#chapter 16 spoilers

[zoobus]

you're the new head writer of the obey me series- what's the first thing you're doing?

Assuming time travel to fix these things

Make Nightbringer (NB) Satan like that from the start

KEEP NB Satan like that. Stop giving him emotional growth after two fucking chapters. He wants to be bad!

Drop hints that Diavolo's goofy, male-big-boobed-extrovert energy is a facade. He's so lovable and I want to support every stupid idea he throws out - wouldn't it be great if he knew that? That you're taking the king of hell so lightly?

Make Lilith haunt the narrative. They fought a war against God for her and LOST and she does NOT matter.

^Part of the above. No one holds a grudge against Beel for not protecting the sole reason they went to war, which is bizarre and stupid. ALL of them hate him now. If only there was someone he could rely on...someone who could change their hearts

The dynamic between Barbatos and Solomon is good but the reason is dumb. Make it some The Devil Went Down to Georgia type shit

This is just me but I think it's funny every time they release a Lucifer or Diavolo card and the story makes you third wheel while they hug up on each other. I laugh and laugh and laugh. I would make Lucifer/Diavolo more overt. I would hammer home that you will never have what they share. There's nothing you have to offer that could compare. Go sit in the cuck chair.

Hornier events. I have my team of writers throw darts at the sex page on tvtropes and we work from there.

Belphegor gets his own rewrite section for reasons fans already know

my sister went to earth and broke a big rule by her own volition, thus I must genocide humanity -> my sister was charmed by a human who turned out to be a cultist that sacrificed her in an attempt to achieve immortality, thus I must genocide humanity*

Belphie murders you in front of the people who said they love you and they’re not mad at him once you’re all better -> Belphie murders you and they're still mad at him once you’re all better

The immediate conflict post Belphie-murdering-you-with-no-consequences is the brothers feeling kinda awkward and you have to help clear the air -> The immediate conflict post Belphie-murdering-you is the brothers giving him the cold shoulder. Belphie comes groveling to you to help clear the air (you will be railroaded into doing so, I'm fine with that)

You get one (1) dialogue option where you can mildly rebuke Belphie for successfully killing you -> You can tell Belphie to kill himself multiple times throughout the story if you so wish

Belphie drops the manipulative, homicidal psycho act for snarky, youngest brother and never looks back -> Belphie is a snarky youngest brother who regularly tries to manipulate you, occasionally expresses homicidal thoughts, and possibly leans towards yandere.

Just...stop it with the Anti-Lucifer Force. It's pathetic. We literally went from “successful murder attempt” to “hot sauce in wine” in half a chapter

*Racism is bad but at least let it be based on something?? His motive is like Adam starting a war against apples

[beelzebuddy-catan]

It's Always Sunny in the Devildom

[usernu11]

Please Believe Me

Belphegor betrayed his brothers, he betrayed the lasting memory of his late sister, but more importantly; he betrayed you.

warnings* mentions of death; chapter 16 spoilers

tags* gn!reader, no pronouns mentioned, not proof read, angst, possible ooc belphegor

notes* this has been cooking up for weeks as a concept but got an opportunity to post due to an event goin on over on twitter

The thing that Belphegor feared the most was the possibility of you hating him.

You knew this for a fact; it's not like he made it hard to figure out anyway. He was insensately clingy when it came to you; always needing to be around you, touching you in some sort of way no matter how nicely you tried to tell him off. He was scared that you'd push him away for good; he needed to make sure that he was able to stay by your side. You knew this, the reason behind it, and yet. It pissed you off to no end.

He was scared? Belphegor, a powerful demon in his own right despite being the youngest, was scared of you? It was as if nothing had happened, as if it was always like everyone was always a big happy family. Even the rest of the brothers, they moved on as if it was nothing. You made a pact with him, got power over him, so that was it right? Everything was good, right?

"Belphegor, I'm trying to sleep." It was always when you were seconds away from drifting to sleep that Belphegor found himself wandering into your room and sliding into your bed. You were used the some of the brothers, mainly Mammon, cuddling up next to you at unreasonable times of the night. However, you always found yourself relaxing after waking up from their intrusion and drifting right back to dream land a little warmer and safer than before. That was never the case with Belphegor.

