#circuit braker

[shoosh360]

Im literally obsessed with this cove its so pretty and the outfits are so cool

[magic-vending-machine]

I insert a photograph of Weird Al Yankovic

The machine dispenses allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters, trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters, walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires, bb pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers, picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters, paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters, kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables, hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles, pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication, metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation, air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors, tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors, trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers, tennis rackets, angle brackets, duracells and energizers, soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers, calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers.

[batsplat]

hiiii <3 i just saw your casey race recs post and i was wondering if you had one with dovi or marc races too! i'm relative new to motogp and i don't know where to start watching!

thankk youuuu, i love your blog, i'm learning so much thanks to you 😭😭 also you're really funny 🫶

right, this one admittedly was trickier than the casey list. marc in particular has accumulated one hell of a body of work... not easy to do justice to. marc's won a lot, but his most enjoyable races aren't the ones where he gaps the field by about two minutes at cota. it's the ones where he's scrapping and brawling his way through and the whole thing is a bit of a mess. and there's a lot of races to choose from in that regard, against a whole host of different rivals

which is very nice for him, but that makes it impossible to do anything comparably comprehensive for marc without getting to a slightly ridiculous length. luckily, that's never stopped me before, and long is what you're getting. you asked about dovi so I'm gonna go with him first, because that's a somewhat easier to tackle body of work - and limit myself to a mere ten twenty five seven eight recs. then I'll get to marc, where I've limited myself to an extremely reasonable thirty three five races, not including any I already covered in the dovi section. if you're looking for something a little more specific, like idk wet weather or feuding or whatnot, lemme know

same warning as before: plenty of race results will be spoiled in the description. in honour of how worryingly long this list is, I've escalated to a three asterisk system: * means 'go check it out', ** means 'personal favourite', *** means 'classic race'

dovi

spoiler free top ten list: welkom 2004, turkey 2007, sepang 2008, silverstone 2010, mugello 2012, mugello 2017, austria 2017, sepang 2017, brno 2018, qatar 2019

*welkom 2004: dovi's first grand prix win. most of this race consists of a three-way battle between locatelli, dovi and casey (who eventually drops away a bit) at the circuit that kicks off dovi's 125cc title-winning season. the second half of this race is more exciting than the first, and you'll never guess how dovi wins a grand prix for the very first time. let's just say he wasn't leading going into the last corner and leave it at that

**turkey 2007: andrea dovizioso once again getting himself involved in a last lap battle? SURELY not. this race is so so much fun, though after the start it settles down for a bit - stick with it, because when it gets going, it really gets going. these kids are vicious with each other! half the joy of watching these old 250cc/125cc (or equivalent) races is hearing the stuff the commentators chat about, basically getting all the good gossip of the time... like say jorge telling the spanish press they shouldn't believe half the things he says about his rivals... or how he'd already been visibly pissed off after qualifying because he was starting from p2 rather than pole... also the kind of podium both me and the commies always massively enjoy, aka one where two people on it basically refuse to acknowledge each other. the vibes between jorge and dovi are NOT good here and it's a lot of fun to watch these children being so pissy with each other

^one of his favourite career victories against his main rival in 250cc, the defending champion jorge lorenzo, who was sporting the number one plate on a superior bike to dovi's honda machinery. more often than not over the course of their time in the sport, these two have not gotten on well at all. it remains one of the sport's defining tragedies that chupa chups did not sponsor jorge throughout his career

qatar 2008: his debut in motogp and a strong race. pleasingly he gets involved in a last lap fight, and does pick off one of the aliens

*sepang 2008: dovi's first premier class podium and an extremely deserving one that really showcased his abilities as a defensive rider, the latest of late brakers etc etc. fought with valentino, then led a train of four/five riders at one point, then was involved in a great late scuffle for third place that lasted until the very end

donington park 2009: first motogp win! has to be said the aliens... uh. none of them delivered their most dignified performances. but ignore those clowns - dovi's of course cemented his reputation as a highly skilled wet weather racer over the years, but this was his first time in the spotlight in the premier class. it would take him seven more years to acquire his next victory

*qatar 2010: a somewhat stronger season than his disappointing 2009 campaign, and the first race was certainly promising. dovi scraps with vale, scraps with nicky hayden, scraps with lorenzo... the racing is pretty decent too. includes the strange sight of seeing the ducati out-powered in a straight line down the lusail straight and I'm sorry but at that point ducati might as well have called it a season, like that was their ONE thing. anyway, dovi still rode well to take advantage of it

*silverstone 2010: once jorge hits the front following some initial resistance from dani, the fight for the win is basically over - but what's going on behind him is good enough to make up for it. bunch of different duels going on in the top seven, whether it's dovi and de puniet, hayden and pedrosa, spies and sic, and eventually casey shows up to join in on the fun too. another one where a bunch of riders are pleasingly close together and there's some real suspense about the final order late on (though the most dramatic action in the last lap is happening right behind dovi - not that you see most of it given the classic tv direction sin of instead giving us a nice prolonged shot of jorge doing a wheelie over the line and his crew celebrating. cheers guys). nice comeback ride for casey-enjoyers too (he wasn't enjoying it)

**sepang 2010: lot going on in this race. three-way fight for the win. valentino is eleventh after a few corners. he does not end the race in eleventh place. this is a good race both for dovi enjoyers and for enjoyers of the... uh. complicated vale/jorge dynamic (this race immediately followed motegi, a notable low point of their relationship). lovely little spite ride, for people who like that kind of thing. love the way it gradually builds up as valentino closes and closes and dovi is just sitting on jorge's rear wheel, and then it just nicely lights up around half distance. me and the commentators are once again having a great time. it is here that jorge seals the title, so it's all post-race smiles with just a hint of posturing

silverstone 2011: casey won this by several light years, but dovi demonstrated his pedigree as a wet racer once again. his race involved intense skirmishes first with jorge and then with sic, and it's fair to say he got the better of both of them

^two excellent wet weather racers and teammates for a single year in a three person repsol honda squad. when dovi was informed he would be let go by the factory team, he decided against accepting a demotion within honda and instead made the jump to yamaha's tech 3 satellite outfit for one year. this was the first time he raced outside of honda in his grand prix racing career. then, in 2013, valentino's return to yamaha made space within ducati. he was always going to have to be vale's replacement rather than his teammate - in 2011 while searching for a ride he said "I would never accept to be teamed up with valentino rossi. it would be pure masochism. there is no room for anybody at his side, he takes it from you and he takes it all. when rossi is ready to share the limelight it will be the end of his racing days". fittingly, dovi was valentino's last ever teammate in motogp

mugello 2011: this feels like one of those classic alien era races where the winner of the race is determined after about a lap. but... it's not! makes for an unexpectedly exciting race and also *ding* last lap overtake

*valencia 2011: this one should have gone on the casey list too, knew I'd missed some. anyhow, on dovi - a lot of dovi's best races during those years came in the wet. but this time he was already engaged in a nice little scrap with dani and ben spies before the rain came. the clash also had real stakes for dovi and dani's final championship positions, a point of personal pride given that dovi had been let go by honda and pedrosa had been retained. a race that accidentally gets exciting again at the end, quite the dramatic finish. this was an emotional podium at the first race after sic's death. dovi and sic had grown up racing each other - and while he stressed that they had never been friends, dovi went to sic's house two days after the crash to see his family and share his grief with them

assen 2012: another one that probably could have gone on my casey list too, actually, with the fight for the win between dani and casey lasting pretty far into the race. behind them, it's dovi putting pressure on spies, lying in wait to make the attack... and, thrilled to say, we do in fact have some last lap overtaking. we don't really get to see how this contest is resolved because the audience needs to see the race winner coast for half a lap, but nevertheless! this one also has extra significance because spies was a factory yamaha rider and dovi was with the satellite team. always a good idea to get your market value up during contract negotiation season

