#chowder sweep

[thedeskofaltoclef]

In Character Stream: CLEF PLAYS INFOHAZARD

HEY! LISTEN! Tuesday October 1st 10pm EST I will be streaming the lasted update of @GIBGames @scp-infohazardSCP demo AS CLEF. Yup!

"So why don' yall come on by a get a gander at this game and listen to these luscious vocal tones, this chocolate like vernacular, this Adonis of daddys." - Clef (Deskverse)

The stream will be on my twitch twitch.tv/thedeskscp and I hope to see you all there! Spread the word!!!!

[searchingforserendipity25]

There are some things Davenport knows.

He counts them sometimes, the things he knows.

His name; how to tie his shoes with twelve different knots; how the Madame Director likes her coffee.

The rules of playing Fantasy Chess, and how to cheat at Fantasy Chess too.

How to tell when someone is afraid

How to make his bed, so tight and neat he can drop a coin on it and it jumps, newly polished and gleaming, right back into his hand

How to bandage up to twenty different kinds of injuries

How to make the best sea chowder on the Moon Base, and also on the planet

How to press a uniform so it lasts a week and several explosions with no crinkled corners

How to organise reports with proper colour-coding techniques

Not a great many words, when it comes to that - slippery as fishtails, words, hard to grasp in the mind and impossible to put into his mouth

How to laugh, and how to cry

How to be helpful, if not always in the most efficient way

Some very complicated geometry and arithmetic, though not the word for geometry, nor how to write down an equation to explain how he got his results.His name, the names of his colleagues, where he is, what time of the day it is, what happened yesterday.

His name, his name, even when he doesn't know anything else, his name is Davenport -

Most days, anyway

He cries, sometimes, over bowls of spicy soup and at cute dogs, when someone leaves a book half-open on the table - when he sees groups of people laughing, and when he's alone for a long time. He is rarely alone. The Madame Director finds him, every time. Brings him biscuits and jam, shares puzzles, gives him folders to file.

She tries to teach him new words from brightly coloured books, sometimes. Not often; Davenport hates to make her unhappy, and she looks very sad, whenever he fails. He hates failing - this he knows for certain. But regardless of what he does, the Director is sad a lot of the time. Busy, busy; but she goes very still, late at night, and writes lists in strange languages with shifting characters, and then burns them, with a look on her face like stone, like a closed fist. He sweeps the ashes, afterwards; there's nothing in them he can understand.

No one sees her in those hours. Only Davenport is there, with no one else around. Davenport does not count as company, really. Or at least the Madame Director trusts him enough to let him see her when it's very late and she is very tired, and there is too much work for a night's rest.

It's nice, being trusted. Davenport likes it, likes his little tasks, his schedule and his friends. He knows every corner of the Moon Base, except the ones he is not supposed to enter; he has a little map sewn into his coat pocket, for when he forgets he knows every corner of the Moon Base.

He loves slow music, and sea chowder, and to drink his tea (the Director makes it, sometimes; she knows just how he likes it) while standing behind the transparent windows and watch the planet down below, all green and blue and changeful, like a face with many moods.

He knows he likes these things.

It is only that, sometimes, Davenport is very full of a painful feeling, a feeling like being full of smoldering fire, a feeling like --

Anger has no face, no colour. Davenport does not know a lot of things; sometimes he grasps at the softened edges of his mind, looking for something sharp enough to cut himself with. Davenport is angry, sometimes, though he has no words for it. Sometimes, anger is the only real thing in Davenport's world, the first thing he ever knew.

And then he forgets about it.

There are few things Davenport knows. He can feel the shape of something very important, prodding at him, filling him up with a warm, unpleasant energy. It is there when he wakes, for a handful of moments - every day, in the dreaming place between wakefulness and sleep. Like a dream, it fades before he is done dressing for the day. He has no words for it. The truth is, most days Davenport only knows his name is Davenport, and the worst of it is Davenport forgets there might be anything missing.

[zombii-writess]

𝙲𝚞𝚝𝚎 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝙲𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝙳𝚘𝚎𝚜

Tags: fluff, cute shit Cove does, ooc cove slightly?

Synopsis: basically, Cove doing things that gets you flustered and fall in love with him deeper

Word Count: 1073

Characters: Cove x GN! Reader

Leaning over and buckling your seatbelt

▸Cove huffs whenever you forget to buckle yourself in. Of course, he’s not upset, in fact he loves leaning over and doing it for you. Totally not using that as a reason to steal a smooch from you. 

▸He also cares about safety; anything can happen, and he doesn’t want to see you hurt. Like what if a helicopter suddenly falls on top of your car? Or what if he breaks too hard and you fly out the window?? 

▸He always makes sure you’re buckled in first before he does so himself and starts the car. Even if you’re in a rush. Safety first! 

▸And he totally doesn’t grumble in displeasure whenever you beat him in buckling your seatbelt first. 

“I wanted to buckle you in… what? I didn’t say anything?”

Zipping up your jacket

▸Whenever you both decide to go out whenever it’s cold, you always toss on a jacket and not zip it up. Cove will and aways zip it up for you, not caring of your whining.

▸He doesn’t want you to get sick! If you do, he won’t be able to kiss you until you feel better and even though he has good patience, he doesn’t want to wait too long. 

▸And once he reaches the maximum level, he just dives in and smothers you in kisses despite your protests, next thing you know, you’re both sick. 

▸But hey! What’s a better time to spend with your partner than being sick together? He doesn’t care if he misses work, he’s happy enough to spend this time with you. 

▸Unfortunately, you can’t be angry with him for too long because look at that face! He’s really sorry but he’ll make it up to you once you both get better. 

“I’m sorry (Name) for not listening... But at least we get to be sick together!” 

Holding your hand before crossing the street

▸Again, a safety thing, but he loves holding your hand and uses this as an excuse to hold yours. And to show off to others that ‘hey look! we’re holding hands so that means we’re dating! so back off!’. Especially in front of the cars you’re walking past, Cove giving the poor drivers a scare from his intense staring.

▸Y'know that one Tik Tok audio clip from Chowder that basically goes like “Hold my hand NOW”. Yeah, that’s Cove, but he would never yell or use force on you to hold his hand. He instead pouts and gives you the puppy look so you can hold his hand.  Which you do because he looks adorable.

▸Always, without missing a beat, always kisses your hand. He loves bringing up your intertwined hands to his lips and plant a kiss, letting his lips linger for a bit before bringing your hands down and swinging them gently, a skip in his step. 

▸The warmth seeping from your palms brings Cove a sense of calmness. Just being near you calms his mind from any negative thoughts that spring up randomly. 

“Oh, we’re about to cross the street, (Name)! Hold my hand before we cross!” 

Tying your shoes

▸Sometimes we leave the house in a rush and forget the most important thing. Tying our shoes! But with our trusty boyfriend, Cove, he always does it for you! He would stop you, kneel down and tap his knee, signaling you to put your foot on it so he could tie your shoes properly. 

▸He always checks if you tie your shoes or not. Cove doesn’t want you to trip and fall for other people. See what I did there?? No? Okay anyway if you do fall for some reason, he’ll be there to sweep you off your feet. 