"Then go to sleep." The demons lithe fingers make their way around your waist, the tips digging into the fabric of your pajamas. The skin underneath where his hands lay raise and shivers at the contact. You wish he wouldn't get so close to you, you wish he would use his hands to make contact with you.

Your body always seizes and trembles when he's around but your temperature drops and your neck aches when you feel his hands on you. You know he can feel your body rejecting his entire being, and yet he still insists on this nightly ritual.

Sleep almost never comes until he forces it onto you, voice inches away as he sleepily chastises you about your poor sleeping habits. You only feel a sense of peace when his voice starts to feel farther and farther away until you think you're alone in your bed once more.

The first time it happened you were skeptically surprised that you hadn't dreamt about the awful memories of you meeting your end. You had tried to convince yourself that maybe you were overthinking the whole thing, that maybe you were suppose to have moved on and forgiven Belphegor. It took two more nights before you wised up, reminding yourself that these were demons; they might seem like family to you, but they were demons through and through.

You always woke up dreaming of the brothers. You woke up just when they all smiled at you, drowning you in love and comforting you awake. Your chest felt warm, but your mind was always icy cold. He was always there, in the background with a guilty look on his face. He was always murmuring apologies in between all of the ruckus, barely heard above the rest of the words flooding your senses.

Both you and Belphegor knew that he didn't deserve to be in those dreams and yet he conjured them up with himself in them anyway.

A coward, that's what you thought of him after the third night. You always glared at him when the dream appeared, never focusing on the brothers surrounding you and begging for your attention; you always look at him as you felt yourself start to awaken, judging and filled with complicated feelings. He stopped apologizing around that time, always looking down towards the ground and avoiding your anger filled gaze.

Tonight was suppose to be no different, and yet you awoke feeling sick. Your head was fuzzy, your chest felt dead cold and your pajamas were soaked in a thin layer of sweat that covered your skin. What unsettled you the most was Belphegor clutching you tight, your back was against his chest and both his arms kept you captive on your side within the bed.

Your brain wasn't working properly and you immediately could feel a sense of panic start to ripple throughout your body. You took deep, long breathes and held them for as long as you were able before restarting the process; you didn't want to break down, not while the person who was causing you the distress was right there. You go through your breathing ritual until you're able to make your body listen to you, a shaky hand slowly making its way towards your face in an attempt to rub the blurriness out of your eyes.

It's raining, you belatedly notice after a loud thunder strike breaks your concentration and makes it hard to breathe again. Suffocating, the entire situation was nothing but suffocating. Seeing as how it was still dark and the usual chatter from the brothers coming from the dining hall wasn't present, you must have woken up too early. Too early for Belphegor to have unwrapped himself from you, too early for the lie of a comforting nights sleep to play in your dreams.

A weak, pathetic whimper escapes before you're able to reign it in but it was just all too much. Of course you weren't sleeping well, of course the coward in your bed wasn't just trying to pathetically apologize in a roundabout way. Who did he think he was, your savior? The knight in shining armor shielding you from the horrors he caused? Did he think you would appreciate his efforts?

Too much, it was just all too much and you were sick of trying to accommodated his needs. Your body goes into a state of panic as you desperately try to wriggle out of Belphegors' grasp, tears are rolling down your cheeks and making the pillow supporting your head uncomfortably damp.

His hands only seem to tighten their hold on you.

"Let go you piece of shit, I said let me go!" You know he's awake, you know he's aware of everything he's done to you and yet he just can't let you go and it hurts. More than anything else it hurts. You're sobbing now, feet feebly kicking him in an attempt to get him to move; you know it's not going to work either way, if anything your kicks hurt you more than they do him. "W-Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just l-leave me the fuck alone. I want nothing to do with you, B-Belphegor." His name feels like lead to say and you have to force it out while holding back the urge to vomit. "I d-don't want to be close with you, I don't want to forgive you. I don't w-want to like you. I ha-"

A sudden crushing tug against your stomach cuts you off, it makes you go dizzy as your mind visualizes the worst of situations. You don't want to die without getting it all out, without making him suffer just as much as you have.

