#cod oc incorrect quotes

[islandtarochips]

Tiala: *angry Samoan*

Tiala: *even more angry Samoan*

Tiala: *threatening murder via Samoan*

Kanoa: ………… *looking at the trio* Ok. Which one of you three pissed of the First Sergeant?

*Aly, Damien and Sparrow sweat a bit*

Damien: *pointed at Sparrow* It was Sparrow, Captain. She didn’t do the dishes just like Shark ask her to do.

Sparrow: You said you wouldn’t SNITCH, asshole!

Aly: THAT WAS UNTIL YOU PISSED HER OFF ENOUGH SHE STARTED THROWING PLATES LIKE FRISBEES, SPARROW!

Kanoa: 🤦🏽‍♂️

Hannah “Sparrow” Clayton - @revnah1406

Damien “Damo” Withlock - @kaitaiga

Alyssa “Aly” Martinez - @alypink

Kanoa Toa and Tiala “Shark” Toa - Me

[cod-dump]

Soap: Graves, I have a question… What the FUCK are you feeding him?!

Graves, looking at Moose: Moose?

Soap: YES! He’s massive! I thought he was tech??

Graves: He is, he’s also a Shadow

Soap: HE’S TECHNICAL

Graves: He works out when he’s anxious, I don’t know what else to tell you

Soap:

Soap: That explains everything

[hunterbunter3000]

Laswell: You do know that you have everyone wrapped around your fingers, right?

141 Sweetheart: What?? Laswell, what're you talkin' about?

Laswell, looking at her stupid: The boys. The Capitan. König, Horangi- which was a surprise- Alejandro, Rudy-- hell, even Graves and Alex. They're all heavily whipped for you.

141 Sweetheart, laughing: Woah what?! Now that's just crazy talk.

Laswell:

Laswell explaining to her how the boys look at her, how Price let's her wear his hat constantly, how König follows her everywhere like a puppy, how Alejandro and Graves give her presents every week, how Horangi and Rodolfo write her poetry and become straight up messes when talking to her, and how Alex literally KNEELED before her:

Laswell walking over to the door and opening it, revealing all the boys eavesdropping on them:

Them scampering away quickly:

141 Sweetheart: ...That still don't prove--

Laswell: It proves everything.

[mayflora-18]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #9

Price: There’s something wrong with the kid.

Laswell: Like what?

Price: *holds up a photo of a spider*

Roach: Ew.

Price: *holds up a photo of a cockroach*

Roach: Me.

Price: *holds up a photo of a lady bug*

Roach: *tips his helmet* Evening, ma’am.

Price: You see what I mean?

———

Roach: *sneaks into the barracks at 2am*

Price: *turns in a swivel chair* Care to to tell me where you were?

Roach: I was with… uh… Ghost!

Ghost: *also turns in swivel chair* Care to tr- *keeps spinning* uh Boss- I can’t stop the chair-

Roach: I meant… I was with Garrick.

Gaz: *turns on the light* Honestly Sanderson, you would think Roach would know how to be sneakier.

Roach:

———

Price, walking in: The training grounds are closed because of the ice storm.

Soap: Great! No training!

Soap: *looks out the window* Is Ghost still walking to the training grounds?

Soap: *opens window* HEY DIPSHIT, TRAINING’S CANCELLED!

Ghost: *looks around, confused* GOD?!

———

Ghost: Remember what I taught you.

Farah: The quickest way to a man’s heart is through the fourth and fifth ribs.

Alex: Ghost no!

———

Ghost: *can’t sleep because of nightmares*

Ghost: Listen to your therapist they said.

Ghost: You’ve been through a lot of trauma they said.

Ghost: *throws pillow* WELL YOUR BREATHING EXERCISES AREN’T WORKING NOW, ARE THEY DEBORAH!!

———

Rudy: I have a bad feeling about this.

Alejandro: What do you mean?

Rudy: Don’t you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if something will get you into trouble?

Alejandro: No?

Rudy: That actually explains so much.

(This could work between Rudy and Soap too, honestly).

———

Nikolai: Physically I’m here but spiritually I’m lying in a Waffle House parking lot somewhere in rural Kentucky, slowly bleeding out from several stab wounds.

Sherlock: Mood.

———

Roach: I want to be a caterpillar.

Sherlock: Explain?

Roach: Eat a lot, sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.

Sherlock: You know that they have a lifespan of, like, two weeks right?

Roach: That’s another highlight.

Soap: ROACH NO-

———

Sherlock: How do people just stay motivated their entire lives? What drives you? I got out of bed once and I’ve been exhausted ever since.

Ghost: You need to learn to hate life to the point where you want revenge on existence itself.

The rest of the 141:

Nikolai: *nods in agreement*

Roach: *furiously takes notes*

———

Soap: Is e seo do choire gu lèir.

