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justmeinadaze · 2 years ago

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Could i request something with reader and Eddie, she knows about what went down in the upside down and Eddie has pretty much coped with everything but they decided to try handcuffs in the bed and all of the sudden Eddie freaks and he feels he’s tracked back to the upside down with the bats wrapped around his wrist

A/N: You made me feel things! Lol. To be honest, I actually kind of like tapping into what PTSD would be like for Eddie. Just because I have it myself so to imagine what he would be going through after his ordeal...it strikes a cord <3.

Allow me to take this opportunity to remind everyone who suffers with a mental illness that you are loved, you matter, and you are definitely not alone!

Warnings: The minimalist amount of smut. Like you gotta squint to find it. This is mostly just Eddie being triggered from the experience so LOTS of feels.

Word count: 1063

“Baby, I don’t know about this.”

You and Eddie were lying in bed, half naked, making out after a particularly romantic evening. He took you to Enzo’s for dinner and then down to the cinema to see a movie. There was a particular scene that made you jump but Eddie just laughed as he wrapped his arm tighter around your shoulders.

“Don’t worry, Sweetheart. I got you. You’re safe with me.”

“Come on, Princess. It will be fine. I’ve been doing good especially now that trial and everything is over. No spooky Vecna style shenanigans—”

“But isn’t this pushing it a bit? I mean, I know I wasn’t there but…”, you reach for his wrist as you thumb grazes one of his many lighter scars.

“You’re right! You weren’t there!”, he snaps. His eyes blink away the anger as they soften. “Let’s just try this, baby please?” Eddie’s tone is calmer as he leans over to kiss your cheek. “I trust you.”

You relent, taking the handcuffs from his hands. Moving slowly, you click them around his wrists, pausing to allow for him to back out if he decided to.

“Is that too tight?”

The chains rattle together as he lifts his finger to push your hair behind your ear. “No, Sweetheart. They are perfect like you.”

You playfully roll your eyes as he flashes you a big toothy grin. He watches you as you maneuver around the mattress, attaching the other ends of the cuffs to the headboard. Eddie’s arms were now completely immobile as they hang above his head.

Your legs straddle his waist making you moan as you felt his cock through his boxers press against your panty covered core. You lean down placing you lips on his. When you pull away his mouth immediately chases yours.

“Na ah, baby. Remember, you wanted this.” Eddie sucks his bottom lip between his teeth as you reprimand him.

His eyes squeeze shut as you trail tiny kisses down his neck to the tattoos on his chest. The sound of a squeak causes his eyes to open. Eddie looks around noticing the room as gotten darker. He focuses in on your face trying to come back to reality.

No, no, no. I’m not there. I’m in Hawkins in my uncle’s trailer about to make love to my beautiful girlfriend. I’m ok.

“Eddie? Are you still with me?”

He chuckles and flashes you what he hopes is a convincing smile. “Yeah, Princess. I’m fine. Your lips feel amazing.”

One of your hands slides over the scar on his right side as your tongue glides down his stomach.

Eddie’s eyes suddenly dart out the window as the red storm clouds roll in. They barely cover the multiple squeaks of the bats that are headed for his trailer.

You feel his tummy underneath your mouth rapidly move up and down. “Eddie?”

“No, no, no. I’m not there. I’m not there.”, he started repeating himself over and over under his breath. “I’m at home with my girlfriend. I’m not there.”

You froze in helplessness. You didn’t know what to do or how to help him.

“Baby?”, you climbed off of him, reaching out to touch his face.

Eddie’s eyes flew open as he started screaming. His legs kicked against the bed as he pulled at the restraints. For him, he was back in that dark place being attacked by those things. He could feel their teeth digging into his skin and their long tails holding him down.

You moved as quick as you could, unlocking the cuffs from his wrists. The moment he was free, he flipped off the bed and grabbed the knife on his dresser, pressing his back against the wall.

“Eddie! You’re safe! You’re safe, baby. It’s me. I’m here. I’m not going to let anyone or anything hurt you.”

His body gradually sunk to the floor, crossing his arms over his legs. You lowered yourself to his level, watching his lips move as he muttered things under his breath.

Steadily crawling forward, you reach towards his shaking hands to grab the knife.

“Everything’s okay, Eddie. You’re safe with me.” You pried the weapon from his grasp and tossed it under the bed. A couple tears slide down your cheeks as you turn his head, trying to get him to look at you. “Come back to me, baby. Please. Don’t go where I can’t follow.”

You laugh at your feeble attempt at quoting the Lord of the Rings, hoping it would spark some recognition. You carefully lift his arms as you climb into his lap, placing them back down and around you. Leaning your back against his chest, you place a tender kiss on his cheek.

You sit there with him in silence, feeling his chest rise and fall against you. After a while, his fingers start to twitch as they intertwine with your own. You don’t move, afraid of startling him.

His hair brushes against your skin as his head falls into the nook between your shoulder and neck. Eddie’s chest begins to tremble as he breaks.

“Baby,” you twist your body so you can hold him to you as he cries.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“You have no reason to be sorry.” You tilt his head back so you can wipe the tears from his eyes. “Are you okay? I thought I lost you again.”

He nods as his he glances towards the bed. You abruptly turn his face back to you. “Don’t look over there, ok? I’m going to get everything ready so we can lay down and crash?”

You take note of how exhausted he is and how hard it is for him to even move his head to respond to you. “Do you want to take a shower?”

“Will…will you stand with me?”

“Of course. Give me a second, ok?”

He closes his eyes as he places his head back against the wall. As quietly as possible, you unhook the cuffs from his bed posts and shove them in your bag. This is the first time they have ever triggered him but you take them just to be safe.

“Alright, baby. I’ve got you.” As soon as you pull him to his feet, he pulls you in to a hug. Eddie’s hand presses you into his chest as he kisses the top of your head.

“I love you, Princess.”

#eddie munson #eddie asks #eddie stranger things #eddie munson angst #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #eddie fanfic #joseph quinn #joseph quinn fanfiction

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mildkleptomania · 1 year ago

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tada! i bring you MORE ART

(Image Description: Several drawings of a species of bipedal catlike alien with four eyes and usually blue or bluish fur; while bipedal, they don't stand in an especially humanoid manner, being more reminiscent of how movie raptor-type dinosaurs hold themselves. The largest and most shaded one has orange eyes, and is lighter blue with a darker blue mane, and spots on its outer thighs, rump, and upper tail; they are also labeled as "Kudori (?)" Other kudori include one poking in from the left border with green eyes and their teeth bared, one with tealish fur and cyan eyes poking in from the right border, a darker blue one with purple eyes depicted holding a spear, and a more cyan colored one with yellow eyes, a nearwhite muzzle, paws, and tailtip, and dark spots on their rump. On the upper right of the largest kudori is a drawing of the kudori "handpaw", which has two fingers, two thumbs on opposite sides, claws, and pawpads. On the bottom right of the image is four extremely abstracted kudori with some kind of spooky energy cloud or web above them. The kudori are labelled "branches" and have little wifi symbols over their heads, while the energy is labelled the "chorus", and vaguely points to each of their heads. Both the "branches" and the "chorus" have a primarily cyan color scheme, with lime green eyes.)

An alien species I am tentatively naming the Kudori, at least for now each kudori individual is a small hivemind of a usual minimum of 4 up to several dozen bodies controlled by a single mind (the "chorus") simultaneously; "branch" was a placeholder name for their individual bodies, but it grew on me so i'm keeping it despite the name "chorus", none of the individual branches have any individual mind or personality, and the neurotypical chorus has only one personality; that said, the chorus's long term memories are stored in the branches' brains, so the kudori really doesn't want to lose its branches each of a kudori's branches look more similar to each other than most of these examples do, since each kudori's branches are either littermates or asexually cloned from one of the original littermates; my favorite design of these examples is yellow-eyes up by the handpaw drawing, which i'm probably going to develop into a proper character for… Something, anyway

#art #my art #aliens #cats #furry adjacent #science fiction setting

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katiewalker03 · 2 months ago

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Virtual sketch book 3

Certainly, here’s a description and analysis of The Assumption of the Virgin by Francesco Gnacci.

1. What is it made of?

This painting is an oil on canvas, typical of Italian Renaissance and Baroque religious works. This medium allows for vibrant colors, deep contrasts, and subtle gradations that bring religious scenes to life.

2. How big is it?

While I don’t have exact measurements for Gnacci’s version, paintings of The Assumption of the Virgin in similar Renaissance-Baroque styles are often quite large, typically ranging from 6 to 12 feet in height, allowing for an imposing presence in church altarpieces or chapels.

3. Description of the Artwork:

Imagine a luminous scene where the Virgin Mary is lifted toward the heavens, surrounded by a celestial aura and encircled by cherubs and angels. She wears flowing robes, often depicted in blue and white to symbolize purity and holiness. Her face might show calm acceptance as she rises, with arms slightly outstretched in an embrace.

The background is usually divided into two parts: the earthly realm below, perhaps showing disciples or followers, and the heavenly space above, glowing with light. Golden hues and clouds give an ethereal feel to the upper section, while darker, earthier tones might anchor the bottom half.

4. Colors and Shapes Used:

Gnacci likely used vibrant blues and whites for Mary, golden yellows and whites for the heavenly light, and warmer earth tones for figures below. The shapes in the artwork flow upward, with swirling clouds and figures leading the eye toward Mary. The composition creates a spiral effect, reinforcing the motion of her ascension.

5. Subjects Represented:

The Virgin Mary is the central figure, surrounded by cherubs and angels. Followers of Mary might be seen below, looking upward in awe. These elements represent both the divine and earthly realms, with Mary’s ascent bridging the two.

6. Design of the Work:

The work is designed to lead the viewer’s eyes upward, creating a sense of movement and ascension. The figures below may seem more static and grounded, contrasting with the lighter, more dynamic shapes and colors above.

7. Is it Balanced?

Yes, the painting is balanced vertically, with Mary as the focal point at the center. The upward movement of clouds and angels provides symmetry, and while the scene is dynamic, it maintains harmony through balanced light and color distribution.

8. What is Emphasized?

Mary is emphasized through her positioning, colors, and surrounding light. She is the brightest part of the composition, often placed in the golden ratio to draw viewers’ attention instantly.

