#comic 3062 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

namjoonspiration · 4 years ago

Text

ON [5]

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Rating: M

Word Count: 10.1k

Warnings/tags: strong language and violence, scary creatures, battle scene, heartbreak, character death (not graphic)

Author’s Note: This is it... the last chapter of ON. Thank you readers for patiently sticking around for the whole thing and showing your support. I hope I did this justice. Put a comment or like the story if you enjoyed it 💜 Enjoy!

Masterlist

Part 5

Year 3062 – 401 years after the Fall of the World

“We should stop here for water,” you suggested, pointing at a little oasis in the far distance. You and Jungkook had been trekking for over three weeks now in the dry lands. Thankfully, the small ponds of water with trees had become more frequent.

Jungkook agreed, his horse trotting forward happily to the water. Both of you refreshed yourselves and refilled your canteens. You took of your shoes and dipped your hot feet into the edge of the water. Jungkook followed your lead, sighing at the pleasant feeling of the coolness. You sat there for a while, giving yourselves and the horses a little time to rest.

You closed your eyes for a bit. When you opened them, you caught the barest hint of a man on a horse looking down at you over a large sand dune before disappearing over the edge. “Someone is watching us,” you whisper to Jungkook. He nodded, having noticed too. Both of you quickly slip your shoes back and mount your horses.

You track the prints from the man’s horse over the sand dune and onward for another hour, the figure a tiny black dot in the distance. As you had predicted, trees, albeit scraggy and dry-looking, started to litter the environment. Sand turned into dirt, scattered with thick grass. You and Jungkook cleared through a forest of those scraggly trees before spotting a dark green truck under a weeping willow. Weirdly… in the truck bed was a giant red drum. Cautiously, you and Jungkook approached the truck, riding around it into a clearing.

A little man in a black shirt and striped pants sat on the hood of the truck, holding a brown drum that was about as half as big as him. “Hello?” Oddly, he didn’t even spare at glance at either of you. “Hello?” Jungkook tried again. He dismounted his horse and walked in front of the man. Although Jungkook faced him, the man’s eyes looked beyond him. “Do you need help?”

“He won’t talk.” A strange voice called from behind the mountain of drums piled under the tree. Another man waltzed from around the drums towards Jungkook. The loose white shirt and brown pants he wore rippled with the late afternoon breeze. “I’ve known him for over four hundred years, and he’s never said more than five minutes’ worth of words to me. I doubt he’d even get a syllable out in the thirty seconds you’ve been here.”

“I’m sorry, and you are?” You ask, not necessarily meaning to sound as sassy as you did.

He turns to you, smirk lighting up his face. The sun made his blue hair shine purple in the light. “Hello, beautiful. It’s been a while since such a lovely thing graced my presence. What’s your name, love?” He extended a hand to caress your face.

“That’s none of your concern,” Jungkook growled, stopping the man’s hand from touching you. You remained steady in your stance, staring down at the man. over your nose.

He merely chuckled. “Oh, is she taken?”

“I asked, who are you?” You replied sternly.

The man huffed, rolling his eyes. “You two are clearly together. I’ve never met a pair of people who are too serious to take a little humor.” He steps back and bows dramatically. “I am Park Jimin. And this little man over here,” he points a thumb, “is my dear friend. I would love to tell you his name except I actually don’t know what it is myself.”

“Oh!” You exclaim. “You’re the last descendant. The one Jin mentioned.” You directed your last comment towards Jungkook. Remembrance dawned on him.

“Jin? Whose Jin?” Jimin questions.

“The last descendant of the ‘all-powerful’ Park family,” you continued. Jimin’s eyes to narrowed at you.

“Are you mocking me?” His jaw set in anger. “I would be careful if I were you. My line descends from the Mother Goddess herself. I have the kind of power that levels cities in the blink of an eye. I may be the last of my family, but I’m more powerful than all of them combined. Those pathetic fucks only sent me away to be ‘watched’ by this monk because they were all threatened by my power, and you both should be too!” With every word, Jimin’s power began to emanate from behind him like a pair of wings.

“Quit with the façade, boy.” Those five words came from the monk sitting on the truck. He was gently patting the top of the drum.

Jimin’s power suddenly shattered, almost comically, like a pane of glass. His mouth opened in shock before spitting at the man. “You! You haven’t said a word to me in decades, and now you choose to? How dare you humiliate me?!” He took long, threatening strides towards the monk.

He simply held up a hand, which sent a wave of magic to knock Jimin flat on his ass. “Learn control and balance. Keep your emotions in check.” Those were the last words you would hear from the monk.

Jimin swiftly jumped back on his feet, dusting off the dirt from his clothes. “Stupid man going on about stupid stuff,” he mutters.

“Enough,” Jungkook said. “While this has been fun, this has also presented a timely opportunity.” Jimin quirked an eyebrow at him. “War against the darkness is on the horizon. We are from a Mage settlement down South looking for anyone who can help us fight it. Would you help us?”

“No,” Jimin retorted.

Anger sparked in your chest at his dismissive answer. “If you are really all-powerful, then you’d help us.”

“Wrong,” he hissed. “The strength of my power does not correlate with my desires. I do not desire to help you, but my magic remains the most powerful there is.”

“Why won’t you help us?” Jungkook pushed.

“Because I do not want to. I’ve seen the Fall of the World and walked this empty land for over four centuries, and I cannot wait for it to end. The power and immortality of my bloodline prevents me from simply dying, so I figure… Why not let the darkness created by the greed and violence of those living on this wretched earth swallow it whole and end it all? What’s the point of saving what’s left of mankind when it has brought me nothing but pain and endless loneliness?” His tone was despairing, but bitter more than anything.

Tense silence consumed the conversation. Jimin looked expectantly between the both of you like he was waiting for you or Jungkook to say something—anything. Like how that’s not true, or it’s going to be okay, or you shouldn’t think like that. But neither of you said anything of that. Jimin finally turned away from both of you in farewell.

“I’m not going to apologize or give you pity because I know that’s not what you’re looking for Jimin,” you suddenly said.

He scoffed. “Oh, yeah? If you know, then what is it that I’m looking for?”

“A reason to live. Not to survive or exist, but to live,” you continued. Jimin tilted his head, considering your words. “I’ll admit I don’t know what that reason is, but I know this. This is the one and only world we get to live in, and we can’t just sit by and let it be destroyed. There are good people, human and Mage, left on this earth that are fighting for it and the rebuilding of a better world that awaits. Some of these people have gone through hell and back,” you glanced at Jungkook, “but they haven’t given up hope.” Jimin remained unconvinced.

“There’s a man in our settlement. He and his sister narrowly escaped the darkness. He has lived the last thirteen years of his life with that darkness festering in his veins—”

“Sounds like a horrible existence,” he muttered.

You ignored his petulance. “But he doesn’t give up because of his reason to live. To leave his sister in a better world than the one they were born into.” Silence. “Jimin, she’s a Seer.” This piqued his interest; a little bit more than he would have liked to let on. “She’s had visions of a Promised Land. It’s coming soon. I’d say that’s a fair motivator to live.”

“But only if we fight the darkness out there,” Jungkook added, standing right behind you in support.

Jimin thought it over for a few minutes, sitting on a nearby rock. He stared at you and Jungkook skeptically, those ancient eyes practically reading through you both. Finally, “My answer is still no. For now.” He got up from the rock and shoved his hands in his pockets.