▸Whenever he finishes tying your shoes, Cove would stand back up and look into your eyes with a shiny smile. You question him and he points at his cheek, blue eyes shining even brighter. 

▸He wants a reward from saving you from any falls you could’ve had in the future! Cove wants a kiss. From you. Either on the lips or cheek, he’s not a picky person. 

“Here, let me tie your shoes for you.”

Always offering you food

▸Even though Cove loves shoving food in his mouth and swallowing it in one go, he never forgets to offer you some. Doesn’t matter if the snack is small and it’s not enough to feed two people, Cove will walk over and ask if you want a bite.

▸If you offer him food, he’ll be floored and open his mouth as you spoon feed him your meal. He’ll be happy with whatever you feed him a tiny crumb, a vegetable he doesn’t like, reluctantly, he’ll eat that.

▸Drinks! Drinks are included in the equation. 

▸Even though Cove wants to sip on the refreshing slurpy, he will make sure you have the first zip without fail. 

▸Cove blushes at the thought of the indirect kiss whenever you put your lips on any of his utensils he eats with. Even though y’all are already dating. He still gets flutters from you. 

“Want a bite, (Name)?”

Forehead goodbye kisses 

▸Whenever you or Cove are running late or have to leave for a few hours, Cove will pull you towards him and plant a kiss on your forehead.

▸Has become a routine for you both to never leave without you receiving Cove’s kiss before heading out to work. Honestly, it’s the best way to start off the day and he hopes that it never changes.

▸But when you’re in a rush, you sometimes forget to receive that kiss and that brings down Cove’s morning. He pouts and waits for you to return so you can pepper your face with kisses to make up for the one you missed in the morning. 

▸You’re sorry but you can’t complain from the kiss onslaught so it’s a win-win

“Oh, you’re leaving right now? Let me kiss your forehead!” 

“I miss you...” texts throughout the day

▸This kinda goes with the ‘goodbye kisses’ 

▸Cove texts you throughout the day that he misses you. He sends one not even a minute of you leaving the house you both lived in. 

▸He’ll send a text saying that he ‘craves to cuddle you’ when you leave to take a shit. 

▸It’s really cute until he starts spamming you while you’re in a meeting, your embarrassed face sputtering out apologies towards your workers. 

“Heyy, i miss u :(“ 

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

A/N: Heyy ya'll I got another one for you hehe but I kinda rushed at the end because its late and im tired

Like my work? Buy me a ko-fi!

[welcome-to-sparkys]

Soup of the Day

TW: Smut, NSFW - MINORS DNI

Tags: securitywaiter, dreamtheory, Mike x ness, blowjob, riding, cock warming, sleepy Mike, Doug mention

Summary: Ness visits Mike to drop off some dinner while Mike works the graveyard shift. Things get a little frisky 👀 little to no editing so sorry for mistakes

Master list

Ness had the combination memorized. Mike never gave it to him, no, he was just... Nosy. Enough guards had come and gone and the number 1 Freddy's private investigator would know a thing or two.

Ness tip toed inside the abandoned pizzeria, easily finding the security office. "Knock knock!" He announced, knocking on the door.

It took a moment for sleepy Mike to open the door, his headphones placed in front of the cams, still playing the nature sounds.

"Ness? What are you-"

Ness squeezed his way into the office. He held a plastic bag with some Sparky's to-go inside. "I brought you dinner!" He set the bag down on the desk and began untying the square-knot. "I know you have a tendency to sleep all shift and not eat, and well, I was already on my way home so..." He continued on to ramble, knowing full-well Mike knew Ness's home was the complete opposite direction of Freddy's.

Mike rolled his eyes and sat back down. "You wanted to see me." He said with a slight huff, crossing his arms. "You know you're not allowed in here. You could get me fired-"

Ness stuffed a crumpled 20$ bill into Mike's hand. "I got tipped pretty well. Some lawyer guy. Seemed pretty excited to eat at the diner." He flashed Mike his iconic smile. A smile that is hard to be mad at, especially if your name is Micheal Schmidt.

Ness turned back to the desk, rummaging in the to-go bag. He set down a tub with a strong fragrance of clam chowder. The soup Sparky's had as the daily special for a week now, at least that's what it felt like to Mike with his daily visits. Ness also placed a styrofoam container down. He ran a hand through his hair.

Mike hadn't realized he had been staring until now. Ness's hair laid messily on his head. It's clear he needed a shower after a long shift at the hot (from the kitchen) diner. His eyes trailed down Ness's neck, examining his frame. Despite the large height difference, Ness towered over Mike, his body was small compared to his. Fragile. Mike had muscle, Ness had brains.

He could so easily sweep Ness up, it was tempting...

"Mike?" Ness had turned around, and noticed the man staring. "Hey, hey Mike." He snapped his fingers a few inches away from Mike's face.

"Huh? Oh-" Mike blinked and shook his head.

Ness softly laughed, his smile was intoxicating. "Fall asleep standing up, buddy?"

Buddy... Mike couldn't put his finger on why, but he didn't favor Ness's tendency to use such... Friendly labels. He noticed Ness didn't really use it on anyone else, besides like. Children. Furthermore, Ness really only used buddy on him.

What the hell did Ness mean by buddy?

So lost in his thoughts, Mike didn't realize Ness had stepped closer. He could smell the stale coffee scent on Ness's uniform. His eyes drifted down and lingered on his lips. Soft, supple...

What the fuck was he thinking?

"Mike...? What's gotten into you?" Ness's eyebrows knitted together. "You're so spacey."

"Why do you call me buddy? Why am I your buddy?" Mike blurted out, a little more aggressive than he had wanted.

Ness was startled. He stared for a moment. "Huh? What do you mean?"

Mike leaned a little closer, which in turn had Ness shuffle back a little. "I just... You always call me buddy. Why?"

"Do you not like it?"

"No, I-" Mike let out a frustrated sigh. He took another step towards Ness. "It's just. I-" Another step.

Neither of them had seen this coming. Ness bumped back into the desk, practically sitting on it. Which, in turn, knocked over the soup. It spilled all over his clothes. He yelped in surprise, the soup was hot but not scalding.

"Ah fuck- Shit, fuck- I'm so sorry-" Mike scrambled to help. He gently moved Ness aside and took off his shirt. He balled it up in his hands and used it in a sad attempt to mop up the soup. He then saw the damage to Ness's clothes. His entire ass was covered in slimy — in Mike's opinion — soup.

Ness struggled to spit out anything, his cheeks tinged pink. Mike now was just in an undershirt, letting Ness easily see his toned muscular body. He then squeaked as Mike proceeded to take off his pants, leaving him in nothing but boxers and an undershirt.

"Here," Mike said, a little breathless, holding out his pants. "I know they'll be short but... Better than nothing."

Ness hid his face behind his hands. His eyes trailed from Mike's hands down to his boxers. He was... Large. Ness burned a deeper red. It was extremely obvious Mike had a package and his boxers left nothing to the imagination. Ness felt his pants grow tight.

"I-It's fine-" He sputtered out.

