#christ I just need a hug
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damn abuse takes so much from you like ahahaha what the fuck
#not hornyposting#just gah#ive vented enough on my other blog bug just like.... AUHGGG#(too many people i know irl are follow that blog and like. idk.)#I want to scream about him and how shitty he is and how much this everything has harmed me but I feel like i cant#christ I just need a hug
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being the ugly friend is really humbling
#sigh#vent#rant#i need to rant#one time i was out with friends#they all hugged that one guy in my grade#so I did too#and we danced together and stuff#but then later he went: were you there the whole time??#i was mortified#he humiliated me in front of my friends#just because you don’t think I’m attractive doesn’t mean you have to ignore my existence lol#i hate it here#liesmultixxx talks 🩵#sad post#thinking thoughts#i am ugly#story of my life#why are they like this#why are people so cruel#i just want to be loved#i want to be pretty#I don’t think anyone will ever desire me#and that’s okay#but you don’t have to be so NASTY#jesus christ#little story time#saw a tt and it reminded me of this wonderful experience#another traumatic thing that happened in my life#the list is getting longer and longer
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ARCANE DAY
Episode 4 and 5 in the tags and:
SALO BEING A VIKTOS FOLLOWER??? CRAZY. ALSO BOTH VIKTOR MISSING JAYCE AJDHSKSJ also cait has kinda calmed down... and I am sure she misses vi so I KNOW this is going to happen to her soon.... we aren't getting much of her feelings yet... she's still too onto Jinx to catch up on where ambessa is going...
DID JAYCE JUST KILL SALO??? WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE
Also vander not recognizing vi at first until she gives up fighting.... incredible ALSO vander and silco being miners and vi wearing her gauntlets that were initially thought out for miners.... damn
This is my favourite episode so far....
Episode 6 here:
Sky really being there..... of course she is....
Ambessa training caitlyn.... of course thats her new daughter akdjskms Tunnels in your eyes.... GIRL!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T NEED RIGHT NOW also the guy outside is a mage... ambessa is such a hypocrite
Vi and Jinx vs ambessa and cait.... this was always about class war don't get it twisted SINGED!!! TRAITOR!!!!
ARE THEY GOING TO SEE VIKTOR???? I looove how viktors touch on their faces leave "scars" so recognizable
Did isha just take the gem from vi's gauntlets??? Omg I wasn't expecting viktor to build a hippie commune to be honest omg he looks so good.... with the blonde underhairs.... and I do believe that's the same blanket....
And of course viktor knows who vander is.... nvm he diesnt know omg viktor asking for Powder.....
We are getting viktor horsegirl montage.... omg the vander momtage I can't..... omg they wanna stay.... singed is gonna fuck all this up NOOOOO 😭😭😭 they are already there I am going to kms
CAITLYN STOP THIS MADESSS!!! ✋️ CAITLYN!!!!! VI KILL THIS MAN!!! OMG CAITLYN...... mongoose... yeah.... and fuck you too.... CUPCAKE!!!! ABOUT TIME!!!! CAITLYN I SAID STOP THIS MADNESS WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!! And jayce too 😭😭😭 we're never making it out of the fissures
It's such a shame the spit on here won't work like on challengers.... one can only pray I guess
Jinx experiencing the "there's nothing more undoing as a daughter" moment.... incredible
"Your absence provided a vacuum I was able to fill" TO VI???? I KNEW THAT HAND HOLDING IN THE COMMANDER SCENE WAS SUS AKDHKASJ maddie exists and ambessa knows that and still.... it was not filling her mother's void...
YES CAITLYN!!! YES!!!!! VI is so hot I am distracted... ambessa was right.... now what the fuck will jayce fuck up??? Thats the question... NOT ANOTHER CHILD!!! jayce is a menace... the guys smiling at jayce are viktor... maybe the child even....
JINX KILL THAT MAN!!! NVM VANDER KILL THAT MAN!!! JAYCE YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!! JAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHEN I GET YOU JAAAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Isha what are you going to do omg 😭😭 did she kill vander... another powder... my god another week...
