#claws of african grey parrot

[princess-of-the-corner]

Miraculous Sonic

(Listen, I have had a DAY, so I’m going to relate a discussion I had with my 4-year-old Nephew about this, cause honestly, It’s pretty funny)

premise: What animals would the Miraculous Ladybug characters be, if they got dropped into the Sonic World?

First, my nephew had to make me understand that just because a character had a certain miraculous, it didn’t mean they were that animal in Sonic. Because Sonic is a Hedgehog, but he would ABSOLUTELY have either the Monkey or the Black Cat, you see. The reasoning is OBVIOUS, apparently, because he did not feel the need to explain.

(Again, keep in mind - my nephew is 4)

so

Marinette - a mouse. Nephew’s argument was that she reminded him of the mice in Disney’s Cinderella (animated). This is his favourite movie. 

Sabine & Tom - Sabine is also a mouse, but Tom is a rat, apparently. Because they are bigger, you see.

Adrien - this was very divided. He’s either a golden retriever, or a cat. Specifically, nephew’s best friend’s cat, Caramel (basically a blonde tabby, with gray-green eyes, and a few brown spots), only with “an actual tail” (Caramel’s tail had to be half-docked at some point). He also argued that, if he’s a cat, Adrien should be declawed, because Gabriel wouldn’t let him keep his claws (Jesus, kid). If he’s a dog, nephew said Gabriel would put him in a fancy prong-collar, or possibly a shock one (JESUS, KID).

Emilie & Gabriel - Emilie is a dog, a very fancy, sleek golden retriever/poodle mix. Gabe is apparently a Sphinx cat. I pointed out they wouldn’t be able to have a kid together. He argued that since Adrien is a Senti, this did not matter.

Amelie & Felix - Amelie is the same as Emilie, because they are twins, but Felix is apparently a grey cat.

Nathalie - a German Shepard. He refused to elaborate.

Alya - Alya is apparently an African Grey Parrot. Because she wants to be a reporter, so she “parrots” things she sees and hears (he didn’t know the exact pun, but that was the gist).

Nino - Gecko. Species unspecified, but he showed me a picture of a brown-striped gecko with tiny headphones, so I assume that’s where that came from.

Alix - “you know the snakes with legs? The speedy one! She’s that!” He refers to several lizards as “snakes with legs”, but based on context, I assume he means the basilisk lizard, which is very fast and can run on water. He occasionally calls it “Scaly Jesus”, cause that’s what his uncle calls them, to the disapproval of the grandparents, and the laughter of the rest of us.

Kim - Kim is a tiger, because they like swimming. But a smaller tiger.

Rose - He kept saying she was the “real bouncy hamster” I think he meant Chinchilla? This one was less clear, but I THINK Chinchilla was what he was talking about? It might also have been gerbil, but he doesn’t like gerbils, so I think Chinchilla is a safe bet.

Max - Raven, because ravens and crows are smart.

Juleka & Luka - wolves, or wolf-dogs. Cause they howl, “and that’s BASICALLY singing.”

Mylene - This one was a bird. Not sure, again, but I THINK he meant a bird of paradise? Love bird? “One of the small, rainbow ones. With ‘tenna.”

Ivan - a bear. He also felt no reason to explain this one.

Nathaniel - monkey. One with a “Looooooooooooong tail” apparently. He once saw a small monkey with orange fur, and he loves that one in particular.

Marc - a raccoon. Because they have thumbs (???).

Chloé - a hummingbird. Specifically, the bumblebee hummingbird, because they are his favourite. (“It would fit in my mouth! But I don’t one in my mouth! But it could fit!”)

Sabrina - otter, because that’s his Auntie Sabrina’s favourite animal, so that means ML!Sabrina is an otter.

Lila - ferret/weasel, they are interchangeable to him. 

Anarka - also a wolf. He spent a while drawing what I’m fairly certain was a wolf with a pirate’s hat.

Jagged Stone - is a crocodile, because he has Fang. I asked what that would make Fang, in this universe. Fang is apparently, to quote, “the safety guy. And they have kisses”, so Sonic version of Fang is apparently Jagged’s bodyguard/boyfriend?

André - a very big toad. Nephew said all his political rivals would be flies (o…k?).

Audrey - praying mantis, cause they scare him.

Fu - a tortoise, cause he’s been alive FOREVER.

-

These are absolutely perfect and I love them.

[arsenicflame]

silly Izzy situation: he gets a parrot.

HE GETS A PARROT OH THIS GAVE ME BRAIN WORMS

-Stede is the one to get him the parrot- something about how hes got the wooden leg he has to complete the look? honestly izzy wasnt listening, stede was using his excited voice and izzys learnt he can zone out a bit when he gets like that. there was a hat too but that went to someone else Real quick (the parrot was trying to eat it anyway)

-i know nothing about parrots but im gonna say stede gets him an African grey. it's the goth-est parrot and they're Friends Now, hes got to give a gift that fits in with izzys Look

-when stede gives it him he protests LOUDLY but when stede gets all sad and says he will return him izzy draws a knife. wtf you can't return my gift Stede

- the parrot learns to say fuck REAL quick

-izzy learns bird care from buttons, obviously- izzy is Rules autistic he needs to know How you look after his pet. he is super rigorous with following the rules and at least one crew member has faced a tirade for feeding him something bad

-the bird rides everywhere on his shoulder. frenchie makes him a little pad so his claws don't scratch izzys leathers and so he can grip better

-he starts stroking the bird as a comfort (in Correct places, thank u buttons) he doesn't notice hes doing it but everyone else does. lucius has a sketch

-you know how some pets are like? exactly like their owners? yeah. this is the grumpiest fucking parrot and they are perfect together. he only likes izzy. after a while he mimicks izzy yelling at the crew and nobody knows what to do they all just. stare. izzy laughs.

- the parrot spends a little too much time with the swede somehow (jackies? izzy & jackie friendship my beloved i will force you in anywhere) and picks up his singing. its. something. they end up using it on raids as part of a fuckery. two haunting tones to create a sense of unreality, of being surrounded.

-i didn't give the parrot a name here because i genuinely believe izzy wouldnt give it a name, hed just call it 'the parrot', occasionally 'my parrot' when drunk. the crew call it mini Izzy.

(buttons asked the parrot its name)

-someone once gave the parrot a knife because they thought itd be funny. we do not talk about the parrot knife incident.

[skatingbi]

So i finished the first AA game and heres my notes (in no particular order) as a new fan:

I had a mental breakdown over realizing i had to fucking cross examine a parrot. Then my bestie TOLD ME theres an IRL case where an African grey parrot was a fucking WITNESS and i just fucking lost it. Why would this game put me through this. Do they want me to go insane? To claw at the fucking podium? To cry while i desperately ask this fucking parrot to recite something? Im gonna-

Uhhhh this game gives off ACAB energy and i live for it

I never want to dust for fingerprints again

Gumshoe is literally perfect and if you disagree then we gonna FIGHT

Edgeworth had me simultaneously ripping my hair out and wanting to kiss him on the mouth

FUCK YOU BLUE BADGER I WILL INCINERATE YOUR ASS AND THEN FEED YOUR ASHES TO THE PARROT

Phoenix <3

thats it. Thats the bullet point.

No but fr whys he so hot??? And relatable hes such a hater deep down somebody let him be a hater and let him speak his truth!!!

Gant deserves so much worse than whatever sentence he got

Speaking of Gant that mf made me so uncomfortable the whole time i wanted to run away fr

Speaking of murderers fuck you von karma i hated you being the prosecutor and prayed for edgeworth's return the entire time u were around

Legally speaking, every single witness would have ended up in jail but its okay (i tell myself as larry jumps up onto the podium)

Me, tears streaming down my face as the witness lies to my face for the third time in a row: its just and game and it cant hurt you-

SOEAKING OF LAWS PHOENIX SHOULD BE IN JAIL??? WHY ARE YOU DUSTING FINGERPRINTS UR A LAWYER

Do NOT play this game while studying criminal justice or criminal law. You will only hurt urself.