"No, I insist." Mike came closer. In a brain-dead move, he grabbed Ness's waistband. He gave a harsh tug, undoing the belt, and then yanked Ness's pants down.

A silence fell over the room.

Ness was hard, and his body was burning hot. His cheeks, shoulders, knuckles, knees and fingertips were dusted in a deep crimson blush. He felt his dick twitch as he realized the non-existent distance between his dick and Mike's hands.

Mike swallowed, his mouth grew dry. His heart began to pound in his ears. There was no way either of them could deny the situation. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Ness's bulge. His hand hovered over it.

"Mike, what are you-"

Ness let out a shakey gasp and moan as Mike ripped his boxers down. His dick bounced up, a little bit of precum already dripping. It was then he noticed the bump in Mike's boxers beginning to grow.

Mike slowly moved his hand to Ness's tip. He gently pressed his thumb's pad down. It was so warm, and a strange feeling. Mike had jacked off, sure, and he wouldn't confirm nor deny if he had done so to the thought of Ness, but touching another man was an entirely different world.

Ness whimpered as Mike began to draw circles. He helplessly bucked his hips. God it felt good, and it was barely anything. He squeezed his eyes shut. You're such a whore, he's barely touching you! He thought. It didn't matter how much he cursed himself in his head, his body moved on its own. He craved more of Mike's touch.

Mike slid his hand down, stroking Ness's shaft. Ness kept twitching, struggling to hold still. One hand held him up against the desk, while he bit on the other, muffling moans.

To Ness's embarrassment, his writhing grew more erratic for a moment more before he pathetically cried out, his dick shooting cum onto Mike's tank.

"O-Oh my god-" Ness whimpered. "I-I'm so sorry-" He closed his eyes, absolutely ashamed.

Mike just stared. The sticky substance was on his hands but mostly his shirt. Why did it turn him on so much? He felt himself practically drooling...

Ness squeaked as Mike lifted him up, dropping him down on the desk (the non-soup laden part). He wrapped his hot mouth around Ness's cock and began to bob his head up and down.

Ness squirmed and whimpered more. He grabbed fistfuls of Mike's matted hair, the over stimulation was a pleasant torture. It felt like every nerve in his dick was on fire, and he soaked in the sensation of Mike's soft tongue.

He rocked his hips, selfishly bucking into Mike. He was practically sloppily fucking his mouth. It didn't take long for him to cum again.

Mike pulled away, swallowing the cum. His heart pounded as he looked up to see Ness.

"Kiss me." Ness pleaded, breathless.

Ness tugged Mike closer to him as Mike stood up. He wrapped his frail arms in a tight embrace, interlocking their lips. He swiped his tongue at Mike's mouth, catching the lingering salty taste of his cum.

After a moment, the two separated. They shared a moment of silence, besides their panting, and stared.

And then it was Ness's turn. He shoved Mike into his swivel seat, tearing off his boxers.

"Ness, what are you-" Mike protested.

"Shut up and just enjoy something for once, Mike." Ness barked back. It wasn't like him to be aggressive, but Mike wouldn't admit he did like it.

Mike's cock was certainly bigger than Ness's. Ness was a little longer than average, but Mike was thicker. Ness took a shakey breath before he spat in his hands and stroked Mike. Mike dug his fingernails into the arm rests of the chair. He never had someone else touch him before.

After a few minutes, Ness shimmied himself and climbed on top of Mike.

"Ness!" Mike nearly fell backwards out of the chair. "What are you-" It was too late.

Ness sunk down onto Mike's cock, wincing at first with a grunt. Mike moaned, much louder than he had wanted. Ness let himself get settled before he started to rock his hips. Back and forth, back and forth...

It was a gorgeous sight to Mike. Ness, riding his cock, with his dick twitching and bouncing against his torso. It was better than any of the fantasies he had.

In fact... He decided to take advantage of this.

Mike dug his fingers into Ness's soft sides, and lifted him up. Just slightly.

"Mike-!" Ness moaned.

Mike then slammed Ness down, Ness's hole swallowing Mike's entire dick. Mike continued to use Ness like a flesh light. Ness leaned forward, burying his face into Mike's shoulder. He pathetically muffled his whimpers and moans, even his little "fuck"s or "oh Mike"s.

Mike grunted, louder and louder, as the wet sloppy sounds of Ness's ass smacking his pelvis echoed in that tiny, dark office.

"Do you know..." Mike growled. "How badly I've wanted this?" He said through gritted teeth.

Ness could feel Mike's cock begin to tense up. "H-Huh?" He whimpered.

"Fuck, Ness- Fuck-" Mike bit his lower lip as he pounded Ness even harder. Ness could only cry out louder and claw at Mike. Their moans melted together.

"Fuck, Ness, I like you, okay?!" Mike shouted. Another thrust. "I-" He huffed. "Fuck- I, Ness- I can't-" it was too late, he gave in to what he wanted. He pounded Ness's tight little ass until he came, filling it with hot cum.

Mike quickly relaxed, wrapping his arms around Ness's waist. He tried to catch his breath.

Ness's head was swimming. It felt so... So good. He never imagined... Especially since he was still sitting on Mike. "Mike... I-"

Snores came from mike. He was snoring.

Ness rolled his eyes. He made a mental note to nag at Mike to fix his sleep schedule. He sweetly kissed his temple. "I love you too."

And he remained like that, until the end of Mike's shift where they then both awkwardly tried to somehow fix their wardrobes. It was useless, and they both shambled out the pizzeria without uttering a word.

When they saw each other the next day at Sparky's, both struggled to make eye contact. Ness doodled a little heart on their receipt, and Mike signed it with a heart over the i in his name.

[cricketnationrise]

3:00am, haus kitchen

@darthlivion/@transwicky - tumblr apparently ate your ask, but luckily I copied it into a google doc! have some olliewicks words for your table 💜🦗

want your own ficlet? my followers can prompt their own with these guidelines

🏒🏒🏒🏒

The Haus is still for once.

The kegster had wound down around one in the morning, the last hangers on gently but firmly ushered out the door by the lethal combination of Bitty’s implacable Southern manners and the looming presence of Ransom and Holster, standing just behind him. Even the most devoted partiers caved in the face of such a menacing one-two punch. (Everyone also knows that Bitty’s the scarier part of that combination—Holster and Ransom are just the muscle.)

Jack had been in bed by ten. Shitty and Lardo had disappeared to the reading room around midnight. Holster had piggy-backed Ransom up the stairs to the attic just before the Frogs left, Chowder held up between the ever-bickering Nursey and Dex as they stumbled back to their dorm. He and Ollie were the only ones crashing at the Haus tonight since tomorrow was their designated Bake Tester/Bitty Bonding day. Ever since Bitty had moved in, Ollie and Wicky and Bitty had to schedule their trio bonding time. It was depressing, having to schedule what was once as easy as calling across the hall from their dorm to his, but now they were guaranteed first crack at Bitty’s baked goods.

