#cause you know if they were a het couple no one would be questioning their relationship status

[gangrel-pride]

love how the hh crew saw people saying Vaggie and Charlie’s relationship was “ambiguous” and went “FINE THEYRE FUCKING IN SEASON 2 YOU GALPALING FUCKING BABIES!”

[winderlylandchime]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @lostcol and @madsworld15 thank you friends!

How many works do you have on ao3? 49

What's your total ao3 word count? 505,173

What fandoms do you write for? Currently Queer As Folk. In the past I've also written for CMBYN and CMBYN RPF.

Top five fics by kudos:

tied to a night they never met (CMBYN RPF)

I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules (CMBYN RPF)

Flo's Shows (CMBYN RPF)

you're like a tattoo (something I can't undo) (QAF)

'cause all I'll ever by is your dirty computer (CMBYN RPF)

Do you respond to comments? I do. Especially because I write for a smaller fandom, most of the commenters are my friends.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Ya girl wrote MCD so that's pretty angsty: love is so short (forgetting is so long) (QAF)

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Most of my recent fics have happy endings (usually at a party, call it my signature move). I'll link carried me with you (QAF) because people said the ending made them cry (in a happy way). And it's not at a party!

Do you get hate on fics? Not hate but some people were unhappy with I crossed all the lines (linked above) because I left the couple non-monogamous and I got negative comments in the bookmark of my series Exposure (QAF) because it is similar to a friend's series (never mind me mentioning her by name in my author's notes and having her blessing and encouragement to write the series) and because it has an open ending (not with regards to the couple but with regards mental health stuff... which is realistic)

Do you write smut? Yes. I enjoy reading it so I figure I should write what I enjoy. One of the drawbacks of writing in a small fandom where so many of my readers are friends is that I do sometimes hold back on the smutty filth I would write because I can literally picture my readers' faces and that's a bit uncomfortable.

Craziest crossover: I'm writing a QAF / RPDR crossover fic right now ("writing" in the very loosest definition of the word).

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but I would love that. What an honor.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Er. Yes. I wrote [redacted] with [redacted] but then [redacted] happened and yada yada yada my name isn't on that fic anymore. I'm not anti-co-writing. But, I would need to know my co-writer much better in advance if I were to agree to it again in the future.

All time favorite ship? Brian/Justin aka Britin from QAF. I also LOVE reading Aziraphale/Crowley from GO but haven't really written for them (one drabble and one ficlet).

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I've Loved Her in Secret, I've Loved Her Out Loud WILL GET FINISHED (manifesting) soooo not that. And there's a CMBYN RPF fic that is unfinished and will remain that way and I'm okay with that (ie I don't want to finish it)

What are your writing strengths? FEELINGS. My bread and butter.

What are your writing weaknesses? I think I'm getting better at dialogue, I used to really struggle with it. So I'm going to say... plot? That's such a weird thing to say, but I am shit at doing complex plots.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? If it makes sense, do it! Or even words in another language - I know I often slip Italian and Yiddish into conversation here and there if the other language captures a certain je ne sais quoi that english doesn't. (see what I did there?)

First fandom you wrote in? Ya girl was writing Lois/Clark | Superman fic (het fic? by this queer? more likely than you think!) for Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman in the 90s on yahoo listservs.

Favorite fic you've written? I'm very proud of you're like a tattoo (linked above). I'm also proud of beautiful like the darkness between the fireflies some post-canon, modern setting, exes-to-lovers, soft QAF goodness. And I'm also ridiculously happy with Chasing Dragons which is a fanfic of a fanfic but I think stands alone. I feel like I captured the way one of my all-time favorite fic writers writes my all-time favorite characters and I made her ridiculously happy with it and yeah.

I'm no pressure tagging: @sheisraging @bartbarthelme and anyone else who wants to!

[melonteee]

I’m a shipper so I think you would be more objective when I ask, do you think there’s a chance of shanks and makino becoming canon? Analysing how Oda does relationships like you do? Tbh I would also be more than happy with shanks and buggy or shanks and benn, but het relationship actually has a shot to become official

I think the most canon we're gonna get is "They have a child" (if that kid IS Shanks') but that's it lmao. Oda doesn't tend to write the romance of an established couple, he just leaves it incredibly blank for possible audience interpretation reasons. Ie Rayleigh and Shakky are husband and wife, but I've met tons of people who didn't know that cause they barely interact in any kind of romantic way lmao.

Same can be said for Roger and Rouge, for all we know those two just had a kid cause they were both D initial havers and Roger might've not felt romantically for her at all and vice versa. We don't even SEE a scene of them together ONCE which is crazy now that I think about it.

Anyways what I'm saying is, yeah they could become 'canon', but the 'canon' relationship in question probably won't be anything shown since Oda clearly enjoys his readers finding their own interpretations within character relationships - even the 'canon' ones he's established for usually story purposes.

[therobinbear]

Please check out a book that I particularly love, The Night And Its Moon by Piper CJ.

I want to tell you all about it, but at the same time I don’t want to spoil anything because everything I read sparked so much joy I’d hate to deprive you of that. So I’ll do my best to say as much as I can.

I first learned about The Night And It’s Moon when I stumbled upon a TikTok that the author, Piper CJ, made rating the reactions of her family when she came out to them in preparation of her book that would have the occasional non-heterosexual sex scene or two.

I don’t know about you, but I was immediately drawn in. I had to know everything I could about this fantasy book that caused a conservative family to want to disown someone. I was also in a point in my life where I was growing bored of all the books written by cis het white men. I dove down the rabbit hole.

I was hooked. I immediately pre-ordered TNAIM as soon as it was available and devoured it when it got in my hands.

Again, this is a spoiler free post, so please continue reading on about my favorite non-spoilery things about TNAIM.

First off, it has two things that every fantasy book should be required to have:

A map!!!

And a pronunciation guide!

Seriously, these are invaluable parts of a book that contains a hustling and bustling world inside.

Another terrific piece that gives you a unique insight to the author and her thought process is the dedication:

I was reminded of Lord of the Rings when I read TNAIM. It’s the feeling that you’re following a small story in a huge setting, and the story steadily gets bigger and bigger. The thing that puts TNAIM above LotR (wut??) is that queer people are front and center. Explicitly.

The book ends in a satisfying way, but also ensures that you want the next book as soon as possible to find out what the heck happens to everyone. So much crazy stuff happens. Several parties are split! How are they going to find each other again!? Which leads to my next book recommendation!

The Sun And Its Shade! (Also by Piper CJ! Coincidence?? I think not.)

I dare to say that TSAIS is even better than TNAIM. I’m assuming because TNAIM has to set up the world while TSAIS gets to go at full speed as soon as the book starts. We pick up pretty much right where the previous book left off, and zero time is wasted. Several burning questions were left unanswered in the previous book and thank goodness most if not all are answered here. But what drives the plot if not the quest for answers???? Rage. You will read out of rage. This is my reaction to finishing the book:

I already have a list that is two characters long whose deaths I am impatiently waiting for. Long, painful, slow deaths. And one of the book’s main antagonists isn’t on the list!!! (In an objective sense I want this antagonist to be murderized, but not on an emotional level like my main two.)

There you have it. A perfectly written, spoiler-free manifesto about why you should read these books, and then be all ready for The Gloom Between Stars in a couple months!

(I swear, if neither of the two characters on my list are dead by the end of Gloom, then by dangit I’ll be forced to buy and read the next book.)

[clay-cuttlefish]

Rebirth time, all the way to Event Leviathan. Already bracing myself for some of these, but there's some decent stuff in here too, just gotta pick through the sludge.

Renee spends 2016-2018 bouncing around various Bat comics with a handful of lines an issue like she did pre-character-development, but she mostly works with Kate, which is a bit of a silver lining.

Batwoman #17-18

Kate and Renee get back together and it's cute enough I'm willing to stop being annoyed while I read it.

Almost all their previous romantic moments are immediately followed by divorce so it's nice to see them just being goofy and adorable.

Is this trying too hard? Maybe. Am I charmed anyways? Yes.

Action Comics #1005

Vic's back! Running around Metropolis and not explaining anything!

Genuinely this is such a fun way to reintroduce him, it feels fitting that it's unceremonious. You get no context for who he is, no explanation for why he's here, he's just Doing Things.

Doomsday Clock #9

I feel like I have to mention: Geoff Johns was the one that suggested Renee become the Question. He's also specifically credited with a couple good moments in 52, so clearly he's capable of understanding Vic, he's just chosen not to here for the sake of putting more Watchmen references in his Watchmen crossover.

God Doomsday Clock is so stupid.

Vic does get to save Ted for a panel so that's nice I guess.

Batman #66

The idea that Bruce is so unbelievably bad at processing his emotions that he had to dream up Vic as the fucking Divorce Understander is hysterical.

They haven't been in a comic together in nearly 20 years, Vic just lives rent free in his head that much.

Terrible comic but remembering it makes me laugh.

Action Comics #1009

Back in Metropolis, Vic's chilling out investigating Leviathan.

I'm not a big fan of this look, it's a little too Rorschach for me, but hey it's nice that he's here.

Also not super into his dialogue but it works alright as deadpan snark.

Lois Lane #1

WE ARE SO BACK

You would think a character who's been around for this long would have multiple good writers but nope Rucka is singlehandedly carrying her.

Critically: it's about journalism! That's pretty much the ideal way to smack some characterization back into Renee. So much of O'Neil's Question is about that rift between Vic the reporter and Question the vigilante, and about the ways in which those roles can do good, so drawing on those themes grounds this progression even as it's a sharp course correction.

I'm not a big Superman guy, he's neat but doesn't grab me, but the bits of Clark from Lois' perspective do more to sell me on him than any event I've read. They remind me of my parents and that's 100% a good thing. It's adorable.

#2

The snippets of other news stories about how heroes impact the political landscape do more to create a world that feels alive than, like, 90% of comics I've ever read.

Lois Lane, dyslexic icon.

It's got everything. Intrigue. Drama. Worldbuilding through trashy TV. Renee breaking and entering. Lesbian flirting. Compelling mysteries. DC's best het couple. Comic books are good, actually.

#3

The only thing better than one Question? TWO OF THEM.

Looking at them hugging is not enough I need to eat the panel.

The long silent sequence into the action scene into them hugging is perfectly paced.

Somehow, despite how unwell Vic and Renee make me, Clark and Lois are nearly as good here.

#4

"You were my best friend, you saved my life. And then you died." "I know who you are. You're my friend, you're Renee Montoya, and you're my legacy." They are everything.

It's so good that them catching up is a strange, quiet moment. Yeah, the cause of this is cosmic weirdness, but the effects are so personal.

I can't help but read Lois' "Sage. You're off your beat." to Vic as exasperated. Respectable. He's exasperating.

#5

Vic and Renee both crushing on Lois is cute.

I love how self-assured Renee is here. She's the Question, and she knows exactly how cool that is... but "being the Question with fresh eyes" means having to relearn the limits on violence. Beating people up is one thing, interrogation is another.

