#clark just wants to be normal

[superbat-love]

"Hi, I'd like a tattoo, please."

Bruce glanced up from the design he’d been doodling to see a man in a cowboy hat, sunglasses, and a thick mustache. He nodded in acknowledgment, hiding a smirk.

This man had been visiting Bruce’s tattoo parlor for months, each time in a different disguise, always requesting a new tattoo. The first time Bruce tried, every tool broke against his skin. Plus, the man always returned with skin as smooth and unmarked as a newborn’s.

Metahuman clients weren’t unusual for him, but Bruce sensed this one preferred to keep his identity a secret, so he played along.

"And what kind of tattoo would you like, Mr...?"

"Colby," the man replied. "I’m a cowboy. From Texas," he added needlessly.

Bruce pushed his catalog toward him, but the man shook his head, likely having memorized it by now.

"Can I request a custom design?" he asked, pointing at the paper on Bruce’s desk.

"You want... a smiley face?" Bruce asked, glancing at the childish doodle Dick had left that morning.

"No!" The man looked flustered. "I meant the design you were working on before I interrupted you. I really like it."

"Ah." Bruce glanced at the sketch he’d drawn absentmindedly—a bat intertwined with the Kryptonian symbol of hope.

"Very well. Have a seat, Clark," Bruce said, nodding toward the tattoo chair.

"Umm, my name is Col—"

"Colby," Bruce interrupted smoothly. "Sorry, slip of the tongue." He continued setting out his kryptonite tools, a faint smile tugging at his lips.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 254

So. Danny might have accidentally become a bit of a cryptid. He didn’t mean to, but he’d become a bit nocturnal- like many an Amity Parker- and it wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t be bothered to make sound when he was tired. Or pretend to breathe or, okay, he could see why he kept freaking people out at the grocery store he kept going to. 

But it wasn’t his fault! He has to get food too! And really is it anyone else’s business? Seriously he thought that people wouldn’t be so surprised with how much magic is everywhere. Like you’d think they’d never seen someone who wasn’t fully human before or something. 

Oh great, there’s a journalist at the grocery store now- he’s going to ignore that and finish his shopping and then continue his online work. Ooh, and eat icecream. He deserves it for potentially putting up with this. 

Oh, it’s a little baby reporter, first couple of article thing. Adorable. 

[mamawasatesttube]

yknow how sometimes dogs will hunt things and be like look i did so good!!! yayyy i got you this!!! bc theres a comedy story in my mind in which krypto decides he likes kon's friends and wants to give them presents too! and. well.

krypto leaves a dead bird on tim's pillow and tim goes oh shit fuck is this an oblique threat that someone's discovered my identity as one of the bird-themed heroes in gotham? but then why's it a fucked-up looking pigeon and not a robin or a rook (if youre like me and like tim taking on the name rook later)??????? and why is it so mangled and burned what does it mean is this a threat of a specific way someone wants to kill me?!?! who could it have been from?! when did someone even break in and why didn't they trip any of my alarms?!?! fuck i have to cancel my plans with kon and bart later shit i don't even know how i got compromised so i don't dare see either of them in public i don't want to risk them--fuck fuck fuck how did this happen i don't understand and why is it a pigeon and

meanwhile krypto is just like. :3c i did so good i am SUCH a good dog i leave him presents :) yayyy!!! i even cooked it for him. with heat vision! yaaayyy!!

so tim phones up kon like "listen we can't meet up this weekend i'm so sorry i think i've been compromised--" and goes on about how he needs to go on lockdown alert mode until he figures out what happened and who found him out and meanwhile kon's just. go back. the pigeon. describe that again.

tim describes the fucked up mangled burnt pigeon. and kon, who has dealt with his fair share of Superdog Presents and thought they'd come to an understanding about "krypto you can't do that you'll DECIMATE local wildlife" and such, just narrows his eyes. turns to the dog bed next to him. goes ……………………….. krypto.

and krypto's like :) wag wag wag :) yes thats me :) wag wag :) im good dog :) he is SO pleased with himself. thats one mystery solved!

this ends in tim, haunted, sitting at the farmhouse kitchen table while ma frets over him and makes him hot chocolate, kon wraps him in a blanket, krypto licks his feet, and lois is just like. yeah. been there. just be glad it wasn't sea monsters.

[fairyroses]

He was about to kill you, Lex. Or divulge something you didn't want me to know.

