#ccm talks
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ehghtyseven · 1 year ago
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for me, I'm a bit more traditional so I don't like it to be too flashy... it helps if you like it.
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cocomay-o · 1 year ago
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HUHH???!!! SHANNNN🥹🥹🥹🥲🥲🥲🥺🥺🥺thanks for the shoutout friend🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🩷🩷🩷
Are there any artists you recommend who have good timeskip Pokémon protag designs
@constarlations has an entire timeskip protag project! it's super neat and also her dawn/ethan ship is really cute i like it a lot
@hashketchum2's timeskip ash content is also super neat! defo recommend taking a look at it too so you can see how everyone's favorite pokemon master's doing in his venerable adult years
@puzzled-artist also came up with some timeskip marnie/gloria stuff a while back, we talked a bit about Gloria as well so that's something to look forward to
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The Worst of All Possible Worlds #108: DC Talk - Jesus Freak feat. Tarence Ray
Tarence Ray (Trillbilly Worker’s Party) and the lads jot down their devotionals and sing praises to the mid-90s as they cover DC Talk’s seminal 1995 grunge-as-worship album: Jesus Freak. Topics include the band’s Liberty University origins, the impressive sonic palette, and what it takes to make art in the world of corporate evangelicalism.
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lowcountry-gothic · 10 months ago
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Smoke flashed above a thousand jumping teenagers. On the megachurch warehouse’s stage was Skillet, which had been Christian Nirvana, but had become Christian Nine Inch Nails, part of Evangelicalism’s never-ending project: constructing a facsimile world designed to consume the original. (Everyone thinks DC Talk was Christian Nirvana, but that was just one song. DC Talk had gone from Christian MC Hammer to Christian U2.)
Jason Kirk, Hell Is a World Without You
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caffinatedmeat · 22 days ago
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PETE DINUNZIO X CHUBBY!READER HC!!
Eltingville club fic 🔥
Teasing, Pete is an ass (kinda nsfw?)
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When you and Pete started dating, he had very mixed feelings about your body. Feelings he usually voiced out. He loved to joke and poke fun at your body. Either it be your thighs or love handles. He was a douche! it was bound to happen.
“You plan on fishing with those fish nets tubby?”
His words would hurt. You’re his girlfriend! What makes him think he can talk to you like that?
“Oh calm down,, jeeesh,, you women and your feelins,”
A part of you knew he was just trying to show off for the club, but it still pissed you off when he said things like that.
He’d be very smug, till his consequences caught up to him.
He’d be itching, gnawing to touch you when you’re alone, and you wouldn’t let him.
“Ccm—cmon— I’m sorryy.. I won’t joke like ‘dat again ..”
He’ll beg for you to forgive him.
“Please… I—I love ya’ body.. Ii-i mean it!”
Ache for your recognition
And you’ll love every second of it.
“Gahd’— yer treating me like a damn dog.. please.. I I won’t joke about you—ggnnhhh.. ever again.. please..”
You manage to stoop this prideful little shit down a few notches.
And he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying every damn second of it.
He’ll whimper, and whine. (it’s as pitiful as it sounds,)
Once you finally pay attention to him,, he’ll nibble on all your exposed skin, kiss, and apologize, even though you technically already forgave him.
And you already know, he’ll do everything again tomorrow.
Joke the same jokes,
Say the same things,
And strangely, you don’t mind.
Because you know you’ll get your chance to twirl him around your finger, and have him on his knees, begging for your forgiveness.
Ples don’t bite my fingers this is my first time writing 💔
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dogmotifv2 · 16 days ago
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wrote out a post just talking directed to my mutuals then went wait no. what if this goes beyond my mutuals. reading comprehension levels on this site are so low i'm best off exclusively posting about niche shit that won't get notes. can a bauer boy and a ccm boy fall in love. do you guys want to talk about how lowkey chaplin was fine as hell in that one short where he crossdresses
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christianmusicblog · 2 months ago
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✨️ Christian ✝️ Music Blog ✨️
Hey there! I'm not too sure if there are any music blogs for Christian music that already exist, but here I am!
I created this blog because I love Jesus Christ and music. I wanted to create something to share Christian music I enjoy, and discover what yall are into as well.
Here are some things to expect:
• I like many different genres, so this blog is open to more than the standard CCM. Expect music of genres ranging from pop, indie, r&b, rock, rap, to so much more!
• I will also include songs in different languages, but will mainly be in English & Spanish as that is what I understand.