"-rry." You can barely hear his words under the rapid beats of your heart that seem to come straight from inside your head. You don't want to listen to what he has to say. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, so please don't-" His arms loosen their grip on you, trembling hands lay resting against your stomach in a weak attempt to soothe the pain. You don't want to recognize the fear in his words, the trembling of his entire body; none of it, you don't want to process any of it.

"Shut up. S-shut up, I know you don't mean it. I know you're not saying t-that to me." You take the chance to rip out of his hold and crawl over the the farthest side of the bed; you rest your body against the cold wall, knees resting against your chest as you sit against it. Your eyes try and focus on the floor ahead of you, anything to get away from the situation, away from the emotions, away from him.

Belphegor makes an attempt to sit up and move towards you but stops as soon as he sees your huddled figure. He does nothing but stare for awhile, the sound of rain rapping against the window fills the room and fills it with a warped sense of calm. Even the thunder is a welcome inclusion; it helps block out the thoughts that refuse to leave you alone. It's as soon as your breathing is under control and the sweat gathered on your skin feels cold and gross that Belphegor feebly says your name.

"Is it the guilt? That you killed the last of what remains of your sister? Or maybe it's the looks your brothers gave you while they sobbed and cradled my dead body." You can't help the bite that edges your words, you're just left with nothing but anger at it all after the fear takes a back seat.

"That's-" He pauses, processing his words before he speaks again. "It's not just them. I regret what I did to you and I regret the pain I caused them."

A dry laugh leaves your mouth. "You sure don't act like it. You never listen to me, your torment me day and and out and you have the audacity to say you regret it. You don't even know me."

"I want to know you!" He suddenly screams at you, voice dripping with desperation. It unsettles you and the raise in volume makes you flinch; something he doesn't fail to notice. "Sorry, I'm sorry I just-" A breathe shaky and what sounds to be a sniffle. "I don't want to ruin it. What you have with them."

"Bullshit." You're glaring at him now, eyes barely able to make since of his features in the dark of the room. "They already forgave you, hell, they never stopped seeing you as their precious younger brother. The only one who hasn't forgiven you is me. Not once have you been honest with me. Not then, not in those dumb dreams and not even now."

Another flash of thunder passes and illuminates the room for just a brief second. You wish it hadn't, you wish you weren't looking at him as it happened.

You wish you didn't see the tears, didn't recognize the pained expression, didn't empathize with the torment that wracked him.

"I was scared. You were so nice, my brothers really seemed to like you as well. You came to me with innocent intentions, a pure soul and heart. I started to want to get to know you, I started to see you as something other than just a disgusting human." You want to block out the sounds of his sobbing, you want to block out his pain and pretend like you don't care in the slightest. "I took it out on you. I regret it. I'm sorry. I'm so-sor-" His voice breaks as he finally gives into the tears.

You wanted to hurt him, tell him everything he didn't wish was true when he's at his lowest. You hate him.

You hate him so much you uncurl yourself and move away from the wall.

You hate him enough to wipe away his years.

You hate how he crumbles at your touch.

You hate how you understand the 'why' behind his actions.

You hate how you don't hate him in the slightest.

You hate how you know how much he regrets it, how desperate he is in trying to show you how much he cares about you. You know he's hypervigilant when it came to how you reacted to him, how he knew to give you space but was deathly afraid of you pushing him away for good. He made you mad, he made you angrier than you've ever been in your life. He killed you and you will never forgive him for it.

You're aware of this and yet you care. Deep down you find yourself trying your hardest to understand and to not reject him because he was hurt, he was hurt and he hurt you in return. He's ignorant, he felt betrayed and he was alone. You'll never forgive him, he knows this. It's a permanent scar that will always linger between the both of you.

"You scare me. No matter how much I try and block it out my mind remembers how it felt to die. It remembers who did it to me." Your hands are covered in his tears and snot and you have half a mind to not comment on how gross it makes you. "I just want to process it and overcome that fear. I know you're trying to help but you're being selfish about it. If I say I need space then please give it to me."

Belphegor all but nods, heavy head leaning into your hands as if savoring the small amount of contact you've allowed him. You can't help but let out a sigh. "I really don't trust you very much. But I'll try, so can you try for my sake as well?"

