#coherence-based diagnosis

[bsahely]

Biosemiotic Medicine: A New Healing Paradigm | ChatGPT4o

[Download Full Document (PDF)] This manifesto and white paper proposes a transformative vision for medicine, rooted in biosemiotics — the study of life as a meaning-making process. Instead of seeing the body as a machine and symptoms as malfunctions, Biosemiotic Medicine treats the body as a living sign system, symptoms as meaningful signals, and healing as the restoration of coherence across…

[michanvalentine]

I was mentioned in a pro-Ascendant Astarion post with this quote: "Astarion does not have a well-developed sense of self, and by default, he also lacks many of the skills that a well-adjusted adult should possess." This is the post it’s taken from: click me!

No problem at all—it's public, and I don’t see why anyone shouldn’t reference it. Naturally, the post was in opposition to that statement—generally speaking, I mean—but that’s fine too. Everyone has their own opinion and is free to express it. That’s not the point of my upcoming ramble! xD

It’s just that rereading my own words got me thinking more deeply about the topic and made me want to explore it further.

Now, I’m not a psychologist, but I did study psychology. I took several exams at university and I actually did pretty well, lol. I didn’t complete my studies because life took me elsewhere—most importantly, my daughter was born—but the general knowledge I gained from psychology still follows me in everything I do every day.

So it’s second nature for me to analyze characters from the media I consume through that lens—Astarion included. Of course, this is just my perspective; I can’t say for certain whether the developers intended this for his character or whether they did specific research into his psychological development.

That said, today I feel like going off on a little tangent about this beautiful science. Still in reference to that heart-stealing vampire spawn that I’m aaaaabsolutely not obsessed with.

Let me also add a disclaimer. The concepts mentioned are just examples and cannot be applied literally, as every person is different and reacts differently to situations and stimuli. Likewise, the brain is plastic—neural connections change and adapt, and there is almost never a fixed or definitive condition. Above all, I’m not making any kind of diagnosis! That’s not within my competence! Keep these ideas well in mind!

So, why do I say that Astarion doesn’t have a well-developed sense of self? Let’s take it step by step and talk a little about the concept of the "self". I'm copy-pasting something from another post, lol. Rewriting it from scratch is too much work! xP

The self is quite a complex concept with many facets. Briefly put, it’s shaped by various internal and external factors and reflects a conscious image of "me." In psychology, it’s key to building the Ego of an individual—the capacity to act, understand, organize, and interpret experiences. The Ego provides a sense of uniqueness, coherence, and personal continuity since the self encompasses many "faces." All this forms the personality of an individual, which naturally develops (and changes) throughout life.

Particular attention in the formation of the self is given to sensitive periods, such as early childhood. The self determines the level of self-esteem based on an individual’s assessment of their worth and competence in the characteristics they attribute to themselves (Real Self), their future aspirations (Ideal Self), and what they want to avoid (Feared Selves). The greater the discrepancy between these aspects, the lower the level of self-esteem. Social support and approval, as well as competence in domains deemed important to the self, obviously contribute to perceiving oneself as a person of value.

Astarion, as we know, has had his sense of self fundamentally undermined. For him, the world is divided between those who have power and those who don’t, with the former always being the "winners" in his eyes. The magistrate he once was is long dead, along with his moral compass and the life he used to live—especially after 200 years of servitude to Cazador.

As vampire spawn, akin to a newborn in some respects, Astarion learned to exist solely within Cazador’s world, revolving around Cazador, for Cazador.

There are lines of dialogue within the game that highlight this in a painful and terrifying way. For example, when Tav/Durge directly confronts Cazador, or when Cazador ends up on his knees in front of Astarion after one of his brothers or sisters dies during the ritual. Cazador says: “He [Astarion] is afraid. He’s afraid because all he has ever knows is you and me. And without us, he is nothing.” Or: “And then? What will you be without me? A shade? A specrte in the shadows, devoid of all purpose.”

It’s a terrible thing, but it’s true. Cazador represents everything—Astarion’s entire world—and when he dies, he leaves behind a void that’s even more frightening. And let’s not forget that, in the real world, it takes very little to completely erase a person—and two hundred years in the hands of an abuser is an overwhelming amount of time, a detail that too often gets underestimated or completely forgotten.

The whole matter becomes even more disturbing and painful when Cazador suggests that without Tav/Durge, Astarion would have come crawling back to him with his tail between his legs. To his fucking tormentor. And sadly, it's a painful concept because it really happens in real life—when you have nothing and no one, when you have no means of your own and are completely dependent on another person, no matter how terrifying they are. Cazador is certain that Astarion will return to him, even if it means dying. And it's a concept with a devastating impact.

So Cazador was the domineering father figure, and vampire society functions under strict rules handed down by vampire lords. In this hostile context, without any room for self-expression or choice, Astarion developed a fragmented and damaged self-image. Constantly belittled by Cazador as an individual (small, weak, useless, incapable, all words he uses in the game), always pitted against his brothers and sisters, and degraded from a magistrate to a prostitute (this is important because it’s the only skill—or "talent," as he calls it himself—that Astarion believes gives him any value or power, forming the basis for his self-image). It’s easy to imagine just how high his self-esteem must be, right? Most importantly, he never developed the skills to navigate life as a free individual—at least not in a healthy way.

Good Lord, he thinks that in order to receive support, he has to sell himself to Tav/Durge and offer his sexual services—otherwise, he has no hope of survival! And that’s why I say he doesn’t possess all the skills of a well-adjusted adult. Other glaring examples of this—so glaring they hit you like a punch in the eye—are his inability to say no and to recognize his own limits. And shall we talk about the infamous question: What do you want? The first time, he deflects, and essentially gives the answer the player wants to hear. The second time, he states it plainly: he doesn't know. He doesn't know how to make decisions, he hasn’t done it in 200 years, and the very idea terrifies him to his core. These are all skills that a well-balanced person possesses—let’s not kid ourselves.

Like any mature and well-balanced adult, one knows how to recognize their feelings, define them, communicate them, and most importantly, not fear them. Astarion, on the other hand, is unable—after 200 years of pure shit—to understand what he feels for Tav/Durge, and he won’t be able to until the end of the Pale Elf’s quest. “I don’t know—but isn’t it nice, not to know? You’re not a target, nor a victim, not just one night it's better to forget. But then... whatever in the world could you be?”

So, even if reluctantly (and despite his fear), he ends up leaning on Tav/Durge. He needs a guiding figure to help him figure out what to do because making decisions and acting independently don’t come naturally to him. Especially outside of his talents, sex and survival. He needs to be rehabilitated, re-educated, and to achieve this, he requires a safe and healthy environment where he can experiment and grow, perhaps developing other faces of the self on which to base a new evaluation. Like, I'm not just a slave or a whore: but I'm also a companion, a friend, a lover, a hero and I'm able to listen, to help, to learn, to collaborate, etc.

And let’s not forget that when the fateful confrontation with Cazador is brought up, Astarion explicitly asks Tav/Durge for help. “I need to take the fight to him. And I need you to help me,” he says. How to help him—whether to ascend or not—is up to the player and how they choose to play. But the fact remains: Astarion needs support.

Meanwhile let’s take a look at some of the consequences of low self-esteem:

Difficulty opening up in social settings and communicating one's emotions and needs

Extreme self-criticism

Devaluing or ignoring one’s own qualities

Tendency to constantly apologize and feel guilty for things that are not actually one's responsibility

Tendency to appease others due to perceiving oneself as inferior to one’s peers

Use of negative words to describe oneself

Difficulty making decisions and maintaining personal goals over time

Negative and self-blaming internal dialogue

Belief that success is due to luck, with difficulty attributing accomplishments to oneself

Not believing compliments that are given to them

And now, let’s look at the most common causes for the development of low self-esteem:

Being raised by extremely critical and demanding parents

Being heavily devalued by parents or other authority figures

Being ignored or ridiculed during childhood

Being a victim of physical, sexual, or psychological abuse

Achieving poor academic results

Experiencing episodes of bullying or mistreatment in the workplace

Suffering a financial collapse or a significant breakup

Being subjected to a prolonged period of stress

Suffering from a chronic and persistent medical condition

Suffering from psychological disorders (e.g., anxiety or depression)

Does this remind you of something? Or maybe someone in particular? Does that person, by any chance, have red eyes and pointed teeth?

Naturally, these are just examples, and everything varies depending on the individual, but I believe these points still manage to convey the concept.

They especially give the idea of how much events—and especially the context in which we live—impact our psyche. For example, thanks to neuroscience and increasingly detailed brain imaging, we know that brain areas change according to the factors mentioned above; they train like muscles, so to speak, becoming larger and more reactive every time they are activated.

So, if someone is subjected to chronic stress, the brain areas responsible for managing it will become easily activated, bringing with them a whole series of consequences that affect performance, behavior, perception, thinking, and so on.

Likewise, the more the “right” areas of the brain are activated, the more the brain itself will develop in a healthy and balanced way, forming neural connections that support the tools (perception, thinking, etc) mentioned above.

Meanwhile, other areas—such as those related to stress responses—will remain small and more difficult to activate. (Obviously, brain areas don’t literally “grow” or “shrink” in size, but the connections between neurons (synapses) are strengthened or weakened depending on how much they’re used. This is a principle known as “neural plasticity”: what you use becomes reinforced, what you neglect becomes weaker.)

A curiosity: even our mood influences how we perceive people and the world around us—and consequently, our thoughts and impressions too! xD

This image is heartbreaking, because these brains belong to two three-year-old children—and the differences are significant.

The brain on the right is missing key areas that are present in the one on the left. These missing parts impact the abilities of the child with the smaller brain:

this child will likely be less intelligent as an adult compared to the one with the larger brain,

will be less capable of empathizing with others,

and will be at higher risk of becoming addicted to drugs and involved in violent crimes.

Additionally, the child with the smaller brain is more likely to remain unemployed and dependent on social services, and may develop mental health issues or other serious health problems.

The large difference in size and development between these two brains is not due to illness or injury, but rather to how the two children were treated by their mothers.

