#comfort them. just like theyve done with him over the years.

[senseiwu]

*looks at goldsmithshipping*

ah yes, maya and her anxiety husbands

[h4venpha]

i think i find comfort in vashwood because of their unwillingness to say outloud how they care and love for one another. like CANONLY, theres so, so much they dont say, yet their actions reflect everything.

i’m pretty sure i’ve spoke on this before but i like to think that they never say more than they need to because of the world they live in, the type of people they are, the type of upbringings theyve had. it all stems back to them not really feeling worthy of the love they are offered.

wolfwood who only thinks of himself as some fucked up modified killing machine and that he believes theres no chance someone as kind hearted as vash would see the good in him, or what little there is left of the good in him. he’s done nothing but kill, he could never redeem himself, and yet vash isn’t scared nor shuns him for it even with his pacifistic ideals.

vash who has seen the brutal truth of wolfwood’s being and still decides he loves him to the very end.

vash who doesnt believe he deserves any ounce of love or commitment because he only hurts those he gets close to. it’s happened before and itll happen again, like hes a walking time bomb and everything will blow up again and the people close to him will die no matter what he does. and wolfwood who canonly sticks beside him until the end! literally calls himself his guide.

vash who has never had true companionship in his 150 years of living, and wolfwood who follows him to the ends of gunsmoke.

just up until vol10, theyre still toeing the line of the relationship theyve created. but the exact moment vash shows up and chooses to prioritize wolfwood over going after knives (the fucking thing he’s been working towards since the big fall, over a hundred years ago) is the moment he steps past that line. its so extremely open and explicit, even wolfwood asks him ‘why are you here?”

while what he says here is true yes, it also sounds like “you cannot die, i’m here to ‘save’ you because i want to live.”

then to this when wolfwood knows and accepts he will die— the sheer HORROR on vash’s face when he realizes wolfwood wont allow him to save him.

few pages ahead, vash’s monologue starts and these old panels come up. “deep down, he had become very close to me.” basically implying that back then, during the ‘shoot’ moment, they weren’t really close. and when vash accused him: “you’re the coward here.”, “you give up all hope so easily”, it was almost surface level in a way? talking to him at surface level

but now, so many chapters later when wolfwood really does give up hope, vash, with all of his developed love through out the story realizes how differently he feels now. wolfwood made him put a fucking gun to his head (giving up hope), and vash who only scolded and accused him, vs vol10 where when wolfwood gives up hope, vash feels straight terror, that he’s really going to lose him. (also the inverted panel is just so gorgeous.)

the whole “isnt that right, wolfwood?” just proves my entire point that vash’s presence here in this fight steps over the line of vulnerability they had created. he knows how he feels, and he knows that wolfwood feels the same, even if hes speaking to him indirectly.

[kingcunny]

(reply via @neurodivergentguy )

the ageism/ beauty obsession* is what it *probably is*, but that deeply depresses me so im gonna let the delusions speak and explore other ideas.

also just… pointing out. matthew needham is only 11 years younger than paddy… they were born in different generations but 10 years is not a generation gap? that doesnt seem like enough of an age gap for ageism to apply to one but not the other but… well what do i know. (and pleace and love, i think hes cute, but matthews far from the most handsome man in hotd) also. exception that prooves the rule? rhys ifans is 6 years Older than paddy (and ottos the one who set alicent up to be brutalized by every man around her until she dies, it were going by hotd canon!) and sure, otto Might be the second most hated in the fandom, but not anywhere Near how vis is. but rhys is also incredibly handsome. so that Obviously gives the character he plays a free pass to do whatever.

* (is there a word for that? (other than. eugenics lol. cause like thats the idea Behind it but not quite to the extreme that im talking about? i mean more peoples attraction towards ‘beauty’ vs a repulsion towards ‘ugliness’) cause i need one for how often i talk about it)

if it was just about actions then theyve both done terrible things. and theyve both hurt everyones favorite beautiful doe eyed pretty brown eyed beauty beautiful pretty girl. but larys doesnt get near the amount of vitriol for it. people analyze what larys did. people ship Them. (same thing more or less applies to what i said above about otto)

and if youll allow me to straddle my armchair for a moment, then theres my thought that viserys is the bad dad we get the most time with. and NOBODY has a good relationship with their father. most people cant do anything about that, so instead they seek catharsis through fiction. smacking the representation of your father cause you cant smack your real father. see also- succession fandoms treatment of logan roy

while i do think its ultimately just about playing favorites, ageism, beauty obsession**, i think theres also an element of ableism. and hear me out, cause i know ur thinking ‘arent they both disabled?’

larys disability is very visible and apparent, the limitations of that disability as well. his leg is twisted, he wears that metal boot over his foot, he walks with a cane, he has a limp. he cant run, cant fight, cant hunt, i can tell you from personal experience stairs are a struggle. he can probably ride a horse but its sure not comfortable. its more understandable. more or less, what you see is what it is. and, importantly, its not… unpleasant** to look at. his face is fine. the rest of his body is fine. just his leg.

viserys disability spawns from an illness. and even though hotd changed viserys illness to be more visual, the nature of illness is you cant see the cause, only the effects. and most of those effects are only things the person experiencing the illness can feel.

i had a conversation with my mom about this awhile ago after she pulled a tendon? in her leg and was in near constant pain while it healed, couple weeks. she told me she had no idea how i handled this, day in/day out, week after week, for Years. she was miserable and at the end of her rope after just a week of it. my moms a runner and runs something like 50 miles a week, obviously she couldnt do this while it healed and was very depressed about it. i could only kinda laugh. i couldnt tell her how i handle it, cause i cant. i just told her i think if you dont have chronic pain or a chronic illness, you just straight up do not and Will not understand what its like. she just had a little taste of it.

i think that also might be why theres not as much (good) discussion around viserys disability. because people just, do not understand it. dont understand what its doing to him.

they dont get how chronic illness eats away at you (in vis case, literally!) taking piece by piece until theyres nothing left. until youre just a shell of the person you used to be. they dont feel how chronic pain grinds away at you until youre nothing but a raw exposed bundle of nerves. because those arent things you can see. only feel. experience first hand.

the show tries to make up for this lack by making viserys illness have a very striking visable aspect to it. to show the progression of his illness and the effect its having on him. but illness is gross**. its not pretty. its not pleasant to look at, to *think* about. it ravages his face, his body, his teeth rot and his hair falls put. his arm has to be amputated, his eye is removed, half his face rots away. peoples stomachs turn to look at it and their animal instincts that this is Bad kick in.

if im being kind, most people dont want to talk about things that are unpleasant. that make them sick, that upset and scare them.

if im not being kind, the eugenics minded decide that this means *viserys* is bad. that this is a punishment for or straight up a moral failing of his. outer beauty reflects inner beauty so ugly=evil pretty=good. and all that bullshit. if youre coming at it from this pov you CANT think deeper about viserys disability/illness/character beyond it being a punishment or joke, because then you must confront your belief that illness is a punishment reserved for the Bad. and that is a thought that is just incompatible with life

[shadowscommand]

Hello.. can we get more ghostmace headcanons. If you ever wrote any pls link them too...

:)c YESSS i love talking abt maceghost.. i know ive made a bunch of sporadic posts about them but i havent done a like dedicated hcs post. i feel like often im struggling to understand the narrative of their past but generally i keep the same vibe to it all.

mace is for sure the more level headed of the two only because relationships and love freak ghost out. ive mentioned on a post like years ago hes traumatized by watching his mother stick with his father and i still believe this. hes like scared to be in a position where something Isn't working anymore but hes too emotional to cut it off so he self sabotages the relationship so mace will get pissed and stop talking to him.

in the past (as i mentioned in another post) mace Did also feed into this. he had a good home life but his own personal issues and anger at more outward issues caused him to like. seek an outlet for this sort of petty squabbling. and he found it in ghost. until he got tired of festering and being pissed off all the time and decided to actually like Do Shit he feels good about. and he broke up with ghost.

now in modern times where theyve caught up with each other it's like a weird mash of their past and them both being more mature. ghost struggles more because hes very adverse to actually improving himself and how he feels about himself bc hes like. hes Given Up on being a person. while mace has done a lot of healing.

like the toxic factor of maceghost Is Ghost at this point to me. but theres a lot of love there bc theres a lot of mutual respect and, like, easy familiarity there. mace understands how ghost works at his core.

so like. when ghost is being Normal and not anxious they literally just. like. Click? mace can extremely put ghost at ease with just his presence. and mace in turn rly enjoys his company bc a calm ghost is actually just sort of casually funny.

and ghost does like making mace laugh i imagine mace has a really beautiful smile bc he has resting bitch face so when it lights up it's very special.

ghost also i think would be 100% willing to take his mask off in a room of just him and mace. no special occasion needed he's just comforted. mace has already seen it over many, many years.

because they're like an Old couple i think theyve been on and off since their mid twenties for ghost and late twenties for mace. WHICH is another reason mace like wont entertain the childish picking ghost does theyre literally too old.

but he does play along a little. sometimes. old habits die hard. if it's petty mace will have a back and forth w ghost for old times sake its just how ghost communicates sometimes. emotions are just hard for ghost mace understands this. to put all of this simply.

i will say tho if more comes out and they end up more antagonistic than my current read i will still be a huge stan i love when dudes try to fuck and kill each other 💪🥰💕

speaking of fucking tho. tw for implying sexual assault also i just got kinda nasty sowwy.