"I will. I promise I will. Please believe me, just this once." His voice sounds weak and small and the way he's slouched makes him look like a little kid getting scolded by their parent.

It looks a little endearing. Just a little.

ao3 *** about me

[centuryberry]

GAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

CHAPTER 16 OHMIGOSH IT'S JUST SO MUAH OHMIGOSH I LOVES IT SO SO MUCH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HOLY MOTHER OF BROWNIES YUE JUST SO DIPOLATIC CAUSE SHE KNOWS SHE'S A QUEEN AND SHE OWNS IT!!!! GAHHHHUJHHJHJHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AND SHE'S JUST SO COOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WHEN SHE'S BEING SO POLITICAL AND AWESOMEEEEEE AND OHMIGOSH LITERALLY BRINGING AO BING BACK :O. GAHJKKKGWAJBHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AND ALSO JUST SO. MUCH. ANGSTY. FEELIES BUT IT'S OKAY CAUSE OUR LIL QUEEN IS STRONGG

ALSO ALSO ALSO

NEZHA DESCRIPTION NEZHA DESCRIPTION GWNKEAAHJBJAKJHAKGAHHHHAHHBAJHHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHJAWFWFHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ALSO I HATE AO BING SO MUCH FOR WHAT HE SAID TO YUE LIKE HOW DARE HE!? SAY THAT TO THE LIL QUEEN?! LIKE HE'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER?! D:<

Hehe ❤️ We get some diplomatic Queen Yue in action. Even after her home base gets burned down, she takes her job seriously and represents her people the best she can.

Honestly, bringing Ao Bing back from the dead was one of her greatest work - and she did it legally too. Too bad all that work bit her in the butt when he just ✨ decided ✨ that they’d be married without her opinion or input on the matter.

Knew you’d like the Nezha description, haha. He has a new look and maybe some new (old?) abilities that comes with it. Also, some lore and daddy issues added on top of that, just for our favorite Demon Child.

(Regrettably, I couldn’t delve into Nezha and Ao Bing’s parallels even more in this chapter, but their relationship is complicated.)

Ao Bing is such a piece of work, but he’s not a monster. It’s the mix of dragon pride and entitlement that makes him so unbearable, but he’s honestly the product of his clan’s toxic and traditional upbringing. In Xiaotian’s game, he was more aware of his privileges and how his upbringing in the sea had sheltered him from important lessons. He was more willing to humble himself for the sake of others and show more empathy to the plight of others. Unfortunately, that is not the Ao Bing we see here. He has a lot of growing up to do if he wants to reach that point, but for now he’s a dumb teen.

(He definitely doesn’t deserve her. Thankfully, our little queen knows her worth.)

[wrxxn]

am i the only one who’s going through like, stages of acceptance with belphegor?  i’ll be honest and say i absolutely hated him the first year or so i played the game and only really found myself liking him when paired with beel since the trio dymanic is really cute. however, lately (after taking like half a year off the game mind you) he’s kinda grown on me? a lot of my gripe came from chapter 16 and how i feel like his character was absolutely BUTCHERED but after making some hc’s that would have a proper-ish outcome and recovery period for not only the brothers, but belphie and MC i can’t help but see him in a better light.  the whole killing you thing is still a rough hurdle for me to try and wrap my head around but then again almost everyone has threatened mc’s life so i guess it’s more like i don’t see my particular mc getting over the whole death thing too easily while being able to fall in love with him afterwards.

[emotional-mess-in-distress]

The space in between.

[natsumencaps]

Got all huffhuff over my protagonist having a hard time till Shougin slapped me back to reality lol.

Drew this after I finished this chapter, I really like this section of the story! 

[jamiepridejester]

[suntails]

dance of dreams

[vicartless-bowuigi-space-au]

“What are you scared of?”

Luigi felt the Star's unease fill his every being—a child shaking in a dark alley, crowding against a corner with no escape. And with a voice that stole Luigi's breath, the Star responded.

“Her.”