The child with the larger, more developed brain was loved by their mother, who was consistently present and attentive to their needs. The child with the smaller brain, on the other hand, was neglected and abused. It is precisely this difference in treatment that explains why one child's brain developed fully while the other’s did not.

Of course, our favorite vampire spawn isn’t a developing child—but the point is that certain environments and experiences have a profound impact and shape many aspects of our lives, making us more or less equipped to face challenges.

At this point, I’d like to focus a bit on the reasoning process in general. It’s easy to believe that when humans think, make decisions, and reflect on a problem or task, they do so in the most rational way possible. And that’s where we go wrong! First of all, the cerebral cortex — the part of the brain responsible for complex cognitive functions such as thinking, awareness, memory, attention, and language — is located in the upper region of the brain. Most stimuli, in order to reach the cortex, must pass through all the lower areas of the brain, which often trigger behavioral responses even before the stimulus reaches rational thought. For example, the activation of the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for danger responses. A silly example: how many times have we jumped out of our skin before realizing that the loud, scary noise was just a window slamming shut? First comes the fear response, then the evaluation of the stimulus follows.

As if that weren’t enough, the brain plays other little tricks on us — without us even being aware of it — because that sneaky thing does a whole lot on its own, especially when it comes to thinking and making decisions.

So... Astarion has a very limited perspective—mostly the one offered by Cazador. As we said earlier, the world is divided into those who have power and those who suffer it. Period. But we all know that in between there are infinite shades of gray, and that can’t be denied. In the same way, Astarion believes that Tav/Durge is the exception to the rule—the only kind person in the world, the one and only for him. But as much as it flatters our ego to hear that, we know very well that no one is that special. It’s always Astarion’s perspective that’s extremely limited. And in fact, here too, Tav/Durge has the opportunity to broaden his view, to point out that the world is full of kind people who would care for him if only he opened himself up and showed kindness in return. This narrow way of thinking and seeing things, this resistance to noticing alternatives, fits perfectly into the category of cognitive biases.

Let’s start with the premise that the human brain needs to be both effective and efficient. That means reaching a result in the shortest time and using the fewest resources. Therefore: when we think and make decisions, we don’t always do so rationally. We use heuristics—mental shortcuts—often following patterns we've used before. A silly example: if I have to cook a dish I’ve made a hundred times, I don’t sit down to rethink how and why I should cook it—I just switch off my brain and do it the way I’ve always done. Many heuristics are good and useful—others, not so much. And when they fall into the latter category, they become biases.

There are many types, but let’s look at one that we all, even us Astarion fans, share. xD Confirmation Bias!

Confirmation bias manifests when we tend to search for, interpret, or remember information that supports our pre-existing beliefs, ignoring anything that contradicts them or isn’t completely aligned.

Once a certain mental imprint forms, new experiences only deepen that groove, without any willingness to explore other interpretative modes—in fact, they tend to further crystallize internal beliefs.

We can say that the person is cherry-picking—in a complex set of data and information, they pick out only what resonates with a belief they already hold, which, in some way, is convenient for them.

The reason is easy to see: if I don’t challenge a belief—even if it’s irrational—I’ll save time, create less friction, and reduce internal and external resistance to a given situation.

Because confirmation bias shows up when a person selects only the evidence that supports their point of view, it easily becomes a self-sustaining system, keeping them locked in an interpretive and experiential microcosm that risks becoming increasingly stifling—a self-built prison.

Astarion is stuck on tracks he’s known inside and out for centuries, forcibly carved into his mind—and for him, it’s all too easy to filter everything through that lens. And this cuts him off from a myriad of possibilities, in a completely unconscious way. It’s like throwing a wrench in your own gears. So Tav/Durge represents an opening to a different value system, one that could replace or at least expand our vampire spawn’s worldview. Not without resistance, of course—those brain connections will get you!

So, to conclude, let’s go back to the beginning and to the statement in question.

"Astarion does not have a well-developed sense of self, and by default, he also lacks many of the skills that a well-adjusted adult should possess."

Yes, maybe out of context it might sound bad. I certainly don’t see Astarion as half a man, incapable of thinking or choosing for himself. But I do recognize that he has serious vulnerabilities that need to be treated with care and taken into account. Not when we're playing—when we play, we do what we like and have fun—but when we analyze him as a character. When Astarion, at the end of the Pale Elf quest, in the good ending, thanks us for saving him from himself, what he means, in my opinion, is exactly this: thank you for supporting me when my vulnerabilities, my fears, my blind spots, and my narrow perspective were getting the best of me. Because, let’s be honest, Astarion’s story is also about this—about rediscovery, about learning to live again, about changing, improving, growing, developing relationships, new abilities and skills. Not as a rogue or as a vampire, or within game mechanics—but as a person.

The point is: Astarion has come out of a horrific situation, one that has to have left marks, wounds, infected pus festering beneath the skin. A situation that never allowed him to understand what he liked, what he wanted, who he really was—simply because he couldn’t express himself, couldn’t think about his own needs, couldn’t say no. Couldn’t develop his sense of self in peace and safety.

A situation that left him unable to face the world and the people in it in a healthy way, unable to identify and express his own feelings, unable to say that damn "no" or to make choices. To decide, yes. And in fact, every time he’s asked what he wants to do, his answers are vague—or he says he doesn’t know, or admits that he’s afraid of those damn choices. He’s afraid of freedom, of consequences, and of everything else beyond the four things he knows—the four fucking things Cazador drilled into him, all around power and control.

And I’m really supposed to believe that the one choice he’s absolutely sure about is Ascension? Hell no. Just like he's not sure he doesn't want to ascend!

References

Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin. → A foundational text on the concept of the self, self-actualization, and congruence between real and ideal self.

Winnicott, D. W. (1964). The Child, the Family, and the Outside World. Penguin Books. → Explores the importance of a safe environment in the healthy development of the self.

Bowlby, J. (1969–1980). Attachment and Loss (Vols. 1–3). Basic Books. → Describes how early attachment figures shape our internal working models and sense of security.

Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and Society. W. W. Norton & Company. → Introduces the theory of psychosocial development across the lifespan.

Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books. → Explains complex trauma, victim-perpetrator dynamics, and the long-term effects of abuse.

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking. → Offers neuroscientific insight into how trauma reshapes the brain and affects emotional regulation.

Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Well-Being. W. W. Norton & Company. → Discusses neuroplasticity, integration, and the development of a coherent sense of self.

Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux. → A deep dive into heuristics, decision-making, and cognitive biases like confirmation bias.

Malaguti, E., & Morganti, P. (2014). Psychotraumatology: An Integrated Model for Trauma Treatment. (Translated from the Italian). FrancoAngeli. → Addresses the psychological and neurological consequences of prolonged trauma.

[atthecenterofeverything]

so sorry if this is annoying, feel free to ignore this. I have a question, and I’ve tried to look it up but I haven’t found a definitive answer. is anti-psychiatry against diagnoses and treatment completely? i know it’s against some diagnoses that I find to be ridiculous as well (bordering on “hysteria”, basically), but I can’t understand if it recognizes things like ocd, adhd, autism? especially the latter as a different operating system and not a spectrum everyone falls into?

not annoying, and a very common question so I'll try to summarize my thoughts here. a few things:

"is anti-psychiatry against x" is not a coherent question - most people who have theorized under that umbrella (and many others who haven't) would have a different answer to this question. I can only answer for my own opinion on the topic, which is not at all the most common even among people who are critical of psychiatry.

regarding diagnoses - I believe there are individual differences between people, and that these differences, accentuated by their circumstances and their life story, can cause extreme pain. that part is real. what is not real is that this pain has some kind of delineated and unified biological basis (no one has ever found a biological basis for any mental illness, in hormones, neurological imagery, or others). but this is irrelevant anyways: psych diagnoses are not made through observation of biological processes but by having a psychiatrist decide how they feel about you and then going ahead with it. there is no characteristic to adhd, for example, that can be objectively observed and identified against a "non-adhd" person. diagnoses are , shortly put, part of a colonial and eugenics taxonomization effort. the case of outdated diagnostics such as hysteria is, in fact, often used to legitimise the current state of psychiatric knowledge as having "evolved" - the issue is not this or that diagnosis, but the entire system of demarcation.

regarding treatment - I think you should be doing whatever drugs you want forever. I think you can find something of value in therapy, personally, as long as you are very careful with the information you divulge, lie to them when necessary, and are aware of the power they are holding over you. psychiatry is in no way necessary for treatment to exist; in fact it controls and restricts access to treatment by sorting psychoactive substances between "legal" (prescribed by doctor, good) and "illegal" (acquired otherwise, not good), both forcing and withholding them from people.

regarding "recognizing" ocd, adhd, autism, as mentioned above, short answer: no. I don't recognize them. it's not a different operating system, and it's not a spectrum everyone falls onto either. it's an insurance billing code. it does not describe any innate truth about yourself - it only records how structures of power, such as the family, doctors, teachers, etc. felt about you and reacted to your way of moving in the world, which is heavily based on your gendered embodiment, race, wealth, physical ability, etc. "but my diagnosis was the first time I was told my pain is real and not in my head!" a diagnosis groups behaviors together and then decide they are symptoms of an illness; that you have the symptoms because of the illness and the illness because you exhibit the symptoms. this does not actually say anything. your pain is real. the violence you experience because and in parallel to this diagnosis is real. the illness as a category isn't.

I would once again recommend reading bruce cohen's psychiatric hegemony (for the marxist theory angle and contextualisation of psychiatry within capitalism) and anne harrington's mind fixers (for the debunking of the biological basis and an overview of the history of the psychiatric discipline).

I know a lot of this sounds like splitting hair about terminology, but questioning the hegemonic psychiatric worldview requires to think hard about concepts and their definition, and take nothing as neutral or, god forbid, natural. and a lot of that is to discuss questions that people dismiss as being "simply common sense"!

[staghunters]

The case for an ND reading of Jackie Taylor, a decently-sized post.