Ghost: I know, I know.

Gaz: You know Gaelic??

Ghost: No, I just know the phrase “this is all your fault” in every language he speaks.

———

Roach: Sleeping is nice because you’re not exactly dead and you’re not awake so it’s a win-win situation.

Sherlock: It’s like being dead without the commitment.

Nikolai: An open relationship with death.

Farah: Death with benefits.

Ghost: An every night stand.

Meanwhile, everyone else in the background: *absolutely horrified*

———

*1am at 141 base*

Soap: If I drink Red Bull and NyQuil will I stay up or pass out?

Ghost: …Get off the fridge and go to bed like a normal human being.

*Later*

Ghost: SHERLOCK I HAVE A QUESTION!

Sherlock: Ghost what the fuck it’s 3am.

[harveywritings92]

[A random woman rudely shoves a guy towards R/n exclaiming “look, this is perfect! she’s a cutie and all alone have fun!” Before the guy could protest the woman runs back to her table to be with her date, the guy then nervously turns back to R/n who's staring him uncomfortably.]

Nervous guy:...uh, hey! there *ahem* I’m Ryan and you...

{A large shadow slowly cast over them and Ryan follows it, and shits bricks at the sight of Ghost and König standing before him, with a scary twinkle in their eyes, while holding ice-cream cones.}

Ryan: [terrified] *Gulp*...Are with t-two very big guys.

[cut to Ryan  atomically wedgied with two ice creams cones stuck to his head, waddling back to his friend and her date, both are gawking at him in shock.]

Ryan: Her husbands said no...

[yourluckyoswald]

Sleep deprived

Price: What's wrong with you four?

Gaz: We had a bet on which one of us can stay up the longest

Ghost: It's been 6 days

Price: I can tell...

Oswald and Soap: *Fighting each other for the coffee pot*

Gaz: *Looking at Oz and Soap fighting* I'm so gonna win

Price: Uh huh. By the way, you're pouring salt instead of sugar in your cup

Ghost: *Bangs head on table, asleep and snoring*

Gaz: Haha! One down! *Sips his salted coffee, unfazed*

Price: I'm calling Laswell for a transfer...

[skylarsblue]

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes, Again✦

Guess who's back...back again-

Ghost @ DILF!Y/N: Stop making me have gay thoughts, General. I look at men and I feel weird. I feel strange. It makes me wanna do things. I don’t like that.

(This also works with Soap, of course)

-- (Based on that one Avatar moment that set the fucking bar for me. Also, bonus random name of an NPC) Ghost: Oliver is the best sniper. DILF!Y/N, real softly over Ghost’s shoulder: …well I don’t want Oliver. Ghost, a man with daddy issues: Ghost, internally: HOLD IT THE FUCK TOGETHER SOLDIER, WE’LL GET THROUGH THIS

-- Y/N: I was gonna say that if in ten years time, the two of us aren’t married, let’s agree… Gaz: Yeah? Y/N: To hunt each other for sport. Gaz: T-To hunt each other for sport?- Y/N: Yeah! D-did you just agree?! Gaz: I thought you were gonna say like, y’a know, let’s get married! Let’s- Y/N: Oh! Oh. Gaz: I’ll be your Gilligan! Y/N: I didn’t mean- the signals-

-- Gaz: Sorry! I thought I saw a wasp. Y/N: Do you love me too? Gaz, breaking his neck: Excuse me?

-- (NSFW warning) Y/N: Like- no I know it’s bad but bro I- he makes me such a whore. Soap: Okay like, on a scale of one to ten- Y/N: I’d let him cum on my glasses Soap: ON YOUR GLASSES?! Oh it’s serious. Y/N: I KNOW

-- 141: *looking at knocked out Graves* Y/N: I’m gonna check his pockets. Alejandro: For weapons? Y/N: No, to see where he keeps the fucking audacity. Soap: *wheeze* No no, bad timing, don’t be funny this is serious.

-- Y/N: You wanna go toe-to-toe with me, pretty boy? Alejandro: Go for it.~ I’ll give you the first shot. Y/N: Better make it count, casanova. Alejandro: I never half-ass anything, mi girasol. Ghost: Oi, keep your pants on and focus, would ya?

-- Soap: Missed me missed me now you gotta kiiii…. Simon: Now I gotta what? Soap: Nothin’ forget it- Simon: No no, now I gotta what?

-- Y/N, surrounded by attractive men: Am I…a whore? Y/N: *looks at them* Y/N: I don’t really give a fuck, HEY TEAM-

-- Gaz: Why are you just…laying on the couch? Usually you’re up and doing something. Y/N: Can’t move. Soap: Why?? Y/N: *sits up on their elbows and allows their neck to be seen* Gaz: *gasp* Nooooo… Y/N: Mhm. Soap: Nuh uh. Y/N: König carried me here. >:) Gaz: YOU WHORED! Y/N: I DID!!

