#clearly this is my coping mechanism
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masters of the air · part three
#masters of the air#mota#motaedit#hbowaredit#hbo war#edits#tvedit#hbowardaily#ronsparky#violaobanion#olympain#john egan#callum turner#gale cleven#austin butler#mota spoilers#listen im still so !!! about this#bucky is like oh gahd buck's whole world is crumbling over here#and while my main coping mechanism is cracking jokes#he clearly needs sth else now 😭😭😭
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Wake up Roo. Wake up.
> Regard this as some sort of late April Fools prank for the almost Reo (Roo/Leo) kiss 🤭
#last one has me dead- my boy just woke up at 6 am fresh out of his little shippers haven dream#< speaking of the last render- i had to remove his glasses myself which was a PAIN in the ass 😭#i love these two but they're such a hit or miss 🥲 like you two clearly love each other but leo doesnt want to love roo anymore-#and roo is overwhelmed with love for leo- and they have such conflicting coping mechanisms for these feelings ... ☹️#anyways- eat up yall- i have a new duo tag for them which i will add later bcozzz im lazy and tired (6:30 am rn with no sleep)#gif warning#Roo#Roo*#Hiraeth : Roo*#Hiraeth : Roo#Hiraeth : Leo#Hiraeth : Leo*#[ Hiraeth ]#ts4#ts4 render#ts4 simblr#sims 4#sims 4 simblr#sims 4 render#simblr#render#blender render
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didn't need to say "maximum effort" to get out of bed today. I might be some semblance of a functional person for the next 24 hours
#irl of course#i dont have the audacity to pretend to be sane online#not with all you fuckheads clearly enjoying my chaos#deadpool#wade wilson#deadpool maximum effort#coping mechanism? not a healthy one#of course
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me: yeah i didn't project too badly onto taob haha *sees a quote from taob randomly on a tiktok webweave about girlhood*
#HELLO?????? yeah zuko they girlhooded you. yeah no they transed your gender#idk if this makes sense but ur coping mechanisms are just sooo she/her#like do you have any idea how baffling this was like no tags no search no nothing it was just there by sheer luck#i saw it was a webweave about girlhood and i was like ohoughhee this will be good#got a few slides in. hello i recognise thAT FUCKING QUOTE WHAT IS HAPPENING#like it's such a niche quote and out of context like it was it could have been from ANYTHING#AND it wasn't credited which i'll get to in a second#but honestly i felt like a mother identifying her child through something incredibly niche like a single freckle or some shit#bc i was like 'this is such a nondescript quote and isnt a big enough moment for me to remember vividly and yet somehow i Just Know'#and low and behold i double checked with a cheeky ctrl+f on taob AND I WAS FUCKING RIGHT#WHAT THE FUCK#im a tad fuming there was no credit like the person used like 12 images and only 3 of them are Non-Tumblr Writing Quotes#and NONE got credited#like i get it's hard enough to get art credited but i feel with artists there's still a general conensus that you're SUPPOSED to tag them#but with writing people honestly just treat it like it's free real estate and the thing is it kinda IS especially if it's fanfic#but also..... why would you not just say who wrote that? like you clearly like it enough to put in ur little slideshow#so why not give credit where credit is due. annoying. bc now im like if this happened by pure fucking chance#then how many times has this happened when ive literally been totally unaware of it?#how many times have MY WORDS just been flung about tiktok without any acknowledgement that i wrote them?#idkkkk just how writing especially amongst tiktokers is treated as a lesser or watered down artform#that doesn't require the decency given to 'actual' art. i might just be being cynical bc i dont like tiktok tho lol#like girl (taob) what the hell are you doing at the devil's sacrament#taob
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that's enough projecting for one night maybe one day i will. elaborate on my ideas but also sometimes it's just enough to make angst about it instead.
#ggp#unrelated its not that serious i gotta get back to my therapist#i say this not bc i am traumatized but bc my coping mechanism has been.#you there. fictional man. bear the weight of my mental illness.#and i mean its been WORKING but like. should probably talk to a person.#a new person soon. hopefully. eesh.#god i hate COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY. SHUT IT. anyways cbt-#god its just like. so how are you feeling. and then im like this is how im feeling and shes like okay :)#and then... nothing. woosh. i just complain about my life for half an hour and thats it like#i can do that for free.#clearly
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sorry i need to complain why is like 1/4th of every fucking selfship post i try to find some unrelated shit about proshippers or whatever the fuck they call themselves. im trying so hard to look at normal fucking posts but everytime igo searching i swear i always find the most annoying people like "ohhh you claim to be a #anti yet you want to kiss a wizard? erm... proship much?" or "ohhh someone put a DNI banner on their account! lets tell everyone! lets call the government!" oh my god i dont care about le anti-harassment or whatever but you people are so fucking ANNOYING oh my god how hard is it to stay on topic and just fuckin block people who set up boundaries or whatever i dont care about your hazbin hotel shotacon incest fanfiction or whatever
and i dont even care about what other bitches i dont even know do in their fucking free time or what they jack off too but also everyone who makes posts and tags them "proship please interact please talk to me please interact please please please" do you know how fucking desperate you look? do you think that seriously makes ppl want to talk to you when youre literally begging for attention under any random post? grow up. humans are social animals but i cant think of anyone that likes seeing strangers begging for attention from other strangers. its a blog site interactions will come naturally.
