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[wrxxn]

Understanding

it just so happens that the reason might have been a particular elder brother that is now tied up beneath you.

warnings* 18+ content ahead, minors dni

tags* obey me shall we date, transmasc!reader, afab!reader, reader has top surgery but no bottom surgery, mentions of female genitailia, the chest is never mentioned tho, dom!reader, sub!lucifer, explicit content

staying at the house of lamentation was always an exciting experience; the brothers never allowed you not even a second of respite. honestly, you could say the same thing about the devildom as a whole, it wasn't like the human world and at some points, you even contemplated never going back. it wasn't until you were sent back up after your first initial year that you noticed; something in you had changed.

it was like an endless hole, never able to be completely full with even the biggest of excitements the human world could offer.

solomon, for as much of a cryptic asshole he could be, described it as a consequence for making the sort of pacts you did with the brothers. they not only fed off of you, you had been feeding off of them as well. it didn't really make much sense at first, what exactly was there to feed off of? and more importantly, just who exactly was the culprit behind it? instead of answering, he just set out to allow you to experience it for yourself.

you never really will forgive him for dropping you on top of satan without at least a warning.

a couple of weeks had gone by, the usual banter and chaos within the house was the typical headache inducing fun as it had always been. but it never really made the itch deep in the darkest parts of your chest go away; it was like an impulse, a want- a need- to dive into something /more/, something darker and more perverse.

it only grew and grew, and you couldn't make sense of it. your gaze on the brothers, once unimportant and without thought now held weight, as if you were trying to dig your gaze into their flesh and worm your way where no one else has laid claim. hunger, it was hunger in its purest form.

lucifer had always been a bit of an oddity since the first day you were summoned to the devildom. if you had to be honest, he was the brother you liked the least within the time you had taken only a couple of pacts. it wasn't until a sudden chance encounter in the middle of the night, too earlier for beelzebub to have his late-night snack and too late for anyone to be up and about, that you witnessed him struggling with the coffee maker.

it took your all to not scoff at the way he pulled on his unkempt hair, crazed mumblings of fast approaching deadlines, one too many bills from mammon and 'why the /fuck/ is a hunk of metal besting me at this time of night'.

after that night, you caught yourself looking his way a lot more often than you wanted to. and you couldn't help but notice at how often his gaze followed you in return. it was a silent understanding for a good while, if either of you had ever met eyes it was simply over within the next moment, another brother coming to take you away or lucifer falling to the whims of his duty to the prince.

the last night you spent on your initial year within the devildom was when this understanding between the both of you had finally been spoken into existence. he seemed to put down most of his prideful façade within the moment, though you couldn't help but pout at how he had worded your request for a pact. you didn't mind too much at the end of the day, you would simply just have to look a little bit harder to find a lucifer meant for your eyes and your eyes alone.

it was the little things that had you the most intrigued upon your return; the way he seemed to stare at you blankly during breakfast, the small touches he would try and sneak while passing you on his way towards his room.

the familiar hunger that seemed to lurk just beneath his polite smile as he greeted you in the hallways.

it just so happened to be lucifer that had gotten caught up in yet another mess his brothers had concocted just to entertain themselves and cause an even bigger migraine for him to deal with on his own. and it just so happened that you had ulterior motives when the chaos really started to settle in.

"you know, i'm not really one for doing this sort of stuff to others, but-" you pull on the rope fastened tightly around lucifers arms, fingernails digging into the coarse fabric. you can already imagine the bright red of blood pooling just beneath his skin from the pressure. "-you look really nice like this luci, don't you agree?"

a muffled mess of noises leaves lucifer, as he can do nothing but bite and slobber around the white fabric shoved into his mouth. something inside you burns at the sight beneath you. the itch only grows into a searing want that only reignites the more your eyes bore into the prideful man now bound and tied.

if he was the avatar of pride, you must have been the embodiment of the word itself within that moment alone. /you/ did this to him, /you/ a mere human, had reduced one of the most powerful demons you knew into a toy to be played with.

and you only wanted more.

"does it feel good? you can feel it too, right?" your fingers loosen around the rope and slowly slide downwards, past his wrinkled sleeves, down his silky tie and landing just at the end of his crimson vest. you knew lucifer enough to know that this sort of situation happening organically was an impossibility, not even barbatos would be able to send you into a timeline where lucifer would offer himself to you in such a way. and yet-

and yet you were inches away from the tent in his pants. truly, lucifer was a man that you grew more and more interested in the more you took the time to dig deeper into his depths. your finger circles the button on his pants as you take another look at his expression.

cheeks flushed red, eyes hazy as the pure desire that fills up deep within you begins to overflow and pour into lucifers entire being. you were proud, proud of taking away the pride from the avatar himself. he should be mad, upset at the human sitting atop his thighs and gazing down at him as if they owned every inch of him.

yet he couldn't ignore the way his pact mark on the back of their hand seemed the glow in an ecstatic, royal blue. it was as if he had no choice but to revel in the pure, unadulterated pleasure the human before him was experiencing. it made him whole, yet never for long enough. he too, needed more, wanted more of what the human was offering.

no, not offering. it was forced onto him, yet he was more than happy to have received it.

you watch as his eyes seem to only grow deeper in color, his pupils blown wide as a small whimper escapes from his full mouth. the beginnings of a laugh claw their way up your throat, yet you keep it down as to not embarrass him any further than you need to. "you're actually pretty pathetic, did you know that luci?"

your hand finally palms at the aching erection just begging to be released from its confines; the way his back arches into the touch makes you smile down at him. "you think you have it all figured out but you really don't. i know the thoughts that go on in that head of yours when you look at me, i know exactly what you want to do to me when your hand 'innocently' finds its way onto my lower back." you give him a hard squeeze, "you've probably been masturbating at your desk thinking about me for the longest time, haven't you? seriously, it's no wonder i ended up feeling it too."

the beginnings of tears start to form in his eyes, he's trying his best to buck up into your hand as he can do nothing but wriggle about in frustration. your hand moves up to the top of his pants, fingers working far too slowly to pull the zipper down. you pull his pants to just about halfway down his thighs.

