#chapter 6 trauma

[tortoisebore]

remus in chapter 6

[laios-daily]

[please-let-this-work-oh-my-god]

One thing I find very interesting, as a learner of German, is Isolde's usage of du when speaking to Kakania. In German, there are three main second person pronouns: du, ihr and Sie. The first two are mainly used in informal and casual settings or when talking to people you're close with (with du being singular and ihr being plural sorta similar to english's y'all) while Sie is used in more formal situations (or situations which require some form of formality) such as talking to strangers, customer service or when you're talking to a doctor/patient. Kakania abides by this and uses Sie when talking to Isolde (such as in her speech at the end of chapter 6) but interestingly, Isolde doesn't reciprocate this and instead uses du when conversing with Kakania in German.

This is super fascinating to me because it implies different levels of closeness within their relationship. Isolde's usage of du implies a level of closeness and intimacy to Kakania as Isolde herself saw Kakania as a close friend (most likely due to the fact that Kakania was once of the few people in Vienna who actually sympathized with her and saw her as a human being) but Kakania's siezen suggests a certain level of estrangement or distance between her and Isolde. Of course. this could just be her maintaining her professionalism as doctors normally use Sie when talking to patients but with how things turned out after chapters 6 and 7, I'd like to think this goes deeper than just formality standards.

[fishareglorious]

reading this again, and😬 eee. not really, kakania.

i mean, she ends up landing the killing blow on her already dying mentor. not really something that builds good friendship with anyone.

[not-poignant]

Underline the Blue (Nate/Janusz - Omegaverse)

Title: Underline the Blue

Pairing: Nate Prince/Janusz Bodanowicz

Notes: This is another story in the Underline the Black universe! Set prior to Underline the Black.

Summary: Nate, an omega, has been sent to Hillview by his alpha partner who doesn’t believe he’s good enough to claim or bond with, and wants him trained up at an omega rehabilitation facility to be a better partner. Nate is paired up with the alpha Janusz, who soon realises Nate has been micromanaged and ‘trained’ already to the point of having his soul shattered, and a journey of slow recovery and rehabilitation begins.

Underline the Blue - Chapter 17 - on AO3!

In which Janusz has a supervision session with Temsen, and realises he and Nate have come a long way, and there have been many improvements. He follows Temsen’s advice and opens up to Nate more, showing some vulnerability, and is rewarded for it.

Underline the Blue (early access) - Chapter 19 @ Patreon || Ream

In which Nate successfully navigates eating in a restaurant for the first time in a long time, but not without a few small hiccups. Then Janusz mounts him for the first time since the traumatic mounting they both went through.

Early access chapters are released in the Augus & Gwyn tiers and higher on both Patreon and Ream. :D (Folks are only charged once a month on Ream, hence the slightly higher fee - that and I set my tier prices 10 years ago and cost of living has gone up a little since then! T.T)

– Thanks to all the Patreon and Ream supporters for making this (and my other writing) possible!

[go-to-the-mirror]

The room was unrecognisable when I returned. There was a shape on the bed, where Harriet had laid, but it wasn’t her anymore. I could barely make out anything even remotely human in the pile of pitted and warped flesh that now remained. The bed itself was slick and shiny with a dark fluid that dripped off the hanging sheets and onto the floor. But what truly repulsed me, what made me flee as I did, was what moved and squirmed on all of it. They covered every surface: the floor, the bed, what used to be Harriet, even the ceiling. A thick, moving carpet of pale, writhing worms.

(MAG 6 - Squirm)

Finally, I found myself standing over the mass of pitted and hollow skin that was once a man. He shuddered violently as the gas engulfed him, and then lay still.

(MAG 26 - A Distortion)

I have read many statements now by those who are changing, who are becoming – something else, and few if any of them seem... entirely rational. Entirely the people that they were before.[…] Then again, I suppose I’m hardly in the best position to judge. Perhaps to anyone listening to these tapes I sound remarkably similar to Hezekiah. Or to Manuela. Or to Jane.

(MAG 152 - A Gravedigger’s Envy)

JORDAN: You turned me into what? A torturer?

ARCHIVIST: Yes.

[…]

JORDAN: I don’t... I don’t know how to be this. I don’t want to scare people.

ARCHIVIST: No. But you’ll learn.

[Beat.]

JORDAN: Am I still me?

ARCHIVIST: I don’t know how to answer that.

(MAG 184 - Like Ants)

I’ve seen what Jon did in MAG 184 being compared to Jonah Magnus, obviously. I’ve compared it to Jonah Magnus, it makes sense. I’ve also seen it compared to what Jon did to Melanie, which makes sense, though I don’t tend to do that myself. I haven’t seen it compared to what Jane Prentiss did, which is interesting, because Jon compares himself to Jane, he does that, he’s been doing it since season 1, thank you deluxe transcripts for ruining my life.