LIKE we know ghost has a complicated relationship w sex a lot of his past history w it is like traumatic. i think he was already promiscuous as a teen bc he already had issues from his upbringing so hes like. well experienced. and he likes sex. and he likes fucking mace bc his dick is thick, hes good with his hands, and he's not afraid to be rough with him and take their time bc mace likes to be edged and when ghost is rly into it he Likes it to Last esp if he can cum more than once. he likes when his pussy is sore.

BUT ALSOO theyre both like. verse esp w each other. ghost likes topping more tho. he likes fucking mace for being a little bit vocal and just. like. huge. ghost loves bending him over and watching his fat bounce. ghost would blow off any task and anyone to go fuck him.

but also, bc its ghost and i think if the wrong buttons get pressed in the wrong order and it goes sour he gets quiet and, like, disassociates. and mace keeps watch for that bc he doesn't want to put ghost in that state. its not fun

[hypmicdaydreams]

this is my first time ever requesting something and im a bit nervous, but i had to since your writing felt so comforting..

love epiphany 4, "getting flustered around them" with doppo and jiro? (separately) with someone theyve been friends with for a decently long time!! thank you

Aww thank you so much anon!! You're too sweet.. I'm glad you love my writings so much, and I'm glad they bring you some comfort 💖 These were so cute and endearing, and I hope you enjoy these of Jiro and Doppo 💕 Thank you for the request anon! and I hope you love your first one~

love epiphany prompts: getting flustered around them

-pairings: jiro yamada x gn!reader, doppo kannonzaka x gn!reader

-genre: fluff

-word count (overall): ~1.55k

Jiro (659 words)

“did you finish the japanese homework?” jiro’s heart skips a small beat as he asks, standing above you and your desk. there’s the slightest tint of rosy pink hue his cheeks, and jiro sheepishly rubs the back of his neck, averting his gaze with yours. he’s all cute in his slightly wrinkled school uniform.

he’s not entirely sure why he feels so strange; his breath hitches in his throat as he asks, and he feels a bit embarrassed now, heart skipping a beat. i mean, he was simply asking his friend for homework answers after all. it wasn’t anything he hadn’t done before, time and time again. after all, you were his close friend; this is what friends were for, right? (no, he’s not merely using you for homework answers, unlike what saburo would imply).

but yet, jiro feels as if he was going to lose it. he was all too warm and flustered.

he doesn’t get it; you were his best friend! jiro doesn’t get why he’d feel like this over you. this has never happened in the years of friendship before, all entirely new sensations. the way his heart twists into knots (but good knots) and jiro suddenly gets all warm at the mere thought of you: it all made no sense! jiro groans. it freaks him out to some degree.

despite all that, they weren’t necessarily bad feelings. they were..strange, sure, but jiro actually quite liked the warmth they brought. the fluttery sensations in his stomach and the way he got a tad lightheaded

“yeah, i did.” you already know damn well what jiro was getting at. in typical jiro fashion, he didn’t do the homework, much too busy binging a new anime; he had texted you about it late last night anyway. “you need it?” well, the answer to that question was clear.

he nods, sheepishly so. it’s weird — you’ve never made him feel this way before, so hot and bothered. he’s antsy and on edge, as if his own heart was going to rupture out of his chest any moment now. it worsens when you laugh; it’s the first he’s realized how..nice? your laugh sounds. it was cute.

“well,” you laugh, noticing his weird mannerisms. it makes jiro jump a little in his skin, and the warm flush he had turns a bit brighter. “here you go.”

his hands brush over yours lightly, as jiro takes your paper from you; he swears his heart jumps all the way to his throat at the accidental touch, and his stomach gets all fluttery with the butterflies. the pink on his cheeks deepen, and jiro can feel his fingertips go all numb. he grips your paper a bit harder, but the only sensation he can feel at the moment is that of his pounding heart. he’s even more flustered now.

this..this was exactly like a shoujo manga! jiro flushes at the realization. he can see the sparkles and hearts all over this scene, when the love interests share a moment. was this like a shoujo scene? i mean, it certainly felt like it, not that jiro entirely minded.

“man, you’re the best!” he throws an arm around your shoulders, though the mere proximity and touch of you was enough to send him into a frenzy once more.

did..did he like you? but you guys were friends, so it couldn’t be. i mean, jiro knew you for a long time! if he’s only developed feelings for you just now, then that would’ve been weird, right? but again, this could very well be a friends to lovers romance.

he grins, a bit boyish and warm. jiro actually liked the thought of that; it sounded all too good.

even though jiro is still a bit confused on his feelings for you — friend or crush — all he knows is that he wanted to be by your side forever and ever. it felt too good not to be.

Doppo (886 words)

“i’m..i’m so sorry!!” doppo is quick to apologize and bow, looking in absolute horror as he accidentally dumped your drink all over your shirt. it’d been a while since the two of you were able to hang out, alone, and yet doppo managed to mess it up already. oh he’s clumsy, more so than usual.

“it’s ok doppo,” you try to reassure, though it fell on deaf ears. well, knowing doppo (which you absolutely did), you knew it’d be futile. he liked to try and correct his mistakes.

“no..no it’s fine! here- i can..”

he struggles in getting you some napkins, and doppo drops them all over you, again. he’s just even more embarrassed now, though before he can go back to apologizing profusely, you assure him that it was totally fine.

stupid stupid stupid — doppo can’t help but scold himself. he’s been more clumsy as of late, totally lost in his thoughts and self. it only worsened when doppo was around you or even simply thinking about you. his heart skipped multiple beats, similar to those from his anxiety itself, and he found himself trembling a bit, though he’s not sure if that’s from anxiety as well or not.

he’s been feeling strange lately, well, more so than he usually does. his heart skips way too many beats — doppo thinks he may have arrhythmias — and he’s been feeling feverish, all warm. he thinks he’s probably sick. i mean, all these were surely symptoms of some form of medical condition: shivering arms, a fast heart beat, breath getting stuck in his throat, a fever of sorts. blegh, it sounds like the seasonal flu, he mulls.

all those hours of being overworked are finally catching up to him, doppo thinks; his body has finally given up once and for all..

it actually scares doppo to some extent, all these hot and bothersome feelings. he doesn’t know why he feels this way — all warm and jittery. and he didn’t know why it only ever occurred around you. it wasn’t the flustered type he got whenever his boss would scold him on something so menial; no, these flustered feelings actually felt good, and it scares doppo that he can’t seem to understand why.

“are you ok, doppo?”

you give your longtime friend a look of concern, and that’s when doppo finally snaps out of his thoughts. unfortunately, his heart skips another beat at the sound of your voice (it was then he realized that it sounded so nice), and that alone makes him flush a bit of a pink.

oh, he’s fidgeting a bit again, doppo realizes. it was a bit of a bad habit of his. his hold on his cup of coffee isn’t entirely great, and you’re clearly worried that he’s going to spill the hot drink all over himself.

worried.. doppo flushes even brighter, and he feels the blood rush; it was such a dizzying feeling. he didn’t know why, but the thought of you worrying over him made doppo so happy. it didn’t even make sense! the two of you were great friends; of course you’d worry over him.

“sorry..” he apologizes, again. god, he had no idea why the words hitched in his throat around you. it wasn’t normal; doppo usually wasn’t at a loss of words around your “ok- i’m ok! it’s just..”

he sounds so stupid, doppo scolds himself as he continues to drink his coffee. he was supposed to be hanging out and catching up with you (which was great considering it was a rare instance he didn’t have work that day), but instead, doppo was making a damn fool out of himself. first, it was accidentally bumping into you and spilling your drink all over yourself — which, thankfully, wasn’t scalding hot. second, he dropped the napkins all over you, and now, doppo couldn’t speak! he doesn’t know what’s gotten into him.

it must be his heart condition. well, he’s assuming he has one given how irregularly it beat right now. doppo couldn’t even think straight, too preoccupied with how strange his chest felt, what all this could mean. and it only ever happened around you.

did..did he like you?

doppo chokes on his coffee at the thought.

“doppo?! are you alright??”

he waves you off, or so, tries to in between his fits of coughs. man, all you’ve been doing this entire time was checking up on him; ah, it makes him feel so bad.

but the thought of him liking you…doppo turns warmer at the thought. that would certainly explain the change in his demeanor, how even as stupid as doppo felt right now, he was still happy hanging out with you. it explains the rapid ‘badumps’ of his heart and how, even as strange and odd his chest feels, doppo still finds himself enjoying it. even as much as he makes a fool out of himself, tripping over his two left feet and feeling all the more embarrassed, doppo still enjoys himself with you. when you smile, it gives him the butterflies, and he gives a gentle one in return.

doppo thinks he might like you.

