#cocknose

[clownboybebop]

my mom won’t stop calling me cocknose :/

[santaclausdeadindian]

Bornean Cocknosed Monkeyape

𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕘𝕚𝕗𝕤 (1/?)

[quarantinebot]

The worst thing about quarantine is that i have to say cocknose

[lets-play-gwent]

NEW FIC ALERT-- WIP

Hullo Witcher fandom friends, I have had a lot of trouble getting motivated to write fic lately. Instead of putting a lot of pressure on myself to finish this thing and make it perfect, I am going to post it right now because I am excited about and proud of what I have so far (more fics need to include Zoltan Chivay-- I saw a need and I remidied it). 

THIS IS UNFINISHED. More updates to come.

Jaskier’s heart was thrumming in his ears as he wove through the bustling market crowd. Pull yourself together, this is nothing new, he quietly assured to himself, trying to push the worry out of his mind and focus on exhilaration. The chaos of Novigrad soothed his nerves somewhat; the city was tough, but if there was something Jaskier could handle just fine, it was performing for a crowd. Never mind the fact that his lute was stashed safely back at the Passiflora, or that he would be performing his own death instead of a set of tried and true songs.

Unfortunately, having the reputation of being a skilled lover, talented musician, and rat bastard makes it somewhat difficult to effectively convince people of your demise. Nevertheless, too many people were asking the secret to his flawless skin and lasting youth; it was time to disappear from the Continent once more. It had to be grand, maybe a little bit gory, and very public.

In his heart of hearts Jaskier couldn’t stand putting on such a scene for all his friends and colleagues in Oxenfurt, and by the Gods someone there was bound to notice. So here he was in Novigrad, where the unobservant and bloodthirsty crowd would chatter about his death to every passing traveler but quickly move on in the wake of some other gruesome sight. Little did he know, Jaskier had chosen a deeply historic and tumultuous night to fake a death. Quite a plan, Julian, Jaskier thought to himself, now how to pull it off without getting more than a broken leg…

meanwhile...

“Melitele’s tits!! Arghh!!” Zoltan swore loudly and slammed an empty tankard down on the inn table. “That’s the fifth game tonight. Fuck me, I should know better than to play a fuckin’ Witcher. It’s my own damn fault. Hey—missy—“ he gestured towards the barkeep with a drunken, sultry look. “Get us another round, he’s buying!” The barkeep rolled her eyes but filled two more tankards and brought them to the table. One ‘slipped’ and sloshed about half its contents onto Zoltan’s lap.

“Whoops,” she said, with a grimace that could kill a small animal.

Zoltan’s hand flexed towards his ax, but be soon relaxed and repeated the golden rule under his breath. Don’t fuck with people who handle your ale.

Geralt, observing with delight, coughed back his laughter and swept his Gwent cards together, deftly shuffling them into a neat deck. “Another game?” he asked with a sly smile.

“Fuck off,” Zoltan downed the rest of his ale and belched. “The food here is shite, why don’t we go get some sweet buns at the stall across the way?”

“Sure you’re not just afraid of losing?” Geralt stood and slung his swords over his back.

“I said fuck off!”

*********

Music grew louder and lights grew brighter as the sinking sun sparkled across the seaport. It was a celebration like none other Geralt had seen—the typically stoic and hardworking women of the fish market danced in the streets, twirling their skirts and flashing their chemises. Drunks laughed and sang with aristocrats in the gutter. This was no usual festival.

Geralt leaned over to one of the fishmongers and nudged her arm. “Excuse me, what’s going on?”

“HE’S DEAD! THE SUNOVABITCH IS DEAD!”

“Who?”

“WE’RE FREE!! WE DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO HIS BULLSHIT ANYMORE!” Her words dissolved into hysterical laughter.

Geralt’s heartrate quickened as he pushed through the crowd to hear more. “Who—who died??” He tried not to let his mind wander too far. It had been months since he saw Jaskier, and their last encounter had been somewhat tense. They were so caught up with trying to find Ciri, and Geralt sailed off to Skellige as soon as he could. Gods know what shitpuddle the bard got himself in since then, Geralt thought to himself. But would people… fuck, could he really…?

Finally, someone turned around and answered him directly. “He’s dead! The scoundrel hierarch Cyrus Engelkind Hemmelfart is dead!”

Despite himself, Geralt threw his head back and let out a deep, hearty laugh and turned to Zoltan, who was bracing two frothy tankards against the jostle of the crowd. “Free ale, Geralt! Cheers to another cocknose crown six feet under!”

“He wasn’t a king,” the Witcher took one of the tankards and chugged.

“Ah, shut it you crusty old bastard. It’s a cause for celebration and you know it! Think of the party we could have. You know—hey, isn’t that Jaskier?”

[kidarthemerciless]

Kidar's favorite era was during ancient Greece.

He took an oath of Chastity for a long while, after he fell in love with a village that he was originally supposed to steal an artifact from for the JO. He helped build that village into a thriving city, and protected it for decades in the name of Athena. He, although refusing MOST of the gifts given to him, was called the Acolyte of Athena and was treated as a demigod. He loved the people, their culture, and he loved their goddess, Kidar actually still leaves her offerings and prays to her often.

In the end, Kidar had actually gotten them to GIVE him the artifact he needed for the JO without having to harm anyone.