Event Leviathan

I've put this all in one chunk instead of trying to interlace it with Lois Lane, since it ends right before issue 6 and there aren't any great ways to spread it out more.

The event so pointless Jimmy Olsen spoiled the reveal.

None of the plot is interesting to me, but Vic's fun, I always like Lois Lane, it could be worse.

I like this characterization for Vic. He's chilled out since he's came back from the dead, and he's got less of a personal stake than most of the others so he's decent at staying on track, but he's also quick to play into whatever dumb banter's going on.

[nnnnobodyy]

Filming them and posting it online is certainly excessive and questionable. One would *hope* partner in question got permission from the other and they both have a sense of humor about it, but I suppose we shouldnt give them too much benefit of the doubt. Admittedly I have not seen these videos due to my aversion of TikTok, but I have to partially disagree, personally I think it is important to showcase to other people what we (cismen's partners) have to put up with so other women know theyre not alone in having to deal with astoundingly incompetent (cis?)men.

It is sad they were failed by their parents, and its surely a testament to the vileness of the gender roles that cause people to raise incompetent (cis?)men and women who have to clean up after them. Its one thing for them to not know how to get blood stains out of clothes, generally the average cisman doesnt have to deal with blood-stained clothes as often as someone who menstruates does. Its another thing when they need help with nearly every task, no matter how minor and easy to search the internet for a solution it is.

I admit I am biased against your point OP because I just left a 5-yr relationship with what tumblr would lovingly call a "himbo." I was more fortunate than the average het couple in that he could largely cook, clean, and do laundry on his own, but his inability to do other tasks and weird disinterest in using the internet to figure out how to do it correctly really wore down on me over time. For example, at the height of my grad school tenure, I burst into tears over him struggling terribly just to fold up a sleeping bag. It was one he had gotten out and left on the floor for weeks, and when I asked him to roll it up, it became evident he did not know how to re-roll it as it had been before he got it out. And instead of watching a video online about how to do it on his PC 3 feet away or using the smartphone in his pocket, he asked me, who was already on a wire's edge and mentally exhausted from grad school, to show him how to do it. Cue the waterworks, largely due to guilt that I felt so mad and guilt at so badly wanting NOT to help him, and frustration at not knowing how to even begin to explain why I'm so upset about an issue as seemingly as minor as just a sleeping bag.

Undoubtedly you are familiar with the term "weaponized incomptence"--its not a term I would apply to this former partner, as I feel it implies a certain level of conscious choice and intention, perhaps a different way to describe his incomptence would something like "cisman incomptence privilege." I know that as a man who was raised as such in a still-very-gendered society, he likely wasnt taught how to do x, y, & z, and as a partner and someone who strives to be good I feel the responsibility to kindly teach him how to do it, but at a certain point it becomes an unfair demand of his partner's time and mental energy for them to always have to be the teacher and for him to never make more of an effort to not only learn on his own, but to actively explore to learn more about the kinds of things he has no clue about so he can learn to anticipate them.

And I imagine thats also why something as simple as not being able to clean up ketchup has these people filming their partners in a way that is definitely cruel and mocking at a surface level. Sure its sad that the dude cant clean up ketchup, but its exasperating as hell and loses its humor when you near-constantly have to teach him everything when the internet is RIGHT there. I did my best to be a patient teacher but it was a mental load that got too heavy to shoulder.

In defense of the men, there are some things you wouldnt know to look up online because you dont even know its a thing or problem that exists or needs to be done, such as cleaning out a hot water heater or how to replace a shower cartridge (hell even my engineer-fix-everything-himself dad didnt know what a shower cartridge is). But in retort to that defense, thats why taking the initative to not just learn for yourself but EXPLORE is so important. When its a problem thats plainly in front of you, it takes a certain level of self awareness to realize you might not know or be able to figure out the best way to handle this, and the internet is an easy place to consult for help. And it takes more self awareness to know there's all sorts of things out there you dont know about and therefore cant just search up online, hence the value in "exploring."

TL;DR weaponized incompetence or whatever you want to call it sucks and these mean videos bring attention to it

I can't be the only one that sees those like "watch if my boyfriend can clean up ketchup" style videos and not just get extremely sad about how much those men were failed by their parents right? And how they were then failed again by their partners later?

Like, can we stop putting the onus on these men and mocking them for not having a skill? Y'know, a skill? I thing you have to be taught.

Can you imagine your partner - someone you care about and you think cares about you - puts you in a situation where you're set up to fail, then filming you and mocking your lack of skills if you fail or jokingly praise you like you're a child if you do. Then on top of that post it on the internet for everyone - strangers, your family, your job and coworkers, potential future partners, whoever - to see and also laugh at you.

All for clout and content.

That person doesn't care about their partner. You could help them learn this skill that their parents failed to teach them, because of a patriarchal society where men are expected not only not do housework but also not know how to do housework. (Or because they're a shitty parent, that can also happen).

And like it is no one's responsibility to put in that kind of labor for someone, you are not obligated to do that.

However, if you supposedly care about someone and see they lack a skill, and you then film them, mock them, and post their unblurred face on the internet? That's kinda fucked up and you're a bad partner, honestly.

[schizosupport]

Hi, I saw some other annons ask about dating and you had some wonderful advice so my question revolves around a long time friend.

So my best friends brother, who I've gotten closer with too now, has had a crush on me literally since we were like 10. (we're 23-24 now) He's really sweet and I'd be open to a strictly romantic relationship. I identify as asexual and panromantic. He's a cis het man soo I'm not sure how he'd feel about a just romantic relationship.

I'm not sure how to bring this up to him, I feel like if I bring up the possibility of a relationship then if it's ends up we don't have the same needs / wants and I turn him down, that it would hurt him, or he'd feel led on and he's a really good friend and I don't want to lose him.

I'm also trying to be more self aware too. He's told me about his crush on me and has been open to me and I've always expressed I haven't felt the same. But also, I do like him a lot as a person, especially as we've grown up together and he's always been by my side, (even through my psychosis episodes) but on the other hand, I've been single a long, long time and I'm trying to figure out, do I really like him romantically or am I jumping at the chance for someone to fulfill something for me romantically. I am almost constantly feeling touch starved, I hate this feeling and I don't want to get into a relationship for just that reason.

Hi there!! Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, I do have some thoughts on the matter, though ultimately this is something you will have to judge for yourself (as you very well know). Still, I might have some kind of insight, so here goes nothing!

Ok so obviously there's a lot of stuff here - I guess there's the question of whether you are actually into this guy romantically or if you are just romantically lonely and touch starved. Another question is whether he would be accepting of you being asexual and (I assume based on the way you phrased it) you not wanting a sexual aspect to your relationship.

I mean, as for whether you actually want to be in a relationship with him and/or whether you are romantically into him.. this is a tough one honestly. I relate a lot to the term "quoiromantic" and I often wonder if I'm aromantic, polyamorous or both :P So what I mean to say is that I relate to not really knowing the nature of your feelings, but still considering and perhaps desiring a romantic relationship.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. Feelings are nebulous and crushed are fickle things. The desire to be in a committed relationship with someone is above that (to me). It sounds like you guys already have a pretty committed friendship.

So the curious question here is - what more is it that you desire? What more might he desire?

You mention feeling touch starved, so I'm thinking you might have a desire to add physical closeness to the existing relationship. Beyond that you use the phrase "someone to fulfill something for me romantically". I wonder what those things might be? A couple things people may or may not desire, to inspire you: Physical closeness? Kissing? Dates and romantic gestures? Emotional intimacy? A shared future? Mutual emotional commitment? Monogamy?

I think it's important to consider what you are desiring out of a relationship beyond the label, especially in situations where some things are off the table for you, so that you can explain to yourself (and potentially to him) what you actually desire/offer in a relationship. That way you can each go into a potential relationship with 'open eyes'.

I can't deny that in a sexually and romantically closed relationship between two people where one partner desires sex in their life while the other doesn't, this can be a cause of frustration or even conflict. But people compromise about all kinds of things, and it's the job of each individual to be an an adult and make decisions openly. Sometimes someone agrees to try it out, and may eventually find that they can't make it work. It sucks, but it happens. But it doesn't have to end in tears.

I know a number of couples where one partner would technically want to have sex with the other, but doesn't because it's not mutually desired, and these people are still having happy, fulfilled relationships with each other.

There are plenty of people, asexual or not, for whom sex isn't that important an aspect of a relationship. But there are also people for whom sex is an important aspect of the emotional connection.

The only way to know which type this guy is would be to ask and to have an open discussion about it.

I'm guessing from context that he doesn't know that you're asexual, or at least if he does, he doesn't necessarily know that you don't desire sexual activities at all.

Since it sounds like the two of you are close, you might want to just go ahead and come out to him as ace/discuss this aspect of your life with him? It might provide some information about his feelings based on his reaction, and this way, if he still seems interested afterwards, you can refer back to this conversation, and he would already know, so you wouldn't feel as if you are "leading him on" if things start to turn romantic.

Asking someone out doesn't have to be like writing a contract.. but i genuinely think that clearing up with yourself what you desire and where your boundaries are, is a good first step.

I feel like there's so much more to say honestly, but I could text all night, so I'll end it here ...

But you're welcome to ask follow up questions ^^

Night night!

[ping-ping-ying]

Pass the Salt

Note: this was requested by @runawayengineer a WHILE ago and I'm SO sorry I took forever! But here it is!

Characters: Diluc, Albedo, and Xiao

Synopsis: each family has a dinner with their daughter and s/o, and shit goes south when their child asks a question

Diluc

Okay so honestly

He wasn't really happy about having dinner with his daughters s/o

Diluc really is the father that will never like any of his children's s/o's

Why? Because he knows how cruel people can be, and doesn't want his children getting hurt

So he makes himself believe that there is something wrong with their s/o to validate his reason(s) for not liking them

Of course you have to lecture him multiple times before hand not to cause a scene at the dinner table

He will tolerate them only for his child's sake

When they arrive, Diluc goes straight to his daughter and gives her a bunch of hugs and kisses

To which she tries to stop him due to being embarrassed in front of her s/o

Dilucs demeanor changes as he sticks his hand out and greets the man

The man shakes his hand back, trying to hide the fact he was nervous

After your daughter gives you hugs and kisses, and her s/o greets you, the four of you sit down at the dinner table

Everything is going well so far.....

Your daughter tells countless stories about her and their s/o earning laughs from you and small chuckles from Diluc

Diluc felt relief wash over him

He was dreading tonight but it actually turned out better than he expected

"Daddy can you pass me the salt please?"

Both Diluc and her s/o reach their hands out to grab the salt

They both stop and stare at each other

The only expression the poor red headed man could make was one of horror

While the s/o slowly retracted his hand and tried to change the subject immediately

You tried your best to hide your laughs for the sake of your husband

Diluc was frozen, he didn't know what to do

He wanted to stop the thoughts that raced through his head

His face began to turn red from embarrassment

"Daddy what's the matter?"