It was better than nothing. “Alright. If you change your mind, our settlement is about a three weeks ride South. You will always be welcome there.” You all said your farewells. Mounting your horses, you and Jungkook continued your journey north.

…

Another two months pass before you reached the Scholars Mountain. An early Fall chill has already reached the stone peaks and slopes. When you and Jungkook arrived, you were both sought out by the mountain’s guards. It was anything less than a friendly introduction; nonetheless, with some persuasion, you got inside the Scholars Mountain.

Swiftly, you were escorted to a meeting hall decorated in swaths of red silk that hung from the sling. Rows of scholars, dressed in dark robes, held lit candles between their palms. With their heads bowed, their bodies faced the back of the hall where a man, who wore a white cotton shirt, kneeled before several bright candles beneath a shrine to a deity you knew as the Mother Goddess.

The guards place you and Jungkook to stand behind him before settling back to their posts. After several minutes of silence, the man finally rose and stood in front of you. You glimpsed a flash of orange in his eyes briefly before returning to a brown color. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and scrutinized both of you. You opened your mouth to introduce yourselves, but he stopped you by holding up a hand. “I know who you are, and I know why you’re here.”

“I’m afraid we don’t know who you are.” You quickly felt impatience flare in your chest at his dismissive tone.

“My name is Min Yoongi. I’m the Principal Scholar of the Northern Mages. But you could say I’m the Principal Scholar of all Mages as I’m the last one.” He seemed rather smug with that last remark. You and Jungkook both eyed him suspiciously. Yoongi cocked his head to the side. “What? Whatever ones I didn’t fight to the death were foolish like you, thinking you can take on the Evil One.”

“Why does it seem so foolish?”

“Because you have nothing but your magic and no other weapons. What battles have your people and that irrational General of yours won?” He answered for you before you could even open your mouth. “None. Tell me, is he still releasing doves out onto the battlefield, praying that the dove returns—a sign of hope?” He chuckled at the thought, causing your jaw to clench in anger. “Your entire settlement is running a fool’s errand.” Yoongi said rather petulantly. “As I’ve told your war general before, my people and I will not be involved in your war.”

“Our war? Your people?” Jungkook scoffed. “This is everyone’s war. We all will die if we don’t find the darkness that’s out there. You’re a Mage, too, and I’m sure a number of your followers are Mages as well.”

“My followers are believers, scholars, conveyers of the final prophecy… They are not fighters. We simply wait for the day when the Mother Goddess returns and heals the earth.”

“How do you know she will return?”

“My followers and I can see visions of life and death. We are connected to the forces around us. We know the Mother Goddess is still watching over us. However, we cannot demand her to return. She knows the right time when to return and reveal the Promised Land to us.”

“What if she doesn’t return in time?” you objected. “The darkness is poisoning the land and killing and enslaving those who cannot escape fast enough. You are not protected here!”

Suddenly, Yoongi was nose-to-nose with you, as if he sped through the air in under the blink of an eye. His gaze flared that brilliant orange again. “You speak of blasphemy, Mage.” Yoongi sneered at you. “We are protected here. The Mother Goddess recognizes our devotion and protects us from the Evil One. It’s not wise to question her presence for I can assure you that she will not save you.”

You’ve absolutely had it with this arrogant coward. He had nothing to show for either.

“You’re the fool,” you bit back, matching his challenging gaze. “You’re condemning these people to death if you do nothing. Is that what the Mother Goddess would want? Leading your followers to a slow, cold, painful death shrouded in the darkest materials of this universe? Because that is what’s coming for you and everyone in this room.”

Yoongi looked murderous, but after several tense seconds, the orange faded back to brown. He took a step back. “I guess we’re all fools then. There’s no point in fighting something that cannot be fought with even the strongest Mages left.” He nodded towards Jungkook, “Not even him.”

Jungkook narrowed his gaze at Yoongi. “What do you know about me?”

“I know your magic is still driven by your rage and a need for revenge. Burning the Citadel was not enough for you, was it?” At Yoongi’s words, you looked at Jungkook in surprise. He seemed to shift uncomfortably on his feet. “You need more. You’ve had that fire in your soul much longer than when you were imprisoned as the last Mage. It sparked the day when you were taken away from your parents, and it became a wildfire when you had everything taken from you. It has fueled your desire to take revenge on the whole world. That blaze needs to be fed, Jeon Jungkook. Fortunately for you, the enemy is close, but you may just lose yourself in the process.”

What was he saying? That Jungkook might die in this world? That he might truly not be the Jungkook you know and love after he unleashes his magic on the battlefield? As of immediate concern, why wasn’t Jungkook objecting?

“It seems I’ve seen your past, present and future correctly.” After several moments of silence that sucked all the air from the room, “Are you scared, Jeon Jungkook?”

The old, familiar taste of heavy metallic weighed on your tongue, along with new heavy, rippling waves in the air. “No. Not anymore.”

Yoongi smirked. “Looks like you might have a weapon after all. However, just Jungkook alone won’t be enough.”

“We met Park Jimin on the road. We asked him for the help—”

“Ha!” Yoongi laughed. “I’m sure he said he wouldn’t do it. That loser has been sitting on the same pile of dirt since before the Fall of the World. I doubt he will be of any help when it comes to the end.”

“You get ahead of yourself Yoongi. Are you sure you’re connected with the forces of the future?” You took satisfaction in the jab, especially at his following expression of sheer annoyance. “He said his answer was no for now,” you continued. “But only after we told him of a special young girl in our village and her brother, who will stop at nothing to make sure she lives in a peaceful world.”

“Touching, but what’s so special about her?”

“She’s a Seer.” It was your turn to smirk this time. Yoongi’s reaction was nearly identical to Jimin’s.

The flames on the candles behind him flared to life. He fell to his knees, pressing the heels of his palms harshly into his eyes. A thin layer of sweat glistened on his skin. His breath came out in a low groan.

“Yoongi?” You questioned.

His head snapped up to look at you, hands dropping from his face. Chills tracked down your spine.

Frightening cold pools of silver swirled in his eyes, blinding him from human sight. Just like how Tae described his sister’s eyes. “Oh my god,” you gasped. “You’re one of them, too.”

As quickly as the vision came, it was gone, and Yoongi returned to the present. “Leave us,” he ordered his followers. They filed out swiftly and silently. He took in deep breaths as if he had been drowning moments ago. “I’m only half a Seer. My Sight is only a fraction of what hers was. She could see what the Evil One wanted to do, where he was going at any moment in time. I can only see the aftermath long after a possible scenario of what might happen. My Sight is of no use. But hers…” He rose to his feet. For several moments he seemed at odds with himself—fighting between reason, disbelief and fear.

Jungkook objected. “What do you mean ‘was’? His sister’s not dead.”

“That’s not possible. I saw her die.” Yoongi explained gravelly.

Panic iced your blood. “What do you mean, you saw her die?! Just now?” Did something happen while you and Jungkook have been traveling? Would you go back to the settlement to find one less Mage and a lonely, heartbroken orphan?

To your relief, Yoongi shakes his head. “No.”

But you definitely weren’t prepared for his next answer.

“I saw her die over four hundred years ago.”

Quickly, Yoongi retreated into himself, becoming withdrawn and distraught.

“She was my little sister. Her name was Ella. She died trying to stop the Evil One from destroying the Old World, but she couldn’t… and no one came to help. She sacrificed herself to give us these last four centuries to figure out how to survive and defeat the Evil One.

