#cod oc incorrect quotes

[islandtarochips]

Tiala: *angry Samoan*

Tiala: *even more angry Samoan*

Tiala: *threatening murder via Samoan*

Kanoa: ………… *looking at the trio* Ok. Which one of you three pissed of the First Sergeant?

*Aly, Damien and Sparrow sweat a bit*

Damien: *pointed at Sparrow* It was Sparrow, Captain. She didn’t do the dishes just like Shark ask her to do.

Sparrow: You said you wouldn’t SNITCH, asshole!

Aly: THAT WAS UNTIL YOU PISSED HER OFF ENOUGH SHE STARTED THROWING PLATES LIKE FRISBEES, SPARROW!

Kanoa: 🤦🏽‍♂️

Hannah “Sparrow” Clayton - @revnah1406

Damien “Damo” Withlock - @kaitaiga

Alyssa “Aly” Martinez - @alypink

Kanoa Toa and Tiala “Shark” Toa - Me

[the-starry-raven]

Cloud: I got asked one time how I got so respected in Shadow Company... Cloud: One, being a medic. Cloud: Two, I drank a whole bottle of Fireball just to prove a point. Cloud: Sometimes ya just gotta out stupid people.

[cod-dump]

Soap: Graves, I have a question… What the FUCK are you feeding him?!

Graves, looking at Moose: Moose?

Soap: YES! He’s massive! I thought he was tech??

Graves: He is, he’s also a Shadow

Soap: HE’S TECHNICAL

Graves: He works out when he’s anxious, I don’t know what else to tell you

Soap:

Soap: That explains everything

[hunterbunter3000]

Laswell: You do know that you have everyone wrapped around your fingers, right?

141 Sweetheart: What?? Laswell, what're you talkin' about?

Laswell, looking at her stupid: The boys. The Capitan. König, Horangi- which was a surprise- Alejandro, Rudy-- hell, even Graves and Alex. They're all heavily whipped for you.

141 Sweetheart, laughing: Woah what?! Now that's just crazy talk.

Laswell:

Laswell explaining to her how the boys look at her, how Price let's her wear his hat constantly, how König follows her everywhere like a puppy, how Alejandro and Graves give her presents every week, how Horangi and Rodolfo write her poetry and become straight up messes when talking to her, and how Alex literally KNEELED before her:

Laswell walking over to the door and opening it, revealing all the boys eavesdropping on them:

Them scampering away quickly:

141 Sweetheart: ...That still don't prove--

Laswell: It proves everything.

[mayflora-18]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #9

Price: There’s something wrong with the kid.

Laswell: Like what?

Price: *holds up a photo of a spider*

Roach: Ew.

Price: *holds up a photo of a cockroach*

Roach: Me.

Price: *holds up a photo of a lady bug*

Roach: *tips his helmet* Evening, ma’am.

Price: You see what I mean?

———

Roach: *sneaks into the barracks at 2am*

Price: *turns in a swivel chair* Care to to tell me where you were?

Roach: I was with… uh… Ghost!

Ghost: *also turns in swivel chair* Care to tr- *keeps spinning* uh Boss- I can’t stop the chair-

Roach: I meant… I was with Garrick.

Gaz: *turns on the light* Honestly Sanderson, you would think Roach would know how to be sneakier.

Roach:

———

Price, walking in: The training grounds are closed because of the ice storm.

Soap: Great! No training!

Soap: *looks out the window* Is Ghost still walking to the training grounds?

Soap: *opens window* HEY DIPSHIT, TRAINING’S CANCELLED!

Ghost: *looks around, confused* GOD?!

———

Ghost: Remember what I taught you.

Farah: The quickest way to a man’s heart is through the fourth and fifth ribs.

Alex: Ghost no!

———

Ghost: *can’t sleep because of nightmares*

Ghost: Listen to your therapist they said.

Ghost: You’ve been through a lot of trauma they said.

Ghost: *throws pillow* WELL YOUR BREATHING EXERCISES AREN’T WORKING NOW, ARE THEY DEBORAH!!

———

Rudy: I have a bad feeling about this.

Alejandro: What do you mean?

Rudy: Don’t you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if something will get you into trouble?

Alejandro: No?

Rudy: That actually explains so much.

(This could work between Rudy and Soap too, honestly).

———

Nikolai: Physically I’m here but spiritually I’m lying in a Waffle House parking lot somewhere in rural Kentucky, slowly bleeding out from several stab wounds.

Sherlock: Mood.

———

Roach: I want to be a caterpillar.

Sherlock: Explain?

Roach: Eat a lot, sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.

Sherlock: You know that they have a lifespan of, like, two weeks right?

Roach: That’s another highlight.

Soap: ROACH NO-

———

Sherlock: How do people just stay motivated their entire lives? What drives you? I got out of bed once and I’ve been exhausted ever since.

Ghost: You need to learn to hate life to the point where you want revenge on existence itself.

The rest of the 141:

Nikolai: *nods in agreement*

Roach: *furiously takes notes*

———

Soap: Is e seo do choire gu lèir.

Ghost: I know, I know.

Gaz: You know Gaelic??

