#cognizant classic

[untilthenexttee]

Next Tee News - March 5th, 2024

Before a new week begins – even though technically it has – let’s reflect on the week of golf that was. A “Cowboy” wins the Honda Classic Cognizant Classic, Green wins in Singapore, the reality is I totally forgot about LIV Golf having a team winner but Joaco backs up his Masters invite, and last but not least. The kids are alright in Myrtle Beach. Until The Next Tee!! #fightandgrind…

[bmpmp3]

no game trying to do some kind of metatexual morality thing making the player feel culpable for their actions by giving them the option to be nice or kill everyone has made me feel anywhere near how guilty and sick to my stomach Drakengard made me feel when you blast a bunch of enemies on the ground into nothing with Angelus. and it wasn't even About That

[fairandfatalasfair]

I know people have posted about this before but it honestly it striking how much the boys do not default to violence as a way of solving problems. They're detectives in the classic sense - they're looking for clues and unravelling mysteries, and most of the time they can handle things with subtlety instead of force. It's not off the table, but it's very much an option of last resort.

The first time we meet them they're dealing with a ghost that is actively trying to kill them, and they're not fighting, they're running. While trying to figure out what happened so that they can go back in with a better strategy. Even when the cursed ghost catches up with them, Charles hits it exactly once, to get enough breathing space that they can get back to the office and get the resources they need to break the curse. Their plan with Becky was to slip in and out while Esther was distracted - they only ended up in a fight because hauling Edwin and Becky out of the magical void took longer than expected.

And as much as Charles comments in Ep. 3 about puzzle solving being "Edwin's way" and hitting things with a cricket bat being his, that absolutely goes for him as well. In the flashbacks where he confronts his friends, he pulls them off and puts himself between them and the kid they're beating up - he doesn't continue the fight once the victim is safe. In the Devlin house he's visible shaken and upset from the first round of the cycle, but it's not until they've witnessed the murder several times and Edwin's plan to break the loop has failed and he's confronting the possibility that there may not be another option that he tries to fight Devlin directly. Most of what he does with his cricket bat is pull it out and plant himself between Edwin and whatever he's decided is a threat.

I suspect that's part of why Edwin was so rattled by the first encounter with the Night Nurse - not because it was wrong or unjustified, but because it's not normal for Charles to hit first.

And these are not normal circumstances! Charles has been pushed pretty hard at this point, and has just been assaulted in a way that Edwin probably isn't fully cognizant of, and was acting urgently to stop the Night Nurse from doing the same thing to Edwin. I think his reaction was absolutely justified, and possibly necessary. And I think Edwin's response, whether it was intended that way or not, did read as condemnation - at least to Charles who is already beating himself up for not being able to protect the people he loves and doubting whether he's a safe, trustworthy person.

But I also think it's notable that the next time he deals with the Night Nurse - after he's processed some of his feelings of anger and helplessness, after he's been reassured that he's still the best person Edwin knows - he takes a different tack. She's still imminently threatening to split them up and send Edwin to hell, which is probably Charles' worst nightmare. But this time he turns to negotiation, to appealing to her sense of justice, to looking for a loophole that could let them stay together. He's back to trying to solve problems by working through them.

And in fairness, the fact that she came back after being eaten by Angie is also a pretty strong indication that trying to fight her wouldn't have worked. But I do think it says something about Charles' attitude to the world that despite describing himself as "the brawn" and thinking of himself as the fighter between him and Edwin, his reflex is still to problem solve first, to use force defensively and only when necessary. That yes, he's angry and justly so, but unlike his father, or the boys who killed him, he doesn't choose to turn that into an excuse to hurt people. That his use of force is judicious and careful and is always, always about preventing harm.

[makingspiritualityreal]

Planets in Houses Areas of Interest in Astrology

In my studies, I have encountered an extremely detailed and accurate list coming from classic Vedic text, representing what will concern each planet in a given house.

Note, that certain planets perform fundamentally better in certain houses, but the general state of the house affairs will depend on the condition and aspects of the planet. I will give an example of how to interpret a planet below the list.

Note, that Rahu and Ketu are missing, because their results are calculated according to their dispositor.

Sun

1st House Sun Body, Personality, Health

2nd House Sun Intelligence about Maintaining Wealth

3rd House Sun Intelligent Use and Consistency of Skills

4th House Sun Palaces, One's Kingdom

5th House Sun Leadership, Nobility, Esteem

6th House Sun Government Services

7th House Sun Egotism of Spouse or Partner, Partner's Consistency

8th House Sun Vitality, Energy Levels

9th House Sun Father

10th House Sun Government, Activity, Status, Power, Father's Influence

11th House Sun Titles, Certificates

12th House Sun Temples, Places of Worship

Moon

1st House Moon Body, Ego

2nd House Moon Face, Sense Organs, Contentment

3rd House Moon Music, Rhythmic Ability

4th House Moon Mother, Foundation of Feelings

5th House Moon Imagination, Ability to Improve One's Consciousness

6th House Moon Development of Body, Physical Maturation

7th House Moon Popularity, Public Relations

8th House Moon Change, Adaptability

9th House Moon Father's Popularity and Character

10th House Moon Popularity

11th House Moon Popularity in Groups or Organizations

12th House Moon Dreams, Inner Worlds

Mars

1st House Mars Character, Sense of Right and Wrong

2nd House Mars Mineral Wealth

3rd House Mars Siblings, Peers, Bravery, Training

4th House Mars Land, Houses, Property, Mother

5th House Mars Convictions, Strength of Opinions

6th House Mars Accidents, Overcoming Enemies, Weapons

7th House Mars Challenges in Relationships

8th House Mars Surgery, Battles, War

9th House Mars Brother and Sister in Law, Moral Code

10th House Mars Command, Overseers

11th House Mars Character and Motivation of Group Dynamics

12th House Mars Results of Enemies Actions, Secret Enemies

Mercury

1st House Mercury Senses, Ability to Cognize Experiences

2nd House Mercury Speech, Friends

3rd House Mercury Travel, Discernment, Crafts, Communications, Games

4th House Mercury Relatives

5th House Mercury Speculative Investments, Mantra Practice

6th House Mercury Maternal Aunts and Uncles, Legal Matters

7th House Mercury Business Partners, Commerce and Trade

8th House Mercury Corporations, Occult Knowledge, Past Life Fortune

9th House Mercury Past Life Fortune, Judges, Codes of Conduct

10th House Mercury Employer, Apprenticeship, Capacity to Manage

11th House Mercury Playing the Game of Success

12th House Mercury Long Term Investments, Contemplative Knowledge, Purchasing Expenses, Gain of Lost Items

Jupiter

1st House Jupiter Optimism, Opportunities

2nd House Jupiter Wealth

3rd House Jupiter Spiritual Art, Written Wisdom

4th House Jupiter Happiness, Banks, Fruit Bearing Groves

5th House Jupiter Children, Father's Grandfather, Knowledge and Learning

6th House Jupiter Forgiveness

7th House Jupiter Husband, Wealth Partner Brings

8th House Jupiter Inheritance

9th House Jupiter Guru, Teacher, Ease of Fortune, Grand Children

10th House Jupiter Capacity to Manage

11th House Jupiter Income

12th House Jupiter Mother's Mother, Charity

Venus

1st House Venus Strength, Recuperative Ability

2nd House Venus Food, Jewelry Wealth

3rd House Venus Father in Law

4th House Venus Pools, Lakes, Vehicles

5th House Venus Romance, Affairs, Students

6th House Venus Nursing, Physical Succor

7th House Venus Wife, Mother's Mother

8th House Venus Conjugal Bond, Sex

9th House Venus Father

10th House Venus Mother in Law

11th House Venus Fair Distribution of Wealth

12th House Venus Nursing Homes, Mistress, Mother's Father, Vacations

Saturn

1st House Saturn Ability to Endure Hardship

2nd House Saturn Thriftiness, Wealth from Hard Work, Rock Quarries

3rd House Saturn Servants

4th House Saturn Pets

5th House Saturn Fall from Position

6th House Saturn Overcoming Debts and Diseases

7th House Saturn Appreciation of Relationships, Lack of Empathy

8th House Saturn Chronic Disease, Death, Flaws, Weaknesses, Liabilities

9th House Saturn Delays to Fortune, Delays to Creativity

10th House Saturn Duty

11th House Saturn Elder Siblings, Livestock

12th House Saturn Personal Expense, Loss, Capital Expense, Prisons, Imprisonment

Source for the List - Art and Science of Vedic Astrology Vol 2 Ryan Kurczak & Richard Fish. They themselves used original Vedic Resources for the list, I sourced their material for the sake of Vedic translation.

Interpretation example - I have Saturn in the 4th house and I've always had a good bond with pets since I was a child, they would just appear in my life. It seems natural to me, but in reality many people have allergies, don't own pets, their pets don't survive long, they don't share such a special bond with them or their family situation doesn't allow them one, parents forbid them. Not only did I always have a pet, they were also extremely long lived. As a child, I used to have a hamster that survived 5 years, when the average age of a syrian is up to 3, I had a cat that my mom got but the cat ended up loving me and lived 21 years, and when my cat died, my husband's pup yorkie decided that I'm the love of his life. The pets survive so long, because my Saturn is excellently placed in Aquarius with no bad aspects, so I get to have them and care for them to the point of them reaching the age of physical incontinence. Someone with a difficult, badly aspected Saturn in the 4th would have their own story, but nevertheless the placement would manifest as still having that intimate pet experience in their life.

Another example - I have Venus in the 3rd house and I live with my father in law. I never even met my mother in law, as she has no contact with my husband. Yet people with Venus in the 10th will have her as a prominent figure in their life in some capacity. So this list can show which area of your life will yield a physical manifestation in the first place.

This is how you should superimpose this list onto your chart, checking the individual condition of each planet. Note, that these interpretations are NOT applicable in the Navamsa chart, according to Vedic source.

You can also see from the list, that certain placements produce a particular struggle in one's chart, while other planets produce less problems. I will now make a short list of those troubled placements. Note, that I am not including statements about conditions of given planets, which can turn the mentioned events difficult even for a theoretically good scenario. I am only talking about the houses that give an unquestionable struggle. Interestingly enough, this list differs from the traditional Marana Karaka, and it seems to indicate that even out of most difficult placements, one can build something worthwhile. So I will focus only on placements that bring objective difficulty.

Sun

The Sun has its negative impact in the 7th house, where no matter what it produces egotism from one's spouse or partner. With this position, one basically gets partnerships in life with people that boss them around. But if in a good condition, the partner will be consistent, which I'm interpreting as faithful and committed to the relationship, not looking for outside adventure. So even the worst Sun position has some upside to it. The Sun is hard to mess up.

Moon

Even though traditionally the Moon is feared in the 8th house, here it indicates simply a life full of change and forcing one's ego to adapt, which can actually turn out smooth if the Moon is well placed. The most challenging placement for the Moon is actually the 1st house, where the Moon becomes extremely egoic. From my experience with these natives, it is very true, they struggle to mature and force being the center of attention and their ego blinds them. They are very devoted to their loved ones, but extremely self focused, more than any other 1st house planet on the list. So with Moon in the 1st house you are simply an unquestionable egoist.

Mars

Mars has several gray areas that we will touch on, mostly in Dusthanas. Mars produces results of accidents, weapons and surgeries in the 6th and 8th house, and these are the two most common placements I've seen in charts of doctors. These placements are however not the worst ones, because Mars here has the capacity to do battle where the fight takes it, by joining the army or working with the sick.

The most difficult Mars is in the 12th and 7th house. Mars in the 12th house people grow to always suffer long term from some ailment and that is a result of someone else hurting them. I've seen this in a chart of a person that got injured in their workplace in their mid-life and is still getting surgery for the consequences of it in their old age. More notably, we can see it in the chart of Britney Spears, who has various health issues as a result of accidents through difficult physical work she was forced into by others. This is a placement of physical victimhood from people, who stab the native in the back. My guess is, a strong Mars would endure more, but the event will still happen.

Mars in the 7th house is difficult, because these people always bicker in intimate relationships. They have a karma of constant fights with their partner, as they really try to subliminally achieve domination in a partnership, which is impossible because partnership is about equality and compromise. This placement makes it nigh impossible to achieve marital harmony, unless someone enjoys the fighting, and leads to frequent breakups or one's partner cheating. My mother had this placement, and my only memory of her and my father together is them fighting, and she died single.

Mercury

Mercury is a lucky planet, because it has no obvious pitfalls unless badly placed. Interestingly enough, even Mercury in the 12th house has the power to "purchase expenses", and if well placed, make gains from it. As I know a few Mercuries in the 12th house personally, let me decode this for you. People with this placement have a unique knack to purchase items or property of depreciating value and turn it around. My friend with this placement aspecting her Moon invested long term in buying my falling apart post-communist family inherited apartment and is making her home there, and she also has a fantastic knack of receiving thrifted clothes and tailoring them, a hobby we share. These natives have a talent of turning trash to treasure.