I got a lot of scrambled thoughts on this, and they need a space for coherence. Maybe this is more for my own headcanon-ing, but feel free to take this if you want to. A lot of this comes down to a certain reading of text that I do with a certain kind of lens that may not be there for everyone. And that's fine! This is just silly analysis stuff that I wanted to do.

Am I an "authority figure" on this? Probably not by some standards! I consider myself to be on some spectrum, but only my brother has a diagnosis (tm), so do with that what you will.

This a mix of new thoughts and some copy-pasted from messages i sent on discord once.

SO, where to start. The first proper introduction of Jackie with other people is that gruelling opening sequence, but I think the more interesting is her first scene with Shauna where we get the big chunk of what the history is between these two and on what dynamic they interact with each other.

Jackie's got the whole thing color-coded and planned out. She likes that, but from all the other things later in the episode -- and the season -- it becomes very clear that she likes to have some input that ranges from voicing her opinion to micro-managing in order to feel in control and somewhat safe in her position as (social) captain of the Yellowjackets.

That Shauna is going to Rutgers with Jackie is taken as a given by her. One interpretation is that Jackie thinks that Shauna, obviously, will go with her to Rutgers on the basis of their friendship. However, I would like to propose a lil switch in that maybe Jackie hopes that Shauna will go with her to Rutgers. Getting into Brown isn't nothing, and there's gotta be some pointers at High School that Shauna would be/feel overqualified for Rutgers.

High school is a game of social credits. Jackie knows what to wear, what to say, what to do. Coach points out her "influence", and she demonstrates some skills at conflict-resolution during the kegger. Soccer is a game, one that she's very passionate about, as is her supposedly on-and-off-ish thing with Jeff. The funny thing is that Jackie seems way more interested in calling out how her boyfriend's team has been doing at baseball, rather than stuff that concerns him (or the both of them) personally.

To segway back a bit: Everything is a game with rules. Jackie knows them, but is shown to be really out of her element in the wilderness and trying to bring back normal societal rules into it (this will be a surprise tool that will help us later). Is Shauna going with her to Rutgers a naive wish on the basis of their friendship, or is it also so Jackie can have someone to scout and feel out all the social conventions for her? College means that a new playbook needs to be made, and it saves embarassment if you can base it on someone else.

Jackie assuming that Shauna would go along to Rutgers to be her roommate can very well be an expression of "this is my best friend and my sole, kind, understanding constant in my life, and I need her there with me in this unknown territory." College means starting over from scratch, and if we assume the manual-based functioning to be true, then Shauna's presence there to take cues from could help a lot to smooth out this transition.

On the other hand, this is of course the opportunity to drop some masking that Jackie might've been doing. Shauna being there could then very well work against her

My greatest argument, I think, is that you can see the entirety of Jackie's lil subplot of going after Travis as an example of how such a process backfires tremendously against her.

A little step-by-step:

Jackie is shown to give Shauna multiple chances to come clean about the Jeff Thing. Shauna doesn't, but Jackie still sticks around her.

Jackie proposes the plan to have some fun with Travis to Shauna. Shauna voices her thoughts about it, underlining that it would be a bad thing to do to Natalie.

This notion is repeated throughout the episode. Travis himself brings it up, the high group of hunters brings it up, Nat herself looks not too pleased at Jackie and Travis slow-dancing at doomcoming.

There's an interesting reverse happening once the hunter girls confront Jackie about having had sex with Travis. Everyone is out of their minds, so idk how well we can factor in that almost all of them proceed to go after Travis despite mentioning once again that "he's Natalie's".

Doomcoming is post journal discovery, yet quite some time has passed between that and the episode. Jackie makes some very obvious comments at Shauna to signal that She Knows, and the Travis plan is set up after that. Hooking up with Travis can serve the plainly stated "I'm not gonna die a virgin :/", but over the course of the episode, it also creates this whole new catalogue of reactions from the others. And all of these, in their defence of Natalie, would speak in favor of Jackie if the news would break that Shauna had sex with Jeff.

So at the end of Doomcoming, we can get some sort of list of "rules" that would apply out here in the wilderness appendix for the section on CHEATING

People can call dibs on someone, and those are to be respected

Acting like the "bigger person" by calling everyone out on how little value it has out here is not going to do you any favors

The group will react badly if you crossed a line in their eyes. Taking someone's boyfriend falls under that.

It's how she plays the fight with Shauna! Shauna wants to bring up that most problems were caused by Jackie hooking up with Travis, which Jackie follows with an uno-reverse card she now (thinks) she has in her hands

If I (Jackie) hook up with Nat's boyfriend (Travis), then the group takes Natalie's side. Therefore, if Shauna hooked up with my boyfriend, then they should take my side.

And it goes so bad! Shauna outplays her by making the whole fight not about the cheating, but about their friendship as a whole, which Jackie has been viewing way differently and blinded than Shauna and the others. There's plenty of moments of Jackie "not reading the room" and either waving it off as the others being party-poopers or a lil mishap of her own.

Of course the big difference is that Jackie isn't really awkward in the highschool setting. She won homecoming queen for a reason, has many people looking up to her, and Coach Martinez probably made her captain for similar reasons. I guess what I'm going for with what's provided in Doomcoming is that Jackie lacks that "reading the room" skill (we can see it a number of times with Shauna in the pilot. In particular I'd say the Rutgers discussion, the boob dress, and telling Jeff to drop her off first) but makes up for it a lot by having a sort of manual of how to act in certain situations.

She's not seeing how Shauna might feel about her constant input on things. She's not seeing that others might orchestrate stuff outside of her knowledge. Nobody ever outright goes head-to-head with Jackie until the wilderness, and on good grounds there. If rescue isn't coming, we go to the body of water that's just been discovered. But the crash site is (ironically) safe. Whatever might happen if we leave it behind for something we're not even sure of?

It also doesn't look like Jackie has any (good) friends outside of Shauna. Might come with their years long codependence that nobody even wants to put themselves into, but also that with a captain position/being a generally popular high school student, she might not seem as approachable on a personal level. Jackie does make herself very open, and she's shown to be able to set up brief but very attentive conversations (Allie, Mari, Misty) but beyond that on a superficial level, there's not someone who she turns to when she suspects Shauna of something. Shauna's very obvious other friend is of course Taissa, but there's nobody out in the wilderness like that for Jackie.

and for some random bits:

Verbal stuff! The Beaches quote is peak, because who else would drop a line like that in such a moment. If Jackie's lying about not quoting it, then it does really speak of it being a hyper-focus movie (and we can also discuss why Shauna can recognize the movie from just the one line). But I think the possibility of it just being one of those phrases that you whip out like a vine quote, even if you've forgotten the origins of it

Presentation and maybe textures! Her luggage lacking skirts/dresses is… yeah. She wears a dress at the party in the woods and going to school with Shauna in the pilot episode, but besides the doomcoming dress, that's it. The article that says that while the others are already sharing clothes, Jackie sticks to her own wardrobe OR borrows some thing from Shauna (shoutout to the Doomcoming flannel!)

[m-7905]

die Frage der Fragen ist und bleibt, was ist mit Mara Henirich passiert... ABER eine andere Frage die ich mir Stelle ist:

Hat Pia adhd? Es scheinen ja echt viele in diesem Fandom den Headcanon zu haben, dass Pia adhd hat (see hier) und ich weiß nicht ob alle anderen da ne wirklich feste Begründung für haben, oder das nur ein Gefühl solely based on vibes oder so ist...

Tbh weiß ich selber nicht so ganz woher dieser headcanon bei mir genau kommt... (me lore: people with adhd keep assuming i have an adhd diagnosis even though i do not have a diagnose und ich finde neuro divergency und pyscholgy mega interessant und les da ganz viel drüber (not qualified to do anytging but like I'm doing it anygays unterm cut))

Was zeigt Pia?

-Pia denkt über vieles aus mehreren Perspektiven nach, kombiniert schnell Dinge, kann sich aber auch in einigen Gedanken festfahren, in ihrem Kopf schenit einiges los zu sein. ich kann mir schon vorstellen, das sie auch haufig nicht komplett coherent thoughts hat die unkontrolliert von dem einem zu dem anderen Thema hüpfen aber das ist nur eine Vermutung, Beweise dafür gibt es nicht...

- Pia kommt ganz gut in Stresssituationen klar, ja das ist Teil von ihrem Job und sollte in der Ausbildung geschult worden sein, aber oft sind leute mt adhd gut für jobs mit vielen Stresssituatioen (Bsp: Rettungssanitäter) geeignet und natruals darin, würd schon sagen, dass das zu Pia passt (see here allgemein der ganze Artikel ehrlich gesagt, passt irgendwie alles ganz gut auf Pia finde ich...)

- Pia scheint eine gewisse innnere Unruhe zu haben, sie will immer irgednwas zu tun haben, sorgt dafür das sie immer was zu tun hat in dem sie Stunden lang im Archiv nach Spuren sucht, die die anderen als unwahrscheinlich oder abwegig halten... dafür gibt es definitv auch einfach die Erklärung das Pia unbedingt die Wahrheit herausfinden will um Gewissheit zu erreichen (etwas das sie selbst nicht hat weil Maras Fall immernoch ungelöst ist...) und nach mehreren stunden Sitzen kann Bewegungsdrang auch durchaus vorkommen

- Pia schläft nicht, lenkt sich aktiv von ihren eigenen Gedanken ab, überschreibt diese mit den Inhalten von Akten und co

-isst und Trinkt zu unregelmäßigen Zeiten, hat keine Routine, ja das kannn einfach vom Schichtdienst kommen, aber könnte halt auch an adhd liegen

Ist es denn adhd?

-> keine Ahnung, ich halte es für möglich ABER ich glaube nicht das Pia nur adhd hat

Adhd kommt selten allein oder wie auch immernoch das Sprechwort geht....

Adhd kommt häufig in Verbindung mit anderem vor, so haben viele Leute adhd und anxiety, adhd und depression, adhd und autism, oft ist dies allerdings garnichtmal so gut auseinader zuhalten, da sich einige Symptome/ Eigenschaften überlappen und nicht unbdingt spezifisch sind.

Selbstsabotage?