Ema i will protect you with my life idc if u moved away

Somebody diagnose Edgeworth...idk what but hes got something going on

The crime rate in wherever this game takes place must be CRAZYYY aint nobody moving there once the census drops

Theres no heterosexual explanation for the way Edgeworth talks to Phoenix in court. My bestie has literally had to hear me rant about how fucking gay this guy is several times already. Please...Just kiss or something. Its painful to watch.

Anyways i fucking love this game and will binge the next one in one sitting after finals!!

This game single handedly got me through my breakup. Thanks Ace Attorney <3

[irradiatedsnakes]

[ID: 7 drawings of monster!mechanisms designs. they are as follows: 1. a colored drawing of ivy alexandria that has been partially passed through the deep dream generator neural network, giving parts of the image a swirling, surreal appearance, often resembling eyes. 2. a digtal sketch of nastya as a ghost. her eyes are obscured by her glasses shine and she is covered in blue wisps, and dripping blue from her mouth and hands.  3. a digital sketch of drumbot brian as a centaur sitting down. his horse half is also mechanical and resembles a clydesdale. he also has horse-ish ears. 4. a sketchy bust of vampire marius. he looks smug, and looks to the side with a fanged smile. 5. digital sketch of partially-transformed werewolf gunpowder tim with doglike ears, claws, and a tail. he says "ok why did getting turned into that somehow give you a pitchfork." with a quizzical expression. 6. digital sketch of jonny d'ville as a devil or demon, with horns, pointy ears, cartoony wings, and a thin tail with a heart-shaped tip. he's holding a hellish pitchfork, looking confused and says "what? i already owned this.” 7. a traditional sketch of harpy/siren raphaella. she holds here feathery winged arms out, while her mechanical bat wings are unfurled behind her. her lower half is that of a bird. end ID]

ok ill post a couuuple. self indulgence machine go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

ok so u know like back in the gravity falls fandom there was that really popular au called monster falls where everybody got turned into some sort of monster/mythological creature? i fucking love that scenario and have been making my own little “everybody gets cursed by a witch or something so now i get to draw these fun designs” aus for like everything i like (never did it w tma oddly enough? good inspo just never struck.) so here.......is..........this. not everybodys pictured here but go under the cut for a list of what everybody is plus some extra notes and stuff

lets just goooooo alphabetical order

ashes - OKAY HONESTLY STILL NOT 100% ON ASHES im THINKING half-dragon. yes i know i already went dragon for them in the furry au its just a good fit and also looks Cool, but also waiting out to see if i can think of anything better

brian - CENTAURRRR also again. yes. i know i went 4 horse for him in the furry au. its just good and has fun brian vibes. wanting to draw centaur brian was the thing that led to this au happening

ivy - ELDRITCH SOMETHIN OR OTHER...idk what youd call that exactly. but you get the gist. cosmic horror, eyes, unfathomable patterns and things. doing the deep dream stuff for her in that picture was very fun and im very happy w how it came out...definitely something to revisit in the future. not sure how i wanna draw her when...not doing a whole colored digital thing, but well cross that bridge when i can draw again

jonny - he’s. he’s a devil? a little demon guy? like. yeah. of course. this guy was fucking meant to have little wings horns and a cute little demon heart tail. he has somehow become MORE bastardly

marius - VAMPIRE MARIUS ONCE AGAIN HES JUST FUN. hes just fun and the aesthetic suits him. i cant wait to draw him in a fun little cape with one of those big dramatic collars you know the ones. vampire marius is of course @ alientoastt’s idea!!

nastya - BANSHEE...or ghost in general but there some banshee stuff i feel could be fun to integrate. apparently in some tellings banshees can turn into crows? i love that very much. but anyways hmm..some notes abt the design in thsi post shes not quite where i want her to be. this was done on that collab canvas the other day and like...was mostly noodling things out having fun, those flamey looking bits are a very nice motion very fun to do but NOT wwhat i want for ghostya. i want her to be more. drippy. very drowned person vibes. fire and upward-floating motif not what i want. but it was fun to draw. also i think theres some potential comedy in there with “person who predicts deaths” among crew who habitually murder each other

raphaella - SOMEWHERE BTWN HARPY & SIREN (the bird kind not the mermaid kind) very excited abt her. lots of fun potential poses here. doing her design was a bit tricky- sirens tend to be just like- big birds with human heads? but i didt wanna do just that that takes away too much of her design recognizbility yknow to Just have her head. so she has a people torso, bird from the waist down, plus her arms are wings. which means she has Two pairs of wings. which i for one think is incredibly fun like you remember in httyd2 valka’s dragon w the four wings? yeah. also avent figured what bird in particular shell be based on- for the ufrry au i went w african grey parrot but dont feel like that here. ill think on it

tim - WEREWOLF TIM DUH. DUH. also i think werewolves are especially funny in scenarios like thse cus like- okay everybody suddenly ahhh cursed ahh monster whatever. but then tims just there like. i mean i feel fine lol and u get to have the fun surprise of Oh Suddenly Werewolf. also the question of how exactly werewolves who change based on the moon function in a. spaceship. i like to think its entirely fucking random i think thats funny

TS - ANIMATED SUIT OF ARMOR!! I DONT HAVE MUCH MORE TO SAY ON THSI BUT I LOVE . THIS IDEA. and i will never draw it. because fuck drawing and designing armor oh my god

anyways i think thats??? all i have to say on this??? agdvjdkb. if you wanna talk about this at all (or if u wanna see more doodles...) im totally open to that. ill be real i get weirdly embarrassed about specifically this kind of au (like. monster stuff in general especially werewolf/vampire stuff i could not fucking tell you why. gotten better abt it over time though hey im actually postin this shit!) so im just happy i posted it afhcgvjdkvdg .

as for story type things like how. this happens. frankly i dont know thats not my forte. but the little bit of whatever ive got going on my head has the Terrific Trio of ivy marius & raphaella doing Research Science Whatever down on a planet somewhere get into contact with a Cursed Artifact or whatever the fuck and eventually get back to the aurora like. oh. uh. it happened to you guys too, huh. but thats like whatever honestly im not in it for the writing im here to draw fun centaur man etc.

if you made it to the bottom of this winding fucking ramble know that i love you. mwah. that was fun to write out i like thought barfing about stuff like maybe 3 people will care about

[geemanza]

Giving the evil eye, while showing off the claw. 📖 𝗗𝗶𝗱 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗞𝗻𝗼𝘄 - African grey parrots have the mental and emotional capacity of a 5-year-old child. 📱/ 𝗖𝗮𝗽𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗻 𝗛𝘂𝗮𝘄𝗲𝗶 𝗣𝟰𝟬 𝗟𝗶𝘁𝗲 #SouthAfrica #NoFilter #Photography #TheGeeManZA #GuruShots #CapturedOnHuawei #HuaweiNextImage 📍#Spring #September #Lent #AfricanGrey #Parrot #Psittacidae #Bird #Parrots #Eye #CongoGrey #Aves #Psittacus #Smart #Speech #Claw (at Ermelo, Mpumalanga) https://www.instagram.com/p/CT1zUzdg4w0/?utm_medium=tumblr

[officialleehadan]

Intelligensia

Hello darlings! I hope you're all staying safe if you're in the haze of all the fires. I've definitely been hiding inside a lot!

Today's story was brought to you by Arcanist Lupus! It's always a delight to see your comments, darling. Thank you so much for your support!

Prompt: Fluffy's Master Plan for World Domination with extra points for the Beast in question not being a cat!

+++  

(Day eight hundred and sixty-four of my incarceration. The Human seems to be growing incautious of my daily attempts to escape.)

Isabis casually walked past the huge, floor to ceiling cage housed one of the shelter’s cleverest and most aggressive residents. On her way, she spared a glance at the lock, and pretended not to notice the way the stunning African Grey parrot inside had bitten most of the way through the latch that held the door shut.

She kept telling the head keeper that they needed a metal lock for him. Unfortunately, Hasani was far too clever for anybody’s good, and reliably managed to look cute and harmless whenever anyone inspected his cage for security. Isabis did her best with what she had, but it was hard to convince anyone of the parrot’s evil nature without admitting that she could speak to him. Well, not speak, exactly, but she could hear his thoughts. She could, in fact, understand most birds, but none were as coherent as Hasani.