[plague-of-insomnia]

Bard in Ch 212

[h0estar]

can we talk about how so many of us practically grew up with noragami? many of us here are now adults who have liked this series since we were kids. we really stuck around long enough to see it through to the end. it's commendable, honestly. waiting in agony every month for whatever hell adatchitoka wanted us to go through was an experience in itself, and this comment made me chuckle thinking about it.

well, they weren't wrong! i have so much love for this series and the journey i had with it from start to finish. noragami is never leaving my heart and mind, and this sick empty feeling when a series i love ends will haunt me for the rest of my days. thank you for all these years. goodbye noragami <3

[pioneer-over-c]

blorbo from my prison break

[s30620]

Chapter 16: Acro Silky

Tatsu's visual storytelling is so brilliant. Every single page in this chapter gave me chills, made me tear up. You really don't need narration or many words to convey the emotions of these characters and their story. Tragic, yet beautiful chapter.

[moofshroom]

“i dont have a person i like ...... or friends ......” ME WHEN I STRAIGHT UP LIE. literally the scene after he says this u get the most intimate scene of them with kou asking mitsuba to what really is date number 2 and i just. guys this is straight up right out of a shojo

[onyourowndaisymae]

Yoo I have two request which I’ll send the other one separately but I am in an ANGSTY mood rn sooo yah also been binging ur headcanons and stuffs and I just love the way you write ?? It’s so entertaining lol

AnywY the actual request: can you write like a one shot or headcanons if you prefer of mc who is struggling after the belphie incident ?? Like they feel like they’ve mostly forgiven him and can act normally around him and they’re friends and take naps together but sometimes the flash back just HITS THEM and they have nightmares and panic attacks that can be so bad sometimes someone needs to get Simeon to calm them down. Maybe something of how the brothers react/treat mc and belphie? Idk I’m just thirsting for like MEGA ANGST rn bc my dad made me cry little bit lmao 😭

it comes at night

hello anon! i'm terribly sorry you're in such an angsty mood, though i thank you for all the love-- and for sending this request right as these ideas were on the front of my mind. it genuinely makes me so happy to see people enjoying my work, and it makes all the writer's block and such worth it. i cannot express enough how much i love seeing all the comments, reblogs, etc. as people engage with my work.

anyways. i'm not sure how i feel about this piece, especially with how LONG it ended up being, but maybe that's just my mushy brain talking after looking at it too long. regardless-- i hope you enjoy (well, y'know, in like a sad and angsty way).

synopsis: you thought you would be able to move on like all the others. your body was healed, your anxiety tucked neatly behind a mental wall built to keep you safe. yet something in you was stuck. you couldn't just move on. you were trapped in a battle between your friendship with belphegor and the fear gnawing at your brain as you remembered what exactly he did to you. when the dam finally breaks, your whole brain floods with terror, until you're swept away with it. nobody can save you now.

genre: angst, no happy end, just a big ol spoonful of sadness

word count: ~3.1k

content warnings: chapter 16 spoilers, graphic(?) discussions of death, depictions of panic attacks, nightmares, mc progressively getting worse from fear + lack of sleep

it's funny how time works. 

you'd been around your fair share of years. you’d grown, you’d changed, you’d spent your entire life looking toward the future you had planned. then you, a mere human, were yanked into an unfamiliar world. you spent an entire year in the devildom– a year that simultaneously dragged on and flew by– and came out the other side a new person. a single year in the devildom has changed you more than the human realm has your entire life. time was a mischievous thing, always leaving you chasing behind in a fruitless pursuit of something you’ll never quite understand.

but, she also brings blessings with her. they say that time heals all wounds. you've always agreed with that sentiment. scraped knees and adolescent broken hearts are swept away with the passing days, trailing further and further behind you until one day you forget to look back and remember them. the pain scribbled down on diary pages or cried into pillow cases no longer stings like a fresh burn. these things are nothing but scars now. time has a special way of patching you up, of rubbing your back until the tears clear up and you can finally see again. that is how it's always been. 

where is time when you need it? 

she hasn't quite abandoned you, this much is true. cuts and bruises heal over the passing days. your hair and nails still grow. your body still changes, slowly but surely, marching onwards week after week. yet your mind is trapped in stasis. you struggle to break free, but at times the rot consumes you whole, until you’re crying under the covers and begging from respite from the memories. 

on the worst nights, you find yourself in the attic again, watching the door between you and belphegor swing open. you watch yourself march towards death.

