#chosen grandma
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Do you remember that post about a Granny who’s the Chosen One? My friend @elizmanderson wrote that book! It comes out next month, and now you, yes you, can know what your life would be like if you were in the world of THE REMARKABLE RETIREMENT OF EDNA FISHER! Feel free to share your results!
And if you want to know what Edna’s life is like, consider preordering an ebook, hardcover, or paperback! Preorders and info about in-person and virtual launch events can be found right here!
If you like audiobooks, consider donating to the Kickstarter to fund an audiobook version of EDNA.
Image ID: an orange graphic featuring the cover of THE REMARKABLE RETIREMENT OF EDNA FISHER by E.M. Anderson. The text reads:
What Would Your Life Be like in the World of THE REMARKABLE RETIREMENT OF EDNA FISHER
SHIRT COLOR
RED PLAYED BINGO
ORANGE ENCHANTED FLYING CARPETS
YELLOW PRACTICED SWORDFIGHTING
GREEN SEARCHED FOR MAGICAL OBJECTS
BLUE BECAME A KNIGHT
PURPLE STUDIED MAGIC
BLACK TAMED DRAGON
WHITE TOURED A SCHOOL OF GALLANTRY
GREY LEARNED TO KNIT
BROWN VISITED A MAGICAL MARKET
MULTI BAKED ENCHANTED COOKIES
WITH
BIRTH MONTH
JANUARY KIERNAN
FEBRUARY THEOBALD
MARCH AMIR
APRIL METHODIUS
MAY REDWAY
JUNE SHIRA
JULY CLEM
AUGUST BENJAMIN
SEPTEMBER JEANINE
OCTOBER MONICA
NOVEMBER EDNA
DECEMBER JADA
BECAUSE
SUN SIGN
ARIES SOMEONE SAID YOU COULDN'T
TAURUS BINGO IS BORING
GEMINI YOU WERE ANGRY
CANCER THERE WAS A DRAGON ATTACK
LEO JEANINE SAID YOU HAD TO
VIRGO YOU DEFINITELY DIDN'T START A FIRE
LIBRA YOU WANTED REVENGE
SCORPIO YOU WERE BORED
SAGITTARIUS SOMEONE TURNED YOUR SWORD INTO A RING
CAPRICORN YOU WERE HIDING FROM JEANINE
AQUARIUS SOMEONE STOLE THE SWORD OF DESTINY
PISCES YOU'RE THE CHEERY ONE
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Less than 24 hours to go before THE REMARKABLE RETIREMENT OF EDNA FISHER releases and the whole world can meet the precious meowmeow, babygirl, love-of-my-life trash disaster Redway 🥺
And question my sanity, probably.
Buy links below the cut if you also want to meet my angsty, angry, attacking-people-with-dragons-instead-of-therapy babygirl!
Directly from the publisher: https://www.hansenhousebooks.com/product/the-remarkable-retirement-of-edna-fisher/
Amazon: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0BSP1X5WC
Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-remarkable-retirement-of-edna-fisher-em-anderson/1142927658?ean=2940167041790&st=AFF&SID=Barnes+%26+Noble&2sid=Linktree+Pty+Ltd_100589976_NA&sourceId=AFFLinktree+Pty+Ltd&cjevent=29bb797adfcc11ed83f300f10a82b824&dpid=tekz25v83&cjdata=MXxOfDB8WXww
#The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher#chosen grandma#villain simp#simping#hes babygirl#its undeniable
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I may have reblogged the above before, but @elizmanderson wrote the book!
THE REMARKABLE RETIREMENT OF EDNA FISHER (Hansen House Books 2023)
In which a geriatric-turned-Chosen-One sets out to take down a sorcerer killing knights like her long-dead son- until abuse in the ranks makes her question who needs saving.
Magical girls but they're grandmas.