*mugello 2012: would put this on my casey list if I'd included some disaster rides, which this is for him. that bit of the season where he made some high profile errors and controversial passing attempts of his own (and there was an overtake he did apologise for post-race) (this is the last casey mention I promise). anyway, never mind him. this is another one of those alien era races where the winner pretty quickly checks out by a margin of around ninety nine years, and indeed is already waving to the crowd on the last lap. the racing behind him is not too bad though, dovi is involved in a long duel with bradl that hayden eventually joins, and casey isn't the only guy executing controversial passes

assen 2014: ducati was in a pretty sorry state in 2013 and it's still in a pretty sorry state in 2014. another wet race podium, very strong race from dovi where he does manage to stick with marc for a while there. lower down the order, valentino is executing a rather nifty comeback ride after making an erroneous tyre choice

**qatar 2015: a great race and one that nicely sets the tone for what some consider a fairly interesting season. marc goes wide in the first turn and jorge has some kind of visor issues, so we end up with the two ducatis and valentino having it out for the win

^valentino after qatar 2015 about the current era of racing. at the start of the season, it looked like the ducatis would be right in the mix - surely one of the two factory riders would be able to snag a victory sooner or later. it was not to be that year and the results for the rest of the season were largely disappointing, but ducati had clearly made a step forward

sepang 2016: dovi's 2015-16 must have been maddening. three consecutive p2's to start 2015 but drops off from there. rumours at the start of 2016 that jorge's sick of yamaha and speculation is ripe about who in ducati might be sent packing for him. it looks like dovi might well be headed for the door, except iannone did something extremely damaging to his case early that season - dovi was the safe pair of hands, not the guy ducati put their hopes in. they're handing out wins to anyone who rocks up that year and indeed dovi's soon-to-be-former teammate gets ducati's first victory in about a million miserable post-casey years. plenty of talk about who'll win next and marc and vale both point to dovi, but it's just not happening. sepang is the penultimate round of the season and by this point, at least a little order has been restored again - which is when dovi finally gets his win in the wet. still bonkers to think he had two premier class wins pre-2017 both in the wet and then he's runner-up three consecutive years, very gibernau of him. he earned it too, a long scrap in the race with valentino until vale's tyres went kaput

*mugello 2017: dovi begins his transformation into a genuine title threat here. it looked like lorenzo would lead the ducati charge as he had been hired to do at ducati's home circuit in mugello, a circuit he had always been strong at. in the early stages of the race, jorge fought valentino (fresh from his first motocross accident of the season and expected to struggle late in the race) for the lead. dovi had missed warm-up as he was suffering from food poisoning, but, as would happen repeatedly that season, jorge quickly slipped back down the order - and in the end it was dovi who took the fight to the yamahas. a home victory, his first dry win, and all while not at his best physically... no wonder it was one of dovi's favourite career wins

^the moment dovi replaced maverick vinales as marc's biggest threat that season

catalunya 2017: it took dovi seven years to win two races and a week to win his next two. this was the moment when yamaha really started falling apart and confirmed the looming realignment of the competitive landscape. it all came back to the tyres - as it often did in those years, but it was particularly extreme in the sweltering heat. winning a race with your tyre preservation skills on a bike that allows you to preserve those tyres doesn't make for the most thrilling of races, but hey, job well done. his teammate finished fourth, almost ten seconds back after leading on the first lap

***austria 2017: one of the classic marc/dovi duels. the best races between the two of them (unsurprisingly) tended to be at tracks that quite heavily favoured ducati - and austria was already establishing itself as a prime ducati hunting ground. which meant that marc was pretty happy to even find himself that high up in the order and doing damage limitation in terms of the points swing in the championship fight. does that mean he plays it safe while trying to snatch the win from dovi? not even going to bother to answer that question

*motegi 2017: another in the marc/dovi collection and one that reaffirmed dovi's status as a worthy challenger to marc. a dramatic last lap in treacherous conditions that goes down right to the very last corner

**sepang 2017: such an impressive win. the title was on the line... or rather, dovi knew that he basically had to win to even still give himself a chance. he was not helped out one bit by his teammate in this regard, but rode a fantastic race in the wet to eventually force the title decider (left field choice but this dovi win is the one that most impressed me, fully thought the title would be wrapped up here especially after a poor race in phillip island)

valencia 2017: has to go on here as it's the one title decider dovi has gotten himself involved in. marc had a comfortable 21 point margin, which meant that for dovi to win the title marc would've had to finish... uh p12 or lower I believe, and dovi would've had to win the race. straightforward for marc, right? well, title deciders have a tendency to get a bit weird and nervy, just because of the stakes involved... and you can tell from how marc's riding. this race is also really dull until about ten laps to go... thing about valencia is that even when it's looking like an overtake is coming it's basically guaranteed that it won't be. the funniest part of the race is jorge ignoring team orders to a ridiculously blatant extent and ducati attempting to psychically murder him

^dovi always knew the odds were against him going into valencia. this is the moment his title bid ends, ironically just after he'd finally been freed of lorenzo

*qatar 2018: dovi would never come as close to the title again as he did in 2017, but at the start of 2018 at least it looked like he could be a serious challenger once again. this is a great race, another last lap battle... trying not to get repetitive so here, have some of my race notes to change things up:

**brno 2018: for a while, this looks like we're building up for a nice little four-way fray between dovi, vale, marc and jorge (feat. crutchlow). dovi does what he always does when he's leading and goes at the slowest possible pace, and everybody else does what they always did in those years and lies in wait, while occasionally reshuffling the order at the front in the name of whimsy. and then the yamaha does what it always does and somehow burns out its tyres anyway even though they're crawling around the circuit. anyhow, once valentino has done his scheduled backwards slide and jorge has rejoined the fray, it shapes up as a nice little three-way fray between dovi, marc and jorge. appreciating dovi races is all about getting really into the idea of tyre preservation and knowing the last laps will probably be fun. extra little spice because by this point the jorge/dovi dynamic is... not great :)) and we get an appropriately feisty duel between those two in particular

^after his win at the season opener in qatar, dovi had struggled to continue the momentum from the previous season. he went into the race fourth in the standings behind marc, vale and maverick, already 77 points down on marc - and his teammate had recently won back-to-back races. an important win and the rest of his season was a lot stronger. and of course, he had the joy of beating jorge, a relationship that managed to deteriorate even further over the course of that year

*thailand 2018: minus the yamahas providing an early and a late cameo, this one's all about another marc and dovi duel. a lot of stalking and lurking and then marc makes his move with four laps to go. excellent last few laps with overtakes galore, including of course at the very last corner

**qatar 2019: perhaps the archetypal dovi race. runs a very slow pace at the front to just carefully manage the pace, which leads to a nicely bunched up field that keeps sniping at each other. the top three for much of the race of marc, dovi and rinsy switch around plenty of times. there's one moment where dovi just like. ups the pace simply to test if he can drop everyone and then fully drops it by a second the next lap when he can't. pretty funny in how blatant it was. also, don't want to shock you here but we do indeed have another last lap battle. top five at the end covered by .6 seconds

