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otakubimbo · 1 year

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YOU ARE MY SUN

Pairing: Dazai Osamu x f!Reader Warnings: Self Harm, Talks of Violence. Suggestive but no actual depiction. Talk of Death

After a long mission for the Armed Detective Agency, you come back and are questioning what kind of person you are. As a former member of the port mafia, the things you have done are unspeakable but are you able to change? Your former partner in crime seems to be having an easier time changing than you, why is that?

Sticky Note: this is my first BSD fic, so i hope yall like it.

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The Armed Detective Agency was your last stop after completing your mission. It took longer than expected with you being your biggest setback. You never thought that being on the side of the righteous would be harder than your previous lifestyle. Sometimes, you didn’t even know if you were capable of being good, everything you did was mainly a façade of the person you wished you could be. Only one person ever believed in your ability to be a good person, but that person was long and gone. That’s why you were here now, riding up on this elevator to deliver your completed report of your mission trying to be the better person he wanted you to be.

“Honey, I’m home.” You boast, your practiced smile plastered on your face a bit strained. Before you could even make another poor joke, Kunikida started yelling at you. The vein in his head already exceeding a point that you knew was painful, his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose.

His rant begins, “Where have you been Kai?!” questioning about your whereabouts. The mission that you were on was a dangerous one, which is really the only mission that you go on but hadn’t been heard from in a month, all communication went silent, and he just knew you were dead finally. Ranpo told him and everyone else that you were just fine. It’s not that he wanted you dead, it’s just that you were known for your recklessness and lived as if you could not die. But if you did die, maybe that would be enough to repent for your sins.

This was the usual speech that he gives, goes in one of your ears and out the other. It was a little more aggressive than usual which made your attention even more divided, especially since something caught your eye. There seemed to be a new agent, a white-haired kid, who looked a bit too innocent to be here.

“Who’s the kid?” You ask, cutting Kunikida off mid-sentence which made the vein in his head pulsate from your lack of attentiveness. He was trying to explain the importance of keeping up communication and keeping track of your whereabouts for safety reasons.

He groans, rubbing his hand on his face. Kunikida should have known that you weren’t really listening to him, what else should he expect?

“That’s Atsushi, Dazai recruited him.” He mumbles pushing his glasses up on his face, you truly exhausted the poor man. Between you and Dazai, you were sure you both took at minimum 10 years off his lifespan.

“Interesting,” you think shoving the completed reports at the man in front of you. Were you a pain in the ass? Yes, but you get the job done. “everything’s in there” you mention casually as you walk towards this Atsushi, you had to find out why Dazai recruited him, that wasn’t really his style.

“Hey kid” you call out to the white-haired boy; he looks up at you nervously. The kid knew that you were obviously part of the agency because you wouldn’t be here unless. There was also a photo of you and Dazai that Atsushi once spotted in Dazai’s otherwise empty wallet. It was a picture of Oda, you, Dazai, and reluctantly Ango that Dazai folded cutting off the other two men.

“Uhm hi. I’m Atsushi.” He says with a slight bow. Cute, how formal.

“Names Kai. I heard you were recruited by Dazai. Do you happen to know where he is right now?” You ask seemingly innocently.

“No, I haven’t seen him all day. He does have me doing his paperwork though.” Atsushi complains a bit, showing the papers to you. This information made you grin, if he was getting this kid to do his paperwork that meant he wasn’t coming around for a while. Now you had more than enough time to interrogate him, grabbing a chair and sliding it in front of his desk. You grab the paperwork from his hands, tossing it on your own desk.

“So, how did you get into the agency?” You ask in a sing-song voice, head tilting at him. Atsushi immediately got flustered and it was hilarious to you. He really didn’t look like the kind of kid that Dazai would have recruited, he seemed so sweet and a bit innocent.

“Stop messing with him, Kai” Kunikida scolds you while you roll your eyes at him turning back in response.

“Dang, I can’t get to know the kid? You make it seem like I’m as bad as Dazai.”

“Objectively, you’re worse.” He responds and you wince at his words dramatically.

“You wound me. You really do. Words hurt!” You say while grasping your chest in fake pain. He just scoffs and walks off. “Anyways,” your attention back to the kid in front of you. “Now go on, don’t leave out a single detail.” You command with a smile on your face.

Atsushi tells you everything that happened to him since meeting Dazai. As he spoke, you could tell why Dazai recruited him. The kid reminded you of someone you both used to love, it warmed you a bit. You could tell he had such a kind heart and had been through too much unlike his last protégé. Even though you knew Dazai for so long, longer than anyone else at the agency of course before he even had the idea to join back when he was a completely different person. So much has changed since then, honestly, those were simpler times back then, but all things change.

Just as Atsushi was finishing his tale, the devil himself walked in, Dazai.

“Oi, loser” You call out to him as he walks through the doorway. When his eyes land on you, they immediately turn into big saucers and the puppy dog face has been activated.