That was such a good fucking episode too.... and caitlyn didn't go insane when finding Jinx that is a step forwards but viktor can't be dead... no fucking way... he was giving himself away for the people and he was going to finally die by saving vander and look at what we got... no wonder viktor hates his guts. Jayce you were so good in act one.... what happened..... alright. Christ.... another week....
#FUCKING MADDIE?????????????? NO FUCKING WAYYYYYYYYYY#fucking maddie??? yes she is fucking her. christ. jinx was right vi should have hit before all of that.... maddie bet her to it 😭😭😭#i have tears in my eyes aldjaodjsk no fucking way what the heeeeeeell ooooh my goooood nowaaayyaaayyyaaaayyyy#and cait looks so pretty....... she is still focused on jinx.....#omg isha..... jinx gave up jinx??? what...... ambessa is making hextech... so jayce is still missing.... well she is trying#and mel is still missing too.... christ and ekkos friend is sympathetic to jinx... mmhmhmmmmm also ambessa clocks everything aldjakaj#cait has calmed down.... what is happening... she is now only violent towards jinx i guess. ambessa is opening that wound over and over oof#THE MIDDLE FINGER AKDBAKSBKANSKA sevika is unifying the underground i knew it!!! yes!!!! jinx show up!!!!#cait paying homage to her mother while rictus beats up some guy.... her suffering meking her an enabler to those actions... yeah#oh no..... they know.... isha lighting the fire like jinx did.... sevika getting her arm cut... ISHA BEAT HIM UUUP!!! JINX!!!! omg singed..#enforcer vi becoming part of her hallucinations... its so over... also silco... jinx kill this man. not ambessa... omg jinx run....#she likes iiiit yeeeeahhhh.... ekkos friend... . and THE BROTHEL LADY... SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!! SHE IS SO GLAD!!! WARWICK!! FUCK SHIT UP!!#OMG HE RECOGNIZES HER!!!!! HE SPEAKS!!!!! WHAT A FUCKING MASSACRE OUTSIDE BUT HE DOES RECOGNIZE HER!!!!#CALL VIIIII THROW A PARTY WE ARE A FOUR PEOPLE HOUSEHOLD NOW!!! FIVE WITH SEVIKA!!! COME ON AT LEAST TRY!!!#his eyes changing color... singed you are nothing compared to a fathers love... jinx complaining about not really having killed powder....#she didnt and vander recognises that.... amazing omg........#THE CAIT IN BED HALLUCINATION AND JINX THERE!!!! its so weird seeing them both like this.... jinx wanting to help him.... ofc...#THEY GOT VANDER???? also you know whats funny... the cape makes cait look like silco... it looks red even#why is singed based.... OMG MEL!!! HER BROTHER!!!!! OH MY GOD VIIII LOOKS SO GOOOD!!!! HER GAUNTLETS ARE PAINTED BLACK TOO AKDBAKS#bitch mittens (not even diy) damn vi she got you hard THE BITCH SLAP omg vi... your big sister duties...#singed actually venering vander.... do not help the opressor singed!! i just said you were based!!! IS MEL PREGNANT?!?!??!#she does enjoy her puzzles..... oh of course he is an hallucination.... the first time he appeared behind her....#silco and vanders old hq..... omg MORE DOOMED YAOI...... vander apologised but silco didn't read the letter 😭😭 as vi reaches for jinx omg#vi wearing her enforcer plaque without the plaque.... slay but why. no vander no loke he is a dog akdhaksj IS VANDER THEIR ACTUAL FATHER#NO FUCKING WAY A LOVE TRIANGLE AND EACH ONE GETS OME DAUGHTER AIDHOQSJOSAKL i need a fucking moment....#well its not vanders.... BUT THE SAME CUP AND STRAW FOR POWDER OMG!!! THE FATHERS THAT STEPPED UP!!!CONNEL GET RECKT!!!!#bedrock and blisters my fucking god. vander and silco wanting to build a better zaun for her daughters... AND JINX AND VI ARE GONNA MAKE IT#vander looking at the woman she likes whos hair is purple: ive always liked the name violet. im going to be sick!!!! my god!!!#MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!! VANDER HUGGING VI!!! THE SHOT OF HER OFFERING JINX TO JOIN WILL END MEE!!!!#watching arcane
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𝑰'𝒎 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆.
a/n: oh how I'd need this right now- my first ever Aizawa fic! oh how much I love this man character pairing: Aizawa x reader genre: fluff trigger warning: alcohol masterlist and requesting
Your gaze shifted more and more frequently from your dissertation to the clock at the corner of the screen, and your fingers ran through your hair in frustration instead of raising the word count on the dreaded paper.