• Got a song you would like to recommend and/or want to discuss? Great! Just submit/ask, and I'll share with everyone.
• Occasional reblogs
Note: Although this is a Christian faith based blog, all those with different beliefs are welcome. Just please be respectful. To add to this note, all are welcome, period. *side blog*
I look forward to what's in store for this blog and talking to yall.
✨️ GOD BLESS ✨️
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queenlucythevaliant · 2 years ago
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Here's what I'll say regarding choice of worship music (and I'm not 100% sure where I'm going with this, so bear with me): I think it's very easy to get burned out on specific kinds of worship, no matter what they are. And that kind of burn-out is hard.
I grew up at a church that did 95% CCM for worship, and after a while it either (a) exhausted me emotionally or (b) bored me. By the time I hit high school, I really really struggled with corporate worship because it felt as though I wasn't responding as I was supposed to. Getting to sing mostly hymns at the church I attended at college was a huge breath of fresh air, and it helped me immensely in terms of re-orienting my heart towards Christ-centered worship (as opposed to me-centered worship.) For the first time in my life, I found myself listening to Christian music on my own time during the week.
I watched the recent Jesus Revolution movie with mom over the summer. Her family started attending Calvary Chapel (then-nascent hippy church in Orange County) midway through her childhood, and she got really excited talking about the difference between the hymns she remembered from early elementary school ("we sang the whole hymnal rather than selecting for the really good ones like they do at your church") and the much more dynamic music that came out of Maranatha and other early "contemporary" Christian groups. She actually played me a whole bunch of the songs she grew up with the next morning. They sounded horrifically cheesy to me, but she got real joy out of it and even ended up texting a few songs to my aunt.
And yet, my mom has remarked a whole bunch of times to me that she really can't stand current CCM; that she desperately misses singing the old hymns. I look at myself and my own experience and I can totally see myself coming back to some of the CCM songs I grew up with and encountering Christ through them all new again. As recently as last month, I had a really beautiful experience driving back from a concert crazy late at night with my sister and listening to some of the old Chris Tomlin and Hillsong stuff that I hadn't heard in a while. It brought me back to a sense of incredible comfort and safety nestled up against God like a baby chick. Do I want to worship with that sort of music every week right now? No, definitely not. But it has its place.
Obviously worship transcends something as incidental as music genre. It's an expression of why we were created: glorifying God and enjoying him forever --- and yet, because of the fall, it's really easy to get burned out on specific expressions of worship. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing so much as just a symptom of the fall. I also think that people who are really burned out on a particular kind of worship can be really, really obnoxious about it. I know I was for a while, and I still definitely have my hangups with CCM.
But like- I don't think it's so much about judgement or superiority towards the kind of worship music that you're burnt out on as it is just the overwhelming sense that that kind of worship music felt exhausting and this kind of music actually feels like I'm able to worship again. I know when I started singing hymns at church, it just felt like I'd found the Rosetta Stone. I was suddenly so much less in my own head on Sunday mornings and oh my goodness singing to God was a joy again and I can't remember but I don't think it's ever been a joy like this before has it?? It was almost like my head was spinning with some great new revelation and when I was obnoxious about it it was mostly a manifestation of my being like Why didn't anyone ever tell me it could be like this? Why isn't everyone singing hymns? It's just so much better this way!
Mostly, it just feels like saying "don't be overly critical of how other Christians like to worship" kind of. Misses the trees for the forest, if that makes sense? Like, it's accurate to the big picture, it's absolutely a true and worthwhile thing to say. But at the same time it kind of rankles for me because it misses how it feels to be truly and deeply alienated by the kind of worship you're exposed to.
For better and for worse, worship is (I think) the spiritual discipline that engages the emotions most directly. The feeling of being in a group of people all worshipping together, and your heart just isn't responding right no matter how you try to re-focus and orient it? It's one of the loneliest feelings I know.
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seeminglydark · 2 years ago
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ok, now i've gone and read all of call me mickey eeek! <3 so cute :D mick really said imma go cheer up my friend 👍 and fast forward like 24hrs and he's like i am gay, i have found my soulmate and i am moving 2 states north. fantastic.
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AYYY in my defense the original story was an inktober challenge and I drew a page a day so it was around 31 pages haha! Had to kinda rush it. There’s more I’d like to delve into like them buying their house, or moving in together, cuz they didn’t live together right away (that’s again on tapas in Seemingly Dark, Theres a Short Comic called San Valentin where they don’t live together) mick tried to give it some space and time and not force Reggie into a corner. But he couldn’t stay in LA where he wouldn’t be accepted and could never explore his sexuality, so moving to Seattle was a big step he needed, whether they worked out or not! Also it’s not clear in CCM lol but they did at least chat and talk on the phone for close to a year, mick was already on love, he just didn’t have words for those feelings.