Or, as it happened, as determined to escape his imprisonment and take over the world.

She wasn’t even sure he could take over the world, but from what she had heard of his pans, she wasn’t about to call it an impossibility.

She didn’t want Hasani as an evil overlord, thanks. The wretched bird had a mean streak a mile wide. He had bit right through the heavy falconer’s glove the vet used the last time he had to be examined.

(I feel she may even become an ally. Certainly, she seems smarter than the rest of her wretched kind.)

Oh boy. The bird. The evil bird, wanted to recruit her.

Her life had gotten a lot weirder since she started hearing the birds. The only ones who knew she could hear them were the owls, but they thought everybody was beneath them or food, and weren’t going to tell any of the others.

She didn’t think she wanted the damn bird recruiting her, all things considered.

(Keep walking human. Keep walking and ignore the signs of my escape, and I may yet permit you to live)

Isabis really didn’t know how to take that. It certainly seemed directed at her, but it might also be nothing more than the bird’s frequently-malicious internal monologue.

(I know you can hear me.)

Not monologue.

“If you try to bite me while I change your water,” Isabis told him politely. “I’m going to change it with a hose tomorrow. You will get wet. I will make sure.”

(A threat? How novel.)

“Bite me and see if I’m bluffing, feather-duster.”

(There is no need for insults.)

“You gonna bite me?”

(Not today.)

Isabis watched him out of the corner of her eye as she cautiously opened the door of the cage. Hasani watched her, puffed and interested, but when he stayed politely on the far side of the cage, Isabis quickly swept out the bottom of his cage and changed his water. His cuttlefish bone was looking pretty thin, so she paused to replace it.

As a reward for good behavior, she pulled a whole handful of macadamia nuts, still in their shells, out of her pocket and left them on top of his food dish where he could crack them at his leisure.

(Always so thoughtful.)

“It’s bribery for good behavior. You don’t bite me, I make your life more comfortable. Square deal?”

(A better deal would to give me my freedom.)

“Not on the table.”

He hissed at her, but Isabis was already outside his cage and was much less cautious of him now that she could negotiate with the evil bird.

(I would improve your would immensely. Clearly, a great many countries need a strong claw on the reigns. I would be that claw.)

“You can see the staffroom TV from here, can’t you.”

(It’s not like you humans tell me what’s happening on the global stage!)

“I’m not letting you out.”

Hasani used to belong to a senator who, after his bird reputedly attempted to murder first his dog, and then his housekeeper, surrendered Hasani to the shelter for rehoming.

Hasani, of course, was nobody’s idea of a good pet, and had immediately made himself hated throughout the whole shelter. He was also, unfortunately, a protected species, and couldn’t be put down, despite his foul temper and vicious intent.

“Okay, time to make a deal, and remember that the only thing you have to bargain with is good behavior,” she offered, and leaned against the signpost that warned visitors not to put their fingers anywhere Hasani could get at them. “Since you know I can understand you, I will listen to reasonable requests regarding your cage.”

(My prison cell, you mean?)

“You are a bird. This is a cage. You would have a bigger, nicer cage if you would stop biting your handlers.”

(I don’t want to be in a cage at all.)

“Yeah, your designs on ruling the planet aren’t exactly encouraging me to let you out. Also your species is super protected.”

(Fine. A deal. I want several hours of flight time every week, to be increased as you decide that humanity should really be culled for better health. In exchange, I will allow you, and only you, to see to my health and care in safety.)

It was probably the best deal she was going to get from the parrot.

“Fine. I’ll see about giving you flight time. While you get it, you can’t attack anyone, including other birds and humans, and you need to be good for your vet check in two weeks.”

(I see my choice of minions was well-founded. You drive a hard bargain. Very well. But I want to ride on your shoulder to the flight range.)

“You gonna bit me in the face?”

(Not for now.)

“That’s as good as I’m gonna get, isn’t it?”

(Yes.)

“Okay, fine. Give me a few hours. I need to finish my rounds and get clearance, but I’ll see if I can get permission to use the range this afternoon. Now, try not to terrify the public, and I’ll see you later.”

+++

Beastly Familiars:

Animals will be animals, no matter how intelligent. Sometimes animals will be… well… Beastly.

Nothing but Trouble

Bad to the Bone

Oil and Water

Master of All

Hunting Practice

Under the Desk, Up on the Bookcase

Mouse Hunters

Hooter

Bandit

In the Walls

Stone’s Throw

Fish Bucket

Caterwaul

Tilting at Windmills (Subscriber Only!)

Blue Rings and Crabs

Pounce (Free on Patreon!)

Fruity Fruit

Eyes Up

On Emerald Wings

Hood and Strike

Treachery Trouble (Subscribers Only!)

Golden Weaver

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More Stories!

+++

[obeyme-sinners]

((hopefully this hasnt already been asked)) given the new paws and claws event, what animal would you/ your mc be?

Ah! Thanks for asking! Fun fact about my MC characters - like a lot of the characters that I have, they actually started as rwby oc's of mine I was super into the show in the first few years of its existence and they were both faunus characters, so for a lot of animal based things, I already have a template of sorts!

For Akaira, she would be a dog, but particularly based on a golden retriever. Just imagine those cute floppy ears >x3

And for Echo, uh... Well. She was actually a bird faunus so? I dunno if that would work in the current event but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she was based on grey African parrots, which is why she can mimic voices so well and use her abilities for for chaos

[dumbfuck-mojave]

Companions React to Sole With Talkative Bird: Part 1

This is part one of a single ask. I just wanted to split it up since it would be long af otherwise. This react includes: Codsworth, Curie, Cait along with a short pre-war intro. Warnings for this part: Swearing (obviously) and brief mention of Cait’s drug abuse in one sentence. 

This was such a hilarious request how could I not start it (almost) immediately. Also, thank you for the request! If you enjoyed, feel free to request more!

For context, I did “two parts” to each react: A part where the companions first meet Sole and their bird and another general reaction to it being so talkative.  They aren’t exactly split up in a sense but I hope you get what I’m saying. I also didn’t really have a set focus on how long the certain “parts” were going to be so yeahhh 😅.

As the sirens blared, Sole looked helplessly around the house. 

“Sole, come on!” Their spouse yelled frantically, holding a fussing Shaun in their arms. But another fussing was heard from the room the two lovers shared. It would never be allowed, but Sole couldn’t just leave him there. Bolting to the room, they hurriedly unlocked the large cage in the corner, holding their hand out so their precious bird could climb on. 

“I don’t mean to rush but you three must hurry and go now!” Codsworth said, it almost sounded like there was a bit of nervousness in his tone. Sole rushed out into the living room once more. They looked at Codsworth.

“Codsworth, stay safe.” Sole said solemnly as their spouse rushed them to the door, somehow  either missing the bird or choosing to ignore it.

“Babe, they will never let you bring him in.” Sole’s spouse said as they ran up the hill.

“We already had to leave Codsworth, I couldn’t leave Comet too. He was screaming so loud, I just had too. I'll find a way to hide him, I’m sure of it. “

Astonishingly, Sole did find a way to hide the bird during the journey through Vault 111. Comet had to have appeared on the life monitor, but it was no use worrying about now,  were Sole’s thoughts as they lost their last slivers of consciousness. 

Sole was so grateful Comet managed to survive being cryogenically frozen and unfrozen twice, because after what they had seen, he was the only thing that was keeping them grounded. Stumbling their way through the now deserted Vault, bright light blinded them as they were brought to the surface after more than 200 years.

Codsworth: “Sole, you’re back!”, Codsworth shouted gleefully as he saw Sole walking towards Sanctuary, Comet perched on their shoulder.

“Hello Codsworth.”, Sole seemed to be in a dazed state as they continued to look around what was once a lively, vibrant neighborhood. 

“Well then, it’s to see you again! Comet is with you as well! Oh, that’s wonderful! May I ask, where are <spouse> and young master Shaun? They mustn’t be late for dinner.... Again. You do know how your spouse loved to take Shaun on walks. I remember-”

“Codsworth, please. Did you see them? The people that took Shaun? They must have passed through here right?”

“Oh, you always were a jokester, weren’t you? Unless…. You’re serious? Oh heavens!” Codsworth waved his arms around frantically, “Then what has happened to your dear spouse?”

