#childhood trauma for ts

[dailytraingirl]

i wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me.

you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.

(four children household, second oldest only daughter, no mother, manipulative & emotionally unavailable father)

[hauntedfalcon]

("make the au more fucked up, I dare you" you say? well, who am I but to oblige)

marion hid the scar from his father for an entire year. a physical mark can be covered up, but how do you hide the absence of a daemon? a little kid wandering around, a dead canary clutched in his hands, and suddenly there's no more birdsong following him about. he has to hide her, because even if she's not moving she's gotta be alive, because he's alive, and he knows with a seven-year-old's certainty that if the adults notice then they might get rid of her. he finds an empty matchbox for when she's a butterfly and tries to keep her in his biggest most comfortable shirt pocket when she's a bird and he tells the finnerty boys - all three of them, with their shepherd dog souls nipping at their heels - that they've made a game of seeing how long she can stay hidden for, or that she's asleep in his pocket, or that she's right over there but she's pretty small so maybe you just can't see her, and ignores the sensation, the creeping dread, that something vital inside him is rotted. (sean finds out, and so do his brothers, and he swears them all to secrecy. in the end, it's his own slip-up that gets him caught.)

jinnah watches her father cut the boy away from the dead bird, and tries to remember the feeling of insect's legs walking along the back of her hand. he kicks and screams in all the ways she didn't, watching it turn from avian to insect to avian to nothing but dust, and she wonders - only for a moment - if the empty hole in her would have finally settled into a beetle, or a spider, or a maybe even a snake, like the great python winding about her father's neck.

okay all right okay you know what

I was just thinking about how maybe in this universe, maybe the first time Sean understands that a soul isn't the same thing as a conscience

isn't necessarily all the times that his Saoirse doesn't keep him from getting into trouble, what kind of daemon would she have been if she stopped him from doing stupid stuff

but maybe it's the time that he looks up after finishing that mission for Dr. Nero, and sees Saoirse returning to him with the remnants of blue and gold Dust on her jaws, already fading away to nothing

[naminethewriter]

You're Not Alone

Chapter Two: Home Alone

Masterpost | Previous | Next | Ao3

Finally back with this story for @edupunkn00b and the @sanderssidesgiftxchange! This chapter really didn't want to work with me for the longest time, but I think I'm happy with how it turned out 😅

Summary: Logan, Janus and Remus are celebrating their first Christmas as a married couple but a snow storm strands both Janus and Remus elsewhere, leaving Logan home alone. Knowing that the situation will trigger their husband, Janus and Remus need to find a way home.

Content Warnings: Childhood Trauma, Past Child Abuse, Vivid Flashback, Derealisation

There is a summary of this chapter in the end notes on Ao3 if you want to skip it. Stay safe!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The whistling of the tea kettle startled Logan out of his thoughts. When had he begun to drift? He glanced at the clock, letting the events of the last hour play back in his mind. He had been working, then noticed how late it had gotten. Janus still wasn’t home, so he went searching for his phone which was when he noticed the snowstorm outside. He’d gotten on a call with Janus which Remus then joined. Both were stuck and wouldn’t make it home tonight.

Logan took a deep breath at the reminder. He would be fine.

While pouring the boiling water into his already prepared mug with a chamomile tea bag inside, Logan took another look around the kitchen to see if there was anything he missed during his clean-up.

There wasn’t.

Which was bad.

He needed a distraction, but he knew for a fact that the house was nearly spotless. With Remus gone for a week, there was not much to clean up in the first place, since he and Janus were naturally tidy people.

The pots are stacked in the wrong order, minus ten points!

Logan flinched as his mother’s voice echoed in his head, but he resisted the urge to open the cabinet again to check on the pots. They fit inside and that was all that mattered.

You didn’t vacuum the corners thoroughly enough! I’m removing five points!

He ducked his head, sipping at his mug but the tea hadn’t had enough time to steep yet. He placed it down, noting that his hands were shaking. Maybe there was laundry left to do? No, Janus had made sure that was finished yesterday, so that they wouldn’t need to deal with it on Christmas Eve. Maybe watching a movie would distract him?

What are you doing, just sitting around? You should be studying! If you don’t get a perfect score on your test, I will not take you with me to visit my mother on her birthday!

The shill echo of her voice still managed to give Logan a headache. But she wasn’t there. He hadn’t seen her in over a year and she wasn’t allowed to contact him. He wasn’t in school anymore and his grandmother had died two years ago.

His attempts at grounding himself weren’t enough to keep her voice out though. He could see her in front of him, seemingly so much larger than himself, waving around a test of his where he missed two points. Only two points. Two missing points that got him locked inside his room while his mother went to Thanksgiving dinner with his other relatives. She always claimed that Logan got sick to them, telling Logan it was to safe him the embarrassment.

He had believed her for so long.

Had believed that all his relatives would ridicule him over not being able to live up to his mother’s standards.

Why aren’t you in your room?! I didn’t allow you to come downstairs, did I?! Huh? I don’t care if you’re hungry, you don’t get anything until it’s time for dinner!

In a last attempt at getting rid of her, Logan removed the tea bag from his mug and downed the still scalding liquid in one go.

It hurt so bad, tears sprung into his eyes.

Stop crying already, this is all your fault!

He squeezed his eyes shut.

She’s not there.

She’s not there.

She’s not there.

She is not there.

Until she was.

“Don’t ignore me, Logan. I told you to stop.”

Her voice was harsh, as it always was. Logan tried to brush away the tears with his hands but they wouldn’t stop flowing.

He needed to stop. Mother was already angry. He needed to stop.

