#cause woe she's me
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⚖️ OH the misery... EVERY SINGLE PERSON is my ENEMY
#clementimes#art#ace attorney#fanart#manfred von karma#WOE mvkposting be upon you also#like a conductors cause like . metaphors yknow#and also he got the wolfgang amadeus drip#but hes so silly to me honestly#“does this make you my GRANDDAUGHTER'S FIANCE?”#“SHE'S ONLY SIX YEARS OLD”#if evil why hilarious
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I keep sitting down to write and going “I’m going to write a sweet, vulnerable reader for once because I want a big strong man to protect me and it’s fun to be indulgent” and she always ends up being some terrible little gremlin. God has cursed me for my hubris and my work is never finished
#cause tell me why I’ve got ideas for Gaz and Keegan fics#and both of them have an MC that causes problems on purpose#and I know Thorn is both sweet and vulnerable#but she started hysterically laughing after she stabbed her husband#so I don’t think. she counts.#writing woes#2am thoughts#sweet agony of writing
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You leave us hanging, and you post something so cruel, I can't believe you!!!!/hj
What can I saaayyyyyy…..
#think of it like .. a double gift#cause I’m banking on it modivating me to finish the fic that it’s referencing#drawing fanart of my one shot LMFAO but that’s life#I really am sorry tho MJ 😕☹️ she’s such a good kid and well. woes be upon her#asks#chooeychoco#mweh heh heh moment
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Digitalised + coloured + redesigned version of my Suiren and Vaatu sketch from two days ago, as promised!!
Coming up with Suiren’s design was a very long process of trying and failing because after you’ve drawn 9+ different versions of one character, the creativity starts to run a little dry, but I’m actually really proud of this one, she looks absolutely adorable <3
(Also yeah I did mostly just scribble Vaatu’s pattern because who has the energy to draw the all out accurately. Not me, that’s who, I’m chronically tired. People who draw him on the regular have my utmost respect. He’s still a funky little guy though :D)
Bonus, Raava incessantly screaming inside Suiren (and being completely ignored because Suiren is tired of her) while all this is happening:
#and yeah I did say I’d do a fuckass background but all my energy went to figuring out Suiren’s design#plus I suck at backgrounds so.. woe. LoK screenshot be upon ye#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#vaatu#I don’t really know what to say in these tags lmao#usually I reach the tag limit really really easily but between my previous post and answering that ask I’ve ran out of things to say#someone please indulge me in this au I have Way Too Many Thoughts about it#hmm���#you know. I think people often make different avatar aus because they dislike Korra or think she’s a bad avatar#I don’t. I love Korra. I would kill and die for her#(says the red lotus stan. yes I’m well aware. no need to call me out)#and I think she’s a good avatar who was dealt a shitty hand both in universe and by the show’s production team#I’m making this au BECAUSE I love Korra. if Suiren is the avatar Korra gets to be a normal SWT girl#she’ll get to grow up with her parents. not isolated and degraded all the time for not being perfect. maybe she’d have a sibling or two#and Suiren gets spared her sotrl trauma too. win win for everyone!!#(I return Suiren gets the weight of the world on her shoulders lmao. but it’s fine. 1. she isn’t alone in it. she has her family#2. three quarters of the LoK threats are basically automatically eliminated for her. the RL are her parents. she fuses with Vaatu#and all she has to do to defeat Kuvira is to take her dress off 😁 /hj. basically. she’ll be okay. better than in sotrl at least)#also look. I love Suiren. she’s my dear child who’s been with me since I was 12. of course I wanna make her the main character in everything#and dark avatar Korra AUs have been done countless times before me. Kat’s doing one right now!! I just wanna do something that’s my own#and also I wanna focus less on pain and trauma for once and more on the sheer hilarity of the shenanigans that will occur post-fusion#cause this isn’t Adumbration where Korra lets Raava go and fuses with Vaatu instead. here Suiren’s got both of them at the same time#and they have 10000 years’ worth of grievances to air out. it’s like living with your divorced parents#trust me I would know. except mine aren’t divorced. they’re Worse and everyone wishes they’d just separate#anyway. that aside. Suiren’s not getting any sleep any time soon while those two duke it out
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Cheerful Oblivion
Thought that I was hungry for love… Maybe I was just hungry for blood. **********
I met a woman in a club once. Years ago. Can’t get her out of my head. If I didn’t still have the napkin with her number on it… Well. Would’ve been easy to assume I dreamed the whole thing up.
