#character: nash

[killjoyconstruct]

:)

[emziess]

He knew, Maddie. When he saved my life, he knew.

Bobby & Chimney 9-1-1, S01-S08

[thegunslingerletmedrop]

[uhhrellys]

anyway she ate this look

[try-set-me-on-fire]

don’t be alarmed, this is my loudest roar

1465 words // rated g

8x15-16 spec, major character death

Dad had warned him, in the car. He already knew Bobby is dead, that’s why they left Texas so fast instead of waiting for spring break or maybe the end of the school year like they were starting to talk about. Chris was in the room when the phone call had come in and Eddie’s face had gone all- wide. It’s weird to think about. Bobby, Captain Nash. It’s like a principal or a librarian dying. Not so much a person in Chris’ mind but an architectural feature, a fundamental truth of the way the world is. He’ll visit dad at work and Bobby will give him a grilled cheese with grapes on the side and show him the fire trucks again even though he’s seen them a million times already. And now he won’t, because he’s not alive, because principals and librarians are real people who breathe and bleed and can stop doing those things. It’s weird.

So that’s not what Dad warned him about. It’s after their last stop for gas, where Chris tried to stretch out the ache of sitting in a car for so long and Dad ran off out of hearing again, like he did at every other gas stop, phone pressed to his ear. They’re back in the car and on the highway again and Eddie’s knuckles are tight against the steering wheel and he clears his throat.

“Mijo,” he says. “Chris.” He glances over at the passenger seat, then keeps his eyes on the road. “When we get there- when we get home Buck is gonna be there.” Chris knows that, knows Buck moved in. He dreams- daydreams, not quite asleep enough for it to be anything other than wishful thinking, about him and Buck and Dad all in one house forever, and always knowing where both of them are and that they’re safe. He can almost hear snoring down the hall if he closes his eyes hard enough. “And… I just want to tell you, he-” Eddie’s knuckles creak on the wheel. “Him and Bobby were really close, you know? He… Bobby was kind of like his dad. So- so he’s really upset right now, and I just want to tell you that before we get there because- because we’re going to have to be gentle with him, okay?” Chris nods, Eddie nods. “And because I know… it can be kinda scary, when someone you- you care about is hurting.” Chris nods again, like he doesn’t know that, like his stomach hasn’t wobbled anytime Eddie’s voice has in this conversation. “I don’t want you to be scared. We’re going to be okay. Buck will be okay.” Eddie lets go of the steering wheel for a minute, stretches his fingers out, grabs back on again. “We’re gonna take care of him.” That seems obviously true, so Chris doesn’t nod a third time.

So, here they are now, at the house. Still labelled home in Chris’ mind, on one of those little pieces of tape with the raised up letters like Mrs. Hanrahan had all over everything in third grade, like they’d somehow forget what a pencil is and where to put it away. The lawn is mowed and the door is open and it looks so much the same that Chris feels like crying a little but doesn’t. Eddie gets out of the car first, and doesn’t bother with bags or anything because out of the house-

Buck. Chris imagines the shelf he lives on in his mind, stored close to home and Dad. He thinks he’d need more than one little strip of tape for him. Friend and safe and firefighter and family and- he doesn’t know. He thinks he hasn’t learned the words yet to describe the kind of hurting he feels when he thinks about Buck. Not a bad hurting. Kind of like loneliness, like wanting somebody there, but it happens even when Buck is there. Chris doesn’t know. Dad is on the porch now and he’s holding Buck, different than a hug, in some way Chris also doesn’t know how to describe. Sometimes it feels like Chris doesn’t know anything at all. He sits in the car and wishes he could drive so he could get his knuckles all tight on the wheel. He grabs the door handle and thinks it’s not really the same and then he opens the door, gets out of the car.

Buck meets him halfway down the path, spilling out of Dad’s arms as soon as he sees movement, rushing to meet him. Chris barely gets to look at him — red eyes, too much stubble, his hair is so curly now — before he’s being wrapped up in big arms, clutched against a warm body. “Chris,” Buck says- Buck says. His voice, not over a phone. Chris squeezes his eyes shut tight and shakes his arms out of his crutches so he can hug back. “Chris, Chris-” An earthquake? No- no, just Buck. “God- God, kid, I missed you- I missed you so much.” One of Buck’s arm’s remains locked around him and the other roams, hand clutching his shoulder and then cradling his head, smoothing over his back. And he’s- he’s crying. Big ugly crying. Chris can’t see it but he can hear it and feel it, above and around him. “I’m sorry, I’m s-sorry.” For what? Chris shakes his head. It’s okay. He’s sort of frightened but Eddie had warned him so it’s okay. “Sorry- you’re here, you’re here- oh- oh God-” Chris feels Buck’s face press into the top of his head. He’s still tall enough to do that easily, despite all Dad’s teasing about how big Chris has grown. Dad is here too, Chris vaguely hears him say something close by, but mostly what he hears is Buck sobbing. Chris holds on as tight as he can. He is scared. He’s scared, despite the warning, because- Buck is crying, Buck’s not okay, and there have been so many- all those other times when the world ended Buck was- Chris has seen him cry before but not like this, and it makes him feel sick a little. And- guilty a little, bad a little, because- he knows Mom missed him when she left. He’s pretty sure. He knows Dad missed him when they were apart. He’s pretty sure. He’s very sure, Dad has told him it’s true, and there’s a kind of quiet something-else mixed in with his happiness when they’re together now. Relief? Loneliness for someone next to you? But. Buck shakes and cries and it’s loud and frightening and it’s proof.

“I missed you,” Chris says. He’s not even sure anyone hears him, all muffled into Buck’s sweatshirt. “I missed you, too.”

“Let’s get inside,” Eddie is saying, and his hand is on Chris’ shoulder, and that is so familiar-unchanged makes him want to cry, too. “Alright, it’s okay, lets get inside.”

Buck gasps a few times above him, pulling in air like he’s going to jump in a pool- jump into water, after Chris. Maybe Chris is crying already. It’s hard to tell. And then Buck pulls back just a little, straightens up, and there he is looking down at him. He looks rough and wrecked and so real Chris sort of realizes he’s not dreaming, which he already knew but- understands, now. It’s real, and Bobby is dead, and they’re not in Texas, and he wishes he never left because the house is the same but everything feels different now, and Buck is frowning now, a different kind of frown, careful and worried and his hand is on Chris face, calloused thumb very soft brushing across his cheek. “Oh, Chris, hey. Hey, you’re okay.”

