#chihuahua moment

[dev-solovey]

asserting dominance by demonstrating the chorizo scepter to my chihuahua

[spiderin-space]

“Reach into the shadows. To what might have been.”

[verdesart]

Stinky doodles

Chihuahua subspace truther

I lied hes actually a lizard

[fishareglorious]

its fun that people looked at windsong's 5'8 ass, ignored it and went "you're gonna be in the suitcase's women's basketball team." (she's now 6 ft tall)

[poyameows]

Started malevolent and I didn't realise the scariest part would be the entity growling.

[fungi-maestro]

Going totally ant mode after finding one crumb

[odysseys-blood]

literally how i feel any time i read this line. absolutely NOT

i think he's a great mirror type character for the mc depending on how much you draw on the default ra-on and their characterization, but more specifically their feeling of inferiority to solomon (which i take for my mc loyal). both the mc and bael are stuck filling in for a role for a king that neither feels they're well equipped for or were even born to hold and the fact that bael's so used to taking the fall that he's automatically ready to do it for you too is just. man. orz

[soracities]

im 5'4 and have a crush on a 7'2 man (hes a basketball player) but it will never work out our height difference is too awkward

my initial response was "what do u mean SEVEN???" but you know what....i am a perennial optimist and believe we are all souls first so i would venture for anyone THAT tall every height difference south of like, idk, 6ft 8 is already very awkward so who knows!!! maybe 6ft and 5ft are all the same from his majestic californian redwood vista ! (tall people absolutely feel free to correct me)

[rak-radial]

Chihuahuas with sunglasses playing UNO

[number1girl]

my boss is abusive like straight up <3 <3 <3 not even in a "donate to my gofundme to help me escape an abusive living situation and by that i mean my roommate asked me to do the dishes" type of way. like i am literally trapped in the cycle of build up explosive incident honeymoon phase

[likeabxrdinflight]

the funny thing about me is that, despite being a therapist, despite having plenty of close and meaningful friendships, despite having a mostly healed relationship with my parents, and despite everything I will ever say about attachment theory being far more complex than just sorting people into four discrete categories- I do, when that attachment system is highly activated, lean avoidantly attached.

avoidant attachment styles get demonized because to the person on the other side of that, it often looks very dismissive and cold. people with strong avoidant tendencies who lack insight into that pattern have a habit (broadly speaking) of running away and deactivating from closeness and intimacy. I mean it's right there in the name- avoidant. we're avoiding something.

what people miss, however, in discussions of this attachment style is what the person is running from. there's so little empathy for what the avoidant-leaning person is experiencing when that wing of the attachment system gets activated. and when it comes to someone who lacks insight, I kind of get it why it might be hard to empathize with them- directly asking someone what they're afraid of when they're freezing you out might not get you an honest answer if the person in question doesn't know, or isn't even aware that they're afraid of anything at all.

but I'm not unaware, and haven't been for some time. I have far too much training and theoretical knowledge, I've been in far too much of my own therapy, and I've come too far in my own journey to not recognize the pattern when it arises. and I finally, finally have a clear sense of where this pattern really comes from and what kinds of relationships are most likely to activate it...

all this to say, and I'm not going to elaborate on the details, is that there is a relationship in my life right now that I have badly needed to heal for some time, and I'm finally taking some steps to do that. but taking those steps is also badly activating this attachment pattern. the temptation to turn back, to return to the previous status quo and avoid the increased intimacy that I both want and need for this relationship to move any further is so strong. this is someone I was previously only talking to a couple times a year, and now there's been a pretty significant increase in communication (and that's a good thing,) but oh man am I sitting in a lot of anxiety about it right now.

and it's so tempting to pull back. everything inside of me is screaming at me to to run, to distance myself again, to avoid. and I know what's underlying this, I know exactly what it is I'm afraid of here, what memories are being activated, why I associate certain kinds of closeness with certain kinds of people with these memories, and what it is my body is trying so hard to avoid. but it's not so easy to convince your nervous system that something is safe when getting to that feeling of safety requires sitting in the very situations that made it feel unsafe in the first place (with an an entirely different and abusive person, mind. still, lizard brain doesn't see the difference between the person who hurt you and the person who won't). but there's no other path forward. I know this. this doesn't ever heal if I don't fix it.

still, it's hard not to fall back into old patterns. it's very hard not to assign outsized meaning to the anxiety, to fear that it will never go away, to not think of it as a sign that this is the wrong choice, that I do need to return to the feeling of safety even when it was unsatisfying. even when I wasn't happy with the "safe" status quo of this relationship. it's easy to convince myself that that was better, because I didn't feel nauseous about it, because I wasn't losing sleep over it, because I wasn't thinking myself sick over it. everything, everything inside me is screaming to run.

I can't run. I'll never move forward if I run now. this will never properly heal. I have to learn how to push through this, how to settle into a new status quo, a better one that works for both of us. I have to learn how to be close to people and let myself love and be loved and not fall back into old fears and doubts. and running away now is letting her win, which I really cannot abide.

and I just challenge some people to think of this when they want to act like everyone with avoidant tendencies is some kind of pathological narcissist (another word I take some issue with but that's another post). I am fighting through so much fear and anxiety right now, I'm fighting against the memory of the person who has been my biggest shoulder demon for the better part of twenty years, and trying to come out on the other side of that. that's not any easier because my personal traumas manifested as more of an avoidant style rather than an anxious-preoccupied one. it's not any easier for anyone else like me, too.

[dev-solovey]

I'm crying look at Caesar lmao

[ishq-itar]

there was a buffalo that was about to die soon but we were not allowed to tell it to the owner

[gemharvest]

Ma'am what are you doing.

[berryblu-soda]

Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:

fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure

ALSO-

*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

MAC OHHH MY FUCKING GOD. ONE OF THE EPISODES OF A SHOW EVER HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL AFTER THIS???? HOW???? how long is he going to be FUCKING DEAD FOR!!!! the ashe & mark argument that i felt deep within my soul & miserable on behalf of both parties about them!!! dakotaisms!!! the fucking like. genre conflict of their sillygoofy teen titans shenanigans with a real world where there r men with guns who will simply kill you!! THEYRE WEEKENDING AT BERNIES WILLIAM WISPS PURPLE MORPH SUIT COVERED CORPSE. kicking down your door with a loud bang & then just standing there wild eyed kind of shaking and trembling like a chihuahua

DUUUUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE HEAH. FUCK. s1e19 definitely one of my favorites of all time. i listened to that one during the back half of my shift this afternoon and got to the ashe/mark argument just as i was starting pm checks.... standing in the cramped laundry room in the basement washing my filter socks like

i think about them so much dude. AND THEYRE BOTH RIGHT. WHICH MAKES IT HURT MORE. LIKE. BOTH THEIR SIDES ARE SO REAL. i cannot wait for u to learn more about them pleaseeeee i need 2 talk winters family analysis with you when you get to . certain parts. season 2 is gonna fucking wreck u i know it.

BUT. THEY BALANCE IT OUT WITH THE SILLIES SO VERY FUCKING WELL. GOD. good fucking show dude. good fucking show !!!!!! williams ghost throwing ice cubes at mark while his fucking. rotting corpse sits in the bathtub!!! what thefuck man