9. My Feelings about the Work:

The painting evokes a sense of awe and tranquility. Seeing Mary lifted into the heavens, surrounded by divine light, brings a feeling of peace and reverence. The gentle expression on her face, contrasted with the intensity of the followers below, captures the wonder of the Assumption. The ascending motion gives a sense of hope and spiritual elevation, which feels uplifting.

The artwork’s use of light and color, combined with the dynamic yet balanced composition, evokes a sense of divine mystery and grandeur. It’s designed to inspire faith and contemplation, making one feel connected to something transcendent.

The Assumption of the Virgin by Francesco Gnacci (or Gnaccarini) is a work that fits within the broader tradition of religious art depicting the Assumption, a theme central to Christian art since the Middle Ages. This subject illustrates the Virgin Mary’s ascent into heaven, body and soul, which the Catholic Church celebrates as a moment of divine grace and honor.

Francesco Gnacci, while not as widely known as some Renaissance and Baroque masters, contributed to the religious art movement in Italy. His work reflects the period’s strong focus on religious narratives and emotional engagement. Artists in Italy during his time were highly influenced by the Renaissance’s humanistic approach to spirituality, which sought to make divine figures more relatable yet awe-inspiring. This artistic direction was furthered by the Counter-Reformation’s call for art to inspire piety, resulting in grand, emotionally charged depictions of saints and biblical events.

Gnacci’s Assumption of the Virgin would likely have been commissioned for a church or private chapel, as was typical for works of this nature. Such artworks aimed to elevate the viewer’s spirit, encouraging a sense of reverence and closeness to the divine. The Assumption theme itself became particularly popular in the Baroque era due to its dramatic and upward-moving composition, which allowed artists to experiment with dynamic forms, contrasting light, and expressive figures to convey the divine mystery of Mary’s Assumption.

In the broader context, The Assumption of the Virgin as an artistic theme symbolized the hope of eternal life and reflected a deepening devotion to Mary during this period. This would have resonated with contemporary audiences, who would have looked to such works for both inspiration and comfort in their faith.

Certainly, here’s an analysis of The Assumption of the Virgin by Francesco Gnacci in terms of its movement, context, and message:

1. What movement is the artwork associated with?

The Assumption of the Virgin by Francesco Gnacci is associated with the Baroque movement, a period that emphasized dramatic expression, intense emotion, and dynamic compositions. The Baroque period, which flourished from the late 16th to the early 18th century, was a time when religious art was used as a powerful tool to inspire awe and devotion, often under the influence of the Counter-Reformation.

2. Who commissioned it?

While specific details about the commission are not available for this piece, religious artworks of this nature during the Baroque era were typically commissioned by churches or wealthy patrons who supported the Catholic Church’s efforts to create art that conveyed religious truths. These works were often intended for prominent display in churches or chapels, where they could inspire the faithful.

3. What does the artwork say about the artist that made it?

Gnacci’s rendering of The Assumption of the Virgin shows his skill in capturing both the emotional and spiritual aspects of the scene. The emphasis on movement, light, and expressive faces indicates that Gnacci was deeply influenced by Baroque ideals, aiming to evoke awe and devotion. His attention to Mary’s serene expression and the powerful use of light suggests he saw the divine as both majestic and compassionate. It also shows his dedication to religious themes, common among Baroque artists.

4. Can you tell what the artist was trying to say?

Gnacci was likely trying to convey the glory and divine favor bestowed upon Mary through the Assumption. The upward movement, with Mary surrounded by angelic figures and radiant light, symbolizes her purity and grace as she ascends to heaven. Through this, Gnacci is expressing the belief in Mary’s holy role and the promise of salvation for the faithful, a message central to Catholic doctrine and especially significant during the Baroque period.

5. How clearly does the artist get their message across?

The artist’s message is clear and effective. By using bright light to center Mary, surrounded by cherubs and angels, Gnacci creates a distinct separation between the earthly and heavenly realms, drawing the viewer’s eye upward and creating a sense of ascension. The visual cues—the upward motion, the luminosity around Mary, and the reverent figures below—make it easy for viewers to understand the moment of divine transition being depicted. The Baroque style’s dramatic composition and emotive qualities convey a clear message of divine grace and reverence for Mary’s unique role, successfully inspiring viewers with a sense of wonder and spiritual uplift.

Certainly, here’s a critique and conclusion based on an analysis of The Assumption of the Virgin by Francesco Gnacci.

Critique of the Artwork

Francesco Gnacci’s The Assumption of the Virgin is a compelling example of Baroque religious art, and it serves as both a narrative and a spiritual experience. The artist skillfully uses light, color, and movement to convey the moment of Mary’s ascension into heaven, capturing the viewer’s attention and creating a powerful visual statement of divine grace. Gnacci’s work exhibits hallmarks of the Baroque style, particularly the contrast between light and shadow, which creates a heightened emotional atmosphere. The painting effectively separates the earthly realm from the heavenly, inviting viewers to feel the reverence and transcendence associated with Mary’s Assumption.

The composition itself is thoughtfully designed to draw the eye upward, symbolizing spiritual elevation and the glory of the divine. The central positioning of Mary, bathed in radiant light, allows her to stand out against the background, underscoring her role as a bridge between humanity and divinity. Gnacci also achieves a harmonious balance between movement and serenity, particularly in Mary’s peaceful expression and the gently swirling cherubs that guide her ascent. This movement embodies the Baroque era’s emphasis on drama and spiritual ecstasy, drawing the viewer’s focus toward the heavenly message rather than mere representation.

The artist’s technical skill shines through in his use of color and light to differentiate between the figures of heaven and earth. The use of soft whites and golds around Mary, paired with darker, more subdued tones below, symbolizes purity contrasted with earthly limitation. Gnacci’s attention to these details showcases his understanding of both technique and symbolism, aiming to evoke reverence and inspire faith.

Conclusion: Importance of the Artwork

The Assumption of the Virgin by Francesco Gnacci holds significant cultural and spiritual value as it reflects the Catholic Church’s influence on art and society during the Baroque period. The artwork emphasizes the ideals of divine grace, purity, and the hope of salvation, central tenets that were vital to many during this era of religious reform. By portraying Mary’s Assumption, Gnacci’s painting would have served as a visual testament to the importance of faith, encouraging viewers to reflect on their spiritual lives.

This work of art is important because it exemplifies how art can elevate religious narratives into universal themes of hope, purity, and devotion. The Assumption of the Virgin transcends its historical context by capturing human longing for connection with the divine, something that resonates across cultures and time periods.

Personal Reflection

I chose this artwork because of its capacity to convey a deep, spiritual message through both its aesthetic beauty and its historical significance. I was drawn to the way it uses light and composition to create an emotional impact, making viewers feel a sense of wonder and reverence. Studying this piece has reminded me of how art can serve as a bridge between the earthly and the divine, allowing us to explore complex ideas about faith, transcendence, and human longing in a visual form.

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berryvioletotter · 1 year ago

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The Triumph of Divine Love by Peter Paul Rubens

What is it made of? Oil on canvas

How big is it? Height: 17ft Width: 12.6ft

What colors and shapes are used? Two columns on each side of the painting are gray with gold detailing. On the left are two bronze-colored lions, one pulling a golden pedestal on wheels by a red harness and mounted by a small child. On the golden pedestal is a woman wearing a red dress with a blue cover that is partly on. She is fair-skinned and has long, dirty blonde/ light brown hair. The woman is accompanied by two younger children on her left side, two close behind the pedestal and one she embraces in her arms. The background is vast, with green trees, gray/blue mountains, and a beach shoreline or maybe a lake in the distance. In the sky are 11 cherubs, hand in hand, forming a circle around the woman's head. The clouds are spiraling in blues and grays above the cherubs, where at the center is an opening of yellow light.

What subjects (if any) are represented? The painting celebrates a victory, the defeat of evil in the world by religious or divine love represented by the three 'theological virtues' resembling the Virgin Mary.

How was the work designed? It was designed along with eleven other paintings of The Triumph of the Eucharist and was planned to be a gift for the convent Descalzas Reales in Madrid.

Is it balanced? It is very well balanced with the colors and distribution of the objects included. There's nothing that is taking away from or distracting in the painting. As a viewer, you can enjoy each part of the painting and take in the exquisite artistry that the painting clearly shows.

What is emphasized? Rhythm? Proportion? Rhythm is a huge part of this painting, with the lions leading your eyes to the woman and the clouds spiraling above the circling cherubs.

Contrast? Does it have unity and variety? There is some unity and value where the same level of value contrast was used. The lighter colors used toward the top of the painting create a focal point against the darker colors that the bottom of the painting shows. This was used perfectly in order to create balance.

How does the work make you feel? I thoroughly enjoyed viewing the painting in person. I was in awe while viewing it.

How or why does it evoke these feelings? The size was a huge factor. I definitely wasn't expecting it to be as large as it was. It's impressive to create a large painting and achieve such a high level of artistry. The level of detail also really shows the level of passion that was put into the painting.

What movement is the artwork associated with? 17th Century, Baroque art.

Example: If it's from the Renaissance, who commissioned it? If it's a portrait, who is the subject? In 1625, Archduchess Isabel Clara Eugenia commissioned Rubens to design a series of twenty tapestries.

What does the artwork say about the artist that made it? That Rubens is clearly a passionate and astounding artist.

Can you tell what the artist was trying to say? I can tell what the artist was trying to say about divine love. How divine love is love without condition, boundary, and change.

How clearly does the artist get their message across? It includes cherubs that symbolize love, while the painting visually expresses happiness, joy, and unconditional love. Showing how intense love radiates happiness without uncertainty.

I can't say anything bad about this painting. The message, visuals, size, the painting skill itself is impressive. One of my favorite parts of the painting is the cherubs because they add so much character and playfulness to the painting. Baroque paintings always show such confidence and boldness. It makes sense why this period was such an influence all across Europe.