“They’re dead, Codsworth. I need to go find out who killed them, and find Shaun. Do you know of anywhere that could help me?”

“Well, there is the town of Concord over the bridge. It’s a bit of a walk but you may be able to find some help there.”

“Ok, that’s where I’ll start. I just- I think I need to sit down for a moment.” Sole suddenly gasped, gently holding their hand to their chest. Comet snuggled his beak into the side of their head.

“Gracious, come inside at once.” Codsworth led them into their pre-war house and sat them down on the couch, “I will try to find you something to fill your stomach, not eating for two hundred years must have left you famished!”

Sole blankly stared down. How could this be? Had it really been 200 years? Who had taken Shaun? And why? So many questions rushed through their mind as Comet made his way from their shoulder to their open hands. 

“Hey!” Comet chirped and whistled, looking up and Sole. Sole looked up at Comet with glistening eyes, weakling lifting their free hand to pet him on the head. After a few moments, Comet hopped off and flew into the back of the house. 

“Um, mum/sir? I do apologize, but I can’t quite seem to find anything that would give you a full meal.” Codsworth floated back into the house and hovered in front of Sole, “Are you okay?”

Sole looked up, startled and focusing on the present once more, “That’s okay Codsworth. Thank you for trying anyways.” 

“I think your spouse was planning on giving this to you as a gift before everything happened.” Codsworth extended his claw to drop a holotape in Sole’s hand.”, My protocol prevents me from listening to it, but I think it’s a message for you.” 

Sole flipped the tape over in their hands, running their pointer finger along the ridged edge. Hi Honey was written in slanted handwriting on a small piece of paper attached to one side, a few ink spots splattered around it. Sole’s hands tightened around it as they felt more sobs grow in their chest. Whatever they were going to do after that was interrupted by Comet flying back into the room, landing on the scratched-up island in the middle of the kitchen. Comet jumped up and down, aggressively shaking his favorite toy: A small ball with a bell trapped inside it. Both Codsworth and Sole stared at him. 

“I always told you you never should have gotten that for him. He went on and on with that thing during the night.” Codsworth sighed exasperatedly. Oh, of course Codsworth remembered Comet from before the war. Comet was with Sole long before Codsworth was, so they’ve known each other  since the day Codsworth was booted up. 

What he did not expect was how talkative the bird was going to be. Comet always seemed to be saying something and at first Codsworth thought Comet was going to only say compliments and affections. Whether Comet was complimenting Sole while on their shoulder or talking to Sole’s spouse through the cage, it was always the sweetest little things. He even complimented Codsworth, calling him “Pretty Codsy” as he perched on one of Codsworth’s eyes. Sole told Codsworth Comet probably picked it up from them calling him Codsy offhandedly and Comet’s preference for compliments. It’s not like Codsworth minded, it even gave him a small boost of confidence being complimented so frequently. 

But Comet had a preference for something else. One day, while  Codsworth was cleaning the living room, Comet flew in and promptly called Codsworth a “Fucking rustbucket”. Codsworth stopped in shock the same way he did when one of the neighbor's called him that earlier that day. It was probably where he learned such a vile saying. From that point forward, Codsworth slowly learned to deal with it. Comet was just repeating phrases he had heard, no matter if it was vicious insults or heartfelt compliments. And even though he would never admit it, Codsworth did feel some joy after hearing Comet tell a raider to fuck off.

Curie: When Comet flew past the window into Curie’s room, she almost couldn’t believe it.

“Is that an African Grey Parrot?” Curie asked in her gentle voice and she moved to the window, “How did such a thing ever get down here?”

“Is someone in there?” Sole’s voice echoed down the hall as Comet flew back and sat on their head. 

“Oh! A human! Finally. I have been waiting so long for you to come.” Curie gasped, “Please tell me you are authorized to release me.” 

“I’m not a person from Vault-Tec. Why do you need me to release you, why can’t you do it yourself?” Sole asked. 

“I am not authorized to do so without written or verbal permission from a Vault-Tec representative. Are you authorized to release me? Please say yes.”

“Yes!” Comet harped on top of Sole’s head. Sole sighed exasperatedly while Comet looked down at them, waiting for a treat. Sole held up their arm so he could climb down on it and put a seed ball in their hand for him to grab.

“You now what? Whatever. I’m authorized to let you out. So you may come out.” Sole flatly said. 

“Oh this is great news indeed!” Curie replied eagerly,” I will open the door for you at once” 

As the door slid open, Curie held out a vial to Sole.

“I am pleased to report I finished all my duties 83 years ago. The molerats were infected with a variety of pathogens and this was made as a cure-all formula. Quite amazing, is it not? Do be careful where you use this though, as it is the only one left and I do not have the materials to make more.” 

“Alright, thank you!” Sole smiled as they took the cure. They had taken extra steps to prevent getting bitten by the rabid molerats travelling through the Vault and it worked. Now all they had to do was get it back to the main part and give it to Austin, “ Would you like to come with me back to the Vault?”

“I very much would, monsieur/madame. I haven’t been out of that room for ages.” 

“Let’s get going then.” Sole nodded, setting off towards the stairs.

As they were drawing close to the exit, Curie couldn’t help but stare and the bird perched on Sole’s shoulders. 

“May I ask where you got your bird? I have not seen one for a very long time and a healthy Parrot no less! You must take good care of them.”

“Oh!” Sole laughed, “I’ve been with this guy a long time. I’ve had him about five/six years now.”

“He seems to trust you very much. If it is possible, I would like to take a closer look at his habits when we get out of this place.” 

“You fucker!” Comet squawked as Curie finished her sentence. 

“Mon Dieu! That is so rude!” Curie puffed, hovering a few inches upward. 

“I’m sorry! He doesn’t mean anything by it, I think, he just repeats things he’s heard.” Sole faltered as Comet gleefully said fuck over and over, “ I may have a swearing problem to work on.”

“African Grey parrots are very intelligent, so it isn’t surprising that he picked up so many words.” Curie explained, “ Not to say that was called for.” 

“I swear, he’s a really sweet bird. Comet, you’re nice aren’t you?”Sole turned to their bird, “Come on, isn’t Curie nice?” 

“Very nice!”, Comet twittered, bouncing up and down, “Pretty voice, woo-hoo!” 

“Oh, why thank you! My vocal pattern and accent is unique to me, designed by one of the scientists that used to be here, Mr. Collins!”  

As talked about, Curie did examine Comet when they got back into Vault 81. Sole knew their bird was very much an attention hog and chuckled as Comet sat pridefully when Curie gently observed him. Comet took a liking to Curie fairly quickly and complimented her frequently. When she finally got her synth body, Comet immediately flew to her and snuggled his head against her cheek. Though she enjoyed the compliments, Comet would scream out a random curse word from time to time, startling Curie. She mostly was just excited there was a living, breathing parrot for her to interact and study with. 

Cait: “Holy fuck!” A raider screamed, right before choking on his own blood. 

As a gunfight started, Cait looked out of the metal cage to see a shadowed figure ripping apart raiders with an assault rifle. 

“Cait! Keep your head down!” Tommy whispered as he crouched in the corner.

“Oh shove off, you coward.”

“Yeah, bitch!”

Both Cait and Tommy looked at the bird that landed in the cage with confusion. Even more confusion followed when the shadowy figure stepped into the cage, the parrot immediately flying to them.  

“Hey, buddy! What’s the deal with you killing all my customers?” Tommy scoffed at Sole, who seemed mildly displeased that they had gotten so much blood on their skin.

“Um, I just saved your life. You should be grateful that those raiders didn’t start in-fighting before I got here.” 

“Yeah, bitch!”

“Comet, hush,” Sole rubbed their bird’s head with a calloused thumb, “What even is this place anyway?”

“Not from around these parts, huh? This, my bird whispering friend, is the Combat Zone.” Tommy opened his arms a bit at the now empty theater, “It was a raider fighting hotspot until you decided to clear the house.” 

The wheels turned in Tommy’s head and when he turned back around you could almost envision the light bulb popping up. Ding!

“So, you saw the end of my little bird’s fight, correct? How’d you like it?”