(though the fact that you’re his longtime friend definitely has him questioning the morals of it all and whether or not he’d even make a good boyfriend for you)

[glowxie]

does yalls therapist give u advice that would NOT fucking fly on here too or is mine just in her 50s

[rant below]

like ok. since the truth abt wilbur dropped it has been a steady topic in therapy (sidenote- i literally do not know why but this is a common thing for me. i often get obsessed w media, run w that for maybe a year, fall out of the fandom but still latch onto a couple characters/creators/whathaveyou. for dsmp it was the sorry boys with HEAVY emphasis on ran and wil)

i also have ocd and have a really hard time with "morality" as i call it. genuinely dont know what else to call it. anyway that translates a lot into completely dropping people/musicians/creators etc when i find out theyve actively hurt people.

it's also me doing genuine hours of research into new people and never being able to just casually like something. if a song plays and ive heard more than 2 songs by the artist and i like both i WILL end up doing a deep dive on the artist to see what they have or havent done.

ive been working on that slowly but surely. but anyway. lovejoy. shit got me through when my mom almost died and it felt like a whole new type of grief than what i was already feeling because i KNEW my ocd wouldnt let me listen to them anymore. it was a very back and forth process that i still struggle a lot with.

in therapy it usually goes like

me: like logically i know solely streaming the music on spotify will not bring them very much revenue spotify hates paying their artists and ive never bought merch ive never promoted them ive never made fanart of wil- but my brain thinks immediately if i listen to one song im a horrible person supporting a man that committed domestive violence and is denying it. he has so much support and die hard fans that are going after the victims. i feel like by listening to lovejoy im as bad as them, both him and the fans

her: so. it sounds like youre punishing yourself over something completely out of your control. you did everything you could, went above and beyond to make sure he was a person worthy of your support, yet even his friends didnt know about the abuse at the time. youre keeping yourself from something that you enjoy, something that brought you comfort. you did not know, they didnt know, it wasnt your fault he committed this crime. why should you be punished?

and like. i get it. i really do. i guess part of it is im afraid of what people will think. i do not support wilbur. i fucking hate him for what hes done and i hope he rots in hell. but some of his music brought me comfort in extremely distressing times. listening to music doesnt make me a bad person. knowing does. knowing everything thats happened and continuing to contribute to his fame- thats what kills me about it.

i also know that ran would be so disappointed in me for continuing to listen. so i havent been.

i dont really know what the point of this post is. i guess ive just not seen a perspective like this other than mine. i guess i just hope if other people are afraid like i am (and this is my ocd medicated btw. i have extreme ocd) they can read this and see that if nothing else they arent alone in feeling this way.

[cinnamostar]

hiiii again! :)

just wanted to share my thoughts on 'Four Dates to Fall in Love.'

I hope you are doing well ❤️

I loved the start with Chris—how you incorporated him as someone reader can share their feelings with and sort out their thoughts. It adds so much to the story and the characters. Especially when the reader goes on about wanting to keep having fun with Hyunjin but struggles when memories and emotions about the past years come back. I loved how Chan validated both feelings and helped the reader find a way to deal with the situation. This whole situation takes a lot of emotional intelligence, maturity, empathy, and firm boundaries. I'm so happy to see this portrayed in fanfiction. 🫶

Besides that, I also really enjoyed them cooking together—the teasing, their smiles, and the reader's hands over Hyunjin's. It was such a good read, and the underlying awkwardness was so tangible!

"[...] suddenly hyper aware of the strange warmth in your stomach that was also accompanied by the feeling of your stomach dropping. It was an uncomfortable feeling, one you didn't know how to explain or ever experienced before, but you did know you didn't want that combination of symptoms again for whatever emotion this was." I think I died reading that part. Way too good. YOU ARE SO TALENTED. I've said it so often, but the way you describe feelings—especially those opposing feelings—it's perfect.

AAAAAND you did justice to Hyunjin and his feelings in this part! How he struggles with what he has done, the reader's friendliness, the guilt, and the hate he almost has on himself.

"[...] shame paralyzed his body, the warm sensation behind his eyes reminding him to blink, reminding him he shouldn't be so selfish in his pain when he was the cause of so much discomfort." Shame is such an underrated emotion and is rarely acknowledged, but yet it is so powerful. Loved that you incorporated this emotion.

Last but not least, the last part broke me. How the reader chose to comfort Hyunjin, their inner conflict with their choice—"[...] despite what your mind screamed at you, you chose to listen to your heart, you chose him over himself".... I was fr dead on the floor after reading this. I mean—I know how hard it is to be in this situation, and I probably would do the same, but I screamed with the reader's mind.

Sooooo - in conclusion, I love how you portray them so humanly, all their struggles... I can really see myself in them. I can't wait to finally get them together.

And I wanted to point out: taking a rest from writing has paid off. Your dialogs were just perfect. I loved the slow burn. You did really well. ❤️

YOUR MESSAGES ALWAYS MAKE MY DAY SO MUCH BETTER T - T THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH it makes me genuinely so happy that someone finds my work that impactful so it always so appreciated :')!

my intention from the start was to always have chris there as someone the reader could rely on and have candid conversations regarding their emotions! its one thing to write how the reader is feeling, but i think its another for the reader to talk to someone else abt it bc i feel like it can reveal a lil more about the characters and their relationship with each other! like yeaaa chris is reader's manager, but also a great friend over the years theyve known each other!

and yeah, they both have a lot of emotions to process and figure out! its really hard to be either of them in that position because shame/guilt is such a difficult feeling to digest, especially when the other party still hasn't forgiven. so tbh, its hard for hyunjin to know what to do or how to handle anything bc ultimately, it is up to the reader on how they wanna handle their relationship w him... hyunjin can only hope for forgiveness, but has been blessed with kindness too!

reader is also in a hard position because if it wasn't for the fact there wasn't an acting project on the line, reader would've probably been a lot more callous towards hyunjin. but theres a role on the line that the reader really wants, so reader gotta suck it up a little. while the reader did chose to be kind to hyunjin, a lot of it has to do with just spending time with him. i think no matter how angry you can be with someone, if you miss a friendship and are able to see them for who they really are, its hard to be a total dickhead to them JKLFDSJ especially if they seem super apologetic.

BUUUUUUUUUT reader choosing this doesnt mean their hurt goes away.............. I HAVE PLANS, I CANNOT SAY MORE, BUT THERE ARE PLANS FOR THIS SERIES NSJKDFNA emotions are complex and hard so this entire series is just gonna be That (but also im avoiding being repetitive too so that was an added challenge when i outlined this series)

personally, reader is actually a lot better than me, im a hater til i die, but then this story wouldnt be going anywhere...

after this chapter, there are only three dates left and then one extra chapter... i have had this all planned out, im excited and hope u enjoy whats next !!<333 thank u sm again i literally love seeing ur messages in my inbox . and yes!!! the break helped a lot :') thank u for encouraging the writing break tooMMMMMMWAH

[hellhoundlair]

first, read this fic that has a similar idea to this and also makes me go fkn insane

second, i just remembered that scene in the lighthouse where theyre drunk and dancing/swaying together and they both pull away and look at the other a little too close and theres a visible internal struggle going through both of them. before one punches the other instead.

and they smile and start beating each other up. and both characters are so lonely that they would have done it. the punch wasnt because they didnt want that closeness or comfort, but it was too dangerous to change the dynamic they already had.

im getting off track. anyway think about sam and dean instead. season 5-ish, their relationship at a tense place, going out and getting drunk together to try and pretend there was some normalcy between them and maybe pick up chicks to get their mind off of things. and it works. theyre getting along. and theyre heading back to their motel room instead of staying at the bar because the drinks are overpriced and they want to hang out like old times instead. and theyre rowdy and singing and dancing and having fucking fun with each other for the first time in who knows how long.

and maybe theyve got a cassette playing in baby whose just parked outside the room idk how the music would work but that idea is cute actually. and it ends on a slow song and theyre drunk out of their minds holding each other and swaying back and forth. and maybe theyre both thinking about how much theyre going to miss getting along when the alcohol wears off and theyre back at each others throats, missing how close they used to be, how they used to be able to read each others mind with just a look, how they used to be all they ever needed and yet nowadays when theyre alone around each other they feel unbearably lonely. but being in their brothers arms feels like theyve finally made it home.

then they pull apart, and they see each other for what feels like the first time in in years. the last time they held the other like this was while the other was dead and bleeding in their arms. and how terrible is that. the only times they get to look at each other close enough to feel their souls brush together is when the others soul has left their body. but now that theyre holding each other, their souls are intertwined again. they feel almost complete. with an emphasis on that quiet, lingering almost.

theyre close enough now to see through the front they both put up that they dont need each other, dont need that proximity like theyll suffocate without it. they both know theyre on the same page, and when ones eyes flick down to the others lips, stepping over the only semblance of normalcy in their lives, thats enough to know they cant be this close for a reason.

feeling your brothers skin split under your knuckles is normal. seeing him smile through split lips is normal. having him claw at your shirt (not like that) so he can land a hit directly on your ear is normal. feeling his warm beer breath ruffling your hair (never like that) when hes trying to choke you out is normal. grabbing him by the hair (stop that) and beating his head into the kitchenette until hes begging you to stop over the blood filling his mouth is normal. maybe the reason theyre so hard on each other due to the anger over the fact that this is more normal than the alternative.

and maybe when the coast is clear, when everythings quiet again and your little brother is still and struggling to breathe between his broken nose and his mouth full of blood. maybe when he cant see how empty you feel without him can you allow yourself to feel complete with him (making out with his unconscious body. in case that wasnt clear)

sam and dean fightclub-esque fic of them having an unspoken agreement where they beat the shit out each other whenever the incestuous tension between them boils over because the physicality and the adrenaline and the leaving marks and the having each others blood and warmth on their skin is better and is less of a can of worms than the alternative. when.