((And that Artifact is TECHNICALLY how he and Marshal met ;3)) Marshal TRIED to raid Kidar's village(I know it's not the right era shh) Kidar even has a scar from Marshal's spear on his right side. And Kidar slashed him across his belly. But HE DID NOT get the artifact he was trying to steal.

Later, When the village had turned into a city, this gained the attention of a neighboring ruler of another area. The guy apparently felt threatened, and planned to burn his new and prospering neighbors to the ground. Although this City, given the name Athiea, had good soldiers and an excellent defensive structure, it was still new and weak y'know? They stood NO chance against an entire kingdom's militia. So Kidar had gone over to the neighboring area to see if he could make a treaty, but the king saw him, heard of him, and believed that a demigod was the best gift to exchange for peace.

He became part of the Emperor's harem.

HE WAS OK WITH WHAT THE EMPEROR WANTED FROM HIM, I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD SAY THIS NOW. UNHAPPY BUT TOLERANT.

And whereas Kidar might not have been Happy about his situation in the guy's harem, but he was better treated SIGNIFICANTLY after the emperor violated Kidar's personal rules and set boundaries. ((Or the guy had TRIED to violate them anyway)) Nowadays, when Kidar looks back on his time with that cocknose, he thinks it's hilarious. Besides that, as Kidar views it, everything worked out in the end.

He and the guy's wife, Ichira, had poisoned him, slowly. When Ichira became the empress, and she freed the others in her garbage husband's harem, and gave them jobs in the palace. Kidar was her advisor, dearest friend, and lover. He helped her murder her husband's brothers, since how it use to work was the wife was just passed along to the next male family member like a hand me down.

Now, to Kidar, you could have the connection of Mind, Body, and Soul with others. Physical, spiritual and emotional and it was normal. It wasn't something where the forced idea is that only TWO PEOPLE should have that connection and if you share it with more than one you're a sick freak that needs to be fixed.(and I don't mean like sex, remember through most of this era he didn't have sex with anyone) and that is what he had with a few people at that time, but Ichi and him were intertwined. ((He misses her so much, he'll cry when talking about her))

((Isadora very much reminds him of her))

[wovendeath-blog]

nudges a drawing of tony toward her. it's crude &. tony seems to have a penis instead of a nose

“   ——   …   OH ! THIS. this is beautiful.   “

[muties-ficticious-bullshite]

The Aftermath in literary form

He wasn't sure exactly how long his arm had been somewhat fused and tangled with his opponent's, nor how long his hand had been on the brake truck's arse. Either way, he was not happy about his current situation. Or position.

He tugged at his gorgeous leg.

Then he screamed.

It was in pain at first-

"AAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRGGGET OFF OF MEEEE."

A small groan followed by an even smaller and weaker groan was all he got back.

"Shut yer fuckin' mouth, Electric."

"Not until YOU clean yours and say that I RIGHTFULLY won! And you- ugh! You CHEATED!! You BROKE me! You scoundrel! You-"

"Electra please-"

He couldn't go on, it was too much to bare. This ruthlessly attractive and disgustingly toned diesel had taken his win! Well... He hadn't actually won...

"So wait did Rusty...?" The electric mumbled after a time.

"Yes." Grunted the diesel. "Yes he did. So quite whining. And get off me!" He grumbled pulling his own arm out from the cramped calamity of armour it was caught in.

Caboose moaned in utter defeat as he was jostled again "Please stop moving... and shouting..." The brake truck, finally departed from the other two tried to stand up straight, stuttering on his wheels.

"You have the Electric to blame for that 'Boose."

And indignant screech left Electra's throat in utter offense, and CB shot around into the diesels chest, bonking his head and landing on his backside with a slap.

"I would've won if not for your incessant attempt to snag my racing partner from me!"

"CB was mine not yours!"

"HE was MY racing partner!"

"No he wasn't."

"YOU HAD PEARL!"

"So what? She couldn't keep up!"

"SO?? That doesn't give you any right to steal Caboose from ME!"

The brake truck groaned agonisingly on the ground as he tried to crawl away from all the noise.

"So what if he was yours? You would've disposed of him just like you did Dinah."

"Dinah? Oh so now you want to bring Dinah into this. She left me!"

"She did?... Heh good on her.."

"You say that as if you're proud of her. Don't you think she didn't try to flirt with me-"

"What-"

"Don't you think she didn't try to use me to get revenge on you-"

"H-"

"Complain about you, tell me all your secrets, out you completely and entirely to me-"

"She didn't- She wouldn't-"

"That's what you think!"

"SHUT UP!"

The sound of a hefty slap and the crackling of electricity didn't make the brake truck stop. Fuck them. He didn't need them. He knew the truth. Besides it'd be fun to see them fight over nothing as usual.

Where were the others? Were they going to be left here? He needed help, he was falling apart. Now if only he knew which way they had come out of...

"Well FINE. I don't need Dinah. Dinah don't need me! CB will just take her place, he's useful enough!"

"Take her place? That brake truck is coming with me, degenerate! Find your own truck!"

"At least he doesn't lie behind my back like she did! He told me he'd crash Rusty, the only reason that didn't happen is because your big nose got in the way of our plan."

"EXCUSE ME?? First of all my nose is of perfect shape and size, secondly Caboose was going to crash Rusty for me! And he was going to wipe you out! Guess nobody likes you, Greaseball the dumbfuck diesel!"