is it seriously so fucking hard to just respect peoples boundaries even if you dont agree with them or whatever that i just had to come across a fucking post that was just a screenshot of some other bitches post like "XD this person made a post and set a DNI boundary for their own personal sake! everyone! laugh at them!" you can think having dni lists are fucking gay or whatever but oh my god literally just closing your eyes or scrolling past a stranger being annoying is so easy but its HARD when people like YOU post huge fucking screenshots barely cropped so i think theyre part of the post and i have to scroll past multiple annoying bitches who cant even stay on topic of a single tag for one second arguing "is liking garfield inherently proship because uhhh he was on the titanic" i don't CARE you people need to start making shit out of modelling clay or SOMETHING get a hobby instead of molding your whole life around some made up terms that i see like 14 different variants of everyday of my life that nobody in the real world cares about because nobody in real life talks about any of this shit
#[twitter video voice] I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR JFK ASSASSINATION RECREATION BULLSHIT#I'm trying to use my coping mechanism for its intended purpose but i cant even interact with the community because you all will be my age#yet clearly never maturing past fucking 12 years old thinking the world revolves around you specifically so nobody can set boundaries#GROW UP. DO A PUZZLE. TAKE A STEP BACK AND REALIZE EVEN IF A DNI IS STUPID YOU CAN JUST MOVE ON INSTEAD OF BLOWING UP ABT IT#none of you people would survive a fucking forum because you wouldnt handle people not talking solely about you and what you think
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my neighbors probably hate me ive been pacing around for the past hour singing the same song on repeat to calm myself tf down
#theyre the ones who blast music so loud i can feel the bass and clearly hear the lyrics so. they shouldnt complain#they probably cannot even hear realistically it’s not like i’m belting however i am horrified at the thought of it#i love to sing so much. wish i were good at it#it’s like i know i have it in me but i am too embarrassed to wring it out of myself#im just repeating this one song that’s in my range over and over#i wonder if i cld get better but probably not. i eventually fail at everything i try#now im rambling but i feel better. im gonna go do it more#though im going to hurt my throat i havent sung this mych in. forever#whatever. healthy enough coping mechanism
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jon/ygritte is very interesting bc even tho their situation was pretty fucked up jon did love her! gendrya is cute but arya is too young and the books are never being finished so yeah
yeah those are both very fair. i think if we got the finished books, gendrya would be in that category of “genuine good love story” bc right now it’s like the beginning and middle build up but, especially from gendry’s end, no real climax. i don’t think arya is aware she has romantic feelings for gendry, i’ve said before i think he’s aware of her feelings and just didn’t know how to handle it, and now feels some extreme guilt over ~rejecting~ her unknown crush. and i think that’s very typical sort of romance novel misunderstanding that could come to a very lovely conclusion. but right now arya is still an eleven year old completely unaware of the romantic undertones of that entire thing while gendry is (i always forget his age is he 15??) just like, trying not to die in the riverlands while he stews in his guilt lol.
jonygritte meanwhile is VERY much one of those toxic romances but i think people are really silly about it. there’s significantly more romanticism in this relationship than other ones, and i think it’s silly to ignore that aspect for the hardline anti ygritte takes the same as like, ignoring those toxic elements really takes away how interesting this relationship is. on the one hand, there’s very much a reason that this romance serves a similar narrative purpose as like, dany/drogo, tyrion/tysha and tyrion/shae, sansa/sandor, etc, and it’s bc there’s some FREAKY consent issues going on here lmao but on the other hand….jon’s feelings for ygritte have impacted not just his own feelings on romance but also his entire leadership arc re: gender & culture it’s so stupid to pretend like she’s ONLY there as a negative influence (this is how i feel about sandor too).