“Ella disappeared completely. I never found her body. I couldn’t see her in my past memories. I remember her being there, but I couldn’t see her—interact with her to hopefully get answers to what she knew. I tried for so long to find her, but I couldn’t take the pain of it anymore. I just stopped trying.” He sat on a bench with his head in his hands, fingers gripping the silver ends of his hair.

You moved to sit in front of Yoongi, folding your legs underneath you. Jungkook took a careful seat next to Yoongi on the bench.

“I wondered… for the longest time,” Yoongi continued. “If she went to a happier place; if she and her soul were ripped apart into oblivion by the darkness… or if she was simply waiting in the wings for the right moment to return to the stage. I never knew the full extent of her powers. I learned here that Seers cannot just reveal the future in hopes of preventing tragedy. We can only just set up a catalyst and hope that someday that someone uses it to make the world better.”

“I believe you’re right, Yoongi. Ella has given us that. And, now might be the last chance to finish what she started. Now is the time for you to make her your reason to fight.” You tried to encourage him.

“I just can’t believe that she could be alive. Not after all this time…”

Yoongi kept talking himself in circles for the rest of the evening. Four hundred years’ worth of grief and pain gripped his heart like a vice. It made his magic fade to nothing in his veins. Never did he feel or look more human than he did that evening. He felt every part of his being break down into numbness.

Eventually, Yoongi asked for them to leave him. He was no longer interested in talking or thinking about anything of this.

You and Jungkook decided to head out at first light the next morning, both of you feeling as though all options had been exhausted. You weren’t sure where Yoongi stood. You write a letter to him, telling him about the settlement, the details of Jin’s timeline for the war, and where the final battle might take place if he decided to fight one last time.

…

Year 3063 – 402 years after the Fall of the World

The long three-month journey back to the settlement was miserable. The winter cold came much faster and stronger than you had anticipated. It was a relatively silent three month’s ride back home. You only conversed with Jungkook when it regarded food, directions and how to not freeze to death while you slept. He kept to himself, and it worried you greatly. Was he regressing back to before? He seemed millions of miles away some days, and you had no idea how to reach him.

With the new year and the flesh-biting cold of one of the harshest winters you’ve ever lived through trailing behind you, you and Jungkook arrive back at the settlement empty-handed. Seokjin had met you two at the entrance with a hopeful expression on his face that quickly dismantled into sheer disappointment and disappear. Then, it switched into something empty and emotionless, and he stormed off to direct and finish war preparations.

The settlement only had the rest of the winter and spring before it would happen.

While you and Jungkook were unpacking in your house, you began to ask him about what Yoongi had said to him back at the temple.“It’s hard to explain,” he murmured. You could sense he was teetering between wanting to open up and not wanting to. Even if he did, he didn’t know how.

“Do you want me to go get Taehyung? Or Namjoon?”

He shook his head softly. “No, they… already know.”

You weren’t going to lie to yourself. It stung, but you couldn’t blame him. You couldn’t take it to heart—not after everything that he’s been through. It’s only been a year and a half since he was freed, and he did appear to open up a lot more to the guys. It’s not that Jungkook didn’t trust you, but it was easier to be more vulnerable with Taehyung and Namjoon, who had become his best friends.

“I wanted to talk to you about it.” Jungkook began to explain. “I just didn’t want you to worry about me. I wanted to protect you.”

Tears prickled at your eyes. “Jungkook, you’re so selfless, and it’s so incredible and frustrating at the same time.” Your voice cracked with each word, and it became harder to speak.

He appeared bewildered. “What?”

You rushed forward and wrapped him in a hug, burying your face in his shoulder. “You don’t have to do that for me. I want to protect you, Jungkook. You’ve sacrificed yourself over and over again for me, and I can’t let you be the only one who does that. I want you to be able to feel like you can share your burdens with me. I’m ready when you want to share it.” And you leave it at that. You have no room to pry or force him to open about something that is strongly tied to the trauma he experienced for almost his whole life.

Jungkook wrapped his arms tight around you, pulling you close to him. He laid a kiss on your head. “Thank you, y/n. I love you.”

“I love you more than anything, Jungkook.” You pressed a loving kiss to his lips. “I’m always with you, no matter what.”

…

As the war drew close enough to be counted down in days, everyone became extremely anxious for more help to arrive. Seokjin convinced some more Mage tribes and settlements to join the fight. However, the two people you had asked for help hadn’t shown up. Not even a word from up North.

One evening, Taehyung became extremely desperate. He didn’t think the war could be won. He told his sister she must continue to travel as far East as she could, to the coast, and not to come back until it was safe—if it ever was. He wanted to give her another chance at life. “You must go with the other young children East. It’s not safe here. I don’t want you to be in danger, and I wouldn’t be able to protect you.”

“No!” She protested vehemently. “I want to stay with you!” She hugged her big brother tightly. Never in their whole lives had they been apart.

Taehyung was heartbroken. “I can’t protect you here. I’m… I’m very sick.” In truth, he was dying. The curse inside him finally started to tap at his heart, which puts him through very long fits of vomiting and passing in and out of consciousness regularly.

When sobs racketed her little, Taehyung couldn’t hold back his own tears. He had hoped he could give her a better world to live in before he passed from this world. However, that proved harder than what he was able to do. He thought that if he couldn’t give her that, he could still give her a chance to survive.

…

“Hello again, little Mage.” You whipped around from gathering herbs. Namjoon had sent you on a full day’s run to get surplus of materials to make medicines and salves.

“Jung Hoseok. It’s been a long time.”

“Almost three summers. It’s just in a couple days, little Mage. I believe you owe me something that will make me happy.” He took several steps toward, hands stuffed in the pockets of his dark jeans. His face was tilted in inquiry.

You hadn’t forgotten about your deal with the death spirit. You just didn’t figure it out, much less be able to work towards finding it. Truthfully, when Seokjin had declared that the war would happen this summer, which is less than a couple days away, it had presented a timely opportunity for you.

“Do you have it?”

You took a deep breath. “No. I don’t.”

Rage, frustration and then disappointment flickered across his face. “Why not, little Mage?”

“I have something better.” He quirked an eyebrow at you. “The Promised Land is within reach.”

Hoseok scoffed, rolling his eyes. “What the fuck? How is that better?”

“If we can just win the war—”

“Win the war?!” He shouted. He released a laugh of disbelief and one that was absolutely hysterical. “You’re such an idiot! You think you can bank this deal—a piece of happiness for me—on the most impossible chance that this war could be won?” You felt a shiver travel down your spine at his outburst. He pointed an accusatory finger at you, “I’m not going to feel bad when I drink your soul because you denied me something that could finally give me happiness after four hundred fucking years of sorrow and anguish.” Unexpectedly, Hoseok started to cry. You couldn’t but feel bad for him. He was living a horrible existence as a starving ghost doomed to walk the earth for eternity, watching and waiting for the death of fellow humans so he could get some relief.

“What would bring you happiness?” You inquired softly when he dried his tears.

He was silent for a few long moments before he said the most honest thing you’ve heard from him. “I want to see my sister again.”

“Where is she?”

“In Paradise.” More tears left his eyes. “I couldn’t save her from the Fall. I did everything I could, even selling my own soul… but it wasn’t enough. I’ve regretted that decision every moment of my immortal existence. If I hadn’t done that—if I had realized that there was a better place beyond this one—I would be able to see her in the clouds. But I’m forever bound to this fallen world.”