Ghost: No, I just know the phrase “this is all your fault” in every language he speaks.

———

Roach: Sleeping is nice because you’re not exactly dead and you’re not awake so it’s a win-win situation.

Sherlock: It’s like being dead without the commitment.

Nikolai: An open relationship with death.

Farah: Death with benefits.

Ghost: An every night stand.

Meanwhile, everyone else in the background: *absolutely horrified*

———

*1am at 141 base*

Soap: If I drink Red Bull and NyQuil will I stay up or pass out?

Ghost: …Get off the fridge and go to bed like a normal human being.

*Later*

Ghost: SHERLOCK I HAVE A QUESTION!

Sherlock: Ghost what the fuck it’s 3am.

[harveywritings92]

[As Soap, Ghost and their two new civilian friends trek their way to a trailer park where a CEDA evacuation outpost is stationed.]

Soap, looking around the neighborhood nervously: Are ye sure it's safe fer us to be walkin' out like this?

R/n: You don't need to whisper, Soap. It's fine...for now.

Ghost: How can you be sure?

Wilbur: These things... They don't really like it when it's this sunny out. I think the light irritates their eyes. So there tends to be less of them out and about.

R/n: 'Cept for Hunters those poor bastards clawed their eyes out so there's nothing to irritate.

Soap: Hunters are the creepy little giggling ones that jump on ya?

Wilbur: No, those are Jockeys. Hunter's are the ones wearing hoods, they crawl around on all fours like a cat. They stalk you, pounce on you and try to tear your throat out.

Soap: *gulps*

[R/n notices something in a CEDA tent set-up in the middle of the cul-de-sac, she went in and came out with vial of green liquid.]

Ghost, grimaces under his mask: Is that what I think it is?

R/n: Yep, It's a jar of Boomer puke.

Soap, gags: Whaddya need that for??

R/n: It's something to distract the Zs with, they love this foul gunk for some reason; They'll tear apart anything to get it- including each other. I think It's better then a pipe bomb... We throw one of these the Zs come runnin' then toss a Molotov in the same spot and It's burn baby burn!

[It was a good thing that R/n grabbed that jar when she did cos the place they had to go was behind a security gate and it made one hell of a noise when they opened it, R/n threw the jar as far away as possible and it kept the infected away for a bit while they made it into the Safe room.]

[yourluckyoswald]

Sleep deprived

Price: What's wrong with you four?

Gaz: We had a bet on which one of us can stay up the longest

Ghost: It's been 6 days

Price: I can tell...

Oswald and Soap: *Fighting each other for the coffee pot*

Gaz: *Looking at Oz and Soap fighting* I'm so gonna win

Price: Uh huh. By the way, you're pouring salt instead of sugar in your cup

Ghost: *Bangs head on table, asleep and snoring*

Gaz: Haha! One down! *Sips his salted coffee, unfazed*

Price: I'm calling Laswell for a transfer...

[writer-of-various]

Adler, Woods, & Case: *screaming*

Emilia: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Case?!

Adler: Wait, why are you asking Case that when Woods and I are also here?

Emilia: Because Case wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

[skylarsblue]

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes, Again✦

Guess who's back...back again-

Ghost @ DILF!Y/N: Stop making me have gay thoughts, General. I look at men and I feel weird. I feel strange. It makes me wanna do things. I don’t like that.

(This also works with Soap, of course)

-- (Based on that one Avatar moment that set the fucking bar for me. Also, bonus random name of an NPC) Ghost: Oliver is the best sniper. DILF!Y/N, real softly over Ghost’s shoulder: …well I don’t want Oliver. Ghost, a man with daddy issues: Ghost, internally: HOLD IT THE FUCK TOGETHER SOLDIER, WE’LL GET THROUGH THIS

-- Y/N: I was gonna say that if in ten years time, the two of us aren’t married, let’s agree… Gaz: Yeah? Y/N: To hunt each other for sport. Gaz: T-To hunt each other for sport?- Y/N: Yeah! D-did you just agree?! Gaz: I thought you were gonna say like, y’a know, let’s get married! Let’s- Y/N: Oh! Oh. Gaz: I’ll be your Gilligan! Y/N: I didn’t mean- the signals-

-- Gaz: Sorry! I thought I saw a wasp. Y/N: Do you love me too? Gaz, breaking his neck: Excuse me?

-- (NSFW warning) Y/N: Like- no I know it’s bad but bro I- he makes me such a whore. Soap: Okay like, on a scale of one to ten- Y/N: I’d let him cum on my glasses Soap: ON YOUR GLASSES?! Oh it’s serious. Y/N: I KNOW

-- 141: *looking at knocked out Graves* Y/N: I’m gonna check his pockets. Alejandro: For weapons? Y/N: No, to see where he keeps the fucking audacity. Soap: *wheeze* No no, bad timing, don’t be funny this is serious.

-- Y/N: You wanna go toe-to-toe with me, pretty boy? Alejandro: Go for it.~ I’ll give you the first shot. Y/N: Better make it count, casanova. Alejandro: I never half-ass anything, mi girasol. Ghost: Oi, keep your pants on and focus, would ya?