At this point I believe you would lose your composure and burst out laughing hysterically

Causing Diluc to slam his head on the table and mutter countless profanities under his breath

In conclusion, Diluc.exe has stopped working for the evening

Albedo

When he was informed that his daughter and s/o were coming over for dinner

He was absolutely delighted

He would finally be able to see his baby girl again

I believe Albedo would like his child's s/o unlike Diluc

He knows what it feels like to be in love, so to see his baby girl find someone who loves her and treats her right makes his worries be at ease

Don't get it twisted, Albedo would definitely be on the defensive just incase anything happened between his child and their s/o

After cooking for hours and tidying up the house, your child entered the house with her s/o

"Daddy!"

She ran to him with her arms opened wide

His were open just as wide as he engulfed her into a bear hug

Her s/o approached him and shook his hand

"It's a pleasure to see you again sir."

"No, the pleasure is all mine."

At the table you all shared stories, filling the room with laughter and joy

Albedo was enjoying himself

There was no reason not to be right?

"Het daddy, can you pass me the salt?"

Albedo and her s/o reach for the salt

Making the atmosphere awkward

Albedo blinked a couple times

Genuinely was confused at first

Meanwhile his s/o was trying so HARD not to laugh

Albedo then came to the conclusion, just by looking at his daughter's facial expression

His daughter looked mortified, and gave an angry look to her s/o

"Can you please explain to me why you call him daddy when he is not your father?"

See I believe that Abledo is a little shit a times and loves to be chaotic and this was one of those times

Plus the fact that he wore the same blank expression as he always does when he spoke made the situation 10x funnier.

In conclusion, the 2nd hand embarrassment was real

Xiao

Today was going to be such a drag

On the one hand, Xiao was super excited that his only child was visiting them

But on the other hand, he didn’t feel like dealing with their over-the-top s/o

He thought no one could ever top Hu Tao in the level of annoyance

But he was wrong

You could clearly see his annoyance grow as the minute's ticked by

“Xiao, it’s going to be okay. We barely get to see our child, just keep quiet as usual and things will be ok.”

“You know that’s not going to happen with his constant need to ask questions and answer them with follow-up questions. I can feel a headache coming on.”

All you could do was roll your eyes

Finally, it was dusk, and your daughter has made her way to your home

“Mom! Dad!” She screamed

“Baby!” You embraced your child with a tight bear hug

After she hugged you, she ran to her father and nearly tackled him to the floor 

“It is wonderful to see you Miss (Y/N).” Her s/o squealed like a school girl, making Xiao’s sanity fade little by little 

“It is wonderful to see you too!” 

Xiao muttered a faint hello and walked to the dining room with his daughter. 

Everything was going alright

Xiao appeared to be having a good time, listening to his child’s back-to-back stories

While you listened to her s/o since you enjoyed his stories as well

Everyone began to eat while still talking about their stories 

It all went downhill when your child asked a question 

“Hey Daddy, can you pass me the salt?” 

“Sure.” Xiao and her s/o said in unison as they both reached for the salt

The entire atmosphere of the room changed

The silence was so sharp, that even the dullest knife could cut it

Your child’s s/o quickly retracted his hand back to his side as Xiao slowly grabbed the salt and handed it to your child without breaking eye contact with the male

“Why did you reach for the salt when she clearly asked me to do it?” He asked, his golden eyes glowing a bit

You tried so hard not to laugh, you had to make a weird face to keep your laughs contained 

“Daddy it was an accident.” (Y/C/N) tried to explain but Xiao wasn't having it

“His name is (S/O/N), not Daddy.” 

Your daughter fell silent and that’s when you lost it

Xiao snapped his neck to look at your face, red as a tomato (thomato) 

“I-I’m SO SORRY!” You yelped 

Since Xiao clearly wasn’t going to drop the topic, you had to explain it in the best way possible

Once you calmed down, you grabbed his hand and brought him a couple of feet away from the dinner table to the other two couldn’t hear

As you whispered in Xiao’s ear, his face went wide, before his whole body fell backward onto the floor

He had fainted, his mind couldn’t handle the information or the unwanted scenario that tried to play in his head

“DADDY! What happened?!” Your daughter shouted.

“Congratulations sweety! You killed your father! Now, who wants dessert?!”

This took me about a year to do I'm so sorry! I hope you enjoy it and be on the lookout for some Alhaitham content👁👁

-Ping Ping

-09/10/22

[absolutebl]

hi again

how are you? i hope you had a good week so far

i have two questions

1. i’m watching manner of death and the sound quality is driving me mad. i tried on yt and then switched to we tv site and it still is not good. like it’s way too quiet (you can barely hear the background when they talk) or the music comes in and it gets too loud. i wonder if it’s me or if the mixing (?) got messed up. i’ve seen a few clips of other series (can’t name them of the top of my head) and just wanted to ask why does it happen? is it a budget problem or mic one or maybe copyright? or just honest mistake or my laptop is just weird.

2. how did the pairing in thai bls stared? like did they just randomly decided to pair the actors who did good together and keep casting them both for roles? because they got popular with fans or was it more planned and conscious effort to sell that?

side note just wanted to thank you for all of your commentaries and reviews and language posts. they make me super interested in the dynamics of characters and make me pay attention to stuff i normally wouldn’t. so thank you for making me a little bit more perceptive.

Hi hi again!

So far so good, it's a slow week, I got a lot of stuff out that I'm waiting to come home again with work, which means I am sitting around twiddling my thumbs doing busywork (as the gran would call it) and distracting myself on Tumblr.

At some point in the not too distant future a big project is gonna hit and I’m gonna disappear except for the weekly updates and y’all are gonna think I’m dead. 

Manner of Death = terrible sound production?

1. i’m watching manner of death and the sound quality is driving me mad. i tried on yt and then switched to we tv site and it still is not good. like it’s way too quiet (you can barely hear the background when they talk) or the music comes in and it gets too loud. i wonder if it’s me or if the mixing (?) got messed up. i’ve seen a few clips of other series (can’t name them of the top of my head) and just wanted to ask why does it happen? is it a budget problem or mic one or maybe copyright? or just honest mistake or my laptop is just weird.

I think I remember it being pretty bad always. But then I watched MoD grey so everything was terrible, rips and all, and thre were random ads and threats of viruses. Count your blessings in that regard, trust me, it could be A LOT worse. 

I’m just getting around to a rewatch on WeTV but I’m not expecting much. I’ll let you know if I feel like the sounds is significantly worse than I remember. 

Honestly, with very few exceptions Thailand is TERRIBLE with sound, even worse when they go on location. Their looping is bad (if they bother). I mean we JOKE about how terrible they are with boom mics so much that Our Days referenced it. 

For goodness sake they use wired mics for intimacy scenes, and cheap wireless mics at WINDY locations. It’s just *throws hands into air.* 

Speculation is there just aren’t any sound techs in Thailand. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 

How do Thai BL Pairs Happen? How did it start? 

2. how did the pairing in thai bls stared? like did they just randomly decided to pair the actors who did good together and keep casting them both for roles? because they got popular with fans or was it more planned and conscious effort to sell that?

SOTUS started it. Ironically, we get to blame SingtoKrist. 

OffGun made it popular and caused everyone to realize it was possible to make more money as branded pair (sponsorship deals). 

But it was MewGulf who actually broke the internet. They caused Harper/Vogue something fashiony (?) Thailand’s website to crash when they appeared on the cover together, also won best kiss Asia against all the het couples. 

Originally I believe it was unplanned, but KirstSingto did so well on variety shows and with fan meets when promoting SOTUS and then SOTUS S they got given their own travel-esk show (by GMMTV). Say what you like about Krist he’s really good on a “yes, and.” Then GMMTV started to just sort of do a hard push with any pair they could, to try to get them to stick and recreate this magic. 

For the first few years 2016-2019 or so, the boys were just farting around and not really intentional about it. I think as the IRL shipping got worse (especially with MewGulf and ZeeSaint), expectations started to be different from within the industry (as well as from outsiders). Things have changed after multiple fissures and problems with pairs disbanding (and this having a career impact). 

Sometimes GMMtV’s intentional approach works (EarthMix) sometimes it fades away (PodKhaotung) sometimes it’s purposefully made-over by the studio (BrightWin). 

Career-minded and more savvy actors and managers are now, understandably, both wary and intentional in their approach to pairing up (and IF they will have an approach at all). Watching how Nanon and Ohm handled it for Bad Buddy was eye opening. (Ohm’s previous pairing from Make It Right seems to have left in industry for... not great reasons... So I’ve always assumed Ohm is relatively jaded and definitely guarded about BL.)

On the flip side, indie pairs started to form with specifically an eye towards acting together as the leads in dramas (e.g. KaownahTurbo and SantaEarth).

I talk a lot about it and the history of pairs in this (OLD AND NO LONGER UPDATED) post here:

A Guide to Thai BL Actor Pairs for New Watchers 

and a little bit on the new ones in 

Thai BL Actor Pairs... REDUX! (newer pairs)

and

GMMTV and Co-Branded BL Couples - pairs and marketing tactics

I keep meaning to do an update on all the pairs, but the skinship side of BL fandom makes me very uncomfortable so I keep avoiding it. 

[that-bl-bitch]

BL/GL TAG GAME

I was tagged by @ommited-miscellaneously

Your all time favorite bl/gl character and why. It’s hard to narrow it down really but I think I have one and it’s DaWoon from Blueming, now I kinda feel like it’s a bit of a cheat cause blueming is so new but I think he really is my favorite character, I just really enjoyed his character overall from start to finish and he never frustrated me and made me question him as a character or his actions much which a lot of the time I feel like can be really boring and does not make a good character but I think in this it works really well *Honarable mention: Pran from bad buddy*

What’s your one character from a bl/gl you wanted to punt into the stratosphere (you only get one so choose wisely). Now at first I was not going to do this tag game BUT then I saw this question and I needed to. my one is none other than Nueng from paint with love I fucking hate his character so much you don’t understand and I love PWL unpopular opinion but I fuck with PWL hard but Nueng is a whole asshole and people love him for it like like I don’t understand his character at all I don’t get his motives for anything I don’t really think he should have been in the show period and I love seeing Yacht act in anything but I didn’t like Tharn and Nueng together I just think he deserved something Better than Nueng

The best music moment from a BL/GL Honestly I don’t have anything for this and typically I at least try to answer every question but Just don’t got anything for this one so I’m just going to leave it blank

What’s a popular heterosexual text that you would like to see adapted into a BL/GL? Text? I don’t know But the other day I was watching candy jar which is one of the best movies I think and I was watching and I was thinking this is such a perfect BL set up and if this was a BL it probably be my favorite bl, honestly there’s probably a BL out there that is just like it (if y'all know let me know)