-- Someone: Please PLEASE don’t tell anyone. Y/N: I won’t! I won’t, promise. Someone: *sigh* Thank you. … Price: *doing paperwork* Y/N, busting in: CAPTAIN!! Price: BLOODY FU-What in the world?! Y/N: *shuts his door and smoothly sits on his desk* Captain you will not believe what I have heard.

-- Soap: I’m gonna stop listening to drama. I’m gonna focus on my training, be a better person- Gaz: Right, right. Y/N, popping in: Guess who got caught sucking dick in the bathroom. Soap & Gaz: WHO?! Soap: *falls out of chair*

-- Price: Be nice. Y/N: I’m always nice! Price: Really nice, not bitchy nice. Y/N: …you tied my hands but fine.

-- (With a random backstory I have in my brain for König) Y/N: How do you uh, deal with all this trauma? König: I call my mutter. Y/N: That’s beautiful, K- König: Call my mutter a bitch.

-- Gaz: GIRLFRIEND STOP, GET BACK IN THE CAR Soap with zero self preservation instincts: *sprinting with a pipe bomb* YOU GET BACK HERE!

-- Y/N: This entire team is full of babygirls. Gaz: Oh not that fucking meme- Soap: Full of huh? Ghost: Call me that and I will snap your spine. Y/N: Bring it! An honor sir! Price: Jesus Christ-

[witchthewriter]

𝑻𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝑺𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒘/ 𝑻𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒄𝒆 𝟏𝟒𝟏

Price x Wife! Reader

(also you were not the only person he messaged that to. Ghost and Laswell were victims of the prank as well)

[paintlier]

König x Reader Incorrect Quotes

König: I'm a reverse necromancer.

y/n: Isn't that just killing people?

König: Ah, technicality.

------

König: I've already sent good vibes your way…they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

y/n: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

[blingblong55]

Laswell being a mother hen and telling off Price while R/n and Soap cry behind her because Price told them they couldn’t detonate an unused part of the building. They already had it rigged to blow and we’re so excited they even bought popcorn. 🫧

I need someone to please draw this for us!

Laswell: Price let the kids play-

Price: kids?!?! Laswell, they are grown fuckin' adults!

Soap and R/N cling to Mother Laswell as they cry more

Laswell: You are making them cry, John!

Price: They were going to blow up a building

Laswell: Let the kids be kids

Soap looks at his watch and then nudges at R/N, they go to the window and watch as the said building falls

They run outside and laugh

Laswell: You see, they are safe

Price: You three will send me to early retirement

[cod-dump]

Moose: *wearing a knitted sweater*

Soap: Where did you get that? Looks awesome!

Moose: Thanks my granny made it for me!

Soap: Wait, I thought you didn’t have any family-

Graves, walking into the room: Moose, Ma’s on the phone, she wants to talk to you

Moose: *takes the phone and walks off talking excitedly*

Soap: *stares before he looks at Graves*

Graves: … what? Woman wouldn’t shut up until I gave her grandkids

Soap, softly: Oh my god

[hunterbunter3000]

141 Sweetheart, looking at her hand: Damn, I need to fix my nails again.

Ghost: Here.

141 Sweetheart: Ghost what the hell--

Ghost, with a wad of cash in his hand: For your nails.

141 Sweetheart, touched: Oh sweetheart no, I don't need--

Ghost, shoves the money in her face: Nails.

141 Sweetheart, taking the money and sighing: Thank you.

Ghost: B)

--

Lil Bonus!

141 Sweetheart: Ghost this is really sweet, but I don't need this! I do my own nails.

Ghost: That's really cool an' impressive, but still keep the money.

141 Sweetheart: Oh my fucking god--

[demonlattee]

Oh, you silly— 🐍

[harveywritings92]

[Ghost does something stupid and gets himself hurt]

Rocky: Just a heads, After I lovingly nurse you back to health, We're going to kill you.~

König, pissed off: *Nods in agreement*

Ghost: *Gulps*

[yourluckyoswald]

Graves: *Messaging 141* At Boston right now

Soap: Do I care?

Gaz: How did he get our numbers anyways?

Graves: *Sends a pic of him with tea*

Ghost: Earl Grey?

Graves: *Sends a pic of him next to the Boston harbor, tea in hand, smiling*

Price: Don't. You. Dare

Soap: DO IT YE COWARD. I DARE YE!

Graves: *Sends a pic of him dumping it*

Price: *Blocks Graves*

Gaz: *Blocks Graves*

Ghost: Call an airstrike

Soap: NO! LET THE MAN PREACH!

[mayflora-18]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #11 (aka Shit I Found On Pinterest That I Thought Was Funny)

*during secure transmission with Shepherd and Graves*

Graves, singing: 🎵 Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock… 🎵

Sherlock: …

Graves: 🎵 Are you finally single? 🎵

Sherlock: No.