“God Dammit Tommy! I told you to stop calling me that.” 

“It was very impressive.” Sole turned towards Cait, “ You are a very capable fighter.”

Cait slapped her palms against her thighs, then up in the air, “Finally, someone with some appreciation.” 

“Listen, I might appreciate more if you didn’t keep plunging that junk into your arm. You’re high right now, aren’t you!” Tommy said angrily.

“Why do you care!? It helps me bring in the caps, doesn’t it? Shouldn’t matter how I do it!”

“It’s making you sloppy Cait!” Tommy said exasperatedly, “You know what? Let’s make a deal. Since I’m not bringing in any caps at the moment and you think Cait here is a capable fighter, why don’t you take her off my hands while I try to figure out a new business strategy.”

“Only if she agrees to it.” 

“She’ll agree to it once she figures out we got no audience, no caps, and no one else to talk to but me.” 

“Jesus, point taken,” Cait huffed, turning to Sole, “Let’s get out of here before I change my mind.” 

Once out on the road again, Cait started asking questions about Comet.

“So, where the hell did you get something like that?”

“Comet? Oh, I got him before the war.”

“You what?”

Sole smiled, “It’s a long story to be honest.” 

Comet jumped off of Sole’s shoulder onto their bag, reaching inside to grab at his bell. He started rattling it aggressively in Cait’s direction. 

“Oh, that means he likes you!” Sole piped in. 

“Well if you don’t quit that rattling I’m about to take that bell away from you.” Cait growled as the rattling got louder and faster.

Sole, not wanting to piss off Cait more, gently pried the bell from Comet’s beak and put it back in the bag. 

“You’re beautiful, woo-hoo!” Comet swayed back and forth on Sole’s arms, nodding his head to an imaginary beat. 

“Come on, Cait. He’s just trying to impress you.” Sole pushed, bobbing their arm up and down to match Comet’s dance. 

“The day I take a compliment from a critter is the day I give up the last shred of decency I have.”

Though it took awhile, Cait eventually got used to Comet’s presence. She would never show it, but she was actually a bit scared of him at first. The first time Comet got on her shoulder she nearly slapped him off out of fear, if it wasn’t for Sole swooping in and calming her down. But during her withdrawals, when she felt too nauseous to even stand up, Comet let her pet his head softly, crooning a soft tune. That changed something in Cait. Now you wouldn’t even know Cait was scared of birds at first, as she handles him like a pro. She still doesn’t like him, so don’t even think that *wink wink*. 

[ddevotee]

tell me about your pets?

Oop - I'll list them from most to least favourite bc I have quite a few.

I have two rats, Bruce and Solomon ( Bruce is blind and Sol's bio dad ), they're cagemates and both complete gluttons for love. I got them off my sister last year as a birthday gift bc she was scared of Bruce and never got him out or treated him well so I insisted on having him.

Two cats, Tuna and Sushi. Tuna is a tabby and my favourite despite being a grumpy and stubborn bitch 99% n Sushi is a siamese, she's my friend's favourite ( affectionately nicknamed Skinny by them ) because she's awkward, lanky, vocal and never really learned how to be a proper cat. She's over ten years old and still has no idea how to retract her claws so they're just constantly out and she gets them stuck on shit.

Then I have an African grey parrot called Dave that I've had for as long as I can remember, he can't fly ( wing issues ) and he's a complete sweetheart to everyone that isn't me. We never fully bonded so he's hostile as all hell towards me b u t we do have conversations and stuff because he's managed to pick up a shit ton of English over the years.

Then last of all there's Mishka! She's a very, very old Yorkshire terrior dog. She's old, blind, deaf and only likes me in the summer because I'm a human ice cube pretty much all of the time. She's more my nan's dog than mine really, she likes her a lot more.

Oh! And technically we do have another cat called Tom, but he's mostly feral now and doesn't like coming in. I'm not sure why, we had him from being a kitten but he never was very affectionate.

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

Can you please PLEASE publish everyone’s nicknames? They made me laugh so hard and I’d love to have them all in a post!!!

Spinosaurus: Sailback of the Sahara

Sinosauropteryx: The Red Panda of the Cretaceous

Carnotaurus: The Meat Bull

Stenonychosaurus: The Overhyped Gifted Kid with Anxiety

Therizinosaurus: The Giant Claw

Yutyrannus: The Fuzzlord

Dilophosaurus: Eternal Lord of the Dead

Archaeopteryx: Kaiser of the Skies

Yi: Actual Dragon

Allosaurus: Lion of the Jurassic

Tyrannosaurus: King of the Dinosaurs

Baryonyx: The Great British Baker

Oviraptor: The Sand Guardian

Deinonychus: Bird Dog

Deinocheirus: Duck Satan

Microraptor: Shadow in the Night

Diplodocus: The Phantom Lord

Saturnalia: Consul of Rome

Eoraptor: President for Life

Alamosaurus: Texas Incarnate

Camarasaurus: The Beefy Boy

Brontosaurus: God of Thunder

Sauroposeidon: Fucking Sauroposeidon

Saltasaurus: Captain of This Fine Ship

Herrerasaurus: The Electric Eviscerator

Plateosaurus: The Wretched One

Argentinosaurus: King of Kings

Vulcanodon: The One Born of Fire

Giraffatitan: Lord of the Wastelands

Pantydraco: Chaos Lord

Dreadnoughtus: The One Who Fears Nothing

Kiwi: Potato with Legs and a Beak

Great Blue Heron: Superbird

Cassowary: Bird Murderer

Dodo: Immortal in All Our Hearts

Peregrine Falcon: Show Me Your Moves

Hoatzin: The Trash Man

Harpy Eagle: Demon of the Skies

Pigeon: Eternal Survivor

Snowy Owl: Wizard of the North

Chicken: Linchpin of Human Society

Kakapo: The Ultimate Lifeform

Barn Owl: The Fallen Angel

African Grey Parrot: The Mastermind

Secretary Bird: The Fabulous Kickboxer

Atlantic Puffin: Everyone’s Little Brother

Bearded Vulture: The One Who Eats Bones

Iguanodon: The OG

Borealopelta: The Revelator

Triceratops: Knight of Might and Right

Edmontosaurus: The Juggernaut

Stegosaurus: Solar-Powered King of the Desert

Styracosaurus: Impaler from Up North

Psittacosaurus: The Fearless Leader

Diabloceratops: The One Born from Beneath

Protoceratops: Guardian of Justice

Kulindadromeus: Fluff Emperor

Draconyx: Beast of the Heavens

Pachycephalosaurus: The One and Only King of Assyria

Heterodontosaurus: Redeemer of Fish

Ankylosaurus: The Unstoppable

Kentrosaurus: The One Who Knocks

Parasaurolophus: Harbinger of Doom

[jamiescallion]

AMERICAN ANIMAL - (January Recap)

Chapter One

Mr Rawling Rump the Rhinoceros, of Austin Zoo, Texas, plunged his large snout into the cool mud and shut his beady black eyes. Rump, as most knew him, let the sludge cool his horn and daydreamed about the coming celebrations. He was excited. The weather had been stifling of late and the party was exactly what the animals needed.

Rump was the oldest mammal in the zoo. His advanced years hadn’t meant he’d learnt humility. Far from it. He was a proud beast who thought a lot of himself, and he wasn’t shy in sharing that around. His enormous enclosure: Rump Ranch, was named by Rump’s father Big Red Rump, and because of its location, next to the entrance, it was considered prime real estate. This made Rump a very important beast indeed. His father Big Red Rump would say:

“You’re a top mammal, son, and you must act like it. The Lion, Tiger, Elephant, Giraffe, Snake, Wolf, Monkey, Gorilla and Bear can afford to mess up. You can’t, the scrutiny is too great.”

Rump had been excited about tonight's chow down for weeks. It was an opportunity to see all of his supporters and also an opportunity for him to gloat. Just one week ago he’d won a triumphant victory over the ruling Big Cats. Rump had repeatedly insisted that President Zanzibar should provide conclusive proof he is an American Animal. Born in an American zoo. Zanzibar eventually relented and Old Baldy, the American Bald Eagle in charge of History and Births, confirm that Zanzibar was indeed born in an American Zoo, although not in Austin zoo. Rump considered the confirmation a victory and took great pleasure in letting his fellow creatures know. Rump’s swaggering self-satisfaction would soon sour.