“Kai, you’re back and without telling me” He whines as he scuttles over to where you’re sitting. With a laugh, you stand up and push your pointer finger into his head.

“Yeah, my phone broke like ages ago BUT now I must make my leave.” You turn away from him to sit on the open windowsill. This just gets a pout from him; you knew he was just messing around. This was his outside personality, not the real him.

“Oh, and before I go,” You remark, pointing your head towards Atsushi, “Nice pick on the kid. I like him” and with that, you fall back out of the window, pulling a surprised exclaim from the white-haired boy in question as he rushed to the window just in time to see you land perfectly on the ground. You looked up to see his exasperated face which made you laugh, waving at him before leaving to go home.

“Isn’t she fun?’ Dazai asks, hands in his pockets.

“Why hasn’t anyone mentioned her before?” The boy questioned back, relieved that you were okay.

“She does a lot of outside missions, barely ever here. Just slipped my mind I guess.” He shrugged, now noticing the unfinished paperwork on his desk. He groaned, knowing that it was your doing that his work wasn’t finished for him.

“But you have a picture of the two of you in your wallet.”

“We used to work together before coming to the agency” The man replied casually, as if anyone but the two of you knew the type of work you did before here.

“Oh” was all that Atsushi responded with, he knew he wasn’t going to get a straight answer out of Dazai about where they used to work or about the two of y’all relationship.

The relationship the two of you had was complicated, to say the least. Back in the port mafia days, it was you and Oda, he was what you would consider the love of your life. He was the only person who you thought ever saw any good in you, considering your ability most people just saw you as a tool, a powerful tool. But when you were with Oda, he made you feel hope that you were more than that. Now that he was gone, you had to try to believe that in yourself. This was the same with Dazai, Oda saw what was good in him too even if he didn’t see it like he did.

After Oda’s death, you were a complete wreck, and it was no surprise that Dazai was the same. There were many nights that you both would drink together and wake up drunk. But that was no way to live, Oda didn’t want you two to live that way. That’s how both of you ended up at the agency, ended up getting closer and closer every day, holding on to the secrets and pain of the past.

In your apartment, you washed off the memories of your mission. The struggles you have been facing, swirling down the drain with the water. This mission wasn’t hard at all, skill-wise. The issue that you were experiencing was control, it felt like you were slipping. Things were getting so much harder for you, your instincts kicking in when they shoulder, the muscle memory fighting against what you aren’t anymore. It was making you sloppy, it was making you unsafe, there was too much going on through your mind to be as effective as you should be.

The shower did make you feel better, but you needed a drink and it needed to be strong. Dressed in a casual outfit, a tan tank top, black cargo pants, and the usual black trench coat that Dazai got you, off you went to your favorite hole in the wall.

“Kai” Your local bartender greets you by name since you are a regular. You raise your hand back in greeting, your usual happiness gone for your regular melancholy state. Luckily for you and as always, there wasn’t anyone in your favorite corner of the shabby spot, sinking right in the booth knowing your usual would be brought to you.

“Haven’t seen you in a while, Kai” The server comments, placing your drink in front of you a rum old fashion. Before answering, you grab your drink and down it even though it’s meant to be sipped.

“Yeah, been gone.” You huff placing the now empty glass down, you needed that.

“And stressed” She mentioned picking up your glass, “I’ll bring you another.”

You just hum in response, now being left alone with thoughts of the warm sensation of alcohol raising your body temperature slightly. As you wait for your next drink, your eyes close while you rest your head on the back of the booth. The weight of the world felt as if it was on your chest, crushing you from the thought of your past and present. Your hand moves reflexively to your wrist, snapping the band around it to give yourself some relief better than any other alternative. Maybe for once, you would take Dazai up on his other for a double suicide. What was the point anymore anyway? Before you could have another deprecating thought, a hand slides onto your wrist stopping the snapping. There was only one person it could be the man who had just crossed your mind.

“Yes, Dazai?” You ask not even bothering to open your eyes yet.

“If you wanted to harm yourself, we could always do a double suicide.” He suggests in the joking manner he always does, but this makes you open your eyes sitting up.

“Sure. Let's do it.” You say earnestly, looking him deep into his eyes and the look he gives you back almost makes you falter. The look was so soft, so sad, it was the same look Oda used to give you which almost brought tears to your eyes. Luckily, Dazai had brought your next with him when he came to sit, and you grabbed it averting your eyes and taking another chug ushering for another to be brought to you.

“Tell me how your mission went and then we will,” he says casually, taking a sip of his own drink. You go back to snapping the band around your wrist before you speak.

“It went fine” Another snap comes with that falsehood, and you knew he didn’t believe but usually he didn’t push. Today must have been different.