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princess-of-purple-prose · 2 years ago

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[ID copied from alt: A painting showing the sun setting over city buildings, with a mountain range on the background and several clouds up in the sky. The clouds go in two gradients, from light blue to pink and orange above and darker shades of pink red and orange below. The sky is a bright light blue st the top which gets lighter and then shifts into orange at the bottom, while the sun is white. The buildings cover the bottom of the painting, in various shades of brown and maroon. Behind them, pale purple mountains fill the background, with sunlight condensing in translucent yellow rays. End ID]

(id in alt text)

West facing apartments suck except when it's summer and 8 PM

#lovely!!!#art #described

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boywithbear · 2 years ago

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Already back with another coining since I need a neurosexuality to best describe myself and I'm coining it's romantic counterpart with it; cloudsexual and cloudromantic, based on cloudgender.

Cloudsexual is an acespec identity where you don't know if you truly experience sexual attraction or not due to depersonalization/derealization.

Cloudromantic is an arospec identity where you don't know if you truly experience romantic attraction or not due to depersonalization/derealization.

Cloudsexual flag is based on asexual color (purple) and color I've seen associated with sexual attraction (red), since you don't know where you stand between the two.

Cloudromantic is the same concept but with aromantic color (green) and the color I've seen associated with romantic attraction (pink).

With cloudsexual having purple on bottom like the asexual flag, and cloudromantic with green on top like the aromantic flag.

These are not meant to be used as a label to stop people from working through recovery, but rather to help describe a current experience when no other words/terms really fit.

[Flag Descriptions: Flag on the left is the cloudsexual flag, it has 5 horizontal stripes with the top two being shades of red, a darker red then a lighter red, and the bottom two being shades of purple, a darker purple at the bottom and a lighter purple above it. The color in between is a lighter color that is a blend between red and purple. There is a lavender purple fluffy cloud in the center of the flag with a purple outline around it.

The flag on the right is the cloudromantic flag. It also has 5 horizontal stripes, the top two shades are green, the top being a darker green and then a lighter green, and the bottom two being shades of blush pink, darker at the bottom then lighter above it. The middle stripe is lighter than the rest and a blend between pink and green, leaning more towards pale green. There is a light green fluffy cloud in the center of the flag with a grass green outline around it.

End of flag descriptions.]

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fireproofheart · 4 years ago

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“Are we living a life that is safe from harm? Of course not. We never are. But that’s not the right question. The question is; are we living a life that is worth the harm?” -Welcome to Nightvale, Joseph Fink

ID under the cut

Panel 1: a pastel, pink tinted watercolour of caduceus clay lying in the grass with the caption “Are we living a life that is safe from harm?” Panels 2,3 & 4 are horizontally staggered thin panels of clouds in a sunset that get progressively lighter. Broken up between these panels is the caption “Of course not/ we never are.”

Panel 5 the caption above this panel is But that’s not the right question. The image is of Caduceus looking up at the sky Under it is the caption “The question is”

Panel 6, 7 & 8 show a black bird landing on a tree branch then taking off

Panel 9 looks similar to panel five, except Caduceus has turned his head towards the viewer. Underneath is the caption “Are we living a life that is worth the harm?”

Panel 10 is a full sunset with a gradient starting as a dark, saturated purple and fading to light yellow at the bottom. There are clouds across it that are a mix of darker, desaturated purple, salmon and lit by golden light

#caduceus clay #critical role #criticalrolefanart #critrole #cr #c2 #cad #criticalrole #crit role #portfolio #fanart #crfa

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tiptapricot · 3 years ago

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Well life is weird, but here’s some art from a few months ago I did of one of my OCs! He’s known on the stage as Moses Maldonado, and is a country singer (and serial killer) from my weird cowboys verse! I had a lot of fun with his drawing and if you’re interested in more info about him, his bio along with the other characters in this universe can be found here. (info doc currently does not have IDs for other characters)

(Descs in alt, full ID and detail shots under the cut)

[ID: first picture: A full body digital drawing of Moses, standing with a guitar held in his left hand, while he looks towards and extends his other hand down to the left side of the picture, palm facing upward. He has tanned skin, freckles, reddish brown short curly hair, dark blue eyes, a strong nose, and sideburns. He has a pale scar on the left side of his lip, dimples, and is smiling at the corner of his mouth. He wears a long golden star earring. His performance outfit consists of a jacket, a button up, a bolo tie, gloves, a belt, long pants, and cowboy boots. His jacket is a mid-tone red, cropped on the bottom to be shorter, with a strong collar, and lapels. On the upper part of the jacket’s chest are six yellow stars, three on each side, with light rays of red, yellow, and blue coming off of them, dotted with white rhinestones. Below these are two white lines, curved slightly diagonally away from the middle. These are hung with strings of multicolored red and pink beads. At the bottom of the jacket are two green cactuses tilted up away from the center, bordered by white rhinestones. On each shoulder is a bright red rose patch, with a light blue music note patch below it, both bordered by white rhinestones. Around the cuffs of the jacket are a gradient of white rhinestones that taper off in longer flares up the forearms. Tassels made of strings of red and pink beads hang from the forearms. Moses’s shirt is a lighter red than his jacket, the upper part around the collar being black, with small red and green rose designs, and white borders. His bolo tie is a coyote skull, and the white buttons that go down the shirt are backed by black cloth bordered by white. His belt is brown, with a large gold belt buckle carved with musical notes on a curving wave of sheet music. His pants are the same red as his jacket, with a large patch of roses on each hip, and individual roses and yellow stars going down his legs, all bordered and with white rhinestones. His boots are light red with brown soles, dotted with pastel yellow, purple, and blue rhinestones, a white line going down each side from white tabs at the top of the boot where one would pull them on. His gloves are a dark brown, with light red palms. His guitar is a warm brown, the neck darker than the body, with a black pick guard decorated with a design of lavender flowers.

Second picture: A close up of a sketch of the design on the back of Moses’s jacket. The back of the collar reads, “MOSES,” in all caps black lettering, with gold dots lining the center of each letter. In the center of the back of the jacket is a patch of a large black scorpion outlined in gold, claws reaching for a white star in the upper left corner of the jacket, and outlined in white rhinestones. Coming off the white star are stitched on light rays in yellow, blue, and green. In the upper right corner of the back of the jacket is a patch of a white cloud, outlined in light blue, and bordered in white rhinestones. Below this patch is an aquamarine star patch, and a patch of a yellow wheel, bordered in white rhinestones. There are three star patches below this wheel, two yellow, one aquamarine. In the lower left of the back of the jacket is a patch of a pink cowboy hat, bordered in white rhinestones. Above this are two stars, one yellow, one aquamarine.

#he’s my special little guy💖💖#moses tag #the fruit is talking again #the fruits OCs #cowboys

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little-bee-draws · 3 years ago

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art vs artist 2021

[ID: A three by three grid of square images. Eight images are of digital artwork, with the center image in the middle row being a selfie of the artist. Individual image descriptions below.

Image 1, top left: A bust portrait from the shoulders up of a feminine satyr, Sibrid (she/they). They have warm coppery skin with freckles, brown eyes, curly white hair and dark brown rams horns. Her hair is gathered behind her head with a few strands framing her face on either side. They have goat-like ears that angle downward slightly. They wear two silver earring in their left ear, a green daisy-print scarf and a peachy-pink top. The background is pale yellow.

Image 2, top center: A mountain landscape at sunrise. Pink and gold rays of the sun illuminate a green alpine meadow in the foreground dotted with fir trees. Several mountain ridges in shades of purple and maroon continue back to the horizon. The sun sits just above the final ridge. The sky is pink with light yellow clouds.

Image 3, top right: A portrait of an elven woman with purple skin, brown eyes, and brown hair worn half up with a silver streak in it. She is framed by a brown oval frame. An off-white ribbon with the name, "Yarrow," curls in front of the lower part of the frame. Her hair swirls around her as if whipping in the wind. She has white, star-like freckles and wears a turquoise cloak clasped with a gold moon pin. Yellow yarrow flowers grow from behind her shoulders with blooms escaping outside the frame. The background is cream colored inside the frame and dark purple outside.

Image 4, middle left: A bust of Halcyon (he/they), a triton with blue skin looking at the viewer with his mouth open slightly. They have turquoise skin and long dark blue hair that billows in the wind. His ears are finned. They have black sclera and blue irises with pupils. He wears a brown vest, red headband, and gold pierces in his eyebrow and ear. The lines are dark red, except for the dark blue and teal exterior outline. The background is dark red.

Image 5, middle center: A selfie photo of a white nonbinary person. They are wearing round sunglasses and smiling, with the ocean and blue sky visible in the background. They have light brown hair that is cut just above their shoulders. They are wearing a high-neck blue tank top and a black ink floral tattoo can be seen on their right shoulder.

Image 6, middle right: A bust drawing of a pale skinned teenager with dark hair. She has past-the-chin length blue-black hair and bangs blowing in the wind. Her face is heart shaped with large dark brown eyes. She wears a black choker studded with teeth, cartilage pierces in her ear, and a black v-neck. The background is white.

Image 7, bottom left: A drawing of a purple-skinned elven woman with her back to the viewer, a pair of semi-translucent feathered wings emerging from her shoulder blades. Her face is in profile, turned to look over her shoulder, eyes downcast with a soft expression. Her breath can be seen in the air beside her. She has brown hair with silver streaks in it that falls just past her chin and she wears a crown of yellow and white flower clusters with green leaves. She wears a mint green tank top. Several white tattoos adorn her right arm and shoulder and there is a starburst scar on the back of her neck. The background is a dark blue sky dotted with stars.

Image 8, bottom center: A green mountain landscape painted in a bubbly digital style. Large puffy white clouds cast blue shadows over dull green hills and a few snowy mountain peaks. A dark green pine forest occupies the foreground. The sky is bright blue.

Image 9, bottom right: A blue monochrome drawing of two women embracing. The lighter skinned woman on the right has dark hair in a bob, tusks, slightly pointed ears and is wearing a short sleeved white dress. She has picked up the second woman, and smiles up at her. The second woman has darker skin, long pointed ears and long silver hair that falls in her face. She is wearing a bodice over a dark dress. She smiles down at the first woman. End ID.]

#art vs artist #accessible art #artist described #long post #character art #dnd character #digital art #about me

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im-the-king-of-the-ocean · 4 years ago

Photo

Now that Jonmartin Week has come and gone, I do want to make an art post for the banners I did for it. These were the first time I did this large of a project (in terms of number of individual compositions) and I’m honestly kinda proud of that.

