#communication is hard work

[gofancyninjaworld]

No one is born knowing how to communicate

A: And that's okay...

Dr Kuseno made it look so easy. He just swanned into Saitama's apartment, proferred him a gift of beef and the hero's hostility melted away.

Fubuki felt positively foolish, and yet encouraged.

Since then, however, she's found that the only thing meat bribes pull in are dogs. Literal dogs:

And even dogs need more than meat to be loyal.

What gives? Well, it's obvious that Fubuki mistook Dr Kuseno's gift for a bribe: more on that later. Probably. And yeah, it's funny, but it's more interesting than that.

Learning how to communicate is complex. There are a ludicrous number of unspoken conventions and rules in every human society, so much so that we don't fully learn how to smile socially until we're in our forties. Dr Kuseno carefully judged his gift: he had a legitimate reason to offer Saitama a gift in the first place, out of gratitude for Saitama going out of his way to mentor Genos. Then he chose a gift Saitama would be sure to appreciate and presented it at a time when Saitama would be thinking about dinner. The worst that could have happened is that Saitama took the gift but insisted on the doctor going home (and taking Genos with him) -- it would still have left the desired positive impression. And things went really well. Kuseno made it look effortless.

Fubuki is only in her early twenties and her experience to date has been far from typical. She's learned that either she can intimidate people or she can flatter them into doing what she wants. With Saitama (and later Bang, Bomb, and Kuseno), she has to learn how to talk to more powerful people whom she cannot overpower, over whom she has no leverage, and who are unimpressed by her looks, simpering, or flattery.

Fortunately, Fubuki is nothing if not astute. She's worked out that she needs to develop complementary skills if she's to make herself useful to the S-Class heroes she wants to hang with. How to talk to them to get the help and cooperation she desires? Ah, that's a work in progress.

B: ...Unless it's not

Let's move onto another miscommunication.

Something that I hadn't before was that, unlike the webcomic version where Saitama only thinks to himself that Genos seems depressed, in the manga, Saitama out and out asks him if this is the case. He wants to know.

It mirrors King asking Saitama that very same question and getting Saitama to open up and be vulnerable for the first time (ever, in any version of the story). So it is very appropriate to see Saitama trying to do the same for Genos, particularly as he is openly fond of the guy.

However, it goes wrong. Saitama feels himself under pressure to say something wise to make it better. So he puts on his best 'confident' face and inadvertently makes everything much worse. Oh dear. What makes this particularly painful in the manga is that Saitama is much more invested in trying to reach Genos, and it's made Genos think that Saitama saying that he doesn't see what he's doing must mean that earlier times when he's praised him must have been just Saitama being nice. For sure, Genos could have pushed back and made Saitama clarify what he meant, but he's even worse at communicating: and Saitama's glib remark about being bright struck him square in the insecurities.

I'm going to come to something that I only realised once I started typing this up. Even though I've pointed out their abilities to communicate, neither King nor Kuseno have the perfect words to say. Kuseno started out by first committing a faux pas in bringing his great big outside boots into Saitama's flat, then nearly boring Saitama to death with a long-winded explanation. King started out by trying to guess what was bothering Saitama. Both, however, did the most important thing about effective communication: they picked up on their going wrong and changed tack.

It's not about saying the right thing: it's about responding to the person you're talking to.

The thing that King did that Saitama was trying to do for Genos was to ask Saitama open questions, and shut up in the interim, letting Saitama talk to fill in the silence. He'd only speak to ask more open questions when Saitama ran out of things to say, and through that, gently started to challenge Saitama's thinking.

But doing so means being comfortable with several seconds of silence. And that is excruciating. It is almost irresistible to jump in and say something, anything. And it would have been a longish wait, for Genos to slowly sit down and decide to start speaking, which might well have started being about something only tangentially related to his worry. King did that for Saitama: Saitama started out talking about what was bothering him on the surface -- being too strong -- before eventually coming to what was really bothering him, feeling lonely and profoundly isolated from everyone around him. Saitama does not yet know how to wait a person out.

It's a problem in this case because it's introduced a big barrier between those two, not an insurmountable one for sure, but one that could easily compound later.

Ah well, no one is born a communicator. We just have to wait and see if they work out a way to open up and be honest with each other. So it goes! There's more ways to introduce conflicts than to have a monster trample Tokyo, after all!

And so help me, the struggle to learn how to communicate is 1000% worthwhile.