“I love you,” Chris says, and the label on the shelf should really just say Buck, because doesn’t that mean all of the rest of it? What did Buck label Bobby, on his shelves? “I want to go home- I want to come home, I want to come home, I’m sorry, I want to come home.”

“We’re here,” Eddie says, kissing Chris’ head so close to where Buck’s fingers rest. “It’s okay-” his voice cracks but Dad and Buck were always a team and one will pick up a thought where the other dropped it.

“It’s okay, Chris,” Buck says, and his voice is still wet and raspy, but- they’ll all be in one house and maybe Chris isn’t the only one who needs that to be true. Maybe it’s okay to want that to be true. “Let’s get inside. Let’s-” he looks at Eddie, almost a question that seems to be answered before he even asks it. Chris can feel him breathing, his lungs expanding and collapsing and expanding again, and again. Quietly, he says “Let’s go home.”

[apollabarnes]

inhale 'til your lungs get sore

cw: major character death, ghosts, magical realism 8x15 coda (on ao3)

"That does look worse from up here."

Tommy tensed, his hand tightening on his arm. He glanced sideways, wary of reacting too strongly around the Army. "What are you doing here?" he asked, his eyes drifting back to Evan.

"I mean. Dying," Bobby said dryly.

Tommy hiccuped a laugh, turned it into a cough. He swallowed around the tears in his throat.

"You should call Eddie before they come out," Bobby continued, pacing in front of Tommy.

Tommy spared a moment to be glad that Bobby had moved so it was easier to talk to him before he realized could see Evan on the screen through Bobby's face. Christ. What were the odds that he hadn't cleared that last building and they were in a crumpled heap of metal in the middle of downtown?

He shoved down the part of him that hoped it was true. Even if he would rather be dying than Bobby, that would mean that Evan — and selfishly, so selfishly, Tommy would trade Bobby for Evan in a heartbeat. Considering Bobby had just done the same thing, Tommy thought Bobby might forgive him if he knew what he was thinking.

"Not really my place."

"No one else has the bandwidth to deal with it right now. And if they tell him later, if they realize that they forgot, the guilt that they'll—"

Bastard. Tommy pulled his phone out of his pocket and tried to remember what his corporal had taught him about notifications. There were two flights out of El Paso left tonight. Be succinct, be clear, don't use metaphors, and —

"Tommy? Why are you calling?"

Tommy would have appreciated another few seconds to get his thoughts together. "Eddie," he said, taking a deep breath. "A call went bad today. Bobby died."

Eddie stayed silent on the other end of the phone.

"There are two flights left. I can get you a ticket, Chris too, but you need to —"

Evan scrambled to his feet behind Bobby's head and Tommy saw him turn towards the door right before Athena came out.

"Yeah, two tickets, do that," Eddie said finally, his voice cracking.

"They're not — everyone else is still on the scene, they're not being allowed to leave yet or they would have called themselves," Tommy offered, floundering, "I didn't want you to not know."

"Text me the gate details."

Any other day Tommy might be offended that Eddie hung up on him. Tommy purchased the tickets and forwarded the confirmation to Eddie, keeping one eye on the screens and Bobby. "What happens when they come out?" Tommy asked, quiet. He was pretty sure a ghost could hear him no matter how quietly he spoke. "Are they going to be able to see you?"

"That wouldn't be a good idea right now," Bobby smiled at him, the edges of his face blurry. "They wouldn't handle it well. You take care of them, Tommy."

"Shit goodbye," Tommy muttered, tapping his thumb against the pads of his fingers. Okay. Take care of them. Hen and Howie still needed to get to a hospital; he didn't trust that the Army doctor hadn't overlooked something when his main concern was the virus. Ravi, too. Karen and Maddie would want to be there, which meant… babysitters. He could handle that.

Evan and Athena had cleared the area covered by the cameras. He turned away before he could watch the Army take Bobby out, ducking out of the main tent and heading for medical.

"Howie, who watches Jee overnight?"

"Huh?"

"Howie," Tommy softened his voice. "Who watches Jee when you and Maddie both work overnights?"

"Anne," Howie blinked at him, shaking his head, "Tommy?"

"One and only," Tommy said carefully, pressing a hand against the plastic tent. "Can I have her number?"

"I should — I should call," Howie said, staring past Tommy.

"I got it, Howie. What's her number?"

Tommy tapped the number into his phone as Howie dictated it to him. Tommy had to fight the urge to walk away as he made the call, so he'd be closer to Hen, but the look on Howie's face was haunting. He put the phone on speaker.

"Hello?"

"Hi Anne," Tommy kept his voice gentle, as soothing as possible. "This is Tommy, one of Howie's friends. He's okay, but he and Maddie aren't going to be home tonight. Can you watch Jee until tomorrow?"

"Of course. Is Hen all right? Do Denny and Mara need someone to watch them?"

"I'm going to ask her right now. Can I text you when I know?"

"That would be good. Toni and I were going to have a movie night, it would be easy to keep them all at one house if the kids are okay with that."

"I'll ask them and let you know. Thanks, Anne."

Tommy stared at the phone when he hung up. God, where had the time gone if the kids weren't asleep yet? "Okay, Howie. I need to talk to Hen, but Jee might have a sleepover with Denny and Mara if that's okay with you."

"Yeah, yeah, that would be…" Howie trailed off.

Tommy wanted to stay. "Text Maddie, let her know Jee's taken care of."

Tommy repeated the whole thing at Hen's tent, digging his nails into his palm when she started crying. Toni was also in favour of the sleepover, so Tommy left it up to them to decide which house they were going to spend the night at.

"Tommy, what are you doing here?" Hen asked, scrubbing her hands over her eyes.

Tommy wanted to scream. "I have no idea. Trying to help, I guess. I have to go check on Ravi."

"Yeah, okay." Hen looked in the opposite direction of Howie's tent. "Sounds good."