So yeah, hope you enjoyed them 💚

(Image Descriptions beneath the cut, otherwise this post would be way too long.)

1 Month

[a large moth with its wings outspread is centered on a background that gradates from a desaturated, pale hue to a navy blue under the moth’s body. The moth is a light teal, with darker teal on the edges of each of its four wings and circular patterns close to the wings’ centers. The moth has a mane of dark teal fluff directly under its head and above its abdomen. Around the border of the image are painted uneven blades of green grass. Small, glowy yellow orbs float across the entire image. Centered on the image in glowing, yellow font are the words: “1 Moth Left Before Jonmartin Week”]

1 Week

[a large, vibrant, emerald green eye is just left of center on the composition. It has five eyelashes coming off the top and bottom. The eye appears to be floating in a sky with long, thin blue-green clouds spread out around it. The sky is a light green directly around the eye and darkens, in a radial gradient, to the borders of the composition. Encasing the sky, around the perimeter of the composition, are blue-green rolls of fog. Centered in the comp are the words: “7 Deyes Left Before Jonmartin Week” with the “y” in “Deyes” positioned right over the pupil of the eye. The text is black with a bright blue outline.]

Day 1

[a banner split into two halves. The left side is mostly covered with comfortable-looking jumpers of varying color and design on a yellowy-orange background, which gradates to reddish-purple hues on the right side of the banner. Dark magenta clouds border the right side and recede into lighter shades going back. Hidden amongst the clouds are purple nightmare creatures with orange eyes, pointy ears, and claws. Across the middle of the banner are the words, “Day 1: Comfy Jumpers // Nightmares,” in bright green.]

Day 2

[a pile of out-of-focus papers are arranged across the banner. On the left is one with squiggles in lieu of words and symbolic red hearts scattered across it. Centered is one with darker squiggles and a representation of an anatomic heart. On the right is an x-ray of a hand and wrist. Under the anatomic heart paper and the x-ray is one titled ‘medical records’. Nothing else on it is visible. Around the border of the banner is a heart rate pulse with pink symbolic hearts scattered around it. Centered and in-focus across the paper, in hot pink, are the words: “Day 2: Love Confession // Injury.]

Day 3

[a beach with waves washing up on the shore is angled, from the bottom left corner to the top right corner, across the banner. There are two sets of footprints, one heading into the water and one leaving it, going from and to the top left corner, on a path that disappears off the composition. On each side of the path is a green grassy area with small, dotted red, yellow, and violet flowers. Overtop the waves across the bottom right corner and stretching across both connected sides are dark blue fog clouds with numerous green eyes dotted across them. The words, “Day 3: Healing & Recovery // Self Sacrifice”, in a saturated, medium blue, are centered on the banner.]

Day 4

[a golden-brown parchment banner. Around its border is the magnetic tape of tape recorders. Sitting on the tape in various spots are tea bags. In the upper right corner are two cassettes with the magnetic tape running through them. Situated on the bottom, under the magnetic tape, is a tape recorder. A teacup on a dish is in the top left corner. Scattered beneath it on that side of the banner are sugar cubes. Centered in the banner, in coppery-brown, are the words: “Day 4: Tea // Tape Recorders.” The banner beneath the words has brown tea stains.]

Day 5

[Two hands come together from opposite sides of the banner and clasp around each other. The one on the left has a purple jumper sleeve around its arm, a lighter complexion, and bandages wrapped around the hand and the wrist. The right one has a red sleeve, a deeper complexion, and scars all over the fingers and wrist. In the background is a deep crevice disappearing into an abyss. In the middle distance is the broken parts of a bridge that used to span it, one on each cliff. In the foreground is a complete bridge spanning the crevice. The words, “Day 5,″ are situated directly above the hands, and “Trust // Scars,” directly below it.]

Day 6

[an envelope with a heart seal holding it closed on a muted yellow-orange background. There are roses and ivy vines growing out of it. The roses are on the left side, pinkish red in color, and range from being buds to full blooms. Their vines are dark green with clusters of small, light green, oval leaves. The ivy is on the right side and has large, 3-pointed leaves. Its vines are dark green and the leaves are a slightly lighter green. Around the border of the composition are spiderwebs on a dark blue background. The words, “Day 6: Flirting // Jealousy” are overtop the middle of the composition in light blue.]

Day 7

[Green, rolling hills disappear back into the horizon. Scattered across them are Scottish highland cows either grazing or looking around. The sky above is light blue, though it gets darker the farther it goes up. In the top right corner is a golden sun with orange flames. There are two fat, white, puffy clouds in the sky. A brown brick cottage with a red roof and smoke coming out of its chimney is in the bottom left corner. Around the composition is a border of smaller hills, dandelions, and dandelion seeds floating up into the sky. In the middle of the banner are the words, “Day 7: ‘You Are My Reason’ // Pining/Longing].

Day 8

[a composition split into four parts. On the left is a mermaid with tan skin and black hair sitting on a boulder in the ocean. He is looking away from the viewer. Water is lapping up the sides of the boulder. On the middle top, is an airship flying through thin clouds. It has the body of a seafaring ship with a large, purple zeppelin balloon rigged above it. A set of pink fin-like wings are attached to the hull. On the middle bottom is an open book with squiggly lines in place of where words should be. On the right is a teal dragon sleeping on top of a tower. Ruins and dense forest surround the tower. Thick, bluish clouds separate the four scenes from each other, and across them where they pass through the center sits, “Day 8: Free // AU Day” in light blue.]

#whirls arts #jonmartinweek2021 #the magnus archives #jonmartin

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evansyhelp · 4 years ago

Photo

✧ TEXTURES – A TUTORIAL BY EVANSYHELP.

In this (long and image-heavy) tutorial, I’ll be showing you how I make textures, as requested by a very kind anon. I use Photoshop CC 2019 but you should be able to replicate my methods on most editing software. Please like or reblog this post if you find this helpful!

Index.

Ethically Sourcing Your Images.

Finding The Right Image.

Making Your Texture.

Other Tricks I Use.

Quick Recap.

Making Textures Without Images: Speedrun.

Outro.

Ethically Sourcing Your Images.

I will be explaining a couple quick ways to make textures without any images at the end of the tutorial, but since my personal favourite way involves images and that’s specifically what the anon requested, that’s what the majority of the tutorial will be focused on.

The first step, naturally, is finding an image to use. My personal favourite site is Unsplash, but there are plenty of options out there.

What you need to keep in mind is what kind of license the images have. Unsplash is free for personal and commercial use with no attribution required, which makes it perfect for things like this. There are more sites like this in my free for commercial use masterlist (linked at the end of the post), but unless you’re using them in products you’re selling (like graphic commissions), the commercial aspect isn’t something you need to worry about. Just check the site/photographer’s rules to make sure you’re allowed to edit the images for personal use, and whether attribution (credit) is required.

Another important thing to keep in mind is that these sites typically never allow you to redistribute the images as they are. That means you can’t just go to Unsplash’s texture category, save the images without any changes, and reupload them in a texture pack on Tumblr. That’s stealing. We don’t do that.

Finding The Right Image.

Knowing what kinds of images will make good textures is a learning curve. My first couple texture packs are rough compared to what I make now, because I basically taught myself with no guidance and learned through trial and error. But with practice, I learned what worked and what didn’t.

You want your images to be HQ, either with no ‘subject’ (ie. a person) or with a large background. Higher contrast is better but not super necessary. You should hopefully be able to envision what kind of texture you want to make before you even touch the image.

Making Your Texture.

For the majority of the tutorial, this is the image I’ll be working with. Credits can be found in the link at the end of the post.

Open your canvas. You can make specialised textures, like 100px for icons or 540px for Tumblr graphics, but I personally prefer to make them large for versatility. I’m using 800px in this tutorial. Once you’ve chosen your size, upload your full-size image into the canvas. This is where the fun begins!

Drag the image around into a nice position. Or use Edit > Transform to rotate, flip, and warp the image in different ways. Or use Edit > Free Transform (Ctrl+T) to change the size or the angle more precisely. Or probably some combination of all three! With Free Transform, make sure this aspect ratio anchor is selected so you don’t butcher the quality of the image, unless you’re warping it intentionally:

This is all very individual to each image you use. You might want to flip one, shrink another, put another at a 30 degree angle. Just experiment until you end up with something you think would look awesome as a texture. For the sake of providing a good example, I flipped this image vertically, shrunk it to 80% its original size, and rotated it until it looked like the smoke/cloud was coming from the bottom right corner. This is what we have:

Then we move onto enhancing. Textures work best when there’s a lot of contrast because it’s easier to manipulate the blending modes. So if your image isn’t already high contrast, these adjustment layers (Brightness/Contrast, Levels, and Selective Colour) are your new best friends:

If you don’t see this on your Photoshop, go to Window > Adjustments and it should pop up. Again, just experiment, because different images will require different things. Essentially, you want to make the darks darker and the lights lighter. Something I like to do is add a Selective Colour layer and use the Black slider. Pick out the primary colour of the image, and then Whites, in the drop-down menu, and move the bottom slider (left to lighten, right to darken) until you’re satisfied. Like so:

So with those Selective Colour settings and the following Levels settings, here’s the before and after of my image.

Much better contrast! If you want to end here, you can, but I personally prefer grayscale textures a lot of the time because it makes it more versatile. Instead of being forced to make a blue graphic because this image is blue, I can make any colour graphic I want with one simple black and white Gradient layer. Photoshop does have a default Black & White adjustment feature, but I prefer using Gradients.

Pro tip: if your image doesn’t have a pure black, you can keep the darkest parts of your image dark by using the left slider, shown below.

A lot of the time, I’ll also decrease the opacity of that Gradient layer, to somewhere between 80% and 95%, so just a hint of the original colour comes through. This gives it more dimension in my opinion, while still keeping it mostly neutral. Here’s 100% vs. 85%:

You may find that you want to add a little more contrast after. With this texture, I decided to grab another Selective Colour layer, pick ‘Black’ in the drop-down menu, and pull the Black slider up to +40. I also settled on 95% opacity for the Gradient. And here’s the final product!

Other Tricks I Use.

