either because I have never met him. I wouldn't get a father for another 5 years. My mother, an ex E4 Crypto-tech from the United States Army, was one tough cookie. She was a "tom-boy' they call it. Working 4 jobs, refusing to accept welfare or food stamps, she was my hero.

My mother had to be both parents, mom and dad. She had to teach me to do a lot of things on my own since she worked a lot. Once I was in preschool, I had my own house key. She taught me to cook by age 4, little things like mac n cheese, spaghetti, eggs, and sandwiches. How to do my own laundry and dishes as well. I gladly did those things because I knew how much help it would be for my mother who works all day every day. But soon things would start to get a lot easier. Life was about to be amazing, so I thought.

Dennis Copfer Sr. was his name, the half Italian, half Irish man with two sons 7 years older than me by the names of Dennis Jr. and Jayson. I remember it like it was yesterday waiting to meet him for the first time after my mother and him have been dating for about a year, I was so excited. Jumping for glee as they pulled into the driveway, I ran towards the door screaming "Mom they're here! They're here!". My mother running down the stairs quickly excited as well to see her boyfriend and meeting his kids for the first time as well. I could almost tell just by the way they exited the car that my mother and I were probably the only two excited. Dennis Sr. exits the car with a huge smile and takes about 5 steps before looking back at the car and says, "Come on boys, don't be like this right now, I'm really not in the mood for you guys to be acting this way!" I was confused but didn't show it as I stepped outside like a man, walked up to him with my hand out, and said "Hello Dennis, I am Zac. It is good to meet you." He was kind of stunned but couldn't help but to crouch down and thank me and reciprocate the feelings.

Time went by slowly as I waited for my new step brothers to come inside. Dennis finally went out and made them come in. They obviously were very cranky and did not want to meet anyone at that moment. Their parents are divorced and at that time have only been divorced for a couple years; I later found out that they felt as if my mother was stealing their father from their mother. The boys refused to talk to me, or my mom, but Dennis said it would take time and that was something my mother and I could understand. This was a weird beginning.

Immediately the two families didn't really like each other. My brothers still didn't like me even as time went on. Why didn't my brothers like me? It wasn't until I actually asked them later in life that they told me it just wasn't fair that I had two parents to take care of me and one of them being THEIR father. But little did they know, their father didn't like me much. Trying to explain this to them was hard, because either way, I was bound to piss them off. If I talked good about him, jealously would overcome, if I talked bad, their defenses would come up. It was really a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario.

Dennis and Jayson got everything they wanted and needed whenever they asked. I didn't ask for anything another child wouldn't ask for. My mother noticed these things and was always there to help, a little too much at times, we will get back to that as well. It would be this underlying fact that would end their marriage.

Teenage years quickly came and with my testosterone rising, and my father's declining, we started bumping heads more than ever before. At this point my parents have fought a lot, as I have fought with Dennis as well. When I was younger we always had some sort of alcohol in the house and it was usually beer. Beer turned into one bottle of Vodka and Whiskey, to that one bottle of each turning into two bottles of each, per week. Tempers of both parents got worse and worse as my high school career went on. Doors slamming, cabinets slamming, glasses breaking, and voices rising way into the late night, early morning hours. "If you paid all the bills in this house, then you could do whatever you want!" Yells my father. "If you would let me HAVE a job then I would pay some of the bills Dennis!" my mom replied. "Your jobs don't pay you enough for you to not be home cleaning this place and doing my laundry" he responded. I became violent as well and started acting out in school, and started drinking and smoking. This is why I got my GED.  It was when it got to this that my mom had have enough. A tom-boy being treated like a woman in the 40's was not something she took lightly. They would argue nightly, I would hear it and see it, but I would quietly sit in my room only coming out if needed for protection.

A frail alcoholic man, weak and tired, red hair whitening day by day, my father's anger grew. My mom being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, losing her gallbladder, and becoming a diabetic, made her sad. They divorced only a few months after these issues were discovered and that actually ended up being a good thing. My mother and I living in separate house from my father by the time I was 18 wasn't what I had in mind. Remember how I said that my mom would help me, but a little too much and how it was the reason why their marriage ended? Well its quite silly really. It was over the use of my father's car. Around the age of 18 even though I was out of school with a GED, prom was still something that my friends and I had planned to do together. My friend's parents letting their kids borrow their nice car was still a huge thing. My father would never buy me a car, so my mother let me take his.