“I’m sorry, Hoseok,” you said sincerely. “I don’t know how to help you.”

His expression became hard. Suddenly, his tears had dried. “Then, you should expect me to come for your soul in a few days. Because I’m a merciful spirit, I’ll even let you fight on the battlefield for your cause before I collect it. Although, I don’t think that will be a very long time. I guess I’m also a patient spirit.” He said rather bitterly. He shoved his hands back in his pockets and turned on his heel.

“Wait, Hoseok,” you called him before he disappeared. “I know I’m in no position to ask for a favor, but I mean this sincerely. I know the chance of winning is slim, but what if we did win? The darkness would be gone. Things might change for everyone, including you… So, consider fighting with us. Gather other death spirits and help us achieve a different world.” You let your offer hang in the air. Hoseok was still, except for the turn of his head to give you a mournful glance.

Then, he was gone.

You were hopeful for a yes, but at least he didn’t outright give you a ‘no.’ You seemed to be experiencing a lot of that lately. You’ve just come to the conclusion that uncertainty was high and not many promises survived in this world. You just had to be hopeful that the right choices will be made when the right time comes.

…

With the next few passing days, the darkness drew closer, which sent the sun running for cover. It hurried the last of the preparations during the rare hours of light left in the day until there were none left. When complete darkness ascended the sky, Seokjin commanded everyone, except the frontline, to move to high ground. Up there on those several large rolls of hills, massive bonfires were lit in front of newly constructed shelter. When everyone was finally in position, it was a matter of waiting for the signal.

Despite the heavy silence in the air, you heard quickening breaths, hammering hearts and dripping sweat. Chitters even made your unsteady. You wrapped your fingers around Jungkook’s tightened fist, stabilizing yourself and providing a grounding force for him. You stood between him and Seokjin at the front at the top of the hill. Lines of Mages and human soldiers stood tall behind you. You all looked like a rag-tag team of street fighters, not a navy ready to take down the biggest threat in all the world. But sometimes that’s who was needed…

People.

Even people who couldn’t or chose not to fight. There were builders, craftsmen and healers all waiting inside the shelter. Namjoon stood right behind the fighting lines with a bag packed with medicines and bandages to help those hurt in action. Lastly, you still held out hope that not everyone had shown up yet.

Out of the corner of your eye, Seokjin surveyed the men and women he’s about to lead to victory or the end. The weight of it caused his wide shoulders to sag. But he could not show his fear or weakness. He had to be a strong leader for them. He took a deep breath of humid air, straightening his spine.

Below you, a sudden spark of the fire glowed between the thick, quiet trees.

A deep chill ran through the air.

The adrenaline kicked in to awaken still senses, fire muscles into action and rip war cries from dry throats.

The singing of a conch shell boomed in the air.

It left a ringing in your ears that soon muffled the shouts and screams of your fellow soldiers when darkness descended upon you. As planned, everyone broke their red Witch flares on their belts, revealing everyone’s location amongst the oppressing black air. You stuck back-to-back with Jungkook, drawing flames from the bonfire to burn the horrifying shadow monsters that left their refuge in the dark to destroy you.

It was fast and never ending. You swiped fire with one hand and then immediately had to dodge an oncoming attack. You had times where you missed, and the pain sent your blood rushing in your ears that were already straining to hear strategy and commands from various fighters against the screeches of the demons and the screams of the dying.

“ADVANCE!” You heard Seokjin roar. Down the hill, he met the feet of the darkness where they planted themselves on the plateau. You were gaining ground.

But at what cost?

It was hard not to trip over the bodies of the frontline soldiers at the base of the hill.

As you ran forward, everything became more suffocating and a bone-chilling freeze replaced the humid summer air.

And cries of temporary victory soon became cries of last words.

One particular cry made you turn in alarm. “Jungkook!” He clutched his arm, blood spilling through his fingers.

Then, he became absolutely enraged. With the blood that stained his hand and ran down his arm, he created his own white-hot fire, which he lashed out like a whip and ended the demonic being. You stared at him wide-eyed as he just ripped through shadow demon after demon, wielding his bright fire, until he cleared a full-on path behind him.

In your distraction, you failed to notice a disturbingly human-like creature tackle you to the ground. You fell flat on your belly with a yelp of surprise. You felt the wind get knocked out of you. You struggled to flip around, your hands flying out to try to get your magic to protect you. Before you could even feebly attempt to do so, the demon was already turning to ash above you. Jungkook grabbed you by the hands and hauled you to your feet.

“How—how did you do that?” You sputtered out after a shaky apology.

“No time.” He growled. He resumed position back-to-back with you. That’s when you felt how hot he was through his shirt that was soaked with sweat. He was burning up.

“Jungkook, cool it down! You’ll burn yourself out!”

“I feel fine!” He shouts back with a tone that doesn’t sound like him at all. It was so foreign to you that you spared a glance to make sure the words were leaving his mouth.

Any hesitation from the surrounding shadow demons at the demonstration of Jungkook’s power ceases, and they begin attacking again. You try to aid him in clearing the area around you by forcing the demons into Jungkook’s white flames with your magic. Although it appeared that you and Jungkook were making progress leading the front line, you hadn’t realized that your fellow soldiers were not. As a result, more and more demons came up behind you as Jungkook moved forward, effectively separating you from the rest of the army.

“Jungkook, stop!” But he couldn’t hear you. He just kept slashing through each creature with mad swings of his fiery whip. You tried to cover your 6 o��clock and the sides, but it slowed you down as Jungkook got farther and farther away. “Jungkook!” You tried to call for him again.

You lost him amongst the dark chaos. Panic swells up within you at the fact you’re now fighting alone against several demons. Your moment of distraction allows one of them to take a swipe at you. Its claws seared through the skin of your arm. You cried out in pain, clutching your bad arm as you were forced to defend yourself with it. You clenched your jaw in pain. However, your slowness had cost you as another demon hit you across the face. You flew back into the ground, a scream escaping your lips. Fresh, hot blood dripped down the side of your face. You only had a moment more before the demon descended on you again, raising a lethal looking claw to rip your guts out.

Suddenly, the demon withered into ashes with a loud pop. You whip around to see Namjoon flanked by two Mages helping him clear a way to you. “Y/n!”

“Namjoon! What are you doing out here? It’s too dangerous!” You get to your feet, and he met you halfway. Immediately, he dug through his bag and pulled out a salve and generously coated it on your wounds.

“I could say the same thing! You must be more careful. Where’s Jungkook?” He looked around frantically.

“I don’t know. He got ahead of me. Give me some of those grenades!” You demanded, rifling through his bag to grab a few. “I’m going to try to catch up with him. He needs help!” You turned on your heel, but Namjoon grabbed your shoulder to spin you around to face him again.

“Be careful! It’s not safe around him right now. I don’t think he’s in complete control of his power. “

“But I can’t just leave him by himself! He needs me with him! I told him he wouldn’t have to do any of this own,” tears prickled at the backs of your eyes. You looked ahead to the direction you saw him go last. Sure enough, you saw the blindingly white light of his fire in the far distance—so, so close to the center of the darkness.

He was going to confront the master controller of all this, and he was going in alone. He was going to get his revenge, even if it cost him his life.

Your biggest fear of today was coming to fruition. You shouted his name one last time into the air, pushing the waves of sound through the air to him with your magic. It was all you could do left to stop him.