From the depths of your lungs, a deep sigh arose: as much as you didn’t want to admit, you’re too tired to be productive and can’t continue working effectively.
You put your elbows on your desk in front of your laptop and lowered your head into your palms: you wanted to get so much more done today to stay on schedule!
Your muscles felt stiff, and judging by the loud cracking sound your back made when you decided to stretch your arms out, it was time you actually got up and moved around a little to freshen your blood flow up a little.
As you made your way to the kitchen from your desk, you heard keys dangling and the door opening with a slight creak; Aizawa finally arrived home.
‘Hey’, you said, rubbing your eyes, ‘you’re home early.’
Early - for you at least. It’s rare for Aizawa to be back before midnight, and it’s not unusual when he’s out for the whole night, but now, he was back home at 11 at night.
‘Since Yamada is on duty tonight, Nezu let me off early tonight.’ explained the man while he took off his shoes.
Aizawa made his way straight to you and placed both of his hands on your waist, firmly holding you, as if without his touch, you couldn’t be standing there - which was half the case anyways. From all the sitting and studying, you were beyond exhausted.
‘Meaning, I’m yours tonight.’ he smiled, making eye contact with you before he leaned down to place a kiss on your lips.
You put your hands on his chest, then slowly made your way up to his neck where you wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in the creek of his neck.
You took a deep breath to inhale his scent - oh, you missed him so much.
Aizawa lowered his head, so your face would touch with his - his stubble tickled your face a little, but you wouldn’t change this feeling for anything in the world. His warm skin against yours, the little tingling of his facial hair against your skin, his soft hair slowly falling onto you, his arms firmly holding you close to him, his body unconsciously reassuring you that you are his and his only - the most precious person in his life.
He slowly turned his head to press another kiss on your cheek.
‘So, how’s the dissertation going?’
‘Shota, don’t even mention it.’ you groaned, while you walked into the kitchen with him.
Aizawa chuckled, ‘It cannot be going that bad. Here, let me fix something for you.’
The man opened the kitchen cupboard and took down two glasses alongside with a bottle of whisky.
He dropped a couple of ice cubes into each glass, which landed with an elegant clink at the bottom; after that he filled an appropriate amount of whisky to both of the glasses and handed one to you.
‘Fancy.’, you said smiling, slightly raising your glass while slowly making your way to the living room couch, with Aizawa closely following you.
When he sat down to the couch, instead of letting you sit next to him, he grabbed your arm and slightly pulled you towards himself, guiding you onto his lap.
You chuckled and put one arm around his shoulders leaning on him, while he supported you with his free hand, while he was holding his glass in the other.
‘To us, finally spending time together before midnight.’ you said in a low tone while catching his gaze, making eye contact with him.
‘I’ll toast to that.’, he nodded with a smile, clinking his glass gently to yours.
Aizawa finished his drink just a little before you did; which gave him the perfect opportunity that after his other hand freed up, he was free to caress your soft cheek and play with your hair, while you finally decided to rant in detail about your dissertation.
The back of his hand slowly caressed your cheeks, then his fingers wandered around your arms and your palm, drawing little tracks all over you while soaking all your words in.
These were the moments he appreciated the most with you.
Just the two of you, you being close to him, so close that he can hold you, because he has to hold you; he has to have his hands on you, to feel you next to him, to feel that you’re here with him. He loved seeing passion get the better of you, be it you talking in-depth about your dissertation topic which you actually really loved, or you cursing your paper out of this world. Your passion for knowledge, for wanting to know more, for making an effort to make this world a better place and not giving up - oh how honored he felt that you let him be next to you to accompany, support and love you.