"maybe you wanted me to do this? you're really enjoying it a little too much." your fingers circle around the very noticeable wet patch that seems to only grow wider and deeper in color the more you tease him through his underwear. he looks up at you as if you're his everything, as if you are the only thing that matters in the world to him, he just wants /more/, he wants more of you and you're nothing but compelled to give yourself to him.

it is then that you remove the fabric from his mouth, a long string of spit stays connected to his lips as he takes a long moment to process exactly whats happening. it feebly snaps as lucifer attempts to say your name, yet his voice only gets caught in his throat as he tries to hold back the noises coming from him.

light seems to come back to his eyes as his mind clears up, if only a little. the classic scowl slowly forms on his features as he bites his bottom lip. "w-what, what do you think you're-"

"stop that-" you cut him off before he can even finish his sentence. you know where that line of thought goes and you're not in the mood to entertain his mask of pride; you wanted /lucifer/, not his sin. "-don't you dare pull that on me, not now. tell me you want it, want /this/, want /me/."

lucifer opens and then shuts his mouth a couple of times, each time the blush on his face only seems to grow a deeper shade of red. it isn't until you begin to pull your hand away from his erection that he lifts his head in panic. "please! p-please i-" he takes a deep gasp of air, seemingly forcing his mouth to move. "-i-i need you, please, don't stop."

you gaze into his deep ruby eyes, that familiar feeling of understanding is there. you can't deny it, within this moment, you need him too.

the hitch in breathe that comes from the demon beneath you doesn't escape your ears as you finally, unceremoniously, pull down his underwear; his weeping cock slaps against skin, drops of precum now mingling with the sweat that has formed there. his whole body practically shivers as you gingerly wrap your hand around the base of his cock, giving it a small squeeze to hear his deep, sultry voice let out a delicious moan. you've always enjoyed his voice, but hearing it so fucked out and hoarse makes the heat that's been building in the pit of your stomach ignite all over again.

"fuck, lucifer-" you can't help but grind your aching cunt against the rope tightly wrapped around one of his thighs, your hand now properly stroking him. the sight of lucifer, eyes hazy, mouth wide open as he lets out moans that are very much not becoming of someone in his position, only makes you lean down right above him so he too can see just what this is doing to you. "you look so pretty like this, luci. can't believe it's all for me-only for me to see, to hear, to feel-" the feeling of his tongue on yours is hot and oh so good as you practically assault his mouth; the feeling of his moans getting all but swallowed up only serves to stroke whatever ego you've been building throughout this entire encounter.

for some reason, it just makes you want to make a mess out of him even more.

the kiss grows more and more incoherent the longer it goes on; it's sloppy, spit leaking out the sides of both your mouths and the sound of teeth clacking occasionally breaking up the heavy breathes and wet squelches coming from lucifers cock. it's the very definition of desperation. someone, you aren't even sure who anymore, lets out a whine as the burning in both of your air-craving lungs forces both of your to part.

the two of you exchange heavy breathes between one another, swollen lips briefly touching before parting again, oxygen-lacking brains unable to think of what comes next. it isn't until you process lucifer's hips rutting desperately into your hand despite the struggle it most pose that you, reluctantly you admit to yourself, remove your hand from his cock.

the growl he lets out at this only makes you want to go back to teasing him, really, but the insistent throbbing of your pussy makes you consider otherwise. before lucifer can make any complaints, you swiftly peel your shirt over your head and toss it in a random direction. your hands start to make their way to work on your pants next but stop halfway through as you catch the lucifer very obviously staring in your direction.

for just a second, you feel self-conscious about your body, questioning if you weren't up to his expectations, but the thoughts leave just as quickly as they entered once you /really/ get a look at lucifers expression. it's of nothing but pure excitement and satisfaction, his eyes soaking in whatever bare skin he can get only to stop at where your pants start, only to rake back up your body to your face. the headiness in his eyes only pushes you to shove the pants down along with your underwear; you have half a mind to feel a little embarrassment over the line of slick that refuses to disconnect from your sopping pussy until you move your underwear far enough.

the guttural growl that comes straight from lucifers throat, rumbling his chest, forces your face to heat up and your hole to clench around nothing. you move to straddle lucifer once more, pussy just hovering inches above lucifers cock as you take it into your hand. you move down slightly, the tip now between your folds as the white liquid mixes in with your slick. his cock never enters, only teasingly rubbing against your entrance as it slowly becomes covered by your essence.

you didn't plan on teasing the avatar of pride any longer but you just couldn't help yourself; his reactions only served to heighten the experience for you and though he would never admit it, you suspected he enjoyed it just as much as you did. you continue to lather his cock, happy within your own thoughts, until a loud snapping sound rips your out of your concentration.

before you can even gather what's happening, a hard grip on your hand causes you to hiss out as you're yanked forwards. the bed sheets against your bare skin are the first time your take in, then it's the weight that's practically crushing you on your back along with hot, heavy breathes that fan across the nape of your neck.