“And yet here you are, back to old habits after having no contact for almost a month.” He took another sip from his drink, sliding his other hand on your wrist to stop you. His touch was so gentle and calming, he had only been this way with you a few times, times like this one. You were silenced by his touch, waiting for your next drink to come before you spoke again. Luckily for you, this time you brought three drinks. The bar could tell this was going to be the kind of night, and you nodded gratefully as the server walked away.

“It’s just….” You speak softly, feeling his hands hold onto your wrist as if supporting you. You start on your first drink before you continue. “Do you ever think that maybe Oda was wrong? That I don’t have the capability of being a good person? “You finally look back at him, to see if you can read his gaze. His expression was unreadable to you, almost as if he was confused by your question. The masks you both usually wear fall at this moment, it’s as if only you two were there.

“Sometimes, it just feels like I’m going to slip back into staining my hands. It’s so hard Osamu, it’s hard.” You confess, using his given name that rarely comes out of your own mouth, and his hand slides from your wrist to set itself in your palm.

“I know”

“Do you? It feels like it’s coming so easy for you. You brought Atsushi on, you saved him.” You grip his hand as it is sitting on your palm.

“We repent in different ways. This is one of mine”

That relieved you in some way, there was sincerity in his eyes and words. He was doing things in his own way but that didn’t mean it was any easier for him. It almost brought a tear to your eye, maybe you weren’t a monster that couldn’t change.

“Maybe,” you remark, taking another sip of your drink, releasing your hand from his when you realize they are still entangled. This was one of those moments you and Dazai have been having more frequently. The touches came from often, the walls breaking down between the two of you, there was safety in each other.

“You know the wrong I’ve done but Oda believed in you just as much as he believed in me. That we could both be better people than we were. He loved you.”

“The silly man sure did.” You scoff looking down into your drink, a tear falling into the almost empty glass. You down the rest of it without a second thought, moving on to the next.

“Ya know, he used to say that I was the sun. All the good he was able to do was a reflection of me, even if he was in the port mafia. He said that I was so bright that there was a reason for him to be better, to be kind.” Your hands gripped the glass in front of you, tears threatening yet again to spill as your grip tightened on the glass. The glass shattered under the pressure of your grip, cutting deep into your hand.

“Fuck” the curse leaves your lips, not even pulling back from the shattered glass just turning your palms up. Your mind instinctively went to using your ability to stop time to clean up the mess so no one would notice but you feel Dazais hand around your wrist stopping you. He doesn’t say anything, just starts picking up the glass for you. No words were spoken between the two of you as he cleaned it up before grabbing your arm and taking you out of the bar. The silence lingered between the both of you as he walked you home, glass still in your palms burning from the intrusion and the alcohol but you enjoyed the pain better than feeling anything else.

Once at your apartment, Dazai doesn’t even let you attempt to fumble through your coat for your key, sliding his hand in the inner pocket to take the item out for himself and opening your door. He ushered you inside to your own place, placing you on your bed and making you sit down. There has yet to be a word spoken between the two of you as he gets the first aid kit that you keep in your bathroom out. His fingers work diligently, gently pulling the glass out of your hands making sure not to embed them any further into your skin. As he finishes wrapping your hand up, he takes them into his own looking up at you from his position on the floor.

“He was right you know” his voice barely above a whisper. You look at him confused about what he means. “You really are the sun.”

At that moment, you were now aware of the fact that Dazai still had your hands in his and you froze. A slightly shocked expression marks your face, but you stay silent because what are you supposed to say at this moment?

“You worry so much about trying to be a better person, bad people don’t worry about things like that.” A small smile threatens to appear on his lips as he speaks. “You’re not like me, no matter what I do, I will always be who I am.”

Your brow furrows, replacing his hold on your hands with yours on him, joining his position on the floor. “That’s not true and you know it. You’ve changed Osamu, you have. I see it in you every day. I see it in the way that you are so much gentler now. You care for people. You care for me.” The passion in your voice makes him more upset than it seems, which just confuses you even more.

“And there lies the problem. That’s what makes me a terrible man, a man who isn’t capable of change because I do care about you. What good person falls in love with their dead friend's girlfriend? I didn’t even know I was capable of feeling that and then the one person I fall for is you of all people.” He confesses, scoffing inwardly. You were completely taken aback by his sudden words, but you knew they were true. The two of you have gotten so close, leaning on each other, supporting each other, caring for each other. There was no denying that you also were slowly thawing to his warmth, the drunken nights turning into mornings waking up to him, the worry for his safety while you were away, you had gotten so used to it being the two of you. It was you and him; him and you. Without even thinking, you grab his face making it face you.

“I will always love Oda, I will. But….” You hesitate but the looks in his eyes, the real look in his eyes gives you a bit of confidence, he was here with you not far off in his own mind. “But I love you Osamu Dazai, I do. You are also my sun; I want to be better for him and for you.”