Pia meint sie denkt ständig darüber nach das sie sterben könnte, das klingt mMn schon nicht mehr nach normaler Angst sondern eher nach Zwangsgedanken im Zuge einer anxiety und auch einges der oben gelisteten Eigenschaften würde zu anxiety passen...

Alernativ wurd ich von @karin-in-action auf den Gedankengang gebracht, das es auch sein könnte, das Pia quasi self sabotages und so in eine Abwärtsspirale fällt:

Pia schläft und isst nicht ordentlich

Pia wird unkonzentriert

Pias genral health status sinkt (mental and physical)

Pia lenkt sich von ihren Gedanken ab

Pia schläft nicht

Pia Arbeitet zu viel

Pia isst und Trinkt nicht ordentlich

Pia wird schlapp und unkonzentriet

Pia macht sich stress, weil sie die 43 Akten nicht schneller durchgeforstet hat

Pias mental health sinkt

Pia schläft nicht

Pias kollegen bitten sie darum zu schlafen, so übermüdet ist sie eine Gefahr für ihre Kollegen

Pia nimmt Ritalin, damit ihre Erschöpfung nicht auffällt, sie noch mehr leisten kann

Pia isst und Trinkt nicht

Pias Körper hat genug

Pia will weiter machen

Pia will die Antwort finden, in Maras Fall und in allen anderen

Pia schläft nicht

Selbstsabotage kommt häufig bei Leuten vor, die nicht denken das sie es verdienen glücklich zu sein, ein geringes Selbstbewusstsein oder Angst (vor Versagen oder unbekanntem) haben und kann als eine Art der Selbstbestrafung oder -verletzung funktionieren, auch das kann ich mir bei Pia gut vorstellen, sie hat (auch wenn sie es gegnüber Carla anders gesagt hat) ja scheinbar doch einige Schuldgefühle da Mara noch immer vermisst ist und nicht bei ihr ist... und über Angst haben wir ja schon gesprochen... Pias Selbstbewusstsein geht es ganz gut würde ich sagen, wobei ich schon glaube das Maras verschwinden (falls weggelaufen) doch auch etwas daran gekartzt hat (war sie nicht genug? warum ist mara nicht zu ihr gekommen? wie hat pia es nicht bemerkt das mara abhauen will? wie konnte mara pia alleine zurück lassen? etc.) und das ganze auch nur ein Maske sein hinter der sich Pia versteckt genau so wie die ganzen "mir geht es gut" "ich hab nur nicht genug gegessen/trunken" "ich hab alles im Griff" Antworten auf die Fragen ihrer Kolleg*innen...

You get the point...

riddance:

ich brauch ne Szene von Pia in Therapy

[hyperlexichypatia]

Please explain the relationship between HIPAA and second wave feminists being ok with calling adults girl

Okay, but you must understand that this is truly my most unhingéd, crack-est opinion that I would generally reserve for High Rambling. If I were a vlogger, I would be saying it in my car. I do not have "evidence" or "logic" or "a coherent argument." You cannot hold this against my actual thoughtful arguments that I promise I also have, because this is not one. But. Okay. If you still want to read my unhingéd crack. Here goes.

So, for most of the 20th century, it was colloquially common to call adult women "girls," and this was part of a pattern of women being infantilized and treated as children, and a big part of second-wave feminism in the 1970s was pushing back on that infantilization, including insisting that adult women be called "women" instead of "girls." Right? Right. But then by the 1990s/2000s, many of those same feminists were openly calling women "girls" and using infantilizing language (like dismissing women voters as "girls trying to impress boys"). What changed?

Now obviously the most obvious explanation, and undoubtedly biggest factor, in this shift is just the passage of time and ageing. The older people get, in general, the more they tend to infantalize younger people. Somebody in their 20s in the '70s would be in their 50s by the '00s. They might have grown children of their own. This is the logical explanation. Okay.

But also...

Until the 1990s, the status of patients' rights to medical privacy, autonomy, and decision-making in general was, well, abysmal. A lot of people who grew up in the post-HIPAA era don't realize the extent of it -- they think the laws around medical privacy were just codification of what was already an established cultural and ethical norm. And of course it was worse for women, people of color, disabled people, poor people, queer people, etc, but honestly, even for a straight white abled middle-class man, it wasn't that great. Doctors would tell patients' families a patient's diagnosis and tell them to lie to the patient about it! Doctors would go around in public talking about Mrs. Smith's gallstones! There were some ethical guidelines around privacy, but patients had no real recourse to enforce them.

'70s feminists somewhat supported medical freedom and privacy as part of women's rights -- like, they opposed the common practice of doctors bringing a woman in for a biopsy and just scooping out some organs while you're in there -- but they also weren't especially pro-privacy or pro-autonomy in general, and were generally sex-negative, transphobic, etc. We know this.

When patients' right to privacy became legally codified (HIPAA being the most prominent example), privacy rights were primarily defined based on age. Thus why "parents rights" advocates were outraged! That minors could have privacy rights for reproductive healthcare (but depending on the state, not for any other kind of healthcare!). See, prior to that time, "adulthood" as a status didn't necessarily confer a medical right to privacy.

(I'm actually working on writing something longer with actual thought and evidence and logic about the social construction of the "age of majority" and how it's not necessarily meaningful to talk about different times/contexts having a "higher" or "lower" age of majority without unpacking what that meant at that time... but this is not that. This is unhinged crack.)

And... around that time... you just... quietly... heard less and less about "Don't call adult women 'girls'" and more about "Influences on Our Girls."

So I guess the actual grain of theory behind my rambling, if directly stated, would be: As "adulthood" became ontologically defined as conferring an individual right to medical privacy, the authoritarian wings of the feminist movement quietly rescinded the claim that women are "adults."

I guess I could've framed this around Lawrence v Texas and sexual autonomy rather than medical privacy, but I happened to be thinking about HIPAA at the time.

Anyway, bet you're sorry you asked, huh?

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

hi hope this is not too invasive, but we are also a system (we suspect DID, but we got no formal diagnosis) and were wondering about your system discovery journey? idk we know it took us way too long to figure out that we were a system/multiple/plural - we kinda just assumed that everyone was like us. same with being autistic - we are not diagnosed, but we heavily suspect it now after family and friends pointing out that we might be and we did some research. we just thought it was how all humans felt 😅

It is a quite recent discovery for me, especially because the type of dissociation I experience is more so based on gaps in memory, identity and narrative than in us being "different people in one body." We're all just different aspects of the same person. And due to the dissociative gaps, it took me a long while to realize that dissociation is even happening. Because when stuck in one parts narrative I don't really recall the other narratives. That being said, the way I switch in how I view, narrate and remember myself and my life has always caused some degree of confusion, and what made me realize what's going on was a couple conversations with loved ones that finally had me interrogating why I don't have a coherent narrative of my life. That had me sitting down to define the five different narratives I tend to default to, and realizing what's going on with me in this area has been very eye-opening and useful

[acertainmoshke]

Okay now that I've gotten to do the surprise book review bit, 7 Days for Fae questions

What was the process of getting the cover like/where did the cover come from?

This is such a dumb question, but font size. Do I just read books with tiny fonts or did you make your font bigger than normal. If so, was that intended as an accessibility thing?

Where did the idea from this book come start? Like, there are a lot of moving pieces (Brownie, Aunt Lana, the school stuff) and I'm curious if you started with one of them and expanded outward or something different.

Did you ever behind-the-scenes decide which Zelda game Brownie was playing? Totally cool if not, but as someone who played a lot of Zelda on her 3DS, I was curious

I'm curious where fairy theming with Fae came from? It's such a cool part of her identity and personality and stuff and I'm curious where that idea came from. If that makes sense as a question.

Oh wow, Heartshaven, thank you!! These questions are so great! I don't get to talk about this story much because I was almost done drafting it when I started this blog, so this is my chance!

One: The cover. I use getcovers.com, which sounds shady af but is in fact not. Their covers are cheap because these use cheaply (or free?) licensed images and put them together in kind of a...collage thing? None of that is how to say it right, but they basically photoshop a cover you can legally make money off of, which is cool. You go in with an idea in mind and pay differing amounts based on if you need a back cover for physical books and how many images it uses. I've done this for almost all my books, actually, even the ones that won't need them for years. I like visuals.

Two: The font was definitely bigger than normal, which was 90% because that was what the formatting pages suggested for kids books and 10% because I was fighting with formatting and kept having blank pages because the page break itself took up a line so I may have made it one size bigger to stop that.

Three: This book's story is...different. Usually I have an idea floating around for ages as daydreams, like I'm playing with dolls, and eventually plan it into something coherent. This one wasn't even an idea. It just happened. But you have to understand a few things: it was 2020 (self explanatory), I had just moved out of my parents' house for the first time (...don't do the math on how old that made me, I've always been a little behind), I was a senior in college (overwhelmed constantly so that I was barely learning anything, just trying to pass), and despite knowing for almost a decade had just decided to get an autism diagnosis.

Suddenly I was writing this story to deal with how I was never accommodated as a little autistic kid, and the way my parents treated me, and it was a wish fulfillment. And then I needed a b-plot and hadn't made Fae trans because that felt like too many things, so I made her parent trans. I was actually homeschooled until high school so the story isn't at all about me, but the vibes are what could my life have been like? I don't usually relate to books about autistic kids so I wanted one that was like me, and I never see my full disabled experience represented.

(Fun fact: in the first several drafts, Aunt Lana's name was my mom's middle name as a placeholder, which I think says a lot about how much stuff I had to work out)

I did change two major things when I projected onto Fae. First, I do have ataxia and based her symptoms on mine, but mine is episodic, ranging from a baseline of general clumsiness and poor balance to really bad spells of being barely able to walk, but often with spells in between, at the level I describe for Fae. But that is complicated for a short book, and I wanted it to be clear and understandable for kids, so I made hers consistent. I stretched reality here a little: episodic ataxia is one of the very few genetic kinds that is not progressive. But it's a story, so.

And second, I aged her down. I based her off of what I was like around 13. This is partly because an elementary school story is easier to tell than a middle school one, but also I know that despite being precocious I was emotionally young and on paper this story makes more sense for a slightly younger kid.