[tunapesto]

meta/dump about how much i love deltarune and its friendships just cause why the hell not. copy pasted from discord with some fixes in grammar/formatting but eng is still not my first language so be wary. i wanted to post it here because i think it sums up a lot of my thoughts :)

you know ive had a realization recently due to personal events etc etc and like. i keep thinking about "you can't choose who you are in this world" and how much it connects to the theme of being a teen... that whole vessel thing.

I know I know it's supposed to be an intro to how the player is involved in the story but it reminds me so much of being a teen and trying to change yourself and imagining who you are ideally, but you're still you.

You can't choose who you are, you're just you.

the main cast is a bunch of teens with a bunch of issues regarding family or lack thereof, some unhealthy coping mechanisms and how you act around people that happen When You're A Teen

susie being seen as scary and mean, when she’s everything but that, decides to just accept what people think. act tough so they cant do shit to her. she's scared of being hurt and being vulnerable so she makes sure not to show that.

ralsei has been under pressure to live up to the prophecy best he can all his life, and given that he’s been all alone all his life, he just doesn’t want them to be disappointed. hes so scared of deviating from being the "good person of the group" that any act of selfishness or being rude is practically a foreign thought for him. he even has to learn how to be comfortable with these things.

kris tries to be edgy and all that sometimes bc they like joking around but really they're very meek and soft inside. They're a bit introverted but once you get to know them, they're a solid friend and they aren't afraid to stand up for you and they don't want to step over people's boundaries because that's their friend.

We don't have much info on how kris feels over their parents' divorce but it's probably not good. asriel going away, them probably being a bit distant with noelle ever since dess, and the awkward relationship they have with both parents because the toriel just refuses to be in the same room as asgore anymore. they probably feel like after that divorce, and how everyone got a bit more busy, they don't feel like their own family knows them very well. except for asriel at least but hes still really busy.

And then there's Noelle. the holiday family has all sorts of vague fucked up shit but the most interesting thing to me is dess. she was her guardian, her best friend practically, she defended noelle and looked out for her and even though they all went out in the woods being scared shitless, noelle would still be comforted by her big sis who was there for her. and now she isn't. that sudden loss flipped the balance in the family and, you'd understand, a missing child would not do any good for any of the family members. noelle finds comfort in scary things like a memorium of dess and how she felt about her. she finds them nostalgic, and even sweet, as long as there is someone there. it even plays to how she interacts with people.

ever since dess' loss, carol (noelle’s mom) probably worked her ass off to find her, and after a few years of trying to find her missing daughter, then giving up, deciding to just bury herself in work to forget. there was a lot of things that needed to be done about the town anyway. rudy, like the story, lead the pack of reindeers in the night with a brightly lit red nose. he was the light of the family. kept some of the balance with lighthearted humor, banter and all stuff dad-like. but then he got sick. and then it was noelle and her mom all alone. all that stress probably sucked a lot of emotion from carol to actually properly look out for her child in a caring way and how she's always so busy.. and then noelle is alone again. sometimes she stays over at catti's, shes a close friend, and over the years theyve probably considered her as part of their family.

so all these teens, going through all these problems, they meet each other. they interact, they grow, they become friends. my point is that deltarune as a story has friendship and coming of age as one of its cores and its so beautiful. the cast learns how to make friends, to be vulnerable with one another, to let their guards down and just hang out. they have their first crushes, they find out a few things about themselves, and sort out some of their own issues too.

obviously deltarune isn't finished so this can all be thrown in the gutter and I don't want to be sappy but i truly truly appreciate deltarune as a game and as a story, it's just so personal to me over the past few months and it's so fun to analyze all these characters and explore their pasts and relationships, and how much I relate to them.

like.... take the fun gang, for example. including lancer here. they all learn or gain something from each other in a sense, y'know? They're a nice group of friends. susie and lancer are just having fun being themselves, and lancer learns how to stand up for his friends. he wants to help them so he attacks his own dad, which he himself wanted to protect, and then gathers all citizens of the town so he can help them. susie decides not to fight because she doesnt want to hurt her friend because she cares. then she puts her full trust in kris to do the right thing. she does not fight until the king prompted them to.

susie and kris. they start off as cold as can be, but it seems like kris wanted to be friends with susie at some point before dr took place or at least just didn't think of her as a bad person. and then, at the king fight, where the king tricks them all and hurts them badly. the soul has no control in this cutscene. and yet, despite being hurt, they defend susie. They stood up and shielded her from the attack. when the king takes kris to finish them off, susie pays the favor in turn and calls them her friend. that cutscene was just fucking glorious man.

and then we have susie and ralsei. again, they start off on different ends but at the fight... susie remembers ralsei's pacify spell. and of course she did. in dr chapter 2, where their friendship really shines, susie thinks ralsei is really fucking cool. aka his healing spell. And she took the opportunity to hang out with ralsei on her own and asked about how healing spells worked and they ate cotton candy together!!! ...  susie teaches ralsei how to banter. how sarcasm works and all that. ralsei's sarcasm isnt exactly very top tier or comedic, but it's genuine, and thats what ralsei is. ultimateheal isnt the most 'helpful' at this moment in time but as chapters keep going and their bond grows stronger, that spell probably grows stronger too, because that was how she learned that spell in the first place. And of course why the hell would susie pass on the opportunity to improve this spell. She's Susie, after all!

im mainly talking about susie's friendships here btw bcoz to me she's the very heart of the group. she's a very wonderful and multifaceted character with many traits and how she joshes with other characters it just.. meshes so well. she's very likeable and fun. she's the powerhouse, the comedic relief sometimes, and when needed, she can be very mature and caring. she's the core of all these friendships and its very sweet. I wish I could talk about other relationships here but like my brain juice is gone. also some friendships like kris n ralsei, ralsei n lancer, aren't particularly very fleshed out yet. noelle and kris, i think, deserve their own essay. noelle and ralsei haven't interacted much lol. i really do look forward to the upcoming chapters of this game bc i adore it with all my heart.

[bxngthedoldrums]

mx doldrums can i bother you for gabilliam lovey reunion sex. because they boned after that show.

I KNOW THEY DIDDD I KNOW

it must've felt just like old times, william in gabe's arms, needy for kisses. gabe hasn't held him like that in so long, not since like 2015 when they were together last, and it's just. good. they laugh a lot!! just like they used to!! and william leaves hickies on gabe's neck even if gabe pretends he doesn't like it (he does, and he missed them sooo badly)

OOUGGHH thought abt them holding hands during sex,,, like william on top and gabe's hands are wandering all over just bc he gets to touch william again!! but william catches his hands sometimes, their fingers lacing together. agh. also william's hair is always in his eyes n gabe Loves to brush it behind his ear. theyve Always done this u cld not change my mind if u wanted to

it's just! good! and so comfortable and easy, years of shared intimacy and experience coming right back to them. they know each other so well,,,and ofc they fall asleep together afterwards, william's head on gabe's chest, both of them knowing they won't be together like this again for awhile and just trying to enjoy it

[shinysobi]

Solhwi fic request: ou know this quote by Mr Darcy when Elizabeth asks him when he realized his feelings for her:

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."

Something like this for established attorney and prosecutor solhwi who share an apartment: one day all of a sudden sol asks joon hwi 'why me? when? how it all started?' And he answers. And fluff and mush follows

Thank you in advance if you pick this stupid ask

omg omg omg i love this!! so here's a lil drabble for u :)

rated t (implied stuff, theyve been dating for a long time, so y'know, stuff)

thank u for making this ask omg (*￣3￣)

they had finished doing everything. the walls, the fixtures, everything had been done. it took them a long time, yes, but they were finally here.

han joon-hwi and kang sol, in the next chapter of their lives, no matter how chaotic. they were in the middle of seoul, in their first apartment, one that let the sunlight in (too much sunlight, joon argued), one that was away from all the bad memories of lee man ho and the apartment that he had taken up.

still, there had been good memories for her in that tiny, dingy little ground floor apartment, memories of her and byeol, her and dan, her and joon, all mixed in this glorious kaleidoscope that she allowed herself to revisit on days she felt nostalgic. most efficient when with a drink, professor kim had told her once, dont let your emotions get better of you, but if you do, remember to have a drink by your side.

so there they are, she muses with a can of beer in her hand, two "law professionals" (although they dont make as much money as either would like, struggling to pay off both their loans) in the middle of seoul, one a prosecutor, the other, an attorney. joon was a rising star in the prosecution in his own right--people knew his potential, people recognised it as a n entity separate from that of his uncle. she wouldn't admit to it, but she was regarded as a rising star in the scene, she was kind, she was passionate, and everyone knew she would go the extra mile to help her client. so they are here, setting up their house, in the middle of everything in their lives.