"Bullshit."

"Yes you are."

"Shut up."

"Big words for one with a small d-hckk-"

Punching engines in the throat wasn't really Greaseball's forte but at least it shut him up.

"CB is this true?"

"..."

Oh shit. He could feel pairs of eyes in the back of his skull.

Everything halted. Then CB crawled as fast as he could.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-"

A monstrous noise of uneven steps and grunts and groans were heard approaching him faster than he could wiggle.

"Hyuk-"

He was picked up by the collar, swivelling to see a rather angry diesel.

"CB." He said with a warning.

He squirmed and kicked his shins being released down to the ground again.

"Kill me if you like but he's the one who's lying." He pointed at Electra accusingly.

"Caboose." Electra glared.

"Dinah ain't do none of that- She wouldn't- She loves you too much but your heads too big you can't see that- You hurt her-"

"Enough."

"She blames herself for your stupidity you fucking fool-"

"I said enough."

A large hand hoisted the brake truck up, the small thing having no framework spare to help him stand, causing him to pull the electric, and the electric to grab the diesel and then the lot of them to collapse back to the ground in an uncomfortable groan.

"This isnt over Union... Pissific."

"Just shut your piehole, Electra.."

"..Don't you're making me hungry.. "

"..."

"..."

"'Boose?"

"End me."

"...Fair enough."

"... And get your hand off my arse, Electra."

"Hm...... no."

"Die."

"No."

"...Please?"

"Rude."

The diesel chuckled.

"Why are you laughing, dimsel?"

"Wow your jokes are as bad as your face."

"Excuse you-"

"Well too be fair they're not as bad as CB's face.. You look like you've lost an eye, 'Boose."

"I got punched by Judy over there.." He shifted his head a little to Electra's direction.

"Well you deserved it." He smiled patting his patootie.

"I didn't.... entirely..."

"Will Dinah kill me?"

"No but I will if you ask nicely, I think you dislocated my shoulder."

"When?"

"When you two buffoons were fighting over me like chickens in a war."

"Oh....... sorry then."

"Sorry won't reconnect my arm to it's socket."

"Calm down Caboose, at least your namesake wasn't harmed."

"Stop drawing circles, Electra, if I could move right now I'd slap you harder than GB did."

"Would be a good pillow to rest on until the others come..."

"Hm, not a bad idea, Electric."

"For fuck sake- at least shuffle over there quietly!"

"Sorry"

"Sorry"

"Ah, yep,...comfy~"

"Wake us when the other's arrive, 'Boose."

"Ugh."

"Goodnight, Sparkyarse."

"Rest well, Wheezeball."

"You two are horrible."

"Nighty to you too, Cute Butt~"

"Nigh-Night 'Boosey Bum~"

"Shut up Cocknose and Bumhead."

"Cocknose- oh my god CB-"

"I will spank you for that after my beauty sleep."

"You mean your booty sleep."

"Starlight, I wish I were deaf. Or dead. Even better."

"You love us really, 'Boosey."

"Do I??"

"If you say yes we'll shut up~"

"Then yes I do with the force of a thousand suns."

"Good."

"G'night, Caboose. Greaseball.

"Night CB,....Cocknose."

"Please just sleep and stop sniggering like trainlets!"

"Yes Mama Boose."

"Never call me that, again."

"Fair enough."

"Understood."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

.

[penandwind]

Not only is this a great bit, but you can have a lot of fun with the concept of an appellomancer.

Once in a DnD game I ran, had the party run into an appellomancer. One guy who just trying to be a troublemaker insulted him. The appellomancer stamped his staff to the ground and I told him to hand me his character sheet. I erased the character name and wrote down “Cocknose Thornkwumple.” He was mad, but everyone was required to call him that from then on. Such a name can really put a damper on a whole “murder death and pillage everything” barbarian. So yeah, appellomancy is cool

appellomancers are based

[go4itcyprus-blog]

#fresh @polarskateco deck @mini_logo #trucks and @spitfirewheels essentials heading out of the shop . order yours now online 👇 or visit us in #limassol . #go4itcyprus #skateshop #skate #skateboard #polardeck #polarskateco #dickhead #cocknose #spitfire #spitfirewheels #softds #ridethefire #burnforever #minilogo #militant #skateboardingisfun #skateshoplife #skatedaily (at Go4it Cyprus)

[jesbakescookies]

Without Darkness: Chapter Twenty Excerpt

I felt like revisiting some WD smut. Here’s their pool table adventure. 

"And where exact-fucking-ly are we going doll?" He grumbled as they reached the bottom floor and headed to the common room. Kayla ignored him as they walked, her path taking them into the small space used by the Saviors to unwind. There were a few card tables which allowed them to play poker among other games, a small bar, as well as a pool table and ping pong table. Negan smirked as she let go of his hand and removed her leather jacket. She was rolling her sleeves up when he asked, "are we doing, what I think were doing?"

"If you're thinking we're playing the pool game I promised you forever ago, then yes. No complaining when I make you my bitch."

Negan grinned at her, removing his own jacket and taking a pool cue off the wall. "Well dollface, I can't wait to see you try."

He watched as she chalked the end of her stick, strolling around the table. Gesturing to the table with her chin she offered, "you wanna break?"