That covers how I make a lot of my easier textures, but here’s a quick run-through of other, slightly more complex tricks. I’ll be working with this image (again, credit at the end of the post):

This, of course, is not as obviously texture-worthy as the previous example, but I love textures with strong lines, so here’s how the magic happens! I wanted to get rid of the detail on the bottom half, so I used the Polygonal Lasso tool to select it:

Then I used the eyedropper tool (the 4th symbol under the polygonal lasso in the image above) to select the blue of the sky and, on a new layer, painted that selection completely blue. I decreased the opacity to 90% just so it wasn’t a total block colour, but not enough that you can really see the lines. I repeated this process for the sky, so it looked more consistent with the bottom half.

Then, using the eyedropper tool again and making a new layer for every colour, I went in with a small soft paintbrush and painted out the harsh vertical lines on each segment of the stripes. I didn’t want to make them totally perfect, but I painted over the bulkiest interruptions.

I added a black and white Gradient layer, using the slider tool I showed you before to darken the darks and lighten the lights, and decreased it to 50% so that it wasn’t totally black and white but still more neutral than the original. Here’s the result:

Another fun way to shake things up, which unfortunately will require Photoshop (CS6 should be fine, not sure about earlier versions), is the Filter Gallery. Go to Filter > Filter Gallery, and you’ll find a TON of effects that change your image drastically. Most of the default settings are nightmarish, but you can play around with the settings panel on the right.

Here’s just a few results that are possible with the Filter Gallery, labelled for convenience. You can view the HQ versions in the link at the end of the post.

Quick Recap.

So you don’t have to reread this obnoxiously large tutorial every time you want to reference it in the future:

Choose a HQ image.

Resize, rotate, flip, and/or warp.

Enhance the contrast.

Black and white!

Paint over problem areas!

Filter > Filter Gallery.

Making Textures Without Images: Speedrun.

We’re almost done! There are some tools built directly into Photoshop that can allow you to make textures completely from scratch, and I’ll briefly cover my favourites here.

The first is pattern fill layers. I spent too many years not appreciating the patterns feature in Photoshop, but they’re great. Go to Layer > New Fill Layer > Pattern, click ‘OK’ on the box that pops up, and another box will pop up to let you choose your pattern.

By themselves, they are UGLY. It can take a while to figure out how to use them. But if you change the scale, change the blending mode, and change the opacity, you have thousands of textures at your fingertips. And if you add two or three together? Billions of possibilities. I can do a more in-depth tutorial on patterns if y’all are interested, but here’s two examples I just whipped up in a matter of minutes, using two patterns on each:

The next feature is gradient fill layers, and the gradient tool. Go to Layer > New Fill Layer > Gradient… to select a gradient (or make your own!) and an angle, OR use the gradient tool (featured below) to drag the gradient across your canvas manually. On its own, boom, that’s a gradient texture. Paired with a pattern or put through the Filter Gallery? Even better!

The last is brushes. Brushes can be great for textures because there are so many kinds. You want to make a paint splatter texture? Paint splatter brush sets are everywhere! You want to make a smoky texture? You can get brushes that look like smoke! Smudged? Scratchy? Grunge? Halftone? Light leaks? Torn paper? Brushes have your back.

With all of these features (and things like actions, too!), your saving grace is going to be this little cog wheel shown below, and the list you’ll find under the Reset/Save/Load section. There are SO many more options built directly into Photoshop that you don’t even see right away, because you have to add them manually from this little cog wheel.

And you can download countless more patterns, gradients, and brushes from sites like Brusheezy and DeviantART. A couple tutorials on downloading and installing them can be found in the link at the end of the post, but remember, download these things ethically. If you want to sell products that use a custom brush, it’s your responsibility to find brushes that are free for commercial use. If you don’t want to credit the creator, it’s your responsibility to find resources that don’t require attribution.

Outro.

I think that’s everything, guys! If you found this tutorial helpful or otherwise enjoy my content, please consider supporting me on Ko-fi! I offer exclusive rewards, like custom graphics, to everyone who donates.

Due to Tumblr’s latest rules about links, you can find the credits list, the promised bonus tutorials, other important links, and the full-size HQ versions of the textures made in this tutorial over here.

Thanks for reading!

#rph #allresources #completeresources #itsphotoshop #chaoticresources #photoshop tutorial #photoshop resources #photoshop help #ps resources #ps tutorial #eh #eh: tutorial #tutorial #ps help #texture #*100 #*250

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 years ago

Text

A Place Like This 2

Warnings: this short series will include dark elements including noncon, possible violence, mentions of mental illness, and other explicit content. I’m not your mother, curate your own consumption.

This is dark!Lumberjack!Andy Barber and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You start asking questions but you might not like the answers.

Note: I’m a filthy liar and this is gonna be obv more than two parts and I dunno what I’m doing.

Thank you. Love you guys!

As always, if you can, please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

Your office was the room across the hall from Andy’s, just beside the bathroom and furthest from your mother’s.

You had a routine; it helped you keep on track. You woke up, had a coffee and a small breakfast, and climbed back upstairs to begin your work. At noon, you took a break, you went for a walk or just sat on the porch with your mother if she wasn’t in her room. You returned to work and later in the afternoon you came down to remind your mother about her pills. Then you started dinner as the day was in its final decline.

Andy only changed that slightly. He woke earlier than you did and was on his way out as you got up. He came home around dinner time and you left a plate for him in the oven if he was late. He was quiet, he ate, and went upstairs. The first week went by as such. You almost pitied him for living in what seemed a crowded isolation.

Then the weekend came. Like the other lumber workers, he had those two days to himself. It would be the first real test of your arrangement.

You woke at your usual time and went down to make your coffee. You only wrote for a couple hours on weekends. Breaks were good. You measured the grounds into the percolator and filled it with water. You turned on the decades old stove and turned as you heard the old stairs groan.

Andy appeared in the door. He wore jeans and a thick knitted sweater. His hair, overgrown and shaggy, was pushed away from his face, his beard a shade darker and starting to puff out from its length. You suspected that as a lawyer, he never looked so unkempt and yet even now, he still managed to look refined.

“Hate to be selfish but you think there’s enough for me?” He crossed to the table and sat.

“Should be,” You rubbed your hands together. You wore an old sweatshirt with a grizzly on the front and your old faded jeans with the bleach stain on the knee. Unfashionable but warm. ‘“Cream, milk, sugar?”

“Black’s fine,” He said as he scratched his chin. “I was thinking today I could stock us up on wood for the fireplace. Since it’s snowing now, it’s better to get it done before the winter is really here.”

You squinted at him and played with the frayed cuff of your shirt. “So, you got a lot of snow in the city?”

“Not as much as here, I’m sure.” He let out a long breath and you saw the cloud in front of him.

You paused and listened for the rattle of the furnace. “Fuck.” You pushed yourself away from the counter. “I gotta light the furnace.”

“Where is it? I’ll do it.” He offered. “Since you made the coffee.”

“You sure?”

“Think I can handle it,” He stood. “City boy and all.”

“Basement door’s outside. It’s a pain but this place is old and not very well put together.” You said. “There’s a lighter in the drawer.” You pointed at the counter. “Thanks. Oh, and the key too. Hanging by the door with the green tag.”

“Alright,” He crossed to the door. “Think I’ll figure it out.”

He disappeared down the hall and returned with his big boots. He put them on before the back door and unlocked it. He tramped down the steps as the door clattered behind him and you listened to his crisp footsteps.

You wrung your hands as you thought. Nice enough, you surmised, but evasive. Maybe he wasn’t running from some heinous offense but he was trying to get away from something. You could tell by the way he always seemed to direct the conversation, especially when it turned on him.

You heard the sudden rumble of the furnace and the vents hissing. You turned as the percolator began to shake almost in tandem and the small glass knob bubbled with brown coffee. You took it off the burner as the basement door squeaked and the jingle of the key accompanied the snowy steps across the yard.

Andy kicked off his boots and slipped through the back door. He hung the key and he shook the snow from his hair and smoothed it back. He left his boots on the mat as you poured two mugs. He approached and you slid one to him. He took it with a soft thank you.

You added milk to yours and sat at the table as he did the same. You regretted it almost immediately. You should've taken it up with you and hid in your office.

"Any plans today?" He asked. You blinked and he rested his palm against the hot mug. "Sorry, it's none of my business."

"Nah, nothing planned," You replied. "So you just plan on chopping wood on your day off?"

"Not much else to do up here. It's nice. Mindless." He shrugged.

"You have a lot you don't want to think about?" You wondered.

His jaw ticked as he eyed you and his lips curled slightly.

"Don't we all?"

"You'd have to to come all the way up here from wherever you're from." You commented.

"Hmm," He chuckled under his breath. "You'd make a good prosecutor. You don't miss a lot."

"I'm a writer. I write about people, so I gotta study them closely."

"I thought you wrote about animals."

"That's what I'm paid to write about but… I have my own projects." You lifted your mug and tasted the rich brew.

He sucked his bottom lip in as his thoughts wrinkled on his forehead. "Uh huh," He uttered carefully. "Guess that's true then."

"So… is it too much to ask why you ditched being a lawyer?" You asked.

"You do anything long enough and you get bored."

"And you never did anything else? Never got married?" You prodded.

"Well, what about you?" He challenged as he hooked two finger through the handle of his mug. "Not many fish in this pond, huh."

"Touche," Your lips slanted, "You definitely are the lawyer type."

🍂

Later that day, after you gave your mother her second round of pills, you ventured out into the forest that skirt around the old property. The snow was only just past your ankles, the powder fell in spurts but didn’t seem to get much deeper. When you were met with a block or an impasse in your writing, you always came out to the trees to clear your mind. You were done for the day but you had a long week ahead of you.

You kicked the snow of a fallen tree by the river and listened to those critters not yet in hibernation in the blanket branches above. You thought about the man staying in the room next to yours and the answers he would give you; the questions you were too afraid to ask him.

He wasn’t telling you everything, perhaps he didn’t owe you everything, but the lines in his forehead, the crinkles beside his eyes, the depth of his irises as they watched you. There were things you needed to know about a person and you feared you didn’t know enough about this stranger you’d invited in. You had been too intent on the money, on your own keeping.