It was a miserable night to be out. Rain was coming down in buckets, flooding the streets. Could almost hear it over the music, pelting the roof. But there she was. Filling the entire doorway. No coat. No umbrella. Nothing but a black tank top and jeans that looked too tight to be comfortable. Soaked to the bone, dripping wet, faded blue-raspberry-bright hair plastered to her neck. She looked like she’d dragged herself straight out of the ocean. In hindsight, maybe she had.
********** England is only ever gray or green. The girls glitter, Striding glorious and coatless in the rain. I remember falling through these streets, Somewhat out of place, if not for the drunkenness… It makes my chest hurt to think of it, Not of regret, but of missing that… …cheerful oblivion… **********
I remember the way she stood there, caught under spotlight rays of blue and green, the rain on her face sparkling like diamonds… She looked like an angel. Could’ve been. Probably wasn’t. More than likely…something else.
She didn't belong there. In the club. I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. Maybe philosophical. She didn't really seem like she belonged anywhere. But I could see it in her eyes, almost fluorescent blue under the lights. To her, it didn’t matter where she belonged. What mattered was where she wanted to be. And she wanted to be there. In that club. On that night.
I’d never been afraid of being noticed by a beautiful woman. I craved it. Don’t we all? This was different. She was different. Never felt my blood run colder than the second our eyes locked. It felt like being hunted.
********** It was not all pain and pavement slick with rain, And shining under lights from shitty clubs, And doing shitty drugs, And hugging girls that smelled like Britney Spears and…coconuts… **********
She flowed through the crowd like water, parting the proverbial sea, leaving a wake of awestruck stares. If she knew she was the center of attention, she didn’t care. She was a full head taller than anyone else, a titan amongst mere mortals. Muscles rippled when she moved. Wet skin shimmered. I tried not to stare, I really did. Couldn’t help myself. I could’ve watched her for days.
She swept ashore at the bar, smelling like petrichor and oil slicks. Ordered a drink. Smiled down at me, sitting so small a million miles beneath her. There was nothing human about that razor-sharp flash of teeth.
She asked if I wanted another drink. Hadn’t realized I’d finished the one in my hand. I nodded. Couldn’t find my voice. Tab’s on me, she’d said. Not here for long, least I can do. After tonight, you’ll never see me again.
********** And with your mermaid hair and your teeth so sharp, You crawled from the sea to break that sailor’s heart. You only get one night upon the shore, So dance like you’ve never danced before. And the dance floor is filling up with blood, But, oh Lord, you’ve never been so in love… **********
I asked her where she was from. She laughed, a harsh bark of a thing that ripped out of her throat like it hurt. Nowhere. I asked for her name. She didn’t answer. But that animal grin flashed back, a bright white scar across her face. For no reason, I thought about moths. And flames.
We stopped talking. Kept drinking. Started dancing. God, the way she moved. Like a machine. Like a predator. Like a ballerina. Equal parts precision, power, beauty.
I couldn’t keep up. She didn’t seem to care. I was a prop. A plaything. An entertaining little toy, something to keep her distracted. From what, I didn’t know. But it didn’t matter. It felt like an honor.
********** And the mermaids they come once a year, They climb the struts of Brighton Pier, They come to drink, they come to dance, To sacrifice a human heart. And the world is so much wilder than you think. You haven’t seen nothin’ ‘til you seen an English girl drink… **********
I do still see her. Sometimes. In my dreams. In those hazy amber-clad memories. It’s hard to know what was real. Don’t know who she was. Or what she was.
Never did call that number. Not sure she’d really wanted me to. Probably for the best. I get the feeling that if we’d been in that club alone together… She would’ve eaten me alive.
And I think I would've let her.