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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watching-sam-and-dean-again · 8 months ago
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https://bleedingcool.com/tv/one-tree-hill-sequel-series-eyed-by-netflix-bush-burton-returning/
Okay, so a sequel to One Tree Hill that stars Hailie Burton and Sophia Bush but none of the rest of the original cast, yeah I’m thinking it’s no for me. I used to be a fan of the OG show, despite it being pretty ridiculous and very much a product of it’s time, but revisiting the show while leaving out other leads is not something I’m interested in. It ruins the send -offs and ending we were given.
The show started as the story of the Scott brothers, Lucas and Nathan. The OG already let showcasing the brother relationship fall to the wayside too much when the OG main cast was all still on the show. So no, we already know CCM won’t be back. My guess is that they kill Lucas off with a heart attack due to his HCM. Hilarie and Sophia are like two mean girl besties who used to talk over Joy on their Drama Queens podcast when they hosted it together, and there is speculation that Hilarie and Joy are on the outs in particular. So, say goodbye to Hailey. With no a Hailey, say goodbye to Nathan (and Jamie). Aaannd new i have lost my reason to give a crap a boy this potential show. If the characters I cared most about aren’t on it, I’m not interested.
But, we might get Danneel back playing Rachel! Yay! By all means, let’s bring back, and probably redeem, one of the meanest, most stereotypical, shallow and shitty recurring characters (who literally married a murderer who happened to be one of the abusive parents on the show for money) instead of the OG mains. Rachell was, quite literally, the worst, but with Chaos Machine producing, I think it’s clear her character will show up.
Still, if there is one thing all of these actresses love to do, it’s to attribute the worst motivations to all of the male characters in the show, while excusing and justifying all of their own characters' bad behavior or wrongdoing. If the attitudes they show towards characters on the podcast Drama Quedns is any indication, I’m going to dislike anything they have a hand in creating on this new show.
My prediction: is Brook and Peyton will fall in love … because just as opposite-sex characters could not just be friends in media around 15 years ago, now it’s same-sex ones that can’t just be supportive friends. I’m not against representation or LGBTQ+ characters in shows at all. What does bug me is contrived rewriting of characters to earn points. They are going to kill off Luke, break-up Brooke and Julian, they won't include or mention Hailey and Nathan, despite them being Peyton's in-laws and Brooke's friends. They will find supporting characters from the OG show, that we were already sick of during its runtime, to make appearances even though it often won't make sense because they were closer to other main characters that are not on the sequel. Worse than all that though, is the Pollyanna effect I can already see happening with Peyton and Brooke's characters.
Maybe I’m wrong and it does justice to all of the characters who were on the original. Maybe the story is compelling and not stereotypical. Maybe, but I doubt it
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fizzingwizard · 2 years ago
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Funny little thought.
From the time I was six till I was about fifteen, my family was entrenched in evangelicalism. From age 10, I started going to the school at my church, which meant I was inundated with religion six out of seven days a week. Only Saturday was free of it. And some days I would get religious lessons at school, go home, then go back to church, which was the school, for evening youth group and stuff. Looking back it just feels like a lot, but.
Somehow I still wiggled out of that mindset and I think a lot of my peers did too, tbh. After all, church is where I learned what different sex acts were and about homosexuality. Not from people saying how evil they were - of course there were plenty of adults doing that, but the kids were all totally unconcerned and eager to shock other kids with what they knew hahaha.
Anyway, there's lots I could talk about, but what I was thinking about today was pretty innocent effect of being required to think of religion and only religion as a valuable pursuit for such a big chunk of childhood. It was about music. I was allowed to read and watch anything that was age appropriate, regardless of whether it was "Christian" enough. My parents would have objected if there had been sex or homosexuality (or rather if they'd known there was those things >_>;), but for the most part it wasn't hard to keep those things private.
Music was different because I played it in my room. On a stereo. Without headphones x'D I did have an mp3 player which I took with my on walks, but the things I liked to dance in my room. Not conducive to wearing headphones. So I would blast music pretty much constantly when I was home. And my options for acceptable music were pretty much: secular music my parents had grown up with and couldn't see anything unacceptable in it, or Christian Contemporary Music (CCM).