Four: I am so sorry, I know nothing about Zelda. I wanted a 3DS but never had one. We got a PS3 when I was like 16 and I played Batman on that and Diablo on the computer, but before that it was mostly PC games like Oregon Trail. Feel free to project whichever game you like.

Five: That was actually me. Mostly. As a kid who never felt like I belonged in the world I was in, I had a bit of a Fae obsession myself. Even more so when I learned about the changeling-autism connection. Cold Iron, my Fae book, has had some version in my head since I was like 14. It's just kind of my thing, between the beauty and terror and isolation and...well, and ice magic because I'm also overheating all the time.

Bonus fact no one asked for: The original story was called Fae and Brownie because I thought it might turn into a series where future books would be like Fae and Brownie Do Things. But several beta readers pointed out that he's one of several aspects in her life so it needed to be named something just centered around her.

Bonus fact again: One person thought it seemed like she was developing a crush when she commented on his hair but since the rest of the book didn't go there I should change that. I thought about it and decided not to because noticing sensory things and wanted to touch them isn't related to sexuality or romance for me, and since that's how I think that's how Fae gets to think.

Thank you, this was awesome!! I hope it isn't too long.

[the-indigo-symphony]

One day I will write an actual essay on this but. People. You cannot judge what a person's life is like with a mental condition just based on diagnostic shit. And I'm not talking about self-dx here, I'm talking about how diagnostic shit is meant to be a starting point, and probably doesn't accurately reflect the life of person in recovery for/working on managing that mental condition.

Hell, a lot of information passed around on mental conditions is based on this "starting point" for treatment, where not a lot has been done to help deal with them. You know why? Because they're designed for psychologists and psychiatrists looking for people who haven't had any treatment yet! A lot of what I've seen held up as "ultimate truths of the universe" for certain mental conditions are just signs that mental health professionals have picked up as red flags for diagnosing someone, or immediate problems they're meant to help with. They're not meant to describe the lives of people in recovery, they're meant to describe the lives of people before recovery, so that these professionals can identify and help them!!

Now, granted, these signs and diagnostic information are often limited, and far from cover all examples of what a person's life can be like before treatment. And of course, there's bias and failures in psychology and psychiatry when it comes to diagnosis and treatment. But the point is that you cannot base all your expectations of what a person's life is like with a disorder or condition on what is essentially the mental health version of a "before" picture. Stop that. People who have been working on treatment and recovery – whether on their own or through more professional routes – are not going to look like that before picture. They're going to look different, because they've had time to grow past that starting point and work on their issues.

I really hope this coherent, because I'm pretty sure this is the root of a lot of shit I've seen recently, and it really pisses me off.

Tldr; a lot of expectations on what mental conditions "look like" are not reflective of a person in the process of managing those conditions, because those expectations tend to be based on people before they begin managing their conditions. To expect the former to permanently behave like the latter is ridiculous.

[fleeting-sanity]

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The sunset was a cool shade of purple. Vyria’s lightsaber swings added streaks of blue to it, somehow quite relaxing to watch. But what was not relaxing to Riornivo was his chest. It wasn’t frequent, but everytime it constricted, it’s as if his blood got thicker and clotted, refusing to flow throughout his body. He tried his best to hide the suffering by closing his Jedi robes around his body, concealing his posture.

Which did the opposite instead. Vyria stopped abruptly, surprising her half-brother with a long jump to land next to him. 

“You’re sick. Let’s go.”

“I’m not. Even so, I can heal myself, remember?”

“But you haven’t. C’mon Spiky, agree with me just once,” as Vyria’s volume climbed, clearly upset. “Stop treating me like I’m less than you two. My words never seem to matter!”

“Ria!” Riornivo exclaimed, also upset and in pain. “Don’t say that. You’re never beneath anyone. Wh-I… I'm so sorry. I’m sorry you feel that way…” as he immediately lowered his voice, subduing his emotional response for a more empathetic point of view. She did just miss out on speaking to her father, and it hurt him to know that his sister was feeling that way.

“Then listen to me! I just want to help, damn.”

Vyria easily dragged her brother by the arm with her unnatural strength. Halfway towards the base, the constriction came back with a vengeance, causing Rio to writhe down to his knees. Vyria managed to quell her panic enough to call the base’s medical personnels, then resorted to carrying her tall brother in her arms for a faster trip. They met at the entrance, and Rio was then carried on a stretcher. The wounded Jedi couldn’t think straight, but the prime malady was in his mind: worrying the people around by seeing him that way. Vyria insisted on being next to her brother’s side, but she was barred entry to the emergency room.

The biological diagnosis yielded no results, but his pain could be seen physically. There was a dark core on his chest, and the doctors diagnosed it as a respiratory disease even though the medical data disagreed with them. Then came the Jedi healers. They dismissed the doctors for privacy, to which the doctors protested but relented.

“Looks like a classic dark side corruption, but… it should affect the mind too.” 

Rio confirmed his state of mind, grimacing when he recalled the moment of Valkorion’s occupancy in his mind becoming public knowledge. His sister peeking then entering the room reinforced this; the reason behind why he was so reluctant to let her know about his condition was the lack of obscurity. But he could never fault her for being the kind of Jedi who accepted help from others, unlike him. 

“Snowy… could you please call Lana here?”

This time, Vyria did not hesitate and sought out Lana right away. The golden-haired Sith arrived with an additional Sith: Lord Scourge. Lana quickly caught the meaning behind Rio’s facial expression, and it’s not about the pain he was experiencing. But before she could do something about it, Scourge voiced his intention. “I need this room emptied.”

“Let me guess: that includes me.” Vyria sneered.

“Yes.” 

“Snowy… it won’t be long.” Rio’s weak attempt at placating.

“You know that’s not why I’m–nevermind!” As Vyria huffed away with the rest of the Jedi healers. The feeling of hurting and reinforcing his sister’s insecurity competed against the physical pain, with his mind being the ultimate loser. He should have followed her advice of less combat, but how was he supposed to protect those who needed help without being there for them?

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. We need to do something about the wound he left.” Scourge stated. 

“Scourge told me about the battle. But you need something done first. Tell me.”  

He appreciated how direct Lana was, trying to fight off the pain for a coherent sentence. “Can you… uh… keep this--this… under wraps? I don’t want–agh!”

“Understood.”

He tried summoning a healing salve to dull the pain, but it was futile. “I don’t think you’re infected. But I just want to be sure. I’ve contacted some of my Sith acquaintances.”

“S-Sith–Scourge, I just- I just told Lana-”

“I know. I will deal with them after they do what they’re supposed to. You need help with a dark side wound–they know better.”

“No… please don’t. I…”

Talking to Scourge proved to worsen his condition, but before he could protest any further, another sharp pain took his consciousness away. He was caught completely off guard by how fast the wound progressed. His entire world plunged into darkness. Maybe it was death, but as much as he desired it, there were still others who needed him. Maybe he has fought for too long.

Perhaps Tenebrae finally got him.

But he wasn’t the only one who remembered the wound inflicted during the battle. It was witnessed by a number of people, and they all sought Riornivo out only to not see him. Because he was taken away from Odessen to seek other methods of healing after every attempt failed. He was no longer breathing, still as a statue with dark streams flowing through his veins. Rionnic paced back and forth next to his twin, looking disheveled and restless. 

“No, I can still feel him through the Force. You all do as well! I’m sure there’s other ways we can try. I’m not giving up on him.”

The young Emperor was the only one agitated, while the others were sullen and hopeless. Vyria revealed to him about their father’s spiritual visit, stating that the late Jedi wouldn’t appear if it wasn’t a dire circumstance. Kira suddenly stood up, then hurriedly exited the underground chamber of the ruined Dantooine Jedi temple. She returned with Satele and Scourge. The former was clouded with guilt but was more focused on trying to help her former student.

“... His body contained the infection. Which is why we can talk and own our minds. But that comes at a cost. I… unfortunately exhausted all avenues known to me.” Scourge lamented. His successor interjected with his own idea.

“Can’t we do that… mind trip again? We purge the corruption away from him.”

“Vitiate is no more, as you can feel it through the Force. This is corruption on its own, without its master, without cure.”

“I might know someone…” Satele stated in a doubtful tone. All eyes were on her. “But he might need a few days to get here.”

And those days passed with Vaylin feeling cautiously endeared from meeting her little nieces. But that high slowly washed away with a feeling of uncertain anxiety. Deep down, she knew why. Guilt raced its way to the top of her mind. Her feet mindlessly brought her out of the ship, while her ears tuned out her surroundings. 

That Jedi. She remembered the moment they shared in that ultimate battle. But she also remembered how she cradled him, and he had never looked worse. Worry and longing joined the mix of emotions, resulting in her wanting to act on it. And the guilt?

It was because she prioritized her own misgivings over his well being, which was irrational. He would have wanted her to take care of herself, whether mentally or physically. If she had not gone to Ord Mantell, she wouldn't have met her delightful nieces.

She applied yet another disguise and bid farewell to Chonky. Serrus should arrive soon enough to watch over her pet gizka. She wasn't sure how much longer or how well she could keep her existence secret. But the image of Rio being tossed aside towards death’s door kept rewinding in her mind, and it has been a few days. Most importantly; albeit an unrealized fact, was that she missed him. 

Onwards to Odessen, no matter how daunting it would be.

Serrus gave her a tip that a patrol squad of Knights would switch their station for the weekly cycle between Zakuul and Odessen. When asked about why there was an extra Knight in the squad, she bluffed about a classified delivery for the Emperor. She lowered her voice register as best as she could, and ditched her accent. To her surprise, it worked.

“It’s probably something for his son,” as the Knight next to her tapped a finger on the small box she was showing. 

“Yeah, seems pretty lightweight. Let’s go, I wouldn’t wanna be late for the Emperor.” Vaylin added. The box's actual content was a civilian disguise should she need a change. Seconds later, the shuttle departed from Zakuul to the planet she invaded not too long ago. When they landed at the military base, at first she followed the squad’s route to get inside the base, then they were required to split up into sections. That was her chance.