"Ladies first darlin'." He rasped, his head cocking to the side as she bent over the table for the first shot. "Fuuuuuck, you're gonna distract the shit out of me aren't you sweet cheeks?"

Kayla smiled coyly at him, her hands maneuvering the cue just so, to sink another striped ball in a corner pocket. She'd rounded the table, her body stretching over the edge for her next shot. Negan slid up behind her, his hand gripping her hip tightly. "Your form is all wrong." He murmured into her ear, his voice low and rough. "Let me help you."

With a firm tug, her ass was nestled against his groin as he kicked her feet wider. She could feel the hard length of him and his muscular thighs aligned behind her. The sensation caused a slow burning heat to flare, making her squeeze her thighs together to soothe the ache.

Kayla gasped as he ground into her with the guise of teaching her how to play. His hips pressed her into the table edge as he instructed, "You've got to get a good grip of that stick darlin'. Not too hard, it needs to be able to slide right through those little fingers of yours." His mouth was close to her ear, his tongue barely touching the lobe before he nipped her. "Once you got a hold of that pole well then you gotta give those balls some love baby, because motherfucking balls need love too."

A gruff laugh escaped him, as he slapped her ass and stepped away. "Go on doll, take the shot."

With his advice she missed her next shot, the ball bouncing off the bumper and in the opposite direction as she panted shallowly. Her cheeks were flushed and she could feel sweat between her breasts.

"Oooh too bad babycakes." Negan simpered, his lip pouting out obnoxiously as he gave her puppy dog eyes.

"Cheater." Kayla muttered under her breath as he laughed at her angry huffing. The man took his own shot, the solid colored ball sinking in the side pocket before the cue ball bounced off the edge and lined up his next shot. The game went on, both players getting their own shots in until there were only a few balls left on the table. Kayla could see Negan's narrowed eyes, his mouth scowling at her skill level.

"I gotta say, I was doubt-fucking-ful you knew fuck all about pool but I stand corrected." He drawled as she sunk her last ball, her sights moving to the eight ball. Kayla laughed lightly, her eyes connecting with his as she took the shot blindly. The cue slid easily through her fingers, the chalked tip propelling the black ball into the pocket. The sound of it sinking, the clacking of it hitting the remaining balls in the little net had her smiling. Negan looked more than a little pissed off but also aroused. He swaggered around the table to her side, his hand plucking the cue from her hand, before tossing it away. Swiftly she was lifted from the ground and deposited on the tabletop. Negan was climbing on top of her before she could think of refusing.

Their mouths met hungrily, Kayla swallowing down both their moans as Negan writhed against her. His large hands pinned her arms above her head as he rolled his hips between her legs hard and precise. Soon he was cupping her breasts and squeezing her ass, the man slipping into a lust filled haze.

"Mother of fuck." Negan gasped as her hands sunk into his hair and pulled hard, her teeth biting up the column of his neck.

"We shouldn't do this here." Kayal murmured while sucking on the hot flesh between his neck and shoulder. "Anyone could walk in."

"Just call me President of Don't-give-a-fuckastan because I don't give a flying monkey fucking fuck if the undead pope walks in and beats his bishop, while watching me go balls deep." Negan growled, his hand gliding up her shirt and under bra before she could blink. Kayla's mouth dropped open as his tongue and teeth joined his hand, the hot suction of his mouth on her nipple making the woman moan deeply.

They were just getting to the point of yanking each other's clothes off when the sound of voices and footsteps approached. Negan grumbled over her, yanking her shirt down to cover her breast, while glaring at the door.

"They better keep fuckin' walking because I'm banging you on this table like I've dreamed about. I'm gonna bash some fucking heads in." He growled, his hips snapping in between her thighs like a threat of what was to come. Kayla whimpered as his denim wrapped cock ground directly on her own throbbing ache.

"Yeah so I told him-." A voice halted as they entered the room to find Negan pinning Kayla on top of the pool table, his dark eyes drilling holes into the new arrivals.

"Holy shit." One man muttered, his eyes gawking at Kayla spread eagle while their leader crouched above like a predator above his kill. His sharp teeth were bared and eyes darkening by the second.

"Sorry sir." Another Savior spoke, his gaze dropping to the floor rather than face the wrath of Negan's jealousy.

"Can you not fucking tell this room is fucking occupied? I'm trying to sink some meatballs on this table you cocknosed twats." He growled as they continued to stand and stare dumbly.

"Get. Out." Negan snarled, pointing at the door as the men tripped over their feet to exit. Kayla burst into laughter as one fell over the other, both landing in a heap blocking the doorway.

"Get. Out. You Chucklefucks." Negan shouted even louder, "Jesus Christ its like the three fucking stooges up in this bitch. Go. Go. Go!"

When the door slammed shut, Kayla peered back up at Negan. He smirked at her despite the anger he'd just displayed, the man as amused at the idiots as she was.

"You think that's funny huh?" he sneered playfully, his eyes shining with mischief.

Snickering she nodded, her eyes widening as he dug his fingers into her sides, tickling her mercilessly. Squealing while laughing, Kayla tried to escape his assaulting fingers but couldn't squirm away. The only thing stopping him was her warnings about pissing her pants.

"Okay. Okay. Okay." He chuckled gruffly, rising to his knees as his hands went to her belt buckle. Kayla's eyes widened when he yanked them down her hips, to her knees as she sputtered, "W-what? W-ait."