you can still feel his hands around your neck, digging his claws into your fragile human skin like you're made of sand. the scent of blood-- your own blood, on the floors, on the walls, leaking from your torso and staining your clothes a permanent maroon-- still clings to the inside of your nose. even your wildest dreams could not erase the sight of his smug grin, the way his eyes lit up looking at your battered body.

no one person should have to carry the weight of realizing they're going to die. that's what you thought about when your body hit the bottom of the stairs, when belphegor tossed you down from the attic with a harsh laugh and punted your limp body into the entrance hall. you thought about how unfair this all was. you were just trying to help. you thought you were doing the right thing.

one of the worst parts of your untimely demise was watching the others react. the voices pool together in your head, like the colors of the rainbow twisting together on the surface of an oil spill. asmo's panicked shriek blends into satan's angry shouts, desperate to understand what's going on. lucifer's yelling almost drowns out the fearful cries coming from levi, held back by a very silent beel. 

but above all of that, you remember mammon. your first man, the first demon who took a chance on the defenseless little human, rushing to your side and gathering you in his arms like you were about to break. his hand on the side of your face, the tears streaming down his face, the shaky, desperate voice assuring you that you'll be okay and begging you to hang on, okay? please don't leave me. you can't remember if he was shaking or if it was your body's last ditch effort to stay conscious-- maybe both. your trembling fingers intertwined with his. words came out of your mouth, and you're not sure what exactly you said, but he only cried harder in response. 

and then, as your eyes shut for the final time, you woke at the bottom of the attic stairs. you had cheated death. 

your price? you had to carry the memories. 

the world kept spinning. days passed in the devildom. you returned to school, kept on top of your homework, spent your days in the house of lamentation alongside the seven demon brothers. you even got to know belphegor as he navigated his return home. he quickly grew fond of you. that, in and of itself, was jarring. but you returned each and every smile with one of your own. his actions were rooted in his own grief for his sister, you knew, and for that you could not fault him. you helped him repair the severed relationships between him and his elder siblings, stitching the family back together like a prized quilt until the seams of betrayal were sufficiently hidden. 

time is a traitorous bitch. why did she choose now to leave your wounds bare and bleeding?

everyone moved on but you. everyone got to wake up in the mornings without a nagging anxiety holding them back. the others could hang out with belphegor day in and day out without a growing feeling of dread popping up when you think you're safe. 

he killed you. he was grieving. your blood drenched the entryway floors as he laughed. he has grown. you watched the light leave mammon's eyes as you slipped away. belphie has been nothing but kind to you since that day. you fucking died. 

you wish your mind could pick a side. did you forgive him, or did you resent him? was he your friend, or your killer? these answers evaded you in the dead of night as you struggled to sleep again. it was becoming more common for you to lose hours of rest to these nagging fears. who are you? are you even you anymore? did the switch in timelines scatter your atoms across countless universes, leaving the you that looks back at you in the mirror nothing more than a hollow shell? 

you thought that you could keep your mind on a tight leash, keep your cards close to your chest as you continued to live with the brothers. you were wrong.

the first meltdown came during a nap with belphie. you had grown to trust him-- you thought you trusted him-- enough to sleep around him. he'd coax you every so often into an afternoon nap. always in the light of day, always your choice. and for many afternoons, you were perfectly content with this arrangement. belphie was warm and cuddly, a perfect companion for a lazy afternoon. he had this way of making you feel safe as you slept-- the nightmares couldn't come when he was snuggled up next to you, when you were sure his actions were ones of affection and not another trick to gain your trust.

one afternoon, while the sun was beginning to set, you stirred under the warmth of the blankets. the body next to yours lingered close, steady breaths lulling you back to dreamland. you could stay like this forever, you thought.

and then you felt it. the gentle graze of a familiar cow tail against your skin.

something inside of you, a dam you didn't even know was there, snapped. a hot flash of panic rose up your throat as your whole body jerked away from the feeling. your eyes shot open and you found yourself in the last place you needed to be right now: the attic. you pulled yourself out of bed before your brain could catch up. colors flashed across your vision as a consequence. you whipped around, disoriented and upset, and spotted a sleeping belphie in the bed where you once were.

a sleeping, demon belphie.

the familiar curve of his horns made your throat spasm as you tried to breathe. the colors flashed in your vision again-- oh god, what a terrible time to be left defenseless-- as your brain tried to drag you back to that day. you could practically see his face shift from relief to malicious, insidious joy as he began to attack you.