"l-lucifer?" you struggle to crane your neck backwards to get a good look at him, growing slightly worried as he's suddenly gone silent except for the rather loud panting. you weren't expecting him to be able to get out of his bindings anytime soon seeing as how he struggled with them thus far.

that's when you feel it, the barely there touches caressing your sides, the cool air being swatted onto your skin as his wings adjust to their sudden appearance. and that's not all, when you're finally able to adjust your head just far enough to get a look at his face, something wet falls from somewhere above and onto the sheets below.

", , ,blood?"

the burst of laughter escapes before you can even think twice to hold it in. lucifer, the avatar of pride and right hand man to lord diavolo, prince of the devildom, got a nosebleed in the middle of sex from seeing a humans naked body. the sound of your name forced through clenched teeth only serves to make you double over once more, back shaking against lucifers rumbling chest.

"stop that. it's-it's a natural thing that happens to anyone, so stop laughing like a fool." you turn around at lucifers words, your hiccupping chest now against his.

"natural for a virgin maybe, sure. certainly not something i'd except from /the/ lucifer morningstar." you can almost see a pout form on his face, though it might just be your imagination, but you lift your hand to wipe away some of the blood that's formed on the top of his lips anyway. a wonderful, warm feeling slowly spreads deep in your chest, mingling with the thick haughtiness that still lingers. "you really are quite cute lucifer."

"that's not a compliment and you know it." he swats away your hand, moving to wipe away the rest of the blood himself with the sheets below the both of you. you pout at this yourself, wriggling around to push lucifer off your just enough so you can move around. "just what are you doi-" his voice cuts off as he takes a deep inhale, hips rutting against his will into the hand that's just grabbed his half-hard cock.

"don't get all cocky just because you've gotten out of the ropes luci." you lift your hips so your entrance can once again rub against the tip of his cock, pushing it in just slightly before pulling away. you use your other hand to grab onto one of lucifers horns, fingers digging into its rough texture as you yank down, hard. your lips graze against the shell of lucifers ear, your body soaking in all the shivers and hitches in breathe he tries his best to stop. "we both know i'm still the one in charge here."

the downright erotic moan that lucifer lets out is all your need to start pushing his cock into your entrance earnestly; it only gets about half way before you have to stop yourself, your walls stretching enough to burn just to accommodate the thickness alone. your bottom lip finds home in between your teeth, threatening to spill blood itself as you concentrate on taking deep yet wobbly breathes. you don't make much progress until lucifer finally puts most of his weight onto his hands, body now above you as his arms cage you in while he rests your ass on his thighs. the look in his face says it all, the desperation to /finally/ have his length be encased entirely by your tight walls, to finally be one with you and fill you entirely with his seed.

all he needs is your permission, a command, anything that would allow him to have direction. he wants, no, needs you to be in control just one more time before he can truly let himself loose.

the pact practically sears the spot that it rests on your hand as you say just two simple words, the weight on your lungs heavy. "fuck me"

lucifers hands are on your hips in seconds, fingers digging into your skin at a bruising strength as he moves the rest of your body down onto the remaining length of his cock. you hiccup at the burn, his cock far too thick and long for most humans to handle; it only causes you to shut your eyes as tears start to burn at the edges of your vision. before you're able to try and adjust, lucifer it pulling you off his cock, leaving only the tip inside and leaving you empty. you make a small whine in confusion, hesitantly taking a peek at what could have gone wrong now.

the demon above you has his brows furrowed, jaw set as he does nothing but stare at where his cock and your entrance still connects. you can tell he's trying his hardest not to hurt you, hands shaking in their bruising grip around your waist, ruby eyes swirling with a dark urge that seems struggle to stay abate. he stays like this for a minute, trying his hardest to level out his breathing but failing miserably. before you can ask if he's okay, his wings flutter behind him and he mumbles what sounds like an apology.

with no other warnings, he's dragging you back onto your cock with more force and speed than before, forcing a loud moan from your lungs and the tears in your eyes to finally fall. it's a brutal, punishing pace that barely leaves you enough time to breathe, small hiccups of air enter your lungs as whiney moans are punched out not long after.

it's not long before lucifer is moaning alongside you, deep voice now turned up a few octaves as he relishes in your tight, wet walls that seem to beckon him to abuse it even harder. all you can do is dig your fingers into the sheets below you, vision rendered useless as you sob at the pleasure that's building inside you; building and building and so close to overflowing. you can tell lucifer is just as close as you are; his grip as broken skin, you can feel a slow, warm liquid make its way down your body and hear a stampede of curses leave lucifers mouth not too long after.

"fuck-fuck! you're just so perfect for me, so tight so fucking-" he hits a particularly good spot inside you, your cunt tightening in response leaves him speechless and struggling for breathe before he can continue his mindless rambles with utterances of your name; its as if he knew no other words within the moment, nothing else mattered except your very existence. "i belong to no one else, no other human but you so please-" lucifer lets out what sounds to be a sob, his thrusts sounding wetter and more lewd as his cock weeps into you.

you know what he's asking for and you'd be downright demonic to deny him release after bearing his soul to you. you're body is at it's limits, but you push yourself to meet his thrusts the best you can as you force words out of your wrecked throat. "p-please, luci-fuck please, wanna come-" another sob rips through you, you're both so close. "t-together, please- l-lucifer please-"

as if on command, lucifer thrusts once, twice, then still as he fills your hole with his hot seed. you can feel every twitch his cock makes against your walls as it empties itself into you, oozing out and onto the sheets due to just how tight you've become. you let out once last whimper as he cums into you, your walls tightening around him and milking him for all he's got.

you both stay in place as both of your respective highs ride through you. it's only after lucifer's demon form has gone and he has gone fully soft that he slowly comes back to life, gently pulling himself out and laying down next to you as to not put too much on his weight onto you. he allows a hand to wrap around your waist, his fingers making small circles into the uninjured parts of your skin as to now startle you.