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Can I call you 'magical Miku guide'
All Mighty Holy All Seeing Overseer Magical Miku Guide is preferred......but that's kinda long 😔
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if there's one thing chiyo's grandma is gonna do, it's meddle. you can count on that lady to tell chiyo's friends exactly what's up. man i love her
#the fact that i've never chosen a proper first name for her is so rude of me bc she's a wonderful lady :' )))#ain't nobody trying to write with chiyo's grandma but dude i think i'd write that lady in a heartbeat if given the chance#she's just such a good and supportive person that i wanna burst!!!!#literally chiyo's safe space and anyone else if they needed her#you need a maternal figure in your life?? guess what you got one now chiyo's grandma is your grandma now#gosh i'm a little emotional about it#anyway let me go choose a nice first name for such a nice lady -- it's what she deserves ;v;#get ready to ramble | ooc
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oouuuggh dadsem au
#it wouldnt make sense but what if kairi was like. a replica...what if ansem made her to be a dotter....#kairi grandma chosen to help raise her....imagine
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#transgenderism upon ye#you can’t stop me#no Todd’s no masters#diversity win! the person who destroyed your secret base is trans!#canon means nothing to me#I make it all up in my head#maybe the REAL legacy we left is the multiple bastard children we made along the way#my courier discovering more fun lore about his mother#‘oh she had another kid? 👍 great’#your great grandmother is the reason the NCR exists and now you’re at war with them#thnx for destroying the cathedral grandma but now I have to reload again because these nightkin saw me while I was trying to help ghouls#with rockets#surprise! this was an anti Come Fly With Me post the whole time#I am not trans so please let me know if I’ve worded something wrong 💕#fallout#fallout 1#vault dweller#the chosen one#fo1#fo2#I think that’s all the tags?#I do not care if you are gay straight or trans I am blowing up your oil rig#then act like I don’t know nobody 🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷#SO many babies were made#fallout radiation is fleeting#fallout protagonist rizz is forever#my fallout oc’s family tree looks like a pyramid scheme#they are all connected#my lone wanderer and courier are second cousins
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#i had a good birthday today :D#i got Starbucks earlier and then i went to olive garden#ofc my dad told them it was my bday 💀#BUT the waiter was SO nice#he have me lots of mint chocolates :3#also everyone in olive garden said happy birthday to me it was so nice o.O#but before they sang happy birthday to me#they asked my name so i had to say my birth name and not my chosen name </3#bc my grandma doesn't know :c#it would've been so nice if they said my chosen name 😭😭😭#next time i guess :')#but yeah I've actually had a good birthday hehe#thank u to everyone that said happy birthday to me >////<
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Someone likes to sleep under my desk chair when I’m not there. 👀
#dog#dog photos#grandma asked if the dog was inside so I peered into the office and YUP. sure enough. under my desk and chair.#my older sister is his chosen hooman but he sure does love that spot 🤣
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Sorry-- this is about the poll post you reblogged:
Natsume was in a poll??? A catboy poll??? He's not even a catboy!! The stupid fecking mask isn't even something he wants to wear, and he doesn't even wear it for most of the series rrraaahhhhhh I'm gonna go flip a table
i'm kinda unreasonably ticked off by that idk why
he was indeed in a catboy poll. i understand why you'd be a lil annoyed bc yeah the cat mask isn't his choice. i do believe he IS catlike anyway, just based on his behavior (he is a cat, really)... but im gonna be entirely honest i dont really know what a catboy is supposed to be. i'm not really hip w the kids.... lol. like, is it a boy who acts like a cat? bc then... yes he could fit bc he's catlike in his personality. not even in a cringe way. or is a catboy a boy who dresses as a cat? bc if thats the case, then no he shouldnt win on the basis of the cat mask being a torture device, etc (tho i DO wish he wore it more bc it was supposed to be his symbol and he was supposed to wear it on all his missions and tbh it feels like higuchi tachibana just forgot abt it and that bugs me).
i think natsume deserves to win whatever poll he's in just because he's perfect, but it's a little unfair to pit him against much more popular characters from trending anime. i'd rather ppl just NOT include him, especially since he was only included to create more rounds on the poll, not bc op actually cared abt him as a character, but i can't enforce that even if i wanted to so. cest la vie and all that.