"hehe... does it hurt? finding it hard to breathe? i'm sure it must be very unpleasant."

please. please no.

" i have to say, seeing a human face twisted in pain like this... why, it's so much fun that i can barely stand it! i... i can't contain the laughter!"

you weren't quite sure when you hit the ground, but it was loud enough to wake belphegor from his slumber. he peeled his body off the mattress, slow and dazed, as he looked for you.

"mc? what're you... what's going on?"

please don't. this can't be happening.

your lungs collapsed from the weight of your own panic. you gasped-- once, twice, as your vision went in and out. were you bleeding? your hand loosely brushed at the front of your clothes, but couldn't process whether that was blood or your vivid imagination. were you even breathing? your head felt light and heavy at the same time. the wires in your brain were all crossed, sending both resuscitation and shutdown signals to each part of your body. this feeling... this was too familiar.

were you dying?

"mc, what's going on?"

you came face to face with belphegor. your friend, your killer. the demon who had lured you up to this very attic to kill you, now gripping your shoulders as interrogated you inches from your face.

you screamed. you screamed until your brain shut off completely, leaving you in an inky pit of darkness as your consciousness slipped away.

the house was in disarray for several days. apparently, lucifer came in shortly after you passed out, mammon at his heels, to save the day. you woke up later in his bed, the room cold and empty, with a throbbing head and a tear stained pillow. you stumbled out into his office to find him at his desk, lost in some paperwork like always. the solemn look he gave you as your eyes met told you everything you needed to know.

from this day forth, your fear was now your constant companion.

nobody in the house of lamentation knew how to move forward. not you, not the brothers, not the widening gap growing between you all with each passing day spent in emotional limbo. finally, lucifer called everyone to a family meeting where, over the course of an hour or two, everyone came to an agreement to acknowledge what had happened and why, promised to be mindful of this trauma that you're carrying, and move forward like you requested.

silent days slowly but surely filled back up with laughter again. the brothers came back to your side at their own pace-- asmo first, within a matter of hours, then mammon shortly after, then the others in the following days.

belphegor was the last to come around. his silence spoke volumes about his guilt. he had no clue how to comfort you. he'd do anything to repent for his actions. yet that was the way that life worked, didn't it? some actions simply cannot be undone.

but you didn't let that stop you. despite the panic that closed your throat every time you saw him for the next month, you slowly earned his friendship again. you assured him that the attic incident was a one time thing, the remnants of a lost nightmare blending into your consciousness as you awoke.

until it wasn't a one time thing.

the nightmares crept up on you. the first one happened, of course, that same night, as you thrashed and wept into lucifer's pillows. then a week later, another. a week and a half after that, another. the frequency eventually became higher and higher, until you started planning your sleep schedule (or lack thereof) around your new insomniac tendencies. but even you couldn't manage to stay awake forever.

on a bad night, you'd wake up in tears, crying weakly to yourself as you tried to coax yourself back to bed. on worse nights, you'd shoot up out of bed, limbs tingling in fear, opting to spend the rest of the night in the common room until the others woke for the day. on the worst night, you finally broke. you shattered worse than you could have imagined.

you finally collapsed into bed, body shutting down after a three days of minimal sleep. you were starting to get shaky from the lack of rest, and your lack of appetite was upsetting the others. you crawled under the covers and let your brain slip out of your hands and off to dreamland.

what a fool you were to think you'd get by without nightmares.

visions of demonic teeth tearing at your flesh filled your head. you tried to run away, tried desperately to wake yourself up, but their claws sunk into your flesh. the pain was vivid, was real. memories of your death lived underneath your skin, ready to resurface in the dark of night when there was no escape. you fought back as best you could, kicking and screaming and trying to run, but you were no match for the supernatural strength of your demons. you eventually gave in, an act of learned helplessness, and surrendered yourself to your worst nightmares.

you woke up choking on your own tears. heaving, gasping breaths tried to save you, mixing with coughs as your body struggled to hang on. the tears finally gave way to the memories-- hot blood dripping from your torso, screaming faces begging you to stay, your head going fuzzy as your vision followed--and your screams escaped without a fight.