For the first time ever, you have surprised him. He was surprised by your confession just as much as you were surprised by him. Now to surprise him even more, you smash your lips onto his, not releasing his face from your hands. The shock of you kissing him, quickly went away as his arms forcefully wrap around your back pulling you closer to him.

You were the first one to pull away, looking at his face with watery eyes.

“Make me yours Osamu.”

And make you his, he did. Several times.

The next morning, the two of you walked into the agency together which wasn’t an unusual occurrence but once Ranpo saw the two of you, he smirked.

“Ugh FINALLY” The man exclaims throwing his hands in the air. “You owe me Kunikida” Ranpo says pointing his lollipop at him. Kunikida looks up at Ranpo and then at you and Dazai coming in together.

“No way! How do you even know?!? They literally just walked in like they normally do.” Kunikida yells back.

“What is going on?” You ask, arms crossed because of course these idiots were up to something.

“I bet that you two would get together before the end of the year, but Kunikida said Dazai was too dumb to make it happen.”

You almost start snort laughing at how hilarious that was trying to hold it back, especially the shocked and offended look on Dazais face.

“Kunikida, I’m hurt. Truly I am! Do you think I’m unlovable?!” Dazai whines at the blonde.

“Absolutely I do,” Kunikida replies matter-of-factly. You couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“You are very lovable Osamu.” You giggle before placing a kiss on his nose. An innocent contrast to the debauchery of last night.

“Confirmed. Pay up.” Ranpo hand is held out to Kunikida who begrudgingly pays up. It was a lot of money, which meant he had 0 faith in your coupling. The bickering about the exchange starts up again between Dazai and Kunikida at the amount of money. You smile to yourself, enjoying the scene as you sit at your desk. Maybe you could have some of this happiness and be the sun.

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the-girl-who-didnt-smile · 1 month

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PORT-AU-PRINCE

This is a character inspired by Gede Nibo.

Description below cut:

RANTING ABOUT THE REAL-LIFE GEDE NIBO (GUEDE NIBO)

Andre Pierre featured Gede Nibo alongside Baron Samedi and Maman Brigitte in several paintings, such as “Les Trois Esprits du Cimetiere.”

Previously, I described Gede Nibo as (quote) “unapologetically queer”. Where did I get the audacity to make such a claim?

Well, there are a number of English language books and other sources that describe Gede Nibo himself as queer. As you may have gathered, I’m a big fan of Eziaku Atuama Nwokocha’s works, and have relied on her research. In Vodou en Vogue, Nwokocha describes him as an “effeminate dandy” who is “honored by queer people”. In Queering Black Atlantic Religions, Roberto Strongman also names Gede Nibo and Erzulie Freda as deities who "have strong associations with queer Vodou practitioners." Strongman’s statement is certainly true with respect to the Erzulies; the question is whether it is also true with respect to Gede Nibo.

Afraid of making the same mistake I did with Baron Samedi, I searched for a Haitian source, as there is a great amount of misinformation spread by English speaking, non-Haitians. Since the Haitian author Milo Marcelin also described Gede Nibo as queer, I stopped there and thought, “so Gede Nibo really is queer…!”

…But it seems I may have made the exact same mistake I did with Baron Samedi afterall.

OOPS!

As far as I can tell, the description of Gede Nibo as “queer” among English-speaking, non-Haitians originates in three major sources:

Gay, German author Hubert Fichte

Gay, American author Randy P. Conner

Haitian author Milo Marcelin

Hubert Fichte conducted his ethnographic work in Haiti during the 1970s. Apparently, Fichte heard Haitian farmers singing a song called “Masisi”, in which the lyrics went “Guede Nibo Masisi!”

He mentions the title of this song in Xango:

“Es gibt einen schwulen Totengott, Guede Nibo, und Anfang November singt das ganze Land, jeder haitianische Bauer die Hymnen auf die Schwulen - »Massissi« - und die ruralen Familienväter vollführen ambivalente Gesten vorne und hinten an ihrer Hose.”

Source: Fichte, Hubert, and Leonore Mau. 1984. Xango. Frankfurt: Fischer. p. 143 https://archive.org/details/xangodafroamerik0000fich/page/142/mode/2up?

An English translation is provided by Strongman:

“There is a gay god of death, Guédé Nibo, and in early November the whole country, every Haitian peasant, sings hymns to the gays— “masisi”—and rural family fathers perform ambivalent gestures at the front and back of their pants.”

Source: Strongman, Roberto. Queering Black Atlantic Religions: Transcorporeality in Candomblé (2019). p. 75

The lyrics of the song are described in Homosexualität und Literatur (Vol. 1):

“Als eine der wenigen Religionen verfuegt der Vaudou ueber eine homosexuelle Gottheit, den Totengott Guédé Nibo, und am Totensonntag singen die Vaudouglaeubigen in der Stadt und auf dem Land: Guédé Nibo Massissi, Guédé Nibo Massissi! – schwuler Guédé Nibo, schwuler Guédé Nibo!”