But your effort proved futile. Mere moments later, his white fire was swallowed by the darkness. “NO!” You pusedh Namjoon’s hand off you and surge forward into the cluster of demons. You threw all your grenades to clear an area in front of you wide enough for your magic to be effective in throwing them out of the way or burning them to ashes. Sweat dripped off your face, signaling that most of your magic has been spent. You cursed at yourself for your magic never having as much depth and range as Jungkook’s.

Your hits became less powerful with each one. You could hear Namjoon and the other two Mages calling for you to come back to them rather than fight alone. But it was too late. More demons had already poured behind you and blocked the path like hedges in a never-ending maze in which you can never go back. It wore you down to the bone until you made a futile mistake that put you once again in a vulnerable position.

This was it. You were out of weapons and magic, surrounded by hundreds of horrifying monsters with no one able to help you. Your vision began to grow darker, and for several seconds, you thought you had just entered the deepest, darkest circle of hell.

Then, the sun started to come out. You blinked blearily eyes. The demons began to scurry away from the patches of light shining on the ground back towards their master. You hurried to your feet and dodged creature after creature as they ran past you.

You looked up.

And there was help up on the hill.

Park Jimin was standing in the front. Ripples of magic emanated from him, controlling black tendrils of the darkness from beyond. It twisted and writhed against Jimin’s magic. The monk stood next to him, beating a steady rhythm on his red drum.

Then, there was Min Yoongi, hand-in-hand with Tae’s sister. Around them were hundreds of Scholars dressed in red robes. You couldn’t believe it. They were actually here. You didn’t have much time to think how, but it was apparent enough that Tae’s sister had found Jimin and Yoongi on the road and had convinced them to come.

The way back to the hill became clearer. Teams of healers were dispatched to the wounded and the remaining able-bodied soldiers snuffed out the last of the demons. It invigorated you to keep forging forth. You ran towards Jungkook’s direction and found him lying on the ground. You roll him onto his back. To your relief, he becomes aware of your presence rather quickly. However, it is short-lived after you realize the horrible shape, he is in. Bloodied from fresh wounds, dirt covered his face, and sweat drenched his clothes. His skin was unusually pale, and his lips were cracked from dehydration.

“Hurry, we have to get back to base. You can’t fight like this.” You urge him as you help him get up and put an arm around him for support.

“I’m fine. I’m just a little tired,” he said breathlessly and unconvincingly.

“You’re burnt out.” You hissed at him. “Gosh, you’re so stupid. I can’t believe that you would just go that far alone without anyone to watch your back.” He didn’t have much energy left to fight you dragging him back towards the camp.

Above you, Jimin’s magic kept the darkness at bay. He didn’t seem to be defeating it, but rather buying everyone time to regroup and get back to safety. You crossed the open field back to the bottom of the hill.

“Take the of the injured, eat and rest. Unfortunately, this battle is not over yet.” Seokjin declared to the soldiers, patting them on the back, trying to encourage them. You had been fighting on the field for a number of hours already. Namjoon spotted you with Jungkook, and he rushed over to him to aid you. You refreshed yourself with some water and food as well.

Then, you heard Taehyung calling out his sister’s name, voice hoarse, as he stumbled around the base looking for her. He looked so sick. He was unnaturally pale, which provided a stark contrast against the darkness raging in his veins all over his body. When he finally spotted her, he cursed himself. “What are you doing? You should be on the coast right now! How could you be here?” With every word, he grew more and more upset, and he collapsed to his knees. His sister didn’t say anything; instead, she ran to her brother and wrapped him in a hug.

Yoongi approached them cautiously. Taehyung eyed him wearily and stood shakily to his feet. Yoongi held out his hand, “I’m assuming your Kim Taehyung. I’m Min Yoongi. It’s great to finally meet you.” They shook hands. “Your sister told me a lot about you. She found us. When she was traveling north. But, um… it sounds like she was supposed to go East,” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Don’t blame her, though. It’s because of my stubborn ass that she had to come get me so I and my followers would be able to help.”

“Okay, I’ll blame you then,” Taehyung responded with a quip. It definitely wasn’t the politeness Taehyung should have showed to his elder, but also wasn’t a normal day for sure. And Yoongi must’ve also understood Taehyung’s frustration.

“Please don’t fight, Taetae. I couldn’t leave everyone when I need to be here to help win the war.” His sister explained. Immediately, Taehyung’s mood shifted to that of understanding, but concern as well. She has never said something that she didn’t mean or know to be true. “And it requires the help of the Scholars and the last descendant of the Mother Goddess.”

“We also need a vessel,” Yoongi interjected.

“What do you mean?”

“Someone who is willing to sacrifice themselves in order to destroy the Evil One. It has to be a Mage. Humans are not strong enough to handle the integration.”

Taehyung did not hesitate. “I’ll do it.”

“No!” His sister protested.

Yoongi stared at him, surprised that he would volunteer so quickly. “That’s very courageous of you. But you do know that this would mean complete obliteration of your soul? There will be no Paradise afterwards. Only oblivion.”

“I can’t let you do that Taehyung.” Seokjin spoke. “I do not wish for anybody who dies on this field today to go anywhere other than Paradise. There has to be another way.”

“Sadly, there isn’t.” Yoongi said sullenly. “Actually, Taehyung would have to—need to be the vessel. He has the darkness within him. If we are to destroy the Evil One, we have to destroy everywhere he is hiding, even in those that we know.”

“No! I don’t want this to happen!” Tae’s sister cried. “I didn’t want this part to be true…”

Taehyung looked shocked. He felt his heart breaking even more. He bent down to her level in front of her and wiped away her tears. “It’s okay. I’m sick anyway, and this way I can give you what I’ve always wanted for you—a better future. Nothing would make me happier than to have my dying wish for you be fulfilled.” Each word seemed calm and serene.

It only made her sob harder. “I don’t want to be in a world without you.”

“Please… I want to do this. I have to help make it right.” Taehyung pleaded. She didn’t accept it, but you realized she also didn’t have a choice. Taehyung gave her one last hug. He turned to Yoongi, and they headed back up the hill to Jimin.

Seokjin approached you and Jungkook. He spoke specifically to Jungkook, “How are feeling? Are you up for another fight?”

“Yes.”

“Good, because we’ll need your magic for this.”

…

Soon, Jimin’s magic slowed with the beat of the drum until the darkness was allowed to recede back to its master. If this was going to work, Jimin had to redirect his magic. Everyone was prepared this time, however. Soldiers were strategically placed in groups across the plain between the hill and the thunderheads of inky black. Taehyung stood in the center of all of it, chin raised to stare down the enemy. Jungkook was near him, slowly readying his magic for one last spiraling burst of power that could hopefully end this war.

Then, a new beat of the drum began, slow and steady yet more intense than the last time.

The young girl watched the Evil One with careful eyes, and then closed her own beneath her blindfold. She channeled into the depths of her visions until she broke through the bottom-most barrier of her mind into that of the evil entity across the plain. She could sense its unrelenting need to dominate and conquer every living thing it crossed. Everything that it wanted her to see. However, unaware of the true strength of this girl, the Evil One unwittingly revealed everything that she wasn’t meant to see.

Focused and sharp as a new blade, she opened up another channel in her mind—one that would let Jimin in. He saw what she was able to discover about the Evil One and his movements. Thus, began the final plan of attack.