He couldn’t stop.

“Honestly, if you wanted to go so badly, then you should have studied more. This is because you didn’t work hard enough.”

But he had worked hard. He had done all the exercises his teacher had given them. He had read all the chapters five times. He had spent hours every evening to commit everything to memory.

And it still hadn’t been enough.

And he was going to spend another Christmas all alone because his mother was going to lock him in his room while she goes to Grandma’s house.

It wasn’t fair!

He shook his head.

Of course it was fair. Mother had said beforehand that he would need to stay home if he didn’t get a perfect score. He had known the stakes and still he’d fallen short of her expectations.

It was only right for her to enforce the rules.

The tears finally stopped.

“Are you done now?” Mother asked, voice completely cold.

Logan nodded, eyes remaining on the floor.

“And you understand that you are in the wrong?”

Another nod.

“See, that wasn’t so bad to admit now, was it?”

He shook his head. His mother sighed.

“This would all be so much easier for both of us if you just accept that what I’m doing is what’s best for you.” She grabbed his arm, grip tight enough that he couldn’t escape but not yet digging into his flesh. He stumbled after her as she dragged him up to his room and inside.

A plate with a single slice of bread with cheese was placed on his desk.

That was all she would leave for him to eat until morning.

“Now, be a good little boy and reflect on what you’ve done wrong. I want an apology from you tomorrow morning. Understood?”

“Yes, mother,” Logan answered, once again staring at the ground. He was afraid that if he looked at her, he would start crying again.

“Good.” That was all she said before letting go of him and leaving the room. She shut the door behind her and a moment later, Logan heard the familiar click of the lock engaging. Her footsteps got quieter as she went downstairs.

Logan waited until he heard the front door close and the car leave before he dared to move. With few shaking steps he got to his desk, sitting down. The slice of bread stared at him, mocking him for being a colossal failure once again.

His mother was right. This was all his fault.

If he had just tried harder. If he had studied just a bit more, then everything would have been fine!

But he didn’t, so he had to sit here, all alone.

Like he deserved.

Then, suddenly, the doorbell rang.

Had his mother come back?

No, she wouldn’t need to ring the doorbell.

Again it rang.

But the sound was different. That wasn’t what the doorbell in his mother’s house sounded like. No, that was the bell in…

A third ring.

Logan’s eyes flew open. He was on the floor, in front of the bedroom he shared with his husbands. How had he gotten here? Hadn’t he just been in the kitchen?

His hands hurt. They were balled into fists at his side, the nails digging into his palms. Slowly he released them.

The bell rang again.

He should get up and open it. The storm outside was still raging, whoever was out there must be freezing!

It took Logan several tries to get back on his feet and he almost fell again on his first step. He leaned against the wall to keep steady and slowly made his way forwards.

It rang another three times before he made it to the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m coming!” he called out. Taking a deep breath, he let go of the railing and walked the last stretch to the front door.

“Who’s there?” he asked, one hand on the doorknob, ready to let in whoever it was but still wanting to be cautious.

“Darling, it’s freezing out here, let me in, please?”

Logan’s eyes grew wide and he swung open the door as fast as he could.

“Janus?!”

[tsfander]

I know this was posted in January. But as a system, I want to talk about the DID section of this post. And before I say anything, everyone’s opinions are valid, especially if you experience plurality yourself. But there is a big problem with this section that I feel needs to be addressed, even if it’s been a while. Because I’ve seen this be said multiple times by different people, and some of y’all really need to be educated.

My Opinion

In my opinion as a system, Sanders Sides isn’t ableist towards systems. Again, different opinions are valid, this is just mine. Sanders Sides is very similar to Inside Out: Emotions or traits that are personified in order to tell a story. The only difference is that c!Thomas can interact with them and Riley can’t. But that still doesn’t represent plurality because there are so many other factors that goes into the disorder that isn’t interacting with personified characteristics that Sanders Sides portrays- which isn’t accurate to what alters actually are.

If it WAS about c!Thomas having DID, then I’d agree. Because Sanders Sides isn’t a proper representation of systems and it was made by people who haven’t done proper research for it. But it isn’t, because they have specifically stated it is about Thomas’ singular personality.

And I can also see how systems could become uncomfortable with the idea that people who watch Sanders Sides could take that as a portrayal of DID. But I wouldn’t say it’s Thomas’ fault for other people being uneducated because it’s THEIR fault for being uneducated and it’s unfair to Thomas. It isn’t his job to educate people on a disorder he doesn’t have, especially when Sanders Sides isn’t about the disorder. They are actively trying to AVOID terms linked to DID, and they have asked systems about what to avoid. I think that is great in itself.

The System Section Of The Post

In all actuality, saying there is a resemblance between Sanders Sides and systems as closely as you did is terrible in itself. Saying that is harmful because it then makes other people think the same thing- which is misinformation. Sanders Sides doesn’t go into dissociation, trauma, PTSD, flashbacks, amnesia, alters, not knowing who you are, time loss- everything that makes up the disorder. And insinuating that “Logic” “Creativity” “Morality” and “Anxiety” is Sanders Sides resembling alters is just as bad because it doesn’t go into protectors, trauma holders, caretakers, littles or age-sliders, persecutors, gatekeepers etc. Which is ALL linked to trauma and PTSD. The sides do not resemble alters.