You placed your empty glass down next to Aizawa’s, now wrapping both of your arms around him, leaning your head down on his shoulder and snuggling close to his neck. You took a strand of his hair in between your fingers and subconsciously started playing with it.
While you were busy with Aizawa’s strands, you didn’t even notice how, even though unintentionally, you’re also caressing his nape.
Your soft fingers against Aizawa’s neck sent a slight shiver down him, and his grip around your waist tightened, pulling you deeper into his arms, so close that you were completely pressed against his warm body.
‘I needed this.’ you admitted, snuggling closer to him. His arms around you felt like a warm, protective blanket, shielding you from all your worries and responsibilities: a safe space, just for you. ‘I’ve been a bit stressed lately. I missed you.’
‘I know, baby. I’m here now.’ he whispered, pressing two long, hazy kisses on your cheek, slowly getting closer to your lips.
His lips brushed up against yours, you felt his stubble on your skin above your upper lips.
‘I love you so much.’ whispered Aizawa before he pulled you into a passionate kiss, his hand sliding from your waist to the back of your head, pulling you deeper into his kiss.
Your lips moved along with his, your hand cupping his cheek, not wanting to let him go - not from the kiss. Not ever.
Because when you have Aizawa next to you, you know: there’s no such thing as impossible.
Just like how Aizawa knows that as long as he has you by his side, he will protect you and treasure the sense of home and belonging you provide him with.
♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡
I enjoyed writing this so much - hope you also enjoyed reading this! ♡
I apologize if it's a bit all over the place I'm very sleep deprived
my other mha related writing:
Shigaraki drabble
#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha#bnha#aizawa x reader#shota aizawa#aizawa#my hero academia aizawa#boku no hero academia aizawa#mha aizawa#bnha aizawa#im so down for this man#christ i might write sm more about him#did u notice i need a hug#my tired ass needs a nap with aizawa#or just aizawa in general#my hero academia x reader#boku no hero academia x reader#eraserhead#mha eraserhead
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hi yeah yes this blog is dead buts the only one that still has reader insert content on it and I just gotta say like
What the fuck is up the with exclusivity of reader insert shit these days? If it's about a marginally attractive man all of a sudden its f!reader afab!reader (which should NOT BE INDICATIVE OF PRONOUNS????????? YOURE NAMING THEIR SEX, AND LABELING THE PHYSICAL SEX IF IT HAS EXPLICIT CONTENT LIKE THAT IMPLIES ITS GOING TO BE GENDER NEUTRAL AND THEN ITS NOT AND ITS IMMEDIATELY TRIGGERING FOR A LOT OF TRANS PPL LIKE MYSELF??)
Like it was very very common that reader insert content baseline be gender neutral unless requested otherwise that way everyone who finds the character attractive can enjoy it?? SOOOOO fucking fed up with this smh
Fandom space is supposed to be inclusive and ngl like. when you cater specifically and only to one set of pronouns with this kind of stuff its soo deterring to so many queer people
#sorry this has just been pissing me off so fucking much lately because every character i like reading about#over the past year or so is like. mear exclusively written with a fem perspective and that shit is infuriating#because if youre loterally just writing a oneshot that has no reason to be catered to a specific use of pronouns Why are you usinv them#like youre writing a hc about how they hug why is it Gendered#fucking christ sorry if this seems like.#yknow what no im not sorry actually#idk man i made a huge effort to make people feel included n thats just dropped off the face of the earth with some fandoms for fucking real#not calling out tf here havent been in that space in a minute#i AM calling out anyone that writes for jjk dc comics any part pedro pascal has played in media ever uhhhhhhh etc etc#im not saying the authors have ill intent or problematic#im just saying it perpetuates an exclusionary soace and makes people feel left out#and ngl.... as much is i love everyone joining sites and blah blah blah post pandemic and w the popularity of tiktok#yall need to fucking Learn fandom edicate that shit is so fucking infuriating#not all of u ofc but some of yall are so disrespectful#anyways hi!! bye <3#vent
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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i barely feel like a person sometimes ngl