Source: Fichte, Hubert. Homosexualität und Literatur: Polemiken. Germany, S. Fischer, 1987. Vol. 1. p. 146

An English translation is provided in The Gay Critic:

“Voodoo is one of the few religions to espouse a homosexual divinity, the god of the dead Guédé Nibo, and on Dead Sunday the believers chant, throughout the city and in the countryside: Guédé Nibo Massissi! Guédé Nibo Massissi! – gay Guédé Nibo! gay Guédé Nibo!”

Source: Fichte, Hubert. 1996. The Gay Critic. Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press. p. 118

Interestingly, Katherine Smith observed something similar in 2007, but the chant went “Gede Masisi!” not “Gede Nibo Masisi!”:

“Gede mounts individuals as well as small marauding bands of vagabon who may pound on tombs and yell obscenities at the dead. In 2007, one such group of young men dressed in drag, fellated bones, and danced flamboyantly as the crowed cheered “Gede Masisi!” (Gay Gede!).”

Source: Smith, Katherine. "Dialoging with the urban dead in Haiti." Southern Quarterly 47.4 (2010): p. 83

Hubert Fichte translated the word masisi as a schwul, meaning “gay”, but this is not accurate. Masisi is a slur that has been reclaimed by some within the Haitian LGBTQ community; really, la Communauté M / The M Community.

I have been using words that originate in the Western bourgeoisie, but these are not terms Haitians use to describe themselves - especially those oppressed by race and class. There are similarities between the word masisi and terms used in other non-Western cultures, such as hijra, bakla, okama, and fa'afafine.

As defined by Charlot Jeudy - the former president of KOURAJ who was killed in 2019:

“…the societal definition of masisi is ‘acting as the female partner in a homosexual relationship.’ You can have muscular, manly M persons, but for Haitians, they cannot be called masisi. The word masisi has always been an insult. It makes people uncomfortable for us to use it, but in Haitian Creole, there is no other way for me to describe what I am.”

Source: https://cornbreadandcremasse.wordpress.com/2013/06/16/the-m-community-lgbt-courage-in-haiti/

It’s from 2002, but the documentary Des hommes et dieux contains interviews of several self-identified masisi. Some who identify as masisi would probably identify as “gay” if they were born in America; others would probably identify as “trans” - either, as binary trans women, or nonbinary transfems. Either way, masisi is not synonymous with “gay” or “transfeminine”, and it is important to remember that it’s been used as hate speech.

Fichte was surely incorrect in using words like masisi, schwul, and gay to describe Gede Nibo. There is no doubt in his attraction to women. The question is whether he could be described as “bisexual”, miks, or if he is purely heterosexual - not queer in any respect.

Although he repeatedly describes Gede Nibo as “gay”, one of Fichte’s interviewees flatly denies this:

Ich frage:

—Ist Guédé Nibo Massissi? Schwul?

André antwortet:

—Das ist falsch. Die Götter, die aus zwei Teilen bestehen, sind keine starken Götter. Es sind gekaufte Götter. Man kauft die Götter, um Sachen zu machen, die nicht gut sind.

Source: Fichte, Hubert, and Leonore Mau. 1984. Xango. Frankfurt: Fischer. p. 182 https://archive.org/details/xangodafroamerik0000fich/page/182/mode/2up

Machine Translation:

I ask:

—Is Guédé Nibo masisi? Gay?

André answers:

—That is wrong. The gods that are made up of two parts are not strong gods. They are bought gods. People buy the gods to do things that are not good.

Because I do not speak German, I referred to Herbert Uerlings’ Poetiken der Interkulturalität for context:

Zu den gewichtigsten Ergebnissen seiner Feldforschung gehört, daß Guédé Nibo, einer der Totengötter, die alle traditionell mit Sexualität verbunden werden, ein Gott der Homo- und Bisexuellen ist. Sollte das zutreffen, so wäre es vermutlich eine neue ethnographische Erkenntnis über den Vaudou.47 Die weitergehende Frage an den Priester André, ob »Guédé Nibo Massissi« (X 182) sei, also schwul, wird verneint, aber auf eine Weise, bei der vor lauter offensichtlicher Abwehr Fichtes Vermutung praktisch bestätigt wird: »Das ist falsch. Die Götter, die aus zwei Teilen bestehen [bisexuell oder schwul sind — H.U.], sind keine starken Götter. Es sind gekaufte [schwache — H. U] Götter. Man kauft die Götter, um Sachen zu machen, die nicht gut sind« (X 182). Ein anderer, schwuler Priester dagegen sagt: »Es gibt Götter, die die Homosexuellen verachten, und andre, die sie lieben« (X 194).