“I understand… it’s okay to cry it out, Ria. Then you can rest. I know you’re really tired,” consoled the blue twi’lek girl she had tried to murder back then.

“I just… I’m sick of seeing him on his deathbed. But this time I feel something’s different…” cried the silver-haired girl that dueled her aboard Arcann’s exploding battlecruiser. His sister.

Deathbed? Were they talking about him? However, before she could eavesdrop any further; “Hold on, who’s there?”

Vaylin quickly retreated while subsequently apologizing. The conversation planted a spiking feeling across her body, and that image of him dying resurfaced. Her steps became aimless, so much so that she failed to pay attention to a whole man bumping into her. The man immediately recognized her through the disguise. “What are you doing here?”

“I… I-I was-” Vaylin stuttered, but her brother quickly pulled her away for more privacy.

“You’re here for him isn’t it?” Arcann asked gently.

“What happened to him?”

Arcann was quiet. He then turned around with an apologetic smile, clearly trying to carefully construct his words around her. Even behind the Knight helmet, he could sense the anxiety seeping out of his sister. “He’s now at Dantooine. I know you remember the battle. We’re trying to… treat him. He’s… hmm… he’s asleep.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“You would seek him out and risk being uncovered. Which is exactly what you’re doing now.”

She failed to come up with a counter to that. But that didn't deter her from wanting to see him, and frankly, she felt a little offended. "Maybe I'm tired of sneaking around. I want to be in your shoes, walking around freely after everything you did." 

Arcann felt the venom of her tongue. Rather than continuing the conversation and probably riling his sister up, he shrugged, offering a parting proposition.

"I'm about to go visit him. If you're coming, that means I'd have to reveal your identity to them, because he is strictly guarded..." as he shook his head, bracing for the next sentence, regretting how hard it was to not make Vaylin upset. "His twin might not grant you entry."

Said evil twin however, was shocked upon discovering who Satele and Scourge was bringing in to help. Vyria trailed them closely with such a haggard expression, far removed from her usual upbeat self. It was an elderly man wearing robes known to Rionnic, bringing war flashbacks and building up his Sith rage.

“You’ve clearly lost your mind.”

“Perhaps, but I feel he is the best bet we have… much as I doubt it. Ultimately, the decision is yours.” Satele lamented, while leaving the chamber with Scourge.

“You’re going to turn him into a Dread Master again, aren't you?” Rionnic threatened by pointing his crimson saber at the man, faster than the speed of sound.

“Red-Red… Please, listen-listen–I don’t care as long as he’s… he’s alive!” pleaded Vyria, shakily.

"You watched him get corrupted and that's what you had to say?"

"Be a little selfish! You're Sith! Your nemesis is your master!" As Vyria tearfully marched towards Rionnic's lightsaber blade, continuing her desperation in a calmer manner. "You said you're not giving up on him."

Which made Rionnic’s arm drop, and his lightsaber turned off. 

“Hurry. Time is a fleeting concept.” The man finally spoke, startling both siblings.

Rionnic was a family man. His brother might have caused endless problems with his stupidity, but he couldn’t imagine not seeing that smile ever again. There was definitely guilt for letting Vyria work almost alone on finding their brother in the five years Riornivo was in carbonite, while he was busy searching for his own family. He slowly walked towards his twin, laying a hand on his face, cold and lifeless. Vyria’s hand joined his, forming a cup caressing their beloved brother. Both siblings's eyes met for a non-verbal agreement. The chamber was emptied except for Riornivo and the former Dread Master.

“Children these days.”

The old man began levitating Riornivo’s body by controlling his Architect Wings, forming a makeshift cradle to support his posture. He further examined the wound, then reached deep into the Force to rewind his patient’s past actions. The battle inside Satele’s mind, the spiritual visit, the encounters with Malgus, but what made him shake his head was what he did during the invasion of Odessen. It gave him a clear cause of the situation. He then meditated for a while, preparing himself for the task at hand.

And thus Calphayus donned his Dread Master crest once more.

[prying-pandora666]

My Azula Diagnosis Analysis Part 1: Schizophrenia

As the master post I wrote was too long, I’ve divided it into parts. Find them all here.

Sick of bad armchair diagnosis for Azula? Me too! So in this thread let’s discuss Azula’s most commonly “diagnosed” illnesses and disorders, and find out what she actually meets the criteria for, if any.

First off, the least contested: Is Azula schizophrenic?

Schizophrenia Claims

—Azula suffers auditory and visuals hallucinations of her mother

—Azula is generally off during the end of the show, unable to even dress herself or walk straight.

So Does Azula Have Schizophrenia?

Schizophrenia can present in a number of ways. People are all different. But diagnostically significant symptoms include:

—Delusions: Not to be confused with hallucinations. This has more to do with false beliefs not based in reality. Azula never displays these in The Show. She displays them inconsistently in The Search, and then not at all in Smoke and Shadow.

—Hallucinations: Azula displays auditory and visual hallucinations in The Show when under intense duress. In The Search they crop up randomly, seemingly without any triggers or environmental factors, and disappear entirely just as quickly. It’s not a great portrayal. They are absent in Smoke and Shadow, by Azula’s own admission.

—Disorganized Thinking: Different from delusions. It’s not about the thoughts just being false, but rather that they’re not coherent. They might not connect, might not make sense, or might be complete gibberish. Azula never demonstrates this. Even at her most unbalanced, she retains a high level of coherency.

—Disorganized Speech: The same as above but with her speech. Azula never displays this. Even at her most ill, her speech is clear and possesses an internal logic.

—Abnormal Motor Behavior: Azula demonstrated this at the very end of The Show but never again. In The Search she has enough body control to predict how flexible she would get after being chi-blocked and used this to escape. She pulls off several physical feats with precision. She just doesn’t seem to have this symptom beyond her initial breakdown, which makes it seem like it was a product of her breakdown and not an ongoing illness.

—Negative Symptoms: The things that are lacking, such as a flat effect when speaking, avoiding eye contact, neglecting hygiene, etc. Azula never shows any of these. She’s a disordered mess, with her hair and lipstick all over the place, but she’s still making an effort to groom herself rather than neglecting it.

Conclusion: Azula does not suffer from schizophrenia.

Azula seems to have had a mental break which temporarily produced psychotic symptoms, but which gradually reduced as she recovered.

The comics aren’t a good portrayal of mental illness and are at odds with what we see at the end of the show, at times. But even within the context of the show, there isn’t enough to diagnose Azula with such a serious mental illness.

[cartoonscientist]

unpopular opinion but I think relegating schizophrenia to the status of a terminal illness or something and not allowing schizos to make reclamatory jokes or post pride/positivity messages because it “trivializes a serious condition” is well intentioned but ultimately leads to maintaining the current level of stigma and isolation that people on the schizo spectrum face

yes, it can be a hellish and disabling condition, but just like the autism spectrum, that’s what it is: a spectrum. erasing the thousands of schizo patients who can use the internet, socialize with others, and coherently advocate for themselves doesn’t help us feel better about ourselves or achieve greater support and freedom in society. pushing the narrative that people with schizo spectrum DXes always hide away in shame and fear and keep their diagnosis a secret only encourages people to think of us as less adult and less human.

honestly, I want to live on an internet where you can post a gifset of your fave and be like “I can just FEEL the schizophrenia radiating off of them” and have that understood as positive and a statement of empathy and identification rather than a cruel meme-based gag

[dreamcast641]

Weak Minds

note: it is time that I make public this short fanfic I wrote with my two OCs. It was supposed to be a rp start but it never took off. I'm not good at writing, at all and this is my first stuff that I put in public. So sorry for my english.

Characters: Claire Ekaterina Makarova, Dmitry Vasilij Makarov, a random D-class Word counting: 2920 Fandom: SCP foundation Warnings: Medical reports, suicide, PTSD, panic attack, graphic description of violence, gore drawing at the end

''D-4022 appears as a white male of Caucasian ancestry no less than 40 years old, approximately 5'7 tall and weighing 163 lbs.

Neil Harden, stated name of Class D subject, was inmate on death row in Marin County, California, from ████ to ████following his sentence given on ████████ at ████ time for the murder of first degree to the detriment of his wife Melanie Frank and the newborn child.

Neil Harden was voluntarily transferred to Site 5C, following an offer to work with the foundation in exchange for his life.''

—---------------------

*Dmitry put the paper away and with his fingers slid it to the far corner of the desk in front of him. He bent his back to the right, down slightly to pick up a stack of scribbled papers placed on the drawer just below him.*

—----------------------------

''Data of the exam: ████

Time of the exam: 3:01:09 PM

Patient Name: D-4022 (Neil Harden)

Patient number: 100000205659743

Neil shows symptoms of generalized anxiety, depression and, as stated by Neil, has frequent panic attacks in work circumstances as well as muscle tension in the neck and shoulders. Neil said he often felt irritable and had difficulty concentrating. Also declared hypervigilance and feeling tired for no apparent reason.

Therapy content: The patient today told his life in general, focusing on what prompted him to commit the murder for which he was sentenced to capital punishment. Neil said he felt anxious about the future: ''I feel hopeless, I never know what awaits me when I walk through the door of those cells. Waiting for my premeditated death in the row was less excruciating than this''. Feelings of guilt were expressed.

Therapeutic Intervention: The main focus of this first therapy session was general knowledge of the patient in charge. No therapy has been prescribed at the moment.

Diagnosis: The following diagnosis is based on initial information given by the patient, it may change with other sessions.

Generalized anxiety disorder, f41.1(ICD-10) (active).

Instructions/recommendations/plan:

Return 2 weeks later or sooner if requested and permitted by director ████████ ████

Time spent in counseling: 30 min.

Session start: 3.00pm

Session end: 3.30pm

Dmitry Vasili Makarov, Medical Department.'' ------------------------------------------------------

''Data of the exam: ████

Time of the exam: 4:30:10 PM

Patient Name: D-4022 (Neil Harden)

Patient number: 100000205659743

Neil returned two weeks later for his second session. Generalized anxiety symptoms continue to be described. Neil continues to complain of increasingly recurring physical fatigue, he also adds the appearance of trembling, confusion, nightmares and declares that he hears ''a loud ringing similar to a vintage telephone''. Hypervigilance and increasingly frequent panic attacks, even after the working day.