— SMALLVILLE, "Forever" (4.21)

+ bonus from "Arctic" (7.20):

[ri-afan]

Thought posed:

Danny does the college stuff and interning for stuff at Wayne Enterprises while living in Gotham, but he doesn’t catch the Bats attention because he simultaneously is both Just Normal Enough while the Bats are Slightly Out Of Step of normal long enough that things with Danny don’t catch their attention. (Gotham as a whole is a huge ‘well this might as well happen’ place and after however many years…the threshold is a bit off for weirdness. Pair that up with normal Batdrama and role-code-switching and minor things are likely going to be subconsciously overlooked if not clocked as Dangerous.)

(Does Danny know the Bats’ IDs? … He would deny it if asked. Not his circus business though. He does think it’s smart that they at least try to cover their faces, unlike when he played the hero. He meets Clark before Superman and feels like he’s on the Office or something.)

Danny moves on with the astro-stuff (whether an astronaut, an astrophysicist, or whatever else) in another city and catches the attention of another hero as Not Normal, What’s Up With That Guy?? (two parts coincidence, one part Danny’s willingness to trust for the better, one part Uncanny) and they track his history to Gotham/WE and decide to ask the Batclan if they knew anything.

They find out nothing really is wrong with Danny (…the JLD was not called or conferred with, unfortunately for all) but it does spark the reeducation refresher of the Gotham Clan for Human Weirdness (that also educated the rest in just how messed up Gotham can be).

[phoenixcatch7]

The Wayne doll house

Have some haunted doll au, since it's been bubbling away in my mind.

The bat cave is large and sprawling, many layers and tunnels and hollowed out cracks in the walls. It takes many years to fully reinforce to prevent stray kids from tripping into stagnant waters or fall down crags as he once did. The doll cave, as it becomes known, is in one of the deepest, darkest corners, one where the lights of the furnished caverns above don't reach.

It's one late night sitting at the computer when it suddenly occurs to Bruce that his first encounter with a doll was at the well entrance, many levels above.

There was nothing there when he went back.

-

The justice league stared at the subaru. The subaru, having no eyes, did not stare back.

The seven of them had just finished a very long, arduous mission, and narrowly escaped government censure after the base they'd been raiding had turned out to belong to some corrupt official. With the alert up, they couldn't escape through city airspace, or even in their hero suits.

So civilian it was.

Batman had hotwired some bloke's car while the rest of them ducked into alleys and shop bathrooms, but the problem remained. There was seven of them. And five seats.

"I can shift into something more suitable for being carried," suggested j'onn, "but I believe one of us might have to hide."

"Foot well?" Hal tried, and everyone looked around at the tall, bulky, broad heroes.

"Think they'd have to go in the boot," Barry finally said. Everyone immediately turned to him. "No."

Batman spoke up before the discussion could devolve.

"I think.... I would be best for that."

The team stared.

"Batsy?"

Having no lungs meant he could not drag in the tired sigh he wished, but whatever force allowed this body to talk was capable of approximating something suitably resigned.

"As I am, I am... incapable of fully passing as human. It would be best if I remained out of sight."

"So just? Go change? I swear we won't be weird about whoever you are under the mask. Even if you're like, bald."

"Thank you, Wally, but I'm afraid I'm being serious." Reaching for the mask in broad daylight was unpleasant, but the glue and wires held as he gave it a few thorough tugs. "It doesn't detach."

Everyone stared. Clark reached out as if he wanted to check, but withdrew.

"Do you even have a civilian identity??" Oliver eventually asked. "Because at this point I'm genuinely not sure."

Wayne Enterprises and Queen Industries had a meeting that same evening. "Hn."

"Can we go back to the 'incapable of passing as human' part?!"

"We can discuss it in the car," he snapped, stalking past Barry and popping the boot. "In case you haven't forgotten, we're on a time limit."

For once, that seemed to encourage them, and batman, with great dignity, folded his joints and cape into the small space, ignoring Hal's mutter of 'what kind of contortionist -' as he slammed the lid. With a little shuffling he managed to activate his comms.

"I will inform the watchtower of our delay."

"Batman, they're tapping all outgoing signals, you can't -"

"It won't trigger," he interrupted, before he twisted his consciousness and sent it spiralling across the country.

Bruce awoke with a groan, stretching his limbs and taking a moment to marinate in his annoyance before he reached for the comm and voice modulator on the beside table.

"Batman to watchtower, we've encountered delays. If the Texan state government calls we haven't entered the state in six weeks. Batman out."

-

"Alien?"

"No."

"Reanimated corpse?"

"No."

"Uh... Demon?"

"Hm. No."

"You're not just a meta human, are you?"

"No."

"Vampire?"

"No."

"Robot??"

"No."

"Batsy, please, someone's got to win the bet eventually. How do we even know you're not lying?!"

"You don't," Batman said, not looking up from his paperwork and Flash groaned, letting his sticky notes fall to the floor as he buried his head in his arms.