He called the administrative line for dispatch as he walked over to Ravi. Tommy knew that all of dispatch already knew the call had gone bad, but he still spent a few minutes going over it with Sue and arranging for Maddie to get a ride to the hospital once they knew where everyone was going. Sue passed along that they'd already pulled the 118 off any calls until B shift got to the station. Tommy sighed. "I'll find a way to get the gear back."

"Don't bother. We have drivers on the way to get the trucks and the supplies."

"Thanks, Sue." He paused. "Can you do me one more favour?"

"I'm fine," Ravi said, before Tommy could say anything.

"Probably," Tommy agreed. "You still got knocked around pretty good. You should get checked out at a real hospital."

"They said I was fine."

"They were concerned about a virus. We're concerned about everything else." Tommy looked at Karen. "Athena's probably in the middle of giving everyone hell and Sue's working on getting ambulances here. Toni and Anne are watching the kids, so all you have to do is drive there once we know which one they're going to."

Karen eyed Tommy curiously. "You've been busy."

"Not much else for me to do around here."

"Tommy!" Evan scrambled towards him when he came back into the main tent. "I thought you—"

"No," Tommy said emphatically. "I was making some calls."

He turned towards Athena, lightheaded when he saw the expression on her face. "Sue's sending two ambulances to take everyone to the hospital."

"Good." Athena turned back to the Colonel, her voice hard. "We're leaving."

"Sergeant Grant—"

"—is leaving," Tommy said, stepping in front of her. "As is the rest of the 118." He squared his jaw, crossing his arms over his chest. "They've earned that much."

"I'm not done with you either, Firefighter."

"Then arrest me. I can't wait to call my lawyer," Tommy shot back. He watched the Colonel pause. "When you decide what you want to do with me, I'll be at the hospital with them."

Ambulance sirens cut through the air.

"Let's go," Athena said, taking Evan's arm in hers. "Tommy."

"Yep." Tommy saluted the Colonel with enough attitude to make it clear it was not out of respect. He spun on his heel, following Athena out of the tent.

"I gotta…" Evan stared at his phone, his eyes hollow. "I have to call Eddie."

Tommy checked his watch. "You'll only get his voicemail, Evan," he said quietly. "His plane's already in the air."

"Oh," Evan deflated and Tommy leaned forward, catching his phone before it could drop to the floor. Ravi flinched. "You called him?"

"You and Athena seemed like you were pretty busy."

"Even after…?" Evan took a shaky breath, his brow furrowed.

"He's going to meet you at the hospital," Tommy said, not willing to get into that whole conversation in front of Ravi. Or at all. It seemed trivial and stupid now. It had been stupid when he said it, but— "There's a car waiting to pick him and Chris up when they land."

"Oh, fuck," Evan flushed. "I should have done that."

"It's okay, Evan. You can take care of them at the hospital," Tommy promised.

"Ravi, man, how are you doing?" Evan asked, leaning past Tommy to look at Ravi.

Ravi shrugged, his shoulders drooping. "I'm fine," he muttered, crossing his arms. "You didn't have to put me on the stretcher."

"Ravi, you got blown up and stopped breathing for a minute. You're riding on the stretcher," Evan said firmly, clasping a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, but I'm—" Ravi stopped abruptly, the blood draining out of his face.

Tommy shoved the puke bucket onto his lap, just in case.

"This is a nightmare," Ravi stared out the back window. "I want to wake up."

Same, kid.

Evan's chin wobbled once. "You're going to be okay, Ravi."

Athena was waiting outside the hospital doors for them, Hen and Howie already swept away by the doctors for surgery and check-ups. "Sue Blevins said to call if we need anything. Maddie's going to be here soon," she added, looking over at Evan. "The two of you are in line for concussion protocols."

"Athena!" Evan protested.

"You are getting checked out, Evan Buckley, if I have to handcuff you to a bed. And I can find a second pair if you want to argue with me too," Athena looked over at Ravi.

"Concussion protocol sounds awesome," Ravi said after a beat. "Where's that?"

"Fine," Evan sighed.

Tommy's phone rang. "That's the station," he told them. "I've got to take this. Text me if there's anything I can bring back with me. Hopefully I won't be long," he added, jogging for the front doors.

"Hey, Melton."

"Is it true? Did Nash really—"

"Yeah," Tommy swallowed, sinking onto the nearest bench. He tipped his head back, staring up at the sky. "How long am I grounded for?"

"How long do you need?"

"I'm pretty sure that's not how suspensions work."

"Funny thing about that. The Army was out here trying to light someone's ass on fire to get you fired and now it's all 'please thank Firefighter Kinard for his assistance tonight' so…" Melton paused, a hint of amusement in his voice, "Hard to hand out punishment when the people pushing for it change their mind."

"Stellar." Tommy sighed.

"You're not actually about to get arrested, are you?"

"Probably not. Call back tomorrow."

"I'll juggle your schedule, get Donato in for the next few days. Just in case."

"You're an eternal optimist, Melton."

"Fuck off, you know they beat that out of you in basic."

Tommy dragged a hand over his face. "I'll you know when I know things."

"Appreciate it. Let someone at the 118 know to call if they need anything."

"B shift is on their way to the station — you might want to try and call them there and make the offer. I don't think A's going to be back on their feet for a while."

"Will do. Take care of yourself, Kinard."

"That could have gone worse."

"How long have you been… hovering there?" What was the correct term to use when a ghost was lurking? Tommy glanced down. Yep. Bobby's feet were firmly — if translucently — on the ground. No floating required.

"Long enough," Bobby said, which wasn't really an answer.

"Okay." Tommy nodded. "I should—" he gestured over his shoulder, back towards the hospital.

"Eddie and Chris are here," Bobby told him.

Tommy checked his watch. Shit. He hadn't noticed the time passing. "That's good. They all need to be together. What do you think, snacks?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because you're here?" Tommy shrugged. "Kind of expected you to not show up again after you disappeared from the tent."

"Yeah," Bobby frowned. "Don't tell me you're disappointed."

"Aren't you? Wasting your haunting on me?" Tommy scrubbed both hands through his hair. "Sorry, that was—"

"It's been a weird night," Bobby offered helpfully.

"Tell me about it."

Tommy spent ten minutes staring at the menu board in the hospital coffee shop before giving up. "Two of everything you have left," he said, glancing over at Bobby. "And drinks. Um. Ten of them." Tommy rattled off most of them without an issue, pausing when it came to the Grants. Bobby took over, and Tommy repeated their orders to the cashier.