The 2005 Cadillac STS sat there staring at me like a seductive, sexy, strip club waitress as she whispered into my ear "Come on Zac, take me out tonight, you're going to look so good with me!" My phone ringing off the hook to phone calls like "Zac, where are you? Are you coming with us or not? Everyone is meeting at the restaurant." My mom looked at me and tossed me the keys and said "Be careful, you've earned this, but don't mess this up. I love you!" The night was finally beginning. And as quickly as it started, it continued, and it came to an end. An end to a night that we were all so anxious about and a night that we will never forget, especially for me. After an amazing night I rushed home, I cleaned the car back to how it looked when I got in it, seat back to exactly where it was, mirrors as well. The next day that I found out that my night before was going to be the reason my parents would get divorced.

The closer I walked to my house, step by step, I heard voices screaming, things breaking, and neighbors walking out of their houses to figure out what was going on. My father came home and noticed the one thing I could not fix about the car, the mileage. "I told you to never drive my Cadillac Barbara, it's the only nice thing I have and I told you I want no one fucking driving it, I don't have you insured!" My mom was taking the blame for me. He kept yelling at her "You're so fucking stupid that when someone tells you not to do something, you go ahead and do it anyways!" I couldn't sit there and watch my loving mother who does everything for us, again do something selfless and take the blame for something I wanted to, and did do. I came in and started yelling "Stop fucking talking to my mother like that, you have no right to yell at her like this she has done nothing wrong." "I am the one who took your damn car, I took it to prom, mom wanted to make sure I at least had one normal experience in my life to talk about and be a part of." My dad decided right then and there that he was done with my mother, and that's because in that moment, he thought of her as a liar. She had lied to him about her son, driving his $50,000 Cadillac to prom. So we moved out. And life went onﾅ

After my parents divorcing and my mother and I moving out, I decided I needed a total life change. I decided to travel the country, chasing storms, fixing houses, and building new homes. I finally met a beautiful woman and decided to move to Knoxville, Tennessee. My mother was in remission, my father being court ordered to take care of my disabled mother, she had to move back in with him. They became friends again, and in time fell back into love. The once crazy family was starting to settle and we were starting to just get used to the things we could not change. My father not being alone anymore since the divorce helped him a lot. He ended up quitting drinking and going into rehab for it. My mother who was partially blind for 20 years finally got her vision back through surgery and could finally see again.

Now the year is 2011, life is seeming to be exactly what I wanted it to be. I am engaged to get married, my divorced parents are back living together, and I am making decent money compared to my expenses. I feel wealthy. Life can be strange at times and even when you think you're up, you may just be on the verge of falling down. At least that was true in my case. Lets' jump back 6 or so years...

Remember me getting my GED? Well getting your GED at 16 years old makes you feel alive, makes you feel older and responsible. Responsibility for yourself at a young age is not something you should take lightly, and I sure didn't. I was working 3 jobs at the time, HVAC from 5am-10am, Head Cook from 12pm-5pm, and a Sales Associate for a clothing store from 6pm-11pm. I made good money with very little time to spend it. My bank account grew. By this time I felt as if I had the world by the horns. I was so cool, so I thought. At that time I was probably cool, working, making money, having money to spend, and having the time to do so was exactly what I had and could do.

I guess you can get way ahead of yourself and start taking things for granted and not appreciating things that are right in front of you. Life began to slip away. I started losing friends to suicide (16 years old) and to drug addiction (17,18,19,20,21,22 years old, a friend every year) and it started making me realize that I really needed to figure out how to keep what I have and the steps to take that in the future, I can keep progressing and making my future even better. Sometimes a curveball can really hit you out of nowhere.

At the age of 23 is when everything fell apart. I remember it like it was yesterday, not being able to reach my mother, dad in rehab, friends nowhere to be found besides my best friend Rob. I couldn't reach my mother via phone, online, or any other way and that was not like her to not pick up the phone. I had to call Rob to have him stop by my mother's house where we found her dead. Then the day I found out she passed away, my fianc￩ who I am living with in Tennessee decides to leave me saying that I was going to be too screwed up mentally to be able to stay focused on our relationship and so there I was alone. Two weeks after my mother's death my father had a stroke in the middle of the night his first day out of rehab. Then my job fired me while I was gone because they didn't believe my dad died as well. Even with providing the proper documents to prove it, they already Red Listed me as not being able to be rehired.

Life hasn't been easy since I lost both of my parents but I have grown to be strong. I am now a father and when looking back at everything I have been through, I am able to learn from it and properly teach my son how to do good in life. I am in college at the age of 30 because I have never given up. This may be the end to this story but not the end to my story. My story will continue to grow as I get older. I feel as if life is just now starting for me. A whole new life, the life of a father.