*austria 2019: the first lap is WILD and actually manages to delay the inevitable marc/dovi duel. fabio leads for a bit, and then you are reminded of exactly why he hasn't been able to shut up about top speed for the past few years, like man after a while I'd be traumatised too. another fun duel between marc and dovi, which ends with... that's right. a last lap battle. that was kind of what their rivalry was about by 2019, given there wasn't really a title fight any more (certainly not after jorge played bowling in catalunya) - but the races themselves were thrillers, a welcome remedy when marc's dominance was at its most stifling

austria 2020: just as a heads-up - this race includes a terrifying crash when the bikes of zarco and franky morbidelli almost fly straight into valentino and maverick. nobody was seriously injured but they were inches away from a life-threatening accident; it's by the grace of god stuff. the race was stopped and then restarted, which... bit tough to say whether that helped or hurt dovi. probably helped (though I reckon he was always winning this) - in part two mr tyre whisperer is chasing jack miller on soft tyres. what happens next will shock you. deeply odd race... a lot of 2020 races had a surreal vibe - you just have to kinda experience it for yourself. at one point there's a graphic on screen telling you dovi, zarco and stefan bradl are competing for the win. this is not the case

^once more with feeling: dovi's third win at the redbull ring and only win in 2020, just after he'd announced his decision to leave ducati. between injuries, being unable to make the new rear tyre work for him and the growing alienation from ducati, 2020 was not an easy season for dovi. in the end, he was not the one to take advantage of marc's absence, and his time as a top-level rider ended when him and ducati parted ways

marc

spoiler free top ten list: cota 2013, assen 2015, phillip island 2015, mugello 2016, misano 2017, phillip island 2017, argentina 2018, assen 2018, silverstone 2019, sachsenring 2021

mugello 2010: first grand prix win! once marc has worked his way through the field this develops into a tight four-way scuffle that continues until the very end, with marc winning by .039s

estoril 2010: absolute chaos race and also the penultimate race of the season with a tight and tense championship situation. marc does well to move up the order until the rain comes and the race is paused... and then my man bins it on the sighting lap. anyway who needs more than half a bike to win a race. one hell of a comeback ride with a nicely dramatic ending

phillip island 2011: marc had to start this race from the back of the grid as a result of a one minute time penalty. early in one of the practise sessions that weekend, he had crashed and had been forced to wait in the pits while the bike was repaired, but was then sent out with only a minute to go. he tried to get in a hot lap after the chequered flag was out, and barrelled into the back of another rider who was slowing down after a practise start. the other rider went to the hospital, though was not seriously injured, and marc ended up with only a cut - but both parties were very lucky to escape relatively unscathed and he was heavily criticised for it. he himself did not agree with the penalty, and his team lodged an unsuccessful appeal. this was also a big race in that year's championship fight (that marc eventually could not see out after his crash in sepang), presenting a huge opportunity for title rival bradl to gain a decisive points advantage. a very impressive comeback ride, as well as a good contest for the win

**qatar 2012: love a race that's a mess. the season opener, and also marc's first race back after the horror crash in sepang the previous year that had given him career-threatening diplopia. marc spends a fair portion of the race battling with iannone, one of his main rivals that year, and if I personally had to fight both baby marc and baby iannone I would simply leave. another bloke is so furious at marc he slaps his arm on the cooldown lap, which was in response to a very controversial pass down the straight where marc kinda ran him off track. both were reprimanded by race direction. the finish is ridiculously close. go watch it

^the cooldown lap slap - marc was involved in several controversies that year. at the end of the year, the fim updated its rulebook, widely seen as a response to marquez-related incidents and the controversial handling of them, and introduced the penalty point system. ironically, it was that system that resulted in valentino's back-of-the-grid penalty in valencia 2015. in early 2017, the penalty points were once again scrapped

motegi 2012: another comeback ride - this time, marc stalls at the start. does his thing and eventually has a late scrap with his main title rival pol espargaro for the win. good fun

valencia 2012: 'oh you can't overtake at valencia' 'oh all the races are boring' 'oh could they please kick it off the calendar come on we deserve a better race to end the season' is what only an idiot would say. marc's last moto2 race starts from p33 after being penalised for a practise collision. spectacular comeback rides are a funny calling card to have for the statistically strongest qualifier in motorcycling grand prix history, but reflects how much of a trouble magnet he was - especially in those days. he might not have a great reputation in the premier class, but he did calm down in 2013, relatively speaking. or, well, he certainly did things it was harder to penalise him for

*qatar 2013: marc's first premier class race. jorge basically fucks off at the front from the word go, but it's an exciting battle behind him - that of course eventually involves valentino, who as ever had worked his way through the pack from further down the grid. first race first podium simple as

*cota 2013: this was always going to go on the list given that it's marc's first premier class win. the race itself is fine, not the most exciting entry on this list, but still! obviously worth a watch

**jerez 2013: icl I feel like this race really benefits from watching jerez 2005 first. not only because 2005 is the better race, but because I think you need to picture twelve year old marc marquez watching this race and thinking it was just like. the coolest shit ever. the patriotism left his body that day. I will not talk about the 2005 race here, but to be clear I am with twelve year old marc marquez on this one. anyway, back to 2013: the race is decent, the infamous copycat overtake is great but arguably the parc fermé and podium vibes are even better. not only was he shameless, but he was shameless in a way he knew echoed his hero beat for beat. baby's first premier class controversy

^the infamous finger wag. marc tries to approach him again during the podium celebrations, but seems unbothered when he is rebuffed. jorge made clear throughout that season he thought marc should be penalised, repeatedly bringing up when jorge himself was given a one race ban and how it had taught him a lesson about responsible riding (some of his rivals in 250cc and premier class rookie season might have some thoughts on that). his criticisms continued well into the season, with tensions rising again after marc's overtake on dani in aragon led to dani crashing

**laguna seca 2013: can't leave this out. important to stress moto2/125cc never went there, so it was his first time at just this notoriously tricky track that was known to be incredibly hard to conquer (here is a clip of vale and marc talking about this in the sachsenring presser). I wouldn't say the race itself is all that great once marc does his thing at the corkscrew, but laguna's quite high up there on tracks you can mostly just enjoy watching bikes go around. big moment in the championship fight because it's when marc is racking up the points at the expense of the injured lorenzo/pedrosa

^2008: valentino stops during his victory lap to kiss the corkscrew where he overtook casey // 2013: marc gets his photo taken at the corkscrew a few days before he will overtake valentino there

*silverstone 2013: a jorge/marc contest for the victory with a dramatic ending, one of the best races that year. marc had dislocated his left collarbone in that morning's warm up, so there was added tension in whether he could hold up physically across a race stint - at a time when jorge (and dani) desperately needed to make up points. interesting continuation of the lorenzo/marquez arc that season in that jorge was a little more willing to match marc's aggression, whatever the problems he had with it

valencia 2013: not bad as valencia races go, actually. which is literally only because it's a title decider and the points situation is exciting, but well credit where it's due. proper tussle between the top three - jorge was so aggressive as he attempted to back marc up into the pack that journalists in the presser afterwards were essentially inviting marc to call jorge a hypocrite. obviously has sentimental value as it's where marc's first premier class title was sealed (even if it should have been sealed earlier but hey ho)

*qatar 2014: I found it quite tricky to make a few picks for 2014, because I feel like a lot of the races this year are in the category of 'fun but not all time epics', and it's hard to really choose between a bunch of them in terms of either significance or entertainment value. the first race of a ten race win streak feels as good a place to start as any, and represents the moment when marc really began stamping his authority on the series. in many ways, this race echoed the race of the previous year: jorge leading from the start, valentino charging through the field, marc somewhere in between. except this time jorge crashes and the fight between marc and valentino is for the victory. it lasts until the penultimate lap, and this time it's marc who comes out on top

le mans 2014: marc did try occasionally to keep things interesting. yes he consistently qualified very well, but sometimes he threw in a bad start or an awful first lap for the vibes. in this one, he ran very wide during the first lap (partly helped along by jorge) and ended up back down in tenth. the pace differential is too extreme for good battles but still, some nice overtaking