#like in the sense that. im barely Here i hardly ever feel really Present in the world#i hardly talk to people unless im talked to and even Then sometimes its a dry ass response because im shit at talking#even if i love someones presence its hard for me to like. actually show it i think#i dont have a Job#i dont Go anywhere really#i hardly have irl friends#like i feel like im starting to get to a dangerous place with this mentality#that i barely Exist#i am a whole nothing sandwich of a person#its not fucking healthy!!! i know its not healthy!!!!!!#but i cant help thinking it because. well its kinda true#i really need to get a job and get out of the house and talk to people face to face#so i feel like a person whos part of the world again#maybe id feel less of a disconnect between me and Literally Everything Else#i need a hug i think. i havent had a hug in so long im so fucking touch starved#i need to get medicated for my stupid adhd so i can be functional jesus christ#because part of why i havent started actually Doing Shit in my life is. the executive dysfunction paralysis#so many things have piled up that i need to do so i just simply dont start Anything#ugh#sorry for the ass o clock vent post#im okay im not in a super bad place or anything#im just. tired of being my mentally ill and brain rotting self yknow#sigh#delete later
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decided to read Qualia the Purple cause I saw a post about it on my dash and now I don't think I'm ever going to be the same again
#qualia the purple#jesus fucking christ what a ride#i need a drink and like a hug#one of the best yuri ive read in ages#super romantic in this bizarre way i just kept messaging my friend like “hey this is fucking SCARY”#like good lord#the amount of times i had to stop and be like “holy fucking shit WHAT!?” probably hit at least five
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I keep remembering that back in the congregation I most recently attended, there is an elder’s wife who is a rockhound for the scientific and aesthetic intrigue, but also believes in crystal healing… which, all things considered, is absolutely fucking bonkers.
#exjw#”I don’t believe in any of the spiritistic stuff but when I rubbed sodalite on my palm when I had a cold it took my sore throat away…#So I looked it up and I guess sodalite helps the throat… so I think crystal healing works on a physical level.”#My sister in christ… that is… that is literally one of the most spiritistic things you could possibly say without getting disfellowshipped#FOR THE LOVE OF GAIA AND CERNUNNOS GET OUT OF THIS CULT AND BE THE TREE HUGGING HIPPIE YOU TRULY ARE#BE FREE#For the record I have no opinion on crystal healing and genuinely do not care if you believe in it#so long as you are also primarily doing tangible things to help yourself and not damaging your health because you only use crystals#I believe that one psychiatric doctor from Michigan who founded an asylum and said that beauty can aid the healing process#and if you surround yourself with beauty and good things; you are creating an environment conducive to healing#I also am more inclined to believe in reflexology so perhaps she was rubbing the specific area of the hand which affects the throat?#And crystals and gemstones can be heavy so holding them in your hand can stimulate your need for deep pressure if you are a sensory seeker#Or if you’re stressed they can be soothing to look at; and reducing stress is good for your physical health#So… technically… crystals can help PROMOTE health under very specific conditions#but idk about anything else#Maybe they do something spiritually?#But I don’t think crystal healing is necessarily all spiritual or all placebo#I think it’s just natural for humans to soothe themselves with rocks#It’s our inner monkey brain coming out and that’s a good thing#Society is too technical these days. Return to monke
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I have watched the Jujutsu Kaisen anime twice since the beginning of the month, and I just finished the entire manga that I started on Sunday morning.
This is fine. I'm fine. It's fine.
#JJK#jujutsu kaisen#satosugu#gojo satoru#geto suguru#I'm a fucking mess#i am distraught#the Shibuya arc DESTROYED me#i have cried three times over the death of a fictional character#“you've got it from here”#iykyk#UGLY SOBBING#i have so many feelings about the parallels in this story#god i just wanna give them all a hug so bad#bring on the fix-it fics because jesus christ I'm a wreck#might have to start writing again because I need them to all be okay again#thinky thoughts
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Episode 8 I am so scared....