"uhm-" it's you who first attempts to speak, hoarse voice shakily attempting to break through the peacefulness that had settled. "sorry. for tying you up like that."

lucifer doesn't say anything, only continuing his circles. despite all the confidence you had prior, you couldn't deny that a lot of it came from what was probably lucifers sheer need that happened to be forced onto you. it's hard to say anything else, especially since you weren't exactly sure where either of your stood at this point; all you could do was wait for lucifer to make the next move.

nothing happens for what feels like ages; long enough to where the bruises and cuts on your hips to start aching and the mess of your own juices that have mingled with lucifers start to feel gross. deciding it's best to just bite the bullet, you start to get up but are stopped by lucifers fingers making contact with some of the cuts due to your movement. the hiss of pain you let out seems to bring the demon out of his thoughts.

"stay there, don't move." with that, he removes himself from the bed and disappears into what you assume is the bathroom. a sigh coming from your lips is all that is heard in the room; his domineering tone is back and you can only assume that means you won't be having any sort of conversation with him about your or his feelings.

by the time lucifer comes back you were already sitting at the edge of the bed, attempting to get your jelly-like legs to work properly so you could clean yourself up. the small 'tch' that comes from him causes you to give him a playful glare. "what? i feel gross."

"that's why i told you to not move. lay back down." you want to argue with him but are stopped when you see a wet towel, some ointment and bandages in his hands. with a small huff, you lie back down onto a relatively clean part of the bed; you noticed he had freshened himself up after peering down to see him in boxers.

it's silent as lucifer cleans up the blood from your skin and gently applies cream before covering it with bandages. you try your hardest to insist that you can clean up the mess between your legs yourself but the look he gives you causes you to lose the fight pretty easily. it's awkward but you can't help but feel a little touched at how attentive he was being with you.

lucifer finally speaks after he's thrown the cloth along with any clothing on the floor into a hamper. "it was partially my fault that you were affected by the pact in such a way. i hold no ill feelings towards you or your actions today."

you have to replay his words in your head a couple of times before you find yourself feeling a little hopeful. "so then what sort of feelings /do/ you have?" you let the question hang in the air, staring at lucifer across the room from the comfort of his bed. "i'll be honest, i'm not really how i feel but-" you take a deep breath, choosing your words carefully. "i know that everything i said today was from the heart. it wasn't just the pact speaking."

lucifer goes quite again, his heavy footsteps growing closer and closer before it stops just right beside you. his fingers find their way to your hair, moving your bangs up and away from your face. he has a soft, small smile on his face, one that makes your chest feel light and your brain feel hazy. and then you see it as he speaks-

"i see. then until you can give your feelings a name, i'll just have to wait for you to come seek me out. you've already done it once, afterall."

ao3 *** about me

[wrxxn]

update

hey guys, i know i dont have many followers but wanted to announce this ill be restarting this blog on another acct due to getting flagged, i’ll be deleting everything i’ve reposted so far and this acct will be empty in like, a week or so.  this acct will be a personal one soon, so feel free to unfollow! the new acct is usernu11

[wrxxn]

Sweet revenge 🍨

[wrxxn]

am i the only one who’s going through like, stages of acceptance with belphegor?  i’ll be honest and say i absolutely hated him the first year or so i played the game and only really found myself liking him when paired with beel since the trio dymanic is really cute. however, lately (after taking like half a year off the game mind you) he’s kinda grown on me? a lot of my gripe came from chapter 16 and how i feel like his character was absolutely BUTCHERED but after making some hc’s that would have a proper-ish outcome and recovery period for not only the brothers, but belphie and MC i can’t help but see him in a better light.  the whole killing you thing is still a rough hurdle for me to try and wrap my head around but then again almost everyone has threatened mc’s life so i guess it’s more like i don’t see my particular mc getting over the whole death thing too easily while being able to fall in love with him afterwards.

[wrxxn]

Boiling point

After weeks of holding himself together and setting clear boundaries, only for them to be broken over and over again, MC snaps.

tags. male mc, post-lesson 16, belphie is his own trigger warning, ptsd, mild violence, hurt and comfort.

notes. i don't want therapy, i want revenge. everyone got over belphie killing us way too quickly, and i find it frustrating. you know what would be really fun? to punch belphie. love him, but the amount of serotonin he would bring into my life if i could just… punch him once. a boy can dream.

Dying and somehow living to tell the tale was not exactly in your plans when you decided to help the demon stuck in the attic.

Sure, you knew it was dangerous and sure, you understood it was a gamble. But you never quite got that your life was at stake until you felt Belphegor's cold grip around your neck and your vision started to get fuzzy at the edges.

Oh, you thought, with startling clarity.

I'm going to die.

You may still be here, but no, you did not survive Belphegor's wrath and hurt. The sensation of phantom hands pressing down your throat never quite left you.

And Belphegor is nothing but a cruel reminder of the night you died.

First, comes the terror. Even with the pact to protect you, in the days following the event, you can't help but freeze every time Belphegor is in the same room.

As you get used to his presence around the House of Lamentation, as he insists in siting next to you during breakfast and in holding your arm on your way to class, the terror slowly subsides, opening way for a different, less familiar feeling.

Annoyance. Anger. Borderline rage.