Ollie himself had conked out on the couch before the frogs left. Normally Wicky would be right there with him, buried in a blanket nest on the floor, but he’s too fucking wired. He wishes he could say it’s the result of whatever Shitty had dumped in the tub juice this time around, but he knows better. He’s not thinking about the why though. He can’t. If he looks at it too closely, he might explode.

So he cleans instead.

Wicky picks up solo cups and empty cans and soggy confetti (who let Shitty have access to a bunch of party poppers?). He sops up puddles of mystery liquid and gathers lost hoodies and hats and socks (Socks? Who is going barefoot at a kegster?) to put in the box of the porch once the sun comes up. The set of car keys he finds, he pins to the corkboard—Ransom or Holster will know whose keys they are and can get them back to their owner. Wicky wipes the stickiness off the kitchen counters and table and sweeps the floor. He’s just bagging up the trash when a soft, concerned Wicky? comes from the doorway.

He spins to see Ollie in the doorway, looking adorably confused as he hides a yawn in his shoulder.

“Thought you were asleep, Ollie,” he says, quietly so he doesn’t wake the rest of the Haus.

“I thought you were gon’ sleep. What’re you doin’?”

“Just too amped from the party, I think. Got a jump on the clean up. Figure Bitty would appreciate—”

“Wicky.” Ollie cuts him off, mid-ramble. “Was it— Are you—” he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Should I back off?”

Wicky’s mouth goes dry. Apparently Ollie doesn’t want to let him continue to ignore the root cause of his restlessness. Rude of him, but it sort of sounds like—

“Back off?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. You were right there next to me on the dance floor.”

Wicky gulps. “You— you weren’t just…”

“Jesus fucking christ, Wicky. I wasn’t just anything when I pulled you against me by the back of your neck. I wanted you pressed as close as possible. I thought you wanted that, too.”

“Oh.”

“But it clearly made you uncomfortable enough that you’re cleaning at three in the morning, so. Do you want me to back off?” Ollie repeats, meeting his eyes squarely.

“Just, to confirm, or whatever. You were flirting with me tonight?”

“I’ve been flirting with you for weeks, Pace.” He rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably. “Or trying to anyway. I couldn’t really get a read on whether you were flirting back or not. Tonight was a chance to see if you would.”

“Oh.”

In the quiet that stretches between them, Wicky can’t hear anything but the thundering of his heartbeat in his ears. Ollie has been flirting with him. For weeks. Flirting with him.

“I’m really gonna need you to say someth—mphff.”

Wicky cuts Ollie’s words off with a kiss. He pulls Ollie as close as possible, deliberately mirroring their positions from earlier tonight. He’s got one hand on his waist, the other cupping the back of Ollie’s neck, holding him firmly in place. He’s not sure how long they kiss for, only that it feels fucking amazing, his best friend matching every movement of his mouth. It feels sheets warm from the dryer—safe and comfortable, lived in.

He kind of never wants it to stop.

[exhausted-archivist]

Cookbook Sample Preview...

I'm perfectly normal about this, totally calm. But I noticed on Sunday that the Dragon Age official cookbook had a preview/sample that it didn't have last time I checked. To summarize, it shows the Table of Contents and 7 new preview recipes along with 2 from an earlier sample release. It's basically previews the whole first section "Starters and Refreshments".

I will be putting things under cuts in case people don't wanna see things. From now on and after its release, the tag I will be using for the cookbook if you want to block is #tastes of thedas or #da: tot

I will also be silently combusting inside as I try not to let the excitement amp me up too much. I expect to fail this mission lol. (Spoiler I did fail and have been making my excitement everyone's problem.)

So, the cookbook sample. Amazon had a scrolling preview that wasn't as nice as the spreads so I made them into spreads like we got with the previous six recipes. You can see them here in this post.

But the following is the full spread of the sample from the cookbook. It gives us the cover, the two title pages, the table of contents, an introduction of a new character/narrator, the table of contents for the Starters and Refreshers section, and the 9 recipes within that section.

Beneath the images, I have transcribed the lore blurbs of the recipe as well as give an image description, but I didn't type out the recipes. That's for a later post (Also because it doesn't fit on this post. I hit the limit, sorry.) For a similar reason, I'm not adding my commentary to any of the recipes.

Contents

Introduction - 7

Starters & Refreshments

Eggs à la Val Foret - 11 Nevarran Blood Orange Salad - 13 Fried Young Giant Spider - 15 Stuffed Deep Mushrooms - 17 Rivaini Couscous Salad - 19 Crab Cakes from Kirkwall - 21 Fluffy Mackerel Pudding - 23 Snail & Watercress Salad - 25 Cave Beetles - 27

For the Road

Spiced Jerky - 31 Grey Warden Pastry Pockets - 33 Pickled Eggs - 35 Unidentified Meat - 37 Seheron Fish Pockets - 39 Crow Feed - 43 Black Lichen Bread - 45 Hearth Cakes - 47 Peasant Bread - 49

Soups & Stews

Merril's Blood Soup - 53 Fereldan Potato and Leek Soup - 55 The Hanged Man's Mystery Meat Stew - 57 Fish Chowder - 59 Sweet and Sour Cabbage Soup - 61 Lentil Soup - 63 Nettle Soup - 65 King Alistair's Lamb and Pea Soup - 67

Main Courses

Stuffed Cabbage - 71 Antivan Gnochi - 73 Antivan Paella - 75 Grilled Poussin - 77 Gurgut Roast with Lowlander Spices and Mushroom Sauce - 79 Nug Pancakes - 81 Fish in Salt Crust - 83 Roasted Wyvern - 85 Nug Bacon and Egg Pie - 87 Starkhaven Fish and Egg Pie - 89 Cacio e Pepe - 91 Turnip and Mutton Pie - 93 Smoked Ham from the Anderfels - 95 Roasted Turkey with Sides - 97

Sides

Sera's Yummy Corn - 103 Stuffed Vine Leaves - 105 Honey Carrots - 107 Nevarran Flat Bread and Yogurt Dip - 109

Sweet Delights

Blancmange - 113 Poison Stings - 115 Dalish Forest Fruit Cobbler - 117 Dwarven Plum Jam - 119 Sour Cherries in Cream - 121 Treviso Energy Balls - 123 Rice Pudding - 125 Goat Custard - 127

Baked Goods

Antivan Apple Grenade - 131 Found Cake - 133 Varric's Favorite Cinnamon Rolls - 135 Croissants - 137 Cherry Cupcakes - 139 Chocolate Cake - 141 Varric's Favorite Pastries - 143 Sugar Cake - 145 Lamprey Cake - 147 Tevinter Pumpkin Bread - 151

Drinks & Potions

Lichen Ale - 155 The Hissing Drake - 157 Hot Chocolate - 159 Antivan Sip-Sip - 161 Dragon Piss - 163 Rivaini Tea Blend - 165 The Golden Nug - 167 The Emerald Valley - 169 Chasind Sack Mead - 171

Conversion Charts - 173 About the Authors and Photographers - 174

Introduction

Dear Mum,

It's me, Devon! I'm all grown up now-- or, well, more grown up than before. You always said I was too much like a child for my own good, and given the number of times you caught me daydreaming about going off on some grand adventure instead of sweeping the floors, I will grudgingly admit that you probably - probably - had a point. But guess what? I finally went on an adventure! A big one! Just like the Hero of Ferelden!