#mel magical girl transformation.... her mother's weapon... christ... mel will save them all vi step aside!!#this is so funny... mel with her bodysuit and golden bodypaint walking thru the valley with her new pet crow.... slay#SINGED WILL CONTROL VIKTOR???? AND VANDER??? AMBESSA ENOUGH! VIKTORS VOICE OMG!!#LORIS REMINDING VI OF VANDER NOOOOO I KNEW THIS WAS COMING!!! CAILTYN TAKING MADDIES HAND AWAY FROM HER AKDJSK#arrested jinx???? OH MY GOOOD JINX!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HER PUPILS ARE SO WIDE SHES SO OUT OF IT#YES CAITLYN END THE CYCLE!!!!! they repaired the council table with golden stuff.... YES JAYCE FINALLY REALIZED!!!! OOF NOT THE BEST MOMENT!#UPSIDE DOWN KISS COME ON!!! Viktor realizing too that it has been all jayces fault.... this is so sad.... what a breakup#silco talking to jinx about breaking the cycle... he became a hallucination too.... not so bad like the others thats inch resting#THE HUG NOOOOOOO YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH HER????? SHES GONNA DIEEEEEEE NOOOOOOO VI AGAIN IN PRISON UNABLE TO SAVE HER SISTER!!!!!#theres no good version of me after we just fucking saw it im gonna be sick.... SEVIKA AND THE FIRELIGHT GUY IN THE COUNCIL ROOM??#what tf are you wearing jayce.... an outsider force putting an end to a civil war who woulda thot.... OMG THE PARALEL TO THEIR FIRST MEETING#WHAT THE HELL!!! NOT IN THE PRISON CELL!!!! AFTER VI JUST TOLD HER THAT??? AKDJAKSJ CAITLYN HOLD YOURSELF!!! my god i need a pause#vi does look so good from the back.... but my god why are they doing this now akdjsksjk maddie is upstairs akdhaksn WHYYYYYYY NOW????#no WAYYYYY WE GOT HER BACK TATTOO REVEAL NOW!!!!!! WHAT THE HEEEEEEEELLL OH MY GOOOOOD VIIIII GOING DOWN AND LOOKING UP THANK YOU GOD!!!!AAA#cait laughing... girl i would too... that was all so detailed too like damn... vi was amazed by the Kirammountains....#so thats it... can i be honest.... a little too unemotional.... like their kiss was something else entirely....#but this is vi just going DAMN!!! RIGHT NOW!!! and pouncing... which i understand but their bed scene... come on.. i needed to cry with this#so no talk about reconciliation..... *throws phone on the floor and jumps in skateboard and breaks it in half*#vander dying with viktors humanity..... and sky.... viktor getting his mask.... my god.... and vander losing his memories.... should we all#talking tag#watching arcane season 2#watching arcane#you know i understand caitlyn admited she was manipulated and what vi said about second chances but.... apologies please.....#oh now i get it she sent the guards to the gates so jinx could escape..... alright alright... i thought she did that only so they could fuck#well vi did follow her sisters advice and got with her i guess akdhaksjak which okay is nice bc she said she didn't need to feel guilty#about being happy.... alright i understand now *viktors voice*#alright i was slow my bad... vi pounced on her bc she is just so grateful that she let jinx go and cailtyn did let go of her anger.... aight
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tl;dr a recount of my adventures today with my very affectionate friends/partner
so this morning while we were listening to a presentation i held out my hand for my girlfriend to hold and she held it and alternated also holding onto my entire arm itself, laying her head on my shoulder, et cetera. walked with her and my other friend to our next class where i received several hugs from both, also cool with me i’m very huggable and it’s an easy thing to do. i go to my next class and one of my friends sits beside me and holds my hand/arm, and i’m good with this because i’m steadily learning how to navigate things with my non dominant hand only since my friends hold my other one hostage a lot. then he asked if i was down for hugs and i was like sure! we’re sitting in chairs though. he ends up scooting his chair over and holding me, nearly back to front, while sitting for twenty minutes. now this is fine too, i can still move for the most part, but for those who have been spooned before sometimes the positioning can fuck up your back, and i already have some general shoulder pain throughout my life. so now my back and all kind of hurts and i get a reprieve next block and end up getting depressed anyway so the next block i have one of my other friends and she hugs me a lot too cool whatever and then the NEXT block it’s an alternation between one of the earlier mentioned friends hugging me, my girlfriend holding my hand/arm or asking me to play with her hair, her just holding me in general in her lap (like head in her lap half suspended in air and to her balance’s mercy) and my other friend there did this too. also during this block my girlfriend bit my arm (like gnawed on it moreso) and this is the second time someone’s done that (other person being the other friend there, while my girlfriend was cuddling me on another occasion) and then from there both my friend and girlfriend kept biting my arm and it wasn’t really painful it just kinda pinched but like whatever you know i’ve got a job here. anyway more hugs then we left and then after school club happens and me and one of my earlier friends but different from the aforementioned one kept hugging me, having me sit in her lap vise versa, also accidentally tumbled together to the floor, and she ended up causing me to hit my knee badly but like that’s fine whatever feels normal now.