He took the bag that the cashier offered him gratefully, glad that he could balance a tray of drinks in each hand without issue. Tommy started with Karen, handing over her drink and the first box of food. He did a slow counterclockwise loop of the waiting room, pausing in front of Athena and the kids. "I had to guess. Hopefully they're okay," he said quietly, handing May another box.

"Thanks, Tommy," Athena murmured.

"Yeah, no problem."

The only people he hadn't talked to yet were Evan, Eddie and Chris and Tommy made himself walk over there without pausing, handing out the last of it and sinking into the chair beside Evan.

"One of us would have helped you bring all this back," Evan said quietly, leaning in so Tommy could hear him.

"It's fine. I managed," Tommy whispered back. "You all needed to be here together." He was suddenly, viciously tired.

"Okay. We're still waiting for news."

Tommy nodded.

"—mmy? Tommy." Evan shook his shoulder.

"Yeah," Tommy blinked, his head fuzzy. "Sorry, repeat that?"

"They're sending us all home. Hen and Chim have to stay overnight but they're not allowed to have any guests. I'm — I'm gonna stay with Maddie tonight. Eddie and Chris are going to—"

"—the house," Tommy finished with him. "Makes sense." He resisted the urge to scrub his hands over his face, blinking one more time.

"What are you gonna…" Evan trailed off.

Tommy shrugged. "I'll make sure Karen and Ravi have a way to get home and then…" he glanced over at Athena, frowning when he saw Bobby behind her. "If you need anything, just give me a call."

"I don't think you should be driving," Evan said, his brow furrowed.

Tommy yawned. "Definitely not. Uber, though," the corner of his mouth twitched in an attempt at a smile, "I can order with the best of them."

Karen had convinced Ravi to spend the night at their place; Tommy wasn't sure how and he didn't ask. It certainly made getting them both home easier. He tried not to notice how often he found his attention drifting to Evan as they waited, Eddie and Chris leaving first and the Grants leaving after them.

"Aren't you going with them?" Evan asked, when Tommy didn't get in the car with Karen and Ravi.

"Other direction. I ordered one for myself. It'll be here in ten minutes," Tommy said easily, lying through his teeth. "That's you and Maddie, right?"

"Yeah. Let me know you got home all right, okay?"

"Of course."

Tommy waited until the car had pulled out onto the street and disappeared around the corner before he wandered back inside the hospital, making his way up to the ICU.

"Is Rick here tonight?" he asked the charge nurse.

"Who's aski… Tommy?" She pulled her glasses down, squinting over the rims at him. "Christ, kid, what's it been, three years?"

"Aw, Mona, you remember me."

"I remember those biceps," she hummed, looking him up and down. "What do you want Rick for?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Nope. I do want one of whatever you've got in that box of yours. Rick's down the hall in 8. You can wait for him out here."

"Deal. Jelly filled?"

Mona leaned in, dropping her voice. "See, I told him dumping you was something he was going to regret. Here you are remembering a girl's favourite order and you weren't even trying to get into my pants."

"Mona, you're young enough to be my aunt."

She cackled with delight. "If Rick doesn't want to help you with whatever rule you're breaking, come back to me. That was smooth."

"What on earth are you up to, Tommy?" Bobby asked, following him to the chairs against the wall and sitting down beside him. Tommy really hoped that they weren't there long enough for someone else to need it. He didn't want to see what would happen if Bobby didn't move fast enough.

It was too quiet to talk back to Bobby without someone noticing, and Tommy didn't really want to pretend to be on a call in the middle of the night in the ICU, so he pulled out his phone and started typing a note. Figured you'd want to keep an eye on Hen and Howie tonight, and if you're stuck with me, then I'm going to stay close.

"I think I can travel around without you."

Let's not test that out tonight. I'm just going to ask Rick if there's somewhere I can crash. Lots of on call rooms that don't get used.

"Rick's an ex?"

Sort of. Well, I was the rebound guy. So it didn't go anywhere.

"Went somewhere far enough that his coworkers remember you."

Tommy rolled his eyes. Sorry I'm a catch, he thought about typing out, but then he'd just get caught up in all the times being a catch hadn't been enough. I picked him up after work sometimes.

"Tommy?"

"Hey, Rick," Tommy stood up, smiling. "Been awhile."

"Yeah," Rick nodded, pulling Tommy into a hug. "You look good. Well, you look like you haven't slept in two days, but other than that."

"You don't have to lie," Tommy joked. "I have a favour to ask."

"No promises yet, but hit me."

"Is there somewhere I can crash tonight? A couple of my friends are in Critical Care and — no visitors, you know — but I wanted to stay close just in case."

"Yeah, of course. That's easy. I thought you were going to ask me to sneak you into Crit."

Tommy shrugged. "That might be an ask for the rest of their friends tomorrow."

"Tommy," Rick laughed. "There aren't enough blowjobs in the world for that favour."

"You say that now," Tommy joked. Back when they were dating, Tommy would have made good on the dare. "How's Colin?"

"He's taking the bar next month so he's been horrible to live with, but other than that," Rick said, waving Tommy down the hall, "Here's our four star on call room. Close your eyes and ignore anyone else who comes in here. Sorry about not having ear plugs."

"Thanks, I appreciate it. Snacks, for whoever wants them," Tommy added, handing off the pastry box he was still holding.

"Like I said, easiest favour you could have asked for," Rick leaned against the door frame, watching Tommy. "Hey, about the other favour. You should come over for dinner after Colin's passed that fucking test. And if you're not… you know. You could stay over."

"Dinner sounds great," Tommy glanced towards the door, glad that Bobby had disappeared to see the others. "I'll let you know about the rest."

"My shift ends at seven, I'll make sure you're awake before I take off."

"Perfect. Hey, stay safe tonight."

"I don't leave the building. I should be telling you that." Rick knocked against the door frame, pushing himself off it. "I'll warn Mona that you're in here."

Tommy remembered to text Evan and lie about getting home. He set his phone on do not disturb, hesitating for a moment before making sure that Evan could call through. He tucked his flight suit and phone underneath the bed before closing his eyes and hoping that he was just having a very, very bad dream.