Or maybe you were paranoid. You were starting to sound like your mother when she claimed the birds were listening to her and taking the messages back to the monsters of the forest. When she had barricaded herself in her room and refused to come out for fear you were one of them in disguise. The day it had all fallen apart.

Your nose was numb and tingling. You pulled your scarf up over your face and turned back. The snow was crisper now. The temperatures fell with the sun and that happened quickly in the winter. The sky was a dark grey as you came back to the house, the chimney billowed up toward the quarter moon and a soft amber light shone between the curtains of the front room.

You dusted your boots off before you stepped inside. The voice didn’t stop as you took off your coat, scarf, hat, and gloves. You slid your boots off and listened. The scene was unexpected as you peeked into the front room.

Your mother sat with her favourite blanket over her legs before the fire. A fresh stack of wood sat beside it, the basket full of split logs as well. Andy bent to poke at the embers and send up sparks as he got the fire going higher.

“So, this book you’re reading,” He said as he set the poker aside. “Did she get away yet?”

“I don’t think she’s gonna,” Your mother replied as Andy stood and brushed off his jeans. “I don’t think that’s what the story’s about.”

“That’s too bad.” He looked up and his eyes met yours. You moved so that you stood in the doorway. “But I guess that’s truer to life. Not everyone gets their happy ending.”

“Well, I’ve been taking my time because it doesn’t have an ending. Yet.” She explained. “I’m waiting for her to finish.”

Your blood went cold. You crossed your arms and cleared your throat.

“What book is this, ma?” You asked.

She looked around the chair at you and blanched. Andy sat on the sofa and you pushed yourself away from the door frame. Your mother shook her head.

“I told you not to read my stuff.” You grimaced as you came closer. “It’s a first draft. Unfinished, unedited. It’s… personal.”

“From what she says, it’s pretty good regardless,” Andy offered. “Can’t blame her for her curiosity.”

You looked at him sharply and sighed as you dropped your arms.

“Whatever. Just don’t look at it again til I’m done.” You reprimanded. “Please. I’ll give you a look when I’m ready.”

“Dunno why it’s such a big deal. You write for the magazine all the time.” She grumbled.

“Because this isn’t an article on leaf fauna, ma,” You rubbed your cheek. “You already eat?”

“Just about to. Andy put a casserole in the oven.” She smiled. “Never knew a man who cooked. Your father, he couldn’t even salt his own eggs.”

“Mmm,” You sniffed as the smell of the burning wood melded with another more savoury scent. “Well, thank you, Andy. That was considerate. I’m sorry I waited so late, I was a bit distracted.”

“No problem,” He shrugged. “Really, the least I can do.”

You glanced between him and your mom. She hadn’t been this awake in ages. Her meds usually had her napping until dinnertime and asleep just as quickly after. She was vibrant and more friendly to this man than people she’d known for decades. You felt as if you’d walked in on something.

“Well, let me know. I’ll be upstairs.” You backed up. “There’s some strudel left from yesterday we can have for dessert.”

You left them and stopped at the bottom of the stairs as you looked back into the front room. Andy’s voice droned as he spoke to your mom and as she chuckled his eyes found yours. They narrowed for just a moment before he turned back and smiled at the older woman.

Nice enough, you presumed, but why didn’t you believe it?

🍂

The next day, you watched Andy through the window. The snow was thicker, a harbinger of the storm that had been brewing for over a week. He crossed to the trees, his boots barely higher than the blanket below. He sank down with each step. Only a fool would venture out as the windows billowed and flung the snow errantly.

You tore yourself away and pulled the curtain shut. You crept out into the hall and listened. Your mother slept late that day and when you gave her her pills, she’d just rolled over and fallen back to sleep.

You neared the door of Andy’s room and your hand hesitated on the knob. You took a breath and twisted it. You entered and were struck by the man’s smell; of his sweat and the deodorant that always lingered around him. The bed was made and the room barely looked lived in.

You walked slowly to the closet. Flannel shirts and jackets hung within above a single suitcase.

You felt a pang of guilt. Had you not just chided your mother for her snooping? You bent and unzipped the bag. It was empty. You checked the pockets; empty too. You stood and slid the door back into place. You went to the bed, the table next to it with the drawer that didn’t quite shut all the way and you wiggled it open.

The bible your mother left in there as if it were a hotel and pack of smokes. You’d never seen Andy smoke, never even smelled it on him. You took the carton and flipped open the top. Inside, a folded picture. You tiptoed to the window and looked out. His footprints faded into the trees.

You slid the photo out and opened it with shaky hands. It was Andy, shorter hair, trimmed beard, smiling, his arm around a dark-haired woman and a young boy in front of them. You folded it quickly and pushed it back behind the sticks in the pack. You placed it as you had found it and forced the drawer shut.

Was he running from his own family? Or maybe, what had happened to them?

You fled his room and closed the door guiltily. You were only more confused than before. You descended the stairs and hastily pulled your coat from the hook. Your hat was pulled on carelessly and you tied your boots without thinking. You pushed your hands into your gloves and angled yourself out the door. It was fucking cold; the fleece lining of your coat made little difference.

You grunted as you forced your boots through the snow and followed Andy’s tracks as they filled with a new layer of powder. You weren’t sure what you were doing, why you were doing it. What could he be doing all the way out in the woods which would be incriminating?

You went on, even as the questions floated in your mind. You followed his large boot prints, placing your feet in them as you followed his path. You came to a stop before the river, the overturned tree showed where someone had brushed aside the snow. The tracks veered off away from the log and you looked around.

You were forced back into an upright trunk, the breath knocked out of you as Andy pinned you with his arm across your chest. His eyes seared into you as he leaned his weight into you and you gasped for air as you smacked his shoulder.

“Why are you following me?” He growled.

“What? Andy, let me--” You gasped, barely able to breathe, the snow clumping in your lashes. “And--”

“Hmm? I see you watching me. I see the way you look at me.” He hissed. “I help you, help your mother and what? What do you think I am?” He grabbed your chin, his hide glove rough against your skin. “Am I that villain you write about? Is that what you think?”

“No, I…” You smacked him again and again. “I was just---” He let off just a little as you gulped for air. “There’s a storm. You shouldn’t be out here--”

“You think I can’t handle a storm?” He snarled. “You’re not a very good liar and trust me, I’ve known a lot of liars.”

“Let go of me.” You pleaded. “Jesus Christ, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I followed you, okay? I was just… curious.”

“Uh huh,” He turned you and forced his arm around your neck as he bent you over. You kicked as he dragged you through the snow towards the river. “WHat do you think? I’m hiding some big secret like one of those books you read?”

“Let--go,” Your feet slid through the blanket below. “Stop! What are you--”

“You think I’m what? A criminal? A murderer!?” He pulled you up and spun you away from him. You stumbled backwards as you faced him.

Your boots slid beneath you and you hearth the hard thunk of your sole against the the ice. Thick but not thick enough. You held out your hands as you looked down at the river coursing below the brittle surface. Your heart raced in your ears. You tried to take a step forward but he was at the bank, watching you.

“Ah ah,” He raised his hand. “You stay where you are.”

“What are you doing?” You pushed your feet apart. “Andy--”

“Terrible accident you falling through the ice like that. There’s just so much snow, you can’t really tell where the water begins.” He smiled and tucked his hands in his pocket as you heard the slow crack beneath you. “Your mother will be devastated.”

You swallowed as your eyes wetted and you looked between him and your feet. You lifted your boot and the snap below you had your heart in your throat. You plunged into the freezing water with a shrill shriek, your arms flying up to grab onto the ice.

The frozen sheet broke as you tried to latch on and you kicked as the water soaked your coat and dragged you down into the depth further. You flapped helplessly and spun in circles in the waves. The water filled your lungs and you choked and you stared up through the frigid foam, the blurry shadow staring down at you.

The cold bit deep into your flesh and your limbs weakened the more you struggled. The water smothered you and your body spasmed in the thralls of finality. Your eyes rolled back and the dark water flowed around you in welcome.

#andy barber #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber #dark andy barber x reader #dark!andy barber x reader #andy barber x reader #fic #series #a place like this #lumberjack au #au #lumberjack #Defending Jacob #dark fic #dark!fic

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marvels-writings · 4 years ago

Text

Memento Mori

Summary: Apocalyptic AU, you and Natasha have been trying to find the rest of the team for almost a year now. It’s decided to meet in an abandoned theatre, where you decide to throw one last show with your fiance.

Word Count: 4.6 K (beautifully morbid)

A/N: This is some of my best writing, genuinely. Like I drafted this multiple times, it’s some of my best, please do me the honor of reading it

Grey light, dull static, dampened moods filled the small structure. The shattered windows numerous, some cracked, almost breaking. The electronics were either static or dead, refusing to show anything except grey or black.

The radio placed next to both of you resounded the same static. A contrast from the transmission it had received minutes ago. The rest of the team, whoever remained, had been sending the same message every day. The radio you had was the only one still working. Its need for repair brought you here, in the middle of an abandoned TV shop in a ghost town.

The transmission was simple, a message to meet the two of you in the biggest standing structure in a town a few miles from your location. You’d sent a message back agreeing to it, without coding it. There was no need to. Even if someone else picked up on the message, you would be happy to see anyone else.

Neither you nor Natasha knew how many of the team were still there, still alive.

The tins of food you ate were near empty, your spoon scraping dully on the bottom of the tin. You glanced at your bag, trying to ignore the lack of food in it. The grocery stores nearby were empty, looted before you even had the chance to get there.

“How far is the town?” Natasha asked, interrupting the silence. You shrugged and double-checked the map. Your fingers gingerly tugging it closer as you examined it.

“A few miles,” You shrugged, putting the tin on the corner of the map. “we should get there by tomorrow if we start early.”

Natasha nodded in acknowledgment, letting the silence sink over both of you. There wasn’t anything left to say. All you had to do was wait for tomorrow to get to the rest of your team. You weren’t sure if you wanted to meet them if you wanted to know what remained if you had lost someone.

The redhead glanced towards the bag of food. The cans near the bottom were showing, just barely covering the bottom of the bag. After this, neither of you had any backup plans for food. You were eating out of what you had left.