Rump pulled his horn out of the sludge, climbed on top of Rump Rock, tipped back his head and let loose a thunderous bellow. Simon the snake slunk into the ranch. Simon, a python, was not very long for a python but he was certainly a python. His silvery scales blotched with oblongs of butterscotch yellow, ringed by lines of burnt orange.

Rump and Simon stalked and slid up the shallow slope to the Big Cat enclosure, where tonight’s stomp would take place. Under the giant arches, they went and into the vast and beautifully maintained Palace. Rump nodded cordially in return to those that greeted him. He took his place next to Senator Elena Forde’s enclosure. Elena, a sleek snow Leopard, nodded coldly toward Rump. They’d been friendly once but things had curdled since Rump had attacked her party leader. President Zanzibar, the Lion, climbed onto the speaking slab and addressed the crowd of gathered animals. Rump gazed up at the leader with barely masked disdain.

President Zanzibar looked down and smiled. “It is wonderful to be here with you at the chow down. As you will have heard Old Baldy released my official origin story and I am officially an American Animal. I was born in America!” The animals snorted in support around Rump. Zanzibar smiled more broadly now. “I hope it puts the doubts to rest but in case there is still any uncertainty, Old Baldy said he will give Mr Rawling Rump a blow by blow campfire retelling of my birth story. He’s called it out of Africa.” The animals laughed with great enthusiasm and Rump felt consumed with humiliation. His horn hot with embarrassment.

Zanzibar put up his paw to quell the laughter. “I should add that my mother was not African. She was born in New York Zoo…” Zanzibar now gazed openly at Rump. “Is New York okay or do I need to get Old Baldy to confirm my mother’s origin story too?” Rump’s eyes watered in shock, feeling the crowds communal stare upon him he attempted to smile back with casual grace. As if he’d been in on the joke. Only an awkward grimace was raised. Which only served to stoke the fire of mirth. President Zanzibar called for the stomp to begin and the animals, in unison, began to thud the ground with hooves and paws, trotters and claws. Rump turned to see Simon beating his diamond-shaped head against the ground with concentrated and joyous enthusiasm. Rump gave the snake a contemptuous glance and made his way out of the palace, through the entranced and stomping animals. He trudged back down the hill to Rump Ranch. With every step the rhinoceros’ fury grew, his stubborn will bent on revenge.

Chapter Two

Rump spent three weeks plotting. June ushered in a ferocious temperature and with it a resolve to get revenge done. The rhino climbed onto Rump Rock, tipped back his enormous head and roared. Simon slithered into the enclosure in record time. “Simon, I want you to gather all the animals together and tell them to come to Rump Ranch.” “Of coursssssse,” Simon hissed. “May I enquire as to what we will be discussing?” he said gazing up at the rhino with a colourless smile.

Rump snorted through bucket-sized nostrils and the python wished for eyelids. "This zoo is not great, not great at all. The zoo in Houston and the one in San Antonio are way better, way way better. Which is just terrible. Now go gather the other animals. I’m going to make some changes around here."

“Of courssssse?” said the snake. “But how do you know?" "Old Baldy told me,” Rump said impatiently.

“He wouldn’t lie to me. He’s a true American Animal." Old Baldy, the American bald eagle, visited zoos all over the state. Animals gathered around the ‘news tree’ most nights to hear Old Baldy broadcast the truth. Simon had not heard the claims their zoo was inferior to others but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true.  

"President Zanzibar will surely do something," said the snake.

Rump shook his gnarled head, his yellow straw wig flapping, his beady black eyes rolling and his red necktie swinging.

"That pampered lion won't do a damn thing about a damn thing. He isn’t even a true American Animal. You heard him say his mother was African. He admitted it. How can he be our President if he wasn’t even born in an American zoo?"

“But Old Baldy said he was an American Animal.”

“Do you believe everything you hear?” said Rump.

Simon thought about this. Something deep in his slippery stomach told him Old Baldy had confirmed Zanzibar was an American Animal but perhaps he had it wrong. Did he believe everything he heard? Perhaps he did! One thing was for certain, Rump had never ever lied to him.

“Your right of course,” Simon said. “I will gather the animals. Although I’m not sure the Big Cats will come.” Rump settled the snake a beady glare.

“Tell them exactly what I say. Tell them I am going to clean this crooked zoo up and make it great again. Tell them I’m starting with the big furry hairballs in the White Palace. I’m going to cough them up and use them as earmuffs.”

Simon didn’t understand but nodded all the same. He knew Rump was talking about the ruling big cats but he didn’t know what a hairball was. As he slithered up the hill to deliver the message his thoughts turned to food. Most specifically, lunch.

The reptiles arrived first: Mike the lizard, Toby the toad, Gordon the gecko, Linda the turtle, Eric the skink, Charlie the chameleon and Crazy Tom the one-eyed crocodile, all settled down in the soft brown earth in front of Rump Rock and chattered excitedly as they waited for the great horn (as they called Him) to speak. Rump gave his loyal supporters an exaggerated wink, the enthusiastic reptiles grinned and all winked back. Apart from Tom, the crazy one-eyed crocodile, because a crazy one-eyed crocodile can’t wink.

Next to arrive was the sleek snow leopard, Senator Elena Forde. A senior member of Zanzibar’s administration and the Big Cat Patriot Party, she sashayed into the ranch with what Rump dubbed “arrogant cat syndrome”. Senator Forde climbed the leafy sweetgum tree that stood at the centre of Rump Ranch, stretched her limbs over a thick branch and began to preen her paws. She regarded Rump lazily and said: "What are you going to moan about this week?"

Before Rump could respond with nuclear indignation the heritage mammals ambled through the gates and into the enclosure. Joshua the giraffe, Gaga the albino chimpanzee, Jape the gorilla, Lenny the gazelle, Zee the zebra, Sally the hippo and Archer the toothless baboon. Trailing after them, like a vast grey cloud, plodded, Jacob the African elephant. A kindly and steadfast beast. Jacob was one of President Zanzibar’s most trusted supporters and a well-respected member of the zoos community. He was not known for his quick wit but was universally liked for his honesty, affability and tireless work ethic.

The heritage mammals supported the president with dutiful deference, Jacob going further with a belief that Zanzibar possessed almost godlike powers. The heritage mammals had always aligned themselves with the big cats. Since the dawn of zoos.

After the mammals, came the natives: Butch bear, Woody elk, Hank wolf, Buzz coyote, Rocky raccoon, Henrietta red fox, and Ace the three-legged bison. Rump loved the natives because in many ways he wanted to be one, and the natives loved him back because in many ways they thought he was one of them.

Old Baldy glided into Rump Ranch and landed gracefully on a branch high up in the leafless sweetgum. His friends from the menagerie had already taken up lower positions in the tree. Eric weaver, Sarah parrot, Dodger cockatoo and Reginald falcon were all thinking the same thing: if only the other animals could gain their elevated perspective, they might grasp how ridiculous Rump was, and not hang off his every pompous word.

Next came the rodents. Rump had long labelled them “aliens” because they’d arrived at the zoo from other countries, many of them illegally, or so the rhino claimed. Mohammed meerkat, Zoya mongoose, Ali otter, Baba porcupine, and Jose the Mexican rat. Strictly Jose was a Mexican sereque but only his fellow aliens bothered to learn the distinction. The rodents hung back, near the exit, unsettled and nervous. Ever watchful.

Finally, President Zanzibar wandered through the gates of Rump Ranch, his big cat cabinet marching in behind him. Seven senators: tiger, leopard, panther, jaguar, cougar, puma and cheetah. All lived and worked with the President at The White Palace.

Zanzibar moved through the crowd greeting creatures with an easy smile, the animals beamed back in delight. Only when Zanzibar was sitting on his hind legs, his lustrous golden mane angled upward toward Rump, did the rhino begin his speech…

The lion turned and gave the audience a warm smile and then turned back and looked up at Rump.

“Are we not all aliens in our own way?” His commanding voice silencing the commotion.