"One day," he bemoaned to the keyboard, "one day we'll figure it out."

"Until then please keep your eyes on the monitors."

Flash groaned again.

-

Robin ducked under superman's arm as he scuttled down the corridor, laden with the night's haul of snacks. The real problem wasn't getting them - stopping league members from raiding the kitchen would be extremely counterproductive - but keeping them until he could return home to his human body to eat them. Batman had started searching him each time they left and it was really cutting into his daily sugar intake. Unfair! Just because he didn't actually use energy to stay up my night to fight crime, it felt like he did!!

'Oh, you're broken, Robin, oh, don't go out until the glue has fully set, Robin' his arm was fine! It wasn't like there was much crime to be fought on the watchtower anyway! At least not physically.

So he was pretty pleased with himself until he went to set the snacks down and found that the tar like glue they used had soaked through the sleeve and gotten all over his chocolates.

With his other hand, he tried to pry them off, wincing as the wrappers tore and stuck. He tried to shake it, ignoring the way his elbow rattled in the joint.

"Come on, come on - aw, cheezits."

The arm fell off. Robin stared despondently at the limb, surrounded by torn wrappers and dripping black glue where it connected to the elbow. The sour stink of formaldehyde filled the air.

He was going to be in such trouble with Bruce.

The click of the door jerked his head up.

Flash stood in the doorway, wide eyed. Robin stared back.

Flash screamed.

Oh yeah @dehydratedmockingbird have a thing

[bombusbombus]

Trying to find superbat fic where they're both just huge fuckin nerds. Why are there so few of those.

[deathbydran0]

They make me UNWELL /pos

[cool-loser]

I think we should have more Bruce Wayne movies

Not Batman specifically Bruce wayne

There's a whole other half to this guy's life we ignore because we don't think it's interesting

He's not serious all the time and I like to think he uses being Bruce to be silly and that'd be hilarious

Plus it'd be great to have do the butts match in a movie

[weallpartyatybcpatricksfuneral]

I say "caitlin clark is the female steph currey" and no one bats an eye. but I say "steph currey is the male caitlin clark" and society

[kxllerblond]

Okay besties, we're going to have some big boy serious talk for just a second. I'm just going to address this generally to just get it out there and clarify my boundaries some, I guess because I've been a little uncomfy lately and haven't been sure how to address it.

I've had some very bad instances in the past of people coming to me from the bat with the intention to ship and romance, etc because of my fc or just the nature of my muse. Shipping and shipping a lot is fine but it typically weighs pretty negatively on me when I've barely spoken to someone ic & ooc and they seem to be pushing heavily towards some sort of romantic dynamic. It's kind of a big ick for me because it gives me the impression that my character is some slab or meat or a archetype to satisfy some shipping wishlist scenario and that my oc itself isn't actually care about jdhfbgdg.

I don't do real time slow burn anymore (i've had ships that took like literally two real time years to develop) but I am still very selective and cautious with who I ship with and it still takes quite a bit of time and communication. No one's done anything wrong and I know it's sometimes hard to see a lack of reciprocation and I do need to be better about just saying "I'm not interested in this dynamic." but if I haven't expressed a mutual 'omg what if they kissed!!!' sort of reaction to your ic advances,,, pls consider pulling back a bit and giving me some space

[richhietozier]

very vaguely working on a buffy the vampire slayer au fic rn (that i think will be centered around steddie) where nancy is the slayer, eddie is a vampire, and steve, robin, and jonathan are nancy’s scooby gang

[lexa-griffins]

Who is the little spoon between Clarke and Lexa in your seven minutes in heaven clexa?

Lexa is the little spoon most of the time but they do alternate because Clarke loves sleeping with her face buried in Lexa's chest and Lexa's arms around her. I'd say maybe 60/40 on the little spoon.

Clarke also dislikes getting morning wood and constantly poking Lexa's ass when she's the big spoon despite the fact Lexa doesn't mind. Clarke being the little spoon solves that and makes her feel more comfortable sleeping over with Lexa.

[mamawasatesttube]

i just think lois lane should put tim drake in her purse like a little dog. a scrunkly little companion who's even better at picking locks than she is, which is saying something. a nosy little freak after her own heart. the rubber duck she uses when talking her thoughts out loud to put clues together. her coffee gofer. her purse ferret.

[bucketofchum]

Oh man don't mind me I'm just wildly imagining OC Scenarios based on dumb Twitter posts

[clarafordahwin]

Like I can't cancel on my roommate because her friends cancel on her 75% of the time because most of them live kinda far away and it makes her super insecure and she was almost too discouraged to make Halloween plans but a month ago I was like noooooo make the plans let's go!!!! And today I feel like. CoralineDad.png