A scene from a BL/GL that always makes you laugh. I was Thinking really hard about this one because I didn’t think i had one off the top of my head but then I was sitting here trying to think of funny scenes and I remembered the comedy gold of scenes and I actually genuinely laugh every single time, It’s the scene in bad buddy I’m pretty sure it’s the episode right after everyone finds out that pat and pran are you dating and pran goes to see Pat on the football field and we see them just talking and chilling shooting shit whatever and Wai gets so mad that they’re having an interaction in front of his eyeballs that he throws his water bottle like in their direction because girlie was so mad that they were talking in front of him and he threw his water bottle in the water comes out and it’s so funny to me

Biggest disappointment. Oxygen, I was so disappointed because I was really looking forward to oxygen for so long like since the trailer dropped and when it finally premiered I was just so underwhelmed it’s just was like not done as well as I thought it was going to be done like don’t get me wrong I love a lot of the scenes and a lot of the couples but I just thought it was going to be better you know plus I fucking hate the het couple and their whole storylines was a mess

What two random bl/gl characters would make hilarious exes? Tan (manner of death) and tharn (tharntype) honestly because it wouldn’t work at all and that alone is hilarious

Who would be funniest person to person to watch a bl/gl in its entirety and which one would you make them watch. I literally can’t fathom watching a bl with someone who doesn’t already watch them cause just the thought alone makes me nervy but I think if I had show someone a bl that’s never seen them before I feel like a good easy start would be tale of a thousand stars

Best wardrobe moment/or character wardrobe from a bl/gl. I don’t know about BEST but some stand outs off the top of my head that I personally would probably wear is Like all Khais outfits from theory of love and I’m really into kueas outfits too from cutie pie, you know his real outfits not his good boy ones

I’m gonna tag: @mvskhiyyih @listeningwithearphones @whiterabbit71188 do it if you want no pressure ofc :)

[dangermousie]

CFC 194

1. He is going home now and the most the treatment achieved is a sort of stasis and not dying for the time being. Which is very symbolic for XQC’s whole state - he’s not living, he’s existing.

2. He is so getting bionic eyes! Meatbun was gonna have him have them in her original concept where he was an inventor and HY was an android and I love that while she scrapped the setting, she’s gonna keep that! Because the doc mentioned eye implants that are as good as normal eyes and XQC is all no thanks even tho he can barely see and you know, he’s gone beyond treating himself as a machine into the depths of self-loathing because if he was merely a machine, a machine is kept in the best shape and properly repaired. He scoffs at the doctor who says:

But that doctor is 100% correct. He really behaves as if his initial wild thought that HY, who always loved his eyes, took one as he left and if it makes him happy that’s fine, is the truth.

Side note - so is he blind in one eye and blurry in the other? I am a little confused.

3. XQC melting at his tiny niece is EVERYTHING and I love it when XX realizes the baby can help anchor him to the world. And then the kid is clinging to him and kissing his cheek and he’s putting her inside her jacket and going ”dress her warmer, hold her safer” to WDH and XX and I am melting! And his niece becomes obsessed with him and just wants to follow him around and they do say kids and dogs are good judges of character (What if WDH and XX die at some point because Meatbun is brutal to her het couples and he’s left with the baby niece? However cute XQC is with the toddler, pls no.)

4. I love the image of XQC holding sleeping Ya Ya on his chest in the sun. Auntie Li may be right that it’s a pity he didn’t have his own kids but despite HY’s best tries, it is biologically impossible, sorry Auntie! (Also, forgot to mention earlier but we did get our time jump - two years from the last chapter. So HY would be 23 in whatever hellhole he’s at, and XQC is 36. We still got 2 years to go until their final ages and I am, as always, terrified.

5. CM and XQC meet and XQC answers an implied question that yes nobody can replace HY still. I love that it’s noted CM is a normal person and if he can’t get his feelings returned he’d slowly give up, not like HY.

And that is why I love Meatbun protagonists. Because no matter what, they love utterly and with all their souls, blood and bones.

6. There is now a mysterious associate of Duan Wen who nobody has ever seen, very capable, called Devil, who is Chinese and is about to enter the country soon. Hmmmm. I wonder how Meatbun knew my favorite Marvel cinematic universe character is:

And is giving me in danmei form (unrelated side note, always open for stucky fic recs, thanks :P)

7. Ohoho tell me more!

8. Screaming! But of course!!! And I bet it took most of those almost 3 years to brain wash him into this!

And I bet I know exactly why Duan Wei had He Yu reveal himself in such a public manner - it’s a giant eff you to everyone trying to catch him and bring him down - see, I can make even the person who caused me the most damage to serve me and be a proper member of my org (or maybe you are gonna think he was one from the start and it was a double fake out.) I am invincible ahaahahah etc.

9. Something tells me we will continue to get XQC pov for quite a while since HY’s brain is likely scrambled like an eggs benedict. i wonder if it’s more of Taxian Jun scrambled (in which case prepare for craycray dubcon) or Gu Mang scrambled (in which case prepare for deep non stop sadness of G-rated variety.) Probably more the former I think, if I were a betting person.

[skepticalarrie]

https://crookedpurseoafopera.tumblr.com/post/657837466182631424/hey-so-i-began-following-you-like-a-couple-days

It's my first time asking someone on tumblr something, is it OK i do? You post a lot so I figured you'd know. So the post i linked mentioned that their teams AND twitter uas work to hide pictures of the boys. Is this true? Are hld not posting post hiatus larry pictures. Maybe cause they're were asked to?

Hi love, sure, you can ask whatever you want! ;) I'm sorry I didn't answer you earlier.

I don't think that's exactly what Gabi meant with that, no. But to explain that we're going to have to go back in time a little bit: So when they were in the band, there was undeniably a narrative that Harry and Louis were basically mortal enemies, right? I think everyone is aware of that. So they were never ever anywhere together, never alone, they couldn't fly together, they couldn't even write songs together - they wrote Perfect in different rooms, c'mon - but of course that wasn't the reality at all. So their team and UAs (completely controlled by 1DHQ) would always push this narrative on us and cover up for the fact that they were literally always in the same room and standing next to each other. There was this particular UA, actually, called fyz and they were very famous for cropping Louis out of pictures and make people only see what they were meant to be seeing. So basically:

When the reality was:

The context is so important. And people can twist things completely by simply cropping something out of the picture or photoshopping or simply not acknowledging the actual facts. So it happened a lot, with everything. Things like "Louis and Liam are in the studio today" and we would get a picture of them, and months later some other picture would leak with Harry there too (just an example, I don't remember if that was exactly how it happened lol sorry). They had thousands and thousands of exclusive photos and they would drop them when it was convenient.

So if gay rumours were out of control (they were all about het Harry, btw) Louis would pop up in a different continent w/ Eleanor because see? h&l are not together, they're as far away as possible. But the pictures were always proven to be from a different day or in a different context. They were just posting when it was convenient to push this narrative.

That's probably what Gabi meant with "UAs on twitter". We see what we are supposed to see, and this never changed. So no, it goes much further than questioning if HLD has post-hiatus pictures that they were asked not to share. I don't think that's the case at all. Bringing this to the present time is not hard to put 2 and 2 together and realize that sometimes they go MIA at the same time or one of them is always MIA while the other is somewhere publicly. And their individual teams are definitely always covering up for that. They casually place one of them on the other side of the globe when they’re actually not there and this kind of stuff we see all the time. But also, there's a theory that there's a photo ban preventing Harry and Louis to be photographed together - probably something post-hiatus, or even during the band but preventing them from being seen alone and out of work. It's called super-injunction. Based on that, I don't think people have pictures of Harry and Louis at all, it would be legally forbidden to publish any information or pics that expose a relationship between the two of them. Which just reinforces the receipt you're originally linking on this ask. Disposable cameras make a lot of sense.

Oh and I'm aware there's this theory about HLD being an insider and this doesn't make any sense to me, I don't think they're hiding something or pushing any particular narrative. This UA I mentioned earlier though? Fyz? They're HSD. Still, very biased towards this het Harry image and posting only what goes with this narrative.

[black-dragon1998]

Stoic keeper and sick girl chapter 4

Summary: (Y/n) and Lexa tell the team everything and emotions surface.

Also, COVID19 doesn’t exist in this fic!

warnings:  Talking about cancer. if this is a trigger don’t read. Everything mentioned is from my own experience as may not apply to everybody.

Talk about past trauma’s and shitty childhood.

part 1 -part 2- part 3

Waking into the dining room you noticed it was still rather empty. The only ones who were already there were Alex, Kelley at one table and Alyssa at another. Alyssa was probably the safer one to sit at. The younger ones would probably want to joke with Kelley and move around a lot, Alyssa most nights stayed at her table and was one of the most rational people on the team.

The blond keeper looked up when you neared with a nervous Lexa. You tried to reassure her with a hand on her shoulder as you let her closer to the table.

“Alyssa I like you to meet Lexa. Lexa this is one of my many good friends, Alyssa Naether. I know she looks scary but she is a big softy inside.” You introduce. Alyssa rolls her eyes at you but introduces herself to the girl. She could see that the girl was relaxed around you.

“it’s nice to meet you, Lexa.” Lexa doesn’t say anything but does give Alyssa a little nod so the keeper took that as a win.

“is it okay if the two of us sit with you? That way she can take off her facemask and eat in peace.” You ask Alyssa, who looks a bit confused at your panicked state. Normally you were far more relaxed with her.

“sure.” She said trying to reassure you with her eyes. If you were freaking out then it has to be pretty serious about what you had to tell or what was going on. The only thing she could do was support you.

“sure.” Alyssa tried to reassure you with her eyes and a kind smile.

“Thanks, Lyss, you’re the best.” You beamed the keeper with your best smile as you put Lexa’s bottle down on the table and lead Lexa toward the food.

“come on Lexa let’s go see if they're in anything you like.” you tried to stay optimistic, you knew how hard it could be to eat when everything you smelled or saw tasted disgusting. Even too today you had days you couldn’t swallow anything and had to fall back on meal replacement shakes.

Throughout the whole buffet, there was nothing Lexa seemed to fancy at the end you sighted, Lexa looked up with a small face.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered under her breath, your heart broke. It wasn’t her fault she wasn’t feeling like eating.

“hey, you don’t have to be sorry about this okay. I will talk with the trainers, normally they have some shakes for me when I don’t feel like eating. I will get you to try one-off those okay. Maybe a cola.” She shakily nods looking down at the floor. Taking her chin between two fingers you make her look up at you.

“say it to me.” Your voice is stern but comforting. You don’t want her to live in the constant fear of disappointing you. You give her an encouraging smile.

“I have nothing to be sorry about.” She told you. Not as confidently as you liked but it was a start. You lead her back to the table and tell her you will be back. Taking her sports bottle with you to fill with some cola.

Alyssa watched as you placed the little girl on the chair in front of her and reassured her that you wouldn’t be gone long. Alyssa had never seen you this tender.

Like the rest of the team, Alyssa had questions, after the end of the game. You had disappeared just after the final whistle had been blown and they had found you thirty minutes in the trainer's locker room with a little kid. When Ali and Christen had tried talking to you, you had given them some very specific orders that the girls couldn’t place. Now seeing the girl in front of her with the face mask and bandana with baseball cap those question only rang louder but they were for later.