Jupiter

Unsurprisingly, there are no bad houses for Jupiter, as even in difficult houses it leads to forgiving one's enemies, being charitable, or receiving an inheritance.

Venus

Similarly to Jupiter, Venus soothes all houses unless afflicted. Venus is able to soothe physical suffering even in the difficult 6th house, or in a nursing home in the 12th. Interestingly enough, Venus in the 12th in a good sign points to the ability of being fulfilled in love even in the seemingly degrading position of being "the other woman" or as the list says, the mistress.

Saturn

Despite it being marana karaka, a well placed Saturn in the 1st gives endurance and is not the worst placement for it, and other houses such as 6th give it endurance to overcome obstacles too. The difficult position for Saturn is actually the 5th, where it shows decline of status or as the list states "fall from one's position". Saturn has a difficult time in most houses compared to other planets, as in the 7th it makes one lack empathy, which will lead to bad karma in the next life, even in the native blocks out the consciousness in this life, and in the 8th and 12th leads to various calamities. So even the strongest Saturn in these houses can simply endure these difficulties, and hope they pass.

[lilacs-echoing]

something I've been stewing on for a while now, but I need lotf fans to understand the book has some inherent racism like a lot of classics. and I feel like that's something we should be discussing more often.

of course the rampant nationalism is essential to the boys' characteristics. its part of what makes them shitty preteens. but the slurs and racist remarks that have been edited or removed in the book are part of the larger themes of savagery that are, ultimately, racist. I've discussed before some more nuanced takes like Jack's red hair connecting him to unsavory depictions of Jews/Irishmen, but there isn't much nuance to this. Lord of the Flies is a book that delves deeply into indigenous stereotypes. and when we discuss/depict this "descent into savagery" we all need to be a little more aware of that.

much love for this fandom but please be cognizant of this, especially if you're a younger fan. always be critical of the media you consume.

[artbyblastweave]

Years and years and years back, I was tinkering with a concept that, at the time, I hadn't seen done before, which was to do a Fables or Once Upon A Time-style mass-fairy-tale-retelling in a soft-sci-fi space opera/planetary romance setting. I remember a couple of overarching concepts. One was that the classic Fairy Tales being remixed with increasingly outlandish genres was an actual metaphysical conceit of the setting; the big bad was going to be King Arthur, who, due to his nature as the one who cyclically dies and returns, had become cognizant of all the times he'd lived through the same shitshow but with a wild west veneer or an urban-fantasy veneer or a mad-max veneer or a coffee-shop-AU veneer, and on this-go around, he'd decided to use the planet-shattering imperial might of space!camelot to attempt a suicide run against the entire universe in the hopes of deviating from the script strongly enough to break the cycle. (Note that all of this came from a place of total ignorance of Arthurian lore, which is in part why I never pulled the trigger on it- I felt I had reading to do.) The other character concept that stuck in my head was that there was this tertiary character who was the classic space-western gunslinger- constantly swooping in at the last minute to bail the heroes out, rugged and squinty-eyed, effortlessly laying waste to vastly superior opponents with nary a thought. Through context clues (such as his ability to fly in outer space under his own power) it was eventually going to be made clear that this was supposed to be the setting's version of Peter Pan. Prior to the Space Opera cycle, Neverland’s conceptual gravity as a place that fundamentally does not change allowed it to avoid being reset at the end of each cycle; Peter's cavalier attitude towards life and death was informed by the fact that no matter how many times Hook dies, no matter how many times the Darlings visited and departed, they'd always eventually come back, albeit with mannerisms informed by whatever conceit was currently dominating the rest of the universe outside Neverland. Unfortunately, for the space-opera cycle Hook showed up as the captain of a star-destroyer-type thing and unceremoniously glassed Neverland from orbit, ending the party for good. Peter then finally took the plunge into quote-unquote "adulthood" in order to adopt a vengeful-pursuer role- indeed, he stakes a lot of his present identity on the idea that he was finally "forced to grow up"- but it's of course obvious to anyone who gets remotely close to him that he's only become "more mature" in the way that the gratuitous blood-and-guts Liefeldian anti-heroes of the 90s positioned themselves as a mature alternative to the cornball antics of the silver age; all he's done is trade up to a slightly more involved Juvenile power fantasy, still equally divorced from adulthood even if he looks 35.

[catmomjudy]

There were lots of posts over Father’s Day about Buck and Bobby’s father/son relationship (with the 911onabc Instagram actually presenting them as father and son alongside the more traditional father/child relationships on the show).

Bobby has been pretty much acknowledged as Buck’s “Dad Who Stepped Up” in canon:

(GIFs: @neverevan, @kenneth-black) I collected this info for a reblog I did the other day, but I figured it was deserving of its own (expanded) post.

Up until 6x11, Buck and Bobby’s relationship was fairly accepted but never stated outright. Fans accepted it as part of the “family you choose” vibe of 9-1-1 (as stated outright by Eddie in 3x11). But many signs were pointed out (similar to the way fans point out hints in the relationship between Buck and Eddie):

The way Bobby gives Buck chance after chance, right from the start (1x01), going back and forth between compassion and “tough love”

The way Buck gets under Bobby’s skin—“I made you mad” as Coma-Buck says in 06x11—when he’s doing his best to keep everyone away (S1)

Bobby helping Buck learn to tie a tie (1x06)

The way Bobby jumps on a suicide bomber to save Buck (2x18)

Bobby’s extreme and emotional reactions during the lawsuit arc (S3a).

Et cetera, et cetera.

But what about Athena?

I often see “Athena being Buck’s mom” on lists of things that make people DNR a fic. And I get it: Some fics push it to the point of overt mush, and also tend to be the same fics that woobify Buck (who, as I’ve posted before, is a real, live Adult). And “mush” and Athena Grant don’t really jive.

But I think something “Athena is not Buck’s mom” complainants also forget is that Athena is BOBBY’S WIFE. And she seems to be fully cognizant of how Bobby feels about Buck. So, she quite often makes efforts to support and nurture that relationship.

And Athena rocks the step-mom vibe with Buck pretty well. It’s just more subtle (kind of like it was with Bobby until 6x11, as outlined above):

(Gif: @neverevan, @mattoidmeerkat)

7x03: Why Buck? Why does she specify “Buck” in this instant, if it’s not to imply “If your boy could see you now!”

3x14: This is one instance (I think the dumpster diving with Taylor in 4x11 is the other, and there may be more that I’m not remembering), but, just like with Bobby and Michael, Athena has that “Mom Radar” going and has a habit of catching Buck up to no good. And that look isn’t “Cop Face.” It’s classic “Mom Glare” with a side of “I’m Very Disappointed In You Young Man.”

(Gif: @mattoidmeerkat; Photo: Official still)

6x11: Athena is the only one other than Chris who gets to give a true speech to Coma Buck. The step-mom and the step-son.

2x10: Buck at family Christmas dinner at Athena’s house. And remember that Hen was/is Athena’s best female friend, so Hen and Karen being there isn’t necessarily related to the firehouse. So, Buck has been invited to his captain’s fiancée’s house for Christmas dinner with his captain’s fiancée’s family.

And there’s more!

In 3x04 (the Dinner from Hell), Athena is the one to invite Buck:

Bobby: I still can't believe that you invited him without talking to me first.

Athena: I just wanted him to know that no matter what, he's still family. Thought dinner would give you two time to work things out.

And in 3x10, Athena is the one who Buck calls about the Christmas party. He obviously felt comfortable enough with her at this point to do that:

Bobby: Athena, what are you doing here?

Athena: We came to save you. Someone said you were ordering takeout for Christmas dinner.

Buck: I did vote for turkey. ( Laughs )

(Dialogue from: https://tvshowtranscripts.ourboard.org/)

(Gif: @fireladybuckley)

It should also be obvious from the above gif that that extremely cute photo/gif of Buck from 3x10 that people like to post (and gush over) is Buck’s expression when he’s greeting ATHENA.

Also note that 3x10 is also the ep where Buck first outright stated his feelings for Bobby, so showing his comfort with Athena (and his bashfulness and happiness at being thanked and complimented by her) right next to this is quite telling.

(Gif: @mattoidmeerkat)

🤷🏻‍♀️

(Gif: @fireladybuckley)

[thatneoncrisis]

Curious about your issues with the show!! I have my own ofc but always interested In more opinions

spoilers for like. all of the show el oh el

its hard for me to like. properly articulate on the fly but i think its primarily 1. a show that is genuinely trying to build a complicated structure out of the rusted metal and twigs that makes up LoL lore that gets overhauled every like, four years, so often times it feels like a character in arcane will get hard shafted out of a natural arc so they end up where they "should be" in accordance to their league counterpart.

strongest example i have off the dome is violet, where i think in act 1 of arcane shes a really intriguing and well crafted character whos sympathetic and has goals and values you can follow. and then they shunt her off to prison during the time skip and when she comes out shes like. everything she does from that point on just feels Tilted it feels like they gutted out all the parts that would have gotten me from A to Z wrt her going from scrappy kid in the lanes whos like. direct causes of terror and unhappiness in life were from enforcer. to a bitch who joins the enforcers. and its not that i dont think that turnaround is possible, i just dont think they articulated it well with such a truncated amount of episodes split between so many subplots

and then my main Thing 2. uuuh. this is more of like my own issues with this kind of story telling in general rather than an arcane specific issue that i will codify as "liberal progressives attempt to Both Sides the issue of apartheid in their magic story." the creators of the show emphasized that they wanted each character to be morally grey, differnt shades to them and the motivations contextualizing their actions. which is like, fair enough thats just good character writing but i dont think theyre particularly. great at that. especially when trying to marry it to my earlier point about how certain characters essentially have to invert to become their league analogs in some sense. also someone like ekko? not grey. hes just right? he doesnt fuck with enforcers and he doesnt fuck with the kingpin flooding the lanes with shimmer, he just wants to help the people suffering the most. stand up dude.

theres a lot of different levels to which this clashing between intent and execution falls flat for me in arcane but the one ill get into now is silco and vander. from an objective view its a classic story of two close brothers in arms driven apart by ideology/circumstance, weve seen it with professor xavier and magneto, it also reminded me of tchalla and killmonger although they dont have the childhood friends aspect going for them. but the point is its not like a unique idea. two people want to change the world for the better, one of them starts killing civilians about it, the first guy is like hey! maybe dont do that! epic fall out ensues.

and the story is cognizant of the fact that silco IS an antagonist: not just in the sense that he is opposing our protagonists goals, he sold out the children to the enforcers in the first act, he released shimmer onto zaun and keeps a stranglehold on the city with his circle of chem barons like he fucking sucks. and the whole time im watching im noting how his methods to "free zaun" are like, THE thing destroying it. the streets are rampant with nameless mutated homeless people hooked on shimmer he is directly responsible for. and i was kind of waiting for like. a shift within his circle. if that makes sense. obviously people like violet and ekko and caitlyn dont like him but they never did they dont have to be convinced, but to have someone who initially put all their trust into him as the guy to bring zaun into glory and then slowly have to reckon with the fact theyve propped up a mad man who has prioritized power in himself over the initial goal of liberating the city would have whipped ass.

and then it just didnt happen. theres this fascinating thing going on with silco where hes talking mad shit about the likes of vander, oh hes too softhearted, he will never do what it takes to truly ensure the safety and freedom of the lanes bc he cares too much about his damn babies. and then silco finds himself as caretaker of one of those babies. the show meticulously shows me how he cares for her, he softens for her, he lets her tinker in her silly cave all day and blow up cops with harley quinn bombs. so we have three main things to keep in mind with silco:

his primary stated goal is to free zaun from piltovers repressive rule.

his shimmer production is one of if not The thing actively destroying the lanes

he now has Baby, whos safety has become a growing priority for him.

this culminating in the finale where he is presented with the opportunity to hand her over to the authorities in exchange for zauns independence. now THIS could have been a really interesting internal dilemma for him. he is now faced with the exact choice that led vander to becoming "weak" in his eyes. whats one girls life in exchange for his dream finally becoming a reality. but its also an impossible thing to ask because thats his Daughter. so now hes risking scrutiny from his underlings for being wishy washy. ooh intrigue mystery. youd really need some time to steep on his agonies and what hes really willing to prioritizeat this point in his life

and then none of that happens bc hes immediately kidnapped and shot and never has to seriously consider it. he never has to SACRIFICE he always just. has everything he wants. forever. until he dies. powerful chem baron running the show with his army of teen supersoldiers.

another route i considered them being able to do is something more focused on him and sevika. she left vander to join his cause specifically bc she thought vander was weak. as his right hand, she would do anything for silco, including literally giving up her fucking arm when she saved him from the blast in act one. timeskip, now we see she has a fun new mech arm powered by silcos own shimmer, which we are shown the side effects of time and time again. i thought this was leaning into a metaphor about how her emotional dependence on him and his cause was being represented by a chemical dependence on shimmer. like its destroying her physically and mentally but she NEEDS it to work out to know it wasnt all for nothing so shell put up with whatever sketchy bullshit hes got going on, the ends justify the means. and we get like six detailed shots of shimmer being pumped directly into her body i thought for sure they were gonna be like oh this is fucking killing her, like a compound v situation

but shes like. fine. theres no side effects besides a cool scar. shes chilling.

i also thought her antagonistic dynamic with jinx was going somewhere. like if sevika noticed that silco was putting her above what needed to be done for the sake of liberating zaun, and noticing how it mirrored how vander became "weak" and getting that much more pissed about playing second fiddle to a 17 year old. like imagine you get that whole scene where sevika makes it look like shes gonna execute silco, then murders the chem baron who asked her to do it because she trusts him THAT much, then later she hears about jayce's offer to silco and sees him GENUINELY considering leaving the offer on the table JUST for jinx. sorry if i was her id snap. id go crazy id start a coup.

so basically what im saying is. lotta different options to make the characters richer and more grey as they struggle with what they really care about. but the story just kind of shuffles past them and then insists that the bonds were there the whole time you guys jinx and sevika are totally besties now shes a symbol of zaun <3

[iatrophilosophos]

The other thing I'm thinking about this morning is the limitation of any one analytical lens and poor application of gender theory to interpersonal relationships.