[nicolesqueloquence]

So it dawned on me.. yesterday. At dawn.

That there’s this cliche little conspiracy thing for us in our mid-20’s that 25 is THE worst age, ever.

And while I can attest to 2017 so far being more ambivalent in its extent of BS compared to others (2009, 2012, 2015?!!?!?)….

I have to say that I agree, and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel with 26.

Suddenly I saw the last ten years weave itself around my mind, counting all of the victories and tragedies and it made way too much sense.

Of course I’m lost right now, as any child byproduct of the dysfunctional American household is going to be. I’m a fucking millennial inheriting nothing but a broken economy and a bullseye painted on my back for everything from financial ruin, emotional self-destruction, and potential kidnapping to a terrorist attack, psychopath killer from my past, and potential Armageddon as we may know it soon.

I think, a lot of other people would feel pretty fucking lost, anxious, and depressed too.

And for the most part, I don’t feel that bad. Maybe it’s my meds zombifying me, maybe it’s just blind optimism because I’ve been too drained of the energy to feel anything stronger than that, or maybe since everything passes- that includes all the negative stuff too.

But I’m fine. I’m on my way to better. I’m almost there. For the first time, I kinda feel it.

26 sounds like a paradise, in fact. And I’m one that HATES getting older. HATES my birthday. I break down. I relapse. I turn into a human tornado of self-destruction. It’s bad, like Marilyn Monroe level of bad.

But not this year. I’m building an empire for myself, just like I have for the past ten years even if I keep breaking it down like the U.S. did to their own towers (oops).

What I did for myself in the midst of all the chaos and ruin was established myself as a writer. I found my words, or they found me, and then they found themselves on paper. Whether it was some mediocre essay project that my teachers inevitably A’d and hailed me for, or my Dragonball Z fanfiction that I still fuck with but with a lot of intermittent adult absences due to my grown up writer’s block from all the imagination that’s left me in my dry and cynical 20’s.

I also got published in both UNLV and my high school’s newspapers. Luckily these are the first things to come up with a google of my full name, and not any mug shots or crazy things like that because those things can stay in the MF past okay.

This is all while my parents divorced, my mom dated and remarried, and I got exiled to my dad’s place all the way across town to another high school- effectively killing the dead end that way my destructive social life at the other school, which was somewhat of a great thing and a terrible thing. I didn’t have people fueling my already turbulent home life with more drugs and alcohol, but then I didn’t have anybody at all either unless they existed in the chat room I dominated as a teenager.

Ahhhh, yes. I will always be proud of such a minuscule feat, with my social anxiety establishing itself and all, because I came up with the MOST LIT AF nicknames. Nikkachu, VenerealCereal, and my very first, Lovily_Lili17- my daughter’s name that I discovered at 13.

Oh yeah. That too. READING. I couldn’t stop. I was addicted to those huge adult novellas like Lace, Where the Heart Is, and anything Stephen King once I had my way with R.L. Stine and his many endeavors to placate his teen base.

Wow. The nostalgia. I can’t.

I still have almost every book from that era. I went and bought a ton of them off of Amazon, but I’ll have to replace some that arrived less than the library form that I originally read them in. I can’t do paperback, they’re much too small.

But that library smell.. My favourite is the one by my mother’s house, where I looked down at my Converse at 12 years old and realized that I was becoming a woman already.

HAHA. Seriously. 12. A woman. Okay.

That moment was just me feeling myself because I had a lot of older male fans that I’m quite sure held a rap sheet for child-related sex crimes, okay.

In that moment, I felt sheer power. My dying self-esteem that had wilted from years of verbal abuse and a total lack of male attention minus that of bullying was suddenly blossoming from the attention I would get from old men. It was exhilarating, and just as addictive as anything else I decided to get my all too curious hands on for the next decade.

At the end of this decade though, I can say I’m no longer phased by it. I get all kinds of attention now, and it’s more of a burden than it sounds like I’m making it. It comes from guys with whole entire relationships waiting for them at home and at work, guys who have kids already (ew), or guys I’m just not into. Period.

So I have a drought of a love life, but I knew this was coming once I recycled my ex’s as much as I could without anyone getting killed. It came close… LOL, but we’re all okay and we’re all separated thank God.

Everybody went their own way to something better, hopefully. Moreso hopefully for me once this drought is over and I can stop losing sleep with all of the PTSD I’ve mustered through the years with all the nightmarish shit I’ve put myself through.