Okay, well, maybe not exactly like the Hero of Ferelden. But I did travel across Thedas! From Ferelden to Orlais, to Rivain, and even Tevinter. Plus, everything in between. It was a long journey, Mum. Weeks and weeks on the road, with the occasional bandit or beast. You'd probably have hated it, but, by Andraste, I loved every second of it! The sights! The sounds! The food.

Oh yes, the food. The reason why I set out on this journey to begin with. I know that I wasn't particularly adept in the kitchen the last time we saw each other. And, yes, I do remember that I nearly set Castle Cousland aflame with my first attempt at a stew. But I am pleased to inform you that I have been practicing extensively, and I think that, if the position still existed, I could take up your mantle as the Cousland family's cook. Granted, I doubt I would be able to fill your shoes completely; no one could manage such an impossible task. But I like to tell myself that I still would be able to make you proud.

And that takes me back to this journey and the all-important question of why. Why did I spend the last year traveling from one end of Thedas to the other, sampling whatever local cuisine I could get my hands on, even dishes that were downright strange? You're probably thinking that it's because the Hero of Ferelden ate it at some point - yes, that's certainly part of it, though I'll have you know that I tracked down foods enjoyed by the Champion of Kirkwall and the Inquisitor as well! Not to mention all their companions. But the truth is, Mum, throughout all of this, you were right there with them at the forefront of my mind. Because when I thought of ways to honor you, I kept coming back to the most important lesson you taught me: Love through food.

Every time I left your kitchen with a warm, full belly, I felt your love for me. And though I can't do the same for you anymore, I can fill this book. I can stuff it full of different recipes, dishes you've probably never even heard of, and think of you with each new entry. Because, you see, Mum, underneath all that childlike excitement, the dreams of adventure and heroism, I'm still very much your child. And I always will be.

Thank you for everything, Mum. I can't wait to share this book and the lessons that inspired it with the rest of the world.

Love, Devon

Starters & Refreshments

Eggs à la Val Foret

Image Description: A pancake with ham and a sliced poached egg with paprika and herbs on top sit on a silver platter.

Recipe Blurb: Ah, yes. Tons of cream! Exactly what I've come to expect from Orlesian cuisine. Do I have any tips for creating the perfect poached egg? Well, ever since I heard that Solas's bald head was once likened to an egg, I simply try to make my eggs just as round and shiny! So far, it's worked wonderfully and never ceases to put a smile on my face.

Nevarran Blood Orange Salad

Image Description: A wooden bowl rests on a rock, it holds a colourful salad with blood orange slices resting on top.

Recipe Blurb: Although I knew that Divine Victoria left behind a life of wealth and privilege to join the Seekers of Truth, it wasn't until I was in Nevarra, seeing exactly what she'd given up, that I truly gained an appreciation for the path she'd chosen. The best way to describe my first glimpse of the gardens of Nevarra is that it was like seeing a painting come to life. For a long moment, I could only stand there, so dazzled by the richness and vibrancy of it all that I was half-convinced I was actually still napping in the carriage. Surely, there was no way such beauty could be found outside of a dream. And yet the beauty before me was very much real.

So, too, was the picturesque tableau that arrived later that day on a plate: perfectly cut slices of blood orange artfully arranged on a lush pillow of bitter greens. Was this a meal or a still life, I wondered. In truth, the answer was both. For Nevarrans, food is as much a feast for the eyes as for the mouth. But even if your arrangement isn't quite worthy of being displayed in a museum, this salad will sing a symphony on your tastebuds.

Fried Young Giant Spiders

Image Description: A metal bowl filled with salad greens and fried crab legs arranged on top. Plate sits on a wooden table with a metal item and a smoking pot in the background.

Recipe Blurb: Just as people on the surface raise cows and goats, the dwarves underground raise spiders. Yes, to eat. The legs are fried and served with a sauce, which, true to dwarven fashion, is made with some type of alcohol. The precise kind depends on the establishment where you're eating your spider legs. Unfortunately, I couldn't get an exact recipe from any of the chefs I spoke to. These sauces are apparently closely guarded secrets and have spurred many a nefarious plot to acquire them-the competiontion to be crowned Orzammar's Best Sauce is fierce. But I've been assured that lichen ale is generally not used.

I've therefore come up with my own recipe, based on the many varieties I sampled while in Orzammar. Given that sourcing the requisite spider legs above ground is not nearly so easy, and the demand for such exports is minimal, I've subsituted them with crab legs. It's not a perfect match, but it's close enough to satisfy me.

Stuffed Deep Mushrooms

Image Description: Three mushroom caps fulled with a green, cheesy blend topped with chives. Placed on a platter that looks like a cut of wood, red capped mushrooms with white spots in the right hand corner in the foreground.

Recipe Blurb: Though the mushrooms growing underground in caves and in many parts of the Deep Roads are all called "deep mushrooms," there is no singular variety. In fact, there are several! Some mushrooms are squat, with broad, flat caps, while others are long and spindly, reaching toward the sky like an old man's gnarled fingers. They also have a multitude of applications, used in the creation of everything from restorative potions to deadly poisons. But in Orzammar, mushrooms are farmed for eating!

I was able to sample some of these dwarven delicacies, prized for their unique flavor and intoxicating scent. After only a few bites, I was struck with inspiration. How delicious would one of these mushrooms be when stuffed with cheese and spinach? The answer is: very. Rest assured that I selected this particular variety of deep mushroom not only for its shape, which is ideal for holding the maximum amount of cheese (and spinach), but also for the fact that it does not carry the darkspawn taint. While certain dwarves will insist that a deep mushroom's proximity to lyrium and darkspawn can only improve its flavor, I am quite content to leave that particular question a mystery, especially where lyrium is concerned. Although I'm hardly and expert on the stuff, I can't help but think about Fenris and how much suffering he endured as a result of his lyrium-infused markings. It seems to me that, barring any natural resistance, lyrium and the body are two things that probably shouldn't mix.

Rivaini Couscous Salad

Image Description: A copper bowl filled with couscous, mixed with various veggies and a mint leaf on top. A letter with an amulet from Alistair in the bottom left corner - merch from the BioWare store.

Recipe Blurb: When I first encountered couscous, I mistakenly believed it to be a grain, like rice or the more familiar Fereldan barley. I was swiftly corrected. In fact, couscous is a sort of pasta, made with semolina flour and water, although it's far smaller than your typical Antivan pasta. Couscous has a very mild flavor on its own--maybe slightly nutty. But where it excels is in its ability to soak up surrounding flavors, making it a perfect base for any salad. I'd love to experiment further, but so far, this particular combination of red bell pepper and mint has proven to be incredibly pleasing.

Crab Cakes from Kirkwall

Image Description: A caste iron pan over a bed of coals and flames, filled with battered soft shelled crabs, red peppers, and lemon slices.