Jane Prentiss turns people into avatars. Jane Prentiss was the first avatar Jon — knowingly — encountered. Really don’t think Jonah Magnus counts. I have a lot of feelings on how Jane and Jon turn people into avatars, on how it’s a reflection of what’s happened to them, especially Jon. How with Jordan there’s this choice that isn’t even a choice at all, that’s basically the same choice given to Jon and Jane alike.

I have lots of feelings on how Jon parallels Jane in the later seasons. And about that relating to the cycle of violence and becoming a fear entity avatar as an allegory for trauma.

[beanghostprincess]

Hi, I’m an idiot! why are we so sure black beard will kill shanks? I’ve been fan since OPLA and everyone keeps telling me it 😳

Also did Oda really said buggy is his favourite? 🥺That’s so sweet he likes him. I thought it was gaimon

He did say his favorite is Gaimon but! He also said his favorite antagonist is Buggy and tbh seeing how much he enjoys writing him it's just obvious he loves him.

And I'm not exactly saying it will be Blackbeard specifically, I literally have 0 theories regarding Shanks' death. I just have the feeling he'll die because his death flags are... Too obvious. He doesn't show up very often but when he does it's to leave us viewers wanting more and loving him. He's not an antagonist, in fact, he's loved by the main character and he's basically his mentor. But he still keeps a major secret from us. He's very complex but unexplored and... This type of character always ends up dying.

Loved by the main character + Doesn't show up much but is important for the plot + Hides something = Death will get a strong reaction out of the characters and will break our hearts but we won't miss him that much at the end of the day and thanks to that we will have a big part of the main plot revealed finally

Also, he's not an antagonist but since he does have something mysterious going on, Oda can't just leave him alive and happy and being a good-hearted Pirate at the end of the story. He's either an actual villain (which I highly doubt) or he's dying. Because otherwise, I think it'd be a pretty underwhelming ending for his character. But Oda surprises us by breaking stereotypes in Shonen a lot, so maybe Shanks doesn't die. But who knows... I'm just saying that if somebody has to die, it's gonna be Shanks.

[ta-bajna-cerna-okybaca]

Now that I finally got to play TWST diasomnia chapter 1 myself, I'm gonna need everyone who said Malleus was a baby throwing a tantrum for no reason to pay me 2000 dollars each

[circle-around-again]

"TD-D9 hobbled back into the chamber carrying a tray that held plates covered by domed lids. The droid set the covered plates before the seated figures, then said, 'Are you finished with me, Master Sidious?' 'Most definitely,' Sidious said. Keeping his eyes on Maul, Sidious waved at the droid. TD-D9 lifted off the floor, flew across the chamber, and smashed into the wall." (Windham, 70).

And so Sidious looks directly into Maul's eyes as he kills his proto-mother.

I'd like to talk about the class + gender dynamics of this little scene.

Deenine is obviously a British aristocratic servant, if we use the domed lid as a reference. She has served as Sidious' butler throughout the text, with the expected stoicism of the role having morphed into actual faceless steel.

What is interesting here is that she naturally doubles as another role; a mother. She controls the domestic space of this fortress while Sidious goes abroad. She raises and tyrannises Maul, but they must both bow to the patriarch.

Like the stay-at-home-mum and the Victorian nanny, she is dismissed once the little bird flies the nest. All power she once held evaporates.

[baeshijima]

i fucking hate this gane

throws up tears

[shi0n]

i rly wish we got to see more of safu's and shion's friendship in the books. the small segments we do have are so good..

[tortoisebore]

this is fun bc this chapter was so fucking long that im just sitting here waiting for u all to come back & scream at me

[vermillioncrown]

Fuck you and your writing. What the hell. How tbe fuck did you make a tasteful brothel scene, how the hell did you manage to do all this shit. This chapter was fuckin heart wrenching. I wanted to see WWX get fucked up and then he did and it wasn't satisfying, but it was good writing and i liked it regardless. God. How the hell did you do this shit. What the fuck.

:^) thank you, i hit my target :^) :^)

=

because i really, really cared about getting the exact flavor of this chapter right, so much so that it took over a year.

the brothel scene is so important in what it means in the fic, which is more than showing that zyx fucked. or that zyx fucked a girl for real. or to do some questioning of sexuality.