Well, I didn't hate my parents' favorite bands, but they weren't very now. So my favorite musicians were artists no one but my best friend had ever heard of. He and I would belt their songs whenever we felt like it, so just imagine two nerdy kids biking up and down the road screeching "JESUS IS THE WAY THE TRUTH THE LIGHT" off-key because we keep going in and out of each other's ear shot xP
These were some of my favorite artists:
Point of Grace
Third Day
Avalon
Rachael Lampa
Casting Crowns
MercyMe
Skillet
Steven Curtis Chapman
ZoeGirl
Rebecca St James
Mark Schultz
V*enna
And so many more that I've forgotten. And I loved them whole-heartedly. I just went through the wikis for some early 2000s WOW Music CDs and literally my heart clenched with nostalgia seeing some of the song titles and artist names that I haven't thought about in so long. It brought back an era of my life that I feel so out of touch with now. It's not that I miss it exactly, but I suppose I miss that naivete and security I had at that age, which was mostly due to being a kid with a pretty decent childhood. It's similar nostalgia that I feel when I think back on high school, or non-school memories before that.
Music gets so wrapped up with memory that no matter what, I can't dislike these CCM artists. Nor can I forget about them. I still listen to a few favorites, especially songs by Point of Grace, which seems like such a weird group to become the favorite of a 10 year old, but me and my best friend were obsessed, like obsessed with them at that age. Bought ever album and knew all the words.
When I listen to those CCM songs now, as an adult, a lot of them don't hold up. We used to get told that "Christian content usually falls short when it's literature or movies, but music is equal to secular stuff." I don't think that's 100% wrong, but it's certainly not as clear a success story as we were told it was. My main beef is with the female artists, many of whom just leaned in so much on purity and abstinence, even while some of them pandered a lot to secular audiences. But it's not just the themes but the lyrics and music itself. V*enna, which as far as I know had only one CD, is just some of the worst music. I liked their album as a kid, but when I listened to it a while back I was just cringing. Really amateurish, so no wonder it didn't go far.
But there's a lot of fun to be had with CCM too, like Audio Adrenaline's rock cover of Little Drummer Boy which still splits my ear drums while making me ask "Why?" And there's the nonsensical conundrum of groups like Skillet or Creed, which some fans who only knew their secular stuff are stunned to learn they were included in Christian music stores. Or Jump5, a tween bobby group which sang about God, made money by putting tracks in Disney movies, and overall existed to make money.
Speaking of money. When I was fourteen, our youth group decided to start a band and I was a vocalist. The band only had one performance. You know why? The pastor at my church LEAPT on the idea because he thought we would get famous and... make lots of money for the church...?? Honestly, we were VERY amateurish, the lead singer I think was decent but very much did not want to be in the band long term, the musicians were so-so, and I was definitely so-so. But the pastor got involved and pressed us to be amazing and to have an amazing band name which I can't remember anymore and well we just flopped. None of us were into the idea but him. If he hadn't gotten dollar signs in his eyes we might've had a bit of fun, which was the only intention. But this was a pastor who was bent on his plan to make the church a mega-church and becime famous for his Idk pastor skills or whatever.
Back to music. So I do still love those artists from my childhood, regardless of how good they are objectively. But I got to wondering, what kind of music would I have been a fan of at that age (early teens) if I hadn't felt like secular stuff was off limits? I did somehow become a fan of Avril Lavigne and I am not even sure how that happened. One year my dad bought me Hilary Duff's first CD, which told me that he had no idea what my music tastes were or that we didn't even pay for the channel her shows were on so I didn't know who she was :P (But I appreciated the effort at bonding lol) That's much cleaner than Avril, at least.
Aside from Avril, I think I probably would have been a My Chemical Romance girl. Honestly, I probably would've been annoying into them if I found them at the right age. But I never heard "Helena" until this year. Fall Out Boy maybe, Green Day? Snow Patrol, Pink, Bjork, Nightwish are some groups I became fans of later, once I was out of the church. Best friend introduced me to Vienna Teng and Tori Amos. I like rock and metal now, but as a teen I didn't much, and I'm trying to think what was popular when I was in high school. I would go to the movies and not recognize any of the songs in them haha.