“Hey, Lexa.” Alyssa tried to get the girls attention by calling her. Het girl looked up at the keeper with big uncertain eyes.

“Don’t you want anything to eat?” Alyssa asked pointing to her empty plate. All Lexa did was shake her head and look down at the table. Alyssa decided to drop it not wanting until you got back, it was clear you had a connection with the little girl.

 The silence in the room was broken when more of the team dripped into the dining room and when more of the younger players it even became rowdy and Lexa flinched at every harsh sound and hoped you would come back fast.

 You returned to the dining room with Lexa’s sports bottle filled with cola and one of your shakes. After doing the whole story to Vlatko he had promised to help you with the legal papers and that set up an appointment with your doctor for tomorrow and one for yourself also.

After the whole ordeal, you felled exhausted, all the emotions of the day catching up to you and all you wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep.

Emily spotted you halfway through the room and strode toward you. Like the rest of the team, she had heard about the kid and had seen her with Alyssa. No one of the younger players dared to approach in fear of the older keeper.

“hey (Y/N) how’s the little squirt doing,” Emily asked hoping you would spill something but you weren’t int the mood to talk to anybody.

“buzz off Sonnett.” You growl not being able to contain your frustration and exhaustion. The conversation with Vlatko was a heavy one. Now the stress of getting your blood draw tomorrow was causing extra stress. You had awful veins and you dreaded it.

Emily was taken back by your tone, normally it took you a lot more to rile you up.

“wow, what got your panties in a twist?” Emily tried to lighten your mood.

The conversation between you and Sonnett had drawn the attention of the rest of the team. You could already see Ali and Ash make their way toward you.

Lexa had gotten of her chair and was running toward you, she could see how stressed you were and she wanted to help because you always helped her.

“(Y/N)!” Lexa grabbed your hand tried to give it a reassuring squeeze but because of her weakened state, it wasn’t hard and also tried to give you a reassuring smile. You didn’t know if you should laugh or cry, how could a child that had gone through all she had to be still so compassionate. Sinking through your knees make you almost eye level with her.

This caused all the veterans to immediately come running toward you while the younger players just watched. There was a small panic going around the team, you never showed emotions so openly.so I kind of freaked them out. Even though you hadn’t shed a single tear you looked exhausted.

“I’m okay Lexa. Thank you.” You whisper to the girl, looking at her gave you enough courage to scrape yourself together and lead her back to the table. When she sat down you handed her the coke and shake, which looked at sceptically but opened it when you told her it tasted like strawberries. After the sip, she takes another and another.

 When the team decided you have ignored them enough they send Ali and Ash to talk to you. Seeing as they had the best track record with you.

You could feel their eyes burning into your back and it was just a matter of time before they tried to talk to you. For the moment you just watched Lexa enjoy her shake.

“your friends are staring at us,” Lexa commented looking at you from under her cap. She looks cute with one of your caps and hoodie.

“I know. They will come over here any moment to talk. They like to do that. You want to tell them?” you would leave the choice to her, it’s her life and you would support her either way.

“I want to stay with you.” She confesses looking up at you with big eyes. It makes you happy she felled secure with you.

“I know that sweety but that doesn’t mean I am forcing you to tell them. I’m not going to force you to tell them anything you don’t want to.” You assure her.

“But I want to be honest with them.”

“well if you are brave enough maybe I could half as brave and do the same.” You stroke her cheek and smile at her. Krashlyn took that moment to interrupt you.

“What should you tell us?” Ashlyn asked while she and Ali sit down in front of you before you look up you catch Lexa’s eye.

“ready little warrior.” She gives you a simple nod. Turning to the couple and try to give them a reassuring smile.

“Lexa and I have to tell you all something.” Suddenly a lot of voices started talking. Asking what it was and how you met Lexa. You cut through it with a sharp whistle and instruct them all to take a seat and listen. You had never seen them sit down so fast and be shut up, maybe you should try that whistle more.

“you want to tell them first?” Lexa swallowed hard before she looked up at the soccer players.

“okay guy’s this is Lexa I met her today after the game, after talking to her I have decided to become her legal guardian. Vlatko is helping me with the papers.” You pause for the information to sink in but not long enough for chaos to break out.

“wait with the questions and judgment until after Lexa and I have done our story.” You gave Lexa a reassuring smile while glaring at your teammates. Lexa grabs your hand for support.

“I have leukaemia and (Y/N) had promised to stay with me so I don’t have to do the therapy alone. I hate being alone in the hospital and she makes me feel safe.” The weight of the word behind the childlike didn’t go unnoticed by you.

Many of the soccer players in front of you had unshed tears in their eyes. After her story, Lexa buries her face into your shoulder. Hugging her back in return almost seemed like second nature.

“you were so brave, little warrior. I’m so proud of you.” You Lexa while hugging her close. When I was obvious she wouldn’t be say anything more.

“I saw Lexa in the stands alone and could immediately tell what the problem was. A couple of kids were picking on her for it, that is when I decided to step in and take her inside with me, I didn’t know how bad her immune system was so I didn’t want to take any chances. Tomorrow both of us have to go to the hospital for a blood test. Then I can tell how much resistance she is against bacteria.” You explain stroking Lexa’s back soothing her and trying to minimize her stress.

“why would they be picking on her?” Christen asks, not understanding why Lexa would be bullied. You have to chuckle at their childlike innocence, most never had to deal with people looking at them weird or shinning them for being different.

“Because people are A-holes, who mistreat everything that is different and not to normal standards.” You grith out between clenched teeth, memories from your past resurfacing. You still remember the stares and the whispers from when you were in a wheelchair because you were to weak to walk. People were far less subtle than they thought they were.

“yes, they are.” Lexa agrees with you while climbing in your lap to hug you. You figured all the emotions and exhaustion were getting to her, so you drab your arms around her so she can rest a bit.

 The whole team looks at you shocked at how soft you are with the little girl. They had never seen you so soft. Some of the veterans were concerned when you told them you were becoming this little girls guardian, to team standards you were still a baby. Only being a couple of months older than Tierna but seeing you like this changed their minds. Also, an unspoken promise was going through the group, they would help you in any way they could.

Taking a deep breath you looked at your team, who were watching you and Lexa with big eyes. Now was as good a time as any to drop your own bomb, hoping that having Lexa with you will lessen the yelling they were going to do.

“There is something I want to tell you guys,” you speak before losing your nerves, freaking out internally. What if they start treating you differently? What if they start looking at you with pity?

Well, you couldn’t go back now.

“There is another reason I stepped out into the crowd today. I saw a lot of myself in Lexa. Because I also had leukaemia as a kid. Twice actually.” Gasp go through the group moments before questions are fired at you.

“(Y/N) sweetheart, why didn’t you tell us?” Ali asks coming closer so she can give you a reassuring smile and doesn’t scare you away.

“This is the only place I feel normal.” You confess not looking up at your team.

“it’s tough being a kid with leukaemia, people treat you different when they know. I was diagnosed for the first time when I was six. You are forced to grow up mentally and emotionally so fast sometimes you forget you are only a kid. I learned to put things into perspective fast, fearing you are not going to going to make it to the next day makes other kids tantrums banal in comparison. This caused me to stick out around my peers and made it hard to make friends. Not that it bothered me that much at that age, I was in the hospital a lot. You take a moment to take a couple of breath before you continue.

“Football is something I love and I didn’t want to be treated differently because of it. That is the big reason I didn’t tell anybody.” A lot of the woman around you are crying or holding each other for comfort. Lexa tightened her hold on you.

The silence in the room is heavy buy familiar. Most people didn’t know what to say after you told them so you decided to let them process everything first before they had to speak to you.

“Alright, that is enough emotions for one day. I’m taking Lexa back to my room so she can rest.” Getting up you grab her sports bottle with you while making your way to the elevator with Lexa in your arms.

taglist:

@superbscissorsdeanexpert  

[fukurodianthus]

Cotton Candy Kisses

Synopsis: Let’s get one thing straight, confessions aren’t Ushijima Wakatoshi’s cup of tea, and the same goes for you when it comes to dealing with rejections. But then, your crackhead friends (who are done with watching two emotionally constipated fools pine for each other for two years) decide to take matters into their own hands. 

 Its a recipe for disaster, topped off with cherry coke and cotton candy.

Genre: Fluff, (a light sprinkle of angst thrown in), friends to lovers AU, mutual pining

Trigger warnings: Just a smol makeout scene lmao (not explicit), swearing(meanwhile, my mom: *disappointed brown parent noises*)

Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x fem! reader

Word count: 3k+

Author’s note: I planned to release this on valentine’s day, but my exam schedule said “no❤️”. N E ways, didnt get time to proofread it, so excuse the painful amount of errors it may have. (More unnecessary rambles notes at the end!)

𝐈

“Toshi, Terushima asked me out on a date.”

“Terushima as in Terushima Yuuiji from Johzenji? The one with piercings?” Ushijima sat on the gym floor, busy tying his shoelaces.

“Yeah.”

He sat facing away from you, so you had no way of telling how well he was taking this news.

Not like it mattered anyway.

For the last two-years, you had kept dropping subtle hints that you liked him. Hell, if baking heart-shaped red-velvet cookies for him every valentine’s day hadn’t given him the slightest hint that your feelings for him weren’t exactly platonic, probably nothing could make the stoic ace aware of your feelings.

Unless you directly said it to his face.

Wakatoshi, I like you.

Four words. There were just these four words standing between Wakatoshi and your undeclared feelings. Four words could free you from the shackles of this unrequited love that had been weighing you down for the past two years.

But what was the point anyway? He’d reject you, just like he rejected Ririka. The Ririka Hirai, captain of the girls’ volleyball team, the ace who wielded magic in her hands. Let alone the guys from Shiratorizawa, even boys from other prefectures were totally whipped for her. He didn’t even bat an eyelid before a firm ‘No’ rolled off his lips. She hated crying in front of others, but the redness in her eyes and her swollen eyelids made it obvious that her spirit had been crushed by the rejection. Her previous outgoing, warm and friendly nature had vanished within a few seconds as she withdrew herself into her shell.

If this is what rejections did to people, then you were fine with being crushed under the weight of unrequited love. And you didn’t have a Semi Eita in your life like she had, so there wouldn’t be anybody to help you out of your wallowing self-pity.

Your mind wandered back to your interaction with her yesterday, how she had pulled you into the locker room, firm hands wrapped around your wrists with no intention of letting go. You were reminded of her disastrous plan, and how you’d stupidly agreed to go along with it.

𝐈𝐈

(𝟐 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐨)

“You love him, don’t you Y/N?” she asked you, cocking her head to her side as she twirled the green roots of het bubblegum colored hair. Why was she so oddly insistent on dying her hair like a meth-addicted oompa loompa? And the bigger question was, how the fuck did she look so good?

“I don’t know, Riri.” What did she expect to hear? How could you say that you weren’t half as brave as she’d been? You’d rather tend to the wounds that unrequited love caused than deal with the empty-black void of self-loathing, insecurities and embarrassment that rejection left behind.