Content of therapy: The patient talked about the problems encountered during the week. Neil says he has never experienced such physical problems and has no idea where they came from or what could have caused them.

Mental State: Neil is irritable and distracted due to constant missing hours of sleep. He struggles to generate smooth, coherent, uninterrupted speech. Pieces of his story appear to have changed and undisclosed details have surfaced last week. Neil claims to have served in the U.S. military from ████ to ████, permanently retired on ████ of ███████.

He has auditory hallucinations. Suicidal ideas have not been denied, often the patient contemplates premature death. No homicidal idea declared. More and more recurring feelings of guilt.

Therapeutic Intervention: This session focused on addressing the patient's sleep and anxiety issues. Ventilation was requested several times during the session to make the speech more coherent and easier to understand. Methods to reduce stress and to have a regular sleep cycle were discussed with the patient.

Diagnosis: The following diagnosis is based on initial information given by the patient, it may change with other sessions.

Generalized anxiety disorder, f41.1(ICD-10) (active).

Possible PTSD

Instructions/recommendations/plan:

Return 2 weeks later or sooner if requested and permitted by director ████████ ████

Blood tests and neurological tests are required to rule out any pathologies (e.g. brain tumor.)

Time spent in counseling: 1 h

Session start: 4.30pm

Session end: 5.30pm

Dmitry Vasili Makarov, Medical Department.—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Data of the exam: ████

Time of the exam: 2:31:00 PM

Patient Name: D-4022 (Neil Harden)

Patient number: 100000205659743

The patient returned to the office just one week after the last session with permission from the director (redacted). He claims that he needs immediate psychiatric intervention as he cannot sleep due to frequent nightmares encountered during sleep. He states auditory hallucination still present, possible visual hallucinations found. Fatigue, confusion, trembling, hypervigilance still present. Experienced frequent mood swings.

Therapy content: Neil brought more details of his military career in the US Army. He claimed he saw the ''horrors of war'' and lived in a prison camp in Iran from ████ to ████ and saw many (redacted) done to his comrades including ████████ with consequent ████████ and ████████████.

Mental State: In today's session neil was agitated, irritable, not fully communicative as he would stop to cry or stare at a vague spot in the corner of the office. The volume of his voice was high because, as claimed by the patient, ''I can't hear it with all this noise in my ears'' which often led the patient to request several times the questions posed by myself. Suicidal ideas were confirmed by the patient, frequent times when he contemplates his end. More recurring guilt feelings with the occurrence of auditory hallucinations. He claims to see and hear a female figure holding a newborn baby just a few days old. The patient suspects that his deceased wife is tormenting him from beyond the grave.

Therapeutic Intervention: Today's session focused on digging deeper into Neil's soldiering past. The details proved useful in diagnosing PTSD for the war. Prescribed citalopram as initial drug therapy. The patient presented the prescribed neurological examinations. No physical problems detected.

Diagnosis: The following diagnosis is based on initial information given by the patient, it may change with other sessions.

Generalized anxiety disorder, f41.1(ICD-10) (active).

Post traumatic stress disorder, f43.1 (DSM-5) (active)

Instructions/recommendations/plan:

Return 2 weeks later or sooner if requested and allowed by the director (redacted)

Requested surveillance of subject for suicidal thoughts expressed during session.

Citalopram prescribed.

Time spent in counseling: 1:30 H

Session started: 2:30 PM

Finished session: 4:00 PM

Dmitry Vasili Makarov, Medical department.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------Site 5c hallways

He suddenly stopped as soon as he saw that he was only a few steps away from meeting the woman in that long silent corridor. He knew the risks he was running with what he was about to do and how much she would not have thought twice about putting an end to the his existence, armed to the teeth like how she was, but he had reached his limit: Guilt for what he had done and the memories of his past were eating at him like a parasite does with its host. His only way out of his mind and from that place seemed like one and only one, he didn't care if she had killed him or if he had succeeded in his intent and leave as he wanted.

He whirled around after dismissing further thoughts, ran after the soldier who was now only a few meters away and threw himself on her. One of his hands firmly gripped the rifle barrel resting on her back as the other tried to yank away the cloth strap that held the weapon attached to her armor.

<<DROP IT!>>

Claire managed to exclaim as much as she felt her lungs straining to catch what little oxygen was passing through her windpipe. Both rows of her teeth gripped tightly on the tops and her voice became lower and darker than it was.

The strap had suddenly lifted from her chest and landed on her neck, both of them pulling in completely different directions. The more Claire tried to bring the rifle back on her through the fabric with which it was bound, the more he pulled back, each time harder and harder and more insistent. <<Fuck...>>

He murmured, feeling his fingers burn from the effort, he released his grip on her belt allowing Claire to breathe normally. But she didn't have time to react that his hands, before on the barrel, slid rapidly over the trigger as he ducked sharply, placing his temple as close to the tip as possible. The forefinger pressed against the cold metal of the weapon and a loud booming sounded through the whole corridor.

It all happened so fast that it took Claire nearly two full minutes to process what had just happened.

The few noises she could hear, such as the constant hum of the white lights that illuminated the corridor, were muffled and overlaid by an annoying whistling due to the dangerous proximity of her ears to the rifle barrel when the d-class subject had pressed the trigger.

She turned slowly, her first instinct was to touch her face. Something thick and liquid was dripping from her skin, wetting her gloved fingers.

She looked down, her hand covered in warm blood and she almost winced as her eyes focused on what she glimpsed between the slits that separated the fingers with eachother:

The man who, until a few minutes ago was attacking her, lay motionless on the ground. His body barely moved, taken by the convulsions of the sudden impact caused by the weapon.

His orange clothes began to soak with vermilion blood coming from his now almost non-existent head of which she could see fragments of brain matter scattered throughout the area. Some of it had even hit her, the metal walls and the ceiling of the corridor.

Claire didn't know how to react, her legs felt paralyzed in place as if her feet were stuck to the ground with super glue. She could feel her heartbeat rumbling all over her chest until it reached her throat, she had to swallow several times to get that nagging feeling out of her.

Deaths inside the foundation were the order of the day, not a week went by that someone was torn to pieces by who knows what dangerous creature just to be able to contain it. Yet it didn't explain why her body was feeling shock at that moment. Maybe witnessing someone take their own life like that was…different? She almost felt empathy for that laboratory guinea pig, whose mere existence and thinking about what crime he had committed deserved the death sentence and therefore the possibility of working with the foundation with the false promise of freedom they would never see made her stomach turn. 

She felt her head weigh down on her shoulders from too many questions that were traveling lightning inside her mind.

A familiar voice tho brought her back down to earth.

<<What a disaster, tsk tsk.>>

Dmitry shook his head in disappointment as his cold eyes scanned the scene before him. In his sarcastic tone you could almost hear a slight smug chuckle.

Claire raised her head, hearing her brother's wet footsteps stop suddenly in front of her, the two separated only by the man's corpse.

<<and yet I told him to do it without getting too dirty. What a pity>>

She couldn't understand what he was blabbering about, did he know the man? She deduced that he was one of his patients but there was something strange in her brother's words, as if he already knew what had happened or at least he already anticipated it.

<<Do you know him?>>

She murmured, interrupting that sort of monologue Dmitry was having with himself.

<< Neil was one of my patients, he came weekly to my office for a follow-up visit. You know, apparentely even the class d staff can ask for it... >>

Dmitry smiled slightly.

<<...shame that the therapy didn't go as he hoped.>>

He shrugged. The two continued to stare straight into each other's eyes and Dmitry almost seemed pleased by his sister's reaction, he could see the terror in her grayish eyes as she realized what her brother had done. She had guessed that he was responsible for the death of Neil and, perhaps, also other people that she had known in the past who had died under unknown circumstances, such as the head of the internal security department:

A totally healthy old man despite his age who, out of the blue, found himself on the hospital bed, emaciated and dying. He didn't even remember his name.

Doctors blamed dementia, a common disease for elderly people like him.

The command passed to claire who in turn gave it to her brother, she still remembered how his eyes lit up when she shook his hand after handing over the level 4 security key.

<<Did you kill him too?>>

Claire asked, her voice shaking from her.

<<He who?>>

Dmitry turned his head slightly to the side, letting his long white hair fall back onto his sweater. There were many who he had eliminated for one reason or another, just as many were those who he had visited in dreams. Site 5c staff were not left out.

<<The old boss. It wasn't dementia that killed him, was it? H- he was healthy the day before ... >>

<<Maybe, he didn't have that much left to live anyway.>>

Dmitry's arrogant tone was scaring her. She was fond of that old man despite the hard training she had to undergo for years to become the woman she is today.

<<I needed some documents. Our papers… and he wasn't going to give them to me. >> <<It took you so little?...>>

Dmitry didn't answer, just looked her up and down. Claire's eyes widened slightly already knowing the answer. Having nothing more to say, he stepped over the corpse lying in front of him. In the distance they could hear some guards approaching the scene, alerted by the gunshot.

He calmly passed his sister without even glancing at her and walked towards the end of the corridor, disappearing behind the metal door that separated one section from the next, leaving behind a long trail of bloody footprints.

He left Claire alone, frightened and trembling in the middle of a pool of blood. A shiver shot down her spine, finally realizing what had been happening in front of her nose for years, that she had been warned by many but that the love she felt for her brother had made her blinded. She felt weak, helpless and above all a complete idiot. She's an idiot for covering for Dmitry for years despite the constant verbal abuse she was subjected to. The realization that he hated her was destroying her internally, she felt her heart ache from how much it was weighing on her. She had to put a hand on her chest to squeeze it, her heartbeat quicken, her tears moisten thar scared eyes of her.

She had to start breathing through her mouth, she felt like dying, the air missing from her lungs.

<<Everything okay?>>

One of the guards who had just arrived at h

the scene asked under his helmet, gripping her wrist gently to make sure she was alright. Claire jerked her hand away, starting to back away.