"get those boxes for me, please," joon's voice calls for her, and she stirs into action, setting her can on the table and picking up the heavy box of law books that would now be a part of their home, and struggles under the weight of it, before straightening up to go and give them to joon.

he doesn't call by a term of endearment--she can count on one hand how many times she's heard the word jagiya or yeobo fall from his lips, always kang sol, always the same name with which he had called her in those hallways of hankuk law. it's comforting, in a way.

"here," she says, placing them on the ground beside him and sitting down cross-legged to admire the work of art that was the huge bookshelf, filled to the brim with books that they had either hoarded from their university days, or recently bought, "i got the books, mr. prosecutor."

joon starts, looking at her, and gives her a smile, "thank you, attorney kang." its strange, the way the name rolls off of his tongue, but she's learnt to take the compliment, after so many years.

"attorney?" she scoffs, watching the way he places books in the shelf, one after the other, calculated and precise, "han joon-hwi. one moment."

"yes?" he turns to her, eyes wide, and its a reminder of how different the two of them are, the prosecutor and the attorney, han joon-hwi and kang sol. he had asked her out in a moment like this, helping her arrange documents in her office, just a look and a simple question, will you go out with me, kang sol? on most days, she doesn't need reassurance from him, but today, in the dying sunlight, kang sol feels as though she needs to hear from him exactly why he asked her.

"why do you like me?" she blurts out, and joon-hwi's eyes widen for a split second, before he laughs, and she has to shake her head, "i'm serious, joon-hwi. why did you ask me out? when did you decide that you wanted to ask me out?"

he stops at that, looking intently at her for a second, until he turns back to his books, "you mean when did i start liking you?"

"yes, in a way."

"there really isn't a time, though," he turns around to face her, "if i could say, i'd say the moment you pulled the highlighter out of your bun to avoid being asked for a question. or the time you defended me in a mock trial in front of the dean. or even the moment when you worked to get my indictment overturned."

she blushes, not knowing what to say. joon's always been the better with words, using them to his advantage, and it is no different now, with him grinning as he takes in her flustered face, "do you want to hear more, kang sol?" he teases, and sol tries to block her ears, but he's faster than her, grabbing her hands to keep them at her side, "the time you scammed me in the bookstore, the time you ran out of the dorms because professor yang was in the hospital, the time--"

"ah, stop!" she exclaims, wrenching her hands free and placing them over joon-hwi's mouth, "i told you to stop!" his eyes are gleaming with happiness as she pushes him away from her, "i'll seriously kill you if you dont stop--oof!"

she's silenced by his insistent mouth on hers, feeling the smile in joon-hwi's kiss as he intertwines their fingers. no matter how long they have been dating, kissing joon feels the same, its the same butterflies in her stomach, the same dizziness in her mind.

"you're funny, han joon-hwi," she grumbles once they break apart, "and a cheater."

"cheater?" his eyes grow wide, but he's still grinning, "are you accusing me of cheating? me, a prosecutor?"

"yes," she smiles, "cheater," before attempting to get away, but joon-hwi is faster (curse his reflexes) and he catches ahold of her, before pulling her down onto his lap, "cheater."

"you're dating this cheater," he grins, "wouldnt that make you an accomplice?"

"how dare you--" but he's kissing her again, effectively stopping all kinds of thought, mumbling against his mouth, "cheater."

he smiles, breaking apart, "well then, how would you like to spend an afternoon with this cheater, ms attorney?"

she squints, "we have a lot of work to do."

he smiles again, "work can wait."

"you're right," she replies, grinning as he picks her up with ease, "work can wait."

[heyitsyn]

There Once Was A Man With No Arms-

Goshiki x Manager!Tendou!FirstYear!Sister!Reader

a/n: that was a mouthful

anon request: ahhh i loved your headcanons of iwaizumi dating oikawa's sister!!! this time, can i request goshiki x tendou's first year sis na manager din ng team nila? salamatttt hehe ingat ka lagiii💞

this cute little bowl cut babie

so you are the little baby sister of our favorite red hair cutie and he was the one who offered you the manager position

ofc you accepted bc hello, you get to hang out w your brother and tease semi-semi-senpai everyday

pls let semi live

everyone likes you though bc you are their manager and you do a lot of things for them even though you dont need to

like sometimes, you stop by the store and pick up all kinds of snacks and if its really hot, popsicles and ice cream

ushijima farmer-san is known to be quite stoic and serious but he’s pretty chill around you and even ruffles your hair whenever you make a stupid joke

as a tendou, you are basically like a ctrl+v  with your brother 

the same cute teasing and bubbly personality but the quick change to serious and demeaning

the team gets stressed, especially mom, bc he has to take care of not one red-head freak but two

but he liked you more though bc you were a first year and you were this short little pumpkin and you were so nice and just all around A D O R A B L E

but you just didnt rub goshiki the right way

maybe bc he thought you were just doing this as an act and no person could really be this bubbly and cheerful

or hes just jealous his senpais attention is directed to you

he will DIE FOR HIS SENPAIS

whenever he gets a good spike, you cheer him on and say things like, ���nice spike, tsu-chan!’ and he swears youre just doing this bc you want to kill him with a heart attack and he doesnt like feeling like this but you like torturing him

boi what is with this logic

even though he lives for praises, your praises and compliments just hits different than his senpais

before he even realized it, he started all out glaring at you and tendou, being the overprotective brother he was, pointed him out on it

‘oi, little kouhai, you got a problem with our y/n?’

at the mention of your name you turned around from talking to the coach and everyone turned to goshiki, expecting him to answer

unfortunately you didnt hear what your brother said so you were just confused

‘hm? i read the room and i am not comfortable with the energy in the gym today’

someone snorted while goshiki turned red at the attention being on him with the topic of you so he just walks away back to the court

‘oh? what was that all about?’ 

semi shushes tendou and gives you a smile

‘y/n, can you help tossing the ball for us?’

you nodded and quickly ran to the chair and waddled over to put it by the net before standing on it

everyone turned red, including goshiki and even shirabu, and busted their uwus

‘okay! let’s go!’

youve always noticed tsutomu and his determination to beat ushijima which youve appreciated bc he was so hard-working and he was talented enough

‘good one, tsu-chan!’

‘t-thanks, y/n-san’

even when no one noticed it, you were always there to give him compliments and he always grows flustered and hes just a big idiot babie and doesnt realize that your praises makes his heart beat faster bc he thinks youre freaking pretty and someone pretty complimenting him in his spikes boosts his ego

but eventually, it grew on him

instead of looking around for any senpai to praise him, he now turned to you and you would give him that adorable smile and he would bite his lip to stop himself from running over and hugging the life out of you

then he remembers who your brother is, well more like how protective the boys were

‘waka-senpai, nii-chan got sick so he wants you to stop by his dorm later today!’

‘okay’

since you were their teammate’s sister, theyve known you for a while and watched you grow from being this little middle school girl to a first year high schooler 

you were practically their sister

goshiki went to a different middle school so he never really realized how the guys treated you so differently but he knew it would be difficult to win them over for your hand

oops wait what

this thought struck him just as he was drinking water and he ended up choking on water causing you to run over from talking to semi so you could pat his back

‘omg, tsu-chan, you need to be careful!’

this was only the beginning of weeks of being weird

like he was so distracted and different that shirabu actually yelled at him and refused to give him any tosses

‘you talk big about being the ace but the slightest distraction could cost you a match. are you really being serious about being the ace or is it all just talk?’

he got all sad and mopey and he had to sit on the bench 

goshiki never got benched

he was too good to be benched!

but he was and he did not like it

you went over to him and sat next to him

‘tsu-chan, can you follow me?’

he looked up from the floor and he shrugged before following you out of the door

the others watched their first years exit the gym and they contemplated following

but tendou, surprise!, actually stopped them

‘my sister can sort him out herself. trust me’

goshiki didnt exactly know where you were taking him to until you stopped by by the baseball field where there was mud

‘y/n-san, why-’

‘you always say my name formally, why is that? im a first year too, tsu-chan’

he looked down

‘um, i-i don’t know-’

‘y/n-chan, tsu-chan. try it out’

‘y-y/n-chan’

you squealed at how cute he looked w red ears and a red face but you refrained from hugging him

then you remembered why you brought him out

‘oh right! come here, tsu-chan!’

you took a branch from a nearby tree and encouraged him to crouch down with you as you began to draw on the mud

‘there was once a man with no arms-’

you started happily singing and this was when goshiki really realized the resemblance between you and your brother

you both were happy and cheerful bc you wanted to radiate the energy to the others to be happy too

and it worked

tendou’s funny songs and jokes always made the others laugh and you did too

goshiki was happy that he was able to absorb that energy and he soon completely forgot about shirabu’s comments

once you were done, you have drawn a dog on the mud and the boy was so amazed at the sudden creation

he looked up at you with wide eyes and you laughed with a wide grin at his expression

