“I will head in for an early night,” Obi-Wan said. It was barely past seven, but the landing was planned for 4 a.m. sharp, and the attack as soon after that as was possible. “We should get all the sleep we can get before tomorrow.” It was a lie, really. He wasn’t tired, and even if he was, he felt that sleep would be impossible.
Meditation, though, was what he needed. Even with their plan, he knew tomorrow wouldn’t be easy.
A choir of “Goodnight, General,” broke out among the handful of men he had been sitting and talking with for the past couple hours. It had been intended to be one last talk-through of tomorrows mission, gathering everyone who would handle the most important details. Though after that, it quickly turned into a happy get together, the prospect of tomorrow being the last thing on everyone’s mind. Or everyone pretended that it wasn’t. Obi-Wan wasn’t sure. “Goodnight,” Cody said with a nod, which Obi-Wan returned before making to leave.
“Goodnight, boys,” he said with a wave of his hand.
Finally in his quarters, the quiet was almost overwhelming. The past hours had been a much-needed distraction, a welcome one, but now it made everything feel even more. More difficult, more serious, like there was so much more at stake. He settled down on the round pillow he’d placed in the middle of the room, preparing for his meditation. He needed to ground himself, sort his thoughts, remember his place within the Force.
He would never admit it, but in moments like this, the feeling of anxiety was almost all-consuming. If he didn’t remind himself that the Force would guide him, the fear would eat him alive. Many of the clones who would fight tomorrow’s battle hadn’t had much chance to prove themselves yet—they were spared from having to do so. But that only put the stakes higher.
He tried to shake the thoughts off, but they kept drifting. To the clones. To Cody. Obi-Wan inhaled deeply. When was the last time he’d found meditation so difficult? He smiled when he remembered his teen years, feeling the same anxiety. Shaking his head, he forced himself to focus. But instead of focusing on not thinking, all he could think about were Cody and the others. With a groan, he gave up. He might as well lie down and close his eyes. Maybe he could trick his body into thinking he’s tired.
The morning was an early one, filled with preparations before the landing, moving everything and everyone where they were supposed to be.
And then it all happened so quickly. Everything went according to plan, until it didn’t. What was supposed to be the battle to end all battles, the one that Obi-Wan had declared only moments earlier to be the battle to end all bloodshed, quickly became a battle of bloodshed so major, it exceeded everything he’d heard about Hypori.
How could everything go so wrong? How could they have missed such a major detail? There really was no time to worry about any of this now. The only thing that should be on his mind now is survival. Survival of his men, survival of Cody. His own, so he could protect them. Protect him.
Cody had already saved his life earlier, even before everything went south, and he would not let his bravery go to waste. They’d already lost too many men, too many lives, and Obi-Wan felt as each of them was ripped away, like a candle being suffocated within the Force, its light extinguished. There have been hundreds of those candles now. He’d stopped counting about ten minutes ago, afraid that the pain would overwhelm him. He would not let the same happen to Cody. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. The meaning of that became increasingly clear to him.
There was no time to dwell on those feelings, though, as he received the comm to clear the bridge. They were preparing to blow it up.
“I still have wounded on that bridge!” he called back, pleading. The only reply he received was another warning. “Where is Commander Cody?” He was sure that the desperation in his voice was audible, but he didn’t care. A crackling through the comm, then finally an answer in the voice he’d always recognize, even though it was shared by thousands.
“On our way off. Now move, General!”
Obi-Wan had never felt so much relief in his life.
It felt like the battle and everything following lasted for hours. Ages. A never-ending nightmare.
Though now, as he was sitting and watching the sun rise above the ocean, he remembered that he’d seen the sun start to rise before everything even started to go wrong. That only made it worse, though. All those lives lost in the matter of what, twenty minutes? Less? The Jedi existed to protect. What was his purpose if he couldn’t protect? What was the point of any of this? The sun kept rising, and Obi-Wan almost couldn’t believe that it still could. So much could happen, and the sun would still rise, announce day after day, without ever stopping, no matter what it’s witnessed the day before. So terribly gorgeous.
He heard footstep approaching behind him, but he didn’t have the energy to turn.
“The evacuation ships are here,” he heard Cody say, faintly, as though he was far away. For a long moment he didn’t answer. And Cody waited patiently.
“Will you sit with me?” Obi-Wan asked quietly. “Just for a moment?” Without a word, Cody came closer, lowering himself into the grass beside him. They sat in silence for quite some time before Obi-Wan finally found his voice again.
“We lost so many men today, so many–” his voice broke off. He took a deep breath before he continued. “I was so scared to lose you, too.” He spoke so quietly, he wasn’t sure if Cody even heard him over the noise of the engines and the shouting, his own ears still ringing. Cody didn’t answer, didn’t look at him for a long moment.
“I tried to keep a lookout on you, and every time I lost sight of you, I was terrified,” Cody finally admitted, facing him. “But I’m here, and you are here, too.” Cody put his hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder, firmly squeezing his shoulder between the gap the armor left. He could almost hear Cody comment on it, telling him how–
“Not really effective, is it?” he asked, squeezing the spot again.
Obi-Wan couldn’t help but chuckle, the dark cloud in his mind not quite lifting, but a few stray rays of sun piercing through. He really knew Cody so well by now.
Cody cocked his head in confusion, frowning. “What?”
“I knew you would say something like that the moment you touched my shoulder.” Obi-Wan sighed, his gaze lingering on the sky for a moment longer before turning to Cody. “Besides, I could say the same about yours.” Obi-Wan poked the exposed fabric on Cody’s upper arm. “Dead.” Then he gestured towards his neck. “Dead.” Finally, he tapped the upper edge of Cody’s leg armor, pointing towards his exposed thigh when Cody looked down. “Dead. Major arteries, easily accessible.” Cody rolled his eyes.
“So you might as well leave everything exposed, makes sense,” he teased, and Obi-Wan smiled.
Five minutes with Cody, and the weight on his shoulders already felt less crushing. Present, but bearable.
Maybe the sun was right, to start each day fresh, to give it another chance.
“Are you okay?” Cody asked quietly. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, his smile not wavering as he lowered his head.
“Thank you,” he replied, ignoring his question. When he finally looked up at him, his eyes locked on Cody’s chest. He brought his hand up to it, planting it firmly across it. Cody looked confused.
“For what?” Obi-Wan was still looking at the orange paint, at the sun’s ray peeking through his fingers.
“Just, thank you,” Obi-Wan repeated. From the periphery of his eye he saw Cody watching him, his confusion again changing to worry. He decided to ignore it, already rising. “Come on, before they leave without us.” He reached out his hand to Cody, and he took it.
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