Sanders Sides does NOT ‘closely resemble’ DID. Saying that is bad because Sanders Sides is NOTHING like DID, a very complex, distressing disorder. And if you are spreading a stretch like that, then you are not educated enough to speak on the topic. Let other systems speak on it and reblog like you said you were doing, not write a whole section about something you don’t experience and completely sum it up as a whole as ableism towards systems. Which is what you did by putting it in the ableism section of the post- it doesn’t matter if you stated that there are different opinions among systems, because you only actually talked about one of them and spread misinformation while doing it.

There is a difference between saying:

“There are some aspects about Sanders Sides that reminds systems of DID, which makes some of them uncomfortable.”

And:

“Sanders Sides closely resembles DID, which makes some systems uncomfortable.”

Because while one is fine to say, the other is not true. Sanders Sides is not a representation of systems because it’s not about systems. It doesn’t resemble DID.

I’ve repeated this so many times in this post because it’s important that people really understand it.

(And as a side note, if you have a condition that makes it difficult to communicate like aphasia, you should not under any circumstances speak on topics that you do not experience because that is how misinformation is spread. It’s okay to have a friend who is a system who wants you to speak on it. But if you are making stretches like this that aren’t true because you are wording things wrong, then you shouldn’t. You can’t preface this post saying you might word things wrong and then talk about something that has so much misinformation already. You should let other systems speak for you instead. This is why a lot of systems do not like singlets talking about system issues. I genuinely am not saying this to bash anyone, I am saying this to educate + anyone else who may think the same thing. And because it has been a while, you might have already realized this, but other people might not have, so I think it’s worth talking about.)

-The Catharsis System

Ok. Its been 2 days lets talk abt how thomas participates in anti-blackness, antisemitism, & ableism.

I do have links to almost everything mentioned here, but some of them I do not have. Whether that be because I am expressing an opinion other people have or because I could not find it.

Also, I have something called "aphasia". Some parts of this will be phrased wrong and/or difficult to read. (Look up aphasia I'm not explaining it here.)

If you are a person of colour and want to express your opinion about Thomas being racist, feel free. If you are jewish and want to express your opinion about Thomas being antisemitic, feel free. If you are disabled and want to express your opinion about Thomas being ableist, feel free. I am not trying to speak over anyone. I am a black disabled man talking about things Thomas has done and including my own opinions.

I do not think Thomas does any of this out of actively trying to harm people. This is not me "cancelling" him. This is not me telling you you cannot watch the series or whatever. I am explaining things he has done. You come to your own conclusion about this using critical thinking.

Here is a response by @/voxakumasbitch, along with my own addition, that provides clarity and a more critical response to this post.

DO NOT TAG THIS POST AS FANDOM DISCOURSE.

Anti-blackness:

(note: if you, as a nonblack person, tries to tell me I am WRONG for saying this is racist and antiblack I will literally explode you with my mind. I am a black man, I know what is and is not antiblack & you cannot tell me what is and isnt. Dear god.)

Logan's vocab cards tend to be appropriation of AAVE (African-American Vernacular English), since it's based around what people assume is "internet slang" (for example, in Accepting Anxirty Part 1, Logan uses the phrase "You good, fam?" which is AAVE).

Another character of Thomas' that appropriates AAVE is Sleep, also referred to as "Remy" by fans, in his vines and shorts. This is because he is supposed to be a flamboyant gay man, but again, a lot white gay men appropriate AAVE from black gay men and queens (for example, "slay" is a term that people say came from queer culture, but it is a term that came from black queer culture).

Thomas made a Tik Tok talking about his roles in musicals. (I do not have this Tik Tok as I... do not have Tik Tok for mental health reasons and the idea of redownloading it is terrifying.) One (or multiple?) roles he talks about are ones of black characters. (I hope I don't have to explain how taking black roles in musicals is racist.)

The entire BLM Roman thing

During the height of the BLM protests back in 2020, a tumblr user (I will not say their user) drew a black Roman holding a trans flag. While this in itself is not racist, black people outside of the fandom (and in the fandom) expressed their discomfort with it. This art was later deleted, however their white mutual ended up creating art of black Roman angrily holding up his fist and it was captioned "I frantically drew this in a fit of rage." This user did not post about BLM before this, and also it's very weird to make a white character black to show your support of real black people being murdered.

Here is the post, along with an explanation of why this is racist by me (@/aleiimm) and my TSS mutual at the time (@/mvnte). Obviously, I do not condone the harrassment of this artist.

This sparked a weird """movement""" within the fandom where white fans, ignoring every black fander trying to explain how this is Racist, drew black roman holding up his fist. And because of this "movement", Thomas Sanders reblogged the original drawing, also ignoring every black fander. He later deleted this, without an apology or even a mention.

Here is a post by @/lamp-calm-sanders which explains it better.

(I do think this is a very big fandom problem, though Thomas contributes to it.)

Antisemitism:

This is specifically in relation to Janus Sanders' character being an antisemitic caricature. I have reblogged posts about this, but due to my awful tagging system, I couldn't find them.

(note: I am not jewish, this is me repeating what I have heard from jewish fans and my jewish friends outside of the fandom.)

I recommend finding actual jewish fans and their posts.

Obviously, making antisemitic caricatures is a lot more than just the traits you give the character. I think it's important to identify what was the original idea. In this case, Thomas meant to make a character based off of the "snake in the tree" from the Bible. I doubt he consciously meant to create an antisemitic caricature.

However, most antisemitism is unconscious. Most bigotry is. Just like how white people can be racist, even if they are actively trying not to— because racism spans over years and years— non-jewish people can be antisemitic unconsciously.

Janus is a greedy, selfish, lying half-snake character. There isn't a way to get around that. These traits on their own wouldn't necessarily be antisemitic, but combined they are.

Ableism:

This will the longest section.