anyway, being the teddy bear of the friend group is a difficult task but if this (various pains in my back and neck) is what it takes to feel necessary then by God i’ll do it ^_^
#nightmare.personal#also the friend from the morning hug rotation and the arm gnawing/lap hugging situation#made a comment in follow up to a joke they made saying one day they'll figure out if they're attracted to me actually or not#anyway. i made comments about my mental health i wish i could hide away so i think my service physically makes up for it at least#if you're wondering if this is healthy... yeah mostly?#i don't tell people false boundaries anymore that fucks everyone up#it's kind of hard to explain the whole. i don't mind this i actually like this but i also need this because it's my purpose as a human#and therefore means you have to love me and keep me around#because people think then they need to stop enabling it and that's the opposite#it's just really complicated. but jesus christ my back hurts#i never thought i would be a PDA person but i think this is something unfathomably worse#i have no idea what's going on her and by God it's only confusing more people as to who i'm dating and whether i'm bi or not
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considering recent events- sharing some positivity on the dash tonight.
NOSHO!!! 🖤🖤🖤
#i still cant see what im typing so ill talk here#THESE FKN ANONS JESUS CHRIST#ive been reading it all and im just sitting here like 🤨#did they not get hugged enough as a kid?#im gonna sound rude asf but WHO CARES#youre happy paola’s happy WHAT ELSE IS NEEDED#im happy for you!!!#just let people love their damn life christ#anyway sorry#NOSHO you are a trooper for putting up with this shit#have the biggest warmest hug 🖤#ask box#nosho 🖤
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Ep 7 of DanDaDan I haven't been this emotionally devastated since I found like Clannad, Angel Beats, and Madoka Magica when I was like 11 or 12. Wtf. I am not ok at all.
#ghost hunt too specifically that christmas episode#but like.#holy fuck#i need to hug my mom#and my partner#and my best friend#and my best friends mom#i just#christ.
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Looking back to last year and seeing the progress I've made is almost surreal. I feel like i keep saying it but I'm proud of myself, in a way that I don't even know I can communicate to others just how much I've grown. I feel like it might not be obvious from the outside but I feel SO much more stable and calm and capable of regulating my emotions and my nervous system (whereas before I wasn't even AWARE of the state of my nervous system, let alone able to manage it. I just knew I felt terrible.)
Last year feels like an eternity ago. I hate the saying that you need to go through hard times to grow but... That's what happened
#I'm still amazed by the fact that I woke up last night from a dream that was so obviously my brain reminding me I needed to regulate#Bc i havent been this past week bc ive been sick w a cold#But... Then I woke up and i let my emotions out while wrapped tightly in a blanket doing butterfly hugs#Crying a bit w music on#AND BAM then I had peaceful sleep#Like jesus fucking christ it gets me emotional.#Last month some really hard shit happened w mom and I just know if this had happened in the past I'd be getting physically ill#from how badly that affected me emotionally. I'd have been a nervous wreck for months#And im still dealing w the emotions but... I'm functional (well. Except for that cold but hey whatever that doesn't count)#I just. AAAAAAA it feels surreal how clear life feels
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