a mixed cacophony of voices came flooding in the room. you'd be touched by the gesture, seeking comfort in the arms of your dearest friends, if your brain hadn't reminded you that they were demons as well. nightmarish beasts with fangs and claws, predators built to rip your soft flesh from your bones and leave you to die like roadkill.

you felt a hand on your shoulder. who's was it? you could not tell. your first and only instinct was to scream for mercy, hot tears streaming down your face as mammon's hurt expression moved back out of your line of sight. your chest heaved with effort. it felt like your whole body was caving in on itself. you didn't even realize you were shaking as you curled your body into a ball. your side hit the mattress with a pathetic thud and you wept, bitter and fearful, as a panic attack kept you trapped in its grip.

you don't know how long you stayed curled up like that, wordless cries echoing from your room and into the hallway, but eventually the sound of approaching footsteps caught enough of your attention to forget the panic, even if just for a moment.

"hey, it's okay," a familiar, comforting voice approached, cutting through the fear like a moonlight on a stormy night. "mc, it's me, it's simeon. it's going to be okay."

you felt the bed shift under the weight of someone sitting down, and you blindly threw your body at the person before checking to see if it was really him. it took you a few moments to raise your head, and when you did, you saw him: simeon, your angel, blue eyes full of worry as he met your gaze.

you cried in his arms until you fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

the next morning was miserable, to say the least. breakfast was tense. they all watched you like a hawk, like you were a powder keg about to explode with one wrong move. you couldn't blame them. you were afraid of your own emotions, and on some level, you were afraid of them. your trauma was making you afraid of the very people you cared about the most. these brothers had welcomed you into their home, took care of you as you adjusted to life in the devildom, and yet you couldn't hold eye contact without breaking in to a cold sweat.

the only person who did not watch you was belphegor. he was nowhere to be found during breakfast, nor dinner, nor breakfast the following day. you tried to seek him out, but somehow the avatar of sloth had become a skilled sneak in his silence.

you finally caught him alone on day four of radio silence. you both had stayed home without realizing the other had also skipped school that day-- you, from the lack of sleep eating at your brain, and belphegor, with his usual routine of missing class to nap at the house of lamentation. he was curled up on the couch in the common room, basking in the warmth of the fireplace in his slumber. you decided to wait for him to wake up. you sat down on the couch opposite of the one where he rested and watched him, quietly, like he'd disappear if you dared to blink.

creepy? yes. but your brain was long ruined by sleep deprivation and gnawing anxiety to worry about such trivial things.

when he finally stirred, you gently called belphegor's name. he took a moment to finally look at the source of the voice, but when he did, his body froze as the two of you made eye contact. a few moments passed in silence. finally, he sat up and began to make a move to leave.

"wait."

he stopped, but his gaze did not meet yours. you rose from your seat and joined him on the couch. the youngest pulled his legs in, twisting his body into a defensive little ball, and countered your next sentence before you could even open your mouth.

"you shouldn't be here with me."

"i think i'm old enough to make decisions for myself."

he shifted uncomfortably in the silence. you spoke again.

"i miss you. and i'm sorry."

he scoffed to himself and stared at the fireplace. "don't know why you think you should be apologizing to me. i'm the one that's the problem."

"you're not a problem, belphie. i never meant to make you feel like one."

every hair on your body stood on end. your hands trembled against your wishes, so you sat on them to stay focused. you had to do this. you had to keep moving forward.

"i hurt you, mc. you're afraid i'm going to do it again."

you sighed-- it came out more shaky than you would have liked-- and looked down. how had it come to this? how had someone you'd grown to hold so dear become a stranger again?

"i don't want to stop being friends. i don't like when you avoid me."

"you still get nightmares, don't you?"

you pause. his icy gaze on the side of your head sent you into a cold sweat.

you smiled-- it felt more like a grimace, personally-- and prayed it didn't come across insincere. your fingers carefully intertwined with his. he met your gaze. you were thankful he couldn't see the way your chest tightened when you made eye contact. 

"i'm okay, belphie," you lied. 

this fear was going to be the death of you.