"They're refusing to let anyone in before visiting hours at nine!"

"Evan," Tommy said gently, bracing his forehead against his knees. "They've got rules they have to follow, too."

"But— don't they know that— Maddie's—"

"Baby," Tommy interrupted before Evan could get going again. "Everyone in here is having the worst day of their life. I promise they're taking good care of Hen and Howie."

Evan's breath hitched and Tommy played back what he'd just said, wincing when he realized he'd used a pet name.

"I have a friend who works in the hospital, okay? I'll give them a call and see if they can tell you more about what's going on." Tommy looked up, holding a hand up when Rick opened his mouth. He shook his head and Rick shrugged, sitting down across from him.

"Are you coming back today?"

"I have to go to Harbor and talk to my boss, but if I can get to the hospital today I will."

"Text me?" Evan asked, his voice shaking.

"Yes," Tommy promised. "I'm going to hang up now, okay? I'll talk to my friend and let you know what's going."

"Okay. Tommy…"

"I'll talk to you soon," Tommy promised. He hung up before either one of them dissolved into tears, letting his head hit the wall behind him. It was a satisfying thunk.

"Don't do that," Rick said, leaning forward and slipping a hand behind Tommy's head before he could do it again. "Baby, huh? Sounds like it's just going to be dinner."

"Shut the hell up," Tommy managed, shaking his head. "It's complicated. Fuck."

"This about your friends?"

"Yeah," Tommy nodded, looking over at Rick. "Any chance you'd be willing to harass a few colleagues for information?"

"I'll sic Mona on them." Rick looked Tommy over, his eyes critical. "You need a shower. I'll find you a pair of scrubs." He poked Tommy's arm. "Hopefully you don't rip them. Get up, let's hit the locker room."

By the time Tommy had spent twenty minutes under a scalding hot shower, Rick had tracked down a pair of scrubs that would fit him and Mona had a full court update that Tommy was able to pass on to Evan. "I should turn my phone off," he told Rick, flipping it in his hand as they walked out together. "Just…" he glanced out the doors, catching Bobby lingering near the ambulance bay.

"Come on," Rick slung his arm around Tommy's shoulders. "I'll give you a ride to your station, save you the Uber trouble."

"You don't have to do that, I'm sure Colin—"

"—Is very glad for every moment I'm not home so he doesn't have to feel bad about ignoring me to study," Rick finished.

"Okay." Tommy was too tired to argue, sliding into the passenger seat of Rick's sedan. Bobby popped up in the backseat.

"Doctor, huh? Guess you've always had good taste."

Tommy snorted, waving Rick off when he looked over. "Sorry, just thinking about what these friends would have said if they were around while we were dating."

"Probably the same thing that Mona tells me every few months," Rick joked.

"Hey, uh… if you see anyone when you go back for your next shift, maybe don't tell them I stayed at the hospital last night."

"I see you're still terrible at sharing," Rick said dryly. "Don't worry. I'll consider it doctor-patient confidentiality."

"I wasn't sure I'd be able to stay, so…" Tommy shrugged. "Definitely wasn't sure you'd be able to pull strings for ten people if they all wanted to stay. Which they would have."

"Ah. In that case. I appreciate that you're terrible at sharing."

Chief Simpson was apparently livid that Tommy had absconded with another helicopter and gotten out of it because the Army wasn't willing to publicize what had been going on. Melton was amused in the way that all vets tended to be when another vet gave the Army the finger, and everyone else at Harbor wanted him to teach them to do barrel rolls.

Tommy was exhausted. Grabbing a few hours at the hospital had done less than nothing, and he still had to get home on his own.

He texted Evan.

Need to grab a few hours, putting my phone on silent. Setting an alarm for three hours and will let you know where I'm at then.

Tommy turned his phone to silent before Evan could reply.

"You look like dogshit," Lucy said bluntly, coming to a stop in front of Tommy.

He blinked at her, his keys dangling from his hand. "I think I need to call a cab."

"I got you." Lucy bundled him into his truck with surprising speed. She put on the classic rock station that Tommy liked, lowering the volume. They didn't talk on the way home, or when she helped Tommy into the house, or when she bullied him into his bedroom.

"I'm going to get a ride back to the station," she told him, tapping her fingers against the back of his hand.

"Take the truck," Tommy offered. "I can get back to Harbor. Or you can pick me up. Whatever."

"I'll pick you up. Get some sleep, Tommy."

Tommy hated that she could see through the cracks now. She'd had an idea since the breakup, but now… god. "Thanks, Lucy."

"Yeah, I got you." Lucy smiled tiredly. "I'll lock the door behind me. Text when you wake up so I know you're not in a coma."

"That might be prefer—"

"Not a good joke to make today," she reminded him.

"Yeah," Tommy squeezed her hand. "Let me know you got home all right."

"Moira Blake is a fucking terrible mad scientist," Tommy said, staring at the ceiling. "Who doesn't make a stockpile for themselves when they can't be sure one dose will enough for an untested virus?"

"Rewriting history?"

Tommy groaned, leaning up on one elbow. Bobby sat at the end of his bed. "Just saying, that crazy woman could have inhaled it at the lab and then what would she have had to try and sell? How could she know that one dose was enough protection for a human? Actually, how could she know one dose would be enough for permanent inoculation? What if she got infected twice? I bet she hadn't been able to test the R-naught before they kicked her out of the lab — hey, I'm allowed to know weird things too," he protested, watching the expression on Bobby's face.

"I never said you weren't."

"And I know what you're thinking, it's not because of Rick."

"I never said that either. Have you considered that you're trying to assign logic to something inherently illogical?"

"Says the ghost sitting at the end of the bed. Come to think of it," Tommy said, gesturing angrily, "how could she be sure that the one dose of the virus she made would get out of the lab? Without it, her antivirus was useless and not worth anything, and she didn't exactly go back to her house and make some more to release somewhere else. What the hell was she — has she never watched a James Bond movie?"

"Sorry, just checking, but are you advocating in favour of the mad scientist right now?"

"No, just — it was so stupid. She knows the protocols, she should have known that the doors would come down in a fire and there was a chance the virus would get trapped in the lab and burn up. I don't want her to be good at her job but why did she have to be so bad at it?"

"She could have been worse," Bobby offered.