Graves: 🎵 I respect that. 🎵

———

*in a hostage situation at a store*

Sherlock: Yeah, there’s four of them and only one of me, but I have a lighter. Okay, we get some hairspray, make some flamethrowers, and let’s fry these bitches!

Ghost, deadpan: No one is frying any bitches.

Sherlock: …

Ghost: I know, I’m disappointed in myself, too.

———

Yuri: I know Makarov, and you’re in far more danger than I. He’s coming for you. And I guarantee that his soldiers will find this place.

Sherlock: Not gonna happen. I rent it out under a shell corporation.

Nikolai: Yeah.

Sherlock: My mail goes to a P.O. box in Seattle.

Nikolai: Yeah.

Sherlock: My neighbors think my name is Rachel Fletcher.

Nikolai: Yeah.

Sherlock: People I work with all think my name is Sherlock.

Nikolai: Yea-

Yuri:

Laswell:

141:

Roach: Wait what?

Sherlock: Don’t worry about it.

———

Price: Sanderson, you’re fine. Just be yourself.

Roach: “Be myself”? Captain, I have one day to win over Sherlock and Kyle. *gestures to everyone else* How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Soap: Couple weeks.

Ghost: Six months.

Laswell: Jury’s still out.

Roach: See, sir? “Be myself”, what kind of garbage advice is that?

———

Makarov: Go to hell.

Soap: Already been. Didn’t agree with me.

———

Nikolai: We didn’t do it.

Price: Then why are you guys laughing?

Sherlock, grinning: Because whoever did it is an effing genius.

———

Graves: Just trust me.

Shepherd: The last time you said that my house burned down.

Graves: Yeah, but you didn’t die.

Shepherd: That’s not the point!

———

Alex: Should I ask why you have a knife in your purse?

Farah: It’s a dagger, actually. And no, you shouldn’t.

———

Krueger: Sir, we’re surrounded.

Nikolai: Excellent, we can attack in any direction!

Krueger: -_-

———

*Gaz beating some asshole up*

Sherlock: Oh, don’t blame them. They did their best to try to kill me.

Gaz:

Roach: O.O

———

Graves: If it wasn’t totally unethical, I would definitely blackmail you with this.

Alejandro: *eye twitching* Because you’re a shining beacon of ethics, right?

———

Nikolai: Oh, look at all the pretties!

Sherlock: *grabs his hand and pulls him away* Can you please stop talking about assault rifles the same way I talk about shoes?

———

*Ghost, Soap, and Rudy break into the old prison to free Los Vaqueros and Sherlock, only for Rudy to find the latter in the kitchen hunched over with a sandwich in her mouth*

Rudy: Camarada, what are you doing?

Sherlock: *muffled by the sandwich* …Eating.

Rudy: You’re being held hostage and you decide to raid the kitchen?

Sherlock: They didn’t say the fridge was off limits.

———

Laswell: Is that blood?

Price: No?

Laswell: That is not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.

———

Gaz: Are you clinically insane, or incredibly annoying?

Sherlock: I don’t know, probably both.

———

Ghost: How are you feeling?

Soap: I think you broke my fingers.

Ghost: Better your fingers than your face.

———

*Sherlock and Alejandro detained in the same room*

Alejandro: What’s our exit strategy?

Sherlock: Our what?

Alejandro: Dios mío, we’re all going to die.

———

Roach: *swinging his legs back and forth * Sitting around, waiting to get kidnapped. This is the best day ever.

~Later~

Roach: This is the third time I’ve been kidnapped this WEEK. It’s getting old.

———

Price, about Roach: Look, he’s smiling. He’s totally fine.

Ghost: Sir, he’s smiling because he’s terrified.

Roach, “smiling”: 😬

———

Gaz: Did you bring us here to die?

Nikolai: Obviously.

Gaz:

Gaz: I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.

———

Nikolai: Is it still murder if I give them a heads up?

Sherlock: That’s called a threat.

Nikolai: Черт возьми.

(Черт возьми = Damn it)

———

Valeria: Nothing ever pleases you does it?

Alejandro: Nothing you do.

———

Graves: I know there was a compliment somewhere in there and I’ll take it.

Soap: You piece of shite.

Graves: Ah, there it is!

———

*talking about Valeria*

Alejandro: Oooh, she’s angry.

Rudy: How can you tell?

Alejandro: Well, you can see her mood by her hands. Like right now, she has a gun. I don’t think that she’s happy to see us.

Valeria: 🔫😡

———

Graves: Listen up, fives. A ten is speaking.

141:

Laswell:

Nikolai:

Sherlock:

Alex:

Farah:

Graves: Farah, can we talk, one ten to another?

Farah: I’m an eleven, but continue.