**catalunya 2014: see above - there's not all that much to separate this from say mugello or silverstone, so the tiebreaker is personal preference. a good, fun scrap that involves all four of marc, vale, jorge and dani at different stages - even if the end result by this point feels almost inevitable. it is here that valentino rather understandably attempts to strangle marc in parc fermé

^still a close contest with seven laps to go. plenty of overtakes, plenty of confusion relating to a yellow flag, and last lap contact

indianapolis 2014: last of the win streak, at a track that was never particularly popular with riders and typically short on good racing. for a while there at the start it looks like this race would deserve to go on the dovi list until valentino just. um. bumps him aside. and lets marc and jorge past both of them. and then lorenzo also bumps dovi aside. sorry dovi, yamaha decided you were not to be involved in this. the next few laps are good fun too, like by this point you can TELL how much both yamaha riders want this. no manners in sight. icl it's mainly the fact that it's closing out the win streak that has made me include it and the first few laps, because once it settles down it... sure does settle down. ignore this list and just pick a win from the 2014 win streak at random - if you enjoy that one, you'd probably enjoy them all

***assen 2015: probably my favourite marquez/rossi battle. really all you can ask from with a race with two protagonists: lasts the whole race, tense, high stakes, two guys who are particularly motivated to beat each other, several overtakes plus a hell of a lot of stalking and studying each other, and last lap controversy. involves cunning, a little bit of ambiguity in the intentions of both parties, some unresolved questions. an appointment with race direction. an awfully tense post-race press conference that the relationship of the protagonists could never quite recover from. the ideal race

***phillip island 2015: one of the best races of all time etc etc, though it may make you feel like somebody is repeatedly stabbing you with the sword of damocles. still, that's entirely to do with what follows, and the race itself is a fantastic four-rider battle with a murdered seagull and a late twist

**sepang 2015: well, obviously! the actual confrontation between marc and valentino is deeply counterproductive in terms of 'guys you're letting lorenzo/pedrosa escape, stop divebombing each other' and well the whole thing is all kinds of tragic. but the racing itself nicely showcased the complete lack of respect between the pair of them and there is something kind of mesmerising about seeing two all time great wheel-to-wheel fighters go at it, no holds barred. plus it's a major part of marc's story. it is what it is

argentina 2016: this probably isn't making a lot of top thirty something lists, but hey, sometimes you just need to watch a kind of stupid race. this race was kind of stupid. it has the dubious honour of being the first in the marc/vale walk of shame 'hey remember when you guys fought here last year' tour, and they do actually get to scrap it out a bit on track again - though that confrontation is defanged from the moment they have to switch bikes. the last corner incident is dumb but also funny. the podium has truly rancid vibes. I had a good time

^nobody else on that podium as much as twitches when marc goes down. blank faces when he jokes about it in the presser. kind of impressive really. same weekend

***mugello 2016: there is a moment when you think this race will end up being an extremely tight contest until the end between the three protagonists of the 2015 fiasco. then something extremely infuriating happens, and it ends up not being that. on the one hand you leave that race feeling a little robbed, on the other hand it did still feature a veryyy dramatic finish between two of the protagonists. excellent race

**catalunya 2016: the first proper post-2015 marc/vale battle, and at valentino's favourite location for enjoyable race-long duels. it's not like... I don't think of that particular category, I'd call it my absolute favourite - but that's a very high bar. no surprise that they both really really wanted to beat each other, and hey interpersonal animosity always adds a fun nice note to the racing

sachsenring 2016: the problem with the sachsenring is that it used to produce banger after banger race until some diminutive bloke called 'marc marquez' fucking ruined it. 2003 2006 2009 2010 2011 are certified classics, as good as it gets really, tight dramatic fights for the victory and podium positions and integral to the narrative arc of their respective seasons. you used to be able to rely on this track to give you a SHOW. but then that twat showed up and... tbh I can't even remember many of his wins there having particularly memorable racing behind him (I did quite like 2018), so maybe it's not only his fault (to be clear it is in large part his fault). anyway the 2016 edition is in that stretch of 2016 where everything just kind of. goes to shit. like they start just letting anyone win. jack miller won in assen that year. anarchy in motogp. it's the michelin tyres, it's the rain, and it's this bit of the season where marc starts running away with the title. this is another very messy race, more rain, and it's one that has convinced me once and for all that marc has actual plot armour at this circuit. there is a moment where you will go 'how does he win this race' and it's the moment where he goes so far off the track he's halfway to austria. watch to find out how he somehow scams another win at the ring. damn him please do it again this year

^come on this is bullshit. if I'm the other guys I'm calling for a ban of the sachsenring until we figure out what the hell is going on. no wonder he was hopeful of winning on the murder honda

**assen 2017: brilliant race. initial four-way tussle between marquez, rossi, zarco and petrucci that includes some early aggression between the usual suspects and then some light rain to further spice things up. right on the very last lap, there are two great scraps going on - one for the win (with a controversial involvement of a backmarker), and the other for the last podium spot against cal crutchlow

**misano 2017: this is a race that very much had the shadow of valentino rossi looming over it, even though he was not in attendance. valentino had gotten himself involved in his second serious motocross crash of the season, both right before italian races, and had this time decided to take himself out of the title hunt rather definitively by breaking his leg. some time after this, marc posts a photo of himself doing motocross - which he has done a lot of over the years, but was interpreted as taunting valentino and got plenty of backlash online. whether this was a contributing factor or not, he received a frosty reception in misano. he crashed during the wet warm up session and was booed by fans as he rode past them on the scooter, prompting him to blow kisses at them. the race occurred at a tense moment during that title fight: marc had suffered a mechanical dnf in the previous race and in doing so had surrendered the championship lead to dovi. he could not afford another dnf at this late stage of the season. which perhaps made it a little surprising just how hard he fought for that win against petrucci in the treacherous wet conditions, the risk he took with his overtake on the very last lap. was it just to get an extra five points and the win, or was it (as the speculation went at the time) about getting revenge on the italian fans? who's to say - but in any case it was one of the defining performances of that year's championship and another example of marc's skill and confidence in the wet

***phillip island 2017: you know the drill - this circuit produces bangers, and this is another all-time great race. marc by this point had a weird and somewhat cursed record at phillip island in the premier class, where he'd a) been disqualified in 2013, b) crashed out of a comfortable lead in 2014, c) won in a dramatic last lap in 2015, and d) crashed out of a comfortable lead in 2016. so in his first four years, the only year he'd even finished the race, it set off a deeply unfortunate series of events involving marc and allegations of sabotage made by his childhood hero - which maybe goes to show the universe just wanted that particular relationship to be doomed. anyway, 2017!! apparently marc decided he could only finish at that circuit when it involved a dramatic battle between multiple riders. good on him! the racing is brutal, with plenty of contact between the riders, as perhaps you might expect looking at the list of protagonists: marquez, rossi, zarco, vinales, iannone, crutchlow. high stakes too - a decisive points swing in that year's title fight that could have easily gone disastrously wrong for marc. in 2018, marc once again did not finish the race

^a hard-fought race where all participants are more than happy to get physical. one of several races that season that prompts questions about aggressive riding, though this time all the riders are in agreement. after the handshake, marc gestures to the rubber that now stains valentino's leathers. in a year where team orders were a big topic of debate, valentino finished right in front of his teammate - who had still been in mathematical contention for the championship

**argentina 2018: for lovers of hubris and head loss. the full marc marquez experience. off his rocker the entire weekend. got whacked with a massive penalty at the end of the race that made the whole thing quite literally pointless and deserved every second of said penalty. jorge's long-standing mantra of 'just give him a race ban' became part of the discourse again. ended up p18 to valentino's p19, hand in unlovable hand. but apart from that, it was a really great performance!