"Yeah, the virus could have made it out of the lab," Tommy agreed. "Doesn't mean that what happened isn't a worst case scenario."

Bobby smiled. "That's nice to hear, kid."

"Yeah, if I were you I'd be shocked that people miss you." Tommy rolled his eyes, sitting up properly. "If you're sticking around I might as well get up."

"You're not sleeping well," Bobby said, following him into the kitchen.

Tommy found himself getting two cups out of the cupboard automatically. He paused, looking up at Bobby. "Can you—?"

"I don't know." Bobby tilted his head, staring at the cup. "I haven't tried."

"I'm not a huge fan of this one, if you want to," Tommy offered. He filled Bobby's mug with water, shrugging when Bobby raised an eyebrow. "Not going to waste a coffee if you drop it. And of course I'm not sleeping well. You've seen the last few days," he said simply.

Bobby huffed, reaching out for the mug. Tommy looked out the back window, unsure what he wanted to happen but worried that if he stared too hard, nothing would happen.

"Huh," Bobby said curiously. Tommy looked back. The mug was intact, there was water missing, and there was nothing on the floor.

"Huh," Tommy echoed. "You want some coffee?"

"Cream, no sugar."

Tommy dumped the water out and filled the mug with coffee, carrying them both out to the living room. "You can have the armchair," he told Bobby, sinking down on the couch. "What are the odds that I actually get some sleep today?"

"Better if you stop talking to me," Bobby said blandly.

Tommy flipped Bobby off and closed his eyes. The television clicked on and over to the baseball game, volume barely audible, and Tommy drifted off to the dulcet tones of the Padres broadcast.

Tommy startled awake when a cabinet door crashed open in the kitchen. Was Bobby—

"Buck's cooking. And he's about to pop his head out and apologize for waking you up."

"Tommy, shit, sorry, go back to sleep."

"Evan, how did you…" Tommy frowned.

"You didn't move the spare," Evan said. "You really should do that when you break up with someone, you know."

Tommy checked the clock. "I missed the alarm?"

"I got here about five minutes before it was going to go off. You looked… I thought I should let you sleep. You made two cups of coffee?"

Tommy laughed, his voice rusty. "Trying to stay awake. What are you doing here?"

"We got kicked out of the hospital. Visiting hours, disruptions, tests, et cetera…" Evan shrugged, frowning . "I cooked all night at Maddie's. She told me if I came back and kept cooking she'd — with love — kick me to the curb. So I, uh," he scratched the back of his neck.

"Thought you'd terrorize me with your cooking instead?"

"Terrorize implies that it's not going to taste good," Evan said, sniffing haughtily.

"Right," Tommy inhaled deeply. Ah. The famous Bobby chili.

"He's going to ask about the—"

"Cocoa powder's on the top shelf over the stove," Tommy told Evan.

"How'd you know that was what he was looking for?"

"How'd you know that was what I was looking for?"

Bobby and Evan overlapped with each other when they spoke and Tommy blinked, rubbing a hand over his forehead. "Evan, you told me that story the first time you made me chili last year."

"You remembered that?"

"I told him you were good for him."

"…What?" Tommy asked, unsure of which one of them he was actually responding to.

"You remembered that?" Evan asked again, his voice shaking.

"Of course I remembered. It was important to you so it was important to me."

"Tommy, are you awake right now?" Evan asked.

"I mean, I don't normally talk in my sleep. Or imagine my… you breaking in to cook me dinner, so I'm going with yes?" Tommy asked, looking at Bobby's chair in confusion.

"So you're saying all of this on purpose?"

"Was I not supposed to remember the things you tell me?" Tommy asked, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm confused. Is me remembering a good thing or a bad thing? I can tell you I remember from when he made it for us before my transfer if you'd rather."

Evan crossed the living room in three large steps and knelt down in front of Tommy.

"What's going on?" Tommy asked softly.

"You helped me run away from the Army and you remember the goofy little stories that I told you," Evan said, equally soft. "I'm going to finish making dinner, you get some more sleep. We'll talk about how I no longer accept you breaking up with me in the morning." He smiled faintly, cupping Tommy's cheek and pressing a soft kiss against the corner of his mouth. "I think I can out stubborn you."

"I've never been un-broken up with. I might be bad at it," Tommy said, swallowing hard.

"First time for both of us. I think we'll nail the learning curve," Evan said brightly, standing up. "I'm taking this coffee away from you," he added, reaching for the one in front of Bobby.

"Not that— take this one," Tommy said, handing his cup to Evan. "That one's far enough away I won't go for it."

"Okay, weirdo." Evan laughed at him. "Close your eyes and go to sleep."

"Remind me to tell you about the time I unfired Buck," Bobby said, waiting until Buck was back in the kitchen to have some more of his coffee.

"—Did Bobby really unfire you?" Tommy called into the kitchen.

The tin of cocoa powder hit the floor with a clatter. "Who told you that? Was it Chim?"

[iliarareadssss]

Therapy is expensive, Daydreaming about fictional characters is not.

[killjoyconstruct]

Some more zine submissions. T4T couples make the world go round

[sky-is-the-limit]

A father figure named Bobby dying and the most popular ship wanted by the fans slowly being pushed aside on purpose while one of the actors is describing it as "brothers" and "reading too much into it" ?

I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending.

[saucerfulofsins]

z… zombobbie??

[lxndrh]

From a written and cinematic standpoint, Bobby revealing he has CCHF was so well-done because we were Buck in that moment. Buck can be a himbo, but he's never been stupid. And neither are we. We all got the feeling when Bobby hung back that there could only really be one reason he wouldn't leave.

Buck following him with this hopeful "what's up, aren't you coming?" mentality is the same one we had watching this unfold.

Seeing Bobby close the doors with himself inside can only mean one thing -- we know it and Buck knows it. We -- the audience and Buck -- are pleading with Bobby not to remove his gear because doing so exposes him...but simultaneously, we understand that the only reason he'd remove his gear is that he's already been exposed.

The audience and Buck remain in a state of 'there's gotta be some other reason' up until the moment we see the blood dripping out of Bobby's nose.

Bobby telling Buck that he's going to be okay without him and that the 118 needs him all while Buck wordlessly disbelieves this is also what we as an audience are experiencing -- not knowing how to watch this show without Bobby but being encouraged to do so for the other characters and plots.