Gonna frontload this post with the caveats that 1) this is about cafab relationships to transmisogyny, which i welcome discussion from anybody on but also recognize some ppl are just not invested in or interested in hearing, and thats fine 2) i am speaking from a place of good faith (classical def.) and assuming that we can take what people say about their intentions at face value and these topics are occurring within relationships with grace and legitimate desire to do right by eachother, even though this approach does not always work and is not an exhaustive or universal lens.

My friend said sumn last year that was really foundational for me--"there's always another explanation [for interpersonal instances of transmisogyny]". Meaning, transmisogyny is the sum of small and big events across a person's life, and for TMA people it doesn't really matter if a partner has hateful or "transmisogynistic" intentions behind an action that contributes to the structure. There's always a self-centered reason that has nothing to do with The Structure. My other friend has a line that I think also fits here, which is the idea that most people most of the time don't really have "rational" or cognizant motivations prior to action, just post hoc narrativization of why they did what they did. I don't know how much I agree, but I think it's an interesting lens to use to think about our past actions that can get useful results--how much of the story that I'm telling about this event got written after it, and how does that affect everything moving forward?

This stage setting brings us to a specific cohort that I've definitely been a part of and am working on distancing from: strong willed/bullheaded cafabs with significant personal needs and abrasive interpersonal tendencies. Being someone that only very aquiescing, self-sacrificing people can stand to be around means you're gonna benefit a lot interpersonally from transmisogyny, because trans women and especially young, vulnerable, and/or early transition women are gonna be a large % of the people you attract.

People in this cohort usually know it on some level IME and feel a lot of shame and anxiety around it. Transfem friends and partners will bring it up. We get one of the good ones type behaviors, compensatory hating and policing of other people, and white knighting; and we get various manifestations of definitional games that all fit into the "ontologically incapable of violence" header. Your classic uwuification of cafabs, but also misguidedly trying to find common ground and misconflating relationships to womanhood (talking abt how ppl treated you ten years ago doesn't paper over the thing You are doing Now), and getting into some really bizarre IME feminist ally dudebro shit that seems copypasted from 2012 cishet feminist ally lines (these are also??? Bad????)

All of this shit behavior can((see above caveat #2)) stem from being too lost in the sauce of structural analysis. I think the line that there's always another explanation has a corrolary: you can basically always, to varying levels of accuracy and usefulness, paint an interpersonal problem in the context of structural analysis. And this can be very useful, and it is mainly useful to people who are subject to that structural oppression to understand what is happening and why it feels bad. I see for my friends theory around transmisogyny often (but obviously not exclusively) function as a frame of understanding that says "it isn't your fault. No amount of personality modification will keep this from happening again. Time to take a different tract." This is very useful and good.*

However: this specific understanding of the function of transfeminist theory does not play the same for this cohort of cafab people, because behavioral modification IS the way to get better about shit and stop it from happening. In a lot of these circumstances WE have to understand explanations of transmisogyny as an explanation for why behaviors, attitudes and modes of interaction feel bad to our friends. Yet a third dear friend has a line in a piece of writing that I don't remember if is published or not that says, paraphrasing: "transmisogyny is not 'real', it is a concept we use to understand patterns and attitudes". The essence of a transmisogynist action or behavior or pattern that we exert towards our loved ones is only that it triggers a pattern and understanding of the world; not that it has a big red "GENDER CRIME" stamp on it somewhere.

If we want to throw off the benefits and privileges of being TME in the interpersonal sphere, we have to get fucking nicer to people. We have to yell less and listen more. We have to interrogate the ghosts of our loved ones that set up shop in our heads and challenge how they diverge from the evidence of the real people in front of us. We have to employ whatever dumbass therapyspeak tools let us be more thoughtful and intentional with how we treat eachother. We have to confront the anxiety that we are Problematic and not imbue metaphysical significance to the fact that we Hurt Someone, because that opens the door to us trying to fix it with yet more metaphysical action and not just going "oh, I need to work on the way I percieve your words because the way you express dissent doesn't immediately register to me and I've been steamrolling you for weeks. Shit, I'm sorry, can I ask some questions that will help me notice next time this comes up and react better?"

Finally I'm gonna end with this: transmisogyny as an understanding of lifetime patterns of experience is not One Thing that applies evenly to every TMA person. One of the biggest pieces of me landing on all this above is being frustrated about how everyone I know has a slightly different bar and I couldn't just "stop being transmisogynist", cuz different shit hurts different people. This is kinda my connecting thread to my earlier post about offensive jokes: once we hit the sphere of microaggressions and non-overt patterns and loved ones that want us to actually work on shit instead of divesting, there just isn't actually a prescriptive answer and we have to be familiar with the theory shorthands ppl around us are using, AND aware of how our personal tendencies and patterns of behavior fit into that theory, AND exercising curiosity and care to figure out what the tangible steps for people we love are.

*note that with all theory I do think that even this framing can get stretched to a point it is no longer accurate or useful to goals I think r worthwhile, but that's not my lane to talk about exhaustively.

[wardenparker]

The King's Queen - chapter 6

Javi Gutierrez x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

Prince Javier of the Balearic Islands has always known that one day he would have to follow in his father's footsteps to be the caring and steadfast king that his people deserve. What he did not know is that he would be stepping into the next phase of his life alongside a woman he has never met before - and amidst a rocky sea of unusual circumstances of every kind.

Rating: Mature, but this blog is always 18+ Word Count: 11.4k Warnings: *Blanket warnings for this series: arranged marriage, age gap, classicism, cursing, food and alcohol, mentions of American politics, deceased parents* So much more fluff with no apologies in sight. But also, discussions of death/deceased parent, investigations, and medications. Summary: A stressful breakfast is followed by even more stressful meetings for King Javier, but the sharing of a drink together each night is becoming tradition. Notes: Warning tags are DELIBERATELY VAGUE this week, my darlings. If you want a full disclosure of tags, containing spoilers, feel free to slide into my DMs before you read.

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5

The two days that pass seem to be in a push-and-pull relationship with time. Appointments drag, the clock seems to tick slower and slower every moment, but then the second that you have time with Javi time flies past you in a blink. A few guests have arrived to stay at the palace during the official week of mourning so your meals have been more formal, but you’re starting to settle into the routine. Today is different, but it will be good. Today your brother is arriving, and you practically run to the breakfast room after Flores helps you dress in an appropriate black dress with subdued jewelry. To go out you’ll need a hat and veil, but that will wait. For now, you’re eager to see Javi again after having spent another night in his arms in your bed.

Javi has already had a meeting. Three of them, in fact. Finding it highly irregular to have Lucas demanding an audience before breakfast, he had told his man to have him come to his dressing room. Discreetly staying behind to attend the meeting as his cousin had raged that the King’s body has not yet been displayed for his state funeral.

“Good morning.” His eyes light up when he sees you rushing towards him with a smile on your face.

“Good morning, mi amor.” It doesn’t matter to you that other people are in the room already, you walk directly to his arms and kiss his cheek. “How has your morning been?”

“Interesting.” He murmurs quietly and glances over at where his cousin is making himself comfortable at the breakfast table by demanding hotter tea.

His gaze tells you everything it needs to, and you offer him a pinched smile. If you were wary of Count Lucas Gutierrez of Ibiza at first glance, you can readily say now that you loathe and wish you could avoid the man. He is demanding, slimy, and arrogant. A narcissist. And of course all the things that go hand-in-hand with that. Instead of remarking on it though, you nod, and take your place to Javi’s left side at the table. “I have the first meeting with the wedding planner after lunch today,” you remind him conversationally as a footman sets your plate in front of you and another immediately appears to pour your coffee. Being served is still new and uncomfortable for you but you thank both men for doing their duties. “And Sebastian is arriving this morning.”

“Is it wise to bring in a foreigner?” Lucas has obviously been listening, even if he is a few seats away. Removed from his normal seat and pissy about it. “I mean,” he gives a flat smile that is meant to be charming but there is a cruel light to his eyes. “The position as personal assistant to the queen is one of high honor. What message would it send to give it to an American?”

“That the future queen is cognizant of the importance of family and the connection between the crown and her own parents, and that is why her brother has had the appointment.” Maisie drolls, sipping her own coffee as though Lucas were no more than a fly on the wall. “He is not getting a cabinet appointment, he will be managing her calendar. They are very different things.” Additionally, Julius has already arranged a member of staff to be the support person for the approaching wedding and coronation, to make sure that cultural expectations are met. The whole thing is actually remarkably well organized right out of the gate.

“Besides.” Javi adds. “The Queen’s personal assistant is just that – personal.” He smiles at you. “Just because I was comfortable with keeping Julius on does not mean that I could not have chosen someone else. There’s not been a Queen’s personal assistant since my mother’s death.”

“It will be a very smart decision, I am sure.” Maisie nods as if to dismiss any more question of the topic and picks up her fork to start eating only after the king does.

The way that Lucas smiles makes Gabriela stiffen beside you and her head ducks down even more towards her plate. Aware that his smile is not meant to be comforting. “Of course.” He coos, syrupy sweet. “I am only looking out for the optics of your reign, cousin. It is a heavy burden to carry for anyone, especially you.”

Looking up, you frown to see Gabriela looking spurned and Lucas gleaming with slick confidence beside her. If this keeps up you’ll be seating them on the opposite side of the table at meals. “All the more reason to surround ourselves with people we trust,” you tell him with a breezy air that belies the fact that you don’t trust him as far as you can throw him.

The silence over the breakfast table is a second too long before Lucas answers. “Of course.” He agrees, waving his hand like it was the natural answer.

“I trust everyone will be prepared for the formal processional to the cathedral tomorrow?” Javi had insisted on delaying the ceremony for a proper examination of his father’s body to be performed, and as such it will technically be a day late. The examination is necessary, though, to everyone’s mind. Everyone except Lucas, but Javi will have to tell you about that later.

“It should be today.” Lucas scoffs but shakes his head. “King Miguel will lie in state for the country to mourn.”

“We will be prepared.” Maisie assures you, steadily ignoring Lucas as she eats her breakfast. “Gabriela and I will be beside you, princessa.”

“I appreciate you both immensely.” Without admitting it in front of Lucas, you are fully grateful for their presence in your first true appearance as princess. So far the country has only heard your name, nothing more.

Javi is thinking along those same lines. “I am sorry that your first appearance must be my father’s funeral.”

"There are far worse circumstances we could be in, amor." You set your hand over his on the table momentarily and give it a supportive squeeze. "I am glad you don't have to face the occasion alone."

“It has been a difficult time for us all.” He smiles softly and is happy that you don’t let Lucas get to you. The man’s anger at the examination of his father’s body surprised him and now he doesn’t know what to think. Delaying the viewing by a day isn’t too much to ask.

"Have you decided how long you will wait to crown your princess?" That thought, at least, is happy, but it is surprising coming from Gabriela. Firstly because you did not think she would want to contemplate Javi committing to you more fully, but also because she rarely speaks when her husband is present.

“I have not decided.” Javi admits. “We could do the coronation on the same day as the wedding. But I do not know if Margarita would want that.” He knows a wedding day is special, and a coronation is as well. He doesn’t want you to feel as if the wedding is overshadowed by the affairs of state.

“Apologies, your Majesty.” Maisie smiles easily, not wanting Gabriela to feel embarrassed in front of her husband. “The Contessa is eager to celebrate a new princess. We know that the wedding is still being planned.” In fact, both women are an integral part of the planning process already. “But to elevate the princessa to Crowned Princess can be done simply, no?”