^complaints at the time obviously centred around how marc was a repeat offender in the recklessness of his riding, and lacking in respect (see too the ever-lurking parallels drawn with the jerez 2011 apology - which was, it has to be said, issued for a considerably less egregious offence). publicly marc was mostly remorseless, accepting more blame in the aleix incident than the valentino one, and saying in an interview a few days later that he wasn't going to change his approach. it's the worst and the best of him - he had no need to barge aside other riders with the sheer raw pace he was able to access. on the phillip island 2003 comparison, see valentino's words about riding angry here. in 2012, marc was asked about whether there were races where he was determined to win at all cost, and he mentioned some examples from that year before adding, "there have been many times when I had to channel my inner rage to win a race"

***assen 2018: excellent race, as memorable as phillip island 2015 or 2017 if your favourite type of race is multi-rider dogfights. involves seven or eight riders in the lead group for large chunks of the race, with the order of those riders chopping and changing with incredible regularity. some pretty ridiculous saves (at least three riders right at the sharp end of the action where you feel that they really should have hit the deck) and a lot of contact, putting on full display just how aggressive riding had gotten during that time. most riders enjoyed the contest, though this time it was dovi's turn to be a dissenting voice. in any case, there were reportedly 99 passes within the lead group and it is rightly remembered as one of that era's finest gems

*austria 2018: marc vs the ducatis, as was tradition at the red bull ring. marc wanted to get payback for the last time they had been in austria, and determinedly got a good start to try and avoid history repeating itself - but he never quite managed to escape his pursuers. this is one of those races where there's a long stretch of it just... building, where it feels like either marc will make the break for it or there'll be a dramatic finale. which can make it ever so slightly annoying when there isn't a dramatic finale, but I am happy to assure you that this race delivers on that count. gets very good with ten laps to go

^plenty of close battles, but in those years nobody could match marc for week-to-week consistency. the closest by that metric in 2018 was valentino - but typically a few positions further down the order, hindered both by competitive decline and an increasingly horrendous yamaha. as for jorge, he found his form on the desmodici just as the ducati higher-ups lost their patience and kicked him out. he reached some impressive peaks and at last adapted well to the demands of the bike, but his season was eventually marred by injury

***silverstone 2019: quick warning - quite a scary crash on the first lap even by motogp standards. anyway, dramatic last lap battle with alex rins, who I think it's fair to say marc hasn't always had the best of relationships with. while things haven't exactly gone to plan for either rider since then, excluding fabio that was probably the rivalry that I was most excited to see develop post-2019. ah well. the race itself is fantastic though, one of those that just gradually ramps up the tension before the finale. the last two laps are crazyyyyy. top five closest finish in premier class history

^marc and rinsy (not at silverstone but earlier in the season at jerez). some long-standing bad blood here and I'm sure rinsy really would have liked to strangle marc from time to time

**misano 2019: another visit to valentino's home turf in the year time finally caught up with vale. before this race, marc and valentino tussled in qualifying. an odd and deeply unserious incident that had zero actual impact on their already doomed laps, it's notable in part due to how much marc visibly lost his cool over the whole thing. from p5 on the grid he ended up in an enjoyable duel with fabio quartararo for the victory that went down to the very last lap. as the commentators noted, he celebrated more than he has after sealing some of his championships. coming out best in a last lap battle, making sure to keep the edge over fabio, as well as 'winning in enemy territory'? the perfect weekend. as he says in the immediate post-race interview, "honestly speaking, yesterday was the extra motivation, the extra push for the race" and "really nice to win here in italy". you could tell

**thailand 2019: marc attempting to burnish his last lap battle record by breaking children's hearts? sad stuff. cruel and unusual. a lot of fun to watch. it's an understatement to say that fabio's rookie campaign exceeded expectations, and marc quickly identified him as his biggest threat going forwards. this was a match point race for marc and he needed to outscore dovi by two points to seal the title, but he had such an overwhelming lead that he could afford to take more risks than he might have other years - even if the race did follow a massive crash in friday practise that required a hospital check-up. another race that involves a lot of stalking and shadowing and plotting before the action really kicks off (with four laps to go). this race was part of marc's considerable efforts that year to put fabio in his place while he still could. poor fabio

jerez 2020: hurts to include but this list wouldn't really be complete without it. another race that very much encapsulates the full marc marquez experience. truly bonkers pace until it all went horribly wrong

^funniest moment of the race is when valentino does what is surely the closest you can get to a double take on a motorcycle when he sees marc go past. like he sees marc, then clocks who he's seeing and then visibly looks again in a sort of 'HOW is he here'

*sachsenring 2021: thing about marc at the sachsenring is that it undoubtedly got boring in terms of the victory fight for a few years there, but it's also just a fun, tricky track and he's a joy to watch on it. obviously this win is anything but boring, and the margin he pulls on the field never feels as comfortable as it should be. I don't really think I have much to say about this race that hasn't already been said. I cried

^make that eleven in a row at the ring. honorary mentions go to cota and emilia romagna '21, at time of writing his most recent wins. neither are classic races exactly - and indeed, if you're looking for races relevant to the current climate then aragon '21 is a good shout. at emilia romagna (the second race held at the misano circuit that year), pecco crashes out while being pursued by marc, which clinches the title for fabio. it is also the last race on home soil for valentino

**phillip island 2022: one more for good measure. somehow this is his first premier class ride at the circuit where he finished the race but did not win. late on in that year's tense title battle and gives you exactly what you want from a race at phillip island. it's not even a multi-rider dogfight as it is an every-rider dogfight that eventually becomes a multi-rider dogfight at the front of the pack... but if you looked at the run order after about three laps you would NOT be able to guess who the riders involved are, never mind who wins it. absolute chaos. one hell of a contest right until the very end involving one of that year's two primary title contenders - and some other foes old and new. marc's sole podium that year, and his 100th in motogp. second closest top ten in premier class history, not too bad

[boxboxblog]

How Do F1 Cars Work?: Setup pt 2

Okay, so this is the second part to my post on setup. In that one I discussed the components that are altered as part of the setup and the basic setup types, in this one I will things more surrounding the circuits and driving styles around setups. Enjoy!

Track Specific Setup Requirements:

So, certain tracks need parts of the aspect to be certain ways. While these setups may still be within one of the basic types, most tracks have slight differences. It all depends on track style, the pavement type, and even elevation

Street Circuits - So, street circuits tend to be a lot slower, with complicated, twisty turns, tight corners, and just a general need for precision and strong handling (Monaco for example). For setup, teams usually go high downforce, soft suspension, less tire pressure, an open differential, and more rear brake bias. These all help maintain strong grip and take corners faster.

High-Speed Circuits - These circuits, often called classic, need a lot less precision and a lot more pace. They have very long straights and much less sharp corners (Monza for example). So here teams will go for low downforce, minimal drag, stiffer suspension, high tire pressure, locked differential, and more front brake bias.

Balanced Circuits - Simply, these are circuits that combine sharp corners and long straights, as well as slow areas and fast ones (Spa for example). They need a mixed set up, and going to far one way would make a car lose speed in certain areas of the track. this calls for balance across all elements.

Bumpy Circuits - The pavement type is actually also quite important for setup. Some circuits (like Interlagos) are well known for having rather bumpy pavement, so the cars must be prepared to handle that. This calls for usually an altered ride height, softer suspension, and usually a stronger tire pressure.