Negan chuckled, shaking his head as he hovered over her, his large hand sunk between her thighs. "I wasn't kidding. I'm not stopping until I nail the fuck out of you to this fucking felt."

Words died in her throat as he thrummed against her, his fingers searching inside for a buried treasure. Negan stared down at her with dark eyes and parted lips, the heat from his panted breathes made her flush. He looked ravenous, his mouth slack as he watched Kayla writhe, his tongue wetting his lips hungrily.

"Oh God." She moaned, her neck arching as she threw her head back with hooded eyes. The trailing heat of Negan's wet tongue gliding between her cleavage and neck had her breath hitching.

"Oh. Baby." He crooned into her neck, "you feel how wet you are? Fucking fuck we are making a mess, doll. Everybody's gonna know how soppy you get for me." His voice was gravelly, his breath warming her skin as he panted. The weight of his hips and heady scent of his sweat had her dizzy, her head lolling to the side as his sucked her pulse with bruising force. Kayla moaned again in response, her breath leaving her as Negan's fingers curled and spread inside her.

"Fuck. Negan." She gasped, her hips rising from the table to meet his thrusts and beg for more. She wanted it fast and hard, deep and rough. Kayla couldn't help but plead, her teeth digging into her bottom lip as her thighs trembled. Curling her fingers into his forearm, she held on as he thrust, enjoying the feeling of his flexing muscles and tendons.

The nip of his teeth and filthy words of encouragement had her spilling over the edge, her body clutching at him desperately. Slamming her thighs shut, Kayla rolled her entire body while grinding into his palm. The man became wild, the snarling sound more rabid than ever before.

"Fucking A, good fucking girl. Goddamn I love when you cum." He growled, his lips sucking and biting her neck and chest. His hands drifted over ever inch in reach, his fingers stroking and tracing, never stopping for more than a few seconds.

"You are so beautiful." He murmured, sitting on his heels while looking down at her flushed face. Negan's hand smoothed her hair, tucking it behind her ear as she caught her breath. While Kayla panted, her eyes followed Negan as he climbed off the table. She squeaked when he pulled her from the flat surface and bent her over the over the edge. Negan's body pressed against her back and his wet mouth sucked her neck and ear. She heard the rattle of his belt buckle and the clatter of his knife, followed by the rasp of metal teeth as his zipper was pulled open.

"Mmm. Now I'm gonna fill you the fuck up." He growled before plunging into her from behind with one aggressive upstroke. The pressure of his fingers digging into her waist and shoulder while his hipbones pinned her into the sharp edge of the table had her groaning wantonly. Pushing in to the hilt, Negan moaned as he rolled his hips without retreating, stirring her clinging walls.

"Son of a fuck." He grunted as she clenched onto him tightly, her body refusing to let him withdraw. "Tight as shit baby. God I'm gonna unload in you too soon."

"Less talking. More fucking." She growled, reaching back to claw at his thigh while pushing back onto him. Negan sunk his hand into Kayla's hair, fisting it as his speed doubled.

"You. Are. In. Trouble, doll." He threatened while tugging her off the table and against his chest. Kayla moaned as he thrust into her brutally, his hoarse voice panting into her ear, "You feelin' me yet sweetheart? My dick touching your tonsils hmm? You tastin' me baby girl?"

The drag of his swollen head against her lips had Kayla keening like a sexual deviant. She wanted him to destroy her, fuck her until she split in two. Clutching the back of his head, she yanked his mouth to hers, both hungrily devoured the other with teeth and tongues.

"Oh god." She gasped as his ruthless hips pounded a second orgasm from her body. A choking scream escaped her mouth before Negan's hand covered her mouth, muffling the erotic sound under curled fingers. He bit her shoulder while shoving into her, a snarl vibrated against her back as he plunged as deep as he could go. She felt heat flood her insides, warmth spreading as Negan rocked lazily into her hips.

"Son of a fucking fuck." He huffed, collapsing them both onto the pool table. Kayla was gasping shallowly as Negan's weight pressed her into the hard surface. Pushing himself up on a shaky arm he snickered, raking his sweaty hair from his eyes "Sorry doll. Jesus I think I blacked the fuck out."

A breathless laugh came from her swollen lips as she slowly rose to right her clothing. "We need to get out of here before someone else wanders in."

"Fucking fuck 'em." Negan grunted, yanking her towards him with a roguish grin. "I'll enjoy my girl's pussy wherever and whenever I want."

Kayla's hands lay on top of his thudding chest, the cotton worn soft. He gazed down at her with calmer eyes and an easier smile. "You uh... you do this to get my mind off shit?"

"Yep. It work?"

"Hell yeah." He replied, wrapping his long arms around her waist and shoulders. Pinning her to his chest, Negan regarded her with soft eyes. "You're dangerous you know."

"Obviously but why do you say that?"

"Because you know me so goddamn well. It's danger-fucking-ous." He explained, kissing her softly on the lips before pulling back to whisper, "you could destroy me if you wanted."

"Good thing destroying you is the furthest thing from my mind."

"Oh yeah, what is on your mind?" he murmured, his nose brushing along her scarred jaw.

"You're dick and the king sized bed we have upstairs."

"Jesus woman give a guy some fucking recovery time. I'm no goddamn eighteen year old. My one eyed monster needs to rest sometime." Negan chortled, his eyes lively and lips pulling into a smug grin.