Source: Uerlings, Herbert. Poetiken der Interkulturalität: Haiti bei Kleist, Seghers, Müller, Buch und Fichte. Vol. 92. Walter de Gruyter, 2013., p. 282

Machine Translation:

One of the most important findings of his field research is that Guédé Nibo, one of the gods of the dead, all of whom are traditionally associated with sexuality, is a god of homosexuals and bisexuals. If this is true, it would probably be a new ethnographic discovery about voodoo.47 The further question to the priest André as to whether "Guédé Nibo is Massissi" (X 182), i.e. gay, is answered in the negative, but in a way that practically confirms Fichte's assumption through sheer obvious defensiveness: "That is wrong. The gods who consist of two parts [bisexual or gay - H.U.] are not strong gods. They are bought [weak - H. U] gods. Gods are bought to do things that are not good" (X 182). Another, gay priest, on the other hand, says: "There are gods who despise homosexuals and others who love them" (X 194).

I do not know if Uerlings is correct in dismissing the interviewee as “defensive”, but I am grateful for his clarification of the phrase “aus zwei Teilen bestehen”.

Notably, the footnote on the same page states:

47 Ich habe in der Literatur keinen Beleg dafür gefunden. Allerdings notiert Deren zu Guédé: »Er vertauscht die Geschlechter und zieht Frauen Männerkleider und Männern Frauenkleider an« (Der Tanz des Himmels mit der Erde, 1992, S. 128f.), und vermerkt in einer Fußnote: »Es wird zwar selten eindeutig ausgesprochen, aber häufig finden sich Hinweise darauf. daß es sich bei Guedé [sic!] um eine hermaphroditische Gottheit handelt, genau wie Legba« (a.a.O.).

Source: Uerlings, Herbert. Poetiken der Interkulturalität: Haiti bei Kleist, Seghers, Müller, Buch und Fichte. Vol. 92. Walter de Gruyter, 2013., p. 282

Machine Translation:

47 I have found no evidence of this in the literature. However, Deren notes about Guédé: »He swaps the sexes and dresses women in men's clothes and men in women's clothes« (The Dance of Heaven and Earth, 1992, p. 128f.), and notes in a footnote: »Although it is rarely stated clearly, there are frequent indications that Guedé [sic!] is a hermaphroditic deity, just like Legba« (loc. cit.).

It is possible that the German Fichte was mistaken in describing Gede Nibo as queer, and that he mistook his lasciviousness for queer sexuality.

Notably, the Haitian author Milo Marcelin described Gede Nibo as queer in Mythologie Vodou (vol. 2): “Guédé Nibo, mystère mâle et femelle (hermaphrodite), est le protecteur des vivants et des morts.” Similar to the song “Masisi”, Marcelin describes another song that suggests Gede Nibo is himself queer. Naturally the song is sexually explicit, but you can find it in the source provided below, with one of the lyrics being “...Regarde la démarche de Guédé!”.

Source: Marcelin, Milo. Mythologie Vodou: Rite Arada. 2 vols. Port-au-Prince: Les Editions Haitiennes, 1950. Vol. 2, p. 181 & p. 187 https://www.google.com/books/edition/Mythologie_vodou_rite_arada/cjvXAAAAMAAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&bsq=%22Regarde+la+d%C3%A9marche+de+Gu%C3%A9d%C3%A9%22

An English translation of this song can be found in: Conner, Randy P. Lundschien, and David Sparks. Queering Creole spiritual traditions: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender participation in African-inspired traditions in the Americas. Routledge, 2014, p. 63 https://books.google.com/books?id=5SINiF0fkqwC&pg=PA63&lpg=PA63

A large section of Conner’s Queering Creole Spiritual Traditions describes “homoerotic, pansexual, and transgender aspects” of Gede Nibo. (p. 94). However, one interviewee denies an association between Gede Nibo and queer sexuality - that being, the Caucasian Houngan Mark Alexander "Aboudja" Moellendorf (p. 64)

Source: Conner, Randy P. Lundschien, and David Sparks. Queering Creole spiritual traditions: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender participation in African-inspired traditions in the Americas. Routledge, 2014

Outside of the sources mentioned above, I have found little evidence that Gede Nibo is himself queer. Rather than Gede Nibo, I’ve found more evidence that the Erzulies are important to members of the aforementioned Haitian “M Community” (see bottom of this post). I have also seen claims that Gede Nibo sometimes cross dresses, but I’ve yet to find a reliable source for this. There are artistic renditions of him proudly displaying his sexuality, but I have yet to see any that show him in women’s clothing, or displaying queer sexuality.

It is possible that the authors listed above are correct in their assessment (except for Fichte, who was definitely wrong). However, there’s a lot of misinformation spread about the lwa outside of Haiti and New Orleans, which arises from foreigners misunderstanding the culture and traditions of Vodou. Since I have already made mistakes with Baron Samedi and Maman Brigitte, I could be wrong about Gede Nibo too. If this is the case, I apologize for spreading misinformation about him being queer.