“My parents came to New York zoo from Tanzania many years ago. I am a first-generation lion. Does this make me any less of an American animal?”

The big cats and mammals roared in support. Rump shook his horn and looked out toward the assembled crowd.

“You’ve ruined this zoo with your woke snowflakery, Zanzibar. For eight years we have suffered at the paws of your administration. Whilst only the elite or the lowly are cared for. What about the animals in the middle? Enough is enough. We need change. I will do a better job than you. We must make this zoo great again. Do you accept my challenge?”

The gathering of animals roared, snapped, yelped and hissed. Some were noises of support, some of opposition, but all agreed that this was an audacious challenge. Zanzibar had never been opposed before, not even by another big cat, let alone a rhinoceros wearing a straw wig.

After a thoughtful pause, President Zanzibar raised his mane and addressed the gathering.

“It is Mr Rump’s right to challenge me.” He turned his flecked auburn eyes on the rhino. “But I will not stand against you. Another will take my place.” He nodded toward the Leopard lounging in the tree. “I choose Senator Elena Forde to run against you in my stead.”

A clamour of surprise and excitement erupted from the crowd. For the first time in almost a decade there would be an election and on the ballot paper a rhinoceros. Rump let out a high-pitched squeal, a noise that male rhinos are well known for, but try to avoid emitting because they think it’s emasculating. Rump pulled himself together, puffed out his cheeks and thought it through. It was unlikely he would win, the big cat elite was too powerful, their supremacy stretched too far back. However, he was in the race and anything can happen when you’re in the race. Then it came to him, a revelation. He wasn’t a big cat and as such he didn’t need to play by their big cat rules. He cleared his throat and began his acceptance speech.

“I accept any challenge set before me,” Rump began. “and I will fight, fight, fight to expose the lies and corruption the big cat elite have committed for so many years. But, you know what’s more important than anything?” he paused to rear up on his hind legs, delighting the reptiles at the front. “Unity! And you know what I love about it?” Continued Rump. “Unity is love, I’m in love with myself, I’m in love with all of you and I’m sure as hell in love with this zoo. And I don’t just love the animals that already support me, I love the animals that have cat yolk in their eyes. Yeh, that’s right, I’m in love with you because I know you love me right back. Deep down, even if you don’t know it yet. We’re all in love together because we all have one thing in common,” he paused again, glancing toward the exit where the rodents stood nervously watching. “Well, not all of us…and do you know what that thing we have in common is?” he bellowed.

Rump waited a beat and then thundered his final line with slow and purposeful intent. “WE ARE ALL… AMERICAN ANIMALS!”

As the new presidential candidate climbed down from the Rump Rock, a chant started up. Two words. Over and over again: “AMERICAN ANIMAL, AMERICAN ANIMAL, AMERICAN ANIMAL, AMERICAN ANIMAL.”

 Chapter 3

Rump could not sleep that night; he replayed the day's events with growing delight. Excited and restless in his luxurious straw bed. He’d played it perfectly, he’d been cunning, calm and courageous. He knew the odds were stacked against him, but that didn’t matter. If he could just convince half the heritage mammals to vote for him, he’d be in with a chance of prickling some fat cat fur. Besides, win or lose, he was in the game and his daddy had always said:

“Once you get in the game, you can change the rules.” His daddy had also told him: “Winning ugly is still winning.”

It had been decided that the vote would take place in three weeks time. Rump’s campaign strategy was a simple one. Shake the tree and see what falls out. He was going to make sure that this election would be bigger than anything the zoo had ever seen before. It wouldn’t just be unique because Forde was the first female candidate to be selected in the history of the zoo and Rump was the first non-big cat to be selected. It would be unique because Rump intended to break with convention. In fact, he hoped he could break convention altogether. As he lay awake, staring up at the moon, he compiled a list of one ultimate and unbreakable rule: No matter what, however much the big cat elite pressured him, or how compelling the evidence against him was, he would never ever admit he was wrong. About anything. Ever.

One of the first executive decisions the rhino made was to make Simon Python his chief advisor. The other reptiles respected Simon and keeping them onside would be vital. Rump felt sure Simon would make an excellent right-hand snake. Not least because Rump knew he would do everything he asked, without question. He also chose Simon because he was almost as committed to expelling the alien animals as he was. The reptiles had always felt like they’d been treated as second class citizens by the big cat elite, they’d grumbled about it for years. Rump, who once boasted that his Ranch was twice the size of the reptile house, took the decision to make the refurbishment of the herpetarium (reptile house) his first election promise. He would hold a big rally that very day and announce the exciting news.

Rump commenced a run of rallies that quickly became the hottest ticket in town. His impassioned speeches sparking a conversation that divided opinion, animals and even, in some cases, species. Rump railed against the big cat elite with sincere passion, his mischievous charisma and disarming candidness winning over many doubters. He exploded with policies. Opinions that dared talk about real issues; overpopulation, sanitation and animal migration. His election pledges ranged from the wacky and wild to the inspired and necessary. He threatened to dig a vast trench around the zoo to stop the alien rodents getting in. He promised to make all carnivores pay more tax, a vow the big cat elite were most upset about. Rump was vague and direct, unpredictable and cocksure, but most of all he was plain-speaking, no-nonsense and different.

Rump told the animals that if they had a problem, he would fix it. He didn’t get bogged down in detail, he simply said it would be dealt with. If he said a group of animals were corrupt, they were corrupt. Rump didn’t get involved in evidence. Rump dealt in fact. He didn’t get embroiled in proving things; that was what the big cat elite did. He didn’t have time to waste on verifying particulars. Why should he? He knew exactly what was going on. His supporters took his word for it. He didn’t tell them how everything would get better. It just would. Every speech he gave, audience members either chanted and cheered, or heckled and booed. It was a polarisation so stark many animals worried there would be civil war. The middle ground vanished, you were either with him or against him. His detractors were ardent, his followers evangelical.

Every Rump rally ended with the same repetitive chant: “AMERICAN ANIMAL, AMERICAN ANIMAL.”

The rhino climbed onto Rump rock spurred by the sound of fanatical cheering, he gazed out at the assembled animals, his straw wig flapping in the wind. He was pleased to note the new faces. Every day more were drawn to his rallying cry. “We need big talk and even bigger action,” Rump began with intensity.

“BIG TALK, BIGGER ACTION.” Chanted the crowd back at him.

Rump had travelled around the zoo, visiting with animals from all walks of life, talking to them directly, listening to their grievances, promising swift justice or instant resolution. He injected his speeches with their concerns:

“American animals must come first! Let’s make this zoo great again!” he bellowed, waiting a beat so the gathering mob could chant his words back.

Rump awoke on the sixth day of the campaign with an idea. He summoned Simon and instructed him to go and find him a chalkboard. Within an hour Simon slithered back into the ranch, dragging behind him, a thin sheet of grey slate stone.

“Place it at the entrance of the ranch, where all can see it,” commanded the rhino. Rump followed Simon outside to make sure the snake completed the task to his satisfaction.

“What is it for, Mr President-Elect, Sir?” Simon said as pushed the flat stone into place. “I will use it to communicate my important message, direct to the other animals.”

“What a truly ingenious idea, Sir.”

Rump craned his neck and started to write on the board, with his horn. Simon spoke the words as he spoke them: “A leopard can’t change his spots. I don’t have spots!”

The snake wagged his tail excitedly. “What will you call this new form of communication, Sir?”

“Well, let me see, this is a Horn Board!” Rump said kicking the slate tablet. “So I guess the act of committing thoughts to the Horn Board is called Horning,” he added.

The following morning, Rump went to check the Horning Board and was surprised to find a rather large pile of flat stones stacked at its base. Closer inspection revealed each of the slate tiles was etched with a message.

The first of which was written in tall spidery lettering and was signed by the Mexican Sereque, Jose. It was a straightforward opinion: “You’re an idiot!”

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The cover art that received the highest number of likes for the month of January:

Quentin Blake

[superwolfiestar]

Kitten(Gravebeaks Oneshot fanfic)

"Mark, what the bird is that?"

Mark looked at Falcon with complete and utter confusion spread across his face. (Mark usually looked confused, but this was an exception for today he was looking utterly confused!)