High Elevation Circuits - Circuits like these are up in thin air, which has a massive effect on the car (Mexico for example). This lower air density massively effects the tires, aerodynamics, engines, and cooling systems. To compensate teams will choose unique engine maps, lower tire pressure, maxing out downforce, and rider height is changed.

Driving Styles Effect on Setup:

It is more than just circuits, or weather, or elevation that effect the setup. The way drivers drives also has a major impact, and so teams try and tailor it to each driver. Some of them perform extremely well with one setup, then very poor with another. It's all about knowing the driver's style and preferences.

Aggressive Style (Max Verstappen) - With this style drivers tend to push the car harder and take corners sharper. Their cars tend to be set up to be much more sensitive, have a rear brake bias, a softer suspension, and open differential. They seem to prefer this because these types of setups allow for higher risk driving and taking corners particularly fast.

Smooth Style (Lando Norris) - These types of drivers lean toward a more consistent and calm type of style. They often prefer a more stiff/stable suspension, locked differential, a very balanced brake bias, and in general higher downforce. This helps them take corners the way they prefer, and keeps things steady and smooth. Technical drivers (like George Russell) also tend to prefer this setup.

Late Brakers (Lewis Hamilton) - These types of drivers take a very unique racing line and brake much later than other drivers do (helpful on overtakes and defending). They lean toward cars with setups with a rear biased brake balance, stable suspensions, and a balanced differential. These things help them keep the car steady after they brake so late in corners.

Strategic Style(Sergio Perez) - This style is categorized by a driver who lacks aggression but instead waits for the right moment. In this case they tend to prioritize tire management above all else, because they bide their time until the latter half of the race in the hopes that their opponent will burn out their tires. They opt for a setup with a softer suspension, and lower tire pressure. This all helps extend tire life.

So, in general, these are things to know about car setup, It is very complicated and a bout a thousand things can effect it, but when the setup is correct you can see some magical races. We actually saw this very recently, in Brazil. For this race the Alpine team clearly picked a fantastic setup, and showed us unbelievable results. Whatever they did, it matched the drivers styles well and the conditions they were racing in, which is what the perfect setup should do. All in all, setup matters. It can make or break any race.

I hope it was informative and answered any questions surrounding this topic.

Cheers,

-B

[moonlight-tmd]

Hi! I just want to say that your headcanon and aus are so cool! I love reading every one of them! I'm really glad i saw your blog, because my favorite character is bumblebee and blitzbee is one of my otp.

The idea that bee is more than what his team think he is really excites me (like your celestial, electro, spark-eater, and warframe bumblebee aus), because i can read bee being a badass or have some hidden trauma.

I do wonder if electro bee have any side effect with his power?

I hope you are doing well! :)

Thank you so much!

I do enjoy giving Bee more than they expect him to handle- which he handles just fine in secret. The thrill of hidden danger is too good. And yes, angst is the best.

As for electro Bee- as I mentioned in earlier posts about it, he gets his power via EM field or touch, that's why he likes being in the city- it makes him more energetic than if he was in the forest.

He can drain of electric energy anything that has it- machinery and mechs alike. He wasn't aware he was doing it until Ratchet pointed it out to him after her handed him a tool with full battery and it shortly died after Bee gave it back. Guess that's why mechs always seemed tired when he hung around for too long.

He also gets hyper during thunderstorms. You can't get him to sit still at all.

For the "bad side effects"- before he had his stingers he was struggling to keep his ability under control- he still does sometimes, if he's holding in too much emotion his static charge will rise and make electric arches across his frame and to nearby things that conduct electricity. He accidentally zapped his teammates few times when they were arguing, they try to do less yelling and more reasoning in behavior so Bee won't get too mad and get the point across.

Since Bee's circuitry is fucked enough to not make him take shock damage I imagine he wouldn't notice if he has high static charge, he's just go about his business and it often ends up in his frying something/someone's circuit if it/they are too close. Ratchet has started checking his EM field everytime Bee comes back from somewhere so they won't get hurt nor something gets broken.

A funny one- Bee is essentially a walking battery. He has a lot of energy stored for such small size, if need be his teammates will sit him down plug those weird car battery clippers to his horns and make him the backup power supply for the plant. He often just plays games on his pocket console while sitting near the braker box all upset, Optimus always gives him baked sweets to make up for these situations.

That's all I can come up with for now, thank you for the ask! And ye, I'm a lil iffy from all the shit blooming rn but I'll be fine! Have a good one yourself!

[umlewis]

lewis hamilton is interviewed during the press conference on media day, canada - june 6, 2024 (transcript under the cut)

Interviewer: "Lewis, let's come to you now. Back to the scene of your first Forula 1 victory and six subsequent ones, as well. You've always gone well here. What is it about this place?" Lewis: "I don't know. Hi, everyone. I think it's probably just kind of a street circuit, and a bit like a go kart track-long straights-so it's a track that bodes well for late brakers, and someone that's aggressive, I guess; aggressive driving style." Interviewer: "And is that you?" Lewis: "I think I've had an aggressive driving style for a long time, yeah." Interviewer: "Look, tell us about the car and your chances this weekend. The team is telling us that you're making a lot of progress in recent races. Are you feeling that in the cockpit?" Lewis: "Yes. Yeah, the car's continuing to improve. I think everyone's obviously taking that step hopefully closer to the Red Bulls, and I think that's been really positive. But incredibly proud of everyone back at the factory, just how hard everyone's working and how resilient everyone is, and everyone's just staying very focused, head down, and the morale's really great in the team, so I'm hoping that we can get closer to these guys and start actually competing at the front with these." Interviewer: "Do you think that's actually possible this weekend? Is a podium on the horizon?" Lewis: "I don't think it's far away, and so we've got the upgrade. Both cars have the upgrade this weekend, so I'm looking forward to seeing how that feels actually on track." Interviewer: "You've got the new front wing. Gonna out-qualify George this weekend?" Lewis: "I'm gonna try." Interviewer: [laughs] "Alright. Well done, Lewis. Good luck." [time jump] Journalist [Nelson Valkenburg, Viaplay]: "Question for Lewis. Lewis, you already spoke about the improved potential of the car and the way that it's heading. What aspect of the car is improving, and what is then needed more to be able to fight for the podium?" Lewis: "The biggest improvement, I think, coming into this year has been ride quality and being able to get the car lower, which is what others have been able to do, and then stability on entry of corners. The car's far more predictable than it ever was, particularly the last couple of years, and particularly this year it's a lot more stable, so we can be a lot more committed into the corners. But then through-corner balance is where we've been lacking, as where some of the others have really taken a big step, so that's what we're trying to work on." Interviewer: "Thanks, Lewis. Any more? Yep." Journalist [Roldán Rodriguez, DAZN Spain]: "To Lewis, as well: In the contract with Ferrari for next year, the question is, was Frederic Vasseur, a man you know pretty well, directly involved in your contract?" Lewis: "Yes." Journalist: "Yeah. Good." Lewis: "Yeah, he's the boss, and really a huge amount of support from John Elkann, who I've got a great relationship with, and so with those two together, Fred and John, we worked really closely."

[pjsk-headcanons]

kotaro mita. oh how i love kotaro mita. he knows the entirety of hardware store by weird al. an asks him to sing a song he knows off by heart and this is what she gets.