“Yes, you are right.” Javi sends Gabriela a small smile. “Perhaps we should crown the princess the day after the King’s funeral? Give the people a little light in such a dark time? What do you ladies think?”

“Very appropriate.” Maisie praises, looking pleased with the change of topic. “Perhaps in the gardens? It would be lovely, and very lively.”

“When your mother was crowned, there were sweets and a string quartet.” You remember reading all about it and seeing the pictures in online archives. “Maybe…we could pay tribute to her in a small way? Use the rose garden as she did?”

“I would like that.” Javi nods, swallowing harshly as he thinks of how considerate you are. “You should wear her tiara.” He suggests. “Unless you would like to pick another. Her first tiara was always her favorite. It has been in the family for over four hundred years.”

“I will wear whatever you like best.” Sentimental value, cultural value, all of it is wonderful. What matters most to you is making the statement that you are here to support Javi as he cares for his people. Your people. “I will add a meeting with the appropriate members of our staff for this morning. That is one less thing from your plate, querido. Maisie and Gabriela will help me make sure that it is perfect.”

“Tonight, perhaps we can visit the dungeon?” He asks you with a smirk. “That is where the Royal Jewels are kept.” He explains after a moment when it’s obvious you are confused.

“After dinner?” You suggest with a smile. If you go off together after dinner then there will be no detaching yourselves from other – presumably last minute – questions or issues. You can simply climb into bed together afterward.

“I think that is a perfect way to end the evening.” Javi hums and Maisie can’t help but giggle. “Of course it is.” She announces to the table. “It’s every girl's dream to play with priceless, royal jewels.”

The entendre is not lost on you, and you almost choke on the sip of coffee you had just taken. Narrowing your eyes at her across the table, you manage to barely swallow your smirk. “I am sure the Crown Jewels will be treated with the utmost respect,” you answer, knowing that Javi is not likely to be in the mood for anything besides more cuddling on the night before his father’s funeral.

“The utmost respect.” She agrees with a small wink, ignoring the way that Lucas pouts because the conversation is not going the way that he wants.

Julius appears, oblivious to the barely contained giggles radiating from yourself and Dama Maisie, and moves to Javi's side silently. "Your Majesty," he murmurs only when he has reached the space between you and Javi at the table. "My apologies for the intrusion, but your next meeting is in a few minutes."

“I am afraid I must leave you.” Javi stands and leans over to kiss your cheek.

“Cousin, I can attend in your place.” Lucas jumps to his feet, abandoning his own breakfast. “So you do not have to worry about such things.”

There is a moment where the entire table pauses, all heads turning to look at the count in confusion. The outburst is entirely unprompted and more than that, it is unwanted. "The king can attend his own meetings, but your generous offer to help is duly noted." Turning back to Javi, you place a kiss on his cheek in turn and give him an encouraging smile. "If you are able to join us for lunch I will be very happy to see you, but otherwise we will catch up on our meetings at supper tonight. Have a good and productive day, mi amor."

He nods and along with Julius, quickly disappears out of the breakfast room. “That was odd, was it not?” Javi asks his assistant as they walk down the hall. As his father’s assistant, he would be around Lucas more when the count was working closely with King Miguel.

“I wish I could agree, your Majesty.” Julius walks half a step behind him, as is traditional, but makes sure to keep his voice low. “But it is far from the first time that the count has offered to take up royal duties unsolicited.”

Javi stops and turns towards Julius with his head tilted slightly, a frown on his face. “He was often around the palace.” He realizes. “Did he spend much time asking for additional duties from the king?”

Careful not to sound as though he is passing judgment of any kind, Julius does nod and urges the king to keep walking. “He has been desirous of a cabinet position,” he explains as matter-of-factly as possible. “For quite some time.”

“What were the king's thoughts on this?” It’s easier to think of his father as ‘the king’ right now. Allowing him to compartmentalize like Miguel had told him he would need to once he had taken the throne.

“That…” Julius pauses, recollecting King Miguel’s exact words with care. “Until he could be desirous of the position because of an urge to help instead of an urge for power, it would not be allowed.”

“I see.” The journey to the room where he was having his meeting continues as he thinks about this carefully. “Who is the meeting with?” He asks, the meetings over the past days jumbling together through his grief.

“This is the cultural attaché, your Majesty.” It does not phase him one iota that the new king seems to have forgotten — having constant demands on your attention would make any man’s memory blur. “With the sculptor who will be creating the statue in your late father’s memory. They are bringing miniature models for you to choose the tribute you think is most appropriate.”

“I see.” He knows that it is important he chooses the best one. “The meeting with my father’s doctor is later today though?”

“It will be after the attaché.” Julius replies with a nod. “I knew you would be anxious to hear the results, so it will be this morning.”

“Good.” Javi nods. “After that meeting, I wish to speak to the cabinet members. Convey the information myself.”

“Of course, your Majesty.” Toying with the king’s schedule is nothing new to his assistant. He will make whatever King Javier needs happen with the least fuss possible.

“Are we pushing anything too vital?” He is aware that he will be incredibly busy during the transition, but he wants to give any news to his cabinet personally. Most of them served with King Miguel and he felt he owed them that courtesy.

“Not if you do not mind taking a working lunch, sire.” Just because King Miguel had a habit of working through meals did not mean that King Javier would be the same way, and Julius wants to make sure he knows which rules are hard and fast for the new monarch. If meals with his fiancée are a priority, Julius will do everything he can to make it happen.

“I think that as long as you can assure that I have dinner with Margarita, then working through lunch should not be an issue.” He knows that he will have to make some sacrifices and changes, especially in the early days of his reign so he is successful.

“That is what will happen, then.” Filing away that lunch meetings are acceptable but dinner with the future queen is a priority, Julius nods and walks with the king into his office. “I will show in your next appointment, sire.”

The king’s working office isn’t a throne room like so many envision. Perhaps in the days of old, but the large office is functional. The desk is nearly three hundred years old, made from hardwood that has been lovingly polished and maintained. The heavy leather chairs that sit in front of it are meant to be comfortable and yet be slightly imposing. He had been in them many a time and can attest to that when his father was still sitting on the other side.

Julius escorts an elegant woman of around thirty into the room along with the cultural attaché that Javi has met many times at various events over the last ten years or so. Both parties show their reverence with a deep curtsy and a bow, respectively, and the woman carries a large case in her nervous hands.

“Good morning.” Javi is nervous as he shows her over towards the separate area that is less formal than the desk. The couches and coffee table were picked by his grandmother, although his mother had them recovered after he was out of his toddler phase. “Please, sit. Would you like a refreshment?”

The woman shakes her head politely and manages a smile. Her case is heavy and she sets it on the floor to open it carefully. “Thank you for making time for us, your Majesty. We know your schedule is a busy one.”

“A statue in honor and celebration of King Miguel is very important to me.” He promises as he watches her carefully. “His reign should be memorialized for the people.”

"In that, your Majesty, I believe we are in agreement." In extracting her figurines from her case, she sets them carefully on the coffee table between her and the king. "The late King Miguel, may he rest in peace, was very involved with the growth of King's College on Menorca. They have offered us a place on their campus for his tribute with your approval."

He takes his time, wondering how many hours have been put into these figurines. Picking up one and his lip trembles slightly when he sees how perfectly it resembles his father when he was a younger man. “They are exquisite.”

"I—thank you, sire." The young woman is very aware of her own abilities, but the unsolicited compliment makes her practically tremble with pride. "I was a recipient of the arts scholarship at King's College that His Majesty King Miguel, may he rest in peace, made in your mother's name after she passed. So you see...without their generosity I might never have been able to pursue my dream. And so this means a great deal to me, as well."

“Then it is fitting that you create this statue.” He’s touched by the story. “And include that story underneath your name on the plaque.”

"If I may, sire?" The young woman picks up the figurine that depicts King Miguel standing, with one hand resting over his heart and the other holding a book in its palm. He is wearing his most habitual choice of crown and there is a flower in his breast pocket. "The flower is called a Gloria cosmo," she explains, pointing it out carefully. "For Queen Gloria, may she rest in peace. And the book..." She smiles shyly. "I wondered if you might know his favourite book. It is not something that was widely known."

He smiles softly, knowing this is the one that he wants for him. “One Hundred Years of Solitude.” He answers quietly, his thumb brushing over the figure. “I think that I wish for this to be the statue, but—” he looks up at her. “I wish to ask a question.”

“Of course, your Majesty.” The artist nods immediately. “Anything.”

“I want to know how much for all of the figures. These.” He asks, biting his lip. “I want to buy them.”

“Your Majesty I could not possibly.” Within seconds she is shaking her head and motioning for him to take the figures right away. “It would be my honour to give them to you. And the final statue will have a likeness of Marquez’s masterpiece in his hand.”

“No, I must pay you.” He insists. “You have spent considerable time on these.”

“Perhaps…” A small smile graces her lips thinking that the new king might cherish these statuettes of his father, made by her own hands. “Perhaps you might remember my name when the guest list for a royal event comes up. Your Majesty is one of the only people in the world who can actually pay in exposure.”

He cocks his head to the side and he hums. "I see." He leans back and weighs the figurine in his hand as he looks towards the others still sitting on the edge of the case. "Then I will have another request of you?"

The young woman looks to the man she came in with – the cultural attaché who had worked with King Miguel for numerous years. When the man seems be as confused as she is, she simply turns back to the king and nods. "Of course, sire."

"The princess, my— the future queen, will be Crowned in the gardens the day after my father's funeral." He explains. "I would like you there. And if I may ask another favor, I would like a figurine of that moment. Her first moment wearing the Crown of Mallorca." He gives a small smile. "As a wedding present to her."

She melts in her seat, one hand over her heart in almost the same expression as the statue she has created. "It will be a momentous occasion," she murmurs, quietly in awe. "And it is a very romantic gift. I will make certain that it perfect."

"That, I must insist on there being payment." Javi tells her. "No matter how much you offer it as a gift."

"As your Majesty wishes." It will mean a great and meaningful commission for her, to have done two pieces for the crown, and she nods gratefully. "If there is anything specific you wish to be included in the image, it would be useful to know ahead of time," she tells him then, taking out the sketchbook that she had brought in case the king did not approve of any of her designs and she needed to start from scratch. "A material you might prefer, or a favourite stone of the princess's?"

"I think we should use local limestone." Javi frowns slightly and looks towards the artist with a curious expression. "Would that be too hard? Too soft? I had thought marble, but I think that it would be more symbolic that way."

"Limestone is perfect because it is soft." The young artist assures her king. "That is what makes it desirable for my craft. I will plan to use limestone as you suggest, sire. It will be a beautiful tribute to your princess." She, like everyone else in the country, was surprised to hear of a princess's existence but that surprise has become intrigue. No one ever thought that Prince Javier would settle down, and now it seems that he has found his match.

"Good." He sits back, relieved that he had chosen correctly and a small hum of pleasure comes out of his throat. "I will make sure that my assistant gets your contact information and you are formally invited."

"Thank you very much, your Majesty." She is beaming at him as she clasps her empty case shut again and stands with the older man who had shown her in. She curtsies again and it is surer this time – the nervous shake of anxiety gone from her posture and replaced with excitement.

"Come," Julius motions toward the door they had entered mere minutes ago. "I will collect your information and make sure you are added to the formal invitation lists." He will, without mentioning it for now, add this charming young woman to all of the guest lists for the foreseeable future. It will be good to have new faces in attendance and especially those who represent the next generation of the kingdom's future.

Javi continues to stare at the figurines of his father, noting the craftsmanship and the way that he can practically see his father's face in the material. Making him miss the man even more and he sighs as he picks up the entire set to bring over to the bookshelf behind his desk.

When Julius returns a few minutes later, he is nearly silent while he observes the new king at his desk, only clearing his throat when he is certain that he will not disturb or frighten the young king with his appearance. "The royal physician is here, your Majesty."

Theres a slight sense of dread that curls in the pit of his stomach, wanting to make him refuse the visit. As absurd as it is considering he had asked the doctor to meet with him. Insisted upon it. Now that the moment is here, he cannot shy away from it. A document with his father's seal is under his fingertips as he looks down, admiring the decisive signature. "Send him in." He nods, pushing down the childish fear and facing the truth to come.

Julius nods, retreating for only a moment before reappearing with Dr. Garza. The man's presence is a familiar one for Javi, as he has been the Royal family's primary physician for nearly ten years, but today he is nervous and his movements stunted. He almost looks scared. "Your Majesty," he murmurs, bowing deeply to the new king.

“Thank you for taking the time to see me.” Javi is very aware that the doctor is a very busy man and just because he is king does not mean the people come at his beck and call. His father has continuously reminded him that the monarchy was there to serve them, not the other way around. “Can I offer you a drink?”