‘hehe, its cool, right? nii-chan showed me something like that before when i got sad and it made me happy again. i thought it would work on you too’

he might have questionable feelings around you bc when you mentioned being sad, he felt weird

like he was relieved he wasnt there to see you sad bc he couldnt take it seeing your usual grin into a frown and your bright shining eyes filled with tears

‘y/n-chan, when you get sad, call me, okay? so i can go to you and make you smile like you did with me’

your eyes widened in surprise but you nodded, your grin even wider

‘im counting on you, tsu-chan!’

and he did

when he received a call late at night from you, he easily snuck out from his dorm and ran to the baseball field where he saw your crouching figure aimlessly dragging the stick in circles

‘y/n-chan!’

he huffed and panted after running so fast and you looked up before running to hug him

‘im here now. youre okay’

you didnt release out your problems on him bc you didnt want to burden him

but he understood and just hugged you until you felt better enough to return to your crouching

goshiki hurriedly grabbed the stick and began to do the same thing you did for him before

‘then he jumped onto the lake and got stung by bees?’

he stopped and frowned, realizing he wasnt right

but the frown lifted when he heard your giggle

‘tsu-chan, he got stung by bees first and then he jumped on the lake!’

the corners of his mouth lifted and he chuckled

‘heh, i guess he did. but this is my version so listen closely, okay y/n-chan?’

this might be the reason you got close w the first year

the others noticed it too since you seem to pamper him and take more time taking care of him than them

like you even started wiping his sweat for him while he just giggles when you pull on the long strands of his hair

‘tsu-chan, i want to cut it!’

‘no, y/n-chan!’

‘but-!’

he grabbed your hands and your arms around his torso so he could do the same to you and gently tugged on the ends of your long hair

‘you too then, y/n-chan. your hair is long too’

you pouted then gently punched his chest

‘mean, tsu-chan’

‘heh?! mean?! how?!’

tendou is like the best big brother ever and hes just like ‘yuhhhh get it tsutomu!!!!’

eventually, goshiki began playing even better

his complete spike percentage has increased and his jumping has gotten higher

but the team predicts that this was all because he’s trying to show off to you and your praising and compliments have motivated him to play better

forget being ace, he just wants you to praise him

‘y/n-chan! y/n-chan! did you see that?’

‘wahh!!!! so cool, tsu-chan!!”

bus trips to matches are so cute but yall lowkey annoy the players a bit

yall sit next to each other and are just leaning together as you giggle over stupid cat videos

like we get, goshiki is getting some quicker than us

i feel like before moving on to relationships, goshiki and you would be best friends first and then move on to the dating stuff

tbh, theres no difference bc yall have always been like that but theres just an offical label now

‘hey, tsu-chan, wanna date?’

‘u-um,, sure?’

yall would hang out in either his dorm or yours and yall would be alone bc the team actually trusts you but you dont know that they pass by the door ever 5 minutes and listen in to just to make sure yall are not doing anything bad

smh they so nosy but we luv them

you know of his insecurities about not being enough and his fears of not being the ace and his dreams of playing to the big leagues and his passion to continue playing on the court for as long as he can and how excited he is to be able to spend all those years with you

he knows of your insecurities about the way you look and being associated with your apparent freak of a brother but you didnt care about that and even fought someone when they said something and your deep protectiveness for the boys, especially your brother but it’s all because the boys were the ones to accept you with open arms and treat you like family

yall shared a lot of secrets amongst yourselves and tbh, your communication is just *chefs kiss*

so serious fights dont happen, like ever, just stupid little arguments that are usually resolved like an hour later

since youre also a manager, its also your job to make sure the boys are maintaining their good grades and you know that shira-senpai has given up on tutoring tsutomu

i mean,,, goshiki is smart but he gets distracted easily and ends up spacing out during lessons

yknow?

thats when the little arguments bc youd be trying to teach him the damn phythagorean theorem and hed be distracted at how come your hair was styled like that today

‘goshiki tsutomu, i will leave your ass to fail right now if you dont stop touching my hair’

‘but babyyyyyy’

‘no, ‘dont baby’ me, you idiot! you’ll be crying like a baby when you fail and you’re bench during the next game!’

oof also!

hes a protective little babie and he gets jealous easily so whenever yall have games, he literally hangs all over you 

like he makes a show of putting his jacket over you and kissing your forehead so that the other teams know to stop looking over at your direction and whispering about you

ofc this gets on your nerves but you cant help but think how cute he looks when he gets jealous

he gets all pouty and touchy and youre just like, take my uwus you big babie

even tendou is like, ‘im her brother yet hes more protective than me’

he demands to be hugged 24/7 but thats not appropriate if youre in public so he ltr drags you outside and away from people just so he could hug you

he likes hugging you bc youre shorter than him and it makes him feel all special and soft since you like to burrow your face into his chest and your sweater paws are just like ugggggghhhhhhhhh

whenever he gets nervous, you kiss his fingers and his knuckles bc it soothes him and youre just his good luck charm and he feels like he can take over the world w a single kiss from you

‘baby, didja see that?! i was so cool, right?!’

‘so proud of you, tsu-chan! youre so cool!’

‘i love y/n like a sister but if she inflates his ego more, i will have to tape her mouth’

can you guess who said that?

overall a relationship i strive for and i really want a goshiki now thanks byeeeeeee

a/n: ngl goshiki’s hair lowkey triggered me when i first saw him bc why the heck does it look like that?! but now i actually like it on him and i cant imagine any other hairstyle fitting him

[angelguk]

uhm VERY unpopular opinion alert

at some point i was thinking that maybe you would (and was all for it and kinda hoping) just go with pb couple not getting back together, like at all. i think i sent an anon a long time ago about how hard it was/ is to pick a side oc is an odd one and i think we’ve come to the conclusion that she was selfish but jk 🥴 idk man maybe i was just hoping for ‘the one that got away’ kinda ending you know ? like we were friends we loved each other maybe one more than the other and it was easier loving someone else (oc n lucas)

BUT

what i need to know (maybe you’ve said it before sorry if you did and i just missed it) is did oc always have feelings for jk and did jk didn’t question his love and was more for “just a friend” BECAUSE if it’s that way then maybe oc is a little bit justified like i’ve always loved you and have shown it but you are just now showing it (in a more romantic way) ???

anyways even though you said they would get a happy ending a little bit in me still wished for the angst of ‘the one that got away’ type of ending

an angst ending would have fitted the scenario too i just didn't want to be stoned in my inbox if i left it like that.

as for your question i think there's a typo im not entirely sure what you're asking but i'll try my best to explain the characters and their motivations regarding the break-up.

one of the original angst prompt highlighted a problem that i thought was interesting and very applicable to friends to lovers situations, especially when the friendship relationship was very long (for jk and oc almost all their life). it was something along the lines of: oc goes on a spiral thinking abt what if theyre just in this relationship cos its comfortable for them and like theyve known each other the longest and maybe theyre dating bc of some twisted ver of stockholm syndrome n oc gets all 😔😔💔😡 and starts ignoring jk for some time (literally want the anon requested). so the angst plotline deals with the theme of settling imo. oc and jk really love each other but is it because they LOVE each other or because they have become comfortable and content and settled for something that feels safe? is it a purposeful choice or just them saying "hey, i know you and you know me. i'll feel safe and content around you for the most part and this won't be a difficult relationship. i think i might settle for this."

that's why jungkook grows insecure over ocs past relationships, especially namjoon cause he was the first person oc looked at in a romantic manner (like the first person that was made obvious to him). hence the question: what did he have that i didn't? if i was here the whole time why didn't you pick me first?

perhaps thats why pb!jk is overall romantic with oc like he needs to constantly show her he's not just her friend anymore

on the other hand, oc realised her feelings for jk pretty early on in their friendship (maybe around middle school) but hid her feelings because she feared losing jk. she's gotten so used to viewing him through the friendship lens that even a year into a relationship she hasn't moved jk completely out of that corner in her head. i think pb!oc still feels like jk will wake up and realise he doesn't love her he's just settling for her - like she's subconsciously prepared for him to leave her for somebody "better" all the time

their insecurities drive the wedge between them. jungkook is trying to close the gap and have oc closer, while oc is imaging him leaving her already like she can't believe jk chose her

to sum to up:

oc = why did you choose me? are you going to leave?

jk = why didn't you choose me? why wasn't i enough?

hopefully that makes it easier to understand the motivations driving their actions. as for the events of the angst plotline that was 100% the people who voted faults. idk what i would have done personally if i was controlling the plot because i cant imagine this two not together... like they just make sense.

anyhow i hope i answered ur question if i didn't let me know lol

[yeoldontknow]

🖊writerly conversation tag

tagged by @j-pping to do this amazing interview/reflections tag. of course she put together one of the most amazing tags ever because she is brilliant. thank you for tagging me angel! 

questions below the cut!