Recipe Blurb: I love it when recipes add a dash of whimsy into the mix. Food shoulf be fun. I, therefore, took it upon myself to put this into practice with a classic Kirkwall dish. After all, who hasn't looked at their crab cakes and wished they looked a little more like crabs? Okay, maybe I'm the only one who's thought this. But now that I've brought this possibility to your attention, I'm certain you're interested as well! Best of all, these extra-crabby crab cakes stay true to the original recipe's flavors, so nothig is lost--only gained!

Fluffy Mackerel Pudding

Image Description: Two red small bowls with baked masked potatoes and a slice of hard boiled egg on top sit on a net with a starfish in the background.

Recipe Blurb: Can it really be Feast Day without fluffy mackerel pudding? No! In fact, there's no dish I associate more strongly with the holiday than this unique combination of mackerel, onion, celery, and eggs. Granted, I've heard stories that, several decades ago, someone once attempted a diet consisting entirely of fluffy mackerel pudding. Now, that I certainly wouldn't recommend. It stops being Feast Day Fish if you eat it every day, no?

Snail & Watercress Salad

Image Description: A wooden bowl resting on a river rock, filled with a salad comprised of mixed greens, radishes, and cooked snails.

Recipe Blurb: When the Avvar can't get their hands on a gurgut or a wyvern, they turn their attention to smaller prey. Much smaller prey. Snails are found on many a hillside boulder, making them an abundant source of food for the Avvar. Now, while some would wrinkle their noses or cry out in disgust at the prospect of eating a snail, I am pleased to report that, when prepared correctly, the texture. and flavor are actually good! I could happily eat a plate full of snails dressed in butter and oil, but those still on the fence about a snail's place

Cave Beetles

Image Description: A carved bowl holding cooked whole prawns, lemon slices and herbs sit on a rock with fake beetles and a black rock with blue glowing lines in the background.

Recipe Blurb: You think that, after snails, I'd balk at beetles? Never! In fact, I greatly enjoyed this dwarven dish, which involves roasting cave beetles in their shells. However, I recognize that many may not have a palate that's nearly so adventurous. If that's the case, the cave beetles can be replaced with whole prawns while keeping the rest of the recipe the same. That being said, if you do enjoy the variation with prawns, I really recommend giving the cave beetles a try. They're quite similar in both texture and flavor. If you were to blindfold yourself, I doubt you could tell the difference!

[thesaintelectric]

forgot to take my own pictures because i was enraptured by its power but i made this miso fish chowder tonight and it was so good. miso sweep.

[floaroma-sanctuary]

Adoption Spotlight!

Stop number four brings us to the beautiful region of Sinnoh and our next Pokémon! It's Chowder the Munchlax!

Chowder is an allergy alert service Pokémon. While his previous owner's allergy was nuts, he can be trained to alert for a different allergy. His previous owner was a really small child who, to his family's surprise, grew out of his nut allergy completely, which made Chowder's requirement unnecessary. He was brought to us to find him a new home, and he's a very happy, healthy, and young Pokémon.

Chowder is currently trained to do a sweep of new locations ahead of his assigned person to detect traces of allergens, to check food for any food-based allergens, to alert if he finds a trace, and retrieve assistance in the case of an allergy attack. Despite what they are commonly known for, Munchlax have incredibly sensitive noses and make amazing allergy alert service Pokemon. As previously stated, he's currently trained to alert for nuts (all kinds), but he is still able to learn other allergens.

When Chowder is not working, he loves to relax and exist near his favorite person. He does not particularly like to play, but he does love to listen to music or stories. His ideal day would look like sitting under a tree with his favorite person, listening to them read a book.

There are some concerns with owning a Munchlax. One being their intake of food. This is largely overblown. They do eat a little more than other Pokémon their size but are completely fine as long as their dietary guidelines are being followed. They don't standardly hoard food in captivity. The second is that they are known to evolve with strong bonds of friendship. They can decide to evolve if they are strongly attached to their partner, but Chowder has shown absolutely no interest in evolution. In fact, he's shown a pretty large aversion to it.

If Chowder sounds like your perfect fit, contact the Floaroma Sanctuary at this blog or stop in anytime Monday-Friday, 8 am to 7 pm, or Saturday, noon to 5 pm.

[creepymutelilbugger]

Stew or soup

Cake or pie

And then what are your favs of what you pick

i really like ramen, like, actual good ramen from a restaurant, and i really like Vietnamese soups like pho, and I don't really like stew unless you count chowder, bc i fucking love chowder, but i also really like cioppino which might technically be a stew

pie vs cake is like a B-2 Spirit vs a Honda Accent, or Ethernet compared to two cans connected by a string, or a bong hit vs a contact high, there's no comparison, pie sweep

my favorite kinds of pie are key lime and cherry i think, but mixed berry and lemon meringue are also extremely good , and i have a soft spot for the classic apple

[pinkleafsheep]

I feel like we need to just agree that too force exists beyond power scaling

If you think you've found someone that can beat SpongeBob then you've either found a god or someone who's about to get executed by the square bastard

"but Goku sweeps!" Chowder knew the fucking hakai before it was even introduced to dragon ball Gokus going to fucking die

[finiffy]

Ukulele will forever be my #1 sexyman material for the polls but wow does Chowder need to win this just to beat up Clef and make him lose

Need a Chowder Sweep miracle

[exclusivetransportationservice]

How To See The Sights Tours Bermuda On A Budget?

With its world-famous pink sand beaches, lush botanical gardens, and vibrant island culture, Explore and see the sights tours Bermuda. While hotel rates and dining may suggest an ultra-luxury destination, value-focused travelers can still enjoy Bermuda’s charms without breaking budgets.

Follow these insider tips to experience the island’s natural wonders, rich heritage, and affordably old-world charm.

Rent Scooters for Flexible Sightseeing

Avoid pricey taxis by renting mopeds or scooters, Bermuda’s most flexible and affordable transportation option. Convenient depots across the island, like Oleander Cycles, rent scooters for just $50-70 per day. Zipping along scenic coastal roads on mopeds allows you to stop spontaneously at beaches, parks, and roadside attractions that catch your eye.

Book Guesthouses for Homestyle Hospitality

Numerous family-run guesthouses dot the island for cozy digs, often with home-cooked breakfasts included. Properties like Aunt Nea’s Inn and Deep Dene Guest House offer charming antique-filled rooms for just $150 per night. Their idyllic gardens, ocean views, and friendly Bermudian hospitality provide quintessential island stays without resort price tags.

Try Local Specialties at Hole-in-the-Wall Eateries 

Skip pricey resort dining by sampling authentic Bermudian dishes like fish chowder and shark hash at no-frills local joints. Long-standing institutions like Art Mel’s Spicy Dicy and White Horse Tavern serve hearty, affordable classic fare in laidback settings. For cheaper lunches, visit parish eateries like the Flanagan’s Irish Pub and Hideaway Café tucked inside Hamilton’s alleyways.

Top Free Sights and Activities

With turquoise coves dotting its shores, sight seeing tour Bermuda delivers some of the world’s most stunning beaches free. Top public options include horseshoe-shaped Warwick Long Bay and family-friendly Shelly Bay Beach Park.