Regardless of personal feelings on the creative decision to kill off Bobby Nash, and regardless of the personal feelings on the plotline and method of killing him off, mirroring the audience through Buck in this moment was very chef's kiss.

[punksalmon]

colored one of the frames from that comic for practice and ended up liking it enough to post it. oh bobby we're really in it now..................

[firewasabeast]

My idea for a good 9-1-1 storyline is that Buck kills someone (completely justified, the guy was gonna kill Tommy) and it is heavily implied that the 118 just buried the body. And is never caught. Athena is on to them but she tells no one. What do you even do if you're a cop and your husband helps his son coworker bury a body. Also Buck and Tommy get back together.

Sorry, I turned this into a prompt! It's kinda ooc and not everyone is included, but this was fun to write anyway! I also could have made this like 5k, but I shortened it to 2.1k.

It's a gray area.

His hands are shaking, there's a dead man on the floor, and it's a gray area because, “He... He was gonna kill you, Tommy. Wasn't- He was going to, wasn't he?”

Tommy's frozen. He can't look away from the man's eyes, staring up blankly at him. Almost like they are staring straight into his soul. “Buck,” he manages to breathe out.

This is bad. Very, very bad.

“Oh my God. Oh my God!” Buck starts to panic, because he just killed a man! He snapped his neck like a twig, felt him go limp in his arms as he dropped to the ground. Buck had fallen back with him before scooting out from under him so fast you would have thought he was on fire. “Oh my God, Tommy!”

“O- Okay. Okay, Buck. It's okay,” Tommy says, Buck's panic breaking him out of his trance. “I need you to calm down, okay? Just... just let me think for a second.”

“Calm down?! You want me to calm down?! Tommy, I just killed a man! I just killed y-”

“Evan, stop! It was self defense. He... he was coming at me-”

“With a cell phone!” Buck finished. “I- I thought it was a gun, Tommy! I thought he was gonna shoot you.”

“He was still coming at me, Buck!” Tommy tries to reason. “He was being aggressive and making threats and I- I was frozen. You saved me. That's what we'll tell the police, okay?”

“No!” Buck yells. “No, you- Tommy, I'll go prison!”

“Not for self defense! I'll back you up, whatever you say.”

Buck's hands go to his hair at that, pulling at the strands. “Ohhhh, oh my God. Oh, no. No, Tommy. No, no, no.” He's backing away. Backing away until he hits the wall, then he slides down it.

Tommy walks over to him, kneels in front of him. He grabs onto Buck's hands and tugs until Buck let's go of his hair and looks up at him. “Buck, there is nothing else we can do but call the cops.”

Buck's shaking his head, moving more rapidly with each word Tommy speaks.

“He's like seventy years old, Tommy,” he whispers out as though they weren't the only one's there. “They're not gonna believe for a second that we were so threatened by this man that we, that I, had to kill him!” A new wave of panic rushes over Buck, his eyes widening. “Tommy, I killed a person.” His hands are shaking again and Tommy holds onto them tight. “I killed someone.”

“Evan-”

“I'm gonna throw up.” Buck manages to push himself up and away from Tommy, running down the hall to the bathroom. From the living room, Tommy can hear him gagging and coughing.

Tommy stands and turns back to the man. His heart is pounding in his ears. He feels a little dizzy himself, but he can't focus on that right now. He's got to keep it together. Buck needs him to keep it together.

Tommy hears the toilet flush and the sink come on for a second, then Buck was back, looking paler than a ghost.

Before they can get out a word, they hear the sound of a door slamming.

“What-”

“It's Eddie,” Tommy says, realization hitting him. “He was coming over today to spar.”

“D- Don't let him in, Tommy.”

At the same time Buck spoke, Tommy noticed the door was unlocked, and Eddie was one who always let himself in.

Tommy tried to hurry to the door to lock it before it was too late, but... it was too late.

“Tommy, I'm h- Oh my God!”

Tommy was quick to close the door behind Eddie, making sure no one was outside to see or hear anything.

The next ten minutes was filled with Buck desperately trying to explain himself, Tommy trying to calm Buck down, Eddie looking like a confused puppy, and then Buck having a full blown panic attack as the reality of the situation hit him again.

A smack to his chest had Eddie coming back to the present. He went over to Buck to try and help, but he was completely out of it, his breathing so erratic that Eddie wasn't sure how much longer he'd last before passing out.

That's when he pulled out his phone.

“What are you doing?” Tommy asks.

“Calling Bobby.”

“Oh, yeah, because we need more people in on this,” Tommy says sarcastically.

“Hey, no one is getting Buck out of this panic attack but Bobby. You want a dead man in your house all night?”

Resigned, Tommy sighs. “No.”

“Okay. I'm calling Bobby.”

Eddie says nothing on the phone about a dead body being in the house, but he does tell Bobby there was an emergency with Buck at Tommy's place and he needs to come over, alone and fast.

As soon as Bobby steps in the door, his eyes immediately fall to the unmissable body. “What the hell happened?” he asks, hurrying over to the man as if on autopilot. He checks for a pulse, then rests his head over the man's chest.

“He's gone, Bobby,” Tommy says. “He was gone right away.”

“Cap, we need you for Buck,” Eddie says, tapping Bobby's back and pointing over to Buck who is hyperventilating in the corner. “He's... It's not good.”

Bobby doesn't hesitate. He moves over to Buck and squats down in front of him. “Buck?” he tries. Buck's whole body is shaking, breaths coming in shallow bursts. He's sweating, but chilling at the same time. He's in shock.

“Buck? Kid!” Bobby reaches out and gets his hand around Buck's wrist, wiggling him slightly. This seems to help. Buck's glassy eyes drift to him. He looks confused.

“Cap?”

“I need you to tell me what happened, Kid. How'd this happen?”

“I- I- I,” Buck stutters, unable to find the words. “I didn't-”

“Tell me how you got to Tommy's. You drive here?”

Buck nods. “Mhm.”

“Okay. Why'd you come?”

“To- I wanted to-” His eyes move back toward the body, but Bobby moves to block his line of sight.

“Eyes on me, Buck. Why'd you come?”