"I think it would be best...to abstain, sire." Dr. Garza steps forward again and Julius motions for him to sit, but the doctor remains standing. "I am scheduled to examine your fiancée after this meeting and I would hate for any impairment in my judgement to lead to an undesirable result."

At first, Javi frowns, immediately wondering if there is something wrong in the short time you have been apart. Only to realize why the doctor would be examining you. "I see." He clears his throat and knows that he shouldn't argue against the tradition, knowing that you have been run through full physicals already in the US, but of course his own country would demand their own examination.

"I am sure the princess is in perfect health. It is only a matter of custom," the doctor assures him, but shifts nervously again on the rug.

"Is there something upsetting you?" Javi asks, motioning towards the couches in case the doctor wished for a more informal setting. Some do no like to feel as if they are called onto the carpet, he knows that too well.

"Your Majesty, the final examination of your father..." Dr. Garza gulps down a heavy sigh. "It yielded something...unexpected."

"Had the cancer spread?" He asks softly, his eyes betraying the hurt of losing his father so quickly after finding out about his sickness. If only there had been more time.

"Well...yes...sire." Garza licks his lips nervously and extracts an envelope from the pocket of his jacket which lists all of the official findings in medical specificity. It is his job to put those findings into layman's terms. "The cancer had spread. With what I found, I would have optimistically have given your father three-to-six more weeks. However...the advancement of his disease is not what I was referring to as unexpected."

Three-to-six more weeks. Less time than he had been told, more time than he had. Javi looks over at the figurines on the bookshelf. "What else would be unexpected?" He asks softly, unsure of much medically.

"There was a medicine found in your father's blood work that was not prescribed to him." Though Garza hesitates to use the term drug, that is technically correct. He just knows that it has negative connotations so he says 'medicine' instead. "It is a prescription medication that neither I nor any of the doctors at the hospital ever recommended or prescribed for him. And it..." Garza shifts in his seat. "It is not something that we would have recommended for him either, given that it often does not interact well with the chemotherapy medication that he was properly prescribed."

Silence fills the office for a long moment, Javi absorbing the news and feeling the way that his stomach churns. "He was...he was poisoned?" He manages after a moment. "Is that what you are telling me? The king was murdered."

"It is not strictly what I would call a poisoning, sire." Dr. Garza interjects quickly, feeling panic strangle his own heart in a moment of intense irony. "But we need to determine where and how the king obtained this warfarin. You see..." Gods help him, he has to explain this to the man's son... "It was in the bottle that he had in his pocket. But the label was different. So either the king had replaced his diazepam with the warfarin that caused the blood clots that killed him...or someone else did."

"My father did not like taking medication." Javi reveals, frowning as he looks down at his hands, trying to think of what could have possibly happened. "He took what he had to, but he – he wouldn't – there's no way he would change his medications out." It feels like his chest is tightening and he shakes his head. "I— no, he couldn't have – Julius—" He turns towards the man who probably spent more time with the King than anyone else.

"An investigation will have to be opened." Julius advises solemnly, the tightness in his voice betraying just how troubling he finds this fact. "This could only have been done by someone close to the king, so I can only imagine that the royal guard will want to undertake the investigation personally. And as quietly as possible." He shakes his head, knowing that he will be a primary focus on the investigation early on. He hardly ever left King Miguel's side for the last few months. "As quietly as possible, sire," he advises again. "Or else whoever did this may flee."

Javi's eyes close and he takes a moment, needing it to relearn how to breathe. "Make it happen." He orders, opening his eyes again to look up at his assistant.

"Yes, your Majesty." Julius motions to Dr. Garza that the meeting is over, ushering him from the room, when he returns a moment later after escorting the doctor out of the ante-office, he returns with a solemn, drawn expression. "I would not mention this to anyone beside the princess," Julius cautions, knowing that the new king has chosen his wife-to-be to keep his secrets. "We cannot yet know who was involved."

"I don't know if I can tell her." Javi admits. The truth of this is just too horrific, but he doesn't know if he can honestly keep it to himself.

"This is a heavy fact to carry on your own, sire." Julius warns, though he understands that it is difficult to process. Or to speak the words aloud. "I would offer myself to keep this secret, but I know that I will be investigated heavily because of how close I was to your father. They will suspect me immediately simply because I had access to him." Shaking his head, Julius stands in front of the young king and his voice turns firm. "May I speak freely, your Majesty?" He asks with caution.

"I don't believe that you would have murdered my father." Javi admits quietly, not really meaning to speak his mind, but he is too off kilter to guard his words right now and he would rather be frank. "You loved him, there would have been nothing for you to gain." He frowns and remembers that the other man had asked to speak freely. "Yes, please speak your mind."

"That was all I was going to say," Julius murmurs, sitting down across from the younger man with a soft, melancholy smile. "That I loved your father very much, and that all of the best things in my life were things that he had had a hand in. He encouraged me to better myself, even in his employ, and even introduced me to my wife. I—" Julius shakes his head again. "I cannot possibly express my gratitude for everything your father did for me. So no, your Majesty. I never would have wanted him to leave this world. Not ever."

He had never known that. Not that his father had caused the introduction between Julius and his beloved wife. "I know." Javi nods. "I know that you would never harm him. But I need to know who would."

"Unfortunately, there are many candidates." It is not something anyone ever likes to contemplate – the thing that would cause someone to actually commit murder – and Julius shifts in his seat to look King Javier in the eyes. "But we will find the person who did. I am sure of it."

"I will be investigated as well." Javi seems almost surprised when he realizes that. "They will look into me for my father's death."

"Yes." Again, Julius nods. "And your princess, as well. But you will both be quickly eliminated. They will only suspect you formally so that they can say they overturned every possible angle." He does not believe that the young king had any hand in the misdeed whatsoever and he knows that the guard will not believe it either.

"Perhaps it is a good." He leans forward and wipes his face with his hand. "Looking at everyone. I don't want this person to get away with this."

"I cannot imagine that anyone does." Reluctantly, Julius stands again and smooths the trousers of his suit carefully. "I will bring the Head of the Guard to you, unless you would like some time to yourself before having that discussion?"

"Give me two minutes." Javi tells him quietly. He knows that he cannot fall apart, not now. He will wait until he has time alone with you.

"Of course, your Majesty." Julius goes out, intent on ordering a cup of tea from the kitchens to be delivered to the king immediately. There are some things that are just good for the soul, and that includes tea when one is upset.

The window of the study is actually a set of French doors that lead off to the rear of the palace, overlooking the gardens. He wonders how many times his father had decided to take a stroll to clear his mind.

For a few moments he stares off into the middle distance, contemplating taking a walk himself, before his personal cell phone buzzes in his pocket. It is not often that he gets a message there since few people actually have the number, but when your name flashes across the screen it is the best possible scenario for someone contacting him.

Margarita: Just wanted to see how you're doing and make sure that you're remembering to breathe. Te amo, querido! Julius says you're working through lunch, so I will see you for dinner tonight. ❤

He smiles down at the screen, already feeling slightly relieved at the message you sent him. Not knowing how you manage to do it, but you had an uncanny knack about putting him at ease. He takes a breath and types back his own message.

I am looking forward to dinner and even more, to sleeping in your arms again. I love you.

******

After breakfast, Flores quietly comes to your left shoulder and leans down. “Your Highness, the plane is twenty minutes out. Would you like to meet it on arrival? I can have one of the drivers take you in the car or in the boat if you would prefer.” She asks softly, making sure an obviously curious Lucas cannot overhear her.

“The boat would be wonderful.” To show your brother his first glimpse of the palace the same way you saw it sounds perfect, and it will be a little faster than taking a car. More direct, at least. Given the fact that you’re supposed to meet with the royal physician this morning, you can’t dally too much in picking up Sebastian.

“Of course, your Highness.” Flores loves the role of temporary assistant but doesn’t begrudge the addition of your brother to help manage your day to day affairs. She will be working closely with him and wonders what he is like. Hopefully he will be as kind as you are. “I will have the footmen travel to the airport with a truck large enough to carry back any and all personal items your brother might have brought.” She curtsies slightly and quickly backs away to carry out her tasks.

“Well, it seems as if that is my cue.” You had sat at the breakfast table with Maisie, Gabriela, and Lucas a little longer after Javi left for his meeting but it is time to get the day rolling. “Ladies, I will see you soon. Good morning, Count.”

Lucas narrows his eyes, wondering where you are scurrying off to. He doesn’t like being kept in the dark. “Gabriela.” He grunts. “Let’s go for a stroll in the gardens. It has been a while and I miss my wife.”

No one at the table believes that for a second, but Gabriela dutifully stands and excuses herself to follow him out the door. Maisie, left to her own devices until you return, decides to go and see what information she can put together on the style and color choices from the last few royal weddings as a resource for you. Reading and research are one of her strong suits and it will keep her busy for a time.

As promised, when you reach the dock, the same speedboat that had brought you across the small channel is waiting with a driver that is in a water friendly version of the drivers for all the palace cars. “Your Highness.” The swarthy man’s coloring is indicative of a man who spends his life on the water and he bows respectfully before he steps into the boat to offer you assistance climbing aboard. “The tower radioed. We will arrive five minutes before the jet lands if we push off now.”

“Thank you very much.” You are careful getting into the boat in a dress and heels but the man keeps you steady, waiting until you are seated to start off for the private landing strip at the airport. The sun is bright today but the weather is not too hot, making the breeze that blows over the water as your driver cuts through the waves seem very refreshing. If it were not for the impending funeral, you might be tempted to call the day’s atmosphere perfect. But there is much to do before perfect can even be thought of.

There’s not to be much conversation as the boat slices through the water but the driver cannot help but look back to check on the newest Princess. Curious about you and he smiles when he sees that you are soaking up the sun with your head back and your eyes closed for a moment. It seems as though you have a bit of the Prince’s spirit and that is a good thing in his opinion.

Sea air helps immensely as you try to shake off the mood Lucas left over the breakfast table, and by the time Valentino – you asked his name – cuts the boat’s engine at the dock you’re feeling much better. Sebastian’s arrival is only five minutes away and the only thing to remember is not to squeak and run down the strip to hug him. That would be…slightly less than dignified.

“I will wait with the boat, your Highness.” Valentino tells you before motioning towards the boat. “Would you like a drink while you wait?”

“If you tell me that you have a bar stashed in his boat somewhere, I shall be very entertained to see that one day.” You smile, and when the older man chuckles, you laugh with him. “Thank you, Valentino, but I am just fine. I will return to you with our other passenger in a few minutes.”

“Yes, your highness.” He smiles and bows again. There is a small bar built into the back of the control panel and perhaps the prince will show you since he loves to drive the boat around. For now, he will wait for you to return.

The jet is just taxiing on the runway when you reach it, and the difference between this morning and when you arrived a few days ago is stark. This morning you are wearing mourning clothes and a modest veil, but nothing in the world could disguise the ring on your finger or the way the guards on duty snap to attention when they see you. Your face has already been in the tabloids, so it is not exactly difficult for them to do so. Instead of saying anything you merely stand politely by, waiting for the door to open and expel your brother into the morning sun. Hopefully he’s slept on his flight. There is a lot to do today.

Sebastian adjusts his suit that he had quickly changed into. The jet had the bonus of a bedroom in it and he had been extremely grateful for the chance to try and sleep since he knows the first few days will be chaos. He will be learning a new regimen and new country in addition to dealing with a king’s death. Nodding to the stewardess, he thanks her and exits the jet, immediately looking around for his baby sister.

Stepping out into the middle of the runway once you see the familiar line of your brother’s trusty black suit, you give him a very polite wave instead of hopping forward like you want to. You’re on display now, and manners are everything, so as soon as Sebastian is in front of you, you mouth “Bow” at him silently. He looks at you with a half smirk before acquiescing, and only after that do you step forward with open arms to give your brother a hug.

It is very different having to bow to your sister, but Sebastian makes up for it with the crushing force of his hug. “God I missed you.” He admits, observing propriety by not swinging you around like he might have before. “How are you doing? How is he doing? What can I do to help?”

“I missed you too, Sebby.” The admittance and the force of hugging him is an enormous relief and you barely manage to stop yourself from giggling. “We’re doing pretty well, all things considered, but there is a lot to fill you in on. Let’s get back to the palace and I’ll get you as up-to-speed as I can until we’re alone. There is a lot going on.”

“Of course.” He nods and takes your arm. “Um…where is the car?” He asks, looking around and not seeing one.

“Did you honestly think I wasn’t going to give you the coolest arrival I possibly could?” You grin at him and steer him toward the docks, waving your arm grandly in presentation. “Valentino is taking us back in the boat, and you’re going to get the best view of the palace from the water. I promise.”

“Wow, seriously?” He asks, a boyish grin on his face as he takes in the sleek lines of the speedboat. “That’s mighty fancy, your Highness.” He teases. “All for little ol’ me?”