Ever so slowly, Jimin coaxed the darkness away from its master, stealthy like a snake. Except this time, instead of leading it into his grasp, Jimin made it so Taehyung appeared as bait. An oasis amongst endless desert. It should be the easiest part—Taehyung had a piece of them within him. He should seem familiar like an old friend.

Soldiers readied their weapons of choice for when the moment came when the Evil One would soon realize what they were doing. A steady trickle of lesser demons ran out of the shadows but were swiftly defeated.

Everything seemed to be working according to plan. A thought after several tense minutes that sent cold sweat dripping down everyone’s’ spines.

The darkness was close to Taehyung. It curled and slithered towards him, tapping at the air around him until it seemed sure he was safe. It pushed against his chest and began to sink into his skin. Taehyung’s muscles started to tremble at the physical manifestation of evil wrapping around his heart. He tried to keep steady and control his reactions. If he spooked it at all, the plan would go to hell.

But it was so hard. With the intrusion came pain that started out as a deep ache but became so blinding that he couldn’t control his own body anymore.

He fell to his knees.

A forceful disturbance was palpable in the air with a spike of metallic fear that quickly followed.

The earth shook under your feet.

Around you, soldiers looked around wildly, bodies tensed for a fight.

Jimin struggled to maintain control of the hands and feet of the Evil One. Sweat plastered his blue hair to his forehead. The young girl by his side struggled herself to stay within the mind of the Evil One as he relentlessly tried to push her out.

Then, the dark creatures poured out from underneath the cloak of the Evil, and they came back with a vengeance. These were much faster, stronger and smarter—significantly harder to defeat. It took teams of two or three Mages to even take down one. Seokjin called for everyone’s groups to close in on the center of the formation, where Taehyung was standing. He must be protected at all costs until it’s time. But you were getting hammered out there, much worse than before.

Your fellow Mages fell around you. You tried to help them or see if they could still be saved, but the demons were so aggressive. Each defense you put up they were already a step ahead of you with another offensive attack. It became too much, and you quickly found yourself on the losing side of the fight.

Within the grasp of the demon, ready to be mauled apart by its claws, you watch with wide eyes as a pair of human hands break the monster’s neck.

No. Not exactly human.

“Hoseok!”

“You should be more careful, little Mage. These guys aren’t as friendly as they appear.” He threw the carcass aside and spat on it. “Are you hurt?”

“A little, but I’m fine. Thank you for coming.” Your expression of gratitude was strained as you both work to fight off another demon.

“Don’t thank me. I didn’t come for your cause. My friends and I came here for revenge.” With another trick of the eye and snap of his wrist, he downed another enemy.

“We?”

As if in answer, the air chilled with the presence of thousands of death spirits—hungry for the blood of their masters who hold their souls hostage. “Fall back with the others, y/n. Protect your vessel. We’ll take care of the rest of these motherfuckers.” Hoseok cracked his knuckles and stretched his neck to the side in intimidation.

You fell back, urging others to follow you to form a defensive cluster around Taehyung. The darkness around him kept trying to pull back. Jimin wasn’t going to be able to do this alone. He needed help, and thankfully he had some.

Yoongi directed his followers to grab a hold of the Evil One and bring it to the vessel. Hundreds of red robed Scholars raised their hands in unison and created a force of energy that sucked all the air inward towards the circle around Taehyung like funnel. The dark clouds followed, allowing the sun to shine through.

The darkness became a tornado above you, more and more of it being sucked into the spiral that kept going down, down, down into Taehyung. His body blackened with the presence of the darkness inside him. He was crying out in pain or rage. It could not be distinguished because no one knew if it was still Taehyung or if it was the Evil One. One of them stopped fighting because then the rest of the Evil One rushed into Taehyung.

It was silent for several moments. The pounding sun was a shock to everyone, but a welcome one that helped to invigorate many of the soldiers. Taehyung was heaving on the ground, trying to catch his breath. His breathing slowed, and he stood up. But the eyes that stared back were not Taehyung’s.

“NOW!” Jimin bellowed from the hilltop.

Jungkook let his white fire rage forth towards the Evil One. You prepared for the winning blow, but it didn’t come. The Evil One was quick to react. He threw up a defensive wall of his own, blocking Jungkook’s flames from reaching him. Jungkook pushed harder, willing his magic to overcome the Evil One’s dark powers. You could tell it was wearing on him.

You had to do something.

You ran to him and threw your magic in with his.

“Y/n, what are you doing? Get back!” He urged you.

“I told you you’re not doing this alone because you don’t have to. You never let me fall, and I’m going to return the sentiment.” You grabbed his hand in yours and channeled your magic to him. The white flames got hotter and brighter.

He turned to face you and saw a familiar light in your gaze. He was reminded of that night in the dungeon in the Citadel all those years ago when he helped you express your magic. Suddenly, he didn’t see this war as revenge anymore. No, it was about burning out the impurities in this world and remolding in into something new and beautiful. It’s not about hate—it’s about love.

The world became much brighter, but the flow of magic persisted. The Evil One tried to fight it, but he couldn’t beat something that time and time again survived even the hardest of days. Jungkook’s fire broke through and penetrated the soul of the dark entity. The body that it held hostage roared in fury and pain. The rivers of black ink that covered the body burned away and disintegrated into ash in the air. The Evil One tried to escape the body, but the soul within kept him grounded and forced him to endure every second of his lasting defeat.

Around you and Jungkook, every Mage and human was silent as they watched the long era of death and suffering come to an end. No longer would they have to look West and wonder how long they had to run before they were next.

The last of the darkness left Taehyung’s body. The flow of magic stopped.

It was over.

Taehyung collapsed to the ground. Namjoon and Tae’s sister rush to him.

You barely catch Jungkook as he falls to the ground from exhaustion. This weight caused you to sink your own tired body to the grass. He groans. His skin was burning hot. You used the last bit of your energy left to cool him off. He appears to be alright otherwise.

You’re thankful. He chose not to lose himself or let the darkness take him with it.

“He’s not breathing!” Namjoon shouted. More medical personnel ran to help him. You watch helplessly as they tried to save him.

Yoongi and Jimin descended the hill to assess the situation. Their expressions mirrored everyone else’s of deep sadness. It was as though the war wasn’t won. Tae’s sister tugged on Jimin’s arm and pleaded, “Please, please do something to help him.” Tears fell down her face and soaked her blindfold.

“I can’t. I don’t have the power to bring anybody back.” He replies softly laced with disappointment.

“Ask her.” She begged. Jimin knew who she was referring too.

He looked at her in earnest. “I’ll try.” Jimin sat next to Taehyung’s body and placed his hands on his chest. He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing. “Mother…” He seemed to search for her, chin slightly swaying and turning until he stopped at the sky. “This man is… He’s a good man. Better than good—he is the most courageous and selfless person I’ve never met. He gave up his life for the world you’ve given us… And I think he deserves a second chance to live a great life.” Jimin opened his eyes, flooded with tears.

A tear fell from his face, and with it—

It started to rain. The droplets rejuvenated the life in every living thing around it. The grass perked up from its roots. The leaves on trees became greener. Men and women tilted their heads back to the skies to feel the cool water on their skin.

Taehyung took his first breath for the second time.

“Tae!” His sister was overjoyed.