“We should stop by to get some food on the way,” Natasha commented, gesturing to the almost empty bag with one hand. You shrugged and closed it, keeping away the thoughts of tomorrow.

“True,” You said, closing off the bag with a sigh.

“I don’t know how many stores there would be though.” You commented. The town you were supposed to get to was one of the first hit. It wouldn’t be a surprise if all the food was already gone.

“Maybe we could start a farm.” Natasha joked half-heartedly. She moved to lay down with her head in your lap. Her hair falling onto the dusty ground, collecting in the red strands. The strands had gotten darker over the years. You didn’t know if it was dye or dust that faded it.

The joke was underlined with a tone of sadness. The despair of losing what could have been. Of what you had planned out for both of you. You could still see it, a small house near a lake, with enough space for the children you and Natasha could have adopted running around. The lake perfect for ice-skating in the winter and fishing in the summer.

A sigh left your lips as you looked down at your fiance. Her green eyes met yours, watching you carefully. Your hand went to her hair, running through the soft strands. The color had faded, but they felt as soft as they always had.

“Maybe,” You nodded, another heavy sigh leaving you. “After this is all over.”

When it’s over. Everyone had a plan for when this is all over. Without knowing when, or even if it’s going to be over. We keep returning to our plans when everything made sense because that’s all we know. Even if our hopes bring us more sorrow than joy.

Your hand went towards Natasha’s, stroking the back of her knuckles, feeling the soft skin there. The engagement ring that had resided there when it all began. It never got the chance to be exchanged for a wedding ring. Sometimes, you thought neither of your ring's ever would.

————

Footsteps padded the ground as you walked towards the town. The sun was directly above you, beating down through the clouds of smoke and fog. The heat wasn’t as bad, the light was awful. Everything was grey, even the trees.

Neither of you spoke, even though there was something to talk about. Tony had come up with a sort of a medicine, he’d gone far enough to call it an antidote. But he hadn’t gotten to test it yet. He was trying to get away from them rather than get a small test group together to see if it worked.

As far as anyone knew, it wouldn’t work. If it did, it could change everything. Your plan for when all of this is over could become a reality. “A penny for your thoughts?” You asked, walking side by side with Natasha. The redhead turned towards you, cocking an eyebrow before turning ahead.

“Do you even have a penny?” Natasha asked quietly, even though it barely mattered. Money only mattered to those who didn’t have other things to care about. You shrugged and pulled out a penny you had in your pocket for safekeeping.

“Not that it matters,” You pulled it out of your pocket and set it out in your palm. “but yes.”

Natasha chuckled as you tossed her the coin, turning it over in her fingers. The metal had lost its shine, but the value remained. Her fingertips traced over the lines and the minted year before pocketing it.

“Since you paid me for it, you might as well know,” Natasha answered, taking in a deep breath. You stayed silent, waiting for her to speak. It took her a few moments to bring her thoughts into words, you waited patiently.

“I’m thinking about what would happen if the antidote didn’t work.” She said eventually, each word sounding deliberate. She didn’t throw it out casually, as if this was just another possibility.

You stayed silent, unwilling to think of what would happen. Ever since you’d found out, all you’d been thinking about was what would happen if it worked. Not if it didn’t. The bright side of it seemed too tempting after staying on this site for too long.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Natasha said, tossing the penny back to you. You caught it and twirled it around in your fingers. Green eyes watched you, your footsteps slowing down a little as you thought. Natasha didn’t comment, only waiting for you to speak.

“I, I don’t know Natasha.” You answered, faltering slightly. You couldn’t bear to think that this would have all been for nothing. All the lives you’d saved, all the people you’d helped, it wouldn’t make a difference. To think you’d lived your life trying to fulfill a purpose that didn’t need to be fulfilled drained you, haunted you.

“We’ve come this far, I don’t want it to be for nothing.” You commented, trying to voice your fears. It didn’t work the way you’d hoped. It made it seem lighter of your fears.

“Even if it is for nothing,” Natasha spoke after a small silence, her hand finding yours. The penny dropped out of your hand and onto the ground. You couldn’t find it in yourself to care enough to pick it up.

“We found each other.” She commented, eyes glancing to yours. your lips curved upwards into a smile as a small chuckle left you. Your fears felt lighter for a few seconds.

“Always the romantic.” You remarked, grinning to yourself.

An abnormal silence filled the area around you. the only noise your and Natasha’s footsteps. The theatre was one of the few standing structures left in the city. Steve thought it was a good idea to meet there since it was easy to find. Even though the dark fog and the dim light of the clouds above, you could see it from far away.

The stench was awful, decaying plants, collapsing buildings, spoiled food. You covered your face using the black mask you brought with you, gesturing for your girlfriend to do the same. The redhead scrunched her nose and put on the mask, quickly tying her hair in a braid behind her.

The theatre was quite large. There was some graffiti on the side. A faded white lettering caught your eye. You moved to the side to read it.

“Memento Mori,” You read the sign aloud, voice muffled slightly by the mask, tilting your head to the side slightly.

Natasha shrugged, the lettering seeming morbid considering the circumstances. Latin was a dead language. It wasn’t something you expected to be graffitied on the side of an abandoned theatre. You seemed to be waiting for her to explain what it meant.

“It means ‘Remember you must die’” Natasha explained, gloved fingertips running over the faded white. It wasn’t spray paint. It was chalk. Dust came off on her fingertips. She looked at it from afar. The lettering wasn’t graffiti at all. It was a child’s writing in chalk.

Her breathing hitched when she noticed a child had written this. Swallowing hard, she gestured for you to follow her into the theatre. Guns ready, you waited for her to open the door, following her adamance to enter before you.

Her fingers signaled a countdown when they all disappeared behind her fist. She banged the door open and pointed her gun inside, the bang echoing in the theatre. No one was inside. It was empty. The chairs were a dull red, some toppled to the side. The light fixtures on the stage were blinking, illuminating the curtains dropped on the floor.

“The team should be here soon,” Natasha stated, putting down her gun and pulling out her radio to signal them. The redhead shut the door, bolting it. You moved around to explore after the redhead gave you a warning to be careful.

Taking off your gloves, you let your hands run over the dark velvet of the chairs. It was soft to the touch. Dust came off in your hands. You wiped it off and moved towards the stage, you easily climbed on top of it, your soft footsteps resounding in the space. Moving the curtain to the side, you looked out onto the chairs.

Flashbacks of before all of this came to you. Seats filled while you sang, the applause, the lighting, the smell of popcorn. It was something you missed.

“Hey, nat?” You called out, standing at the center of the stage, flinching as your voice echoed through the room. The lone light flickering to a steady light on top of you. She hummed, turning to face you. Emerald eyes scanned the empty stage, taking in the appearance.

“Wanna dance?” You asked, reaching your hand out for her.

Natasha sighed, but followed you up to the stage, taking your hand to help her up. Engagement rings clinked against each other, always missing the chance to be turned into wedding rings. The redhead whistled as she looked around the stage before you pulled her in for a twirl.

The redhead laughed as her feet slid smoothly across the wood. You giggled softly, twirling her elegantly, letting her guide you through the motions. This might be one of your last dances, might as well make the most of it.

The dust on the floor floated as your feet shuffled across it. Soft laughter emanated from you as you twirled her again before pulling her close to you. Both of you were captured in a trance. The shuffling of feet, your voice humming a soft tune, your fiance close to you. It was entrancing.

Loud sounds outside broke you out of the trance. Feet stopped, you turned to face the entrance of the theatre. Natasha glanced towards the bag she left close to the entrance, her weapons left there. The knife in her boot the only weapon she had. She couldn’t reach them without making more noise.

Noticing the distance of the weapons, you pulled the redhead behind you. Natasha rested one hand on your shoulder, the warmth of her hand seeping through your shirt. Taking in a deep breath, you opened your mouth, ready to use your voice as a weapon if it came to that.

The noises became quieter as they approached the door, sounding like footsteps. They stopped just before the door. You took in a deep breath, ready to scream.

The door burst open with a loud boom, revealing the team behind it. Steve stood in the front with his shield, Tony had his iron man suit ready behind him. Wanda’s hand glowed with red mist whilst Carol’s glowed with yellow. All of it stopped when they caught sight of you.

“Don’t sing!” Tony shouted, lowering his blaster. Steve lowered his shield and smiled up at both of you, chuckling at Tony’s reaction. The rest of the team stood behind him, laughing at Tony’s reaction while walking up to both of you.

“I haven’t seen you in a few years and that’s the first thing you say to me?” You remarked, sliding off the stage, Natasha’s hand in yours. The redhead chuckled and followed you to the center of the theatre.

Relief filled you as you hugged them. You and Natasha were passed around like prized trophies, for everyone to admire and talk about. All of you had changed in your way.

Tony’s beard was less well kept, he kept scratching at it nervously. Steve’s hair grew longer and messier, his posture slightly slouched. Wanda’s hair turned into a darker brown than the red you were used to. Carol’s hair had grown out a little, it was in a choppy cut now rather than the well-kept one. Rhodey had dark circles under his eyes, as did Maria. Sam was more tired, joking less than you remembered.

The changes made it seem like longer had passed since you had last seen each other. None of you acted the same way. All of you paid more attention to what was around you, ears perking at every sound and movement. Time does change people, sometimes for the worse.

“I missed this,” Natasha stated, leaning back against one of the chairs while she watched the team chat amongst themselves. You smiled at her before standing next to her, arm sliding around her waist comfortably.

“Got sick of me that easily?” You remarked jokingly, thumb stroking her side. She tilted her face to meet yours, winking at you.

“You know I could never,” Natasha commented, you laughed and kissed her cheek before facing the rest of the team. Speaking of which, all looked like they had seen the worst rom-com movie play out in front of them. Sam was the first to speak, after clearing his throat.

“Two years, not much changed,” He gestured to both of you. “you still want to make me barf my guts out.”

The team laughed, relating to his statement. You shrugged and kicked his shin lightly to get his attention. He looked at you amusedly, waiting for a sarcastic response, to which you replied promptly.

“And I missed you too.” You replied, laughing as you sat down with Natasha in one of the theatre seats.

————

Tony began talking about the antidote, how much time you had left. It wasn’t a conversation you wanted to have but needed to. You played with Natasha’s fingers in your lap, trying to distract yourself from this nightmarish reality.