For sweeping island vistas, hike the Railway Trail cutting clear across Bermuda or walk the Royal Naval Dockyard’s ramparts overlooking the Great Sound. Wander past the hillside cottages and gardens of the Botanical Gardens and Camden area to admire their cheerful pastel facades bursting with flowers.

In the Royal Naval Dockyard, explore British maritime history at the National Museum of Bermuda, the towering Commissioner’s House, and Casemates Prison – all free to enter. Don’t miss watching the iconic Gombey dancers in their colorful feather headdresses perform mesmerizing routines at public events.

Take free walking tours, like the African Diaspora Heritage Trail, that highlight the island’s black history and culture. Sign up for free historical reenactments that bring Bermuda’s old naval and military traditions to life.

Top Value Tours and Attractions

For just $15, purchase 1-day ferry passes for hop-on, hop-off access to Hamilton, St. George’s Island, and Dockyard. These ferries enable easy island-wide adventures. To explore underwater shipwrecks and coral reefs, book snorkeling trips with outfitters like Fantasea starting at $35 with gear rentals.

At the Crystal and Fantasy Caves, underground guided tours cost only $22 for wondrous glimpses of glittering stalactites and stalagmites. For $50 combo tickets, tour the Botanical Gardens and Masterworks Museum of Bermuda Art showcasing island history.

Save on golf with late afternoon tee times at top courses like Port Royal Golf Course, with rates dipping to $75 during twilight hours. For discounted spa treatments, visit hotel spas like the Fairmont Southampton’s Willow Stream Spa during weekday or off-peak hours.

Embrace Bermuda’s Island Spirit on a Budget

Beyond flashy resorts and luxury boutiques, sightseeing tour Bermuda rewards travelers seeking authentic local charms – often absolutely free. By mixing sightseeing via scooter with guesthouses, local eateries, and free beaches, value visitors can still capture the island’s magnificent scenery, culture, and hospitality.

With insider tips and flexibility, savor Bermuda’s natural and historical treasures without overspending. You may just find its old-world beauty and welcoming spirit make the island a priceless destination.

[bikepackinguk]

Day Forty

Getting up out of the tent to behold the same sunny view across the water is quite a start to the day. It's easy to forget when sat at home just how damn beautiful so much of the country really is.

So let's go see more of it! Out of Drumbeg it's mostly downhill to warm up the legs before the stiff ascents begin once again, with a steep climb up the hills over to Clashnessie Bay.

The road here feels like it's been carven out of the cliffside by giants, with the bones of the mountains forming the shoreline until reaching the beautiful beach by Clashnessie.

Climbing back up from sea level once more, I swing a right turn off the road to head past Achnacarnin and Clashmore to stop by Stoer Lighthouse. The view down the coast is incredible from here, with some of the Hebrides visible in the distance and the ever-present mountain ranges looming all around.

After the 4 mile ride out here, it's another 4 back again to get back to the B869 and keep heading south. A few more climbs and the path sweeps down for some nice flats past Clachtoll.

There are plenty of big clouds further unland, but it's a lovely sunny day by the sea and the beaches along here are filled with holidaymakers making the best of the weather and multiple stunning beaches and bays.

Not for me though! Hitting sea level of course means one thing - another big climb is about to begin. And as our American friends would say, this one is a doozy.

Starting off with a few steep hills past Maiden Loch, the road begins twisting up sharply into the hills which causes as much work for me as it does for many of the vehicles heading by.

A long slog up is rewarded finally with views of the next valley which look like entering another world. After the emptier moors previously, it's a descent down into a deeply forested valley which thankfully grants a little shade from the beating sun. The road of course quickly throws some more climbs in along the way, so it's still a good bit of work before emerging from the other side of the woodlands and heading into Lochinver, with a nice view across the waters of Loch Inver.

Whilst at the hostel in Inverness, there was a poster in the kitchen highlighting various Scottish foods, of ehich the only one I'd not yet tried being Cullen Sink. I'd resolved to ensure I tried it on this journey, and given all the hard hills on this stretch I felt a decent late lunch here was a good plan. I've been very generously sent some tips from the wonderful @annatrekkie and @danieldddddddda here so a hearty fish chowder, new potatoes, and a well earned ale have been on them. Thank you my friends!

Whilst enjoying a good feed and a rest of the legs, the weather does take a turn and the clouds start rolling in to throw down some heavy rain. It's on with the waterproofs once more, and exiting Lochinver into yet another climb up past Loch Culag.

The winding road out here is off into some true wilderness, with it being possible to go a fair ways between isolated dwellings, and the hills keep coming and coming. The weather does manage to clear up at least, and despite the sloggery of the ascents I'm still smiling at the views of the untamed countrysides.

Passing Loch An Eisg-brachaidh, I bump into a hiker also heading around the whole coast! It's only the second person I've encountered doing the same journey now, and we have an enjoyable chat sharing experiences and joys of the journey we've been having. Good luck on the rest of it Chris!

The road past here swings inland once more, and it's back up into the hillsides again past Rhegreanoch. It's a twisting, turning path as the route heads up and down the hillsides.

I'm a little shy of Badnagyle at around half 6 when I stop for a break just shy of the next summit and, checking the forecast, it looks like the clouds rolling in ahead are set to chuck the rain down for a good few hours. Given all the work today so far, and still being in a good bit of sleep debt, I figure it's probably wisest to get pitched up and shelter rather than jeep moving through the rain and have to set up later in the midst of a downpour.

The rains start coming in just as I finish setting up, so having clambered in I'm now safe and dry on a nice patch of grass as the rains heave down around the tent. A successful end to a hard day!

That said, I'm pretty happy with today, even if it's just been 25 miles of progress made. Whilst it seems obvious, it's interesting to observe how this long on the road has been getting me quite a bit fitter than I was, and I've been able to slog my way up a good few gradients that, a minth ago, would have had me getting off and pushing up. The journey so far has been a hell of a workout!

TTFN!

[lastchancefm]

Richie laughed along with Danny and tried not to let his thoughts stray to shoving him flat to the table in his room, tugging those apron strings. He felt bad, shaking his head to clear the thoughts away, Danny trusted him after all. "You are a certified snack, that there is no denying." Rich made a quiet interested sound at the hypothetical. "I wanna make like, fresh fresh sushi or clam chowder or anything that takes a bunch of fresh dairy. I can't choose. Fuck. I'm gonna start drooling." He grinned at the duelling growls, focusing again on making sure that Danny would leave his home well-fed, possibly needing to be rolled away by the time Richie was done with him. "I got this." Richie mimicked a high growl, making someone walking a few feet away double-take as they passed, he simply laughed. He pressed ahead and dramatically got the door for Danny, bowing at the waist with a sweeping gesture.