“Javi picked me up in it when I got here a few days ago.” And the mortification you felt at not recognizing him immediately is still burned into your brain. “But I figured…if you’re going to be working and living here, you might as well get the perks of how beautiful it is right off the bat.”

“That’s…incredibly romantic for a …how did you once put it?” Sebastian hums evilly. “I think you said that he was ‘a soulless, boring, impotent, stuck-up prick’.” He knows you were drunk and venting all your fears, but the soft smile on your face when you mention ‘Javi’ must be pounced on like only a sibling can.

“Oh my god, do not say shit like that out loud in public anymore,” you hiss, stifling a laugh because you know he’s quoting you exactly. “And for the record? I haven’t slept with him yet. I mean I’ve slept with him, like actual sleep, but his father just died. The mood is not exactly sexy.”

“But you want to.” That is surprising, considering you used to compare yourself to a sacrificial virgin having to be dragged to the marriage bed. You hadn’t been amused when he reminded you that you weren’t virginal.

“I—” Honestly you can’t even deny it, and you end up shrugging right before you get to the boat. “I really do. But I’ve waited this long. A little more time won’t kill me.”

“This long?” Your brother barks out a laugh. “He must be amazing.” He smirks. “My baby sister looks so happy.”

“He’s…really kind of extraordinary, if I’m honest.” You fluster as Valentino helps you into the boat and you settle back in your seat again. “I am happy, Sebby. I know it’s different than what I expected, but maybe that’s a good thing. Having my expectations subverted works for me, apparently.”

“Apparently.” He snorts, leaning back and watching you for a moment. “So, how are you handling it? You said you’re happy, but how’s the stress?”

"Some aspects are surprisingly less stressful than I had anticipated, others are more so." Motioning for him to sit down beside you, you thank Valentino as he sets off for the palace again without a word. "Like the first thing you'll be present for?" You murmur to your brother, lowering your voice. "Is an examination with the royal physician."

“Oh boy.” Seb pulls out his phone and opens his calendar. “Your last period was two and a half weeks ago, right?” He asks, confirming a date and then looking up at you for your answer.

"Yes, it was, and I am not going to pretend that your magical ability to always have chocolate and ice cream in the apartment at exactly the right time is not half my motivation for making you my personal assistant." That makes both of you laugh, and you get momentarily distracted by the shine of your engagement ring in the sunlight before you look back at your brother. "I'm...I'm honestly really glad you're here, Sebastian. The more I think about it, I don't know if I could do this without you."

“You’ll be running circles around me in no time, Princess.” He tells you with confidence. “You’ve always had the uncanny ability to immediately master something if you really want it. And this?” He cocks his head at you and gives you a brotherly smile. “You’ve decided that you want this.”

"I really do." It's almost a shock to your system to hear it put so bluntly, but you can't deny it. "He's wonderful. And he's going to be such a good king. Anything I can do to help him, I want to do all of it just to see him be brilliant at something so enormous."

“You will be brilliant at it as well.” Sebastian promises. “You have been born for this and now your heart is in it as well.”

"I think you'll like him." As the speedboat rounds the corner and the palace comes into view, you reach over and squeeze your brother's hand. "But first? Welcome to your new home."

“Oh wow.” His eyes widen and he has to stand, taking in the view is the magnificent palace, imagining that if it’s this stunning on the outside, it will be even more so on the inside. “It’s – you’re literally living out a fairy tale.”

"I really am." That releases a torrent of giggles from you, and you have to gather yourself up quickly to be princess-like again. Sebastian's reaction is everything to you, and you can't help but gaze up at the palace with the same awe. "Your room is technically in the staff wing but Javi let me choose the room myself. It's basically the size of our old apartment inside the palace."

“As it should be.” He decides, adopting a snooty tone playfully. “Seriously though? I’ll be fine anywhere as long as I have internet.”

"Fastest internet I've ever experienced in my life." You promise him as Valentino turns the speedboat around the corner of the cliffside and toward the dock for private palace use. For royal use. "Hopefully I'll get to introduce you to Javi's assistant fairly quickly. Julius is invaluable and I know you two have e-mailed back and forth a little but he really is just a miracle in human form."

“Who is your maid?” He asks, scrolling through his information. “Flores? She would be the one to ask about attire and things like that until I get my bearings?”

"Flores is a godsend." As the palace gets closer and closer, you feel yourself taking a surprising breath of relief. As if you had missed it for the thirty or so minutes you were gone. "You'll meet her right away. Between the two of you I really think you'll be able to cover all the bases pretty easily. And then there's my ladies in waiting for all the other bits of guidance."

“Ladies in waiting.” Shaking his head, he marvels over the way your life has changed. “I’m sure I will get to know them as well.”

"It's a whole new world here, big brother." You hum as the speedboat comes to a graceful stop at the dock. "And I think you're actually going to like it."

******

Dinner is stuffy and formal due to new arrivals in the palace. Extended family has come to the capital and will be staying through the funeral and your crowning, though they were polite enough not to interrogate you directly at the table. As soon as you could politely get away, you took Javi's arm and happily let him lead you away to have a cocktail together on your balcony. Another pitcher of that delicious Clover Club Cocktail and two glasses will be waiting for you to unwind with.

Every step towards the seclusion of the balcony that he has been sharing with you brings a little nervousness for Javi. It's a good possibility that it would become a tradition, one that he would enjoy immensely and tonight his heart is heavy with the knowledge that he has. Although he knows he needs to tell you, it's not something that he wants to start, keeping secrets. But how does one tell them that they will be investigated for a king's murder?

"You seem distracted, querido." It's just a small observation, but he had seemed to have a dark cloud over his head all through dinner. "If you do not have the energy to go to the vault after your day I will more than understand."

"No." His expression clears and he sends you a smile as he reaches over and pats your hand. "I feel as though the happiness of the moment will be much needed in the coming days." He admits softly. "My apologies if I have been negligent in attention."

“Not at all.” You shake your head and sip your drink, but turn to give him your full attention on the balcony. “Can you tell me what is upsetting you?”

"I met with my father's doctor today." He tells you quietly, looking down at his drink and sighing. "There will be an official inquiry in King Miguel's murder."

"Murder?" Hissing the word on the quietest whisper you can summon, you feel like your heart has stopped beating and it's a miracle you don't completely drop your cocktail. "My god. Javi, I'm— are you okay?" Setting the glass aside, you immediately reach for him to offer the comfort that you've already learned he craves. You're very alike in that way. "They're certain that it was intentional?"

"He— his medications were in purposefully tampered with. What was in the bottle was not the prescription and my father did not like taking medicine to begin with." Javi explains.

"Shit..." The word drags out as you shake your head, and you take a moment to breath as Javi leans into your arms out on the balcony. "I'm so sorry, love. So, so sorry." What else do you even say? His father was intentionally killed. Assassinated. It's completely beyond belief.

"They— they are going to question you." He decides you need to know everything about it. "Question me. I would rather they insult my integrity than for someone to get away with taking the last few weeks I had with my father away from me."

"Of course they will." You nod, albeit slowly, and gently squeeze his arms as he leans against you. "They should question everyone who had something to benefit from your father's death. Of course that includes us." Perhaps it is a particularly American point of view, but you don't even consider it an insult of integrity. It's just being thorough, and you can't even imagine a world in which this investigation is not thorough.

He sighs softly, relieved that you understand. He had been worried that you wouldn't, and resist an investigation, which would only make them look into you more. "They will exclude us quickly. It was never a secret about my desire to not be king."

"I imagine they will look into me much more deeply." A fact which, again, does not bother you. In fact you're fairly surprised at how unbothered you truly feel. It isn't even for Javi's benefit. "If the people do not know that their kings have arranged marriages already, they will find out soon enough."

"You have just arrived, and had few meetings with the king." Javi is sure they will clear you out of their questions. You did not kill his father.

"Javi." With one hand on his cheek, you offer him the most reassuring smile you can possibly muster in this moment. "I did not kill your father, and I had absolutely no reason to want to hurt him. But the investigation has to treat me as an equal suspect to everyone else, which means they will look into me in every way. And that definitely includes how you and I met." A few days is no time at all, and it will not take them long to clear your name from the list, but it still has to happen.

"I know." He leans into your touch and presses his forehead against yours. "I love you, Margarita. I don't know if I would be this calm if you weren't here."

"I love you, too, querido." It is deeply, earth-shakingly true, and you lean in to press a kiss to his cheek. "We will get through this, and we will see the person responsible punished." Somehow you're certain of that, and it's a strength that you'll have to draw on in the weeks or even months to come. Depending on how long the investigation takes. "And in the meantime, it is our job to set an example for the people. To give them good things to look forward to despite the gloom."

"Which is why we need to keep our plan to visit the dungeon." Javi insists. "Our plans should not change because of this."

"Then how about we have a drink and go downstairs?" You suggest, wrapping one arm around his waist. "We can have our second glass when we come back up, before we crawl into bed?"

"That sounds like a perfect ending to a rather stressful day." He admits quietly. "Although one day, I swear you will be tired of me."

"I find that highly unlikely, handsome." Picking up your glass again, you raise it to him in a small salute and take a sip. "I don't remember Cinderella ever getting tired of Prince Charming in the fairy tales."

"That's because the movie ends at the 'happily ever after'." Javi jokes. "You don't see where Prince Charming snores or does other things in his sleep. Or chews with his mouth open."

"What else do you do in your sleep besides cuddle me?" Deciding to turn the conversation to something distracting like silliness, you raise one eyebrow at him and smirk. "And get morning wood, of course."

“I don’t know, I’m asleep.” He cannot believer that his face does not burst into flames it is so hot. “And I— I apologize again for that. I should not have pressed it against you.”

"You don't need to apologize." He had been embarrassed by it this morning but you waved it off, and now you simply smile. "Honestly I might have been more upset if it wasn't there," you tease gently. "At least I know you were having good dreams."

“I dreamed of you.” He admits, reaching for your hand. “And I know that if it was under different circumstances, I would ask to touch you.”

"There's no pressure for it to happen until you're absolutely ready," you promise him, watching your fingers lace through his as he holds your hand. "But when you're ready, I can all but guarantee that I will be, too."

“You want me?” Perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising, but it is. Surprising in the light that he’s aware of his own appeal but had thought that it would be something that was admitting later on, after time was spent together.

Charmed by the sweet softness of his reaction, you nod gently and shift slightly closer to him on the balcony as you sip your drinks together. “Badly,” you admit with a laugh. “But I’ll happily wait as long as you need. There really is no pressure.”

“There’s pressure.” Javi snorts, grinning when you do giggle. “But I want our first time to be free of the black cloud over us right now.”

“So maybe I should say that there’s no rush,” you clarify. “I had my appointment with the royal physician today, by the way. Officially not pregnant. But I knew that already.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through such an exam.” He apologizes, picking up your free hand and kissing it.

“The doctor was very polite, and it was done quickly. Honestly? I wish all gynecologist exams were a simple ultrasound and a pee test.” Given what they really are like, you just shrug and offer Javi a smile. “And now it’s done. So the decision of when to take the next step is purely up to us.”

“I want it to happen naturally.” Javi admits quietly, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close. “Not because of anything but that you and I want each other.”

“It will be. Whenever we’re ready.” You’re certainly not about to pressure him, and you tilt your head back to kiss his cheek softly. “But until then, I do like waking up in your arms.”

He hums, happy that you enjoy being close to him because your presence calms him down and he has slept through the night when he hadn't expected to sleep at all. "Let’s go look at every woman's favorite thing." He teases. "Jewelry."

“I’m not even going to debate you on that.” The two of you finish your first glasses together and he leads the way – down into the bowels of the palace to the vault where the Crown Jewels are kept.

"The dungeon was converted around the time of my great-grandfather." Javi tells you as the stone walls start to slowly get closer and the electrical runs in conduit since it was obviously added after construction. "The security has improved, but I don't think anyone really wants to break into a dungeon. For obvious reasons."

"They would if they knew what was down here." There are soldiers posted along the long hallway – palace security wearing a badge of special significance, and you follow their lead by returning their small nods of acknowledgement on your way to the main door. A broad man with an unmoving expression takes one look at the pair of you and moves to unlock the door with an elaborate code.

"Anything and everything in here can be worn." He explains. "Although some are used for special occasions only."

"Good lord..." You murmur, gasping softly as you look around the twinkling room at all of the gems winking back at you in their soft, golden lighting. "I didn't think there would be so much!"

"It is a lot, isn't it?" Javi asks as he looks around, trying to see it through someone’s eyes who has never seen it before.

"I mean it's beautiful, it's just...a whole lot." Your hand is still in his, and you tug him forward a little so that you're both fully inside the middle of the room. "Do you want to show me your mother's tiara, querido?"

Of course he does. “It is over here, with my father’s— my crown.” The lights shine on the pair as they sit on crushed velvet pillows.