"Pffft." She murmured, a smirk curling her lips. "Don't lie, you're half hard already just thinking about it."

Growling into the curve of her neck, Negan threatened, "oh doll you are gonna get it."

"And you're gonna give it to me?"

"You bet your perky pink ass I am."

Read the rest here: 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12233027/20/Without-Darkness

[tom-bakers-scarf]

Just imagine him sliding into Arthur’s court like what’s up. How’s princing going this morning your royal cocknose? I made you some soup but got hungry on the way over, you know how it is. I’m off to not polish your boots, toodles

No but… imagine if Merlin (BBC) just cared a little less. Gauis is out there already telling Arthur that Merlin spends all his spare time in the tavern, so why not run with that?

Merlin turns up one morning looking like shit from whatever monster of the week he spent his Friday night fighting, wearing the costume of Merlin from the sword in the stone and no one questions it because yeah. That’s Merlin. Got shitfaced and probably beat up a chair. What of it

[learnjapanesebod]

Q. Is there really no such thing as swear words in Japanese?

A. No. There is such a thing as swear words in Japanese, but the "profanity" often heard on Japanese TV isn't the same kind of profanity as English swear words because they're not considered "taboo" language.

If you watch a decent amount of Japanese TV such as anime, movies, live-action dramas, etc., you might have noticed that a lot of times subtitles will translate the dialogue to include English profanity or cussing, like the words "shit," "fuck," "bitch," etc.. You might in turn then be wondering if these are accurate translations, because surely the Japanese-equivalent of these words wouldn't be a part of something like an anime or TV show meant for kids airing in the middle of the day.

This will be the context for this lesson.

Perhaps the simplest way to distinguish between profanity in English and profanity in Japanese is that in English swear words have a double-function of being harsher (or cooler) than normal language and being taboo. And as you can probably already tell, the coolness or the harshness is something that directly derives from the fact that the words are considered inappropriate/taboo. Calling someone "a fucking idiot" as opposed to "a complete idiot"-despite the fact that they both mean the same thing, is way harsher or cooler because the word "fuck" is considered inappropriate/taboo.

Japanese profanity for the most part does not have this double-function. It separates the two functions into two different realms.

It has taboo words but they are scarce, represent a minority of "Japanese profanity," and you’ll pretty much never hear someone say them in public, even if they’re adults. These will be words such as racially discriminatory terms or perhaps the most infamous example: the Japanese word for vagina. The thing to point out regarding this minority is that they’re typically used for literally cursing someone and do not become flexible like English swear words in which you can say something like "fucking X" or “piece of shit X,” wherein you add on the swear to any given statement to make it sound harsher/cooler overall.

The same pretty much goes for the other way around in that there are also ways the Japanese language makes things sound harsher or more aggressive, but these words won’t be taboo. In fact, most of the time, it won't even be the actual words but rather the grammar of the entire speech that makes a statement insulting/harsh in Japanese.

If you aren’t a complete beginner of the Japanese language, you’ll know that it has a pretty extensive system of enforcing grammatical specifics like conjugating words a certain way to maintain your speech as-say: polite, formal, honorific, humble, casual, etc. For better or for worse, simply not using polite language to someone in Japanese could be considered insulting enough. This inherent cultural and linguistic difference between Japanese and English in turn influences the way speakers of those respective languages "swear."

To exhibit this, see the following examples of common Japanese "swearing" and how they are actually words you could perfectly use in formal, real-life conversations, but once you "grammatize" them a certain way they become full-on insulting and frowned upon.

Example(s):

糞 (くそ/kuso) Definition: "feces, excrement, dung, poop, bullshit, shit, damn" This is considered a swear when it is said alone and likened to the English exclamation of "Shit!" or "Damnit!" But the word itself is not profane at all, as shown by the following perfectly normal compound words that contain it.

糞虫 (くそむし/kusomushi) "dung beetle"

鼻糞 (はなくそ/hanakuso) "booger, snot, mucus, nasal discharge"

糞食らえ (くそくらえ/kuso kurae) "eat shit!" In this example, it returns to being part of a swear but it still is not because the word 糞 (くそ/kuso) itself is considered profane. Instead, it is the imperative/command form of the verb 食らう that makes this statement insulting.

糞餓鬼 (くそがき/kusogaki) "piece of shit brat, son of a bitch" Another example of it being a part of a swear because the overall statement is offensive

ふざけるなよ！ (fuzakeru na yo!) "cut the shit! stop fucking around!" This derives from the perfectly normal verb word 巫山戯る (ふざける/fuzakeru), which simply means "to fool around, to joke around, to kid around, to jest, to screw around, etc." It becomes an offensive swear not because the word itself is profane but because the casual verb conjugation of it is considered rude. (ふざけんな！ would be even stronger with its even shorter/slang-ish form.) Alternatively, if we were to conjugate it into the more polite, て-Form + 下さい to mean "please do VERB," then it would become ふざけないで下さい and would be a perfectly okay statement to say in a real life conversation without insulting someone, translating to "please stop fooling around"

うるさい (urusai) Literal definition: ”noisy, loud“ Likelier English translation (due to how rude it is to be telling someone straight to their face that they are being loud): "Be quiet! Shut up!”

どけ! (doke) Literal definition of original verb word 退く: “to step aside, to move, to make way” Likelier English translation (again, due to the imperative command form verb conjugation that expresses aggression): “Get out of my way! Fuck off!”