I just had the funny thought that I could have been so different as a teenager if I'd listened to different music... I bet I'd have been more emo or something lol. Idk, the groups that pop into my mind seem emo.
super nostalgia now whoa
/conversation with teenage fizz haha
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babydollmarauders · 2 years ago
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you: hey guys! let’s talk about jack and how hot he looks !! or or let’s talk about lovie!!! or shortcake !!!
anons: you can’t interact with anyone that isn’t the group chat! you don’t actually like the group chat ! you don’t want other people in the group chat!! you’re replacing someone in the group chat !! bauer is better than ccm! ccm is better than bauer!
y’all are seriously doing too much. you do realize that what you’re seeing is only one small part of real life?? and for the ones that are genuinely being rude to faithlynn and (sydney? im sorry i don’t know !!) why do you feel the need to try and stir the pot and start unnecessary drama? like as far as i’m concerned you’re all middle schoolers bc it’s the kind of energy y’all are giving off, and if y’all are adults your behavior is genuinely embarrassing 🧍🏻‍♀️
ANYWHORE!!
how’re you? how’re shortcake and bestie maraschino cherry doing ? do they face any backlash from their lil age gap? (i love the au’s and you !! <33)
T H I S !
i mean, the ccm vs bauer stuff didn’t really bother me all the much- i was just extremely confused
but the groupchat stuff and everything— yeah that was annoying and unnecessary!
ANYWAYS
i’m good! shortcake and john are amazing!
they definitely get a few comments about it on socials and i feel like Shortcake’s parents are kinda like “are you sure this is what you want? he’s 4 years older than you.” and she’s just like “yep! i love him! he’s what i want!” 🥰
for the most part, i think people are understanding that she’s 21 and can make her own decisions on who to date and that 4 years isn’t that much of a gap!
thank you 🥹 and ily too!
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annieqattheperipheral · 2 years ago
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davo talking being captain
McDavid & McDavid | Cam Interviews Connor | June 2023 @ NHL Awards in Nashville | Sportsnet & CCM
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briantravels60 · 2 years ago
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Day 16 - Sherbrooke to Victoriaville – 91 km
Trail:  hilly, with some steep hills; 388 m up, 361 m down; 14 km paved, 77 km unpaved; A
My accommodations last night were at an Airbnb room called Cozy Sherby. It was a room in a home, with a shared bathroom. It was clean and comfortable and included a self-serve breakfast. Recommended.
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The trail was hilly, but not mountainous, and every incline seem to offer a mirrored decline. By the end of the day, this was a welcome rest. By the time I got to the top of each hill, my knees and thighs were aching, throbbing, and burning.
The trail took me through Brompton, Windsor, Richmond, Danville, Warwick. They were nicely spaced apart and left plenty of opportunities for breaks and getting help, if needed.
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Leaving Sherbrooke was a PITA, there were 3 detours. In the end I used Google maps to get out of town and find the trail. 
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Outside of Sherbrooke the  trail was scenic, it followed the Rivière St-François (St. Francis River) to Richmond. At times the trail was between a busy road and the river and the noise might be annoying. I found it easy to focus on the beauty and ignore the noise.
2 km before Windsor I got my second flat tire. Too far to walk to Windsor, I changed my tube on the trail. The toughest part of the job was keeping the tiny rocks out of the tire so that they didn’t puncture the tube once I reinflated it. In Windsor I took my bike to a local bike shop to get it checked out and verify that I didn’t need new tires. In talking to the maintenance guy, Claude, he told me that he recently rode 1,000 km around Ireland in just 10 days. The kicker was that he was riding an old 1974 (older than him) CCM Targa 10 speed bike. People do crazy things.
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In Brompton, I had to take an alternate route due to construction closures on the trail. For those of you that know that I don't like heights might appreciate that I found this skinny crossing to be terrifying.
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At Richmond the trail turned away from the river I rode through countryside in the Val St-François.
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I was lucky it only rained for about 45 minutes when the weather forecast had predicted 80% probabilty of rain all day. I missed most of it while I was having lunch.
I saw a wild turkey on the trail. They’re huge birds, at least as tall as my handlebars. As I approached this large bird, it stood watching me approach, when I got too close for its comfort, it turned around and started to run on the trail in front of me, and then as I was almost close enough to grab it when it took off in flight. It was quite a majestic thing to see, yet dangerous. It must have decided to take me out because, as it took flight, it dropped quite a significant number of poop bombs before banking to the left. I’m happy to report that there were no casualties.
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By the time I got to Warwick I was hungry and I stopped. When I sat down I realized I was exhausted. I enjoyed a local craft beer and dinner before finishing my final leg to Victoriaville.
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I arrived in Victorville by just before 8:00 pm and went straight to bed. I was tired, sore and had a running nose. I pretty much felt like crap.
It has become a problem getting home. VIA Rail won’t take my bike, contrary to what the website states. I’ve now decided to fly. My new challenge is getting a bike box and packing in a timely manner.