[lemonwrap]

[nerdyagere]

People hating on age regressors are funny like sorry you hate my childlike wonder I'm gonna keep shaking this toy because it makes a funny noise and take a sippy from my super cool mega awesome dino cup

[qoldenskies]

i think its so funny when people take the way donnie acts at face value even though its a horrible lie because he's a horrible liar, while understanding leo is bullshitting very well despite him actually being GOOD at bullshitting. many such cases

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Don't worry, they're into that.

(Want to know if this ancient sea god of destruction gets more belly paps? Or perhaps...a kiss? Find out in Tiger Tiger!)

[screambirdscreaming]

Something that peeves me whenever I see another post going around with some variation on "autistic people take things literally which means we are the only people who communicate Clearly and Directly" is that - for any given statement, there is not one singular, agreed on, universal Literal Interpretation. If there was, none of this would be a problem!

The nature of language is that there's always some degree of interpretability. Words have several different meanings, often overlapping, and there's nuance of context, cultural references, and so on.

Faced with a statement, most people will quickly come up with an interpretation that to them makes the most sense. But if you asked a roomful of people to explain in detail their interpretations, everyone's would probably be a little different, even for a pretty simple statement. Regardless of whether those people are autistic! Everyone conceptualizes the world a little differently, and everyone has a unique personal history of all the language they've encountered, and these things effect our interpretations.

In order for communication to be workable, given this slosh in interpretability, there's another couple of processes that go on. As conversation goes on, people reassess if their initial interpretation matches up with additional context. If it doesn't, they revise it, or ask clarifying questions. And on the flipside of this process, the other person in conversation is tracking if your reactions make sense with *their* understanding of what they're trying to convey to you, and offering context or rephrasing things if it seems you're out of alignment.

These processes are social skillsets that are, like most social skillsets, not ever directly articulated or explained. Many people are bad at one or both. Sometimes you encounter someone who is really, notably good at it - the vaunted "good listener", who puts in the effort to really understand what you're trying to say, or that really excellent teacher who engages with you back and forth until you really get it. But a lot of the time, it's a sort of passive social friction - people just not getting each other.

Sometimes, you encounter someone whose brain works so much like yours that talking to them feels almost effortless - you just get each other. But that's a pretty rare occurrence for anyone. More often, as you get to know someone, you start to understand the shape of the way they interpret things and learn to account for it, so over time it's easier to make sense to each other.

It's honestly not uncommon in society for people to aggregate in groups of people who interpret things similarly, and who are thus easier to talk to, rather than actually building the skills of communicating across interpretation gaps. Particularly egregious are those groups of men who talk about Women as an incomprehensible monolith, but it turns up to a greater or lesser degree on a lot of levels.

I suspect this is the root of a lot of parenting problems - people who have never built this communication skillset, and relied on choosing friends who make sense to them without a lot of effort, and who are then totally unprepared to interact with a child who interprets things in ways they don't expect.

Obviously I can't speak to The Universal Typical Experience, not least because it doesn't exist. But in general I would posit that:

Most people, give or take a few assholes, are not trying to say things that are confusing. Most people think they are communicating clearly, because the first interpretation *they* would come up with on hearing one of their own sentences is the correct interpretation.

Many people are not very good at accounting for different ways people could interpret things they're saying. However, it is normal and polite social behavior to be somewhat flexible about this and forgiving of misunderstandings. If people are being shitty to you about not understanding them, they are assholes. And I wouldn't assume that the rest of the communication they have with everyone else they know goes totally smoothly for them.

I suspect there is a bit of an unfortunate feedback loop, where people have bad experiences when someone gets mad at them for not getting something, and learn to hide when they're confused. Which then leads to larger, more complicated misunderstandings, which other different people get upset at them about, because those people think they should have asked for clarification in the first place.

Truly you can't win with everyone. No one can win with everyone. There is no monolith of "neurotypical communication" which resolves all these contradictions - all those people you're lumping in together under "neurotypical" have just as much trouble with each other.

[confettishake2]

UGHH TPOT 14 KILLED ME i love twogaty & now theres angst... great 💔

[saragrosie]

I have been sketching. So much tma. Here's some expansions on my Jon and Martin designs I've been doing.

Another note I forgor to mention is I love how after hearing Simon go "it's enough to make your hair turn white" about Martin's office in s4 many of us collectively agreed his hair turned white because of his association with the Lonely. The shared consciousness is real and we use it to play hot potato with the communal brain cell dedicated to the sillies.

Closeup of apocalypse boyfriends (also to the person who said they love my s5 Jon's fancy white girl updo: I think about that every day)

[theapexastrologer]

Are You Using Saturn Correctly?

Saturn always gives you good results, but y'all aren't ready to hear that yet.