He blinked blearily towards the sky before he began to focus on the scene around him. He finally saw a big smile on her face—for the first time since he could ever remember. “Hey,” he greets her with his own smile. “What happened? Did I hit my head or something?”

Everyone around him lets out a chuckle. “Something like that,” Jimin smiles at him. “Good to finally meet you formally, Kim Taehyung. I’m Park Jimin.” He shakes Taehyung’s hand. Taehyung returns the sentiment. It puts everything at ease, and the recovery finally can start.

…

A couple days later, after everyone tended to the wounded, buried their dead and began to rebuild the settlement, Tae was walking with his sister to find Jimin. Suddenly, she wandered off. Taehyung found her just outside the edge of the woods.

Standing before a gate that wasn’t there before.

These white walls were nothing like the walls of the Citadel. These walls were more like a white picket fence as opposed to towering giants. Vines crept up the sides of the walls as if nobody bothered to take care of the place. But still, there was something about it…

Then, he knew.

“This is it.” His sister said. Taehyung kneeled in front of her. She looked beyond him towards the gates. Carefully, Taehyung gently tugged the blindfold from his sister’s eyes. And was greeted with warm brown eyes instead of milky ones he saw so many years ago. She smiled at him. It made Taehyung’s heart soar.

She was no longer cursed with being a Seer, and she can now start living a real life. Now she was just another human girl.

A rumbling sounded from the white gates, and they began to open. Taehyung stood next to his sister and took her hand. They watched as a new world was revealed to them.

“Taehyung!” Jimin called from the tree line. Then, he saw the open gates. “What is that?”

Upon hearing the commotion, you, Jungkook, Namjoon and Yoongi emerge from the woods. You saw what was beyond the gates. Untouched earth that was luscious and green. A towering rock guarded over the whole oasis. Other people from the settlement came as well, wanting to see what the excitement was about. Seokjin appeared not too long after, carrying a bird cage in his hand.

He stepped to the front of the crowd and released the dove from its cage. Everyone waited anxiously. And then the dove came flying back with several over doves. No one could believe it. This was it.

The Promised Land.

Cheers went around the crowd. Seokjin, who grinned broadly, waved for everyone to follow him. They ran with him into the new land. You squeezed Jungkook’s hand in excitement. He looked so hopeful, eyes sparkling with happiness. He pulled you into a kiss. Like the first time he kissed you, everything seemed right.

“Little Mage,” you turned to see Hoseok behind you. He smiled at you in greeting, “I wanted to thank you.”

“For what?” You asked.

“For finally giving me something that brings me happiness. You and everyone.” He gazed towards the Promised Land. “I can finally be free.” The way he said free—he didn’t mean just on this Earth. Hoseok walked to the gates of the Promised Land.

And disappeared.

Hoseok’s spirit traveled to Paradise, where he was finally reunited with sister.

“Come on,” Jungkook jerked his head to the open gates, “let’s go in.” He smiled lovingly at you. Hand-in-hand, you walked into a new world together.

A world where Mages live freely and peacefully with humans.

Seokjin decided to retire his leadership position among the settlement. Namjoon took up the mantle and became a great leader. A leader that brought together mankind and the Mages so they would live in harmony.

Yoongi and his followers were released from their vows as Scholars and went on to live normal lives. He lost his Seer abilities just like Tae’s sister, who he realized was not his sister, Ella. However, after the Evil One was vanquished, he felt reunited with Ella in spirit.

Jimin chose to lead a quiet life after the war. He remained with the settlement, finally feeling like he has a family with the other boys.

In fact, even during all the hardship and tough days, all of you gained a new family; and the bonds between all of you were stronger than any force to exist on this earth.

#bts fanfic #bts music video #bts #bts fanfiction #jungkook x reader #Reader x Jungkook #interpretation #on #on music video #kim taehyung #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #jeon jungkook #fantasy

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idkwhereimgoing · 6 years ago

Text

I wrote this essay when I was 18 years old. Please excuse the grammar errors.

WHO AM I? By: Noeme Jaudines Arban

Who am I?

It’s such a simple question but believe me or not answering this question is more technical than writing a technical paper. At first, I don’t know how to answer this. There are a lot of ideas coming into my mind of how I should describe myself; should I start with my personal appearance, my hobbies, the things I love to do, the places I love to go, the foods I love to eat, so many I thought my brain is going to explode. So what I did was I read my old journal.

I had a journal upon entering college. Every day I would write on it about what event or happening struck me the most that day and what I have learned or realized from it. Of course, there were only 80 pages so my writing brigade was cut short. I tried to buy a new journal but writing in it never gave me the same feeling I had writing in the old one so I just stopped.

On the first page of that journal is a quote, “The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy, it’s all that matters.” I can no longer remember where I got that quote from or who said it but it was a beautiful quote which I live by up to this day. You see, I’m not a very serious person when I deal with my everyday struggles – I like to keep things as light as I could. As much as possible I don’t want to be negative. I guess this is also the reason why I never really have that much problem, or even if I do it seems as if they’re not there, because I know how to handle them. (Except school matters like conflicting schedules. nervous laugh)

The second page of the journal is a short introduction about me. The first line read, “Born on March 17, 1998 (Tuesday, 10:43am) 3062 grams.” Going through this old journal amazed me in such a way that I had no idea that I wrote things like that in the past. Looking back to my first day of college in Pamantasan ng Lunsod ng Valenzuela, I recalled a moment where we were asked to introduce ourselves one-by-one in front and these are the words that came out of my mouth. I probably sounded weird during those times. Another is just earlier when I was asking myself, “Who am I?” and I typed, “I think birth certificate wise, I am Noeme Jaudines Arban.”

I think if a psychologist or psychiatrist or whatever that –ist that examines people’s brain for damages reads this would probably think that I am not normal. But I love being not normal, I think. HA. HA. HA.

I have a best friend back in Valenzuela named Ninna and when we had an activity where she was asked to describe me, and I describe her, she used the word PECULIAR to describe me. I was taken aback by that word because the thing that registered in my mind then is the popular fiction novel “Miss Perigrim’s Home for Peculiar Children.” And children then are considered peculiar because of their creepy attributes. I wanted to ask her if she thinks I’m creepy but I’m afraid that she might feel bad for using the word. I don’t know. Until my emotions could no longer handle the anxiousness so I asked her, “Why do you think I’m peculiar, Nins?” Now, this isn’t exactly how she answered but what she said moved me, she told me that she thinks I am peculiar because I am unique and one of a kind. That she had never met any girl like me who can read as fast as she can talk. And that she admires my fascination for PEGACORNS which up to this day I’m praying that scientists could prove exists.

Having read about all of this stuff from my journal made me respect myself even more; I never thought how much I care and love my parents and brothers until I went through my journal entries. I had no idea how talkative and how huge of a dreamer I was. Going back to present I’m glad that the things that were only a dream before are now a reality.

I’m very talented. WOW. Yes, I am. Because I worked my ass off to be. There’s this saying that goes, “insecurities will bring you down.” I’d like to think otherwise. I’m a very insecure person, you see, and I am easily jealous. I can’t sing nor dance, I couldn’t even act. Back then I was an excellent reader but a shitty writer. And because I was so overly jealous and insecure and bitter towards people that I see can do these things then I attended seminars and lessons over the summer. If I was never insecure then, would I be talented enough to even organize ideas whenever I wish to write a play? It’s flattering that whenever Miss Nona, and even my teachers back in Valenzuela, would give an acting activity my classmates would always ask me to write the script. At first I thought it’s because the way I write a script is comic and humorous and less dramatic, but it’s because they trust me so much. They trust that it would be better if I wrote it. And just thinking about that now makes me cry. Ew. I’m crying.