Who does he think he is?

Who does he think we are? Best friends, family?

“Belphegor…”, you call for the demon that's already laying on top of your lap, with a tense smile hanging from your lips.

This week's movie night was held in your room. It was one of the rare occasions in which all the inhabitants of the House of Lamentation were present. Even Lucifer is here, looking comically out of place, regal and all seriousness, as if he were in the middle of a meeting and not watching a three-hour-long romantic anime film.

Mammon got off from his “rightful place” (“DIBS”, the demon of greed shouted as soon as you sat down, throwing himself across your lap), to rip the remote control out of Levi's hands, who kept rewinding the same scene over and over again (“It's really important for the plot!!!”).

And in the middle of the squabble, Belphegor appeared out of nowhere to climb into your lap, and just. Cuddle.

At your call, he looks up and blinks lazily at you, with his big eyes and his messy bedhead. And the image should be endearing, really, but your chest feels cold, and you can feel your limbs locking in place. You feel trapped, uncomfortable. Ah, it's fear.

“I need. A bit of space. Could you sit somewhere else?”, you manage to let out, and your voice is the only sound in the room. Quarrel and movie long-forgotten, everyone is watching the two of you. Beel was the one who took over and put the film on pause.

Belphegor blinks the drowsiness out of his eyes. His brow furrows, just a little, and if anything, he looks put off by the question, a little lost.

“I don't want to sit anywhere else. I know Mammon was here just seconds ago, but I'm a better cuddle-partner than him anyway. You can ask anyone.”

And he doesn't move. He lays his head against your chest with a yawn.

“I don't…” want to be close to you. You stop yourself from uttering those words, mindful and considerate, truly doing your best. You don't want to lie either, so you decide to play around with the phrasing. “I'd rather you gave Mammon his place back. Or, you know what? I can change seats myself.”

Your tone is as lighthearted as you can manage, and you start to get up from the couch, with Asmo, who's sitting next to you, moving out of the way to give you the space that you need. The space you very specifically asked for.

But Belphegor's weight is heavy against you and traps you in place. Not only that, but his hand reaches for your arm and pulls, looking at you with the same bewildered expression as before, genuinely confused. When you fall against the couch, still under him, you're reminded of how strong he is. Of how weak you're in comparison.

“Oi, Belphie. No one is better at cuddles than me”, says Mammon after a too long pause. “And of course he wants to be with the great Mammon, everyone does. Now move, we still have, like, two hours left of the movie and if we don't finish it tonight, Levi is going to complain all week.”

Levi, who would normally jump into the conversation to defend himself, is barely visible, half hidden between Beel and Satan. His eyes dart between you and the hand that's holding your arm.

“Well, we are already so comfy, so I won't get up”, you wonder who “we” is. Belphegor talks lazily and moves the hand that isn't holding you in a dismissing manner, as if this was not more than a bothersome request, interrupting his nap for nothing.

Your teeth grind together, and there it is, once again. The ugly pressure that holds your gut in a tight grip, the heavy discomfort in your throat. Once foreign, but now you can tell it apart so easily. Anger.

“Belphegor. You heard him already.” This time, Lucifer is the one talking, and he sighs as he gets up, coming closer in an attempt to pry him away from you.

“Oh, please.” Belphegor rolls his eyes, clearly irked by Lucifer's intervention. “We are okay. Right?”, he looks back at you, and this time around his voice is filled with doubt, bordering hopeful, searching for something in your eyes.

“We aren't.” At last, you say it, flatly, and it comes out sharper than you intended, if the way Belphegor flinches and Asmo whimpers is any indication. You're tired, what little patience you have left is quickly running out thanks to the stubborn remarks and your words falling on deaf ears. “Let me move.”

The demon on your lap has the gall to look affronted, hurt. His bewildered expression does nothing more than increase the feeling already boiling deep within you. You can feel Satan's eyes boring in your cheek, but you refuse to look at him.

“Hey… Relax”, Belphegor mutters, now looking a little concerned too. For you. He's worried about you, and yet he still won't get up. “Are you okay? What's wrong?”

What's wrong.

What's wrong?

You're so taken aback by the question that by the time you react, his hand is already on its way to hold your cheek.

The most violent of flashbacks comes through you, a whiplash that hits you with the force of a truck. His handprints on your neck, trying to catch your breath, feeling cold all over, with the only warmth coming from your own blood ringing loudly in your ears, flowing right next to his voice, so full of hatred.

You can't freeze this time around, you need to move, you need to run, you need to do something, anythi--

“Belphie, I don't think you sh--” Satan tries to warn him, but it's too late.

By the time Belphegor fingertips touch your cheek (and this time they're warm, not dead-cold, you notice with surprise) your fist is already hitting against his nose, punching him right in the middle of his face, with a force you didn't even knew you had in you.

Not that you've ever done it before, but you can imagine this is what it feels like to hit a wall. Your hand hurts and goes numb.

The impact pushes Belphegor against the cushions, his hands flying to cover his nose. And any other day it would have been impossible, your punch would never land (he's that much faster, that much stronger), but right now he was so worried about you, so desperate to stick by you. His guard was as down as it will ever be.

His nose is bleeding, you notice, at the same time as Asmo gets up with a gasp. Levi shrieks in the background, and Mammon let's out this weird noise, a mix between one of his “Oi”, your name, and a scream.

Everything stands still, and, to your credit, you're just a shocked as everyone else.

With the punch, all anger has left your body, and now you're just a bunch of nerves, looking at Belphegor with big eyes. Belphegor looks back at you, so shocked, and you suddenly feel like crying. Oh, how much you hate being an angry-crier.