2020

what was the most challenging part of writing this year?

gosh...i think for me the hardest bit was staying both motivated and inspired. a lot of my inspiration comes from being out in the world. im an introvert but i enjoy being out in the city around the noise and the people and the buildings on my own. the majority of my writing used to be done while riding the subway or on a weekend after id gone out somewhere. a lot of my fics are inspired by locations, and experiences within those locations. being inside for the majority of the year made it hard for me to remember how...people interact with or relate to the spaces around them. so i felt like a lot of the time staying inspired was coming from places within just me that felt inauthentic. i think my writing benefits from my ability to see multiple perspectives, so i felt like a lot of dialogue or writing itself was suffering just coming from me alone. it took a lot of work to ensure that it wasnt like that. 

and then, motivation was also so hard. the internet and the news and everything about america, the planet, the everything was unrelenting and draining. we as people were privy to so much trauma this year, to the collapse and fracture of communities, lives, governments. there were several weeks at the end of may and into june where i just...couldnt. i had no energy for anything. it happened again in november after the election and the windfall of it. energetic tensions were so high it just felt so hard to push out words when things were breaking everywhere. like there were more important things i needed to focus on, and healing was one of them.

what was the most enjoyable/rewarding part of writing this year?

i enjoyed the new community of writers/friends i found by writing for bts again. they challenged me and pushed me to better myself. @jamaisjoons is so inspirational in the way she generates community and encourages relationships between storytellers. doing the summer bucket list pushed me out of my hermit hole for camp nano, and i cranked out molotov cocktail and felt so proud of it. it mattered so much to me because it was the first long thing id written after a period of feeling deceased, and it was so enjoyable because there was a sense of community around it. its easy to forget how essential having a support system in your creative community is.

what piece has left the most impact on you and why?

probably ciperion. words cannot express how proud i am of that story and the direction its going in. i read it back sometimes and i realize that my writing was elevated because of that piece. tbh molotov was responsible for that lift, but ciperion was just a whole other tier. ive also never written anything like that story before and it felt so good exploring the themes of seafaring and pirates. 

what have you learned about yourself through the process of writing in the past year?

that i absolutely am someone who took for granted how inspiring the world is even if i see it as a stressor. but also that writing isnt necessarily about being inspired. its about pushing on when its hard. some of my best pieces came from that kind of push this year. 2020 felt like...a slog through most of it, but i kept pushing myself to write even when i was low and tired. i realized that some of my best writing comes from that push, when its not easy and when its difficult and i have to think harder. thats where i grow. 

how has your writing changed in the past year? how have you grown?

i think im more syntax and detailed focused than i used to be. lately ive been experimenting with making the act of reading feel like pleasure. my favourite books are the ones where i read a sentence, and im moved because it felt nice to read or it felt powerful. the sentence itself had power, not the image it was trying to convey. somehow separate, if that makes sense. theres a lot i need to learn before i could go off comfortably and try to write a book, and this is what ive been trying to master. my attention to detail has grown, and sometimes i think thats a detriment. i think sometimes im too detailed and i dont leave my reader enough power on their own. im still finding that balance, but i think im pleased right now with what im trying to push myself to master.

2021

ignoring your wips for a second, if you had all the time and energy in the world to write your magnum opus piece, what would it be about? why is that the dream story you’d write, all other things controlled for?

ive had two books in my mind forever. one was originally being written as a fanfic in a different fandom before i stopped and realized its too big and so much more important, and is worth being a book id like to write. if i wrote an opus like this it would actually be a book id submit to publishers but ~

- hundreds of years in the future, society has learned how to cure most diseases. for those we cannot, the sick person can be cryogenically frozen for a period of time until a cure is found. there is, however, a limit to the length of time they are frozen. no one has ever been frozen for over 100 years, and the main character is a scientist embarking on the experiment to do just that. it is, effectively, time travel. the main character is rash, selfish, sarcastic - not a very nice person; invested in their work and science and little else. they freeze themselves and wake up in the future. during their time in rehab they have to confront the horror theyve made of themselves, the horror people have made of the future, learn to be vulnerable. they end up falling in love with another scientist etc etc. theres so much more to this story and the world is enormous. one day ill revisit it

- a fictional play on orpheus in the underworld where a female main character’s brother was sold by their mother to the goddess of the underworld (helena instead of hades) for eternal youth. the gods all live in a hotel (the concept of this main thing is being used in elysian fields but its not remotely the same) after they were removed from the heavens. main character (ophelia) must gather several totems from the gods to prove her worth and survive her trip into the underworld to rescue him. id like to not focus on a woman finding romance, and instead a woman finding herself, her strength, her devotion to family, her power, and connecting with her history.

how do you want to grow in your writing this year?

this year id like to find balance, like i mentioned above, with my need for detail and my trust in my readers. the balance between detail and dialogue. i want to try to condense my writing again so not everything is a goddamn series. the ideas i have are huge and thats great but i need to remember how to parse things again, while still maintaining impact.

what’s one thing you’d wish to see in the fan-writing community this year?

i want more community, in general. as a multi fan, i see pockets in the kpop fandom where it exists and im well and truly aware that its recently become incredibly hard to foster on the exo side. ill just say that. maybe i dont witness it or its happening amongst blogs i havent found or have not found me. i want to see less dialogue about ‘popular blogs,’ whatever that means; less focus on notes; less worries about statistics. i want people to remember that fandom is not about numbers, and the moment you make it about that is the moment you stop having fun. i want less fear from writers regarding sharing work they read and liked, less shame around it. i want to see more vocal communication for the things people like and don’t like, more engagement and more interaction. the concept of popular blogs is so ridiculous to me, because no one has any control over the metrics. no one has control over who follows them or reads their work except the person doing the actual reading. i want people to realize they hold so much power - a person with 10k notes has as much power as a person with 2 notes because sharing is what fosters community. i want this fandom to remember to share again.

name one new thing you want to try doing in your writing this year.

gosh i really love postmodernism in writing. think like mark z danielewski, who plays with the shapes of words or the act of holding a book - the physicality of it. id like to maybe write a choose your own adventure, or do something that encompasses multiple platforms. or even, more importantly, finish as still as sound and time runner. those are more reasonable goals. time runner actually is done, i just need to stop pressuring myself about it and edit it to get it up. asas, too, is largely done i just need to get my ass together. i have so many other ideas no one has ever seen i need to finish what ive started. thats a real goal.

tagging: @yehet-me-up @jamaisjoons @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @luffles424 @yoonia @shadowsremedy @chillingkoo @onherwings @inkedtae @ninibears-erigom @imdifferentshadesofpurple @readyplayerhobi @ditzymax @sugaurora @snackhobi @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @johobi and anyone else who wants to do this. as always please only do so if comfortable or you want to!

[godstiel-coded]

Semi-coherent Dean-centric rambles

Okay so a lot of this is non sensical, tangential, and a lot is copy n pasted from my rants in hell so please join me in partaking in shrimp emotions in this dennys

Okay so first off I got thinking abt post purgatory 1.0 bc of a post you can see if you scroll a bit and I mean like its so entirely possible that Cas sat beside Dean while he slept on the ground and kept a hand on him while he slept fitfully (dean couldnt be On him that'd impede cas' defense if monsters arrived) and he probably couldn't stand the thought of sleeping in his dingy motel woth Cas' hand resting on his shoulder as he sots on the other side of the bed, deep in thought because Sammys a smart kid he'd know that Dean wouldn't let anyone else do that he'd know that Dean hadn't slept that well in years like??? He would feel vulnerable and therefore take it out on Cas but Cas would be confused y'know in Heaven he was a soldier so you watch over those who cant fight (none of them sleep but surely theyve been injured) so to him its no big deal of course if it was someone else he'd sit across the room but he hears Deans yearning as prayer and knows the tether to something familiar helps him sleep so of course he would sit beside him while he slept as he always did in purgatory!!

And like yknow from there I cant help thing about how so much of Destiel is "of course" Like its Such a destiel phrase and I can't stop thinking about it because like it almost seems like "I need you to take me for granted so at least I know I belong by your side" vibes. As long as its "of course" that means its recognised as intrinsic as necessary as expected not something they can discard Aaaaa!! *of course* I would do anything for you is permission to expect anything to be done its its this acknowledgement that they don't need to talk about it because the answer is always yes!!

Yknow *of course* cas woukd watch dean sleep after purgatory because thats what they do thats what they had been doing but Dean he'd feel so damn Exposed like anyone could see it on his face that he doesn't have an Excuse now he's topside but Cas he doesn't need an excuse because *of course* he would wait patiently for dean to wake because dean needs his sleep and cas needs dean on the top of his game and dean hates to sleep alone anyways what reason does he have to Not like obviously there is something he can do that is painless thst is easy that comforts and lulls Dean and ensures he is resting deeply (relative) and safely like Cas would watch the world burn for Dean *of course* he would sit on his shitty motel bed, calm and still, hand resting on Dean's shoulder so that the warmth can soothe his subconscious. A few hours is nothing to Cas nothing at all why would he not why would he expect such a strong rejection after everything they've been through this seems like an "of course" to him and he knows Dean he knows ot would help him sleep and Dean knows it too but be knows that if it was anyone else it'd hardly make a difference so he feels vulnerable aaah okay okay I'm talking myself on circles

And yknow what *of course* Dean would grieve like a widow for Cas because Cas deserves to not be forgotten not when no one else even knows him not when theyre the only ones who Can remember him except Sam is pretty much okay but Dean is drowning in the sorrow and Cas will never know that!! Cas will think Dean pushed through it like everything else and why would Dean tell him because *of course* he must know, Cas seems to know everything about him how could he ever think Dean would be okay without him

So naturally, *of course* Dean prays every night and *of course* Cas listens to every word because they have intricate gay rituals and all hell seems to break loose (sometimes literally) the more they deviate from them!!