Buck blinks once, twice. Swallows hard. “I wanted to talk to Tommy. I- I needed to talk to him.”

“Okay, that's fine. What happened when you came in?”

Buck took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I- the front door was cracked open. I heard yelling, so I- I let myself in. He- He was screaming at Tommy, Cap. He kept saying all these h- horrible things and then he was lunging toward him and I thought he... I thought he had a gun.”

“It was self defense,” Tommy reiterates.

Buck shakes his head. “Bobby, he's old. He- He doesn't have a gun. I didn't have to- we're both stronger than him. You know. You know what this means.”

It's a gray area.

“Buck-”

“No. No, Cap, I- I know what you're gonna say and no. We can't tell Athena. I- I will go to prison! I didn't mean it. I-”

“Buck, you can't-”

They start talking over each other, then Eddie gets in on it as well.

“Guys, we've got to do-”

“Kid, you can't run from-

“I'll be a murderer forever! I killed hi-”

“Hold on!” Tommy yells, silencing the room. All eyes turn to him. He sighs. “Just, everyone wait a second. I'll be right back.”

He heads to his bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind him.

Buck focuses on his breathing as the minutes tick by. Bobby studies over the body, wondering who the hell this man is. Eddie keeps glancing down the hall to see when Tommy comes back out of his room.

Two more minutes feels like an hour, then Tommy is back and stuffing his phone into his pocket. “I know a guy who owes me a favor,” he explains. “We'll get the body to his place and take care of it.”

Bobby holds up his hand. “What now?”

“We're going to take the body to an address I know and handle it there.”

“You just so happen to know a man that cleans up murders?” Eddie asks.

“I know a man who cremates animals, Eddie, and I asked if I could use his facilities. He's out of town right now, but leaves a key under a rock.”

“No offense, Tommy,” Eddie replies, “but this man is a little bigger than a dog!”

Tommy groans. “He lives outsides the city. He cremates cows and horses. This man is big, but not as big as a horse.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Bobby steps forward. “Why are we not calling the police?”

Tommy glances over at Buck, then leans in closer to Bobby. “He's not totally wrong, Bobby. A detective sees this, Evan's done.”

“What about the fact this is a whole human being?” Eddie questions. “What about when someone comes looking for him?”

Tommy shakes his head. “I know this man, okay? So, I- I don't need you guys to worry about all that. I can take care of that stuff. I just need the body out of my house.”

Eddie points down at the body. “You know this man? Who is he?”

“I think this is a the-less-you-know-the-better type situation, Eddie.” He walks over to Buck, siting down in front of him and resting a hand on his knee. “It's gonna get taken care of, Buck. Don't worry.”

*****

If you would have asked any of these four men what they would be doing at ten o'clock at night on a Tuesday in December, none of them would have said, “Carrying a body to a Jeep and driving it out to the country to put it inside a cremation oven, wait for it to burn, then scoop the cremains into a bag, going to the ocean, and dumping the cremains into said ocean.”

But that's exactly what they did. Then they went back to Tommy's place, vowed never to speak of this again, and went their separate ways.

That night, when Athena asked where Bobby had been, he looked at her with hollowed eyes. “It's a long story.”

She laughs. “What'd you do? Kill somebody?”

When he doesn't answer, she gets worried. “Bobby? Did you-”

“No,” he tells her. “I had to help Buck with a problem, and I really, really need you to not ask anymore questions. Please,” he pleads.

She knows him. It's scary just how much she knows him. “Okay,” she agrees. “No questions.”

She takes his hand and they go to bed.

Eddie falls back on his bed with a thump. He thinks he can sleep, maybe. He's seen dead bodies before. He's seen war. That was worse than this.

He just needed to close his eyes.

So he closes his eyes, and he sees a body. He sees Buck's terrified face. He sees secrets Tommy's hiding. He sees how he pulled Bobby into the mess.

He gets up and grabs his keys. He still knows some places that have underground fights on Tuesday nights. Maybe he'll hit one up.

Buck drives around aimlessly for hours until he finds himself right back at Tommy's place.

He knocks on the door, waits, and then there's Tommy.

“Evan, you shouldn't be here,” Tommy says, but he lets Buck push right past him without a fight.

“I can't- Tommy, I can't go home. Please, I just...” his voice trails off when he sees it. The carpet has already been pulled up, folded and taped, ready to go out with the trash.

“I've been looking for a reason to remodel,” Tommy says, desperate to lighten the mood. Not that that's possible.

Buck turns to him. “I needed to talk to you, Tommy. It... Today's been about me, and that's not right. I- Tommy, I'm so sorry. I am so, so-”

“Hey,” Tommy stops him. “I said it more than once, I'll say it again. Self defense.”

“That's not what I mean.”

They stare at each other for a moment, then Tommy nods toward the couch.

They sit, closer than exes should. They're not touching, but it's close.

“Tommy, someone will come looking for him. That shouldn't be on you.”

“A man like that... Evan, he doesn't have anyone to ask about him. I promise you, no one will care he's gone.”

With tears in his eyes, Buck pulls Tommy to him. Tommy's head rests on his chest, and he cards his fingers through Tommy's hair. “Not even you?”

Tommy lets himself be wrapped up in Buck's arms, lets a couple of tears fall too. “He was never much of a dad to me anyway.”

[isnt-that-wizardd]

as the show starts back up again and we hopefully do end up going down the road of Buddie canon, I just want to issue everyone a reminder that Buck was nowhere near the first lgbtq rep on the show

we have had Hen and Karen and Michael from DAY ONE! that's THREE black lgbtq characters. and then we have Josh too!! we shouldn't just call this the gay firefighter show because of Buck and Eddie but because of the ensemble of amazing characters who give us lgbtq rep!! so why are we ignoring everyone else all the time?

I've been a Buddie shipper since day one but I absolutely hate that people who treat it like it's the Buck and Eddie show - it's an ensemble cast of AMAZING and well thought out and developed characters who get pushed to the side for these two men who, let's face it, may never end up becoming canon.

so can we PLEASE all cool our jets a little about Buck and Eddie and give some well deserved love and appreciation to the other characters??

[killjoyconstruct]

God I love defaced propaganda posters

[vangoghmeteeng]

i am choosing to believe that he is not dead until the very last episode of this season and even then i may not be convinced 🫡