Satan is the one that breaks the silence, with a heavy sigh. “Told you so.”

Beel comes next, taking two steps in your direction but stopping when you raise your palm. You're trembling, but you come close to Belphegor all the same, refusing to back down.

“Asshole.” It's the first thing you say, and defying the impossible, Belphegor's eyes grow even wider as you tower over him, kneeling on the couch.

“Are you deaf? Wasn't I clear enough? Loud enough?”, and when you raise your fist in the air, Lucifer approaches, but all you do is gently punch Belphegor's chest. Again and again. “I told you to move. Several times. And still, you didn't. I was… I was dying of fear, and you weren't moving.”

“You, inconsiderate shit.” Punch. “You, deaf moron.” Punch.

“You… Stubborn cow.”

Belphegor has let the blood simply flow across his face, and now he's kneeling in front of you, holding his own hands, the same surprised look on his face.

And that's that.

You let your arms fall with a groan and simply sigh. For Diavolo, violence really isn't for you, you are so tired.

“S-Should we separate them?” Levi asks in a trembling voice, frantically waving his hands, unable to decide whether to approach or flee.

“No. He has more to say.” Satan gently holds Levi's wrists, and waits.

That's when you realize that yes, you got more to say. In fact, you've had something to say for way too long, and now you're dying to get it off your chest.

“I gave you my trust, and I knew I was being childish and reckless in doing so, but all I wanted was to help. I cried for you, I felt for you, and I did everything I could to be by your side even though all I had to offer was just. Just me. Mortal, human. And in response, you killed me.” Belphegor recoils at your words, but you go on.

“It hurt. It still hurts, even now. Sometimes I see you and all I can think about is your betrayal.”

Belphegor looks down, biting his lips, in silence. You can see his hands trembling, and you remember your talk under the stars, his eagerness when he offered you a pact. When he gave you the control you needed. His hands were trembling back then, too.

With a groan, you reach out to hold his chin, lifting his face. You take the long sleeve of your pajamas and begin to wipe the blood running down his chin, across his lips. Slowly, with care.

Your fingers run through his hair just to be able to look directly into his eyes. He looks anxious, fearful, and you know that your next words have the power to break or mend his heart.

So you decide to, once more, open yours and leave the rest in his hands.

“I don't hate you. And this isn't me cutting our ties. I understand your pain, I really do. Please, understand mine.”

Your thumb caresses over his forehead. Carefully, gently.

“I need time. I'll let you know when I'm ready.”

Belphegor inhales and exhales deeply, holding your gaze. Slowly, but surely, he takes your hand between his, from his forehead to his lips, leaving the lightest of kisses against your palm. You feel the pact mark that binds you together tremble and sing.

“I'm sorry. For the pain, for my insistence, I just… Wanted to be close. I need to be close. I'll wait for you.”

Straightforward as ever. But you are struck by the sincerity in his voice, in his eyes, and this time around it takes you no more than a second to nod.

“Right. Be good and wait for me.”

Unable to resist, you pat his head, just as you would to a small, rebellious child. He's the baby of the family, after all. He groans, and you laugh, feeling so much lighter. And unbelievably tired.

By the time you remember that you're not alone in the room and turn around to placate the others, you make eye contact with Satan.

He's looking prouder than ever, the little smile on his lips telling enough. “Go on”

The brothers needed no further prompting to launch themselves at the two of you, a jumble of limbs and shrill voices.

“MC, that was, as usual, reckless. From now on, fist fights are forbidden in and out of the house. Evade further conflicts.”

“B-But wasn't MC so cool?!?! Belphie is so much stronger, but he was down with one punch! W-way too op, MC!!”

“Oi! Human, how dumb can ya be?! Tell me before you go around punchin' demons, I can punch them for ya!”

“I knew you were good at controlling your anger, but I never imagined that much. You are full of surprises.”

“Belphie, gosh, your clinginess finally got you in trouble, mh? Your surprised face was so cute! Do you need concealer?”

“Belphie, does it hurt? Do you need ice? We have popsicles in the freezer… Wait, I ate them all yesterday, sorry Belphie… Do you want me to go and buy more? MC, which flavor would you like?”

“We are good, Beel.” Belphegor answers, still looking at you. “Right?”

You laugh at his not-so-subtle search for assurance, and your chest feels astonishingly full. “We will be, for sure.”

Movie night turns right into a sleepover after that, as every single one of the demon brothers refuses to leave your room. Lucifer might roll his eyes, but he still settles on your couch, right next to Satan.

And for the first time in weeks, you're able to close your eyes and rest, feeling safe and at home.

ao3 ― writing tag

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Some quick thoughts on Obey me! Nightbringer

warnings* possible spoilers for the base game (chapter 40~ish, definitely chapter 16)

notes* honestly a bit of a ramble on what i'm hoping to see, some predictions or what i guess will be in the game and an odd ramble on chapter 16 due to time travel shenanigans

okay first and foremost HOLY SHIT THE TRAILER WAS SO HYPE. it was so well animated and I absolutely love the new song. I'm honestly really happy that they decided to make a whole new game to deliver what, what most assume, is a massive lore dump. I must say that doing it in the base game would probably be a pretty messy experience since the homescreen is cluttered enough as in and we're still getting new seasons for the main story. i have seen some people be sceptical in terms of just how well this will all play out due to some //interesting// writing decisions in the past but im of the opinion that its better to be expectant for now and critize it later down the line since i do think that solmare are putting in lots of effort in terms of the new game.