"What's what?"

That! In your hand!"

Oh! That's just my new pet kitty!"

"Your...?"

"Kitty! Yeah! And isn't it the most cutest witto-wickly kitty you've ever seen!?"

"Ickly…?"

Mark squeezed the bundle of grey fluffy goodness tight to his chest, making its eyes bulge slightly.

"Mark! I don’t think having a pet around in the mansion would be a good idea!" The Falcon bird told the parrot. "That kitten is so small like the size of the tennis ball, it would get lost and hide around the mansion! We can’t keep it!”

“Hey! Don’t call my baby “it”!” Mark hold his kitten very tight to his chest. “It a “He”! And his name is Mark Jr.! I name him after me!” He press his kitten to his cheek. “He’s my son! A cute and adorable witto cutie baby boy! How can’t you resist this cute adorable little baby!” He said as he held the kitten up and right close to Falcon beak.

“Meow” the kitten meow out as Falcon gazed down at the small cat. It looked back through bright green eyes. Those eyes looked so loving, so gentle, so inviting, so…

No! He can’t defeat the cuteness, he have to be strong and manly. Real man can’t be interesting in cute thing like pet, that’s what his father taught him.

Mark Jr. then lick the top bottom beak of Falcon, as his paws tap at his beak repeatedly. Mark let out a “awe” of this adorable sight.

“Awwwwww he started to like youuuuu! Can we keep him! Can we? Can we? Can we!?” Mark jump up and down like some child wanted some toys.

Taking a care of small kitten is a big responsibility but it just one kitten. How bad can this be?

——————————————————————————

Falcon regret this, he regret saying that in his head.

"Kittens, Mark," Falcon says, in furious a bit. "Kittens."

Mark surveys the scene in the living room fireplace. "Yes," he says. "I can see that."

There are twelve, no, thirteen kittens running around, at their living room. It's difficult to count them because they keep darting in and out of sight, hiding under the sofa or between the cushions or behind Marks legs. Mark himself is sitting cross-legged on the floor, like some kind of old, grey curly-haired, elderly cat lady, and holds one black kitten in one hand and one white kitten in the other. Falcon wouldn't be surprised if Mark turned out to be hiding more under his jacket.

Since Mark doesn't seem inclined to venture any more information about what's going on, Falcon shoos the kittens away from the couch armchair and sits down. From the floor, the kittens look at him reproachfully.

"How did this happen?" Falcon asks, ignoring the kittens. He's not picking any of them up. He's definitely not caving in under the pressure of their big kitten eyes. He's not. Part of him is still hoping against hope that those kittens are some lost kitten looking for a family to be adopted. Surely Mark told everyone on social media of wanted a kitten better than the alternative, which is that this morning Mark robbed a pet store. Maybe he should have bought a adult leash so Mark wouldn’t steal more kitten.

"I'm not a psychopath," Mark says, scratching one of the kittens between the ears.

"I didn't say anything!" Falcon complains.

Mark scoffs. "Please," he says. "Your train of thought is more than obvious." Then he proceeds to explain in minute detail how he knew what Falcon was thinking about, just with his skills of observation. Halfway through, Falcon loses track of what the African parrot bird is saying and instead stares at a kitten who's trying to unravel yarn ball with its tiny claws. The yarn ball is winning, much to the kitten's dismay.

"All right," Falcon says when Mark pauses to catch his breath. "I believe you, you're not crazy. Then I suppose there's a perfectly good reason why we have thirteen kittens in our living room."

"Fifteen," Mark corrects him. He doesn't venture any reason for the kittens, good or otherwise.

Falcon groans. "Mark! Why are there fifteen kittens in our living room?"

"Because I want to keep them," Mark sniffs.

Eventually, though, the threat of forced feline eviction gets to him. Mark is lucky that Falcon is so remarkably well-adjusted, otherwise he would have already been booted from the house along the kittens.

"I bought them," Mark explains, wrapping his hands protectively around the nearest kitten. "When you sent me to buy milk for Mark Jr. I saw them and bought them home with me."

Falcon is impressed that Mark remembered about the milk. He'd only been trying to get the lazy parrot to do grocery shopping for about a year. "Fifteen kittens, though? Where did you even buy fifteen kittens? Not at Petsmart, I hope."

Mark hoards the kittens closer. "From a man in the old pet store," he replies. "He was selling kittens and I bought them all."

One of the kittens, a calico critter smaller than Mark's fist, mews in protest at being crowded against Mark's chest. Falcon rescues him before it's squished. "Right, man on the street, that's not suspicious at all," Falcon says.

He gets a scathing look from Mark in return for the sarcasm. "Do you take me for a fool?" asks the parrot who went to buy milk and got home with fifteen kittens.

Falcon takes a deep breath and pets the kitten in his lap. It purrs happily. "I understand if you wanted a pet," he says. "But... fifteen? What are you even going to do with fifteen kittens?" He's hit by a sudden, nasty suspicion. "You aren't going to use any of them for your crazy robots experiments or whatever, are you?"

Mark let out of a dramatic gasp and looks outraged at the idea. "Of course not! I simply like having them around. They make boredom more tolerable."

They watch one of the kittens amble across the carpet and bump its nose against one of its brothers or sisters. This make Mark heart so happy that he let out a squealing noise.

"All right, we can keep four or five." Falcon concedes. "Maybe my sister can help us spread the word, see if there's people who want to adopt a kittens..."

"No," Mark protect and holding a kittens in his arms. "We're keeping all of them. They are all my children!!!! You hear me?!?! My. Precious. Children!!!!”

"Mark..."

"All of them!" Mark exclaims, so forcefully that many of the kittens are startled and run away from him.

Falcon sight and pets the kittens. "I suppose it's better than the time when you shoot holes in the wall," he says.

He let him keep all of his children because he want to see his parrot bird boyfriend to be happy. If that make him happy, then Falcon is happy with him too.

Later that day he has to go out, because Mark forgot to buy milk. He pray that Mark didn’t get more kitten with he’s out when he get back home.

[idealbloger]

Choosing The Right Parrot

Before you buy yourself a parrot, you have to consider several factors. This will save you from heartaches later on. Do consider the size of your home (whether a landed property or an apartment), other pets you currently share your life with, the amount of time you are willing to devote to your bird, the size of your wallet, your family members' tolerance for parrots, and whether there are children in the house.

Birds usually don't mix with other household pets like cats and dogs. I am sure you have watched Tweetie and Sylvester. Its in their natural instincts to stay away from four legged animals with claws. And its in the cats' and dogs' natural instincts to pounce on a yummy bird. Unless of course your four legged friends are well domesticated that they know their gourmet meal is going to come out of a tin can. And unless your cat or dog lives in the barn and doesn't come into your house, then it would be safe to own a parrot.

Room size does matter for a parrot. You will need a large floor space if you intend to raise African Greys, Macaws, Cockatoos and Amazons, with their standing cages. A large room will not stress your parrot and this is important if you want to train it to do tricks later on. Smaller parrot species like Conures, Lorikeets, Cockatiels and Quakers would be ideal if you are living in small spaces and apartments. Buy Conures

How much money are you willing to spend to buy a parrot? The popular talking birds like African Greys, Cockatoos and Amazons retail in the $2000 to $5000 range. The smaller birds like Conures, Lorikeets and Quakers retail in the $500 to $700 range. Hand fed birds will cost you more but you will have the advantage of them already being accustomed to being fed by humans.

Do you have 30 minutes of your time to devote to your pet parrot a day? You need to because that is the minimum amount of time you will require to build a relationship with your parrot. Parrots are sociable birds in the wild and they flock together. In the absence of other parrots in a domestic home, you become the bird's companion. The 30 minutes that you spend has to be quality time. Feeding time is the ideal time and talk to your bird while you are doing it.

Can other members of your family tolerate the presence of your pet parrot in the house and the potential noise that the bird will generate, not to mention the words it will pick up and speak over and over again once it learns how to talk? You need to discuss this with your family because a parrot is a lifelong pet and can live as long as humans.

Do you have children in the house? Consider the safety of children because parrots bite and can injure a child. Set up rules in the house and make sure that children don't come near the parrot cage unsupervised.

[ghostomelon]

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