Also, I can sing now. My voice is an alto because I can’t reach the high notes. But that’s good enough, right? I also couldn’t dance. Back then my body is like a brick. But look at me now, not trying to boast or anything, but I am more talented compared to what I was before. I can walk with my head held high because I have gained the confidence I never thought I’d ever have just from attending seminars for theater acting.

I don’t really know how to describe myself. So let me say this, I am five foot two and I have short hair. I have a disappointed nose and I have cheeks that look like over swelling balloons. I like to read a lot. My favorite writer is Alice Sebold. It started when I first read her memoir LUCKY. She was a rape victim but she never let that degrade her or ruin her life, instead she used that as a motivation to be the woman she is now. I admire her for that. I also love Adiche but so far the only output of her that I have read is her speech at TED about why all people should be feminists. Adiche stands up for women rights and women empowerment through her knowledge, she never uses violence nor she goes on strike, instead she writes, and writes, and writes. And I admire her for that.

I want to be like Alice Sebold and Adiche someday. I want to be an inspiration to young women. I was once a victim of violence myself and there was a phase where I became indifferent and numb towards others. I seldom talk and after school I would go straight home. That’s why I never enjoyed my last year in high school. But I think that I wouldn’t experience such if God doesn’t believe that I can’t overcome such circumstance. I am now a much better version of myself because instead of letting those things get in my way I used it as an inspiration to be a better woman. I know I have already achieved so much in life but still I am ambitious and I want to be something more. I want to be the person that young women will look up to and get inspiration from. I want young women to hear of women like me and realize that life is shitty and chaotic and if they don’t learn to stand up for what they believe in then nothing good will come to them.

Next. Am I independent? Honestly, I like to think I am but there are times when I can’t accomplish a task by myself. I like working alone, especially when it comes to school works. For three years that I have been an education student I have learned that it’s important to let your students work in groups and mingle with one another because that way they will learn more because they have shared ideas with each another. But then again, there are also students who learn better by themselves. And I’m neither because I guess I’m the kind of student that’s in between “learning within groups” and “learning by herself.”

When it comes to dealing with life matters I guess I can confidently say that I am independent. Even if I would live alone I know that I can manage and take care of myself very well. Of course I would still talk to my parents and ask for guidance every once in a while. It’s important.

Am I honest? Yes. All the time. No. Not really. It depends. Well, I’m a very honest person that it’s annoying for others. I don’t like being lied to. I really hate that. So as much as possible I’m being one hundred percent honest with the people around me. Now, why did I say “not really” and “it depends?” It’s because I also believe that sometimes it’s okay to lie. You have to be cruel to be kind. There are instances when we want to be completely honest but then there are things that we cannot say because it might hurt or insult the other person.

I am a very easily distracted person. When I’m in the mood to do nothing and just lay in bed all day then that’s all that you can expect from me. But when I’m all ecstatic and full of power then I will be like a radiating ball of sunshine doing this and that, and up to this day I am still surprised at the amount of work I can finish whenever I am in the mood. This is why I don’t like being distracted because all of a sudden I start forgetting everything and I slowly descend back to my “I don’t wanna do anything” mood. So when I am so focused I must never be distracted at all costs. (evil laugh)

I love cooking too. I’m not an expert though; I am still at the beginning stages of being a good cook. It’s one of my goals to be able to cook very good dishes because I am a young adult now and just thinking about only knowing so very few about cooking frightens me. So now whenever I could get the chance then I cook for my family. And according to them I am improving every single dish.

When it comes to cleanliness I am a very organized person especially with my belongings. I hate seeing it disarranged because it makes me feel un-lady like. I also hate clutter. I always clean our house because I like seeing it clean. I am also very conscious with my body. I take the longest showers and I take the most time in getting ready to go every morning. I’m very particular with the lotions and the creams, oh, and I can’t leave without an umbrella.

I love going to far off provinces. Whenever my Tita has to survey a land I always come with her because I love long drives while listening to music while also looking at the beautiful scenery from the car’s window. My favorite place to drive through is San Juaquin because of the beautiful mountains and landscapes and the curved roads going up and down, and up and down.

I love beaches but I hate swimming in one. On the summer of 2016, our whole family went to Sand Bar in Concepcion and I had the best time of my life. But after the first night I got sick and could no longer function well. When we got back to the city, I could barely stand. I was rushed to the emergency room and there was blood in my vomit. I was sweating tremendously but was feeling cold at the same time. I acquired skin rashes that left marks up to this day. For a time I hated beaches and even the smell of sea food makes my stomach turn. Then just a few months ago I went back to Valenzuela to have myself treated there and I found out that my blood is clean and I am totally healthy. The doctor prescribed an anti itch oral medication and also a cream for the rashes to stop spreading and the marks to slowly fade. I feel better now and I no longer fear the beach. I have also started venturing the world of sea food and damn aren’t they good!

Another thing about me is that I love listening to music as much as I love to sing. I don’t have a particular genre because I base my music on the song’s content. I’m this kind of person who never basis everything on the appearance but more on the content. Trying to foresee my future as an educator, I think this is one quality of mine that many students will admire. Anyway, back in elementary I used to take piano lessons after school, but I got bored easily so I quit. Quitting piano lessons is actually one of my biggest regrets in life. I know it’s never too late for me to take lessons again but I already have too much in my hands as of the moment. Maybe next year? HA. HA. HA.

What else? I’m a crybaby. I cry easily. I don’t know why, I think my tear ducks are abnormal or maybe I am just really soft. I always have emotional breakdowns even at the smallest things. I don’t understand. I guess it started when I moved here in Iloilo City to study and because of time I seldom get to talk to my mother. I have a lot of best friend but only my mother is my ultimate best friend and true friend. My father isn’t even my best friend, we’re just good friends. HA. HA. HA. I talk to my mother a lot and she knows me more than anyone else, not because she’s my mother but because she’s a really good listener. And what I admire most about my mother is she never sticks up for me when I’m wrong, she lets me take responsibility for my mistake.

But there are also times where I become the strongest woman I know that knows what to say and how to act. So it confuses me so much when I think of myself. I am independent but not so much, I am clean but not so much, I am good in this and that but not so much, I am honest but I’m not. I’m not even sure of what is it I really like sometimes that it makes me laugh just thinking about it right now. Like, what am I really? Just goes to show that I am not really normal.

But what makes me normal…

My mother has taught me this, “If you expect respect, then you should be the first to show it.” My mother always tells me that the world possesses a give and take relationship. If you do something good then something good will also be done to you, but if you do something bad then you should expect the worse, because negativity comes like a tsunami hitting you when you least expect it. But even if a person isn’t good to you, you must still remain good and humble.

The trophies, the crown, the medals, the certificates and the honor; You may live your whole life being showered with diamonds and praises but after you die will these things still be of use to you? So what if you were a gold medalist? People will only remember you because your name is in a book of world records or in history books, but they will never remember you for who you are.

Remember, the world is give-and-take, you should always be good to people even if they’re not. Because being good to people is the best legacy to leave behind.

P.S.

I hope you enjoyed reading this essay about how much I love and adore myself and only myself. But really, birth certificate wise, I’m just Noeme Jaudines Arban. J

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