“Y/N, I’m not a fool. I can see the way your eyes light up when he’s around.”

“So what? What the fuck should I do? Confess my feelings and get rejected? I’d rather wither under the weight of my undeclared feelings than have my soul crushed by a rejection from my best friend, thanks.” You knew you were wrong; you knew you should let go of these useless, painful feelings by confessing. Hearing him reject you would put the nail in the coffin of your one-sided love and you’d finally be free.

But you didn’t want to be free. Cowardice had this odd feeling of comfort attached to it, and you’d gotten used to it.

“Y/N, I’m not here to fight with you over a stupid himbo of a guy. It just hurts me to see you go through the same pain I had gone through. I’m just here to look out for you. I’ll give you my advice whether you want it or not, and its up to you if you’ll take it.”

You looked away. You knew that whatever she was going to say would probably make sense, she was such a smartass after all. She was never wrong, as much as you hated admitting it. Why was she such a good friend, why did she have to be so nice? It pissed you off.

“Ushijima is bad at this entire thing of love and friendships, its probably not big news to you, is it? His parents’ divorce ruined his faith in love.” She cleared her throat, trying to hide the tremble in her voice. “He doesn’t know how this entire thing of love and feelings work. Loving him is difficult, it’s like expecting an iceberg to provide you with warmth. But…” her voice trailed off.

“But what?”

“I think he likes you. He’s never looked at anyone the way he looks at you. He never saved a seat for me at lunch the way he does for you. He acts...weird around you.”

“That’s bullshit Riri, he does that stuff for me because I’m his team's manager, you know?”

“You’re just as dense as him. Perfect! You’d make a great couple” she giggled, fluttering her long, black lashes.

“Why did you confess to him if you thought he liked me?”

“Oh, I was coming to that. You see, I was a hundred percent sure he wouldn’t like me back, so I thought I might as well get these stupid feelings of my chest and move on, you know? It still hurt a lot for a few days, though. Rejections sucks, that’s nothing new. And I kind of liked Semi, so it felt like I was emotionally cheating on him if I still liked Ushijima. So, I finally confessed to him after getting rid of my feelings for Ushiwaka.” She pressed her lips together and looked away, a faint blush blossoming on her cheeks.

“You and Semi are…”

“We’re a thing now, yeah.”

“I’m so happy for you Ririka!” you practically squealed, squishing her reddened cheeks.

“We had a talk yesterday and we decided that we can no longer bear to see you two emotionally constipated dummies pining for each other anymore, so we’re taking matters into our own hands.”

“What?” Your stared at her with widened eyes, praying she didn’t come up with any stupid plans to make the situation worse.

“Do you know Terushima from Johzenji?”

“Yeah, kinda, that tongue-piercing dude with an undercut, right?”

“He’s my friend and he has agreed to helping us.”

“Oh hell no.”

“I don’t take no for an answer, I’m sorry. Babe, you can come out now.”

You choked on your own spit as you saw Semi climbing out of Ririka’s locker.

“How the fuck did you even fit him in there? Was he there the whole time? What made you think sneaking your boyfriend into the girl’s locker room was a good idea?”

“Honey, that’s too many unnecessary questions, I ain’t answering them. And there’s nobody around. So, I don’t think we’ll get in any trouble as long as you don’t snitch.”

“I’m not going to snitch.”

“That’s what I thought. Now babe, tell her about our plan.”

Semi went over with the details of their plan.

Needless to say, it was a recipe for disaster, you were sure of it.

Having an affinity for all things disastrous, you agreed to their plan.

*flashback ends*

𝐈𝐈𝐈

(𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭)

“Y/N, you there?” Ushijima was done with tying his shoelaces a while ago and now stood in front of you, his tall frame cowering over you.

You snapped out of your trance.

“Yeah, I was j-just busy thinking about some stuff.” You smoothed out your skirt and gripped your bag tightly, and looking down at your feet. You could feel his gaze on your face, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eye.

“Stuff as in…Terushima? Were you thinking about him?”

You were taken aback by his uncharacteristically direct question and looked into his eyes. His gaze flickered between your eyes and your lips; his brows furrowed together in…concern?

Your imagination must be getting better of you.

“Yeah, I was thinking about our date, tomorrow.”

His eyes seemed duller than usual, lacking its usual lustre.

“He doesn’t have a reputation for being loyal, you know.” His words seemed long-drawn, forced, painful. As if it physically hurt him to get these words to roll of his tongue.

He ran his fingers through his greasy olive-brown hair, his gaze still fixed on you. You became painfully aware of the silence in the empty gym room. Why was your heart beating so loudly? Was his heart beating just as loud?

His breath hitched as you stepped closer to him. You noticed the way his sweat-drenched shirt clung to his body, highlighting his well-built frame, the way his lips glistened when he licked his lips, the way his tousled hair stuck to his forehead. You almost brushed those stray strands off his face. Almost.

You spoke in a low tone, almost in a whisper. This moment seemed fragile, like treading on thin ice. It felt as if you both were in a trance and any loud noise would snap you back to reality. You wouldn’t mind being stuck in this trance for a few eternities. “Terushima is a player, a heartbreaker. You think I don’t know that? Maybe I just want to have my heart broken, Toshi. Isn't it better than loving someone who will never love me back?”

He stared at you with a blank, unreadable expression. You noticed how his adam’s apple bobbed up and down when he gulped, his neck and collarbones glistening with sweat.

He had no business being this hot, godamnit.          

“I just remembered, Coach Washijo wanted to have a talk with me-“ he took a step back, breaking eye contact with you.

“Coach Washijo is on a sick-leave for a week, Toshi.”

“Ah okay, right.” He turned on his heels and stormed out of the gym, the tips of his ears covered in a faint red glow.

How long will you keep running away Wakatoshi?

𝐈𝐕

(𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐲)

“Yeah, chocolate will be fine.”

Terushima handed you the ice-cream cone, flashing his iconic toothy grin at you.

This park of the amusement park was quieter and calmer than the other parts. You were seated on a bench beside a  mermaid shaped fountain. Behind you, far off in the distance was a Ferris wheel, lit up in pink and red neon lights, a classic decoration that was put up in this park every valentine’s day.

“Want anything else, babe?” He sat down beside you on the bench, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

“Dude, you don’t have to put on such a show, you know? You don’t have to make it so realistic.”

He threw his head back and let out another one of his irritating laughs. It was pretty cute, even though you’d never admit it aloud.

“Y/N who said I’m pretending? When Riri asked me to take you out on a fake date to make lover boy Toshi jealous, I thought this would be a pretty good opportunity to score a date with a cute girl, it doesn’t matter if the date is fake or not.”

“You even bought a couple’s ticket, huh?”

“This amusement park has a special valentine’s day offer for couples, fifty percent off for each ride, aint that crazy? I was just saving my coins princess.”

“I swear to god, call me that one more time and you’ll find my foot up your ass-“

“Ooh, kinky!”

It physically hurt you to not punch him and wipe that cheesy grin off his face. “I can’t handle you Terushima-” You hungrily bit down on the ice-cream, gobbling it up in a matter of a few seconds.

Terushima's nose scrunched up in disgust. “The fuck Y/N, who bites ice-cream like that! Are you a caveman or something?"

“Aw babe, didn’t you know? I’m not like other girls.” You dramatically flicked a stand of your hair, as your pretentious, catty tone drew a chuckle from him.

“C’mon now, fake date or not lets a have a good time! I’m done sitting around on this bench, we’re in an amusement park for fuck’s sake Y/N!” He took his black leather jacket off, flinging it around his shoulders, his white shirt clung to his skin. He looked like a stereotypical bad boy out of a wattpad book written by a 16-year-old. You bit down the urge to make a sarcastic comment about his appearance.

“Get up now, you lazy butt.” He offered you a hand.

You slapped his hand away and stood up, brushing the small remnants of the ice-cream cone off your plaid yellow dress.

“Damn, you feisty.”

“Serves you right, pisshead.”

He was about to make a snarky retort when his eyes suddenly landed on someone standing in the crowd beside the ferris wheel. “Looks like lover boy is here.”

“You sure its him?”

“A hundred and twenty percent ma’am! Now go get your man!” He pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead before winking at you. “That’ll get him riled up enough.”

“You’re such a little shit-”

“Shut up, he’s coming here, go talk to him.”

You turned around on your heels to see Ushijima making his way towards you.

“Hey! What you doing here Toshi?” You tried putting on a surprised expression, but after seeing how Terushima snickered at you, you understood that you probably overdid it.

“Uhm, did I interrupt your d-date?” Ushijima looked painfully flustered. His eyes searched your face, looking for signs of annoyance or anger.

He was surprised at how happy you looked. Didn’t girls get annoyed when someone interrupted their dates? Ah, women, such complex creatures, all mysteries of the world seem irrelevant when compared to the mystery of a woman’s psyche.

“No, not at all! Do you want to tell me something?” You cocked you head and batted your eyelashes at him playfully.

But he remained silent, lips tightly pressed together as his eyes kept flickering between Terushima and you.

“Hey Yuuji, I’d like to talk to Toshi in private, maybe you could…you know-“

“Ah that was stupid of me! I’ll leave you two to yourselves. I’ll be at the Haunted Mansion if you need me, a friend of mine works there as a part time zombie.” He pointed finger guns at you and winked. "See ya later sweet cheeks!" You saw his silhouette fade into the distance.

It was only you and Ushijima now.

The golden glow from the setting sun and the faint pink lights from the faraway Ferris wheel illuminated his face in a rose-gold glow. He sported a red flannel shirt, more specifically the one you had bought for him while shopping with Tendou last summer.

He looked ethereal.

You cleared you throat. “Toshi? You wanted to tell me something, right?”

He looked started, unsure of himself. You looked at him with anticipation, your heart almost leaping out of your ribcage.

“Y/N, for the next match Yamagata will replace Akakura as the libero because he twisted his ankle in in the hallway today.”

Unbeknowst to you, Ririka and Semi hid behind an ice-cream truck in the distance, keeping an eye on you both. They could hear small excerpts of your conversation. So, when they heard Ushijima saying something about ‘match’ and ‘libero’, they let out frustrated groans. “That dense fucker messed up yet again.” they whispered under their breaths in unison.

Disappointment flashed across your face. Was he serious? How dense could a guy possibly be?

“You came this far, interrupted my date to tell me this, Toshi? You could just have messaged me, you know?” Your voice trembled, vision blurring with tears.

So much for love.

You felt stupid, you wanted to slap yourself across your face for being naïve enough to believe that Ushijima Wakatoshi could ever reciprocate your feelings.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

You started to walk away, wiping your eyes with the sleeves of your dress, when you felt a strong arm coil across you waist.

Wakatoshi pulled you close, and in an instant his lips were on yours. You didn’t spare a second thought before kissing him back, your lips hungrily melting into his. You grazed your tongue across his lower lip as he pushed you against the fountain, one hand placed on the small of your back pulling your body closer and the other under your dress, grazing your thigh. Your fingers aimlessly hovered over his chest before gently tugging him by the collar of his shirt.