#i’m not sure drogo should be considered on their level bc he is not deep as a character even slightly. but i do think we are meant to see#dany’s feelings for him as real and genuine even if they are a coping mechanism. i think the point there is that just bc he was awful doesnt#mean that those small moments of paternalistic kindness weren’t important to dany. both sandor & ygritte are given more sympathetic#backgrounds and that’s a race thing with george that we can all clearly see lol lmao it’s fine he’s the same age as one of my grandmas#(the older grandma too lol)#tysha and shae imo while they play similar roles the thing is the boogeyman in that story is TYWIN not the girls which is interesting!#bc drogo is obviously the bad guy in that one & sandor/ygritte play similar ‘victim who victimizes someone they have control over to ~help’#asks#anons#anyways once again i think people see ygritte as significantly more stupid and sadistic than she actually is & also as much less aware of#the dynamic that’s going on. whenever people are like ‘she doesn’t know jon is gonna flip on her’ it’s So clear she knows guys#that’s why they fascinated 16 year old me!! they both know it’s gonna end badly!!!!! they jump in anyway!!!!!!!
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so my new gender presentation is Joey and Amber
new mannerisms based on Joey
i think Joey a lot but Amber i guess if i need to be femme
but he's a prison-experience guy, a line cook, and a jersey guy, and it's not cool for a young person to copy that -- those associations don't actually help! but it's so fucking fun to swear and do the italian hand gestures and shorten words
he's nothing to me without being in love though, he's nothing without being soft for some younger adult
maybe i'll figure out why i like all these older guys
i guess~ ^-^
#i caught myself doing the italian hand gestures this morning#sometimes when your hormones fuck up it turns out your coping mechanism is a situationship to hold on to#honestly my favourite kind of relationships#i've been so 😈 about them for the last 4 days#am i seriously gonna find a dilf?? maybe. it only makes sense since i'm younger afab. but i'm gnc#maybe i won't find love unless i'm a 40 year old man who's got some power and authority and is like an outcast in some way#what's hard is not the 'man' part lmao it's probably building something so that i've actually got something going at 40#just kidding i believe in myself enough to know that i'll be alright -- don't know about *power* but i can bring competence#like not hitman agent 47 competent but alright#(clannibal diana47 whouffaldi jamber there's a thing i clearly have a thing)#now it just stands to question whether joey is a top or a bottom. SO FAR the older men have been service tops OR bottoms. no true doms#as in absolutely no old man's heart (so far from the first 3) is into actually dominating in bed#and joey's like not... 'cause he's only shouty because he's at work and he's running the ship you know? and it's a way to vent!
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Watched kidnap (2017) and am shocked the pedestrian who got run over and her leg presumably broken didn't sue and did the family of the guy who gave her a ride for three seconds and died aren't blaming Karla (even though it's not really her fault)
#my silly little posts#angry phase of grief tbh might have been the only stage of grief i felt as intensely and i need others in fiction to feel that way too#to cope#idk Karla was in the right and is clearly a good person but. like people grasp at straws to blame others and themselves for the loss#sometimes its definitely a mechanism#idk I'm not a psychologist or nothing just a magical girl existing and having seen loss and experienced it#oh and going to the doctor for any reasons like bones breaking is like hundreds of dollars in the usa that girl in probs in debt rn#i overthought a whole movie yippee !#overthinking#kidnap movie 2017
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deleted a bunch of the posts from yesterday because the paranoia finally caught up with me 🙃 but anyway we can't taste properly, we're constantly shaky and wheezy and dizzy, and the cough we've got has gotten significantly worse, and I called our GP to ask about paxlovid or similar treatment and got dismissed before I could even speak to a doctor and I really, really just want to go scream at someone but that would be a shitty thing to do.
I fucking hate that people keep going out while ill and not taking even basic precautions to avoid infecting others. I hate that we're basically at the mercy of everyone else because no matter how hard we try people still infect us and doctors just end up dismissing us. this is... what, like the 6th time we've had covid and we don't even fucking go outside.
I just want a break. I just want to be able to get on with life and get my shit together without being constantly screwed over by other people's reckless decisions and a frankly ridiculous amount of bad luck
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#I'm so tired and so pissed off and I need a fucking break that I'm clearly not gonna get#and I'm using healthy coping mechanisms as much as I can#I'm journaling. I'm setting aside time to relax and do self care. I'm trying to pace myself and feel my emotions properly#I'm putting effort into noticing unhealthy behaviours and redirecting them and it is so much fucking work#but I'm doing it anyway and yeah it is helping but christ alive there's only so much it can do for you#when you do not get a fucking break from shit that's actively ruining your mental health and ability to function#and I am exhausted and recovery takes energy and learning healthy coping mechanisms takes energy and I'm doing it anyway#and I'll keep fucking doing it but I desperately need our circumstances to improve too
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I have once again been given a cold by a family member….we are not thriving chat.
#I’m coming out of it#but ya know when you accidentally snort pool water up your nose while swimming#yeah I feel like I’m in a constant state of that#and also my ears are blocked#this is the second cold in like a month too#look universe I know I said we’re pretending to be a shoujo girl as a coping mechanism#but the sick/fever plotline clearly isn’t working can we please move on to something more fun#tw sickness
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whatever happens i cant fail is an *abysmal* strategy for living life. and yet rn....