Look, so many astrologers harp on the fact that Saturn is all about challenges and obstacles, but they're forgetting one thing-- Saturn will ALWAYS give you good results-- if you know how to work with him. The catch is that you actually have to put in the work and the effort to make that happen. But Saturn will always give you results, unlike Jupiter over there.

Saturn is deemed as the greater malefic because he's fucking hard to work with. Saturn isn't meant to be easy, because he represents maturity, which I'm defining here as "the ability to move forward without being ruled by your ego and emotions". Now, I want you to think about this. The sun represents your ego and the moon represents your mind and your emotions and they rule Leo and Cancer, respectively. . . . But besides his attributes of challenges and tribulations, Saturn also represents results for equal effort. It's like the six of pentacles in the tarot and the reason why Saturn is exalted in Libra.

The longer you take to learn Saturn's lessons or even outright avoid them, the longer the delay or the less you'll see of achievement and success in the areas he governs in your chart. The greater mastery you cultivate with Saturn, the better your rewards down the line. It won't be easy, but I promise you it'll be worth it.

[bixels]

yeah i'm gonna be so real, this past week has been tough for drawing, and i've become more and more inactive on socials due to (gestures loosely at everything).

[dreamyblanket]

Sorry guys, wafer on the brain, it's terminal u.u

Anyway, I'll elaborate on this in the tags bc omg I'm going to yap your metaphorical ear off.

[midnightw4tch3r]

Yandere but they are actually close to you. You're scared and panicked because there's this stranger that's stalking you. "It's like they know everything about me! What am I supposed to do?" You're venting and crying into their arms as you tell them about the countless messages and alarming threats. They've even got their hands of pictures of you! Which caused you to stop uploading on your social media's. You're confining in your best friend, the most trustworthy and reliable person you know. As if they always know what and when to say it. They're comforting you and petting your hair asking if you want them to spend the night. If not, do you want them to be on the phone with you until you fall asleep?

+ Yandere best friend who's coming home with the biggest smile on their face. They can't help it! God, the way you were crying and pleading had their heart racing and hands shaking. "You're just so adorable! I want to take care of you and be the only one to see you!" They're clutching their chest as they sigh, oh, but what's this? If you truly focused, you'd have noticed you never once came over to your supposedly best friends house. That everytime you think about going to get serious help, they're telling you not to, strongly against the idea. Know nothing about the extra phones they have and endless stalking accounts they use to stalk you. Don't know about the pictures scattered all over their home, from the halls to their bedroom. Every single one being you.

[saetiate]

day to night with corae (sae x cora)

can i tell you i love you, without having to say it? / i speak your language — i hear it from you everyday. ꕤ in a world where i'm allowed to be much softer than i've ever been ꕤ you can rest your mind, here, with me. think only of me / are you tired? rest your weary soul here ꕤ loving feels easy, like breathing. gentle and fresh as the summer breeze / i didn't know it could feel this easy ꕤ i love you. not everything feels like something else ꕤ there is no world where i don't fall in love with you. in every world, i meet you and my heart recognizes your same, mirroring tune. ꕤ know me. know what i mean. know my heart / are you surprised? i know you, don’t i? ꕤ to be loved is to be seen, and i see you

(he's green and i'm purple, in case it wasn't clear :> if u really read this far here's a secret note: i love you)

photos that deserve to be in this set too <3

thank u to pasi aka nkogneatho and ave aka venustrvck and silas aka zeninsama for finding some of the pics hehe <3

[woolying]

COUNTDOWN TO LAST TETRO PINK FRIDAY!!

yanagi and watari!!!! i will miss u both dearly kisses them on the forehead

gonna try to doodle the students everyday until then (i havent planned for this at all... i only came up with this idea this morning... hopefully i last until then)

[rexscanonwife]

A little something I've been working on!! It was so much fun to get the pose just right and find out how I wanted to do the lighting! ♡♡♡

This isn't an accurate depiction of Odette's typical look per se, it's just something cool I wanted to try out of her being between human and swan form. Her normal outfit is probably things you'd see a ballerina wearing, legwarmers tights and all of that! So uhhh yeah here's this!

Taglist and no lighting version under the cut!

Taglist♡: @me-myself-and-my-fos @flowering-darkness @sunstar-of-the-north @changeling-selfship @cherry-bomb-ships @rosieaurora @tropgothships

@little-miss-selfships @starlos-soulmate @limey-self-inserts @candyheartedchy @space-sweetheart @clancykisser @squips-ship @berryshipbasket

@soulnottainted @saturdaymorningcartoonz @severants @tex-treasures @sparkyscissorhands @iwishihadfangs @fictodreamer @adoredbyalatus @jaspearl