When he finally pulled away, you both stared at each other, panting breathlessly, hair drenched from the light spray of water cascading down the fountain. The warmth of his lips still lingered on your mouth.

The sound of his voice snapped you out of your dreamlike trance. “Tendou and Semi told me that I wasn’t worthy enough of being Shiratorizawa’s ace if I chickened out of professing my feelings to the girl I’ve liked for two years. How could I sit back and watch that guy from Johzenji steal you away? I like you Y/N, and I'm tired of pretending that I don't."

You were about to respond when Semi’s voice rang out from behind the ice-cream truck.

“Oh my god Riri! Did you see that? They kissed! I’m so proud of my miracle boy-”

“Keep it down you dimwit, or they’ll hear us-“

You let out a soft chuckle and took Ushijima’s hand in yours. “Wouldn't it be very surprising if Semi and Riri suddenly popped out from behind that ice-cream truck, Toshi? But that's totally impossible right? Not like they'd ever eavesdrop on us-"

Semi and Ririka slowly made their way towards you, eyes downcast with guilt.

“We didn’t mean to intrude-” Semi started to explain.

“Shut your trap, you shitheads, we wouldn’t be together if it weren’t for you.” You chirped, drawing them into a tight embrace.

“What do you mean Y/N?” Ushijima stared at you, confused. You stifled a chuckle.

“Well, we actually made a plan…” Ririka started explaining.

After Semi, Ririka and you explained your entire scheme to him, he stared at you, confused, open mouthed.

“You could just have told me, you know? All this to get me jealous?”

“I was scared of getting rejected, Toshi.”

“I’d never reject you!”

“And how the fuck was I supposed to know that? You never showed any signs of recognition at my hints, how was I supposed to know you liked me? You huffed.

“Well, I suppose I…nevermind.”

“No, finish your sentence!”

“Would you like to ride the Ferris Wheel, Y/N?”

“Thought you’d never ask. But first, buy some cotton candy for your lady love.” He took his hand in yours, interlacing your fingers with his. "Anything for my girl."

𝐕

Ushijima’s lips softly grazed you neck, his hot breath fanning across your collarbones.

The soft pink light from the Ferris Wheel lit his face up.

Wiping a piece of leftover cotton candy from your lips, he suddenly asked, “Why do you love me, Y/N?”

You thought of the times he saved extra bento boxes for you after lunch when you refused to eat properly, how he’d stayed awake, sitting in your bedside chair, taking care of you as your body burned in fever, how he’d laugh at your stupid jokes even though they weren’t anything close to being funny, or how he’d show up at your door with cotton candy and cherry coke whenever you were under the weather.

You pressed your lips against his before whispering,

“What’s there to not love, Toshi?”

Author’s rambles notes pt. 2: Ririka Hirai isn’t a very well-known character, but I decided to add her anyways because the girl’s volleyball team characters deserve some love too! You can find more about her here (if it very isnt obvious already, I find her character absolutely adorable!)

N E ways, I hope you enjoyed reading this fic(which has absolutely 0 grammatical errors and i totally didnt write this while overdosing on an unhealthy amount of coffee at three in the morning)

Reblogs would be highly appreciated!

[nightswithkookmin]

What you think of fetus V who said in front of everyone "You seem to really like men" to Jimin? Youthful ribbing? Or a moment of insensitivity ? FWI saying you like girls or guys? Or calling close same sex friends u a couple? is actually common where am from. This has happened in my friend circle too actually. Except all of us are hets so no one take it seriously. Cant think a closeted person would find it that funny. Jimins lack of denial or even laughing it off always stood out to me tho.

What do I think of that comment?

I think we both know very often when people say they think a man likes men, they mean to say they think that man is Gay and very often when the g-word is used in a sentence, it is not meant as a compliment- imma give it to you straight, no bs. Lol.

The parlance gay and variations of it, in my opinion, is often used ubiquitously and traditionally as a slur slang among ignorant, non-progressive, anti homosexual individuals and is often rooted in malice.

And when malice isn't intended, ridicule is. The sad fact is, people adopt the terminology as ammunition to blatantly attack, dehumanize, belittle and strip away the dignity of queer folks and when the term is used in reference to non queer people it has a similar effect. It degrades them as well through the irony and humor of comparing them to gay people.

Gay jokes, if you will, is a subtle art of passive aggressively slurring gay folks if you think about it. I mean let's be honest.

Personally, I don't think Tae's intentions in that moment were malicious at all. I don't think he blurted out those words with the intension to ridicule Jimin either- stay with me. It will make sense in a bit.

But he called Jimin gay nevertheless. His comment if a joke, I'm afraid, reinforces these bizzare stereotypes of masculinity and promotes toxic rhetorics prevalent especially within Kpop shipping communities where every Male idol interaction is hyper sexualised and romanticized thus, suggesting a man cannot love another man, be affectionate or be fond of them unless they secretly lusted after them and harbored a desire to lay down pipes in their behinds- which, honestly is crazy coming from a guy with a cultural background such as the Korean culture where kinship is commonplace but more on that later.

I think whatever which way we want to look at it, it was an insensitive comment especially if you believe he meant it as a joke. It was definitely not his most woke moment, socially and culturally- and that's putting it lightly.

That 'gay' comment to me is right up there with all the problematic statements some, if not all, of the members have made over the years- the colorism, racist jokes, the ' eww, you too black,' 'akekeke- you too tanned shoo,' implying if you're black or tanned you are ugly. The fat jokes, the misogyny and misogynior- please don't ask me to give you examples of these. I don't want to ruin BTS for you. Lol.

There are commentaries on these out there on the internet. You can look it up for yourselves- You welcome. Lol.

For the record, BTS have since retracted, acknowledged and apologized for most of these questionable moments throughout the years and so we cannot hold it against them, forever- not to make excuses for them but they are human too. They learn, they unlearn, they make mistakes, they correct them, they grow and as NamJoon said, they really were a bit 'unsophisticated' and rough around the edges in their earlier years- even if it was just five years ago from now, chilee. They is a mess. Lmho.

I think it's all part of the human process honestly- don't worry BTS, I have a lot of space in my heart for y'all to be human and still love ya. Keep going sweeties. Y'all's doing greatness de la grande kind!! Bless y'all.

In V's case he was, since that incident, put as a judge on a show that allegedly featured queer folks and he seemed more welcoming of them than the other judges on the panel, excluding RM of course.

A year later, he would make a song that the LBGTQ plus fraction of Army would rally behind as a highly pro gay song- Stigma, which I find debatable but whatever. I mean, just because JK has stars, clouds and the sky in his lyrics don't make him an astronaut or an environmentalist fighting the good cause for the climate but to each his own.

Stigma was still something, I'll give him that.

Flashforward to five years later, and he would be recommending songs by gay artists, appreciating and promoting gay art and the artists behind them, sporting rainbow outfits, designing a BT21 character that is genderless, incorporating sign language in his speeches- he polished up. Woke the hell up. Politically correct. Yadda yadda yadda.

I think, like some of the others, he too learned his lesson. It's not ok to trivialize the oppression of others or make light of it-

Now that we've gotten the woke bit out of the way, on to our shipping business. Follow me, chop chop. Lol.

Firt of all, I don't think that moment is a big deal. But I find it interesting nonetheless.

Do I think Tae was teasing Jimin in that moment when he made that statement? It's not quite easy as yes or no.

Personally, I think he was clocking him.

This interview was conducted at a point in the timeline where I feel Jimin was shedding his image as the Maknae obsessed hyung in the group. He was coming into his own and embracing himself for who he is and that I think included his sexuality.

Prior to, he had in my opinion, since debut, slipped into the role of the queer jest of the group supplying queer humor and entertainment for listeners at radio shows by offering himself up for ridicule as the 'gay guy' within the group- I hated every bit of it. Lol.

You'd often hear the members refer to him as the one good with the guys, the boy in love with the Maknae- There is still a fraction of Army that see him as this persona but he has since outgrown that label and that phase.

RM was basically the Black jest of the group, offering himself up for ridicule for his darker skin tone right down to his blaccent. Can you do your black accent? They will ask him at interviews and he would proceed to deliver a walmart version of the Black American English. Sigh.

Compared to the previous year where he literally gasped and panicked when the members hinted at his sexuality or made statements that put his sexuality into question, Jimin seemed more in control and mentally prepared during this interview.

When the question was asked of him, the question of why he liked JK, his instincts it seemed was to steer the conversation away from his sexuality- a tactic the rest of the members would employ to avoid discussing Jikook a few months from that interview...

I mean, when Tae asked Jimin on JK's birthday that same year what he wanted to give JK, RM cut in before JM answered. Jimin had done the same thing when in an interview JK was asked if Jimin wasn't his style and JK was stuttering not knowing what to say in response. JM asked him not to answer the question.

When interviewers ask these questions, they do so for entertainment purposes- because who doesn't like gay jokes, amirite?

For heterosexual idols I assume it's not slippery slope for them to engage in these kinds of humor. They can play gay without risking exposing their heterosexuality and when they do play gay it's for jest.

It's not the same for queer idols I think.

Jimin was basically done being the butt of the gay jokes in 2015, he was done selling himself as the JK shit rainbows and I'm the unicorn fixated on him kinda person and it reflected in that conversation.

'I don't like everything about this boy. He ain't all that. But he is the Maknae and he cute so whatever' lol.

Like I said, I think Jimin was steering the conversation away from his sexuality but Tae's comment steered the conversation right back to it. 'I just think he likes men.'

Most South Koreans I've met in person and on the internet spend a considerable amount of time and energy trying to dispel the western notion of gayness projected on to Korean men for their skinship culture.

We like to glamorize gayness in these streets but in reality gay is stigmatized especially in places like South Korea. People don't readily read gay in Male interactions unless they were being homophobic or socially unaware.

To me, Tae's statement was more of an observation about Jimin, one which he felt a need to contribute to the discussion they were having, perhaps to provide insight into the inner workings of Jimin rather than as a joke or jest- or may be he did both.

Jimin managed to avoid opening himself up for the gay jokes and to this Tae then responded, I just think you is gay sir- The emphasis has been mine. Lol.

The thing about Tae is, in the earlier days he used to have a habit of 'exposing' Jimin whenever Jimin told half truths and what not.

For example, in 2014 during an interview when JM was asked what he wanted to do on his free days he had said he wanted to spend time with his family or something and Tae immediately checked him saying he was lying. Jimin then said he wanted to be with Jungkook which had JK fuming.

Was he teasing JM when he called him out for lying about his true desires? May be but I think he meant it too. Know what I mean?

He did the same thing when during their Paris VLive, Jimin got nervous when JK was singing 'know you love me boy, so that I love you,' in the background and Tae asked Jimin if he was nervous. Jimin snapped out of whatever whipped trance he was in and asked 'why would I be nervous' or something along those lines.