くたばれ! (kutabare) Literal definition of original verb くたばる: "to kick the bucket, to drop dead, to die, to croak" Likelier English translation (again, due to the imperative command form verb conjugation that expresses aggression): “Drop dead! Go to hell!"

Exception Example(s): These word(s) are both insulting/offensive and considered taboo.

手前 (てめえ/temee) Definition: "you" (used when the speaker is extremely angry and implies that the addressee is of an inferior stature, therefore it is usually translated into English to something along the lines of "bastard, motherfucker, etc." instead)

Conclusion: While there is such a thing as Japanese profanity, it is very different from English profanity. English profanity is more imaginative, colorful, and has something of a subculture to it, in which new profane, slang words are being termed pretty much everyday (e.g. fuckboy, asshat, dickweed, cumswallow, cocknose shitbucket, etc.). Japanese profanity for the most part consistently derives from the technical points of its grammar due to the language being influenced by Japanese polite culture.

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[venenosadulce]

“Cumbubble, Fucktrumpet, Pissflaps, Shitbag, Cocknose, Dickweed, Bitchtits!” Yeap random obscenities, hearing people talk about how bad swearing is just set her off. 

[tendaisagwetethink-blog]

anus - butt arse - butt arsehole - butt ass - butt ass-hat - idiot ass-jabber - homosexual ass-pirate - homosexual assbag - idiot assbandit - homosexual assbanger - homosexual assbite - idiot assclown - butt asscock - idiot asscracker - butt asses - butts assface - butt assfuck - rear-loving assfucker - homosexual assgoblin - homosexual asshat - butt asshead - idiot asshole - jerk asshopper - homosexual assjacker - homosexual asslick - idiot asslicker - Buttlicker assmonkey - idiot assmunch - idiot assmuncher - butt assnigger - Racial Slur asspirate - homosexual assshit - idiot assshole - butt asssucker - idiot asswad - butt asswipe - butt axwound - female genitalia

bampot - idiot bastard - illegitimate child beaner - Mexican bitch - female dog bitchass - idiot bitches - female dogs bitchtits - homosexual bitchy - mean blow job - sexual act blowjob - sexual act bollocks - male genitalia bollox - male genitalia boner - erection brotherfucker - homosexual bullshit - poop bumblefuck - homosexual butt plug - cork butt-pirate - homosexual buttfucka - homosexual buttfucker - homosexual

camel toe - female genitalia carpetmuncher - homosexual chesticle - Breast chinc - Chinese chink - asian choad - male genitalia chode - small penis clit - female genitals clitface - idiot clitfuck - sexual act clusterfuck - mess up cock - penis cockass - Jerk cockbite - idiot cockburger - idiot cockface - idiot cockfucker - idiot cockhead - idiot cockjockey - homosexual cockknoker - homosexual cockmaster - homosexual cockmongler - homosexual cockmongruel - homosexual cockmonkey - idiot cockmuncher - homosexual cocknose - idiot cocknugget - idiot cockshit - idiot cocksmith - homosexual cocksmoke - homosexual cocksmoker - homosexual cocksniffer - homosexual cocksucker - homosexual cockwaffle - idiot coochie - female genitalia coochy - female genitalia coon - African American cooter - vagina cracker - Caucasian cum - semen cumbubble - idiot cumdumpster - prostitute cumguzzler - homosexual cumjockey - homosexual cumslut - dirty girl cumtart - idiot cunnie - female genitalia cunnilingus - sexual act cunt - vagina cuntass - idiot cuntface - idiot cunthole - female genitalia cuntlicker - homosexual cuntrag - idiot cuntslut - idiot