It is also possible that the above was true at some point in the past, but not in the present. Afterall, Fichte and Marcelin wrote during the mid 20th century, and traditions evolve over time.

…Well, might as well start ranting about my Deviantart OC!

RANTING ABOUT MY DEVIANTART OC

This character’s name is “Port-au-Prince” - named after the capital of Haiti.

Unlike the real-life Gede Nibo, “Port-au-Prince” is just gay, and a drag queen. His personality and interests are similar to Angel Dust, where he is openly gay and flamboyant in his mannerisms. As it is a slur, I have been avoiding the word masisi, but it is likely he would identify as part of the “M community”. Where Alastor is (presumably) the son and/or grandson of New Orleans Voodoo Queen(s), “Port-au-Prince” is a houngan - an extremely powerful one at that. His appearance and personality were inspired by the individuals featured in the documentaries Des hommes et dieux and Paris is Burning.

I made this decision for these reasons:

To integrate him into the pre-existing world of Hazbin Hotel, as a counterpart Angel Dust

To represent the Haitian “M community”, who experience intense prejudice and violence, but find sanctuary in Vodou

To differentiate him from the real-life Gede Nibo

As a tribute to the association between the Gede and gender/sexual queerness

Here’s a list of sources to back this third point:

Nwokocha, Eziaku Atuama. Vodou en vogue: fashioning Black divinities in Haiti and the United States. UNC Press Books, 2023.

Conner, Randy P. Lundschien, and David Sparks. Queering Creole spiritual traditions: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender participation in African-inspired traditions in the Americas. Routledge, 2014

McAlister, Elizabeth A. "Love, sex, and gender embodied: The spirits of Haitian Vodou." Love, sex and gender in the world religions (2000): 129-146. https://africultures.com/love-sex-and-gender-embodied-the-spirits-of-haitian-vodou-5719

Smith, Katherine. "Dialoging with the urban dead in Haiti." Southern Quarterly 47.4 (2010): p. 83

Hence, the decision to make “Port-au-Prince” a queer drag queen.

As a counterpart to Angel Dust, he has a dual gangster-ballroom/voguing theme to him, where he runs his own ballroom house. Although his roots are from Haiti, I think it would be interesting if he was part of the diaspora, where spent much of his human life in New York. This too helps integrate him into the pre-established world, where many characters are former humans who lived during different time periods of American history. It also establishes another parallel between him and Angel Dust, who is also from New York. I was picturing his house as being a mix of Black transfems (more broadly, feminine of center AMABs) and Black transmascs (more broadly, masculine of center AFABs), who are all former humans. They also double as a battle force that could be recruited in a similar manner to the Cannibals in Cannibal Town, where they have strong healing and fighting abilities.

Port-au-Prince’s drag queen persona is inspired by Aaliyah as Queen of the Damned. In addition to Angel Dust, it would also be possible to establish a connection between him and Sally Mae, if she has any interest in drag. He is the adoptive son of the “Baron of the Dead” and “Gran Maman”, my other DeviantArt OCs who I drew here: https://www.deviantart.com/thegirlwhodidntsmile/art/Lavi-and-Lanmo-1073560801

This was inspired by the description provided by Roberto Strongman, where he writes:

“In Vodou lore, Gédé Nibo is a young man who was killed violently. Therefore, he has a particular association with those who die young. Once in the spirit realm, Bawon Samedi and Gran Brigit adopt him. In demeanor he is comical, lascivious, witty, and effeminate. In appearance, he is a dandy.”

Source: Strongman, Roberto. Queering Black Atlantic Religions: Transcorporeality in Candomblé (2019). p. 74

It would be imperative to run a concept like this by an expert on Haitian Vodou, to determine whether his portrayal is respectful or not. If it’s inoffensive, I think it would be cool if the three characters inspired by “Les Trois Esprits du Cimetiere” formed a “sexually complete” trinity: one male, one female, and one androgynous. But this may be problematic, as it could mislead audiences into thinking the real-life Gede Nibo is gay. Another approach would be to remove his drag queen persona, and make him a straight guy who has gay friends. Instead of Gede Nibo, the Erzulies could serve as inspiration for a character that embodies LGBTQ acceptance in Vodou.

RANTING ABOUT THE ERZULIES (EZILI DANTOR AND EZILI FREDA)

The Erzulies are important to the Haitian M Community - especially when accounting for race and class. Intense homophobia persists among the oppressed - who are denied access to higher education, and often understand sexuality/gender through religion. Those despised as masisi and madivin are tolerated in Vodou, where many houngans are themselves part of the M Community.

There is a fascinating documentary called Des hommes et dieux, which examines this very community. Several interviewees assert that Ezili Dantor has the power to make a person - male or female* - homosexual. It is for this reason that interviewees insist they were “born this way”, and that their parents - who might have otherwise rejected them - accept them as they are. I was particularly moved by statements from the interviewee Blondine, where the English captions read: “[My father] realized it came from voodoo. So he had to accept me. I’m like this because of the spirits that he’s serving. The loas decided I would be a girl. I was born this way.”