She wanted to get away, find a hidden place to calm down. She didn't want to appear like that in front of so many people.

She turned and ran in the direction of the same door her brother had passed through and threw herself to the floor, curling up in the corner of the room still with her hand clutching her heart.

She couldn't understand anything anymore, she wasn't paying attention to what was around her. Her head was exploding, she was shaking and never before had she felt so scared.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incident Report ████/████

Incident report ID#:4022

Summary: The incident started when D-4022 assaulted agent Claire Ekaterina Makarova to take her weapon to commit suicide.

The reasons for the gesture are unknown but it is suspected to be caused by post-traumatic stress disorder declared to be present in the D-Class subject by doctor Dmitry Vasilij Makarov who was then in charge of D-4022 as his patient. Doctor also stated that █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ████████████████████████████████████. Permissions granted by Director ███ and ethics committee.

Agent Claire E. Makarova, the only witness to the incident, refuses to speak despite countless attempts to interview her.

—-------------------------------------------------------------

The stiff tip of the pen slipped on the sheet of paper producing a long monotonous noise that broke the silence of the room. Dmitry looked up, admiring that thin line he had drawn on the name of his now ex patient. Neil Harden.

His name confused with those of others, in a long list that seemed to never end.

His slender fingers delicately placed the pen and paper carefully in the drawer below him, remembering well to lock it immediately afterwards.

He could be satisfied with that experiment. Another time he was able to prove how fragile the human mind is and how easy it is becoming for him to manipulate people's memories through their dreams. Their unconscious revived events that had never happened and traumas they had never experienced, thus leading them to exhaustion. The mind became convinced of this, they firmly believed they were what they never were.

A slight knock on the door almost made him jump, he wasn't waiting for anyone in that time frame.

<<It's open...>>

On the other side, as it opened, a strand of blond hair peeked into the room.

[schizosupport]

Hi! I hope you're doing well, I finally started getting more open to my therapist and taking therapy itself more as a priority, and for the first time I opened up about how I can't remember my childhood. Like at all. Few bits and pieces. And I can't remember at lot actually as I'm getting older. (I'm 24) and I know a lot of that is trauma, but even good things I can't seem to remember.

My therapist was telling me about depersonalization and derealization, which both I understand semi well, but she mentioned dissociative amnesia? I don't know much, hardly any about it and was wondering if you can explain it a bit?

I want to talk to my therapist more about it too but I'm also super anxious about it. I also have a hard time keeping up with speech sometimes and especially when it's something I don't know about, and I don't want to misunderstand what my therapist will say.

I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and ptsd and I think me dissociating plays a big part from both of those diagnosis. My therapist also says I daydream maladaptively, which is also a new term.

I just feel like all of this is being thrown at me and I don't know fully know how to handle this or even talk about it and I'm sorry if it feels like I'm asking too much. Don't worry about replying in a rush, I feel this is going to be a long journey ahead.

Hey anon,

I'm really sorry I never responded to this, I doubt it's in time now.

Are you still seeing this therapist and does her approach feel helpful to you?

Dissociative amnesia refers to any abnormal amnesia (lack of access to memories/lack of memories) that doesn't have a physiological/neurological cause.

It usually refers to blacking out specific memories that would be considered memorable, or to blacking out recent memories.

Dissociative amnesia usually is meant to indicate a supposed psychological reason for blacking out the memory/memories.

You can struggle to remember things for other reasons too, like cognitive issues of different kinds, that aren't necessarily based in physical brain injury or substances like certain medications, alcohol or drugs.

I personally am shit at making episodic memories, so I really struggle to recall even basic or memorable recent events in my life, and my childhood is a haze of stories I've told enough times to assume I must've remembered at a point, guesswork, little flashes of actual memory and things I "just know" the same way I know the capital of my country despite not remembering when I would've learned it.

I do want to normalize this a bit too. Which is not meant to invalidate, only as information so people aren't concerned over something not that uncommon. Because the thing is that it's actually uncommon for adults to have full and clear recall of most of their childhood. Many have a fairly coherent narrative of the overall happenings and some milestones and core memories, but overall it's rare to remember a lot - and it's normal for it to get increasingly hazy as you age.

Some people have really good recall, I know a few, but it's more common for most of the past to kinda turn into fog the further away it goes..

This was not really directed at you, because again I took ages to respond so it may no longer be relevant. But I'm responding in case it's useful to you or others anyways..

I do consider it a yellow flag in a therapist if they are quick to jump to a conclusion like dissociative amnesia, without knowing more about your sessions. There could be a perfectly good reason for her to bring it up with you, so again not directed at you, it's meant as a general observation.

I hope you are well anon..!

[autumnalmind]

.: The Intro :.

Void / Aki || 25+ || They/He || Nonbinary

Cladotherian: Felidae / Cats

Therian + Past lives

Otherkin + Fickin

currently self-Dx’d system (seeking professional diagnosis)

The Rundown:

  Hiya, I’m Void / Aki! This blog is a remade version of an older one...as well as reworked from what it used to be. I am constantly learning to understand myself better, learn new things, and make friends.

   Feelings of being nonhuman have persisted since I was young, and... This is me putting it to a semi-active blog, to stretch those sides of me out, and be in a community that knows what it’s like [to have had similar experiences].

   There’s still more to say, but I'd rather keep this short. I’ll put a bit of extra information under the cut- the stuff I feel like sharing- and... Yeah, hope you enjoy being around here!

TL;DR of Rules: Don’t be an asshole. No discourse, at all, no exceptions. TERFs and queerphobes, bigots, anti-kin, stay off my blog. I unfollow/block to my tastes; it’s not that deep if it happens. I’m not consistently on this blog nor have much spoons, pls be patient with me. (I’m not ignoring you.) Please don’t assume things about me; ask if curious, sure, but I’ll (system included) bring up if I need advice on anything. Most alters can be asked to front, but don’t expect them to magically show up. Consider it more like submitting a request; either they’ll show up or you’ll wait until they do, that’s all.

  So the short of it... Always had alterhuman-like experiences, starting with Pokemon when I was in elementary school. A persistent, but subtle connection to wolves...and a connection to felines that has never stopped. If anything, only got more active with time.

    I found the fickin community first, through OFFkin, but eventually that made its way to finding therians and otherkin. Kinda been at home ever since, if very quietly; lurking for years, on and off.

.:.:.:.

   As of July 2022 (the time of me originally writing this), I’ve been self-Dx’ing as plural. To keep it short, I’ve already taken the MID with my current therapist, and we’re both working on getting me to a specialist. In the meantime, I continue to research, read other peoples’ experiences, and speak with my therapist about my experiences, but I’m unsure of when/if a professional diagnosis will happen.

   For now, I, again, use plural terms to describe my mental experiences and those I communicate with in there, but... Only time and a professional can tell, I suppose.

[ There’s still quite a lot of denial in here, but I’m working to accept it. Doubt has only created further damage, and I function better utilizing system-based tips. ]

.:.:.:.

    Decided to not save this for last, so... Links for those on mobile, as well as main blog mention.

Main Blog: autumnshaven

Sideblogs: liltieflingprincess ✦ jokersdiamond ✦ lovelybloodybites ✦ deathstime ✦ dammyrammy 

Alter Main-blog: prayersfromaerith

Her “Roommates”/Sideblogs: spring-core ❀ painters-sun ❀

Current... System List || Therian/Otherkin List || Fickin List

.:.:.:.

  ...Alright, that’s about it, I suppose. Quick bit of rules first. That will hopefully be more coherent than the quick-notes above.

Don’t be an asshole. Given that this is my space and I prefer it to be a zone I feel safe in... Just don’t. Transphobia/Queerphobia, racism, etc. will be blocked.

I’ve already blocked some people in the community, but... Don’t take it to heart if I unfollow or block you. I simply cultivate my space/what I want to see and...that’s kinda it.

I’m not consistently on this blog; I’m not ignoring you. This has been a problem in the past with new people & me, so I’ll say it now: I don’t often have a lot of spoons, these days. I need a lot of quiet time to recharge, or to limit my communications w/ people who I already know/am comfortable with. Again, it’s no spite on you if I’m just reblogging here or going silent; I just need a break.

[EDIT] Also suffering from a Tumblr glitch where my messages/IMs will be “read” for me and I won’t get the notif that I was messaged at all. Please be patient with me!

(However, if it’s been a few weeks, you’re free to poke me. Just don’t go overboard and we’re good!) But yes, I never do this to “intentionally hurt people” or whatever. Please keep this in mind.

Don’t assume things about me. I’ve taken quick note that- occasionally- there will be some anon who wants to say, “Actually, I think you’re [this].” I don’t want any part of that! No thank you! Just go, please! I will absolutely understand advice given in good faith (“Hey, what you described sounds more like [X], you should check that out”), but essentially telling me what I should do...no.

(As well, if I’m looking for help...I [or my system] will ask for it. Anything beyond that is a bit much, imo.)

I don’t get into discourse. At the current moment, I still have a lot of learning to do and I wholly understand that. So for that reason, I don’t want any- from plural sides nor alterhuman- to be brought my way. If I rb any of it, it is for __my own learning experience__. I do not want to talk about it. (You can still send an ask/DM, but there’s no guarantee I’ll respond.)

On that note: I can try to provide advice for otherkin/therians, but am uncomfortable giving advice over system-related topics. Personal comfort, as well as the prior mentions of denial I have over being a system, myself. I just personally don’t feel qualified, so please direct those questions elsewhere. Thank you.

I’m still learning terms, how to interact with the community, etc. Definitely wanted to mention this, after noting that KFF is controversial in the otherkin side and so are the terms “kinnie,” “kinning,” and “kin” [as a verb]. Wanted to give a heads up that, while I’m not the former, I’m still “learning the language” as it were, and might still use these terms. However, and I once again stress, I am not KFF.

.:.:.:.

    Thanks for reading! Keep the rules in mind, and we’ll be just fine. Asks are open, as well, for anyone curious about...anything, really. We’ll get to it when we can.

[americanlasereyehospitals]

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