"nothin ever ever happens in this town feelin low down down not a lot to do around i thought that i would go right out of my mind until a friend told me the news he said hey you know that vacant lot right beside the gas station well somebody bought it and on that spot theyre gonna build a shop where we can go buy bolts and screws since then ive been walking on air air i can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair cause m so excited and i really dont care ive been waiting since last june for this day to finally arrive m so happy happy now just to be alive cause any minute now im gonna be inside well i hope they open soon i cant wait no i i cant wait oh when are they gonna open up that door im goin yes im goin im goin to the goin to the hard ware im goin really goin to the goin hard im goin to the hard yes im goin to the ✨Hardware store✨ theyve got allen wrenches gerbil feeders toilet seats electric heaters trash compactors juice extractor shower rods and water meters walkie talkies copper wires safety goggles radial tires bb pellets rubber mallets fans and dehumidifiers picture hangers paper cutters waffle irons window shutters paint removers window louvres masking tape and plastic gutters kitchen faucets folding tables weather stripping jumper cables hooks and tackle grout and spackle power foggers spoons and ladles pesticides for fumigation high performance lubrication metal roofing water proofing multi purpose insulation air compressors brass connectors wrecking chisels smoke detectors tire guages hamster cages thermostats and bug deflectors trailer hitch demagnetizers automatic circumcisers tennis rackets angle bracket duracells and energizers soffit panels circuit brakers vacuum cleaners coffee makers calculators generators matching salt and pepper shakers 💥🔥‼️" "kotaro what the fuck"

by 🎲 anon. yes i did this from memory.

.

[snippitysnoop]

Bro I'm at a hardware store and they don't have

allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters

Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters

Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires

BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers

Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters

Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters

Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables

Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles

Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication

Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation

Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors

Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors

Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers

Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers

Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers

Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers what a scam🙄

[germanium-nickel-uranium-sulfur]

quick! karaoke night, you get pushed up on stage. whats your go-to song that you know you can rock every time?

*INHALE*

They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters, trash compactors, juice extractors, shower rods and water meters, walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires, BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers, picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters, paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters, kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables, hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles, pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication, metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation, air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors, tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors, trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers, tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers, soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers, calculators, generators,

MATCHING SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS!🎵

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters, trash compactors, juice extractors, shower rods and water meters, walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires, BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers, picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters, paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters, kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables, hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles, pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication, metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation, air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors, tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors, trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers, tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers, soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers, calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers

[shoosh360]

Have I mentioned how much I'm obsessed with that DC PRIDE cover?

TASTE THE RAINBOW~

[murderbees]

Felt like writing something sad, so here you go. Kinda messy but oh well

What if: the page never came

———

It ends with a click.

It's simple really, there just wasn't a reason to keep the arcade running. 20 years of holding that pager and those damn keys, and Alan had finally handed them over. The last bastion of Flynn's era. The keys twist, warm in his hands while the beaten leather label knocks against his knuckles.

"I should have given you these a long time ago." Alan's hands held out the keys. His skin cold where it pressed against Sam's hand. Alan was tall, but in that moment, he seemed to shrink inside his trenchcoat, dwarfed in long fabric and buisness clothes. He looked tired and resigned. Sam didn't known what to do. He should have said something, something comforting. Alan had been there all his life.

All he managed was "Thanks, Alan" and a nod.

He stares at the wall. There's the circuit brakers, the lifeblood of the building. All the lights, every room, everything that made Flynn's Arcade so special, gone with a flick. Part of him wishes he could run it, that it would be alive again, kids with quarters, greasy food and vending machines, with a mysteriously sticky linoleum checkerboard floor, but he's not the type. He isn't his father, no matter how much people wish he was.

There's no reason to keep the electricity running. He flicks them, one by one, watching the arcade lose it's last life. No going back. Click, click, click, click, and he's finished the column. Several more and it seems like everything should be dead. The last switch, basement, the label reads. He doesn't remember a basement, but how important is that now? His finger rests on the switch, ready.

With a body deep sigh, the final click resounds through the backroom.

The grid shakes. Every program, no matter how complex or simple- glitch, even the bits - know that something is deeply wrong. It rattles through their code and for a second all is silent and still.

Then starts the whispers, then the screams, as the edges of the grid start to crumble and crack. The power flickers, the crackling energy in the sky dims and dies. The world is lit by the dim circuits of buildings and the flaring of panicking programs.

By the time most try to evacuate, the ground flickers into wireframe and falls into abyss, them along side the fracturing pieces of their world. Two light trails burn across the sky, gold and orange. Those left point and rezz their vehicles, bikes, tanks, jets, and race after the already disappearing trails. A startlingly bright white trail joins the journey, but there's not enough time to worry or theorize.

A group of programs stop at the shore, staring out at the sea and the jets soaring far past what they can see. Behind, a crack shakes the air, and they look at each other. There's nothing to say. A duo clutches at wach other, burying their heads and falling together.

The trails die off, one by one. Green faltering, flashing once before spiraling down and down. The sea below yawns open and swallows the ship whole. Another sparks, it was never made to go this far, and certainly not this fast. The wing explodes and it hurdles into one of many floating rock columns. It's messy but quick. A ping floats through the general channel "Where are we going?"

The programs are silent, but the world is screaming. The wind whistles and tears at the ships, clawing several down into the roaring waves. Behind them rings the shattering landscape, wireframes larger than the I/O tower disappear behind crashing water, splintering fractals beat against their windows in a jingling cacophany.

Barely visibly against the dead sky looms the portal. Clu lands, jumps out his jet and lets it crash and derezz against the stone. Rinzler rolls to a stop, jet baton stored neatly against his thigh. By the time he's stood next to Clu, a wide array of displays and systems fill the air. Clu furiously types, searches, and clicks. There is no current threat, Rinzler shifts and faces the sea, watching for any potential threat.

Most programs have never heard of, much less seen the portal. A streak of lightning crashes behind. It's a threatening and hopeful structure. A few ships screech as they pull up and to the side to avoid crashing, one makes it.

Two ships land, one overshoots and warbles down into the depths. Flynn and Quorra scramble out of their jet, frantic. Another program falls out of a cockpit. They run up the stairs toward the dim yellow light.

The program reaches the top first, blue circuits flaring bright, their joyful shout is cut short. Happiness turns to pain as their dock shatters into cubes, an orange disc sweeps through the air and back. The pieces rain down on the User and Iso.

Rinzler stands at the ready, disc already split and spinning in his deadly hands. Quorra's sword whirrs in her hand, prepared to deflect and take a hit for Flynn, who's frozen where he stands. The sparse orange lights of Rinzler's suit flash, the mechanical purr rising in pitch as Flynn presses a hand against the wall. "What happened to you?"

No one moves, stalemate. Clu's angry shout fills the silence. The next crash of the crumbling world is closer than ever before. Rinzler sprints across the bridge, joining Clu's side before Quorra and Flynn reach the top of the stairs.

"No! This should have worked. I was so close!" Clu's hands reach up, disc slotted neatly between his hands. The portal is dark and dead. He throws it down, watches it cut through the stone and stick halfway. On the otherside of the bridge, Flynn steps forward, pushing Quorra behind him.

"Clu." His head whips faster than the wind, an angry snarl cutting across his face. Clu's steps are heavy and furious. Quorra levels her sword.

"This is your fault." Clu's hands bury into Flynn's robes, choking and bringing their faces close. This is not the grand win he was meant to have. He was going to have his perfect victory, and now they'll die on a piece of floating rock hurtling toward the sea.

"It is." Flynn doesn't fight back, doesn't raise a hand, he just stands and lets Clu shake. Quorra and Rinzler stare at each other, weapons still prepared.

This is it. They're all that's left. The bridge gives out.

Sam closes the panel and lets his forehead lay against the cool metal. It's over. He checks his phone, it's late, he still needs to feed Marv.