-- Soap: Missed me missed me now you gotta kiiii…. Simon: Now I gotta what? Soap: Nothin’ forget it- Simon: No no, now I gotta what?

-- Y/N, surrounded by attractive men: Am I…a whore? Y/N: *looks at them* Y/N: I don’t really give a fuck, HEY TEAM-

-- Gaz: Why are you just…laying on the couch? Usually you’re up and doing something. Y/N: Can’t move. Soap: Why?? Y/N: *sits up on their elbows and allows their neck to be seen* Gaz: *gasp* Nooooo… Y/N: Mhm. Soap: Nuh uh. Y/N: König carried me here. >:) Gaz: YOU WHORED! Y/N: I DID!!

-- Someone: Please PLEASE don’t tell anyone. Y/N: I won’t! I won’t, promise. Someone: *sigh* Thank you. … Price: *doing paperwork* Y/N, busting in: CAPTAIN!! Price: BLOODY FU-What in the world?! Y/N: *shuts his door and smoothly sits on his desk* Captain you will not believe what I have heard.

-- Soap: I’m gonna stop listening to drama. I’m gonna focus on my training, be a better person- Gaz: Right, right. Y/N, popping in: Guess who got caught sucking dick in the bathroom. Soap & Gaz: WHO?! Soap: *falls out of chair*

-- Price: Be nice. Y/N: I’m always nice! Price: Really nice, not bitchy nice. Y/N: …you tied my hands but fine.

-- (With a random backstory I have in my brain for König) Y/N: How do you uh, deal with all this trauma? König: I call my mutter. Y/N: That’s beautiful, K- König: Call my mutter a bitch.

-- Gaz: GIRLFRIEND STOP, GET BACK IN THE CAR Soap with zero self preservation instincts: *sprinting with a pipe bomb* YOU GET BACK HERE!

-- Y/N: This entire team is full of babygirls. Gaz: Oh not that fucking meme- Soap: Full of huh? Ghost: Call me that and I will snap your spine. Y/N: Bring it! An honor sir! Price: Jesus Christ-

[thatoneghostcosplayer]

Soap: Price! Bravo 0-9 Is down!

Price: What!? What happened?

Soap: he's...sick

DarkFox: *groaning* take me out of my misery....

[witchthewriter]

𝑻𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝑺𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒘/ 𝑻𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒄𝒆 𝟏𝟒𝟏

Price x Wife! Reader

(also you were not the only person he messaged that to. Ghost and Laswell were victims of the prank as well)

[paintlier]

König x Reader Incorrect Quotes

König: I'm a reverse necromancer.

y/n: Isn't that just killing people?

König: Ah, technicality.

------

König: I've already sent good vibes your way…they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

y/n: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

[cod-dump]

Moose: You turned on Shepherd?

Graves: He's no longer safe to stand next to

Moose: You said to never turn your back to a bigger fish

Graves: Do as I say, not as I do

Moose: ... you said that-

Graves: Ya know what? Don't follow my example! Disregard my actions and voice!

Moose:

Moose: Does that mean-

Graves: SHHHHH-

[hunterbunter3000]

141 Sweetheart, looking at her hand: Damn, I need to fix my nails again.

Ghost: Here.

141 Sweetheart: Ghost what the hell--

Ghost, with a wad of cash in his hand: For your nails.

141 Sweetheart, touched: Oh sweetheart no, I don't need--

Ghost, shoves the money in her face: Nails.

141 Sweetheart, taking the money and sighing: Thank you.

Ghost: B)

--

Lil Bonus!

141 Sweetheart: Ghost this is really sweet, but I don't need this! I do my own nails.

Ghost: That's really cool an' impressive, but still keep the money.

141 Sweetheart: Oh my fucking god--

[blingblong55]

Laswell being a mother hen and telling off Price while R/n and Soap cry behind her because Price told them they couldn’t detonate an unused part of the building. They already had it rigged to blow and we’re so excited they even bought popcorn. 🫧

I need someone to please draw this for us!

Laswell: Price let the kids play-

Price: kids?!?! Laswell, they are grown fuckin' adults!

Soap and R/N cling to Mother Laswell as they cry more

Laswell: You are making them cry, John!

Price: They were going to blow up a building

Laswell: Let the kids be kids

Soap looks at his watch and then nudges at R/N, they go to the window and watch as the said building falls

They run outside and laugh

Laswell: You see, they are safe

Price: You three will send me to early retirement

[harveywritings92]

[A random woman rudely shoves a guy towards R/n exclaiming “look, this is perfect! she’s a cutie and all alone have fun!” Before the guy could protest the woman runs back to her table to be with her date, the guy then nervously turns back to R/n who's staring him uncomfortably.]

Nervous guy:...uh, hey! there *ahem* I’m Ryan and you...

{A large shadow slowly cast over them and Ryan follows it, and shits bricks at the sight of Ghost and König standing before him, with a scary twinkle in their eyes, while holding ice-cream cones.}

Ryan: [terrified] *Gulp*...Are with t-two very big guys.

[cut to Ryan  atomically wedgied with two ice creams cones stuck to his head, waddling back to his friend and her date, both are gawking at him in shock.]

Ryan: Her husbands said no...