Today's local trail names: Chemin de Valence, became Sentier de la Rive, which became Sentier de la Valée, which became Parc Linéaire des Bois Francs.
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memoryispunishment · 2 days ago
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I need lore pls
putting it under a divider fooooor
tws : suicide attempt, physical abuse, verbal abuse, self harm, suicidal ideation, manipulation, drug use, parentified child, blatant pedophilia
basically, i was in foster care twice. the second time from 12 until i got adopted at 17. when i was 13, my mother had finally gotten unsupervised visits and it landed on Christmas.
the day before, my mother had blown up at me saying i was choosing sides because she called telling me about her fucked up relationship and i was trying to help her fix it, but she was very clearly in the wrong. that i was her daughter and she can’t believe i was choosing her bf over her and yada yada. and she called me a ton of names. lots. then, after that, she called the group home back and asked to speak with me, talking about how she was sorry and she just wanted to see me tomorrow and blah blah blah. really laying the manipulation on thick. to get her to leave me alone (bc i was pissed), i told her i’d meet her at the CCM tomorrow morning at the agreed upon time and she seemed placated.
christmas comes, i’m at the CCM at 7am sharp. the court approved 12 hour visits, so my mom had me from 7am-7pm but the condition was that my brother and i were NOT allowed at her apartment. what does she do? she takes me to her apartment. first few hours are fine. she takes me to the soup kitchen for breakfast, steps in when a 55 year old man is hitting on me, we leave. we go to the fast and fresh (a corner store gas station local to the town we lived in) bc she wants coca cola. she calls her bf to walk us back bc the pedo from earlier stopped us on our way up there and he was eyeing my tits, he starts walking us back. they’re arguing, i say something bc wtf it’s christmas?? time and place guys. time and place. we get back to the trap house (her apartment was one of four) and she sits me down with her bf and leaves us alone while she goes and shoots up heroin or snorts cocaine or smth. i’m leaning towards cocaine bc of how aggressive it can make you. i don’t think my mom did heroin again until YEAAARS later.
she comes in screaming “get the fuck out of my house!!!”. like you would’ve thought someone just broke in type of screaming. i thought she was yelling at her bf until she gets up in my face, spit flying, and yanks me up by my hair. telling me to call my “fucking group home to come get me because she’s fucking done with me” and blah blah blah. she slaps the shit out of me a few times as she’s dragging me out onto the porch and pushes me, out of her house. i’m shaking, shocked, and horrified trying to find my group homes number only to realize that
1) i don’t know it, and
2) it’s not listed in the website, so i’m gonna have to wait at the ccm until 7pm… it was 3pm.
so my mom comes back out not even two minutes later, yanks her phone out of my hand and smashes it. i assume she realized that she was gonna get in trouble. she yanks me back inside, hits me a few more times, then pulls out her pocket knife. she looks me dead in my eyes with the nastiest look i’d ever seen anyone sport and says
“i’ll show you how to cut.”
and then proceeded to slit her wrist in front of me. her boyfriend tackles her, prying it out of her hands, i don’t stick around. i walk past them, grab my bag and put it on, don’t bother to put my coat on despite it being 17 degrees outside, and walk past them, then out the front door. i’m walking down the street, trying to find someone that would have a phone. i see a group of people by the old soup kitchen, i approach them, and what do you know? it’s the pedo and his friends. so now i’m scared and even more scared. i ask if any of them have a phone i can borrow, they say no, blah blah blah. my mother was behind me when i left her house, she comes storming up to me, and yanks me back by my backpack, saying all sorts of nasty shit to me, then tells me to kill myself. and at that point, i really was about to do it out of spite. she pulls me back by my backpack again, i pull free finally and i start heading to the ccm.
on the way there, i had enough and so we’re going back and forth saying nasty shit to each other. i go silent and i hear her crying and i sit on the curb outside of the ccm. she’s trying to make me feel bad. blah blah blah, i’m not looking, not talking, but im fuming on the inside. i hear her get up. she kisses me on top of my head, tells me she loves me, and then i hear her walk away. silence. then i hear a car slam on its brakes and lay on its horn. i whip around — it’s not even a foot away from my mother. she’s giving the family inside the finger and yelling at them, and at this point i’m just in shock. like she was going to kill herself in front of me??? blah blah blah cops were called. four deputies show up. take my statement. i get put in the back with a blanket and the officer turns the heat up because id gone numb by that point.
a month later i go to court and no one believes me.
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