Granted, one interviewee (the houngan named Fritzner who self identifies as masisi) rejects this belief, considering it blasphemous. Either way, it is unanimous that the Erzulies protect the M community. Those hated as masisi are loved by the lwa, become their houngans, and are called les enfants d’Erzulie - “Ezili’s children”.

*I specify the category of sex, as the invisibility of “female masculinity” (including, masculine female homosexuality and the transmasculine spectrum) rears its ugly head. The “M Community” has language for transfems and feminine gay men; there are no equivalent terms for transmascs and masculine of center lesbians. As such, I have struggled to find information/research about the inverse phenomenon of “inverted” or “radically masculine” identifying members of “the feminine sex”; certainly not within the Black proletariat. Haiti is by no means unique in this regard. This disparity is found in many cultures all over the world - especially among the oppressed classes.

In any case, Erzulies are not just important to those of “the masculine sex”, but those of “the feminine sex” as well. Eziaku Nwokocha documents her personal experience as a Black queer femme with Ezili Dantor in The ‘Queerness’ of Ceremony. Zora Neale Hurston also briefly mentioned the importance of Ezili Freda to women who “tend toward the hermaphrodite” (i.e., with queer tendencies) in Tell My Horse. Unfortunately, I have struggled to find information about the Haitian equivalent of studs, aggressives, trans men, etc… due to the aforementioned issue of invisibility. Notably, none of the women at the temple Nwokocha visited were masculine-presenting, except for one visitor who dressed in red to honor the masculine lwa Ogou.

Previously I had been under the impression that Erzulie Dantor was associated with lesbians while Erzulie Freda was associated with the transfeminine spectrum. Just, a completely false dichotomy! WOW is there a lot of misinformation spread about Vodou! The Erzulies are associated with the transfeminine spectrum, as they protect femininity in all its manifestations. In addition to Black lesbians/bisexual/queer women, Erzulie Dantor is important to Black transfems, as she is depicted as a dark-skinned Black woman. That’s why people in the Haitian M Community love her, as a goddess of love, luck, and protection. For these reasons, I think it would be really cool to try to work Erzulie-inspired character(s) into this fictional world; granted, it presents more of a challenge to fit them into this setting, since they are not spirits of the dead. The easiest way to do so would be to have one of the Erzulies replace Mother Mary, if Mother Mary does not exist in the fictional mythology of Hazbin Hotel.

If you want to learn more about this, I highly recommend watching Anne Lescot & Laurence Magloire's documentary Of Men and Gods / Des hommes et dieux (2002). It’s available on Kanopy for free, and for rent Vimeo. Additionally, Eziaku Nwokocha, Roberto Strongman, and Omise'eke Natasha Tinsley have written several books and papers on this topic. Here are a few sources that can be accessed online:

Tinsley, Omise’eke Natasha. “Songs for Ezili: Vodou Epistemologies of (Trans) Gender.” Feminist Studies, vol. 37, no. 2, 2011, pp. 417–36. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/23069911. Accessed 4 Aug. 2024.

Strongman, Roberto. "Cross-Gender Identifications in Vodou." In Defying Binarism: Gender Dynamics in Caribbean Literature and Culture. Virginia University Press. Ed. Maria Cristina Fumagalli. https://www.blackstudies.ucsb.edu/sites/secure.lsit.ucsb.edu.blks.d7/files/sitefiles/people/strongman/NewCrossGenderIdentificationsVodou.pdf

Nwokocha, Eziaku. “The ‘Queerness’ of Ceremony: Possession and Sacred Space in Haitian Religion.” Journal of Haitian Studies, vol. 25, no. 2, 2019, pp. 71–90. JSTOR, https://www.jstor.org/stable/26926664. Accessed 6 Aug. 2024. https://eziakunwokocha.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/The-Queerness-of-Ceremony.pdf

SIDE NOTE:

Rereading this, I fear I may come across as judgemental of writers like Fichte and Conner. That is not my intent! I do not think it is fair to judge these authors harshly. It is easy to take the internet for granted. I think these authors did the best they could with the technology that was available to them, but mistakes could have still been made. The fault does not lie on them, but myself for having been careless in my research.

#i actually tried to fit this character into the art style of the show... it's just a rough concept sketch but you get the idea #hazbin hotel oc #port au prince (hazbin hotel)#I wrote this sort of as a follow up to an earlier post where I didn’t have time to research LGBT rights in Haiti #the oppression and hatred of the M community is as intense as I thought it was. but it is remarkable how Vodou offers a space of tolerance #also for some reason I forgot to control for class and compared the bourgeoisie of Haiti against the underclasses of my #that was fucking stupid of me! why did I do that???

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