In the ad "The Return of the Jam!", Roman refers to Logan Sanders as "Mr. Infodumper" negatively. (Janus also does this in Thomas' Among Us Patreon stream, if I remember correctly, though it is edited out of the YouTube video.)

As an autistic man, I dislike the use of this negatively, however, not every autistic person feels this way. I know autistic people who do not view this as ableist.

Virgil's crofters is named "Cranic Attack", based on on the word "panic attack". I do not have an anxiety disorder, though many people with anxiety disorders expressed their discomfort with this (and also many people said it was fine. Again. Not a monolith.)

Thomas Sanders does make an apology for this usage here (this link includes my response, @/gothybubby).

In this apology Thomas

one: claims that the term "infodump" is negative, which isn't true. The trait is not negative, but the way it is used by Roman (and Janus) is ableist.

two: claims that it is... the character's fault? "we were narratively depicting Roman to be in the wrong for saying it." Not a single character tells Roman off for this. It is not Roman's fault, he's a fictional character, it is the people AKA THOMAS who wrote the script.

And three: that Logan is going to get "vindication" for this. No one wants Logan to get VINDICATION, we want Roman to NOT be ableist.

Here is a response by now deleted user, @/suckerssides, and @/beeceit.

Here is a post by @/turneverybodyintopuppets

Dissociative Identity Disorder & systems

I do not have DID, this is, again, me repeating systems both in and out of the fandom. Also, again, lots of systems have different opinions about whether or not Sanders Sides is ableist towards systems.

I have a friend with DID who does not have Tumblr and is not in the fandom anymore who wants me to talk about this (this is also expressed in the tags of my reblog of my response to Thomas' apology).

I also have reblogged posts about this, but I couldn't find the ones I have reblogged that criticise this.

I recommend finding actual systems and their posts.

Sanders Sides closely resembles DID. Thomas talks about this in his video "Sanders Sides - BEHIND THE SCENES QNA" where he and Joan explains that they are not trying to represent DID, but a man and his singular (one) personality. Joan on their Tumblr made a post where they also talk about this (unable to find it, since their blog is deleted) and explained that they are trying to avoid using terms related to DID.

I know, for a fact, that thomas was going to make a video with systems to discuss DID and make sure to disconnect Sanders Sides from DID. This video was, obviously, never made. (I saw this being discussed in a discord by a system who was asked by Thomas to be in the video, but I am not a part of the discord anymore and I do not have this message.)

Still, it still resembles a system. People have express their discomfort with the sides having names for that reason. People have also expressed their discomfort with Thomas talking about the sides as if they are "real people" (unsure how to phrase this) since it makes it feel more like the sides being alters. For example, when Thomas made a tweet/instagram story where he stated "Logan has a new favourite book."

Here is a Youtube Video by The Entropy System that talks about Sanders Sides and DID

Here is a post by @/kiapet2 and my mutual @/aromanticpatton.

Here is a post by @/sticky7581

Flashing lights tagging

Thomas Sanders sucks as at tagging flashing lights. This is not an accidental, one-time thing. This is continous and has been a thing for years.

I need everyone to know that epilepsy and photosensitivity are serious. Seizures are serious and deadly. I have friends who have had seizures over his videos and I know fans who have bad seizures over his videos. Thomas Sanders and his team know that people have had seizures over his videos.

I have seen people say that he doesn't have to tag flashing and comparing it to trigger warnings. Trigger warnings are a different topic from flash warnings.

Thomas has struggled to tag flashing since 2018. This post by @/cisnesincorbata shows a timeline from 2018 to early 2021 of people sending asks to Thomas about it. I have also sent Thomas asks asking him to tag warnings, along with commenting it on his tweets.

Putting Others First was an episode that a lot of photosensitive people couldn't watch (I also know a lot of autistic people couldn't watch due to the noises and low hearing people couldn't understand Logan's voice). This video took almost a year to get a warning, and even then it is placed in the description, which is NOT a good place for a warning.

Thomas has gotten better at tagging, but this is still an issue that should be talked about. Forgetting is not a valid excuse when people's lives are on the line.

no TL;DR

Writing this post was the most difficult thing ever. If someone else wants to create a TL;DR, feel free, but I am currently out of spoons (look up spoon theory) and my aphasia is kicking my ass.

However, sometimes, things cannot have a TL;DR. Sometimes you have to take the time to read long ass things in order to understand. I acknowledge people have difficulty reading and comprehending things, especially if you are neurodivergent, but a lot of times this can be worked on. I am one of these people.

[give-grian-rights]

Mika I’m on my knees begging any taurian headcanons….. in exchange I will say that “bitter water” by the oh hellos is a taurian song

did you see my last one that talked about them having tomagatchis and stuff . . ALSO i must tell you that i cannot help but to associate taurian with space and time . time because grian's timetravel stuff and space because taurtis had a fun lil machinima of him in a rocketship once and like . they're vibes ok??

a lot of these are gonna be for yhs because we got Minimal moments of them in evo :(

they probably have a collection of a bunch of weird stuff . taurtis collects vintage and weird fish stuff (plushies, ceramics, paintings, etc) because he had that . weird familial attachment to Pufferfish Pete and his family . Grian collects miscellaneous rocks and Shiny stuff . probably got into some wiccan stuff because of Ellen

Grian tries to keep Taurtis awake during the day so he can sleep at night. If that doesn't work, then he'll stay up at night until Taurtis falls asleep.

When they ARE asleep, their position ends up some unholy knot of limbs . they both want to be the little spoon . instead neither of them do . on top of eachother, half way off the bed, holding onto the other's leg, torso, neck, etc in their arms .