(which i think i had to go through the five stages of grief when someone excitedly talked about it like having sex means someone is no longer aspec like... every day i am confronted by the fact we all coexist with vastly different perspectives on reality, and these realities are all true to some extent, sigh)

it's also not about being edgy and buying hookers, getting drunk, and all that.

so without using prostitution, nightlife, and sex as a prop and just being real with it, i hope that it doesn't come off goofy, edgy, or objectifying. the perils of trying to convey complicated feelings without therapy speak in-fic, and being really honest in someone's motivations and reactions (bc, unavoidably, it IS an SI).

the brothel scene and its whole fallout was so important, in fact, that i rewrote the entire order of the chapter. originally, the scenes were supposed to be in chronological order. logical, but it just felt like a boring recounting of events. sure, the events are fresh and we wanna see what zyx-mess happens next, but it's just a bunch of 'and then, and then, and then'. works for interlude chapters (ch8, ch15), but this really isn't one.

seguing, i learned a lot from how i wrote bil. dbd will never be as lean as bil, but it reminded me that when i drafted the fic, i focused on certain developments and ideas for a reason. also, since it's a chapter that doesn't involve too many canon characters, which let's be real that's usually the reason we stick around these kinds of fics, it needed to have purpose and be clear about what feeling it's trying to convey

even at the cost of simplicity in order of events

it would have been so difficult to keep the type of upset that zyx is feeling through a chapter that spans months, develops two interpersonal relationships, has a big oopsie, in chronological order without a too-angsty tone. too many periodic reminders would feel jarring and obtrusive, and exaggerate it. and that's also just not how zyx (i) deal with upsets, thank you adhd

and like, doing that for 10k+. (eternally i thank my readers for their patience and willingness to read so much bc people don't read fanfic for deep analysis and extra hw...) that's too much.

=

the second most important scene is the wwx duel, you got it. (i'd lump the lxc duel there, too bc those two are kinda related)

(sometimes i worry i made wwx too annoying. but then i talk myself back--it's always perspective. wwx isn't doing more than he already did in canon. we just have someone who can articulate how they feel about what he does, and he's not the main narrator of dbd.)

we get to a very clear demonstration of zyx as a character--it's more or less "i have no mouth and i must scream". here's your chance to be violent. you know you want it. do it. act out, make yourself heard.

zyx doesn't do it.

and you know what? i will be honest, truly honest here: i am sorry if you can instantly clock why zyx is the way they are, because for real 'recognition of the self in the other'.

lack of satisfaction--when you know what you wanted all along was for something to have never have happened at all, would punishment (displaced punishment) satisfy you? would it fix you? sometimes it helps, just for a moment. but i've answered this question enough times that i know i'd rather have never had to ask that question in the first place.

=

tldr: it's because it's a chapter about emotional honesty, and i as the author was really fucking honest and tried my fucking best to convey that.

[pybun]

when i post the 1st 3 chapters of tatters comic, im gonna put a note that says idk when the next chapter will be done nor is it guaranteed that i will finish the comic 🫠

if i do get motivation, ill put out another 3 chapters where it shows how tatters' clown form was created

[papirouge]

Simon -Ghost- Riley...

"(...) Ghost’s real name is Simon Riley and he grew in Manchester, England and he grew up a really bad childhood. His brother was really mean to him and always would wear a skull mask at night to scare Simon. Simon’s father was really abusive towards Simon and often made him do really screwed up things. Apparently Ghost was a apprentice butcher at a grocery store but joined the military due to the 9/11 attacks. He eventually joined the SAS. However, when returning home a few years later, he found his brother and mother in really bad conditions. The brother took drugs and kept stealing from his mom to keep having the drugs. Simon didn’t return to the military until he had changed and helped his family get back on their feet. Simon got them back to good and his brother had a wife and kid. Now here’s the really messed up parts. Simon was tasked with taking down the Zaragoza Drug Cartel who was ran by Manuel Roba. He and his team were going to make a move on them until the team’s commanding officer, Vernon, betrayed and ratted out the team. Simon and his team were tortured in brainwashing facilities for months. Vernon couldn’t break Simon and ended up ordered to die by Roba. Simon was buried alive with Vernon and broke out with Vernon’s jawbone due to Vernon’s rotting corpse. Simon ended up crossing the border to Texas and got healed from injuries but suffered from temper-management issues which didn’t allow him to return back to active duty. He later met up with two of his former teammates, Sparks and Washington but he found out that they were both broken and brainwashed by Roba. He ended up trying to kill Sparks but Washington interfered. He returned to his home to find his mother and his brother and his family all dead. He killed Sparks and Washington and then went on his journey to find and kill Roba. He worked solo and killed Roba and his men and ended up being recruited by General Shepard to join Task Force 141."

— Youtube comment about Ghost origin story

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

*looks at my Polar AU*

We could add more trauma.