#poor natsume#hyuuga natsume#ga#gakuen alice#tardytothepardy#answered#no seriously i have no idea what a catboy is#u dont have to tell me. i dont really care very much. im happy living my way#with the soul of a reclusive crazy cat lady grandma.... thats the life ive chosen for myself and im ok with it#u youths with ur tiktoks and ur catboys.... bizarre!!!! baba anya doesnt understand any of it
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Me: becomes another year older
Literally every one of my extended family: happy birthday GIRL, what a nice young WOMAN you have become! How is your FEMALE dominated major coming along. Oh you still like hiking, I remember when you were 9 going into GIRL scout camp and now look at you! Such a sweet GIRL you are, my favorite GRANDDAUGHTER. I'm so impressed you, a FEMALE GIRL grew up with all those boys in the family. Here's a PINK card for my favorite little GIRL, well I guess you're not a little GIRL anymore, you're a WOMAN. You know it feels like yesterday when you were born and the hospital stuck that PINK BOW in your newborn baby hair and poof! There's a new baby GIRL in the family! Did I mention how much you are a FEMALE GIRL WOMAN FEMININE you have become (completely ignores the short hair and button up men's shirt i am wearing with no boobs in sight)
#my grandma asked me when all the females start dressing up in the nursing uniform for school#her words not mine#i am literally still working on nursing school prerequisites i still have a couple more years until nursing school starts#and by that point ill probably be on t and definitely not look like a girl#my birthday was 2 days ago and it has been nonstop this for a few days#no offense to the color pink but why must everyone insest on giving me pink everything on my birthday#or more specifically why did my grandparents get me#a grown ass man#a pink and gold card that said happy birthday granddaughter on it#its making me feel more dysphoric than i normally am#at least everyone uses ny chosen name#but im 99% sure everyone forgot i was trans since my chosen name is pretty fem sounding#so everyone uses the name but continues to act like im a girl#minus my dad and step mom#they are doing great so far#transgender#transmasc#trans
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i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.
adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.
right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.
it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.
still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.
i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.
i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.
so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.
coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."
and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.
still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.
i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.
so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went
...oh.
and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.
so i did.
i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.
i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.
it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:
*ptooie.* "that all you got?"
i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!
but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.
my coach did not.
i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.
"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"
and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said
"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."
which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.
and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.
fine.
but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.
and then he left.
and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."
but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.
and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.
he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.
and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.
#whew boy this make me anxious just typing it#wrestling#middle school#the dread#i feel like i have to write some stories about my grandpa not being a dick#because he was actually an amazing grandpa#he just had a few goofs are very comedic moments#and you know if you're gonna have a goof making it comedic is a virtue in itself#he was there for me more than a lot of my classmates dads were#and i dont want that undervalued#yeah#babylon-lore
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The German "self-ID" laws will let parents pick what sex their baby is, up until 5 years old at which point the child will need to express they want the change as well. Wild.
#At least thats what I can see from all the news articles#I can't read German so I can't go check the law itself#Also a large fine for deadnaming do I get to claim that if people don't call me my chosen nickname since it's my trans name??#Sorry grandma ur getting the fine
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“well what if he ran over a family of 17 and then hit the second tower” what if the world was made of jello
#if my grandma had wheels she’d be a bike type scenario#like why are we excavating and what ifing and what abouting#let’s remain guided in the path we have chosen please#pixietxt
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Why are you so afraid of growing old? Is it because of the idea that you’ll be unattractive? Fat? Sick? Because if the answer is any of the above please unpack why you feel that way. You are not immune to fatphobia, ageism, ableism, and body negativity, and your fears are not inherently neutral.