Taurtis is only Slightly taller than Grian . but they are the same shoe size. they bought a pair of blue shoes and a pair of red shoes and swapped one with the other <3

a bunch of tacky friendship bracelets and necklaces they probably got at a dollar store or an arcade

they were warrior cat kids . look at them and prove me wrong

they played in the same game savefile and drive each other CRAZY before turning it into a game of who can log off in the most baffling, confusing manner. weird shit in their inventory, AWFUL log-off locations, bad armor, etc.

Grian washes Taurtis' hair . they never have been able to find a comfortable arrangement for it and it always leads to someone's neck hurting .

post yhs/ts Taurtis and Grian got taken by the Watchers to be trained, and basically learn how to live in Survival, build, etc. and its in that time that Buildswap happened, and THEN Evo .

post yhs/ts their world ummm blew up :blush: because sam and grian started the apocalypses and it was . idk if you watched tokyo soul but it got REAL FUCKED but the principal of it is that everyone died except for Sam, Grian and Taurtis. also pillsbury doughboy but dont worry about that. so the way i figure it is that that like . FUCKED SHIT UP because of how unnatural it was and so everyone there did permadie .

except Ellen, Domrao and J, because the Watchers looked at Grian and Taurtis after they saved them and was like "look at them!! look at these perfectly good baby gods!! they're traumatized! lets give them emotional support friends" and was able to bring them back under the excuse of them having potential to be good Watchers . which to be fair is probably true about Ellen . but honestly i think the only requirement to be a watcher is teenage/childhood trauma, looking at all my/the fandom's headcanons of who else are watchers .

there are other servers like YHS, that have movies and cities and cars, but Grian avoids them like the plague. Taurtis still probably finds them endearing, as he wasn't able to embrace the cultural of the independence of SMPs and Survival, like Grian was able to eventually.

Grian and Taurtis still have this weird connection and can kinda Know when the other one wants them. Grian can make the Taurtis Shrine, and Taurtis can make a Grian Shrine, and they're eachother's person.

Being Watchers, mean they can bypass a Server's Whitelist . do not tell Xisuma (he knows)

[hallowmoon-art]

Hiiiii ~ Curious about your MCs 🌱 🌪️ 🌌 if possible!

Hello, and absolutely!!!

🌱What is their most vivid memory from childhood?

For Yzme it would when she first really saw her curse in action so to speak. On one of her first jobs breaking and entering to steal with her guild, she was grabbed by the arm making her bandages come loose, but luckily an older member stepped in and saved her.

For Aelia, I wanted to play off what was said in the TS demo about the unnamed origin finding Kuras familiar. So that one won't be completely fleshed out until the game is out and if it even touches more on that line. But so far I headcanon that she saw him in one of her first visions and his face just really kind of stuck with her. Like out all the premonitions she has had, the one with Kuras was the most memorable.

For Halcyon, it would when they successfully cast their first spell. This one's pretty simple, but Hallie would have been extremely proud of themselves.

🌪️ What is the biggest change you've ever made to them? how have they changed from their original version?

Halcyon and Aelia were one and done. I didn't make any revisions to them. Aside from a possible wardrobe update in the future, I mostly likely won't change them. Aelia took about a day while Halcyon took about a week to make.

Yzme went through the most changes. She started out as the far left char before the devs released any info on the MC and once they did, I decided that what little I had come up with didn't mesh well, but I didn't want to start over completely. Kept some of the base aspects like the skin/eye color and hair type, and worked more around the curse and slightly changed the name- Esme to Yzme. Changed Esme's name recently so they didn't sound too similar. She's just kind of a fanon LI thing in the back of my head now.

Then not too long afterwards, changed Yzme's eyes to blue and gave her more straight hair instead of wavy. And in even newer pieces, Yzme's hair is a bit longer and I've updated her outfit a little.

🌌 What was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

The inspo behind Yzme is my own personality really. Out of all the origins, I feel like the Hound had it the hardest. They seem like a just a person. No special powers beyond the curse while the Unnamed has premonitions/can sense things and the Alchemist can cast magic. So Yzme deals with life like I do- dark humor and a smart ass mouth to cope with the trauma/depression. So the first thing I decided once I got her design down was how she'd snap back at people/have a mouth that got her in trouble, and that really aligned with the MC in the game so I was really happy about that. lol

Aelia's inspo is what I wish I could be sometimes. To be more positive through any hard time. That and I modeled her body closer to mine and her looks to reflect her bright personality (she supposed to reminiscent to a sunrise). I can also be extremely shy and anxious, and that was the first thing I decided for her when reading the Unnamed background. Someone who has social anxiety because they never left what was comfortable to them.

Halcyon's inspo was mostly just making a mage like character around themes I like - witchcraft, galaxies, pastels. I did this with my Arcana MC as well so if anything, I unconsciously pulled from her design a little now that I think about it. Both have pastel colored hair, orange eyes (well my Arcana MC originally had orange eyes), and they both can cast spells. The only more real life qualities Hallie has is the fact that they have mundane insecurities about their appearance. Hallie has shark-like teeth and slightly pointed ears. But they live in world with monsters that have horns, tails, odd eyes, sharp teeth, etc so it's not like it necessary out of the norm at this point, but they know it used to not be normal at all. I was making Hallie for either Leander or Vere and leaned into what Vere said about the MC. "Not quite human, not quite monster." It was something along those lines.