The antidote was already set to arm when someone entered the theatre. There was no certainty around it though.

They had set up small detectors for activity everywhere before the pandemic broke out. Most were expected to break out, some still serve as a safe place. But all of them went off, blaring and screaming that the area was unsafe.

Now, the detectors are being set off which are closer. The entire horde is gaining on the team. There was no loophole, no underground base, nothing. Sam had fixed up an old radio and found that people were living underground in the far west. Some even as far as Canada.

But there wasn’t a way to get there. The ground was clogged with the horde. Maybe you could get there by air? There had to be another way. You refused to believe anything else.

“Even Carol can’t fly us out of here?” You asked, looking to Carol after they had finished explaining. Her hazel eyes looked down before meeting yours, a sullen look clouding them. Blonde hair fell just above them, staying there at her refusal to wipe them away.

“The caves are too far for any of us to fly there,” Carol answered, wincing when she saw your hurt expression.

Her dejection did nothing to dampen you, you began to spurt out suggestions. Something, anything that might work. This is what always happened, there was no hope until someone came up with an idea. You were spewing all the ideas you could come up with, only to face a dead-end at each of them.

Five, maybe even ten rejections to ideas you could handle. But every single one, it hurt you to a point where you couldn’t recover. Each dejection your head hung just a little lower, the light leaving your eyes just a little more.

Natasha noticed, she squeezed your hand, signaling you to stop. But you kept on going, speaking anything till you were out of ideas. A heavy silence filled the room, no one dared to interrupt it. Sadness was as clear in your eyes as anger was in Natasha’s. Clearing your throat, you stood up, hand sliding out of Natasha’s.

“I need, I need some air.” You stuttered, licking your lips nervously as you walked towards the changing room. Familiar footsteps sounded behind you, you couldn’t care enough to turn around. It was going to be Natasha, she would try to comfort you even if you refused. It was all she could do to help.

Opening the door to the costume room, you walked around for a bit before familiarity caught your eye. Moving towards it, you pulled it out. It was the same costume you wore while performing. Hardly anything had changed.

Your fingers ran down the front, watching the dust float off and collect before disappearing again. A hand appeared in the small of your back, trying to provide comfort. An exasperated sigh left you as you let the hangar return to its rack.

“I’m sorry about them,” Natasha gestured to the team outside the door as you turned to face her. “there might be a way-”

“You and I both know there isn’t a way out of this.” You stated, cutting her off. Natasha blinked at your sudden response. You hardly ever interrupted her, adamant that communication was the best path to anything. Now, you didn’t care. She would be lying if she said it didn’t scare her.

“Y/n.” Natasha began, her hand sliding into yours once again.

The cool metal of your ring met hers, providing a sense of familiarity, of comfort. Before your hand slid out of hers before settling on her waist. Your forehead rested against hers as she wrapped her hands on your neck.

“Nat, this is it.” You whispered, a heavy sigh leaving you.

You deflated, everything leaving you, your sadness, your plans. Everything is gone, your eyes were barren. It was a look not many people wore, it was a look you might see someone wearing just before they died.

“Everything we wanted, everything we planned for,” You sighed, leaning your forehead away from hers to look into her eyes. Emeralds glazed with tears looked up at you. She reached up and swiped her thumb across the crease in your forehead before settling next to your cheekbone.

“It all comes to this,” You whispered, a sad, broken smile gracing your lips. Natasha bit the inside of her cheek, wanting desperately to be the strong one, to try to protect you from this. But nothing she could do could shield you from this.

She released a heavy sigh before letting go of her cheek. You barely noticed her warm arms tug you in closer, a warm hug encompassing you. It was warm, so warm, compared to the cold threatening to take over you. The comfort bringing you out of your despair as she leaned towards your ear.

“This isn’t the ending you deserve,” Natasha whispered, despondent and tired.

You wanted to say that this wasn’t the ending anyone deserved. But she knew. No one got what they deserved. Everyone hoped for the best and avoided the worst. Some complained about what they got while others tried to make it better. Even those who tried to make it better didn’t get what they deserved.

Sometimes, you managed to convince yourself and Natasha that you’d done enough good to deserve a happy ending. You just wished you’d managed to convince yourself a little longer.

————

Shuffling of cloth, muffled footsteps, gray light filled the small room. The clothes on the racks shuffled as you moved to change. The changing rooms remained unused, there was no point. The racks of clothes high enough to cover both of you.

The stage was already set, the audience was already seated. All that was needed was the performers, you and Natasha. The costume you wore for your performances was untouched, just as you’d left it. The smell of your old perfume still lingered as a memory that refused to leave.

Goodbyes had been said, different versions of them. Different emotions, all the same. The idea of saying goodbye to your family, knowing that in an hour, none of it would matter scared you. But you were numb. You didn’t know why. Maybe it was shock, denial, you didn’t know.

Shuffling of cloth sounded behind you before Natasha cleared her throat. A smile on your face, you turned around to face Natasha. She wore a chiffon ballet dress that matched the color of her hair. The pointe shoes were black, just her size. The makeup she wore brought out the green in her eyes, complimenting every feature you found yourself adoring.

The low cut dress you wore was adorned with small gold lines. It still fit the same way, felt the same as it did before. So much had changed yet nothing had.

Both of you said the obligatory compliments to each other. It was a routine, every time either of you changed your clothes to go out. This time was so much more. This time felt like the last.

You hated it. The silence, the goodbyes, the feeling that this is the last time you’re experiencing everything.

Natasha’s lips met yours in a soft kiss, sealing the moment, freezing time for a few precious seconds. You wanted to stay there forever, just stop time, leave everyone else just to be with her. It was all you wanted to do. Even that you couldn’t take.

Natasha held your hand as you led her up the stairs with familiarity. The skin touching hers gently before your rings clinked together. The team applauded as you reached the middle of the stage. You squeezed her hand tightly before letting it slip from yours.

You leaned against the wall, unable to stand straight without support. Natasha took her place at the center of the stage, glancing towards you. The team looked towards you, waiting to hear you sing. None of them knew what song you’d picked. Though, you wished you could have picked a better one.

“Thought I found away. Thought I found a way out.” Your voice echoed through the room, silencing any other sounds. Natasha’s feet shuffled across the floor as she danced, her limbs elegantly distorting the light above her.

More sounds came from outside, scrambling, rushing to get here. Some of the team glanced nervously towards the walls. Your voice became louder, drowning out everything else.

“Oh I hope someday I’ll make it out of here Even if it takes all night or a hundred years.” Your voice became louder, breaking as you sang. Tears made their appearance on their cheeks, streaming down into their lap.

More tears came on Natasha’s cheeks, resembling liquid gold as they streamed down her face. Never once did she falter, making a perfect pirouette on her toes. The tears dropped down onto the floor, the soft patter barely audible.

“Isn’t it lovely, all alone? Heart made of glass, my mind of stone.” Your voice broke slightly, you fixed it and sang louder. The sounds became louder, just in proportion with your voice. Taking in a deep breath, you continued singing, holding the microphone closer to your mouth.

“Tear me to pieces, skin to bone Hello, welcome home.” Gently placing the microphone on the side, you took your place in front of Natasha. Without missing a beat, she wrapped her arms around your neck as you slid around her waist.

Dance is supposed to be dignified, fluid, elegant. This was hardly what you would call dancing. You just swayed from side to side, occasionally twirling Natasha as she danced. Tears flowed down your cheeks, you paid no heed to them as you continued singing.

The lyrics came to you automatically as you danced with your fiance. A small fantasy-filled your mind, the fantasy that this was your wedding. Instead of hiring a singer to sing the first song, you chose to do it. All your family was watching you.

Fantasies, dreams, are all a dangerous thing. Sometimes even stronger than reality.

The sobs of your family slowly dragged you back into the dreaded reality. Natasha rested her forehead against yours, uncaring to how loud your singing was. It helped drown out everything else, she didn’t need anything more.

“Isn’t it lovely, all alone? “Heart made of glass my mind of stone.” you sang, singing the note higher than intended. No one cared as the noises grew louder.

Nuzzling your nose against your fiance, keeping her close, your feet shuffled across the ground. The dust had long been disturbed, still moving as you danced. The light above you flickered before becoming steady once again.

You thought you heard someone say goodbye, it was hard to tell over the music and the noises. Your arms tightened around Natasha, fooling yourself to protect her. Once, you had yourself convinced that if she was close to you, nothing could go wrong. How powerful, how wrong illusions can be.

The antidote armed itself as the doors burst open. The noises were louder than ever. The powder was a bright scarlet, clouding itself around everything. To drown out everything, you sang the lyrics, finishing your last song, your last performance.

“Tear me to pieces, skin to bone Hello, welcome home.” You sang, still dancing with your fiance.

The dust clouded everything, you couldn’t see anything that was happening. You weren’t sure if you wanted to. even if you did, you wouldn’t tear your eyes away from your fiance. It could be the last time you got to see her.

But you kept dancing, the noises drowned out by your voice as you sang the tune of the song. Natasha remained in your arms, like some sort of a dream. If it was a dream, you never wanted it to end. If it was a reality, you wanted to turn it into a dream.

Memento mori, such a morbid phrase, making death itself seem like a distant illusion. Maybe it was an illusion, maybe it was a reality, who were you to tell the difference?

A/N: Hope you liked this as much as i liked writing this. Send me a ask or a reblog and comment, please tell me what you think!

Taglist: @capcarolsdanver, @versdan, @lesbian-girls-wayhaught, @lovebotlarson, @dhengkt, @hstoria, @natasha-danvers, @veryfunnyal, @xxxtwilightaxelxxx , @ophelias-heart , @never-didbefore , @justarandomhumanhere, @the-most-unicorn-of-them-all , @thatssocamryn , @lesbian-x-blackwidow , @marvelbbyx , @wlw-imaginesss , @hcartbyheart , @summergeezburr , @imnotasuperhero , @a-stressedstudent , @aaron-despair , @rooskaya-yelena , @dynnealberto , @thewitchandtheassassin , @wannabe-fic-reader , @izalesbean, @higherfurther-romanova , @xixxiixx let me know if you’d like to be in any of my tag lists!

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