At the doorway, he takes one last look. The rows and rows of dead and outdated arcade games, the still sticky yet dusty floor, and the dim streetlight filtering in through closed blinds and old air, it makes him nostalgic. Flynn's arcade is a bygone era, just like his time as a CEO. Things have changed. He has changed.

Sam closes and locks the door. When he drives off, he doesn't look back.

[batsplat]

Yes with these names, Pedrosa, Marquez and Stoner amazed me. And Rossi, obviously. Pedrosa was very strong in 125 and 250, because with his stature he had an incredible technique. Above all he took advantage of his weight a lot - as they say, in the pick up of the bike, which was very difficult and he was the first to do it like that. After all we copied him with the technique. Marquez is a beast here (points at head), and the only rider that... I wouldn't tell you that he likes to fall, because nobody likes to fall, but he wasn't afraid of falling. And he was like a pit bull - he always wanted to win, even if he wasn't comfortable on a circuit, even if the bike wasn't going well... He had an unconventional ambition, he always wanted to beat you. He believed in the falls, but he wasn't afraid of falling. So in that sense he is unique. Stoner was a natural talent, unconventional. For example, when the track was wet, with patches of water - he took it on, came out of the box, delivered the track record, took two or three seconds off everyone. So an improvisation and an ability to see the limit of the track immediately, incredible. What a natural talent. Either you have it or you don't. Valentino? Very complete. A person... as a person, naturally very intelligent, very charismatic. A great braker, a rider who could improvise a lot with the bike. When he was racing, [even when tired, with an elevated pulse], he was very lucid. Very complete. He didn't have a super quality… How would I say? (Interviewer: Any [outstanding] quality.) Yes, but it was all very complete.

Jorge Lorenzo on his rivals (x)

[high-ass-zombie-angel-statue]

Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town

Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here

I thought that I would go right out of my mind

Until a friend told me the news

He said, "Hey, you know that vacant lot

Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it

And on that spot they're gonna build a shop

Where we can go buy bolts and screws"

Since then I've been walking on air (air)

I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair

'Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care

I've been waiting since last June

For this day to finally arrive

I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive

'Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside

Well, I hope they open soon

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)

When are they gonna open up that door?

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the

Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the

Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the

Hardware store

In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight

Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out

I pressed my nose right up against the glass

You know, I had to be first in line

Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom

Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house

See those hacksaws? Very, very soon

One of them will be all mine

Guys with nametags walking down the aisles

Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles

Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles

All arranged alphabetically

And they're doing a promotional stunt

There's a great big purple sign out front

That says every 27th customer

Will get a ball peen hammer free

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)

When are they gonna open up that door?

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the

Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the

Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the

Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the

Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the

Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the

Hardware store

They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters

Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters

Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires

BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers

Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters

Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters

Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables

Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles

Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication

Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation

Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors

Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors

Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers

Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers

Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers

Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)

When are they gonna open the door?

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the

Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the

Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the

Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the

Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the

Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the

Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the

Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the

Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the

Hardware store

Thank you that was the ENTIRETY of weird Al’s hardware store

me omw to the hardware store

[milfweirdal]

(sawing noises) (drill noises) (hammering noises) (wrenching noises) (funky ascending then descending guitar riff) Nothing ever (ever) happens in this town, feeling low down (down) not a lot to do around here, I thought that I would go right out of my mind until a friend told me THE NEWS. He said "(hey!) You know that vacant lot? Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it and on the spot they're gonna build a shop where we can go buy bolts, AND SCREWS." Since then I've been walking on air (air), I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair 'cause I'm so excited and I really don't care, I've been waiting since LAST JUNE for this day to finally arrive, I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive 'cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside, well, I hope they oPEN SOON. I can't wait, no, I can't wait (oh when) When are they gonna open up that door? I'm goin' (yes I'm goin) I'mma goin' to the (hard) We're really goin' to the (really gonna) (hard) (going to the) goin' to the goin' to the, (hard) oh yes (hard) I'm goin' (TO) to the HARDWARE STOOOORE! (sawing noises) (drill noises) (hammering noises) (wrenching noises) (funky ascending guitar riff) (frenetic lead guitar) In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out I pressed my nose right up against the glass - you know I had to be first IN LINE. Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom, want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house, see those hacksaws? Very, very soon, one of them will be ALL MINE. Guys with nametags walking down the aisles, rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles, brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles, all arranged alphaBETICALLY. And they're doing a promotional stunt, there's a great big purple sign out front that says every 27th customer will get a ball peen HAMMER FREE! I can't wait, no, I can't wait (oh when) When are they gonna open up that door? I'm goin' (yes I'm goin) I'mma goin' to the (hard) We're really goin' to the (really gonna) (hard) (going to the) goin' to the goin' to the, (hard) oh yes (hard) I'm goin' (HARD) to the HARDWARE STOOOORE! I'm goin' (yes I'm goin) I'mma goin' to the (hard) We're really goin' to the (really gonna) (hard) (going to the) goin' to the goin' to the, (hard) oh yes (hard) I'm goin' (HARD) to the HARDWARE STOOOORE! (short instrumental interlude) (passionate sigh) would you look at all that stuff...? They've got allen wrenches gerbil feeders toilet seats electric heaters trash compactors juice extractor shower rods and water meters walkie-talkies copper wires safety goggles radial tires BB pellets rubber mallets fans and dehumidifiers picture hangers paper cutters waffle irons window shutters paint removers window louvres masking tape and plastic gutters kitchen faucets folding tables weather stripping jumper cables hooks and tackle grout and spackle power foggers spoons and ladles pesticides for fumigation high-performance lubrication metal roofing water proofing multi-purpose insulation air compressors brass connectors wrecking chisels smoke detectors tire gauges hamster cages thermostats and bug deflectors trailer hitch demagnetizers automatic circumcisers tennis rackets angle brackets Duracells and Energizers soffit panels circuit brakers vacuum cleaners coffee makers calculators generators matching salt and pepper shakers. I can't wait, no, I can't wait (oh when) When are they gonna open up that door? (really gonna) (hard) (going to the) goin' to the goin' to the, (hard) oh yes (hard) I'm goin' (HARD) to the HARDWARE STOOOORE! I'm goin' (yes I'm goin) I'mma goin' to the (hard) We're really goin' to the (really gonna) (hard) (going to the) goin' to the goin' to the, (hard) oh yes (hard) I'm goin' (HARD) to the HARDWARE STOOOORE! (angelic chorus) (really gonna) (hard) (going to the) goin' to the goin' to the, (hard) oh yes (hard) I'm goin' (HARD) to the HAAAAARDWARE STOOOOOOOORE (sawing noises) (drill noises) (hammering noises) (wrenching noises) (funky ascending guitar riff) (even more frenetic lead guitar)

[burade]

nia would use the 13 in one shampoo conditioner body wash toothpaste mouthwash deodorant peanut butter gatorade milk tin foil tennis shoes eye drops allen wrenches gerbil feeders toilet seats electric heaters trash compactors juice extractor shower rods and water meters walkie-talkies copper wires safety goggles radial tires BB pellets rubber mallets fans and dehumidifiers picture hangers paper cutters waffle irons window shutters paint removers window louvres masking tape and plastic gutters kitchen faucets folding tables weather stripping jumper cables hooks and tackle grout and spackle power foggers spoons and ladles pesticides for fumigation high-performance lubrication metal roofing water proofing multi-purpose insulation air compressors brass connectors wrecking chisels smoke detectors tire guages hamster cages thermostats and bug deflectors trailer hitch demagnetizers automatic circumcisers tennis rackets angle brackets Duracells and Energizers soffit panels circuit brakers vacuum cleaners coffee makers calculators generators matching salt and pepper shakers