These have been my favorite questions to answer so far so thank you so much for asking!! I talk about my MC a decent amount. but I've never got to talk about the process in making them so this was really exciting!💕

[mbti-notes]

Hi! I’d (infj) like to better understand an entp in my life whom I recently had a difficult conversation with. How do entps usually show love and affection to those they care about? Do they trust easily, and how might one feel/ respond to finding out that they had unintentionally done something that caused someone they trust deeply to lose trust in them slightly? I noticed he tends to focus on practical solutions to these issues and am curious about what goes on for him emotionally.

Your questions are worded weirdly, vaguely, and abstractly, which usually indicates to me that there's something wrong with the approach. Personality type isn't a computer program. Each individual is a unique example of their type, with their own unique set of past pains and traumas that influence their decision-making in the present. Different people have different attachment styles from childhood that they carry into adult relationships. This would be a more important factor than personality type for understanding trust issues and how open a person is to showing care and affection.

Ts, by definition, do not like to get too emotional, do not have much facility or patience for drawn-out "processing" of emotions, and do not like to make decisions based only on feelings and emotions. They prefer logical problem solving. ENTPs, due to inferior Si, usually want to leave negative things behind as quickly as possible.

[houseofdracula]

I've been so so resistant to a PTSD diagnosis for years bc I really truly think I just have a smattering of Little Ts but my new therapist just hit me with the "I think your OCD symptoms in childhood are more a mix of ADHD and fear and trauma" and I'm like okay. and she's like you definitely have PTSD and I'm like OKAY I GUESS.

[bi-lullaby]

Hi! I would love to hear your analysis of Amelink! What do you see as Amelia and Link'a similarities? In what ways are their personalities different? Are you surprised that the writers moved on from them or did you expect them to be endgame? I'm excited to read your responses!

(thank you for the ask!)

…Does Link even have a personality at this point?

I’m mostly being sarcastic but tbh I can’t see a whole bunch of things I’d describe Link as that aren’t so generic even a dating profile would be more in-depth.

I liked Amelink well enough (their beginning was PHENOMENAL and so sweet and I thought they had all the potential to be The It couple) (althought I do gotta add I shipped them fort he same reason I shipped Merlink quite strongly: He’s A Good Man who’d bring some sparkle and light into the life of one of my “dark and twisty” faves) and if they’d stayed making each other happy, I’d have been pleased for them to stay together, and I did think we were gearing up for them as endgame. I loved that both their personalities were explicitly shaped by childhood trauma but in such distinct ways, I love that it gave Amy experience and… Wisened her? While it gave Link a will to fight, a. surety in the possibility of regrowth. I mean, even their specialties reflect that? The rigid, precise control you gotta have with Neuro vs how ortho is so intrinsically tied with self-regeneration and movement. However, the writers apparently took Link from “sunshine golden retriever sweetheart” (which was shallow but consistent) to “single-minded entitled man-child” in one fell swoop and left very little for me to cheer for, and although they seem to have fixed that, it just isn’t the way to repair them as a couple.

I have empathy for his position, honestly, I see where he’s coming from in a lot of their conflicts (Like, I had a “?” face throughout the whole time Amelia was villanizing him for… not wanting to potentially raise someone else’s child?, I get that he wanted to marry Amy and was in love with her and that from his perspective (at least initially) her refusal must have stung and confused him), I understand what he was trying to get at with regards to him drinking during covid/quarentine even if he was not expressing it in a kind way) so it’s less that I think he’s necessarily bad for her and more that they’d have to eternally be fighting off resentment of each other.

Plus, while if I was, for examplec writting fic before Kai showed up and stole mine and Amelia’s hearts, I’d have put them together and ignored their breakdown, I really do love Kaimelia and see potential in Jolink and in letting Link branch. out as his own character more.

You know that TS song that goes “he was sunshine I was midnight rain”? I think that fits them very well. Beautiful aesthetics, can be made to work well together within a narrative but ultimately weren’t.

[aliencrystals]

(first ask ever so bare with me idk if I’m doing this right)

I wanted to ask where you get your information on cryptids? Any YT channels, websites or even books would be appreciated.

second a spooky paranormal thing that happened to me. So I was probably 7 or 8 and was sleeping in my bed sideways facing the entire rest of my room with an eye mask on. It was really dark since I have one window in my room that just leads to the sunroom but I was sleeping fine until I suddenly started hearing a voice. It was a soft sounding woman’s voice and she just kept saying “Ts Ts Ts” over and over again. It wasn’t a piece of paper or something hitting something else it was a clear as day voice. I got scared and started calling for my mom and dad. My dad begrudgingly came into the room and instructed me to go sleep with my mom that night since he was gonna sleep on the couch where it’s cooler. As I left the room I heard a very distinct “whoosh” sound as if something leaped down. It couldn’t have been the door since it was open with my dads hand. I just ran to my moms room. Also a lot of weird noises (bangs and taps) just kinda happen in my house so who knows what I could’ve been.

anyway hope this childhood trauma was spooky and I hope I did this right

I apologize for getting to your ask soo late! Thank you for sharing this, that’s so creepy fr I’d never be okay after that 😭😭

As for where I get info, literally everywhere and I’ll try my best to list some of my trusted sources here: Here is A website with a very big catalog of cryptids and information on them!