Why would Tae assume JM was nervous listening to another man sing? And why would Jimin be nervous in the first place?

And if at an interview Jimin is asked, why don't you like listening to the Maknae sing and JM responded that he is cute but he can't sing and Tae says well I think listening to Jk sing makes him nervous- would that be youthful ribbing or tea? Do you see where I'm going with this?

I see Tae as very observant- If not more observant than Jk. Their jokes are punchier because it is rooted in truth. He is stating his opinion, his observations and when he felt JM's answers were dishonest or inconsistent of his general notion of him, he called him out on that.

It's like him saying JM likes to pretend to be drunk in order to tell Tae he loves him- allegedly. Was it funny, yes. Was it a lie? I don't think so.

Jimin likes to pretend, we been knew. His boyfriend don spilled that tea already. I mean Jk said JM faked being asleep when he noticed the cameras filming him. He said also JM knows he is cute so sometimes he intentionally acts cute.

Tae used to tease Jimin a lot- hell he still teases him a lot to this day. Lol. Had Jimin looking at the back of his head like he wanted to quick punch him in the throat in the recent run, chilee. Lmho.

But you gotta ask, where is the lie in all those jokes?

The question I ask myself, and I think we ought to ask ourselves as shippers is, what about Jimin gave Tae that impression of him in the first place?

What made Tae, coming from a culture and background where 'gay' is a taboo and skinship is prevalent assume that if Jimin liked JK then it was because he liked men or was gay?

Even if Tae meant it as a Joke- no one laughed. Lol. That awkward silence that ensued... now that's how you know he had deadass made a 'gay comment' for real. Lmho.

They were all silent, waiting for JM's response and only laughed when JM responded to Tae- isn't that how it usually goes when you are the one queer person at the het dinner table? The tasteless jokes, awkward silences and stares? Just me? Oh, never mind then. Keep reading. Lol.

Imagine if JM hadn't responded or had gay panicked like he did a year before that interview, when RM revealed JK had been sneaking into JM's bed at night?

Dude was legit ready to throw JK under the bus had it not been for the shady camera guy behind the cameras. Deadass, Jimin was pointing accusing fingers at JK and everything- so much for gay love. Lmho.

The question still remains, what makes you look at your heterosexual friend and go- hey, that's gay. Think about it.

If Tae thought Jimin liked men, even as a joke, it's probably because Jimin had been giving him a reason or reasons to believe he actually liked boys beyond the usual daily doze of gay prevalent within K-culture.

It's similar to JK feeling uncomfortable when Jimin in 2014 described their relationship as one between love and friendship. Jimin responding with male friends can love eachother too without being gay would imply JK was interpreting his words and actions towards him as laced with romantic and sexual subtext or intent.

Now why would JK assume this if men touching men and feeling up on eachother in their culture was a normal thing?

There are gay men in Korea you know?

Tae and Kook were both hyper aware and curious of Jimin's sexuality in that period- for different reasons of course. In my opinion.

Not sure if Jimin's androgynous features played a role in these suspicions and assumptions they had of him in the early days because androgynousity in men is often ignorantly profiled and stereotyped as queer.

Tae seemed convinced JM was queer at least and JK was projecting his own queerness on to Jimin a lot- cough, cough.

It seemed to me also that Tae for whatever reason had the impression JM had a thing for him? I'll save my VMin agenda for delulu Fridays but chilee I don't know, Jimin has been on an agenda to friendzone that man since those manly mans thawed off his chest. Lol.

VMIN... ok.

I mean Jimin's response to Tae was more to deflate Tae's ego than to deflect or evade the issue and I wonder why. 'You are so full of yourself' 'I may like men, but I don't like you' and Tae responds with 'really' as if he's been challenged or dared- ever had your straight friends assume you like them just because you are queer?

Anywho, for whatever reason, Jimin seemed to be the only member in the group around the early days whose words and actions were put through the queer litmus test.

Also, I think a distinction ought to be made between calling two same sex friends a couple and calling them gay.

Calling two friends a couple is inconsequential- except when their sexuality is on the line. Calling two same sex friends you know are straight a couple is nothing but a gay joke.

BTS do this all the time. Jimin called Namjin a couple, Tae kook a couple, himself and Suga a couple, himself and JK a couple.

Jk has equally referred to others within the group as a couple, made heart signs above them, and have even held his chest and said he never thought he would fall for a guy.

In none of these instances did he or any of them imply that they or the persons they were referring to were queer or liked men and I wouldn't make much of such comments.

When JK was called out for gifting a present to Jimin and not the others, Tae teased JK as well and his gestures implied to me, 'it's ok to like him, I know you like him, you like JM don't you, uWu' and other variations of these.

But he in no way hinted at the sexuality of JK explicitly or implicitly- not in a way that prompts a response or rebuttal from JK like it did in Jimin's case.

I guess what I'm saying is that, that moment is nothing but something at the same time. You look at Tae's personality and his reputation within the group as the one with no filter who blurts out things that often has BTS running helter skelter- that 'I want to see your children" comment at Festa almost gave RM an aneurysm. Lmho.

Then they had to literally take his mic away from him when he started talking about meeting a pretty chick or something at a fansigns.

You consider the history between him and Jimin, the context behind that comment and the things that was said after that comment- the interviewer said 'well JK is really handsome...' which means he took the 'joke' Tae had made to mean JM had romantic interest in JK- something I feel JM was trying to avoid.

I don't think Tae meant anything by it. I don't think he knew at the time JM was queer but I do believe he suspected he was.

Hope this helps,

Signed,

GOLDY

[demenior]

Dem’s Big Post About The Spn Fics Part 2/2

aka The Wrap Up to celebrate To Exist Again and To Become a Man now being finished!

[Part 1 here]

This part will cover reader questions. Thank you to everyone who submitted some, and please feel free to continue asking if you have any. The series is VERY high-concept in areas and can be confusing. I’ll always answer as best I can without spoiling upcoming events <3

[Kid Cudi voice] now look at this:

HUGE thank you to @lookforaspoopynewangle​ for this amazing manip that I need everyone to see and love. Click here to reblog it and spread the joy.

InkofEmrys asked:

A couple random questions I'd throw at you: how far into TEA did you get/have a visual for the depth of Dean's struggle with himself and his sexuality that were happening in the background, which ended up being such a big theme in TBAM? Really, just; how much of Dean's perspective was already shaped in your mind as you wrote/began to develop TEA? And, when did the grounding principle of Dean trying not to be like his father when trying to chart this path with Sam first occur to you as something you wanted to really involve? Also, I'm really curious. (Read: bracing myself in mild fear). Whose perspective(s) do you think you'll end up writing the third work from?

From the getgo BOTH Sam n Dean’s stories were about how they had to find an identity outside of their fathers’ shadow. Almost immediately it was obvious that this was easy(er) for Sam, and life-altering for Dean. This is part of where I ultimately made the decision to split Sam and Dean’s stories because their narrative themes didn’t fit the same flow.

The explicit mantra of ‘I am not my father’ was a product of writing, and not intentional. I didn’t set out to make Sam or Dean specifically antagonistic to their father, because that is their Dad! They love him and miss him. But I did want to include just how difficult John made it to love him because he caused a lot of trauma to/for his children.

I’ve joked about this series being actually about Sam n Dean going through a secondary puberty of sorts. In the sense that, while John has been an absent father and they’ve been away from him most of their adult lives, while John was alive he had a huge presence over them and how they lived. One that continued to follow them after his death, and then by the time they were a few years away from that— they were facing down the apocalypse and had very little time for personal journeys other than ‘I love you enough to die for you’ and ‘I love you enough to let you die for me’. So this story is more about the time period where Sam and Dean have space to breathe and to realize ‘oh Dad’s not going to show up and force us to do what he wants anymore’ so they start poking around and finding out what they want to do and who they want to be

I knew from the beginning that a big aspect of Dean’s story would be dealing with feeling like he’d failed to honor his fathers’ memory by being queer, and not being het like he felt his father had forced him to be by raising Dean to be hypermasculine. It was also important to me to highlight that this was a closet of many factors, and not because John explicitly told Dean not to be queer. Things like the very hypermasculine hunter community, the period of time Dean grew up in, Dean’s intensive self-loathing and criticism of himself. What I didn’t expect was HOW MUCH story would come out of that. I fully intended Dean’s story, even in going back to “season 4” and working our way back to the events of TEA, to only be a little bit longer than Sam’s story.

While writing TEA I had the timeline of Dean’s pov in the back of my mind. I knew Cas was going to open the conversation (his ‘I love you’) to Dean early on, and I knew they wouldn’t be together-together until Sam walks in on their kiss (I hadn’t planned for that to be their first Real Kiss while writing TEA, but it worked out that way in TBAM), but I did know that Dean would have a pretty strong moment of realizing he was likely in love with Cas as well while they were in purgatory

Several povs will come into play in To Destroy a Man. I can tell you for certain that we will have rotating between Sam and Dean, and that the story will be set a few years after the events of TEA/TBAM

Anon asked:

Wrap up question: how did you decide to lead into Cas’s no-good-very-bad day the way you did? I feel like if I tried to write something as dramatic and intense as that I’d get seriously bogged down in trying to write a convincing set up. Why are the bros there? What case were they working on when they learned it was a trap? The way you wrote it I never even questioned any of those things- and that’s a sign of great writing imo! But I’d love to know more about your process for when you decide to go light on detail and when you choose to go deeper!

tl;dr: I made it boring af to know what they were doing!

But more to the point, one of the ‘weaknesses’ I highlighted about this fic, is that all the development happened in very tiny segments and little personal moments, rather than big flash n bang scenes all over the place. There was no driving plot beats to give a reader any footing to guess where the story would be going. This was a strength in that it meant I could surprise Sudden Action onto the story without warning— but it also had to be done wisely! You’ll note there are VERY few Surprise Action/Drama Moments: Sam shooting Naomi, when the leviathans swallow Dean, Sam corrupting Amy, and then Cas’ no-good-very-bad-day. Because most of the action has happened off screen, and the pace of the series is slow, suddenly leaping into action feels intense if only for the contrast!

In any case, all the details? Like: what was the case? Where are they” How far into investigating are they? I personally didn’t care about them. They were so inconsequential that it would have just wasted everyone’s time to spend a few paragraphs nicely laying out all of the information. I think the most I say (in ch25 of TBAM) is “They got notice of weird stuff that could be their kind of weird, so they went poking around.” Because I the writer don’t care that much, and because Dean the pov character doesn’t care that much about the info, then neither does the reader.

Light vs deep detail. A lot of it really came down to what I personally found interesting to write. Obviously self-reflection was a big theme in both stories. In Sam’s story I really wanted to write about magic! And explore magic. So most of Sam’s story deal with his magic powers or conversing with his hallucinations of Lucifer, rather than on details around him. In Dean’s I really wanted to explore a man caught between himself and the things he wants. It really came down to what deserved details and what didn’t!

Thank you all for reading! See ya soon <3