"Yes, chef! No, chef, 'fraid I ain't got that apron on me! Maybe it's for the better, I don't wanna end up bein' the meal on the dinner table here." It was an innocent way to keep the joke going, at least Danny thought so, not really thinking further into it, or even realizing how he must've sounded. Maybe one day he'd learn to just let Richie's jokes go. But it was not that day. "I'm curious... if we had any resources we'd like, and I mean anything, what would you cook for us?" Oh, what Danny would give for some seafood, or mac and cheese, or virtually anything lathered in some barbecue sauce... his stomach growled, and the puppy hidden under his jacket growled back at it. "Hush now, li'l one! You'll give us away!" He whispered with a breathy chuckle. Guess the protein bar didn't work much.

[bestloversfan]

Katniss feeling happy/admitting she felt happy because of her feelings for Peeta:

"So, in a way, my name being drawn in the reaping was a real piece of luck,’ says Peeta. For a moment, I’m almost foolishly happy and then confusion sweeps over me. Because we’re supposed to be making up this stuff, playing at being in love not actually being in love." (The Hunger Games)

"When I wake, I have a brief, delicious feeling of happiness that is somehow connected with Peeta. Happiness, of course, is a complete absurdity at this point, since at the rate things are going, I'll be dead in a day. And that's the best-case scenario, if I'm able to eliminate the rest of the field, including myself, and get Peeta crowned as the winner of the Quarter Quell. Still, the sensation's so unexpected and sweet I cling to it, if only for a few moments. Before the gritty sand, the hot sun, and my itching skin demand a return to reality." (Catching Fire)

"I’m light-headed with giddiness. What will I say? Oh, who cares what I say? Peeta will be ecstatic no matter what I do. He’ll probably be kissing me anyway. I wonder if it will feel like those last kisses on the beach in the arena, the ones I haven’t dared let myself consider until this moment." (Mockingjay)

"I poke around in the pile, about to settle on some cod chowder, when Peeta holds out a can to me. ‘Here.’ I take it, not knowing what to expect. The label reads LAMB STEW. I press my lips together at the memories of rain dripping through stones, my inept attempts at flirting, and the aroma of my favorite Capitol dish in the chilly air. So some part of it must still be in his head, too. How happy, how hungry, how close we were when that picnic basket arrived outside our cave." (Mockingjay)

[hockey-prose]

smh game night

my brain wouldn’t leave me alone until i put these thoughts down in a post but it’s 4 am and will probably be incoherent. anyway. (woke up this morning to finish this up, tired as hell but i’ll be thinking of this at work today, i just know it.) also i’m tagging @absolutepie because i feel like you’d think of more funny scenarios and as mutuals, i have to respect your craft lmao

so the smh gang are all spread out on the east coast. none of them are very far from one another, but sometimes on the weeks where bitty’s had a lot of trouble with the cook book and the publishing company and ugh!! and jack has been having a rough week with the falcs (not his teammates but sometimes his self doubt gets the better of him. his therapist says healing isn’t a straight line and he feels marginally better) shitty has law school by the throat but when the weekend comes, maybe he just wants to relax on the couch with lardo and her big ass electric sketch machine (he should really learn the name of it so he can buy her a new compatible pen for christmas)

LONG STORY SHORT: they try to have game nights every weekend either at jack and bitty’s or at haus 2.0 with the frogs, the taddies, and even the waffles get an invitation, though they’re still a little occupied with school. ollie and wicks (love them) can rarely make it but always dominate the night. but sometimes work and personal life gets in the way and not everyone wants to put in the effort to travel a couple hours for a game night. it’s reasonable!

so, the smh gang proposes online game nights. they start on skype, which is a disaster.

(“jesus fuckin christ jack, i thought you had the fastest internet known to man and yet bitty is still a minute behind on everything.”

“it’s not my fault, shits. i’m not god of the wifi router.”

“well, you should be.”)

then they migrate to discord for a little bit, but it’s not user friendly for everyone. nobody talks about the summer of 2019 when jack cursed up a storm trying to get the microphone out of push-to-talk mode when it wasn’t even in push-to-talk.

and so it’s not long before everyone is locked inside and forced to use zoom for everything anyway. but it’s better than skype for connection reasons, and easier than discord for technology reasons, so it’s good.

so the game changes every week. sometimes it’s a huge game of uno online that doesn’t make much sense. other times it’s a tense battle of go fish on one of those sketchy websites where you don’t really trust it but when there’s nothing else!

honestly they could just get a couple games for the gaming consoles they have, but then everyone would have to shill out the money for said consoles if they don’t have them and it’s not worth the time. everyone has a computer or at the very least, a laptop that can run both zoom and go fish at the same time.

but one week, it’s bitty’s turn to pick the game they play. and he has a good idea. so good, he doesn’t even reveal what it is until the night of when everyone is eagerly waiting. when bitty shares his screen and starts playing the ‘shark tank’ music, everyone gets hyped. (tv show where small businesses and/or potential businesses pitch their product in front of a panel of judges to see if they want to invest in the product.)

bitty distributes a starter of $10,000 to four people in the call and tells them that they’re the investors (the sharks). shitty, jack, nursey, and holster are the sharks. people lose their shit when bitty asks for certain members of the crew to give their pitches. lardo, chowder, whiskey, and ransom are the people giving pitches.

lardo obviously wins the first round, and then a second one starts up, with a sweeping victory from whiskey. everyone is clambering for a chance to be both a shark and a pitcher, but by then, it’s the end of the set hours for game night and everyone has to sign off. but bitty says that the next time his week to choose the game, he’ll do this again with different people as the sharks and pitchers.

soon there’s a tally in the haus 4.0 group chat about who has the most wins. lardo is first, with dex behind her, ford in third place, then ransom and holster tied for fourth. if ollie and wicks showed up more, they’d be higher on the list. jack is near the bottom, while bitty is directly in the middle.

the people who win the week before get to be the sharks. they decide the winner on who has the most approval from the sharks. there are four sharks, so it’s majority. if only two sharks invest, it depends on what other people have been given. the money that’s decided on is given to the people immediately as a rolling fund so that they can participate next game night.

lardo has been a shark almost the entire time, but she greatly enjoys critiquing nursery’s work in particular because he has such fantastical ideas with no way to execute them. dex always goes to simple. chowder is a good player and he’s been a shark a couple times, but he really, honestly, enjoys pitching a lot. bitty likes being a shark, but he invests in everyone so his money is always so low. jack invests in no one besides bitty and sometimes shitty. ransom and holster invest in each other’s things. shitty has been a shark maybe twice because his products are batshit crazy. (love you shitty)

shitty likes to think he’s a good persuader outside of being a lawyer but it never works out in his favor. dex, chowder, ransom, and lardo are the best pitchers for their products. bitty is a close one, but sometimes his products are more just what he dreams up that he needs to assist him in the kitchen. nursey, holster, and shitty go for the humor route.

because they’re all friends, they can rag on each other’s products and ideas so much without getting any feelings hurt. i’m thinking the smh gang works much like the jenna julien podcast when they play this game where if it’s shitty pitching to lardo, she’ll automatically say she’s out before he can even finish because his product is either a pun or just bad. the zoom is overrun with yelling and arguing, but at the end of the night, everyone says they had a lot of fun.

i have no conclusion to this. but i think i got all my thoughts out. if i have more, i’ll reblog this and add on but for now, thank you for your time lmao.