Bonus stuff: Dust_hallow - Has very good knowledge from years of research on The Fae & so does Mintfaery Meganalismedium is a medium with great information about spirits and the afterlife Chaos Psion - Does a lot of videos on Metaphysics, chaos magic, psionics, etc but has some good videos on the Fleshgait and Wendigo Anna bridgland - has an entire channel dedicated to knowledge of The Fae too The Lore Lodge - Again, Lots of information on The Skinwalker and Wendigo & other topics too! Some videos about astral realms and their entities: Here , here & here ( i have not watched them all yet so dont take me 100% on them ) And generally i read from all over different websites and places written with extensive information from people such as witches, folklorists, mediums, to people with deep experience and those who've dedicated their life to studying this stuff. i love to keep an open mind but i do keep my skepticism and even though ive believed my whole life i am still learning ! hope all these help have a lovely day! 🩵🔮

[meatriarchived]

how do you analyse a character to know their mannerisms and how to write as them?

ooooo okay so, to be fair, i dont exactly have a set method to how i do it ts definitely just. i toss shit into a cauldron and see what sticks, what makes them tick what feels right and what doesnt gets yanked out so to speak.

if the character has source material its definitely alot easier to do because of the visuals they have! i like to re-watch scenes alot with characters to try and pick up little things on them.

for example with thomas - his actor had a habit of making small, jaw / teeth movements like grinding teeth / rolling jaw joints, and i translate those to mean either mimicking him hungering after victims, or with his agitation getting to him and him struggling to soothe it and keep himself in check. he also has moments of hesitation when charlie's barking orders - because i don't think inherently thomas wants to kill; but charlie stabs and twists his traumas back into him, repeatedly, and it sets him off. thomas is also just BRUTAL in his hits (perfect example when he kills the slaughterhouse boss at the start of '06) and not even simply taking his size into account for it, brutality is alot of what he knows from childhood - growing up with a father and brother who relentlessly antagonized him. so with that in mind, when he attacks, when he hunts down, when he kills, its him reflecting what he saw in his father and in charlie.

maria on the other hand, if we note how apparently the flores father has either passed or walked out on them some years ago (i follow moreso that he just. left.) maria had to grow up immediately, to be there for her mother, to be there for ana. i see her in her youth having had her head in the clouds, dreamily spending her younger years simply being a kid, being a teen, and truly saw no ill will in the world at large. and then their father left them, and she realized oh okay life isnt always kind but thats fine we've got this, i've got this. she stepped up following him leaving and did her best to do great in school, to help around the house, to help their mom. because of this though she hides alot of stress and anxiety, and while they dont always show outwardly to others, it IS made clear by her sleep paralysis / night terrors, its clear in her habits of biting on lip and insides of cheeks. of her wringing hands and fingers together, rubbing her wrist or arm or shoulders. its evident when she smiles so brightly but that light isnt reflecting in her eyes. maria i write to try and be truly as friendly and sweet and as sunshine incarnate as possible - however even the sun has its dark spots and hers is evident by her melancholy, her fears, hatred and anger. when she feels her highs she is truly warm and bright yet when shes at her lows she burrows into ground to go deeper - to hide.

nancy, as shes fresh on the mind still hers are more visuals than anything. she is reptilian and a.rachnid in movement. she is elongated limb coiling itself around prey, inching toward throat. she is eyes that see more than believed, eyes that are everywhere - in the walls, the ceiling, the furniture, the flames of candle. she is the lapse in time remembered, where one comes back to reality to find themselves not where they once where, with no recollection of how they got there. she is chameleon in the way she changes herself, altering her appearance, altering how she is viewed to the naked eye. she is face obscured by shadow, with unseen eyes glowering from darkness. she is the brush of web against skin that makes you flail arms in a panic.

otherwise though before i let this ramble a lil too long dbskd

i tend to focus and re-watch alot of scenes for those who have actual source material to go on. i look at faces and how expressions are made on them, how lips turn and twist, or how eyes widen or corners of lips twitch. how hands and arms express, how to describe tthe way they walk.

for those without real source material (like maria esp, like my trials muses) i look at gifs of scenes from other shows, see what mannerisms and little things that i attribute to the personality im gearing them for. maria's tend to show apples of cheeks, excited jumping in place, or the quivering of lip and chin when upset, the recoiling into herself in either attempt to hide or in disgust. for simmi its the rolling of shoulders and back muscle, the lucifer stare. its little things like that.

ill also say, ALOT of it has to do with the fact that ive written so many different characters over the years - from absolute saints to some vile motherfuckers. i have alot of... i guess i can call it "profiles" so to speak of behaviors that i tend to attribute to certain characters, mix and match with any canon personality traits,a nd then run with whatever i feel sticks. last time we counted, my offsite co-writer and i had about 530+ characters in a story we've had fun with for the last nearing fifteen years, so, safe to say i have alot of memorized mannerisms that i dont really need to go out looking for anymore c;

but truly, the majority of it is simply just hyper-focusing on available scenes and finding animals / symbols / etc that i can draw influence from for their behavior and voices.

[dusty-drabbles]

Lmao @ myself who knows every single word to every song on TS’s Speak Now album except for “Never Grow Up” and “Innocent” because 2010 Dustin still had dissociated/repressed childhood trauma and “just couldn’t connect to those songs for some reason” 💀

[leclsrc]

just wanted to say that i normally don’t read baby fics (childhood trauma represent) but sweetpea was so so so lovely and well written!!!

mate u & me both ts is never rly my cup of tea! thank u so much for giving the fic a chance nevertheless ily 🥹 stop ur so sweet

[saym0-0]

trying again. okay.