what i want to see!! please im begging please i wanna see michael it's not even funny. i do think a lot of the game will have to do with the brothers fall and the events leading up/after to the celestial war + aftermath in dealing with their grief, new lives and loyalty towards diavolo. i bring up the diavolo part especially seeing lucifers expression; i really do think most of his anguish comes from taking on the massive task of helping the brothers grieve and get used to their new lives but also trying to figure out how to deal with diavolo and possible belphie. i so want to see lucifer's gradual process into turning into the avatar of pride and putting up the stuck-up, formal personality that he has current day.

oh god i also just thought of this; finally seeing a design for lilith??? i would really like to see interactions with the whole family :(((( dont even care how it happens, flashbacks? just mentioning her pleaaaaaaase i crave it

i also wanna mention how beel looks absolutely pissed in the trailer? i was curious as to why the brothers all had such different expressions but after some further thoughts, it's probably a response to suddenly being thrusted into the powerful urges their sins carry? like, it was probably absolute hell trying to manage their desires at first. might be a bit of an hc, but i do think that beels grief plays a huge part in his gluttony. his emotions dictate a lot in terms of how 'full' he's feeling, it's often shown when he's around MC and he says he feels full just being around them. i think that a lot of his behavior early on will be absolute rage, but mainly towards himself due to his percieved failure in saving lilth.

gameplay! ive seen some talk about how the gameplay might be similar to the ruri-chan rhythm game beta that was released a little bit ago (i played it btw, it was pretty enjoyable). i do think that this might be a route they're going towards since a lot of the existing songs are getting remixes. what im most curious about is how they'll be weaving in the story parts; maybe it'll be a chapter system like the base game?

MC! is MC going to be in the game?! if the game is going to be a massive lore dump theeeeeen i'm a little iffy on if mc will actually have a role to play. it could be like chapter 16 and being sent back in time but i'll save that for a different point. if it's not, then im curious how it'll be presented to us story wise since it is, again, implied in the visuals of the trailer that barbatos is involved with the door motifs and him putting a finger over his mouth real ominous like. i kinda dont want mc to have too much of a presence personally, but i also cant help but think they get sent back in time in some capacity since the cast all look worried? concerned? something to that effect. i can only assume that the trailer doesn't take place in the past since solomon and the angels are all there. so i think something fucked up again and we'll be sent back in time to try and figure out a solution? possibly something to do with the ring of light?

time travel? again? im so hesitant when considering the possibility of more time travel stuff being introduced. i think it was handled horribly in chapter 16, enough to headcanon my own climax and resolve to the whole belphie situation; that man deserved so much more in terms of a resolve to his character arc. if they're going to send mc back in time imma need solmare to whip up the best logical reason as to why and how its going to work out. id also love it if they at least TALKED about what went down in chapter 16, i still feel like none of what was going on there was resolved. im so desperate for belphie to have a better written reason as to why he got over his trauma and hatred for humans as well. the origins of him being put in the attic would be very nice :)

honestly im almost certain there will be a gacha component to the game. idk if itll be the same card system but they have to make money some way some how; i just hope they dont put the lore behind a paywall and just keep it to gacha stuff with energy to managa how much you can do in a day. if the game itself is paid id be a little surprised honestly. idk, im mainly curious how this component will be done since i dont see them doing events in nightbringer like they do in the base game which has me a little worried how it might be monitized. i'd shill out either way lets be honesty but just something swiming around in my mind.

anyway super exicted for the game, just had to vomit this out since ive been playing the trailer on repeat for far too long and daydreaming scenarios in which we get celestial realm scenes cause i just need more celestial realm content please it takes place after the war i can at least have CRUMBS :,)

also just wanted to mention; someone, i think it was satan, was going fucking hard in the song and just wanted to appreciate the va's work and improvements in singing :,). also that final scene in the trailer? most definitely straight after the fall for sure

ao3 *** about me

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Shots from the new Obey Me! opening they presented on today's livestream where they announced Obey me! Nightbringer, a new game on the Obey Me! series (yep, it's official).

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Chiral Night Towa

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My hand Slipped

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THE WAY THIS IS THE FUNNIEST INTERACTION IN SLOW DAMAGE BY NOW.

IM FUCKING WHEEZING.

LOOK AT TOWA'S FACE.

THE PURE DISGUST.

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Slow Damage Review

Not Spoiler Free! What makes Slow Damage such an emotionally compelling and rewarding experience? To answer this question, we first need to look outwards at ourselves and the social conditions of the society we live in. It doesn’t take much insight to understand that capitalism is in a deep and severe crisis. Inflation, poverty, political instability are just a few things that have been exacerbated in recent times. And I find that art in general rarely takes inspiration from the sickness of this system. Right away in Slow Damage, the prologue dives into the economic collapse of post-Olympic Japan. Describing basically word for word what life has become for the majority of people around the world. Shinkoumi may seem dystopic, but are the material conditions on the island really that different from our own? Its clear where the writers drew their inspiration from.  