#its not a good long term strategy#also i remember my physics teacher saying life isn't a 98% on a test lol#but also this was the same teacher that hasnt taught me very much mechanics since the start of the year because she presumes people just...#*know*#the further mathmaticians do#not meeeee though#i cant guage whats hard and whats just me being the dumbest idiot there#anyways the way i communicated that to her after the third lunchtime i spent with her doing mechanics somewhat properly was i told her#that it felt like being in plato's cave#and tbh a truer statement has never been said by moi#anyways this all ties together#i cant fail (get less than an A) in phys#and i'm not fucking giving up on mechanics#sooooooo#i'll just cope and get through it whatever way i can#btw i remember my first lesson of statics like 2 months ago#uhmmmmmm.....#she went straight into it and was like guysssss you know this righttttt? ✨#and she literally speaks with glitter at the end of sentences like this lol ✨#i should've predicted the future months of mechanics from that huh lol#i mean the only positive of this was like#in my last test#i was able to explain very clearly what principles apply *in words* to a problem#becuase those principles are fucking hammered into my head#i got full marks on those questions compared to a lot of my quite mathsy classmates#idk man im just gonna have at least a competent grip on mechanics so my grade is decent hm
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...
#me @ my youngest sister at 6.30 this morning: yooooooo can u draw me a fishy so i can get it tattooed on me?#i drew her some flowers so i want a paralell tattoo with her initials bc she has my initials on her#but i literally have not spoken to her since like may bc i do not talk to my sisters unless we r in the same room. no hate we just dont hav#a lot in common. it makes me a lil sad tho bc im curious abt them. my youngest sister is at least nice to me 😭#ive been thinking abt asking her for ages and last night i was asked abt my sisters so i was like. the time is now#while im still a bit elevated#which has been to my advantage bc i was able to stay v chatty and energetic while talking to ppl. and i think i made some friends#we bonded over fic reading. so theyre a bit. ya kno. girls gays and theys of science#we make the world go round. but its so interesting to hear them talk abt coming to school here bc they both liked where they were and r#leaving their support systems. and im like bruh if i didn't leave the southwest i was gonna die. im so happy to b here#support system? whats that. i talk to my parents once a month and that's it lol. but im gonna try to establish one here#and try to actually make actual friends. this school is way better abt making grad students interact#my last school was not at all like that. but anyway i had fun#and i mean im only at the start of the semester. and im in a good mood. and i kno things will get stressful#but im just really happy i got accepted here#and the longer im here the more clearly i can see how much i was suffering#the funny thing is tho that i wrote this last night and only hours later i was squirming in frustration bc the fact that im back in therapy#means i feel a greater obligation to not b actively self destructive. evil coping mechanisms my beloved#this is y my mum wanted me back in therapy bc im a goodie 2 shoes and when my counselor is like: did u do X the next time i see her. ill b#honest and itll b annoying >:-[ ugh#its just hard for me to b around ppl a lot bc i get stuck in mental loops bc ocd. which is exhausting. and i want it to stop#and i want to do bad things to make it stop but i wont bc im trying to b better#its just funny to me that ill go from everythings awful to everythings great i shoukd talk to my sisters and make friends and do this and#this and this. to oh god i cant do this anymore in such short time frames with certainty that how im feeling is how ive always felt#ive also noticed that my peaks of high energy do come before stressful events. which does make me worry for future stressful events. like#defending. i mean ive never gone fully off the tracks but its a lil alarming when it feels like the train is going at a million miles an hr#unrelated#meanwhile my other sister is apparently in Colorado but when i saw the pics is was like: YOU BITCH#R U CLOSE TO ME RN??? but no. Colorado is far away
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i went home and told my dad i was like “my therapist thinks i should pursue and adhd diagnosis and also anxiety medication”
and my dads like “why do you say that? you already have those”
and i was like “no i have antidepressants that sorta help anxiety, but i don’t think they’re working and neither does my therapist”
and he goes “yeah neither do i”
#and he proceeded to say i should learn coping mechanisms instead of needing medication#like sir you admit my meds aren’t working#and yet you don’t think i should do anything else?#like i’m in therapy to learn coping mechanisms but clearly that hasn’t been enough#˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ jasper jabbers ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
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throwing this into the qsmp hive mind bc i can SEE animatics with this song fitting many ships 👀
youtube
#qsmp#i was thinking of max and aypierre. the whole *when the sun goes down we all get lonely* *just one more taste of you* ??#the whole coping mechanism + dissociaton??#you see my vision you see it so clearly#q!aypierrre#q!maximus#Youtube
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