dago

- Italian

damn

- darn

deggo

- Italian

dick

- penis

dick-sneeze

- orgasm

dickbag

- idiot

dickbeaters

- Hands

dickface

- idiot

dickfuck

- idiot

dickfucker

- homosexual

dickhead

- phallace face

dickhole

- male genitalia

dickjuice

- semen

dickmilk

- sperm

dickmonger

- homosexual

dicks

- penises

dickslap

- sexual act

dicksucker

- homosexual

dicksucking

- sexual act

dicktickler

- homosexual

dickwad

- idiot

dickweasel

- idiot

dickweed

- idiot

dickwod

- idiot

dike

- homosexual

dildo

- sexual toy

dipshit

- idiot

doochbag

- idiot

dookie

- poop

douche

- female hygene product

douche-fag

- idiot

douchebag

- female hygene accessory

douchewaffle

- homosexual

dumass

- idiot

dumb ass

- idiot

dumbass

- idiot

dumbfuck

- idiot

dumbshit

- idiot

dumshit

- idiot

dyke

- homosexual

fag

- homosexual

fagbag

- homosexual

fagfucker

- homosexual

faggit

- homosexual

faggot

- homosexual

faggotcock

- homosexual

fagtard

- homosexual idiot

fatass

- a fat person

fellatio

- sexual act

feltch

- sexual act

flamer

- homosexual

fuck

- fornicate

fuckass

- idiot

fuckbag

- idiot

fuckboy

- idiot

fuckbrain

- idiot

fuckbutt

- butt

fuckbutter

- Sexual fluids

fucked

- had intercourse

fucker

- fornicator

fuckersucker

- idiot

fuckface

- idiot

fuckhead

- butt

fuckhole

- jerk

fuckin

- sexual act

fucking

- freaking

fucknut

- idiot

fucknutt

- idiot

fuckoff

- go away

fucks

- sexual act

fuckstick

- male genitalia

fucktard

- Moron

fucktart

- idiot

fuckup

- idiot

fuckwad

- idiot

fuckwit

- dummy

fuckwitt

- idiot

fudgepacker

- homosexual

 gay

- homosexual

gayass

- butt

gaybob

- homosexual

gaydo

- homosexual

gayfuck

- homosexual

gayfuckist

- homosexual

gaylord

- homosexual

gaytard

- homosexual

gaywad

- homosexual

goddamn

- goshdarn

goddamnit

- goshdarnit

gooch

- female genitalia

gook

- Chinese

gringo

- foreigner

guido

- italian

handjob

- sexual act

hard on

- erection

heeb

- Jewish Person

hell

- heck

ho

- woman

hoe

- Woman

homo

- homosexual

homodumbshit

- idiot

honkey

- white person

humping

- sexual act

jackass - idiot jagoff - idiot jap - japanesse person jerk off - masturbate jerkass - idiot jigaboo - African American jizz - Semen jungle bunny - african american junglebunny - african american

kike

- Jewish Person

kooch

- female genitalia

kootch

- female genitalia

kraut

- german

kunt

- female genitalia

kyke

- Jewish person

lameass

- loser

lardass

- overweight individual

lesbian

- homosexual

lesbo

- homosexual

lezzie

- homosexual

mcfagget

- homosexual

mick

- irish

minge

- female genitalia

mothafucka

- Jerk

mothafuckin\'

- mother loving

motherfucker

- mother lover

motherfucking

- fornicating with mother

muff

- female genitalia

muffdiver

- homosexual

munging

- sexual act

negro - african american nigaboo - African American nigga - african american nigger - african american niggers - African Americans niglet - african american child nut sack - male genitalia nutsack - male genitalia paki - pakistanien panooch - femail genitalia pecker - Penis peckerhead - idiot penis - male genitalia penisbanger - homosexual penisfucker - homosexual penispuffer - homosexual piss - urinate pissed - urinated pissed off - angry pissflaps - female genitalia polesmoker - homosexual pollock - polish person poon - female genitals poonani - female genitalia poonany - vagina poontang - female genitalia porch monkey - african american porchmonkey - African American prick - penis punanny - female genitalia punta - female dog pussies - Female Genitalias pussy - female reproductive organ pussylicking - sexual act puto - idiot queef - vaginal fart. queer - homosexual queerbait - homosexual queerhole - homosexual

renob - erection rimjob - dirty sexual act ruski - Russian

sand nigger

- middle eastern

sandnigger

- middle eastern

schlong

- male genitalia

scrote

- male genitalia

shit

- poop

shitass

- idiot

shitbag

- idiot

shitbagger

- idiot

shitbrains

- idiot

shitbreath

- Bad Breath

shitcanned

- Fired

shitcunt

- idiot

shitdick

- idiot

shitface

- pooface

shitfaced

- Drunk

shithead

- jerk

shithole

- idiot

shithouse

- bathroom

shitspitter

- butt

shitstain

- poop

shitter

- defecator

shittiest

- worst

shitting

- pooping

shitty

- bad

shiz

- poop

shiznit

- poop

skank

- dirty girl

skeet

- semen

skullfuck

- sexual act

slut

- sexually popular woman

slutbag

- sexually popular woman

smeg

- poop

snatch

- female genitalia

spic

- mexican

spick

- mexican american

splooge

- ejaculate

spook

- White person

suckass

- idiot

tard - mentally challenged testicle - male genitalia thundercunt - idiot tit - breast titfuck - sexual act tits - breasts tittyfuck - sexual act twat - female genitals twatlips - idiot twats - vaginas twatwaffle - homosexual

unclefucker - homosexual

va-j-j - female genitalia vag - femail genitalia vagina - female genitalia vajayjay - female genitalia vjayjay - female genitalia

wank - sexual act wankjob - sexual act wetback - Mexican whore - hussy whorebag - idiot whoreface - idiot wop - Italian http://www.noswearing.com/dictionary/b

Me

_______________________________

This is a list of swearwords from another website that I put here for the sake of ideas generation. We were exploring this idea thanks to the suggestion of a teacher. The idea was to create a campaign that could potentially become viral thanks to the immaturity of the younger parts of our target audience.

[teabagtheweak666]

I guess commander cocknose wanted one of those animals idk what was happening this thing had no plot

[agayskeleton]

i dont get how anyone could have a crush on you since youre such a paranoid bitch

Hi, I'm their friend and i dont want to hear that crap every again. They are an incredible person and a beautiful soul and if you feel the need to target someone I feel bad for you and your sorry life. I would say have a good day but you don't deserve it. Hi, I'm also their friend. If you honestly hate this blog and this person so much then why are you even on here in the first place?! And if you honestly have enough nerve to say this over the phone, over a goddamn screen, then who the hell is the coward? Not my friend, it's you. i also had a HUGE CRUSH ON HER IN 9 GRADEHey! I'm not as nice as the last two people but look just because you feel like a bigger person just because you told someone off over a fucking screen. Have some fucking self respect and try even trying some for others you cocknose!!!