#woe. fic be upon ye#gonna give this a test run on tumblr for a day to see what edits i need to make#cause this is. pretty raw.#which was the point#an exercise in loose writing#halo#halo fanfic#my writing#kelly 087#the song is 'mermaids' by florence + the machine btw. if you didnt already recognize it#if you don't know it#it's worth a listen#it's very sinister#an idea about kelly related to this song has been haunting me for a couple months now#i wanted to play with how the spartans are perceived by people who. aren't them#anything can be a terrifying fairy tale creature if you look at it with enough awe#this same night from kelly's pov would be so depressing tbh#she has a couple nights of shore leave#wants to immerse herself in some semblance of normalcy#fails to do that#makes someone obsessed with her#also. i can hear you all saying#'hey ash. that narrator wouldn't happen to be you by any chance would it?'#to which i say#get out of my house#it could be anyone#you don't know me
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✨miracle art post✨
finished version
#wednesday addams#wednesday#also guess who shes lookin at 👀#wenclair#enid sinclair#dk when imma post the finished thing cause im still iffy about posting my art online again#but i just wanted to share this wip#cause atp im hyperfixated on these two cause theyre just too cute#they remind me of bubbline#also i need something to hyperfixate on cause arcane doesnt come out til 2024#woe is me indeed#sketches#wip#wip art#unfinished art#my art#my wednesday art
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well made it through my one on one with my boss without crying and without feeling like my boss hates me so that’s an improvement (almost did though…twice)
#i feel a bit better that i apologized too and trying not to take it personally that im kinda gonna be micro managed a bit#to get myself back on track into what i’m actually supposed to be doing#my boss is even having me go up to her office daily to work on things for a half hour#which i feel bad that she’s had to step in and she keeps saying it’s okay#meanwhile apparently my existing techs that went to HR did admit to my boss that i’m a little unapproachable#which my boss was gentle about that and told them that i was probavly already aware about that#she knows me well cause lmao i am aware#but i’m hoping i can dig myself out of the grave now and just…move forward. clean slate#time to step it up and be a better person than i was the previous day ya know#or at least fake the optimism until it becomes real#mk’s work woes
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I hope picking the Male Rover from Wuthering Waves is the reason I sort out my gender situation bcs that would be a pretty funny way for that to happen
#currently im forever in a loop of 'genderfluid or gnc cis girl' and the former often branches into 'ok but what ARE the genders in ur fluid'#and what most often messes me up are my pronouns. im not attached to she/her but the idea of changing it or even saying idc --#-- doesn't cause strong feelings for me either way. so i just keep using she/her#anyway a long time ago when wuwa was still barely in beta i saw male rover & thought 'wow rare male mc i prefer to the fem one'#'surely he/him won't be jarring for a game. i'll just name him angkasa like my mom would've named me as a boy so i can have some distance'#fast forward to now where i use angkasa as a second name and have this gender predicament happening. and wuwa's releasing soon.#why did i write all this <- guy who's procrastinating from doing lineart#(see. see how sometimes i say guy & sometimes girl. & sometimes i can't figure it out so is that its own gender or lack of gender or??)#i WAS gonna let this rot in drafts but yknow what. maybe my confusion is amusing to someone. woe! scattered thoughts be upon ye
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pokémon x fashion dreamer [5/18]
the aroma lady sent out frillish!
#fashion dreamer#my lookit#pokedreamer#this one made me laugh cause these ladies use grass types#imagine battling one#and she's just like#woe#ghost squid be upon ye
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Boss makes a buck, I make a dime
So I apply to other jobs on company time
#work reform#ik the first part isn't the original phase#but the wealth disparity is even worse than it used to be#and this has alitterstion and also rhymes#but yeah supervisor decided that all of a sudden I need to me micro managed even tho I'm the best in my area#I've already been fed up but with no car and no degree my options are limited#yesterday was just super bad#and i ended up venting a bit to the cashier at nearby petstore#cause she's retail she understands the woes#she mentioned they're hiring#I remember looking uo wages prior and they weren't the best#and so I brought it up#but she was like 'yeah our minimums 15 :(v#well fuck me because I get paid FOURTEEN AN HOUR#so that's still a fucking raise#and instead of working for a dying clothing store#I at least get to work for animals
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Russian doily designers love lying in their patterns.