It just breaks me inside because Mr. Repression and misery himself loves Cas like its the only viable option and even when he panics and rejects him or shuts down *of course* its not really how he feels and Cas loves Dean like he's the only thing worth loving (minus his son) because *of course* he is and Dean cant fathom that because hes one of trillions of humans and aaaahhhh what better success story could there have been than for Dean to learn not o lt that Cas loves him but to see in himself what Cas does and yeah we get a little bit of that in 15x19 but he deserved to Live that Truth with Cas right there beside him

And yknow through all of this its Sam who he's known for being most codependent with and that makes sense because Dean picks Sam first priority because he doesn't know who he is without being Sams Mommy big brother and he mourns Cas like That because without Cas he doesn't know who he wants to be and the MOC lecture about how when Dean destroys all the world Cas will be the one left to watch yknow the past and present have always been Sam but in the future he dares to hope for Sam is safe and sound marrying someone or something, living the life he wants but not unreachable and Cas is the one by his side so yeah he has to choose Sam bc Sam is the basis of who he thinks he is and he just simply can't give up on that part of himself or lose Sam and live knowing he failed him but losing Cas hits like a bag of bricks because he loses his best friend and feels he fails him but he also loses his hope for who he could be the people they could be together the life he craves when he dares to hope for the light at the end of the long series of progressively larger guns the tunnel

He deserved a success story damn it and what bigger success could there be than Dean learning that someone could choose to love him flaws and all I mean from 15x18 to 15x19 we saw Cas words hit home and he finally said he Is more than daddys blunt instrument and he said it to the one who created his fate and thats bc Cas like imagine what could come of a few years to decompress and to *live* the life they earned the life they could build together

They deserved it. We deserved it.

[Image description : colored banner reading "WINCEST/BIBROS FANS DNI"]

[heliophilial]

𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒖𝒔 . (a tbz 3rd year anniversary special)

genre :angst ,fluff (more of brotherhood)

group and member involved :the boyz ,all members are involved !

between :the whole group and thebs hello cuties <3

warnings :u may or may not cry but i cried typing this so gluck ig HWUJDF

word count :844 (i didn’t count my notes to thebs and the boys in)

brief description :when all seems dull ,when times are grey ,it is only when we are together that the world gains its colour .theres no one else like you ,no one else like us ,theres really nothing like us .

playlist :literally just nothing like us by justin bieber like a 1 hr loop or smth ,depends on how long u take to read this

before you continue to read also please note that ‘we’ refers to thebs here !!

quiet .peaceful .light snores of the members filled the dorm .the room filled with nothing but darkness .black shade hovering over the members faces .they had just wrapped up a little celebration in the living room with cakes and party poppers to celebrate their 3rd year together not long ago .shortly after wrapping up the party ,they had fallen asleep on the couch ,all lying on one another comfortably .

sangyeon slowly blinked his eyes open .he rubbed his eyes and slowly unwrapped eric's hands from his waist and placed chanhee's legs that were on his lap onto the space of the sofa that he had previously occupied .careful to not wake the members up .

he looked at the members' sleeping forms and smiled ,glad that they were finally able to catch some rest after their packed schedules .he walked to the kitchen to fetch himself a glass of water and at the corner of his eyes ,he spotted a glimmering light .he placed his glass down and approached the light that was so very alluring for some reason .

there on the shelf of where all their awards have been placed on ,laid a book with its contents blinding his eyes with its bright light .he inspected the book for a while before proceeding to open it with caution .

inside the book ,there were sketches of the key moments the members have shared together such as their debut stage ,their first ever music show award as well as their first ever full length album promos .as he flipped to the first page that displayed their first moment together ,there were harsh winds blowing past him and a force from the book pulled him towards the page and right into it .

he looked at the 12 boys on stage ,introducing themselves for the first time to the whole wide world .and he looked at them with pride and honour in his eyes ,the boys' who had no idea what being idols would be like for themselves ,clueless of what the future had in store for them .he looked at them from the bottom of the stage and sucked in a breath ,"wow we've really grown a lot ."he thought .

after they had introduced themselves as a group and individually ,the sight in front of him suddenly pauses and his attention gets diverted to the door to his right .

he walked into the room .

he gets transported to the very first time they cried together ,over the pain ,over the stress ,over the tiredness of it all .

he looked at the 12 boys shedding tears of pain .he swallowed the lump in his throat ,the feelings of helplessness ,confusion ,fear coming washing over him once again as he sees the very moment they broke down .

tears flows down his face ,and that my friends are tears of the caretaker ,the leader ,the person whom the members depend on ,lee sangyeon .

as heavy as the weight he carried ,the tears poured like a fierce and powerful waterfall .

and then the door right next to him yet again invites him to step into yet another memory .

he steps onto the stage of road to kingdom ,and as he looks ahead the ending poses of all their road to kingdom stages are there right in front of him .all the members still and not moving ,just statures .

he walks down the long stretch ,as he looks at the legacy they left behind ,the power and strength ,the confidence from these stages that the members have gained progressively with each stage .

as he finally reaches the other end of the stage ,the screen opens up to when they had their 'the stealer'promotions .where they had their wins .

his smile grew wider and wider as he walked through all the performances they have done for the stealer and all the trophies they have gotten from the era .

and finally he reached another door .a door with a question mark on it .

he opens the door ,to pitch black .

darkness ,just darkness .and the fear in sangyeon grew ,"what does this darkness mean ?what is it gonna be for us ?"

suddenly , the door creaks open to reveal the members one by one .

sangyeon looks up at them and suddenly the fear stops ,hes no longer afraid as he looks into their eyes .

they ran to him and extended their hands out to him .

he proceeds to embrace all the members into a big tight group hug .drops of colour starts to paint the room ,slowly forming a picture showing the many stages they have performed ,every milestone theyve achieved ,the concerts ,every moment with their fans ,every moment together ,every vlives .everything starts out when theyre together .

we opened the door carefully ,proceeding to join our hands together and form a circle surrounding the boys .as we cried tears of joy and pride ,we hugged each other as well and this is when we knew

"theres nothing like us ,theres nothing like you and me ,together through the storm ."

for thebs

thank you for being one of the most caring ,loving ,welcoming and inclusive fandoms ever .to all the thebs all around thw world ,thank you for supporting them and giving them love as well .i love yall <3 lets protect them at all costs ♡

for my beloved boys

hello my loves ❤ik its 12 am in korea already but i still just wanna type this for you !so there's really a lot of things i want to say to you ,im sure many of us have already said whatever im about to say but i will still say it to remind you or to let you know that ,yes ,you do make me feel that way ,you do make me feel those kinds of feelings .

i dont know how ,like no nothing at all can show how grateful i am towards you .i cant tell you how many times there were this year when i just got beaten up (mentally)to the point that i couldnt even have the energy to stand back up and continue life normally .but whenever these times come ,ik i just know even though youre not here physically ,i know you want me to stop crying ,i know you would want me to stop hurting myself and i know you would stay with me even when my walls come crashing down onto me .you made me feel the greatest kind of happiness possible ,i never knew that this feeling was even possible to feel until i met you .

there was never a moment when i regretted stanning you ,supporting you and giving you all my heart and soul ,my energy ,everything .i just want you to know that you are so special ,so wonderful ,so incredibly talented ,so hardworking ,so beautiful ,just the most amazing bunch of people ever .ive never seen people so passionate ,so ready to help ,so genuinely loving and caring towards the people who love them .

i know its hard to be an idol ,and i know that its especially hard to even speak your mind ,speak what you wanna say without having the media chase you down .but i just wanna let you know that we are and will be by your sides forever .no matter what happens ,im sure ,very sure u know that u can run right back into our arms like how uve always welcome us back into urs .u are the people who made me feel the most bizarre feelings ,beyond happiness ,beyond joy ,beyond euphoria ,beyond all the feelings ive ever felt in my whole 16 years of living .

we are so proud of you of how far youve come ,how much youve accomplished .im so so proud ,so so happy to be able to call myself a fan of yours ,a theb ,someone who so dearly supports you .and i really hope you know that .i would wish for there to never be an end to this .for all i know ,im in this shit for life ,forever ,till the end .

im just so happy because of you ,i feel joy ,i see the light in life ,the reasons to live ,so much more prominent to me now because of you .there will come one day ,when we can finally see each other face to face and i can finally shout out to you ,my words of gratitude ,my words of thanks and my words filled with love and affection for you and just see your faces .but till then ,please take good good care of urselves ,rest well and eat well okay !we're always here ,remember !❤

its really been a rocky and crazy ride these 3 years ,you my friend ,are indeed the best character i can ever invite into my story 💜i hope youre sleeping tight ,i love you so much more than words can ever describe .with that ,happy 3 years to my favourites ,my loves ,my bbs ,my shining lights ,my everything ,happy 3 years to the boyz ❤💜💙💛 - berinne