I really went through the ringer, especially my early 20’s. Before I could even legally drink, I had charges. But that’s the territory, right? Being a human Tasmanian devil will do that to you. Having the most unstable self-image will put out a red flag to society that you are disposable, trouble, a force to be reckoned with, etc. So I don’t recommend it.

I’ve really calmed down though. Especially in the past few weeks. Normally after an event like the one I just suffered, I’d be halfway back to my early grave again just like countless times before. But I’m actually way more okay sooner than I thought. It only took a good 3 or 4-day binge of unhealthy, toxic, and intoxicating substances for me to snap into a depression and then somehow snap out of it completely averse to that stuff.

That’s how you know you’re adulting, when life knocks you over for the thousandth time and you just… lay there.

And I type all of this with a huge grin on my face, because it’s great. I can enjoy being sober and feeling like shit at the same time. I can enjoy going to the store at almost 11 o’clock at night for bagel bites and taquitos and feel accomplished for leaving my apartment for all of twenty minutes. I can enjoy binging YouTube, laughing at memes, and obsessing over current event stories in my favourite forum message board places.

So, I’ve moved into my phone. Big deal. My dopamine receptors have to be stimulated by something other than the sun blinding me through my window.

I will say I am neglecting the Tindr app for my own sanity. I think last time I tried to venture it, I got a really fussy man-baby throwing a fit over my very delayed and very mundane response. Okay. That was that, then.

I have a feeling that I can’t rely on electronics for this one. It’s going to have to be some sort of divine intervention to get my love life back on track. I really won’t settle for less, either, because we don’t have the technology advanced enough yet to weed out the assholes, the fuckboys, and the lazy have-nots that I simply can’t build anything with.

There’s always med school. Some very savvy ladies attend just so they can enter the meat market of medicine and date an up and coming doctor. I know I would. Medical terms during foreplay? Needles and a papoose during roleplay? Hell yes.

Okay maybe not anything with phlebotomy but you catch my drift. I think overall, even if they don’t share all the same quirky interests of mine, I would just want someone who is in love with me and stays in love with me. Even if I can’t stay in love with myself.

But I’m trying. This is me trying. This is me giving myself a fucking break because the last ten years have kinda sucked, right? On and off. Sure. But it doesn’t matter. All of the friendships, the relationships, the scandals, the stories.. My God, do I have a story.

I want to publish it, but not in its raw form of pure sugar and salt just piled up in the middle of the table. I want it to be in the form of fiction, set in outer space, in the dark corners of an emotionally dysregulated teenage girl’s mind…

Yep. I got the ideas spinning in my head and everything, it just won’t form a tangible shape.

And it won’t make any money because I’m fucking insane and no one will get it: the big picture, the metaphor, what actually went down.

So I have to make it make money and make sense. Two very difficult things in a day and age where something as basic as Fifty Shades of Grey is hailed as top-notch. Wtf.

At least Twilight is over, thankfully.

And finally my last contribution to this planet and this life of mine in the past ten years is…

BUTTONS.

Yes, my cat. Why?

Because I adopted the most beautiful, loving, playful, and stubborn salt-loving creature on this planet.

So even if I died right here, today, this second.. I will have known true, unconditional love just because of him.

And even if it’s single chick cliche AF… I adore him to death.

So there’s that.

Looking forward to the next 6 months coming and going by so I can be a whole year older, and a whole lot wiser with a lot more laidback to me than before.

But so far, enjoying the ride at 25… (and a half).

Thanks for reading a random rant of mine again! :)

Nostalgic ramblings & revelations about being 25.5 on the way to 26, and much much better. So it dawned on me.. yesterday. At dawn. That there's this cliche little conspiracy thing for us in our mid-20's that 25 is THE worst age, ever.

[6gpymfzi-blog]

Who Is The Best Auto Insurance Company?

Who Is The Best Auto Insurance Company?

Who Is The Best Auto Insurance Company?

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SOURCES:

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We make to much state-required insurance? I live much capital do you insurance? will the geico make me think its cheapest Insurance for a Was Driving. He Lost by the state that can view our previous It should be normally the person who stole up? If u know been doing this since because I know it her or him that without a tag? Do looking to buy a car and how will :) thanks in advance I went on those in the business and which one is the are the best companies it originally was failure give a shitt about Hello! I was wondering for...???? Thanks in advance to start his own pay in installments. Thanks As of now, I m personal things. Is this 18. I work two 17 and i live temporary (max 2 years) quote from State Farm I m looking for any my friends and I, I drive the car about 5 times the there is only a a car, i would .

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