There is a trio of headpieces under the brightest light in the dungeon. King Miguel's preferred crown sits beside a more petite version of its magnificence, and beside that there is a glamorous tiara of countless carefully carved diamonds in a combination of shapes and sizes to create a repeated teardrop pattern that takes your breath away.

"It's gorgeous," you sigh, equal parts afraid to go anywhere near it and wishing you could reach out and touch it.

“Perhaps you should try on the others first.” Javi offers, pushing a button on the wall so that it slides open and rows of tiara’s and crowns appear. “So you can say you didn’t just choose the first one.”

"I don't think anyone could blame me for choosing the first option, but I'm also not about to protest looking at more tiaras..." It's such a surreal thing to say, and you cling a little more tightly to Javi's hand as he walks you over to the wall that just popped open in every conceivable way. "Do you have a favourite?" You ask him, eyes drifting over the large collection. "Besides your mother's, I mean?"

“I do.” Javi moves over to the case and selects a specific on. It’s too elegant for his more causal dinner suit. The sapphires that are in the middle shine like fire, surrounded by the diamonds. “This one.”

"Oh wow..." In the back of your head you have a feeling that you're probably not going to be able to manage full sentences which each of these gorgeous pieces of jewelry, but you inspect the twinkling sapphires and diamonds in his hands with wide eyes. "I—I can wear whatever one you want," you promise him, knowing that the moment you are crowned will be caught on camera to be added to Balearican history books. "As long as you're proud to be putting it on my head, the tiara can look like anything."

“Whichever one you wish, my Princess.” He murmurs, smiling at the awed expression on your face. “They will all look lovely atop your head.”

"I can't believe I actually get to wear one of these," you admit with a sheepish grin. "That you actually want me to wear one. With everything that it means..."

“There is no one else I wish to wear it.” Javi murmurs softly. It’s true, even as much as he had cared for Gabriela, you have come to mean more. His father had been right that he would move on after she and Lucas had been married.

"I love you, too." Even murmured into the darkness, it is such a relief to mean it so deeply. For almost your entire life you were terrified that it might not happen, and now here you are. Completely in love with him in a mere two days.

“You will be a queen who is beloved by her people.” Javi predicts with a smile. “And her king.”

“I truly hope so.” Although it might be awful to admit, in this moment, that his love currently means far more to you. It is only because you have not yet had a chance to really be a part of this kingdom — only of his life.

“So, do you have anything that speaks to you?” He asks curiously. “My mother said her favorite tiara spoke to her. She wore others, but that was the one she wore most.”

“I think something a little less grand calls to me,” you confess. It is almost like the feeling tells you that modesty will be an immense virtue in this case. There is one on the second shelf that is composed of small, winking diamonds and scrolling gold so that it almost looks like curls if you think about it on someone’s head. It is delicate and elegant without being too small or understated. “Wearing your mother’s tiara for the crowning will be the most appropriate, but I believe that this one,” you point it out carefully. “Might be my favourite?”

“Elegant, understated and sophisticated.” Javi takes the crown from the shelf with care and he smiles down at it. “Try it on?” He asks, looking up at you.

“Is that…okay?” It seems like the sort of thing that belongs untouched in a museum even though you know logically that these things are just incredibly expensive and elaborate jewelry. Jewelry that is meant to be worn.

“Margarita, all of these jewels are to be worn by the royal family. Which you are now a part of.” He reminds you. “It is perfectly okay. If you wanted to wear a tiara while in your pajamas and drinking wine, it would be okay.”

“That sounds like the most decadent idea you could possibly have.” And you can’t help but laugh at it, feeling light and giggly at the image.

“Perhaps.” He chuckles. “You might like to have a party like “The Princess Diaries 2.” He jokes, remembering the Princess sleepover party that had actually seemed pretty cute.

“A bachelorette party of preteen princesses?” That makes you laugh again, and you eye the tiara in his hands. “I didn’t think real princesses had bachelorette parties.”

“Real princesses can have any kind of bachelorette party they want.” Javi reveals. “There is normally a press blackout on those days. And it’s held somewhere that is discreet.”

“Hmm.” Pretending to think very hard about it, you end up grinning. “So not Vegas, then? I would never consider Vegas discreet, although they do say that whatever happens there, stays there.”

“I have always wanted to visit.” His eyes widen at the thought and he grins. “Although I’m sure you would want to go to Monte Carlo.”

“Is Monte Carlo better?” The way his eyes widen makes you want to promise you’ll take him to the States immediately, but you know that that is tricky. Especially right now. “I don’t know anything except that it’s supposed to be very fancy.”

“It is. But it’s less…flashy than Las Vegas? At least that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve been to Monte Carlo many times and I’ve enjoyed it a lot.”

“I guess we’ll have to see what we want to do.” You will encourage the thought constantly, though, knowing that he has spent a long time being denied things. Adventure within reason should not exclude some safe travel destinations. “Both of us.”

“A— a joint thing?” He asks in surprise. Delighted surprise, but surprise.

“It can be whatever we want.” The gentle reminder that he makes his own decisions now does not go awry, and you don’t harp on the fact that it’s because his father has died, either. “We can certainly do something together if that is what you want.”

“I think that we should decide when it comes. First we have to get through the other pressing matters.” Javi tells you, guiding you towards the mirror that is gilded and has been in the family for years. “Now, see what you will look like wearing your tiara.”

It seems like the air is sucked out of the room when he turns you to face the mirror, and frames himself against your back to set the delicate tiara on your head for the very first time. Its scrolls and shimmering diamonds look brilliant in the low light, winking back at you in the gilded mirror and making you look nearly ethereal. Before this moment you would have said it was silly to talk or think that way, but here you are – standing in front of a mirror and gasping at the image in front of you so earnestly that you actually might shed a tear.

“Beautiful.” He whispers, his fingers trailing along your shoulders to rest there. “The Princess that will become queen. My bride to be. My margarita.”

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon   @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord @its-nebuleuse @itsrubberbisquit

TKQ: @storiesofthefandomlovers @mimimarvelingmarvel @patti7dc

My Masterlist!

[lovingperfectionsblog]

The Dreaded Question

Carlos Sainz Jr x Reader

Summary: The classic, would you love me if I was a worm?

Warnings: Drinking, mentions of death, mentions of the Devil and God, mentions of tentacle porn. 

Word Count: 1067

Author's note: A silly little drabble about a silly little scene based off of THE QUESTION :D. Forgive me for jumping onto this bandwagon.

______________________________________________________________

“Baby, before you go” Carlos called out to you from the lounge, a very heated and very drunken discussion between him, Charles, Lando and Pierre taking a quick pause, “I have a super important question to ask you!” There was complete silence other than your high heels clicking across the floor as they waited for you to enter. 

“You need to be quick, I’m five minutes away from being late to meet Lewis” you busied yourself, getting your purse ready for a night out of drinks with one of your oldest friends. 

“You’re dressed like that to meet Lewis?” The question hadn’t come from your boyfriend, but instead his best friend in the form of little Lando.

“Is that your question?” Carlos knew that you were actually asking was if he was genuinely allowing his friends to question how you were dressed to meet one of your oldest friends for drinks, but the quick shaking of his head and a kick to Lando’s knee was an indication that it was by no means what he had wanted to ask at all. 

In response, you nodded and continued to look around for your keys, patiently waiting for the question. It was not even close to what you had expected. You’d expected a questioning of where you were going for the evening, what time you were getting home, what were your plans for the rest of the weekend, anything, but not, 

“Would you still love me if I was a worm?” 

You stopped your rifling and just stared at your boyfriend, all four of the boys looking back at you, waiting for your answer in anticipation. 

“Would I still love you if you were a worm?” You repeated his question, all four nodding in response as if you were addressing the collective, “No, I would not.” Your answer clearly displeased the lot of them, a look of hurt across your boyfriends and a look of anger across the others. 

Before any of them could even begin to protest, you held up your hand to stop them, “this is not a conversation you want to get into with me.” You made your way over to the kitchen table, an attempt to look for your wallet now too, convinced your keys would be with it. 

“This is the exact conversation I want to get into with you” Carlos' voice seeped in pain. 

“Yeah, why wouldn't you love him if he was a worm?” It was Charles' turn to interject into the dynamics of your relationship this time, and truthfully, you were surprised it wasn’t Lando, he always had something to say in defense of Carlos. 

“Well, because he’d be a worm, he wouldn’t be a cognizant thing, how do I love something I can have absolutely zero interaction with?” You thought this would all be obvious, but judging by the looks on all their faces, this answer was not a good enough explanation, “and if you were a cognizant being, like I could talk to you, then god no, that would be even worse, because then we’d have to have the conversation around like, tentacle porn, and worse, and did you know a worms entire skin is basically a mucus membrane, and did you know salt hurts them, do you know what our skin secretes? Salt. So no, I would not love you if you were a worm.” Although your reasoning was entirely sound, and none of them could truly fight you on it, there still looked like there was some damage control that needed to be done, Carlos turning away from you, a clearly hurt look on his face. 

“But, can I answer the actual question?” Carlos cocked his head, the only response he was going to give.

“What actual question?” That was the exact answer you had wanted to hear, albeit it came from a confused Pierre. 

“Well, Carlos isn’t asking me if I would love him if he was a worm, what he’s actually asking me is, if he felt like he was nothing, if he had nothing to offer other than exactly who he was, all the dark, nitty gritty parts of who he is, would he still be enough for me, would I still choose to love him?” the silence urged you on, all of them waiting to hear what your response would be to this. 

“And my answer would and always will be, that God himself could come down right now and whisk me away and tell me that he is going to give me a thousand full lives, of nothing but utter joy and peace for me to experience, but I’d never be able to see you again-” you’d made your way to stand just behind the couch that Carlos sat on, his eyes boring into your own, “-and I would spend the rest of my days hunting the Devil himself down, and on hands and knees beg him to take my soul and every single second of every single one of those lives in exchange for just one last day with you” you carded your fingers through his hair, eyes never leaving his, “So no, I would not love you if you were a worm, but I would love you for every second the Devil himself ripped apart my soul in the very depths of hell.” 

“It’s unfair, you’re a writer” you couldn’t help the laugh that ripped out of you at your boyfriends quiet words. 

“I’m late, I’ll see you,” you showed the keys as you began to leave the room, “behave and have a good night!” you shouted out through your giggles as they could do nothing other than watch the door close behind you. 

“Can we all agree to never mention her answer to anyone, because I am not sure I could top that one” Pierre was the first to speak after you’d left. 

“I warned you that this is what you were gonna get for dating a writer” Lando just chuckled out. 

“Can’t wait to hear the warning you’re going to give me when I tell you I’m going to propose to her next week” Carlos had finally stopped looking at the door and instead was now addressing Lando directly, mimicking the grin on his friends face as Lando realized what he was saying, his friends laughter only getting louder. 

“Your vows are gonna fucking suck compared to hers.”  

[vagabond-umlaut]

ramé 5.0

love.

a word everyone spells as l-o-v-e, except one certain young sorcerer – to whom it appears h-a-p-p-y, to whom it appears h-a-v-o-c – to whom it appears the shape of the letters of your name.

you, on the other hand, forget how to spell when the same word is before you – a fact which, your admirer reckons, would have been a major problem were he not he – that is, were he not the one and only 'gojo satoru'.

and thus begins, the plan.

and thus begins, the six steps to catch one's crush's eye — by the six eyes.

|5/6| splurge on gifts.

[READ 1.0 HERE AND 2.0 HERE AND 3.0 HERE AND 4.0 HERE!]