polymechs is very much a thing i think,, basira gets called to the institute to investigate a very serious murder and stuff but also has to avoid eye contact with jon(ny) so they dont start giggling

after basira gets hired/held ransom tim starts coming in and bringing lunch for the whole archives for no reason beyond wanting to fuck with the other assistant who before this didnt know jon and basira even knew each other. maybe they do the funny bit where he pretends to cheat w jonny but its really healthy happy poly. the possibilities are endless

i think tim would take her name also (tim hussain) this is not because i dont want to figure out how to contort gunpowder into a real last name nope definitely not (it is)(also i think its funny)

also they exclusively refer to him as her wife, when asked why they say its bc tim wore the dress at the wedding and thus deserves the title. also i think basira/ashes will use she/they bc theres something uncomfortable using she/her for ashes exclusively

simply because im not in the mood for angst im gonna say ts was always a Stranger, only they didnt notice for like a week because they were sleep deprived college students and by that point they decided collectively that it was good enough company to Just Not Really Think About It. so they know its some kind of sentient wooden doll with potentially nefarious intentions but they dont really care very much?

as for the other mechs, i dont think any of them are really involved with The Spooky beyond a mark from the stranger each and probably also noticing a little more than the average person off the street

marius is in med school, and takes great glee in adding 'yet!!' after he gets not-a-doctored

ivy works in a library and is consistently mad about jonnys job as archivist ('one day, jonny. one day im going to follow you to work and get that damn archive sorted.. >:(' )

tbh i Dont Know what most of them r doing in their own lives. they show up to perform shows, torment jon(ny) in fromt of his coworkers, and have like cute romance or smth then disappear again

i think jonny and nastya are childhood friends (maybe met a couple years after the web leitner thing) but they've been calling each other siblings since before any of the others met them

with georgie i think shes monogamous but since the mechs polycule is like. open im not sure the exact terminology she dated jon(ny) in college just like. separately from the rest. shes homies w all of them though

maybe they shared a flat in college and carmilla was their landlord & neighbour that sounds really funny actually

atp im more making a regular human mechs au instead of a tma crossover but we ball im having fun

also!! with the exception of jon(ny) and basira/ashes their names & personalities are exclusively based on mechs canon, im not gonna start using actual names because that just leans a little close to rpf for me (mcyt fandom trauma 😔) and they all have mostly human first and last names anyway so im keeping them

like with the georgie bit any tma ships are also possible!! idk which ones i want to include yet (probably jmart or polychives) if any but i do think it would be funny for someone to be like 'shit! hes taken! :(' like four times with different people over the course of a few months then realising 'wait a minute.. maybe my boss doesn't go through partners like candy and is actually polyam. maybe i do have a chance!'

okay this is actually making less sense the more i write so im stopping here you get the jist

need more mechs x tma aus with mechs ships, i feel like this is an unexploited form of comedy. this is entirely because i think ashes-is-basira and ashes-and-tim-are-married are two things that can and should coexist

[witchpieceoftoast]

finally had a decent conversation with my therapist yesterday about what it was like growing up with an adhd diagnosis, especially the trauma of having no one around me acknowledge that dx in any meaningful way or act like it had nothing to do with my behavior or problems as a child, and how frustrating it is to exist in the adhd community today where almost everything revolves around adult diagnosis and being seen as ‘gifted’ as a child.  i finally found some of the words i’ve been searching for around that trauma. 

and she asked me what i would like to say to child me or the people around child me, and it took me like, half the session, but i got to the place where i was like ‘i would like to compile all the research i’ve done on adhd and sit down with my parents and teachers and be like, so all the things you’ve been blaming on this child with adhd? this is how those things are adhd and not some kind of personal moral failing of this child. please treat this child with adhd as if they have adhd and not like they’re being bad just to make your lives harder! thanks!’ which was helpful to say out loud in a way i hadn’t expected.  because every single adult in my life growing up seemed to have missed that point and it’s absolutely unbelievable to me now.  part of me has always been like, well it’s just that my parents were abusive assholes, but it was literally every teacher i ever had from grades 3-12 also seemed to have trouble with the mathematics of ‘child with adhd experiences adhd symptoms.’  like, were educators from the mid 90s to the mid 00s really so clueless about adhd??

also, she made a comment at one point about how some of the ways my parents treated me reminded her of certain aba ‘therapy’ practices and uhhhhh that was a lot to take in! would have liked not-asshole parents. would have been nice. i see posts about families that just let their kids be neurodivergent and weird without abusing them for it and feel so much longing.

[laughingmagi]

Warning: Post heavily features references to various manners of child abuse

I’m not a huge fan of the concept that John’s father was hideously abusive. Wait. Let me elaborate. I’ve never gotten the feeling that he physically abused him to any heavy degree. He probably slapped him around quite a bit but he never beat the hell out of him or anything like that. The true measure of his cruelty was in the absence of caring. Thomas Constantine had never wanted John, and the fact that his mother had died giving birth to him hadn’t helped matters either. He had zero interest in John. None whatsoever. The only person who was only ever there for John in his childhood was Cheryl and even she couldn’t be everything for him. She was just a kid herself. What was tragic about John’s childhood was that he was essentially left to own devices. Running wild in the streets. Part of the reason for his borderline amorality when he’s at his worst.

This lack of connection to anyone (aside from his sister) is why his relationships tend to get fucked up a lot. He’s perpetually struggling with abandonment and trust issues while being positively hungry for affection. Very push and pull between the urge to keep someone at arm’s length while pulling them close. It leads to a lot of misunderstandings and strings of flings and one night stands. It should also be absolutely be said that he does have the psychology of an abuse victim. He doesn’t like his father but in a sense he doesn’t totally blame him either. The usual excuses. ‘I was a difficult kid.’ ‘I didn’t make it easy for him.’ In the darkest corners of his mind, the ones that he came to blame himself for his mother’s death, he low-key believes that he deserved it.