Towa is both a unique and familiar character. Compared to other Nitro Chiral protagonists, Towa certainly stands out, but why is that? I think there’s a few reasons. Towa for most of the story is really just someone trying to get by in life, and barely at that. He has few hobbies, spends a lot of time doing nothing, works a boring low wage job, wanders around. Not even mentioning his drug abuse and other destructive behaviors, its clear that Towa isn’t very interested in being alive. There are reasons for this, which are later revealed in the true route. However, Towa’s internal dialogue reveals that a lot of Shinkoumi residents feel the same way, and he’s no different. Given the staggering unemployment rate, high cost of living, and prevalence of violent crime, Shinkoumi is a suffocating place to live, especially for young people. Towa’s lifestyle may standout in comparison, but in his world–our world, he’s just the average guy. Throughout the story, Towa meets people who are just like him. People who have suffered the same exact abuse he did as a child, and who cope in the same destructive way he does. Even though Towa has familial connections to the bourgeois of Shinkoumi, his lived reality is crippling poverty. I think at times throughout the story, there seems to be not a lot going on. During the exploration component, Towa has the option of going to local shops and districts, but these movements are not necessarily plot relevant. A lot of the time, Towa just goes to places and you get to listen to his thoughts. If Towa goes to the old school candy shop, you get to hear him talk about gentrification and nostalgia (obviously in his words). Depending on what district he’s walking through, he describes the class character of the neighborhood, who probably lives in the apartments, etc. I think this is a wonderful component of the story, and Towa’s descriptions really solidify the class character of Shinkoumi. Towa’s meandering and inner dialogue are the heart of the game in my opinion.  Its not until after Fujieda’s route where Towa has regained his lost memories that he starts to find joy in everyday life. But Towa doesn’t magically heal from his trauma. In fact, when Towa is brutally confronted with his childhood, we see him breaking down and falling into the lowest point of his life. Its only through Fujieda’s compassionate intervention where Towa begins to slowly accept himself. By the end of Fujieda’s route, Towa is still suffering from daily nightmares. However, in the past when Towa would use self-harm and alcohol to cope with his trauma, instead now we see him experiencing the same distressing flashbacks, and then letting the painful feelings pass. This is not to say that he’s unaffected from the agony of his trauma. Towa still struggles from insomnia and feeling like shit in general, but at least now he wants to live.  Unfortunately, Slow Damage does not end in the revolution of Shinkoumi. I’ll admit that I was bit disappointed that nothing fundamentally changed in the resort city. Even though the two gang leaders who governed the city were removed, we are told that some other “corporation” took their place, and it was business as usual. Although anti climatic, this is the reality under capitalism. Social conditions don’t magically improve just because the scary cat lover ex-yakuza assassinates the head honchos. So basically, post story Shinkoumi is still a shitty place to live if you’re poor. But at least in each ending, we get to see Towa trying to live his best life regardless if he’s decided to confront his lost memories. Its enough that Rei, Taku, Madarame and Fujieda accept and love Towa for who he is. And this feeling is mutual too. Although perhaps more obvious in other routes, Towa openly voices his admiration and respect for each love interest. This doesn’t mean that these relationships are perfect by any means, but that these characters can be imperfect, crooked, and happy.  It was really difficult putting together a review, especially since I love this game so much. I think the point overall of writing this was to somewhat clarify why this visual novel resonated with me so well. The strong point of this game is undoubtedly Towa and getting to experience Shinkoumi through his eyes. I think in general if Slow Damage had come out ten years ago, it probably wouldn’t have had the same emotional impact on its players, or at least for me. But for me, and millions of other young people, the world has turned its back on us. Conditions are rapidly deteriorating, life has become unbearable, and like the barbarism of Shinkoumi, there seems to be no way out. But at least in Slow Damage, we get to see someone like us finding a sliver of respite in a world deprived of hope.  Afterthoughts: By the way, this game also has an amazing soundtrack, art direction, voice acting and UI. There are so many other wonderful aspects of the game that I will not mention publicly on social media platforms. But if you must know, Slow Damage is an R18 game. Slow Damage has really  elevated the Boys Love genre in general and I hope future titles will continue to go beyond expectations. I was also all over the place with this review, which is indicative of how badly I want to pop off on all the things I love about Slow Damage. 

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Leviathan says snekboy rights

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Demon BrO-faces

I’m a staunchly vocal advocate for the stupid faces and noises that men make during climax. How can you not love it? Let’s destigmatize male o-faces and take a look at what the bros might look/sound like in the moment.

Starting with Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan and Satan.

✨~Lucifer~✨

Good luck even getting to see him. He usually counts on either the darkness or your position or the fact that you’re unable to focus on anything while he’s going to town to hide his reaction. In the moment, he might just lock his face up and stop breathing entirely to keep from making any unseemly noise. In the rare event you can get him to loosen up a little, he’s surprisingly high-pitched. Absolutely refuses to close his eyes so he can keep looking at you.

✨~Mammon~✨

The most needy. Usually prefers being behind so he just ends up grabbing you and burying his face in your shoulders. Like Luci, a bit ashamed of how he looks, but he has a harder time not making noise when he finishes. A little whiny and breathy. His muscles will probably be locked up during the approach, but then he just melts and falls apart.

✨~Leviathan~✨

What is even going on. The blushiest out of all of them. Doesn’t know how to handle it and usually just retains certain things from his… self-pleasure habits, namely keeping his eyes wide open and focused on you. His pupils contract like a snake’s. His noises are definitely the most incoherent and he can babble a little, like he’s forgotten how his tongue works. Can’t shut his mouth until you’re done.

✨~Satan~✨

Doesn’t care who sees what he looks or sounds like. He gets a little feral if you let his anger take over, but he likes you clawing him as much as he does to you. Lots of growling when he’s not being verbose - and he will be. Loves dirty talk, so he’s pretty chatty and surprisingly eloquent until it’s too hard for either of you to say anything. A minute or so before he’s done, he’ll just bite down on his lip and not let up until it’s over, and all you’re gonna get out of him is guttural snarls.

Still working on Asmo, Beel, and Belphie… And I may be doing one undateable.