Accept that you have a human body that will change over time. No shut up do it
#Look my grandma recently died of congestive heart failure. She was sick my whole life#My mother used to use her as a threat against me#Saying that if I wasn’t careful I’d get old and be like her#And I only relatively recently began to unpack the fact that#Holy shit#the Reason why I was so scared of getting old#The reason my mom did that#Is ableism#It’s all ableism. Always has been#I pray to get old#To live a good life as a good man#I want to get old!#Ableism#ableism tw#Fatphobia#fatphobia mention#ask to tag#I feel like it should really go without saying that this post is aimed toward abled skinny people#But people in the notes do not seem to be getting it so: THIS POST IS AIMED TOWARDS ABLED SKINNY PEOPLE#When I say ‘accept that you will age’ I’m talking about people like that asshole who went insane about aging and dying being natural#Or the people who are desperate to look younger#Or anyone who sees aging as a moral thing#As if somehow being perfect will save you from the punishment of growing old#I see a lot of people talking in my notes trying to justify their fear of aging and I think they should really consider that context#At the same time I also could have been more careful with my phrasing and I apologize.#I have chosen not to edit the original because it wouldn’t make a ton of difference#Given the version currently circulating#But I hope at least some people will see these tags
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https://www.tumblr.com/fairie-grl/742807151930638336/if-you-dont-like-max-thats-fine-no-one-is
I’m the one who wrote this and you really don’t get anything. He’s not a perfect person and I understand why the use of mongol does offend you, but here’s a couple points.
1) Saying a man isn’t usually racist DOES NOT make you racist. Unless he said he agreed or what he said wasn’t racist at all, then he isn’t racist
2) yes, I’m a poc who defended him, but saying I did it because I want him to have gay sex is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. I don’t like shipping and it’s so stupid of you to think everyone who defends him does it because of that reason
3) it is about being racist because that’s what your whole post was accusing him of. You literally said that he has been openly racist, admitted to being racist, and has said the N-word many times. You have no proof of him doing any of this. All you rely on is your word, and when people tell you that he isn’t being racist, you just say “no, he is.”
You have no leg to stand on anymore. You can’t just come on the site, lie about a man being racist, make it about something else, refuse to give any more proof on how he was racist, and then say people only wanted to defend him because they want him to have gay sex. at first, I was just assuming that you didn’t know you were in the wrong, but now I think you’re outright mental. You seriously need to think about this. Because some people are giving you genuine logic and facts, and all you say is “no, he is a racist, because I said so” I know that’s not exactly what you said, but that’s basically what everyone is getting.
If he has admitted to being racist, show proof. If he has said the N-word multiple times, as you’ve said in your tags, show proof. If he is as openly racist as you say, show proof. There’s no such thing as people being perfect, and I’m not saying that he hasn’t done some very shitty things, But he has changed from that time and is trying to become a better person. Yes, he has said some ablest slurs, but not once. Has he ever been racist like you accused him of, but you’re not gonna see that. You refuse to see what you wanna see, and read anything but what you wanna read. I sincerely hope that you take time off of this app and get some help because obviously you need it.
There's nothing more you can make of that. I think the wording that was used, even with the different kind of cultures and things they probably said when they were younger, was not correct.
"Let it be a lesson for the future not to use that word because it's very offensive, especially nowadays it gains more traction."
#these are articles i used to make my opinion#i feel like using the 'it just his family' remark dowsn't work with romantic partners#that is a choice he makes#i have broken up with people for less then political opinions#also him not kneeling#i know the kneeling was an american idea lewis did but max chose not too#max picked sponsor over showing an ounce of care for poc#if i was a part of his pr team i would slap him for that tbh#so many celebs made half hearted remarks#i acknowledge max said racism bad but#kneeling is the easiest way to show he cares#also as an american the idea of 'it just what he said back in the day'#doesn't work with me#my grandma grow up in an era with nword being the norm and she never says it#i grow up around black kids saying it all the time as a term for friend and i never said it#america has a this image of being the most rasict#seeing how you have chosen to defend the netherlands i feel like we might have been dethroned#also max is german#saying you aren't defending his ablest statements is not the own you think it is#i know you aren't open to changing you mind#but know you are upholding the same systems that are actively harming you#i personally could never
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