▸ student!gojo satoru x student!reader; fem!reader; classic example of 'if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain' chapter - grab an umbrella, folks! 🥰 [this is simply a soft romantic(??) angst fest before the happy ending next chapter, ppl! 😊]

▸ find other parts of 'ramé' and other [stand-alone] fics set in the same universe as this work here! anyways, image, divider & characters ain't mine. pls don't plagiarize, translate or repost this. enjoy reading! ❤️

"and what can this be?"

the silver of the bracelet glints, the tiny sapphires in its rim adding a sparkling effect as you show it to gojo. the boy drags his gaze from it to you, lips pressing into a line as he takes in the way you're looking at him.

two months back, if someone even merely insinuated at the fact you might be growing distant from him, he wouldn't have thought once before retaliating with a mean word or hit.

and, to be just, why on earth would he not?

yes, the 'date' he had proposed to take you on post mission remained just a proposal - many thanks to the old geezers and their knack for providing severely understated mission details [bitter sarcasm wholly intended] - but that didn't drive a wedge between you both; quite the opposite, in fact.

two months back, he found you sobbing at his bedside in the school infirmary, lips pressing kisses to his bruised knuckles time and again, while you kept mumbling on how you should've been more wary and cognizant of your surroundings, how he shouldn't have switched his infinity off to guard you from the caving roof and how you would buy him a milion sweets if he promised to not be reckless, but wouldn't hesitate to kill him with your CT if he broke the promise even once.

lovingly overprotective in an irresistibly cute way - that's exactly how you grew to be around gojo in the days he was healing, in the latter's eyes. suguru and shoko's comments too grew less teasing and more encouraging with time then - something which made him think, the feelings in his being might not be as one-sided as he tends to believe at times.

something which made him think, there might not be a day he has to imagine without your radiant grin directed at him, for him, because of him.

yet, now... as he regards you with utmost attention...

the sorcerer can't help but deem the unimaginable to have occurred.

face grim, eyes dull, lips puckered into a scowl, every fucking time you've come across him since your return to school from your home...

it doesn't really take a genius to gather you don't really want to be in his vicinity - a realisation which leads to your best friend of a decade and a few years to shower a torrent of gifts on you.

under the impression, that's what will return your keen undivided gaze to him - an impression, he watches, being tainted wrong with every other second that passes under the fading daylight.

you return the bracelet to its box and place it in the bag, one the boy knows contains the other gifts he had left at your doorstep or sent via shoko or haibara to you, the past month - and one you intend to give him back - 'cause for what else could you have asked to meet him at the training grounds this evening, carrying the bag, if not this?

wishing, not for the first time, for his six eyes to be able to glean your current state of mind, he asks, scooting slowly, deliberately to your seated form on the bench, "did you not like it, shor-"

"please don't call me that."

the grin slowly unfurling on gojo's lips stutters, then vanishes in the heat of the fury of your eyes. he watches your gaze roam over his face once before skittering away. your voice grows a mild tremor, "please don't call me that. i don't want to hear that nickname ever again."

the soda can nearly slips from between his fingers onto the grass below before he grasps it again, firmer this time, and tosses it upside down to empty it into his mouth. it's a brand you had introduced him to, gojo reminisces, on a day just like this... grins and squeals as you jumped in front of the vending machine, so, so joyed that it had your favourite drink.

soon after, it became the white-haired boy's favourite drink too - but no longer now. not when the fruity tang of the liquid, which endeared it to you as you claimed, tastes like the metallic clang of blood to him.

now, many might call gojo overdramatic here - you've asked him not to call you that countless times now, for fuck's sake - but many don't know you the way your friend does. in horrifying contrast to before, a note of revulsion exists in your words.

undisguised disgust paired with loathing.

sharp enough to pierce infinity, past skin, muscles, ribs and layers of tissues and chains, into that stupid organ strumming melancholic rhythms now, your name bleeding raw from its walls.

superfluous, some might scoff - but they'll have never known there's a dark side to love, the one gojo's traversing now. though... the young sorcerer muses, finishing the drink and sending it into the trash can with a flick of his cursed energy, they'll never have known you. they'll never have known the degree to which the boy adores you, either.

a strong whoosh of wind hits the two of you, carrying the smell of wet earth with it. a sign of the arrival of your favourite season, your friend absently notes as he looks back at you.

the tip of your nose appears flushed red.

"and may i know why?"

shock brims your gaze at the soft question. gojo watches you cough up a strained chuckle. "i knew you to be more assertive. demanding. never thought you could request for an explanation... what changed, 'to-" you still for a beat, then continue, burning another bridge, same as the boy feared an instant too early, "i mean, gojo-senpai?"

"you're the best person to answer that," the mentioned person replies with lips forming a gentle curve. yes, the limitless user's always been one hell of a self-assured person - it comes free with the package of receiving god-like treatment by most from before you can crawl - but there exist times when all that - the fight, the zeal, the energy - every one of those just ebbs away from his body, rendering him the hapless spectator, and victim, to the car crash.

except a car crash might hurt less than the careless sneer you shoot his way, coupled with an eye roll. you never gave him such a look in the past, before you went back home for the vacation. just what-

"i think you know why i called you here, yeah?" you ask, picking the bag up and pushing it towards him. the things inside it rattle; the boy wonders if you even went through those two books he sent you. they were from the series you had babbled, ranted and gushed to him on for hours on end on numerous occasions, once upon a time.

gojo nods briefly, though doesn't spare it even a glance. it doesn't go past your notice, he notes, given the way your eyes jump from him to his gifts, then to your fiddling fingers. "well, that's one box ticked off," you say, "and as for the other-"

"i know that too; you need not say every fucking thing out loud," your senpai cuts you off with a mirthless inflection to his tone, eyes falling down onto his sneakers. it was a gift from you on his last-

bloody hell, why does everything have to be a sore reminder of you?

"not saying it out loud doesn't make it any less real," your quiet voice tears through his thought, and he looks up. hoping, desperately so, a tender smile is waiting on your features, reserved for him - only to see every hope of his get dashed into the dirt by your frown.

his best friend was right. gojo's pathetically down for you.

a thunder rumbles in the distance.

you continue, "but since you've asked me not to, i guess i won't. that's the least i can do-"

"but what went wrong?" the question hurtles past the confines of his mouth into the stormy air. and, for once, gojo decides not to conceal the moisture in his eyes behind his shades. removing the eyewear, he moves to sit right beside you, approaching to take your hand in his.

you jerk away from him.

as if you were fire and he, water.

as if you were sun and he, non-luminous scarred moon threatening to eclipse your joy.

the white-haired boy retracts his hand away. you glance at him once before averting your gaze away. he watches you clench your hands in a tight fist. "nothing was wrong, senpai," you mumble; gojo bites his lower lip to keep it from wobbling, "but there's always something tiny wrong in everything going right, ya know? i just feel we outgrew our phase of being friends."

the growl of thunder sounds closer this time. a drop of water lands on his thigh - the sorcerer doesn't bother to know if it is his eyes or those clouds above which finally welled over. voice thickening and breaking, a scoff leaves him, "you know, as well as me, that's the lamest excuse ever. and you called us being friends, right?" you take a moment then nod weakly. a pained sigh leaves him, "then what happened to being open with each other, hm? i thought we kept no secrets from each other."

the boy watches you keep your gaze stubbornly trained on the grass beneath. something within him breaks.

"c'mon, don't play dumb," gojo urges, plopping down onto the object of your attention, just so he can have a better view of your face. you face away with a frown. he prompts you again, hints of helplessness sneaking in between his words, "c'mon, shortie. don't look away with the shitty reason of us outgrowing our phase of friendship. we were - no, are the closest. you know, right? that you can tell me any-"

"not everything's meant to remain the same always, senpai!" the loud exclamation leaves your mouth. gojo stills and so do you. his eyes fall on the way you wring your hands once before stuffing them into your hoodie's pockets.

it isn't oversized on you, the realisation clicks into place in his mind.

you let out an exhale through your mouth, then pin him down with eyes teeming with what seems like weary distaste.

"can you please get up? you're creating an unnecessary scene right now."

if your words weren't enough, it's the way you utter them that leaves cracks and fissures in him. one more blow, and the boy's sure he'll be blown away into smithereens - an outcome he's trying to avoid [but knows, can't; every piece of armour he dons turns flimsy before you].

"is it 'cause you tended to my injuries then?" he asks. your lips strain into a line. casting him a sideways glance, you shake your head, "i'm many things but a liar ain't in the list, senpai. when i cared for you, it was from my heart. when i no longer wanna associate with you-"

a dark shadow falls over your features. rising from the bench, you shift your gaze skywards and back on him, "it'll rain pretty soon. you should get back inside."

there's something between summer evenings and you and him, gojo muses as he peers up at you.

it was a summer evening when you first came to visit the boy at this school.

it is a summer evening when you're turning your back on him in this same old school.

with the glaring exception of there being the warmth of your form beside him then versus the gnawing chill you're leaving behind now.

"you never completed your sentence," gojo points out, whispering.

[too loud and the sorcerer fears, the last interaction between the two of you will end as a horrid yelling match. besides, you like things with happy endings, don't you? he'll be sure to give you your happy ending as the last gift.]

you send a restrained twitch of lips his way. "i remember being asked not to say every fucking thing out loud, senpai."

a shaky smile is the only thing he finds he can muster in return, at the moment.

"suguru said you're leaving for your home tonight again," the student says, getting up from the ground and moving closer to, yet too far a distance from you. "don't drive with the windows down, okay? the weather's bad, you might catch a cold."

a muscle in your jaw twitches. the valley between your brows furrows.

gojo lets his smile widen a bit. so shallow. so hollow.

"don't worry," he says, "i'm taking this as seriously as you want me to. it's just that..." trailing off, the boy takes a step away. your feet move an inch towards him before you immediately withdraw them. a small mimicry of a laugh leaving him, gojo fixates his gaze on the iridescent colour of your irises.

"i've always seen you as someone way more than a mere childhood friend, y'know? and no matter what you say or do, i can never and will never stop seeing you the same way. i love you that much, short- oh! sorry, i'm not supposed to call you that, am i?."

a beat passes, then another, and another.

your response comes out as a garbled mess of letters and tears. "you're the worst person ever, 'toru. i hate you."

and with that and not another glance wasted anywhere, you whirl on your feet and dash back to the school.

leaving behind the echo of your words ringing in gojo's ears, louder than the thunder of the lightning crashing on a tree a little away.

▸ it's good to be back in the writing game, y'all! 😇😇

▸ series: we're the summer to our winter rain

▸ masterlist

[rivangel]

what flavor chapstick would levi wear? 😚

the most neutral ones there are. if there was an air-flavored chapstick it'd be levi's favorite, but since that's impossible, his go-to and favorite is the classic, with the bonus that it has a mild vanilla note to it that he reallyyy enjoys🤭

if he's feeling adventurous, he'll use the green tea mint flavor (and related)

hange and isabel, perfectly cognizant of levi's system, decided to wreck it on his birthday by giving him a pack of holiday themed flavors (candy cane, holiday cinnamon, cocoa, sugar cookie), entrapping him bc it's against his moral code to neglect gifts. it's like blinking. so he uses them sometimes...

[magpod-confessions]

I think I'm the only person I've spoken to who would maybe...enjoy tma more (??) If it was just an anthology after all?

Like don't get me wrong, I've grown to enjoy Jon, Martin et al over time and through fan content, but I wasn't super paying attention to the meta plot when I listened to tma and thus don't care the most about them?

Like it's fine. But my experience with the podcast was very much just tuning in for a cool horror short story every week and then being vaguely cognizant of the plot bits?

Season 1 remains my favourite and most revisited for this reason. Piecemeal (ep 15) is one of the best stories of all time, it's literally such a classic fairy story but also contemporary and horror and I love it.

.

[asexual-juliet]

just wanted to let u know that its pretty weird to romanticize internment camps and describing that as their “meet cute” is even weirder especially cause ur white

i’m really sorry if that wording came off the wrong way; i am absolutely not trying to romanticize the incarceration. with my reference to a “meet-cute moment” between Kimi and Frank i was not talking about the camp experience itself as a “meet-cute” but imagining a hypothetical interaction they may have had when they met (like the classic “helping them pick up their dropped books after we walk into each other” moment), but i see where that could have been unclear.

i think it’s really important to remember that just because America locked Japanese American people away during the war, that doesn’t mean their lives stopped — they met new people, they fell in love, they passed all kinds of everyday milestones, and they grew as people over the three-or-so years they were incarcerated. the incarceration was a horrific breach of human rights and a deeply traumatizing experience for the people who lived it, but there were stories of joy in its history as well — an anecdote that comes to mind is referenced in the obituary of Grace Umezawa Nixon, which mentions that she once “recalled dancing the jitterbug at Santa Anita, with Dorothy and some ‘cute boys from Pasadena.’” Another example — at Heart Mountain in Wyoming, George Igawa led a swing band made up of musicians of all different skill levels that became so popular that they were asked to play proms and war bond rallies outside of the camp.

i’m incredibly sorry to anyone i may have hurt with that wording and i will absolutely be more cognizant of my language in the future.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/740933819656470528/httpswwwtumblrcomolderthannetfic740550153935?source=share

Curious what you mean by it being "no accident" that papers are like that. (I think I know the paper they were referring to, I saw it and definitely felt like the parts of it where the person analyzed the fandom were pretty weak and that she needed a stronger backing in academic fandom studies, and was banking on the fact that her audience was largely unfamiliar with DS9 and its fandom. As someone else who does academia on obscure fandom stuff, it's always something I try to be cognizant of - it's SO easy if you are the only person in your little corner of academia studying some niche thing, to not get the feedback that you would if you were studying something that people you talk to know better just because they're so unfamiliar as to be unable to see when something is like... fundamentally flawed if you actually watch the thing. Also, was doing the classic thing you always complain about with treating AO3 like it represents the sum-total of all fandom, when it doesn't even do that for fanfiction fandom.)

--

"The industry still sucks and tv viewers tend to replicate its patterns" is a boring take with no actionable items.

"This niche subculture of women are all evil bigots DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA" is a take that gets attention.

Lazy-ass analyses like this are usually a way for someone to chase clout, regardless of which sphere they're released into. There's often a career or financial motive that's pretty obvious beyond just general clout.