#this one lady made videos for every row of her doily which is useful cause some lf the shit she wants you to do is fucking wild#but in the pattern for one row she straight up doesnt mention that you do 2 stitches together. you only see it in the video#what is this shit#tho its probably on me for following an english translation instead of native russian one#cause i learned to crochet with amwrican terms and cant easily follow russian ones#woe#cat talks
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ooc: Well, got to that point where the first doctor (who I lovingly call "brain doctor") I saw about some problems took a look at me, didn't bat a lash and went "yeah, you're getting checked for ADHD with correlated GAD" so that's where I am currently: in hell.
#As Luiza said: The ADHD theory is getting progressively closer.#Unrelated but related: my boss is truly a disrespectful woman but much of what she disrespects me for#is caused by difficulties I have related to these problems I saw a doctor for.#The main difference is that though my previous job was hellish by virtue of what kind of department I work for#I had a boss who understood these difficulties and adapted to my needs instead of yknow treating me like I'm a dumb bitch.#This one boss now? She's a belittling prick and makes me feel dumber each time we speak#which has made my performance worse but woe is me.#I'm really looking forward to the therapy sessions with a neuropsychologist as prescribed.#If not ADHD then at least I'll get some guidance to the things I can't control and impact me in my everyday life.#ANYWAY. Rambling over just throwing it out there#tbd.#ooc.
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started rereading a book that I had mixed feelings about but have also thought about a lot since (and I do like to revisit works that had a particular resonance with me to try and figure out what that captivating something was) and anyway I did read this book the first time when I was probably too young for it (I think my mom was reading it for a book club and I saw it on her nightstand and read the blurb and she told me I probably should wait until I was older to read it) and I remember that sneaking into her room to read it in little snatches. Sitting on the floor of her bathroom in secret with that book. But ANYWAY what I'm trying to say is I remembered being vaguely annoyed with the narrator and I was wondering if that would still be the case reading it as an adult. And the answer is yes. I am finding her insufferable, in fact.
#it's The Thirteenth Tale in case you were wondering#and this gal is annoying for multiple reasons#but to get specific. She was born with a conjoined twin but her twin died and she didn't find out about this until she was ten#and weirdly defines like her whole identity on that#haven't got far enough yet but I remember later in the book they like wax poetic about this inherent sense of ''twin-ness''#and like her always feeling the shadow of her dead twin and stuff#which. ok. vibes I guess.#but hear me out. I was also actually a twin (we think) bc my mom literally had a miscarriage but then was still pregnant with me#which. (1) was not a defining moment to find out about bc I do not even remember her first telling me that#(2) maybe has caused me to wonder more about what it would have been like to grow up as a twin than your average person#but I also think that's probably normal to wonder about a little#and (3) is definitely not something I would base my identity around at all??#granted. being born connected is more dramatic and also this is literally gothic fiction#but still idk she's all like ''oh woe is me I'm half of a whole and I've been lonely forever bc I'm missing my other half''#like. girl me too? but idk I'm normal about it#also the whole ''I only read books all day and I don't talk to anyone and I just work at my dad's bookstore#where I don't actually have to do that much work I just get to read whatever I want and also write when I feel like it''#I HATE YOU#she's just like me if my main character syndrome was indulged and if I was ANNOYING and self-obsessed#what growing up an only child will do to you ig lol#if you've reached the end of my very petty and specific rant. hello.
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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People on TikTok are so dumb🤦♀️
Random TikTok user 1: are you a hypochondriac? Why do you wear a mask? Afraid you are catch a cyber bug?
Me: makes a video explaining why I wear a mask
Random TikTok user 2: why are you crying on social media about your problems no one cares about
Me:???
#like she literally asked#I just answered??#I didnt make a tiktok like 'oh lemme tell you are hard my life is woe is me'#it's honestly just funny cause no one who has ever met me has said I was sad or down about my disability#everyone is usually just impressed I have such a bright outlook on life lol
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every mother-daughter relationship is between your mother, you, and her parasocial relationship with you
#almost made this sad with ‘and the first thing she gave up for you’ but that wasn’t what i set out to do#but it’s bonkers bc i feel like my mom and i have a really good relationship#except for her reactions to me leaving and being like Independent#but i love her#she just causes me so distress sometimes#marble woes
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